Copyright April 2, 2002-February 9, 2004 by Matthew Haldeman-Time

Rating: NC-17 for graphic male-male sex

Pairings: Thus far we've had JC/Justin, Nick/Drew/Brian, Nick/Jeff, Nick/Drew/Brian/Nick/Jeff, AJ/Lance, AJ/Howie, AJ/Kevin, Chris/Howie, and partridge/pear tree.

Disclaimer: The young men who comprise the Backstreet Boys, *NSYNC, and 98 Degrees are their own people. The author has not met anyone here described, nor does the author mean to suggest that these people act this way in real life. This writing is a work of fiction. I make no money from this venture.

Dedication: This slashfic is for Ewan McGregor and the Savage Garden slashwriters.  It also is for Elizabeth and Jeff.

Notice: First, read "I Need You Tonight," "Boy Lead the Way to Ecstasy," "Not Easy," "No One," "Rest in Peace," "Destiny," and "Together." I know it sounds like a lot, but it'll only take you an hour or two.

        JC’s foot slipped free of its sandal, moving to rest in the cradle of Justin’s crossed ankles beneath the table.

        “Do you remember, JC?”

        JC’s foot stroked Justin’s calf, slow and seductive, while his gaze held Justin captive.  His voice was rich with thoughts of the past.  “I remember.”

        “You sounded great that night, JC.  Your voice was stronger than ever.  You were dressed just for me.”

        “I can’t sing that song without singing it for you,” JC said, taking Justin’s hand across the table.

        Justin lifted JC’s hand to his lips, kissing JC’s knuckles once, twice, three times.  “I give you my word,” he said, gazing deeply and earnestly into JC’s eyes.  “I give you my heart.”

        “I don’t know what’s more disturbing,” Joey said.  “It’s either that you’re actually quoting our lyrics to JC while acting sappy at my dinner table, or it’s that this is making me miss Lance.”  He pushed back his chair, standing.  “I’m going out.  I don’t know when I’ll be back, but whenever that is, I want you to be over this.”

        “Where are you going?” JC asked, without moving his eyes from Justin.

        “To a club,” Joey said.  “Several loud, crowded clubs with sweaty dancing and women I can grope.  You can clear the table.”  He left the kitchen.

        “You said yes,” Justin said, still holding JC’s hand as though they’d never been interrupted.

        “You were asking me to be with you forever,” JC said, his voice holding equal measures of awe and urgency.  “Yes was the only answer there was.”

        Damn Lance.  Lance had waited for him, stayed there in his driveway waiting for him for all of that time; that had to mean something.  Why wait for him, then drive off as soon as he showed up?

        Because he’d showed up with Justin?  If he’d come home alone, would he and Lance be tucked into his bed, exchanging sloppy kisses, at this exact moment?

        Lance didn’t make sense.  Hadn’t Lance once been the sensible one?  Now Lance was staging dramatic scenes, for God’s sake.  That was what he got for spending too much time with AJ.

        Joey wondered whether the rules of conduct allowed him to take someone home from the clubs.  He and Lance weren’t boyfriends.  Lance didn’t even love him back.  They’d never said anything about being exclusive.  Was it within his rights to get laid by someone other than Lance?

        Would it matter any if he got some, but didn’t take her home with him?

        If JC and Justin weren’t staying with him, no one would even have to know.

        Hell.  If any of the girls he’d ever dated had acted like Lance had today, they’d be out on the street on their asses.  Lance wasn’t his boyfriend and was acting like an overly dramatic jackass.  Joey could take home two women, if he wanted, and fuck them both in the bed Lance hadn’t even seen fit to grace.

        “Lie?” his brother repeated.  “I’m lying?”

        “You’re not even living in this reality,” Drew said.  “You’re in another dimension, the dimension where everything bad that ever happened to you was my fault.”

        “Don’t ever think that I get tired of hearing you two fight,” Jeff said, taking a mozzarella stick from Nick’s plate.

        “You’re the one who always blames me for everything,” Nick told Drew.  “You sail through life, happy and innocent, and-”

        “I was happy and innocent, I was innocent of just about everything until he corrupted me,” Drew said, gesturing down the table towards Nick.

        Nick waved.  “Hi.”

        “I get no credit,” Brian said.

        “You couldn’t corrupt the flea off a dog’s ass,” Nick said.

        “Why would I want to?” Brian asked.

        “You say your prayers every night,” Nick said.

        “Sometimes they’re very short,” Brian offered in his own defense.

        “That’s it,” Nick Timmons-Lachey said, standing, picking up his glass.

        “Sit down,” Drew said.

        “I’d like to make a toast,” Nick said.

        “Please sit down,” Jeff said.

        “I’d like to take a drink in honor of Drew,” Nick said.

        “Hooray for Drew,” Nick Carter said, raising his glass.

        “To Drew,” Nick said, “because I know it’s been hard for him living in my shadow all of his life, and he’s taken it pretty well so far.”

        “It must have been cold there in my shadow,” Nick sang suddenly, standing with Nick.  “It must have been, something something, something wind beneath my something wings.”

        “That was lovely,” Brian said, clapping politely.

        “Seriously, to Drew,” Nick said.  “For many sickening sentimental reasons.”

        “To Drew,” Drew agreed, touching his glass to Jeff’s as Nick sat.

        “You can’t drink to your own toast,” Nick Carter objected as Drew did just that.

        “I can live dangerously,” Drew said.

        “Yeah, but you have to measure out exactly the right amount of fabric softener according to the little lines on the bottlecap, or we’ll have to throw away all of our clothes,” Nick said.

        “If you don’t like the way I wash clothes, you can always learn to do it yourself,” Drew said.

        “Yeah, that’ll happen,” Nick said.  “Let’s all toast.  It’s your turn.”

        “All right,” Drew said.  “To Justin, for putting up with us.”

        “To Justin,” they agreed, and drank.

        “Brian?” Drew prompted.

        Brian looked at the ice cubes in his glass.  “To forgiveness.”

        “Is there a speech that comes with that, or are you finished?” Nick asked.

        Brian smiled.  “I’m done.”  While the others clinked glasses, Drew leaned over to kiss his mouth.

        Nick watched with interest, and grinned.  “To sexual tension.”

        “Stop trying to cause trouble,” Drew said, sitting back.

        “Stop kissing people,” Nick said.  He deliberately took a drink for his own toast, then nudged Jeff’s foot beneath the table.  “Your turn.”

        “To love,” Jeff said.  “To Nick, whose heart is generous.  To Drew, whose heart is trusting.  To Nick, whose heart is brave.  To Brian, whose heart is fierce.”

        “I’ll drink to that,” Nick said.  “Was I Nick or Nick?”

        “I was Nick,” Nick said.  “You were Nick.”

        “Oh.  Okay.  I can live with that,” Nick said.

        As Jeff lowered his glass, he caught Brian watching him.  He hadn’t known what to say about Brian’s heart, how to describe it in one word.  “Pure” had come to mind, but he didn’t want to push Brian into a box Brian didn’t want to inhabit.  “Fierce” had been his next thought, but how could one heart be pure and fierce?  Yet somehow, Brian’s was.

        Brian’s heart was at peace, too.  At least, it was most of the time, more than most other people’s.  Brian’s heart was very settled, very sure.  Brian knew himself, knew his role, saw his own path clearly set before him.  Jeff admired him for it, respected him for it.

        Brian still seemed uncertain of Jeff, which Jeff regretted.  Other than that, however, Brian seemed comfortable with the evening.  His eyes were full of light and good humor, and the longer the night progressed, the more often he laughed, his eyes crinkling, the air around him vibrating with positive energy.  Jeff could see, without a heart’s second of doubt, why Drew and Nick were devoted to loving this man.

        He wanted to erase that slight uncertainty in Brian’s eyes.  He wanted to make everything all right again.

        “Hey.”  AJ strolled into the kitchen, dropping his keys and sunglasses on the table, coming around to the sink to kiss Kevin, hands on Kevin’s sides, tongue stroking tongue.  Then AJ spun away again, taking a seat at the table, tugging off his boots.

        “How was it?” Kevin asked, eyes on the play of muscles in AJ’s bared forearm, the long downward sweep of dark lashes, the color of AJ’s nail polish, the angle of AJ’s raised leg.

        “Good,” AJ said.  His first boot hit the floor with a thud, then the second.  He adjusted the length of his sleeves, then looked around, taking in the room with one quick glance.  “Can I help?”

        “No,” Kevin said.  “I have it.”  He took a head of lettuce from the refrigerator, then poured AJ a drink.

        AJ’s eyes were too knowing when he accepted the glass.  Kevin looked away.

        “Chris was great about it,” AJ said, casually returning to conversation.  “He didn’t throw it back in my face and tell me to fuck off, so I’m considering it a win.”

        “He liked it?” Kevin asked.

        AJ sat back with a proud smile, celebrating his victory.  “He loved it.”  He took a drink.  “I apologized, and then I apologized some more.  I didn’t ask him to forgive me, because it’s not about that right now.  It’s not time; he isn’t ready.”

        “What’d he say?” Kevin asked, shredding lettuce, watching AJ more than the salad.

        “He invited me to his housewarming.”

        Kevin was surprised, even impressed.

        AJ raised his eyebrows, smiling, enjoying Kevin’s reaction.  “Not what I expected him to say, myself.  He said that he and Howie are having a housewarming, probably tomorrow night, and I’m invited.”

        “Maybe he’s forgiven you more than we realized,” Kevin said.

        “Maybe he doesn’t give a shit about me, because he knows I’m not a threat anymore,” AJ said.  “Whatever he’s thinking, if it keeps Howie from being ripped apart between us, I’m in favor of it.”

        “You’ve done a good job,” Kevin said.

        “A good job of cleaning up the shit I spilled?” AJ asked.

        “You’re not the person everyone thinks you are,” Kevin said.  “They all have the wrong idea of you, and you’re correcting that.”

        “You don’t like people thinking badly of me,” AJ said, watching Kevin’s face.

        “I don’t,” Kevin agreed, providing the kind of simple answer that let AJ know there was a lot of emotion behind those brief words.

        “Chris said something else,” AJ said, leaning forward to rest his arms on the table.  “He asked me not to talk to Howie today.  I’m respecting his wishes, but I’m wondering what’s going on.”

        “I don’t know,” Kevin said.  “Chris must have been planning some kind of big evening.  Howie asked me to pick up wine, cologne, and a new tie for him, and when I took it over, it turned out Chris had been sending him roses all day long.”

        “That plot’s thickening,” AJ said, sitting back to speculate.

        “Howie didn’t say anything about a housewarming,” Kevin said.

        “Chris sounded like the date was tentative,” AJ said.  “I wonder what the big romantic night is all about.”

        “Either celebration of big news, or breaking bad news,” Kevin said.

        AJ reached over and stole an olive from the plate, chewing it automatically, his mind roaming.  He forgot that Kevin was watching his every move, with the ease of someone used to being stared at unendingly.

        “I don’t do enough for you,” Kevin said.

        A beat too late, AJ came back to reality.  “What?”

        “Nothing,” Kevin said, tearing his gaze away, returning his attention to the salad.

        AJ smiled to himself, a slow, proud smile, his eyes on Kevin.

        “We’d love to hear it,” Drew said.

        “You and Nick should clear the table, while the rest of us relax.”

        “You’d label that a great idea?” Nick asked.

        “I would,” Nick agreed.  “Everyone who’s not a Lachey by birth, we’re going to the den.  Let’s go.”  He took Jeff’s hand, then reached for Brian’s.

        “I’ll get the table,” Brian said.

        “And take away Drew’s fun?” Nick asked.  “You heartless bastard.”

        Brian laughed.  “Okay.”  He let Nick pull him to his feet.  “Pace yourselves,” he told Drew and Nick.

        “Yeah, don’t clean the whole house in the first five minutes.  Try to limit yourselves to here and the kitchen,” Nick instructed on his way out the door.

        Nick looked over the debris on the table.  “You could have tried to protest,” he told Drew.

        “You didn’t say anything,” Drew pointed out.  “Come on, get off your lazy ass and get these plates to the kitchen,” he said, getting up and gathering glasses.

        Nick relented, following Drew to the kitchen with a stack of plates.  He and Drew worked in companionable silence for a few minutes while they cleaned the dining room and then the kitchen.  Finally, as Drew was wiping down the counter, he asked, “How’ve you been, anyway?”

        Drew gave him an amused glance before turning to the sink.  “I’ve been fine, thanks for asking.  Taking a little time off.  The upside is I’m spending time with Nick, but the downside is I’m going to lose my mind.  That whole getting a hobby idea isn’t sounding all that bad.  What about you?  What’s it like working with actual professionals for once?”

        “It’s great,” Nick said, leaning back against the kitchen table.  “I wasn’t sure what to expect, but everything’s taken on a real collaborative, respectful, professional tone.  It’s hard to get six such different people on the same page.”

        Drew perched on the edge of a kitchen chair.  “No one’s pulling any serious ego?”

        “No,” Nick said.  “Not JC, not even AJ.”

        “Not even you?” Drew asked, feigning surprise.

        Nick was so used to Drew’s attitude, it barely registered and he didn’t even respond.  “I don’t know how I feel about…  I’m in there, and Jeff’s not.  His voice is so clear, it’s like the calm pealing of bells.  I know they had to pick him or Howie or Chris, they couldn’t have two, it would’ve been overlap.  I understand why they picked Chris.  I just feel strange, because it seems like I’m being selected over Jeff.”

        “Jeff has a great voice,” Drew said.  “They were looking for a certain approach, and Chris had whatever it was they wanted.  You’re a different voice part.  Jeff understands that.”

        “I know he’s not tearing himself up over it,” Nick said.  “I also know that if he were upset about it, he’d never say anything to me.”

        “That’s because it’s more important to him to support you than to soothe his own ego,” Drew said.  “He doesn’t want to ruin your moment for his hurt feelings.  And that’s assuming he even cares about the Fools.  It’s fun, it’s giving the six of you room to stretch creatively, but it’s not going to be your new career.”

        “You should come down someday,” Nick said.  “Hang out at the studio.”

        Drew’s voice slowed down just enough for the change to be noticeable.  “What’s it like to work with Brian?”

        “He needs fewer takes than anyone,” Nick said.  “He even gets it right faster than Justin.  JC’s a perfectionist, tweaking every last beat, but when Brian hits it, even JC has to back off and let him do his thing.  He works with AJ like they’re a step ahead of each other the whole time, he works with JC like a glance is a sentence.  Sometimes he’s serious and pushing and focused on getting it down, back to business.  Sometimes he’s strumming his guitar and singing made-up country songs.  I love watching him produce, and I love watching him on the mike.  He gives great direction.  He demonstrates whatever he wants so we know exactly the sound he’s been pushing for.”

        “I’ve been trying not to go,” Drew said.  “I want to be there, but I don’t want to be a distraction.”

        “Stop by for a few hours,” Nick said.  “Surprise Brian.”

        “He’d love that,” Drew admitted.

        Nick smiled.  “The three of you are sickening.”

        Drew smiled back.  “Try not to be jealous.”

        “Jealous?” Nick asked, straightening, feigning affront.  “Of what?”

        “Oh, gosh, I don’t know,” Drew said.  “Why would anyone be jealous of my personal life?”  He frowned, pretending to think hard.  “Why would anyone be jealous of my love life?  Why would anyone be jealous of my sex life?  Why would anyone ever be jealous that I have-”

        “Shut up before you hurt yourself,” Nick said, trying not to roll his eyes.

        Drew grinned.

        “What would that be?” Jeff asked, sitting beside him on the sofa.

        Nick tugged on Brian’s fingers, pulling Brian down to his other side out of habit.  “I’m the brave heart.”

        “I didn’t know how else to describe it,” Jeff said.

        “Can you try?” Nick asked.  “If you’re going to call me Mel Gibson, I want to understand it.”

        “I’ll try,” Jeff said.  He paused to gather his thoughts.  “When Brian’s at his best, his heart and mind are one.”

        Nick considered that, and nodded.  “Right.”  His face was serious, his eyes attentive.

        Jeff resisted the urge to glance at Brian for a reaction, and continued.  “You’re a little different.  Your heart rules your decisions.  You live by your heart, the dictates of your heart.  You don’t care what other people say, or what logic says.  You care about what you’re feeling.  Rational arguments go right out the window.  It’s all about what your heart has to say.  You love however you love, and you don’t let anyone else’s rules slow you down.”

        “Some things are wrong, and some things are right, but not a whole hell of a lot is that…”

        “Absolute,” Brian said for him.

        “Right,” Nick said.  “What’s right for you might not be right for me, and what you think is wrong, fuck, that’s you, I’m me,” Nick said.

        “It’s very brave to live that way,” Jeff said.  “Going by your heart.”

        “If you live by everybody else’s rules, you might as well live everybody else’s life,” Nick said.  “Live your own life.  I love Brian, I love Drew, I’m not pretending I don’t just because it makes people look at me funny.  If I gave in to all of that bullshit, Drew and Brian and I wouldn’t be together today.  I don’t even know what would have happened to us.  My heart said I loved Brian and I loved Drew, and I wasn’t turning my back on either one of them, I couldn’t.”

        “It’s rare,” Jeff said.  “I can’t name anyone else who lives according to his heart as completely as you do.  I don’t know anyone else who doesn’t even believe in the concept of ‘should.’”

        “Fuck ‘should,’” Nick said.  “That’s a bunch of bullshit.  What does Drew follow?”

        “Drew’s like most people,” Jeff said.  “For most people, they want to follow their hearts, but they doubt themselves too often, and they end up living by their minds.  Drew goes his own way more than other people usually do, but he also doubts his impulses a lot.”

        “What about you?” Nick asked.

        “I don’t know,” Jeff said.  He shrugged.  “I try to listen to my heart, but I like to balance that with a little bit of common sense.”

        “So you’re using both, like Brian?” Nick asked.

        Jeff’s gaze swept past Nick to rest on Brian.  “I’m not as centered as Brian is.”

        “He’s not as settled as he acts,” Nick said.

        “Brian has a wholeness,” Jeff said.

        “That’s an act,” Nick said.

        “Not all of it,” Jeff said.

        Nick smiled fondly, squeezing Brian’s hand.  “No, not all of it.”

        “I’m going to check on Drew and Nick,” Brian said, squeezing back but standing.

        “Have a good time,” Nick said, as Brian left the den.

        “I wanted to talk to you,” Jeff said, holding Nick’s gaze.  “Privately.”

        “This is privacy,” Nick said.  “Go ahead, what?”

        “Do I intimidate Brian?”

        “Brian?” Nick asked.  “Yeah.  You do.  Nobody else does.”

        “Then why do I?”

        Nick shrugged, folding his long legs to bring his feet onto the sofa.  “You hold shit together.  You hold your own shit together, and you keep Nick together, and you’re always there for Drew, and you’re always there for me.  Brian sees you being ways he wants himself to be.  Always grounded, always in control, always on top.  One of Brian’s main goals in life is to keep the world from spinning out of control, to make sure everything’s okay for the people he loves, and he sees you doing that.”

        “I’ve lost control several times, in very serious ways,” Jeff said.

        “But look at you the rest of the time,” Nick said.  “Hey, that might be part of it, too.  Look at you.  If you weren’t such a fuzzy kitten, you’d look intimidating.”

        “Brian’s not intimidated by anyone,” Jeff said.  “Brian’s beliefs are so strong, he can stand up to anyone.”

        “Kevin gets this look in his eyes sometimes.  It says, you’ve pissed me off, and I’m fucking tired of it, so sit the fuck down and do what I want, or deal with the consequences.  No one’s ever sure what the consequences are going to be, but no one’s stupid enough to try to find out.  It’s like a force of will thing.  Brian’s not afraid of Kevin for a second, because they’re too closely matched.  But you have this thing, that force of will.  You don’t even have to show it that often, you’re really casual about it.  But we know it’s there.  People know better than to mess with you, and if they get stupid and try, they learn.  Brian’s impressed by that.”

        “Brian has that,” Jeff said.

        “But he sees it in you, too, and he respects it.  He’s impressed.  You impress him.”  Nick scratched his head, then ran his fingers through his hair.  “I think it’s good that Brian’s impressed.  I think he needs to know that there are other people out there like him, friendly little people who are working overtime to make life better for the people they love.  I think it’s good for him to have someone to look up to.  It means he’s not alone, and he’s not the ultimate.”

        “I don’t have his faith or his strong beliefs,” Jeff said.

        “That’s what makes it even harder for you,” Nick said.  “That just makes him respect you more.  It takes a lot to believe as much as Brian believes, I think it’s damned hard.  But it also makes things easier.”

        “I don’t intimidate you, do I?” Jeff asked.

        “No,” Nick said.  “I respect the hell out of you, and I love you, but I’m not intimidated.  You’re too human to me now.”

        Jeff smiled.  “I’m glad.”

        “I will always be open to running away with you,” Nick said.  “Just let me know when.”

        “Once you get married, you won’t have your options open anymore,” Jeff said.

        “I guess not,” Nick said.  “What’s that like?  Being trapped with one person for the rest of your life?  You’re stuck with that guy forever.”

        “You’re marrying two people, so there’s a little more variety,” Jeff said.

        “Yeah, and more drama,” Nick said.  “Brian’s in the middle of figuring out stuff, so he’s totally back and forth on how sane he is from one minute to the next.  Drew’s taking over for Brian, which means he’s the one in charge, but he’s also figuring out his sub tendencies, so he’s back and forth dom and sub.”

        “That must be interesting,” Jeff said.

        “You know, Brian’s always the dom.  He’s always in charge,” Nick said.  “But with Drew, he doesn’t have to be.  Drew takes over and Brian’s off the hook.  That’s part of why Brian’s so in love with him, because finally there’s someone who can stand up to him and take the control away from him.  He sees that in you, too.  Of course he’s attracted to it.  And you have all of that strength of will stuff, but you also have a lot of sexual confidence, so it seems like you could totally dom all over his ass, in bed or out of it.”

        “And Brian likes that?” Jeff asked.

        “He’s completely attracted to it,” Nick said.  “Mostly because so far in his entire life, he’s only found about two people who are capable of it.”

        “Are you worried about getting married?”

        “Worried about what about it?” Nick asked.  “I don’t know.”  He put his feet back on the floor, leaning forward with his elbows on his knees, running his hands through his hair again.  “Before, I would have thought that once they were married to me, they’d regret it, or they’d feel like they were stuck with me, or whatever.  But that’s not true, I don’t feel that way anymore.  So I don’t know.  It’s a huge step, it’s a serious commitment.  Right now, I’m a boyfriend, or a lover, or whatever.  I’m going to be a husband.  That’s fucking huge.  That’s a lot of responsibility.”

        “It is,” Jeff agreed.

        “I don’t know if I can be a good husband,” Nick said.  He looked at the floor.  “I don’t know.”

        “What makes a good husband?” Jeff asked.

        “I don’t know, not me,” Nick said.  “I’m not husband material.  I’m not mature enough, or serious enough.  I don’t cook, I hate to clean, I’m not good at keeping track of the bills or picking up the dry cleaning.  Brian and Drew have serious, man-to-man, husband-to-husband discussions.  I get restless, I get distracted.”

        “I’ve had a lot of serious talks with you,” Jeff said.

        “I guess,” Nick said.  “I mean, I love Brian and Drew, I’m not worried about getting bored with them or regretting marrying them.  I’m not afraid of commitment.  I’m just afraid of letting them down, or not being a good husband.  They’re great husbands.  They respect each other, they listen to each other, they always let each other know they care but they’re not afraid to push or take a stand.”

        “You do all of those things,” Jeff said.

        “No one takes me seriously,” Nick said.  “I don’t blame anyone for it, because I don’t act like someone who should be taken seriously.  I just wish I had more to bring to our marriage.”

        “You’re bringing a lot of love,” Jeff said.  “And you’re bringing yourself.”

        “When I was just the boyfriend, I could get by on sex, but that’s not going to carry me through a whole marriage.”

        “You have a lot more going for you than just sex,” Jeff said.  “That’s not why they’re with you, and you know that.”

        “It’s stupid,” Nick said.  “Brian and I just talked to Kirkpatrick about this, about being good enough for Howie.  We said there’s no such thing as being good enough.  But there is such a thing as being a good husband, and it takes a lot of work, and I don’t know if I’ll be any good at it.”

        “You’re not afraid of work,” Jeff said.  “I know how hard you work.”

        “Yeah,” Nick said.  He sighed, studying the carpeting.

        “You bring a lot to your relationships,” Jeff said.  “A lot of love, and understanding, and patience.  Practical things like cooking and cleaning can be worked on.  What you’re contributing is a lot more important than that, and can’t be learned as easily.  Brian and Drew do take you seriously, and if you think they don’t, you should talk to them about it.”

        “You take me seriously,” Nick said.

        “I always will,” Jeff said.

        Nick kissed Jeff’s cheek, then rested his head on Jeff’s shoulder.  “I wonder what Drew and Nick and Brian are talking about.”

        Jeff combed his fingers through Nick’s hair.  “You.”

        Nick snorted.

        The person he really wanted to take home to his bed was Lance.  The person he really wanted to share wet tongue kisses with and bury his dick in was Lance.  The person he really, really, truly wanted to wake up with tomorrow was Lance.

        But Lance was frustrating and maddening and damn near impossible to deal with, and the one step forward, two steps back dance they were doing was hard on Joey’s heart.  Taking one night off, trying to find some kind of solace in a woman’s heat, Joey didn’t think he could be blamed for it.

        Besides, he and Lance didn’t have anything close to an exclusivity agreement.  Lance probably had been out with other guys all night.

        JC hung up the phone, his fingers raising Justin’s chin so he could kiss Justin’s mouth.  “We have to hide in our room.  Joey’s bringing company.”

        “Lance?” Justin asked.

        “I don’t think so.”

        Justin frowned.  “A woman?”

        JC nodded, his thumb stroking beneath Justin’s lower lip.

        “I don’t think that’s a good idea,” Justin said.  “If Lance finds out…”

        “That’s between Joey and Lance,” JC said.

        “Joey wants to be with Lance,” Justin said.  “I thought he did.”

        “If Lance doesn’t want to be with Joey, there’s only so much Joey can do about that,” JC said.

        “Yeah, but fucking around on the side isn’t going to help.”

        “That’s up to Joey,” JC said.

        “I want Joey to be happy, and he’s in love with Lance, so what’s going to make him happy is being with Lance,” Justin said.  “This might ruin it for him.”

        “We can’t tell Joey not to bring women home to his own house,” JC said.

        “You talked to Lance,” Justin said.  “Is he going to hate this, or not care?”

        JC’s hand dropped.  “It’ll tear right through him.”

        “Then we have to do something,” Justin said immediately.

        “We can’t tell Joey not to-”

        “I know that, we just covered that,” Justin said impatiently.  “If we can get Lance to apologize, Joey won’t bring anyone home.”

        “We don’t know that,” JC said.  “And we can’t get Lance to apologize in the next ten minutes.”

        “Sure we can,” Justin said.  “Call Lance.”

        “Baby,” JC said, catching his hand.  “We have to let them work this out themselves.”

        “They’re not going to work it out once Lance finds out Joey’s screwing around.”

        “Joey always screws around,” JC said.  “I don’t think he and Lance have any kind of arrangement.”

        “That doesn’t mean it’s okay for Joey to bring women home,” Justin said.

        “Justin, right now Lance might be out picking up guys.  We don’t know,” JC said.

        “We’re not going to do anything about this?” Justin asked.  “We’re going to let Joey get pissed and cheat on Lance, and we’re not going to do anything to stop Joey or protect Lance?”

        “Justin, our friends interfered in our lives,” JC said.  “They thought they knew better than we did, they thought they knew what was best for us, and they interfered.”

        “It helped,” Justin said.

        “I forgive them, because I know that it was done out of love,” JC said.  “And you want to help them out of love, too.  But we don’t know their relationship.  We don’t know what they’ve said to each other or what kind of understanding they have.  They may have agreed to see other people.  Joey loves Lance, and he’s fully aware of what he is or isn’t putting on the line right now.  He can make his own decisions.”

        “I don’t want either one of them to get hurt,” Justin said.

        “I know you don’t,” JC said.  “There are times and places that we can help to protect them.  I think that tonight isn’t the time.  We don’t have enough information, and that means Joey doesn’t want our participation right now.”

        Justin relented, holding JC’s hand.

        “Chris is doing something beautiful tonight,” JC said.

        Justin smiled.  “Howie has to say yes.  Chris will be so happy.”

        “Come upstairs,” JC said, rising and pulling on Justin’s hand.  “Do something beautiful with me.”

        “I don’t want to get ahead of myself,” AJ said, “but I think I’ve finally done something right.”

        “I’m proud of you,” Kevin said.

        “I’m a little bit proud of myself, too,” AJ said.  “It’s nice to be able to think of Chris and not have to flinch away in shame and guilt.  I still haven’t made everything right with him, but it’s a little better.  We’re taking steps.  I have to respect him for it.”

        Kevin’s thumb stroked AJ’s ankle.

        “You know how things are,” AJ said, his eyes focusing on Kevin.  “I’ve told you before.  You can have me when you want me.  I want to be good to you, Kevin, and that means giving you whatever you want from me.  I want to be here for you, support you, always have your back.  I want to listen to you and respect your needs.  And sex, Kevin, sex is something I’m always open to, I have no problem giving you sex, so I want you to have no problem taking it.”

        Kevin’s eyes slowly roamed up AJ’s body, carefully guarded.

        AJ raised the hem of his own shirt, exposing his abs.

        Fire flashed in green eyes, and Kevin’s hand covered AJ’s stomach.  Kevin raised himself over AJ’s body, one knee on the sofa, his free hand tipping back AJ’s chin.  AJ’s dark eyes promised an answer to Kevin’s heat, and AJ’s lips parted, expectant.

        Kevin’s hand slid lower.  Holding AJ’s gaze, he opened AJ’s fly with false calm.

        AJ’s breathing became less steady.  “You have days, too, don’t you?” he asked.  “Days when you realize all over again what you have.”

        Kevin drew AJ’s cock out of his underwear, stroking it with one hand.

        AJ closed his eyes, tensing, then opened them again, licking his lips.  “Days when every heartbeat begs for you to take hold of this chance,” he said, his breathing increasingly ragged, one hand on the side of Kevin’s neck, “while it’s still yours.  Days when you want to grab me and make love to me and never let me go, never.  Never.”

        “I have that day,” Kevin said, “every day.”  He kissed AJ, a claiming kiss, a mating kiss.  His fingers were sliding back to push inside AJ’s body; AJ moaned into their kiss, bucking beneath him.  “Some days,” Kevin said, his other hand tracing lines down AJ’s abdomen, “I hide it better than others.”

        “I do,” Jeff said, taking his fingers from Nick’s hair, listening with suspicion.

        Nick raised his head from Jeff’s shoulder.  “You want to go check on them?”

        “I may regret this,” Jeff said, standing.  He followed Nick down the hallway.  The closer they came, the louder the voices got.

        “No, no!”

        “Yes, yes!”

        “You’re cheating.”

        “How am I cheating?!”

        “I’m not paying.”

        “You’re paying, you’re paying double just for resisting payment,” Drew said.

        “I’m not paying double!  I’m not even staying on your damned property, I’m moving,” Nick threatened.

        “You can’t do that!” Drew protested.

        “Watch me!”

        Nick and Jeff came into the room.  Drew and Nick were grabbing at a game piece, fighting each other for it; Brian was laughing, trying to rescue the other game pieces from being knocked out of position.

        “Oh my god, he let them play Monopoly,” Jeff said.

        “That’s bad?” Nick asked.

        Drew saw them and pulled away from Nick, giving Jeff a steady look.  “Jeff.”

        Jeff gave a nod of acknowledgement.  “Drew.”

        “Subtitles?” Nick requested.

        “Nick and Drew can’t play Monopoly together, because they end up throwing the hotels at each other and stealing each other’s money,” Jeff said.

        “Nick turns into a five-year-old over board games,” Drew explained.

        “Jeff and Drew can’t play Monopoly together, because they both turn into Donald Trump and make it a deathmatch,” Nick said.

        “Jeff cheats,” Drew added.

        Jeff smiled.  “Prove it.”

        “This is going to be fun,” Nick decided.

        “I don’t think this is safe,” Brian said.

        “You sit between Nick and Drew to keep them separated,” Nick said.  “Jeff, sit over there.”

        “Where are you sitting?” Drew asked Nick.

        “I’m on the team of whoever owns Boardwalk,” Nick said.

        “There aren’t teams,” Drew said.  “It’s Monopoly.”

        “I’m on the team of whoever owns Boardwalk,” Nick said.  “I’m also the bank.”

        “How good are his math skills?” Nick asked Drew.

        “You’re starting the game with zero money,” Nick told Nick, gathering together the bills.  “Sorry.  The bank no longer wants you as a customer.”

        “Yeah,” Nick said.  “This is going to be fun.”

        “Do you remember when you used to touch yourself for me?” JC asked.

        “Yeah,” Justin said.  Okay, so there was a precedent.

        “What were you thinking about?” JC asked.

        “You,” Justin said.  “You watching me.”

        “Lay back.  Close your eyes.”

        Justin settled back with his head on the pillow, closing his eyes.

        “I’m not watching you,” JC said softly.  “I’m not here.  You’re alone.  All alone, safe and protected.  No one can see you, not even me.”

        Justin tried to put himself in the room alone.

        “Touch your skin.”

        Justin put his hands on his stomach.

        “Feel how firm your skin is, how resilient,” JC coached, his voice gentle and sensual.  “At the same time, it’s soft, smooth.  Stroke it, learn the feel of it.”

        Justin knew what his own skin felt like, but for JC’s sake he played along.  Firm, resilient, soft, smooth.  Check.

        “Feel the muscle,” JC said.  “Feel the flex of it against your fingertips.  Feel the ripple of it under your hand.  You’re so strong, Justin.”

        Justin rubbed his hands over his abs, consciously making his muscles flutter.  He did have a nice six-pack.

        “Trace your pelvic bone,” JC said.  “Your skin’s so sensitive there, right over the bone.  Rub your thumbs over it.”

        Hmm.  Nice.  His dick twitched, and he told himself to stay in the moment, to try to keep it going for JC.

        “Learn your body,” JC said.  “Know yourself.  Let yourself feel everything.  The air on your naked skin.  The beating of your heart.  The pumping of your blood.  Your lungs, filling with air.  Listen to the sounds, your breathing, the bedsprings, the shifting of bedclothes as you move.  Slide your hands down over your thighs, then back up the insides, slowly.  Cup your balls, roll them.”

        Justin moaned, softly, just a little.  He was surprised by how good it felt just to moan.  It was like giving himself permission to experience pleasure.

        “Up your stomach, up to your chest.  Feel the shape of your pecs.  Touch your nipples.  Just like that, Justin, yes, baby.”

        Mmm…  Justin pinched his nipples, pulling on them, feeling his dick harden.  He could feel JC’s gaze on him, and he tried to block it out, tried to ignore the JC factor.

        “Let your hand slide up your neck, feel how long it is, the pulse beating there, the tendons.  Part your lips, let your fingers enter your mouth.”

        No JC, no JC, no JC, just himself.  Alone in a room.  Alone.  No JC.  Alone, without JC, doing this for JC, pleasing himself for JC, touching himself because JC couldn’t touch him, giving himself pleasure for JC who couldn’t be there with him.  By himself, for JC.  Justin dipped his fingers into his mouth, stroking them with his tongue, sucking on them, and moaned.

        “I can think of a few names for it,” Drew said.

        “Railroad tycoon,” Brian said.

        “Right,” Nick said.  “Jeff’s a railroad tycoon.”

        “Jeff’s a cheater,” Drew corrected.

        “We don’t know that for sure,” his brother said.

        “If I were cheating, I’d have Boardwalk by now,” Jeff said.

        “I can’t believe I didn’t buy it when I landed on it,” Nick said.

        “You didn’t have any money,” Drew said.

        “I should have mortgaged something,” Nick said.

        “Sorry, you’d need a better relationship with the bank to do that,” Nick said.

        “You can’t have Boardwalk, anyway,” Drew said.  “It’s mine.”

        “Mine,” Jeff said.

        “It’s mine,” Drew said firmly.

        “It’s mine,” Jeff said sternly.

        “It’s nobody’s,” Nick said.  “You have to land there first.”

        “Damn,” Nick said.  “Drew, how many hotels do you need?”

        “More,” Drew said.  “Give me money.”

        “The only money I have is the money I put aside to buy Boardwalk with,” Nick said.

        “You won’t be needing that, since I’m going to be landing there,” Drew said.  “Pay up.”

        “Damn,” Jeff muttered.

        “What?” Drew asked.

        “I hate going to jail,” Jeff said, moving his piece there.

        “I love it,” Drew said.

        “You always were strange,” his brother said.

        “When I’m in jail, you all run around landing on my property giving me money, and I sit there in peace and quiet not landing on your property or giving you money,” Drew said.  “It’s really best for everyone.”

        “Would you just go?” Jeff asked.

        “I have a ‘get out of jail free’ card, if you want to buy it from me,” Drew said.

        “You should have made that offer before you explained how beneficial being in jail is, genius,” Jeff said.

        “Shit,” Drew said.

        “No cursing,” Nick said.

        “I need more money,” Drew said, rolling the dice.  “Somebody land on my property.”

        “In your sordid dreams,” Nick said.

        “Shit,” Drew said, ending up on Nick’s property.

        “In your face,” Nick said.  “Pay up, sucker.”

        “Nick, you’re as mature as you are attractive,” Drew said, handing over money.

        “You’re as witty as you are tall,” Nick said, taking the bills from his hand.

        Brian closed his fist around the dice and raised his hand before Nick’s face.  Nick held his forearm in two hands and placed a soft kiss on the inside of his wrist.

        Jeff, Nick, and Drew looked at each other.  “What are you doing?” Drew asked.

        “Buying Boardwalk,” Brian said, and rolled the dice.

        Jeff raised his eyebrows.

        Nick stared.

        Brian landed on Boardwalk and handed over his money, picking up the deed.

        “That was pure luck,” Drew said.

        “How did you do that?” Nick asked Brian.

        “I’ll give you a thousand dollars for Boardwalk,” Jeff said.

        “You don’t have a thousand dollars,” Brian said.

        “Five hundred.”

        “Six hundred,” Drew said.

        “Six fifty,” Jeff said.

        “I’m your husband,” Drew said.

        “Boardwalk is not for sale,” Brian said.

        “Then can I have Nick?” Drew asked.

        “Why do you want Nick?” Nick asked.

        “I think he’s good luck,” Drew said.

        “How much will you give me for him?” Brian asked.

        “Seven hundred,” Jeff said.

        “Eight hundred,” Drew said.

        “Eight fifty,” Jeff said.

        “Nine hundred,” Drew said.

        “Eight fifty and a railroad,” Jeff said.

        “You don’t want Nick,” Drew said to Jeff.

        “I don’t want you to have him,” Jeff said.  “Eight fifty and two railroads.”

        “Park Place,” Brian said.

        “Don’t do it,” Nick said to Jeff.

        “I want Park Place,” Brian said.

        “Nine hundred dollars and Marvin Gardens,” Drew said.

        “Eight fifty and four railroads,” Jeff said.

        “Nine hundred, Marvin Gardens, and sex,” Drew said.

        “I don’t think that’s in the rule book,” his brother said.

        “It should be,” Nick said.  “You want to be a railroad tycoon, or you want Marvin Gardens and sex?” he asked Brian.

        “I’m getting sex tonight anyway,” Brian said.  “It’s up to you.  You can be on whichever team you want.”

        “I’m staying right here and making sure you win,” Nick said.

        “You have no loyalty,” Drew said.

        “I’m loyal to Brian because he asked for my help first,” Nick said.

        “Brian, Nick, you’re the loves of my life, and you should know that I’m going to kick your asses,” Drew said.

        “Drew, angel,” Nick said, “good luck in beating Jeff for second place.”

        “Look at how beautiful Justin is.  Look at how sculpted the muscle in his arms is.  Look at how much care he takes of himself.”

        “Justin,” Justin murmured, sliding both hands down into his groin, oiled hands stroking his rock-hard dick.  He groaned, jacking his dick harder, hips rising and falling in rhythm.

        “How good he can make you feel,” the voice murmured, sexual, sensual, guiding.  “How good it feels to make him feel good.  Your hands on his body.  Your body under his hands.  How sexy Justin is, how much you want him.”

        “Justin,” he moaned, one hand leaving his dick to travel south, one slick finger pressing in, in, in.  “Oh…  Oh…”  His hips lifted, his throat opening on a soft cry.  “Ahhh…”  His other hand left his dick, sliding up his chest, stroking his nipples, while his finger fucked in, gently but insistently driving him towards ecstasy.  “Oh, Justin, oh, yes…  Yes…”  He groaned, unsatisfied, overeager, adding a second finger, fucking harder, his other hand on his dick again, pumping, pumping, fucking, fucking, and he came, crying out his name.

        A wet tongue licking at his stomach.  Justin almost thought - - his heart raced - - but then he remembered.  He opened his eyes.  JC.  He closed his eyes again, trying to fit all of his thoughts into his brain, trying to put together how he felt about what he’d just done.

        JC’s touch, gliding over his oiled body, felt different from his own.  Unpredictable.  More exciting.  He felt like he was laid open for the examination of someone who knew him better than he could ever know himself, who had studied and classified every inch of him.  JC had learned his body, his sexual needs and sexual responses, long before he ever had.

        Justin touched himself to get more oil on his hands, then slid his hands down JC’s back.  JC made a small, appreciative noise, and kissed him.  God, kissing, in masturbation there was no kissing, and god, oh, no one kissed like JC.  And the feel of JC’s back, JC’s shoulders, he hadn’t had any of that.  There had been no one to hold onto but himself.

        He felt JC’s erection brush against his thigh, and he realized that JC was hard, and probably had been hard for a while.  There was no way that the JC he knew and loved could have witnessed what had just happened and not have a hard-on the entire time.  He put one slick hand on JC’s erection, sliding his fingers up the shaft and over the head, and JC made a noise into his mouth, a sudden, surprised, about-to-lose-control noise.  He hadn’t heard JC make that noise in, hell, years.  JC didn’t come until JC was ready to come, these days.  The superb self-control that suggested, Justin always had to marvel at.  He moved his hand to JC’s side, stroking JC’s ribcage, respecting JC’s right to come at JC’s discretion, wondering what he was going to have to do to get JC to fuck him already.

        Justin laughed.

        JC raised his head, giving him a curious look.  “Justin?”

        “You idiot,” Justin said, and laughed again, sliding his hands across JC’s shoulders, kissing JC’s mouth.  “I can’t believe you thought after you taught me this, I wouldn’t want you or need you anymore.  What I just learned was intense, and yeah, I got off on it, but sex is for two people, JC, not one.  I can do a lot of things by myself, but all of them are better with you.  Especially sex.  Now I know how to make love by myself, but JC,” another kiss, mmm, JC, “I still need you to make love to me, and I think,” he raised one knee in invitation, his hands urging JC’s body closer, “the sooner, the better.”

        JC kissed him, and Justin was aware, while his mouth was under siege, that JC was lifting his hips and tucking his knees into position.  The next thing he knew, the hard length of JC’s erection was driving into him and his body was wracked with the reminder that nothing, nothing, could ever compare to this.  He held on, letting his hands soak up the feel of JC again, moaning over each searing inch of every deep thrust.  JC was kissing his neck, sucking on his collarbone, hands on his hips for support, fingers stroking and massaging.  Justin moaned as JC’s mouth found his nipples, the moan becoming a deep, grateful groan as JC’s hand closed around his erection.

        Oh, god, JC was good to him.

        Solo sex was nothing compared to this.  He’d been alone in the room.  Now he could hear JC panting, hear JC moaning his name, feel JC’s breath on his skin.  JC could lick him in a great number of places he couldn’t lick himself, nipples being only the beginning, and yes, he was grateful for that.

        JC’s thrusts were picking up speed, and Justin recognized the tension in the hand on his hip.  JC was about to come.  Justin felt the urgency building in his own body, felt his own pleasure mount as JC’s erection met his prostate with increasing pressure, as JC’s hand kept a fast, steady pace on his dick, as his mind and body gloried in having JC again.  JC’s erection hit just the right spot, and JC’s moan of pleasure was almost as loud as Justin’s, and JC’s thumb flicked over the head of Justin’s erection at the exact moment JC’s dick hit that spot again, and for a moment everything was bright and loud and urgent.

        JC was panting softly against Justin’s neck.

        Justin licked his lips.

        JC licked Justin’s neck.

        Justin shivered.

        JC shivered.

        Justin rubbed JC’s back.  “Thank you for teaching me, JC.”

        “I love you, Justin.”

        Justin pressed a kiss into JC’s hair.  “I love you, JC.”

        “I can’t believe you won,” Drew said.

        “Thanks for dinner,” Nick said.  “And thank you for kicking Jeff and Drew’s asses.  I owe you.”

        “You realize this means we’re having a rematch,” Jeff said.

        “Nick’s on my team,” Drew said.

        “I’m not the secret to Brian’s success,” Nick said.  “It’s all about luck and strategy.”

        “I have strategy,” Drew said.  “You’re going to be my luck.”

        “You lost,” his brother said.  “Get over it.”

        “We’re playing by the rules next time,” Jeff said.  “The rules state that you can only build houses on property where you own all of the same color.  Brian could only have built houses on Boardwalk if he also owned Park Place.”

        “You lost,” Nick said again.  “Get over it.”

        “Walk home,” Jeff said.

        “It’s my car,” Nick said.

        “I bought it for you,” Jeff said.

        “I can’t believe I lost,” Drew said.  “To someone who isn’t Jeff.  I really lost.  I always win.  The only person I ever lose to is Jeff, and he cheats.”

        “You really are bad at board games,” Nick said.

        “Only when he loses,” Nick said.  “Thanks for kicking his ass,” he said, hugging Brian.

        “Thanks for coming over,” Brian said.

        “Be on my team next time,” Nick said to Nick, hugging him next.  “I’ve always wanted to beat the two of them at something besides singing and hotness.”

        “Nicks unite,” Nick promised, kissing his cheek.

        “Bye, loser,” Nick said to Drew, giving him a hug.

        “Bite me,” Drew muttered, but he hugged Nick back.

        “If Nick can form teams with whoever he wants, so can we,” Jeff said to Drew.  “You and I may have to form an alliance.”

        “You’re a good man,” Drew said, and hugged him.  “Call me.  We’ll talk strategy.”

        “The two of you are extremely disturbed,” Nick said, hugging Jeff and kissing his cheek.  “You also totally beat Nick in singing and hotness, but we can let him pretend.”

        Jeff looked at Brian.  “Brian.”

        “Jeff,” Brian said.

        Jeff offered his hand.  “Good game.”

        Brian smiled, shaking Jeff’s hand.  “Good game.”

        Jeff hugged him.  “Thanks for dinner.”

        Brian closed his eyes, his arms rising around Jeff, his hands spreading across the muscles in Jeff’s back and shoulders.  “Thanks for coming over.”

        “I love you,” Jeff whispered, for Brian’s ears only.

        “I love you,” Brian whispered.

        Jeff kissed his cheek and let go.  “Rematch.  Our place next time.”

        “You’re not going to have a home court advantage,” Drew said.

        “I’ll see you tomorrow,” Nick said to Brian.  “Come on,” he said, ushering Jeff out the door.  “You only came in second place.  You still beat me and Drew.”

        “I always beat you and Drew,” Jeff said.  “That’s true, though.”  He turned around and smiled at Drew.  “Loser.”

        “Hey!”

        Nick quickly shut the door between them.  “I keep forgetting how immature you guys are.  I had no idea you and Nick would get into a shoving match over Baltic Avenue.”

        “How did you win?” Drew asked Brian.

        “Luck and strategy,” Brian said.  “And the extra money the banker kept slipping me.”

        “Now come here,” Nick said, pulling on Drew’s arm.  “I want to fuck you in that outfit.”

        Chris pulled Howie as close as he could, gazing into liquid brown eyes.  “Anything,” he promised.  “I’ll buy you the moon, I’ll get you elected ruler over the entire planet, I’ll save the whales, anything you want.”

        Howie’s lips were so, so very soft when they brushed Chris’s.  His touch was gentle as he loosened Chris’s tie.  “Come home with me.”

        “Yes,” Chris said, utterly under Howie’s spell.  He would have gotten out of the limo and started running for home if it would have gotten him there any faster.

        “Make love to me,” Howie said, unbuttoning the top few buttons on Chris’s shirt, stroking the exposed patch of skin on his chest.

        “Yes,” Chris breathed, feeling warmth spread outward over every inch of his body from Howie’s touch.

        “Chris,” Howie whispered, kissing his lips, stroking his neck, making Chris’s dick strain against the fabric of his pants.  “I love you.”

        “Oh, yes,” Chris moaned, closing his eyes as Howie’s tongue found his ear.  He shivered, trying to draw Howie closer.

        There was a soft chuckle right by Chris’s ear, making his dick throb with the sudden memory of each initial thrust.  “Is this what you want?” Howie asked, sitting up and swinging one knee over, suddenly seated astride Chris, pressed chest to chest.  The swell of Chris’s arousal came in contact with Howie’s, and he moaned, his hands cupping Howie’s ass and keeping Howie’s hips there.  “That feels good,” Howie murmured, voicing Chris’s thoughts.  His hands drifted down Chris’s chest.  “I love it when you get hard,” Howie said, his hips rocking slowly against Chris’s.  “You get so,” he nuzzled Chris’s neck, eliciting a soft moan of appreciation, “thick.”

        Arousal throbbing, ego stroked, Chris kissed Howie, his hands burrowing under Howie’s clothes, trying to get to Howie’s skin.  Howie smelled great, and Howie knew two or three times as many kissing techniques tonight as yesterday, and that subtle rocking against Chris’s dick was about to make Chris come in his pants.

        Howie lifted off of him, smoothly retucking, a split second before the door opened.  For a moment Chris blinked in confusion, before recognizing their house.  Oh.  They were home.  Oh, right!  Chris got out, turning and holding a hand out to Howie.  Howie tipped the driver and walked Chris to the front door.

        While Howie unlocked the door, Chris pulled off his tie, twisting it in his hands, resisting the urge to maul Howie right there in front of God and everyone.

        As soon as they were inside, Chris pulled Howie into his arms.  “Marry me.”

        “I will,” Howie said, and they were kissing again, and Chris wanted to be inside Howie immediately if not sooner.

        “We have to go upstairs now,” Chris said.  “Our bedroom is very far away, and if we don’t go there now, I won’t make it.”

        Howie backed up slowly, his fingers tucked between buttons on Chris’s shirt.  Thoroughly transfixed by the promise of sexual riches in Howie’s gaze, Chris followed up the stairs, down the hall, and into their bedroom.

        JC kissed his cheek; JC’s other hand stroked his growing hair.

        “Are you sure we can’t call to find out what happened?” Justin asked.

        “They’re probably busy right now,” JC said.

        Justin licked JC’s knuckles.  “I hope Howie says yes.”

        “I’m sure he already has,” JC said.

        “He makes Chris happy,” Justin said.  “Really happy, starry-eyed happy.  He has to say yes.”

        “He will,” JC promised.  “He’s been waiting for Chris for too long.”

        There was something different tonight.  Something a little slower, more detail-oriented.  It wasn’t about getting off or temptation and seduction.  It was deeper than that, and richer, too.  Every touch of Chris’s hand to his skin sank into him, finding a home deep inside.

        There was no word for what Chris was doing to him tonight, no one word for what he was feeling.  All Howie knew was that all of the love he gave, Chris finally was accepting, accepting fully and without reservation.  Chris was giving love without reservation, too, and Howie could feel that in every beat of Chris’s heart.

        The steady stroking of Chris’s fingers inside his body made Howie spread his thighs, wishing Chris’s fingers deeper, aching for the thick press of Chris’s erection.  When Chris’s fingers withdrew, Howie’s hands on the backs of Chris’s thighs urged Chris forward.

        Instead of entering him, Chris rolled them over.  Kissing Howie’s neck, Chris put his hand on Howie’s stomach, pushing him upright.  Howie found this behavior mysterious, and his body was frustrated and confused by the delay, but Howie sat up, obeying Chris’s touch.

        Chris sat up, stroking Howie’s collarbone, his gaze moving from Howie’s neck, to Howie’s mouth, to Howie’s eyes, to Howie’s hair.

        Howie shivered slightly at Chris’s touch.  As Chris’s eyes lingered on his hair, he realized Chris’s intent.  He was oddly touched, and just as oddly aroused.

        “I tried to be respectful, I waited all damned night, but it’s been too fucking long,” Chris said.  With that, he reached behind Howie’s head and tugged on a strand of black silk.

        The second Howie’s hair brushed his skin, his back hit the mattress.  Chris’s fingers were winding back through his hair while Chris captured his lower lip, sucking on it, Chris’s hips grinding against his until he reached down to push Chris’s hips back, not wanting to come without Chris inside him.  He stroked Chris’s erection, making Chris moan, feeling precum spit into his palm.  Chris’s hands slid free of his hair, raising his legs to bring his hips into position as Chris nuzzled along his neck to sniff his hair.

        Howie closed his eyes, moaning softly, taking in everything: the sheets under his back, Chris’s hands on his hips, the new weight of the ring on his finger, the prickle of Chris’s stubble against his neck, the slickness of sweat on Chris’s skin as his hands slid up Chris’s back, the sound of his own overwhelmed panting, the blunt pressure of the head of Chris’s cock as it overcame his body’s resistance.

        The slow burn, the slow stretch, as Chris’s erection entered his body.  Chris’s shocked, drowning, eager moan.  The first slam of pleasure, more intense than ever before.  The sound of his own panting came back to him.  It was overwhelmed panting, the panting of an overwhelmed man.  He was overwhelmed, by pleasure, by love, by romance, by tonight.  By Chris, by Chris most of all.  They’d made love before, and they’d shared love before, but it had never been like this.  Chris was, Chris was…

        Chris was overwhelmed, too.  Howie felt it in the hurried pace of Chris’s thrusts, felt it in the overeager grasp of Chris’s hands, heard it in the shuddering moans coming from Chris’s throat.  Whatever was happening to them, they were experiencing it together.

        As a rule, Howie was active during sex.  Even when he was physically on the bottom, he kept control of the situation.  With Chris, that was fairly easy, because Chris found him so endlessly fascinating, he could stun Chris with a simple arch of his back, and snare control without effort.  He considered himself a generous lover, ensuring that his partner came first.  Tonight, he released all of those self-imposed rules.  He offered up control, sensing that tonight was not the night for him to put on a show.  Tonight was the night for him to experience without reservation the sexual, erotic side of the bond that he and Chris had created.

        He heard his name from Chris’s lips, a rush of breath, and then Chris’s hands lifted his hips higher, bringing the union of their bodies to a new angle.  Howie felt his body open as Chris plunged deeper, felt white-hot fire explode within him as Chris’s erection stroked him at the perfect spot.  He’d known pleasure before, and surely Chris had shown him ecstasy, but he’d never felt anything like this.  Howie said Chris’s name in agonized, pleading tones, struggling not to beg for mercy as he begged for more.  He let his head hang back over the edge of the bed, and Chris’s hand stroked up his chest to his exposed neck, Chris’s fingers stroking down from his chin, fingernails ever so gently scraping his skin.  Howie moaned, not sure that anything could ever ease the ache of his swollen, throbbing dick.

        A new burst of ecstasy burned him, and Howie pulled on his erection, painfully hard.  Chris’s fingers wound through his hair, gently tugging at his scalp, and he moaned, feeling a quick flash of pleasure even at that familiar, intimate contact.  Something began to well up within him, something not quite ecstasy and not quite love, a blend of the two, and precum was pouring over his fingers, and his body was there, there, on the brink, so close, so close it hurt, but he couldn’t quite, wasn’t quite…

        Howie opened his eyes.  For one slow heartbeat, his eyes met Chris’s, and everything physical fell away, and the love between them was all that mattered.  Then Chris’s hips plunged forward, out of control, and Chris’s erection sank deep within him, and hot cum spurted out over his hand, onto his chest.  Ecstasy tore through him, piercing him through to his core, and he cried out, arms flung wide, body spasming.

        Above him, Chris thrust hard and fast, not letting him recover from orgasm before sending him on a new spiral.  Howie moaned, clutching at Chris’s hips, desperate to return to sanity.  Suddenly, Chris froze, moaning in overwhelmed tones of shocked satisfaction.  Howie let go of him, shuddering, eyes closing.

        Chris covered him like a blanket, nose pressed to his neck.

        Howie very truly and very deeply loved Chris, and would express that as soon as it was safe to move again.

        Chris shifted, tugging his dick free.

        Howie heard himself moan.

        Chris curled his fingers in Howie’s hair.

        Howie turned them onto their sides, wrapping his arms around Chris, pressing his lips to Chris’s shoulder.

        “You,” Chris said, “are incredible.  If I’d known you were going to do all of that, I would’ve given you flowers a long time ago.”

        Howie let his hand travel down to Chris’s ass, one finger lightly stroking the cleft.  Chris squirmed, so he slid his hand up again.  “No one has ever made me feel like that.”

        “I was busy having an orgasm, but I think towards the end there, the air was vibrating.”

        Howie smiled, stroking Chris’s back.  “I think so, too.”

        “Next time I’ll throw rose petals all over the bed and light candles.”

        “That couldn’t have made it any better,” Howie said.  “Nothing could have made that better.”

        Chris’s fingers tightened in his hair.  “I think you were glowing.”

        Howie held him closer.  “I know you were.”

        Silence.

        Howie treasured the moment.

        Chris cleared his throat.  “I deserve a medal of honor - - no, I deserve sainthood.  I deserve to have buildings erected in my name for having left your hair undisturbed all night.”

        “You were extremely well-behaved,” Howie said.

        “You looked so good, I didn’t want to touch it, but if I would’ve had my way, it would’ve been down about five seconds into the evening.”

        “I appreciate your self-control.”

        “You looked so good tonight, I didn’t know where to stare,” Chris said.

        “So did you,” Howie said.  “I almost seduced you back into the house.”

        “Really?” Chris asked, sounding pleased.

        Howie smiled.  “Really.”

        “That would’ve changed my plans a little, but it sure would’ve been nice,” Chris said.

        Howie pulled back just enough to look into Chris’s eyes.  “Thank you for tonight.  Everything you’ve done, all day.  You’ve been amazing, and I don’t know how to tell you how much it means to me.”

        “You - - you said yes!” Chris said.  “Howie, you said yes.  I think we’re about even on the happiness points.  You said yes.”

        Howie couldn’t help but smile, his thumb stroking the hair under Chris’s lower lip.  “You knew I would.”

        “I knew, but I didn’t know,” Chris said.  “You might’ve said yes, but you might’ve said no, or you might’ve fallen and hit your head and gotten amnesia and forgotten all about me and run off with your cute nurse.  Anything could have happened.”

        “I didn’t run off with a cute nurse,” Howie said.

        “Well, thank God for small favors,” Chris said.

        “I will be very happy to marry you, Chris.”  He stroked Chris’s eyebrows.  “I love you, and I hope that I can give to you the love, support, and confidence that you’ve given to me.”

        “You’re beautiful,” Chris said.  “And perfect.”

        “Not perfect,” Howie said.  “Not beautiful, either, but you’re very much in love with me, so I’ll let that one slide.”

        “I am very much in love with you,” Chris said.  “How did you know?”

        Howie smiled, touching a fingertip to the end of his nose.  “You don’t hide it very well.”

        “Did shouting it from the rooftops give it away?” Chris asked.  “You have a very pretty smile and very pretty eyes.  You are beautiful, and you are perfect, and you’re also mine.  My love.  My Howie.”  He looked startled as he realized, “My fiance.”

        “Someday soon, and for the rest of our lives after, I’ll be your husband,” Howie said.

        “We might get a few inquiries about how tonight went,” Chris said.  “I tried to be discreet, but a few discerning parties figured it out.”

        “That you were proposing tonight?” Howie asked.  “Who?”

        “Nobody, really,” Chris said.  “Just JC, Justin, Joey, Lance, Brian, Drew…  Oh, and Nick, which means that the rest of the populated world has heard about it by now.”

        “I don’t mind, but why did you tell all of them?” Howie asked.  “Brian and Drew and Nick?”

        “There was something I wanted to talk to Nick about, and Brian and Drew came along for the ride,” Chris said.  “JC and Justin were my ring consultants, and I wanted to talk to Lance about it, and once everyone else knew, it wasn’t fair to leave out Joey.”

        “Talk to Lance?”

        Chris fidgeted.

        “It’s okay,” Howie said, letting his fingers trail up the back of Chris’s neck and into Chris’s hair.

        “I wanted him to hear it from me first,” Chris said.  “He has personal problems to work out about us being together, and I don’t agree with that, but I respect him enough to show him some consideration.  I understand where he’s coming from, and I wanted to talk to him beforehand, as a friend.”

        “How did he take it?” Howie asked, not wanting anyone to have ruined Chris’s moment.

        “I told him that I wanted his blessing, and he gave it to me.”

        “He did?” Howie asked, honestly surprised.

        “Not right away, you understand,” Chris said.  “There were a few tense moments.  He asked me if you love me, and he asked me if you’re good to me.  He said that he wants me to be happy, and if this will make me happy, then I should do it.”

        Howie kissed him, gently touching tongue to tongue.

        “If I recall, there was also some talk of me colonizing a small island in your name,” Chris said.  “Mm, you’re a good kisser.”  He shivered.  “Where was I?”

        “Colonizing small islands,” Howie said.

        “Right, yes, in your name.  What do you think?”

        “I would be honored,” Howie said.  “But to be honest, I don’t like my name.”

        Chris gasped in horror.

        “I love your name,” Howie said.  “Chris Kirkpatrick.  Christopher Alan Kirkpatrick.  I love the way it sounds, I love the way it feels.  It even looks good.”

        “You’ve put thought into this,” Chris said, sounding slightly alarmed.

        “Chris, Chris, Chris,” Howie said, and kissed him.

        “You have such a strange sense of humor,” Chris said.

        Howie laughed.

        “I think that proves my point,” Chris said.  “On the name topic, I remember…  We discussed…  There was some talk…”

        “What?” Howie asked patiently.  He was going to get to gaze into Chris’s eyes for the rest of his life.  The way his heart beat at that realization told him how deeply in love he was.

        “We said that when we did this, we were keeping our maiden names,” Chris said.

        “Yes,” Howie said, remembering.

        Chris ran his fingers across Howie’s chest.

        Chris had no comment, and that set off alarms in Howie’s head.  He put his hand over Chris’s.  “Did you want to change your name?”

        “No!” Chris said.  He shook his hand free, drawing Howie’s hair forward over one shoulder.  “No, no, not at all.  Dorough and Kirkpatrick, that’s a mouthful.  No, thank you.  No, sir.”

        “Okay,” Howie said.  He flipped his hair back over his shoulder, putting one leg over Chris’s, his naked foot rubbing Chris’s calf.  “Chris, my love,” he murmured, and kissed Chris’s mouth, “do you want to change your name after we get married?”

        Chris gave an adoring sigh, unable to resist Howie’s kiss.  “Oh, yes, absolutely,” he said, pressing against Howie’s body.

        Howie ended their kiss.

        Chris jerked back with a shriek.  “Don’t do that!  Oh, you’re good, you’re very good, and very, very evil.  Seducing me with your brainsucking ways.  I’m on to you.”

        “Do you want to change your name?” Howie asked.

        “Yes and no,” Chris said.  “Yes, but I’d feel stupid doing it.  Dorough and Kirkpatrick do make a mouthful, and they don’t mesh at all melodically, and it would be awkward professionally.”

        “We don’t have to do it,” Howie said.  “It wouldn’t make us any more or less married.”

        “I want there to be some kind of official, permanent, obvious change,” Chris said.  “Besides the ring.  Something that affects our lives.  We’re already living together.  We’re already sleeping together.  We’re not going to get pregnant and have kids.  Once the wedding’s over, what do we have to show for it?  A lot of things, but nothing that affects our impact on the world.”

        “There are things we need to discuss,” Howie said.  “Things to set in place.  Living wills.”

        “That’s big,” Chris said.  “That’s, that’s a big commitment.  I guess that’s what getting married means.”

        “But you want something more obvious that the world has to respect,” Howie said.

        “That makes me sound like an activist,” Chris said.

        “Are you comfortable with that?” Howie asked.

        Chris fidgeted.  “I don’t think I’ll be satisfied otherwise,” he admitted.

        “Then we’ll change our names,” Howie said.

        “To what?” Chris asked.

        “We could hyphenate,” Howie said.

        “Kirkpatrick-Dorough.  Dorough-Kirkpatrick.  Chris Dorough-Kirkpatrick.”

        “It is a lot to say,” Howie admitted.  “Let me think about it.”

        “What’s to think about?” Chris asked.  “We have an insurmountable problem.  Our names suck.”

        “Do you want to call the guys to tell them?” Howie asked.

        “No, I want to stay right here with you and think about how happy I am,” Chris said.  “They can wait.”

        Howie kissed him.  “I love you, Chris.”

        “I promise you,” Chris said, “that for however long we’re married, however long we’re together, as long as I live, every single day, I will always think of you as the most beautiful person I know.  And I will be happy to shout that from the rooftops, too.”