Copyright April 2, 2002-March 1, 2004 by Matthew Haldeman-Time

Rating: NC-17 for graphic male-male sex

Pairings: Thus far we've had JC/Justin, Nick/Drew/Brian, Nick/Jeff, Nick/Drew/Brian/Nick/Jeff, AJ/Lance, AJ/Howie, AJ/Kevin, Chris/Howie, and partridge/pear tree.

Disclaimer: The young men who comprise the Backstreet Boys, *NSYNC, and 98 Degrees are their own people. The author has not met anyone here described, nor does the author mean to suggest that these people act this way in real life. This writing is a work of fiction. I make no money from this venture.

Dedication: This slashfic is for Ewan McGregor and the Savage Garden slashwriters.  It also is for Elizabeth and Jeff.

Notice: First, read "I Need You Tonight," "Boy Lead the Way to Ecstasy," "Not Easy," "No One," "Rest in Peace," "Destiny," and "Together." I know it sounds like a lot, but it'll only take you an hour or two.

        He’d lost things, he was still losing things, and he wanted to grab onto the things he had.  He wanted to hold onto Drew and never let go.  The constancy of Drew’s love and support made him marvel, and there was no way he would ever let anyone scamper off with his Drew.  He needed Drew permanently Krazyglued in his embrace, sexy and snarky for the rest of his life.

        He wanted this wedding to happen now.  He wanted this marriage to start immediately.  What were they waiting for, to be more in love with each other?  To be more vital to each other’s lives?  As far as Nick was concerned, he and Drew and Brian were going to be walking through the future hand in hand in hand, loving and supporting and protecting and irritating and making love.  They were going to be partners and lovers and friends and confidants and supporters and champions until they died, with or without a marriage; he wanted the marriage to cement things, to show just how serious they were.

        And he didn’t want to wait.

        He and Drew had been talking about inviting people.  They wanted the smallest number possible, because they wanted a private ceremony, nothing with groups outside and helicopters overhead.  The fewer people attending, the better.

        Since no one from Nick’s family would be attending, that made the guest list shorter, anyway.  Then again, the odds of Brian’s family and even Drew’s family showing up weren’t good, so Nick didn’t have a lot of cause to feel sorry for himself.

        But Brian at the very least had Kevin, and Drew at the very least had Nick.  Nick didn’t have anyone.

        Drew walked in and sat on his knee, leaning over the coffee table and jotting down something.  If Drew was willing to sit in his lap, Drew was feeling really sorry for him.  Nick, not above taking advantage of that, wrapped his arms around Drew, pulling Drew’s back flush to his chest.  Drew relaxed against him, head back on his shoulder.  Nick nuzzled Drew’s neck and shoulder, running his hands over Drew’s abs.

        Maybe he didn’t have anyone related to him by blood, but he sure as hell had someone.

        “Did you call your mom?” Nick asked.

        “No,” Drew said.  “I will after we talk to Brian.”

        “She might come this time.”

        “Maybe.”  Drew didn’t sound like he actually believed that, but he also sounded like he’d accepted it.  Drew wasn’t happy with the way things were, but he knew that there were some things it wasn’t in his power to change.

        “I asked Kevin to give me away, before, but that’ll look stupid.”

        “We can do whatever we want,” Drew said.  “We can ride in on camels and perform the ceremony in Mandarin.”

        “Mandarin?”

        “Chinese.”

        “I don’t know Chinese.”

        “I don’t know how to ride a camel,” Drew said.

        “Our people should be a part of it, somehow,” Nick said.  “They’ve been there for us through some major shit.”

        “We’ll have twenty ushers and no guests,” Drew said.

        “I’m okay with that,” Nick said.

        “Yeah,” Drew said, sounding like he was cool with whatever they decided.

        “And they can ride in on camels.”

        Drew laughed.

        Nick grinned.  He loved making Drew laugh.

        “We could each have someone walk us in,” Drew said.

        “Girly, but okay.  Nick for you, Kevin for Brian,” Nick said.

        “What about you?” Drew asked.

        “Yeah, that sucks,” Nick said.  “I can’t play favorites with Howie and AJ.  Wait, hold on.  I’m thinking.”

        Drew made a quiet engine sound.

        Nick pinched him.

        Drew shut up.

        “Okay.  Try this,” Nick said.

        “I’m sure it’s genius.”

        “Nick and Jeff walk you in.  Kevin and AJ walk Brian in.  JC and Justin walk me in.  Nick and Kevin and JC can have our rings.  And, what about Howie and Justin J.?”

        “I can’t leave Justin out-”

        “Never.”

        “-and you really can’t leave Howie out.”

        “Never.  What can we do?”

        “Let me think.”

        Nick made engine noises.

        Drew elbowed him in the gut.

        Nick shut up.

        “We’re not going to let anyone sing at this thing, are we?”

        “Hell, no.”

        “I wonder if we could talk Justin into being a flower girl.”

        “Justin J.?” Nick asked.  “Haven’t you already put him through enough?”

        “It would look stupid to make them ushers, all by themselves.”

        “They could walk me in instead of JC and Justin.”

        “JC’s your best friend.”

        “Yeah, I barely even know Howie.”

        Drew sighed.  “We have too many friends.”

        “Yeah, that sucks.”

        “Why don’t we just ask all of them what they want to do, and let them figure it out?” Drew asked.  “They can surprise us.”

        “I don’t trust them,” Nick said.  “Who’s your favorite Backstreet Boy?”

        “You and Brian.”

        “Besides us.”

        “AJ, Kevin, and Howie.”

        “AJ,” Nick said.  “Okay.  Nick and AJ can walk you in, Jeff and Kevin can walk Brian in, and Justin J. and Howie can walk me in.”

        “That doesn’t make sense,” Drew said.

        “I’m trying to make this work!” Nick said.  “We have a stupid number of friends.  Give me a break.”

        “Are we kicking JC and Justin back into the pews?” Drew asked.

        “JC can hold our rings,” Nick said.  “Justin can stand beside him and look pretty, if they can’t be separated.”

        “Jeff and Brian?” Drew asked.

        “Justin J. is my homeboy,” Nick said.  “He gets all props.”

        “That’s good to know,” Drew said.  “This is going to feel a little strange, but it should work.”

        “Just don’t get too attached to AJ on the walk down the aisle,” Nick said.  “Kevin has dibs.”

        “Where have you been?” AJ demanded.

        “Howie’s engaged,” Kevin said.  “He’s getting married.  To Chris.”

        “Old news,” AJ said.  “I need a deeply serious favor.  So does everyone else.  You’re the only person I can trust to pull through on this one.”

        AJ’s flair for the dramatic notwithstanding, Kevin chose to believe that this was fairly important.  “What is it?”

        “Housewarming gifts.”

        “I like Chris,” Drew said, tossing a few T-shirts into the washer.  “Give me those pants.”

        “The sex has to be horrible,” Nick said, stripping out of his pants.  “And Chris is not funny.  Howie can do twenty times better.”

        Drew’s gaze travelled up Nick’s enviably, deliciously long legs.

        Nick tugged on the hem of one leg of his boxer-briefs and snapped his fingers in front of Drew’s eyes.  “Earth to Drew.”

        “I’m sure Howie knows what he’s doing,” Drew said, swiftly recovering, reaching for the powder.

        “Howie’s been brainwashed,” Nick said.  “I know I’m an idiot at this stuff, but are you supposed to pour all of that bleach in with the dark clothes?”

        Drew stared at the box in his hand.  Powdered bleach, not powdered laundry detergent.  “Shit.”

       Nick laughed.

        “Some people think Chris is sexy,” Drew said, to focus Nick’s attention elsewhere, finding the right box this time.

        Nick snorted.  “Howie’s hot.  He can have anyone he wants.  He doesn’t need to waste his time with a leprechaun.”

        “Why is Chris a leprechaun when Brian’s a pixie?” Drew asked.  “What am I, a garden gnome?”

        “Either that or a dwarf,” Nick said.  “AJ calls you a hobbit, but I’m not sure what that means.”

        “It means AJ and I have some serious talking to do,” Drew muttered, dropping the lid and starting the washing machine.

        “Are you running it with that bleach in there?” Nick asked, his eyes light with curiosity.

        “Yes,” Drew said.  “If our clothes are ruined, I’ll buy you a new ten-year-old moth-eaten Metallica T-shirt.”

        “It’s five years old, and it only has one hole,” Nick said.  “You think Chris is sexy?”

        “I think Chris is a great guy,” Drew said.  “I think you and Brian are sexy.”

        “Yeah, but you think other people are sexy,” Nick said.  “Like Jeff or AJ or Usher or somebody.”

        “I’ve never said that,” Drew said.

        “You think AJ smells good.”

        “I do?”

        “You like Usher’s body.”

        “Not sexually.”

        “Are you into anybody?” Nick asked.

        Drew was finding it difficult to keep his gaze above Nick’s waist.  “I like you and Brian.”

        The doorbell rang.  “Freak,” Nick said, and started to leave the room.

        “Can you wait until you’re dressed?” Drew asked, pulling him back.

        “It’s probably just Howie.”

        “You don’t know that for sure,” Drew said.

        “Prude.”

        “Can you stop calling me names?” Drew asked, going to answer the door.

        “Garden gnome!” Nick called after him.

        Drew opened the door.  “Hey, come in,” he said to Howie.  “Congratulations.”

        “Thanks,” Howie said.

        “Sweet sweet sweet D.,” Nick said, jogging in, sweeping Howie into a bear hug.  “Congratulations.”

        “Thank you,” Howie said.

        Nick kissed Howie’s cheek.  “What the hell are you thinking?”

        “I’m getting married, is what I’m thinking,” Howie said.

        “He’s a leprechaun,” Nick said.  “Have you really, really looked at him?  I think he’s demonic.  He gets this weird, satanic look.”

        “I love that look,” Howie said.

        “Brainwashing,” Nick said.

        “You’ll come to the wedding?” Howie asked.

        “As long as you’re coming to ours,” Nick said.  “You and Justin J. are walking me down the aisle.”

        “Me?” Howie asked.

        “Of course you,” Nick said.

        “I’d be honored,” Howie said.

        “Make yourself scarce,” Nick said to Drew.  “The real men have important things to discuss.”

        “Congratulations, again,” Drew said to Howie.  He looked at Nick, judging Nick’s current emotional stability.  In Howie’s hands, Nick should be fine.  He gave Nick a quick kiss, just to reassure himself, hoping that Howie would forgive him the PDA, and went upstairs.

        “Hey,” he said, slipping into the driver’s seat.

        “Lance is in the shower,” Joey’s voice said, hushed and rushed.  “I didn’t tell him about last night.  I’m going to tell him, I will, I just need to set a few things in place first.  You can’t tell him, and neither can Justin or Chris.”

        “I don’t know if Justin or Chris can keep this secret,” JC said.

        “JC, I need your help on this,” Joey said.  “If anyone can keep them quiet, you can.”

        “No one can keep Chris quiet,” JC said.  “I’ll talk to Justin.”

        “Thank you,” Joey said.  “You’re saving my life.  I have to go.”

        JC hung up, sighing.  He hoped Joey knew what he was doing.

        “I didn’t know,” Howie said.  “I knew your parents started cutting you off about that time, but I didn’t know Brian had anything to do with it.”

        “Yeah.”

        “I’m sorry,” Howie said.  He put his hand over Nick’s.  “I’m sorry, Nick.”

        “Did you know why they were doing it?” Nick asked.

        “I knew it had something to do with you being gay,” Howie said.  “You never talked about it, ever, to any of us, so that’s how I knew how bad it was.”

        Nick almost smiled.  “That’s what Drew said.”

        “Are you and Brian going to be okay?” Howie asked.

        “Yeah,” Nick said.  “No, yeah, we’re good, it’s not about that.  It’s about them.  Doing this to us.  Doing this to me.  I’m so jacked up over this.”

        “Anyone would be,” Howie said.

        “I don’t want to dump all of this on you,” Nick said.  “Especially not today, you’re celebrating today.”

        “It’s okay,” Howie said.  “Don’t worry about that.”

        “No, this is huge for you,” Nick said.  “Believe me, when Drew proposed to me, it was enormous.  You should concentrate on that.”

        “You don’t have to come tonight,” Howie said.  “If you’re not in the mood-”

        “We’re so there,” Nick said, slipping his arm around Howie.  “I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

        “Thanks,” Howie said.

        “You aren’t really sexually attracted to Chris, are you?”

        Howie smiled.  “He’s very nice and very funny.”

        “His dick can’t be that big.”

        “Why not?”

        “He’s so short!”

        “So is Drew.”

        “Yeah, but…”  Nick stared at Howie.  “You’re shitting me.”

        Howie shrugged, rising.  “I’m just making conversation.”

        “He has to be hairy.  He looks hairy,” Nick said, standing.

        “Most men are,” Howie said.

        Nick followed him to the door.  “You’re really going to marry him?”

        “As soon as possible,” Howie said.

        “He’s weird.  He’s really weird.”

        “I know,” Howie said.  “I love him for it.”  He hugged Nick.  “I’ll see you tonight.”

        “Congratulations,” Nick said, and kissed Howie’s cheek.  “Best wishes.  I love you.”

        “I love you,” Howie said.  “Be nice to Chris tonight.”

        “Hey,” JC said, kissing his mouth, his neck, his mouth again.  “You look fantastic.”

        “I’m barely dressed,” Justin said.

        “Exactly.”  JC nibbled on his neck.

        “What’s going on here?” Justin asked.

        “We were great today,” JC said.  “Brian was amazing, I’ve never seen him that energized.”

        “Really?” Justin asked.  “You got a lot done?”

        “Everyone sounded great,” JC said.  “Brian was incredible.”

        Justin smiled at JC’s enthusiasm.  “That’s great, JC.  How was Brian?”

        “He was great, he was so-”  JC realized that Justin was making fun of him, and stopped, smiling.  “He was fine.”

        Justin kissed him.  “We have to talk about the house later.  I have a lot of plans to make.”

        “Joey called.  I think he and Lance are working something out.”

        “Really?” Justin asked.  “That’s great!  I didn’t think - - what?” Justin asked, frowning slightly at the look on JC’s face.  “What?”

        “Joey asked us not to tell Lance about last night.”

        “Joey asked us not to tell Lance?” Justin asked.  “Because he hasn’t told Lance?  He hasn’t told Lance?!”

        “He said that he will,” JC said.  “He’s taking care of it.  It would be really unfair of us to drop that on Lance ourselves.”

        “Joey can’t start lying to Lance now,” Justin said.  “Lance won’t take that, he’ll get rid of Joey so fast Joey will end up in the next time zone.”

        “Joey said that he’s going to tell Lance as soon as he’s ready,” JC said.  “He wants to set things in place.  We should give him a chance.”

        “He’s fucking other people!”

        “That was one time, one night,” JC said.  “He and Lance weren’t together.”

        “I can’t do this to Lance,” Justin said.

        “It’s already been done,” JC said.  “It’s already happened.  Joey’s the one who did it, and Joey’s the one who knows their situation best.  It’s Joey’s responsibility to break the news, not ours.  Please, baby.  Just talk to Joey first.  Give him a chance.”

        “Okay,” Justin said.  “I’ll talk to him first.”

        “Thank you.”  JC kissed him.  “You’re a good friend, baby.”

        “What about Chris?” Justin asked.  “How does Joey plan to keep his mouth shut?”

        “I don’t know,” JC said.

        “Maybe we should bring duct tape.”

        “Up here!” Nick shouted from the bedroom.  “Damn it,” he muttered, and shed his shirt.  “I’m going naked and you can all just lick my balls if you don’t like it.”

        Drew, in the process of hanging up all of the clothes Nick was dropping on the floor, hmmed in acknowledgement.

        “Hey,” Brian said, slightly out of breath from running up the stairs.

        “Hey.”  Drew kissed his cheek.

        “Come here,” Nick said, and Brian walked over to him.  “Hi,” Nick said, and hugged him.

        Brian hugged Nick back, kissing his cheek.  “Sweetheart.  Are you all right?”

        “I talked to Howie a little.”

        “Yeah?” Brian asked.  “What about Kevin?”

        “Talking to Howie, he accepts everything, he doesn’t push a lot,” Nick said.  “I’m not ready to talk to Kevin.  And you told me not to harass him.”

        “I didn’t think you’d listen to me,” Brian said, letting go.  “What’s happening here?” he asked, running his hand down Nick’s naked arm.

        “I don’t know what to wear,” Nick said.

        “I can see that,” Brian said, watching Drew hang up the rest of Nick’s clothes.  “You don’t usually care what you wear.”

        “I know, but I’m putting a lot of energy on small normal things so I won’t think about other things,” Nick said.

        “You can’t hide, Nick,” Brian said.

        “Especially not in those pants,” Drew said.

        Nick began to take off his pants.  “What are you wearing?” he asked Brian.

        “Not this?” Brian guessed.  “Did AJ talk to you about the presents for tonight?”

        “Yeah,” Nick said.  “Whatever makes Howie happy.”  He left his pants in a pile on the floor and started flipping through hangers in the closet.

        “We still have a lot to talk about,” Brian said.  “What are you going to do, now that you know?”

        “Go to Disneyland,” Nick said.  “Brian, I don’t know.  I have all of these things in my head right now and none of it makes any sense.  Maybe if I take tonight off, when I wake up tomorrow, it’ll be better.”

        “I’m right here,” Brian said.  “Anything you need.”

        “I know that, angel.”  Nick kissed his cheek.  “Thanks.”

        Brian looked at the contents of their closet with a despondent sigh.  “I would love to see Howie and congratulate him and talk to him, but I also want to spend tonight here with the two of you.”

        “Drew, find Brian something to wear,” Nick said.

        “I must have ‘Molly the Maid’ written across my back,” Drew said to himself, turning to the closet again.

        “Find something for me to wear, too,” Nick said.

        “I’m going to get something from your new clothes,” Drew warned him.

        “Just don’t make me look like a hustler,” Nick said.  He sat on the foot of the bed, drawing Brian to sit beside him.  “I’m okay,” he told Brian.

        “You’re not,” Brian said.  “It’s too soon for you to be okay right now.  But one day, you will be.”

        When he got home, he found Howie in the kitchen, dancing around the island with a handful of forks.  He stood there in the doorway, watching the sinuous flexing and rhythmic twisting.  He was so lucky to get to have sex with Howie, he could barely comprehend it.

        “Chris.”  Soft, warm kiss.  Howie turned down the stereo.  “How was it today?”

        “Good,” Chris said, watching Howie take glasses down from the cabinet to line them in neat rows on the counter.  “Brian’s in a great mood.”

        “Really?” Howie asked.  He seemed honestly surprised, and slightly puzzled.  “Did he say why?”

        “Something about a weight being lifted from his shoulders.  I’m not privy to much more than that.”

        Howie nodded in quick comprehension, his confusion clearing.  “I need you to be nice to Nick tonight.”

        “I’m always nice to Nick,” Chris said, even though it was an obvious lie.

        “Please, Chris, I really do,” Howie said.

        A plea from Howie?  “I’ll shower him with affection,” Chris promised, and meant it.

        “Is everyone invited?” Howie asked.

        “If you got your four, I got my eight,” Chris said.  “Do we have to take them on a tour?”

        “They’re coming over to see the house,” Howie said.  “I was thinking of showing them around.”

        “Do they have to see the bedroom?”

        “Is something wrong with our bedroom?” Howie asked, setting aside a stack of plates.

        “No,” Chris said.  “Should I be helping you with this right now?”

        “I have it,” Howie said.  “You do have time to run upstairs and change.”

        “Change?” Chris repeated.

        “Yes,” Howie said.

        “My clothes?” Chris asked.

        Howie gave him a smile.  “Yes.”

        Chris looked down at himself.  Then he looked at Howie.  “Are you trying to suggest that I need to change clothes?”

        “Come on,” Howie said, setting aside a serving platter, taking Chris’s hand and leading him to the stairs.  “I’ll help you.”

        Chris grinned foolishly, following Howie upstairs.

        Nick walked a slow, stalking circle around Brian.

        Brian tracked Nick with predatory intent.

        “I can’t believe you have the nerve to look that good,” Nick said.

        Brian’s fingers twitched with the urge to touch.  “I can’t believe I’m not making love to you right now.”

        “C’mere,” Nick said, crooking his finger, the heat in his eyes burning holes through Brian.  “C’mere and suck my dick.”

        Brian inhaled slowly, exerting self-control.  “We have to go.”

        Drew walked in, pulling at his shirtsleeves.  “Ready?”

        Nick’s gaze slid over to lock onto Drew.  He studied Drew with glittering focus.

        “Nick,” Brian said.

        Drew glanced in the mirror, tugging at his pants.

        Nick licked his lips, taking a few steps towards Drew.

        “Nick, we’re going to be late,” Brian said.

        “Do we know where this house is?” Drew asked.  As he asked the question, he turned to face them, unaware that Nick was still moving closer.  He finished his turn directly in Nick’s arms, chest to chest; and as soon as the last word had left his lips, Nick kissed him, possessing his mouth.  Drew moaned softly at the invasion of Nick’s tongue, one hand rising to the back of Nick’s neck.

        Watching them, Brian ached with desire.

        “Nick,” Drew said, rising up onto his toes, trying to get closer.

        “I want you,” Nick said, kissing him with renewed energy.

        Drew made a quiet, fuck-me noise that made Brian’s body ache.  “We don’t have time.”

        “I want you,” Nick repeated, his voice hot and thick with wanting.  “I want Brian.”

        “Brian,” Drew agreed, kissing Nick harder.

        Brian tapped Drew on the shoulder.  “Hi.”

        Drew twisted, kissing him, pushing him back into the dresser.  Surprised by Drew’s aggression, Brian kissed back.  Drew’s hands moved over his body, heating his blood, sparking electricity.  Brian struggled to remember what he’d intended to do once he had Drew’s attention, but his mind was wiped clean again by each stroke of Drew’s tongue.

        “Look at the time,” Nick said heartily.  “We’d better go!  Come on, Drew.”

        Go?  Brian didn’t know what - - oh.  Howie.  But they had time for Drew to make love to him.  Howie wouldn’t mind if they were late.

        “Drew, let go of Brian.”

        Brian tightened his grip.

        “Drew.  Drew!”

        Drew broke their kiss, breathing heavily, gazing at Brian, looking dazed.

        Brian lifted his chin slightly, lips parted, hollowing his cheeks just enough to get Drew’s attention.

        Fascinated, Drew moved in to kiss him again.

        “Get back here,” Nick said, and Drew was snatched from Brian’s grasp.  “You steal my chew toy, I steal yours,” he told Brian.  “Let’s go.  Who’s driving?”

        “I don’t know where we’re going,” Drew said.

        “Nick, call Howie,” Brian said, reaching for Drew.

        “No, you don’t,” Nick said, pulling Drew back.  “We’ll call from the car.”

        Then the phone rang, and Howie was giving directions.

        Chris sat up, collecting his senses.  Maybe he should try that getting dressed thing everyone was crazy about.

        Howie hung up, pushing him down onto his back again, kneeling astride him.  “Where was I?”

        Chris didn’t know a polite way to answer that question accurately.  He wasn’t sure he could find his voice anyway, what with Howie stroking his nipples like that.  He shivered, wishing Howie would lick them.  Or lick…elsewhere.

        “Chris,” Howie said, his voice sweet sibilance as he leaned in, brushing his lips over Chris’s lightly, promisingly.  “Chris, my love.”  His fingers stroked down, down, a featherlight tease over Chris’s erection.  “Oh, love,” he whispered, and rose up again, looking down.  Suffering, wanting, Chris wondered what kind of magical hold Howie had over him, that kept him from even asking Howie for what he wanted.  Then he realized that Howie was looking at his groin, and he looked, too, worried that something might be wrong.

        There was a wet spot on his boxer-briefs, where his precum was leaking through the fabric.  Howie touched it, and he moaned, enjoying Howie’s caress, wishing like hell that these light, teasing touches would become a little firmer.

        “You’re so hard,” Howie murmured.  “All I can think about is how good you would feel inside me right now.”

        Chris moaned, tortured.

        “I want you to kiss me,” Howie said, leaning in again as Chris opened his eyes.  “Kiss me like you want me.”

        Chris did want him, wanted to make love to him, wanted to come inside him.  Chris kissed him, eyes closing, groaning as Howie’s touch drew torturous circles around the head of his dick, maddeningly light through cotton.

        “I want you to fuck me,” Howie whispered.  “Fuck me like you did the first time.”

        “First…time?” Chris panted, trying not to come.  For a split second, Howie’s fingers applied much-needed pressure, and Chris squeezed his eyes shut, curling his toes, fighting orgasm.  Not yet, not yet, not yet.

        Howie’s other hand touched his cheek, fingers stroking at his temple, down his jaw.  “You made love to me like you’d never wanted anything more.  You acted like nothing had ever felt as good as I did.”

        It was true, it was true.  He hadn’t realized that Howie had been able to tell, but he couldn’t be surprised; he’d never been any good at hiding how he felt about Howie, not even in the beginning.  Especially not in the beginning.

        “Chris,” Howie whispered, fingers leaving Chris’s erection to stroke up his chest again.

        Chris almost whimpered.  God, this was unfair.

        “The doorbell’s ringing,” Howie whispered.  “Our guests are here.”

        Hunh?

        Howie kissed his cheek, then was up and off before Chris’s eyes were fully open.  “Come downstairs,” Howie said, and left the room.

        There on the bed, achingly hard and full of desperate desire, Chris realized what his problem was.  He loved Howie so much he actually liked it when Howie did this to him.  He loved that Howie was a cocktease.  That was why, when Howie was in one of these moods, he let Howie tease him and didn’t push for more.

        Now he had to make a decision.  Should he get off, or not?

        He was hard, rock-hard, so hard he would come if he so much as thought about it.  Also, he didn’t want to go downstairs and greet his friends with a hard-on.

        But Howie hadn’t gotten him off.  If Howie wasn’t going to satisfy him, he didn’t want to jack off.  That was irrational, but coming in his own hand, alone in the room, would be oddly unfulfilling.  It would be nothing like the glorious supergasms Howie induced.

        Chris closed his eyes, breathing deeply.  “Two times two is four.  Two times three is six.  Two times four is eight.  Two times five is ten.  Two times six is twelve…”

        Finally, his erection subsided enough for him to get up and finish dressing.  He went downstairs, where Howie greeted him with a kiss on his cheek.  “You didn’t finish without me, did you?” Howie asked.

        Shocked, Chris coughed.  “No,” he said quickly, “no, no.  Project,” he explained quickly to Justin Jeffre.  “We have a project we’ve been working on.  Project.”

        “I hope I’m not too early,” Justin said.

        “You’re on time,” Howie said.  “The rest of our friends tend to get sidetracked.”

        Chris, who personally wouldn’t have minded sidetracking the hell out of Howie at that moment, smiled at Justin.  “Welcome to our humble abode.”  The doorbell rang.  “Hold that thought.”  He checked the peephole.  Kevin.  That meant AJ, too.  “Who is it?” he demanded through the door.

        “We come in peace,” Kevin said.

        “A likely story.”  Chris opened the door.  “Hi.”

        “Hi,” Kevin said.

        “All right, come in.”  He stepped aside.  “Kevin, Howie,  Kevin, Justin.”

        “Nice to meet you,” Kevin said, shaking their hands.

        AJ posed in the doorway, lowering his sunglasses, looking at Chris.

        Chris wanted to damn that blasted man for being that damned attractive.  Then he remembered what he’d been doing upstairs, ten minutes ago; or, rather, what Howie had been doing to him.  He smiled.

        AJ slipped off his sunglasses, entering the house.  “Who’s giving house tours?”

        “You do that,” Chris said to Howie.  “I’ll be the doorman.”

        “Don’t harass everyone,” Howie said.

        “I won’t,” Chris said.  “I’ll only harass your friends.”  The doorbell rang.  “Nobody’s home!” he shouted.

        “Let us in!” Joey shouted back.

        “Who invited him?” Chris asked Howie.

        “You did,” Howie said.

        “I regret it.”  Chris opened the door.  “What do you want?”

        “To see how much that ring weighs down Howie’s hand,” Joey said.

        “Joey, Lance, Howie, Justin, Kevin, AJ,” Chris introduced, letting them into the house.

        “Congratulations,” Joey said, shaking Howie’s hand.

        “Thank you,” Howie said.  “Thanks for coming,” he said, shaking Lance’s hand.

        “That ring looks great,” Lance said.

        “Yeah, I got it for him,” Chris said, supremely relieved and more than slightly suspicious that Lance was behaving.

        “Did you?” Kevin asked politely.

        “Yes, I did,” Chris said.  He checked his watch.  “All right, Howie’s leading a house tour starting in five seconds.  Anyone interested?”

        “It’s what we’re here for,” AJ said.

        “Hey,” Chris said.  “I just noticed something.  Howie, did you just notice something?”

        “Your socks don’t match,” Howie said.

        “What?”  Chris looked down, sticking out first one foot, then the other.  “Oh, hell.”  He toed out of his shoes, then pulled off his socks.  “We have five guests right now, and not one of them brought us a gift.  And don’t tell me it’s because you can’t afford it,” he warned Joey and Lance, “because I know how much you make.”

        “You’ll get them later,” Joey said.

        “Plural?” Chris asked.

        “Plural,” Joey said.

        “Can I get some confirmation?” Chris asked Justin.

        “We’re all in on a vast conspiracy to provide you with the perfect gifts,” Justin said.  “Plural.”

        “All right, then,” Chris said, satisfied.  “Howie, show these people our lavish home.”

        “Come around this way,” Howie said, and lead them toward the kitchen.

        Joey lingered.

        Chris eyed him suspiciously.

        When the others were out of earshot, Joey said, “Stay calm.”

        “You just let Lance walk off with AJ without your supervision,” Chris said.  “If you’re staying behind to tell me something so important you’d let that happen, there’s no chance I’ll stay calm.”

        “I didn’t tell Lance about Nicole and Michelle.  I’m going to tell him,” Joey added quickly.  “I’m going to tell him as soon as I have things set in place.”

        “Things like what?” Chris asked.

        “I asked Lance to be my boyfriend.”

        “What’d he say?” Chris asked, still suspicious.

        Joey smiled.  “He said yes.”

        “So you cheated on him, and instead of telling him you cheated on him, you asked him to be your boyfriend.  Are you assuming that once he’s made that commitment, he won’t break up with you when you tell him about your girlfriends?”

        “I didn’t cheat on him,” Joey said, careful to keep his voice low.

        “How do you think he’s going to see it?”

        “I’m going to explain it to him.”

        “Oh, you’re going to explain it to him,” Chris said.  “Explain, right, good.  Idiot!  You’ve fucked up, Joey, and I don’t know how you think you’re going to save yourself.”

        “Let me tell him myself,” Joey said.

        “Make it soon,” Chris said.  “Make it soon.  The longer you wait, the less likely you are to tell him.”

        “I’m going to tell him,” Joey said.

        “Yeah, you’d better,” Chris said.  “Lance is your boyfriend?”

        “Yeah.”

        “Joey has a boyfriend,” Chris said to himself.  “How’d you get him to agree to that?”

        “I promised him I’d never hurt him.”

        Chris burst into laughter.  “No, excuse me, I’m sorry, just-” laughter “-do you really think-” laughter “-never hurt him!- ” laughter “-oh my god, oh my god, whew, no, I’m sorry, it’s-” laughter “-never break your heart!  Never make you cry!”  Chris broke into fresh peals of laughter.

        Joey walked away.

        “No, come, come back,” Chris said, still laughing, leaning against the door for support.  “I promise I’ll never, I’ll never hurt your feelings again!  Ha!”

        “Did you see the master bath?” Nick asked, pouring Jeff a drink.  “It’s bigger than our whole place.”

        “I’m calling a realtor tomorrow,” Jeff said.  “Did you hear about the palace JC bought for Justin?”

        “Bitchin’, ain’t it?” Justin’s voice asked.

        Jeff and Nick turned, surprised.  “Hey,” Jeff said.  “I haven’t seen you in a while.”

        “You look good,” Justin said.  “JC, come in here and look at Jeff.”

        “I told you I didn’t want to wear this,” Jeff told Nick.  “How’ve you been?” he asked Justin.

        “Busy,” Justin said.  “Very, uh, busy.”  JC came into the kitchen, putting his arm around Justin’s waist.  “How’ve you been, JC?”

        “That’s a loaded question.  Since when?” JC asked.  “You look great,” he told Jeff.

        “Thanks,” Jeff said.

        “Since the last time we saw Jeff,” Justin said.

        “Since then, I’ve gone through every emotion a human being is capable of, and a few extra new ones,” JC said.  “It’s been a complicated time.  How’ve you been?” he asked Jeff.

        “I knew I should’ve gone first,” Jeff said.  “How am I going to follow that?”

        “Say something interesting or they’ll think we’re boring,” Nick said.

        “Not in those pants,” Justin said.

        “Avon calling!” Brian’s voice said.

        “Oh, I like Brian,” Chris said, and opened the door.  “Brian, welcome, come in, come in.”  He dragged Brian into the house and closed the door.  “Welcome, hello, this is our new home.  Where’s my present and what are you wearing?”

        “Didn’t I have this on earlier?” Brian asked innocently.  “Howie!”

        “Brian.”  Howie hugged him.  “You look great.”

        “Yeah, who dressed you?” Chris asked.

        “Drew,” Brian said.

        “Howie dressed me,” Chris said.

        “You forgot shoes,” Brian said.

        “That was my fault,” Chris said.

        “Congratulations,” Brian said to Howie.  “I’m happy for you.  You wanted this so much.”

        “Stop, I’m blushing,” Chris said.  “Did you see the ring?  Extravagance!”

        “This is incredible,” Brian said.  “I’ve never seen a diamond this big.”

        “Writhe in envy,” Chris said.  “Writhe!”

        “Brian!” Justin said.  “Wow, look at you.”  His hand skimmed Brian’s naked arm.  “You never wore this to the clubs with me.”

        “It’s Drew’s,” Brian said.

        Justin stopped feeling Brian up.  “Where is that cute little husband of yours?”

        “He’s waiting to be let in,” Brian said.

        “Where’s Nick?” Howie asked.

        “Outside with Drew.”

        Howie looked at Chris.

        Chris, watching Justin’s hand rub over Brian’s bared arm again now that Brian’s husband was safely out of viewing range, began to feel weird.  He glanced at Howie, and - - oh!  Oh!  Holy Mary Mother of God, he’d promised Howie that he’d be nice to Nick, it had mattered a lot to Howie and he’d promised, and now - - shit!  Chris yanked open the door and threw his arms around Nick, embracing him tightly.  “Thank you for coming!  It’s wonderful to see you!  I’ve missed you terribly!”

        Drew edged around them and into the house.  “Hi,” he said to Howie.  “Congratulations.”  He glanced at Chris, then added, “And good luck.”

        “Thanks,” Howie said.  “Chris.  Chris!”

        Chris raised his head from Nick’s chest, looking up into Nick’s face.  “Thank you for being here tonight.  It means the world to me.”

        “If you kiss me, I’m going to throw up.”

        Chris backed up quickly.

        “Hey, Howie.”  Nick kissed his cheek.  “I like this place.  Show me around.  Hey, you, where’s JC?” he asked Justin.

        “Talking to Kevin,” Justin said.

        “So, what’s this, are the three of you on your way to an elite hustler bar?” Chris asked Drew.

        “Yeah,” Drew said.  “As soon as we leave here.  You should come.”

        “You don’t like the way we’re dressed?” Brian asked Chris.

        “I haven’t seen anyone look this good since the last time I looked at Howie,” Chris said.  “Between the three of you and Jeff, I’m feeling a little underdressed.  I should have worn my mesh body stocking.”

        “That’s the most horrifying image ever,” Nick said.

        “Let me give you a tour,” Howie said.

        “The bedroom’s not on the tour, is it?” Nick asked.

        “It’s huge,” Justin said.  “The lighting’s great.”

        “For what?” Chris asked.  He realized who had been speaking, and what that person’s primary interests were.  “Hey!  Stay out of my bedroom!”

        Seeing AJ bothered him, because it reminded him of things.  Lance had been with an impressive number of men over a short time, but AJ was the only other real lover Lance had ever had.  Joey was a confident lover; he knew what he was doing, and he knew he was damned good at it.  At least, with women.  Men were new territory.  And with Lance, he had to be better than AJ, specifically.  It pissed him off that he couldn’t be sure he was.

        How good was AJ?  How attentive was AJ?  Did AJ know about that sensitive spot at the base of Lance’s spine?  Lance tasted delicious, everywhere; could AJ catalog all thirty-one flavors?

        Joey wanted to please Lance.  He wanted Lance to enjoy their sex life as much as he did.  He also wanted, by some miracle, to be able to follow through on his promise to give Lance the best blowjob Lance had ever had.

        Well, if he wanted to learn about sex, he knew where to go.

        Joey found JC.  “Can I talk to you?”

        “Sure,” JC said.  “About what?”

        Joey tugged him off to a private corner.  “I want to be good.  For Lance.  At sex.”

        “You are,” JC said.

        “What has he said to you?” Joey asked.

        “I told you,” JC said.  “The sex is great, you know exactly what you’re doing, you’re all over him, and he likes the…size of your…equipment.”

        “I know what I’m doing?” Joey asked.  “You didn’t tell me that.  Did Lance say that?”

        “Yes,” JC said.

        “I don’t know what I’m doing,” Joey said.  “I have no idea what I’m doing.”

        “If you want some advice,” JC said hesitantly.

        “Yes,” Joey said urgently.  “Give me advice.”

        “I think that it would mean a lot to Lance if you would…”  JC looked around for eavesdroppers.  “Give him head.”

        Joey already had been planning to do that, but now he absolutely had to.  “I want to.”  Had he just said that?  Had he just admitted - - no, screw it, he didn’t have time for panicked self-examination.  “That’s one thing I know I don’t know how to do.”

        “But you’ve had a lot of experience from the other side,” JC said.

        Oh.  Now, that was the damn truth.  He’d never thought about that.

        “You know what you like, and you know what ruins the mood.  It’s probably similar for Lance.”

        “I know what feels good, but I don’t know how to do it.  I don’t have any kind of technique.”

        “No one would expect anyone to be professional on the first attempt,” JC said.  “He doesn’t want it to be perfect.  He just wants it to be you.”

        Joey felt a quick burst of hope and warmth.  Lance got head all of the time.  Lance must have had some of the worst, and also some of the best.  Now Lance wanted him.  That had to mean something.

        No matter what JC said, however, Joey wasn’t satisfied.  He wanted it to be good.  He didn’t want Lance to think, “Oh, Joey’s first blowjob, what a nice try.”  He wanted to blow Lance’s mind.  Or, at least, he wanted Lance to be impressed by his technique, not touched by his amateurish attempt.

        If JC wasn’t going to give details, he’d ask someone who would.

        However, that meant casually avoiding rooms AJ was occupying.  If he was in the same room as AJ, they’d make eye contact, or they’d pick up on each other’s conversation.  They had a strong connection, despite attempts to sever it, and if they were in close proximity for any length of time, they’d start to interact.

        He knew AJ was avoiding him, as well.  He regretted it, but he understood, and it almost made him feel close to AJ, in an odd way, to know that they were in this together.

        Crossing the foyer, about to enter the living room, he heard AJ’s voice.  Changing directions, he pivoted and bumped into Brian.

        “Hey,” Brian said, putting a hand on his arm, a steadying touch.

        Touch.

        Lance tore his arm free.  As he did so, his gaze collided with Brian’s.

        Eye contact.

        Lance froze.

        “Lance?” Brian asked.  “Are you all right?  I didn’t mean to startle you.”

        He couldn’t breathe.  He didn’t remember how to inhale.  He couldn’t move his jaw to speak.  He was a statue, unmoving.

        Brian was concerned.  It was all over his face, his voice, his eyes, the lift of his hand, the posture of his body.  “Lance?”

        Lance jerked back to life.  “Fuck you,” he spat, and turned away quickly, leaving the scene.

        “How are you?” JC asked.

        “We’ll get to me later,” Nick said.  “Come on, sit down, tell me about work and convince me you’re loving Justin in healthy ways.”

        “What’s up, babe?” Justin asked.

        “I need to talk to you,” Joey said.

        “Am I supposed to make myself scarce?” Chris asked.  “That’s not likely to happen.”

        “You can stay,” Joey said.  He’d seen how affectionate Howie was towards Chris.  Before, he would have called it lecherous.  Regardless, clearly Howie was happy with their sex life, so Chris had to be doing something right.  Joey couldn’t imagine Chris giving anyone head, but then again, he wouldn’t have imagined himself having this conversation, either.

        “How can we help you?” Justin asked, beside Chris on the sofa.

        Joey took the chair.  “I want to learn good blowjob technique.”

        “My mother’s calling,” Chris said, rising quickly.

        “Sit down,” Joey said, taking his wrist and directing him back to the couch.

        Chris sat.

        “Are you serious?” Justin asked.

        “I wouldn’t be here if I weren’t,” Joey said.

        “Are you ready?” Justin asked.  “Really ready to do it?”

        “Yes.”  He wanted it.  Lance wanted it.

        “Spit or swallow?” Chris asked.

        Spit.  He could not possibly swallow.  Except, what with safe sex and everything, he hadn’t been with a girl who swallowed in a long time, and god, he’d missed it.  Lance had to miss it, too.  And - - hell, “What do you think AJ does?”

        “Spits,” Justin said.  “There’s no way he’d swallow.”

        “He swallows,” Chris said.

        “How do you know?” Joey asked.

        “Lance told me,” Chris said.

        “What else did he tell you about AJ?” Joey asked.  Information.  He wanted to know what he was up against.

        “You’re not in competition,” Justin said.

        “Yes, I am,” Joey said.

        “Actually, you’re not,” Chris said.  “I know what you’re feeling, because I was competing with AJ for a long time.  I barely just got over it.  But that’s bullshit.  As a boyfriend, yeah, the attention you give, the time you spend, that stuff, Lance might compare the two of you.  But unless you’re an outright failure in bed, when he’s with you, he isn’t going to compare sexual technique.  Sex is different with every person you’re with.  Lance is experienced enough to know that.  You’re going to be better at some things, and not as good at some things, and just different at some things.  You’ll learn what Lance likes.”

        “I’ve never been with a guy before,” Joey said.  “I want to give him head, and I want to know what I’m doing.”

        “I sure hope you’re not asking me for pointers,” Chris said.  “Howie loves what I do, but Howie also loves me in general.  Someone who isn’t in love with me wouldn’t be as impressed.”

        “Don’t look at me,” Justin said.  “My style isn’t for everybody.”

        “What do you mean?” Joey asked.  It was Justin.  Justin had to be great at giving head.

        Justin shrugged uneasily.  “I have a specific technique.  It might not be right for you.”

        “What is it?” Joey asked.

        “I’m…”  Justin sighed, giving in.  “I’m a headlicker.”

        “You’re a what?” Chris asked.

        “You are?” Joey asked.  He’d had no idea.  “JC likes that?”

        “I could be a biter and JC would like it,” Justin said.  “JC loves everything I do, especially in bed.”

        “What’s a headlicker?” Chris asked.

        “What does it sound like?” Justin asked.

        “It sounds like someone who licks heads,” Chris said.  “Oh.  Oh!” he exclaimed, light dawning.  “Oh!” he said dramatically, staring at Justin.

        Joey had been with women like that, and damn, on the right day, oohh, it was good.  But that wasn’t really what he wanted for Lance, at least not to begin with.

        “Don’t start,” Justin warned Chris.  “Nick already makes fun of me for it.”

        “Now there’s someone you should talk to,” Chris told Joey.

        He wished he could.  Talk about a professional.  If he’d thought Justin was good at it, Nick had to be phenomenal.

        “Nick talks to JC about sex all of the time,” Justin said.  “They trade tips.”

        “He’s giving JC sex pointers?” Chris asked.  “Is that possible?”

        “Talk to him for me,” Joey said.

        “What?” Justin asked.  “Talk to JC?”

        “Talk to Nick,” Joey said.

        “I’m not asking Nick about blowjobs for you,” Justin said.

        “I know you’re not going to ask me to do it,” Chris said.

        “I need help,” Joey said.

        “I’m not asking Nick for sex pointers,” Justin said.  “I wouldn’t even do that for JC.”

        “Don’t you want advice for your wedding night?” Joey asked Chris.

        “Not from Nick,” Chris said.  “Howie’s just going to have to live with the lousy sex we’re already having.”

        “You have bad sex?” Justin asked.

        “We have sex that’s so good, it registers on the Richter scale,” Chris said.  “In fact, he’s marrying me for my body.”

        “Why don’t you just talk to JC?” Justin asked Joey.

        “He won’t give me any specifics,” Joey said.

        “Why don’t you just talk to Lance?” Chris asked.

        “It’s so crazy, it just might work,” Justin said.

        “You can always use our pastor,” Brian said.  “I’m sure he’d be happy to perform the ceremony.  Or the woman JC and Justin used, she was great.  What was the name of your pastor?” he asked Jeff.

        “Larson,” Jeff said.  “He’s not performing weddings anymore.  He moved to New York and became an accountant.”

        Howie sat back, sighing.  “I always wanted to get married.  I always knew I would.  It was something I wanted to do.  I was going to find the perfect woman, beautiful, vibrant, intelligent, sexy, who loved me and would let me do things for her.  We were going to get married, and we’d be together for the rest of our lives.  I could see it, I knew exactly what I wanted.”

        “I know,” Brian said.

        “I found the perfect person.  Chris is everything I wanted, and more.  I love him.  I want to be with him for the rest of my life.  I want to live with him and grow old with him.  I want him to be in my life every day, I want to wake up with him and talk with him and laugh with him and I even want to fight with him because that’s what marriage means.  I want him for a partner and a companion.  I want him to be my husband.  I love him, and I know that he loves me, and deep in the bottom of my heart, I don’t understand why that’s so wrong.”

        “I know,” Brian said.  “I know, I know.”  He embraced Howie, rubbing Howie’s back.  “It’s not wrong.  You’re not hurting anyone.  You’re not hurting anybody.  It’s not wrong.  Love is right, love is beautiful, and marriage, that commitment, we should celebrate it.”

        “Brian!” AJ’s voice called.  “Brian!”

        Howie let go of Brian, sitting back.  “Tell him not to yell in my house.”

        Brian smiled, leaving them.

        Howie looked at Jeff.  “Could we talk somewhere in private?”

        “No, I haven’t,” Justin said.  “Sorry.”

        “If you need extra hands, give me a call,” Drew said.

        “Have you painted walls before?” Justin asked.

        “Yeah,” Drew said.  “It’ll be easy once you get started.”

        “Have you ever hung wallpaper?”

        “Stop staring,” Chris said.

        “Should I shave my chest?”

        “What?” Chris asked.

        “AJ shaves his chest.”

        “Has Lance started coughing up hairballs since he’s been with you?” Chris asked.  “Joey, I’m telling you, I’ve been where you are.  I was standing in that exact spot up until about a day ago.  You’re putting yourself through hell, and you’re making things hard on Lance, too.  Lance isn’t with AJ anymore, he’s with you.  Now, some people like chest hair, some people don’t like it, and some people don’t care.  Ask Lance which one he likes, and get over it.”

        “I never had to think about this stuff with women.”

        “Funny, none of my girlfriends ever had chest hair,” Chris said.

        “What’s it like?” Joey asked.

        “What’s what like?” Chris asked.

        “Being with someone who does.”

        “Howie’s back and forth,” Chris said.  “When he’s working, he gets rid of it, and during the off-season, it comes back.  And he doesn’t have an overabundance of it, it’s not like Planet of the Apes.  But I like it.  It’s fuzzy, furry fun.”

        “Fuzzy, furry fun,” Joey repeated.

        “Fuzzy, furry fun,” Chris agreed.  “If AJ shaved his legs, would you start shaving yours, too?”

        “Oh, hell, no,” Joey said.  “That’s too much.  I’m not trying to be a woman.”

        “Exactly,” Chris said.  “There you go.  You’re a man.  Lance likes men.  Men are hairy.  End of story.  And if I see you with tattoos all down your arms and a brand new hat every time we meet, I’m going to start whacking you upside the head.  So get a grip.”

        “We’ve talked about it,” Howie said.

        “What’d you decide?”

        Howie shrugged, dissatisfied.  “We’re thinking about it.  We want to do it, but our names don’t sound good together.”

        “It’s not about sounding good,” AJ said.

        “Easy for you to say,” Howie said.  “Richardson-McLean sounds great.  Timberlake Chasez.  Timmons-Lachey.”

        “Kirkpatrick-Dorough,” AJ said.  “It’s not bad, D.”

        “You don’t think so?” Howie asked.

        “No, I don’t.”

        “Excuse me,” Chris said.

        “Yes?” AJ asked.

        “Do you shave your legs?”

        AJ raised his pant leg to reveal his calf.

        “Good news, Joey,” Chris called, walking away again.

        AJ decided to break the bad news.  “Howie, you’re marrying a mental patient.”

        Howie smiled.  “I know.”

        “You never let the rest of us embarrass you,” AJ said.  “Why do you think it’s cute whenever he does it?”

        “It is cute when he does it,” Howie said.  “It’s sexy.  You’re just embarrassing.”

        “I hope he knows how much you love him,” AJ said.

        “I think he does,” Howie said.  He regarded AJ carefully.  “I noticed you didn’t protest.”

        “Protest what?” AJ asked.

        “Richardson-McLean.”

        “Ever since I talked to you this morning, I’ve been thinking about it.  Thinking about it a lot.  When I get down to the truth, I have to face it,” AJ said.  “It’s only a matter of time.  I’m going to be with Kevin.  Even if he leaves me, and I have to hunt him down and kill anyone standing in my way, I’m going to be with him.”

        “I hope it doesn’t come to that,” Howie said.

        “I did make him breakfast this morning,” AJ said.

        “You did?” Howie asked.

        “Baby steps,” AJ said.  “I’m learning.”

        Justin felt a wave of heat pass through his body.  “Excuse me,” he said to Drew.  “JC wants me.”  He left the kitchen, going down the hallway, straight to the foot of the stairs, where JC was waiting for him.  JC’s gaze burned him from the inside out.  Justin put his hand on JC’s stomach, closing his eyes.  JC kissed him.

        Jeff watched, curious.

        Justin started to make soft, rhythmic noises.

        Jeff heard his husband’s voice in his ear.  “Stop staring.”

        “I’ve heard too many stories about them,” Jeff said, leaning back just an inch to rest against Nick’s chest.  “I’m trying to pick up pointers.”

        “You don’t need pointers,” Nick whispered.

        JC backed Justin to the newel post, one hand sliding down to Justin’s ass.

        “Hey, great!” Chris exclaimed, walking past.  “The entertainment’s here!”

        “Hi,” Kevin said.

        Kevin.  Nick felt flutters of fear and pain and anger.  Whenever he was most hurt, he could go to Kevin, he could go to Kevin and break down and express all of his pain, and Kevin would take care of it for him.  That was what big brothers were for.  That was what family was for.

        Nick didn’t have a family.  And Kevin had known that, Kevin had known everything, all of this time, and never told him.  And now he had all of this pain, one of the worst ever, and he couldn’t go to Kevin.

        God, that hurt.

        “Nick?”

        “I have to go,” Nick said, turning away.  He knew that Kevin had been looking out for him, keeping his best interests in mind, but he needed time.  He wasn’t ready for this.  Not yet.  He just needed...time.

        “Nick,” Kevin said.

        No.  Not now.  Nick left.

        “Is Nick all right?” Kevin asked.

        Brian formed his answer carefully, keeping his gaze guarded, aware of how well Kevin could read him.  “He’s had some bad news.”

        “How bad?”

        “Pretty bad,” Brian said.  “He’ll probably come talk to you about it in the next couple of days.”

        Kevin’s gaze was piercing.

        Brian knew that he should give Kevin a heads-up, but he wanted to leave Nick with the right to tell Kevin at his own pace.  “He’ll be all right.  He just needs us right now.”

        “I’m always here for him,” Kevin said.  His voice softened slightly.  “And you.”

        “I know,” Brian said.  “After he talks to you, it might be my turn.”

        “You know where to find me.”

        “Be very, very quiet,” Brian’s voice whispered from somewhere behind him.  “I’m hunting cute blond guys.”

        Nick grinned, pretending he hadn’t heard that.

        “We have to be very careful,” Brian whispered, closer now.  “This is a big one.  He’s going to look great mounted on my bed.”

        Nick rolled his eyes.

        “One,” Brian whispered.  “Two.”

        Nick tensed, waiting for it.

        “Three.”

        Nick whirled around and grabbed Brian just as Brian was running in to attack.  Startled, Brian burst into laughter.  Nick clapped his hand over Brian’s mouth so they wouldn’t disturb Drew and Nick, dragging Brian across the hall to the next room, struggling with his own giggle fit.  He collapsed onto the sofa, and Brian dropped onto him, convulsing with laughter.

        “Come on, come on, stop, I want to talk to you,” Brian said, still laughing.

        “Mounted on your bed?” Nick asked.

        “Mounted and stuffed,” Brian said.  “On my bed, my wall, and everywhere else.”

        Oh, his ribs hurt.  “Stop, stop, stop.”

        Brian was still laughing, his head on Nick’s shoulder.  “You’re giggling,” he whispered, and burst into fresh laughter.

        “I’m not, I’m not,” Nick protested, even though he knew he was.

        “You can’t ever grow out of that,” Brian told him.

        “Yeah, I’ll grow up when you do,” Nick said.

        They burst into laughter all over again.

        “Stop, stop,” Brian insisted, still laughing.

        Nick tried to calm down, catching his breath.

        “Okay, okay, are you better?” Brian asked.

        “Just don’t make eye contact,” Nick said.

        “Okay.”  Brian crawled off of him, sitting at his side.  “What were you doing, anyway?”

        “Watching Nick and Drew.  They’re so cute together.”

        “Adorable,” Brian agreed.

        Nick snickered.

        Brian laughed.

        “What do you want to talk about?” Nick asked.

        Brian smoothed Nick’s hair.  “Kevin’s worried about you.  I told him you’d come to talk to him in the next couple of days.”

        Nick didn’t want to talk about this.  Not now.  Preferably not ever.  He’d rather keep going along like he didn’t know, like nothing was different.  Why shouldn’t he?  What was getting into it really going to accomplish?

        “You and Aaron used to be cute together,” Brian said.

        Nick shrugged Brian off, getting up.

        “Don’t walk away from me,” Brian said softly.

        He didn’t want to hurt Brian, but he didn’t want to have this conversation.  God, he couldn’t.  Not even thirty seconds of it.  He turned back to the couch, leaning down, avoiding Brian’s gaze but brushing a painful kiss over Brian’s cheek.  “I’m going to go…do something else.”  He left the room.

        Lance was there, looking out at the sky.

        “Hi,” Justin said, stepping into the room, breaking the silence.

        A pause.  A long pause.  Finally, in a dark, unpleasant, I should have known voice, Lance said, “Justin.”

        Justin didn’t deserve that.  He walked closer, looking up at the stars, the moon.

        “There’s water in the hot tub,” Lance said.

        Yeah, there was.

        “Let’s go in,” Lance said, and faced him.  “You and me.”

        Justin looked at him, surprised.  Lance was flat-out strange these days.  And that look in Lance’s eyes, it wasn’t exactly a party invitation.  “You’re not going to drown me, are you?”

        Lance smiled a non-smile.  “No.”  Now it was a challenge: “You coming?”

        “Okay,” Justin said.  He could handle himself.  Everyone else was just inside the house, within shouting distance.  What could happen?  He followed Lance out the door and across the patio.  Lance started to undress, so he did, too.  When they were down to their boxer-briefs, Lance got in.  Justin had never done this in his underwear before, but he wasn’t about to bare his ass to the neighbors, so he got in, too, sitting carefully across from Lance.

        Lance slid closer.

        Justin remained still.

        Lance slid down a little, getting comfortable.

        Justin forced himself to relax.  It was just Lance.  He loved Lance.

        “Joey asked me to be his boyfriend today.”

        “I heard you said yes,” Justin said.

        “He says he’s in love with me.”

        “He is,” Justin said.

        “You told JC I molested you in Terry’s house.”

        Justin took a slow breath.  Okay.  He could do this.  “I told JC what happened.”

        “I could have fucked you.”

        He didn’t want to admit it.  “Probably.”

        “Did you ever want me?” Lance asked.  “Did you ever once look at me as a man?”

        Justin didn’t know what to say.  “I’ve been with JC for so long, I don’t remember ever noticing anyone else.”

        “JC,” Lance said.

        “AJ did something to you,” Justin said.  “He brought something out of you.  It was always there, it was just hidden.”

        “My dark side?” Lance guessed.

        “Your sex appeal,” Justin said.  “There’s a hot, simmering sexuality to you now.  Maybe it’s because you were in the closet, and you were hiding part of who you were.  Once you were with AJ, you could open up all of yourself.”

        Lance leaned closer, his voice dropping.  “Hot, simmering sexuality?”

        Justin grinned.  “Yeah.  But that didn’t come out until you were with AJ, and I was already married by then.  If you’d had that before, who knows what could have happened.”

        “You said…before…that you think I’m hot.”

        “You are hot,” Justin said.

        Lance grinned, leaning closer.  His voice was in Justin’s ear.  “Can I see your dick?”

        “No,” Justin said, shocked.  Lance was insane.

        “I’ll show you mine,” Lance murmured.

        “I’ve seen yours,” Justin said.

        “Not when it’s hard,” Lance whispered.

        “You sound like sex,” Justin said, resisting the urge to edge away.  He trusted Lance.  He had to prove that he trusted Lance.  If he pushed Lance away one too many times, he might lose Lance altogether, and he still was not ready for that kind of loss.

        “Why didn’t you kiss me?” Lance asked.  He was closer now; his thigh was pressed to Justin’s underwater.

        “When?” Justin asked.  He couldn’t kiss Lance; he was married.

        “You told JC to kiss me.  Why didn’t you kiss me?”

        “I don’t remember.”  He didn’t.  That felt like it had happened years ago.  Lance was panting, so softly, in his ear.  It sounded…so sexy…

        “Justin,” Lance said.  “Has JC made love to you today?”

        “This morning,” Justin said.  Lance was very, very close, sometimes moving even closer to whisper in his ear, sometimes pulling back just enough to look into his eyes.  Lance’s breath was warm against his skin, and Lance’s eyes were looking at him like he was food.

        “Is that all?”

        “Before we came here, we…sixty-nined.”

        “Did you have his cum in your mouth?”

        Justin licked his lips, inexplicably nervous.  “Yes.”  He’d been comfortable talking to Joey about sex, because it had been about helping out a friend; but the way Lance said the words, it sounded so personal, so intimate, so dirty...

        “Justin?”

        Lance’s voice was pornographic.  Justin was feeling way too warm.  Or maybe that was just an effect of the hot tub.

        “Can I kiss you?”

        “No,” Justin said.  Of course not.

        Lance’s hand was on his knee, underwater.  “Is this okay?”

        “Yeah,” Justin said.  “I guess so.”  Joey touched JC more intimately than that all of the time.

        “Do you like me?” Lance asked.

        “You’re my best friend,” Justin said.  “Of course I like you.”

        Lance’s hand was higher on his thigh than Justin remembered it being before.  “Do you like kissing guys?”

        “Sure,” Justin said.  “I love kissing JC.”

        “What about other guys who aren’t JC?”

        “I don’t know,” Justin said.  “I don’t think about that.”

        “What about Brian?” Lance said.  “If you weren’t married to JC, and you could kiss Brian, would you do it?”

        “Maybe,” Justin said.

        “You can tell me,” Lance whispered.  “You can trust me.”  Lance’s other hand was on his chest, high up.  Lance’s thumb stroked across his collarbone; Justin’s thighs parted slightly.  “If you were going to be with someone who wasn’t JC, who would it be?  Would it be Brian?”

        “One person?” Justin asked.

        “Yes,” Lance said.  “It’s Brian, isn’t it?”

        “No,” Justin said.  “It was, before, but it’s not anymore.”

        “Nick,” Lance said.

        Justin almost laughed, but Lance’s hand was sliding up his thigh.  He put his hand down there, covering Lance’s hand, stilling it.  “No,” he said.  His voice was shaking, and he didn’t know what he was saying no to.

        “Chris,” Lance said.

        “Not Chris,” Justin said.

        Lance was stroking his neck, squeezing his thigh, rubbing across his collarbone.  Justin was shivering and sweating and trapped.  When had Lance gotten this close?  Why had he let Lance touch him like this?  Worst of all, Lance was looking at him in a way Justin had never let anyone but JC look at him.  “Who is it?” Lance asked, and his voice sent silky sexual warmth all through Justin’s blood.  “Who would you be with if you could?”

        “You,” Justin whispered.

        The hand on Justin’s neck stopped moving.

        Justin realized what he’d just said.  How much of himself he’d just given away.

        Lance was staring at him in shock.

        Justin didn’t know what to say.

        Lance whirled around, clambering out of the tub.  Justin heard him run back to the house.

        Justin closed his eyes, sliding down, submerging himself.  He put his hands over his face.  Oh, shit.

        Wet.  Lance was sopping wet.  He looked like he’d taken a shower or fallen into a pool, and then put his clothes on without remembering to dry off first.  He also looked greatly distressed.

        “I have to go,” Lance said.  “I have to fucking go, give me your keys.”

        “Why?” Joey asked.  “What happened?”

        Lance reached into his pocket and took his keys from him.  “Come to my house later, alone.  Tell Chris something.  And, shit,” Lance kissed him, a distracted and quick good-bye kiss.  Then Lance left.

        What the hell?  Joey couldn’t begin to guess what was going on.

        He had to admit, though, that Lance was honoring their new relationship.  He knew that, otherwise, Lance would have taken his keys without so much as a “fuck you” and not even tried to let him come over afterward.  He definitely wouldn’t have gotten a good-bye kiss, at least not without feeling used and fucked over.

        Wet.  Lance had been wet.

        Lance had come from the back of the house.  What in that direction could-

        -the hot tub.  In the backyard.

        Joey went back there, through the sun room and outside.  There was something there, scattered on the concrete.  Clothes.  He walked closer.

        Justin sat up in the tub, coming from God knew where, scaring Joey half to death.  Joey jumped back, and Justin made a startled noise, jerking away.

        “Whoa,” Joey said.

        “Hi,” Justin said.

        “I just saw Lance.”

        “Shit.”  Justin rubbed his hands over his head.  “What’d he say?”

        “He’s leaving.”

        “He left?” Justin asked.  “Did he talk to anyone else?”

        “I don’t think so.  He didn’t look like he was in a talking mood.”  Was Justin naked?  “What happened?”

        “We were talking.  Now that my brain decided to start working, I think he was digging for information.  I said something he hadn’t expected to hear, and he bolted.  God, I have to talk to JC.”  Justin stood.

        Underwear.  Wet underwear clinging intimately to Justin’s body, but underwear.  Not naked.  Not that Justin would have done anything, but who knew what Lance would do.  Except Lance had promised to look after Joey’s heart.  Joey had to trust him.

        “I’m so stupid,” Justin was muttering, drying himself off with a towel.  “I’m so stupid.”

        “Are you okay?” Joey asked.

        “Yeah,” Justin said, sounding like he’d screwed up but was willing to deal with it.  “Joey, do you trust Lance?”

        “I want to trust Lance,” Joey said.

        Justin carried his clothes back into the house.  After passing through the sun room, in a hallway safely screened from outsiders’ prying eyes, Justin stripped off his wet underwear, then dressed.  As he was putting on his shoes, JC found them.  “We’re about to give Chris and Howie their presents.  Do you know where Lance is?  Baby, why aren’t you wearing your underwear?”

        “It’s wet,” Justin said.

        “Honey, I can see that,” JC said.  “What happened?”

        “Lance went home,” Joey said.  “He had to go, but he asked me to apologize to Chris for him.”

        “JC, baby, don’t even worry about it right now,” Justin said.  “We’re dealing with enough right now, you have so much on your plate - - this is between me and Lance.  Don’t even worry about it.”

        “Justin,” JC said.  “Did Lance-”

        “JC,” Justin said.  “It’s okay.  I can handle it.  Tonight isn’t about us.”

        “All right,” JC said hesitantly, concerned but wanting to have faith in Justin.  “You let me know if I can help.”

        Justin kissed him.  “Let’s go give Chris presents so he’ll stop nagging us about them.”

        “Three presents?” Chris asked.  “Three presents?!  There are twelve of you!  I expected bounty!”

        “They’re all you’re getting, so you’d better open them,” Justin said.

        “Why are you carrying around wet underwear?” Nick Carter asked.

        “Shut up,” Justin said.

        “The yellow one is from us,” Joey said.  “JC and Justin and Lance and me.”

        “Go ahead,” Howie said.

        Chris opened the box wrapped in bright yellow paper.  As the paper fell away, Chris’s eyes grew wide.

        Kevin squeezed AJ’s hand.

        Chris was breathless.  “The Terrible Trivitar.”

        “Congratulations on your new house and your new fiance,” Joey said.

        “It’s The Terrible Trivitar!” Chris exclaimed.

        Howie rubbed his back.

        Chris looked at the remaining two boxes.

        “The blue one’s from us,” Justin Jeffre said.

        “Don’t worry, I wouldn’t let Drew touch it,” Nick Timmons-Lachey said.

        “Get over it,” Drew said.

        “It’s not, it’s not, it can’t be,” Chris said, ripping away the paper.  He shouted.  “The Invincible Zepper!”

        “He’s freaking out,” Nick whispered to Brian.  Brian shushed him.

        Chris reached for the red box, then drew his hands back.

        “That one’s from us,” Kevin said.

        “Congratulations,” Brian said.

        Chris pulled the box into his lap.  He picked at the tape.  Slowly, he tore the red giftwrap loose.

        “So which one is that?” Nick Carter asked.

        “You’re so young,” Kevin said.

        “It’s,” Chris cleared his throat, “it’s The Awesome Komodor.”

        Howie kissed his cheek.

        Chris cleared his throat again, stroking the box, gazing at Komodor.

        “Is he okay?” Nick whispered.  Kevin looked at him.  He shut up.

        “We have…good friends,” Chris told Howie, still looking at Komodor.

        “Yes, we do,” Howie agreed, one hand still rubbing his back.

        Chris cleared his throat again.  “Funny how they all got theme gifts.  You’d think they all knew what everyone else was getting.”

        “It does seem like it was organized,” Howie agreed.

        “I wonder who was behind it,” Chris said.

        “I wonder,” Howie said.  His gaze lifted to AJ.  AJ turned away, rubbing his nose.

        “Okay, everyone go home,” Chris said, standing with Komodor in his arms.  “Bye-bye.”

        Before leaving, of course, everyone had to say good-bye to Chris and Howie and do one last bit of well-wishing.  In the confusion, Chris shook AJ’s hand.  “Maybe you’re not such a bad guy.”

        “Maybe?” AJ asked.

        “Maybe,” Chris said.

        AJ nodded, smiling.  “I’ll take that.”