Copyright April 2, 2002-January 19, 2004 by Matthew Haldeman-Time

Rating: NC-17 for graphic male-male sex

Pairings: Thus far we've had JC/Justin, Nick/Drew/Brian, Nick/Jeff, Nick/Drew/Brian/Nick/Jeff, AJ/Lance, AJ/Howie, AJ/Kevin, Chris/Howie, and partridge/pear tree.

Disclaimer: The young men who comprise the Backstreet Boys, *NSYNC, and 98 Degrees are their own people. The author has not met anyone here described, nor does the author mean to suggest that these people act this way in real life. This writing is a work of fiction. I make no money from this venture.

Dedication: This slashfic is for Ewan McGregor and the Savage Garden slashwriters.  It also is for Elizabeth and Jeff.

Notice: First, read "I Need You Tonight," "Boy Lead the Way to Ecstasy," "Not Easy," "No One," "Rest in Peace," "Destiny," and "Together." I know it sounds like a lot, but it'll only take you an hour or two.

        Kevin opened the door.  “AJ.”

        Kevin looked as good as AJ had wanted him to.  “Kevin.”  AJ raised his eyebrows.  “You going to let me in?”

        Stepping back to allow him entrance, Kevin said, “Have you eaten?”

        “Yeah.”  He walked into the house, trying to relax.  He felt strange, lonely and relieved and neglected and resentful and optimistic and horny.  He wanted nothing more than to spend time alone with Kevin, but he didn’t know how to tell Kevin what he’d done about Lance.  He didn’t know how to say it without sounding like a whining martyr: “Look at the huge sacrifices I make for you.”  Kevin had never asked him to get rid of Lance, and he had no right to resent Kevin for the choices that he himself had made.  He didn’t truly resent Kevin; it wasn’t Kevin’s fault.  If it was anyone’s fault, it was his, and his alone.

        Kevin closed the door.  “How was the studio?”

        “Bad day for everyone,” AJ said.  “We were all off.”

        “Why?” Kevin asked, concern flickering over his face.  “What happened?”

        AJ sighed, shedding his jacket, wandering away.

        “AJ,” Kevin said, following him.

        “I talked to Lance,” AJ said.  “I told him that he and I can’t be friends.  I told him good-bye.”

        “AJ,” Kevin said, catching his elbow, guiding him back.  “You said good-bye to Lance?”

        “Yes,” AJ said, forcing himself not to yank his arm free.

        Kevin released him.  “I didn’t know you were going to do that.”

        “I did it for you,” AJ said.

        “You did it for us,” Kevin said, correcting him.

        “I did it so there’d still be an us,” AJ said.

        Kevin’s voice was calm, because Kevin was mature enough, and infuriating enough, not to react when AJ was irritated and wanted to provoke him.  “It must have been hard.”

        “It was what it was,” AJ said, turning away again, walking down the hallway.

        Still patient, Kevin asked, “Why are you mad at me?”

        “I’m not mad at you,” AJ said, frustrated, stopping.

        Kevin walked to where AJ stood.  “You’re upset, you refuse to stand still and talk to me, you did this huge thing that I think you’re blaming me for when I never demanded that you do it-”

        “I don’t blame you for it!” AJ said.  “I just wish I’d had more information before I’d done it.”

        “Information like what?” Kevin asked.

        “Nick called me,” AJ said.

        Kevin’s eyebrows drew together.  “Nick.”

        “Nick,” AJ agreed.  “It turns out we’re not even in the same game, Kevin.  And here’s how it looks from my side of it.  From my side, it’s looking like I just threw aside my best friend for you, to prove to you that I’ve changed and I can be good for you, and you aren’t even willing to have sex with me.  It makes me wonder what the hell you’re in this for, Kevin.  It makes me wonder what the hell I think I’m in this for.”

        “I thought he was going to be with Lance tonight,” Justin said.

        “I hope everything’s okay,” JC said, releasing his seatbelt.  “Here, give me-”

        “I got it,” Justin said, shooing JC away from the fast food.  “I can juggle.”

        JC kissed him quickly, tasting his tongue, then slipped out of the car.  JC let himself into the house, heading back towards Joey’s bedroom.  “Hey,” he said, spotting Joey on a sofa, watching TV.  “I didn’t think I’d see you tonight.”

        “Did Chris get a ring?” Joey asked.

        JC smiled, sitting beside him.  “He did.  It’s large.  He reserved Ferrando’s for tomorrow night.”

        “He’s really going through with it?” Joey asked.

        “He loves Howie,” JC said.

        “Chris.  Married,” Joey said.  “That has to be a sign of the apocalypse.”

        “He’s terrified, but he’s committed to it,” JC said.  “He’s going to do it.”

        “Do you think Howie’s going to say yes?” Joey asked.

        “Yes,” JC said.  “I haven’t ever talked to him about it, but I know he loves Chris.  He gives off signals whenever Chris is around, that are only for Chris.  And he was going to propose, back in Kendig.”

        “What do you mean, signals?” Joey asked.

        “His eyes get warm, and his smiles get warm, and he gives off sexual heat.  And he pays more direct attention to Chris than he does to anyone else, that I’ve seen.”

        “You realize that if this goes off, we’ll be marrying into the Backstreet Boys.”

        JC smiled.  “I think we’ll be okay.”  He kicked off his sandals and brought his feet up onto the sofa.  “Why aren’t you with Lance?”

        “Lance isn’t home,” Joey said.  “I’m not going to sit outside of his front door waiting for him.  I left a message at his house and on his cell phone.  If he wants to talk to me, he knows my number.”

        “You’re angry?” JC asked.

        “This morning, I told Lance that I love him.  This morning, AJ told Lance that they can’t see each other anymore.  I know which of those things is more important to him.  I was willing to be there for him.  I hate AJ, but I don’t want to see Lance hurt.  But Lance won’t answer my calls.  He’s on his phone all day long, it’s always with him, it’s always on.  He knows I called.  He’s refusing my help, and that’s all I have to give him.  He told me to meet him at his house, but he won’t be there.  He’s out.  He’s at some club, fucking some cute guy whose name he won’t remember tomorrow morning, while I’m sitting at home kicking myself for being a jackass.”

        “You don’t know that that’s where Lance is,” JC said.

        “Why are you a jackass?” Justin asked, coming in with bags of food, settling himself onto the floor.

        JC slid down to sit with Justin, offering Joey a carton of fries.

        Joey accepted the fries, joining JC and Justin on the floor.  “I told him that I’m in love with him.  I assumed it would still matter to him.  He doesn’t care.  I can’t get through to him anymore.”

        “Yes, you can,” Justin said.  “If JC can, you can.”

        “Lance wants JC,” Joey said.  “Lance doesn’t want me.”

        “Lance wants you,” JC said.  “He told me today that he was going to give you a chance.”

        “Lance lets me have sex with him,” Joey corrected.  “He wants to be with you.”

        “Well, he can’t,” Justin said pointedly, just in case anyone wasn’t clear on the facts.

        “Everybody knows that, baby,” JC said, squeezing his thigh.  “Even Lance.”

        “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to…”  Joey sighed.

        “Joey,” JC said.  “Lance might be confused right now, but you don’t know how important you are to him.  Trust me.  You do matter.  He does care.”

        “Did Lance tell you that?” Justin asked JC.

        “Even if he did, he was probably lying,” Joey said.  “He’s very manipulative.  He knows exactly how to jerk people around.”

        “Joe, please, man, I’m telling you,” JC said.  “Don’t give up on him.  AJ threw him for a loop today, yeah, he wasn’t ready for it.  He might need a day to sort it out.  But he’ll be back, and when he is, he’ll need you.”

        “I’ve spent all of this time bounding after him like a big stupid dog, dropping a ball at his feet and wagging my tail, trying to get his attention, trying to get him to play, just wanting to cheer him up.  I sat outside his house for three hours tonight, I left more messages than I can remember.  He doesn’t have to beat me over the head for me to get it.  He doesn’t care.  He stopped caring a while ago, and I was too in love with him to notice it.”

        “He cares,” JC said.  “Don’t let today ruin everything you’ve worked so hard for.  You had Lance’s time and attention when no one else did.  You stood by him when no one else would.  If AJ’s so important, where was AJ for all of those months when you were putting Lance to bed safely every night?”

        “Then why is AJ the one who tears him up inside while I’m the one who gets pity sex?” Joey demanded.

        “Pity sex?” JC repeated.  “He told me what it was like, and it didn’t sound like he felt sorry for you.”

        “He…said something about it?” Joey asked.

        JC smiled.  “He sounded very happy with it.  Very happy.  He also mentioned something about the size of your dick.”

        Justin took a quick sip of his soda to hide his face.

        “God, I don’t know what I’m even doing,” Joey said.  “He has extra parts, and missing parts, and I know I look like a fumbling idiot when I’m with him.”

        “If you have any questions, JC knows everything there is to know,” Justin said.

        “Me?” JC asked.  “You know just as much as I do.”

        “Do you have any more ketchup?” Joey asked.

        “Nice change of subject,” Justin said.  “Very subtle, there, Joey.”

        “I’ll get some,” JC said, rising gracefully.  “Keep him off of my drink,” JC said to Justin, kissing the top of Justin’s head on his way to the door.

        Justin counted to three, to make sure JC was gone, then asked, “What’s it like?”

        “What’s what like?” Joey asked, reaching for JC’s soda.

        “Having sex with Lance.”

        Joey hesitated, forming an answer.  Then he frowned at Justin.  “Why do you want to know?”

        “How good is he?” Justin asked.

        “Don’t tell me you’re worried about JC,” Joey said.

        “I’m not,” Justin said.  “JC’s very happy with me, and I’m going to make sure he stays that way.  I just want to keep an eye on my competition.”

        “Lance isn’t competition,” Joey said.  “Nobody’s competition.”

        “I’ll start trusting Lance when he starts acting right,” Justin said.  “Right now, he’s playing best friends with JC.  I trust JC, but I don’t trust Lance, and I want to keep an eye on him.”

        “I don’t know what Lance is like with other people,” Joey said.  “With someone he cares about, I mean.  With other guys, he must be good, because all of the guys he fucks act like they never had it like that before.  With me, I can’t keep my hands off of him.  He’s a great kisser.  And he gives great head.”

        “Not as good as Justin,” JC said, coming in again, handing Joey the ketchup as he sat.

        “You don’t even know what we’re talking about,” Justin said.

        “All I heard was, ‘He’s a great kisser and he gives good head,’” JC said.  “Nobody’s as good as you,” he said, and kissed Justin.

        Justin’s hand slid up the outside of JC’s thigh.

        Joey stole some of Justin’s fries.

        JC began to push Justin onto his back.

        Joey unmuted the television, sitting back to watch, sipping on JC’s drink.

        Justin moaned.

        “You had no trouble jumping into bed with me.  You had no trouble sucking my dick.  You had no trouble saying you were in love with me.  Now, all of a sudden, you have some kind of issue with gay sex?”

        “I have trouble accepting another man’s dick up my ass, yes,” Kevin said.

        “You had no trouble shoving yours up mine,” AJ said.

        “I love you, and I’m willing to build anything with you,” Kevin said, putting his hand on AJ’s arm.  “If you’ll be patient with me, we can overcome this hurdle.”

        “Bullshit,” AJ said, shrugging off Kevin’s hand.

        “I’m going to be a good partner for you,” Kevin said firmly, as if he could make it happen by his own force of will.  “I will learn how to give you anything you need.  If you want this from me, you can have it.”  His voice softened.  “You just have to show me the way.”

        “If I want this from you?” AJ asked, walking away a few steps, turning to face Kevin again.  “What, you were hoping I’d forget about it, and bottom the rest of my life?”

        “I knew you wouldn’t be satisfied with one role,” Kevin said, closing in on AJ’s new location.  “I know that you use every facet of your sexuality.  That’s why I asked Nick for advice.”

        “Why couldn’t you ask me?” AJ demanded.

        “I didn’t want you to know how worried I was about it.  I thought that if he gave me advice, I could handle it on my own, and we could move forward together.”

        “You didn’t want me to know?” AJ asked.  “You want to be a great partner, but you won’t let me know what you’re thinking?”

        “I was ashamed,” Kevin said, putting his hand on AJ’s arm again.  This time, AJ let it stay.  “I’m ashamed of myself for being afraid.  I’m ashamed of myself for being unsure.  The rest of you jump in with both feet, so sure of yourselves, so free.  When I make love to you, you’re never ashamed to ask for what you want.  I still have reservations and hang-ups and questions and doubts and shame and fear.”

        “Religious stuff, I can’t fix that for you.  You should talk to Brian, because you know he had to overcome all of that in himself.  But I can help you with the physical side.  I can’t clear out your mind, but I can prove to your body that there’s nothing to be afraid of.”  AJ let a brief smile grace his face.  “You can do whatever you want in bed, Kevin.  That will never change the fact that you will always be strong, and masculine, and pushy as hell.”

        “Did Nick give you the same steps he gave me?” Kevin asked.

        “Probably.”

        “I think we should skip the first step.”

        “You’ve rimmed me.  I can’t return the favor?” AJ asked, his hands on Kevin’s waist pulling Kevin in to where he was leaning against the wall.  He ran his hands up Kevin’s chest, licking his lips.

        “Maybe we could get to it later,” Kevin said.

        “We can do whatever you want,” AJ said.  “Whatever you’re comfortable with.”

        “Are we through fighting?” Kevin asked, one arm around AJ’s waist, right hand fingers trailing the line of AJ’s jaw.

        “I don’t want to fight,” AJ said, feeling restless need start to climb his spine.  He wanted Kevin’s mouth on his.

        “We should talk about Lance,” Kevin said.

        “Fuck me first,” AJ said.

        “We really need to talk,” Kevin said.

        “You really need to be fucking me,” AJ said, and kissed him.

        God, he was hard.  He wanted to get off against JC.  He thought he still might be moaning.  He knew that he should try to sit up, but he’d rather remember JC’s hands on his skin, JC’s tongue in his mouth.

        JC and Joey were getting up.  Leaving the room?

        Justin rolled onto his stomach, whimpering a little into the carpet.  JC had left him hard.  JC never left him hard.  Except for yesterday at the studio.  Was this a new trend?  It was a horrible trend.  Mostly.  It turned him on, that JC could push him to the edge and leave him.  He always wanted JC, always ached for JC, twenty-four hours a day.  It only made sense that he should experience it sexually, as well as emotionally and physically.

        Justin shoved his hand between himself and the carpet, squeezing his hard-on through his pants.

        “Justin?” JC asked.  “He’s fine.”

        “He’s still…in the mood,” Joey said.  “You never leave him when he’s in the mood.”

        “I’m teaching him that I won’t always fulfill his every desire, even sexually,” JC said.  “He’s going to have to learn to do without sometimes, and sometimes do learn how to satisfy himself.”

        “Satisfy himself?” Joey repeated.  “That sounds like masturbation.”

        JC smiled.  “I wouldn’t go back in there for another few minutes.”

        Joey stared at him.  “Justin’s in there right now, doing that?”

        “Probably.”  JC gave him another smile and started to go through the clothes in his closet.  “What look are you going for?”

        “Something that would make Lance want to have sex with me,” Joey said.  He hesitated, watching JC.  “I don’t think I want you picking out my clothes.”

        “Try this,” JC said, handing him a shirt.  “And these,” he added, offering a pair of pants.

        “These match,” Joey said.  “You’re getting better.”

        “Justin’s been a good influence,” JC said, crouching on the floor to look through Joey’s shoes.  He raised his head.  “Good boy,” he said with a soft smile.

        “What?” Joey asked.

        “Justin,” JC said, returning to his search.

        “Justin what?” Joey asked.

        “You didn’t hear that?” JC asked.

        “Hear what?” Joey asked.

        “Justin came,” JC said.

        “And you heard it?” Joey asked.

        “He was moaning,” JC said.

        “I hope he didn’t get it on anything,” Joey said.

        “He wouldn’t,” JC said.  “Get dressed.”  He found the pair of boots he wanted.  “And try on these.”

        Joey began to change clothes.  “I’m getting all dressed up to sit outside Lance’s house and wait until I fall asleep,” he said.

        “Lance will come home,” JC said, rising.

        “Probably with five other guys, and a few women too.”

        “Why do you keep thinking the worst?” JC asked.  “That’s not you.”

        “I have to imagine the worst, so I’ll be prepared for it,” Joey said.  “Lance is a heartbreaker.  All I can do is try to brace myself for it.”

        “You love him,” JC said.  “Keep loving him.  Don’t give up.”

        “I have to love him,” Joey said.  “I can’t stop.  That’s the bitch.”  He sat on his bed to pull on the boots.  “Has this outfit magically transformed me into a hot young tight-assed gay stud?”

        “No,” JC said.  “You’re somewhere between dick-swingin’ pimp, and very sexy teddy bear.”

        Joey stood, looking at himself in the mirror.  “Not bad.”

        “What are we dressing Joey up for?” Justin asked, coming to the doorway.

        “Hey, baby,” JC said, as though they hadn’t been together mere minutes ago.

        “JC,” Justin said, pink tinging his cheeks.

        “How is it, baby?” JC asked, walking over to him, kissing his mouth, cupping him between the legs.

        Justin moaned, clutching at the doorjamb, weak-kneed.  “JC,” he protested softly, aching anew.

        “Did you come in your pants, Justin?” JC whispered, kissing him softly.

        “I couldn’t get them open fast enough,” Justin confessed, unable to keep from kissing JC back.

        “Excuse us,” JC said to Joey, pushing Justin into the hallway and into the next room, closing the door, turning them both around and pushing Justin back.  JC knelt, unzipping Justin’s fly.  Justin panted, hands splayed against the wood of the door.  JC licked at Justin’s soft penis, sucking cum from Justin’s underwear.

        Joey went to the bathroom, checking on his hair, brushing his teeth.  From the next room, he heard Justin start to beg.  He checked out his reflection again.  Half dick-swingin’ pimp, half very sexy teddy bear.  He could work with that.

        He wondered if he should go from club to club, trying to find Lance.  Lance would be out looking for sex, which narrowed down the number of clubs to those with back rooms Lance could fuck men in without trouble.  Or should he wait at Lance’s house?

        He’d decide from the road.  Joey thought about telling JC and Justin he was leaving, but he didn’t want to interrupt them.  Judging from Justin’s “oh, god, JC, please, JC, please, god, please,” they were pretty busy.  He got his phone, found his keys, and left.

        “Alex,” Kevin said, voice low, hand sliding up AJ’s chest.

        AJ shifted closer, putting his mouth within an inch of Kevin’s, lowering his lashes.

        Kevin kissed him.  “Do you always have this much sex when you’re in a relationship?”

        “No,” AJ said.  “Not this much, every day, consistently.”  He closed his eyes when Kevin’s hands began to tour his body again.  “I know you’re not complaining.”

        “Tell me I make you feel things no one else ever did,” Kevin said, planting small, soft kisses down his neck.

        “You make me feel things no one else ever did,” AJ said, luxuriating in Kevin’s embrace.  “You make me feel things no one else ever could.  They couldn’t reach me the way you do.  They couldn’t get inside me the way you do.”  He closed his eyes, his right hand rubbing up and down Kevin’s chest.  “You get deep inside and stir things up.  I have an itch only you can scratch.”

        Kevin cupped AJ’s ass, squeezing gently.  “We have to talk.”

        “Naked in bed?” AJ asked.

        “No,” Kevin said.  “If we’re going to start a fight, I don’t want it to be in bed together.”  He gradually released AJ from his embrace.  “Let’s get dressed.”

        Justin was on the verge of collapse.  “J…C…,” he panted, weakly attempting to push at JC’s shoulders.  “J…C…”

        JC put his hands on Justin’s hips, easing Justin in a controlled slide down the door.  Justin dropped into a heap, moaning softly.  JC tugged aside Justin’s shirt collar and kissed Justin’s neck, Justin’s shoulder.

        “I already came for you,” Justin protested, head falling back to give JC better access to his skin.  “What do you want?”

        “You vibrate,” JC said, his hands on Justin’s chest through Justin’s shirt.  “You glow.”

        “JC?” Justin asked.

        “I like getting you worked up,” JC confessed, smoothing Justin’s clothes, reluctantly taking his hands off of Justin.  “I like testing your limits.”

        “You like driving me out of my mind,” Justin corrected him, leaning back against the door.  “JC, you’re relentless.”

        JC offered a contrite smile.  “Sorry?”

        “I didn’t say I didn’t like it,” Justin said, with a smile of his own.  “I bitch about it every time, but I love it when you do that to me.”

        JC kissed him.

        Justin opened his mouth for JC’s tongue.

        JC backed up suddenly.  “Joey!”

        “What?” Justin asked.

        “Joey,” JC said, hauling Justin to his feet.  “He was getting dressed to go see Lance.”  He opened the door, stepping into the hallway.  “Joey?”  He peered into the bedroom.  “Joe!”

        “Maybe he left,” Justin said.

        “I didn’t mean to desert him,” JC said, pulling Justin into his arms.  “I got distracted.”  He nibbled delicately on Justin’s neck.

        “I didn’t mean to take you away from Joey,” Justin said, closing his eyes, sliding his hands beneath JC’s shirt to feel JC’s tight, hard body.

        JC drew Justin’s pelvis to his, still feasting on Justin’s neck.  “Baby, you could distract me in the middle of an avalanche, an earthquake, or a twenty-car pile-up.”

        “I wasn’t even trying to,” Justin said.

        JC kissed his mouth.  “You never have to.”

        His car was in the garage, and most of the house lights were off, so it looked like he might not be home.  His house phone and his cell phone both kept ringing, but he didn’t want to talk to anyone at the moment.  He put one of Joey’s home movies in the VCR, and sat back to watch.

        The first thing onscreen was himself, walking down a hotel hallway.  He said hello to Joey, who made him stop and do a three-sixty.  From the look of it, he was about to go out for the night.  He stood still, politely asking Joey to get a life, while Joey circled him.

        “This,” Joey announced, “is the Bass.”

        “You can call me Lance,” Lance assured the camera.

        Behind him now, Joey lowered the shot, zooming in on Lance’s leather-clad posterior.  “This is the Bass ass.”

        Onscreen, Lance said something unintelligible.  If memory served, he was insulting Joey’s lovely parents.

        “Shake the Bass ass for us,” Joey said.

        Lance turned; the camera now was trained on his crotch.  Joey panned up, pausing when it was obvious that Lance was flipping him off.

        Joey laughed, panning up past Lance’s extended middle finger.  “No Bass booty for us tonight.”

        The scene switched.  Chris must have gotten his hands on Joey’s camera; he was talking quietly, pretending to narrate a wildlife show.  He turned a corner and found his target: JC and Justin.  They were both fully clothed, tangled impossibly close on a narrow sofa, making out with shocking eroticism.  When it became clear that they were going to do more than merely make out, and JC was undoing Justin’s fly, Chris had the sense to leave, or at least turn off the camera.

        New scene: Chris, pretending that he knew tap, instructing Justin on the finer points.  Lance had to laugh.

        New scene: Lance, on the bus.  It wasn’t clear why Joey was taping him, since he wasn’t doing anything.  He was sitting in the lounge, doing something on his laptop, talking on his cellphone, and jotting something down on his notepad.

        New scene: JC, helping Chris work the kinks out of his choreography.

        New scene: JC and Justin, singing.  JC: “M-I-C.”  Justin, deadpan: “Suck my dick.”  JC: “K-E-Y.”  Justin: “Suck my dick.”  JC: “M-O-U-S-E.”  Justin: “Suck it long, and suck it hard.”

        New scene: Lance, in a hotel bathroom, fixing his hair.  Joey had footage of him at the oddest, least significant times.

        New scene: Lance again, backstage somewhere, passed out on a couch.  Joey panned slowly up his body, then down, then up, then down, then up again.

        New scene: Chris and Justin playing leapfrog during soundcheck.

        New scene: Lance in his hotel room, changing clothes, on the phone.  He had pants on, and was digging through his suitcase trying to find a shirt.  He set it on the bed, still on the phone, wandering to the bathroom, coming back to sit on the bed, getting up and finding socks, putting on his socks and his boots.  He hadn’t put the shirt on yet, and Joey zoomed in on his nipples at least three times.

        It occurred to Lance that every time Joey shot footage of the other guys, they were doing something.  Joey had footage of him doing pretty much nothing.  Joey almost had more shots of him than anyone else.  But Joey wouldn’t be recording him standing around doing jack shit, unless Joey thought that him standing around doing jack shit was somehow interesting.  More interesting, even, than the other guys standing around doing nothing.

        New scene: JC, cracking up, falling down, laughing.

        New scene: Lance, on the bus, shuffling down the aisle, looking ready to sleep for five days straight.  “Say hello,” Joey instructed him.  “Hi,” Lance said, rubbing his hands through his hair.  “Introduce yourself,” Joey said.  “Joey, you know who I am,” Lance said.  “Show me your tits,” Joey said.  “Bite me,” Lance said, tired but without malice.  “Oh, oh, pretty gay boy nipples,” Chris said, appearing out of nowhere, pulling up Lance’s T-shirt.  “Left one, right one,” Chris said, and Joey came in for a closer look.  “Dick next?” Chris offered, reaching for the waistband of Lance’s sweatpants.  Lance pushed Chris off and escaped into his bunk.  “Tease,” Chris accused, and left.

        Without warning, the scene changed, and Brian appeared on-camera, smiling.  “Howdy, folks.”

        Lance turned off the TV.

        Joey had been, what?  Drawn to him?  Attracted to him?  Fascinated by him?  He wasn’t sure to what degree Joey’s attraction had risen.  It wasn’t JC-level obsession, but it was more than friendship.  He hadn’t noticed.  He really hadn’t, not then.  Joey had been around him a lot, but Joey had always been around him a lot.  They were friends, best friends.  Okay, so Joey had shown more than a typical straight friend’s interest in his body, but Joey was a big huge flirt, always had been.  He hadn’t taken it seriously.

        The problem was, he wasn’t sure he should take it seriously now, either.  Was Joey really in love with him?  Did Joey really want to have a relationship with him?  Could he really expect that Joey’s interest in him would last?

        Lance got up and checked his voice mail.  Every message on his home phone, and all but two on his cell phone, were from Joey.  He deleted each message as soon as he recognized Joey’s voice.

        The doorbell rang.  Peeking out of the window, he saw Joey’s truck in the driveway.  Lance dropped onto the sofa with a sigh.

        “Go to Joey,” AJ said.  “At least tonight.  For me.  He’ll take care of you.”

        “I want you to talk to him,” JC said.  “I want you to try.  Don’t give up right now.  Don’t write off the possibility of a relationship before you really try.”

        He looked like shit.  He’d take a shower, get dressed, and leave the house.  Maybe he’d go out, maybe he’d get something to eat, maybe he’d go to Joey’s.

        He’d definitely go to Joey’s.

        Shit.  JC and Justin would be there.  He wouldn’t mind avoiding Justin for another day or two.

        Lance got up and took a shower, then changed into some club clothes, in case he gave in to the temptation of self-sabotage.  Heading to the garage to get his car, he paused.  It wasn’t likely, it wasn’t even possible, but he had the strangest feeling…

        He looked outside.

        Joey’s truck was still there.

        Lance went out the front door, walked to the driveway, and got in Joey’s truck, sitting in the passenger seat.

        Joey turned off the radio.  “You were home.”

        “Yeah.”

        “Ignore those thirty-seven phone messages I left you.”

        “Okay.”

        “Do you want to go somewhere?” Joey asked.

        “No.”

        “We can go back to my place.”

        “No.”

        “Can I come inside?”

        Lance looked at his front door.  “Yeah.”

        Joey took the keys out of the ignition.

        Lance got out, going to the door, followed by Joey.  They went into the house, and he finally looked at Joey, finally made eye contact.

        “I don’t want things to be different between us,” Joey said.

        “Different from what?” Lance asked.  Joey looked damned good.

        “We’ve been friends for years,” Joey said.  “No matter what happened, that never changed.  This morning I told you that I love you, and now things are different.”

        “Things are different because you’re fucking me,” Lance said, not caring how harsh it sounded, almost wishing he could make it harsher.

        “You were never afraid to look me in the eye until today,” Joey said.

        “What do you want?” Lance asked.  “Why are you here?”

        “I want the same thing I’ve wanted for months,” Joey said.  “I want my best friend back.”

        “I’m standing right here!”

        “Right now you’re here, but I don’t know from one hour to the next what you’re going to be like,” Joey said.

        “Do you really want things to be the way they were?” Lance asked.  “If you want to go back to the good old days, you’d better stop fucking me.”

        “No,” Joey said.  “I don’t want to go back.  I want to go forward.  With you.”

        “You mean you don’t want to stop fucking me,” Lance said.

        “I want to be your lover,” Joey said.  “Or your boyfriend.  Or whatever you want to call it.”

        “Because you’re oh so deeply in love with me?” Lance asked.

        “Yes.”

        “You want me to get comfortable in a relationship with you?” Lance asked.  “Until when?  Until you remember you want women?  When will that be?  Two days from now?  Two weeks, two months?”

        “I don’t have to have women to be happy,” Joey said.

        “Since when?” Lance demanded.

        “Since you,” Joey said.

        Lance stood his ground.  “You can’t say all the right words in perfect response to convince me.”

        “I’m not saying things just to convince you, I’m telling you the truth,” Joey said.  “Sex or not, romance or not, bottom line, I love you, and I am your friend, and I would never deliberately hurt you.  You know that.”

        That was one point Lance couldn’t get around.  It was stubbornly, fixedly true.  Joey would never hurt him, not for anything.  Joey wouldn’t risk Lance’s heartache, not even for a good lay.  Especially not after watching the devastation that AJ had wrought.

        “I know it sounds crazy to say that I’d want you over women, because I’ve always loved women, and I’ve never been into serious, long-term settling down.  I still love women, and I probably always will.  But I want to be with you, and that means no more sex with women, and I’m okay with that.  I’m kind of freaked out that I’m okay with that, but I am.  If my choices are women, or you, I want you.”  Joey made an aborted gesture, frustrated, helpless.  “If my choices are anyone on the planet, or you, I want you.  I don’t want anyone who isn’t you.”

        “You don’t know how long that’ll last,” Lance said.

        “We don’t know how long anything will last,” Joey said.  “Some things you have to take a chance on, because it would be worse never to have tried at all.  Maybe it won’t be forever, maybe I can’t promise that without a leap of faith.  Even if it is only for two weeks, or ten months, or five years, I want it, I want this experience, I want to do this with you.  I do not want to miss this.  I wouldn’t miss this time with you for anything, even if it’s not forever.  And what if it does last forever?”

        “You want to be my boyfriend?” Lance asked, still in a state of disbelief.

        “I want to be your boyfriend,” Joey said.  “Straight face.”

        “What about sex?” Lance asked.  “I’m not playing bottom boy forever, and I like getting head.  Are you really ready for that?”

        “You’re more of a bottom than you think you are.”

        Lance bristled.  “What?”

        “You’re more of a bottom than you think you are,” Joey said.  “I’d like to suck your dick.”

        Lance’s hearing must have gone haywire.  “Joey?”

        “I’d like to suck your dick,” Joey repeated.  “I want to do it.  I want to try it.”

        “You want to suck my dick,” Lance said.

        “I’ve never done it before, but I can learn.”

        Lance wasn’t prepared for these revelations.  He moved on.  “Are you willing to let me fuck you?”

        “I wasn’t sure you’d want to.  I’ve seen those guys you fuck, they have asses like JC.”

        “They have asses like AJ,” Lance said.

        “I didn’t know if you’d want to fuck me.”

        He hadn’t thought about it nearly as much as he’d thought about everything else he and Joey could do in bed, because Joey was so heterosexual, the idea of Joey being fucked had been alien.  Ridiculous.  Impossible.  But he did want Joey.  The thought of sucking Joey’s dick got him as hard as anything else ever had.  Did he want to fuck Joey?

        Lance circled around behind Joey, taking a good look at Joey’s solid ass.  Thick.  Dense.  Even muscular.  Lance put his hand on it.  Oh, yeah.  He’d fuck this ass every night.

        Dropping his hand, Lance stepped in front of Joey again.  “If I want to fuck you, are you going to let me?”

        “I might want to talk about it first, so I know what I’m getting into.  I know the mechanics of it, but I don’t know what it feels like.”

        “All of the talking in the world can’t describe it,” Lance said.  He was sick of this conversation, tired of trying to figure out what he really wanted and to what degree he should protect himself.  “Do you want to fuck me right now?”

        “Yeah,” Joey said.

        Lance reached for the hem of his shirt.

        “We should talk about-”

        “I’m tired of talking,” Lance said.  “You can either fuck me and hope I’m in the mood for conversation later, or you can get out.”  He pulled off his shirt.

        Joey’s eyes went straight to his nipples.  “I can fuck you?”

        “In any room in this house,” Lance said.  He unbuttoned his fly.

        “Wait,” Joey said, quickly stopping Lance.  He stepped forward, putting out his hand.  “Let me do it.”  Slowly, he unfastened Lance’s fly.  “I feel so stupid.”

        God, he was getting hard fast.  “Why?” Lance asked, wishing Joey would touch him.

        Joey put his hand down the front of Lance’s underwear.  “I could have been fucking you for years.  I missed all of this time.”

        “Make up for it now,” Lance said, putting his hand over Joey’s, guiding Joey’s touch, getting a firmer grip.

        “I’ve wanted to fuck you for so long,” Joey said, and kissed him, and wouldn’t stop.

        Justin spat.  “Chris is getting married,” he said.

        “I’m happy for him,” JC said.  “He’s going to be floating on air for a year.”

        “Is Howie good enough for him?” Justin asked.  He rinsed his mouth.  “We can’t let him break Chris’s heart.  Again.”

        “Chris believes in Howie, and I trust Chris’s judgment,” JC said.

        Justin gave him a look.  “I meant Chris Kirkpatrick.”

        “I like the way Chris talks about Howie,” JC said.

        “Uh-oh,” Justin said, stepping past JC in the doorway, moving back to the bedroom.  “That means Chris isn’t just in love, he’s downright obsessed.”

        “He is,” JC said.  “You know that.”

        “Yes, but is that healthy?  Should we encourage it?” Justin asked.

        “Howie only encourages it to a point,” JC said.  “He won’t indulge Chris the way you indulged me.”

        “That’s good,” Justin said.  “At least one of them has some sense.”  He climbed into bed, pulling up the covers.

        “Howie makes Chris happy.  Really happy.  Chris lights up for Howie,” JC said.  He got into bed beside Justin, immediately sliding his hand over Justin’s abs.

        Justin brought JC into his embrace, feeling JC’s heart beat against his palm.  “Chris is proposing.  Getting married.  Settling down.”

        “He’s finally making a good life for himself,” JC said.  “He’s in love, and he’s happy, and he wants to create something good that’s going to last.  He’s finally ready to move ahead.”

        “I wonder what finally convinced him he’s worth it,” Justin said.

        “I think it was Howie,” JC said.

        “We should do something for them,” Justin said.

        “Would they have separate bachelor parties?” JC asked.  “Would it be appropriate to throw them one together?”

        “A bachelor party is one last night on the town,” Justin said.  “They really should do it separately.  But they might need a bridal shower, too.  That’s when they get presents and marital advice.”

        “Chris is going to want some advice,” JC agreed.

        “We could throw a party,” Justin said.

        “The groom’s parents host the rehearsal dinner,” JC said.  “If they’re having an actual wedding, we could do that.”

        “There are two grooms, and they have parents,” Justin said.

        “Chris’s mom isn’t going to host a rehearsal dinner, or the wedding reception,” JC said.

        “We could host one, and the Boys could host the other one,” Justin said.

        JC smiled.  “That would be appropriate.”

        “We’re going to be married to the Backstreet Boys,” Justin said.  “I never thought that would happen.”

        “I’m so happy for Chris,” JC said.

        Justin laughed.  “Nobody loves his friends like you love your friends, JC.”

        JC kissed Justin.  “Nobody loves you like I love you.”

        “I can’t deny that,” Justin said.  “JC?”

        “What?” JC asked, capturing his mouth in another sweet kiss.

        “Close your eyes.”

        JC closed his eyes.  He felt Justin’s upper body twist away, felt Justin stretch for something, their bodies still in contact from the waist down, their legs entwined.  Justin was back, leaving a kiss on his mouth.

        “Open your eyes,” Justin said.

        JC opened his eyes.  A diamond bracelet glittered in the air before him.  “Justin,” he said, surprised, touched, taking it from Justin’s fingers.  “Did you get this for me?”

        “I saw you looking at it,” Justin said.

        “Justin,” he said, moved.  “Thank you, baby, thank you.”  He hugged Justin, closing his eyes.  “Oh, you’re so good to me.  I love you.  You know you didn’t have to.”

        “I love you, too, JC,” Justin said.

        “It shines so bright, from every direction,” JC said, releasing Justin to look at the bracelet again, turning it in the lamplight.

        “That’s called bling,” Justin said with a smile.

        “Thank you, Justin,” JC said.  “I love you.”

        Justin closed his eyes as JC kissed him.  “JC?”

        “Justin?”

        “Would this be a good time to mention that I also got you two ankle bracelets?”

        “What?” JC asked, surprised anew, breaking off their kiss.

        “I couldn’t decide whether to get you a diamond one or just a gold chain, so I got both,” Justin said, pulling a jewelry box from under his pillow, opening it to show JC the bracelets.

        “Justin…”

        “I hate feet, JC, you know I do, but I love your feet, and I want to show them off.”

        “Thank you, Justin.  Thank you.  You didn’t have to get me anything.”

        “Of course I did,” Justin said.

        JC kissed him.  “I love you.”

        “I love you, JC,” Justin said.

        “You love yours,” Kevin said.  “You’re going to be here a lot of the time, and I want you to have something to do.”

        AJ ran his hand over the felt.  “This is nice, Kev.  You got yourself a good one.”

        “I like to have the best,” Kevin said, and his eyes were hot on AJ’s body.

        AJ pulled his hand back, edging around the side of the table.  “What are we here to talk about?”

        “Lance,” Kevin said, politely not pointing out that AJ knew that.

        “Lance,” AJ repeated.  “While you were out buying a nice new pool table to symbolize your commitment to our relationship, I was telling Lance to get out of my life, for the same reason.”

        “Are you all right?” Kevin asked.

        “I said good things.  I told him to stay away from drugs, avoid alcohol, and give Joey a chance.  I didn’t so much as kiss him.  He took it well, he said to make sure you treat me right.  He didn’t even tell me to go fuck myself, and he should have.  I told him that maybe someday we could be friends.”

        “Are you all right?” Kevin asked again, just as sincerely.

        “I did it for you, for us, and it was something I had to do, because I couldn’t just avoid him forever, and as long as he and I were friends, you were going to have problems, and I couldn’t watch that destroy our relationship.  I had to say good-bye, and hope that he might try to understand.  But I can’t help thinking, if things don’t work out between you and me, then I just screwed over one of the best friends I’ll ever have, for nothing.”

        “That’s not going to happen,” Kevin said.  “AJ, come here.”

        “You know I don’t like to be touched too much,” AJ said.  “It makes me claustrophobic.”

        “AJ, come here.”

        “You’re not fucking me on this table,” AJ said.

        “I will fuck you on this table, as often as I want to,” Kevin said.  “That’s not what this is about.  Come here.”

        AJ grinned, still keeping his distance.  “How many times, since you first decided to buy this, did you fantasize about taking me on it?”

        “Twenty, give or take a hundred.”

        “You’d better get it out of your system here, because you’re not doing it on mine.”

        “Not according to your house rules.”

        “Kevin gets what Kevin wants,” AJ said.

        “I want you to come here.”

        “Why don’t you come over here?” AJ asked.

        “If I get any closer, you’ll back away, and I don’t want to chase you.”

        “Try me.”

        Kevin stepped forward, towards AJ.

        AJ backed away around the edge of the table.

        “You didn’t give up Lance for nothing,” Kevin said, as he slowly, calmly pursued AJ around the pool table.  “You said good-bye to someone you love because you’re investing in our relationship.  I didn’t ask you to do it because I couldn’t, but I’m touched by your sacrifice.  Thank you, AJ.”

        AJ backed up more slowly now, listening, weighing, eyes on Kevin.

        “With your talent for self-sabotage, and his talent for manipulation, it was a situation I couldn’t trust.  It was the situation, AJ, not you.  I love you, and you’ve demonstrated that you love me.  I don’t want to dictate who your friends are.  That’s not my right.  Thank you for what you’ve done today.  It was a huge step, and it shows me that you really are committed to being here, with me, no matter what.”

        AJ slowed down further.

        Kevin caught up with him, and kissed him.  “I love you,” Kevin said, kissed him again, softer this time.  “This is going to work.  We’ll be sitting around together in a retirement home for the stars.  You’ll run a wheelchair racing betting ring, and I’ll be chasing you down in my walker, old and crotchety, telling you to slow down and drink your Ensure.”

        “I’d like my life to end with a little more sizzle than that,” AJ said.

        “I’d like your life to end as late as possible, with a little luck never,” Kevin said.  “You’ll always have sizzle, AJ.”  He kissed AJ’s mouth.  “We’ll always have spark.”

        AJ chuckled, kissing Kevin back.  “That one, I believe.”  He licked gently inside Kevin’s mouth.  “Kevin.”

        “Alex,” Kevin said, his voice low, his eyes hot.

        “I want to know that if I run, you’ll always chase me.”

        “I want to know that someday, you’ll stop running,” Kevin said softly.

        AJ put his forehead to Kevin’s chest, letting Kevin’s fingers run through his hair.  “I will,” he promised in a low voice.  “Today was bad, but I will, I’ll stop.”

        “If it’s the sex that bothers you, I want you to know that I will do anything for you,” Kevin said.  “You can have me any way you want me.”

        “I know,” AJ said, his hands on Kevin’s shoulders.  “I let that get to me when I shouldn’t have.  You talked to Nick because you want to give me everything, and because you are willing to let me make love to you.”

        Kevin raised AJ’s chin and kissed him again.

        “I can have you any way I want you?” AJ asked.

        “I trust you,” Kevin said.  AJ held still while his thumb lightly touched the fringe of AJ’s lashes.

        “Can I chain you up and oil you down?” AJ asked.

        Kevin rubbed his thumb up and down AJ’s sideburn.  “Yes.”

        AJ’s gaze sharpened with new focus.  “Yes?”

        “Yes,” Kevin said.

        “I can strip you naked, handcuff you to your bed, and rub oil all over your naked body.”

        “Yes,” Kevin said, feeling the muscle in AJ’s arm.

        AJ flexed to humor him.

        “The sheets will get dirty,” Kevin added.

        AJ smiled.  “It’d be worth it.”

        “The sex would be slippery.”

        “I’d manage.”  AJ took Kevin’s chin in his hand, gazing into Kevin’s face.  “What else would you let me do to you?”

        “I won’t let you whip me, I won’t let you dress me up like a woman, and I’m not ready right now for any of those toys Nick was buying on-line.”

        “I want to draw on you,” AJ said.  “Paint on you.  You have all of this flawless pale skin, everywhere.  I want to decorate it.”

        “You are not going to tattoo me,” Kevin said.

        “Would you get ink?” AJ asked, as though he hadn’t heard Kevin’s last statement, or maybe because he had.  “If I asked you to, if I wanted you to, would you do it?”

        “One,” Kevin said.  “If you were serious, if you meant it, if you picked the right design for the right place, I would get one tattoo in one spot.  So be sure about it, before you ask me.”

        AJ kissed him, stroking his chest through his shirt.

        “Maybe two,” Kevin said, stealing another kiss.

        Finally, really, truly, things weren’t one-sided.  He felt as cherished as he’d always made Justin feel.  It wasn’t a fleeting moment, either; things would stay this way.  He knew it.  He felt it, in Justin’s touch.  It wasn’t only the gifts; it was Justin’s sentiment, the feeling behind the gifts, the care, the generosity.

        “Josh,” Justin whispered.

        Though his fingers moved on Justin’s back, JC didn’t respond.  He didn’t have to.  Justin was saying his name simply for the sake of saying it, to hear it, to shape the word with lips and tongue.

        Justin’s fingers followed the line of JC’s spine, up his back.

        JC wanted to bathe in Justin’s adoration.  He wanted to submerge himself in it and never emerge.  He’d waited years, years, for Justin to love him this way.  It had been inside Justin all of this time, but it hadn’t been demonstrated.  Now, he felt it.  He was living it.  Justin loved him, Justin cherished him, Justin treasured him.  Justin wanted to do things for him, give things to him, kiss him, make love to him.  Justin wanted him to know how deeply he was loved.  That was what JC had been trying to share with Justin for years.

        “You’re so beautiful, JC, you’re so deep, and you’re so powerful,” Justin whispered.  “I wish you knew.”

        “Baby,” JC whispered, his soul convulsing with an overflow of riches.

        “Do you feel me loving you, baby?” Justin asked, his voice soft, his lips brushing JC’s shoulder.  “Do you know how much I love you, JC?”

        “Yes,” JC confessed.  He wanted to burst with it, explode in celebration of it.  He wanted to bathe himself in it, wander around inside it exploring.  He wanted to let it overwhelm him, let it consume him.  That last temptation was something he’d have to avoid, because he couldn’t put them through everything they’d been through all over again, with the roles reversed.

        “Do you want to make love?” Justin asked him, softly stroking the hair on the back of his head.

        “In the morning,” JC said.  He couldn’t, now; it would be too much.  He was too intensely soaking up Justin’s love, to complicate it just yet.  But in the morning, oh, in the morning, they’d make love.  Justin would make love to him, and he’d be laid bare, laid open, before Justin’s love.  He’d give himself to Justin in new ways, ways he’d never given himself before.  And Justin would love him.

        “JC,” Justin murmured, fingers gentle on the back of his neck.

        Lance was incredible beneath him, hot, sexy, even beautiful.  Coming inside of Lance was immensely satisfying.  It wasn’t just a sexual or physical release, but an emotional one as well.  Joey’s brain and emotions were as turned on by Lance as his body was.

        After they came, and Joey disconnected their bodies, Lance wiped himself off with Joey’s underwear, then got more comfortable, balling up his shirt as a pillow.  Lance seemed content to stay there for another two minutes, at least, so Joey used his time wisely, and went on another exploration of Lance’s body.

        He didn’t know why Lance’s body fascinated him as much as it did.  He was drawn to all of its details, all of its secrets.  He was drawn to its innate and obvious maleness, but why would that be?  Why would he be this fascinated by a male body, when he had one himself?  But his body didn’t have this all-over tan, and his body didn’t have this dusting of dark gold, almost-brown hair in its private places, and he knew he didn’t moan like that when his nipples were licked.

        Lance sounded insanely good in bed.  That voice was like rubbing up against pure porn.  Every moan was another stroke on Joey’s dick.  When Joey was lucky, Lance moaned his name, and damn, that was good.

        “Joey.  Joey.”  Fingers tapping on his skull.  “Joey.”

        Joey stopped kissing Lance’s right thigh and raised his head.

        “Would you mind if we moved this to my bed?”

        “Sorry.”  Joey helped Lance up, gathering their clothes.  He followed Lance to the bedroom, watching Lance’s ass the entire way.  Damn, that was a good ass.  Skinny little guys, Joey would just snap in two; he loved Lance’s body, because Lance had some good masculine meat, a nice solid frame, perfectly proportioned.  Lance was a little short, but Joey liked that, too.

        “Are you straight, gay, or bi?” Lance asked, getting into the bed.

        Joey slid in beside him, tugging the sheet down to Lance’s waist, touching Lance’s tight little nipples.  “I don’t know.”

        “What other guys would you do, if you could?”

        “Sex with other guys,” Joey said.  If he’d been asked that before, he wouldn’t have been able to give an answer, because his brain hadn’t even understood the idea of it.  Now, it didn’t seem as impossible as it once had.  In fact, it was downright intriguing.

        “Besides JC,” Lance said.

        Well, there went his first answer.  “Brian,” he said, and his blood gave an enthusiastic surge at the very idea of it.

        “If you can name five guys you’d have sex with right here, right now, if they walked into the room, I’ll let you consider yourself bisexual,” Lance said.

        “You, JC, Brian.”

        “You can’t count me.”

        “I’m counting you.  You, JC, Brian, and Tony Michaels.”

        “Who’s Tony Michaels?”

        “Kid from the neighborhood.  He lived four doors down.  Latino, great body, gorgeous face, two years older than I was.  I thought he was the sexiest thing living.”

        “Joey, why didn’t you ever hook up with JC?”

        “I don’t know,” Joey said.  “I always felt this thing, every time I was around him.  I wasn’t even sure what it was.  It was like that thing I felt for Tony, only it wasn’t just in my groin, it was all over my body.  I don’t know, something might have happened.  But then you came along, and everything else flew right out of the window.  You were it, Lance, you were the one.”

        “You didn’t even know you were bisexual,” Lance said.

        “Not then, I didn’t, but now I do, and looking back, I remember what I felt.  The way I felt about you, that’s not something I can forget.”

        “Name one more person,” Lance said.

        “Promise you won’t laugh.”

        “I won’t laugh,” Lance said.

        “Promise.”

        “Joey, if I put enough thought into it, I get hard over Chris.  I won’t laugh.”

        “You want Chris?”

        “Joey.”

        “I have a thing for Drew and Nick.”

        “Drew and Nick, or Drew and Nick?”

        “Drew and Nick Carter,” Joey said.  “I have this sort of crush on Brian, and it makes me wonder about his sex life, and the people he has sex with, and what that’s like.  I don’t even like Nick, but…”

        “But you’d spend serious money to get some of that,” Lance said.

        “Yeah,” Joey admitted.  “And Drew, if he’s with Brian and with Nick, both, he has to be bringing something pretty good to the table.”

        “I see what you mean,” Lance said.

        “I can’t believe you want Chris.”

        “Would you believe JC wants Chris?”

        “JC’s into all four of us.  Justin just got lucky.”

        “Justin got more than just lucky,” Lance said.  He began to tick people off on his fingers.  “You want JC, who defies description.  Brian, who’s probably as perfect in bed as he is everywhere else.  Tony, your hot Latin dream.  Nick, who you know would be worth an indecent proposal.  Drew, who has a better sex life than anyone besides maybe Justin.  And me.”

        “Yes,” Joey said.

        “And what about me compares to any of that?” Lance asked.

        “You’re hot, you’re sexy, you’re my best friend, and I love you,” Joey said.  “You’re the one I want enough to shove aside all of my rules for sexuality to be with.  I could’ve had JC, I had a chance.  I could’ve made a move on Tony back in the day, he might not have minded.  I even could’ve tried to seduce Brian when he was on tour with us, because you know I screw married women all of the time.  You’re the one I can’t take my hands off of.”

        Lance thought about that, moving voluntarily into Joey’s arms.

        “Lucky you,” Joey said, kissing a sensitive spot right by Lance’s ear.

        “More than just lucky,” Lance said, so softly Joey almost didn’t hear it.

        “I hope so,” JC said.  “With AJ and everything, Lance needs Joey today.”

        “Do you think Lance is going to let Joey down easily?” Justin asked.  “I’m scared for Joey that Lance is going to destroy him.”

        “I don’t think that Lance is going to refuse him at all,” JC said.  “I think that he feels the same way about Joey that Joey feels about him.”

        “Lance is in love with Joey?” Justin asked.

        “You’d have to ask him about that,” JC said.  “I think there’s a strong chance that they’ll work it out, if they put any effort into it at all.”

        “If that’s true, I hope that Lance learns how to be good for Joey,” Justin said.

        “We can help him,” JC said.

        “We?” Justin asked.  “JC, you’re the one he wants, you’re the one he likes, you’re the one he’s friends with again.  Lance doesn’t even respect me.”

        “Lance loves you, baby.”

        “Did he tell you that?” Justin challenged.

        “He didn’t have to,” JC said.

        “I’ll bet he didn’t,” Justin muttered.

        “Justin, please.  Try.  If he won’t try to work things out, then that’s his decision, but don’t write him off yet.”

        “I haven’t written him off, and I don’t want to,” Justin said.  “I love Lance, JC.  I just don’t think he loves me.”

        “He does,” JC said.

        “I guess we’ll find out,” Justin said.

        Slipping carefully from the bed, Chris went downstairs.  He peed, then started brewing coffee.  He reached for the phone.

        “Phone,” Brian explained, and rolled over in Drew’s direction.

        Mentally cursing, Nick felt around for the phone.  “Hello?  What?” he asked, irritated.

        “It’s Chris.  Can I talk to Brian?”

        “No,” Nick said.  “Go to sleep.”

        “What time is it?” Drew asked.

        Nick opened his eyes, squinting at the clock.  “It’s six?” he asked.

        “I’m coming over,” Chris said.  “Can I come over?”

        “What, now?” Nick asked.  “No.  Go away.”

        “I’m coming over,” Chris said.

        “Okay, bye,” Nick said, and hung up the phone.  He rolled over and spooned up behind Brian.  “Chris is coming over,” he said, pushing Drew’s hand out of the way so he could get his arm around Brian’s waist.

        “Chris?” Brian asked.

        “Why?” Drew asked.

        “Fuck me,” Nick said, and went back to sleep.

        “What are you doing?” Howie asked from the bed.

        “I’m meeting the guys early,” Chris said softly.  “Go back to sleep.”  He dressed, hoping that he wouldn’t step out into the light of day to find that he’d put on an orange shirt with lime green pants.  That was one of the hazards of owning lime green pants.

        Stepping to the nightstand, Chris’s hand automatically went to his regular necklace, a chain of small silver balls.  He hesitated, remembering last night, and Howie’s gifts.  Maybe it was time to retire ol’ silver.  He picked up the slim diamond choker instead, fastening it around his neck.  A perfect fit.

        He sat on the edge of the bed, behind Howie, and put his hand on Howie’s hip through the bedclothes.  He leaned in, putting his cheek to Howie’s, closing his eyes.

        Howie’s hand rose, knuckles brushing Chris’s cheek.

        Chris found himself utterly without words.  He turned his face, burying his nose in Howie’s hair, breathing deep Howie’s scent.  His hand burrowed beneath the covers to touch the naked skin of Howie’s back and side.

        “Dinner tonight?” Howie asked.

        “Yes,” Chris said.  “Absolutely.  Dinner tonight.”  He didn’t want to be without Howie, ever.  He didn’t even want to leave the room, in case something happened and he couldn’t come back.  “I have to go,” he said, more to remind himself than to inform Howie.  “My love,” he whispered.

         “My love,” Howie said, slipping away in one devastating moment, only to roll over and face him, drawing him in for a slow, loving kiss.  “Go,” Howie said, and Howie’s fingers slid across the side of his neck, following the curve of the necklace.  “I’ll see you tonight.”

        “Tonight,” Chris repeated, and couldn’t help it, had to kiss Howie again.  Then Chris forced himself from the bed, leaving the room, closing the door behind himself as a weak but clear deterrent.  No turning back.  He’d made his decision.  He was going to go through with it.  Tonight.

        And who in hell was ringing his doorbell?

        Just as he was escaping the bed, Joey’s hand clamped around his wrist, dragging him back.  Startled, he didn’t pull free in time, and landed against Joey’s chest, Joey’s arm snaking around his waist.

        “Where are you going?” Joey asked.

        “Someone’s ringing the doorbell, Joey,” he said.  Joey didn’t want him to leave.  He liked that.

        “What time is it?” Joey asked.

        “Seven,” Lance said.  “If you don’t let me up, they’re going to leave.”

        “Okay,” Joey said, and tightened his grip.

        “Joey, let me up,” Lance said.

        “Let ‘em go,” Joey said.  “They’re interrupting my Lance time.”

        “Joey, be an adult with me.  Someone’s at the door, trying so hard to get in, if I don’t go and open the door, they’ll start breaking in.”

        “It’s just a rabid fan.  You shouldn’t answer it.”

        “It could be important.”

        “It could be AJ.”

        Lance swallowed slowly, processing that.  Joey was jealous.  Joey was even afraid.  He saw, completely, for the first time, why AJ had said good-bye to him the day before.  AJ hadn’t been willing to put Kevin through that kind of jealousy and fear and pain, always alert for that threat.

        Calmly, Lance asked, “Do you want to come to the door with me?”

        “Yes,” Joey said, releasing him, rolling out of bed.

        Whoever was ringing the bell had a good sense of rhythm.  As he pulled on clothes, Lance began to count off the beats in his head.  One, two, three, four, ring.  One, two, three, four, ring.  One, two, three, four, ring.  In track pants and a T-shirt, Joey right behind him, he went to the door.

        He looked through the peephole.  “It’s Chris.”

        “Chris?” Joey asked.

        He should have known.  Only Chris would be that irritating with a simple thing like a doorbell.  Only Chris would have the lack of sense to drag him out of his bed now that he’d finally gotten Joey into it.  Lance opened the door.  “Get off my doorbell.”

        Chris thrust an open ring box at him.  Inside was a gold band with a diamond the size of Lance’s fist.

        “Holy shit,” Joey said.  “No one told me it was the Rock of Gibraltar.  You’re really going through with it.”

        That was when Lance realized what it was.  An engagement ring.  From Chris. To Howie.  Chris was going to propose.  To Howie.  He met Chris’s eyes.

        “You have to understand,” Chris said.

        “You don’t need my permission,” Lance said.

        Joey looked between them.  “You want to come in?” he invited Chris.

        Chris snapped the box shut and entered, closing the door.

        Lance realized that Joey was wearing one of his sweatshirts with last night’s pants, a very odd combination.

        “I’m in love with him,” Chris said.  “I love him, and I want this.  I want it, and he needs it, and I want to give it to him.”

        “You want my blessing?” Lance asked.

        “Yes,” Chris said.

        “You want me to applaud you proposing to that - - after what AJ did to me yesterday?”

        “Yes,” Chris said.

        “You’re going to do it no matter what I say,” Lance said.  “You’re going to go through with it even if I tell you not to do it, so why does it matter?”

        “You’re my best friend, and I want you to be okay with this,” Chris said.  “I don’t want to hurt you, and I want you to tell me that you’re going to be okay.”

        “Do you even know what they did together?” Lance asked.

        “No,” Chris said.

       “If I told you-”

        “I don’t want to know,” Chris said, quietly but with new calm.

        “It would change everything,” Lance said.

        “It wouldn’t change anything,” Chris said.

        Lance wanted to be enraged at Chris’s blindness, to destroy Chris’s outrageous inner peace, because it did matter, they’d been betrayed, not once but twice, and it was-

        It was what?

        Did it really even matter anymore?

        Lance faltered.

        He made the mistake of looking at Joey, and really faltered.

        AJ was with Kevin now.  Lance wanted AJ back, but only because AJ was a known entity, as safe as he was dangerous.  Lance’s sense of security wanted AJ.  Lance’s heart wanted Joey.  Yes, AJ had cut him off yesterday, but he knew why, he truly understood.  They hadn’t been able to make it work, but if they had, he wouldn’t have had Joey in his bed last night.

        Chris and Howie, they’d made it work.  Why should he punish them for it?  He didn’t trust Howie, but then again, he didn’t know Howie.

        He met Chris’s eyes.  “Does he love you?”

        “He loves me,” Chris said.  “It’s a little bit scary to know that.”

        “Is he good to you?”

        Chris smiled just a little, like he wanted to shake his head in disbelief.  “He’s extraordinary.  He’s so good to me, I have a little trouble with it.”

        “What is that?” Joey asked.

        “What?  Where?” Chris asked, looking down at himself.

        “On your neck,” Joey said.

        “A love bite, a tattoo, and a diamond necklace,” Chris said.  “If there’s anything else there, I think I’ll be alarmed.”

        “Since when do you wear diamonds?” Joey asked.

        “Since Howie gave it to me,” Chris said.

        “He buys you diamond necklaces?” Joey asked, stepping forward to touch it.

        “He got me a watch, but I’m not wearing it until tonight,” Chris said.  “It has enough platinum to choke a horse, and enough diamonds to start my own lucrative diamond mine.”

        “JC said you rented Ferrando’s,” Joey said.

        “Yeah,” Chris said.  “Wait!”  He jumped backwards, eyes growing round.  “You’re here!”

        “What?” Lance asked.

        “I’ve been here since you walked in,” Joey said.

        “You spent the night!” Chris said.  “With him!  In his house!”  He gasped dramatically.  “In his bed!”

        “You’re late,” Joey said.

        “Where have you been?” Lance asked.

        “You two are really doing it?” Chris asked.  “Ew.”  He shuddered.  “Joey told me, and I believed him, but ew, ew, ew!”

        “We’re going to do it again this morning,” Lance said.  “Want to stay and watch?”

        “Absolutely!” Chris said.  He paused.  “Maybe I shouldn’t have said that.”

        “You’re a sick, twisted little man,” Joey said.

        “I wonder if Howie knows that,” Chris said, brow furrowing.

        “He’s met you,” Lance said.  “He knows.”

        “Great!” Chris said.  “All right, it’s been lovely, but I have another appointment to keep.  Before I go, I want to say, all happiness and congratulations to you on your wonderful new sex life.”  He shook their hands.

        “Thank you,” Joey said.

        Chris paused with his hand in Lance’s.  “I know you’re the new, slightly scary Lance, but I still love you, and I always will.  I want you to be okay.  I’m going to have a hell of a time marrying Howie if it’s going to hurt you.”

        Lance hugged him.

        “Oh,” Chris said, and hesitantly patted his back.  “Sure, okay.  So you’re a hugger now.”

        “Propose to him, marry him, colonize a small island in his name.  I want you to be happy.  If he makes you happy, then do it.”

        “You want me to be happy?” Chris asked.

        Lance stepped back, letting go.  “I want you to be happy.  You’re proposing to him tonight?”

        “Unless I die of heart failure first,” Chris said.

        “Sometime soon, before you’re a married man, you’re going to have to come over here and let me seduce you,” Lance said.

        “What?” Chris asked.

        “We’ve never been together, and I don’t want to miss my last window of opportunity,” Lance said.

        “Are you entertaining yourself?” Chris asked.  “You’re entertaining yourself!  You know that freaks me out!”  He turned to Joey.  “You should be aware that your new sexual playmate is an evil and often insane entity.”

        “I’m aware,” Joey said.  “I like it.”

        “Hell, handbasket, looks like we’re all here,” Chris said.

        “How much did that ring cost?” Lance asked.

        “You can’t put a price tag on love,” Chris said.  “Good day.”  He left.