"Where You Belong"

Where You Belong, eighth in the "Living" series

Rating: NC-17 for graphic male-male sex

Pairings: Thus far we've had JC/Justin, Nick/Drew/Brian, Nick/Jeff, Nick/Drew/Brian/Nick/Jeff, AJ/Lance, AJ/Howie, AJ/Kevin, Chris/Howie, and partridge/pear tree.

Disclaimer: The young men who comprise the Backstreet Boys, *NSYNC, and 98 Degrees are their own people. The author has not met anyone here described, nor does the author mean to suggest that these people act this way in real life. This writing is a work of fiction. I make no money from this venture.

Dedication: This slashfic is for Ewan McGregor and the Savage Garden slashwriters. It also is for Elizabeth and Jeff.

Notice: First, read "I Need You Tonight," "Boy Lead the Way to Ecstasy," "Not Easy," "No One," "Rest in Peace," "Destiny," and "Together." I know it sounds like a lot, but it'll only take you an hour or two.

From the bed, Chris squinted at the clock. Squinted at the bathroom door. Squinted at the pillow beside him. “Howie, my love?” he asked, peeking under the covers.

“Chris?” Howie asked, appearing in the bathroom doorway, buttoning his shirt.

“That is you,” Chris said. “What are you doing over there at this time of night?”

“It’s morning,” Howie said, gliding over to kiss his cheek. “I told you I was going over to see Nick today.”

“At this time of night?” Chris asked again.

“It’s morning,” Howie said again, just as patiently. Seeing that this could take a minute, Howie sat on the edge of the bed, kissing Chris’s other cheek.

“What makes you think Nick will be up at this hour of the morning?” Chris asked.

“If he isn’t, we’ll wake him up,” Howie said.

“We?” Chris asked.

“Kevin, AJ, and me. AJ’s going to take Brian to the studio, and Kevin and I are kidnapping Nick.”

“It’s an invasion,” Chris said.

Howie smiled. “A friendly one.”

“And they have no problem with you invading their home at this time of night?”

“They shouldn’t have given us keys,” Howie said.

“Howie, who has keys to our house?” Chris asked with some trepidation.

“You know I gave one to Kevin,” Howie said. “I’m going to give a key to John when we’re off on tour.”

“Is there a chance that Kevin might abuse that privilege and allow a Backstreet invasion into our home?” Chris asked.

“Yes,” Howie said. He kissed Chris’s cheek. “You’ll get used to it.” He kissed Chris’s mouth. “I have to go. I love you.” Another kiss. “Have a good day at the studio.”

“Am I not getting sex this morning?” Chris asked, as Howie rose. “Is that what you’re trying to tell me?”

“Good-bye,” Howie said, heading for the door.

“No hot Latin love?” Chris pleaded.

Howie waved and was gone.

“We aren’t even married and already I’m not getting any.” Chris slumped back against the pillows. “This is not good.”

Ring.

Lance grumbled into Joey’s ear.

Ring.

Joey pushed his face into the pillow in denial.

Ring.

Lance made an irritated, this-had-better-be-worth-it sound, and rolled over, stretching for the phone. “Hello?” he asked, sounding not entirely awake, his voice low and rough. “Justin, do you know what time it is? Go play with JC. I’ll talk to you later.” He hung up the phone and rolled back into Joey, going back to sleep.

Drew burrowed in against Nick’s back. He didn’t know what had disturbed him, but it couldn’t be important. He’d wakened at three to spend an hour fuming on Nick’s behalf, polishing his strategy for his part in Brian’s plan, and putting away sex toys. If they were still out in the morning, Brian would be hours late to the studio.

Brian was far too good with those things. That kind of skill could only come from experience. How often had Brian used those kinds of toys on Nick?

After scrubbing down the kitchen, Drew had quieted the buzzing in his head enough to go back to sleep. It was a relief to crawl in beside Nick, close his eyes, and drift into dreams, to get away from impossible questions, like what he was going to tell Nick if their plan didn’t go well, or even if it did. Nick’s problems were too big for them to find a simple solution.

Still, it was better than doing nothing.

Nick rolled over, ending up half on top of him, a too-warm too-heavy blanket. Drew wrapped his arm around Nick’s waist and went back to sleep.

While Drew slept, someone began to creep up the stairs. “AJ,” Kevin’s voice whispered. “Come back here.”

“I want to go where no man has gone before,” AJ whispered back, creeping farther.

“AJ!” Kevin warned. “AJ!”

In the hallway, AJ turned the bedroom doorknob.

“Get back here!”

AJ pushed the door open, peeking into the room. Filtered sunlight revealed Brian curled on one side, facing the middle of the bed with the covers dangerously low; Nick in the middle, on his back; and Drew on his stomach on top of Nick with one leg and half his ass exposed.

AJ grinned in delight, sneaking forward.

“AJ!” Kevin bellowed, and started up the stairs, dropping all pretense of respecting anyone’s rest.

AJ climbed onto the foot of the bed, reaching for Brian’s hip with one hand.

Brian’s eyes opened. He shouted in alarm, jerking awake, almost kicking AJ. “AJ!”

“Holy shit!” Nick sat up wildly, dumping Drew to one side, then stared at AJ and yanked sheets over Drew’s nudity.

“AJ!” Kevin was in the doorway, looking pissed.

“Alexander James,” Brian shouted, “you get out of our room! Get!”

Laughing, AJ kissed Nick good morning and hurried out of the room.

“Sorry about this,” Howie said to Drew with a polite smile, closing the door again.

“Holy shit,” Nick said.

The door opened; AJ poked his head in. “Can I just say-”

“Out!” Brian shouted, throwing a pillow at the door.

“-that now I know what they see in you?” AJ closed the door before Nick’s pillow reached him.

Drew tugged the sheets more securely over his groin.

“Freak,” Nick said. “I guess the honeymoon’s over.”

“It looks like it,” Brian said.

Drew nodded. “Glad I put away the vibrators.”

“You said you’d talk to him,” JC said.

“I didn’t get a chance,” Justin said.

“You had all day. He had all day,” JC clarified. “If he didn’t want to talk to you, he’s going to talk to me.”

“I need another day,” Justin said. “He was weird this morning, he was himself again, he sounded normal. Maybe-”

“No,” JC said firmly. “Baby, I gave you time. Now it’s my turn.”

“JC,” Justin said. “This is my friendship with Lance we’re talking about. Can I be in charge of it?”

“It’s not your friendship with Lance, it’s Lance’s blatant lack of respect for our relationship. Lack of respect for you. Lack of respect for me. This can’t keep happening.”

“I’ll take care of it,” Justin said. “Something’s different. When I called, he sounded like himself. Really himself, not pretending to be himself so we’ll let our guard down. Let me talk to him.”

JC looked at Justin. “You have this morning,” he decided. “After the studio, I’m going to talk to him. You have until then.”

Justin kissed him. “I love you, baby. I’ll take care of myself.”

Brian and Kevin were talking in the dining room. Howie was upstairs with Nick. Drew was getting himself a bowl of cereal and wondering why AJ was leaning against the kitchen table looking at him like that.

“AJ,” Brian said in his polite voice, coming into the room, “may we help you?”

“We need to instate a new rule,” AJ said. “Anyone marrying into the Boys is community property.”

“Interested in Chris?” Brian asked.

AJ leaned across the table, looking at Drew with gorgeous thick-lashed eyes. “Your body is incredible.”

“I eat my vegetables,” Drew said.

“Down, AJ,” Brian said.

Howie strolled into the kitchen. “Nick wants you,” he told Brian.

“Be nice,” Brian told AJ, and left.

AJ tapped his painted nails on the tabletop. “How’s your sexy boy?” he asked Howie.

“I told him we were coming over here and now he’s worried you’re all going to bust in on us some morning,” Howie said.

“Don’t start giving me ideas now,” AJ warned.

Howie smiled, taking a seat at the table.

“I called about the thing,” AJ said.

“Is everything checking out?” Howie asked.

“Yeah. Looks like it’s all done but the signatures.”

“When are you going to do it?”

“I’m thinking tomorrow,” AJ said.

Drew blended in with the cabinets, listening. Watching. AJ’s hands, silver jewelry and black polish. Howie’s eyes, calm and patient and kind and expressing a dozen good-natured emotions at once. The way they were completely at ease discussing something private in front of other people, as they’d probably had to do for most of their lives now. The way they were completely comfortable together, relaxed, familiar.

“You taking time off?” Howie asked.

“JC’s giving us the day off,” AJ said.

“Tomorrow?” Howie asked.

AJ paid more attention. “Topher didn’t tell you?”

Drew wondered whether AJ picked random nicknames for everyone, and whether they ever stuck. Was he merely amusing himself, or was it a sign of affection?

“Either he forgot, or he’s planning something,” Howie said.

“Another romantic surprise?” AJ guessed with a grin.

“It would be hard to top the proposal,” Howie said.

“Andrew!” Nick came into the kitchen. “Kevin says we’re leaving now.”

“We have to go, too,” Brian said, pushing Nick farther in so he could enter. “Are you good for today?”

“I’ll be painting walls,” Drew said, spooning up more cereal. “I think I can handle it.”

“Everyone say good-bye to Drew,” Brian said. “Bye, sweetheart, I love you.” His kiss was gentle but lingered.

“Bye,” Nick said, and quickly slipped him tongue. “I love you. I’ll see you later.”

“Bye,” AJ said, stepping up next in line, kissing his cheek. The look in AJ’s eyes was wicked. Drew grinned back.

“Andrew,” Nick said. “Stop teasing him.”

“Bad boy,” AJ whispered, and walked away.

“Bye,” Howie said.

“Sorry about AJ,” Kevin said.

“Don’t apologize for me,” AJ said from the hallway.

“Someone has to,” Kevin said, going in that direction.

Drew turned to rinse out his cereal bowl.

“I’m coming!” Brian called, suddenly back in the kitchen, and then he was kissing Drew, taking over Drew’s mouth, his hands slipping over Drew’s hips, his kiss so hot and so thorough it should have been outlawed. “I want you,” he whispered, and did something erotic and complex with his tongue. “Later,” he promised, and then, as quickly as he’d come, he was gone.

Drew looked down at his hard-on, then over at the door. Okay. “Later,” he said to himself, and went to get his shoes.

A hand on his shoulder. “Lance. Lance.”

Joey? Lance rolled over, opening his eyes enough to confirm that yes, it was Joey. “What?”

“Your doorbell’s ringing.”

Oh, that was what that was. Lance rubbed his face, getting out of bed. Underwear on, T-shirt on, pants in one hand, he went out to the foyer and checked. Sighing, he opened the door. “What?”

“Good morning,” Justin said brightly. “I brought breakfast.”

“Thanks.” Lance took the bag and the coffee holder from him, then closed the door. Going back to the bedroom, Lance set the coffees on the nightstand and set the bag on the bed. “Breakfast.”

“Where’d you get that?” Joey asked. “Whoa,” he said, covering himself quickly.

“I’ve seen it before,” Justin said. “You should lock your door,” he told Lance.

“Go play with JC,” Lance said.

“I did, twice already this morning,” Justin said. “Three times, if you count the one in the bathroom, but that was just warm-up. He’s busy, and Drew’s not at the house yet, so I thought I’d come visit. How’s it going? You two look pretty cosy.”

“Have a seat,” Joey said. “What’s for breakfast?”

Justin sat on the bed, taking one of the coffees. “Muffins, bagels, maybe some danish, I don’t know. Give me something.”

“I can’t tell what this stuff is, it looks like they’re all wrapped in…napkins.” Joey withdrew a napkin from a bag, brushing crumbs from it. On it was written, in Justin’s handwriting, “I love Lance.”

“What do you want?” Lance asked, crossing his arms over his chest.

“Looks like he wants you,” Joey said, picking up another napkin, and another. Each said the same thing.

“Can we talk?” Justin asked.

“I have to go to the, the bathroom,” Joey said. “And the kitchen. And maybe Tallahassee.” He grabbed coffee and a muffin and left, closing the door. Then he opened the door, took another muffin, and left again. “Thanks for breakfast!” he called through the door.

“You’re welcome!” Justin shouted back.

Lance put on his pants and leaned against the door.

“I miss you,” Justin said.

“Really,” Lance said.

“I’ll forgive you if you forgive me,” Justin said.

“Forgive you?” Lance asked, his voice cynical. “For what?”

“Being a jackass. Not seeing anyone outside myself. Seeing myself as the center of the universe, not just mine and JC’s, but everybody’s. All of the screaming and fighting and bitchslapping and drama. I’m sorry, Lance. JC and I are working on it, but I have to apologize to you and Joey and Chris, at least. I wanted to start with you.”

“Why me?” Lance asked. “You haven’t come to me, really come and talked to me, for years.”

“I know,” Justin said. “I know, it’s been, I’m… I know. I haven’t talked to Joey or Chris, either, so you’re not alone there. I haven’t treated you guys like friends. You’ve gotten only the worst of me.”

“And the best,” Lance said.

Justin looked at him in surprise, moved.

“The best and the worst,” Lance said. “Nothing in-between, and it’s the in-between that makes us friends.”

“I didn’t go to anyone who wouldn’t understand,” Justin said. “You would have understood, you guys know me and JC better than anyone, but I was stupid. I was self-centered. I thought that only someone in a situation like mine would know what I was going through. I could talk to Nick, I could talk to Brian, but anyone who wasn’t living out what I was living wasn’t worth the time. That’s stupid, Lance, it wasn’t fair to you, and I’m sorry for it. The three of you were standing right there, wanting to help, willing to help, and I didn’t even see it.”

“Joey was never in a relationship like that, Chris and Howie are - - well, it’s Chris. But what about me?” Lance asked. “I was in love with a man, we had a relationship, he was proud and beautiful and sexual and creative and powerful and dynamic, you could have talked to me.” Old pain crossed Lance’s face. “I could have talked to you.”

“I wasn’t there for you,” Justin said. “Lance, I was wrong, I was wrapped up in myself. When you were with AJ, when you broke up with AJ, before, after, during, I know I wasn’t there for you. I wasn’t being a friend.”

“What makes you so damned special?” Lance asked. “Why are you at the center of everything? I’m not talking about onstage, I’m not even talking about the press, I’m talking about us. The five of us. Why does it always have to be you?”

“I made it me, JC made it me, that’s two out of five,” Justin said. “You and Chris and Joey let it stay that way. Step forward, take your turn.”

“I shouldn’t have to yell to be heard over you,” Lance said. “You just once could have directed the attention my way. You could have fucking asked how I was doing.”

“Lance-”

“I don’t want to take the spotlight away from you, Justin. I just might like to share it some of the damned time.”

“You can have it now,” Justin said. “I’m going to do better. I want to do better. I don’t want to lose you, Lance. I don’t want to lose Joey or Chris, either.”

“What about JC?” Lance asked.

“What about JC?” Justin asked.

“How does he feel about his baby sharing the spotlight?”

“That’s not fair,” Justin said. “JC loves you guys. Things being this way is my fault, not his.”

“Does he know you’re talking to me?”

“Yes.”

“Does he know what happened at Chris’s house?”

“Yes,” Justin said honestly. “I told him.”

“Then why haven’t I been sent to the emergency room?” Lance asked.

“I told him that I have to talk to you. I told him that what happened was as much my fault as it was yours, because I handled it badly. He’s giving me time to handle it myself.”

“What are you going to do?” Lance asked.

“I told you. I’ll forgive you if you forgive me. I’ll even forgive you if you don’t forgive me. Things got pretty fucked up around here, and a lot of that has a lot to do with me, and how much of a jackass I’ve been. If I were a better friend to you, maybe you’d have been a better friend to me. Things got bad, and you hit your limit. You weren’t getting anything from us, so you started taking.”

“You’re going to forgive me,” Lance said skeptically. “For everything.”

“You know you can’t touch me like that,” Justin said. “It’s all mind games. You don’t even want me.”

“How would you know?” Lance asked.

“Lance, you weren’t even hard,” Justin said. “I wasn’t, either, if you were wondering. Maybe you wanted me before, maybe whatever. The other night, you were just trying to make me uncomfortable, or trying to seduce me for some half-assed reason, I don’t know. I don’t know, and I don’t care, as long as it doesn’t happen again. We can start over. Really start over. I’m starting over with myself, I’m starting over with JC, I’m getting kind of good at it. I want to start over with you, too. And even Joey and Chris.”

Lance shifted his weight from one foot to the other.

“You’re kind of getting a new start, too,” Justin said. “Got a new boyfriend. We can all start over. I’m not saying it’ll be easy, but what we have is worth it.”

“I don’t like you,” Lance said. “I still love you, and I always will, but I don’t like you very much anymore. I don’t like myself, either, but that one I’m working on.”

“I brought breakfast,” Justin said.

“I’ve acted like a jackass, too,” Lance said. “I’ve been mean and hateful, and if I would’ve had the balls for it I would’ve done a lot of cruel shit to you. I’ve done some cruel shit to you.”

“It could’ve been a lot worse,” Justin said. “You’ve kept going to a point, and then dropping back. You’ve pushed it, but not too far. That’s your saving grace, Lance. You don’t actually hate us. You don’t actually want to destroy us. Either you don’t have the stomach for it or you love us too much, but whatever it is, it makes me believe in you.”

“You’re full of shit, but it’s pretty shit,” Lance said.

Justin smiled.

“I don’t think you should forgive me,” Lance said.

“I don’t think I deserve a second chance, either, but that’s not up to me, just like whether or not I forgive you isn’t up to you.”

Lance looked down, then to Justin. “New start?”

“With muffins,” Justin offered.

Lance smiled. “Got blueberry?”

“Why do I always have to sit in the backseat?” Nick asked.

“It keeps you off my radio,” Kevin said.

“I want to drive.”

“Not in my car.”

“I won’t speed.”

“You always speed.”

“You’d be nicer to me if I were your cousin.”

“I’d be nicer to you if you hadn’t already wrecked one of my cars.”

“That was five years ago, and I told you I was sorry.”

“He did buy you a new one,” Howie said to Kevin from the passenger seat.

“Where are we going?” Nick asked.

“To pick up a new car,” Kevin said.

“You’re getting a new car?” Nick sat forward with interest.

“I’m buying a new car,” Kevin said.

“What’s the difference?” Nick asked, confused.

“It’s for AJ,” Howie said.

“You’re buying AJ a car?” Nick asked. “You never bought me a new car. Wait, no. You never bought Howie or Brian a new car.”

“AJ’s his boyfriend,” Howie said. “I can buy my own cars.”

“What are you getting?” Nick asked.

“AJ is going to be the proud new owner of the very first, brand-new, not-yet-on-the-market Mercedes convertible.”

“The LS-900?” Nick asked, gripping the back of Kevin’s seat.

“How do you know that?” Howie asked. “Am I the only person who’s too busy to memorize lines of cars that aren’t even on the street yet?”

“How’d you get one now?” Nick asked Kevin, ignoring Howie.

“Call it a perk of being rich and famous,” Kevin said.

“Red or black?” Nick asked.

“Red,” Kevin said.

“He’s going to have a fucking orgasm,” Nick said. “You’re so in.”

“I’m already in,” Kevin said.

“Not like this,” Nick said. “Damn, they won’t be out until next year. The paint can’t even be dry. It’s supposed to have an engine like a motherfucker. AJ’s going to shit himself.”

“In other words, good job,” Howie told Kevin.

Nick sat back. “I could use a new car.”

“You don’t need a new car,” Kevin said.

Nick opened his mouth.

“Or a new boat,” Kevin said.

Howie changed the station.

“I should get Drew a new car,” Nick said. “Maybe an Escalade. If I get one for him, I should get one for Brian. Matching ones.”

“That would be cute,” Howie admitted.

“Drew keeps getting trucks and SUVs that are too big for him,” Nick said. “Maybe I should get something little, something super-fast with a huge engine.” He thought about it, picking at the hole in the knee of his jeans. “What are you getting for Chris?”

“My undying love,” Howie said.

“He just proposed to you and gave you that big chunk of rock,” Nick said. “You have to give him something.”

“I’ll have Kevin buy him a car,” Howie said.

“You’re so unromantic,” Nick said.

The sound from the radio was the only noise in the car. All else was silence.

Howie sat forward slowly, then turned in his seat to look at Nick.

Kevin stifled his smile.

Howie stared at Nick.

Nick raised his eyebrows. “What?”

Howie kept his mouth shut, turning around again and sitting back on his seat.

Kevin flicked on his turn signal and pulled into the lot. “I take it we’ll be spending the rest of the day romancing Chris?”

“What?” Nick asked. “I don’t even like Chris. No offense.”

“Trust me,” Kevin said. “I think offense has already been taken.”

Jeff picked up the phone. “Hello.”

“You’re not busy today, are you?” Drew asked.

“What are you trying to rope me into?”

“There’s a charming little cottage I’m fixing up, and I could use an extra pair of hands.”

“You mean there’s a forty million dollar mansion you’re redecorating, and you want me to lay tile in the bathroom.”

“Justin just called to say he’ll be late. Even with him here, just the two of us, we’ll never get this done.”

“And you thought of me.”

“Nick’s recording.”

“My middle name is not Fixit.”

“You should be able to hold a paintbrush. I have faith in you.”

“How much does this job pay?”

“We’ll earn JC’s gratitude for life if we can talk Justin out of some of his decorating choices. So far his plans include a room with purple walls and silver trim, a Playstation theme room, and mirrors on the ceiling in the bedroom. That last one isn’t negotiable.”

“I’m not painting anything purple or silver,” Jeff said. “What’s a Playstation theme?”

“I was afraid to ask for details,” Drew said. “Justin’s a smart guy, a great guy, but you should see the way he holds a paintbrush. I think he gets more paint on the floor and windows than on the walls.”

“All right,” Jeff said. “I’m on my way.”

Things were a little off. A little uncomfortable. Justin kept running out of things to say, and Lance kept looking at Justin like he was waiting for Justin to throw a pissed-off diva fit. Justin was trying too hard, and Lance wasn’t trusting enough.

Justin had apologized to Joey, and Joey believed that he was sincere. How could he not forgive? It was Justin, after all. As far as Joey was concerned, everything was forgotten.

They had breakfast. They talked about Chris’s upcoming nuptials. They talked about the Fools and the new album. They talked about how to get back at JC for not including them in the Fools.

Justin said he had to get over to the new house, to get to work. He invited them to join him.

Lance hesitated.

“It’ll be fun,” Joey said. “You have clothes I can borrow?” he asked Lance.

“Yeah, probably something,” Lance said, getting up. “Let me look.”

Joey followed Lance to the bedroom. “Come with us,” he said.

“I don’t want to spend all day with him,” Lance said.

“We won’t all work in the same room,” Joey said. “It’ll be good. You guys are great together when you’re focused on the task.”

“I don’t think JC wants me working on his love nest right now.”

“If he has a problem with it, we can get into that later,” Joey said. “Come with us for a few hours. You can always pretend you got an urgent phone call and have to do whatever it is you do all day. What is it you do again?”

“I’ll do it for you,” Lance said.

Joey kissed him.

“I’m not staying long,” Lance warned him.

Joey kissed him again.

“No more than two hours,” Lance said.

Another kiss.

Lance started kissing him back. “Or…six…”

Nick picked through Kevin’s fries.

Howie handed over his fries, to save an argument.

“I’ve been having the weirdest conversation in my head for the past two days,” Nick said.

“The one about the vanilla goat?” Kevin asked.

“Shut up,” Nick said. “It’s… It’s kind of like this.” He opened a ketchup packet and fiddled with it, finding the right words. “I’ve come pretty far recently, as far as a lot of my issues go. Psychological fucked-up issues. I don’t want to go backwards.”

“We don’t want you to, either,” Kevin said.

“We like you this way,” Howie said.

“Thanks,” Nick said. “So, when Brian started telling me about this stuff, I started thinking, it’s my fault. Maybe I’m too gay, or maybe they’re right to be ashamed of me, or maybe whatever. Maybe if I butched up, or had less sex, or had different sex, or at least stopped talking about sex…”

“What’d you decide?” Kevin asked.

“A lot of people have this idea that maybe it’s okay to be gay, as long as you fit some masculine ideal. Like you can be gay, as long as you don’t fit the gay stereotype. Like you’re supposed to act like a man, be a man - - what the hell, who decides what a man acts like? Am I supposed to talk a certain way? Dress a certain way? Beat my girlfriend a certain way? I think that’s bullshit. I always thought that was bullshit. I don’t want to start being someone I’m not, when I’m just now starting to be comfortable being who I am. I want to really enjoy being me for at least five minutes before I start changing to fit someone else’s idea of what I’m supposed to be. ‘Supposed to be’ is bullshit, I am who I am, and if I’m not man enough for you, who the hell are you to judge?”

“Good for you,” Howie said. “Stand by what you believe.”

“I’ve always had this thing with sex,” Nick said. “Like if that’s how I can keep people interested in me, then that’s what I’ll give them. It turns out, I guess, that Drew and Brian kind of like me for other reasons, too. And I like sex. It’s fun. I like having it and doing it, I like thinking about it, I like talking about it. I don’t talk about it at press conferences or during interviews, I don’t talk about it to my parents or people on the street, I talk about it to people I can trust who already know everything about my personal life anyway, because they’re in it. Like you guys.”

Kevin nodded, waiting patiently for Nick to get to the point.

“It’s fun, and it’s something I’m good at - - not the only thing I’m good at,” he reminded them. “I just happen to be very good at it. It’s something I can share with Brian and Drew. Something I can give to them. Sometimes it’s even like a form of communication.”

Kevin nodded.

“I’m not giving it up,” Nick said. “I actually sat down and tried to think about giving up Brian and Drew, and it’s not possible. I’ve been thinking about backing off sex or butching up, and that’s not me. I’m this person. This is who I am. Maybe it’s not what my family wanted from me. Maybe I turned out wrong, in their eyes. I don’t know. I think I turned out okay.”

“You turned out beautifully,” Kevin said.

“I can’t give in to my parents,” Nick said. “I can’t be who they want me to be. And even if I could, I don’t want to. That would be admitting there’s something wrong with me, and I don’t think it’s wrong. I don’t think it’s wrong to be gay. Being gay and being straight are equal, they’re the same, they’re just different. I’m not hurting anybody, I’m not raping or molesting, I’m not having sex with kids or animals or anyone who doesn’t want to have sex back. I’m in love with someone of sound mind and body who loves me back, and we’re trying to have a relationship like anybody else. I have a dick and he has a dick, it’s our business how we work that out. Okay, so there are three of us, and I get that that’s a little extra different, but that’s not the point. The point is, there’s nothing wrong with who I am. I’m not a bad person, and I don’t want to spend the rest of my life being ashamed of myself. I’ve fucking despised myself for too damned long. I’m done with it. I’m finally in a better place, on the right path, and I’m not going back. Not for anyone. Not even for them.”

Howie leaned over, hugging him, kissing his cheek. “You’ve turned out beautifully,” Howie said softly.

Joey and Lance were in one room, painting it a soft, pale peach. Drew was in the first bathroom, laying tile, and had Jeff in the next room to keep an eye on Justin.

The doorbell rang. “I hate that sound,” Justin said. “I have to get a new chime.” He set down his paintbrush and went to answer the door. “Hey! What are you doing here?”

“You look great,” Brian said, hugging him. “Can’t stay, can’t talk, I have to get back in five minutes or less. Would you happen to know where my husband is?”

“Down the hallway, second door,” Justin said.

“Thanks.” Brian disappeared.

“Who’s here?” Joey asked.

“Brian,” Justin said.

“What’s he doing here?” Lance asked.

“I believe the common term for it is ‘nooner,’” Justin said.

“What?” Jeff asked.

“Brian?” Joey asked.

“Trust the expert,” Justin said.

“Drew wouldn’t do that,” Joey said.

“Who’s going to turn down Brian?” Justin asked.

“Oh, I would, definitely, I’m taken, so taken,” Joey said. “Very taken.”

“Relax,” Lance said.

“I’d do him in a heartbeat,” Joey said.

“Don’t relax that much,” Lance said.

“Somewhere in between,” Justin advised.

“Sorry, should we not, he’s your brother-in-law,” Joey said to Jeff, realizing that maybe he wasn’t the best audience for this conversation.

“No, it’s okay,” Jeff said. “I’m just not used to you talking about guys. I’ll have to get used to that.”

“Joey’s crush on Brian is not new,” Justin said.

“Neither is Justin’s,” Lance said.

“Hey,” Justin said. “It’s not like that,” he told Jeff.

“Maybe we should get back to work,” Joey said.

“Maybe we should,” Jeff said, somewhat amused. They all went back to work for a few minutes, each pretending not to have an ear perked for any suspicious noises.

In the bathroom, Drew was kissing Brian as deeply as he could while backing Brian into the wall and opening Brian’s jeans. Brian’s hands felt over Drew’s back, cupped Drew’s ass, and pulled off Drew’s shirt.

Brian’s kiss met Drew’s passion for passion. “Make,” he panted, kiss, kiss, “love to me.”

Drew squeezed Brian’s arousal through his underwear. “Not here,” he said, kissing Brian through a low moan.

“Now, now,” Brian insisted, feeling up the hard muscle in Drew’s chest, moaning again at the press of Drew’s hand on his dick.

“Home,” Drew said, freeing Brian’s erection from his underwear, sliding possessive fingers up the shaft.

“Far,” Brian disagreed, groaning into Drew’s kiss, running his hands over Drew’s naked upper body. It had been too long and last night had been too much and he wanted to feel that thick solid flesh plunging deep into his body, taking him over and owning him. He was responsible in multiple ways for everything that Nick was going through, and he couldn’t take it anymore, he wanted someone else to take control for five minutes just to give him that glimpse of freedom and release.

“We can’t,” Drew panted, “here.” He wanted to take Brian, he did, he’d been thinking about it ever since Brian had surprised him in the kitchen that morning, but not in Justin’s bathroom. But Brian’s kiss was full of want and need and lust and passion, and Brian’s hands were stroking him with carnal desire, and Brian’s dick was hard in his hand, slick with pre-cum. Drew tilted his head to one side, kissing Brian harder, pumping Brian’s dick with quick rhythm.

Brian’s breath hitched, and his hand suddenly clutched at Drew’s shoulder, and he made a shocked moaning noise.

Drew opened his eyes. “Oh.”

Brian’s eyes were bright and startled. “Oh,” he echoed, his hand sliding across Drew’s shoulder.

Drew’s gaze dropped to Brian’s mouth.

“Drew,” Brian whispered.

“What do you want now?” Drew asked slowly, his voice soft, his fingers stroking through Brian’s pubic hair.

“You,” Brian whispered, and kissed him slowly, gently, tongue slipping into his mouth, fingers sliding up into his hair.

“How long have they been in there?” Joey asked Lance.

“Half an hour,” Lance said.

“Does that still count as a quickie?” Joey asked.

Ten minutes later, Justin said to Jeff, “I don’t want to speculate on anything, but maybe we should go check on them. It’s been a while. They might have slipped and hit their heads on something.”

“I’m sure they’re fine,” Jeff said.

“They’re being kind of quiet,” Justin said.

“Trying to keep quiet can make it hotter, depending,” Jeff said.

“I wouldn’t know anything about that,” Justin said. “I’m one of those, the louder, the better people.”

Ten minutes later, the bathroom door opened. Suddenly, everyone was painting around doorways, peering out into the hallway. Brian ran his hands over his hair, checking his pocket for his keys. “Hey,” he said, seeing Justin again.

“How’s it doing in there?” Justin asked. “The, uh, tiles.”

“They’re fine,” Brian said. “Everything looks great. I’d better get back to the studio.”

“Tell JC I said hi,” Justin said.

Brian smiled. “I will. Hey, I thought I saw your car outside,” he said, spotting Jeff. “How’d you get roped into doing this?”

“It’s great work,” Jeff said. “Lousy pay, but everyone’s here. Joey, Lance…”

Brian’s expression became more alert, but all he said was, “It must be great to have all of this help.”

“I have good friends,” Justin said.

“You do,” Brian agreed, sparing him a smile. “I’ll tell JC you said hi. Bye!” he called into Joey and Lance’s room. In seconds, he was gone.

Lance tried to shake off his tension.

“You don’t need new clothes for this,” Nick said.

“I want to look good,” Howie said, slowly touring the store.

“You always look good. Just pick something. Or wear something you already have at home.”

“Chris has seen all of that.”

“There’s no way he’s seen all of that,” Nick said. “You have enough clothes for ten people. Which is weird, because you never buy anything! Just pick something! Here, take this.”

“It’s orange,” Howie said.

“Okay, blue, you look good in blue.”

“It’s… Brian would look good in that.”

“He would,” Nick said, noticing. “I’m getting this.”

“I wonder what Chris is wearing.”

“Oh, god.” Nick walked away.

Chris stepped into the hallway, putting his phone to his ear. “My love?”

Howie’s voice warmed his blood. “What are you wearing?”

“A red velvet G-string,” Chris said.

Howie laughed. “What else?”

“Jeans and a T-shirt. It’s a look.”

“Don’t make plans for tonight.”

“I am instantly plan-less for you, my sweet.”

“Thank you. Bye.”

“Bye.” Chris hung up and waltzed himself down the hallway.

Kevin walked over to where Nick was sitting on the store’s floor being bored. “I think he found something he likes.”

“Thank god,” Nick muttered.

“Are you okay?” Kevin asked.

“You know if you ask me that two more times, it’s going to end up in the Guinness Book,” Nick said.

“I want you to be okay,” Kevin said, squatting down beside him.

“I know,” Nick said. “Thanks,” he added.

“What were you thinking about?” Kevin asked.

“You know how when you’re upset or something happens, you’re supposed to turn to your family?” Nick asked. “I haven’t done that in a long time. Shit happens, some of it huge, some of it kind of small, but I can’t go to them for any of it. It’s not like I don’t have anybody, I have people, I have friends. It’s just, I used to be able to go to them. My parents. Sometimes my sisters. Not anymore. I’ve tried, but getting smacked down only makes things worse.”

“I’m sorry, Nick.”

“I wanted…” Nick looked at Kevin. “I wanted to thank you. I can always go to you for anything, and you always make time for me, and you always help me handle it.”

“You can come to me any time, about anything,” Kevin said. “AJ and Howie, too. You know that.”

“I know.”

“You want us to drop you off with Brian or Drew?”

“No,” Nick said. “I’ll be okay.”

“Okay,” Kevin said. “Let us know if you change your mind.”

Justin cornered Lance. “I want you to talk to JC.”

“I will,” Lance said.

“Today?” Justin pressed.

Lance looked like he wanted to say something not very polite, but just then Joey started singing in the next room. Lance bit back his first retort and said, “If he’s willing.”

“Do you want me to be there?” Justin asked.

Lance looked at him. “No.”

Justin looked hurt, but recovered well. “Okay. Nick just called Jeff, so I think they’re about done.”

Lance nodded. “Joey!”

Chris walked outside with Nick. “-so I said, if the monkey thinks the chicken’s so, so, so… Is that Howie?”

“It looks like it,” Nick said.

Chris stopped walking.

Howie started walking from the car to where Chris was standing.

“Damn, he looks good,” Chris said. “I’m wetting my panties just looking at him.”

“On that note, I’ll see you later,” Nick said. “Have a good night.”

“Oh, you can bank on that one,” Chris said. He watched Howie approach. “You look hot.”

“You look gorgeous.” Howie kissed his cheek. “How’d it go?”

“I don’t remember,” Chris said, gazing at him.

Howie smiled. “I brought this for you.”

“It’s a daisy,” Chris said, taking it from him. “Howie, it’s a daisy.”

“I know,” Howie said.

“If they were out of roses-”

“They had roses,” Howie said. “I got this because it’s simple and modest and humble, but it’s just as beautiful as the fancier, flashier flowers.”

“It’s a metaphor,” Chris said. “A metaflower.”

Howie smiled. “Come with me,” he said, offering his hand.

“Anywhere,” Chris promised, taking it.

“You’ll be fine,” Joey said, cutting the engine and releasing his seatbelt. “You’ve made up with JC a dozen times.”

“It’s because I’ve made up with him a dozen times that he’ll be suspicious,” Lance said.

Joey did a quick half-glance for potential witnesses, then kissed Lance. “He’ll get over it. Maybe not in the first five minutes, but it’ll happen.”

“I don’t trust Justin. Justin shouldn’t trust me, and JC doesn’t trust me. I’ve pushed things too far too many times.”

“Let JC judge that,” Joey said. “Come on, get inside.”

“Maybe you shouldn’t come in,” Lance said.

“This is my house,” Joey said.

Lance got out, walking with Joey to the front door. “We should have Justin here.”

“You don’t need a buffer.”

“I touched Justin, again,” Lance said. “I need brick walls and barbed wire.”

Joey went into the house. “JC!” he called.

Lance didn’t want to have this conversation. Things with Justin had gone too easily. JC wouldn’t be as forgiving.

JC came downstairs. “Joey,” he said.

“This is Lance,” Joey said.

JC’s gaze took in the drops of paint on their clothes. “You’ve been at the house.”

“Justin asked us to help him,” Joey said. “We’ve been there all day.”

“You finally decided to talk to him,” JC said to Lance.

“I’m sorry,” Lance said. “I’m sorry for betraying the trust you had in me. I’m sorry for putting a hand on Justin.”

“I can’t trust you,” JC said. “You’ve used up your second chances.”

“JC,” Joey said. “I know you. When you love your friends, you love your friends. I know you still love him.”

“I’ll always love Lance,” JC said. “I just don’t want him anywhere near me or Justin.”

“We can’t work like that,” Joey said. “I know you’re not willing to give up on *NSYNC, so we’re going to have to figure something out. What can he do? Do you need time? Community service?”

“You had your answer before I walked in here,” Lance said. “What was your decision? Are you going to forgive me, or should I not waste your time?”

“What would you do with my forgiveness?” JC asked. “Waste it? Use it against me? How many times have we been here, Lance?”

“Things are different,” Lance said.

“Since when?” JC demanded. “For how long?”

“I’m tired of hating,” Lance said. “I’m tired of calculating and manipulating and scheming. I want to relax, and trust, and forgive. Joey’s been right beside me, watching me hit rock bottom, and he’s trusting me. I’ve treated him like shit, and I’ve done worse to Justin, and Justin’s forgiving me.”

“That’s Justin’s choice,” JC said. “I don’t agree with it.” He studied Lance with cynicism. “Who have you hurt the most? Who have you done the worst to?”

Lance looked at JC but said nothing.

“Lance,” Joey said. “We’re fighting for our lives here.”

“Why?” Lance asked JC.

“Tell him who,” Joey said.

Lance’s voice had a dark edge, daring them to question him. “Brian.”

“Come back to me when you have his forgiveness.” JC walked past them and left the house.

“Brian?” Joey asked.

“Fuck!” Lance shouted. “I’m not doing it,” he told Joey, “I can’t do it. I’ll run around after JC kissing his feet before I - - I’m not doing it.”

“You have to,” Joey said. “This is *NSYNC on the line. The five of us. Chris and I have been trying to hold things together, but we can’t do that forever. You have to make things right, Lance. If this is what JC wants, let’s get it done. Then all it’ll take is time, and we can handle that.”

“Justin can talk JC into dealing with me,” Lance said.

“Justin doesn’t have those kinds of magical powers anymore,” Joey said. “JC’s in charge of himself now, and he’s not taking bullshit from anyone. Go apologize to Brian and this will be over.”

“I can’t talk to him,” Lance said.

“You have to,” Joey said. “I’ll come with you.”

“No,” Lance said.

“No?” Joey repeated.

“No,” Lance said.

“You’re not going to do it?”

“I’m not,” Lance said. “We’ll find another way.”

“Brian will forgive you,” Joey said. “He’s a good guy, he’s probably been over it for weeks.”

“If you want to talk to him, you go right ahead,” Lance said. “JC doesn’t care what Brian thinks of me. He just wants me to beg for his forgiveness and admit how horrible I’ve been.”

“JC’s not trying to punish you,” Joey said.

“JC wants me to pay for having dared to touch his baby,” Lance said. “He must not realize Justin’s giving it away for free.”

“Where did that come from?” Joey asked.

“I still have a little anger left,” Lance admitted.

“Get rid of it,” Joey said.

Chris was sitting on a blanket on the grass. Shade was provided by a huge white beach-style umbrella tilted to the perfect angle. Champagne was chilling. A professional waiter in a tuxedo jacket was standing by.

They were eating Doritos and peanut butter sandwiches.

Chris was in love with Howie. Jif had never tasted better.

Brian rang the doorbell.

Justin opened the door. “You’re back!”

“I’m back,” Brian agreed with a smile, stepping into the house. “I noticed half of the cars are gone.”

“Yeah, most of my helpers left,” Justin said. “Drew’s still here. I feel like I should be paying him. He’s doing twice as much work as I am in the same amount of time.”

“I think he’s happy just having something to do,” Brian said. “Where is he?”

“In there, fixing my mistakes,” Justin said. “Tell him to go home for the day.”

“I will,” Brian said, and went to find Drew. “Hi.”

Drew turned with a smile. “Brian.” He set down his brush, walking over for a hug. The hug turned into a kiss, and the kiss went from “hello” to “my tongue or yours?” to “whew, was it good for you?”

“What is this?”

Drew turned his head and saw Nick. “Hi.”

Brian belatedly extricated himself. “Nick. How was your day with Kevin and Howie?”

“Not as interesting as what the two of you were just up to.” Nick kissed Brian’s cheek, then Drew’s. “We have to go home and talk about wedding stuff, so come on. I’ll buy dinner on the way.”

Kevin had left a mysterious little message telling him to go to his house after the studio, instead of Kevin’s. When AJ pulled up in his driveway, he saw his other car sitting in the driveway. He wasn’t sure why it was out - - he could assume that Kevin had moved it, but why?

As AJ got out of his car, Kevin opened the front door, stepping out of the house. “Welcome home.”

“What’s happening here?” AJ asked, walking over and treating Kevin to a kiss.

“I don’t think I do enough for you,” Kevin said.

“What are you talking about?” AJ asked. “You do a lot for me.”

“I did something for you.” Kevin held a garage door opener with one hand, and pushed the button with his thumb. The garage door rose, lights turning on to illuminate-

“Holy fuck!” AJ shouted. “Holy fuck!” He grabbed Kevin, kissing him hard. “Holy fuck!” he shouted again, and ran into the garage. “Oh, my baby, my baby, come to daddy. I’ll love you forever, my gorgeous, gorgeous darling of mine.” AJ hovered his hands over it, going down on his knees.

Kevin walked over, smiling at AJ’s happiness.

AJ kissed the air just above the paint, not wanting to get lip prints on the hood. “I love you,” he told the car. Then he looked up and pointed at Kevin. “I love you,” he said, rising. “I love you, I love you, I love you.” He walked around the car and gave Kevin a deep, long kiss. “Is it for me?”

Kevin laughed. “Yes, AJ, it’s for you.”

“To keep?”

“To keep,” Kevin confirmed, running his thumb along the edge of AJ’s goatee.

“Where did you get this?” AJ asked, turning back to the car. “How? How did you get this?”

“I had to beg a little and bargain a little,” Kevin said.

“Did you drive it?” AJ asked.

“Not yet,” Kevin said. “I had the seller drive it over here, so if anything happened to it on the way it’d be his fault.”

“Smart man,” AJ said. “Let’s drive. Come on. Let’s go. I want to feel it.”

Kevin tossed him the keys. “I did do one thing.”

“What’s that?” AJ asked, opening the driver’s side door.

“I put your extra CD book in here so you’d have music for your first drive.”

AJ looked across the roof at Kevin. “I love you.”

Justin kissed JC’s mouth, pulling him into the house. “I want to show you what we’ve done. Let me give you a mini-tour. How was the studio? I talked to Lance, have you seen Lance?”

“Baby, slow down,” JC said, and kissed him again. “I missed you, too.”

“It’s so hard to go all day without talking to you,” Justin said. “I just spent hours rambling at Jeff, I think he’d be happy if I never spoke to him again.”

“Jeff?” JC asked.

“Did you talk to Lance?” Justin asked. “He and Joey were going to see you. How’d it go?”

“I don’t trust him,” JC said. “I asked him who he’s done the most wrong to. I didn’t have an answer in my head, I didn’t care if he said you or me or Joey or Chris. I’d know if he was being honest by the look in his eye. He said Brian, and he meant it. It hurt him even to mention it. I told him that when he has Brian’s forgiveness, he’ll have mine, too.”

“That’s…” Justin thought about it. “That kind of makes sense. If Brian’s been hurt the most, or hurt the most unfairly, then once Lance has Brian’s forgiveness, who are you to hold a grudge?”

“I’ve made up with Lance, and he’s betrayed me. I’ve told him to stay away from you, and he’s run after you. He’s burned me too many times, and I’ve lost perspective. I don’t want to forgive him again only to have him betray me again, but I don’t want to hold a grudge forever if he’s willing to change. I don’t want him to think that I’ll forgive him just because you have, either, because that means if he has one of us on his side, he can do whatever he wants and keep our friendship. If it’s up to Brian, Brian will be fair. I think Brian will be able to tell if Lance is lying and insincere, too.”

“He doesn’t know Lance as well as we do,” Justin argued.

“He also won’t get suckered in as easily we do,” JC said.

“We keep going back and forth,” Justin said. “Sometimes it feels like every time one of us gets forgiving and trusting, the other one of us has to take a hard line.”

“We do,” JC said. “We’re not only trying to protect ourselves, we’re trying to protect each other. I don’t want to see Lance break your heart, baby.”

“He’s with Joey now,” Justin said. “He’s different. The way they are together, I really think Lance has changed.”

“Joey can be blind to Lance’s faults,” JC said. “He’s too generous.”

“So while I’m being the softie, you’re being the hard-ass,” Justin said.

JC kissed him. “You’d do the same for me.”

Chris was sprawled across the blanket on his back, hands behind his head, watching the stars come out. Howie had started to caress his hairline, and then stroke his face, and now was leaning down and kissing his face. Chris felt bad for Stewart the waiter, because he had to watch Howie be sexy but couldn’t touch. It sucked to be Stewart. In fact, it pretty much sucked to be everyone who wasn’t Chris.

Howie kissed across his forehead, stroking his temples. “What do you want to do next?” Howie asked.

Chris had a few suggestions.

“I have tickets for every comedy club in town,” Howie said.

Chris perked up. Really?

“I have a screen at the Regal Moviehouse on hold for us willing to show us anything that’s out right now. We can go to any club you want.” Howie was kissing his cheeks, fingers starting to crawl beneath Chris’s neckline to get to his chest. “I have Tower Records and Toys ‘R’ Us on standby ready to let us stage a private raid on their stores. Or we can fly to New York or L.A. or London or anywhere in the world you want to go.”

Wow. “You did all of that for me?”

“I want you to have a good time tonight,” Howie said, kissing back towards his jaw.

Chris brought his hand to the back of Howie’s head, correcting Howie’s course, bringing their mouths together. Howie’s kiss was sweet and luxurious. “Howie, my love,” Chris said, his dick hardening as he gazed at Howie’s mouth, “will your feelings be hurt if we just go home and make love?”

Howie’s mouth caught his again, and Chris knew Howie’s feelings weren’t injured in the slightest. “Stewart,” Howie said, looking into Chris’s eyes, “I think we’re done here.”

Nick sat on the floor in the den. “I’m going to buy the two of you matching his and hers Rolls Royces.”

“That’ll be nice,” Drew said.

“No, you’re not,” Brian said.

“Why can’t you be more like Drew?” Nick asked.

“Drew isn’t even taking you seriously,” Brian said.

“Why can’t you be more like Brian?” Nick asked Drew.

“My eyes aren’t blue,” Drew said.

“Forget it,” Nick said. “We have to talk about the wedding. We’re meeting with the pastor tomorrow.”

“We are?” Brian asked.

“You didn’t tell him,” Drew said.

“I thought you were going to,” Nick said.

“You told me you’d do it,” Drew said.

“Since when do you take me seriously?” Nick asked.

“I thought you knew,” Drew told Brian.

“You really shouldn’t keep things from him,” Nick scolded Drew.

“The wedding’s day the after tomorrow,” Drew told Brian. “We’re getting our new tuxes tomorrow. They said they can fit us and have everything tailored in time.”

“But we kind of forgot to talk about rings,” Nick said.

“The wedding is the day after tomorrow?” Brian asked. “Our wedding?”

“Keep up,” Nick said.

“I’m not ready!”

“We have the church booked, we’re meeting with the pastor, we have the reception hall and flowers and caterers, we’re getting our tuxes, everyone’s invited, we forgot to tell half of the people that they’re walking us down the aisle but we can tell them when they show up, everything’s done except the rings,” Nick said.

“What do you want to do?” Drew asked.

“You two already have rings,” Nick said. “I’m wearing one of them, but I can give it back.”

“I want all three of us to have rings together,” Drew said. “This is our marriage, the three of us together. The rings I have now, they’ve meant the world to me, but they don’t fit anymore.”

“New rings?” Nick asked. “Don’t get me wrong, it would be awesome for us all to get new wedding rings, but it’s kind of at the last second.”

“They’re just gold bands,” Drew said.

“But I want them to say something, like the ones you have now,” Nick said. “Where are you going?”

“To the bathroom,” Brian said. “Keep talking.”

Nick and Drew looked at each other.

“He didn’t,” Drew said.

“When does Brian ever leave the room to piss when we’re having a relationship discussion?” Nick asked. “We’re talking about rings and weddings and suddenly he has to take a leak?”

“Brian!” Drew called.

“What?” Brian called. The toilet flushed.

“Oh,” Nick said.

“Never mind,” Drew called back.

“Where’s the trust?” Nick asked.

“You want writing inside the rings or outside?” Drew asked.

“Either,” Nick said. “Both? What should they say?”

“Our names, I think,” Drew said. “All three names on all three rings.”

“First names? Last names?” Nick asked. “We can’t put all three first and last, that can’t fit on a ring.”

“Where’s Brian?” Drew asked.

“I’m right here,” Brian said, coming into the room with three small jewelry boxes in his hands.

“I told you!” Nick told Drew. “I told you, I told you!”

“I told you!” Drew told Nick. “You didn’t,” he said to Brian.

“If they’re not what you want, we’ll get something different,” Brian said, handing each of them a box.

Drew opened his box. Hesitantly, he lifted the ring, turning it in the light. “Brian,” he said softly. “This is perfect.”

“They’re all the same,” Brian said. “I hope the sizes are right.”

“Look at yours,” Drew said to Nick.

Nick got up, insinuating himself between them on the sofa. Scooting down, his head on Brian’s shoulder, he cracked open the box.

Brian ran his fingers through Nick’s hair.

Drew watched Nick’s expression.

“This is what I’ll be wearing every day,” Nick said, his voice tinged with wonder. “Every day. That’s what marriage is. Every day. For the rest of my life. It’s not like, try it and see how it goes. It’s not like, keep going as long as it’s working out. It’s every day, no matter what else is going on, no matter what else is happening, you’re married.”

“That’s right,” Brian said.

“And now it’s my turn to be a part of that,” Nick said.

“With us,” Drew said.

“Forever,” Brian said.

Nick snapped the box shut, holding it to his chest. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “I’ve gone after a lot of stuff in my life, but I don’t think I’ve ever wanted anything the way I want this. You, and you, and this promise, this commitment, this kind of security. You’re saying that no matter what, you want to spend the rest of your lives with me, as partners, together, like a little team going through life, helping each other out, being there. We’ll never be alone again. I have to have this, I have to - - people always leave, but they don’t just leave, they reject you first, they don’t just forget to call, they deliberately turn their backs. But life doesn’t have to be like that, life can be love and support and knowing someone’s going to be there for you if you need him. The fellas give me that, but they’re getting their own lives, too, they’re setting up their own homes. This is my home. This is the way my life is going to be. I never thought I could have this, I always wanted it but I never thought I could have it, or I thought even if I got it for a second I’d never be able to keep it. But I have it, and I’m keeping it. I got it,” Nick said, and his voice shook, “I finally got it. It’s really mine.” He took a painful breath. “To keep.”

Drew hugged Nick, tucking in cheek to cheek. “I love you,” he said. “I’ll always be with you.”

Brian pressed his cheek to Nick’s hair. “You’re worth so much more than you know,” he said. “You are much more than you know. We love you, Nick, so much. So much, so much, so much.”

Nick cleared his throat. “I think I’m starting to get that,” he said. “I used to feel like I was worth shit. Now I think I’m starting to rank among real human beings, I guess. It feels a little weird.”

“Forget human beings,” Drew said. “Nick, you’re so much better than that. You’re a Backstreet Boy.”

Nick laughed.

They undressed each other on the stairs, Chris throwing his shoes over the railing, Howie’s hair spilling down into his hands.

They made out in the hot tub, Howie’s kisses insatiable, Chris wanting him so badly his hands shook with it.

They made it to the bed, still wet, Chris pushing Howie down and sucking on his pelvic bone, making him twist slightly, making him moan. Chris spread Howie’s legs, pressing his finger against Howie’s asshole, rubbing the pucker while Howie groaned. Licking high inside Howie’s thigh, suddenly Chris knew what he wanted. What he really and truly wanted, what he had to have. He forced himself to raise his head. “Roll over.”

Howie rolled onto his stomach, pulling up one knee.

Chris licked water from Howie’s skin, catching it on his tongue. Howie’s ass was toned and rounded, the skin smooth, and it wasn’t long before Chris was licking towards his ultimate goal. He’d wanted this, wanted this for a long time; and what was even more compelling, Howie wanted it, too. Chris licked directly over Howie’s asshole, pushing with his tongue.

Howie sucked in a sudden breath of air, the muscles under Chris’s hands tensing.

Chris licked around the area, planning his strategy.

Howie was breathing in an odd, very sexy, too-fast way.

Chris licked with the flat of his tongue, his thumbs massaging distracting circles in Howie’s flesh.

Howie shuddered, moaning.

Chris probed with the tip of his tongue, testing, experimenting.

Howie whimpered.

Chris raised his head. Had Howie whimpered?

Howie had his forehead pressed into the pillow, his arms up by his head, his hands curled into desperate fists.

Chris lowered his head again and fluttered his tongue against the tight, sweet pucker.

Howie made an all-new needy, breathy sound.

Chris grinned. Howie was panting and moaning like a virgin, touched for the very first time. He’d never seen Howie like this, and he was just getting started. He should have done this a long, long time ago. He’d do it every hour on the hour if it made Howie sound like this.

Chris licked his lips and went to work.

Howie was smooth, Howie was suave, Howie was sexually in control. When Chris’s tongue met his flesh, he started shuddering. When Chris’s tongue breached his body, he began to moan in quiet yet desperate begging tones. When Chris’s tongue began to fuck him in earnest, Howie’s moans became louder and higher in pitch. Hearing Howie in such deep pleasure elevated Chris’s level of arousal; he worked his tongue faster, harder, resisting the urge to take his aching dick in hand. Howie’s moans became louder and more impassioned, until it sounded like he was having one extended orgasm. Chris’s erection throbbed, but Chris had a larger purpose than his own pleasure: Howie’s pleasure.

Howie’s orgasmic moaning had been mounting steadily, when all of a sudden it burst into a desperate cry of near-pain, then dropped into shocked, tortured panting.

Chris kept going, ignoring the needful throbbing of his erection.

Howie whimpered again.

Chris took Howie’s hips in his hands, raising his head and bringing Howie’s ass back against his groin, leaning forward over Howie’s back. He brushed a kiss over one shoulder, then kissed the hair falling across the back of Howie’s neck. “Howie, my love.”

Howie pushed himself up, and Chris moved back to accommodate him. He pulled his hair back with one hand, turning onto his back, wiping sweat from his face. There were traces and smears of jism across his stomach. “Chris,” he said, keeping his voice steady.

Chris’s balls were heavy. He slid his hands up Howie’s thighs, unable not to touch, wanting to fuck. He kissed Howie’s neck, up under Howie’s jaw. “Howie,” he said, on the verge of begging. “Howie.”

“Chris,” Howie whispered, hands stroking over his hips.

“Let me in,” Chris said, kissing the other side of Howie’s neck, behind Howie’s ear. “Let me make love to you.”

Howie stretched beneath him, powerfully seductive. “I can still feel it.”

“I can make you feel more,” Chris promised.

“I didn’t know it would be like that,” Howie said.

Chris would have laughed if his dick hadn’t been so painfully hard. “I didn’t, either.”

Howie’s fingers traced around Chris’s mouth. “I should have known.” His eyes were an invitation. “Chris.”

Chris’s heart pounded. “Yes?” he asked, hearing the hope and need in his voice.

“Thank you.”

Howie was beautiful and amazing and generous, and Chris was in love. “You’re welcome,” he said, almost flustered.

Howie touched Chris’s lips. “Do you want to make love to me?”

“Yes,” Chris said, too eagerly, with great relief. “Yes,” he repeated, with a bit more restraint.

“I want to kiss you,” Howie said. “Can I kiss you?”

“I’ll go brush my teeth and be right back,” Chris said, moving to go.

“No,” Howie said, and laughed, just a little. Tease. Chris’s heart contracted around a new throb of love. And then Howie kissed him, a deep kiss, fingers in his hair, sucking on his tongue. “Make love to me,” Howie said, “I want you.”

“I’ll drive you over to Brian’s myself,” Joey offered.

“It’s midnight,” Lance said.

“Tomorrow,” Joey said. “First thing in the morning.”

“You can do whatever you want to,” Lance said. “I’m not talking to him.”

“I know how much you want to get back with JC,” Joey said. “Don’t pretend you don’t care.”

“I’m not talking to Brian,” Lance said.

“Not even for JC?” Joey asked.

“No,” Lance said.

“You know that if you can’t get JC, you might not be able to keep Justin,” Joey said.

“I’m going to brush my teeth,” Lance said, walking away.

“I know how much they mean to you,” Joey said. “We can make this work if you’ll just-”

“Give it a rest,” Lance said, and closed the bathroom door.

Joey sighed, sitting on the side of the bed. It could be damned hard to talk to Lance sometimes, when Lance didn’t want to be talked to. It was like arguing with a brick wall. Lance was too good at shutting people out.

It didn't matter. He’d get Lance to talk to Brian if he had to drag Lance there kicking and screaming. The five of them had too much riding on their friendship to let it all go now. Each one of them genuinely wanted to make it work. Joey believed that about all of them, even about Lance. Especially about Lance. Lance had let Justin in the house today, had accepted Justin’s offering of peace. That told Joey all he needed to know.

Joey tugged on the handle of Lance’s nightstand drawer, then hesitated. With the mood Lance was in, he wasn’t guaranteed sex tonight. On the other hand, it was always worth a shot. And he wanted to try some of that flavored lube he’d seen. He pulled the drawer open the rest of the way.

There, tucked inside the drawer, was a napkin. On it, in Justin’s handwriting, I love Lance.

Lance had saved it.

Joey smiled, sliding the drawer shut again. They’d talk to Brian tomorrow.

“I don’t want to write my own vows,” Nick said.

“It’s important to Brian,” Drew said.

“Just say what’s in your heart,” Brian said.

“It’s going to sound stupid,” Nick said.

“Why would it sound stupid?” Drew asked.

“I can’t write,” Nick said.

“You write lyrics,” Brian said.

“It won’t sound like yours,” Nick said. “You’re poetic. Mine won’t sound deep. I don’t want to sound stupid at my own wedding.”

“You won’t sound stupid,” Brian said. “Speak directly from your heart. It doesn’t have to be long and complicated.”

“I’m going to bed,” Nick said, pushing Drew aside, getting up. “Everybody upstairs.”

“Jeff and Kevin are walking me down the aisle?” Brian asked.

“What, you suddenly don’t like Kevin?” Nick asked, leading the way upstairs.

“I love them both, but it seems like overkill,” Brian said.

“If we each pick one person, half of our closest friends are going to be left out,” Nick said. “We could pick nobody, and just wander on up to the altar at random, but I want everything to be all dramatic and fancy and special, because you go for that stuff.”

“Kevin and Jeff are with me, Howie and Justin are with you, and Nick and AJ are with you,” Brian said.

“Right,” Nick said, beginning to undress.

“And we think JC’s holding our rings,” Drew said.

“That leaves out Timberlake, but he’ll live,” Nick said. “Maybe he could be the flower girl.”

“Be nice,” Brian said.

“We’re still going to have twenty attendants and a whole lot of empty pews,” Nick said.

“The number of people watching the moment doesn’t matter,” Brian said. “I’d rather have them share in our joy.”

“That’s what I was going to say next, only in other words,” Nick said.

Drew got into bed, making himself comfortable.

“I love Brian, I love Drew, we’re in love, let’s say ‘I do,’” Nick said, crawling in beside Drew.

“See how easy it is to write your own vows?” Brian asked.

“I’m going to hire someone to write them for me,” Nick said. He climbed on top of Drew, kissing Drew’s willing mouth.

“That’s cheating,” Brian said, climbing onto Nick’s back. He kissed Nick’s shoulder, sliding his hands down to Nick’s waist.

“I’m finished talking now,” Nick said.

“Yeah?” Brian asked, kissing down Nick’s spine. “What are you doing instead?”

“I haven’t decided yet,” Nick said. “It’s going to have something to do with your dick and my ass.”

Brian smiled against Nick’s skin. “I have a few suggestions.”

matthew@matthewtime.com
"Where You Belong" Part 66
"Where You Belong"
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