Where You Belong

Where You Belong, eighth in the "Living" series

Rating: NC-17 for graphic male-male sex

Pairings: Thus far we've had JC/Justin, Nick/Drew/Brian, Nick/Jeff, Nick/Drew/Brian/Nick/Jeff, AJ/Lance, AJ/Howie, AJ/Kevin, Chris/Howie, and partridge/pear tree.

Disclaimer: The young men who comprise the Backstreet Boys, *NSYNC, and 98 Degrees are their own people. The author has not met anyone here described, nor does the author mean to suggest that these people act this way in real life. This writing is a work of fiction. I make no money from this venture.

Dedication: This slashfic is for Ewan McGregor and the Savage Garden slashwriters.

Wherein Drew won't go behind Brian's back, AJ can screw anybody he wants, and could JC be mellowing?

Notice: First, read "I Need You Tonight," "Boy Lead the Way to Ecstasy," "Not Easy," "No One," "Rest in Peace," "Destiny," and "Together." I know it sounds like a lot, but it'll only take you an hour or two.

Lance couldn't talk to Chris, because Chris was off at a corner table with Steve Jerome. He couldn't talk to Joey, because Joey was off making new friends. Lance sat at the table and watched the dance floor, where JC was doing some deep grinding against Justin's ass.

He'd danced with girls like that. He'd danced with AJ like that. Not often, but it had happened. And then, he'd been in Justin's position, with AJ's arousal against his ass. He could imagine what it was like to be Justin, with JC behind him, dancing, grinding, rolling. JC was so flexible...

Joey sat across the table from Lance. "You're not dancing."

"You're drunk."

"It's a club. I'm supposed to be drunk. And you're supposed to be dancing." Joey grabbed his hand, getting up again. Lance resisted, but there wasn't much point in it. Joey dragged him along anyway, right onto the dance floor.

"Pretend I'm a good-looking guy," Joey said.

"You are," Lance said.

"I mean pretend I'm gay and you want me," Joey said. "Now shake some booty."

"Why?" He didn't care if he sounded petulant.

"Because we're having fun!" Joey shouted, and smacked his ass.

Okay. Fine. He'd have fun. But he wasn't going to enjoy it.

A few hours later, Lance stumbled into Joey's hotel room, tripping over Joey's feet. He landed on his butt, and Joey dragged him towards the bed, laughing and almost falling on him. He managed to tug most of his clothes off while Joey fought with the bedsheets.

Joey was a furnace next to him. He was already hot as it was. He pushed at Joey but it didn't do any good. Joey was kind of solid. He relented and tried to get comfortable beside the furnace. But Joey was all over the bed. He pinched Joey's thigh.

Joey snored in his ear.

"I had a good time," Lance said. Then he realized that it was true. He'd had a good time. A good time. Fun. Without worrying about anything or resenting anyone or feeling hurt. No pain.

"I had a good time," he said again, more quietly. He was so grateful to Joey he felt soft inside. He put his head on Joey's shoulder, closed his eyes, and went to sleep.

Annoyance. Noise. Noise. Ringing. Alarm clock? Brian would get it. Still there. Noise. Phone ringing? Phone. His phone? He should get that. Phone. Answer. "Hello?"

"Hi, Nick. It's Drew."

Drew. It was Drew. Nick nudged Brian. Brian didn't wake up. "Hi."

"Is this a bad time?"

"No."

"You sound like you're asleep."

"No, I'm awake. Hi, Drew."

"Hi, Nick. I'll make it short so you can go back to sleep. I'm not calling for anything important. I just wanted to talk to you."

"Go ahead and talk. I'm listening."

Sad Drewsigh in his ear. "I miss you."

"I miss you, too, Drew. That's why I want to come and see you as soon as the tour's over."

"I know, Nick, but you can't. Not right now."

"You suck, but I can forgive you."

"Thank you."

"You miss me, and this is your big chance to see me, but you're saying no. Oh, well. Too bad for you."

"I know. I'm sorry."

"It's okay. You'll see me soon enough anyway."

"I can't wait. Sometimes I want to walk away from this tour to go and see you."

"Are you and your big brother still fighting?"

"There's a temporary cease-fire. I wouldn't say things are happy around here, but we're not actively fighting."

"Drew, I need your help. Brian's attacking me."

"What?"

"He's asleep, and he's trying to get all snuggly with me, but I'm trying to talk on the phone."

"Go ahead and let him snuggle. I'll go."

"No, stay. Hold on, let me try to keep an arm for myself. Let me, sssssslowly, there we go... Got it. Okay, talk to me. Tell me how much you miss me and I'll tell you all of Brian's deep dark secrets."

A day off. A day off! *NSYNC had a day off.

JC, Chris, and Steve Jerome were going to spend some time working.

Justin wanted to go shopping. Specifically, he wanted to buy something for JC. But he didn't know what to get, so he took Joey with him.

"What are we looking for?" Joey asked.

"Something special," Justin said.

"Something special, of course. It's for JC," Joey said.

"Make fun of us all you want," Justin said. "I have somebody to go home to at night."

"Are you trying to say that your love life is better than mine?"

"Yes," Justin said, and smiled.

"We may need a judge's ruling on this," Joey said. "On the one hand, you have commitment, stability, love, fairy tale romance, and many other good things. On the other hand, you're trapped in a boring marriage and I get to screw anyone I want whenever I want."

"You haven't had a steady girlfriend since we left Kendig," Justin said. "You haven't even seen the same girl twice. Not even the one who let you do her in the ass."

"She was hot," Joey said. "Did I tell you she's trying to limber up so she can lick her own pussy?"

"I can't believe you didn't see her again."

"I know. She said next time, she'd bring her girlfriend. I mean, her real lesbian girlfriend."

"Damn."

"Don't you miss doing girls?"

Justin thought about it. "No."

"JC's ruined you for life."

"Yeah," Justin agreed. "He has. Joey, listen. There's a reason you're going through women like toilet paper. It's just since we left Kendig. Is it fear of commitment? Misguided celebration of life? Denial?"

"Maybe I don't feel like finding the love of my life and settling down."

"Okay." Justin backed off easily.

"Have you seen anything you like?" Joey asked, looking around the store.

"No," Justin said.

"It should be easy to shop for JC. Just buy him *NSYNC merchandise featuring Justin Timberlake Chasez."

"Very funny."

"We could splurge and get him a bunch of new production equipment."

"I wasn't looking for anything that extravagant," Justin said. "Besides, I'm getting him that for his birthday."

"Of course."

"Don't look at me like that. It's something he'll like, something he'll use-"

"Something that costs-"

"Money is no object when shopping for JC."

"Doesn't he already have state-of-the-art equipment?"

"Yeah, but there'll be something out that's even better."

"You could buy him clothes. Where's the closest Goodwill? Ha, ha, made you laugh! I'm telling JC."

There were faint blue highlights in AJ's hair. Kevin wanted to look, to touch.

Nick could touch, because his wanting to had no significance, and because AJ would let him.

Kevin looked, admiring from afar.

When Justin got back to the hotel, he was hoping that JC would have a spare minute from the Sentimental Fools. As it turned out, he saw Chris and Steve Jerome having a private conference in the hallway, so he slipped into his room. JC was there, with the keyboard, writing.

Justin went to the bathroom.

When he came out again, JC got up and came around the keyboard. He got a slow kiss, JC's hand in his curls. "Did you have a good time with Joey?" JC asked, rubbing a hand over his ass, looking into his eyes.

"Yeah. I got you something."

"Me?"

"A present."

JC smiled. "What is it?"

"First, ask me where it is."

"Where is it?" JC asked, and kissed the corner of his mouth.

"Somewhere on me."

"On you?"

"If you want it, you have to find it for yourself," Justin said.

JC smiled. All Justin had to do was ask. First, he searched Justin's pockets. The front pockets, then the back ones, squeezing Justin's cute little ass. Nope, nothing there, although Justin did squirm a little. He took off Justin's sneakers and socks. Nothing there. He pulled Justin's T-shirt off over Justin's head, revealing Justin to the waist. He walked around behind Justin, running his hands down Justin's back. Nothing. Around to the front again, stroking Justin's shoulders, Justin's arms. He opened Justin's palms and planted a kiss in each one. Under each arm, down Justin's side. He kissed Justin, letting his tongue sweep and search. Justin submitted to his kiss, opening for him obediently, letting him inspect each well-known secret of Justin's mouth.

JC went down on his knees in front of Justin, who gasped. Justin's hand was on the back of his head, running down the back of his neck, when he opened Justin's jeans. He pulled them down and off. He kissed the tops of Justin's feet, ran his hands up Justin's calves, licked up the quivering muscles of Justin's thighs. Then he stood again, and looked into Justin's dark blue eyes.

"I want you on the bed."

Justin backed up, then crawled back onto the bed. JC went with him, climbing over him. Justin's lips were parted, and JC kissed him. JC kissed Justin's temple and whispered in his ear. "I think I know where my present is."

"You do?" Justin asked. He shivered when JC inhaled against his neck, leaning his head back.

"I do," JC said. Then he took Justin's face in one hand and tipped it down. He started to search through Justin's curls. "It has to be in here somewhere. It's the perfect hiding place."

Justin pushed him away, laughing. "You jerk!"

JC laughed. "I'm sorry. I'll be serious. Come on." He kissed Justin and got Justin settled down on the bed. "Thank you for the present."

"You haven't even seen it yet," Justin said.

JC kissed him. Again. "You never have to buy anything for me."

Justin smiled slowly, relaxing into JC's love. "Why?"

"Your love is the best gift you ever could give me. It's the only gift I'll ever need." Justin was welcoming and pliant beneath him as his kisses cherished the skin of Justin's shoulders. "You've given me your love, your trust, your name. You've given me your mouth, your kiss, your touch, your body." His right hand came behind Justin's hips and lifted Justin up against himself. Justin's head fell back with a groan as each felt the other's arousal. "The first night you gave yourself to me, I knew that I would never need anything else. But each night since, you've given me more and more."

Justin moved restlessly as JC kissed his neck. "I'll give you anything you want," he promised. "JC..."

"What are you giving me today?" JC asked. He moved back, sitting up, taking a look. Justin, strong build, natural masculine musculature. Thick curls, restless fingers, fading love bite on one hip from last night. A growing erection tented Justin's underwear, accompanied by a spreading wet spot from Justin's pre-come.

JC mouthed Justin's cock through the cotton, sucking on the head until Justin groaned and begged him to stop, moving anxiously, pulling at his hair. JC took off Justin's underwear and sucked at the soft fur of dark golden pubic hair. Justin's scent was thick here.

A glint of something caught JC's eye. He spread Justin's thighs, and there it was. A slender gold ribbon, looped around Justin's balls. JC leaned in and caught it with his tongue, drawing it down and free while Justin moaned and tried to hold still.

JC's tongue dropped the ribbon into his hand, and he sat back a little again. It was attached to something. He followed the strand of gold until he found its other end, looped through a tiny gold clasp. That clasp peeked flirtatiously from behind Justin's balls, inside Justin's body.

JC's heartrate increased. "What's my present, baby?"

Justin's head gave a little shake: no. "You have to...get it yourself."

"Is it inside you, baby?"

Justin nodded. JC's thumb pressed against his perineum and his thighs drew shut quickly. "No, no. Too, too much."

"Did you put it in there all by yourself, angel?" JC asked. "Did you do this to yourself?"

"Yes," Justin said. "Yes."

"Can you feel it in there? What does it feel like? Tell me how it feels."

"It's, it's little, and it's hard. I want it out, I want you to pull it out, I want, that'll feel so good, JC."

"Would that feel good, baby? Would that make you feel good?"

"Oh, yes..."

"Can I do that for you, Justin? Will you let me make you feel good?"

"Yes, please, JC."

JC gripped the thin gold ribbon right where it was caught in that clasp. With his teeth. Then slowly, slowly, he pulled. He began to tug it free. "Relax, baby, let it go." Here it came. It was... It wasn't. It was. "Oh, baby." JC hadn't imagined. Pearls. A small strand of pearls. One by one, the pearls popped out, glistening with lube. Justin moaned, lifting one knee over JC's shoulder. And then there it was, in JC's hand. A delicate gold ribbon, and a bracelet of perfect pearls. JC planted a loving kiss inside Justin's thigh and lowered Justin's leg. He kissed Justin's mouth. "Thank you, baby."

"JC." Justin clutched at JC's shirt with one hand. The slow-burning fire of need was in his eyes. "JC."

Justin was an addict in desperate need of his next fix. JC stroked his stomach, trying to comfort him. "Not now, baby."

"It was in me," Justin said. "It was in me but it wasn't you. I want you, JC, I want you in me. Inside of me, where you belong. Please, JC."

"Baby, I-"

"Your tongue, JC, you can give me your tongue. Please, you can do that. It won't take much, just please, I want, I want, I want..." Justin gasped, his body lifting from the bed, as JC's slender middle finger pushed into his body. "Oh, god, JC, oh my god," and he spasmed, muscles contracting, spitting semen. And then he was panting, trembling, unable to come down after his orgasm, because JC's finger was in him, fucking him, keeping him high. He shook his head, denying it, but his cock was in JC's mouth and he was coming again.

Justin collapsed, the ceiling fuzzy above him. JC crawled up his body to kiss him and hold him, caressing his limbs. "Thank you for my gift, baby."

"You're welcome," Justin said, dazed.

JC smoothed his curls and kept him close.

"You might want to wash it before you wear it," Justin said.

JC laughed.

Justin suppressed a shiver, remembering JC's finger in him, JC's mouth on him. He had to think about something else. "When Joey asks how you liked your present, don't tell him how I gave it to you."

"I won't," JC promised.

"I can't believe you took that off my balls with your tongue. And then you..."

"There was another way?"

"Hello, Joe's Aquarium and Pet Store. Today we have a charming three-year-old tabby that answers to the name of Isabel, and an energetic two-month-old male labrador retreiver. Of course they are in addition to our fine assortment of gerbils, hamsters, and mice. We have a wide array of fish, both exotic and common. And let's not forget-"

"Hello, Chris."

"I was about to bring up the para...keets... Howie."

"Yes, this is Howie."

"Oh. God. Hi. Hold on, my body is having its standard reaction to you."

"What reaction is that?"

"You know, my palms sweat, my heart starts pounding, I come in my pants. The usual."

"My reaction to you isn't quite the same."

"I'm sure it's not."

"When I think of you, my first thought is that I want to make love to you. I want to be in bed with you by candlelight."

"Sex," Chris said. He cleared his throat. "Hey, works for me. Just tell me when and where."

"I'd like to come to see you on your tour, as soon as our tour's over."

Yes! No! Shit! Chris closed his eyes and tried to think. Howie. Lance's anger. Howie. Joey's anger. Howie. Lance. Howie. Joey. Sex with Howie. "Get here as soon as you can."

"I will."

God, the promises in Howie's voice. Chris was weak in the knees already.

Nick wasn't used to lying to Brian and Drew. Or keeping secrets from them. But this was a good secret, so he didn't feel bad. He didn't want to give it away, so he tried not to smirk or chortle. Whenever he felt like gloating about his secret, he'd kiss Brian, which was a very effective distraction technique.

He wasn't going to go with Brian to visit *NSYNC's tour. He was going to 98 Degrees' tour to see his good friend Nick. Drew might happen to be there, and if he saw Drew, he'd have to say hello. Drew would be surprised to see him, and surprise reunion sex had to be even better than regular reunion sex...

Justin ducked into the station's bathroom. He peed, washed his hands, and checked on his appearance. Damn, his hair. Why hadn't somebody told him?

Lance came in. "Hey."

"Hey." Lance went to pee. Justin fixed the way his shirt hung on his shoulders. He liked this shirt. It showed off his muscles.

JC came in and gravitated straight towards Justin. He turned Justin to face him, ran his hands over Justin's shoulders and chest to smooth the shirt, then plucked at a few curls.

Justin adjusted JC's necklace.

JC licked his fingertip and lifted a stray eyelash from Justin's cheek. He held up his finger, and Justin blew the eyelash off for good luck.

JC kissed him.

"You ready?" Justin asked Lance. Lance looked at them but didn't say anything. "Let's go," Justin said, and walked into the hallway, knowing that they'd follow.

Lance had been watching. Let Lance watch. Justin was JC's baby, and JC took care of his baby. Justin wasn't going to keep JC from touching him just because Lance kept staring. That was Lance's problem.

Maybe he should tell JC to stop. Not getting to see would upset Lance more than watching did; Lance wouldn't get to watch JC in action. And Justin knew Lance liked watching JC in action.

The blue highlights in AJ's hair had washed out. The new ones were going to last longer.

"What color is that?" Nick asked.

Brian leaned closer, feathering his fingers through AJ's hair. "It looks...green?"

"Green," AJ confirmed.

"Wow, green. I like it," Nick said.

"If you stand just like this in the light," Brian said, "look, Nick. Isn't that the exact same color as-"

"Kevin's eyes!" Nick said. "Kevin, come here."

"You can't plan something like that," Brian said, impressed.

"I did plan it," AJ said. "I made her mix the color just right."

Nick looked at AJ and raised his eyebrows.

"I'm going to do Rok's eyes next," AJ said. Brian laughed.

Kevin came over, standing near AJ, his touch running through AJ's hair. "Red, yellow, and blue weren't enough for you?"

In that touch, those words, everything was changed. AJ spun backwards through time, to before their last break in Kendig, to the days, years, when Kevin was his brother, his friend, irritated with him, poking at him with sarcasm, taunting him with dry humor. Without warning, Kevin was Kevin again, and he was AJ, and nothing had changed.

Kevin wasn't in love with him anymore, and their days in Kendig didn't matter, and he was set free.

Howie had called Chris when he should have been sleeping. Anyone on a tour like the Backstreet Boys were having needed his rest - - and Chris should know.

So Chris put Howie to sleep.

He made sure that Howie was comfortable and all tucked into the bunk. Then he talked at Howie, carrying on a one-sided conversation, telling Howie about anything he could think of. He talked about the tour in general, the last city, the next city, the last show, the next show, wild fans, fun fans, the Sentimental Fools, how much he missed Howie, etc., etc.

Gradually, he lowered his voice.

He liked to put Howie to sleep. He liked to think of his voice settling in Howie's brain, of Howie drifting off into dreams, of his words guiding Howie there.

Every time Joey went clubbing, he took Lance with him.

Lance liked clubs. He went almost as often as Joey did. Or, he'd used to. But clubs made him think of AJ. Besides, JC was staying in a lot, and sometimes he liked to spend time with JC. While Justin was out.

Anyway, clubbing itself and clubbing with Joey were different things. When Lance was spending his night with Joey, he didn't have time to think of AJ or anyone else. He was too busy having fun. Very busy having fun. There was no down time, no time to sit back. Joey was a professional clubber.

Sometimes, Justin went with them. On those nights, Lance had a dance or two with Justin. Justin didn't dance with him the same way that Justin danced with JC, but that was to be expected. When Lance danced with Justin, he did break the rules of the night, and he stopped having fun to think about what was happening.

He was dancing with Justin. JC's Justin. This was what JC had every day, every night.

Justin didn't get hard in clubs anymore. He'd used to, all of the time. But he didn't these days, unless he was dancing with JC. For one thing, apparently only JC could get Justin aroused. For another thing, he didn't dance the same way he had before. Now it was friendly dancing, fun dancing, dancing for entertainment. Before, it had been an invitation or a prelude. Advertising. But Justin didn't need to advertise a thing, not anymore. Not when he had JC waiting for him.

Lance did get hard when he danced, if the girls were on him enough. He got hard when he danced with Justin, because he kept thinking about the way Justin danced with JC. And he got hard when he danced with Joey, but he didn't know why. Joey didn't seem to care, anyway.

All Joey cared about was making sure that Lance had a good time.

Justin was bored. His nose was stuffed up and his throat hurt. JC was sleeping. He wanted someone to pay attention to him.

He pushed JC's hands off of him. He didn't have to be touched all of the time.

When Chris wasn't pining over Howie, he was hanging out with that guy JC had brought in, Steve Jerome. Joey was all about Lance, and Lance was stalking JC. And JC, JC was seventy-five percent *NSYNC and twenty-five percent Sentimental Fools, since they were on the last leg of the tour and the Fools were about to get serious once the tour ended.

That meant that Justin wasn't number one on anybody's list anymore, not even JC's.

"Mmm, you smell so good, baby," JC murmured.

Whoa. Hi, JC. "I thought you were asleep."

"Mmm." JC was touching him again. "What's wrong, baby?"

"Go back to sleep." Justin waited. JC wasn't moving anymore, had settled in with his hands on Justin in fairly innocuous places. He wasn't saying anything. Maybe he was asleep again.

It was Justin's fault he'd wakened in the first place. Shouldn't have taken JC's hands off of him.

Well, that brief pity party he'd thrown for himself was over. He was number one on JC's list for life.

"I love you," JC whispered, and ran his palm across Justin's abdomen.

Justin would never, ever, ever feel sorry for himself again.

Bastard! Asshole. Nick was going to yank out that stick that was up Kevin's ass, then jam it back in and fuck Kevin with it.

No wonder Kevin hadn't let AJ fuck him. Kevin's ass was too freaking tight.

That was just like Kevin. So freaking one-sided. Kevin could fuck AJ, but AJ couldn't fuck Kevin. Kevin made himself the one in charge, put himself in that position, turned down all offers of help, and then martyred himself like the weight of the world rested on his shoulders. Kevin was the daddy, Kevin was the overseer, Kevin was the responsible adult. Fuck that. They were all adults. They weren't children, and they weren't new to this game. They'd been Backstreet Boys for how long now, four decades? They knew what they were doing. They didn't need supervision. Kevin didn't have to second-guess their every freaking move.

Nick hated Kevin.

"Nick-"

"I hate him!" Nick wanted something to throw. He waited for Brian to say something else, but Brian just stood there and looked at him. The bus was too crowded. Too tense. Nick wanted to get off of the bus. Walk the rest of the way. Maybe just walk off, get away, go start a new life somewhere else the fuck away from Kevin and everybody else. He didn't need this shit!

"You're sick," Brian said. "It's getting worse instead of better. You're tired. You're stressed out. The tour's been going on for too long. You miss Drew."

"I hate Kevin."

"You're mad at him."

"I hate this fucking tour!"

"It's almost over."

"Shut up, just shut up!" God, now he was yelling at Brian. But Brian was being so damned helpful, so freaking reasonable, that it was irritating as hell.

"What do you really want?" Brian asked.

He wanted to go home and curl up in bed, holding his Drew, letting Brian kiss them. He hated everything about where he was and what he was doing. He even hated his socks. And the fabric on the sofa. And his own breathing patterns, because his nose no longer worked and he had to breathe through his mouth and he couldn't breathe and eat at the same time and- "I want to be the one in charge."

"In charge of what?"

"There's always somebody older, somebody with more experience, someone else in authority. I'm never the one telling people what to do. I'm never given that respect."

"You can tell me what to do," Brian said.

"Can I tell Kevin where to go?" Nick asked.

"Maybe later," Brian said. "Wait until he calms down before you piss him off again."

"I hate being the youngest and the stupidest all of the time."

"Nick, you're not stupid. You're smart, and we do respect you. I wouldn't try to boss around AJ, but you can tell me what to do."

"What do you mean, tell you what to do? I can't tell you - - I don't even know what to say."

"What do you want me to do?"

"Punch Kevin so hard his nose breaks. And then rip off his eyebrows."

"Try something else."

"See?! I can't even tell you what to do when you ask me to."

"Try again," Brian said. "Try to think about something other than Kevin. Think about yourself. What you want."

What he wanted. What he wanted. What he wanted Brian to do for him. What he wanted Brian to do to him. That could be - - what was he thinking? Brian wouldn't do that. He'd do that, sure, he'd do it in a second, but Brian? Brian wasn't a whoreslut like he was. And here Brian was, promising to do anything Nick asked for, but as soon as he asked, Brian would say no. So, fine. He'd ask anyway. He wouldn't ask, he'd tell. And if it pissed Brian off, that was just too freaking bad. Brian shouldn't be making promises he couldn't keep.

Brian was waiting.

Nick looked Brian straight in the eyes. "Suck my dick."

Brian looked down the bus aisle. "Fifteen-minute favor!"

Three Backstreet Boys hit their bunks, closing the curtains.

Brian walked over to Nick, right up to Nick, and went down on his knees.

No fucking way.

Brian opened Nick's jeans.

Holy shit.

Brian tugged the jeans and boxers down to Nick's ankles, then took Nick's dick in one hand, bringing it to his mouth.

Nick got hard fast. He didn't know what to do. Brian was doing it. Brian was really doing it. Obeying him. Giving him a blowjob on the bus without the privacy of a bunk. God, it was like the old days. They hadn't called for a fifteen-minute favor in years. Sure, they still did stuff on the bus. But not out in the open. And if they did, it sure wasn't Brian on his knees.

He came in Brian's mouth.

Brian looked up at Nick, sitting back on his ankles, waiting. Waiting for what? Oh, damn, he was waiting for further instruction.

"My clothes?" Nick asked, letting his arrogance color his tone.

Brian redressed him promptly and carefully.

"Lick my ankles."

Brian lifted the cuff of his jeans and licked first one ankle, then the other. Slowly. Like his ankles were an erogenous zone or something. Suddenly, they were. Nick felt sort of...tingly.

"Go get in my bunk and take off your clothes," Nick said.

Brian stopped licking, fixed Nick's cuffs, got up, and walked back down the aisle to Nick's bunk.

"Hot damn," Nick said.

Justin had given Drew three new magazines. He rested in his bunk, looking at pictures of Nick and Brian. Damn, that picture was reversed. Why did they do that? It drove him nuts, looking at Nick's mirror image. The worst thing was when they did it with an obvious flaw, like any picture that showed a distinguishing mark, like a ring or mole or tattoo. Drew loved to look in a magazine and see that suddenly his wedding ring was on the wrong hand, or even that his tattoo was on the wrong upper arm. Stupid, stupid magazine editors.

And stupid, stupid Drew. He was trying to distract himself with minutiae, and it wasn't working. The larger problem still existed. He missed Nick and Brian.

He was kicking himself for telling Nick not to come and visit him on tour. He'd made the right decision, and he'd say it again, but it was still frustrating. And painful.

He tried to distract himself some more, looking at the other pages in the magazine. Look, there he was. That was still spooky. And there was his brother, and Jeff, and Justin.

He'd heard Nick and Jeff having sex last night. He'd hated it, to be honest. He couldn't have sex. He couldn't even let his lover come to see him on tour, because of them. And they were screwing! Yet another reason why life was unfair and he hated them.

Now he was being petty.

Drew sighed and turned pages to look at Nick and Brian some more.

His phone rang.

"Hello?"

"Hey, baby."

"Hi, Nick. Don't call me that."

"Are you busy?"

"No."

"Are you having a good day?"

"Yes. Are you?"

"I am having a very good day. This morning, it sucked the big one. But then Brian made it all better."

"That's good. How?"

"You have to see him. He's been the cutest little bitch sub all day."

"What?!" Nick had to be talking about something else.

"Right now he's exploring his foot fetish. He's been such a good boy today."

"I think that I need more details."

"Brian's being my cute little bitch sub. He does whatever I want. I'm thinking of getting him a collar. Maybe nipple rings."

"Brian? My Brian?"

"Your Brian. Do you want to talk to him?"

"Yes."

"Here, my boyfriend wants to talk to you."

"Hello." Brian's voice was soft and giving in Drew's ear.

Oh... Nick had been telling the truth. Without even exaggerating. Drew found himself with an unexpected hard-on. "Hi."

"Here, lick my nipples," Nick's voice said in the background.

Drew heard the faintest lapping sound.

"Yeah, that's good," Nick said. "Mmm, keep going."

"Brian?" Drew asked.

"Yes?" Brian asked between licks.

"Are you... Are you..." Spit it out, Lachey. Carter Littrell Lachey. "Are you licking him?"

"Yes."

"What...what does he taste like?"

"Sex and boy and sweat and man."

"Hey, Drew's my boyfriend, so anything he tells you to do, you do," Nick said in the background.

Drew's cock twitched. He wanted looser pants. He listened to Brian's licking sounds and Nick's sighs of contentment. "Brian?"

"Yes?"

"Use your teeth." Drew's heart was pounding. He adjusted himself in his jeans.

Nick gasped, then groaned. "Yeah, yeah..."

"Is he hard?" Drew asked, softly, quickly.

"Yes," Brian said, a gentle report.

"Is it wet?"

"Yes."

"Behind it. Put your mouth there." That was as graphic as Drew wanted to get. He hoped that Brian knew what he meant.

"What are you - - oh, oh, god, Brian. Drew, he told you to, he... Oh, oh..."

Drew closed his eyes, trying to picture it. Brian's tongue on Nick's balls. The scent of Nick, the taste, the soft pale fur. He could imagine Nick's hand in Brian's hair, keeping Brian's head in place. His own balls ached, and he wanted to touch them.

He wanted to be Nick's little bitch sub.

Nick was going to come if Brian kept sucking on his balls like that. He forced his voice to remain steady. "Lick my dick. Give me the phone first."

Brian handed him the phone and started to lap pre-cum from the head of his cock.

Oh, god. "Not there, down lower." Wow. He'd almost come in Brian's face. Wait. "This is off. You turned it off?"

"Yes."

"You hung up on Drew?"

"He hung up." Gentle licks around the base of his erection. Baby licks up the shaft.

"What did he say?" Nick closed his eyes and tried to do math in his head, to keep his balls from bursting.

"He gasped."

"He gasped like the bus just ran over somebody, or like he just came in his pants, or like somebody just walked in on him?"

"Like he scared himself." Brian's tongue was admiring the flare of the head.

Oh. One of those. Drew hadn't done that in a while. Must have been a pretty good dirty thought. "Back off that. Don't make me tell you again."

Brian licked back down.

Justin was enjoying peaceful sleep when he was attacked. He made Drew stop shaking him. "Is the bus on fire?"

"Am I having a nervous breakdown?" Drew asked.

"You're giving me one."

"Sorry. Go back to sleep."

"Get back here. You didn't wake me up like that just to disappear." Justin got out of his bunk. "What's going on?"

"I'm a guy."

"Yes."

"I'm a man."

"Yes."

"I'm masculine."

"Yes."

"Do you think I'm effeminate?"

Justin laughed.

"I'm serious!"

"You shouldn't be. Drew, you're masculine. You're more refined than your brother, the scratch-and-spit jock, but you're a guy."

"I'm gay."

"So is Jeff, and do you think he's girly?"

"I didn't say girly," Drew muttered.

"You woke me out of much-needed sleep to ask me if you're effeminate? What caused this unnecessary identity crisis?"

"Maybe I should be talking to somebody else."

"Somebody who's not a straight man?"

"Yeah."

"Considering the state of your relationship with the other members of this group, maybe you'd better talk to me anyway. I'm in favor of reconciliation, but I didn't think you were ready to have a soul-searching confessional with either of them."

"Right." Drew sat. Justin sat beside him. "Does doing certain things in bed make me less of a man?"

"No." It was interesting how Nick Carter Littrell Lachey's lover could get shy about discussing sex, considering what Justin knew of Nick.

"Are you saying that because it's what you really think, or to make me feel better?"

"I'm saying it because it's true." Justin wasn't stupid or uneducated; he knew how gay men had sex. He'd known Drew for years, before, during, and after Nick and Brian's arrival. His opinion of Drew as a man hadn't suffered any. In fact, it had grown.

"If a man wanted to maintain a certain position..."

Justin decided to help Drew out. "It doesn't matter whether partners choose to keep steady sexual roles, or share them. That's part of sexuality, and sexuality affects identity, but it isn't the entire picture of a person. You're a man, Drew. You aren't effeminate. And it wouldn't make a difference if you were. There's nothing wrong with being masculine, and there's nothing wrong with being effeminate."

Drew thought about that.

"Sometimes people act like it's all right to be gay as long as you're not a flaming queen. I disagree. I think it's all right to be gay, period. I don't care how you act, as long as it's natural to you."

Drew gave Justin's shoulder a brief squeeze. "This is why I came to you instead of to Nick."

"He would have said the right thing," Justin said. "He just wouldn't have sounded as eloquent."

Drew laughed. "Why is he more nervous talking about gay men than you are? He married one."

"It's personal. If it isn't sports or...sports, Nick gets nervous. Anything close to his heart, he has trouble discussing."

"Which is why when it's very personal and very important, he tends to say the wrong thing half of the time."

"Exactly."

"And here I thought it was because he wasn't too bright."

"Oh, there's always that, too."

"Shut up!" Nick called.

Kevin was right beside AJ. The music, the cheers, the screams, the choreography, the fans singing along, Brian on one side, AJ on the other. One of the last shows of the tour. Right then, Kevin could have toured forever.

AJ turned and sang in his face. He sang right back. AJ whirled away to visit the crowd, and Kevin watched AJ go.

It was familiar, the way things were now. Just as they had been before. He was in love with AJ, and he was suppressing every last bit of that feeling. A master observer of human behavior never would have guessed that AJ meant more to him than the other Backstreet Boys. Kevin was an expert at self-discipline.

He could even pretend to himself that everything was okay.

"Hello."

"Timberlake. Hey, it's Nick."

"Nick who?"

"Nick Carter Littrell Lachey, you idiot."

"Who?"

"Shut up."

"What's up?"

"You know as soon as we're out of here, Brian's going to hitch a ride on your tour."

"Right. For the Sentimental Fools."

"Yeah. He thinks I'm going with him, but I'm not."

"Darn. And we were all looking forward to seeing you."

"Yeah, sorry to disappoint you."

"Seriously, JC wanted to kick it with you."

"He can wait."

"You're really going to see Drew?"

"Abso-fucking-lutely."

"Brian still doesn't know?"

"Drew doesn't know, either."

"Is this a good idea?"

"It's a brilliant idea."

"Okay. Hey, if Brian gets lonely without you-"

"Hands to yourself, Timberlake."

"Not me, idiot. I was thinking maybe Lance."

"Lance has a boyfriend. Maybe you've met him. JC?"

"Shut up."

"How's that going? Have you told Lance off yet?"

"I don't need to. He knows the limits."

"Of course he does. And of course he wouldn't be tempted to cross those limits. It isn't like JC's worth it, or anything."

"Shut up."

"It's too bad I'm not coming with Brian to enjoy your fascinating company." Nick hung up.

Nick's phone rang.

Jeff picked it up. "Hello?"

Silence.

"Hello?"

"Hmmh?" Nick asked, repositioning himself against Jeff.

"Your phone."

"Who was it?" Nick asked without opening his eyes.

"Nobody. They hung up."

It rang again.

Nick reached for it. "Hello? Yeah, it's me. Hey, hi. Yeah, they're going to pick you up at the airport and bring you right over to the venue. That is, if you want to hang around and watch Drew in concert."

Jeff got up and walked away from the bed.

"Drew doesn't know, and nobody's going to tell him. It should be a good surprise, unless he gets mad and decides to hate me even more. I'm counting on you to... Yeah, something like that. Right."

Jeff was across the room now.

"It's going to be good to see you. Yeah. Why do I always have to say that to you? You could say it to me. My ego is not that big! Hey, you hang around people like AJ. That is not - - I don't care if he is a Backstreet Boy. How does that get to be the excuse for everything? The five of you can do anything, say anything, think anything, do whatever you want, act like outrageous egomaniacs, and it's okay, because you're Backstreet Boys. Yeah, but that's Brian. He's a human being. He should be in 98 Degrees. What?! You little-" Nick stared at his phone. "He hung up on me."

"What was his parting shot?" Jeff asked.

"He said that Brian can't be in 98 Degrees. He has too much talent and too little muscle mass." Nick set aside his phone. "Nick's looking forward to coming."

"Is he nervous?"

"How did you know?"

Jeff shrugged.

"It's okay," Nick said.

"He hung up on me," Jeff said. "He couldn't even stay on the line long enough to ask to speak to you."

"It might not have been him."

"It was him," Jeff said.

"He's coming," Nick said. "He's going to come here and spend time with Drew. He's going to be on the tour. He knows what tours are like; he knows that he'll be with you, with us, day in and day out. And he's willing to come. He's volunteering to come, when it would be easy for him to back out."

"He's not doing it to prove that he can, to prove that he's not afraid," Jeff said. "He's doing it because he misses Drew."

"Come over here. I'm talking to the mystery man in the shadows."

Jeff sat on the bed.

Nick tugged at the leg of Jeff's boxers. "Closer."

Jeff shifted over to Nick.

"Do you want me to ask him not to come?"

"No. No, no."

"I'm right beside you."

"I know."

"You know the way his brain works. You know how he felt about you better than I do, since my view of his interest in you was a little skewed."

"A little skewed," Jeff repeated.

"The way he felt about you before, and the way he clings to people, is it even possible that he doesn't still feel that way? If he loved you then, doesn't he still love you now?"

"Love and trust are not the same thing. Not to Nick," Jeff said.

"Love and..."

"Say it."

"Love and fear can't co-exist."

"They can for Nick," Jeff said. "He can be in love with me and still be afraid of me."

Nick sighed, trying not to be frustrated.

"I never would have picked myself as the one to screw up the relationship we had with them," Jeff said.

"You didn't screw it up alone," Nick said.

"Yes," Jeff said. "I did."

"What was that?" Justin asked, when JC returned to the dressing room.

"Security issues," JC said.

"We used to have two buses. We used to be able to walk down the street. We used to be able to wave to our fans from our hotel windows. Now what?" Justin asked.

"It's just because Brian and Nick are visiting," JC said. "They're concerned that it poses a security risk."

"Don't tell me Brian and Nick can't come now."

"No, they're still going to be here. We're just going to have a few extra safeguards in place."

"This is insane," Justin said. "I hate it. Nick used to be able to visit you on tour without any trouble. Things weren't supposed to be like this. We were supposed to be a group and have fun. We weren't supposed to have to worry about security and threats and-"

"We weren't supposed to fall in love," JC said, touching his cheek.

Justin went mushy inside. "Yes, we were," he said.

"AJ!" Kevin yelled.

AJ made irritated Kevin-mocking noises, checking himself in the mirror. Yeah, he looked good.

"AJ!" Louder.

AJ checked his ass. Yep. Sometimes he was so sexy he wanted himself.

Sometimes?

Howie stood in the open doorway to AJ's room. "Are you ready?"

"I believe so," AJ said.

"They loaded up the bus. Let's go."

AJ strolled down the hallway. "How do I look?"

"Good," Howie said.

"I'd do you," Nick said from where everyone was waiting. "Can we go?"

"Did you ever get that booty call you expected?" Howie asked AJ.

"As a matter of fact, I did," AJ said.

Howie stopped walking and looked at him.

"I did," AJ repeated. "Then Joey interrupted our conversation, and things deteriorated from there."

"But he made the call."

"He made the call, indeed," AJ said.

"Are we talking about Lance?" Nick asked. "Lance Bass? Called you for sex?"

"Can you blame him?" AJ asked.

"I guess not, but that's kind of pathetic, isn't it?" Nick asked.

AJ burst into laughter.

"I never looked at it that way," Howie said.

Drew picked up his phone. “Hello?”

“Drew, I love you.”

Whoa. He had not been prepared for that. He didn’t know what to say. “I love you, too.”

“I miss you. I can’t believe I’m going to work with JC instead of coming to see you.”

Drew made himself say it. “You have to. For the Sentimental Fools.” He had to be strong. Otherwise, he’d break down and beg and yell and make Brian come to see him. He was mature enough, and had enough perspective, to know that Brian had made the right choice. But that was only in his brain. His heart and soul, his body, were furious: there was no possible way that the Sentimental Fools were important enough - - that anything was important enough - - to keep Brian away from him.

“For that,” Brian agreed. “And for Nick.”

For Nick. Drew hated that, too. But they’d talked about it, he and Brian. They didn’t want Nick on the 98 Degrees tour. Not now. He’d be with Nick and Jeff day in, day out. Forced intimacy. No way to avoid them without running, no escape. A tour was an uncontrolled environment, emotionally. After the tour, at home, was the best time. The only time. Brian and Drew had made their decision.

“How are you?” Brian asked.

“I don’t know,” Drew said. “Things are different around here. I miss you.” Brian always knew what to do and what to say, with other people. And Brian always made him feel better. There was something settling about Brian.

“I miss you,” Brian said. “What are you doing?”

“Nothing.”

“Are you alone?”

“If my bunk counts as alone.”

“Can you be quiet?”

“For what?” Brian didn’t mean-

“I want to talk sex with you.”

Drew’s blood ran hot, too suddenly. “We can’t,” he said, his first instinct.

“I want to make love to you,” Brian said. His voice was soft in Drew’s ear, loving and hot. There was no doubt that Brian meant exactly what he said. “I want you to fuck me.”

Drew gasped, feeling sharp desire shoot through his body. “Brian-”

“Fuck me, Drew.”

Drew wanted to, right then. He had to. He wanted to. He had to.

“Nick’s asleep here,” Brian said. “Let me come into your bunk. You can have me.”

“Fuck you,” Drew said, feeling the word in his mouth.

“Fuck me,” Brian said, asking him for it. Wanting it from him. “I want to get under your body.”

Drew shoved his hand down his pants, inside his underwear, grabbing his hard cock.

“Get inside me, Drew, get inside me. Take me, take me like I’m yours.”

“You’re mine,” was all that Drew could say.

“I’m yours, I’m yours like Nick is mine.”

Oh, god, he was going to come. Drew rolled over onto his other side, curling up around it, trying to keep it in. Brian was his like Nick was Brian’s. He knew what that meant.

“You’ve been away for so long. What do you think about, Drew, what do you want?”

He wanted... Drew’s pre-cum flowed over his fingers.

“Do you want my body?” Brian asked. “Or my mouth?”

Drew’s back arched before he thrust into his own hand. The sound of Brian’s voice, the things that Brian was asking him... There was pain in not having Brian beside him, in knowing that these fantasies couldn’t be realized.

“Tell me what you want,” Brian said.

His wet dreams. The fantasy that pushed him over the edge. The idea that made his body clench and spasm with wanting. “I want you to want Nick, I want him to want you, I want...” Drew fisted his erection, not having words for more.

“Drew,” Brian said.

He’d heard that tone of voice before; he knew what it meant. Brian was aroused and willing to give him anything that he wanted. “I want you to want each other. I want to see you need each other.”

“I want him,” Brian said. “I want his body. I can only control it because I’ve spent years learning how. Before you, my sexuality was centered in him. It still is. His smile drops me to my knees. I’d do anything to get inside his clothes. I can see him sitting with his legs apart and my mouth waters from wanting it. It isn’t always poetry between us. Sometimes it’s just our raw need for each other. It’s making love no matter what because there’s always love for each other in everything that we do, but if you didn’t know that, if you saw us, it would look like pure animal fucking.”

The words barely hit Drew’s brain before he was coming.

“The longer we’re together, the more I cherish Nick. But I never stop using his body for my pleasure. I don’t go down on my knees for him just because he likes it. I do it because I like it, because I want his dick in my mouth, because I want his cum on my tongue. I do it because I want to hear him when he comes. Every single time my hand is on his dick, it’s there because I want to feel him. I’m not selfless. I turn him on because when Nick’s sex is hard, all of him becomes more beautiful.”

"What's with him?" Chris watched Lance across the room. "If he gets any colder, I'll get frostbite the whole way over here."

Justin put down two cards. "He broke up with Joey."

"That would explain it," Chris said. He put down a few cards of his own. "What happened?"

"I'm assuming that you, as president of Howie's fan club, know that the Boys's tour just ended."

"I may have heard rumors..."

"That means that AJ is on the streets again. Lance called him, trying to hook up."

"What?"

"Yep."

"Lance?!" Chris remembered to lower his voice. "He called AJ for the hook-up?"

"He did. And it might have worked. We'll never know. Joey broke it up."

"In the middle of the booty call?"

"Lance didn't appreciate Joey's interference."

"Sounds to me like Joey was doing him a favor."

"Joey said that if Lance was that desperate for sex, Joey would give him some."

Chris dropped his cards, taken by surprise.

"Lance said he'd never be that desperate."

"Shit."

"Joey deserved it! He had no business insulting Lance like that."

"Joey's trying to keep Lance from making another mistake. Lance is starting to move on. He doesn't need to go back there."

"If one of us interfered to keep you away from Howie, you'd throw a fit."

"I do not throw fits."

"You would if it were over Howie."

"Maybe."

"I'm glad that Brian and Nick are the ones coming to pay us a visit," Justin said. "Having any other Backstreet Boy here would be nothing but trouble."

Chris crossed his fingers behind his back.

The limo was ready to take Brian to the airport. Brian was still hovering around Nick. "You'll be okay?"

"I'll be fine," Nick said. "We'll have a safe plane ride back to Orlando. I'll make sure the house is still standing. Then I'll get right back on the plane."

"Call me."

"I will. Do you want Kevin to hold my hand so I won't get lost in the airport?"

"No, no. You'll be fine."

"Yes, I will. You, on the other hand..."

"I just feel... I don't know. Something's off."

"It isn't us." Nick kissed him.

"I love you," Brian said.

"I love you," Nick said. "Give me a friendly pixie kiss." Brian kissed him. "Now go. Have a good time."

Brian got in the limo. Nick watched it leave.

"You're not going, are you?" AJ asked.

Nick jumped. "Where'd you come from?"

"You're going to sneak off and visit Drew."

"How did you - - you don't know that!"

"Kevin told me."

"Kevin!"

"Relax. He didn't tell Brian."

"How does Kevin know?"

AJ shrugged. "Brian's going to be furious with you."

"No, he isn't."

"Yes, he is."

"I'm going to visit Drew. Brian, of all people, can understand that."

"Brian, of all people, doesn't want you within three countries of 98 Degrees."

"Not all of 98 Degrees."

"Right, just half."

"It's none of your business."

"It's a good thing you're not going, anyway. The bus would be too crowded with all of *NSYNC and three Backstreet Boys."

"Three?"

"Howie's going."

"No shit."

"I wish I could be there to see the look on Fatass's face."

"Fatone."

"Whatever."

"Maybe Howie shouldn't go," Nick said.

"Maybe you shouldn't go."

"Drew misses me."

"Brian loves you."

"He loves me enough to let me make my own decisions."

"I don't blame you for going."

"You don't?"

"No. Drew is fucking cute."

Nick grinned. "You noticed?"

Joey had played with JC all through the soundcheck. He was trying to give Lance time to defrost. He shouldn't have said what he'd said, but there was no fucking way he was letting Lance within ten miles of AJ McLean.

He'd rather see Lance make a move on JC than go back to AJ, even for one night.

Yeah, he knew about Lance's little schoolboy crush. It was a bad idea, but if it was helping Lance get over AJ, he'd support it. He could understand why Lance was doing it, even.

JC was a wonderful caretaker, a perfect lover. JC treated Justin like a crown prince. JC would never cheat on Justin. Never take him for granted. Never hurt him. In other words, JC wouldn't do any of the things that AJ had done to Lance.

As an ideal, JC was, well, ideal. So JC was a good resting place for Lance's affection while Lance healed from the recent past. But that would only work as long as Lance moved on.

That meant that Lance needed a new object for his affections.

Joey had to find him somebody. Before Justin got tired of Lance's unsubtle interest in JC.

So far, Justin was being good about it. Justin didn't seem to mind at all, in fact. But that would last only as long as Lance didn't make a move and JC was too occupied with other things to pay attention to Lance.

JC hung up the phone. "Brian's plane landed."

"I can't believe we can't even meet him at the airport," Justin said. "He just got off tour, you know he wants to go home. Here he is, right back working again, on another tour again without stopping to breathe. The least we could do is meet him at the airport."

"We should be grateful that he and Nick can visit us at all," JC said.

"Security," Justin said.

"Don't complain about the security standards," JC said. "That's what keeps you alive every day."

"It never used to be this way. I know, things change, and a lot of the changes that have happened have been terrific. But some of them I hadn't bargained for."

"I know, baby." JC kissed him. "It'll be okay. The good news is, they are letting Brian and Nick visit us. It'll be good to see them."

"I can't believe you're friends with Nick Carter."

"You're friends with Nick Carter."

"Only because you are," Justin said. "You know, any friend of yours. Really, I can't stand him."

JC kissed Justin again. "You're very cute when you're lying to me."

"Thanks."

Lance wanted to talk to Chris. Chris was dating a Backstreet Boy that everyone hated, so they had something in common there. But Chris was with Steve Jerome ninety percent of the time.

Lance wanted to talk to JC. But JC was always busy. Or sleeping. Or with Justin. Or sleeping with Justin.

He couldn't talk to Justin. Justin had been a little distant lately. Not a lot, just enough to feel different.

He wasn't going to talk to Joey. Not about this. Not about anything. He'd trusted Joey, as a friend. He'd thought that Joey wanted him to be happy.

He'd been happy with AJ.

And he wanted to get laid.

"If you want sex, I'll fuck you myself!"

That had to be the most insulting thing that Joey had ever said to him. An encounter with AJ would be about more than sex, as their relationship had been about more than sex. If he wanted to get laid, he could go out and find someone on his own. Joey was his friend, and straight, and they respected each other's sexual orientations and activities. He didn't want, and he didn't need, any offers from Joey. He didn't want to be fucked by his straight friend.

He didn't need to resort to straight men; he didn't need to resort to favors from friends; he didn't need to stoop to any level.

He'd told Joey that he'd never be that desperate, and it was true.

Brian got into the hotel and was shown to his room. When he came out of the bathroom, he heard a knock on the door. He peeked, then opened the door.

"Brian," JC said. They shook hands and shared half of a hug.

"Welcome to the tour of the century," Justin said.

"Thanks," Brian said. "Come on in."

"We know you have some experience with tour life, so you should get used to the way we do things around here pretty quickly," Justin said, as they came into the room and Brian closed the door. "If you need anything or have any questions, just ask me or JC."

"Or one of the other guys," JC said. "Dante is going to be your personal security. He's been with us, so he knows how it goes."

"Welcome, Dante," Justin counted off things on his fingers. "Steve Jerome!" he remembered.

"Right," JC said. "Tomorrow, you and Steve and I can sit down and see what we have and where we want to go. And since you're both here, any time I'm on the clock, the two of you can go ahead and work without me."

"He's been talking a lot with Chris," Justin said. "So you may not need to write any songs with a lot of high leads, because he probably has that covered."

"Brian's writing mostly for Nick and AJ," JC said.

"Shouldn't you be writing for yourself?" Justin asked Brian.

"Writing for other people's voices is more interesting," Brian said. "I already know what I can do."

There was a knock on the door.

"That sounds like Joey," Justin said, checking the peephole. He opened the door. "Hey, Joey."

"I'm passing through to say hi," Joey said. "Brian, welcome to our tour."

Brian shook Joey's hand. "Thank you. I'm happy to be here."

"Let me give you the insider's info that you're going to need," Joey said. "You'd better be prepared to work, because every spare minute JC has, he's going to have you in a corner hunched over notes with his keyboard. But when he's not around, don't go looking for him. Let the man come to you. Sometimes he has more important things to do." Joey pulled one of Justin's curls. Brian smiled. "And if that gets a little noisy, don't worry about it. We're all used to it, and you will be, too."

"Joey, go away," JC said.

Joey waved and left. He bumped into Chris in the doorway, and Chris came in. "Hi. That's it. Just hi."

"Hi," Brian said.

Chris was fidgeting.

"What?" Justin asked Chris.

Chris suddenly walked Brian away from JC and Justin. "Just between you and me. Nothing we have to involve them with."

"Yes?" Brian asked, amused.

"How's Howie?"

Brian smiled. "Howie's fine."

"Okay. Is his cold better? He said that it was getting better, but he could have been lying so I wouldn't worry."

"His cold is fine. It's almost entirely gone."

"Mmm-hmm. How does he look?"

"A little tired, but now that he's having a night or two of good sleep, I'm sure he's fine."

"Okay. Okay." Chris thought about that.

"He misses you."

Chris blinked, processed the information, and beamed.

"He misses you a lot. I know he can't wait to see you."

Chris beamed some more, blushed, and fumbled his way back out of the room.

"Brian, Howie isn't going to try to visit Chris, is he?" Justin asked.

"Not that I know of," Brian said. "Has Nick called?"

"Not since your tour ended," JC said. "Is something going on?"

"I just... Something feels off. I won't feel right until he's here."

JC nodded. JC of all people could understand that emotion.

Justin made a "hmm" sound and waited for the subject to change.

Justin walked into the dressing room and found Nick. "Am I imagining things, or is something happening that I should know about?"

"What?" Nick asked, pulling off his shirt.

"Keith and Jamal are here. The security is so tight backstage I'm expecting to see roadies with electronic ankle bracelets. It's like all of the security measures we used to have, and then relaxed, are back in place."

"They're getting ready for something," Nick said, changing into his concert underwear.

"Getting ready for what?" Justin asked.

Nick looked around, then lowered his voice. "Nick's coming."

Justin thought about that. "Are we talking about the same Nick?"

"Yes."

"He's coming here."

"Yes."

"When?"

"He's coming for our next show. And he's staying."

"And Drew doesn't know this."

"And you're not going to tell him."

"No, I won't say a word. I'll just stand by and watch while he hates you for life."

"Thanks." Nick was dressed again.

"No problem. You did tell Jeff, didn't you?"

"Of course I told Jeff."

"Just checking."

"Drew is not going to hate me for life."

"He's your brother. If you want to risk it, that's up to you."

"He is not going to hate me for life! He gets to see Nick. That should make him happy."

"He decided not to see Nick. He decided to wait and see Nick later."

"I know he decided that, but he shouldn't have. Besides, if Nick wants to come here, Nick can come here. He can do whatever he wants. He shouldn't have to wait for Brian and Drew's permission."

"That's true. Good argument. That one might guilt-trip Drew into letting Nick stay."

"Letting Nick stay?"

"He's going to try his hardest to get Nick out of here," Justin said.

"He... Damn it. Why didn't I think of that?"

"Yes, why didn't you?" Justin asked. "You think that Drew's going to say, ‘Oh, well, I hate the thought of having Nick here so much that I told him not to come, but now that he's here, what the heck, let him stay?’ He's going to want Nick back on a plane headed out of here. To Orlando, to *NSYNC's tour with Brian, anywhere but here."

"Nick wouldn't leave," Nick said. "He'll stay."

"That depends on Drew," Justin said. "And on Brian."

"Brian isn't even here."

"You have a lot to learn about these people."

Justin had talked to JC, and JC had told Brian to take the first day off, to rest on the bus. Brian didn't want to stay in a bunk all day, because he'd just left his own tour bus, and the thought of getting in another bunk made him claustrophobic.

So he sat on the bus, talked to Steve Jerome, and watched *NSYNC.

"Joey, time's up," Chris said.

"Ten more minutes," Joey said.

"Your time is up," Chris said.

"Five more minutes," Joey said.

"Your time is up," Chris said, and the television screens changed from soft porn to... Brian couldn't believe what he was seeing.

"No!" Joey howled. "No! No no no no no!"

"It's my turn, and I get to watch whatever I want to watch," Chris said.

Brian got up and sat beside Chris. "Where did you get this?"

"I have my connections," Chris said.

"I haven't seen Homecoming in Orlando since..."

"Lucky, lucky you," Joey said. "I can't tell you how many times I've gotten to see it. Four, five thousand?"

Howie was onscreen, onstage, performing his solo. Singing, dancing, throwing roses into the audience.

"Welcome to 'Star Search,' with your host, Ed McMahon," Joey intoned.

Chris threw a jelly bean at the side of Joey's head.

Brian watched Howie. God, the memories. Being backstage, getting ready for his own solo. Even then, years ago, Kevin had stood and watched AJ's solo with focused intensity, not missing a move. Just standing there, watching. Brian would watch Nick's performance, sending supportive thoughts, knowing that Nick was deliberately singing to him so as not to be nervous.

"Look at how much he's sweating," Joey said. "Chris, this is gross."

"Yeah," Chris said. "I know I never sweat onstage."

Joey grumbled.

Chris threw another jelly bean.

"He shouldn't run around showing off his chest like that," Joey said. "His torso is only two inches long. Look at that, his nipples are an inch above his navel."

"You're talking to me," Chris said.

"You don't have a short torso," Joey said. "You have short arms and legs. Thank god it's over!"

Chris fast-forwarded through the rest of the guys until the end of Nick's performance. He seemed to know exactly where he wanted to play the tape. Nick paused, then prepared to speak. "Orlando, I have a small, small-"

"Dick!" Joey and Chris said for him.

Brian upended the bag of jelly beans over Chris's head. Chris sputtered and fussed, making Joey laugh. Brian put an end to Joey's laughter by turning to him, smiling, and saying, "It's bigger than yours."

"Hello."

"Hi, Drew. This is your last chance."

"Hi, Nick. My last chance for what?" Drew hugged one knee to his chest.

"A personal visit from your very own Backstreet Boy."

"Gosh, that does sound nice. But I'm working right now. Maybe when this tour's over."

"All right. It's your decision. I have to get on this plane now. Brian's expecting me."

"Have a safe flight."

"Kiss."

"Bye."

"Bye, Nick."

JC had broken the sacred codes of the dressing room by allowing Brian to be there. The two of them were sitting and talking. Joey was playing with Justin. Chris was pretending to meditate, to purify the sanctity of the dressing room again. Lance was watching them.

Actually, maybe Lance's gaze wandered off to someone else for a moment or two, but he was watching JC, and JC alone. No doubt he knew that other people besides JC were in the room, but he didn't seem to care.

Brian had noticed Lance noticing JC. He'd noticed Lance watching JC's every move. He'd noticed Lance's dark, jealous gaze when JC was with Justin. He'd noticed the way Lance tried to get, and keep, JC's attention.

He'd noticed that JC acted oblivious to Lance's true interest. He knew JC well enough to suspect that JC knew what Lance wanted. Maybe JC deliberately chose not to acknowledge Lance's interest, because it was unwanted and inappropriate.

JC got up to talk to Chris. On his way back to Brian, he was waylaid by Lance.

Justin sat beside Brian. "This must be fun for you. All of the horrors of touring, with none of the perks."

"I'm doing all right," Brian said.

"Nick told you about Lance?" Justin asked.

Brian hadn't planned to say anything, since it was none of his business. "He did," Brian said. He waited, and Justin seemed agreeable to discussing it. "I didn't expect it to be so obvious. Are you...okay with it?"

"I'm getting sick of it," Justin said. "But I'm not worried about it."

"You shouldn't be worried about it," Brian said.

"It's a good thing Nick's not here yet," Justin said. "He'd probably walk right up in Lance's face and tell him off."

"He might," Brian said.

"You know this is all AJ's fault," Justin said.

"That's one way of looking at it," Brian said.

"Was that the polite way of telling me I'm full of shit?" Justin asked.

"Yes."

Justin smiled.

Airport. Limo. Venue. Nick was escorted to the door. Drew was in there. His Drew. In there.

He was making a rock star appearance in his leather pants. Let Drew try and resist.

He opened the door and walked in. "Hey, everybody." He swept the room with his gaze, taking inventory. Drew was standing off to one side, looking stunned.

"You made it," the other Nick said, coming up to him.

He hugged Nick. "Thanks for inviting me."

Nick hugged him back. "It's great to see you. Look at you," Nick said, pulling back again. "You are a sight for sore eyes."

"You look good, too," Nick said. He made himself look but not touch. To distract himself, he looked around some more. "Hi, Drew. How are you doing?"

"What are you doing here?" Drew asked. Drew looked more surprised than mad. The shock must not have worn off yet.

"I came to visit Nick," he said. "I think he wants to hire me as a consultant. You know, since I'm a professional with years of experience. I can fix up the tour, the show-"

"You're supposed to be on *NSYNC's tour, not ours," Drew said.

"Yeah, they could use your help more than we can," Justin said.

Nick always had liked Justin. "*NSYNC already has Brian, and Howie's on the way. And since Nick invited me, I thought, why not? I haven't seen you guys in a while."

"You came," Drew said. Maybe it was sinking in now. "You came. Nick, I told you. You shouldn't be here. Brian's waiting for you."

"He'll be okay without me." Drew was coming closer. Good. He wanted Drew nice and close. Up close and personal.

"You can stay overnight," Drew said. "In the morning, you're going."

"Going with you," Nick said.

"No. Going to Brian, going to Orlando, either one. You're not staying with me."

"Okay. I won't stay with you. I'll stay with Nick."

"That isn't a very good idea."

"I can make my own decisions."

"I know that. I can make my own decisions, too. I asked you not to come here."

"Nick asked me to come. I wanted to come, he invited me to come, so here I am. And I'm staying."

"You can't just come with us. There are-"

"I took care of everything," the other Nick said. "Security, everything. It's not like we're going to have to book extra accomodations, since he won't be needing his own hotel rooms."

"Did you even think of asking the rest of us if we wanted him here?" Drew asked. "You can't bring people on tour without consulting us."

"I'm not people," Nick said.

"Jeff and Justin were okay with it, and he's your boyfriend, so I figured it was okay," the other Nick said.

"And you didn't think to mention any of it to me?" Drew asked.

"It was a surprise," the other Nick said.

"I'm surprised," Drew said. "Brian's going to be surprised, too."

"Brian doesn't scare me," Nick said. "You don't, either. I'm here to spend time with my friend Nick." He put his arm around Nick. "If you don't like it, then stay out of our way."

"I'm not going to call Brian to tell him," Drew said.

"Good. Don't," Nick said. "Wait. You're not?"

"No," Drew said. "You are."

He hadn't expected this. Hell, no. He wasn't going to tell Brian. "Fine. Later."

"Now," Drew said.

"You can't tell me what to do. Who do you think you are, Kevin?"

"Brian's going to be worried when you don't show up," Drew said.

"He knows my number. Come on, Nick, let's sit over here and talk." Nick walked away with the other Nick, and sat on the couch.

Drew couldn't believe that Nick was here. He was happy and surprised and mad and frustrated and sexually excited all at once. He wanted Nick to be there, but Nick shouldn't be there.

Jeff, who'd been lurking in corners since Nick's arrival, walked up beside him and said, "Greet him properly."

Drew took a moment to try to absorb the fact that Jeff had the nerve to walk over to him and - - no, it couldn't be done. He looked at Jeff. "What?"

"Greet him properly," Jeff repeated softly. At least Jeff had the sense not to attract attention.

Drew wondered if a good butt-kicking would draw attention. "Who do you think you are?"

"He's nervous about being here."

"He should be."

"He needs the reassurance that you're happy to see him, which you have not given him. You know that his primary love language is physical affection, and you haven't even touched him."

"Are you telling me about my lover? Are you trying to teach me the ways to act around Nick? And if you're so educated on the subject of what physical affection means to him, why were you the one who hit him?"

"I-"

"He's nervous about being here because he's nervous about being around you! You caused the problem, don't tell me how to solve it!" Drew hadn't raised his voice above a furious whisper, but that was enough to be heard. It wasn't helping that he was in Jeff's face, tension in his body, his hands balled into fists at his sides.

Jeff backed up, slowly. Carefully.

"If you're trying to work your way back into my good graces, telling me how to treat Nick is not the way to do it," Drew said.

Jeff stopped backing up. There was silence. Then Jeff said, clearly, "Fuck your good graces," and walked away from him.

matthew@matthewtime.com
"Where You Belong" Part Four
"Where You Belong"
"Living"
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