Copyright April 2-December 16, 2002 by Matthew Haldeman-Time

Rating: NC-17 for graphic male-male sex

Pairings: Thus far we've had JC/Justin, Nick/Drew/Brian, Nick/Jeff, Nick/Drew/Brian/Nick/Jeff, AJ/Lance, AJ/Howie, AJ/Kevin, Chris/Howie, and partridge/pear tree.

Disclaimer: The young men who comprise the Backstreet Boys, *NSYNC, and 98 Degrees are their own people. The author has not met anyone here described, nor does the author mean to suggest that these people act this way in real life. This writing is a work of fiction. I make no money from this venture.

Dedication: This slashfic is for Ewan McGregor and the Savage Garden slashwriters.

Wherein Drew won't go behind Brian's back, AJ can screw anybody he wants, and could JC be mellowing?

Notice: First, read "I Need You Tonight," "Boy Lead the Way to Ecstasy," "Not Easy," "No One," "Rest in Peace," "Destiny," and "Together." I know it sounds like a lot, but it'll only take you an hour or two.

        Beep.

        “My information isn’t time-sensitive at all.  I love you right now.  I’ll love you when you hear this message.  I’ll still be loving you after that.  I’ll always love you, Drew.”  Brian laughed.  “I’ll always love you, too, Frack.”

        “What do you want?” Lance asked.

        “I want you not to look like that.  You’re curdling my blood.  Are you okay?”

        “I’m fine,” Lance said.  “I just need a change of scenery.  I’m tired of looking at him all day.”

        “Me?” Howie asked.

        “You,” Lance said.  “Why are you here?  What are you doing here?”

        “I don’t know, that could have something to do with me,” Chris said.

        “It’s okay,” Howie told Chris.  To Lance, he said, “I’m here to see Chris.  I’ll try to stay out of your way-”

        “You’re in my way,” Lance said.  “You’ve been in my way.  You’re always here, you’re always around.  You’re on the bus.  You’re in the venue.  You’re in the hotel.”

        “I go where Chris goes,” Howie said.

        “Since when?” Lance asked.  “You go wherever you want to go.  You leapt right into AJ’s bed without Chris.”

        “If you’re angry about that, that’s between you and AJ,” Howie said.

        “You slept with my boyfriend and that has nothing to do with you and me?”

        “He isn’t your boyfriend anymore,” Howie said.

        “He would be if you hadn’t slept with him.”

        “That’s your relationship with AJ,” Howie said.  “If you’re mad at me, I understand it, but there’s nothing between us.  I have no problem with you.”

        “I have a hell of a lot of problems with you,” Lance said.  “A guy touches Chris and you get violent, but you can have sex with another man and that’s okay?”

        “That’s between me and Chris,” Howie said.

        “You see life in neat little compartments?” Lance asked.  “You think that what happens between you and one other person doesn’t affect anyone else?  How long have you been a Backstreet Boy?  In *NSYNC, everything that I do affects the rest of the guys.  What happened between you and AJ changed everything for me and AJ.  How you treat Chris matters to the rest of us, and you treat Chris like shit.”

        “I love Chris,” Howie said, “and I don’t have a problem with you.  We don’t have to have this fight.”

        “I don’t want you on this tour.  I don’t want you with Chris.  I don’t want to see you again.”

        “If Chris asks me to go, I’ll go,” Howie said.  “But neither one of us should ask him to choose.”

        “If you didn’t have him brainwashed, he’d pack your bags himself,” Lance said.

        “Brainwashed?” Chris asked.  “Was that the thing with the hypnosis and subliminal messages?  I wasn’t sure.  It would explain that Pavlovian response to long hair.”

        “This is serious,” Lance said to Chris.

        “Yes, but no,” Chris said.  “For you, yes.  For me, not as much, no.  I’m down with the brainwashing thing, but the hatred and resentment I think I’m getting over.  Howie’s in love with me, and he’s going to stay with me, and he’s here with me now.  Howie is not in love with AJ, and AJ’s alone in pain somewhere, and he’ll never have Howie again, because - - pay close attention to this part - - Howie is in love with me.  I’m not going to join AJ’s fan club and send him letters scented with my cologne, but I don’t want him dead anymore, either.”

        “How can you care about Howie after what he did?” Lance asked.

        “I trust him,” Chris said.  “Call me crazy.  If Howie wanted someone else, AJ or anyone, he could have that person.  He could break up with me any time he wanted.  I don’t have some hold over him that keeps him tied to me.  Howie wants to have a good relationship, and he wants that with me.  He made his choice, stupid as it might seem.  If he finds me sexy, more power to him.”

        “Hello, this is JC Timberlake Chasez’s phone.”

        “This is JC Timberlake Chasez’s fuck buddy.”

        “What makes you think I won’t hang up on you?”

        “I don’t know.  Where’s Brian?”

        “I don’t know.”

        “You lost him?”

        “He’s right here.”  Justin waited.  “Are you still there?”

        “No, I’m good.  It just hit me kind of hard.  Listen, do me a favor.”

        “What?”

        “I’m here with Drew, and I get to see Drew onstage every night.  Brian has to miss it. So I want you to sing for him.”

        “How would that have anything to do with anything?” Justin asked.  Brian couldn't hear Drew sing, but hearing him sing would make up for it?  Brian heard him sing all of the time, every day, and Brian hadn't stopped missing Drew yet.

        “No, idiot, you have to sing like Drew.”

        “Like Drew.”

        Brian looked up.  Justin must have said the magic word.  He wondered if sneaking up behind Brian and whispering, "Drew," would make Brian perk up, all happy and looking around.  It probably would.  It worked on Chris when they snuck up and whispered Howie's name.  It worked on him when they whispered JC's name, too, but it didn't work on JC.  Justin wasn't sure why.  Chris said that it was because there were probably already voices in JC's head whispering "Justin Justin Justin" all day, anyway.

        “Right,” Nick said.  “Try it for me.”

        “Okay.”  Justin thought about it.  Sing like Drew.  “‘Now all my hopes and all-’”

        “No, more like you have a cold.”

        “‘Now all my hopes and all my dreams-’”

        “Try singing with your mouth closed.  Like your teeth are wired shut.”

        “‘Now all my hopes and all my dreams are suddenly reality-’”

        “There, that’s it.  Okay, I have to go, Drew’s hurting me physically.  Tell JC to call me later.”

        “Bye.”  Justin hung up.  “Why does he get himself in trouble on purpose?”

        “Because he’s Nick,” Brian said.  “How is he?”

        “He sounds good,” Justin said.  “He’s driving Drew nuts.”

        Brian smiled.  “That’s a very good sign.”

        “You guys are sort of strange,” Justin said.

        Brian looked at him.

        Justin laughed.

        AJ had the unique ability to make Kevin worry more about him than about Nick.  It hadn’t always been that way.  When they’d started out, AJ had been mature and able to take care of himself, while Nick had been too young and too new.  Now, Nick could cross the street without getting hit, but AJ...  The creeping darkness within AJ threatened to come out, did come out, too often for Kevin’s liking.

        And Nick had Brian to look after him.  Who was looking after AJ, but AJ?

        “Hello.”

        “It’s JC.”

        “Mrs. JRT, where have you been?  You have to stop leaving a brother out in the cold.”

        “Yeah, I’m sorry,” JC said, and Nick believed him.  “I’ve been busy.”

        “I can tell.  Nick gets new Sentimental Fools stuff every hour, on the hour.  Let me do the run-down.  How’s the tour?”

        “It’s going great.”

        “How’s Justy?”

        “Justin is beautiful.”

        “How are you?”

        “God, so busy.  I love it.”

        “How’s Brian?”

        “He’s fine.”

        Nick snorted.  “Try again.”

        “He’s good.  He’s-”

        “JC.  It’s me.  Asking about Brian.  If you were separated from Justin and couldn’t talk to him, and I was your only source of information, would you be satisfied with ‘He’s fine?’”

        “What do you want me to say?”

        “Everything you can and a few things you can’t.”

        “He’s one of the prettiest men I know,” JC said.  “Not the same way Justin is.  It comes from his purity.”

        Nick closed his eyes.

        “He’s getting along with everyone here.  He’s officially *NSYNC’s favorite Backstreet Boy.  Joey wants to keep him.  Joey and Chris mess with him like they mess with each other, and he does it right back.  He’s having fun.”

        Nick listened for more.

        “His musical styles and mine are so different, you’d think we couldn’t create together.  But that’s so wrong, because we’re writing - - I’m writing - - like never before.  I’m learning new things from him, and I’m learning new things from myself.  We draw on each other.  I’m writing in new directions, things I couldn’t explore with *NSYNC.  It’s all new territory.”

        Brian and JC were exploring their creativity, with each other for support and inspiration.  Justin was a lucky bastard for getting to be there for it.

        “He talks about you, and Drew, and the guys.”

        No one from the Backstreet Boys or *NSYNC could talk for long without mentioning one of the guys.  It just wasn’t possible.  Every point of reference that Nick had involved one of the fellas.

        “He’s with me, Justin, or Howie most of the time.  He and Justin are really getting along.  I’m really glad that Justin can hang out with Brian.  It takes his mind off of other things.”

        “Other things like what?”

        “I think he’s starting to worry about Lance.  He needs to move on and get over AJ, and he hasn’t.”

        “AJ is pretty devastating,” Nick agreed.  “Is Justin more worried about Lance getting over AJ or about Lance trying to get with you?”

        “Lance isn’t, Justin knows, there’s-”

        “Has he started touching you yet?”

        “What?  Lance doesn’t touch people.  Nick, I don’t want to talk about this.”

        “Okay,” Nick said.

        “How are you?”

        “God damn, I love Drew.”

        “You have to soak him up now, every second of him.”

        “I am.  God, he’s so much fun.  Even if we weren’t screwing I’d still have to be his friend.  And  he is so cute when he’s pissed at me.”

        “How are you doing with Nick?”

        “The other Nick?  Yo, Nick’s my dog.  You know after Kevin, there’s nobody who’s so uptight I can’t get him to relax and fuck around.”

        “He’s your dog?”

        “He’s my dog.  Justin - - Justin Jeffre, not your little curly-headed kid - - is damned cool.  He has everybody’s back.”

        “What about Jeff?”

        “He sings pretty good.”

        “You still haven’t talked to him?”

        “No.”

        JC respected Nick’s defensive tone.  “Do you want to?”

        “Hell no.  Yes.  No.”  Nick sighed.  “Yeah.  I want to talk to him.”

        “Why?” JC asked, to encourage Nick to talk.  He knew that no one else talked to Nick about Jeff.

        “I miss him,” Nick said.  “He used to be - - he always talked to me.  He really cared about me.  We were as tight as Drew’s ass.  And now, I don’t know who he is.  I don’t know how he’s going to talk to me.  I don’t really want to know.  If he’s different, that’ll fuck me up, because that means he was faking everything before.  If he’s the same, that’ll fuck me up, because I won’t know if that’s even real.”

        “No matter what happens, you won’t trust what you guys used to have.”

        “Yeah.”

        “Talk to him.”

        “Why?”

        “You love him.”

        “I love Brian, and I haven’t talked to him recently.”

        “Not talking to Brian hurts.  Not talking to Jeff hurts.”

        “It hurts, yeah, but it’ll be worse if I talk to him,” Nick said.

        “How does he look?”

        “Fucking gorgeous.  He’s a lot quieter than usual, because he’s hiding out, but he looks good.”

        “Have you looked into his eyes?”

        “No.  I don’t want to, and I haven’t been close enough to anyway.”

        “You should look.”

        “I don’t want to see.”

        “You might not see someone else.  You might see the same Jeff you used to see.”

        “If he’s the same Jeff I thought he was, good and strong and wise, then he’s always been that way.  And that means he was right.  I got what I deserved.”

        “No!  Nick, even good, smart people make mistakes.”

        “Mistakes like me.”

        “I’ll bring the cake, I can ask Drew to pick up some balloons-”

        “Shut up!  You always do that!”

        “If you don’t like it, don’t throw yourself a pity party.  Are you finished?”

        “Yeah.  You suck, Chasez.  You suck.  Not nearly as good as me, but I am the second best cocksucker on the planet.”

        “Second best.”

        “Second.  Trust me, I know my place on this one.”

        “He can’t be as good as you think.”

        “I know you think that Justin’s the world’s best at everything he does, but this time, he has to sit in the backseat with the rest of us.  Besides, Justin’s a head-licker.  Nick is the master.  He has this...control.”

        “Justin is not a head-licker.”

        “Yes, he is.”

        “Don’t call it that.”

        “There’s nothing wrong with it.  Some guys love head-lickers.  All you have to do is breathe on Drew and he gets excited.  Shit, change the subject.”

        “Drew’s there?”

        “Yeah, he just showed up like it’s his hotel room or something.  Hold on.”

        JC waited.

        Nick was back.  “What were we talking about?”

        “Giving head.”

        “Right.  Pick something else.  Tell me again how Brian is.”

        “He’s good, Nick.  He’s fine.  Do you want me to tell him anything for you?”

        “Isn’t that against the rules?”

        “No.”

        “I miss him.”

        “I know.”

        “Drew misses him.  Nick has a man-crush on him, it’s so fucking cute it’s sexy.  I don’t blame him.  I still have the same crush on Brian I started with twenty years ago.  Gosh, JC, do you still have the same obsessive psychotic crush on Justin you used to have?”

        “Maybe,” JC said, laughing.

        “I can’t believe you never stalked him.”

        “I never had to.”

        “There you go.  Hey, Drew’s back again.  What?  Okay, it’s time to go watch Drew work.  It’s just adorable to see him with his little music group, doing concerts and interviews like us big boys.  Ouch!  Ow.  You’d better kiss that and make it better.  Oh!  Wash out your mouth!”

        “Do you need to go?” JC asked.

        “Yeah.  Call me.  If you don’t, I’ll tell Justin about that lost weekend in Amsterdam.  Bye, Princess.”

        Lance took the tissue and blew his nose.

        “You’re sick,” Joey said.  “Unwell.  Ill.”

        “It makes me ill to see you give love and attention at his will, and you can’t imagine-”  Brian stopped.  “Did I screw up the lyrics?”

        “Go get in your bunk,” Joey told Lance.  “Sleep, my son, and heal.”

        “I’m fine,” Lance said.

        “Glad to hear it,” Joey said.  “Off to bed with you.”

        Justin laughed.  They all glanced over in time to see Justin wriggling out of his bunk, hair mussed, pants open.  JC’s hand reached out, but Justin dodged it, still laughing.  He was beautiful and desirable and happy, happy to have the luxury of being able to refuse JC any time he wanted, because he could always go back for more.  JC started to climb out of the bunk after him, and Justin ran.  Since they were on a bus, Justin didn’t get far before JC caught him and kissed him, one hand on his ass.  JC  whispered something in Justin’s ear and Justin softly moaned, immediately welcoming and submissive in JC’s arms.

        Lance was watching.

        “...and you can’t imagine how it makes me feel to see you with him...”

        Joey snickered.

        Lance went to his bunk.

        “Oops,” Brian said.

        JC, oblivious, took Justin to their bunk for privacy.

        “No, he’s not,” Drew said, closing his eyes for sleep again.

        “Yes, he is.”

        “Nick, they never have sex on the bus,” Drew said.

        “They’re doing something,” Nick said.

        “Maybe they’re kissing.”

        “Kissing?” Nick repeated.

        “They’re not having sex,” Drew said, letting himself be wide awake.  “Why do you think they are?”

        “It might have been that ‘Oh, god, Nick, no, we can’t,’ that I heard.”

        “What?”

        “If they can screw on the bus, we can screw on the bus.”

        “We are not having sex on this bus!”

        “A little sex?  They’re probably not having real sex.  They don’t have the experience.  But-”

        “What?”

        “You need experience to have a good, satisfying fuck in one of these bunks.  Brian and I can do it, and we all know JC and Justin can do it.  But I don’t think your brother knows enough to even try.”

        “A good, satisfying...”

        “Very good, very satisfying.  The bunk fuck is one of my favorites.  Just bothering to do it means you want it bad, in the first place.”

        “Nick, we are not having sex on this bus.”

        “Can we make out?”

        “We already did.”

        “You never let me get anywhere interesting.  I barely get tongue before you’re making me stop.”

        “That’s not true.”

        Jeff groaned.

        “They’re doing something,” Nick said.

        “That’s no reason for us to do something,” Drew said.

        “Why don’t you want to?”

        “It’s inappropriate.”

        “Is this a shy no because you’ve never done it before, or a serious no?”

        “A serious no,” Drew said.

        “Why?”

        “There are other people here.  Any pretense of privacy is false.  I don’t want to have witnesses to what happens between us.  I also don’t want to force them to listen to us.”

        “Can we compromise?”

        “What’s your offer?”

        “Quiet making out.  Clothes on.”

        “No orgasms.”

        “One orgasm.”

        “Caused by what?”

        “Hand job.  Come on.”

        “Okay.  But quiet.”

        “That was too easy.  Why did you give in?”

        “Brian told me that you used to...  You used to be on the bus together in a bunk and you’d...talk to him.”

        “You’re dirty,” Nick said.  “I can do that.”

        “But he said that...that he was touching you while you talked.”

        “We just agreed on one orgasm.  You want to touch me?  You don’t want me to jack you off?  Are you turning down an orgasm?”

        “I want to...  I want to...”

        “You are dying to go back in time and fuck me,” Nick said.  “Aren’t you?”

        “Yes,” Drew said.

        “Wow.”  Nick put his hand between Drew’s thighs and felt his own blood heat at what he found there.  “You’re so freaking hard for it.  Why?”

        “Brian told me what it was like,” Drew said, closing his eyes and rocking against Nick’s hand for stimulation.  “He told me and I want it.  You were young and pretty and hot and dirty and innocent and you wanted him so much, it was a need that consumed you and it was so easy for him to do whatever he wanted.  And all he wanted was to experience how much you wanted him.  Just to see you, to watch.  To feel you.  You were so beautiful and so...wicked...”

        “For a while, I was even a virgin.”

        Drew gasped, tensing and shivering.

        Right on cue.  Nick had to get to the bottom of that one.  “Do you like virgins, Drew?”  He unzipped Drew’s jeans.

        “I want to be your first,” Drew said.  Nick got inside Drew’s pants, and within seconds his fingers were wet with Drew’s pre-cum.  “I want to be the first one.  I want to give you that for the first time.  I want to make you feel that.”

        “Not to ruin the mood, and no offense, but...you can’t,” Nick said.  “I’m long, far, way past that point.”

        “I know,” Drew said.

        Nick put his mouth to Drew’s ear.  “What if I were a virgin, Drew?”  Drew thrust into Nick’s hand.  “What would you do to me?”

        “I’d seduce you,” Drew said, his voice breaking over the words as Nick rubbed his dick.  “I’d make love to you, I’d seduce you.  I want to.”

        “You want to what, Drew?  You want to fuck me?  Do you want to fuck my tight young virgin ass?  I’m such a pretty blond boy, Drew, and I’m so dirty.  Brian knows.  Brian told you all about it, didn’t he?  What did he tell you, Drew?  What does Brian say when he talks about - - holy shit.”

        Drew collapsed, then pushed at Nick.  “Stop laughing.”

        “You came too fast,” Nick said.  “I wasn’t ready.  We were just getting started.”

        “Thanks for insulting my manhood.  The laughter wasn’t embarrassing enough.”

        “I’m not insulting your manhood.  I’m kind of insulting your stamina.”

        “Sorry.  I couldn’t help it.”

        “Do you have a virgin kink you’ve been keeping a secret from me?”

        “No!  No.  It’s more like a...fantasy.”

        Nick frowned.  “What’s the difference?”

         “A kink is something that gets you excited every time.  A fantasy is more of a specific circumstance that you wish could come true.”

        “So yours is a fantasy because it’s a one-time deal, you devirginizing me.”

        “Right.”

        “It would be a kink if you also had a thing for taking Brian’s virginity, but since you don’t, it’s not a kink.”

        Drew held still.

        Nick tried not to smirk.

        “Brian?” Drew said.

        “Is it time for you to hear my version of Frick and Frack, the early years?” Nick asked.

        Later, when the two of them were talking, Lance put a hand on JC’s arm a few times.

        “Has he started touching you yet?"

        Nick wanted Jeff.  Nick wanted Jeff to make love to him.  And Jeff was seconds away from making a choice.  Making a decision.

        If he said no, it might be one no too many, and it might cost him his marriage.

        If he said yes, it might be too soon; and if he made hard deep physical love to Nick tonight, the way his body wanted, before his mind was ready for it, he might spiral back into that place of self-loathing.  If he did, and he acted out similarly to the way he had before, it might cost him his marriage.

        He couldn't afford to lose Nick.  Nick was his life.

        Nick wanted him.

        Trust Nick.  He had to trust Nick.  If he could trust Nick, everything would be okay.  All he had to do was let himself trust.

        "They say marriage is about compromise.  Or communication.  Maybe it's about trust.  Nick trusts you.  He's trusted you with some of the darkest, scariest, freakiest shit ever.  He's trusted you with stuff that would trash, kill, destroy any other marriage.  But he trusted you with it, and he was right to trust you with it, so now he knows that he can trust you with anything."

        Nick kissed Jeff's knuckles.  "I love you," Nick said.  "Nick's right, I do trust you.  I've trusted you with my love.  My love for you.  I've trusted you with my heart, my life, and my body.  I've trusted you with my love for Drew.  I'd trust you with anything, Jeff.  I'd give you anything.  I'd do anything for you."

        Nick trusted him.  He knew that Nick trusted him.  A great deal of their relationship was based on Nick's trust in him.  What kind of partner was he, if he couldn't return that trust?

        He'd shattered Nick Carter Littrell Lachey's trust in him, tremendous as it had been.  He'd broken Brian's trust, and Drew's.  But, and thank God for it, he still had Nick's trust.  If he made the wrong move, if he did the wrong thing tonight, he could lose Nick.  But that wrong move could be made in either direction.  He didn't know which decision to make.  He didn't know.  How could he know?

        "They say marriage is about compromise.  Or communication.  Maybe it's about trust."

        Marriage.  Trust.  Nick.  Jeff closed his eyes.  He couldn't lose his marriage.  He couldn't lose Nick.  He didn't want to lose himself again, the way he had before; lose his sense of self, lose his self-control, lose himself in self-loathing and self-hatred and that horrible, twisting despair.

        He wanted Nick.  He wanted to make love to Nick.  He wanted to have again what they'd had before, only better.

        He didn't have to lose Nick.  He didn't have to lose himself.

        Maybe he could.  Maybe he could lose himself...in Nick.  Little by little.  All he had to do was trust Nick.

        Maybe that was all he'd ever wanted.

        Maybe that was something he could have.

        Nick was pretending to watch TV, trying to give him space, but Nick's eyes were on his body more often than on the TV screen.

        "Come here for a minute," Jeff said casually, sitting on the foot of the bed, taking off his shoes, his socks.

        Nick got up and strolled over.  "What?"

        "I've been thinking."

        "About?"

        "You."

        "What about me?"

        Jeff stood, very much in Nick's personal space.  Nick didn't back up but stayed put, eyeing him warily.  "You're in love with me, right?"

        "Usually," Nick said.  "Yeah."

        "You trust me."

        "Every day," Nick said, cautious but honest.

        "Why did you ask me to marry you?"

        "What I wanted, more than I wanted anything, was to be with you."

        "What if I'd said no?"

        "I would've asked you again later.  I would've kept asking for the rest of my life."

        Jeff kissed him.

        Nick rubbed a hand up Jeff's back, letting Jeff kiss his mouth.  "Why did you say yes?" he whispered, eyes closing.

        "Several reasons," Jeff said.  He took advantage of the vulnerable moment and spun them both around, pushing Nick down onto the bed.  "I'm about to show you one."

        He sat back against the headboard.  “Drew loves it.  I don’t know why, but it seems like it makes the tour easier on him now that he has someone else to look out for.  He has more to think about now than his stress and fatigue.”

        There was a thud and the picture frame over Justin’s head rattled.  He moved away from the headboard.  “The two of them have bonded like glue.  They’re our new little tour team, Nick One and Nick Two.”

        Justin put his finger in his ear to block out the thumping and grunting from the next room.  “I think it’s hard for Nick to be here on a tour and not be onstage.  At first it probably felt like a break not to have to perform, but now it’s like he wants to be up there with us.  But there’s no way security would ever let him so much as walk across the stage, so no one’s even bringing it up.”

        Another loud thump made the picture frame shake again.  “He’s happy.  He misses you, but so does Drew.  Me?  I’m happy.  I’m glad Nick’s here.  He’s made this tour easier and more fun.  He’s made Drew happy, and that makes us happy.  He’s making Nick happy, and that makes us happy.  He’s a great guy.  He’s threatened to turn on us and show us what it’s really like to be on tour with a Backstreet Boy, but so far, he’s been great to travel with.  He’s the only visitor we’ve ever had who can keep up with us and our tour life.  So far, the only problem is the interviews.  He has to hide on the bus or stay in the hotel whenever we have interviews, because if anyone sees him, they always want to talk to him, or talk to us about him.  I wouldn’t care if they did talk to him, but he wants them to talk to us about 98 Degrees, not to Drew about their relationship.  He’s been careful to be here as Drew’s boyfriend, not as Nick Carter of the Backstreet Boys.  I think he was worried about how everyone on the tour would treat him if he showed up like a superstar.”

        Moaning and grunting from the other side of the wall.  “Yeah.  He’s been talking to Kevin, Howie, AJ, and JC.  Yeah, just yesterday.  I’m sure it was AJ.  He called while we were at the radio station.  Why?”

        Nick shuddered again.

        “You okay?” Jeff asked.

        “Yeah,” Nick said.

        Jeff had come hard.  He could only imagine how Nick felt.  He crawled closer until he ran into Nick.  He could feel the fine tremor running through Nick’s muscles.  “I have to tell you something.”

        “What?” Nick asked.

        “You are the best lay on the planet.”

        “Don’t make me hit you.”

        “You are.”

        “Jerk.”

        He needed a shower.

        “Are you getting up?”

        “I’m trying to.”

        “While you’re up, cancel the tour for me.  I won’t be able to leave this bed for another couple of months.”

        “Okay.”  Jeff managed to sit up fully.  He made the mistake of looking over at Nick.

        Wow.

        No one who’d been fucked that hard should look anywhere near that good.  Used, gorgeous body spread out, muscles glistening with sweat, skin flushed, eyes half-closed, lips parted.  There were streaks of cum up over Nick’s abdomen.

        Jeff licked up a path of jism.  He couldn’t help it.  Nick looked too good.  Nick tasted too good.

        Nick grunted and twisted, summoning up strength to get away from further stimulation.

        “Sorry,” Jeff said, backing up.  He couldn’t believe he wanted Nick again.  Well, he could believe it.  But he couldn’t do anything about it.  Nick was far too well fucked for him to try anything else tonight.

        Something was strange about that.  Jeff thought about it as he got into the shower.  He'd made love to Nick.  It had been enormously satisfying.  He'd never felt this good after sex, which was odd, because he always felt good after-

        Jeff stopped short, almost letting the soap fall.

        He wasn’t feeling guilty.

        He’d made love to Nick.  He’d made love to Nick in a very physical way.  He’d fucked Nick with every thick inch of Cockzilla.  Yet there was no guilt.

        He always felt guilty afterward.

        He’d made love to Nick as hard as he ever had - - harder than he ever had - - and he was okay with that.

        He was kind of proud of it.

        He’d bet his wedding ring that no one else could make Nick look like that and feel like that.  The man he’d left in that bed had been completely sated, fully worn out, and still feeling Jeff’s love.

        Jeff grinned.  Nick had always been a wonderfully responsive, wonderfully satisfying lover.  Nick was a luxury model built for sex.  Jeff had been the one holding back.  But he didn’t want to hold back any longer.  He wanted to push hard and see what Nick could really do.

        God damn.

        Jeff sped through the drying process and ran back into the room, landing on the bed.  He knelt beside Nick and pulled Nick’s earlobe.  “Nick.  Wake up.  Nick.”

        Deep-set blue eyes opened halfway.  “What?”

        Jeff smirked.  “Do you still love me?”

        “Yes.”  Nick closed his eyes and went back to sleep.

        Justin came up to them.  “JC.”

        “Yeah, baby?” JC asked, looking up.

        “We have two hours until we have to be at the station.”

        JC checked his watch.  “Okay.  Brian, we’ll get back to this later.”  JC and Justin walked off.

        Brian stacked his notes.

        “Five on twenty-seven,” Joey said.

        Lance almost snorted.  “Ten on thirty-seven.”

        “Thirty-one,” Chris said.  “Twenty-seven?”

        “They’re going to rush it,” Joey said.  “Under half an hour.”

        “They have two hours,” Lance said.  “They’ll take their time.”

        “They won’t take that much time,” Chris said.  “Did you see Justin’s eyes?”

        “That’s why thirty-seven’s my low guess,” Lance said.  “They might go for two, the way Justin was looking.”

        “Are you betting on them again?” Brian asked.  “How do you even know that’s what they’re doing?”

        “We know who we’re dealing with,” Joey said.

        “Thirty-one,” Chris said.  “Just over half an hour.”

        “Twenty-seven,” Joey said.  “Under half an hour.”

        Lance shook his head.

        “Who usually wins?” Brian asked.

        “We’re pretty evenly split,” Joey said.  “But Lance’s category is time.  How fast or how slow they are with something, Lance usually gets that one.  Chris is good at guessing reaction, how they’ll respond to something.  I pick up the odd stuff.”

        “Don’t ever gamble with Justin when it comes to JC,” Chris said.  “We made that mistake twice.  We were betting on JC, and Justin tried to get in on it.  He cleaned us out.”

        “He’s banned from all future events,” Lance said.

        “What were you betting on?” Brian asked.

        “Nothing,” Joey said.

        “Nothing,” Lance said.

        “Not a blessed thing,” Chris said.

        Brian smiled.

        Thirty-eight minutes after disappearing with JC, Justin returned.  He was slightly flushed, and slightly out of breath.  “Hey.  What’s up?”

        “Bastard,” Chris said to Lance.

        “Sorry,” Justin Jeffre said.  “There’s a security risk.”

        “What risk?” Drew asked.

        “What risk?” Nick Carter repeated.  “What risk?  You’re the one who had a nightmare last night.  And that shit’s hard to deal with when Brian isn’t here, because you know I’m less stable than you are on that subject.  End of conversation.  If there’s a security risk, we’re not going.”

        “All dressed up with no place to go,” Jeff said half under his breath, wandering around in the background.

        “We look too good to stay here,” Justin agreed.

        “We could have a party here,” Nick Carter said.

        “With the five of us?” the other Nick asked.

        “You’re in charge of getting people,” Nick said to Justin.  “A few people, good ones.  You’re in charge of music,” he said to the other Nick while Justin was still murmuring, “Good ones?”  Nick finished handing out assignments with, “Drew, you get...food.”

        “What are you going to do?” Nick asked Nick.

        “I’m bringing the party,” Nick said.

        “The party?” Drew asked.

        Another...minute...

        Howie would definitely be finished kissing him before the guys showed up.

        Chris let go of Howie’s hair, to emphasize how free Howie was to stop.

        Howie went down on his knees.

        Chris gasped back a curse.  Howie was opening his jeans.  It was a wet dream jack-off fantasy come true.  Howie licked his naked dick and Chris gasped again.  He and Howie were together, and since Howie had been on the tour they’d been making love, and it wasn’t like he’d never gotten a blow job before.  But Howie on his knees in the cramped dressing room...  It was too much for Chris, too shockingly sexual, too exciting, too dangerous, too unreal.  These things didn’t happen to guys like Chris.

        He heard voices and his arm slammed across the door, barring the way.

        Howie lifted his head in response to the voices.

        “No, no,” Chris said desperately.

        Howie stood and gently stroked Chris’s erection.  Chris begged with his eyes.  Howie smiled and tucked Chris’s dick away.  He rubbed the front of Chris’s jeans as though admiring the feel of the bulge.  Howie was smiling.  Howie was smiling and torturing Chris and looking so good Chris couldn’t even be mad about it.

        The door opened; Joey and JC came in as Howie exited.

        Chris stared after Howie.  He wanted to run after Howie, wrap his fingers in that long dark hair, and get lost in the heat of Howie’s sexual grace again.

        “What’s wrong?” JC asked.

        “Howie’s a cocktease,” Chris said.

        Joey laughed.  “The day you’re not wrapped around his little finger, I’ll eat Justin’s hat.”

        Every once in a while, something else snuck through.  Every once in a while, that vibe changed.  Because every once in a while, it wasn't Justin Timberlake and his four best friends.  Every once in a while, it was JC Chasez and no one else.

        JC Chasez.  Onstage.  Performing.  It was a sexual experience.  It was an incredible experience.  There was force and power in JC's performance.  JC took command of the stage so naturally, so effortlessly, that Justin kept overlooking it.  But the energy, the vibrancy, the forcefulness, the way JC looked out there...  Fuck AJ McLean.  There was no one like JC Chasez in rock star mode.

        JC sang with all of the voice he had.  He hit every move hard and right on point.  He meant it all.  None of it was forced or faked or there for the sake of the show.  Every note, every step, every word, every gesture, JC took seriously.  And all of it was sexualized.  No wonder JC got hard onstage.  He was sexing every second of that show.  JC onstage was the shit, and knew it.  JC onstage was dominating, alive, oozing hot superstar vibrance.  Rock star JC had elevated status, was worthy of worship and knew it, expected to be grovelled to.  Rock star JC was not a star but the star.

        Justin loved JC.  He loved offstage, normal, everyday JC, the one who was quiet and humble.  He loved the JC Joey played with, he loved the JC Chris made fun of, he loved the JC who adored the fuck out of him; he loved creative JC and silly JC and irritating JC and sleepy JC and sexy JC and every JC there was.  He didn't want JC to be anyone else.  JC was an amazing songwriter, a lousy dresser, and the sexiest man alive.  But rock star JC, rock star JC made Justin want to leave the stage and sit in the crowd, watching and wanting like everyone else, just another groupie there to be used by the rock star sex god onstage.

        Justin didn't have sexual fantasies.  He didn't need them.  What fantasy could ever match the reality of the sex life he already had?

        But no.  There was one fantasy.  One rich, disturbing fantasy about what it would be like to have one night with JC.  Not the JC who was in love with him, who adored him and took care of him.  Not the JC who had been his friend for most of his life.  He wanted the JC he saw onstage, perfect and untouchable, who would sex him and use him and change his life with one night.

        He knew that it was one of JC's priorities in life to fulfill his every desire.  Now that he'd told JC what he wanted, it was only a matter of time before JC did it.  Justin almost wanted JC to forget about it and never act on it, because the potential for tremendous embarrassment was pretty large.  And who was to say it would even be that great, once they did it?

        Justin had sex with JC-JC every day, and that JC's pleasure was all about Justin's pleasure.  Justin wanted to have sex with rock star JC, because that JC would use him and leave.  Sex with rock star JC would be all about JC's pleasure; and however JC wanted to get that pleasure, JC would get it.

        Justin didn't know whether or not it was healthy to have obsessive fantasies about his own husband.  He didn't know if his dark lust to be used by JC said something bad about him.  Maybe he had dom/sub issues.  Or being adored/being used issues.  But no, not likely.  The only flaw in Justin's psyche was an overabundance of love-worship for JC, and that was no flaw.  That was a way of life.

        Justin called in a few people from the tour and a few fans of the tour.

        Drew ordered whatever he could from room service and the restaurant down the street.

        Since Jeff didn’t have a mission, he kissed Nick to kill time.

        When the music, people, and food convened, the party began.  It was a lopsided party, with the extra people trying too hard to have fun, and 98 Degrees preoccupied with wondering where Nick Carter was.

        Security opened the door, and the party doubled in size.  “Who are they?” Nick asked Justin.  They looked like professional clubbers.

        “I don’t know,” Justin said.

        “You invited them,” Nick said.

        “You were in charge of people,” Drew added.

        “I’ve never seen them,” Justin said.

        “Then how did they get in?” Nick asked.

        The door opened again.  Nick Carter walked in with lean, muscled, inked AJ McLean.

        “What is he doing here?” Nick asked.

        “He looks good,” Justin said.

        “What is he doing here?” Drew asked.

        “He looks really good,” Justin said.  Nick and AJ were getting closer; everyone pretended to be busy doing nothing.  Jeff, who'd been hovering by Nick's elbow but not really saying anything, backed up even further, drifting away, not wanting to be in AJ's face if AJ still had a problem with him.  He didn't want a confrontation.  He didn't want any more tension, any more anger, or any more choosing of sides.  Justin drifted with Jeff, so Jeff wouldn't have to be alone.

        “Look what I found,” Nick Carter said to Drew and Nick, slinging an arm over AJ’s shoulders.

        “Hi,” Drew said.

        “Hi,” Nick said.  “I heard you were missing.”

        “Tactful,” Justin whispered to Jeff.

        “Very,” Jeff agreed.

        “I’m here now,” AJ said.

        “Good answer,” Justin whispered to Jeff.

        “Nice,” Jeff agreed.

        “It’s good to see you,” Drew said to AJ.

        “Good to see you,” AJ said right back to Drew, and he seemed to mean it, which impressed Justin.  “Nick, bring Drew out here and let’s dance.”

        He closed his eyes, getting comfortable, rubbing his thumb over his rings, finding his center.

        He opened himself up.  There was a moment of silence while he hovered there.  Then, “I love you,” Brian said softly, to Nick and to Drew.

        Brian opened his eyes and spoke into darkness that never was fully black to him.  “Thank You for Nick, for Kevin, for AJ, and for Howie.  Please look over them and teach them not to guard their hearts but to protect them.  Especially give strength to Kevin for the times ahead.  Let him not suffer for his love.

        “Thank You for the Sentimental Fools.  Thank You for granting us this opportunity, and bless JC’s incredible talent.  It is a true pleasure to work with him.  Being here with JC, Justin, Lance, Chris, and Joey on this tour, I see that You have blessed them many times over, and continue to do so.

        “Look over Drew, Nick, Justin, and Jeff while they take their gifts across the world.  Grant them safety and health.

        “Help me to forgive so that I may help Nick in his time of need.  Let me be the support and boon to him that I have promised I would be.  It is too hard for me to forgive on my own, but through Your grace and Nick’s love, I will.

        “Lord, above all, bless Nick and Drew on this day and all days.  They have strength as individuals, and that strength multiplies through their love.  Supporting and helping each other, they will be able to face any hurt and any threat.  They are far from me now, but they are never nearer, for they are in my heart.  They are my heart.

        “If I can’t be with Nick and Drew in body, let me be there any other way.  Let them know my love, and let me lend them my strength.  Amen.”

        “I give it a ten out of ten,” AJ said.

        “What?” Drew asked, coming out of his reverie.

        “Nick’s ass,” AJ said.  “Want to dance?”

        Drew looked at AJ.  He didn’t know what to say.  Did he want to dance with AJ?  “I don’t really dance with guys.”

        “You mean, you’ve never danced with anyone who’s not Brian or Nick,” AJ said.  “Now’s a good time to learn.”

        “Okay.  Lead the way.”  AJ was Nick and Brian’s best friend.  Every person Nick and Brian liked didn’t have to be Drew’s bosom buddy.  On the other hand, he’d better learn to love every last Backstreet Boy in existence.  He already was the planet’s biggest Backstreet Boys groupie, by default.  He was going to have to start feeling about AJ, Kevin, and Howie the way he felt about Nick, Jeff, and Justin.

        Kevin was Brian’s cousin.  Aside from being, without any warning whatsoever, desperately in love with AJ, Kevin seemed adult and grounded.  Drew liked that.  Howie, Howie was half completely normal and half an enigma.  And Howie was nice, very nice, so he’d be very easy to get along with.

        Which left AJ.

        AJ smelled good, and he was dancing on Drew in a way that, legally and morally, only Drew’s husband (or a prostitute) should do.  It wasn’t the way Nick danced with him; Nick danced fun and very familiar.  Nick’s hands strayed a lot when they were dancing.  A lot.  AJ’s hands weren’t even on Drew, at the moment, but AJ’s body was so close, and so pornographic, that Drew wasn’t sure it was safe to have fertile women in the room.

        Drew was the best dancer in 98 Degrees, if that meant anything, and he’d been clubbing as much as any boy band member would, over the years.  He wasn’t Justin Timberlake Chasez, but he knew how to complement AJ’s moves.  So he danced on AJ like he was young, virile, gay, and interested.

        It was actually easier to dance with AJ, in some ways, since AJ wasn’t as tall as some people Drew could mention.

        Nick watched, smiling.  AJ was making friends.  Good.  Drew was sexy.  Nick wanted to suck Drew’s dick, but that could wait.  He’d suck it later.  He wondered if it was hard.  Dancing with AJ was guaranteed to get blood flowing.  But Drew’s sexuality wasn’t too susceptible to outside forces.  Anyone who wasn’t in that sacred inner circle didn’t stand a chance.

        Of course, once you were in the sacred inner circle, all bets were off.  Drew would do anything.  That was the best part.  Drew was a surprise.  Nick loved surprises.

        Nick wondered if AJ were hard.  That could be.  But it wasn’t anything to worry about.  Nick would have trusted AJ with Drew if the two of them were alone and naked.  Still, Drew might not be ready to encounter AJ’s hard-on.  Not that Drew was a trembling virgin frightened of dicks, but Drew didn’t have experience with guys outside of the select few.

        Nick wondered if he could get AJ to dance with the other Nick like that.  Jeff might get jealous, since he couldn’t dance like AJ could, but tough shit.

        AJ kissed the air by Drew’s cheek and moved off into the crowd.

        Nick swooped in and squeezed Drew.  Nope, not hard.  “You looked good.”

        “He smells nice,” Drew said.

        Nick filed that information.  “Dance with me.”

        “Not here,” Drew said.

        “Why not?  That’s what we’re here for.”

        “I don’t trust you to keep your hands to yourself, and I don’t want pictures of you feeling me up to hit the Internet.”

        “We could e-mail them to Brian,” Nick said.

        “Are you listening?”

        “A little.  Want to dance?”

        “Come talk to me,” Drew said, pulling Nick from the dance floor.  “Where’d you find AJ?”

        “He wanted to see me.”

        “I knew you were the only one he was calling, but I didn’t expect to see him.”

        “He showed up.  It’s just for tonight.  He’s leaving in the morning.”

        “Is he all right?”

        “He’s great,” Nick said.

        “He looks good,” Drew said.

        “He was messing himself up,” Nick said.  “Denying himself what he needed.  But he’s going to take care of it.  I think he knows what to do now.”

        “Lance or Kevin?” Drew asked.

        “What?”

        “Lance or Kevin?”

        “You don’t know?” Nick asked, laughing.

        “No, I don’t know!” Drew said.

        “I’m not telling.  It could be either one.  It could be both.  It could be Howie or JC or anybody, I don’t know.”

        “It’s not JC,” Drew said.

        “With AJ, you can’t make any safe guesses,” Nick said.

        “I’m glad I picked the nice, normal, non-dramatic Backstreet Boys,” Drew said.  “The quiet, boring ones.”

        “Yeah, that was a good decision on your part,” Nick said.  He tilted up Drew’s chin and leaned in to whisper, “Can I suck your dick?”

        Drew whispered back, “Not right away.  I have other plans for when I get you alone.  Now behave yourself, we’re in public.”

        “Damn,” Nick said.  Heads turned; Drew refused to blush.  “Smile for me.”

        Drew smiled.

        “I see the dimples, but I don’t think it’s really you,” Nick said.  “Would Drew say that?  Maybe he would.  My Drew’s a bold sex fiend when he wants to be.”

        “I am not,” Drew said.  “Go dance with somebody.”

        “Are you trying to get rid of me?”

        “I want to watch you dance.”

        “Why?”

        “For my own personal reasons.  Go.”

        “Where’s Nick?”

        “You can’t dance with Nick.”

        “Why not?”

        “You can’t.”

        “If you can freak AJ, and you did, then I can dance with Nick.”

        “Behave,” Drew said.

        “Yeah, whatever.  I know you don’t kiss in public, but this isn’t really public, so-”

        “No,” Drew said.  “They already had to take a camera away from somebody.  That’s too public for me.”

        “Promise you’ll kiss me later.”

        “I’ll kiss you later,” Drew said.

        “Okay.  Where’s Nick?”

        “Over there.”

        “See you.”  Nick went through the crowd.  Drew’s brother was dancing with a pretty girl.  Lucky girl, for getting to dance with him.  Poor girl, because she’d never get anything else.  Drew’s brother was very married.

        When the song ended, Nick got closer and said, “Come on.”  The other Nick excused himself from the girl and went with Nick towards the wall.

        “What’s up?”

        Nick reminded himself that touching in public wasn’t the same as touching in private, and decided not to wipe off that sexy bead of sweat trickling down the other Nick’s cheek.  If they’d been alone, he might have done it.  Hell, if it had been Drew, he probably would’ve licked it off.  “Do you want to dance?”

        “With you?” Nick asked, like he wasn’t sure if that was the question.

        “Yeah, with me,” Nick said.

        “Here?”

        “Do you, Nick Timmons-Lachey, want to dance with me, Nick Carter Littrell Lachey, right here in this room, right now at this moment?”

        “I don’t know,” Nick said.  “We’ve never really danced together.  I don’t know if we should start.”

        “Name me the guys you’ve danced with.”

        “Jeff.”

        “Not Justin?”

        “He’s straight.”

        “Not Drew?”

        “We used to, but not since...”

        Right.  Not since they’d gotten a little closer.  “You need to dance with me.”

        “Why?”

        “Because dancing with your brother, and dancing with somebody who can’t dance, are not good enough.  You don’t even know what it’s like to dance with a guy.”

        “I’m okay with that,” Nick said.

        “Why are you all so freaking het?” Nick asked.  “I miss JC.  Come on.”  He took the other Nick’s hand.

        “Where are we going?” the other Nick asked.

        Nick was headed for the door, not the dancers.  He kept his grip on the other Nick’s hand and kept going.  They left the room.  “Do you have your key?”

        “Yeah,” Nick said.  “Why are we going in my room?”

        “For privacy.  I’m going to teach you how to dance.”

        “I know how to dance.”

        “You know how to dance with girls.”

        “It’s the same thing.”

        “Is talking to girls the same as talking to guys?  Is having sex with girls the same as having sex with guys?  Dancing isn’t the same, either.  Now let me in so I can do this and get back to Drew.”

        Nick unlocked the door and they went in.  They were right beside the party, and the music came through the wall.  “If you really wanted to do this right, AJ would teach you, but I can do it.  If I get hard, don’t take it personally.  It’s just dancing.  If you get hard-”

        “I won’t.”

        “You might.  Knowing you, you probably will.”

        “What does that mean?”

        “It means I’ve known you longer than today.  You get hard a lot.”

        “I don’t!”

        “You really do.  What?  You’re a very sexual guy.  Don’t worry about it.  C’mere.  Don’t pout at me.  I’ve been paid to look pouty since I was thirteen.”

        “You weren’t paid to look pouty.”

        Nick pouted.

        Nick stared.

        Nick grinned.  “You’d pay to see that, wouldn’t you?”

        “You can do that on command?”

        Nick tossed his hair, raising his chin, giving his arrogant glare.

        “Do thoughtful,” Nick said.

        Nick turned slightly, gazing into the distance.

        “That’s pretty good,” Nick said.  “You’ve been in too many photo shoots.”

        “You can’t get out of dancing by changing the subject,” Nick said.  He walked up too close and put his forearm over Nick’s shoulder, tilting his pelvis forward.  “You have to touch me somewhere, just to get started.”

        Nick poked Nick in the chest.

         Nick put Nick’s hand on his hip.  “I’ve never bitten you.  I won’t start now.  Brian’s the nibbler, anyway.  My song!  Howie and I love this song, we dance to it all of the time.  Come on!”

        Jeff hovered in his vicinity.  After an hour had passed, Jeff asked him, “Do you know where they went?”

        “No,” Drew said.  “Do you want to look for them?”

        “Yeah,” Jeff said.

        Drew nodded and they left the party.  It had been a while since he’d offered to do anything with Jeff.  Lately, he would’ve put out a fire all by himself if the only one around was Jeff.  But that kind of attitude wasn’t helping Nick.  Frankly, it wasn’t helping anyone, and it was causing a lot of damage.  Maybe he could try getting over it and acting like an adult.  He would.  After he was sure Nick was going to be all right.

        They asked the guys guarding the door which way Nick and Nick had went.  As it turned out, they hadn’t gone far.  Drew knocked.  No answer.  Jeff used his key card.

        When the door opened, Drew saw Nick and Nick alone in the middle of the room, twisting and grinding to the music from next door.

        Jeff closed the door loudly enough to catch their attention.

        Nick jumped, then blushed.

        Nick grinned, barely moving away from Nick.  “Hey.”

        “What are you doing?” Drew asked.

        “Dancing,” Nick said.  He peeled himself off of Nick.  “Want to join us?”

        “No, thanks.  Why’d you leave the party?”

        “To dance,” Nick said.

        “Right,” Drew said.  They were both hard.  He tried not to look.

        “Damn, AJ,” Nick said.  “We were supposed to talk about, uh, something.  Drew, don’t come to our room for a minute.”

        “Okay,” Drew said.  He gave his brother a final look, to remind himself that Nick and Nick were friends and hadn’t been doing anything he needed to worry about, and then followed Nick back to the party.

        Nick scratched the back of his neck and watched Jeff walk closer.  “We were just dancing.”

        “I know,” Jeff said.  He put his hand flat against Nick’s abdomen.  Nick was warm, overheated from the party and from dancing.  His gaze rose up Nick’s body to Nick’s eyes.

        “Are you going to kiss me?” Nick asked.  His voice was soft, private.  He’d wait for Jeff to kiss him.  For once, Nick would let Jeff come to him.

        “Yes,” Jeff said.  He raised his hand and touched Nick’s hair.  Then he brushed Nick’s lips with his kiss.  Nick kissed him back, one hand supporting his spine, everything intimate.  Jeff kept their kiss soft, almost chaste, torturing himself.  He wanted Nick.  He wanted to make love to Nick, fast hard real love, until the sun rose.

        “Jeff,” Nick said, so close, so soft.

        “Nick,” he said, kissing Nick again, too warm and too aroused.

        Nick started backing up, drawing Jeff along with him.  He was still hard, and getting harder. Jeff moved against Nick’s arousal, wanting to touch it, too caught up in this new mood to make that move.

        Nick’s mouth left Jeff’s when Nick sat down on the couch, leaning back.  He pulled Jeff closer, guiding Jeff to kneel over him.  He was ready for Jeff’s attention.  God, how did he know what Jeff wanted, without Jeff having to say a word?

        Jeff’s thumb went across Nick’s forehead, admiring the spot where he wanted to plant a kiss.  Then down Nick’s cheek, where he wanted to drop more kisses.  “Nick.”

        Nick pouted.

        That flipped Jeff’s stomach and his heart, and did unmentionable things to his dick.  The mouth and the eyes, the pouting, the brooding, the smoldering.  Jeff had his finger running over that soft lower lip before he made any conscious move.  There couldn’t be a dick on earth that didn’t want to rub against Nick’s bottom lip.

        Nick’s lips parted.  Just enough to make Jeff want it.  Just enough to make Jeff’s cock beg for it.  Just enough to drive a man crazy.

        Jeff waited.  His body was trapped there, fascinated.  Nick might let him in.  If he waited long enough, Nick might let him get inside that overly sexual mouth.

        Nick’s jaw lowered a millimeter.

        It was all the invitation Jeff needed.  He slid his finger in, sure to be careful, not wanting to take his welcome for granted.  He barely got himself accustomed to the luxurious wet heat of Nick’s mouth before Nick started...sucking.

        Jeff’s hips jerked forward involuntarily.

        Nick closed his eyes, sinking into the couch, sucking on Jeff’s finger.  He moaned very, very softly and tilted his head slightly, changing the angle of the suction just enough to make Jeff’s breath catch.  His tongue flickered against Jeff’s fingertip, reminding the head of Jeff’s cock just what it was missing.

        Jeff’s jeans were too tight.  His cock had learned how to be trapped inside jeans all day, but when he got hard, he needed room.  Right then, he was hard.  But he wasn’t about to pull his finger out of Nick’s mouth to open his fly.  Maybe he could do it one-handed.

        Nick took Jeff’s hand in his own, pulling Jeff’s finger free with slow licks.  “What do you want?” he asked, and left wet kisses over Jeff’s knuckles.

        Oh, god, Jeff wanted him.  “I was going to, uh, take off some of my clothes.”

        Nick nodded, kissing Jeff’s thumb.  “Go ahead.”  He let go.

        Flares of heat passed through Jeff’s bloodstream.  He remembered that he was supposed to be confident, that getting naked in front of Nick shouldn’t be any big deal, and that if they were going to make love he had to undress anyway.  But he was too turned on to be cool about it, and the calmer Nick seemed the hotter Jeff was getting.  How could Nick act like this without batting an eyelash?

        Jeff stood and pulled off his shirt, since he was comfortable that way and it was an easy first step.  Then he remembered his shoes and socks, and got rid of those.

        Nick looked expectant.  Waiting.

        Okay.  Jeff opened his jeans and took them off.  He moved to get back on the couch, but Nick gave him a look.  Okay.  He took off his underwear, and this time, Nick let him return.  He was kneeling over Nick’s thighs again, but now that he was naked, it was a little embarrassing.  His cock was right there, obviously erect, huge in front of Nick.

        Nick took Jeff’s hand again, and licked his lips.

        Licked his lips.

        Those lips, that tongue, that mouth...  Jeff wanted his dick in there, wanted to get it inside Nick’s mouth, wanted Nick to lick it and suck on it and make him feel, god, Nick made him feel everything.

        “What do you want?”

        Jeff caught himself before he said it.  Nick was licking between his fingers, and it was really hard to think when Nick was doing that; but if he’d let that thought pass his lips, he would’ve been in trouble.  “What?” he asked.

        “What do you want?” Nick asked again, and started sucking on the knuckle of his thumb.

        That felt...so good...  “Your mouth,” Jeff said.  He straightened his thumb and gave Nick the whole thing to suck on.  His cock throbbed.  He wanted to get his dick inside Nick’s mouth.  He wanted-

        “My mouth,” Nick said, and let Jeff’s thumb graze his teeth.  Jeff moaned.  That was a bad thing, because once the moaning got started, it was hard to stop.  “Why do you want it?”

        “It’s...it feels...so good,” Jeff said, trying to hold still.  He kept leaning in closer and closer, because his body was trying to get his dick to Nick’s mouth.  Like maybe if it got close enough, Nick would take it.

        Nick licked Jeff’s wrist, right where his pulse was.  “Tell me what you’re thinking.”

        “I love your mouth,” Jeff said.  God, if Nick would just open up for his dick...  Please...

        “Tell me what you’re really thinking.”

        Jeff pushed his first two fingers into Nick’s mouth.  He was too greedy to wait.  “I want your mouth.”

        Incredible suction.  Jeff had to close his eyes.  “I know what you’re thinking,” Nick said.

        Jeff’s eyes snapped open.

        “I want to hear you say it,” Nick said, and slid his tongue along the underside of Jeff’s finger.

        There was no way Jeff was going to say it.  And there was no way Nick knew he was thinking it.  Even if Nick did know, Jeff still wasn’t going to say it.  Not out loud, and nowhere Nick could hear him.

        “Say it for me,” Nick said.

        Jeff slowly let his fingers drop from Nick’s mouth.  He let them slide over Nick’s wet lower lip.

        “I know what you want,” Nick whispered.  He put his hands on Jeff’s hips and leaned in, stopping with his mouth inches from the head of Jeff’s dick.  He closed his eyes and parted his lips.

        Jeff moaned, feeling his hips buck.  He bumped his cockhead right against Nick’s lips.  “Nick,” he said, and it sounded like begging.

        “Say it for me,” Nick whispered against his skin, kissing the shaft.

        “Let me in,” Jeff said, trying to hold still, unwilling to take Nick’s mouth by force.

        “Tell me what you want,” Nick said.

        “Nick,” Jeff said, frustrated, helpless.  He didn’t want to come, but the need was growing in urgency.  Nick knew that.  Why was Nick doing this to him?

        “You want my mouth,” Nick said.

        “Yes,” Jeff said.

        Nick made teasing, tiny licks at the shaft.  “You want my mouth.”

        “Yes,” Jeff said, moaning, putting his hands on Nick’s shoulders for something to hold onto.

        “Say it,” Nick said, breathing hot moist air over the head.

        Jeff wanted to come.

        “Say it and I’ll do it,” Nick whispered.

         Jeff wanted to come.

        “Say it and I’ll do it.”

        He wanted to come in Nick’s mouth, in Nick’s mouth, he wanted, “I want to come in your cocksucking mouth.”

        “Cocksucking mouth,” Nick whispered, licking at his cock.

        Jeff moaned, oh, god, yes, “Your cocksucker’s mouth.”

        “Cocksucker’s mouth,” Nick said, and Jeff’s dick was in, in, right there.  Jeff cursed, groaning, fucking a little, as much as he dared.  Nick sucked hard, making him come, making him cry out with it.

        Jeff dropped half on Nick and half on the sofa.  His knees were gone.  He panted out something like “oh god.”

        Nick licked his lips to get up the last taste of Jeff.

        Jeff moaned, closing his eyes.  No more.

        Nick curled in closer and kissed his ear, whispering, “Don’t ever say I can’t make you beg.”

        Jeff groaned, hating him, knowing he was right.

        “Jeff,” Nick whispered.  “Jeff.”

        Jeff opened his eyes.

        “Do you still love me?”

        He hated Nick, and he hated that smirk.

        Nick let the tip of his tongue slide across his lower lip.

        “Yes,” Jeff said.

        Another smirk.

        Talk about being put in his place.  Jeff closed his eyes again.  “Just don’t tell anybody.”

        “I won’t,” Nick promised, and kissed his hand.

        He knocked, and Nick opened the door.  “Hey.  We’re finished.  Come in.”

        “I am on my way out,” AJ said, getting up and joining them by the door.  “Drew, it was a pleasure.  I look forward to seeing you again.”  AJ lifted his hand and kissed the back of it.  The lingering gaze from those beautiful dark eyes was enough to make Drew start to feel a little warm.  Then AJ was gone, and Nick locked the door.

        “Don’t worry,” Nick said.  “After a while, you’ll build up an immunity.  He doesn’t mean anything by it; he just wants to flirt with my boyfriend.  And he really wants to flirt with Brian’s sexy husband.”

        “Okay,” Drew said.  “Why do you trust me with AJ, but you don’t trust Nick with Brian?”

        “I know AJ would never try to get in your pants, and I know you have these boundaries set up that only let me and Brian in.”

        Drew nodded.

        “But I know Nick is crushing super-hard on Brian, and Brian likes Nick.  And Nick’s committed to Jeff, and Brian’s committed to us, but...  I guess I’ve never lost you, you’ve never left me, so I can’t imagine you ever doing it.  But Brian has, and even though I know he won’t do it again, it hurt so much that first time that I’m scared of it happening again.”

        “You know he won’t,” Drew said.

        “I know,” Nick said.  “That’s why when we all get home, and they’re working on the Sentimental Fools together, I’m going to be very laidback about it.”

        Drew smiled.  “You are?”

        “I am,” Nick said.  “Even if it kills me.”

        Drew pulled him down and kissed him.  “Love.”

        “Love,” Nick said with another kiss.  “Drew.”

        “Hmm,” Drew said, busy kissing.

        “I want to suck your dick, but you said you wanted to do something first, so can we get on with it?”

        Drew laughed.  “Okay.”

        “Hey, I wanted to ask you something.”

        “What?” Drew asked, helping Nick out of his shirt.

        “Uh, thanks.  Why doesn’t Justin have a girlfriend?”

        Drew crouched down and pulled at Nick’s shoelaces.  “I don’t know.  He hasn’t found the right woman.”

        “But why aren’t there more girls hanging around?”

        Drew pulled off Nick’s socks.  “What are you getting at?” he asked, standing.

        “I’ve been on this tour long enough to notice that the whole 98 Degrees eligibility requirement is no joke.  He isn’t Jeff, but he isn’t Chris, either.”

        “Chris?” Drew asked.

        “So why aren’t there more girls around here, trying to get some?” Nick asked, stepping out of his underwear now that Drew had pulled it down for him.

        “Because Justin is too mature to pick up someone in every city we stop in,” Drew said.  “And after watching Nick and Jeff all day, empty relationships are especially empty.”

        “Can’t we do something for him?”

        “Do you know any nice girls?”

        “Besides Lance?”

        “Be nice.”  Drew found the lube in his bag and turned Nick to face the wall.

        “Should I be doing something?” Nick asked.

        “No, I have it,” Drew said.  “You might want to hold on.”

        Nick put his hands on the wall.  “You’re very efficient.”

        “Thank you.”  Drew eased a gentle finger inside Nick.

        Nick gasped, tensing.  “Are you going to fuck me right here?”

        “Yes,” Drew said, stroking and stretching from the inside.

        “Really?  Oh, damn," Nick said, moaning.  "God damn, Drew."

        “Step back.  Right there.  Stop trying to turn around!”

        “I want to see.”

        “You can’t see now.  Stay there.”  He was seeing enough for both of them.  Nick's broad shoulders, Nick's long back, Nick's thighs, Nick's ass, all of that skin, soft and pale, young and masculine, there was so much of Nick and Drew wanted all of it.  Drew popped his finger out and unzipped to rub lube over his throbbing dick.  He was hard.  Nick was naked.  That was all he needed.  Drew pulled Nick’s hips closer.  "Relax."

        "I can't help it, you're going to-"

        Drew thrust.

        "-fuck me."

        Drew went in all the way, as deep as he could get.

        Nick was panting, shallow desperate breaths like he just knew something was about to happen.

        Drew pulled back and thrust, thrust, pushing and pulling, fucking and driving, slamming far into Nick, working himself in Nick’s ass.  Every time Drew saw Nick, he wanted to put his hand on Nick’s ass, just put a hand on it to touch it for himself.  If he let himself think about it long enough, he’d start wanting to make love to Nick.  But tonight, tonight he’d wondered what it would be like to take Nick’s ass, just to take it.  Bare it and fuck it.  See what he wanted and go for it.

        “Oh, fuck, Drew, fuck me, Drew, fuck me, fuck, fuck, fuck-”

        Drew didn’t need a tight, muscular ass like his own.  He didn’t need a white boy barely-there ass like Justin Timberlake Chasez’s.  He wanted it to fill out leather pants, he wanted it to fill his hands, he wanted to hold onto it while they made love.

        Nick moaned, the low suffering moan that accompanied orgasm.  Drew fucked into him faster, feeling him shudder, watching him clutch at the wall with one hand, knowing he was jacking his own dick.  That always turned Drew on, watching Nick work towards orgasm.  The way Nick's hand looked, working and fisting over his dick, watching Nick's cum spurt out through Nick's fingers, watching Nick do that to himself, watching Nick give himself that ultimate pleasure...

        The faster Drew went, the faster Drew wanted to go.  Nick wasn’t helping, with that sexy breathy moaning and that panting, “Harder, Drew, harder, fuck me harder.”  It was coming, it was coming, it was-

        Drew pulled out fast and planted his hand on Nick’s back to keep Nick from turning around.  He was there just in time to come on Nick’s naked ass, trying not to groan too loudly over how good that looked.

        Drew shivered, letting go of his dick, staring at what he’d done.  His cum on Nick's ass.  Streaks and splatters over Nick's naked skin.  It was so...explicit, so pornographic...

        “Holy fuck, Drew.”  Nick sounded shocked.  Maybe he hadn't expected all of that.  Drew hadn't, either.

        “Stay, stay there,” Drew said.

        “Are you okay?”

        Drew touched his cum.

        “We should tape this stuff for Brian,” Nick said.  “He’s missing so much good Drewsex.”

        Drew caressed Nick’s ass.

        “Are you rubbing it in?” Nick asked.  “Pervert.  Can I turn around now?”

        Drew stepped back.  As soon as Nick had turned, he put his hand back on Nick’s ass.

        “You fucked me."

        "Yes," Drew said, squeezing Nick's ass a little.

        "Against the wall."

        "Yes."  He squeezed a little more.

        "Hard."

        Good and hard.  Drew shivered.  "Yes."

        "Without foreplay."

        "Yes."

        "With your freaking clothes on.”

        “Yes,” Drew said.

        "With.  Your.  Freaking.  Clothes.  On."

        "Yes."  Was Nick repeating himself?  Drew was kind of distracted by the feel of Nick's ass in his hand.  Naked.  Soft and full and also naked.  He was noticing how pretty Nick's nipples looked, all little and hard and pink.  Someone should lick them.  Maybe he'd volunteer.

        “Are you sure you’re my Drew?”

        “Yes.”

        “Are you okay?”

        “Was I too rough?”

        “Yep, that’s my Drew.  No, you weren’t too rough.  I loved it.  But what started that?  What’s going through your little Drew brain?  You haven’t been watching porn, have you?”

        “No.”  Drew let go of Nick’s ass and looked up at Nick.  Honesty was the best policy.  “I like your butt.”

        “My ass.”

        “Right, that.”

        “Thanks.”

        “You’re welcome.”

        Nick looked like he was waiting for something.

        Drew reached back and rubbed Nick's ass some more.  He wished Nick would gain a little weight.  Nick's ass didn't jiggle anymore, like it used to.  Oh, that had been-

        "That's it?" Nick asked.

        "What?" Drew asked, looking up again.  Had they been talking?

        "You fucked me that hard with your clothes on because you like my ass?"

        Um...  "Yes."  Yeah, that was about it.

        "You're kind of a pervert."

        "I am not."  Drew kissed Nick’s chest, letting his tongue flicker over a nipple.  Nick gasped, but Drew refused to be embarrassed.  “Come to bed and let me kiss you.”

        “Can I suck your dick now?”

        “In the morning.”  Drew started to undress himself.

        “Tomorrow?!”

        “If we have time.”

        “If we have - - Drew!  That’s not fair.”

        “Then don’t take so long getting ready in the morning.”

        “I don’t take as long as your brother and his hair.  And if you think I take a long time, try touring with AJ.”

        “He smells good,” Drew said.

        “AJ?”

        “Yeah.”

        “You should smell Kevin sometime.”

        “Or not.”

        “I don’t mean walk up and stick your nose on him.  Just notice what he smells like sometime.”

        “Why?”

        “Because he smells good.”

        “Why?  What does he wear?”

        “I don’t know what it’s called, I don't buy it for him.  It just smells good.  AJ has twenty-five different colognes, so he always smells good but he always smells different.  Kevin always smells good and clean and masculine.”

        “I like the way you smell,” Drew said.

        Nick picked Drew up and dropped him on the bed.  “I miss the way Brian smells.”

        Drew pinched Nick, to show how offended he was at that treatment, then went back to their conversation.  “Me, too,” he said, getting settled with Nick.

        “He smells like heaven and blue eyes.”

        “What?”

        “He does.”

        “I don’t want to ask what you think I smell like.  Especially since I already know you think I sing like I have a cold and my jaw’s wired shut.”

        “I never said that.”

        “Right.”

        “You smell like...  Let me think.”

        “Okay.”

        “I can’t think with your hand on my ass.”

        “Sorry.”  Drew put his hand on Nick’s ribcage.

        “You smell like - - you know, your brother has a nice ass.”

        “What?”

        “He does.  He is one fine sexy man.”

        “Nick, would you like to go sleep in his bed?”

        “Don’t get pissy.”

        “I’m not.”

        “Pissy Drew.  I don’t know what you smell like.  You smell like Drew.  You smell nice.  I missed you one day, and when I went to bed I curled up with Brian and closed my eyes and tried to pretend you were there, that I was with you, but I couldn’t smell you, so I couldn’t do it.”

        Drew kissed Nick’s heartbeat.

        “It isn’t right that I get to be here with you and Brian doesn’t.”

        “We’ll be together soon.”

        “He misses you.”

        “I miss him,” Drew said.

        Nick sighed.  “I’m in love with Brian.”

        “Yeah, me too.”

        “I guess because he’s cute.”

        “Probably,” Drew said.

        “I think it’s the nose.”

        “The nostrils,” Drew said.

        “Definitely.”

        “Yep.”

        Nick snickered.

        “Don’t laugh at my Brian.  Go to sleep.”

        “Good night.”  Nick kissed the top of Drew’s head.  “Can I suck your-”

        “Later,” Drew said.

        “First thing in the morning.”

        “Go to sleep.”

        “First thing," Nick repeated.

        "Go to sleep," Drew repeated.  He trailed his fingers down Nick's spine.  There was something about touching Nick that felt good.  It was oddly satisfying to Drew's fingers, or maybe just to his sense of touch in general.

        "Drew," Nick whispered.

        Drew yawned.  "Go to sleep," he murmured, almost there himself.  The bed was soft, Nick was warm, and Drew started to have gently heated fantasies about Nick lifting a thigh and rolling them over, getting on top of him, wanting him...mmm...

        "I came on the wall."

        Drew froze.

        Nick snickered.

        "You what?!"