Copyright April 2, 2002-April 5, 2004 by Matthew Haldeman-Time

Rating: NC-17 for graphic male-male sex

Pairings: Thus far we've had JC/Justin, Nick/Drew/Brian, Nick/Jeff, Nick/Drew/Brian/Nick/Jeff, AJ/Lance, AJ/Howie, AJ/Kevin, Chris/Howie, and partridge/pear tree.

Disclaimer: The young men who comprise the Backstreet Boys, *NSYNC, and 98 Degrees are their own people. The author has not met anyone here described, nor does the author mean to suggest that these people act this way in real life. This writing is a work of fiction. I make no money from this venture.

Dedication: This slashfic is for Ewan McGregor and the Savage Garden slashwriters.  It also is for Elizabeth and Jeff.

Notice: First, read "I Need You Tonight," "Boy Lead the Way to Ecstasy," "Not Easy," "No One," "Rest in Peace," "Destiny," and "Together." I know it sounds like a lot, but it'll only take you an hour or two.

        Where was Nick?  Drew rolled over and found him.  Mmm, right there.  Warm.  Drew got closer, got comfortable.  Got familiar.  Nick yelped a little, then grumbled something.  Drew ignored it.  Nick’s back was a very nice thing to plaster himself against, and the cleft of Nick’s ass made a very nice home for his dick, and he wasn’t moving.

        Mmm…

        Hmm.  That felt good.  A hand was stroking his hip.  Brian’s hand, he was guessing.  He opened his eyes, looking over Nick’s shoulder.  Brian and Nick were face-to-face, practically nose-to-nose.  Nick was asleep, but Brian, despite the closed eyes, clearly was not.

        Brian rubbed his nose to Nick’s.  Eskimo kiss.  Entirely too cute.  Drew loved to watch Brian and Nick together.

        That was when Drew remembered.

        He was getting married today.

        They were getting married today.

        It was their wedding day.  He was going to marry the two men who had changed his life, who had given him a world and a freedom he’d never known, who were the two most incredible, inspiring, beautiful creatures he’d ever met.

        Being married to Brian was…unbelievable.  It made his head spin.  But today, they were going to complete their circle.  He couldn’t imagine anything more perfect in his life.

        A soft, whispered, “Brian,” and Nick was kissing Brian’s neck, and Brian’s head was tipping back, and Brian’s eyes closed, Brian’s hands cupping the back of Nick’s head.  Immediately upon waking, while still waking, Nick had instinctively moved to love, to adore.  Drew didn’t want that ever to change.  And he wanted to be around to see it happen every morning, just like this.

        “Nick,” Brian breathed.  His fingers tightened in Nick’s hair, and Drew touched them.  Brian’s hand turned, making contact, lacing their fingers together.

        “Ask him to fuck you,” Nick said, licking across Brian’s collarbone.

        Brian tightened his grip on Drew’s hand.  “Drew,” he said, opening his eyes, pinning Drew with a look of desire.

        Drew tugged on Brian’s fingers.  “Come to me.”

        Nick chuckled against Brian’s neck.  “Sexy.”

        Drew let go of Brian’s hand, cupping his palm beneath Nick’s chin, tilting Nick’s head back, looking down into Nick’s face.  His thumb slid up from Nick’s chin to Nick’s lips, and was accepted easily into Nick’s hot, wet mouth.  Brian made a quiet, aroused sound.  Nick’s hair was soft against his chest.  Nick’s eyes closed slowly, slowly.  Nick was sucking on Drew’s thumb in a way only Nick could.  Brian’s hand was moving across Nick’s chest, Brian’s eyes hot with fascination.  Drew tipped Nick’s head back farther, exposing the exotic curve of Nick’s neck, arching Nick’s back.  Brian moved in, sucking vulnerable skin.  Nick moaned, as Brian pressed forward against his body.

        Drew looked at Nick’s closed eyes and red lips, at Brian’s hair brushing Nick’s neck as Brian made love to Nick’s skin.  Nick and Brian were one, at core.  The depth of their love, its limitless expanse, united them in an intense, almost tangible way.  When they looked at each other, their bond was almost visible in the air around them.  A wedding, at this point, was almost redundant.

        But a wedding was a public commitment.  An official statement legitimizing their relationship.  Brian was traditional enough, and romantic enough, to want a wedding.  For Nick, it was more about wanting that commitment, that guarantee.

        For Drew?  Drew loved Nick and Brian so much that he wanted to join with them, and celebrate their love, in any and every way that he could.

        Justin stirred, turning more towards him.  “C,” Justin murmured, wrapping an arm around him.

        JC kissed Justin’s forehead.  Licked Justin’s hairline.  His baby was the sexiest, prettiest, most gorgeous man around, with curls or nearly bald or at any stage in between.

        Justin pushed the sheet down, exposing JC’s hip, squeezing.

        JC smiled.  “Do you remember our wedding, Justin?”

        Justin smiled.  His eyes opened.  “I do,” he said, and his kiss was loving.

        Drew slid his fingers across Brian’s collarbone.  “Our marriage day.”

        Nick sucked between Brian’s thumb and index finger.  Brian’s other fingers curled.  “Trapped in this relationship with the two of you for the rest of my life day,” Nick said.

        Drew’s gaze rose from Brian’s neck to Nick’s face.  “You’re marrying Brian, and you want anyone to feel sorry for you?”

        Brian chuckled.

        “I can have anyone I want,” Nick said.

        “Then why are you stuck here with us?” Drew asked.

        “Because your hot, fine muscular ass is fucking sexy,” Nick said.  “And because Brian is…  Why am I with you?” he asked Brian.

        “Because I’m nice,” Brian said.

        “Because he’s nice,” Nick told Drew.

        “You’re marrying me because you like my ass,” Drew said.

        “Yes,” Nick said.  “Learn to deal with it.”

        “We should be getting ready,” Brian said.

        “I don’t see you hopping up to get dressed,” Nick said.

        “You’re here, and you’re here,” Brian said.  “This is where I want to be.  I don’t want to get up.”

        “One of us needs to start this process,” Drew said.

        “You go,” Nick said to Brian.  “You brought it up.  Go get in the shower.”

        Brian’s hand reached up to Nick’s face.  “Come with me.”

        “No, no,” Nick said.  “You’re not seducing me.  Pixies are nymphs, but you’re a nympho.”

        Drew turned his laughter into a quick cough, averting his gaze.

        “Come with me,” Brian said again, pushing himself up onto one elbow, threading his fingers back through Nick’s hair, bringing Nick in closer.  “I want you to wash me,” he said, his voice becoming lower.  His lips brushed Nick’s; Nick’s hand cupped his hip.  “I want to wash you,” he whispered, his lips touching Nick’s again.

        Nick closed his eyes, a lock of hair falling over his forehead, his mouth possessing Brian’s.  When he broke their kiss, it took a moment too long for Brian to center back in reality.  “Look at you,” Nick said.  “You know we’re going to make out in the shower, and then you’re going to want to make love to me again, and then we’ll end up late to our own wedding.  You go take a shower, by yourself.”

        “Nick,” Brian whispered, and kissed him again.

        “I know,” Nick said.  The way he was kissing Brian had Drew struggling not to moan, or join in.  “It’s okay.”

        Brian pressed his lips to Nick’s cheek, holding on.  Then, finally, he pulled away, sitting up, climbing over Drew and leaving for the bathroom.

        Nick watched Brian go, then stretched, turning to Drew.  “You want to go seduce him?”

        “It’ll make us late,” Drew said.

        “Yeah, but it’d be worth it,” Nick said.

        Drew smiled.  “Today’s too important.”  He gave in to the temptation to kiss Nick’s mouth, where Brian last had been, and then began to leave the bed, picking up his phone.

        “Where are you going?” Nick asked.

        “Calling Nick,” Drew said.  “Stay away from Brian.”

        “Tell him to stay away from me,” Nick argued.

        “I can’t demand the impossible,” Drew said.

        “You know what I want,” Justin said, turning under him, hands reaching for him, kiss passionate.

        JC indulged in Justin’s love, returning it, slowly increasing the intensity.  Justin began to grind up against him, moaning, and JC stopped kissing Justin’s mouth, turning to his neck instead, giving him a chance to speak.

        “Oh…JC…”  Justin groaned, his hips rocking urgently, his erection sliding against JC’s in the slick patch of their combined precum.  “JC, please…”

        JC touched Justin’s cheek, and Justin’s eyes opened.  JC saw feverish need, yes, but he also saw Justin.  His dick gave an unexpected throb.  Maybe it was safe.  He wanted to, Justin knew that he wanted to, he wanted to join with Justin in their new home, their new life, their new start.

        “Baby,” JC said, and lowered his hand, testing with one fingertip.  Justin’s internal muscles clamped down, and JC stroked from the inside, soothing, stretching.  Justin moaned, moving, twisting, arching.  “Stay with me, Justin,” JC said, keeping a close watch on Justin’s face.  “Right here with me, baby.”

        “JC.”  Justin hooked his leg over JC’s shoulder, deliberately raising his hips.  It was an invitation JC could not resist.

        Being inside Justin was incredible.  Justin moved in rhythm beneath him, moaning his name, begging for more.  JC made love to him at a steady pace, drawing it out, watching his eyes, making him come, and come again.

        He wiped shaving cream from behind his jaw and turned as Nick came into the bathroom.  “How’s the groom?”

        “He says he’s not nervous, but he’s lying,” Nick said.  “They put this thing together way too fast.  Ten to one, Nick booked the wrong church and the caterer only has boiled eggs.”

        Jeff smiled.  “Well, that’s very supportive of you, Nick.”

        “Thanks.”  Nick gently skimmed his knuckles across Jeff’s cheek.

        Jeff’s skin tingled.

        “I don’t want to bring this up today,” Nick said.

        “Tell me,” Jeff said.  He wasn’t worried, not at all.  He and Nick could survive anything, together, and they could support Drew or anyone else along the way.

        “It doesn’t even mean anything,” Nick said.

        “Nick,” Jeff said.  “Tell me.”

        Nick sighed, rubbing the back of his neck.  “Lance apologized to Brian for pretty much everything.  He’s supposed to be turning over a new leaf or something, I don’t know.”

        “What does that mean for us?” Jeff asked.

        “Nothing,” Nick said.  “Everything’s still the same as it was.  Any small move could raise Lance’s suspicions.  If he thought it once, he might think it again.  He’s apologizing, but that doesn’t mean he still doesn’t believe what he believed then.”

        “You’re thinking more than you’re telling me,” Jeff said.

        “It doesn’t matter what - - even if Lance forgets all about it and no one ever suspects a thing again, the damage is done,” Nick said.  “Everything is…”

        “Tainted,” Jeff said for him, looking into his eyes, reading it there.

        “Tainted,” Nick agreed.

        “It’s not,” Jeff said.  “I know why you think that, but it’s not true.”

        “There are other people in this now,” Nick said.  “Other people’s eyes looking.  Other people talking.  About…”  He couldn’t bring himself to put any of it into words.  “It’ll never be the same.  We’ll never be able to interact without wondering who’s watching, who’s speculating.”

        “There’s nothing to see,” Jeff said.  “Drew’s your brother, you love him, he’s one of the best friends you’ve ever had.  That’s all anyone has ever seen, outside of the five of us and Justin.  People who know only know because they’ve been told.  No one sees anything between you and Drew that they shouldn’t see, because he is your brother, and you do love him, and he is your best friend.  You’re very natural together, Nick.  That’s what everyone sees.”

        “It’s hard for him,” Nick said.  “Being with Nick and Brian.  The gossip, the speculation, the tabloids.  Once this wedding leaks, it’ll be crazy, it’ll get worse.  The more attention they pay to him, the more publicity we all get…  All it would take is the wrong person seeing the wrong thing.”

        “Drew ignores all of that media bullshit,” Jeff said.  “By now, he’s used to having a camera in his face.  And when it does get to him, he’s going to need you to be beside him.  You’re his big brother, Nick.  When Drew needs you by his side, do you really think you’re going to be anywhere else?”

        Nick groaned.  “What are we going to do?”

        Jeff smiled a little, patting Nick’s cheek.  “We’re going to go to a wedding and watch Drew get married.”

        Nick smiled, too, at that.  “He’s going to be so happy.”

        “I would be, too, if I got to marry Nick and Brian.”

        “Hey,” Nick said.

        “Don’t get me wrong,” Jeff said.  “Marriage to you is nothing short of paradise.”  He kissed Nick’s mouth.  “Eternal paradise.”

        “Yeah, keep that in mind,” Nick said.

        Another kiss.  “Do you know what makes it a paradise?”

        “The fact that I give you head every day?”

        “Yeah, that,” Jeff said with a grin.  “You skipped last Tuesday, though.”

        “Live with it,” Nick said, kissing him again.

        “Seriously,” Jeff said.  “Being married to you is different than I thought it would be.  I thought we’d work and record and tour, we’d watch football and write songs, and we’d joke around and have a lot of sex.”

        “We do all of those things,” Nick said.

        “But there’s a lot more to it than that,” Jeff said.  “It’s easier than I thought it would be, because I never question it.  I never regret it, or wonder whether we’ve made a mistake.  And sometimes it’s harder than I thought it would be, because we’ve been through things I never thought we’d go through.  When we got married, I knew that I was in love with you, and I knew that you were the best life partner I was ever going to find.  God, I loved you so much.”  He kissed Nick’s mouth.  “I didn’t know that marriage to you was going to be an adventure, and a celebration, and a commitment on every single level of existence.  I didn’t know it would make these demands on me, or give me these rewards.  But if you asked me again today, or tomorrow, or thirty years from now, I’ll tell you yes, again, and I’ll do it all again, and I won’t hesitate for a second.”

        “Yeah?” Nick asked, his thumb skimming Jeff’s chin.

        “Yeah,” Jeff said.  “Our marriage is the fundamental truth in my world.  It doesn’t mean this much to me just because you clean the bathroom for me or just because we have phenomenal sex, even though I hate cleaning the bathroom and we do have incredible sex.  I’m very, very much aware of how much I love you and how important you are to me, and I’m also aware of how much you love me and how important I am to you.  The two best things I’ve ever done were starting this group and saying yes to your proposal.  The stupidest thing I’ve ever done was not making my move a long, long time ago.”

        “Making your move?” Nick asked.  “You never made any move.  I made the move.”

        “I told you I was gay,” Jeff said.

        “That didn’t mean you wanted me,” Nick said.

        “What gay man doesn’t want you?” Jeff asked.

        “There are plenty of people who don’t want me,” Nick said.

        “You knew I wanted you, or you wouldn’t have jumped me,” Jeff said.

        “So you’re admitting I made the first move,” Nick said.

        “I’m admitting you jumped me,” Jeff said.  “You’d been chasing after me for years.”

        “Chasing after you for what?” Nick demanded.

        “You’ve wanted me since we met,” Jeff said.

        “You were all over me!  ‘Oh, Nick, you’re such a good singer, oh, Nick, you’re just what I’ve been looking for, oh, Nick-’”

        “Oh, Nick, shut up,” Jeff said, and kissed him.  “If you knew I wanted you, why did you make me wait so damned long?”

        “If you would have turned me down, I would have been crushed,” Nick said.  “If you’d found out how I felt about you, and started looking at me with pity, that would’ve been it.  I couldn’t have handled that.”

        “Nick.  There’s no way on Earth I would have turned you down.”

        “I know that now,” Nick said.  “You could have let me know it back then.”

        “Spending all day every day by your side, giving you all of my attention, didn’t do it?” Jeff asked.

        “Justin does that,” Nick said.  “I’m pretty sure he doesn’t have a crush on me.”

        “Poor Justin,” Jeff said, and kissed Nick’s luxurious mouth.  “He’s really missing out.”

        “I think we should wear suits to the church,” Brian said.

        “The tuxes will be there,” Drew said.

        “They might not be ready,” Brian said.  “I don’t want to be stuck-”

        “They’ll be ready,” Drew said, moving to the bedroom.

        Brian followed him.  “It wouldn’t hurt, just in case.”

        “Are you ready?” Drew asked Nick, who was on his hands and knees, looking under the bed.  “What are you doing, what do you need?”

        “I can’t find my shoes,” Nick said.

        “They’re downstairs by the front door,” Drew said.

        “I don’t want to wear those shoes,” Nick said.

        “We bought them yesterday, specifically for today,” Drew said.  “Brian, what are you doing?”

        “I’m just going to change,” Brian said, rummaging through the closet.

        “The car is outside,” Drew said.  “Waiting for us.”

        “Yeah, like I’ve never made a driver wait,” Nick said.

        “Nick, there are no shoes under that bed,” Drew said.

        “I put them here,” Nick said.

        “I put them back in the closet,” Drew said.

        “Why?”

        “Because that’s where shoes belong,” Drew said.

        “Says who?”

        Brian was still in the closet.  “Have you seen-”

        “The tuxes will be there and ready when we get to the church,” Drew said.  “Nick, your shoes are downstairs waiting by the front door with the rest of our things.  Can we please go?”

        “Are my shoes in there?” Nick asked Brian.

        “Forget it.”  Drew grabbed both of Brian’s hands and dragged him from the room.  “Nick, either keep up or lose a pixie.”

        “I want a back-up,” Brian protested, trying to keep his footing as he was hustled down the stairs.

        “I knew that was why you wanted both of us,” Drew said.

        “That’s not what I’m talking about,” Brian said.  “I, whoa,” and Drew carried him down the last few steps, setting him by the front door.  “I think I’ve been manhandled.”

        “Here’s your bag, go get in the car.”  Drew kissed him and opened the door for him.  “Nick!”

        “I can’t find my shoes!” Nick yelled from upstairs.

        “Car,” Drew said, pushing Brian outside.  He began to jog up the stairs.  “Nick!”

        “There’s one!  No, damn.”

        Drew ran his hands through his hair.  “Nick.  Beautiful.  Do you have to have this exact pair of shoes?”

        Nick paused, slowly settling back on his haunches.  He looked over his shoulder at Drew.  “What did you just call me?”

        “I think I called you Nick,” Drew said.  “Why, what did I say?”

        “You called me beautiful,” Nick said.

        “You are,” Drew said.

        “No, not like a, like a name,” Nick said.  “Like a nickname.  I thought you didn’t do nicknames.  But I knew, I knew you were doing it in your head, you kept getting that same look Brian gets.”

        “Shoes,” Drew said.  “Stay focused.  I want to get married today.”

        “You call Brian ‘beautiful,’ too, don’t you?” Nick asked.  “In your head.  Do it out loud.”

        “Where he can hear?” Drew asked.  “I don’t do nicknames.  They sound stupid.  They don’t fit me.”

        “You’re calling Brian ‘beautiful’ out loud where he can hear it, before we get married today,” Nick said.  “It would mean a lot to him.”

        “It’s going to sound ridiculous,” Drew said.

        “You’re doing it anyway,” Nick said, getting to his feet.  “Come on, let’s go, I don’t want to be late.”

        “Great,” Howie said, pulling on his tuxedo jacket.  “I’ll do it with you.  We can match.”

        Chris spun around, gasping in horror.  “No!”

        “Relax,” Howie said.

        Chris felt over his own chest.  “I think I just had a heart attack.”

        “I’m sure you’re fine,” Howie said.

        “Don’t joke about that!”

        “I should have known better,” Howie said.

        “Damn right,” Chris said, turning back to face the mirror.  “My hair is misbehaving.”

        Howie turned Chris around again, taking a closer look.  He fixed Chris’s collar and adjusted his tie.  “It looks good.”  He ran his fingers through Chris’s hair.  “Looks good,” he repeated.

        “You look amazing,” Chris said, his gaze running over Howie with utter adoration.  “God, you look good.  I’m afraid I’ll jump up during the ceremony and try to get married on the spot.”

        Howie winked.  “Try me.”

        Chris moaned, melting dramatically back over the sink.

        Howie laughed.  “Are you ready to go?”

        “Yes, absolutely,” Chris said, snapping to attention.  “Wait, no.  How can I put this delicately?  Are you going to behave yourself while we’re out in public, or should I take care of things now?”

        “What are you…  Are you asking me if I’m going to jump you in a church during my best friends’ wedding?” Howie asked.

        “Um…yes?”  Chris winced, wondering how badly he’d offended.

        Howie’s eyes narrowed slightly.  “Why would you ask me that?”

        “It’s not like it sounds,” Chris said.  “It’s just, last night, I sort of…  You were…”

        “I know what’s appropriate, and what’s inappropriate,” Howie said.  “I like to flirt, and I like to tease.  Especially with you, because it’s easy to get a reaction from you.  If you think I’m planning to seduce you in the church during the ceremony, then we need to talk about how you really see me.”

        Chris shifted his feet, tugging at his cuffs, searching his mind desperately for an explanation.

        “I’d at least wait until the reception,” Howie said.

        Chris looked at him.

        Howie smiled.

        “Someday,” Chris said, “my mind is going to snap, and it’s going to be your fault.”

        “I think I’m going to take you up on that offer,” Howie said.

        “Which offer?” Chris asked, still trying to assure himself that Howie wasn’t mad.

        “You offered to take care of things now,” Howie said.

        “What, now?” Chris asked.  “We’ll have to get undressed, and then we’ll be sweaty and sticky, and we don’t have time to shower again before we-”

        Howie stepped backwards, from the bathroom to the bedroom.  He crooked his finger.  “Come here, Chris.”

        “Okay.”  Chris all but trotted to him.

        “I’m not offended,” Howie said, touching Chris’s mouth, making Chris feel woozy.  “But I think you owe me.”

        Chris wanted to kiss him.

        Howie withdrew his hand.

        Chris waited.

        Howie raised his eyebrows.

        That was when Chris realized why Howie had moved into the bedroom.  Carpeting would be easier on Chris’s knees.

        Howie kissed him softly.  “Thank you, my love.”

        Chris was mad crazy deep in love with this man.  He knelt, bringing his hands to Howie’s hips and kissing the expensive black cloth of Howie’s fly.

        Brian looked out of the other window, chewing off his fingernails.

        Between them, Drew had closed his eyes and was doing times tables in his head.  This driver was too damned slow!  He wanted to get there, and get dressed, and get married.  He wanted it to be over, because he wanted it to be the way things were.  He wanted Nick to be his husband, and Brian’s husband; he wanted this relationship to be a marriage.  They’d waited too long, and gone through too much.  It was past time.

        A hand slid into his, fingers lacing intimately.  Drew opened his eyes and looked down.  Brian’s hand.

        “I think I’m going to throw up,” Nick said.

        “Nick?” Brian asked.

        “Are you serious?” Drew asked.  “Is he serious?” he asked Brian.

        “He’s not going to throw up,” Brian said.  “He’s just nervous.  So are you, from the sound of it.”

        “What gave it away?” Drew asked.

        “We’ve all been nervous before,” Brian said.  “It comes with the job.  This is just the same.  Big tour, huge show, first night, backstage, all of the prep and planning, you have to get dressed and get out there.  Do the same thing you’d do for those nerves.”

        “In the car?” Nick asked.

        “I’m being serious,” Brian said.  “I meant drawing on our own strength, and each other’s.”

        The car stopped.  Nick looked out the window.  “We’re here.”

        Drew closed his eyes.

        “I know how important today is,” Brian said.  “That’s exactly how I know it’ll be okay.”

        “You were flipping out earlier, Mr. I Need Ten Changes of Clothes in Case Our Tuxes Aren’t Ready,” Nick said.

        “I’m still flipping out, inside,” Brian said.  “I still know everything will be all right.  It isn’t about the clothes.  It’s about the love and the commitment.”

        “Great, so I can wear whatever shoes I want,” Nick said.

        “Get out of the car,” Drew said.

        Nick kissed his cheek and got out of the car.

        Maybe it was the tuxedo.  Kevin looked like a fucking movie star.

        Maybe it was the warmly businesslike, take-charge attitude.  Kevin was speaking with the pastor, talking to the photographer, directing too-early guests.  It wasn’t Kevin’s wedding, wasn’t Kevin’s event, but someone had to be in charge, and Kevin was taking over.

        Maybe it was the way Kevin had fucked him that morning.  Fucked him and licked him and fucked him and kissed him and fucked him and god, he’d been climbing the fucking walls.  No one made him come so hard, or so often…

        “Alex.”

        AJ broke free from memories and returned to the present.  A church was not the right place for sexual fantasy, especially if he got a hard-on from it.

        Kevin opened the door to the outside, and the grooms rushed in, each with a bag in hand.  “Are the tuxes here?” Brian asked.

        “Good morning,” Kevin said.  “They were delivered about ten minutes ago.  Brace is here,” and a flashbulb popped.  Drew looked startled.  “Do you want one dressing room or three?”

        “One,” Nick said.

        “Three,” Brian said.

        “What?” Nick asked.

        “Three,” Brian said.

        “Whatever,” Nick said.

        Brian squeezed Nick’s hand.

        “Pastor Russell wants to speak with you each one last time,” Kevin said.  “He’ll come around later.  We’ve set aside three rooms, so you can get dressed.  AJ, watch the door?”

        “Yeah,” AJ said.

        “Thank you for coming,” Brian said, hugging AJ suddenly.

        “Okay, do that later,” AJ said.  “Priorities, Rok.  Get dressed first.”

        “What does he need his own dressing room for?” Nick asked Drew.  “Does he think we haven’t seen him in his underwear?”

        “If we’re all in the same room, it’ll be a circus,” Drew said.  “Our people are going to be coming in and out, checking on us.  And he said he wanted to call home before the ceremony starts.  He might want privacy for that.”

        “Yeah,” Nick said.  “I just don’t want either one of you out my sight.”

        “It’ll take us five minutes to get dressed,” Drew said.  “Then we can spend the rest of our lives together.”

        “I guess that’s what today’s for,” Nick said, smiling.  “Okay, Kevin, lead the way.”

        There were three rooms in a back hallway, used largely for Sunday school sessions.  Unfortunately, only one of them had a mirror.  Brian and Drew decided to give Nick that room, agreeing that he was worth spending more time looking at than either of them.  Nick rolled his eyes and closed the door in their faces.

        Kevin went back to the front of the church, sending AJ back to check on the grooms.

        AJ knocked on the first door.

        “Who is it?” Nick called.

        “Your one last fling,” AJ said.

        Nick opened the door.  “Hey, come in here.  I never know where the hell the cummerbund goes.”

        “Around your waist,” AJ said, entering and closing the door.

        “High?  Low?” Nick asked.

        “Try putting the rest of the tux on first, before you get to that,” AJ said.  “Nervous?”

        “I’m sweating like a fucking pig,” Nick said.  “Shit.  I’m not supposed to curse in church.”  He began to undress.  “Getting naked in church is going to be weird, too.”

        “Keep your underwear on,” AJ said.  “You’ll be fine.”

        Nick sat on a too-small chair appropriate to an elementary school child.  “God.  It’s Drew and Brian.  It’s like...  They’re everything, AJ.  I thought that the Backstreet Boys was my purpose in life, it’s why I was put here.  I still think that’s true.  But it’s like, Drew and Brian, they’re my purpose, too.  Loving them.  Being here for them.”

        AJ sat, too, careful not to topple off.  “You’ve always been the most human of us.  But with Brian and Drew, you’re…better.  You’re more of everything you already were.”

        “And that’s good,” Nick said, questioning.

        “It’s incredible,” AJ said.  “I’m happy for you, Nick.  I think the three of you have created something that very few people ever get a taste of.”

        “You know Brian’s…Brian,” Nick said.  “He’s been inside my soul since the first day I ever met him.  But Drew…  Drew’s everything else.  My heart, my air, everything.”

        “I know,” AJ said.  “I’ve seen it.  You were about to go off into a very bad place, and Drew brought you back.  I don’t know how it happened, but we all owe him.”

        “I have to go check on him,” Nick said, rising.

        “Hey, half-naked person,” AJ said.  “Stay here and get dressed.”

        “I can get dressed later.”

        “You know you’ll get distracted with thirteen other things first,” AJ said.  “Get dressed.  I’ll go check on Drew and Brian.”

        “I don’t-”

        “Stay!”  AJ pointed towards Nick’s tuxedo.  “I’ll be back later.”  He went out into the hallway and knocked on the second door.  “Avon calling.”

        The door opened an inch, and Drew peeked out.  “Hi.”

        AJ grinned.  “Naked in there?”

        Drew glanced down.  “Mostly.”

        AJ’s grin broadened.  “Need any help?”

        “None right now, but thanks for asking.”  Drew closed the door.

        Not bad.  AJ knocked on Brian’s door.  “Brian.”

        A few seconds passed.  Then the door opened; Brian ushered him in, phone to one ear.  “Yes.  Right.  Then turn left onto Asher, go straight through a couple of lights, and make another left onto Grand.  That’s a one-way.  Yeah.  Right, across from the cultural center.  Right.  Okay.  Thank you so much.  Okay.  Thank you.  Bye.”  Brian flipped his phone shut, pressing his fingertips to his forehead, closing his eyes.

        AJ watched, curious.

        Brian crossed himself and opened his eyes.  “AJ.  How can I help you?”

        “Drew’s naked in the next room.  He wouldn’t let me in.”

        “Good for him,” Brian said with a smile.  “I’d better get ready.  Howie’s not here yet?”

        “Any minute,” AJ said.

        “You look good, AJ.”

        “I always do,” AJ said.  “You want me to stay here, or go keep Nick on schedule?”

        “Stay with me,” Brian said.  “For a few minutes.”

        AJ rested his ass against the edge of a table.  “What’s going on?”

        “It’s Nick,” Brian said.  “It’s Nick.  Finally.  Nick and Drew are what my heart has been hungering for.  And now, here, today, it’s really happening.  Finally.”

        “It’s about time,” AJ said.  “We’ve been waiting for this for years.”

        “It should have happened so long ago,” Brian said.  “Missed opportunities, bad communication, our own insecurities.  But that’s gone, now.  It’s about today, and our love.  The three of us coming together, uniting.  In front of everyone, in front of God Himself, declaring our union.”

        “No matter what I ever get for myself, without this, my own life wouldn’t be complete,” AJ said, and hugged him.  “This is right.  You and Nick.  You and Nick and Drew.  Tying the knot.”

        “Thank you,” Brian said.  He gave AJ an extra squeeze and stepped back.  “You took Kevin out to the ranch?”

        Walking along beside him, Jeff put a hand on Nick’s back.  There was nothing to say.

        “She missed ours, and she didn’t come when he married Brian, but I thought, maybe this time.  It would have meant a lot to him.”

        “She’s not ready yet,” Jeff said.

        “She supports us in everything we do,” Nick said.

        “I know she does,” Jeff said.  “She’s been a great mother.”

        “Then why won’t she support us in this?” Nick asked.  “She likes you.  She loves you.”

        “Sometimes she likes me and Justin more than she likes you and Drew,” Jeff said.

        “Then why…”

        “It’s okay,” Jeff said.  “I understand.”

        “I don’t.”  Nick looked at the three doors.  “Which one’s Drew?”

        A door opened.  Nick grinned widely.  “Kitten!  I thought I heard voices.  Get in here.  I don’t know where this cummerbund goes, and AJ ran out on me.”

        “Hey,” Jeff said, and hugged him.  “Today’s a big day.”

        “Tell me about it.  I’m sweating like crazy and I hate my shoes and I don’t know why we have to wear tuxedoes.  Come give me a hand.  The pastor was just here, and I hope I said all of the right things, but if I didn’t, maybe Brian and Drew can make up for it.  You, what, you can’t say hi?”

        “Hi,” Nick said.

        “Okay, I know.  I think Drew’s in this next room.  Go in and say hi.  Jeff, come in here and bund my cummer.”  Nick pulled Jeff into his room and closed the door.

        Nick knocked.

        The door opened.  “Hi,” Drew said.  “There’s no mirror in here.  How do I look?”

        “Like a bad waiter,” Nick said, entering the room.  The door swung shut behind him.  “Is that actually the hairstyle you were going for?”

        “There’s no mirror in here,” Drew said again, as though that were any excuse.

        “Hold still.”  Nick ran his fingers through Drew’s hair.  “Nervous?”

        “Freaking,” Drew said.

        “There’s still time to back out.”

        “I’m already married to Brian.  I might as well go through with this.”

        “Yeah.”  Nick frowned, trying to fix Drew’s hair.  A tweak there, a tease there.  What the hell had Drew done to the left side?  There.  Nick looked down, and realized that Drew was staring into space somewhere around his shoulder, eyes dull and hurting.  “Drew?”

        Drew blinked, visibly coming back to himself.  “What?”

        “Are you okay?”

        “Yeah.  No.”  Drew shook his head.  “I was thinking about you being here, and how close we are, and I know I take you for granted, and you take me for granted, but Nick’s family, he can’t even call his brother half of the time, more than half of the time.  I can’t imagine what that’s like.  If you rejected me.  If we were strangers.”

        The very idea of it…  “I can’t, either.”

        Drew hugged him, tight and strong.  He put his arms around Drew, and Drew’s chin was on his shoulder, and he had to close his eyes.  Drew was getting married.  Again.  To Brian, again.  To Nick.  He was happy for Drew, he was, and happy for Brian, and happy for Nick.  He was sure that Nick was going to be more insufferable than ever, but he was actually looking forward to it.  Drew lit up around Nick and Brian in a way that made him feel good inside, because he wanted Drew to be happy, and he wanted Drew to be loved.

        A small part of him, inside, wanted to feel sad, or even jealous, but that wasn’t possible.  Today wasn’t about him; it had nothing to do with him.  His relationship with Drew was its own kind of bond, and no matter who else entered or exited their lives, they would always have their own unique connection.

        Drew’s voice was quiet, heavy with both simple and complex emotions.  “Thank you for being here.”

        “I couldn’t miss this,” he said.

        “Are you wearing Jeff’s cologne?”

        “Damn, I hope not.”

        “You smell like it,” Drew said, slowly letting go.

        Nick ruffled Drew’s hair into style.  “You look good.”

        “I look like an okay waiter?” Drew asked.

        Nick smiled.  “You look like a great waiter.”

        Drew smiled, too.  “Thanks.”

        Nick wondered…

        Drew glanced at the door.

        Nick caught himself licking his lips, and stopped.

        Drew hesitated.

        Nick’s gut clenched and he went for it, did it, tipped up Drew’s chin and pressed his lips to Drew’s.  For one terrifying, beautiful moment their lips held, clung, and then his fingers slid up along Drew’s jaw and Drew’s mouth opened for him, lips parting, and it was just the way he remembered it being and so, so, so much more.  And then he turned his head, and Drew lowered his face, and Nick breathed too quickly, eyes still closed.  “I love you,” he said.

        “I love you,” Drew said, and he raised his face again, and their eyes met, and there was something in Drew’s eyes that Nick had seen before, but only during moments that were never supposed to have happened.  And then Drew stepped back, and that look was gone, and Nick could breathe again.

        “Justin isn’t here yet,” Nick said.

        “Do you think he’ll finally bring his significant other?” Drew asked.

        “I’m not sure he’s ever met her,” Nick said.  “She only exists on the end of a phone line.”

        “So she could be eighty years old, living in Siberia?” Drew asked.

        “That’s one hell of a phone bill,” Nick said.

        “Especially on a limited income,” Drew said.

        “I guess they don’t have Social Security in Siberia,” Nick said.

        “I don’t know what kinds of social programs they have,” Drew said.

        Nick grinned.

        Drew grinned back.

        There was a knock on the door.

        Drew opened the door.  He didn’t say anything, so Nick peeked around and…whoa.  That was…

        “Do I clean up okay?” Brian asked.

        “Uh-hunh,” Nick said dumbly.  Brian looked gorgeous, all light blue eyes and cheekbones, his hair curling onto his forehead.  His tuxedo was cut perfectly to flatter his frame, and he was glowing with so much happiness that the air around him had to be brighter than the rest of the room.

        “Hey, when did you get here?” Brian asked, stepping around Drew, giving Nick a quick hug.  “You look great.  You smell like Jeff.  Hey, do you want me to-”

        “No, we’re grateful for the interruption,” Drew said.  “I think Nick and I have finally run out of half-interesting conversations.  You look…happy.”

        Nick forced himself to take his hand off of Brian’s back.

        “I am happy,” Brian said, taking Drew’s hand, pulling him closer.  “Everything’s coming together, everything’s falling into place.  Three become one today, Drew.  You, and me, and Nick.  He will join into our union, and I will join into yours, and you will join into ours.  It’s the perfect blending of our selves, and the single most important day of my life.  Drew, you are my husband, and I wouldn’t share this joy of joining with Nick with anyone else.”

        Nick was caught by surprise when Brian kissed Drew.  And kept kissing Drew.  And kept kissing Drew.  He knew that he should leave the room, and give them privacy, but he kept staring.  It was a slow, loving kiss, rich with emotion, and Brian’s hands were sliding over Drew’s back, and Drew was kissing Brian back just the same.  It was a kiss of equals, a kiss of love, and respect, and love, and admiration, and love.

        Nick really had to leave the room.

        Brian stepped back.  “I’m going to see Nick.  Hold my phone for me in case anyone calls.”

        Drew nodded, accepting Brian’s phone.

        Nick didn’t pretend to understand that.

        JC paused with his hand on the doorhandle.  “Chris.  Howie.”

        “Looking good, Chris, looking sharp,” Justin said.

        “Thanks,” Chris said.  “I’d say the same thing to you, but Howie looks better than all three of us.”

        “It’s good to see you,” Howie said to JC and Justin.  “Chris said you moved in yesterday.”

        “How’s the house?” Chris asked.  “How’s Lance?  Is he here?  Did you ever get to have sex?”

        “The house is great, Lance is great, we don’t know if he’s here because we haven’t been inside, and yes,” Justin said.

        “How’s the furniture?” Chris asked.  “Still intact?  Did you lose it?  How many fingers am I holding up?”

        “We’re fine,” JC said.

        “How’s your back?” Chris asked, patting it.  “Does it hurt?  Did he scratch it?”

        “My back is fine,” JC said.

        “Chris, we’re okay,” Justin said.  “We had a few bad minutes, but JC pulled me back, and we waited until we were both ready.”

        “I don’t know,” Chris said.  “This living on your own thing…”

        “I think we’re old enough,” Justin said.

        “Maybe,” Chris said.  “I’ll think about it.  In the meantime, let’s go in.  Howie has people to see.”

        They stepped into the church, where Kevin greeted them and gave them directions to the dressing rooms.  Just then, the door opened again, and Joey and Lance arrived.  Chris hugged Lance for the hell of it, and Joey whispered to Justin, “Got laid?”

        “Yes,” Justin said.  “We’re fine.”

        “Break any headboards?” Joey asked.  “Scream so loud the paint peeled?”

        “Why do you all think - - we’re fine,” Justin said.  “It’s just sex.”

        Joey snorted.  “Just sex.  With just JC.  While you’re just learning how to be sane.”

        “We’re fine,” Justin insisted.  “JC and I are developing a very healthy relationship.”

        “Did you two ever have sex last night?” Lance asked.

        “The next person who asks me about that is getting smacked, in this church or out of it,” Justin said.  “No, we didn’t have sex last night, we made love this morning, and it was incredible, but no, I didn’t break anything.”

        “What’d you do last night?” Lance asked.

        Justin hesitated.  Rubbed his fuzz.  Turned red.  “I don’t think I should talk about that inside a church.”

        Joey grinned.  “Why not?”

        “We started off having a competition,” Justin said.  He turned redder.  “I think JC won.”

        “Jeff, hi,” Brian said, walking over and embracing him.  “You look great.”

        “You look…”  Jeff didn’t know what to say.

        “You’re beaming,” Nick said.  “What’s going on?”

        “Nick,” Brian said, taking his hands.  “Sweetheart, you look like a fantasy.”

        “It’s the cummerbund,” Nick said.

        “I’ve waited for this day my whole life,” Brian said.  “We’re one, you and I, and it’s long past time to make that official in this last way.  And we’re joining with Drew.  I want my husband to be your husband, Nick.  I would keep nothing of myself from you.  Everything that is mine, is yours.  Everything I am, is yours.”

        “If you keep talking, I’m going to start crying,” Nick said.

        Brian’s eyes lifted to Nick’s.  “We’ve never needed to rely on words to communicate.”  With that, he kissed Nick.

        Jeff intended to look away discreetly, to avert his gaze, but when Brian’s fingers crawled back into Nick’s hair and Brian’s tongue slid into Nick’s mouth, he was hooked.  Their kiss was intimate and familiar, loving and sharing.  They weren’t simply kissing, they were connecting, they were saying “I love you” and “I want you” and “this is forever.”

        And then, something changed.  There was a shift in Brian’s touch; his fingers buried themselves in Nick’s thick hair.  He tilted his head to one side, and Jeff could see the slide and thrust of their tongues.  Their kiss became about something more than ethereal love, became explicitly sexual, shockingly erotic, and Jeff forced himself to look away but he could still see it in his mind, the pornography of a kiss.  There was nothing simple about that kiss, nothing simple about the emotion behind it.  For the first time, he thought that maybe even he didn’t fully understand Nick and Brian’s relationship.

        “Nick,” Brian whispered, and Jeff heard so much love and so much raw need that his own body began to respond.

        “Soon,” Nick promised, and then they were kissing again.  That “soon,” that promise, Nick had meant it, but it had been nothing compared to Brian’s need.  It wasn’t possible that Nick had assuaged Brian’s need, which meant that it was still in there.  Maybe it was always there.  Maybe Brian lived with that inside of him, every day.

        Was that possible?  In all of his long talks with Nick, even when Nick held back nothing, he’d never gotten the idea that Brian felt anything like that.  Did Nick himself not truly realize?

        When Jeff glanced over again, they were no longer kissing.  They were nearly forehead to forehead, gazing deeply into each other’s eyes, Brian’s fingers twisting Nick’s hair, Nick’s fingertips grazing Brian’s cheekbones.  They looked like they could have stayed that way for eternity.

        There was a knock at the door.  Jeff opened it for them.

        “Who’s ready to get married?” AJ asked.

        “Hey, Howie,” Nick said, and suddenly he was reaching past Jeff to pull Howie into the room, as though a mere second ago he hadn’t been consumed with Brian.  Consumed by Brian?

        “Brian,” and now Drew was joining them, followed by Nick.  There was something urgent and almost-panicked in Drew’s voice, and he pressed a phone into Brian’s hand.  Brian slipped out, leaving them.

        “Hey, you look good,” Nick said to Drew.

        “Wow,” Drew said, staring at Nick.

        “Don’t start getting weird ideas,” Nick said.

        “It’s way too late for that,” Drew said.  “Look at you.”

        “I’m wearing a cummerbund,” Nick said.  “No one looks good in a cummerbund.  Except Brian.”

        “I’m rocking this cummerbund,” Drew said.

        “I’m glad you think so,” Nick said.

        “Tell me I don’t look like a waiter,” Drew said.  He was leaning closer, and Nick was beginning to lean down, and Drew’s hand came to the side of Nick’s face.

        “If you were my waiter, I’d leave you a hundred-dollar tip and my phone number,” Nick said.

        Drew kissed him.  An achingly slow series of soft, brief kisses.  Small, gentle kisses.  Drew rising up onto his toes.  The flicker of Drew’s tongue.

        It wasn’t flashy or showy.  It wasn’t lewd or obscene.  It was a private display of such deep, quiet, steady love that Jeff found himself taking a step back, coming into physical contact with his own Nick.  That was love, warm and complete and always there.

         “Nick.”  Brian’s voice, behind them.  Everyone turned to the doorway.  “Come with me.”

        Like spectators at a tennis match, everyone turned to look at Nick.

        Drew squeezed Nick’s hand.

        “What’s going on?” Nick asked.

        “Now, sweetheart, please.”

        As they reached the front doors, AJ realized that Nick wasn’t with them.  They must have outrun him.

        But AJ didn’t have time to worry about it, because the door was opening, and someone walked in.  Security, definitely; AJ recognized that immediately.  But whose?

        And then…  Tall, taller than AJ remembered, and old, older than AJ remembered, but damn, god damn fucking damn, he’d know the kid any fucking where.  Lanky, and uncertain, brown eyes flickering with nervous reluctance from one face to another.

        “Aaron,” Brian said, stepping forward.  About to hug him, because damn, they’d used to give the kid piggyback rides, practically changed his diapers.  It had been a hell of a long time since things had been like that, but it was hard to squelch that instinct to have a warm reunion.  But like a slap in the face, Aaron backed up, looking to his security.

        Looking to his security.  Like Brian was going to fucking molest him.  God, no matter what happened, AJ was going to have trouble forgiving Aaron for that.

        But Brian smoothed it right over, didn’t let it slow him down, and that was impressive.  “It’s good to see you,” Brian said, offering a hand.

        “Yeah,” Aaron said, glancing around nervously.  He shook Brian’s hand.  “Is, um…”

        And then everything stopped.  AJ didn’t have to look behind himself to know that Nick was there.  He stepped out of the way, off to the side.

        Nick was staring like he was seeing a ghost.  His mouth was open.  His hand was frozen in mid-air.

        “Brian, uh, invited me,” Aaron said, eyes darting towards Brian briefly for confirmation.

        “Oh my god,” Nick said, “oh my fucking god!”

        “Church,” Kevin reminded him.

        “You’re here,” Nick said.  “You’re here!  How did you get here?  God, you look good.”  He was across the space between them, hugging Aaron, in a heartbeat.  Aaron couldn’t help but hug him back, and AJ loosened up a little.  “God, you’re here, you’re fucking here,” Nick said, letting go of him mostly, but not entirely.  Nick touched Aaron’s shirt, Aaron’s bangs, before he remembered himself and dropped his hand.  Thinking about it, AJ was shocked that Nick was allowed to touch Aaron at all.  “What are you doing here?”

        “We asked him to come,” Brian said.

        “Are you staying?” Nick asked.  “For the ceremony?”

        “Yeah,” Aaron said.  He put his hands in his pockets.  “Probably.”

        “You can sit with - - I don’t know, all of the fellas are going to be in the ceremony,” Nick said.  “I can’t believe you’re here.  They don’t know, do they?” he asked, suddenly remembering, suspicious.

        “No,” Aaron said.  “I said I was meeting Caitlin.”

        Damn, the boy got around.  And while it was true that if he’d told his parents where he was going, he wouldn’t have made it within twenty miles of the church-

        “They’re going to find out,” Nick said, his train of thought moving along the same track as AJ’s.

        “Yeah,” Aaron said.  A look crossed his face, one AJ had never seen on him before; but then, it had been such a long time, there were probably more things he didn’t know about Aaron than things he did.  That look, though, it was more than fed up, it was angry, it was hateful.  Aaron had learned to hate.  AJ didn’t like that.

        “Maybe you shouldn’t be here,” Nick said.

        It couldn’t have been that easy to get him there in the first place.

        “I’m here,” Aaron said, straightening his shoulders, tossing his hair.  “I’m staying.  I don’t care who knows or who finds out.”

        “Aaron,” Nick said, and his voice sounded urgent, a little scared.  “There’s a photographer here.  Brace.  He’s taking pictures of everything.”  In other words, by tomorrow morning, photographs of Aaron at Nick’s gay three-person wedding could be on the cover of any damned magazine in the world.  Brian and Nick and Drew had Brace on contract, AJ knew they must, but for the right price…

        Aaron hesitated, and his eyes skittered towards the door for half of a second, but then he looked back at Nick.  “So where should I sit?”

        Before the proud, loving, shell-shocked beam left Nick’s face, the door opened to admit Justin Jeffre.  Justin looked at Aaron just a heartbeat too long, like he thought he might have walked into the wrong building, and then kept moving.  “Congratulations,” he said, and hugged Nick first.  “Big day.”

        “God, you have no idea right now,” Nick said.  “Oh, hey, wait.  You’re…”

        Straight.

        “I know you’re supposed to…”

        Walk Nick down the aisle.

        “I…”

        Have something even more important for you to do.  AJ wondered when Nick was going to manage to finish a sentence.

        “You guys have met, right?” Nick asked Aaron.

        “Years ago,” Justin said.  “Justin,” he said, shaking Aaron’s hand.

        “Aaron,” Aaron said, like that wasn’t patently obvious.

        It wasn’t as though Justin and Aaron were close friends.  However, Justin was not only a calming influence but very cool, and might provide an anchor of normality while Aaron watched his older brother get married to two men.

        “I have stuff to get ready,” Nick said.  “Justin can show you where to sit.  I,” and he hugged Aaron.  God, they were the same height now.  “I love you,” Nick said.

        “I love you, too,” Aaron said.

        Nick stepped back, and yes, his eyes were watering, but AJ wasn’t going to call him on it.  “Okay, go, I have shit to take care of.”  He stepped to the side to let Justin usher Aaron and his bodyguard into the nave.

        “Thank you for coming,” Brian said again.

        “Yeah,” Aaron said, and he looked like he wasn’t sure what to do with Brian.  Brian had used to play around with him more than any of the rest of them had, besides Nick, of course, and Aaron had acted like Brian was practically another older brother.  But now, what was that in his eyes?

        He didn’t trust Brian.

        Justin, Aaron, and Bodyguard moved past Brian, past AJ and Kevin and Howie, past Jeff, past Nick Timmons-Lachey, and then Aaron slowed down so much he was barely still moving.  He was looking at Drew.

        Aaron stopped walking, hesitating.

        “I’m Drew,” Drew said, and offered his hand.

        “Aaron,” Aaron said, and shook Drew’s hand.

        In the background, Nick turned his back, pressing his knuckles to his mouth.

        Justin walked Aaron and Bodyguard into the nave.  The door closed.

        “Nick,” Brian said, and put his arms around him.  Nick lowered his face, wrapping his arms around Brian.  His shoulders started shaking.

        AJ turned away, giving Nick his privacy.

        Kevin stepped forward, taking attention away from Nick.  “We’re short one person to walk Nick down the aisle.”

        “JC,” Drew said.

        “Where is he?” AJ asked.

        “The five of them are in the men’s bathroom,” Howie said.

        “If JC walks Nick down the aisle, Justin can hold the rings,” Drew said.  Brian was taking Nick down the hallway.  “Excuse me.”  Drew followed Brian and Nick.

        AJ smiled.  He liked Drew.

        Kevin rubbed his eyes.  “I don’t think I believe what I just saw.”

        “It’s true,” AJ said.  “Brian can perform miracles.”

        “He looks old,” Howie said.  “Now I feel old.”

        “He looks unhappy,” AJ said.

        Kevin sighed.  “Yeah.  He does.”

        AJ glanced at Howie.  “What exactly are they doing in the bathroom?”

        “With lots of naked women,” Justin said.

        “What for?” Chris asked.  He looked at Lance, ignoring Justin’s rolling eyes.  “How do you do that?”

        “Do what?” Lance asked.

        “You’re posed against the sinks like you’re being photographed.  Half the time I see you these days you look like you’re posing for a cologne ad.”

        “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Lance said, shifting into an extravagantly inviting pose, one hand back, thighs spread.

        “Any time the three of you want to leave the room so we can be alone, I’ll be okay with that,” Joey said.

        “In the bathroom?” Chris asked.

        JC averted his gaze.  Justin coughed.  Joey cleared his throat.  Lance smirked.

        “Am I the only one who finds the men’s room not sexy?” Chris asked.  “Nasty things happen in here.  I’m not turned on.”

        “Women’s restrooms are usually nicer,” Joey said.

        “I’ve never had sex in a women’s restroom,” Justin said.

        “There’s a place you haven’t gotten off?” Chris asked.

        “I fucked a guy in a ladies’ room,” Lance said.

        “And no one seemed to notice?” Chris asked.

        Lance grinned.  “No one seemed to mind.”

        “You’re filthy,” Chris said.

        There was a knock, and the door opened.  “Hi,” Drew said.

        “I feel like we’re a high school gang, cutting history to smoke in the bathroom,” Chris said.

        “In tuxedoes,” Drew said, stepping around them to get to the sinks.  He snagged a fresh roll of toilet paper.  “Justin - - Justin Jeffre - - is taking on another responsibility, so could you walk Nick down the aisle with Howie?” he asked JC.

        “I’d be honored to,” JC said.  “What about the rings?”

        “You’re being promoted,” Drew told Justin.

        “Now I don’t have to sit in the pews with the losers,” Justin said.  “Take that, Fatone.”

        “What happened to Justin?” Chris asked.

        “He’s sitting with Aaron,” Drew said.

        “Aaron who?” Joey asked.

        Drew smiled.  “Aaron Carter,” he said, and left.

        Chris stared at the door.  He blinked.

        Nick sniffled.

        Brian, with his arms still around Nick, kissed Nick’s temple.

        “Thanks,” Nick said to Drew.

        “JC’s going to walk you down the aisle, and Justin will have the rings,” Drew said.

        “Okay,” Nick said.

        Drew handed him some toilet paper.

        Nick blew his nose.

        Brian smoothed Nick’s hair.

        “God.”  Nick tipped his head back against the wall, looking towards the ceiling.  “I can’t believe he’s here.  I can’t believe he came.  What did you do?” he asked Brian.

        “You know Andre is guarding Aaron right now.  You remember he used to work with 98 Degrees?”

        “Yeah,” Nick said.  “He was your personal security for like two tours or something,” he said to Drew.

        “I called him,” Drew said.  “He told me when Aaron was going to be completely alone without any threat of interruption from outside influences for a good solid set of hours.  Then Brian called Aaron.”

        “It was a short conversation,” Brian said.  “He listened to me, but he wouldn’t give me an answer.  I didn’t know what he was going to do.  And then today, Andre called me asking for directions here.”

        “He’s here,” Drew said.  “He came.  He chose to be here, at your wedding, for you.”

        “I think I’m dreaming,” Nick said.  “And god, I’m so scared for him.  I don’t know what’s going to happen.  I might never see him again.”

        “He did this, he came here,” Brian said.  “He’s not seven anymore, he can make his own choices.  If he wants to visit you, he can.”

        “I know why Drew did this,” Nick said.  “Why did you?”

        “For you,” Brian said.  “And maybe for me.  I know you’d tell me it’s not my fault things are this way, but I had a hand in it, and I want to fix it, if I can.  He’s here, Nick, he’s really here, for you.  Despite everything.  He knows better than you do what’s going to happen when he leaves this church, and he’s still here.  He’s making a statement.  He’s made his choice.”

        Nick wrapped one arm around Brian, his other arm bringing in Drew, his forehead resting where their shoulders met.  Drew hugged him, and Brian.  “Thank you,” Nick said.  “God, thank you.  Both of you.”

        Drew pressed a kiss to Nick’s hair.

        “You gave me the only thing I ever wanted,” Nick whispered, and his fingers tightened, clutching the back of Drew’s tuxedo jacket.

        And that was when Drew got it.  Really, really got it.  Nick wanted to be loved.  Wanted desperately and hopelessly for someone to love him.  Ran from city to city, country to country, performing his heart out, all for the possibility of getting back some of the love he gave.  Nick gave so much love, and so much of himself, because he was living for the day it wouldn’t all be rejected.

        Today, Nick was loved.  Loved by people who truly knew him.  Loved by people who gave things and risked things to be with him.

        Drew tightened his embrace.

        “Nick, sweetheart.”  Brian stroked his hair.  “It’s almost time.”

        Nick cleared his throat, letting go, sitting back.  “Yeah.  Okay.”  He pushed his hair back with one hand, blinking his vision clear.

        “He’s so much like you,” Drew said.

        “Look who’s talking,” Nick said.

        Drew snorted.  “I’m nothing like Nick.”

        Nick started laughing.  Brian said, “Let’s get off the floor.”  They helped each other up, Drew deliberately not helping Nick while Nick was still laughing at him.  Drew dusted his pants off and adjusted his jacket.  Nick rubbed at his face to get rid of tear tracks.

        Brian took Drew’s left hand.  Drew looked at him, curious.  Brian lifted Drew’s hand to his lips, and kissed Drew’s knuckles.  Then he slid the ring from Drew’s finger and pressed it into Drew’s palm.

        It felt strange to have a naked hand.  It looked strange.  But he would have a new ring there soon, a wedding ring, from this wedding.  And that ring would never, ever leave.

        Drew turned to Nick, taking Nick’s hand in his.  He’d put this ring on Nick’s finger, and he’d be the one to take it off.  He closed his eyes, pressing his lips to the backs of Nick’s fingers.  Nick’s grip tightened on his.  Drew took a deep breath, opening his eyes, and slid the ring from Nick’s fingers, putting it in Nick’s hand.  It was Nick’s to keep.

        “I need somewhere to put this until I get home,” Nick said.

        “Put it in your pocket,” Drew suggested.

        “Is it safe there?” Nick asked.  “I don’t want to lose it.”

        “It’ll be fine,” Brian said.

        Nick looked at Brian.  “Do you want…”

        Brian offered his hand.

        “Drew’s the one who put the ring on you,” Nick said.

        “I want you to do it,” Drew said.  “It’s your ring, too.”

        Nick licked Brian’s knuckles once before he kissed them, and Drew liked the way that looked.  Nick was never anything close to ashamed at being what might be considered subservient to Brian.  Drew thought of it more as being attentive.  Brian had needs, and Nick tended to those needs.

        When Nick placed the ring in Brian’s hand, Brian’s fingers stroked Nick’s jaw.  Nick gazed into Brian’s eyes.

        “Every time you touch, I want to take a picture of it to immortalize it,” Drew said.

        “Brace is taking pictures at the reception, too,” Nick said, turning away from the moment.  “I know you only have one picture of us, and that does seem a little bit jacked up, so I’m arranging to meet with him again next week.  Then you can have a whole photo album of the three of us to take on your next tour.”

        Drew kissed him.  “Thank you.”

        “I guess it’s time to do that whole private vows thing,” Nick said.

        “I guess so,” Drew said.

        “I’m not going first,” Nick said.

        “I’m not going after Brian,” Drew said.

        “I don’t mind going first,” Brian said.

        Drew gave him a look.  “I’m going first.”

        Brian smiled.  “All right.”

        Shit.  Now he had to think of something to say.  Drew looked at them.

        Nick grinned.

        “Shut up,” Drew said.  He searched his brain.  “Am I supposed to do this to both of you together, or separately?”

        “Either way,” Brian said.

        Okay.  He’d start with Nick.  It was easy to express love to Nick.  He took Nick’s hand and looked up into Nick’s eyes.  “I love you.”

        Nick smiled.  “Okay.”

        He didn’t know what to say, or where to start.  He started from the beginning.  “You were the first person who came into my life and brought me out into the world.  You were the first person I let have that affect on me, and maybe that’s because I couldn’t say no. Maybe it’s because you were already in before I even saw you coming.”  It had all happened so fast…  “You’ve had a profound impact on who I am.  I’m not even that person anymore.  You gave me new life and I…  Thank you.  I don’t know what kinds of promises I can make.  I can vow to love you forever, but I’ve already made that promise.  I can vow to remain faithful to our marriage.  I can vow to love, cherish, support, and encourage you through everything that you do, but that doesn’t seem like enough.”

        “It’s enough,” Nick said softly.

        “It’s not,” Drew said, oddly frustrated.  “I love you more than any of these words can express.  I don’t even know if you’re hearing me.  I promise to love you forever and I promise never to take you for granted and I promise to give you whatever kind of sex you want whenever you want it, and I’ll shatter every bone in my body and still crawl across burning lava to you if you’ll just tell me that you know how much I love you.”

        “Drew,” Nick said, and he sounded shocked, mostly.  Drew wouldn’t let himself look away.  “Drew, I know how much you love me.  You love me so much it scares me.  All I can do is not let it hurt you.  I can’t let you get hurt because of me.  I can’t let you get hurt by me.  I love you, you’re Drew, you’re calm and funny and laid-back and anal-retentive and bitchy and sexy and I can’t believe I found you.  I can’t believe you stayed.  You opened up to me, and you gave yourself to me, and you trusted me with all of that.  You can trust me with this.  I’ll take care of it.  I promise.  I love you.  We can get through anything together.  And you know I’m going to take you up on that whatever kind of sex I want whenever I want it thing.”

        Drew almost laughed.  “I should have known better.”

        “Yeah, you should have.”  Nick kissed him gently, on the lips.

        Drew took a slow breath, settling back into himself.  He knew he should have written his vows.  This was more honest, but a little less safe.

        “I think I just said what I have to say to you,” Nick said.

        Drew smiled.  “I think so.”

        “It’s still your turn.  Vow Brian.”

        Drew tried to touch his ring but felt only too-naked skin.  Right.  He was somewhat in between marriages at the moment.  He turned to Brian, and stepped in closer until they were nearly touching.  He’d tried not to call Nick “beautiful” anywhere that Nick could hear him, because it made him that much more open, and he was already intensely vulnerable to Nick as it was.  He’d resisted calling Brian “beautiful” because he’d known it would come out sounding like ownership, and he wasn’t always entirely comfortable about that.  He didn’t want to rub it in Brian’s face, because Brian’s current life was built on control, and also because he had immense respect and admiration for Brian, and he didn’t want there to be any question about that.

        But…maybe it was time.  Brian wanted to be owned, and now the only question was whether Drew was strong enough to do it.

        He cupped Brian’s face in one hand.  Brian.  Brian with that voice.  Those eyes.

        His Brian.  “You’re mine, beautiful.”  Saying it was like stepping off of a high city rooftop into nothingness, only to find that he could walk on air.  His thumb stroked just below one cheekbone.  “I swear, to God, that I will take care of you.  I vow that I will do everything in my power to see to it that you feel as safe, and as loved, and as confident, and as beautiful, as you ever possibly can.  But you have to let me.  I can’t do this if you fight me.  I’ve touched you from the inside, I know that I’m your world.  I will be your world, I will claim you for my own, and you can let go and finally be free.  But you can’t fight me.”

        Brian’s lips parted.

        “And you can’t hide from Nick.  I owe Nick everything, I give Nick everything, and I won’t do this if he can’t see it.  You can’t be afraid of him seeing you as weak.  You’re not weak, Brian, but you have weaknesses.  We all do.  Nick knows yours better than anyone.  You have to be willing to give yourself to me in front of him.  You have to be willing to let me hand you to him on a silver platter.  You have to trust me.  And Nick.”

        There was the thinnest veil of hesitation in Brian’s eyes.

        “You always have been special to me.  Sometimes you seemed almost otherworldly.  I wanted to make you smile.  I wanted to touch you to see if you were real.  I still do.  There’s something magical about you.  There’s something mysterious and shining about your spirit.  I want to bring that out of you, to touch it, to explore it and learn it.  Sometimes I can just by listening to you speak.  Sometimes I can just by watching you and the way you are with other people.  Sometimes I can just by hearing you sing and watching you onstage.  But sometimes, it takes more.”  His thumb tested Brian’s lips.  “Sometimes I have to make love to you just to get close to you, just so I can feel the magic of you shimmering all around me.”

        Brian’s eyes closed.

        “I love you,” Drew said softly.  “You’re the moon and the dew and everything that’s beautiful and magical.”

        Brian’s eyes opened.  “You were there, with Nick, when I couldn’t be.  You gave him back to me when I didn’t deserve him.  You let me explore your body and learn your heart.  You’ve been there, constant, a rock, my foundation.  I build myself from your base.  You love all of the wrong people, Drew, and you make it work.  You make it right.  I know that sometimes I push too much and pull too hard.  I know that I’m controlling.  I destroyed the most beautiful thing in my world, and I’ve been overcompensating for it ever since.  It’s hard even to admit that.  But you, you make it easy.  I can trust you.”

        Drew could have gazed on Brian’s face forever.

        “I give myself to you today,” Brian said.  His eyes were clear, his gaze steady.  “Today, and every day, for the rest of our lives.  I vow, to you, before Nick and before God, that I am yours.”

        Nick made an appreciative sound, like was he savoring the moment.

        Brian smiled at Drew, and blushed, just a little.

        God, Drew wanted this man.  Drew kissed him, gently, thinking about how many ways he could make Brian come tonight.  He let go, and Brian’s gaze caught his, and he tried to smile normally, like he wasn’t thinking of Brian spread out before him, naked and in ecstasy.

        “I like this,” Nick said.

        So did Drew.

        Brian’s gaze shifted to Nick.  His expression softened.  “Nick,” he said.

        “Our turn,” Nick said.  He shuffled his feet.  “Who’s going first?”

        “You go ahead,” Brian said.  “I just want to,” he kissed Nick, licking into Nick’s mouth, and Drew’s hormones perked right up.  Brian gradually released Nick, and Nick straightened, and Drew wanted Brian.  Wanted Nick, too, but god was that nothing new.  He had to live with that hum in the back of his brain every second of his life.  The Brian hum was quieter, usually, because up until now, he hadn’t been able to have Brian the way he wanted to.  That was about to change.

        Although, he wasn’t sure he’d ever be able to have either one of them the way he truly wanted to, until he could crack them open and crawl inside and live them.  And that wasn’t something he wanted to think about too much.

        Nick scratched the back of his neck, looking at Brian.  “I love you.  It’s weird.  You know how much I love you, you know I’d do anything for you, you know I’d give you anything even if you didn’t really want it, just because I think you should have everything possible.  You know I feel that way.  But now that I know that everything that went wrong wasn’t your idea, it wasn’t even your fault, and you were as fucked up over it as I was…  It’s like everything I was feeling before was black-and-white, and now there’s this huge burst of Technicolor with explosions and bright lights and it’s blinding me.  God, Brian, you’re like my world, I live for you.  I can’t give myself to you, I gave you everything a long time ago.”

        “I know,” Brian said softly.

        “I’ve been in love with you since I met you,” Nick said.  “You were my hero.  You still are.  It wasn’t about sex then.  When it became about sex - - you know I’m yours.  You can have me whenever, wherever, however, you know that.  I’m yours to use however you want.  I’m here for you.  To comfort you, to play with you, to listen to you, to talk to you.  I just want to be with you.  We fit together, we’re right together, we belong together.  I feel so fucking incomplete when I’m without you, so - - I just want to be with you,” he said again, like if he said it enough times maybe he could get across how much he meant it.

        “You are with me,” Brian said, his steady tone soothing Nick’s rising desperation.  “You are me, and I am you.  We’re one, Nick.  One.  We can’t be separated.  I’ll never let you go.  The sun takes its brightness from your smile and its warmth from your heart.  I’m a better man because I’ve loved you.  I love you, Nick.  I more than love you.  All of the songs about love and the books about sex in the world don’t come close to what I feel for you.  Even JC himself knows nothing about love and devotion and obsession compared to me.  But you know that.”

        “I know why you touch me,” Nick said.  “And I know why you don’t.”

        Brian’s eyes closed.

        “I know everything about you,” Nick said.  “More than I ever did.  I just don’t call you on any of it, because I know you like your privacy.”

        Brian’s eyes opened.  “Nick…”

        “It’s okay,” Nick said.  “I’m not scared.  I feel everything you feel.  We’re one, remember?”

        Brian smiled.  He was reassured.  “We are one.  We were connected from the first day.  There was something about you that hooked onto my heart, and by the second day it was in my soul, and after that, I knew.  Whatever happened, our lives were linked.”

        “And now we’re getting married,” Nick said.  “You, and me, and Drew.”

        Brian put out his hand, and Drew took it, also taking Nick’s free hand, completing a circle.  Brian bowed his head and tugged them closer, so Drew stepped in until his bent head was almost touching Brian’s.  There was a moment of silence, and then Brian began to whisper something.  Something that sounded a whole lot like something private between Brian and God, so Drew closed his eyes and had a few thoughts of his own.  Like, he couldn’t wait to stand before the altar and say his vows.  Like, he could largely accept the absences of major family members, because the people who were sitting out there in those pews and walking them down the aisle were family, too, and he loved them, and he was proud and grateful to have them present to witness and celebrate this union.  Like, he just couldn’t think when Nick’s thumb was massaging small, skin-tingling circles into his palm like that.

        Brian had fallen silent, but there was a certain quality to the silence that told Drew that Brian was still praying, so he held still and prayed a little bit on his own.  There was no telling what Nick was thinking; he didn’t try to guess.  Nick’s brain had to be a chaotic wonderland, probably more so during silence and stillness than during noise and action.

        Brian’s grip tightened on his hand.  Then it relaxed, and he opened his eyes, and Brian’s eyes opened.  Brian smiled.  Drew felt himself smiling back.  “Ready?” Brian asked.

        “Ready,” Drew said.

        Nick kissed his cheek first, then Brian’s.  “Let’s go.”