Copyright April 2, 2002-January 12, 2004 by Matthew Haldeman-Time

Rating: NC-17 for graphic male-male sex

Pairings: Thus far we've had JC/Justin, Nick/Drew/Brian, Nick/Jeff, Nick/Drew/Brian/Nick/Jeff, AJ/Lance, AJ/Howie, AJ/Kevin, Chris/Howie, and partridge/pear tree.

Disclaimer: The young men who comprise the Backstreet Boys, *NSYNC, and 98 Degrees are their own people. The author has not met anyone here described, nor does the author mean to suggest that these people act this way in real life. This writing is a work of fiction. I make no money from this venture.

Dedication: This slashfic is for Ewan McGregor and the Savage Garden slashwriters.  It also is for Elizabeth and Jeff.

Notice: First, read "I Need You Tonight," "Boy Lead the Way to Ecstasy," "Not Easy," "No One," "Rest in Peace," "Destiny," and "Together." I know it sounds like a lot, but it'll only take you an hour or two.

        “I’ll give you ten guesses on who this is.  Your first clue is, you’re madly in love with me.”

        Howie smiled.  “Chris.  My love.”

        “Dang, you’re good.”

        “How’s everything going?”

        “Well, we all just finished bitch-slapping each other over whether or not JC wrote the high harmony for me or Mariah Carey.  Other than that, everything’s fine.”

        “You know JC wouldn’t write anything outside of your range.”

        “What JC wrote was in the whistle register.”

        “Other than you fighting with JC, is everyone getting along?”

        “Freakishly well.  It can’t last.  Listen, um, Howie?  My love, my sweet, my sugar plum fairy?”

        “Yes?” Howie asked, amused.

        “We’re done here, but now I have to go out with JC and Justin.  It’s just a thing.  I won’t be home until later.”

        “That’s fine,” Howie said.

        “It’s just a thing.”

        “Have a good time.”

        “Okay.”

        “Thanks for calling.”

        “Yeah.”

        “I love you.”

        “Yeah.  I mean, I love you, too.”

        “Good-bye.”

        “Bye.”

        Howie hung up the phone, shaking his head.  He was curious as to what Chris was up to, but he wasn’t worried about it.

        Howie pushed up his sleeves and went to the kitchen to make dinner.

        “Oh, thanks,” Nick said, and hesitated with him there on the sidewalk.

        “Hey, bye,” AJ said to Brian, a hand on Brian’s back in passing.  “See you,” he said to Nick.

        “Yeah, good-bye,” Brian said to AJ, squeezing his elbow.  “See you tomorrow.  Hey!  Don’t be ridiculous!”

        “Count on me!” AJ called back, reaching his car.

        Nick glanced around.  Everyone else was leaving.

        “I was wondering,” Brian said, hitching his bag higher on his shoulder.  “If you’re going home, and Jeff’s going to be there, I was wondering if I could come over.  I wanted to…apologize.”

        Nick stared at him for one long second, frozen there in the lamplight.

        “JC Timberlake Chasez, did you tell Joey?!” Chris yelled.  “He’s all over my voice mail, talking about things he shouldn’t know about!  Did that bald-headed little wife of yours tell Joey about my personal plans?!”

        Brian had turned to watch Chris over his shoulder.  When he turned back, the lamplight hit him just so, highlighting the sharp rise of his cheekbones.

        Nick swallowed.  “Yeah.  You can come over now.”

        “Thank you,” Brian said quietly.

        “Okay.”  Nick nodded, hesitated, and moved on, going to his car.

        Brian walked slowly to his own car, pulling out his cell phone.  He dialed home, slipping into the driver’s seat as the phone rang.

        “Hello,” Drew said.

        “Be my foundation,” Brian said.

        “Always,” Drew said immediately.  “Tell me.”

        “I asked Nick if I could follow him home, to apologize to him and Jeff.  I said it.  I’m committed to it.”

        “Good,” Drew said.  “That’s good.  Brian, thank you for doing this.  You don’t know how much we’ve needed this.”

        “It can’t be this easy,” Brian said.  “You and Nick made it too easy.  Nick and Jeff won’t be that forgiving, not that quickly.”

        “They will be,” Drew said.  “They will be, Brian.  And if they’re not, we’ll figure out something.  It’ll be okay.”

        “I committed to it.  I’m going to go through with it.”

        “We love you,” Drew said.  “Remember we’re right there with you.”

        Brian put his hand to his heart and felt Nick and Drew, their strength and courage and peace, sustaining him.

        “It’ll be okay,” Drew said.

        “Thank you,” Brian said.  “I love you.”

        “I love you,” Drew said.

        Brian hung up.  He took a moment to himself, quieting his heart, cleansing his soul.  Then he took a deep breath and started up the car.

        “Drew?  This is AJ.  Is Nick around?”

        “He was just here a second ago.  Hold on.”  Drew lowered the phone and shouted, “Nick!”

        “What?” Nick asked, instantly appearing in the doorway.

        “Oh, hi.  AJ’s on the phone.”

        Nick came into the room.  “Hello,” he said to Drew, kissing Drew’s forehead and taking the phone.  “Hello,” he said to AJ.

        Drew rubbed at his forehead, leaving the room.

        “You left a message for me to call you,” AJ said.

        “Yeah, that.  So, listen.  I talked to Kevin today.  He’s worried that if he takes it up the ass, he’ll turn into a woman.  I told him I’d talk to you about it.”

        “Why are you in the middle of my sex life?”

        “Yeah, like I’m happy about it.  Here’s what you need to do.  You start off slow and simple, just the tongue, let him get used to it.  Then you add fingers.  Let him get used to that.  After a while, he’ll be begging for more, and then he’ll be more than ready for the real thing.”

        “You and Kevin talked about this?”

        “Yes, we did.  It’s bizarre to talk to Kevin about anal sex.  I just can’t picture him doing it.  Neither can he, but you can fix that.”

        “Kevin used to give you sexual responsibility lectures.  I used to give you sexual pointers.  What happened?  Now you’re telling us what to do?”

        “Yeah, but that was all on dealing with women.  We’re talking about something else.  This is my field,” Nick said.  “You’re in my territory now.”

        “Who is it?” Jeff’s voice called.

        “It’s Brian,” Nick said, and Brian heard the slight, uncertain slip in his tone.  Brian had thought that Nick would call Jeff from the car to let him know Brian was on the way, but apparently, Nick hadn’t done so.

        Jeff stepped out into the living room.  “Who?”  His voice was sharp.

        “Hi,” Brian said, trying for a small smile.

        Jeff wasn’t smiling.  He was, however, dressed to incite a riot.  The skin-tight pants he wore were the exact shade of his eyes and looked soft enough to melt in the mouth if not in the hand.  They emphasized the rock-hard strength of his thighs, and did nothing to disguise what was between those thighs, either.  He was barefoot, and his white tank top clung to his chest and abs.

        “I should have called first,” Nick said.

        “I should have called,” Brian said, accepting blame where it was due.

        “What do you want?” Jeff asked, crossing his arms over his chest.

        It might have been Brian’s imagination, but Jeff’s biceps looked especially massive.  “I’m here to apologize,” Brian said.  “To you, especially, and also to Nick.”

        Jeff looked at Brian in silence.

        “I’m sorry for the way I’ve been acting.  I’m sorry for dragging this out for so long, and for causing tension and separation between the two of you, and Drew and Nick.  I had no right to do it.  I was wrong.  I wasn’t being fair, not to anyone.  You love Nick, and I know that as much as anyone.  I especially had no right to cause problems between the two of you and Drew.”

        Nick waited for Jeff to react first.

        “Not a bad little speech,” Jeff said, uncrossing his arms.  “What brought this on?”

        “Drew told me I’m pretty fucked up, and Nick reminded me of how much I love and respect you,” Brian said.  “They’re both right.  I can’t do this anymore.  I‘ve been acting like a child.  I’ve been…an asshole.  I was wrong.  I’m sorry.”

        “You,” Jeff said slowly.  “Love and respect me.”

        “Yes,” Brian said.  “You were so good and so strong, I…  I don’t want to sound cheap, but I put you on a pedestal.  When you made a mistake, I couldn’t accept it.  I’d admired you so much, I’d thought you could do no wrong.  You’re human, but I don’t allow for that.  Not in myself, and not in you.  But it was unfair of me to demand that from you.”

        “You held Jeff to the standard you hold yourself to?” Nick asked.

        “Yes,” Brian said, his eyes still on Jeff.  “I saw myself in you, and I saw more,” he told Jeff.  “You were immensely strong, and you would do anything for the people you loved.  You were secure.  Sure of yourself.  I struggle to be sure of myself every day.”

        “When I didn’t live up to your standards for yourself, you punished me,” Jeff said.

        “Yes, I did, and that wasn’t right.  I’m sorry.  I’ve been petty and self-righteous and mean.  I took things out on you that weren’t even about you.  A lot of this had nothing to do with you, but I couldn’t punish myself, so I punished you.”

        “Punished me?” Jeff asked, stepping forward.  “Punished me?  You damned me!” he shouted, erupting.  “You condemned me!  The way you looked at me in Kendig, and then the way you looked at me last night, it was in your eyes as strong as ever.  Your heart was black!  If you’d had things your way, I would have gone to hell.  You always do get things your way, don’t you?  Don’t you!”

        “No,” Brian said, trying to stand his ground.  “I don’t.”

        “The fuck you don’t!” Jeff shouted.  “But that doesn’t matter anymore.  Not to me.  It was a fight, but I have come to terms with my behavior.  I have settled things with Nick, and with Nick, and with Drew.  What you just said here today, that was for them.  To make them feel better.  To give them peace.  It had nothing to do with how things stand because you and me, because there’s nothing between you and me.  There is no you and me.”

        Brian inhaled, standing frozen before Jeff.

        “I loved you,” Jeff said.  “Forget about the rules and what’s proper and maintaining the balance, just fuck it.  I loved you.  I was in love with you so deep I drowned in it.  I let you have Nick because I thought you were so goddamned special, who the hell was I to deny you?  I watched you seduce my husband, and deep down, I wished it was me you were looking at like that.  And then I made one mistake, I hurt Nick, I shattered his trust.  I never asked you to be there for me, but I expected you to be there for him!”

        “I-”

        “You weren’t there for him!  If you’d been there for him, you would have helped him get through it, instead of exaggerating how damned traumatized he was!”

        “I will treat Nick however I see fit,” Brian said, his voice dark.  He’d been shocked into silence by most of what Jeff had said, but he wasn’t going to let Jeff talk about how he dealt with Nick.

        “That’s your problem,” Jeff said.  “Everyone’s in love with you.  Everyone thinks that, when it comes right down to it, pure perfect Brian Littrell can do no wrong.  We love you, we adore you, we think you’re better than we are.  That gives you power over us, and you abuse that power.  You do it without even thinking, without even realizing it, every single day, with all of us.  But sometimes you do it deliberately, because you can, because you know that to us, you’re beyond reproach.”

        Brian shook his head, wanting to deny it.

        “You can be that way with everyone else.  They love you.  That’s their mistake.  You’re so goddamned beautiful, inside and out, that I don’t blame them for it.  But you turned on me, and you damned me, and I’ve seen just how ugly you can be.  Your heart was black where I was concerned, and it turned mine black to match.  All of this time, I’ve been hoping, wishing, that you would forgive me, that you’d let me back in, but no.  No.  There’s no place for me in your life, and there’s no place in mine for you.”

        Brian wanted to say something, to apologize, to explain, but he already had, and he had nothing left.

        “Drew and Nick are my family, and I’ll continue to see them whenever they want to see me.  Nick is my husband but he’s also free to have his own friends, so I expect you’ll be able to maintain a friendship with him if that’s what you’d like.  But I have nothing to say to you.  That should be fine with you, since you’ve had nothing to say to me for a long time now.”  Jeff stepped back, crossing his arms over his chest.  “Get out.”

        Silence.

        Jeff had all of the time in the world to wait for Brian to leave.  He had no intention of so much as blinking.

        Brian spoke clearly.  “No.”

        “I don’t have a clue,” Chris said.  “I don’t have a piece of a clue.  I don’t have a smidgen of a clue.  I couldn’t track down a clue with a flashlight and a map.”

        Justin stood beside JC, his fingers stroking through JC’s hair.  “If you see anything you like, baby, you let me know.”

        Chris glanced at JC, raising his eyebrows.

        JC smiled.

        “Slight role reversal,” Chris murmured as Justin drifted to another display case.

        “He means it,” JC said.  “I’m going to have to be careful.  If I act interested in anything here, he’ll start buying it for me.”

        “I know what our problem is,” Justin said, wandering back in their direction.  “We’re in new territory.  When you think engagement ring, you think diamond ring.  But those are engagement rings for women.  What do you buy for men?”

        “You gave me an engagement ring,” JC said.  “Brian and Drew have engagement rings.  So did Jeff.”

        “They were mostly along the same lines,” Justin said.  “They had diamonds, but several small ones, impacted.  Do you want something like that?” he asked Chris.

        “You’re a trendsetter,” JC said to Justin, and admired the ring on his finger.

        “Why?” Chris asked.

        “What?” Justin asked.

        “Why what?” JC asked.

        “Why are those engagement rings for women?  Why can’t they be for men?” Chris asked.

        “Because men don’t wear diamond rings like that,” Justin said.

        “Why not?” Chris asked.  “Not one of those dainty little things, but what if the band is heavier?”

        “What kind of diamond would you put with that?” Justin asked.

        “A rock,” Chris said.  “A big ol’ rock, that’s what kind.”

        “You expect Howie to wear this?” Justin asked.

        “I’m trying to propose to Howie Dorough,” Chris said.  “He’s gorgeous, sexy, world-famous, and pretty damned wealthy.  He can do anything he wants, go anywhere he wants, and have anything he wants.  When he walks down the street, flashbulbs pop and people scream.  If he were a woman, I would have to put on a pretty grand display to get his attention and make a case for why he should marry me.  Since he’s a man, and sexism dictates he has even more reason to stay single, I have to put on one hell of a display.  What’s the female equivalent of Howie Dorough?”

        “Britney?” JC guessed.  “Christina?”

        “JC?” Justin suggested.

        JC gave Justin a look.

        Justin laughed.

        Chris ignored them, continuing.  “And if I were proposing to one of them, and handed her a little gold band with diamonds stuck in it, she’d tell me to try again, sucker, and she’d be right.”

        “But they’re women,” Justin said.  “Howie’s a guy.”

        “That’s why I have to do it heavier and grander,” Chris said.

        “Does this make any sense to you?” Justin asked JC.

        “It’s Chris,” JC said.  “But yeah, it does.”

        “Do you want a new engagement ring?” Justin asked.

        “I don’t need an engagement ring, baby.  We’re already married.”

        “We could get engaged again.”

        JC kissed him.  “I love my ring, Justin.  I love everything you’ve given me.”

        Chris walked up to the saleswoman he’d shooed away earlier.  “Hi, I’m ready now,” he said.  “I’d like to buy a big ol’ rock.”

        “No,” Brian said.  “I’m not walking out of here with this still between us.”

        “No,” Jeff corrected, “you’re walking out of here, because I told you to walk out of here.  How much more clear do you need me to be?”

        “We can’t leave things like this,” Brian said.  “You and I are in each other’s lives.  The people we love are too closely entwined for us to deny it.  We have to fix this.  Not just for them, Jeff, for ourselves.”

        “Don’t push me,” Jeff warned.

        “Tell me what you want from me,” Brian said.  “Tell me what I can do to make this better.”

        “You had a zero-tolerance policy where I was concerned,” Jeff said.  “Now you want me to help you clear your conscience?  Where were you when my conscience needed clearing?”

        “You want revenge?” Brian asked.  “You want me to pay for what I did to you?  That’s fine, you can make me pay, but you’re also hurting yourself, and you’re hurting Nick and Nick and Drew.  The four of you have paid for this enough.”

        Jeff turned his back on Brian, facing Nick.  “What do you think?” he asked, in a much warmer tone than the voice he’d used with Brian.

        “I don’t know,” Nick said.  “This is really up to you.”

        “You’re in this, too,” Jeff said.  “This affects you more than it does me.”

        “Nick and Drew and I can work something out around whatever you decide,” Nick said.  “We’re flexible.”

        “Ideally?” Jeff asked.

        “Ideally, we’d all be friends again,” Nick said.  “Ideally, we’d all be family.”  He glanced at Brian over Jeff’s shoulder, then met Jeff’s eyes again.  “You and Brian can call whatever kind of truce you want, but unless you actually make up and become friends again, the tension’s going to hurt all of us.  I can work around it, and Nick can handle whatever you throw at him, but it’s not fair to Drew.  He’s caught in the middle, and I know he feels pulled in four different directions.”

        “I know, I don’t want to do that to Drew,” Jeff said, frustrated, rubbing his forehead.

        “Jeff…”  Nick closed his mouth.

        “What?” Jeff asked, lowering his hand.

        Nick took that hand, squeezing it, rubbing up Jeff’s arm.  “I don’t want to see you hurt.  You know that.  I’ve been with you all through this, and it’s really had an effect on you.  I don’t want to see Brian hurt, either.  If you keep this feud going, or whatever it is, things will only get worse.  I don’t want that.  You don’t want that.”

        “It’s not a feud,” Jeff said.

        “You know how anything done to me hurts you?  Anything done to Brian is going to hurt Drew, and anything done to Brian is going to hurt Nick.  We’re really not here to make them suffer for our mistakes.  I know Brian was wrong, and you’ve had every right to be pissed at him for it, but he’s apologized.  He’s sorry.”

        “I apologized,” Jeff said.  “I was sorry.  That was never going to be good enough for him.  I had to live up to his perfect standards, or else.”

        “How often does that happen?” Nick asked.  “How many people does Brian really ask to follow his code of conduct?  His expectations are high, yes, but for himself.  For you.  Not for anyone else that I know of.”

        “I should be flattered?” Jeff asked.

        “Yes,” Nick said.  “The two of you always had an odd balance.  You admired each other, you respected each other.  I know that he’s the only person who intimidates you, and I think you intimidate him, too.  You’re not a mean person, Jeff, and you’re not vengeful.  You love Brian, I know you love Brian, it was in your eyes the second you saw him here.”

        Brian watched from behind as Jeff’s shoulders tensed.

        “You knew why he was here, there was only one reason I’d bring him home.  Your first instinct was to jump at the chance to be forgiven, to thank him for it.  But that’s the very thing you’ve been fighting against, the idea that he’s higher than the rest of us.  That’s what has you this angry.  You’re mad at yourself for still, even now, buying into his superiority.”

        “I’m not superior,” Brian protested.  “I’ve been all over the world and I’ve seen all kinds of people, and believe me, I’m no better than anyone else.”

        “I know you don’t think so,” Nick said to Brian.  “Neither does almost anyone else, and they all probably think we’re crazy.  But ask Nick.  The people who really love you see something in you, something special that the rest of us don’t have.  I think you see something like that in Jeff.”

        “He sees it in me, and you don’t?” Jeff asked Nick.

        “Jeff, I see everything in you,” Nick said.  He smiled.  “I’m seeing even more in that outfit.”

        Jeff looked down at himself.  “Oh, god, I didn’t - - I wasn’t trying to wear this in front of people.  This was supposed to be for your eyes only.  You really should call ahead when you’re bringing someone home.”

        “Jeff, I tried as hard as I could to push you away, and it didn’t work.  Brian cut you out of his life and wanted you out of Nick’s life, too, but you still love him.  You’re angry and resentful, but you can’t keep that up indefinitely, and when that anger fades, and you’ve put Brian out of your reach forever, what’s that going to be like for you?”

        Jeff looked at Brian over his shoulder.  There was longing in his eyes.

        “I’ve missed you,” Brian said.

        Jeff lowered his gaze, slowly turning to face Brian again.  “There was a time or two I really wanted to talk to you,” he finally admitted.

        “I know,” Brian said.  “I’m sorry, Jeff.  I wanted to talk to you, too.  So much has happened.”

        “You hung up on me,” Jeff said.  “When Drew told me that Lance knew - - we should have talked, Brian, you and I should have talked, we were the first two people who should have been on the phone together, taking charge.  Instead we had Drew as our go-between.  He didn’t need that.”

        “I know,” Brian said.  “I’ve handled everything so badly, I have no excuse for it.”

        “You know people look up to you,” Jeff said.  “You knew that Nick would take his cue from you.”

        “He didn’t,” Brian said.  “That was part of the problem.  I’m not proud of myself, but I didn’t want him to show his independence the way he did.  I’m very proud of him, he was right to ignore me, but the more I knew he was, quote unquote, disobeying me, the more I put my foot down.  Things were slipping out of my control, Nick was slipping out of my control, and I couldn’t handle that.”

        “Do you want Nick to be obedient?” Jeff asked.

        “No,” Brian said.  “I don’t, no.  He wouldn’t be Nick, he wouldn’t be my boyfriend and lover and fiance, he’d be a puppet.  I love Nick for his spirit.”

        Jeff studied Brian.  “I guess we should come to some sort of an understanding.”

        “I’d like that,” Brian said.

        “I can’t jump around the room in celebration of our friendship,” Jeff said.  “I’m still wary.  I have to be, right now.”

        “I understand that,” Brian said.

        “I’m willing to work on it,” Jeff said.

        “Thank you.”  Jeff put his hand out; Brian shook it, wanting the reassurance of a hug, but knowing better than to push.  There was a lot that he wanted to say, a lot that needed to be said, but he had gotten as far as he was going to get, today.  He looked into Jeff’s eyes for as long as he could, then gathered himself together inside.  “I should go,” Brian said, releasing Jeff’s hand.  “Come over by the house any time.”

        Jeff nodded.

        “See you in the studio,” Brian said to Nick.

        “See you tomorrow,” Nick said.

        “Good-bye.  Thank you,” he said to Jeff, and left.

        Jeff closed the door.

        Nick let out his breath.

        “God.”  Jeff lowered his forehead to Nick’s shoulder.  “God.”

        Nick rubbed Jeff’s back, his bared arms.  “I can’t believe you tore into him like that.”

        “I didn’t know I was that angry with him.”

        “Thank you for making peace,” Nick said, voice by Jeff’s ear.  “I know it was hard.”

        “I was beginning to think he would never apologize and we’d be stuck in this situation for the rest of our lives.”

        “Did he say that Drew accused him of being fucked up?”

        “Knock me over with a feather.”

        Nick chuckled.

        Jeff raised his head.  “Are you hungry?”

        “Not really.”

        “Do you want to talk about the Fools?”

        “It can wait.”

        “Do you want to have sex?”

        Nick’s hands slid down over Jeff’s ass, feeling the round muscle through the too-soft fabric of the too-tight pants.  “Right now.”

        “It’s ridiculous,” Justin said.

        “It’s gorgeous,” JC said.

        “Do you want one?” Justin asked JC.

        “Baby, no, I’m fine,” JC said.  “It’s gorgeous,” he said again to Chris.  “He’ll love it.”

        “Ring, check,” Chris said, fiddling with his water bottle.  “Flowers, I need flowers, and I need a restaurant.  What’s an expensive place I can have shut down just for me?”

        “Call Ferrando’s,” Justin said to JC.  “It’s a great place,” he told Chris.  “Very private, very good setting.”

        “Maybe I should surprise him with dinner in France,” Chris said, worried, twisting the cap on, off, on, off.

        “You wouldn’t get back in time for the studio,” JC said, calling information for the phone number.

        “That’s JC,” Chris said.  “Work before all else.”

        “We had such a good time at Ferrano’s last time,” Justin murmured, mostly to himself, stroking JC’s free hand on JC’s thigh.

        “What does that mean?” Chris asked.  “Should I request the table Mr. and Mr. Timberlake Chasez didn’t have sex on?”

        “It wasn’t like that,” Justin said.  “JC doesn’t have to make love with his body.  He can make love with his eyes.”

        “Isn’t that special,” Chris said.  “I’m sure you had a wonderful time.”

        Desire flickered in Justin’s eyes.  His hand rubbed over JC’s thigh.

        “Ferrano’s will be open to you and you alone tomorrow after four,” JC said, ending his call.  “They’ll stay open as late as you want.”  He covered Justin’s hand with his.  “That was a good night.”

        “Yes,” Justin said, his voice low and sibilant, his fingers fitting between JC’s.

        “Break any headboards once you got home?” Chris asked, taking a drink.

        “No,” Justin said, gazing into JC’s eyes.  “We sixty-nined for hours.”

        Chris choked.

        Drew peeked over Nick’s shoulder where Nick sat at the kitchen table.  “It looks like a floor.”

        “Was there any real reason you had to take a picture of a floor?” Nick asked.

        “Probably not,” Drew admitted, turning back to putting away the groceries.  “It’s not a bad floor.”

        “No, it’s a great floor,” Nick said, and rolled his eyes, flipping to the next picture.  “Whoa.”

        “What?” Drew asked.

        “Did you know there’s porn in here?”

        “What?” Drew asked.

        “I’m home!” Brian called.

        Drew closed the cabinet doors, slipping around the kitchen table.  “Hey,” he said, hurrying up to Brian.

        “Hey,” Brian said, an arm around him, kissing him.  “You smell good.”

        Drew sniffed his own shoulder.  “Fabric softener,” he said.  “How’d it go?”

        “How was it?” Nick asked, walking into the foyer, tucking something into the back of his jeans.

        “It was good,” Brian said, accepting Nick’s hug and kiss, one arm still around Drew.  “We got some things out in the open.  Jeff was angry.  Very angry.  He had every right to be.  But we know that the two of us, and all five of us, have something that we can’t just ignore.”

        “So?” Nick asked.  “Did you kiss and make up?”

        “We shook hands,” Brian said.  “I think that it’s going to be okay.  We should invite them over for dinner.  Do something together.”

        “I’d like that,” Drew said, hugging him.  “Thank you,” he said.

        “Thank you,” Brian said, hugging Drew back.  “I love you, Drew, I love you so much.”

        “Everything’s okay?” Nick asked, to make sure.

        “Yes,” Brian said.  “I wouldn’t leave until I knew.  I had to make things right.  Even if I couldn’t fix it for me, I had to fix it for the two of you.”  He kissed Nick, his fingers skimming Nick’s jaw.

        Nick closed his eyes, sucking on Brian’s tongue.

        “Hmm,” Drew said.

        “Sorry,” Nick said to Drew, pushing Brian back.

        “Sorry for what?” Brian asked, looking between them.

        “You do realize that when you left the house this morning, Drew was halfway in the zone,” Nick said.  “I had to take him back to bed.”

        “Oh,” Brian said.  “Really?”

        “I was fine,” Drew insisted.

        Nick snorted.  “Anyway,” he said to Brian, “you’re sure we’re good with the in-laws?”

        “Yes,” Brian said.

        “You’re not weird about Jeff anymore?”

        “I love Jeff,” Brian said.

        “Then you have to see this.”  He pulled a sleeve of photographs from behind his back.

        “The floor?” Drew asked.

        “The porn,” Nick corrected, finding the right photograph.

        “What porn?” Drew asked.

        Nick handed the stack to Brian.

        “Oh,” Brian said, startled.  “Oh.”  He blinked.

        “Keep flipping,” Nick said.

        Drew leaned in beside Brian.  “Oh.  That porn.  I forgot about that.”

        “You took these pictures?” Brian asked, turning to the next one.  He raised his eyebrows.  Nick stepped in behind him to see over his shoulder.

        “Yeah,” Drew said.  “They were in the middle of the floor, in our way.”

        “We should take pictures of ourselves,” Nick said.  “Naked.”

        “We couldn’t get them developed anywhere,” Brian said.  “Where’d you get these developed?” he asked Drew.

        “I love Jeff’s body,” Nick said.  “We’re keeping these, right?”

        “No, we’re not keeping them,” Drew said.  “We’re giving them to Nick and Jeff.  I got them developed at the one-hour place while I got groceries,” he told Brian.

        “So either the one-hour guy doesn’t know 98 Degrees, or copies of these prints are about to end up on the cover of some tabloid,” Brian said.

        “I don’t think he knows who Nick and Jeff are, or who I am,” Drew said.  “He didn’t even give me the ‘you look oddly familiar’ stare.”

        “I wonder how many pictures he develops of two men rolling around on a floor kissing,” Nick said.

        “Probably more than he used to,” Brian said.  “Why is Jeff wet?” he asked Drew.

        “I gave him some water to cool him off, and he poured it on himself,” Drew said.

        “Did I ever say that I love Jeff’s body?” Nick asked.

        “When the three of you bought clothes yesterday, did he buy a pair of blue pants?” Brian asked.

        “Blue?” Nick asked.

        “Yeah,” Drew said.  “Light blue.  Great fabric.  I think we were in Bistali’s.”

        “You didn’t see him with them on, did you?” Brian asked.

        “No,” Drew said.  “I don’t think so.”

        “You would have remembered,” Brian said.

        “Why?  What?” Nick asked.

        “When I was over there tonight, he was wearing them,” Brian said.

        “And?” Nick asked.

        Brian fanned himself with the photographs.

        Drew laughed.

        “Tell us!” Nick said.  “Good?”

        “They clung to his thighs like paint on the wall.  He turned his back to me, and those pants were so tight on his ass I could’ve hurt myself staring.”

        “He has to wear them when he comes over,” Nick said.

        “I don’t think he will,” Brian said.  “Those pants were so molded to his body complete strangers can tell you he’s circumcised.”

        Drew burst into laughter.

        “They weren’t that tight,” Nick said.  “They were that tight?  And you didn’t bring him home with you?  You know I want to see that!”

        “I almost forgot how…  He wasn’t even hard,” Brian said.  “It was so big and he wasn’t even hard.”

        “He’s wearing those pants to our house,” Nick said.  “I’ll go buy another pair and make him put them on when he gets here.”

        “There is something I want to know, though,” Brian said, and put both arms around Nick’s waist.  “Did you buy anything from that store?”

        Nick hesitated.  “Which store?”

        “Bistali’s,” Drew said, smiling.

        “I, uh, don’t remember,” Nick said, and glared at Drew.

        “When am I going to get to see your new clothes?” Brian asked, his fingers walking below Nick’s waist.

        “I threw them away,” Nick said quickly.  “They’re, uh, lost.”

        “Can you find them?” Brian asked, gazing up into Nick’s eyes, his fingers tracing Nick’s spine.

        “Uh…”

        Brian smiled very sweetly and batted his eyelashes.

        Drew was trying not to laugh.

        Nick was defenseless where Brian was concerned.  “I guess I could try to find them,” he said weakly.

        “Thank you,” Brian said, and kissed Nick’s lips.

        “You have no shame,” Drew told Brian.

        “Maybe not,” Brian said, keeping one arm around Nick’s waist, putting his other one around Drew again.  “I have had a very good day.  We started recording, JC and I work great together, I think we can do terrific things with Justin’s voice, I made up with Jeff, and I am at home with my favorite people in the world.”

        “Tell us about recording,” Drew said.

        “Tell us about Jeff’s dick,” Nick said.

        “Tell me what you two did today,” Brian said.

        “I did laundry, I got pictures developed, and I bought groceries,” Drew said.  “Groceries I haven’t finished putting away,” he added.

        “Let me help,” Brian said.

        Nick followed them to the kitchen.  “I want to know more about you talking to Jeff, what he really said and what you really said, but you’ve said everything you’re going to say about that, haven’t you?”

        “I apologized to him,” Brian said.  “He was angry with me, and he had every right to be.  Nick became our mediator.  I got off easy.”  He handed Drew a can of peas.  “That’s really all that happened.”

        “So when you say Jeff was mad at you, what do you mean?” Nick asked.  “He cursed you out?”

        “Nick, I know you have a vested interest in how things went, but everything turned out fine,” Brian said.  “I really don’t want to talk about it.”

        “Okay,” Nick said, and watched Brian put away the peanut butter.

        Drew reached for the bread, putting himself in Nick’s personal space.  “Would this be one of those times when he needs to immerse himself in you, or one of those times where he needs me to take control for him?” he asked in a low murmur.

        “You first, me second,” Nick said.  “Take him upstairs.”

        “I can hear you,” Brian said.

        “Nick, can you finish here?” Drew asked, as though Brian hadn’t spoken.

        “Sure,” Nick said.

        “Come upstairs with me,” Drew said to Brian, holding out his hand.

        “I don’t need to be fixed,” Brian said.  “I’m fine.”

        “Come upstairs with me,” Drew repeated gently.

        Brian sighed, setting down a box of crackers.  “Fine.  You’re making too much of this,” he said, taking Drew’s hand.

        Nick watched them go.  Lucky, lucky Brian.  He checked the clock.  A little seduction, a little foreplay, sex, then time for Brian to get good and settled in the feeling of having someone else be in charge - - yeah, he had time to finish cleaning up, make a sandwich, maybe even call Jeff and invite the blue pants over for dinner.

        The floor seemed like it should have been fairly roomy, but they kept running into things, like the entertainment center.  He’d kicked the easy chair at least twice, and the coffee table was definitely in the way.

        Nick wasn’t even sure what was driving him.  It was a combination of things, like those blue pants, and Jeff’s domination over Brian, and those months of repressed emotion.  Whatever it was, he was all over Jeff, and Jeff was all over him, and he knew he was about to get fucked through the floor, and he couldn’t wait.

        He couldn’t remember the last time he’d licked the backs of Jeff’s thighs.  That was a damned injustice.  And the way he and Jeff were kissing, it was so deep and hot, so passionate and physical, that Nick wasn’t even sure they needed to have sex.

        Jeff put him on his back, pushing his right knee to his chest.  Nick told himself to relax, but his body knew what was coming, and it tensed up, refusing to cooperate.  He felt the blunt, fat head of Jeff’s erection pressing against him, and he wanted it, he wanted it.  Nick took in a deep breath, willing his muscles to relax, and he felt Jeff’s cockhead nudging him, felt it thick and hard and right up against him, and he opened for it, and the look on Jeff’s face was somewhere between “I’m the fuckmaster of the universe and I own you” and “you’re so ridiculously hot I can’t believe I get to do this to you.”

        Then Jeff thrust in.

        Nick felt his throat open on a guttural cry, every muscle in his back tensing, his left foot kicking out.  His foot connected with the nearest leg of the coffee table, which snapped, sending the table on a crazy tilt, magazines spilling to the floor.  Jeff was in him at the perfect angle, so right he couldn’t take it, and he drove his hips up, his fist slamming against the floor.

        “Up, up, over, over,” Jeff said, slapping Nick’s right thigh.

        Nick shook his head no, no.  Too much, he’d proven he could take a lot but he wasn’t going to-

        Jeff smacked his ass.  “Over.”

        Nick gave Jeff his darkest death glare, and tucked his right knee in as close to his chest as he could, turning a complete one-eighty, ending up on his hands and knees.  Jeff’s dick was so long, once it was in, Nick could have done gymnastic feats and still not had it pop out, but he hated turning over while Jeff was still in him because it felt so fucking good and he didn’t think it was supposed to.

        Once he was on his hands and knees, he lowered his head, counted to five, and relaxed.  He didn’t brace himself; bracing himself wouldn’t have done any good.  Being tense would have been a bad idea.  He needed to be as relaxed as possible, because Jeff was about to pound the hell out of him, and he could only take it if his body were a willing vessel.

        Jeff began to thrust.

        Fireworks started going off in Nick’s body, popping inside his brain.  Each thrust slammed into his skeleton, shaking his frame, driving Jeff’s cock deeper into his body.  He needed both hands on the floor to hold his position, or else he’d be driven across the floor.  His cock pulsed heavily between his legs, aching for attention.  Each thrust made the ache that much worse, and made the fireworks that much more intense.  Nick closed his eyes, shifting his knees wider apart, rocking back against Jeff’s hips.  Jeff’s hands slid down from his hips to his thighs, and he knew that Jeff was getting off on the flex of his muscles as he moved to meet each of Jeff’s thrusts.

        The ache was becoming unbearable, and he swore not only could he feel the fireworks, he could see them.  Hear them.  Nick knew it was perverse, but he hated Jeff for doing this to him, loved Jeff for doing this to him, for building their passion to this level of intensity, for making him feel these things, for forcing him through this, for making him crave it.

        In the space between his rhythmic moans and overwrought groans, Nick kept himself from begging for mercy.  He didn’t want mercy.  He wanted Jeff, and he wanted every last second of the explosion building up within him, and if Jeff had backed off for even a moment, he would have been disappointed.

        Jeff pulled out.

        Nick wanted to hit him.

        Jeff flipped him over.  Nick landed on his back with a grunt, already raising his knee.  Jeff thrust in, and Nick cried out, Nick bellowed, Nick screamed.  He was on fire, he was burning, Jeff was opening his body from the inside out, it was too much, he’d finally reached his breaking point - - and he came.

        Nick opened his eyes, unclenching his fists.  Jeff’s thumb was brushing that spot between his eyes; Jeff’s cock was still buried deep inside.  “Are you done?” Jeff asked, and began an excruciatingly slow slide back, leaving him inch by inch.

        “No,” Nick said, feeling sated, and relaxed, and oddly in love.  He touched Jeff where Jeff was touching him, then trailed his fingers down Jeff’s nose.  “I’m not done until you’re done, and I know you’re not done.”

        “Are you sure?” Jeff asked.  He’d stopped with just the head inside, and Nick’s body was trying to close around it, and if Jeff was driving Nick crazy on purpose, that had to be grounds for divorce.  “It seemed like you were in a little too deep.”

        “I told you not to turn me over,” Nick said.

        Jeff began a slow, aching slide back in.  Nick tried not to moan.  “It’s worse if I don’t,” Jeff reminded him.

        “Where do you,” oh holy god, “want me now?” Nick asked, biting back a low groan, clenching his fist again.

        Jeff smiled, stroking Nick’s chest.  “Right where I have you.”

        He was going to throw up.  Or wet himself.  Any minute now.

        Chris parked in the garage.  He turned off the car and wiped the nervous sweat from his face.  Okay.  All right.  Calm time.  Chances were, Howie wasn’t going to be standing by the door waiting for him.  He could smuggle the ring into the house, then tuck it somewhere, before Howie even saw him.  Coming in from the garage, there was, okay, there was that little table with a drawer.  He’d put the ring in there.  The drawer was pretty small, but the box would fit.  Okay.  Plan.  Good plan.  All right.

        Tucking the small box in his hand, Chris got out of the car.  He went into the house, stashing the ring in the drawer with lightning speed, dropping his keys on the table.  Done.  No alarms went off.  No lights flashed.  Howie didn’t pop up behind him unexpectedly.  Everything was fine.

        Chris had no idea how he was going to get through the night.  He didn’t have to worry about making it through the proposal.  He wouldn’t live that long.

        Walking through the downstairs turned up no people, so Chris went upstairs.  He heard music from the bedroom, soft salsa.  The lights were low, and Howie was in the bathroom, in the hot tub, in flickering candlelight.  Howie’s eyes were closed, and he looked either asleep or deep in meditation, leaned back, his hair beginning to curl in the humidity.  One of Chris’s necklaces was close around his neck.  Chris stood there, transfixed.  Watching.

        Howie’s lips lifted in a small smile.  “Chris.”  His eyes opened.  “Hi.”

        “Hi,” Chris said.  “I wasn’t trying to disturb you.”

        “You didn’t.”  Howie briefly lifted his hair off of the back of his neck.  “What time is it?”

        “Almost midnight,” Chris said.  He wanted to kiss Howie, everywhere.  He wanted to ask why Howie was wearing nothing but his necklace.  He wanted to taste that droplet sliding down Howie’s chest to know if it were water or sweat.

        “How was the studio?” Howie asked, reaching for his robe, rising from the water.

        “I sounded like shit,” Chris said.

        “What was wrong?” Howie asked, giving Chris a look of concern, squeezing water from the ends of his hair.

        “My mind wasn’t in it,” Chris said.  “I was less than professional and let my personal life interfere.”

        “Did something happen?” Howie asked.

        “There was a thing with Lance,” Chris said.  That hadn’t been the only thing keeping his mind in orbit, but he couldn’t tell Howie about his main distraction.  He told Howie about Lance and Joey, Lance and AJ, Lance and JC, and Lance and himself.  He had to admit that even though Howie was blowing out candles and turning off music, he seemed to have every last bit of Howie’s attention.

        “Do you trust him?” Howie asked, brushing out his nearly dry hair.

        “Not entirely,” Chris said.  “I’m still a little nervous around him.  I’ll give him a week, and if he’s been doing okay, I’ll reevaluate.”

        “Do you remember a few days ago, we mentioned having a housewarming?” Howie asked.  “Only a few of our friends have been over here.  I’d like to go ahead and invite them.”

        “Yeah,” Chris said.  “Okay.”

        “Lance, too.”

        “Are you sure about that?” Chris asked.  “I don’t want to leave him home alone while the rest of us party, but he’s not everyone’s favorite guest.”

        “He’s your friend, and if he’s making an effort, then I want to encourage him,” Howie said.

        “You’re assuming he’s sincere.  He may not be.”

        “If he’s not, it’s only a housewarming,” Howie said.  “He can’t cause too much trouble.”

        “Don’t underestimate the Bass,” Chris said.

        Howie checked the alarm clock.  “We don’t have to invite AJ.”

        “We don’t?” Chris asked.

        “This is your home,” Howie said, sitting on the foot of the bed.  “If he won’t respect you in your own home, you have no reason to invite him to celebrate you moving in here.”

        “It’s AJ,” Chris said, sitting beside him.  “He’s your best friend.  And no matter how much I may hate him, I’m not afraid of him anymore.”

        “You shouldn’t be,” Howie said.  “He’s not a threat to you.”

        “That’s good, because now I’m seeing him every day,” Chris said.  “Invite him to the party.  I’ll stay out of his way.”

        “Are you sure?” Howie asked.

        “Yes,” Chris said.  “Chances are either he won’t come, or Lance won’t come, or both, now that they’re no longer allowed to interact.  That way, we get credit for being good friends and inviting them, but we won’t actually have to watch them ruin our party.”

        Howie laughed.  “They won’t ruin our party.”

        “I’m going to say it again,” Chris said.  “Don’t underestimate the Bass.”

        “I’ll remember that,” Howie said.  “You’re probably right.”

        Chris rose, standing in front of Howie.  “I want to take you on a date.”

        “I’m not dressed for one,” Howie said.

        “Tomorrow night,” Chris said.  “I want to take you to dinner.  I made reservations.”

        Howie smiled.  “I like this,” he said.  “Usually I’m always the one making reservations and planning dates.  This is nice.”

        “You should have dated more men,” Chris said.  “Or more feminists.”

        “Where are we going?” Howie asked.

        “Ferrando’s,” Chris said.  “When I’m finished at the studio, I’ll come here to pick you up?”

        “I’m looking forward to it,” Howie said, standing.  “I always wanted to go to Ferrando’s.”

        “It comes highly recommended,” Chris said.  “Remind me to make sure we don’t get the table JC and Justin had.”

        Howie kissed him.  “We have to do this a lot more often.”

        “Kiss?” Chris guessed, kissing him back.

        “Go on dates,” Howie said.  “We never really dated at all.  I’d love to date you.”

        “You’re serious,” Chris said, surprised.

        “Going out to dinner,” Howie mused, giving him soft kisses.  “Going to premieres.  Flying up to Broadway for a show.  Champagne picnics in the backyard.  It would be like getting to know you all over again.”

        “You had a fun time getting to know me the first time?” Chris asked.

        “I fell in love,” Howie said, looking into his eyes, touching his face.  “I want to do it all over again.”

        “Of course you are,” Drew said, removing Brian’s clothes.  “Arms up.”

        “I’m not saying I don’t want to make love,” Brian said.  “I’m just saying, I’m fine.”

        “Of course you are,” Drew said again, pulling his own shirt off over his head.

        Brian looked at Drew’s naked upper body and swallowed.  “We shouldn’t have left Nick down there alone.”

        “He knows how to put away groceries,” Drew said, taking off his jeans.

        “He gets distracted,” Brian said.  “Remember when he put the lettuce in the freezer?”

        “I can go back to the store tomorrow,” Drew said.  “You can get on the bed now.”

        “I have things to do, work,” Brian said.  “I told JC I’d-”

        Drew picked Brian up and dropped him onto the bed.

        Brian looked up at Drew, stunned.

        Drew smiled, kneeling on the foot of the bed.

        Brian backed up towards the pillows.  “I wanted to talk to JC about Chris, and I have to talk to Lance about the shoot.”  He hit the head of the bed and froze.

        “So this is what you’re like,” Drew said, crawling over him.

        “What?” Brian asked.

        Drew took Brian’s hips in his hands and slid Brian down to lay flat beneath him.  “When you know you’re not in control, but you want to be.”

        “Nick’s calling me,” Brian said, and tried to slip out from under Drew.

        “Nick,” Drew said, pushing Brian onto his back again, “is fine.”  He put his hand on the center of Brian’s chest to keep him there.  “You really don’t like this.”

        “I’m fine,” Brian said.  “I’m just not in the mood.”

        “Your dick,” Drew said, enunciating clearly, “says otherwise.”

        Brian’s cheeks turned red.  “Does Nick let you say ‘dick?’”

        “Nick isn’t here,” Drew said, and slid his hand down Brian’s chest.  “Tell me what’s wrong.”

        “Wrong?” Brian asked.  “I’m fine, I just have other things that I should be doing right now.”

        “Your body,” Drew said, sliding his hand down further, gently stroking Brian’s erection, “is saying yes.  But your mouth is saying no.”

        Brian moaned, closing his eyes, pushing into Drew’s hand.

        Drew smiled.  “What happened today?”

        Brian arched his back, biting into his lower lip.

        “You were protesting because you knew how badly you wanted it.  You knew you couldn’t hide this from me, but you didn’t want me to see it.”

        “Ah…  Oh…”  Brian curled his toes, fucking Drew’s fist.

         “What happened to you?” Drew asked.  He let go of Brian’s erection; Brian groaned in protest, opening blue eyes.  Drew pushed his finger inside of Brian’s body; Brian moaned, fucking himself onto Drew’s finger, fisting his own dick.  Drew stared in lustful amazement.  With his free hand he blindly reached for the lubricant.

        “Oh…  God…  Drew…”  Brian’s body writhed in a slow undulation.

        Drew pulled his finger out to slick it, twisting it back in, stroking Brian’s prostate.  He’d never seen Brian like this.

        Brian cried out, coming in long streams onto his chest, snapping his hips up to drive Drew’s finger in deep.

        Drew’s jaw hit the floor.

        Brian moaned, eyes closed, hand dropping to the side.

        Brian had come upstairs with Drew, knowing that he wasn’t in control of the situation.  In the past, Brian always had been in control.  Times that Brian wasn’t in control were times that Brian consciously relinquished control; if Brian ever wanted to be in charge, he was in charge.  But today, Brian hadn’t been able to make that move, hadn’t had the confidence to take back the reins.  That was new.  What was even newer was that, for some reason, Brian apparently got off on it.

        Brian was turned on by authority so strong he couldn’t overcome it.

        And Drew was turned on by Brian getting off on that.  He slid his finger out of Brian, pushing Brian’s knee to Brian’s chest.

        Brian opened his eyes.  Drew didn’t have to hear that soft moan to know that Brian wanted it.

        Jeff had made Brian his bitch.  Brian knew it, and now Drew knew it, too.  That wasn’t a threat to Drew; it was a challenge.  Brian was his, and he was going to prove it.  He was going to be the one who made Brian feel like this.  He was going to be so strong that Brian wouldn’t be able to take over even if Brian wanted to.  Brian liked that, Brian wanted that whether he could admit it or not, and Drew was going to be the one to make it happen.

        Next time, he wouldn’t just be the one reaping the sexual benefits of Brian’s submission.  Next time, he’d be the one sending Brian on a submissive spiral.

        Drew thrust in, and Brian moaned.  Something was different, different in a heart-poundingly good way, but it took Drew a few thrusts to figure out what that was.

        Brian was getting off on being fucked.

        No one ever said anything about it, but it was understood that, for whatever reason, Brian didn’t like being penetrated as much as Nick and Drew did.  He liked it, he enjoyed it, it felt good, but he didn’t like it as much as he enjoyed being on top.

        Maybe Brian hadn’t liked being fucked as much because he’d never been able to give up control.  Not completely.  Not entirely.  Not like this.  At the moment, he couldn’t have dominated a hairball, and he knew it.  He knew it, and he was giving in to it, and he was giving himself over to it.

        Drew fucked him harder.

        Brian moaned like he was deep in the throes of orgasm, pulling on his own nipples.

        Drew had gotten Brian to be submissive before, but never to this degree.  He loved it.  He loved every incarnation of Brian, every shade and version of Brian’s sexuality.  Brian seemed like a simple person on the outside, but inside, there were so many nooks and crannies and shadings and layers, Brian was a puzzle, a labyrinth, something Drew wanted to get his hands on and figure out bit by bit.

        Brian licked his lips, panting.

        Drew’s hips slammed forward out of his control; he gripped Brian’s hips in desperation.  It was too late; he came, gasping, moaning.  He couldn’t believe there were still twists in Brian’s psyche that he had to learn.  The idea of learning more about Brian thrilled him.

        Drew rolled off of Brian, sitting up.  His brain was dizzy.  His thinking skills were fried.  He wanted to tinker around inside Brian’s head and see what else was in there.

        He felt a touch at his ear.  He looked over.  Brian pulled on his earlobe.

        Drew smiled.  He’d forgotten.  He pulled Brian into his arms, nuzzling Brian’s ear, nipping at Brian’s earlobe with his teeth.  Brian made a satisfied sound, so he kissed Brian’s mouth, taking Brian’s renewed erection in his hand.  Brian’s kiss was soft and giving, and when Drew fondled his balls, he purred.

        Drew looked at Brian.

        Brian blinked, pulling him in for another kiss.

        “Did you…”

        Brian waited, gazing into his eyes, one hand squeezing his bicep.

        “Never mind.”  Drew kissed him again.

        Brian made a warm, throaty noise, sucking Drew’s tongue, rolling to his back and pulling Drew on top.

        “What?” Jeff asked, rolling to one side, facing Nick.

        “It had to be those pants,” Nick said.

        “You’re trying to figure out why we just had sex?” Jeff asked.  “Nick, we just had sex because if we’re left alone for more than five minutes, that’s what we do.”

        “That’s not true,” Nick said.

        “Yeah, but the only team doing anything tonight is Chicago, and you know you hate-”

        Nick laughed.  “Are you saying if we’re not having sex, we’re watching sports?”

        “Are you denying it?” Jeff asked, curious.

        “We do lots of things,” Nick said.

        “When we’re working, we do lots of things,” Jeff said.  “When we’re turning into sloths over vacation, we don’t do a whole lot of things.  If you’d like to do something, we can do something.  Go to more games.  Go to more clubs.  Tour Greece.”

        “Tour Greece?”

        “It’s something to do,” Jeff said.  “I’m just going off the top of my head, here.”

        “What were we talking about?” Nick asked.

        “The pants,” Jeff said.  “Let me explain things to you.”

        “Okay, go right ahead,” Nick said.

        “We had sex in general because that’s what we do.  You wanted my dick even more than usual because of the pants, which trust me, Brian was not supposed to see me wearing, ever in this lifetime.  I made love to you because I needed to assert my dominance over something, even for a minute, and because you got just a little turned on when I told Brian off.”

        Nick rolled to his side, kissing Jeff.  Jeff closed his eyes, kissing back.  “We won’t tell Brian about that,” Nick murmured.

        Jeff laughed.

        “You didn’t lose anything,” Nick said.

        “You mean, besides my pride and my self-respect?” Jeff asked.

        “I mean at all,” Nick said.  “You gained my respect.”

        “I thought I already had your respect,” Jeff said, eyeing him.

        “You know what I mean,” Nick said.  “I admire you for what you did.  You showed mercy.  You proved you’re the bigger man.  When Brian shut you out, I don’t know, I think he was mainly thinking about himself.  Tonight, instead of thinking only of yourself and shutting him out, like he did to you, you put my needs and Drew’s needs and Nick’s needs and even Brian’s welfare ahead of yourself.”

        “If things kept deteriorating…  It wouldn’t be good for Drew, and not for Nick, either.  It sounds like the two of them were already talking to Brian about it, and that’s why he came here.  If I sent him back home with bad news, and never gave in, and everything stayed as strained as it’s been, and they blamed him for even part of it…  I don’t want anything to happen to their relationship.  If I were going to hold things against Brian, I wanted that to be between the two of us, but that can’t happen.  Everything we do affects all of the rest of us.  I had to give in.”

        “It’s not giving in,” Nick said.  “It’s just giving.”  He wrapped his arm around Jeff, getting more intimate.  “I love you for it,” he admitted.

        Jeff smiled.

        “Don’t get smug.”

        “I’m not getting smug,” Jeff said.  “Let me enjoy the moment.  I showed Brian mercy, which proves I’m the bigger man and means he owes me one after everything he’s put me through.  I got laid.  And the man I’m lucky enough to refer to as my Nick, my husband, says that he loves me.  Not a bad day, overall.”

        Nick smiled.  “Great day for you.”

        “Great day for us,” Jeff corrected, putting his hand to Nick’s chest.  “Thank you,” he said.  “Thank you for standing by me through all of this guilt and censure.  Thank you for helping to smooth things over tonight.  Thank you for helping me to prove myself a good man.  You didn’t let me give in to that dark temptation to make him pay.  Things really would have turned out differently if you hadn’t been there, and I would have ended up hating myself for it.”

        “I know you love him, and I know you’re better than that,” Nick said.  “I couldn’t let him walk out thinking that’s who you were, because it’s not.”

        “It felt good to get it off of my chest,” Jeff said.  “But I’m glad that we’ve called a truce.”

        “Does this mean I have no excuse to avoid Nick?”

        Jeff laughed.  “No excuse whatsoever.”

        Nick groaned.  “Maybe it’s not too late to pick a fight.  Let’s get Brian back here and-”  The phone was ringing.  Nick looked at Jeff.  “No.”

        “Speak of the devil,” Jeff said.  He rolled away, getting the phone.  “Hello.”

        “I’m conducting a house-to-house poll,” Nick Carter Littrell Lachey said.  “Do you own a pair of blue pants that shows off your dick?”

        Jeff smiled, settling on his back comfortably, one hand behind his head.  “Hi, Nick.”

        “Are you still wearing the pants?”

        “No,” Jeff said.  “I’m not.”

        “Is that because Nick took them off of you with his teeth?”

        Jeff’s gaze flickered towards Nick.  He could remember very clearly the sight, the feel of Nick’s strong tongue licking the fly, Nick’s mouth on him, Nick’s teeth catching the zipper and tugging it down.  “You have a hidden camera in our bedroom, don’t you?”

        “I wish,” Nick said.  “Come over for dinner.”

        “It’s kind of late.”

        “Tomorrow.”

        “Have you discussed this with Brian?”

        “Yes.  Come over for dinner tomorrow.  It’ll be fun.  We can bond and shit.”

        “I’m not going to wear the pants.”

        “Oh.  I guess you can come over anyway.  Drew might like to see you.”

        “Let me check my busy social agenda.”  Jeff lowered the phone and turned to Nick.  “Dinner, tomorrow, their house?”

        “Sure,” Nick said.

        Jeff raised the phone.  “Sure,” he said to Nick.  “We’ll be there.  Do you want us to bring anything?”

        “No, we’ve got it covered,” Nick said.  “I have to go.  Hey.  Tell Nick I said hi.”

        “I will.”

        “Bye.”

        “Bye.”

        Brian was used to being adored by Nick.  He didn’t think anything of it, because he adored Nick in return.  It felt only right, like a celebration of their love.

        Drew’s adoration was different from Nick’s.  There was possessiveness in Drew’s touch.  It said that Brian was treasured, cherished.  It also said that Brian was property.

        Brian’s nature rebelled against that.  He was no one’s property.  He couldn’t be owned by anyone.  He was-

        “Ssshhh,” Drew whispered, brushing light kisses by the side of his mouth, fingers gentle on his jaw.

        He was-

        “Ssshhh.”  Drew kissed his jaw, fingers on the other side of his face, tenderly tracing his cheekbone.  “Don’t fight it.”

        But he didn’t, he wasn’t-

        “I have you,” Drew promised.  “I’m here for you.  Let me take over.  Let me take over for five minutes.  Let it go.  I have you.”

        He couldn’t.

        Drew’s legs wrapped around his, trapping them.  Drew’s hands caressed his face, his chest.  Drew kissed his ear, his temple.  Drew’s voice was soft, a whisper.  “I have you, beautiful.”

        Brian closed his eyes.  He curled his hands into fists, counted to five, and relaxed.  He let go.

        “There,” Drew said, his voice gentle and satisfied.  Drew’s thumb rubbed the worry lines from Brian’s forehead.  “Thank you.”

        Twenty minutes later, Brian felt as relaxed as he ever had in his life.  He put all of his worries and cares and pressures and responsibilities into Drew’s strong, capable hands.  Drew adored him with touch, murmuring things that Brian’s heart heard, kissing his face, massaging his back.

        After that massage, Brian was boneless.  Drew rolled him onto his back again, wrapping close around him, kissing the top of his head.  “I love you,” Drew said.  “I want to help you.  I want to share your load and ease your burden.  I want to be able to take care of you sometimes.  You have to let me.”

        “I haven’t had anyone take care of me in a long time,” Brian said.

        “I know,” Drew said.  “No one takes care of you for you, and you’re so busy taking care of everyone else, you don’t take care of yourself.  I want to change that, but you can’t keep denying me.  I’m your husband.  I have a right to look after you once in a while.  I want to make your life easier.”

        “I have to do everything and take it all on myself,” Brian said.  “No one else will do it right.”

        “Can you trust me?” Drew asked.  “If you can trust me with your greatest care, you can trust me with anything.”

        “You know what my greatest care is,” Brian said.

        “I do,” Drew agreed, stroking his hair.  “Can you trust me with it?”

        Brian closed his eyes.  Within, greedy hands pushed and clawed.  Nick was his, his, no one else knew Nick as well as he did, no one else loved Nick as well as he did, no one else ever would, ever could.

        He remembered coming home late one night to find Nick and Drew tangled together on the living room floor, half-undressed, Drew’s fingers tangled in Nick’s hair.  Nick had been talking, saying something, and then looked up, seeing Brian.  Nick got up, coming to greet him.  Drew watched Nick rise, watched him walk over to Brian, and Brian saw it on his face, shining in his eyes, almost radiating from every pore.  Drew loved Nick, adored Nick, thought that there was something in Nick that was so magical and beautiful, now that Drew had discovered it, his heart couldn’t beat without it.

        Brian opened his eyes, putting his hand over Drew’s on his chest.  “Yes.  I trust you with it.”

        Drew pressed a slow trail of kisses down from his temple.

        Chris was ecstatic about it.  He loved the way Howie kissed, the way Howie touched him, and the way Howie had sex.  He didn’t want to be with anyone else, because anyone else would do things differently, and he loved Howie’s ways.

        “If I were committing myself to one person for the rest of my life, would I want to sit back and think that you were the last person I’d ever have sex with?” Justin asked.

        Well, fine, maybe he wasn’t JC, but Howie must enjoy their sex life.  Howie wouldn’t move in with someone who was lousy in bed.

        Chris opened his eyes.

        Howie stopped kissing him, fingers poised to unzip his jeans.  “Chris?”

        “You like this, what we do, what we’re doing,” Chris said.

        “Sex?” Howie asked.

        “You like having that, sex, with me.”

        “Chris, I love having sex with you,” Howie said.  “That’s why we do it this often.”

        “Right,” Chris said.  “Okay.”  He narrowed his eyes, giving Howie a focused look.  “Just so we’re clear, you don’t find me annoying.”

        “No,” Howie said, smiling a little.  “I don’t find you annoying at all, actually.”

        “You like living here with me.”

        “I do, I enjoy it very much,” Howie said.  “Living here with you, this is home for me.  This is my favorite place of everywhere I’ve lived, and that’s not just because of this gorgeous house.  It’s because you live here with me.”

        Chris felt better.  And he couldn’t forget, Howie had wanted to marry him.  That meant that Howie already had contemplated life with him, forever with him, and had decided in favor of it.

        “What’s going on?” Howie asked.

        “There were things I wanted to get clear in my head,” Chris said.  “They’re better now.”

        “I wouldn’t want to live here with anyone else or make love to anyone else every night,” Howie said.  “I thought that I was happy before you, but this is what happiness is.”

        Chris closed his eyes for Howie’s kiss.

        Nick slipped into the room, quietly closing the door.  He undressed, watching Brian’s hand tighten and relax without rhythm on the back of Drew’s thigh.

        When Nick loved, he loved completely.  He wasn’t jealous of Drew for anything.  But he did wish that he could have Brian the way Drew did.  Watching them now, he saw how open Brian was, how submissive.  He wanted to experience that for himself.  Brian had never sucked on his tongue like that.

        He sat on the edge of the bed, leaning down.  He kissed Drew’s hand on Brian’s stomach, sucked on Drew’s knuckles, licked Brian’s skin.  Brian moaned.  Drew’s hand inched lower.  Nick grinned and licked down Drew’s fingers, alternately licking between them on Brian’s stomach, deliciously close to Brian’s groin.

        “Nick,” Brian said, and Brian’s hand was on his shoulder.  Nick kissed the back of Drew’s hand and moved to lay beside Brian, who rolled easily into his arms.

        Brian felt relaxed against Nick’s body, kissing him softly, touching him lazily.  Nick touched Brian with long, slow strokes, and Brian moaned.  “You feel so good,” Brian said, kissing him.  “Oh…”

        Nick smiled.  “You’re happy.”

        “I’m loved,” Brian corrected him, and kissed him again, caressing his body, his hair, his face.  “I love you,” Brian said, gazing into his eyes.  “I could make love to you for hours.  Do you want to?”

        “Can Drew play, too?” Nick asked.  Keeping eye contact, wanting to test something, he put his right hand high up on Brian’s inner right thigh, and squeezed.  Brian’s eyes almost rolled back in his head.  Oh, yeah.  Brian was practically high on desire.

        “No, not now,” Brian said, both hands caressing Nick’s chest.  “He wants to have you when I’m done.”

        Nick looked at Drew over Brian’s shoulder.  “Pervert,” he whispered.  Drew wanted Brian’s sloppy seconds, wanted to fuck him after Brian had already used his body.

        Drew turned red with shame but still had the balls to smile at him.

        “Drew loves you,” Brian said.  “He loves you so much, you…  Oh, you feel so good…”  Brian kissed him, moaning, hands everywhere.  “Oh, Nick…”

        “You really think that Brian intimidates me?” Jeff asked.

        Nick choked himself laughing.

        Jeff stole the last slice of pizza.  “You really think that I intimidate Brian?”

        “Yes,” Nick said, once he’d recovered.

        “You don’t intimidate him.”

        “No, I don’t.”

        “Then why would I?”

        “Got me.”  Nick took a drink.  “Ask him.”

        Jeff snorted.

        “Ask Nick.”

        Jeff thought that over.

        Nick slouched down a little, getting more comfortable.

        Jeff put his head on Nick’s shoulder.

        “Don’t fall asleep,” Nick said.

        “I won’t,” Jeff said.

        “You always get pissed when you fall asleep here and I have to wake you up to get you to the bed.”

        “I won’t,” Jeff insisted.

        Commercials.  Nick changed the channel.

        Jeff fell asleep.

        Nick smiled.  He had Jeff.  Life was good.

        “I don’t think I’m better than everyone else,” Brian said.

        “I know you don’t,” Drew said.

        Nick moved from lying on his back to lying on his stomach, offering more physical affection.

        “You don’t think I’m better, either,” Brian said.

        Drew didn’t answer.

        Nick didn’t answer.

        Brian’s fingers became still.  “Sweetheart?”

        “He’s talking to you,” Nick said to Drew.

        “He’s talking to you,” Drew said to Nick.

        “I’m talking to both of you,” Brian said.  “You don’t think I’m better than other people, do you?”

        Silence.

        “You know better,” Brian said.  “You know I’m controlling and demanding, you know I’m petty and self-righteous, you know my nostrils are huge and my eyes disappear when I smile.”

        “That’s not true,” Drew said.

        “The controlling and demanding part is true,” Nick said.

        “Brian’s not petty or self-righteous,” Drew said.

        “No, but he does have large nostrils,” Nick said.

        Drew smacked Nick’s shoulder.

        “It’s yes and no,” Nick told Brian.

        “We know that you’re an ordinary guy like anybody else,” Drew said.  “We also think that you’re…special.”

        “More special than anyone else,” Nick said.

        “You glow so brightly,” Drew said.

        “So brightly,” Nick said.

        “You shine,” Drew said.  “You are the sun, moon, and stars.”

        “In the back of my head, I know you’re not better than other people,” Nick said.  “But it sure feels like you are.”

        “We can’t help it,” Drew said, fingers stroking across Brian’s forehead.  “We’re in love with you.”

        “You’re weird about us, too,” Nick said.  “My smile doesn’t make the grass grow, and neither does Drew’s.”

        “Speak for yourself,” Drew said.

        “Do I abuse that?” Brian asked.  “Do I have power over you?”

        “You have power over me,” Nick said.  “You used to have power over Drew, but he got over it.  Mostly.”

        “What happened?” Drew asked.  “What did Jeff say to you?”

        Brian rubbed between Nick’s shoulder blades.  “Jeff said that you think I’m better than you are, and that gives me power over you, and I abuse it.  I’m beyond reproach, and I guess I throw my weight around.”

        “That’s true and it’s not true,” Nick said.  “You see things we don’t see, and you know things we don’t know.  You’re tuned in to things we’re not tuned in to.  That means you’re right a lot more often than the rest of us.  We know that, so we listen to you more.”

        “What you say has more weight than what the rest of us say,” Drew said.  “You speak with more authority.”

        “You’re a good person,” Nick said.  “We respect you.  We admire you.  When you talk, we listen.”

        “You know that,” Drew said.

        “You say things, knowing that we’re listening, knowing that we’re likely to do what you want,” Nick said.  “But you don’t change what you’re saying because you know that.  You aren’t using it for your own greed or anything.”

        “You don’t manipulate us for your own good,” Drew said.

        “Actually, you know how much your words mean to me, and ninety-five percent of the time, you watch what you say on purpose, so you won’t say anything to hurt me,” Nick said.

        “You don’t abuse your influence over us,” Drew said.  “But you are aware of it, at least somewhat.”

        “Influence over who?” Brian asked.  “Both of you?”

        “And Nick, and Jeff,” Drew said.

        “And Timberlake, and Joey,” Nick said.  “And Howie and AJ and Kevin, but not the same way.”

        “I’m not perfect,” Brian said.

        “No,” Nick said.

        “But you are beautiful,” Drew said.

        “Yeah,” Nick said.

        “Don’t fight it,” Drew said.  “Don’t deny it.  Accept it.”

        “You’re not a saint, you’re a good person,” Nick said.  “You’re not perfect, you’re beautiful.  You aren’t self-righteous, you have a solid moral code.  Those are good things.  Go ahead and be confident about them.”

        Brian tugged Drew down and pulled Nick up, wrapping his arms around both of them.

        “Aw,” Nick said, hugging him and Drew.

        Drew kissed them both.

        “I invited Jeff and Nick to come over tomorrow,” Nick said.  “We’re going to have to make food or something.”

        “I want them to feel welcome in our house,” Brian said.

        “They will,” Drew said.

        “Especially if I get to answer the door,” Nick said.

        “Hi, um, Howie?”

        Howie licked around the shell of Chris’s ear.  Chris twisted a little.  Sensitive ears were a good thing.  Howie kissed Chris’s temple.  “Hi, Chris.”

        “There’s a question that I’m going to ask you.”

        Howie rolled across Chris, flipping his hair over his shoulder, kissing the other side of Chris’s neck.  “I’ll try to answer it to the best of my ability,” he promised, and started sucking.

        “Did I ever tell you how much I love you?” Chris asked, sounding suddenly breathless.  “No, that wasn’t the question, that was, god.  You’re incredible.  I love you.  Are we really together, or am I in a coma, and this is part of some elaborate dream?”

        “This is real,” Howie said.  He remembered that there was another ear on this side, and began to travel up along Chris’s jaw to find it.  “I love you, too, Chris.”

        “Can we have sex again?”

        “Was that your question?” Howie asked, licking Chris’s ear, trailing his fingers across Chris’s collarbone.

        “Necklace,” Chris said.  “You’re wearing my necklace.  That’s not a bad thing, that’s a good thing, I like it, I’m all in favor of it, if it came down to a vote I’d vote for it, but why?  Why the wearing?”

        “I had to borrow it,” Howie said.  “I needed to know what size your neck is.”

        “What size my neck is?” Chris asked.

        Howie blew gently on Chris’s ear.  Chris squirmed.  Howie smiled.  “I bought you something.”

        “A necktie?” Chris asked.  “A noose?  A shirt.”

        “When you asked me to dinner, I thought, maybe I’ll give it to you tomorrow night, on our date.  Would you rather have it now?”

        “Now,” Chris said.  “Now’s good.”

        Howie kissed Chris’s cheek.  “Wait here.”

        “I’m naked, and I’m not too ashamed to add that I’m somewhat aroused.  This really isn’t the time to wander the streets.”

        Howie got up and went into the closet, finding two black velvet jewelry boxes behind a pile of socks.  He returned to the bed, sitting in his vacated spot beside Chris.

        Chris edged away slightly.

        “Open this one first, and then let me explain,” Howie said, handing him the slimmer of the two cases.

        “Sure,” Chris said, sounding vaguely not present.  He opened the box.  Inside was a slender diamond necklace, short enough to close around Chris’s throat like a choker.  It was stunning, it was elegant, and even if Howie hadn’t already known how much it cost, it still looked very expensive.

        Howie put his hand on Chris’s wrist.

        Chris hadn’t moved.  He wasn’t speaking.  He was merely looking at the necklace.

        “I know that you only wear silver jewelry,” Howie said.  “And I know that most of your necklaces are longer, not close on your throat like this one.  But I know you’re willing to try any look once, so I thought maybe you’d experiment a little.”  He took the strand of silver balls from his own neck.  “I borrowed this from you and gave it to someone for sizing, to have that made for you.  Today I went and picked it up.”

        Chris jiggled his knee, unconscious agitation.

        “I wanted to give you something.  I wanted to do something for you.  You do spend money on yourself, but only to a point.  I wanted to spend money on you.”  Howie put his arm on Chris’s naked back.  “You’ve spent your whole life doing things for yourself, taking care of yourself, looking after yourself.  I want more for you.  I want to give you things and do things for you.  Yes, you can take care of yourself, but you don’t have to.”

        Chris cleared his throat, but didn’t speak.

        “You’ve spent your life taking care of yourself, and your mother, and your sisters.  Making your life better, and theirs.  You’ve made my life better, too, Chris.  I want to make your life better.  I don’t want you to look at your life and think that everything you’ve ever had that was good, you had to fight for and earn.  I want you to look at your life and see that some things were given to you by people who love you, who care about you, that you didn’t have to earn, that you didn’t have to fight for.  I love you.”

        Howie cracked open the second box.  It was a watch, thick with diamonds.  All of the metal was platinum; diamonds coated the broad band; twelve smaller ones sparkled where the numbers belonged; and larger, fatter ones encircled the face.

        Chris grabbed Howie in a close embrace, his chin on Howie’s shoulder, his arms squeezing Howie tight.

        Howie hugged Chris back.  He closed his eyes, holding on.

        A minute passed.

        Chris didn’t move.

        Another minute.

        Howie opened his eyes.  He wondered whether he should worry.  It occurred to him that Chris might be crying.  Chris never cried.  Chris wasn’t shaking or sniffing, but then again, if anyone would know how to cry as still and silently as possible so that no one would find out, it would be Chris.

        Howie stroked Chris’s back.  He closed his eyes, and waited.

        A few more minutes passed.

        Finally, with aching slowness, Chris let go, sitting back.  His eyes were suspiciously red, but Howie knew that no tears had fallen.  Chris had learned not to cry too long ago to start now.

        “You told me before that the serious bling is for superstars, people like JC and Justin, not people like you,” Howie said.  “I don’t agree.”  He lifted the diamond-encrusted watch from its box.  “Let me put it on you.”

        Chris offered his arm to Howie.  Howie settled the watch around Chris’s wrist, fastening the clasp.  “Is it too loose?”

        “No,” Chris said, touching it gingerly.

        Howie smiled.  “We’re going to have to find an outfit to go with this.”

        “You mean my ratty old shorts and T-shirt won’t match?” Chris asked.

        “No, but with jeans, you could pull it off,” Howie said.

        “You seem to have all of your limbs intact,” Chris said, touching Howie’s arm.

        “I do,” Howie agreed.  “Why?”

       “This must have cost you an arm and a leg,” Chris said.

        “I took the money from my ‘I love Chris’ fund,” Howie said.  “Money spent on you is always money well spent.”

        Chris hugged him.

        “My love,” Howie whispered.  He stroked Chris’s hair.  “My love.”

        “I’ll wear it to the Grammys,” Chris said.  “Too far away.  I’ll wear it to the housewarming.  Too much?”

        “Wear it whenever you’d like,” Howie said.

        “You had this made?” Chris asked.

        “I designed it, I went to Annabelle, we talked about what I wanted, and she made it,” Howie said.  “Both of them.”

        Chris released him again.  “I really, honestly don’t know what to say, and that’s new for me,” Chris said, touching the slimmer chain.

        “You don’t have to say anything,” Howie said.  “Chris.”  He cupped Chris’s chin in his hand, looking into Chris’s eyes, making Chris look back at him.  “I love you.”

        Howie watched it happen, saw it in his eyes.  The words hit; Chris struggled; the words won.  Something broke open, something inside Chris.

        “I love you,” Howie said again, to be sure that Chris got it.

        This time, the words sank in, slowly but surely, deep inside.  Chris shivered.

        Howie embraced him.

        Chris held on.

        “I was afraid you wouldn’t like it,” Howie said.

        “You could give me a dirty paper towel and I’d love it,” Chris said.

        Howie smiled.

        “This is better,” Chris added.

        Howie laughed.