"Where You Belong"

Where You Belong, eighth in the "Living" series

Rating: NC-17 for graphic male-male sex

Pairings: Thus far we've had JC/Justin, Nick/Drew/Brian, Nick/Jeff, Nick/Drew/Brian/Nick/Jeff, AJ/Lance, AJ/Howie, AJ/Kevin, Chris/Howie, and partridge/pear tree.

Disclaimer: The young men who comprise the Backstreet Boys, *NSYNC, and 98 Degrees are their own people. The author has not met anyone here described, nor does the author mean to suggest that these people act this way in real life. This writing is a work of fiction. I make no money from this venture.

Dedication: This slashfic is for Ewan McGregor and the Savage Garden slashwriters.

Notice: First, read "I Need You Tonight," "Boy Lead the Way to Ecstasy," "Not Easy," "No One," "Rest in Peace," "Destiny," and "Together." I know it sounds like a lot, but it'll only take you an hour or two.

The battle plans had been drawn. The Sentimental Fools had an established plan of action. JC wanted to run it by Lance, but Lance wasn’t answering his cell phone, office phone, or home phone.

“He was with Joey,” Chris said. “Try him.”

JC dialed Joey’s number.

“Hh,” Joey cleared his throat, “hello.”

“Joe, it’s me,” JC said. “Is Lance there?”

“No,” Joey said. “He’s, he left. He’s gone.”

“Do you know where he went?” JC asked.

Joey cleared his throat again. “No. No, I don’t… I don’t know where he is.”

“Okay. Thanks.” JC paused. “Joey, are you okay? Joe?” Joey had ended the call. JC hung up, frowning.

“What’s up?” Brian asked.

“Joey doesn’t know where he is,” JC said.

“That’s okay,” Brian said. “We can call Lance later.”

“Yeah,” JC said. He hoped Joey was all right.

Nick frowned at Jeff. “You’re worse than Drew.”

“Are you offended by that, or should I be?” Jeff asked Drew.

“You can take this one,” Drew said, flipping through a rack of hundred-dollar T-shirts.

“Look at you,” Nick said, walking around Jeff in a disappointed circle. “Drew’s hard to shop for because he’s short, and all of the sleeves and legs are too long. You’re short and shaped funny. How do you buy clothes?”

Drew broke into a coughing fit to disguise his laughter.

“All right, I’m going home,” Jeff said. “It’s been nice hanging with you, it was great to see you, but-”

“Don’t go, don’t go,” Nick said, putting his hand through the crook of Jeff’s elbow, drawing him back.

“No, it’s fine,” Jeff said, still aiming for the exit. “It’s time for me to take my oddly-shaped body back home.”

“Get back here,” Nick said, pulling Jeff back again, wrapping his arms around Jeff from behind. “You know I think you have an amazing body.”

“You also know that Nick only makes fun of people he likes,” Drew said. “The more he makes fun of you, the more he likes you. Lucky me.”

“Tell me how gorgeous I am,” Jeff said.

“Gorgeous gorgeous gorgeous gorgeous,” Nick said, tightening his grip and leaning back, lifting Jeff off of his feet. “Forgive me?”

“Yes, yes, put me down before you hurt us both,” Jeff said, laughing.

“Maturity,” Drew said to himself. “Must strive to make friends with maturity.”

Nick dropped Jeff. “You’re heavy.”

“Let’s get out of here,” Jeff said.

“Because we’ve embarrassed ourselves and need to flee the scene?” Drew asked.

“Because we need specialty stores. A Big and Tall for Nick, and a Short and Gorgeous for us,” Jeff said.

“Hey,” Nick said. “Wait.”

“Sounds good to me,” Drew said, heading for the door with Jeff.

“Hey,” Nick said, following them. “What are you trying to say about me?”

Nick was at the soda machine, trying to get it to accept his dollar bill.

“If I were cool, I’d just kick it for you, and it would work,” Chris said from behind him.

“Hey,” Nick said by way of greeting. “I’ve never quite had that Fonzie touch, either.”

“Here,” Chris said, pulling out his wallet and handing over a crisper dollar.

“Thanks,” Nick said, trading him.

“What’s it like?” Chris asked.

“What?” Nick asked, feeling celebratory when the machine accepted his dollar.

“In your group, you’re the lead man. Here, it’s more by committee. You’re handing over leads to other people.”

“It’s all for the good of the album,” Nick said. “If someone else has a better talent for the style and sound of the song, then that person should sing it. Our voices all do different things.”

“Ah,” Chris said. “Magnanimity. I’ve never had the opportunity to be generous about stepping aside to let someone else shine.”

“Feeling sorry for yourself?” Nick teased.

“You have to understand, JC can sing in my range, or at least most of it. Justin can’t, but he thinks he can. So even when a particularly high lead shows up, I still lose to Star and Starlet. Of course, it’s probably for the best, because I’m not leading man material. I don’t rush my solos as badly as some people-” here Chris coughed out “Lance,” “-but I’m not as outgoing onstage as JC or Justin.”

“Hey, you should come to 98 Degrees,” Nick said. “Jeff gets a lot of track time, and he’s not exactly JC onstage, either.”

“You realize I’m bound by our code of honor to tell him that you said that,” Justin Jeffre said, strolling up to join them.

“I said it because I saw you standing there,” Nick said.

“Or so you’d have me believe,” Justin said. “Don’t worry,” he said to Chris. “I’m not exactly hogging all of the solos, either.”

“What we really should do is join the Backstreet Boys,” Chris said. “They let Howie and Kevin - - what am I saying? What am I saying?! Please behead me for this blasphemy.”

Nick laughed. “That was a horrible thing to say. You may get kicked out of *NSYNC for that.”

“What are you laughing at?” Chris asked. “You’re related to them.”

“Oh, ow, direct hit,” Justin said, wincing. “Sorry, man.” He patted Nick’s shoulder.

“You have to live with that shame every day,” Chris said. “What’s that like?”

“You’re sleeping with one!” Nick exclaimed.

“Oh,” Chris said, blinking. “Right.”

AJ rested his ass on the edge of the table, ankles crossed, shuffling the deck of cards.

“And what is going on with you?” Brian asked, inhabiting his personal space.

“Not a whole lot,” AJ said. “I did want to ask you a favor.” He glanced around. “Not here.”

“Okay,” Brian said. “Any time.”

AJ shuffled the deck some more, uninhibited by Brian’s gaze.

“You seem happy,” Brian said.

“So do you,” AJ said.

“Would this happiness have anything to do with Kevin?” Brian asked with a knowing smile.

“It might,” AJ said.

“How is that going?” Brian asked.

AJ smiled to himself. “It’s…nice.”

“Nice?” Brian asked.

“It feels right, it feels comfortable, it feels good,” AJ said. “Sometimes it’s about passion and fireworks, and that’ll always be a part of it, but there’s also the part that’s just us, being together. I think that’s because we’ve been friends for this long, and we’re used to that aspect of it, so being a couple is almost familiar.”

“Nick’s very happy for you,” Brian said. “I am, too.”

“How’s having Drew home?” AJ asked.

Brian smiled.

AJ grinned. “Now that’s the smile of someone whose man treats him right.”

“I’m very blessed,” Brian said. “So are you,” he added, poking AJ.

“I know it,” AJ said. “If I have to work my ass off to keep things right with Kevin, then I’ll do it.”

“You’re a good boyfriend, AJ.”

“I am?” he asked, surprised that Brian would think so.

“You are,” Brian said. “You pay attention, you spend time, you give presents. I’ve heard that you’re good in bed, too.”

AJ grinned. “That one’s true.”

“I know that you’ve had to do some thinking about yourself lately, and I don’t know what conclusions you’ve come to. I just want you to remember who you really are, and to realize that you may have been acting a certain way, but that doesn’t mean you really are that way, or that you’ll stay that way forever. Behavior is temporary and changing. You can be whatever kind of person you want to be.”

“Thanks,” AJ said. “I’m working on it.”

“AJ and Kevin,” Brian said. “Finally.”

AJ smiled. He agreed.

Chris crept into the room carefully, stepping around AJ and Brian. JC and Justin were in the corner with the keyboard, and they were the people he was stalking. He hung back, observing.

JC was reading sheet music, humming the melody line. Justin was standing beside JC, looking at the ground. After a minute, Justin joined in, humming in harmony.

Still humming, JC lowered the sheet music, watching Justin.

Justin glanced at JC and trailed off into silence. Then, “What?”

“That was better,” JC said.

“Than what?” Justin asked.

“Than what I wrote,” JC said.

“I was just following your lead,” Justin said.

“How did you start?” JC asked, snatching up a pencil, trying to remember.

“I don’t know,” Justin said. “We’ve been harmonizing for so long, I don’t think about it anymore.”

Chris felt the same way. He was also encouraged by the fact that they were acting like a normal, close couple. Maybe they would be okay. He crossed his fingers.

When Lance got home, he took the phone off the hook. There was no one he wanted to talk with. No one he wanted to hear from. Definitely no one he wanted to see.

He’d had sex with Joey before. What was the big deal? Joey’s dick, his ass, not a first-time combination.

Before, he’d been manipulating and seducing. He had been this time, too; only this time, Joey had fallen for it and then run with it. Joey had wanted him, aggressively wanted him. Wanted him and taken him.

Afterwards, Joey had wanted to have more of him. He knew it. Joey had wanted to keep him.

He wasn’t Joey’s. He wasn’t anyone’s. He wasn’t going to put himself out there like that again, least of all for Joey, who temporarily found him fascinating due to a confluence of circumstances, but would drop him on his ass sooner or later. Joey wouldn’t want to hurt him, of course, and would try to dump him gently, to spare his feelings, because they were friends; but it would happen.

Lance wasn’t a moment-to-moment person. He thought ahead. Planned ahead. He wasn’t going to grab momentary happiness with Joey, knowing what would happen down the line. He wouldn’t do that to himself.

Their break was over. Justin had more room on the couch with Nick, since AJ had taken over a chair. He and Nick had pledged to act as smooth professionals throughout the project, to represent 98 Degrees well. They were only a few hours into it, but so far, so good.

They were actually doing better than the others, by comparison, since they had yet to imitate Donald Duck’s voice (as Brian had) or burst into ten minutes of hysterical laughter (JC) over a very badly told, extremely dirty joke (Chris) that Justin was sure he, as a straight man, wasn’t supposed to get.

Fortunately or otherwise, and thanks to living closely with sexually active gay men while on tour, he knew enough about gay sex to understand the joke.

He wondered if Nick Carter Littrell Lachey had heard that joke. Nick would love it.

He also wondered if, according to social mores, he would be allowed to share the joke with Nick. Coming from anyone who wasn’t gay, the joke would sound homophobic and offensive. It seemed reasonable to him that, as long as he shared it only with Nick, with the understanding that he was passing it along because he knew Nick would appreciate it, he would be allowed to tell the joke. Nick knew him well enough to understand his intentions.

However, Justin was an honorary bisexual, not a real one. No matter how close he was with his friends, they were gay, and he was not. They were part of a group he could not join. Therefore, there were boundaries that could not be crossed. He wasn’t one of them, and he couldn’t speak as one of them.

He sure did love them, though.

Justin laid out the cards for solitaire. His playmate Kevin had kissed AJ good-bye and gone, so he was on his own. Leaving was out of the question, but he didn’t want to jump into JC’s project like it was his own, because the point was for JC to have a project that wasn’t about him. So he was going to stay, but remain in the background.

Red seven on the black eight.

Justin loved watching JC in action. JC was brilliant, focused, and passionate. JC was greatly invested in his work, and something of an eccentric genius, at least in Justin’s biased view.

JC and Brian worked well together. Justin had seen that they were both dedicated professionals who took their work very seriously, but also loved music and had a good, fun time with it. Brian was used to playing with his friends; JC was used to his friends playing with him. All in all, they made a good team.

Brian was so used to working with AJ that he could anticipate AJ’s questions, needs, and concerns. He’d never cut an album with JC, but he was getting used to the way JC worked, and he was enjoying the experience.

Nick, Justin, and Chris, he’d never dealt with professionally. The good news was that Nick and Justin, and JC and Chris, had worked together, so no one was an entirely unknown entity. If Chris had any special needs, problem areas, or complications, JC would be able to smooth over communication between Chris and the rest of the group.

The project had begun as JC and Brian’s, with the other four chosen primarily for their voices. However, it had developed into more of a six-person team, with JC and Brian as leaders, not complete dictators. AJ, Nick, Chris, and Justin had the same right to give input as JC and Brian did. JC and Brian had by far done the bulk of the songwriting, but the other four had made contributions, and would continue to do so throughout the process.

Knowing his own voice already, Brian had wanted to write for other people. He’d written songs with AJ’s voice in mind, and Nick’s. Then, as he’d worked with JC, he’d been impressed with JC’s range and control, and had written parts intended for JC, wanting to see how well he could challenge JC’s talent. He’d also written some parts for Chris, because while Howie had a similar range, Chris had a different sound, and he wanted to see what he could do with that sound.

JC, always experimenting, had written for Justin and Chris as much as the others. He’d also accepted Brian’s challenge, and written songs for Brian as Brian had written for him.

Brian was making mental notes to speak with Drew when he got home, about how Nick and Justin worked while recording. If they had any quirks or concerns he could address ahead of time, he wanted to do so.

Brian loved working with AJ, Nick, Kevin, and Howie. He truly did. When the five of them were in the studio, recording, they were so familiar that they were in and out of each other’s heads. This, this was uncharted territory. It was new, creative, and collaborative, and it was exciting. It was a challenge, and it was fun. Brian saw great possibilities for the six of them to push each other’s creative boundaries. He needed that, needed to step out of his old, usual framework and into a new, undefined space. That way, he’d be all the fresher when he went back to work with the Backstreet Boys.

He loved working with AJ, and always had. He loved working with JC, because JC was brilliant and always saw things differently. He could see that working with Chris would be fun, because Chris, while willing to work as hard as anyone out there, was also hellbent on keeping things interesting. Working with Justin was going to be good, because Justin was not only fun but also a grounding influence in comparison with AJ’s rebellion, JC’s flights of fancy, and Chris’s sheer craziness.

Truth be told, Fools or not, Brian would have jumped at the chance to work with Nick. Nick had a great voice, a strong voice, a trained voice. But it seemed to Brian that, for the most part, Nick was singing from a box. A great box, but a box. He wanted to break Nick out of that box and see what else Nick could do. He wanted to pull Nick in new directions. Take that voice for a test drive and really push it to its limits. Redefine its parameters. It would be fun for him, good for Nick, and good for 98 Degrees.

Jeff tilted his head to the side, surveying Nick critically.

“I look stupid,” Nick said.

“Stop fidgeting,” Drew said, smacking Nick’s hands.

“This is an AJ outfit. I’m not AJ.”

“Stop complaining,” Drew said, adjusting the neckline.

“What, stand still and silent like a statue?” Nick asked.

“That would be very helpful,” Drew said.

“Oh, forget you,” Nick said. “I don’t see you trying on anything.”

“Maybe later,” Drew said. “Hitch the pants up a little.”

“They don’t move,” Nick said. “They’re too tight. Let me rephrase that. They’re too fucking tight. Jeff, tell Drew these pants are too fucking tight.”

“I like them,” Jeff said. “They’re very…intriguing.”

“Intriguing?” Nick repeated. “What the hell?”

“What about the shirt?” Drew asked Jeff.

“Can you see my dick?” Nick asked. “I feel like you can see my dick.”

“No one can see your dick,” Drew said. Nick relaxed. Then Drew added, as an afterthought, “Just don’t get sexually excited.”

“Easy for you to say,” Nick said. “You’re not staring at your ass all day.”

“I think it’s a little small,” Jeff said.

“My dick or Drew’s ass?” Nick demanded.

“The shirt,” Drew said.

“Oh,” Nick said, relieved.

“Too tight?” Drew asked Jeff.

Jeff stepped back, for an overall view, then stepped forward for a closer look. “You think a bigger size would be too big?”

“This is reminding me of something,” Nick said. “This is really familiar.”

“I think so,” Drew said to Jeff, ignoring Nick.

“What about the one with the red in it?” Jeff asked.

“With the holes in it?” Drew asked.

“You’re not trying to go that far?” Jeff asked.

“That depends on what he’s wearing it for,” Drew said.

“Shopping with my sisters,” Nick said. “And my mother. That’s what this is.”

“What would he be wearing it for?” Jeff asked.

“He’d either be going out to the clubs, or he’d be wearing it around the house to get Brian to fuck him,” Drew said.

“No, that’s a little different,” Nick said. “I don’t think they talk about fucking Brian. Well, except-”

“Try this on,” Drew said, handing him a different shirt.

Nick sighed.

“Excuse us,” Drew said to Jeff, putting his hand on Nick’s chest, pushing Nick backward into the dressing room, his other hand coming back to close the door.

Jeff waited.

Nick giggled.

Jeff smiled.

“Drew!” Nick exclaimed, shocked.

Jeff tried not to laugh.

A minute passed.

Drew moaned.

Another minute passed.

Drew moaned louder.

Another minute passed.

“What?” Drew asked.

“The planets,” Nick said. “That’s my new thing I think about. It used to be all of the song titles in order from your albums in order, but thinking about your songs made me think about you, and that didn’t work. Besides, that one was too easy.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. Now it’s planets in order from the sun. It’s a good one, because I always jack up whether Mercury or Mars comes first.”

“It’s Mercury, Venus, Earth, Mars, Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, Neptune, and Pluto,” Drew said.

“Show-off. So that precious performing arts school of yours really did teach you something?”

Jeff grinned.

“Just for that, we’re buying the pants,” Drew said.

“Hey,” Nick said.

“And the shirt with the holes in it,” Drew added, opening the door and stepping out of the dressing room.

“Hey!” Nick said.

“Let’s try the underwear department next,” Drew suggested to Jeff.

“Hey!”

After leaving the studio, Kevin went home to pack. He and AJ were a couple, he was going to be spending nights with AJ, and he was going to need to keep some of his own things at AJ’s house. He wanted to make his commitment to their relationship clear. He’d taken a bag over before, but that had been more of an overnight bag. This time, he wanted to have enough to demonstrate that he was in for the long haul. He wanted to take up room in AJ’s closet. He wanted proof that he was welcome, and expected, in AJ’s home.

He began with pants.

…AJ slid his hands back, fingers splayed along Kevin’s neck, then crawling into his hair, close against his scalp. “Fuck me,” AJ said, his voice low and rough. “I know you want it and it’s been so long…”

He selected a few shirts.

AJ growled his protest at being trapped between Kevin’s body and the bedpost, his fingers clawing at Kevin’s shirt as he pushed himself into Kevin’s kiss. “Fuck me,” he insisted, ripping open Kevin’s shirt.

Kevin blinked. He’d need underwear.

“Come here,” Kevin said, his hands on AJ’s hips pulling AJ forward. AJ’s legs wrapped around his waist; he drew AJ off of the table inch by inch, sinking to his knees. Now AJ was closer to him, in his lap, against his chest. He gazed into AJ’s eyes, steadily rocking AJ up and down, feeling the flex of AJ’s muscles under his hands.

Socks, socks. He’d almost forgotten socks.

Kevin couldn’t take it. He couldn’t watch AJ push this hard for orgasm without doing anything about it. He wrapped his arm around AJ’s waist, turning him away from the cabinets and laying him down on the floor, angling deep and fucking him with powerful thrusts. AJ cried out, spasming, and seconds later, his body contracted and his dick spurted long strands of cum onto his chest. Moaning, AJ reached for Kevin and clawed at the front of Kevin’s shirt, pulling himself upright in Kevin’s lap again. He kissed Kevin’s mouth, still moaning, stroking the sides of Kevin’s face, Kevin’s hair. Kevin held him tight and came inside him, groaning against the push of his tongue.

Kevin’s hands shook as he packed shoes.

AJ leaned even closer, intimate, seductive, close enough to kiss, dark eyes waiting and wanting. "Come on, Kevin." His voice was low, rough. "Do it for me."

Bathroom, he needed to go to the bathroom to get his…his… He…

AJ moaned, primal and rich, digging his heels into the mattress. He wrapped his fist in the sheets, denying orgasm.

AJ…

“Fuck me.”

AJ…

“Fuck me.”

Howie listened to JC talk about the studio musicians, drawing a smiley face in the page margin. One hand rested idly on Chris’s back; occasionally, he rubbed Chris’s side.

He hadn’t spoken with AJ all day; he hadn’t spoken with AJ since AJ had left his house after the altercation with Chris. He’d met AJ’s eyes a few times, but he wasn’t prepared to greet AJ with a hug or a smile, at least not until they talked; he wasn’t prepared to have that conversation in front of everyone in the studio.

He wanted to hear AJ’s side of what had happened. He wanted to know why AJ, claiming to want to apologize, would make things worse.

Or were things worse? Chris had wanted to confront AJ, had wanted to say to AJ all of the things that had been kept bottled since Kendig. Chris had been given that chance.

Only now, Howie felt trapped in the middle more than ever.

Chris’s hand was hurt. AJ hadn’t cut Chris’s hand himself, but wasn’t AJ responsible?

Ending his friendship with AJ was unthinkable and out of the question, but Howie didn’t know what else to do. He’d have to hear what AJ had to say, would have to hear an apology; and he’d have to talk it over with Chris.

JC had launched into a particularly long ramble. Chris looked at Howie and rolled his eyes. Howie smiled.

What had that been? What had he done? What had Lance thought they were doing?

Joey was absolutely blown away. He had no idea what to do now. He wanted to scramble after Lance, but he’d forced himself to go home, instead. He didn’t think that Lance wanted to see him.

Had it been casual sex, a random fuck? Was he just another body to Lance? Just another dick? Was he no better than a guy in the back of a club, not even a one-night stand, just a body to use and forget?

But they were friends, he loved Lance, they…

Lance hadn’t seemed angry. Simply…dismissive. Like they’d just gotten through having a business meeting, instead of making love.

Making love. Making love? Had he been making love? Lance obviously hadn’t.

Making love to Lance. Had he been making love to Lance? God, what had he been doing?

Drew dropped onto the sofa. “Shopping is hard work.”

“You’re going soft,” Jeff said, sitting beside him.

“We got good stuff,” Nick said, sitting on Drew’s other side.

“And most of it says, ‘Hey, sailor, want to have a good time,’” Drew said. Beside him, Jeff laughed. He closed his eyes. “We’re all on vacation. I recommend that we sit here like lazy bums and do nothing for the next hour.”

“I recommend two hours,” Jeff said.

“I agree,” Nick said.

“Two hours it is,” Drew said. His mind drifted. His brother was going to appreciate what they’d found for Jeff, and Brian was going to love Nick’s new clothes. Mmm…

“Are you asleep?” Nick asked.

“No,” Drew said.

“I’m hungry.”

“Eat something,” Drew said, opening his eyes.

“Drew’s a genius,” Nick said.

“Thank you,” Drew said.

“Everybody up,” Nick said.

“Two hours,” Jeff reminded them.

“I’m hungry now,” Nick said.

“We all have to get up because you’re hungry?” Jeff asked.

“Yes,” Nick said, standing. “Come on.”

The kitchen seemed too far off for Drew’s liking. “You already ate today, and you’re going to be eating again tomorrow,” he said reasonably. “You don’t really need to eat now.” His own stomach grumbled. “Darn.”

“Okay,” Jeff said, slowly rising. “Heave yourself on up here.”

Drew sighed and let them pull him to his feet. “I hope you appreciate this.”

“Martyr,” Nick said. “You didn’t even try anything on.”

“Talking people into buying things is much more tiring than simply putting on clothes,” Drew said.

“I mostly remember you making me try on a lot of ugly clothes, complaining about how much they cost, and smacking my ass,” Nick said.

“When Brian jumps you tonight, you’re going to thank me for my efforts,” Drew said.

“Drew. Brian jumps me every night,” Nick said. “I usually don’t have to do nearly this much work to get laid.”

“Would now be a good time to mention paying you back?” Jeff asked.

“No,” Drew said.

“I can afford my own clothes,” Jeff said. “I intended to pay for them myself, until you two conspired against me.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Drew said. “We were happy to do it.” He smiled. “But you can pay us back by making dinner.”

“Who’s lead on ‘Fortune’s Flower?’” Nick asked.

“I don’t know,” JC said.

“Let’s talk about it,” Brian said.

“As usual, it won’t be either of us,” Chris said to Justin.

“There’s the first lead, the second lead, and two unassigned harmony lines,” Brian said.

“Covering which range?” AJ asked. “If it’s going too high, I’m happy to hand it over.”

“One of the harmony lines is too high for you, but you could do the other harmony, or lead,” Brian said.

“What kind of sound is it looking for?” Nick asked.

“Power,” JC said.

“It’s a belter?” AJ asked. “Hell, that doesn’t narrow down anything. All four of us can whip that one out.”

“Let’s wait and decide when on who sings it when it’s time to record it,” Brian said. “By then, we’ll have a more complete idea of who’s singing what, and we’ll know how everyone’s sounding.”

“I don’t want to break up the work here,” Justin said, “but Nick’s stomach is growling so loudly I can’t hear the conversation.”

“Sorry,” Nick said.

“It is customary to feed your prisoners,” Chris told JC.

“Call for pizza?” Brian suggested.

“We’ll get four,” JC said. He caught the discreet tapping of Brian’s pen and met Brian’s eyes. “And soda.” Inwardly, he frowned. How had he…

“Justin, you’re relaxed. You get the stress of figuring out how to fit everyone’s pizza choices onto four pies,” Brian said. “I’ll be outside.”

“Calling the wife?” AJ guessed with a grin.

“You don’t want to call Kevin?” Brian asked, walking past him.

“Shit,” AJ said. “Yes.”

Inside the room, there were five minutes of arguing, bargaining, and insulting.

After that, Chris and Howie had the studio, and the sofa, to themselves. Chris stole a few kisses. A few, just a few…mmm…ah…

In the hallway, Brian, AJ, Nick, and Justin were on their cell phones. Justin was in one corner, turned away, voice low. Brian was at the other end of the short hallway. AJ and Nick were pacing back and forth between Justin and Brian, winding around each other.

Justin’s conversation was Justin’s business.

The first thing AJ said, in response to Kevin’s, “Hello,” was, “Be at my place, tonight. I’ll be there as soon as this is over.”

“Why?” Kevin asked, wanting to hear it.

“I want to be good to you,” AJ said, letting his voice go smoky and promise-laden, knowing that Kevin would hear it, and like it.

“How good?” Kevin asked.

“As good as you want me to be,” AJ said. “That’s the rule, isn’t it? What Kevin wants, Kevin gets?”

“I didn’t think you followed rules,” Kevin said.

“I make my own rules,” AJ said. “This is one of the rules I’ve made.”

“Lucky me,” Kevin murmured.

“I’m going to go crazy here,” AJ said. “We just ordered food, which means we’re good for another several hours. That’s not a problem for me, I’m in for the ride, but the longer I have to wait for it, the more I want it.”

“That’s good,” Kevin said. “I like it when you want it.”

Brian called home.

“Hey, what?”

“Hi, Nick. What are you doing?”

“Are you interrogating me?”

“I haven’t seen you all day. I want to know how you are and what you’re doing.”

“Nothing. Hanging out. Doing nothing.”

“You let Drew get his stuff done?”

“Yes. Yes. I left Drew alone all day. Except for when I dragged him out shopping. But he did call home, and he did some laundry, and he even got half of the doorknobs done. So he really only has twenty-seven more loads of laundry and half of the doorknobs left.”

“Did you have a good time shopping?”

“You’re not angry?”

“Nick, Drew can spend his time however he wants. If he wanted to say no to you, he’d just say no and do whatever he wanted to do.”

“I think that’s irritating.”

Brian smiled.

“How’s the big pow-wow?”

“We’re getting pizza, so we may be here a while longer. We’re getting a lot of things talked out and settled, so we’ll be able to record without major problems. I hope.”

Nick Timmons-Lachey, pacing past Brian, was saying, “They did? They what?” He laughed. “They’ll never let any of you back in that store again.”

Brian’s eyes narrowed. “Nick, you took Drew shopping?”

“Yeah,” Nick said. “We got ugly shit Drew liked. He says it looks sexy, but I think it looks like stuff JC would mismatch from AJ’s closet.”

“Were you with anyone else?”

“What?”

Brian heard steel slide into his voice. “Were you with anyone else?”

Nick stopped pacing, frowning, as Jeff told him to wait.

Brian listened to silence.

Nick heard furious whispering.

“Nick,” Brian said. “Nick.”

“Yes?” Nick asked in his ear.

“I’ll talk to you when I get home.”

“Wait,” Nick said. “Wait, wait. Tell me you love me. You’re not hanging up pissed and staying pissed and wallowing in it. Tell me you love me.”

Brian grit his teeth. “I love you. That’s why I-”

“Call me ‘sweetheart,’” Nick said.

Brian closed his eyes. “I love you, sweetheart.”

“Thank you,” Nick said. “I love you, too. Have fun with pizza. See you when you get home.” Nick hung up the phone.

Brian sighed, thumbing off his phone. He was not happy.

Jeff came back on the line with Nick. “There was a minor crisis. We’re over it. How many songs are going to be on the album?”

In the bathroom, Justin was kissing JC, his hands under JC’s shirt, pushing JC into the row of sinks. JC put one hand back to steady himself, his other hand on Justin’s slender back.

“I want you,” Justin said, and licked JC’s soft palate. “I want to make love to you.”

“Justin,” JC said, feeling Justin’s desire.

“I’ve wanted you all day, you make me so hard,” Justin said, going down on his knees, his hands sliding down to JC’s hips. “So hard, JC,” and he mouthed JC’s erection through his pants, teeth grazing the head through denim.

“Oh, baby,” JC said. “You, not here, I-” He moaned as Justin’s thumbs rubbed alongside his erection, applying pressure. “Justin…”

Justin opened JC’s fly, reaching into his underwear and drawing out his dick, warming it in two hands. JC curled his own hands around the edge of a sink, captured. The sight of Justin on his knees was not a new one, but it still got to JC, even then. Pretty, talented, beautiful, special, spoiled Justin, on his knees for JC’s dick. It filled JC with a heady sense of power, and it also made him realize what a precious, precious gift he had in Justin’s love.

Justin was licking at the head, adoring it with his tongue, creating sweet torture for JC. The feeling of Justin’s soft rough tongue on the sensitive head, the wet licks, the sight of Justin’s pink tongue on JC’s dick - - JC moaned, forcing himself to hold still, not wanting to disturb Justin’s enjoyment.

Justin’s tongue felt great, and the inside of Justin’s mouth felt wonderful, and JC wouldn’t have changed Justin for the world. But there remained something almost amateurish about Justin’s style. It was almost like Justin was doing it for his own pleasure, getting out of it what he wanted. For the most part, he still treated JC’s dick like candy, licking it with short strokes, sucking at the head like it was a lollipop, and JC found that terribly, unbearably sexy.

Feeling Justin’s mouth on him had JC rock-hard, and sent precum from the head of his dick. Justin lapped it up, hands latched onto JC’s hips, and JC cupped the back of Justin’s head, making Justin let out a soft, distracted moan of pleasure. Reminded of JC’s presence, Justin took the head into his mouth, sucking on it. Unconsciously, Justin was spreading his thighs, inviting JC to penetrate him somewhere else. JC gently pressed in another inch, and Justin made a welcoming, eager sound, accepting.

Throbbing in the sweet hot confines of Justin’s mouth, spitting precum onto Justin’s tongue, JC moaned. The gentle sucking made him want to push in further, made him want to bury himself as far as he could, but he didn’t want to force Justin. He wanted to be invited.

Justin moaned hungrily and took JC down his throat.

“Oh, Justin… Baby…” JC loved how it always seemed like he tasted good to Justin, like his cock was delicious, like Justin craved the taste of his dick and his cum. He wondered whether Justin liked the feel of it, the hard steel, the smooth silk, the throbbing pulse.

Justin was moaning soft moans of enjoyment, up and down on JC’s dick, sucking up and licking down. Soft, sweet suction, and JC tensed his fingers against Justin’s scalp, feeling his body tense. He’d trained his body to follow Justin’s lead, to respond to Justin’s indicators. When Justin wanted him to come, he would come.

“Justin, oh, Justin, baby, Justin, oh…oh…”

Justin made a small, wanting sound, suddenly sucking harder, wanting him to come now. Shocked, JC’s body went into overdrive, and JC barely had time to breathe before he was rushed to orgasm. His fingers were still clamped on the sink when Justin finished swallowing and released him into the cool air.

He looked down at Justin, seeing dark blue eyes, wet bruised lips, lust, desire. Justin wanted him, wanted to mate with him, wanted to join with him, wanted - - JC was down on his knees, hands pulling Justin’s hips forward, spilling Justin back across the floor. He put his lips to Justin’s abdomen, kissing hot flesh, at the midpoint between the throbbing of Justin’s dick and the beating of Justin’s heart.

Justin was laughing, pushing at his shoulders. “JC, wait, no, hold on.”

JC licked under the hem of Justin’s shirt.

“JC, wait, stop, stop,” Justin said, still laughing. JC raised his head, putting his hands flat on the floor and levering himself up, face-to-face with Justin, licking at Justin’s lips. “God, JC, hold on a minute,” Justin said, then gave in and kissed JC.

Having won, and gotten Justin to give in to him, JC broke the kiss and waited for Justin to speak.

Justin looked dazed, then remembered and collected his thoughts. “We should get back, they’re waiting for you, and this floor probably isn’t clean.”

JC realized how true that was, and stood, helping Justin to his feet. “Sorry.”

“You can make it up to me tonight,” Justin said, dusting off his ass.

“Baby…” JC hesitated.

“I can live with a hard-on,” Justin said. “You have people waiting for you.”

“You know I hate to leave you like this,” JC said, stroking the bulge in Justin’s pants with the flat of his palm.

“Oh, god, JC.” Justin shuddered. “That’s not helping.”

JC took his hand away, but kissed Justin’s mouth. “I love the way you suck me, baby,” he murmured, teasing a nipple through Justin’s shirt. “Your mouth is so sweet.”

“You have to go, we can’t do this here,” Justin whispered, kissing him.

“Will you be all right until we get back to Joey’s?” JC asked.

“Yes, yes,” Justin said.

“You’re lying to me, baby,” JC said, running his thumb along the path of Justin’s jaw, sucking Justin’s tongue into his mouth.

“I want you,” Justin said, panting into JC’s kiss.

“Could I have you right now?” JC asked. “Would you let me take you right here at this moment, Justin?”

“Yes, yes, yes.” Justin ground his hips against JC’s, groaning at the friction on his dick.

JC had his hands on Justin’s waist, and was bending Justin back slightly over the sinks, feeling the hard press of Justin’s dick against him. “I want you, baby, I want to make love to you, I want to make you come.”

Justin moaned, pulling at JC’s shirt, rubbing himself against JC’s body. “God, JC, yes, now, now.”

“Sorry, baby.” JC relinquished Justin, stepping back. “We have to go.”

Panting, flushed, Justin stared at him in shock.

“They’re waiting,” JC explained. “Come on.”

Justin shook his head. “I’ll catch up.”

“I want you to come with me,” JC said.

“I-”

“I know what you want to do, Justin, and I don’t want you to. I want you to come with me.”

Justin looked pissed.

“Now, Justin.” It was a command. He didn’t want Justin to jerk off alone just to lose his hard-on. Justin didn’t masturbate, and if he were going to start, JC wouldn’t let it be like this.

Justin submitted, stepping away from the sinks.

JC led the way into the hallway, bypassing the studio door to go to the drink machine. He bought a can of soda and casually held it between Justin’s legs.

Justin yelped, but was obedient enough to stand still.

Satisfied, JC gave Justin a small, warm smile, cupping Justin’s cheek. Then he handed Justin the can and went into the studio.

“Do you have any…yellows?”

“Go fish.”

Nick sighed and picked a card from the stack.

“I can’t believe you have fish cards,” Drew said.

“The game is go fish,” Nick said. “Should they be shaped like dogs?”

“I’m holding a handful of fish cards,” Drew said.

“The shame isn’t that you’re playing go fish with fish cards,” Jeff said. “The shame is that you’re losing.”

“Sucker,” Nick added.

“Do you have any reds?” Drew asked.

“Go fish,” Jeff said.

“I think you’re cheating,” Nick said.

“I know he’s cheating,” Drew said, plucking a card from the deck. “Jeff always cheats.”

“Then why do you play with him?” Nick asked.

Drew hesitated. He looked at Jeff. “That’s a good question.”

“Do you have any greens?” Jeff asked Nick.

“Jerk.” Nick handed Jeff his green fish.

“I may be a jerk, but I’m also the winner,” Jeff said, spreading out four green cards with triumph. “Ah, sweet, sweet victory.”

“We’re playing again,” Nick said. “We’re playing until one of us kicks your ass.”

“It’s going to be me,” Drew said, scooping up the cards to shuffle them.

“It could be me,” Nick said. “It’s my deck.”

“You have a special psychic link to it?” Drew asked.

“I know which cards are which by looking at the back,” Nick said. “There are some I colored on, some that got bent, two that Aaron chewed on, stuff like that. I can tell what colors you’re holding.”

“Exactly how old is this deck?” Jeff asked.

“I don’t know,” Nick said.

“A priceless family heirloom,” Drew said. “Passed from one member of the clan to the next. You know Carters came over on the Mayflower. They brought their special fish cards with them, little knowing that one day the infamous Nick Carter of the Backstreet Boys would while away the hours with them in the company of his friends.”

“You’re a strange man,” Nick said. “Carters were on the Mayflower?”

“Relatives of yours?” Jeff asked.

“Hey, maybe,” Nick said.

“If you know which cards are which, why do you keep losing?” Drew asked.

Nick shrugged. “I know which ones they are, but I don’t think about it,” he said. “I don’t cheat.”

The pizza was gone. The trash can was overflowing with soda cans and the plastic cups the delivery boy had brought with the bottled soda. AJ had drawn possible tattoo designs all over the backs of his papers. Chris had found a pair of dice and was rolling them over and over and over again.

“I think we’re done,” JC said. “We’ll meet back here tomorrow at ten?”

Everyone murmured agreement. Nick and Justin helped each other off of the sofa, stretching on their way out the door. Brian and JC started another conversation. Chris and Howie left. Justin waited for JC.

AJ strolled over to where Justin was standing. “I hope I can get your help with something.”

“Yeah?” Justin asked, both distracted by JC and wary of AJ.

“It’s about Chris.”

Starting his car, Nick called Jeff’s cell phone.

“Hello, this is the official go fish champion of the greater Orlando area,” Jeff said.

“Congratulations,” Nick said. “The meeting’s finally over, JC is a genius but he talked us into a group coma, and I’m going home.”

“As soon as we finish this hand, I’ll be there,” Jeff said. “You can tell me all about it.”

“Okay. See you at home.”

“Hey.”

Nick liked the gentle warmth in that syllable. “What?”

“I’m proud of you.” Jeff paused while that sunk in. “I love you. Bye.”

Nick hung up, thinking that he was truly lucky to have that kind of love and support. He couldn’t imagine having a home, or even a life, without that, without Jeff.

“All right,” Nick said, shuffling the deck. “This one’s for world domination.”

“I’d rather play for money,” Drew said.

“Money is world domination,” Jeff said.

“Here.” Nick tossed a dollar onto the table.

“That’s more like it.” Jeff threw in a dollar bill of his own.

“You’d think we’d play for more than three dollars,” Drew said, adding his dollar to the pot.

“You’d think we’d play something other than go fish,” Jeff said, cutting the deck.

Justin was playing solitaire with thirty percent of his brain. The other seventy percent was watching JC and Brian.

JC and Brian were still talking. JC had turned in his chair, and Brian had turned in his chair, and now they were straddling their chairs backward, leaning towards each other, Brian’s hand on the back of JC’s chair.

When JC started working, he became very invested in the project. When JC liked something or someone, he became very invested in that thing or person. JC’s new project was the Sentimental Fools, and JC’s project partner was Brian, and it all meant that JC was heavily invested in Brian.

That explained the “you are the center of the universe” gaze that JC was directing at Brian.

Justin wasn’t jealous. Where JC was concerned, Justin knew his place, and knew that no one could touch him. Actually, he was kind of glad that JC was getting into Brian. JC needed more friends, and the two of them had a lot in common.

Brian, for his part, seemed to be treating JC like an equal. Brian was warm and friendly to everyone, but only a select group got deep inside the real, true Brian. Justin wasn’t even sure he’d been allowed inside that inner circle, but it looked like JC was well on his way.

Nick dropped his keys and papers by the door, rolling his shoulders. He flicked on lights on his way to the kitchen. Jeff wasn’t home yet.

Getting a drink from the fridge, Nick dropped heavily onto the sofa, flicking on the TV, sighing and stretching. He channel-surfed for a few minutes.

He was trying not to think about Jeff, because it was stupid of him to miss Jeff. Coming off of the tour, he was used to being around Jeff twenty-four hours a day, and he’d just spent all day without Jeff. But it wasn’t like if he didn’t see Jeff for so many hours each day, he’d go into withdrawal. That was stupid.

He was trying not to think about Brian, too. Being closed up in the studio all day, he’d been given the opportunity to stare at Brian for hours, and to realize that he really had been missing Brian.

Brian hadn’t exactly been cold to him, but he hadn’t gotten an overly warm welcome, either. For the most part, Brian had treated him like a co-worker.

They were family. They were friends. If Brian continued to create distance between them, even while they were working on this project, things were going to become awkward. Nick didn’t want the music to suffer for it. He was going to have to talk to Brian.

“Okay, okay, go back to your Nick,” Nick said, handing Jeff his keys.

“Don’t forget your stuff,” Drew said, handing Jeff his bags.

“Thanks,” Jeff said. “I’ll see you guys later.”

“Thanks for coming over,” Nick said, opening the door. “Whoa, pixie alert.”

Brian looked at Drew.

“Come in,” Nick invited. “Say hi to Nick for us,” he said to Jeff.

“I will,” Jeff said, careful to walk around Brian. “Bye!” he called, going down the walk.

“Bye, kitten!” Nick called back. “Brian, come in,” he said again. “How was the meeting? Are the Fools foolish enough?”

Brian stepped into the house, bringing tension with him. “Nick, I need to talk to Drew.”

“You’re sending me to my room?” Nick asked.

“The three of us are in this relationship together,” Drew said. “We should address issues together.”

“Kitten?” Brian asked, and slammed the door behind himself. Nick frowned. Brian didn’t slam doors. “Did you call him kitten?”

“He’s a fuzzy kitten,” Nick said. “He probably doesn’t want to be called that.”

“I wouldn’t say it to his face too often,” Drew agreed.

“Why was he in our home?” Brian asked Drew.

“I invited him,” Nick said.

“I am going to ask you,” Brian said, his voice tight, his jaw clenching, “to respect my wishes.”

“I respect you,” Drew said. “But you’re wrong. Jeff is Nick’s friend. Jeff is my friend. Jeff is family, Brian. Nick’s family refuses to come here. The only family member you have willing to cross that threshold is Kevin. My brother and my brother-in-law would love to spend time with us and hang out here and do things with us, and you’re saying no? You’d cut acceptance and love out of your life? Out of mine? Out of Nick’s?”

“You can’t put Drew in the middle,” Nick said. “We’ve talked about that. It’s not fair to him.” Brian was staring down Drew, his back almost to Nick. Nick gave Brian a frustrated but light one-handed push. “Can you pretend to pay attention to me?”

Brian pivoted towards Nick. “You are not going to see them again.”

“Why the hell not?” Nick demanded.

“You want our respect, but how much respect are you showing us?” Drew asked Brian. “You can’t tell Nick who he can and can’t see.”

“What are you going to do, ground me?” Nick asked. “But Dad, I ate my vegetables, I brushed my teeth, I did all of my homework! Why can’t I play with the other boys at school?”

Brian let out a frustrated yell, turning and slamming the flat of his hand against the front door. He stopped there, in that pose, resting his forehead against the door, breathing shakily.

“Brian?” Drew asked.

“Fuck it,” Brian said, unmoving, his face turned from them.

Nick frowned. “Bri-”

“Fuck it!” Brian shouted, abruptly spinning to face them. “I’ve lost all control! When did I lose control?!”

“Control of what?” Drew asked, since Nick looked too stunned to speak.

“Control of this situation! Control of-”

“Control of us,” Drew said. “Control of Nick.”

“Yes!”

“We live our own lives and make our own decisions,” Drew said. “Nick is in charge of his own choices.”

“I used to be in control here,” Brian said. “People respected me, damn it!”

“We still respect you,” Drew said. “We don’t have to defer to you to prove it.”

“Look at me!” Brian shouted. “I come here and find him in my own home, with my husband and my lover! He’s been with you all day, you took him shopping! Not one of you, not you, not you, not him, no one cares how I feel about it!”

“We care how you feel,” Drew said. “We’re just frustrated with you, because you’re being unreasonable.”

“You want me to be reasonable?” Brian asked, with sudden false calm. “I can be reasonable. It’s very reasonable of me to expect that my husband might respect my wishes.”

“What are your wishes?” Drew demanded, finally beginning to raise his voice. “What do you want us to do?”

“I want you to cut him out of your life,” Brian said.

“I have known Jeff for years, he’s one of the closest friends I’ve ever had, we work together, we tour together, he married my brother, I love him. Now I’m supposed to kick him out of my life like none of that means anything? Because he made one mistake?”

“He betrayed Nick’s trust. He betrayed Nick’s love. Our love, our trust.”

“He hit Nick! It was a mistake! He’s paid for it! Nick’s forgiven him! If Nick’s okay with it, if Nick’s over it, why are you dragging it out this long?”

Brian glared at Drew. “Nick doesn’t realize his own worth. I do.”

“What if I hit Nick?” Drew asked. “What would you do? Tear me down? Divorce me? Crucify me?”

“I won’t answer that,” Brian said.

“You need to explain to me why Jeff deserves your persecution,” Drew said. “He betrayed Nick, but Nick’s fine.”

“He knew better,” Brian said. “He’s stronger than that. He’s better than that. He was weak, he let anger and emotion drive him. Nick could trust him, I could trust him. And he threw it all away.”

“You’re putting us through all of this because you’re disappointed in him?!” Drew demanded.

“No,” Nick said. “Brian’s disappointed in Brian.”

Drew stopped talking.

Brian let out an angry breath, looking away.

“Brian held Jeff to a high standard, like he holds himself to an impossible standard. He expected things from Jeff, like he expects things from himself. Jeff failed. Jeff fucked up.”

“Nick,” Brian said.

“No,” Nick said. “I’m saying it, because you won’t. I can see inside you like you can see inside me, and you know it, but I keep it to myself because I know you don’t like being that exposed. Tough shit.”

“Jeff failed Brian,” Drew said, beginning to understand.

“Jeff has willpower, self-control, self-discipline. He can jerk his Nick around like a toy on a string. He’s somebody you don’t want to go up against. He and Brian always had mutual respect. They recognized things in each other.”

“They’re both very powerful,” Drew said. “They’re iron inside.” He looked at Brian. “Or they think they are.”

“Don’t you dare judge me,” Brian said, with slow, menacing control.

“If Jeff’s that weak, then so’s Brian,” Nick said. “If Jeff couldn’t manage the high standard Brian had set for him, Brian’s never going to be able to meet the impossible standard he’s set for himself.”

“What kind of standard?” Drew asked.

“Perfection,” Nick said, looking at Brian. “Brian has to be perfect to make up for not being perfect in the past.”

“Not that,” Drew said. “Everything comes back to it. Everything that ever happens circles around to the break-up. When are we going to get past it? I’m sick of it! Get over yourself!” he shouted at Brian. “You are not perfect, you are not running the universe, you are not Nick’s guardian and protector! You aren’t a saint or an angel, you’re a man! You’re a human being, and you’re pretty fucked up!”

“Drew,” Nick said.

“Get over yourself!” Drew shouted again. “You hurt Nick, but he’s fine now. Jeff hurt Nick, but he’s fine now. Everybody’s fine. You don’t have to keep persecuting yourself for things you did in the past, and it’s not even close to fair that you’re punishing other people for your faults.”

“You’ve never asked anyone else to be perfect,” Nick said to Brian. “Nobody except Jeff. That’s how I know how much you respect and admire him. That’s how I know how strong you think he is.”

Breathing angrily, refusing to meet their eyes, Brian curled his hands into fists.

“Remember when you said you wanted to feel his power touch your soul? You’ve never said anything like that before about me or Drew. You see things in Jeff. He sees things in you, too, and you scare him shitless. You knew that, and you used it against him. He reminded you of how even the best people make mistakes, he reminded you of how easy it would be for you to fuck up. So you did your best to crush him, to make it clear how far down he was and how high up you were, to prove that you’re nothing like him, and you’d never do anything like that.”

Drew stared at Brian.

“That’s why you’ve been making such a big deal out of such a little thing,” Nick said.

Brian closed his eyes.

“It’s such a little thing,” Nick said. “I never asked you to be perfect, Brian. I never wanted you to be perfect. I only ever wanted you to be who you are. You try hard to be a good person, and I admire you for that, but being a good person and being perfect aren’t the same thing. Perfect Saint Brian is somebody I’ve never met and don’t want to meet. But my boyfriend Brian, I know you, I know you inside and out. I know that forgiveness is one of the best tools you have. Forgive Jeff. That’s what my boyfriend Brian would do, even if he didn’t want to, because it’s what Drew and I need.”

Brian exhaled slowly.

“I call you an angel, but I don’t mean it like that. You’re a human everyday earth angel. Earth angels don’t have to be perfect. You just have to be you and let us love you for it.”

Drew watched Brian closely.

Jeff closed the door a little hard, dropping his keys with an extra jingle. Nick looked up, sitting forward, muting the TV. With the amount of time that had passed since the end of the meeting, and the tension in Jeff’s body, Nick could guess what was wrong. “Brian?”

Jeff walked towards Nick. “How was the meeting?” He took a handful of Nick’s shirt and started to walk away.

Not wanting his shirt to rip, Nick quickly got up and followed, pulled to the bedroom. “Good. We took care of a lot of the prep.”

“Is everyone getting along?” Jeff asked, stripping him.

Nick stared in surprised fascination as Jeff quickly undressed him. “Yeah. It seems like it’ll be a great collaborative, uh…” Jeff was pulling down his underwear, and he forgot what he’d been talking about.

“Are you going back tomorrow?” Jeff asked, pushing him down onto the bed.

On his back, Nick raised himself onto his elbows, watching Jeff kneel astride his naked body, masculine assertiveness and casual dominance. “Yeah.”

“Can I take you?” Jeff asked, hands on his shoulders pushing him flat.

“Yeah,” Nick said, his heart racing, his hands cupping Jeff’s ass and drawing Jeff’s hips to his.

Jeff leaned in, blood-poundingly close. “Can I mark you?”

Nick kissed him, unable to wait, claiming Jeff’s mouth, giving up dominance of the kiss when Jeff’s hand skimmed over his pec, teasing his nipple. “Anywhere,” he promised, rolling them across the bed, ending up on his back again. “Anywhere.”

JC glanced over his shoulder, smoothly changing lanes. “…and I was about to say we needed drinks, only I wasn’t sure what to say. I’m used to the four of us, sometimes it’s soda or beer or both, it depends on what time it is and how much work we have left.”

“Right,” Justin said, curious as to where this was going.

“Brian tapped his pen against his notebook, and I don’t know why that made me look at him, but I looked over, and our eyes met, and I heard myself saying ‘soda.’”

“What do you mean?” Justin asked.

“He wanted me to say soda. Because of AJ. He knew I was thinking about beer or soda, he knew I was about to ask which one, and he didn’t want that conversation to happen. He didn’t want it to be an issue.”

“You were reading each other’s minds?” Justin asked.

“No. Yes. I don’t know. It wasn’t intentional, it just happened. Maybe it was his expression, the look in his eyes, I don’t know. Justin, it was strange, it was like in one second with one glance we exchanged so much information, we had a whole conversation without a word.”

“We do that all of the time,” Justin said.

“I know, baby, but that’s us,” JC said. “You and I, we-”

“No, not just the two of us, the five of us,” Justin said. “Onstage, offstage, in an interview, in a hallway. We can all be in the middle of anything, and I can look at Chris, and he looks at me, and I know what he’s thinking, and he knows what I’m thinking. And you know the Boys do it, I’ve seen them do it.”

“So you think, if I can do that with the four of you, and Brian can do that with the four of them, maybe, what?”

“Maybe now you’re doing it with each other.”

“I don’t know him like I know you.”

“You’re going to start to,” Justin said. “This was just one thing, one moment, one time. But you’re open to it, and he’s open to it. You were in a familiar setting, with me and Chris there, and he was in a familiar setting, with AJ and Howie there. And you were working together. You got so far into the work zone, you forgot that the two of you weren’t that close to each other.”

“I didn’t expect to have that kind of bond with anyone else,” JC said.

“I wonder if you have it with Nick already,” Justin said. “Maybe you do, and you just haven’t been aware of it.”

JC looked surprised. “You might be right.”

“This could get dangerous, you know,” Justin said. “It might spread. You’ll read Howie’s thoughts in a glance. Nick and I will communicate in one look. We could take over the world.”

JC laughed. “It might take more than that to take over the world.”

“Maybe,” Justin said. “It’s worth a shot.”

JC laughed.

Brian slowly uncurled his fists.

Drew held his breath.

Brian’s eyes opened.

Nick smiled. “There you are.”

Brian squeezed Nick’s hand, dropping his forehead to Nick’s chest. “Have I ever acted like more of a jackass?”

“No,” Nick said fondly, cupping the back of Brian’s head, kissing Brian’s hair. “This is the worst it’s ever been.”

“Drew’s right,” Brian said. “I’m pretty fucked up.”

“You can admit it,” Nick said. “That’s important.”

Drew watched them, marvelling. That whole scene, Brian ready to explode, and it ended like this? Nick and Brian had always had an amazing capacity to match each other’s moods, but this was crazy.

“I have to apologize to Jeff,” Brian said. “And Nick. I’ll ask Nick if I can talk to him and Jeff after we’re finished in the studio tomorrow.” He raised his head, looking first to Nick and then Drew. “I’m sorry, I’m very sorry. I shouldn’t have done that to you, dragged you through all of that. I can’t dictate who gets your time or your love.”

“Are you…okay?” Drew asked.

“I have a lot to work on,” Brian said. “I’ve been a complete jackass. You were right, I was unreasonable. I was cruel. To all four of you. I can’t believe you didn’t hit me over the head before now.”

“We wanted to,” Nick admitted.

“I have to be perfect for you,” Brian said. “Both of you. And I felt like I’d failed you by not protecting you, by not stopping it.”

“How were you going to keep Jeff from hitting me when you weren’t even in the room?” Nick asked.

“I should have found a way,” Brian said. “That’s what my brain wants to tell me.”

“Tell your brain to shut up,” Drew said. “Are you really going to apologize to Jeff tomorrow?”

“Yes,” Brian said. “If he’s willing to listen to me.”

“Do you want us to be there?” Drew asked.

“No,” Brian said. “I have to do this on my own.”

“Maybe we should be there,” Nick said. “I think Brian’s afraid of us seeing him apologize.”

“Brian, apologizing is going to make you look stronger, not weaker,” Drew said.

“Pretty fucked up,” Nick teased Brian.

Letting go of Nick’s hand, Brian reached for Drew. “I’m sorry, Drew. I was demanding things you couldn’t give me. You should never have to deny your family, and Jeff is your family. I had no right to ask that.”

Drew took Brian’s hand. “You don’t have to work so hard to prove your worth. We all see it every time we look at you. Relax a little. Stop pushing yourself so hard.”

“You’re more than I deserve,” Brian said. “I’m sorry you’re married to a pretty fucked up jackass.”

“I love you,” Drew said, embracing him. “Let me help you. We’re partners. We can share our burdens. You don’t have to do it all yourself.”

“I want to be a partner,” Nick said. “We love together, we live together, we have sex together, and we’re going to be married together, so I think it’s time I get to be a partner. If you think you’re going to marry me and then treat me like I can’t cross the street by myself, I’m not getting married.”

“You’re right,” Drew said, letting go of Brian just enough to draw Nick into their embrace.

“This should be an even, three-way partnership,” Brian said. “We’re going to have to try harder on that.”

“Especially you,” Nick said.

“Especially me,” Brian agreed.

The three of them leaned comfortably into each other.

“I’m sorry about the fight,” Brian said.

“The one we just had?” Nick asked.

“No problem,” Drew said. “You needed to be hit over the head, so we did it. Nick did it.”

“We did it,” Nick corrected.

“How did you know all of that?” Drew asked. “Everything you said.”

“I know Brian,” Nick said. “I know how his head works.”

“I’m sorry I’m always trying to control everything,” Brian said. “I’m going to try not to run your lives. Especially yours,” he told Nick.

“Thanks,” Nick said. His forefinger drew a line down Brian’s nose. “We love you. We can support you through whatever happens, even if it’s all inside your head.”

“On a lighter note, you should see what I bought for Nick today,” Drew said.

“What?” Brian asked, smiling.

“Oh,” Drew said, and kissed him.

“Hey, what was that for?” Brian asked.

“You smiled,” Nick said, and kissed him. “It was pretty. You looked happy. We like it when you look happy.”

“Thank you,” Brian said. “What did you get for Nick?” he asked Drew.

“Hustler clothes,” Nick answered for him. “Ten-dollar handjob outfits.”

“Really?” Brian asked, interest sparkling in his eyes.

“Yeah, but it was okay, because we made out in the dressing room,” Nick said.

“With Jeff there?” Brian asked.

“He wasn’t in the dressing room with us,” Nick said.

“Do I get to see these new clothes?” Brian asked.

“You wish,” Nick said. “Pervert.”

“Why don’t you come upstairs with us,” Drew invited Brian, leading him by the hand with a suggestive smile. “Maybe Nick will dress up for you.”

“Or maybe Drew will fuck you silly,” Nick said.

Drew paused on the first step to kiss Brian, running his fingers through Brian’s hair. “I think it would be nice if you let someone else be in control for a while.” He stroked Brian’s cheekbones. “Why don’t you let me run things for the rest of the night?”

“Yes,” Brian breathed, gazing into Drew’s eyes. “That would be…nice.”

When JC and Justin parked in Joey’s drive, Chris’s car was there, Chris himself standing on the front step.

“Hey,” JC said.

“So, what did you do today?” Justin asked.

“I spent all day at the longest, most boring meeting, listening to this guy drone on and on about - - oh, hi, JC,” Chris said.

“Where’s Howie?” JC asked.

“At home,” Chris said. “I don’t make him go everywhere with me.”

“Right, doing everything together is abnormal,” Justin reminded himself. “Gotta work on that.”

JC smiled, putting his arm around Justin’s waist.

Joey opened the door. “A crowd.”

“I was invited,” Chris reminded him.

“We’re living here,” JC said.

“Lucky you,” Justin told Joey.

“What’s wrong?” JC asked.

“Come in,” Joey said, stepping aside, letting them enter. Closing the door, he rubbed his face. “I wanted to talk to Chris, but maybe we all should talk.”

“About what?” Justin asked.

JC knew. “Lance.”

Chris snorted. “Hell, this’ll be an all-nighter. Somebody get the snacks while I call Howie to tell him not to wait up.”

matthew@matthewtime.com
"Where You Belong" Part 53
"Where You Belong"
"Living"
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