Copyright April 2-December 30, 2002 by Matthew Haldeman-Time

Rating: NC-17 for graphic male-male sex

Pairings: Thus far we've had JC/Justin, Nick/Drew/Brian, Nick/Jeff, Nick/Drew/Brian/Nick/Jeff, AJ/Lance, AJ/Howie, AJ/Kevin, Chris/Howie, and partridge/pear tree.

Disclaimer: The young men who comprise the Backstreet Boys, *NSYNC, and 98 Degrees are their own people. The author has not met anyone here described, nor does the author mean to suggest that these people act this way in real life. This writing is a work of fiction. I make no money from this venture.

Dedication: This slashfic is for Ewan McGregor and the Savage Garden slashwriters.

Wherein Drew won't go behind Brian's back, AJ can screw anybody he wants, and could JC be mellowing?

Notice: First, read "I Need You Tonight," "Boy Lead the Way to Ecstasy," "Not Easy," "No One," "Rest in Peace," "Destiny," and "Together." I know it sounds like a lot, but it'll only take you an hour or two.

        “Watching the Js,” Joey said.

        Chris sat beside Joey on the ground and looked across to where JC and Justin were standing.  “How’s the show today?”

        “Not bad,” Joey said.  “Not bad.  Justin wants some.”

        “Hmm.”  Chris watched.  JC was talking to Justin.  Justin looked like he was listening, respectful and professional.  But Justin’s hand was on JC’s outer thigh, fingers stroking up and down the seam of JC’s pants.

        JC kept talking, like he was too focused on the point he was making to care.  That was the thing about JC; he liked to keep talking until he’d made his point.  Interrupt him, and he’d just pick it up again.  Not that that ever stopped them from interrupting.

        Of course, JC was also focused on Justin.  If Joey and Chris could see Justin wanting, there was no way on earth JC wasn’t aware of it.  JC probably had felt the first vibrations of Justin’s desire before Justin’s fingers had so much as twitched in JC’s direction.

        "So, they're feeling better?" Chris asked.

        "Yep," Joey said.  "Justin's almost over his latest psychotic episode, and JC's going to let him get some any second now."

        "That was suspiciously brief," Chris said.  "If I didn't know better, I'd say they're almost sane these days."

        Joey snorted.

        They watched Justin want JC.

        “Ten bucks says JC gives it to him,” Joey said.

        “Fifteen says they start right here,” Chris said.

        “You’re on,” Joey said.  “They never start anything in front of anybody.”

        “They start in front of us.”

        “There are people around.”

        “There’s nobody.”

        “Backstreet Boys,” Joey explained, since Chris wasn’t getting it.

        “Just Brian,” Chris said.  “They’ll go for it in front of Brian.”

        “They won’t,” Joey said.  “They might in front of Nick, but not Brian.”

        “Watch and learn, my friend.  Watch and learn.”

        Lance sat on Joey’s other side.  “What’s going on?”

        “We’re watching the Js,” Chris said.

        Lance watched, too.  “Ten bucks says Justin gets visibly hard first.”

        “Ooohhh,” Chris said.

        “Twenty on JC,” Joey said.

        “I’m telling Justin you guys are betting on his baby’s dick,” Chris said.  “He’ll draw blood.”

        “His baby’s dick, or his baby dick?” Lance asked.

        “Ooohhh, ooohhh, ooohhh,” Chris said.

        “Lance is trying to get himself in trouble,” Joey said.

        “I take it back, I take it back,” Lance said.

        “You should go apologize,” Chris said.

        “Size doesn’t matter, anyway,” Joey said.

        They all laughed.

        “What are they talking about?” Lance asked.

        “Something very interesting,” Chris said.  “Justin can’t take his eyes off JC.”

        “I can’t believe JC hasn’t made his move,” Joey said.

        “He’s waiting for the right moment,” Chris said.  “He needs his cue to strike.”

        “What cue?” Lance asked.

        “Ladies and gentleman, we have visible growth in Justin’s crotch,” Chris said.  “Yes, there is phallic movement.”

        “Dang,” Joey said.  “I thought I had that one.  How can Justin get hard when JC’s just talking to him about nothing?”

        Lance coughed.

        Chris snorted.  “Joey, you know JC.  It doesn’t matter what he’s talking about, he just has to stand there and look good during the rambling.  And we’re dealing with Justin here.  Justin reacts when JC breathes.”

        “Okay, but I still say they won’t do anything until they leave,” Joey said.  “Brian’s right over there.”

        On cue, JC touched Justin’s hair.  He said something, and Justin’s hand slid from the seam of his pants back to his ass.  Justin said something, and JC must have responded favorably, because Justin kissed him.

        “Yeah, I win,” Chris said.

        “They’re just kissing,” Joey said, trying to defend his bet.

        Justin pushed JC to sit on the table and stood between his legs.  They started murmuring to each other, Justin’s hands running over JC’s back with several detours to JC’s ass.  Justin pulled JC closer, kissing him, one hand on his ass keeping their hips pressed tight.

        “Just kissing,” Chris repeated.

        Justin started to tilt JC backwards, onto the table.

        “That’s awfully horizontal for just kissing,” Chris said.

        Justin started to climb onto the table.

        “Fine!  You win,” Joey said.

        JC pushed Justin up a little.  Justin remembered himself and stepped back, wiping his mouth.  He looked around, looking slightly guilty.  He took JC’s hand, and they left.

        “Justin is very lucky,” Joey said.

        Chris and Lance looked at Joey.

        “I mean, and no offense to JC, but Justin can get sex any time he wants it,” Joey said.  “It’s always available.  I would love to have someone like that.”

        “I can’t see a downside,” Chris agreed.

        “But besides them, and maybe someone we all know who I can’t mention in Brian’s earshot in this context because we’ve seen what happens when Backstreet Boys think their men are being disrespected-”

        “Right, besides them,” Chris said.

        “-who would be available to their significant other like that, twenty-four hours a day?” Joey asked.

        “I’m guessing it would be a guy,” Chris said.  “Women have priorities.  Guys will drop everything, including open-heart surgery with the patient on the table, for a good screw.  Even for a half-decent screw.”

        “Yeah,” Joey agreed.

        “He’d have to be young,” Chris said.  “And kind of hot.”

        “A young, kind of hot guy,” Joey said.

        “That leaves me out,” Chris said.  “But if I ever find one, I’ll let you know.  You run through women so fast, it’d be good for you to have someone you can turn to whenever you’re in the mood.”

        “Oh, yeah,” Joey agreed.  Wasn’t that every man’s fantasy?  To have good sex on standby?  To be like JC, like Justin, like Brian, and know that whenever you wanted it, there was some young hot stud waiting for you, ready to go?

        Or, in Joey’s case, a sexy young woman.  No matter how surrounded he was by gay vibes, he still wasn’t going for it.

        Lance was on his other side, looking at the table where JC and Justin had just been.  Joey didn’t think of Lance as being the type who needed hot sex on standby.

        Or as the type who was hot sex on standby.

        Like Lance’s partner could get sex with a look, a touch.

        Although Lance was young, and a guy, and fairly hot.

        Maybe it just depended on the partner.

        What kind of partner would be able to get Lance hot and ready on command?

        Not AJ.  There had been a lot of sexual heat in that relationship, but not quite like that.  Lance had been too sensible.

        What kind of person would make Lance less sensible?

        “Joey, stop staring,” Lance said.

        Nick pulled the curtain aside and looked out.  “Hey.”

        “Can I talk to you?”

        “Uh, yeah.  Hold on.”  Nick kissed Jeff, who was half awake, and got out of the bunk, fixing his clothes.  He followed Nick to the back of the bus and sat down with him.

        “You were good tonight,” Nick said.  “You, personally.”

        “Thanks.”

        “I’m going to talk to Jeff.”

        This was the moment Nick had been waiting for.  The break-through Jeff had been hurting for, every day.  He’d almost stopping hoping.

        “It might be tomorrow, or the day after, or whenever, but I’m going to do it.  I thought maybe you’d want to warn him.  And I don’t know if there’s anything you want to say before it all goes down.”

        “There is,” Nick said.

        “Whoa,” Nick said.  “You jumped on that one.”

        “Nick, I’m sorry.  Jeff’s sorry, everyone’s sorry - - I’m sorry.”

        “Are you okay?” Nick asked.

        “No,” Nick said.  “There were only three people in that bathroom.  Jeff, and you, and me.  Jeff was angry with me.  He was angry with himself.  He was not angry with you.  He was hurting himself.  He was hurting me.  He did not mean to hurt you.  He wanted to hit me.  He wanted to lash out at me.  But something in him, the bond that he and I have, kept him from doing it.  He can’t hit me, he can’t hurt me like that.  I’m his husband and his partner, and he has too much love for me, too much respect for me, to damage our relationship.  He can’t hit me.  But he was angry, and he - - Nick, he hit you because he couldn’t hit me.  It was meant for me.  I’m sorry.  I’m sorry that you had to take it, I’m sorry that you were there, I’m sorry-”

        “I know what you’re saying,” Nick said.  “I know what you’re not saying.”

        “Don’t take it like that,” Nick said.  “Don’t hear that.  I’m not saying that.”

        “It’s true,” Nick said.  “We all know it’s true.  I don’t know, if I had the choice to hit Drew or hit you, I’d rather hit you.  But that doesn’t make it any easier.  That doesn’t make me feel better.  He couldn't hit himself, he couldn't hit you, but he could hit me.  He could, because that was an option.  In his head, that was a choice."

        "You've hit Brian.  You know how things can get out of hand, how you can lose control and do something you never thought you were capable of, when there's too much pain and your back's against the wall.  Nick, I'm sorry.  It was a terrible moment, it was a terrible thing.  He meant it for me.  He didn't mean it for you.  It wasn't supposed to be like that."

        "Look at you with all of your guilt, like you gave me your seat on the plane before it went down.  I don't blame you.  I was never mad at you.”

        “I am sorry,” Nick said.  “Ever since you and Drew got together, I’ve said a lot of things I never should have said.  I said a lot of things you didn’t deserve.  I’m sorry for any pain I caused you, on purpose or from sheer stupidity.  And I’m sorry for the part I played in what happened in that bathroom.”

        “I pulled a lot of shit, too,” Nick said.  “A lot of that animosity between us was me reacting to what I thought you saw when you looked at me.”

        “You thought I saw in you what you saw in you,” Nick said.

        “Yeah,” Nick said.  “I did.  And you were competition.  We were each other’s competition for everything.  Everything you had, I wanted.  And everything I had, I thought you could take away from me.”

        “You were a threat to everything I had, personally and professionally.  But that’s all behind us,” Nick said.  “We don’t have to go through any of that anymore.”

        “I don’t know what’s going to happen when I talk to Jeff,” Nick said.  “Even after that, I don’t know what Brian’s going to do.  He’s always been protective, but since this all started right after I tried to leave him, he’s tried to lock me up to protect me like Rapunzel.  But whatever happens, you and I are good.  I know you and Jeff are one unit, you’re married, you’re a package deal, I get that.  But you, you and me one-on-one, we’re tight.  I wouldn’t be on this tour if that weren’t true.”

        “I love you,” Nick said.  “I don’t love anybody else the way I love you.  You’re so special, I don’t know what to say.”

        Nick grinned.  “Yeah, but you love Brian more.”

        “I didn’t say that,” Nick said.

        “Right.”

        “That’s not true.  I never said-”

        “You know you want him.  You can’t do anything about it, because he’s your brother-in-law, but if you could, you’d jump him.”

        “Shut up,” Nick said, sitting back against the armrest.

        Nick leaned back against Nick, his back to Nick’s chest, stretched along the length of the sofa.  “It’s okay.  We all understand.  I’d jump Brian, too.”

        “You can.”

        “Yeah, any time I want to.  Jealous?”

        “No.”

        “Liar.”

        Nick wrapped an arm around Nick and kissed his hair.

        Nick ran his fingers over the forearm across his chest, then felt his way up Nick’s upper arm.  “Damn.  Can I take pictures of you naked?”

        “No.”

        “I knew you didn’t want me sniffing around Drew.  I knew you didn’t approve of me.  I always thought you’d get Drew to dump me, especially when we were separated on tour or something.”

        “I tried,” Nick said.  “I didn’t  know you then.  I tried to talk him out of being with you, but it never worked.”

        “You could have done it if you’d tried,” Nick said.  “If you’d really wanted to, you could have broken us up.”

        “No.”

        “Yes,” Nick said.  “I know Drew.  He trusted you.  I scared him.  He loved you.”

        “He loved you.”

        “Once Brian entered the picture, everything was different.  But in the beginning, when everything was new, Drew was afraid of me.  He was afraid of everything he was doing and feeling.  If his big brother, the guy he loved and trusted, had really tried to make him stop, it would’ve been over.  He would’ve been nice about it, but he would’ve dumped me.”

        “That’s not true,” Nick said.  “Drew loved you.  He was serious about you from the start.  You had him at hello.  That’s why he let you in his bed that fast.”

        Nick thought about it.  “Maybe.”

        Nick rubbed Nick’s chest.  “I had a lot of influence with Drew, but he could make his own decisions.”

        “He is the mature one.”

        “I’m the good-looking, talented one.  I had to give him something.”

        Nick laughed.

        “What?” Joey asked.

        “I’m telling,” Chris said.

        “What?” Justin asked.

        “I’m telling JC what you just said about his private body part,” Chris said.

        “No,” Justin said.  “I didn’t mean - - Chris-”

        “I’m telling, I’m telling!” Chris said.  “JC!”

        Justin clapped his hand over Chris’s mouth, dragging Chris backward through the hotel suite, away from the bedroom and towards the door.  Chris squirmed.  “Shut up,” Justin said.

        “What?” JC called from the bedroom.

        “Nothing!” Justin said.  “Nothing.”

        “Tighter and slicker than - - exactly what did you mean by that?” Joey asked.

        “What’s going on?” JC asked, appearing in the doorway.

        “Did we wake you up?” Justin asked.  “Sorry.  Go back to bed.  We didn’t mean to disturb you.”

        “What are you doing to Chris?” JC asked.

        “What?” Justin asked.  Chris was trying to bite his hand.

        “Right,” JC said.

        “Go back to sleep,” Justin said.  “We’re just talking.”

        “Okay,” JC said.  “Good night.”  He turned to go.

        “Justin was talking about your personal private body parts!” Chris said, breaking free.  “He was making inappropriate sexual references!”

        “I still don’t think I get it,” Joey said.  “Why would it be wet?”

        “After the lube,” Justin said.  “Right when you first go in.”

        “When you first get your dick in,” Joey said.

        “Right,” Justin said, nodding.

        “It’s tight and slick?” Joey asked.

        “There’s nothing better,” Justin said.  “Nothing.  It’s perfect.”

        “Uh, hello, guys,” JC said.  “Please stop talking about my butt.”

        “I didn’t mean yours specifically,” Justin said.  “Okay, I did, but not in a bad way.”

        “Is that what it’s really like?” Joey asked.

        “I have nothing against women,” Justin said.  “You know more than anyone how great sex with women is.  But there is nothing like putting it in there.”

        “I’m going back to bed,” JC said.

        “JC,” Justin said, watching him go.  “Chris-”

        “Don’t blame me,” Chris said.  “I was just trying to get you in trouble.  You’re the one who said it in the first place.”

        “It can’t be that good,” Joey said.  “I’ve done that to women.”

        “I think it’s different with guys,” Justin said.  “They like it more.  You don’t have to worry about the same things.  You don’t have to worry about much at all.”

        “I worry about anyone who volunteers to have sex with Joey,” Chris said.

        “I’m kicking your ass later,” Justin said.  “As soon as I’m finished apologizing to JC.”

        “Justin’s in trouble, Justin’s in trouble,” Chris sang.  Justin smacked the back of Chris’s head and went to talk to JC.

        “When’s the last time Justin hurt JC’s feelings?” Joey asked, trying to remember a precedent.

        “When Brian showed up here and JC caught him ogling and leering,” Chris said.

        “What?”

        “You missed it?  Justin looked guilty.  He went through the whole ‘JC, I’ll never love anyone but you, JC, I’ll never want anyone but you, JC, you’re the only person on the planet who matters, JC,’ routine.”

        “Why would he check out Brian?” Joey asked.

        “You check out Brian,” Chris said.

        “Yeah, but I’m not married,” Joey said.  “Why would Justin check out Brian?”

        “Justin’s friends with Nick,” Chris said.  “Nick’s probably told him X-rated stories about Brian.  That’d make anyone look.”

        JC had gone back to bed, as he’d said.  Justin knelt behind him on the bed, reaching out and touching his back.  “JC.”  JC rolled to his other side, towards Justin.  Justin touched his face.  “JC.  I’m sorry, baby.”

        “Why are you telling Chris and Joey what it feels like-”

        “I wasn’t,” Justin said, laying down on his side so that they could be face-to-face.  “I was talking about that movie, the one I just saw with Brad and Leo-”

        “Starring Forever,” JC said.

        “Right,” Justin said.  “JC, that’s the best movie.  I was telling Joey how good it was, and something slipped out, and Chris got me in trouble.”

        “Something slipped out?” JC asked.  “Justin, I know the five of us-”

        Justin looked at him.

        “-the four of you,” JC corrected himself, “have always talked about sex.  You’ve always talked about what you’ve done, what you want to do, who you were with last night.  You’re used to talking about that with them.  But, Justin, I’m not one of the girls you used to pick up on the road.  I mean more to you than a girl you picked up in a club.  And the guys know me.  Joey can talk about whoever he got with last night, because we don’t know her and we’ll never see her again.”

        “It wasn’t meant to be disrespectful,” Justin said.  “I never want to disrespect you, JC.”

        “I know, Justin.”

        Justin kissed JC.

        “Mmm, your mouth is so soft, baby,” JC murmured, kissing Justin again.

        Justin closed his eyes, pressing against JC’s body.

        “I’ll have to tell Joey what it feels like on my dick.”

        “What?!”  Justin jerked back, landing on his elbows.  “JC!”

        JC smiled.

        “You wouldn’t,” Justin said.  “You’d never do that.  I know you wouldn’t.”

        “It might slip out during conversation,” JC said.

        “You can’t threaten me,” Justin said.  “You’re bluffing.”

        JC batted his eyelashes to show his innocence.

        “What would you say?” Justin asked, moving closer again.  “What would you tell Joey about me?  How does my soft mouth feel on your dick?”

        JC licked his lips.  “Baby-”

        “Tell me, JC,” Justin said, slowly sliding down the bed, lifting JC’s shirt to kiss JC’s flat stomach.  He tugged down JC’s underwear.

        “Oh, baby,” JC whispered, holding still, watching.

        Justin took the shaft in one hand and licked at the head of JC’s dick.

        “That feels perfect, baby, you feel perfect,” JC said, closing his eyes and drawing up one leg.  “Oh, Justin, your mouth is so soft and your tongue is so sweet, baby...”  He moaned, lifting his hips towards Justin's mouth.

        Chris closed the door.  “I think JC accepted Justin’s apology.”

        “Amazing,” AJ repeated.  “You’re going to have to sell me on that one, D.”

        “I’m sold,” Howie said.  “You don’t have to be.”

        “Good enough.  Is he keeping you happy?”

        “He always does.  I’m trying to keep him happy, too.”

        “How’s Rok?”

        “He misses Nick.”

        “Besides the obvious.”

        “He’s having a good time.  Whenever he’s not with JC he’s with Justin, and whenever he’s not with them he’s with me, and he still finds time to play pranks on Joey with Chris.”

        “I’m glad he found someone his own age to play with,” AJ said.

        “You should call him.  He’d like to hear from you.”

        “He’d tell me to call Kevin.”

        “I’ve told you to call Kevin.  Everyone wants you to call Kevin.”

        “I treated him like shit.”

        “You tried to give him what he wanted.”

        “I never cared about what he wanted.  I took what I wanted.  Like I always do.  But you can’t do that with someone who’s supposed to be your friend.”

        “He’ll be all right,” Howie said.

        “No, he won’t.  He’ll look all right, he’ll act all right, and he’ll do it so well you’ll never know the difference.  I think he even gets himself convinced he’s all right.  Kevin’s so fucking strong we think nothing can break him, so we give him too much to carry.”

        “He will be all right,” Howie promised.  “Talk to him.”

        AJ didn’t want to talk to Kevin, so he turned the subject in the opposite direction.  “How’s Lance?”

        “I don’t see much of him.  He looks good.  He’s out with Joey almost every night.”

        “Joey, Lance’s great protector,” AJ said.

        “They spend a lot of time together.”

        “Has Lance made the grab for JC yet?”

        “AJ,” Howie said, wanting to groan.  He didn't want AJ starting stuff with Lance just to keep Lance from moving on JC.

        “Which side are you rooting for?”

        “Justin,” Howie said.  “Who’d dare to bet against the home team?”

        “JC’s whole life is about Justin,” AJ said.  “He has to be tempted to give something else a try for once.”

        “Have you met JC?” Howie asked.

        AJ laughed.  “I’d just like to see Lance get a good orgasm in before JC tells him to back off.  I’d be proud of him.”

        “Joey’s been introducing Lance to girls in the clubs, trying to get him to start dating,” Howie said.  “Get his mind off of you and JC.”

        “Lance doesn’t want a girl,” AJ said.  “Lance wants a man.”

        Howie smiled.  “Who doesn’t?”

        Drew pulled it out of his bag.

        A minute later, Nick was back.  “I can’t find my glasses.”

        Drew handed them over.

        “Is that a carry-on or a diaper bag?” Justin asked, once Nick was out of earshot.

        “It’s one of the privileges of being Nick’s lover,” Drew said.  “Brian ends up keeping most of his things in his suitcases so he has more room to haul around Nick’s stuff.  It’s safer with me than it is with Nick, anyway.”

        “You make a great girlfriend,” Justin said.

        “Thanks,” Drew said.

        “Drew!”

        Drew turned at the sound of Nick’s voice.  “What?” he yelled back.

        “C’mere!”

        “Why?”

        “Brian!”

        “See you,” Drew said, and vanished.

        Justin smiled.  He could only hope and wish that he’d feel that way about someone someday.

        Drew burst into his bunk and landed on Nick.  “Is he - - you aren’t even on the phone yet!”

        “I wanted to make sure you didn’t miss any of it.”

        “Dial!” Drew said.

        Nick dialed.

        “Faster!” Drew said.

        Nick put his hand over Drew’s mouth.

        Drew pushed away Nick’s hand.  “I know you want to talk to JC, but keep it brief.  I want to hear from Brian.”

        “He might not do it.  We agreed on no contact until we got home.”

        “Right, but now he thinks he won’t get to talk to you until then.  If you give him this sudden opportunity, he’ll be on the phone before he thinks twice.”

        Nick grinned.  “Good.  Pick up, pick up, come on.”

        “Hello?” JC's voice asked.

        “Hi, Princess.”

        “Hey, Nick, what’s up?”

        “Nothing.  Rundown?”

        “Shoot.”

        “How’s the tour?”

        “Great.  Joey tripped and fell and split his pants and almost mooned everybody.”

        “Super.  How’s Mrs. JC?”

        “Beautiful.”

        “How are you?”

        “I’m great, I’m busy.  We’re all going out tonight.”

        “Everybody?”

        “All seven of us.”

        “Damn.  You and Justypoo have to dance with Brian for me.”

        “Can he dance?”

        “No, but that really doesn’t matter.  Is Justin there?  What am I asking, like you don’t keep him within a three-yard radius.  Let me talk to him.”

        “Yo, Nick.”

        “Yo, JRT.  You’re all going out tonight?”

        “Yeah, we’re-”

        “That’s great.  Listen, dance with Brian for me.  Get him in the middle of the dance floor, where it’s loud and crowded, and then start a conversation.”

        “A conversation in the middle of the club?  Carter, he’ll never be able to hear me.”

        “That’s my point.  He’ll get all close to you, trying to hear, trying to answer, and you’ll have an excuse to be on him.  It’ll be fun.”

        “I don’t want to.”

        “Did I ask if you wanted to?  Give the phone back to Daddy like a good boy.”

        “And...I’m back,” JC said.

        “Hi.  I wish I could go out with you guys tonight.  I’d love to see Chris watching Howie, trying not to slip in his own drool in public.”

        “It should be a sight to see,” JC agreed.  “You haven’t asked how Brian is.”

        “What makes you think I care?”

        “I don’t know, Nick, I don’t know.”

        “Man, I can’t tell you how much I miss you.  It is rough being on this tour.  If I didn’t know that three out of four Degrees were having wild gay sex on a regular basis, I’d swear to God they’re all straight.  They’re too damned het.  I’m going crazy.”

        “Why would that make you miss me?”

        “Your flame burns pretty bright, JC.  You burst out of that closet in heels and full make-up.”

        “Shut up.”

        “I think these guys have too much testosterone or something.  Does building muscle mass affect your brain?  Drew, why do you always hit me when I’m on the phone?”

        “Brian,” Drew said, now that he had Nick’s attention.

        “JC, have you seen Brian?” Nick asked.

        “He’s with Chris.”

        “Ew.  Go get him.”

        “Chris!  Chris!” JC called, to get their attention.

        “Loud,” Nick said.

        “Brian!”

        “Really loud,” Nick said.  “Did you ever think of moving the phone away from your mouth before yelling in my ear?”

        “He’s coming.  Do you want me to tell him something?”

        “I want him to talk to me.”

        “He can’t.  No contact until you’re back in Orlando.”

        “Yeah, whatever.  Hand him the phone and tell him that he can talk to me and Drew, but we can’t say anything to him.  Wait!  Wait, what does he look like?”

        “He looks good,” JC said.

        “JC.  Come on.  How does he look?  You don’t care, you have no sexual interest in him, but put yourself in my shoes and look at him.”  Nick closed his eyes.  “He’s beautiful.”

        Drew hurt for Nick.

        “His hair looks soft,” JC said.  “Fine and silky.  There’s light in his eyes, there’s always light in his eyes.”

        Drew didn’t know what JC was saying, but Nick looked ready to cry.

        “Everyone here likes him.  That must happen everywhere he goes.  Even Lance likes him, and Lance hates Backstreet Boys like they’re poison.  You have to like Brian.  He’s such a good guy.  He’s ready to pitch in and help on whatever you’re doing.  And we’ve been around the world and heard too many accents to be impressed by one anymore, but that little Kentucky twang is really cute on him.”

        Nick laughed.

        “He is beautiful,” JC said.  “You’ve always said it and you’ve always been right.  Brian is...beautiful.”

        Nick stroked Drew’s back.

        “He’s looking at me like I’m crazy,” JC said.  “He already figured out I’m talking to you, but he wants to know if Drew’s there.  Yes?”

        “Yes,” Nick said.  “We’re in Drew’s bunk.”

        JC relayed that information.

        “Give him the phone and tell him to talk to me,” Nick said.

        JC held out the phone to Brian.  “Nick wants to hear your voice.”

        Brian hadn’t been expecting that.  It was too sudden.  He’d been banned from Nick and Drew until everything was over, until they were all at home again, together.  But now, this.  A phone.  With Nick on the other end of it, and Drew.  Brian’s hand trembled as it reached for the phone.  He looked at JC; JC nodded.  Brian took the phone and left.

        “Okay, long silence,” Nick said to Drew.  “If he hangs up on us, I’m kicking his ass.”

        Drew moved the phone aside a few inches and kissed Nick’s mouth.  Nick moaned softly, his body posture turning submissive, his tongue sliding against Drew’s.  “I love you,” Drew said, because Nick had to hear it to believe it.  Nick’s kiss was open for him, accepting and wanting, and Drew could have made love to him right then and there.  Nick would have let him.  He could have taken Nick.  And he knew why, too.  Because of Brian.  Nick missed Brian like a part of his soul, and Brian was on the other end of that phone, and this was how Nick responded to Brian.  This was what Brian could get from Nick, sexually, at any time.

        Oh, holy God, Brian was the luckiest man on the planet.  To have Nick’s love like that.  To have Nick’s sex like this.  Drew had to know what it was like.  He took a two-second break from Nick’s arousing, needy, giving kiss - - giving, Nick gave in that kiss, gave love, gave himself, gave permission for Drew to do whatever Drew wanted, and how did Brian live like this - - to get his finger wet.  Then he went right back for more of Nick’s kiss, more of Nick’s mouth.

        Drew reached inside the elastic waistband of Nick’s pants, pulling them down to give him room.  He put his hand back, seeking, finding, and there it was, and his finger went in, and Nick’s thighs spread, and Nick made a sexy little grunt into his mouth.

        Nick loved Brian.  Whatever Brian wanted, Brian could have.  Nick would give anything, do anything.  No questions asked.  Because it was Brian.

        Nick had never kissed Drew like this.  It was so erotic it made Drew want to come just from wanting more of it, but there was something submissive about it.  It wasn’t aggressive, it wasn’t taking, it was wanting and offering and accepting.  It made Drew feel powerful and in control and important.  He was Nick’s dom.  The heady rush of it sped electric sizzles down Drew’s spine.

        He’d finger-fucked Nick before, but not like this.  Nick wasn’t asking for more or trying to get anyone naked or expecting Drew’s dick.  Nick was taking it, and loving it, hips angled, thighs spread, Drew’s finger working.  If this was all Drew was giving, this was all Nick needed.

        It made Drew want to finger-fuck Nick until Nick came.

        It also made Drew want to make love to Nick for real, to show Nick how good it really could be.

        That no sex on the bus rule had flown out the window like a bat out of hell the second Nick had responded to Drew’s kiss like that.  If Brian-

        Brian!

        Holy shit!

        Drew jerked back, guilt-stricken, realizing that Nick still had the phone in one hand and the phone was on and Brian was on the other end and he was trying to screw Brian’s Nick.  God, he’d been trying to take advantage of - - and Nick was flushed, panting, and with Nick's pants snatched down Drew could see how hard Nick’s cock was, thick and hard, and Nick’s balls, right there...

        Brian had been listening.  The whole time.  Drew knew it.  Brian had been listening, and Brian had heard.  The sounds of their kiss.  The sounds of Nick’s moans.

        Nick hadn’t moved much, if at all.  Drew reached in and poked a shy finger to that hot, tight, welcoming place.

        Nick gasped.

        Brian had heard that.

        Drew pushed his finger in.  Nick moaned.  Brian had heard that, too.  He-

        Drew slapped himself mentally and pulled back again.  The allure of doing this to Nick and letting Brian listen was strong, very strong, extremely strong.  Extremely.  But this was Brian’s Nick, not his.  He couldn’t take advantage of that.  And Nick was on the phone to talk to Brian, not for this.

        Drew wanted to.  He wanted to turn Nick on and experience for himself what Nick gave Brian every day.  He wanted to let Brian listen, because he knew from experience the rich torture that was.  He lowered his head, forehead to Nick’s thigh, and closed his eyes, concentrating on self-control.

        There was sudden tension in Nick’s body.  Drew knew what that meant.  Nick was alert.  Brian was on the phone.

        “Nick?”  Brian’s voice in Nick’s ear.  Nick went still.  “Nick.”  Brian.  “I miss you.  I want to be with you right now, ten minutes ago, five minutes from now.  You can take care of yourself through anything.  Drew’s with you, and I know that you’re taking care of each other, because that’s what you and Drew do.  But I miss you, Nick.  I love you.  You’ve been my best friend for so long, and my lover for almost as long, you’re my partner.  We’ve shared our lives through everything that’s ever mattered.  We’re not together right now, and a part of me doesn’t understand it.  How can we not be together, Nick?  How can I be anywhere without you?”

        Drew quietly, respectfully, redressed Nick.

        “I don’t know what you’re doing.  I don’t know how you are, what you did today, if you’re having a good day, if you’re happy with Drew or fighting with Nick or hanging out with Justin.  I don’t know if you’ve talked to Jeff yet, or if you’re about to, and I don’t know if you’re angry or scared or forgiving.  I want to be there with you, Nick.  I want to be with you through everything that you do.”

        Drew was laying on top of Nick, his head on Nick’s chest, his eyes closed.  He was listening to Nick’s heart, and Nick’s heart was listening to Brian.

        “I trust Drew to make you happy, like I trust you to make him happy.  I know that as long as you’re with Drew, you’re going to be all right.  And I’m happy here.  I’m having a good time.  JC and I are getting a lot of work done, Howie’s with Chris, we’re all having fun.  But something’s always missing, because you’re not here.  I love you, Nick.  I want to see your eyes and kiss your neck and hear about your day.  I’d rather have it this way, I’d rather be alone than have you alone or Drew alone.  I know that you’re together, and that makes me smile.”

        Nick had to remind himself that he wasn’t supposed to talk.

        “You’re my best friend,” Brian said softly.  “I miss you.”

        Wow.  Suckerpunch.

        “I want to touch your face and look into your eyes.  I want to hear your voice.  I want to talk to you about anything.  I want you to make love to me.”

        Brian...

        “No one here calls me a pixie.”

        Pixie.

        “I’m the Frick to your Frack.  You’re a part of my heart.  Our souls are connected.  I’ve been trying to feel you.  I’ve been trying to reach out to you.  Something is telling me that you’re as strong and as whole as you’ve ever been.  God wouldn’t keep me from you if you needed me, I know that He wouldn’t.  You’re good and you’re happy and you’re treating yourself as well as I want to treat you.  And you’re going to come home to me and let me see it for myself.”

        He’d known Brian would make him cry.  He’d known it.

        “I love you, Nick.  You know that I love you, and you know that I want you to be safe and happy, so you have to take care of yourself.  I can’t take care of you from here, and you don’t always listen to Drew, so you have to do it yourself.”

        He listened to Drew!  Sometimes.

        “I love you.”

        Nick let Brian listen to him breathe.    He knew that was what Brian was doing.  Maybe Brian wasn’t secretly straight, after all; maybe Brian was secretly a woman.

        “I could stay here forever, but I won’t.  Let me talk to Drew.”

        Nick handed the phone down to Drew.  Drew waited.  He wondered whether he’d get love poetry, or orders to look after Nick.  Probably some of both.

        “Drew?”

        Brian.  Drew had to close his eyes and deny the sudden wealth of love.

        “Drew, the strangest thing happened.  I got on the phone to talk to my boyfriend, my lover, my partner, my Nick, and I heard him moaning.  It was a very sexual sound.  Someone was trying to screw my Nick, Drew.”

        Drew tried to look innocent.

        “You’ve been very, very bad, Drew.”

        Yes.

        “You were trying to fuck my boyfriend.”

        Drew wanted to hear Brian say “fuck” again.

        “He sounded like he was enjoying it.  Were you enjoying it, Drew?  Did it turn you on?”

        A little.

        “Were you hard, Drew?”

        Maybe.

        “Do you want me to suck it for you?”

        Shock.

        “Would you let me suck it for you?”

        Gasp.  Brian wanted him.  Brian wanted him badly.  There was no mistaking that sudden shift in Brian’s voice, that urgent need.  Brian was willing to roll over and beg for it.

        “Let me suck it for you,” Brian whispered.  “Let me.”

        Drew didn’t know what to do.

        “Open your pants for me, Drew.  Let it out.  I want to see it.”

        Drew did, fast.

        “Let me touch it, Drew.  I just want to touch it.”

        Oh, that felt good...

        “I want...let me...I just...my tongue...”

        Drew’s nerve endings rippled with pleasure at the very idea.  Brian’s tongue.  Brian licking him.  Brian’s mouth.

        “Come down my throat and I’ll be yours forever,” Brian whispered.

        Drew shuddered.  Mindfuck.

        “I want you,” Brian said.  “I can’t sleep at night because all I want is to be on my knees, licking your sex, tasting you on my tongue.  I want to lick the sweat from your body.  I want to feel you tremble when you come.  When I look into your eyes, I forget my own name.  Kiss me, Drew, touch me, I’m already yours.”

        Drew came.

        “Let me lick it,” Brian whispered.

        Lick what?  Oh, God, anything, everything; Drew didn't care as long as it was Brian, and Brian didn’t care as long as it was Drew.  Drew could imagine it, Brian licking his mouth, licking his fingers, licking the cum off of his abs.

        “Fuck me.  I love you.”  Brian was gone.

        Drew turned off the phone.

        Nick slid down, curling around Drew, stroking his cock, kissing his jaw, licking his ear.

        Drew moaned.  “Nick,” he whispered, wrapping his arms around Nick, letting it happen.

        “What did he say?” Nick asked.

        Drew shivered at Nick’s tongue on his skin.  “He loves me.”

        “What else?”

        “He wants me to...to...”

        “To what?”

        “Fuck him.”

        Nick’s finger nudged back behind Drew’s balls.  “You should.”

        Drew breathed against Nick’s neck, feeling Nick stroke his inner thighs.  “He wants me.”

        “I know.”

        “He says he’s mine.”

        “He is.”

        Drew couldn’t talk when Nick was making him hard.  “He’s mine.”

        “Fuck the poetry.  Fuck the romance,” Nick said, whispering in his ear, hand on his cock.  “All he wants is you.  All he wants is your dick.  Brian’s feelings for you aren’t sweet and civilized.  They’re so dirty, so freaking nasty, he can’t tell you because it would change everything you think about him.  He wants you, Drew, he wants your dick, he wants it so badly it hurts him when he can’t have it.”

        “No-”

        “Yes,” Nick said.  “I know.  He told me.  Brian tells me things, Drew, he tells me everything, and he told me how much he wants you.”

        He was wrapped in Nick’s embrace, with soft kisses warm on his skin, with Nick’s voice whispering everything he didn’t want to hear, with Nick’s hand on his dick guaranteeing he was going to stay to hear it all.

        “If you walked up and told your saintly civilized husband to get on his knees and suck you like a two-dollar whore, he’d do it.  He’d love it.”

        Not Brian, not his Brian, not-

        “You think he likes sex because I trained him to it, you think he has sex to express his love, you think he likes sex because it makes us happy.  Brian likes sex because Brian wants your dick.  Brian likes sex because Brian wants your body.  Brian likes sex because Brian wants you to seduce him and screw him and fuck him.  Brian likes sex because Brian wants to be your fucking sex slave, living chained up in your bedroom with his whole life revolving around what your dick wants.”

        Drew shook his head.

        “He wants you,” Nick whispered, licking Drew’s ear.  “He knows how to hide it.  He knows how to make you comfortable.  He’s very good at holding himself back.  He’s good at flirting and teasing so you think it’s for fun, you think it’s a game.  But Brian tells me things he’s afraid to tell you.  I know exactly how much he wants you.”

        Drew turned his head and looked Nick in the eyes.  “How much?”

        “Do you know how much Brian loves me?”

        Yes.  Brian loved Nick more than...  It was impossible to understand without witnessing it, and even seeing it, it was hard to comprehend.

        “He wants me as much as he loves me.  He told me it’s exactly the same, only the one he holds back more than the other one.”

        Drew took a moment to readjust things in his mind.

        “He loves you as much as he loves me.  He’s away from you a lot more, and he doesn’t have to take care of you the way he does me, but he loves you just as much.”

        Not exactly as much.  Drew knew that.  Not-

        “He loves you as much as he loves me,” Nick said.  “You know he does.  This relationship wouldn’t work if he didn’t.  He wouldn’t have married you if he didn’t.”

        That was so much love...

        “He wants you as much as he loves you.  Think of all of the love that Brian has for me, all of it, and turn it into lust for you.”

        That was...

        “He wants me just as much,” Nick said.  “When he and I are alone together, he proves it.”

        Drew wanted to hear all about that.

        “All of the poetry, all of the romance, all of the moves straight out of a hetero romance novel, that’s all true.  He loves us more than he’s ever able to show us.  But if all you do is listen to the hearts and flowers, you only get half of the picture.  You have to pay really close attention to the other cues.  He touches me a lot.  He’s not always trying to adore me or comfort me; he just likes to get his hands on me.  And think about all of the sex he and I have.  We’ve been screwing five times a day for years.  If he didn’t want it just as much as I do, we’d have serious problems by now.  And you know he encourages me.”

        Okay, yeah, Drew had noticed that.

        “You’re a very sexual person, Drew.  You just let it show in other ways because you spent years denying it.  I’m a very sexual person, and I’ll show you how much in a heartbeat.  Brian’s a very sexual person, but he keeps it a secret.  He shared that secret with me long ago.  He’s trying to share it with you, but he’s not sure how you’ll react.  I  tried to tell him to get over himself and just jump you as often as he wants, because we all know you’d love it, but he’s being stubborn about it.”

        Drew let Nick stroke his thighs.

        “Now it’s up to you, Drew.  You have to let him know it’s okay.  Or you could pretend you don’t know, and let him stay repressed.  The more he tries not to be in your pants all day, the more he’s in my pants, so I am reaping the benefits here.  But just think about it, Drew.  You know you like knowing that any time you look up and meet my eyes, all I’m thinking about is getting you alone and naked.  What if you could do the same thing with Brian?”

        Oh...

        “Brian’s yours, Drew.  Let him show you what that means.”

        “What what’s like?” Lance asked.  He was crouched on the floor, going through his suitcase, towel around his waist, beads of water glittering on his shoulders.

        “Clubbing a Backstreet Boy.  No, no, clubbing with the Backstreet Boys.”

        “I don’t know,” Lance said.  “It’s Brian, not AJ.”

        Joey raised his eyebrows.  True.  If they were going to a church, or a 98 Degrees fan convention, Brian’s mastery of the subject might impress him.  But clubbing?  “Howie’s going.”

        “Howie’s going to get some action and to make sure that Chris doesn’t get any action,” Lance said.  He had his clothes; he dropped them beside Joey on the bed.

        “Howie’s not going to cheat on Chris while he’s on our freaking tour,” Joey said.

        “Right,” Lance said.  “And we can’t sing.”  He dropped his towel.

        “You’re having a good time tonight,” Joey said.  “I’m going to make you have a good time tonight.  Ignore Howie and that seething mass of hatred you’re carrying around.”

        “I don’t know, Joey.  The women you’ve been setting me up with are...  What’s that word...”

        “Sexy?”

        “Stupid.  Shallow.  And those last two were kind of bitchy.”

        “I’m trying.”

        “Maybe you should stop trying.”

        “You’re unhappy.  You’re unhappy because you’re lonely.  AJ tried to break your heart.  I’m going to put you back together again.”

        “Joey-”

        “I’m going to,” Joey said.

        “Can I give you a hint?”

        “Yeah.”

        “Stop fixing me up with girls, and fix me up with some guys.”

        “You’re really on board with this whole gay thing.”

        “Because I am gay.”

        “You’re bi.”

        “I like men more than women.  Not as people, just as sex objects.”

        “Sex objects,” Joey said.  “Men are sex objects?”

        Lance went to the bathroom to check himself out in the mirror.  “Joey, you still have a hell of a lot to learn.  I don’t know how you’re going to fix me up with a guy.  You don’t even know what to look for.”

        “What should I look for?”

        “A good smile with a good body.”  Lance turned and smiled.  “I can take it from there.”

        Joey got goosebumps.

        Brian liked that.

        “Joey and Lance drink a lot.  Justin not so much.  Joey is there to get sex and pick up women, and to play matchmaker for Lance recently, so he does a lot of flirting and ass-grabbing.”

        “What about you?” Brian asked.

        “I sit in my hotel room every night watching ‘Murder, She Wrote’ re-runs,” Chris said.

        “He goes out with Justin,” Howie said.

        Chris stared.  “How did you know?!  Who told you?  It was only once.  I didn’t dance with anybody.  I sat at the table in the corner writing ‘I love Howie’ on napkins.  With my tears.  No, no, with my blood.  No-”

        “Chris, you can go out as often as you want,” Howie said.  “I want you to.  We go out all of the time.  It doesn’t mean anything.”

        “Now when you say ‘we go out all of the time,’ you mean...”

        “Me, Brian, Kevin, Nick, AJ...”

        “AJ,” Chris said.  “Right.  Him.  You go out.  To sexy places.  With AJ.  Who’s single.”

        “Yes,” Howie said.

        “No, right, good, hey, cool, whatever, I’m over it,” Chris said.  “Do you dance with him?”

        “Yes,” Howie said.  He leaned in, lips passing Chris’s cheek, whispering into Chris’s ear.

        Chris grabbed the door handle for support.  “You’re changing the subject.”

        Howie whispered something else.

        “I’ve never done that,” Chris said.  “It sounds illegal.”

        Howie kept whispering.

        “Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god...”

        Howie was whispering slower and softer.  Chris was becoming very flustered and very aroused.  Brian smiled and looked the other way to give them privacy.  Howie’s hand was on Chris’s thigh.  Chris was squirming and fidgeting.  Howie’s hand settled on the growing hardness between Chris’s legs.  Chris held very still.

        The car stopped.

        Brian and Howie got out.

        Chris was still gripping the door handle, red-faced and hard.  “Cocktease!”

        “If they sit in the corner all night talking business,” Joey started to say.

        “No,” Justin said.  “I’ll get JC on the floor.”

        “What about Brian?”

        “Why?” Justin asked.  “Do you want to dance with him?”

        “No!” Joey said.  “No.”

        Justin grinned.  “Why not?”

        “I’m afraid I might like it,” Joey said.

        Justin laughed.

        Howie looked over the club and deemed it worthy.  He had a drink, let a good song get going, and hit the floor.

        Justin and Chris watched Howie.  Justin was impressed.  Chris was drooling.  Justin grabbed Lance and went to dance.  Chris wondered if Howie danced with guys.  Chris wondered if Howie would dance with him.  Chris wondered if Howie would make out with him in the car on the way back to the hotel if he begged.

        “Chris.”

        Chris had to stop pining over Howie long enough to talk to Joey.  “What?”

        “Is that guy cute?”

        “Yeah.  Why?”

        “I need a guy with a good smile and a good body for Lance.”

        “Then let him dance with Howie,” Chris said.  “Hell, let him dance with Justin.  The smile and body don’t come any gooder than that.”

        “Justin’s already taken,” Joey said.  “And that guy keeps staring, so-”

        “He’s staring at you.”

        “Yeah, but - - what?”

        “The guy is staring at you,” Chris said.

        “For what?”

        “Maybe he wants your autograph,” Chris said.  “Or your dick.”

        “Shut up,” Joey said.

        “Where did Howie go?” Chris asked.  “Damn it, Joey, I was watching him, and you made me look at your stalker, and now he’s gone.”

        “He probably went to the bathroom.”

        “Howie hates public bathrooms.”

        “He’s probably getting a drink.”

        “I don’t see him.”

        “Chris, he didn’t leave.  He’s here somewhere.  Calm down.”

        “Lance thinks he’s cheating on me.”

        “Lance hates Howie.  Don’t listen to him.”

        “Howie loves me,” Chris said.  “Where the hell is he?”

        “With JC and Brian,” Joey said.

        Chris turned to look so fast he almost fell off out of his chair.  Howie was standing by the table, talking to JC and Brian.  JC and Brian.  Howie was more likely to get action from nuns.  Chris calmed down.

        “Don’t listen to Lance,” Joey said.  “Go ask Howie to dance.”

        “What if-”

        “Get over the crush.  He’s your boyfriend, you screw him every day.  You can walk up and ask him to dance.  He’ll say yes.”

        “Stop pushing,” Chris said.

        “Stop stalling,” Joey said.

        “Where did he go?!”

        “Damn it,” Joey said, looking around.  “He’s over there.”

        Howie was back on the dance floor.  “Damn it,” Chris muttered.  “Oh, well, I guess-”

        “No,” Joey said, pushing Chris back off of the chair.  “Go over there and ask him to dance.”

        “I-”

        “You have been in a club with Howie before.  You’ve danced with him before.”

        “I-”

        “You won’t even have to say anything.  Just get close enough to get his attention, and he’ll do the rest.”

        “I-”

        “Go!” Joey said.

        Chris went.  He stepped to the edge of the dance floor.  Justin always found the best clubs.  Look at all of the attractive young people trying to engage in sexual activity.  Chris began to work his way through the crowd.  He signed a napkin and a body part.  There.  Howie.  Chris tried to fix his clothes.

        Howie made a very sexy “come on” gesture.

        Chris hesitated.

        A graceful twist, and Howie made the girl he’d been freaking disappear.  He winked.

        Chris tried not to run to Howie.  Walking, maybe jogging...

        Howie was fairly touchy-feely, and he didn’t mind public displays of affection.  He also knew how to seduce Chris into blind obedience.

        Chris didn’t know how it looked, but he knew how it felt.  Howie’s heat, Howie’s body.  Against him, around him, in front of him, behind him, turning away from him but back again.  Howie’s eyes, looking directly into his, glad to be there with him; Howie’s hands, on his arm, on his leg, on his ass; Howie’s hair, back in a ponytail, and Howie had made him swear he wouldn’t pull Howie’s hair down tonight, no matter how much he wanted to; Howie’s arousal growing, hardening, against him.  He didn’t touch Howie there, not in public, but on the dance floor, he could touch Howie in other places.  When Howie turned around in front of him, he put his hand to Howie’s abdomen just to feel the muscles ripple.

        Lance was dancing with a girl when Justin cut in, beautiful and sweating.  “Why don’t women take no for an answer anymore?” Justin asked.

        “What happened?”

        “The ass-grabbing, I can deal with.”

        Right.  But the balls-grabbing, Justin didn’t like.  Justin was there for the club, the music, the dancing, the atmosphere.  The only person that excited Justin sexually was JC, and the only person Justin wanted to try to grab his dick was JC.

        But who wouldn’t want to grope Justin?  Especially if he was dancing on them?

        “Chris is having a good time,” Justin said.

        Lance had noticed.

        “Come on,” Justin said.  “Let’s go find JC.”

        Big surprise.  The nights Justin went out with Chris, or Joey and Lance, he was all about the club scene.  But the nights JC came along, half of Justin’s attention was on JC.  He was distracted all night.  It wasn’t that he wanted to keep tabs on JC, by any means; he just had a hard time ignoring that magnetic pull.

        Leaving the dance, Lance and Justin saw JC and Brian still sitting at the table.  “Nick,” Justin said.

        “What?” Lance asked.

        “I have to ask Brian to dance with me or Carter’s going to call me a pussy,” Justin said.  “Ask JC to dance for me.”

        “Okay.”  Lance weaved through the tables behind Justin.  “Hey.”

        “Hey,” JC and Brian said.

        “Do you want to dance?” Justin asked Brian.

        Brian glanced at JC.  JC nodded.  Brian looked back to Justin, rising.  “Sure.”

        Justin and Lance exchanged a quick look.  Brian had asked JC for permission?  No one ever asked JC for permission to dance with Justin.  Lance was pretty sure Justin was not in danger of being groped by this dance partner.

        Lights flashed and the bass thumped.  Everyone in the club cheered and the adrenaline level went up a notch.

        Lance offered a hand to JC.

        JC took it, and they were on the floor.

        Twisting and thumping and sweating and pumping and grinding and humping and thrusting and Justin loved it, loved clubs, loved dancing, loved the sexual energy.  He wanted to dance, he wanted to sex JC, he wanted to be young and beautiful forever.

        He looked over at JC, because he could always find JC in any crowd, and JC looked back at him, because somehow JC knew when he was looking, and he wanted to get JC alone and rip JC’s clothes open and-

        Damn it, people were in the way.

        When he could see again, he saw Lance.  Lance dancing with JC.  They were having fun together.  JC was sexy, too sexy, too sexy all over Lance.

        Justin didn’t like it.

        “No one will ever have JC the way you do.”

        Justin remembered that he was dancing with Brian.  “What?”  Hey, Brian looked good.

        “JC loves you too much ever to love anyone else,” Brian said.

        He wasn’t worried about JC being in love.  He was worried about Lance being in lust.

        “Have you talked about it?” Brian asked.

        “No,” Justin said.  Talking about it would make it real.  Discussing it would legitimize it.  Half of him knew that Lance wasn’t a threat, and he didn’t have proof to back up the half that said otherwise.  He shook it off and gave Brian his attention.

        Chris’s brain kept remembering the things that Howie had said in the car, all of those dirty sex things that Howie had whispered in his ear.  Chris’s body kept confusing the way Howie danced with the way Howie made love, and it was getting hard to remember he couldn’t do certain things in public.

        Justin asked Brian if he wanted to go somewhere else.  Brian said okay.  Since Justin was going, JC went, too.  Since JC was going, Lance went.  Since Lance was going, Joey went.  Howie decided to go, too, for his own reasons; and wherever Howie went, Chris followed.

        Justin and Brian were dancing again.  After that first dance with Brian, Justin hadn't been with anyone else.  Chris was watching Howie dance.  Joey found JC.  “Do you think that guy’s cute?”

        “Why?” JC asked.

        “He followed us from the first club.”

        “Isn’t he the guy who was checking you out?”

        “He wasn’t checking me out,” Joey said.  “Is he cute or not?”

        “Looks okay to me,” JC said.

        “Would Lance like him?”

        “I don’t know.  Ask Lance.”

        Joey went over and introduced himself.  He spent a few minutes talking to the guy, then took the guy over to meet Lance.

        When Chris went out with Justin, or with anyone else, he had a good time.  He was out there, dancing and drinking and having fun.  Tonight, unless he was simulating sex acts with Howie, he stayed on the sidelines and watched.  Watched Howie.  Stared.  Obsessed.

        JC came up beside him and handed him a drink.

        Chris realized that JC probably understood him completely.  JC had to know exactly how it felt to want to stand back, not participate, just watch the object of his obsessions in action.

        “He looks good,” JC said.

        Howie?  Chris spared a glance for JC.

        “He loves you,” JC said.  “I didn’t realize how serious he was until Steve Jerome.  Not what happened with Steve, but what’s happened after.  Howie stakes his claim on you every day, to make sure it won’t happen again.”

        JC approved of Howie.  JC approved of their relationship.  JC didn’t have a perfect relationship - - there were still a few issues of sanity - - but it meant a lot to Chris that JC approved of him and Howie.

        “You should return the favor,” JC said.  “Stake your claim on him.”

        Chris didn’t know precisely what that meant, but it sounded sexy.  Could he ask how, or was he supposed to know?

        JC was the master of claim-staking.  He practically had Justin branded.  Justin was staking himself by now.

        They hit a third club.  Joey and Lance were drunk.  Chris was probably drunker than he thought he was.  All seven of them were dancing, with girls and each other, with the guy Joey had picked up for Lance.  Chris hadn’t caught his name, or had caught it and dropped it, but he had on mascara, and Chris had called him Mascara Boy to Justin, only Justin had heard Max something, and suddenly the guy’s name was Max, which maybe it had been in the first place.  Chris didn’t remember.

        Chris didn’t know who had decided to go, but he was outside, and then he was in one of the cars, with Howie and Brian.  Howie was kissing on the side of his neck.  It felt good, and he’d been lusting after Howie all night, but in front of people?  In front of security and Brian?

        “Chris,” Howie said, and brought a leg up, switching from beside him to half on him.  Howie was drunk.  And trying to get some from Chris.  It was kind of exciting.

        Brian smiled, looking out through the window to give them what privacy he could.  He’d never seen Howie in love like this with anyone but Chris.

        He wondered what Nick and Drew were doing.

        Joey found Lance in the hallway by their rooms.  “Where’s Max?”

        “Who?” Lance asked.  He got his door open.  “The guy?  Back there.”

        Joey looked for him.  “Where?”

        “Back at the club,” Lance said.

        “Why?” Joey asked.  “He had a good body and a good smile.”

        Lance sat on his bed and tugged at his boots.  “I didn’t want him.”

        “Why?”

        “He didn’t want me.”

        “Who doesn’t want you?” Joey asked.

        Lance’s boots hit the floor.  He turned and crawled up towards the pillows.  “He wants you.”

        “What?” Joey asked.

        Lance was making vague attempts at undressing himself.  “He wants you.”

        “Why does he want me?” Joey asked, sitting beside Lance on the bed.

        “The same reason everybody else wants you,” Lance said.  “You’re Joey.”

        “Girls,” Joey said.  “Girls want me.”

        Lance was down to his underwear now, with his hair a little worse for the wear.  He pulled at the bedclothes.  “Not just girls.”

        “Guys want me?” Joey asked.  That was new.  That was weird.  What would a guy want with him?

        Lance was under the covers now.  “Take your shoes off.”

        Joey really did want to go to bed.  He should get up and go to his room, but that was far.  He took off his shoes and some of his clothes.

        “We have a lot of gay fans,” Lance said.  He sounded sleepy.  “Some of them want you.”

        “I don’t do guys,” Joey said.

        “I know.”  Lance rolled over and yawned.  “That’s okay.”

        “Lance?”

        “Yeah, Joey.”

        “He’s an idiot for not wanting you.”

        Lance was asleep.

        He tipped up Drew’s chin.

        Drew let himself be looked at.

        “He’s your best friend, he’s your brother-in-law, and you love him.  I’m going to fix this for you.”

        “Not for me,” Drew said.  “Fix it for yourself.”

        “For me, I’m kicking ass and taking names,” Nick said.  “For you, I’m fixing it.”

        Drew smiled.  “You can take him.”

        “Bet on it,” Nick said.

        “Do something for me,” Drew said.

        “Anything,” Nick said, and kissed him.

        Drew pressed something into Nick’s palm.  “Wear this tonight.”

        A ring.  Drew’s engagement ring.  With Brian’s name inside.  Drew’s ring, Brian’s name.  The promise that led them to marriage.  “I can’t.  No, Drew, I can’t.  It’s yours.”

        “It’s ours,” Drew said.  “It’s as much yours as it is mine or Brian’s.”

        “It won’t fit.”

        “It’ll fit just fine.”

        “Drew, it’s...  I don’t know.”

        “Wear it tonight,” Drew said.  “Brian and I want to be there with you, but we can’t.  Do this for us instead.”

        “You’re sappy romantic,” Nick said.

        “I learned from the best,” Drew said.

        Nick slid the ring onto his finger.  “If I weren’t so worried about Jeff, this would make me cry.”

        “I’ll be right here.”

        “I’ll bring your ring back.”

        Drew kissed him.  “Just bring you back.”

        Nick left Drew’s room and went down the hall.  He knocked on Nick and Jeff’s door.

        Nick opened the door.  He looked surprised.  “Nick.  Nick!”

        Bingo.  “Can I talk to Jeff?”

        “Can - - yeah, right, can you wait one second?  I’ll be-”  The door closed.

        Nick waited.

        The door opened.  “I have to go talk to Justin.  Jeff’s uh, right...”

        “Thanks.”  Nick went into the room as Nick left it; Nick closed the door.

        He was alone with Jeff for the first time in a while.  Jeff was standing over by the sofa, waiting.

        Nick walked around the room.  He didn’t want to be here.  He wasn’t ready for this.

        Jeff waited, not speaking.

        He had to talk to Jeff for Drew’s sake.  He had to talk to Jeff so Brian would be able to forgive.  He had to talk to Jeff so the other Nick would stop looking torn.  He had to talk to Jeff to make Justin Jeffre’s life easier.  JC wanted him to talk to Jeff.

        He couldn’t do it.

        “Have you looked into his eyes?”

        No.  He didn’t want to.  He didn’t want to see who was in there.

        “You should look.”

        The hell he should.  JC could look, if it was all that important.  Nick didn’t have to look.

        He took a quick peek at Jeff.  He was still mad at Jeff for looking that good.  Nobody Nick hated should be able to look that good.  Looking at Jeff, no one would ever think that he was an evil lying betraying bastard.

        Couldn’t tell just by looking at a person.

        Might be able to tell by looking into his eyes.

        Nick got closer.  He had to get pretty close to Jeff to do this, and they’d been staying at opposite ends of the room since he’d joined the tour.  Usually if he came within a certain range, Jeff would move away.  This time, Jeff was staying put.

        Nick got close enough.  Right in front of Jeff.  Jeff had his head down.  They never made eye contact anymore.

        Jeff raised his head and looked up.

        He couldn't look, he didn't want to see.

        “What?”

        “I’m trying to see your soul.”

        “Is it in there?”

        “Wow.  Yeah.  Oh, Jeff.”

        “What?”

        “You’re...there’s so much of you in there.”

        Nick looked.  He tried to see bad things, some sort of evil he’d missed before.  All he saw was strength, and love, and pain, pain, so much pain it was like looking into a mirror.  And Jeff.  That was Jeff in there, the one he’d loved, the one he missed.

        Justin's dick was throbbing in time with JC's movements, wanting to get inside JC where it was perfect and hot and perfect and tight and perfect.  Being inside JC was better than being anywhere else in the world, better than being in the studio, better than being onstage.  It was Justin's promised land.

        "Are you ready, baby?" he asked, stroking JC's abs and up onto JC's chest.

        JC arched under Justin's touch, moaning Justin's name, heart beating too fast under Justin's palm.  He raised his leg, propping it over Justin's shoulder.

        JC was ready.

        Justin didn't make JC wait for it, didn't build anticipation.  He just aimed and thrust, thrust hard, surging in deep, planting himself right inside JC's body.  JC arched, lifting and clenching, mouth open, hands reaching.  JC's hips were at the perfect angle, and Justin thrust in again, finding a steady rhythm.  JC was too tight, gripping him hot and slick.  Justin tried to control his hips, because he wanted to fuck JC right, but it was hard to resist the urge to give a quick uncontrolled fuck straight to orgasm.

        Every time JC made love to him, Justin had the most incredible experience of his life, all over again.  Just once, he wanted to do that for JC.

        JC was saying his name, over and over again, "Justin, Justin, Justin," but it was fading in and out, clear and then confused, as JC twisted and rocked beneath him.  It became slower, tapering off, then picked up faster and louder when Justin hit the right spot.

        Justin pressed in closer, fucking in tighter, leaning in for a kiss.  JC breathed his name into his mouth; and for that brief instant, Justin felt like a god.