"Where You Belong"

Where You Belong, eighth in the "Living" series

Rating: NC-17 for graphic male-male sex

Pairings: Thus far we've had JC/Justin, Nick/Drew/Brian, Nick/Jeff, Nick/Drew/Brian/Nick/Jeff, AJ/Lance, AJ/Howie, AJ/Kevin, Chris/Howie, and partridge/pear tree.

Disclaimer: The young men who comprise the Backstreet Boys, *NSYNC, and 98 Degrees are their own people. The author has not met anyone here described, nor does the author mean to suggest that these people act this way in real life. This writing is a work of fiction. I make no money from this venture.

Dedication: This slashfic is for Ewan McGregor and the Savage Garden slashwriters.

Wherein Drew won't go behind Brian's back, AJ can screw anybody he wants, and could JC be mellowing?

Notice: First, read "I Need You Tonight," "Boy Lead the Way to Ecstasy," "Not Easy," "No One," "Rest in Peace," "Destiny," and "Together." I know it sounds like a lot, but it'll only take you an hour or two.

JC stroked Justin’s peach fuzz, gazing at Justin in wonder.

“It’s okay,” Justin said. “It’s easier to deal with now. I can grow it out or cut it off to any length I want. You can see how uneven my hairline is now, but I’m hoping no one will notice.”

“I noticed years ago,” JC said.

Justin smiled. “I know.”

JC touched Justin’s forehead. “Is it all right if I miss your hair?”

“Yes,” Justin said. “But you can find new reasons to touch me.”

“You look older,” JC said.

“I am older,” Justin reminded him. “I’m changing.”

“I have to remember that,” JC said.

“You have to let me,” Justin said.

JC smiled gently. “Who can improve on perfection?”

“Changing isn’t always improving,” Justin said. “And I’m not perfect.”

JC shook his head, putting his hand on Justin’s hips. “You’ll always be perfect in my eyes. But you’re right. You’re changing, just like anyone else, and I have to let you do that.”

“What about you?” Justin asked, drawing a line down JC’s nose. “Changes?”

“No physical ones,” JC said.

“Maybe we should tattoo you up,” Justin said. “Or pierce things.”

“Be very, very careful,” JC said. “I know where you live.”

“Um… Just checking... Where do I live?” Justin asked, one hand on JC’s chest.

“We’re moving into the new house,” JC said.

“JC, it looked amazing,” Justin said. “I can’t wait to see it again. You didn’t even tell me you were buying it.”

“Chris and I decided that we wanted you and Howie to have certain things. Luxuries. We talked about clothes and jewelry and cars, but none of that’s worth anything unless you have a home to put it in. He bought a house for Howie, and I bought one for you.” JC put his hand over Justin’s where it rested on his chest. “That was wrong. I should have bought it for us. It’s our home.”

“Ours,” Justin said. “It has to be. If it’s just mine, I don’t want it.”

“It’s ours,” JC said, “and we can move into it right away. We can do anything we want with it.”

“It’s not furnished, is it?” Justin asked.

“No,” JC said. “We have to buy new furniture. We have to decorate it.”

Justin smiled, his eyes bright with wickedness. “We get to go bed shopping.”

“Baby,” JC said, drawing him flush to JC’s body, “we can buy anything you want.”

“All I want,” Justin said, “is you.”

“Order me one of everything,” Drew said, stretching. “I’m starving.”

Brian licked inside Drew’s elbow.

Nick spritzed water at them from the bathroom. “Lazy bums. Call room service yourself.”

“You’re up,” Drew pointed out, stroking Brian’s hair as Brian slowly, deliberately kissed over his chest.

“You’re petting him like he’s your lap dog,” Nick said.

“Lap cat,” Drew corrected. “God, it’s nice to be adored.”

“I wouldn’t know,” Nick muttered darkly, finger-combing his damp hair.

“I’m sorry, Nick,” Drew said. “Don’t I adore you enough?”

“No,” Nick said. “Not nearly enough.” He walked out from the bathroom and sat on the bed, reaching for the phone. “Brian, what do you want? Or will you just be dining on Drew tonight?”

“He tastes good,” Brian said, running his hand down Drew’s thigh. He raised his head, his eyes glinting. “I’d give you to him if he asked,” he told Nick.

“We’re not getting into that again,” Nick said. “Don’t start.”

“You would?” Drew asked Brian.

“What’s the big deal?” Nick asked. “Drew, I let you fuck me all of the time. It’s not new.”

“It’s different,” Drew said. “And with Brian here, really here…”

“Hell, no,” Nick said. “I said we’re not getting into that again.” He tucked his legs up, dialing room service.

Drew watched Nick’s every move, stroking Brian’s back, desire in his eyes. His mind wasn’t on Brian, and Brian felt it in his touch.

But jealousy was the farthest thing from Brian’s mind. He kissed Drew’s navel, smiling to himself, plotting.

Nick unpacked.

Jeff checked their messages.

Nick started a load of laundry.

Jeff got something to eat.

Nick called Ohio.

Jeff watched “Sportscenter.”

Nick got something to eat.

Jeff took a shower.

Nick stretched out on the bed to wait for Jeff.

Jeff came out of the bathroom, a towel around his waist. He saw Nick passed out asleep on top of the covers, and smiled. “You had a hard tour, didn’t you?” He dropped his towel, taking off Nick’s shoes, opening Nick’s fly. He lay down with Nick, who mumbled “love you” and rolled over into him. Jeff smiled, tucking his hand down the back of Nick’s pants, and fell asleep.

“…and I couldn’t feel your love. JC, I can always feel your love, you know that, it’s like we’re linked. If it ever slips, you bring it back to me, you make me feel it. But it was gone. I couldn’t feel it. And what that meant to me, it said that you didn’t love me anymore. JC, you didn’t love me anymore.”

“I was loving you, Justin.”

“I know, I know that. I thought that it was your job to make me feel it. I didn’t know that it’s also my job to believe in it, to have faith in it. I thought that if I couldn’t feel it, it wasn’t there. I couldn’t feel it, so I stopped believing in it. But I couldn’t feel it because I’d stopped believing in it. I was doing everything backwards.”

“Baby…”

Drew was eating Brian’s French fries and talking about the tour.

Nick was asking a million questions, both personal and professional. He was also eating chocolate mousse out of Brian’s cupped hand.

Brian was watching Drew lust after Nick and trying not to make too many aroused sounds while Nick licked his fingers and sucked at his palm.

AJ rang the doorbell.

Kevin opened the door. “Hi.” Kevin’s fingers curled around the doorknob as his eyes ran over AJ. “You look good.”

“Do you want to fuck me before we go?” AJ asked.

It was a sincere offer, and realizing that, Kevin wanted to take him up on it. But Kevin wanted more out of this relationship than phenomenal sex, so he gripped the doorknob so hard his knuckles hurt and the lock button dug into his palm, forcing his self-control. “Maybe later.”

“Damn, because I’ve been wanting it all afternoon, thinking about you,” AJ said. “Did you have anything you want to bring to my place later?”

“Yeah,” Kevin said, letting go of the doorknob to pick up his bag. “Normally, packing for the first date would be getting ahead of myself…”

“But we’re way behind,” AJ finished for him. “So much fucking lost time.”

While he hated making AJ feel guilty or regretful, he was glad that AJ felt the same loss he did. Kevin stepped out onto the front porch, closing the door behind himself. “We can make up for it.”

“By screwing a lot?” AJ guessed.

“By loving each other. And showing it.”

AJ’s kiss was full of promises. “Do you want to drive?”

“I can,” Kevin said. “Don’t you want to?”

AJ handed him the keys. “I’d rather watch you than the road.”

“I knew what I had to do. You’d shown me the way, JC, you’d taught me.”

“I had?” JC asked.

“I broke the headboard. I snapped the railings I was handcuffed to.”

“You did?” JC asked. “All by yourself?”

“I could feel you there with me. Encouraging me. Coaching me. You’ve always believed in me, JC, you believe that I can do anything I want to do. You gave me the strength and the faith to do it. And I did it.”

“You got out?”

“I got free of the bed, and went to the kitchen.”

“Then what happened?”

Justin grimaced. “Remember what I told you about the knife?”

Brian couldn’t take another minute of Nick’s tongue. “I’m going to go wash my hands,” he said, sliding off of the bed. “Play nicely.”

“Play,” Nick repeated with an evil grin.

“Nicely,” Drew reminded him.

“You,” Nick said, reaching out and dragging him across the bed, “are my favorite toy.”

“Good for me,” Drew said, but his voice was a shade too sincere.

Nick smiled, nuzzling Drew’s neck. “I’m glad you’re home.”

“So am I,” Drew said. He rested his head on Nick’s shoulder.

“There’s champagne,” Nick said. “Let’s have a toast.”

“Okay,” Drew said.

Brian passed around flutes, then opened the bottle, sitting on the bed. He poured them each some champagne. “Who’s toasting?”

“I toast all three of us being home at once,” Nick said.

“Amen to that,” Drew said. The three of them clinked glasses.

“Your turn,” Nick said to Drew, taking a sip.

“Okay,” Drew said. “To our future three-way marriage.”

“To bigamy,” Nick agreed, and took another sip.

Brian watched the bubbles in his glass.

“Deep thoughts ahead,” Nick warned.

Brian smiled. “To love, patience, and faith.”

Chris put his cell phone to his ear. “Help.”

“How are things going?” Howie asked.

“Oh, Howie, thank God. Hi. Please tell me you’re on your way here.”

“We’re almost done,” Howie said. “I should get out of here any day now. Why? What’s happening?”

“Every piece of furniture is in the wrong room. I’m in boxes up to my ears. I lie. There are some stacks taller than I am, past the ears. Everything’s on the first floor and I don’t know how we’re getting anything to the second floor.”

“We’ll either hire movers, or ask 98 Degrees to swing by for a visit.”

“I knew having them as friends would come in handy someday,” Chris said.

“Like I said, we’re almost done here. I’ll be over there in about an hour. Then we can look at how things stand.”

“Okay,” Chris said. “God, I love how calm you are. It makes me feel better just to touch base with you.”

“We can’t both be crazy, and you’re so good at it, I figure I can handle the calmer side of things,” Howie said. “One hour, okay?”

“Okay. Kisses and such. Bye.”

“Bye.”

Chris hung up and closed his eyes, stealing a bit of Howie’s calm for himself. Okay. He took a deep breath and opened his eyes. Things were crazy, it had been a very long day, but when the day was all over, he’d have Howie with him, and a new house to boot. Things were excellent.

“You know,” Justin said, “that I expected you to keep every promise you ever made to me.”

“Yes,” JC said.

“When you didn’t come to rescue me, I was angry. I was so sure you’d come to me, and when you didn’t…”

“You thought I’d betrayed you.”

“Yes. It was like you owed it to me. That’s stupid, how could you owe it to me? But it was like I deserved it. Because I’m Justin, and you’re JC, and that’s how this works.”

“I taught you to believe that,” JC said. “I think I wanted you to. I wanted to be the person who made your life perfect, I wanted to be the one who saved you, so you’d love me more.”

“JC, that’s stupid. I can’t love you more.”

“But didn’t you? Didn’t you love me a little less when you realized I was just another guy making fairy tale promises?”

“No,” Justin said. “No, JC, I didn’t. You could be anything or do anything and I’d never love you any less. There’s no diminish, rewind button on my love.” Justin scratched his eyebrow. “Where was I?”

“Expecting me to keep my promises.”

“Right. So when I figured out you actually weren’t coming for me, I got pissed off. I was like, fine, fuck him, I’ll just stay here, and he can be without me. If he wanted me, he’d come get me, and since he hasn’t, forget him. I wanted to punish you. Joey was trying to tell me I was being…”

“Unreasonable?” JC suggested.

“Yeah. But I wouldn’t listen. I don’t think I ever listened to anything they had to say. I was so convinced I was right about everything…”

Drew had wrapped Brian up in his arms, lying on his back. Nick had gathered up a handful of rose petals and was dropping them onto Brian’s back.

Drew rolled over, taking Brian with him, ending up on top. He started kissing.

Nick dropped petals over Drew and Brian’s tangled legs.

Brian was making little sounds in the back of his throat.

Nick tossed rose petals up into the air and let them rain down over the bed. He shook his head to get them out of his hair.

Drew rolled off of Brian, sitting up. He gathered a few petals into his hand.

“What?” Nick asked, stroking Brian’s stomach.

“I don’t know,” Drew said, looking into his hand. “No,” he said, “I do know, I just, it’s hard to explain. I’m so happy to be here, and I’m so lucky to be here, that I… I love you both so much, and I feel like I belong here, but this is so good it’s too good to be true, and it’s like I’m cheating someone by being here. Like it’s too good to last. I don’t want to be morbid, but… Wow.” He put his hand to his forehead, then his chest, where it slipped to his stomach. “I can feel it. I don’t even, I didn’t…”

“You can feel what?” Nick asked.

“The…”

“His iceberg,” Brian said softly, sitting up.

“It’s like,” Drew said, “it’s like a huge chasm, like the earth opening up right in front of me, almost under my feet.”

“Here, come here,” Nick said, reaching for him, urging him into Nick’s arms. “You do belong here. This is right. It was impossible for things to turn out this way, and that’s how I know things were meant to be this way. The three of us were meant to be together.”

“I know things can feel too right, too good to be true,” Brian said, scooting closer. “But you deserve to have that kind of happiness. Everyone does. You’re just one of the lucky people who’ve found yours.”

“I thought I was happy when Brian and I first got together,” Nick said. “And I was. I thought I was happy when you and I first got together. And I was. But I never expected anything like this. I couldn’t have guessed that I’d feel this kind of happiness. Happiness isn’t even a strong enough word.”

“I love you,” Brian said, kissing Drew.

“We love you,” Nick corrected, kissing Drew.

Brian pressed sweet, light kisses to the side of Drew’s mouth.

Nick licked at the other side.

Drew closed his eyes, parting his lips. He kissed them back, wrapping his arm around Nick, drawing Brian forward almost into his lap. He slid his tongue into Brian’s mouth first, then Nick’s, then let Brian steal it back. He moved forward, straddling Brian’s thigh, gently fighting Nick for possession of Brian’s mouth. Victory was sweet, as sweet as the taste of Brian and champagne, until Nick’s hand slid between his thighs to cup his balls, startling him into gasping and jerking back, which gave Nick the opportunity to edge him out of the kiss, taking over Brian’s mouth alone.

Drew opened his eyes, watching them kiss, pushing Nick’s hand from his groin. He really hoped that his kisses looked that sexually satisfying. They were passing the lead back and forth naturally, adjusting to each other familiarly, Nick making a throaty sound, Brian making a humming sound. Brian, already half in Drew’s lap, now tried to climb into Nick’s lap, too.

“I feel like having sex again,” Nick said.

Brian eased off of the kiss, sitting back. “We already did that today.”

“Not in the last five minutes,” Nick said.

“I never mind more sex,” Drew said.

“That’s because you have multiple orgasms,” Nick said. “Hey, that’s what we’ll do. You and I can have sex, since we both want to, and Brian can sit and whittle, or whatever it is boring people who don’t like sex do.”

“I don’t whittle,” Brian said.

“Here, let me screw you,” Nick said to Drew, wrapping his arm around Drew’s waist.

“I thought I might get to do that to you,” Drew said, putting his hand on Nick’s thigh.

“I’d ask Brian for a tiebreaker, but he’d just be on your side,” Nick said.

“Give me a chance to talk you into it, and if that doesn’t work, we’ll do it your way,” Drew said.

“Deal,” Nick said.

“Nick,” Drew said.

“Is this you talking me into it?” Nick asked.

“Look at my hand.”

“Which…” Nick cleared his throat. “One?”

Drew slowly jacked his cock into a full erection.

“Oh.” Nick shifted restlessly. “Um…” He licked his lips. “Oh god.”

“Mmnn.” Drew massaged his balls with his other hand, rolling them in their sac.

“Oh,” Nick said. “I…”

Drew smeared precum down the shaft.

Nick coughed. “Do you want me on my back or my stomach?”

Candlelight loved AJ. His skin was glowing, and his eyes were a dark, gorgeous mystery.

They talked as they ate, lapsing into silence now and then as they gazed at each other too long and forgot to speak. AJ’s voice was low and intimate, and he listened like there wasn’t anyone else in the world.

And then, after a silence where Kevin was watching the candlelight catch AJ’s earrings, AJ said, “You don’t trust me.”

Kevin respected AJ, and himself, too much to lie. “I do,” he said. “To a point.”

AJ nodded.

Kevin knew there would be more.

“To which point?” AJ asked, his eyes guarded.

Kevin had to think about it. “I compartmentalize.” He’d had to, for his own sanity. Nick never had, and Brian didn’t anymore. “As my bandmate, as my brother, as my friend, I trust you. When we’re alone together, I trust you. As my lover, when you’re around other people and other influences, I don’t.”

AJ nodded again.

Kevin set down his fork.

“Yeah,” AJ said, dropping his napkin on the table. “We’re done here.” He pulled out his wallet, tossed down some money, and stood, pushing back his chair.

Kevin followed him out of the restaurant.

“Joey was trying to figure out why I thought I was so damned special. So I told him. I’m beautiful. I’m perfect. I’m the most amazing person who’s ever lived. I’m Justin. That’s all there is to it. No one else can ever compare to me. He was like, you actually believe that?”

“You did,” JC said softly, touching Justin’s face. “I know you did.”

“I did,” Justin said. “And I told Joey that. I said that I believed it because you’d said it, and everything you said was true. You’re…God.”

JC closed his eyes, stroking Justin’s cheek. “Baby…”

“I think I scared him,” Justin said.

“I’m so sorry,” JC whispered, touching his forehead to Justin’s. “I’m sorry, Justin.”

“It’s okay,” Justin said, his hand on JC’s back. “I’m working on undoing the brainwashing.”

Drew’s hands rubbed over Nick’s hips, then slid down Nick’s long thighs. Nick’s ass shook with every fast forward thrust, and it was all Drew could do not to smack it with his open palm.

The long, broad, pale expanse of Nick’s back beckoned Drew; he leaned into it, finding Nick’s skin as smoothly welcoming as always, heated and covered in a fine sheen of sweat. Nick was straining beneath him, rocking and panting; Drew rested his forehead against Nick’s back, rubbing the spikes of his hair between Nick’s shoulder blades, thrusting at a deliberately even tempo into Nick’s gloriously wondrous ass.

There was nothing like getting his dick up in Nick. Oh, it felt incredible; he wanted to sink his entire body into Nick and be swallowed up in blissful erotic heat.

After a few more thrusts as deep as he could get, Drew’s body began to give him signals that it was time to come. His cock was terribly full and oversensitive, his balls were tight, and his joints ached. But he wasn’t ready, not yet. He wanted to spend more time burying his dick in one of the happiest places on Earth.

Drew sensed movement, and raised his head. Brian was sliding in, shuffling pillows out of the way and sitting at the head of the bed, Indian-style. Nick rested his cheek against Brian’s knee, panting open-mouthed, his lips red, his face flushed. Brian stroked his forehead and touched his mouth. Nick licked at Brian’s fingers, and Drew’s hips lurched forward, attracted to the image.

Brian slid his first two fingers against Nick’s tongue, easing them into Nick’s mouth. Nick sucked them in, wet red lips closing around them, and Drew picked up the tempo, imagining his dick in that perfect sucking mouth.

With his fingers in Nick’s mouth, Brian urged Nick a few inches in, spreading his thighs to give Nick access. Drew eyed Brian’s erection rising from its nest of light brown curls, its perfect mushroom head, the soft round balls beneath. Mouth watering, Drew licked sweat from Nick’s back to get the taste of salt and man back in his mouth.

The second Brian slipped his fingers out, Nick latched onto Brian’s dick. Over the slap of skin to skin and his own rough breathing, Drew heard quiet, wet sounds and Nick’s muffled moans. Nick wrapped one hand around the base of Brian’s cock, fisting the last few inches while his mouth worked over the rest. His body became more still that it had been; he no longer rocked his pelvis in tandem with Drew’s thrusts. Drew watched over his shoulder as his head bobbed up and down in Brian’s lap. Brian’s hands were on the back of Nick’s neck, stroking as though Nick were a pure pleasure to touch, Brian’s back arched, his head back, his eyes closed, his mouth open.

There was almost a rhythmic quality to the sounds that Nick was making, and Drew realized that Nick was moaning in time with his thrusts. With his mouth open, Nick could no longer hold back the sound. Every moan and hum had to be vibrating wildly over Brian’s dick, which probably explained why Brian kept calling out. Brian’s hands rubbed up into Nick’s hair, then down again, splayed over his shoulders.

Brian looked up and met Drew’s eyes. Drew panted quickly, his hips bucking forward off-rhythm, a desire welling up within him to fuck Brian at least twice as hard as he was fucking Nick. Nick was moaning in a way that sounded exactly like “fuck me, Drew, fuck me” to Drew’s ears, and Drew’s body obeyed, enslaved to Nick’s desires.

Drew’s hand reached around in front of Nick, taking hold of Nick’s erection. It was rock-hard and thick in his hand, wet with precum. Nick jerked in his arms, and Brian groaned, leaning forward. “God, Nick, just, oh,” Brian said, begging for reprieve. Brian was curling in around Nick’s head and shoulders, hands tight in blond hair. “Wait, just, no, oh, Nick, god…” Brian’s voice shook, and Drew shifted his weight, freeing one hand to cup Brian’s chin, raising Brian’s face so he could watch.

Orgasm hit Brian first, which attested to Nick’s highly evolved skill. Brian looked like he was in pain, groaning out each aching second through parted lips, his eyes opening and closing in quick, random flutters. Then Brian’s chest was heaving for breath and Brian was dropping back out of Drew’s grasp, slumped against the headboard, hands slipping from Nick’s hair.

Nick tossed his head, freeing himself, rising up slightly. The shift in position caught Drew at just the right angle, and since he’d been shoving back orgasm for a while now, it was just enough to get him off-guard. Sheer pleasure rocketed through him, and his balls released a quick flood of cum while his throat released rough, rasping moans.

Nick’s back seemed like the right place to crash, but Drew pulled himself together at the last second and pulled his dick out of Nick, dropping in a sweating, shaking heap to sit on the mattress.

“God.” Nick sprawled on his back between Brian at the head of the bed and Drew at the foot, wrapping his hand around his still-erect cock. His lips were red and used-looking, and there was a smear of cum beside his mouth.

Drew sat up.

Brian sat forward.

The head of Nick’s dick disappeared inside his fist, then reappeared, blood-dark and sticky-wet with precum.

Drew, being closer, got there first, batting Nick’s hand out of the way, taking Nick’s erection in his own hand and then in his mouth.

Nick groaned, stretching out his legs. “Drew…”

Drew opened his eyes as he felt Brian crowd in beside him. He let the head of Nick’s cock pop from his mouth, and offered it to Brian.

When Brian took the head between his lips, then sank down until his lips were kissing Drew’s hand wrapped around the base, Nick said, “Ah, ah, ah, oh, god,” and kicked Brian. Drew had to fight back the same response, just watching. Instead, as Brian backed off, Drew licked at the shaft while Brian sucked lightly at the head. They shared the job, licking here, sucking there, kissing each other, until Drew relinquished the lead to Brian, dipping down slightly instead to suck at Nick’s balls. Mouthing them gently, he felt the strain in Nick’s thigh under his hand, and heard Nick’s heightening cries of distressed pleasure as Brian bobbed and sucked and swallowed.

“Oh, fuck, yes, uh, uh…”

Brian was behind Drew, half on top of him, sharing the space between Nick’s legs. Nick was practically vibrating against Drew’s tongue, struggling not to come, digging his heels in and trying to pull away from Brian and Drew, who were determined to finish the job.

“Yes, yes, no, fuck, Drew, Drew, god, Brian… Oh, uh, uh… Nnh…”

Brian pulled Drew up and ducked aside. Drew put his lips to the head just in time to catch the spurts of hot, rich cream. He swallowed thickly, letting the flow run down his throat. Nick groaned, giving up, drained.

As the last few spurts hit, Drew held them in his mouth. He released Nick’s cock, and almost immediately, Brian guided him in, kissing him. Drew pushed Nick’s jism into Brian’s mouth with his tongue, letting Brian taste what they’d worked for together. Brian moaned delicately against his tongue and ran a hand down his back, turning to him, aligning their bodies. Drew let Brian lick at the insides of his mouth until he was clean again.

Nick moaned vaguely.

Drew broke the kiss, looking up. Nick was still sprawled on the bed, now with his forearm across his eyes, utterly debauched.

“Hmm,” Brian said, and kissed Drew’s neck. They parted from each other, each settling in at Nick’s side.

“Nng,” Nick moaned, rolling to his left to curl up against Brian. He reached behind himself and took Drew’s hand, guiding Drew forward until Drew was directly on top of him like a personal blanket. “Wow.”

“Wow?” Brian asked, brushing his hair back from his forehead.

“I want to be in the middle all of the time,” Nick said. “From here on out, I want to be the official middle person. Drew was pounding into me like some kind of wild machine and you were shoving yourself down my throat and the whole thing was like some kind of jackoff fantasy. It was so fucking hot, Brian. So crazy fucking hot. I had dick up my ass and dick down my throat and holy hell, it made me feel like, feel so…” Nick struggled for language. “I want to run home, throw myself across our bed, write ‘fuck me’ in huge letters across my chest, and just let you two go at me.”

“You looked…good,” Brian said, and Drew watched lust flash through Brian’s eyes. “You felt good.”

“You’ll let us know if it’s ever too much,” Drew said.

“God, it was like, it was too much, but I didn’t want it to stop, I just wanted it to last forever,” Nick said. “There was so much going on, I couldn’t keep up with it all, so I started letting things happen to me.” He put his hand on Brian’s chest. “Drew fucks so damned hard. I think it’s all of that muscle. I was going out of my mind. And you, getting your dick right in front of me and putting your fingers in my mouth, you knew what you were doing, you knew I’d want it.”

“I couldn’t resist,” Brian said.

“Damn,” Nick said, rolling onto his back. Drew rolled onto Brian to avoid being squished; Brian’s arm came around Drew’s waist. “God, I want to get fucked again,” Nick said. “Over and over and over again. And I want you to come on me. I want to feel it hit my body.”

Drew knew that Brian was staring at Nick just like he was, fully captivated, almost physically drawn to Nick.

Nick sighed, putting his hand behind his head. “Damn. It’s like learning what sex is like all over again.”

Drew knew what he meant.

Nick glanced at them. “What?”

Drew trusted Brian to come up with a reasonable answer, and lusted after Nick in silence, letting his gaze wander over Nick’s chest.

“We want to fuck you until our bodies fuse,” Brian said.

Drew choked. He hadn’t expected Brian to be quite that candid.

“What?” Nick asked with mild confusion.

“Nothing,” Brian said.

Nick hesitated.

“Help me keep Drew warm,” Brian said, and Drew shivered a little inside as Brian’s hand slid over his ass.

“Yeah, okay.” Nick gave them an odd look, then dismissed the issue and sat up, scooting up to the head of the bed. “C’mere.”

Drew crawled off of Brian and up to Nick, where he lay down with his head on a pillow. Brian tucked in behind him, kissing the back of his neck and stroking his chest. Drew took Brian’s hand, raising it to his lips and giving it a kiss.

Nick lay in front of him, facing him. “Hi, Drew.”

“Hi, Nick,” he said, and gazed into Nick’s eyes until his insides melted.

“Your eyes are all gold and shiny,” Nick said.

Brian’s arm was across his chest, hand on his shoulder. Brian’s knuckles gently grazed the side of his neck, an intimate touch.

“Your mouth says ‘kiss me,’” Nick said. “Did you know that?”

Brian kissed across the back of his shoulder, kiss, kiss, kiss, while caressing his thigh.

“No,” Drew said to Nick. “I didn’t know that.” He felt funny inside. Soft. Oh, god, it was that “beautiful princess” feeling again. Damn it. He’d thought he was over that.

“I love you,” Brian whispered so quietly Drew wasn’t even sure he’d actually said it, lips brushing the top of Drew’s spine.

“It does,” Nick said, and oh, so gently, kissed Drew’s lips.

Drew closed his eyes, sighing softly.

“Love,” Brian whispered, and Drew felt Brian’s fingers graze his left nipple.

“Drew,” Nick whispered.

“What?” Drew asked, twining his arms and legs around Nick. It occurred to him that he might be asleep, at least halfway.

Nick’s thumb followed the line of his cheekbone. “Thank you for coming home to us.”

Chris wiped sweat from his forehead with the back of his hand, watching the movers leave. That had to be one of the last truckloads. He tried to think of what they hadn’t brought. The bed, of course, and-

Howie! Howie was walking in, somehow managing to look gorgeously casual when Chris felt sweaty, grimy, and grubby. He came over with a smile. “The last truck just pulled in behind me. Our old house is cleaned out. There’s nothing left but the carpeting.”

“We moved our entire house in one day?” Chris asked. “One of us is too ambitious.”

“We’re not completely moved in,” Howie said. “Everything we own is jammed into these roooms here on the first floor, and the rest of the house is completely empty.”

“I can’t believe we got it done,” Chris said. “We’re going to have to pay those packers twice whatever we hired them for.”

“I may have tipped them a little extra on the side,” Howie said. “To thank them for their hard work.”

“And the movers?”

“And the movers,” Howie said.

Those same movers were now carrying parts of the bedframe through the foyer. Chris pointed them towards the last remaining empty space, then walked with Howie farther into the clutter for some semblance of privacy.

“I wanted to tell you something,” Howie said. “AJ came over today.”

“He’s not coming to our housewarming,” Chris said.

“He and Kevin are…together,” Howie said.

Chris put his hands in his pockets. “For real, or is this another one of AJ’s games?”

“It’s for real,” Howie said. “Ever since AJ walked away from Kevin, he’s been fighting to get back. Now that he’s gotten there, he’s in for good.”

“Fighting to get back?” Chris asked. “Fighting who?”

“Himself,” Howie said.

Chris shrugged and picked at the tape on one of the boxes.

“This is good news,” Howie said. “AJ’s anchored now. You don’t have to worry that he’ll try to mess with Lance.”

“Or with you.”

“Or with me,” Howie said calmly.

Chris put his hands back in his pockets.

Howie looked around the crowded room. “Our house.”

“It’s never going to be right,” Chris said.

Howie turned to him slowly. “You’re not talking about the house.”

“I’m talking about me,” Chris said. “I’m never going to be okay with this until I do something. Two things.”

“What things?” Howie asked.

“Make some kind of step forward in our relationship. And get back at AJ. I’ve never made a move against him, after everything that’s happened. I have to do something. Until I do, it’s like he’s gotten away with it and never had to pay. How can he not have to pay for what he did?”

“He has had to pay,” Howie said.

“Not through anything I’ve done,” Chris said. “I haven’t even confronted him.”

“It’s over,” Howie said. “It happened.”

“And we should get past it, only I can’t, not until I’ve stood up to him.”

Howie leaned against a stack of boxes. “I don’t want you to do this.”

“It’ll never be right if I don’t.”

“You think that if you hurt him, you’ll be able to forgive me?” Howie asked.

“I have forgiven you,” Chris said.

“No, you haven’t,” Howie said. “It’s still between us, and it’s not because of AJ. It’s because of me.”

“It’s because of me,” Chris said. “I’ve forgiven you. I forgive you, Howie. I could forgive you anything. When it’s first thing in the morning and I’m grumpy and I haven’t brushed my teeth and I’m standing in the kitchen in my underwear, needing a shave, making coffee, digging crud out of my eyes, and you kiss my cheek and say good morning - - you’re in love with me. You’re in love with me and you aren’t going to cheat on me, you aren’t going to be with anyone else. You’d dump me first. I know that. I forgive you for what you did. I just can’t forgive myself.”

Howie frowned. “Forgive yourself for what?”

“It takes two to tango, and I’m guessing that if one of the dancers falls, the other dancer had something to do with it. You went to AJ because you didn’t have me. I wasn’t there for you. If I’d been a better boyfriend, if I’d even tried to be a decent friend, you wouldn’t have been with AJ.”

“It was my fault. It was my decision. That’s no excuse. I won’t let myself off the hook by letting you take the responsibility.”

“I wasn’t there for you.”

“Then I should have tried harder.”

“You were trying as hard as you could! You called me twice a day, you talked to the guys, you talked to my friends and my family and my business! You left some amazing messages. You sent flowers to my hotel room. I dropped out of contact, and you did everything you could.”

“That didn’t give me an excuse to go to anyone else. You didn’t cause anything. I did. AJ did. We made our own decisions, bad as they were.” Howie put his hand out to touch Chris, then thought better of it. “You don’t have anything to forgive yourself for.”

“Hello?!” It was one of the movers. Chris started forward; Howie put a hand on his chest, stopping him, going instead. Chris sighed, wishing he could just kill AJ to get the skanky fuck out of the way. A minute passed; he heard a quick round of good-byes and the sound of the front door closing. Howie came back, joining him in the stacks of furniture and piles of boxes.

“What have you been obsessing over?” Howie asked.

“Every time I think about him touching you, I want to rip him apart. It’s a physical feeling. I want to hurt him.”

“You don’t want to hurt me?” Howie asked.

Chris shook his head. His beautiful-perfect Howie? “Never.”

Howie stepped behind a row of boxes and climbed over a table, sliding gracefully onto the sofa that had been at Chris’s old place, recently recovered from storage.

Chris clambered after him slightly less gracefully, sitting beside him. The couch was not modern or sleek or new; it had been with Chris longer than Lance had. It was old and familiar and cushy, and it reminded Chris that his life hadn’t always been about expensive cars and flashy parties and gorgeous millionaire boyfriends. But it was going to be extremely out of place in their new house. He might have to part with it, finally. He wondered what that said about him. Probably nothing, other than that he was finally living with someone who had decorating sense.

“AJ’s my best friend, and I don’t want to see him hurt,” Howie said. “But if you have issues that you need to work out, then you know what you need to do. I just want you to be sure that your issue is with him, and not about you and me.”

Chris nodded.

Howie’s fingers tucked inside the collar of Chris’s T-shirt. “Please do something for me.”

“Anything,” Chris said, his hand on Howie’s thigh.

“Forgive yourself,” Howie said.

Chris thought of how JC and Justin kept tearing each other to shreds, and how unhappy Lance was, and how lonely Joey was, and how he had an incredible, loving, warm, gracious man in love with him, and instead of enjoying that, he was making Howie miserable. He should be making Howie happy, because Lord knew Howie was the best thing that had ever happened to him. He kissed Howie’s mouth, slowly, gently.

Howie’s lips were soft and full, his mouth generous and welcoming. Tucked against the wall, behind a barrier of furniture and boxes, hidden from the world, Chris made love to Howie there on the sofa.

“I think I went insane for a minute,” Justin said.

“How bad did it get?” JC asked, instantly alert, drawing Justin impossibly closer. “What happened?”

“I don’t exactly remember all of it. Most of it is what Joey told me. You remember... That song, ‘I want to fuck you like an animal.’”

“‘Closer,’” JC said, frowning.

“Remember I told you about how I said it, before?”

“Yes.” JC was looking into his eyes, paying perfect attention.

“Apparently I started reciting it again. I got stuck in a loop, or something. Joey said I started repeating it.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know. I don’t even know that song, JC, I couldn’t tell you any of it except the chorus. And then I started ‘How can it be that right here with me there’s an angel? It’s a miracle.’ Over and over again.”

“You thought you’d lost me,” JC said. “Like before. I was gone and I wasn’t coming back.”

Justin didn’t want to talk about that.

“You thought I was dead. I was dead, to you. Our connection had broken. You couldn’t feel me. You were alone. I’d abandoned you.”

“It wasn’t you, it wasn’t your fault. If anything had happened to you, someone would have called and Joey would have told me. You were fine. I didn’t have faith.”

“You couldn’t see me or hear me or feel me. I was gone.”

“I didn’t believe in you. How could I not believe in you? You showed me once before, you told me you were always with me, always inside of me.”

“You were scared and alone. Your friends had betrayed you. You were confused.”

“My mind… It snapped. I snapped. I don’t think… JC, from the moment I realized they’d taken me away from you, until you came for me in Kevin’s house and brought me back here… I don’t think I was in my right mind. I had flashes of reality, moments where I was in touch with myself, but for most of it I was faking it. I was talking and walking and going through the motions, but I was so… I wasn’t really there. And it was almost a relief. A reality without you was a reality I couldn’t face.” Justin looked down, remembering. “I honestly don’t think I knew how to face it.”

“I took away all of your tools,” JC said.

Justin laughed. “Are you kidding? After a while, I started handing them to you, gift-wrapped.”

Drew felt Brian kissing his upper am. It felt nice.

“Mmnn.” He felt Nick stretch. “Hey.”

“Hi,” Brian said quietly.

“Want to switch?”

Brian shifted away from him. Cold air crept in around Drew as he felt Nick and Brian crawl over him in a jumble of limbs. Then Nick was spooned in behind him, a direct source of heat, and Brian was in front of him, pressed to him, touching his face. “I love you,” Brian whispered, and gentle fingertips brushed feather-light across his lips.

“Mmm.” Nick was getting comfortable behind him, one hand sliding up his thigh, Nick’s fingers curling in his pubic hair.

“You’re strong, and brave, and trusting,” Brian said. A kiss on his cheek. “You believe in people, even when it makes no sense, but it always turns out right in the end.”

Nick squeezed the back of his thigh, then his ass.

“I see beautiful things when I look into your eyes.” Brian graced his jaw with soft kisses.

Drew felt Nick’s hand in the crook of his knee, lifting his thigh and bringing it forward over Brian’s hip. Nick’s hand cupped his balls from behind; his groin was pressed intimately to Brian’s.

“I love you.” Brian kissed his lips.

Nick licked between his shoulder blades.

Kevin sat on AJ’s couch wondering how to explain himself.

“You don’t trust me,” AJ said.

“No,” Kevin said. “I don’t.”

“Because?” AJ pressed, up and pacing. Stalking.

“Because one minute you’re a good, moral, dignified person, and the next, you thrive on doing what you shouldn’t. You do what feels good in the moment. I don’t trust you not to give in to temptation.”

“I cheated once, and not on you. You can’t judge all of me, forever, by one action.”

Kevin would always admire how sleekly predatorial AJ was, and how AJ refused to be boxed, limited, labelled. AJ was taking all of this very calmly, considering. “I don’t trust you. If you decide to sabotage what we have, or if you take my love for granted, you’ll be in bed with Lance or anyone else, as soon as you can unzip.”

The words were barely out of Kevin’s mouth before AJ pounced, hands on the back of the sofa, knees astride Kevin’s hips. “I love you, goddamnit, I love you! I used Howie to get rid of Lance. I don’t ever want to be rid of you.”

“You live too much in the moment,” Kevin said. “You live by your passion.”

“You love that about me,” AJ said. “Damn it, Kevin, that’s why you love me. Don’t tell me to change!”

“I don’t want to change you,” Kevin said. “But you can’t ask me to trust you.”

“There’s a knife in my heart, and you’re twisting it deeper and deeper,” AJ said. “I won’t betray you. It took me too long to get here. You think I’d throw it all away?”

“You do what feels good. You lean towards pleasure and away from pain. If you and I have a fight, and you’re mad at me, and someone offers you an easy out and a warm place to put your dick-”

“I get so much more from you than sex,” AJ said. “I get so much from you, I can’t wait to see what each new minute’s going to bring. You think I’d give all of that up for a cheap screw? If I’m that hard up, I have my right hand. I’ve given you my body, Kevin, and I won’t take that back. I won’t give it to anyone else. Look at me! I take a lot of pride in myself. I don’t hand this out to just anyone,” he said, leaning back and pulling aside the right lapel of his suit coat, displaying his body. “If you piss me off badly enough, maybe you won’t get to have this in your bed that night. But neither will anyone else.”

“At heart, AJ, you’re a good person. You’re very loyal. But when you’re backed into a corner, you do whatever you have to do to get out.”

“I can get angry,” AJ admitted. “I can get mean. But Kevin… I would never do that to you.” AJ brought his hips closer to Kevin’s, putting his hand on Kevin’s shoulder. “There are going to be times that we fight, and if you get close enough, I’ll bite. But I’m going to want to come back to you by the end of the day, and I’ll make sure I always can.”

Kevin put his arm around AJ’s waist, letting AJ lean close against him.

“Maybe you don’t trust me today, as much as I want you to,” AJ said. “But don’t stop trying.”

“I’ve never given up on you,” Kevin said, and rubbed his back. “Not about anything.”

“I was determined to be me,” Justin said. “I was obsessed with it. I had to be me, and I had to protect my right to be me. The biggest threat I had to that, was you.”

“Because I destroyed your identity before,” JC said. “I might do it again.”

“Right,” Justin said. “So I had to get rid of you. I was unreasonable about it, I was twisting everything. I blamed you for everything. It was all your fault.”

“It was my fault,” JC said.

“It was also my fault,” Justin said. “We’re equally to blame for everything.”

“Yes,” JC agreed. “We are.”

“But I couldn’t see that. I wasn’t about to admit to it. So I blamed you. And I decided that I had to get rid of you, at any cost.” He sighed. “They told me you could change. Brian told me how committed you were to changing our relationship. But I didn’t give him a chance. I didn’t give you a chance. Because if you could change, then so could I, and things didn’t have to be the way they were. Do you know how devastating that was? To think that we’d done this to ourselves, and we never had to? That things could have been different from the start, years ago, and we’d pushed each other this far?”

“I know,” JC said. “That was hard to face. I’d been denying it for a long time.”

“I had to be me, and to be me, I had to get rid of you,” Justin said.

“Divorce,” JC said, and the word came out like it was poison to his ears.

“I’m sorry, JC,” Justin said. “I’m sorry that ever came up. I’m sorry I ever mentioned it to you. I was trying to escape you and punish you, and the only way I could ever walk away from you was to destroy you. I had to kill you to save myself.”

“You’ve never hurt me that badly in your life,” JC said. “Never.”

Nick’s kisses. Brian’s kisses. Brian’s hands. Nick’s hands.

Nick’s nipples. Brian’s neck. Brian’s mouth. Nick’s thighs. Nick’s ass. Brian’s balls. Brian’s nipples. Nick’s mouth.

Drew moaned, kissing Nick, kissing Brian, feeling them up. He twisted between them, climbed over them, and rolled them over in the oversized bed. Brian was going slowly, whispering about love; Nick was whispering porn in his ears and teasing his nipples.

Nick was kissing him, and then Nick was reaching for Brian, and Brian was kissing him, and he was lost in a blur of bodies and love and fantasy and erotic reality.

Chris tucked Howie’s hair behind his ear for him.

“The bed’s in pieces,” Howie said. “We may be sleeping here tonight.”

“We can put the bed together,” Chris said.

“Chris, my Chris,” Howie said, “I have had a long day. I have no interest in building furniture right now. All I want to do is eat, take a shower, and sleep.”

“I’ll go get us something to eat while you’re in the shower,” Chris said.

“I love you,” Howie said, leaning into him. “You’re my dream man.”

Chris laughed, kissing Howie’s ear.

“I wanted to be new,” Justin said. “I wanted to be me. Reborn. Justin Timberlake. I hadn’t been me, really me, in years. I didn’t even remember who I was. I thought that I could start over, reinvent myself. If I could just erase this time with you, I could pretend it had never happened, and I could start life over again, as me.”

“How?” JC asked. “Besides leaving me?”

“I was going to do things. Get a house. Go out. Play basketball, buy shoes, go clubbing. Spend my time on me. Spend my money on me. Have sex with women. I started spouting all of that old rhetoric about how you manipulated me and brainwashed me, how all of those words of love were bullshit and lies, how I didn’t love you, how you made me need you for your own purposes, you were holding me back, whatever. I can’t believe they didn’t hit me. I needed to be smacked across the face. I think Joey was tempted to do it.”

The three of them lounged all over the bed, sharing body space wherever comfortable, eating. Nick dripped ice cream on Brian’s thighs and licked it off.

Nick groaned and sat up, looking around, confused. “Man.” He rubbed his jaw.

Jeff, beside him, rolled closer, snaking an arm around his waist.

“What time is it?” Nick asked.

“Late,” Jeff said. “Go back to sleep.”

“God, where… We’re home,” Nick said, remembering. “We’re home?”

“Home, sweet home,” Jeff agreed without opening his eyes.

“Wow,” Nick said. “We made it home.”

“Good for us,” Jeff mumbled, trying to sleep.

“Jeff.”

“What?” Jeff moaned, rolling away, onto his other side.

Nick smiled. “Never mind.” He lay down again, curling up around Jeff from behind. He wrapped his arms around Jeff, kissing one bare shoulder. “I love you.”

“That’s good,” Jeff said, half asleep. “I love you, too.”

Nick kissed the same spot again, and fell asleep.

“I remember, after I couldn’t burn your letter, Brian… Brian asked me if I didn’t want to be loved, and I said I didn’t, I didn’t want to be loved, not by you. I said you weren’t loving me the right way. They asked me how did I want to be loved, and I didn’t know. I didn’t know, I had no answer for that.”

“I was loving you the wrong way,” JC said. “We’re going to work on figuring out the right way.”

“I was loving you the wrong way, too, wasn’t I?” Justin asked. “Sometimes it must have seemed like I wasn’t loving you at all.”

“We’re past that, now,” JC said. “We’re finding our path.”

Nick was on his back, singing to himself.

Drew was sitting on Nick’s hips, finger-combing Nick’s hair, humming to himself.

Brian was sitting on Nick’s legs, drawing on Drew’s back in pen.

Chris and Howie sat on top of their dining room table, eating French fries and talking about what to do with their new home.

“It was… It was like… I could hear you. Your voice. Your words. Not in my head, in my ears.”

“Auditory hallucination?” JC asked, worried.

“I don’t know. I don’t… You were saying my name, talking to me, saying all of those things you’d said a million times. I was saying my name, yelling it, screaming it, trying to claim my identity back from you, but you were trying to box me back into the identity you’d given me.”

“With my words.”

“Yes. It was like a battle of wills. All I could do was yell my name, over and over, but you wouldn’t stop…”

“What happened?” JC asked.

“Brian and Joey. They stopped me. They said I’d been yelling my name, and screaming. And scratching myself. I tried to tell them I knew who I was, I had my identity back, but I didn’t. I was lying. I didn’t know who the hell I was, and in the back of my mind I knew that I’d be all right if I could just be with you again, but I also knew that doing that would put me back in that box. Only, I wanted to be back in that box. It was safe there. It was familiar. Finding myself again, it was terrifying.”

Nick was crowded into the back of the tub, washing Drew’s back. “Brian, when are you going to grow up?”

“Later,” Brian said, sitting on the floor, wrapped up in a blanket from the bed.

“Why can’t I see what he wrote?” Drew asked.

“It’s inappropriate,” Nick said. “Where’d the soap go?”

Drew floated it back in Nick’s direction.

“You’re tired,” Nick said.

“A little,” Drew said.

“We should put Drew to bed,” Nick said.

“I had a nap,” Drew said. “I don’t want to sleep. We’re not finished…catching up.”

“It’s okay if you need to crash,” Nick said. “We understand.”

“I don’t want to miss any more time with you,” Drew said, leaning back against Nick’s chest, his head on Nick’s shoulder, pulling Nick’s arms around him. “I don’t want to sleep through you and Brian.”

“We’ll sleep, too.”

“No, you won’t.”

“Okay, we’ll be awake, but we’ll be really boring, so you won’t miss anything good,” Nick said. “Look, Brian would be happy to sit around watching you sleep, and I can write perverted things on his back, like he did on yours.”

Drew let his eyes slip shut. “I’ve always loved Brian.”

Nick grinned. “Yeah?”

“Yeah. I wanted to have sex with him for such a long time.”

“You wanted Brian?”

Drew shifted as Nick’s hand rubbed over his chest. “I wanted to strip him naked and do things to him.”

“Really,” Nick said. “You little pervert.”

“That’s not perverted,” Brian said.

“Drew has a filthy mind,” Nick said.

“Let’s get him in bed,” Brian said.

“Yeah, the water’s getting cold.” Nick shook Drew slightly. “Come on, angel, time for bed.”

Drew grumbled, resisting.

Nick sighed. “Drew, get up now and go to bed, or I’m going to pinch you in a very painful place.”

Drew moaned, but opened his eyes partway, reaching for Brian, who pulled him upright.

“Good boy,” Nick said, standing also, helping him out of the tub. Nick held him up while Brian dried him gently but thoroughly. “You don’t have to lick the water off each individual pubic hair, you know,” Nick said.

Brian got off of his knees, handing Nick the towel. “If you don’t like the way I’m doing it, then you can dry yourself.”

“Oh, snappy,” Nick said. “Come on, Drew, you need to get in bed.” He walked Drew back into the bedroom, to the bed. Once there, Nick gave a gentle push. Drew rolled across the bed, immediately falling asleep.

Brian slid into bed with him, pulling up the covers, kissing his cheek.

“Poor Drew,” Nick said, one knee on the bed.

“Get off,” Brian said. “You’re wet.”

“You should have dried me off,” Nick said.

“You can do it yourself.”

“You always liked Drew best,” Nick accused, and stuck his tongue out at Brian.

Brian stuck his tongue out at Nick. “Go get dried off and come back here and be boring with me.”

“I’ve never been boring before,” Nick said. “I won’t know how. Oh, I know,” he said, walking back to the bathroom as Brian eyed his ass. “I’ll just pretend to be Kevin.”

Chris weaved between stacks of boxes, took a right at the glass display stand, edged around more boxes, and slid across the table to get to the sofa. While he’d been in the shower, Howie had searched for a box of bedding, and found not only a blanket but also a pillow.

“This may get crowded,” Chris said, eyeing the narrow sofa.

“Is that a problem?” Howie asked.

Chris grinned and lay down in front of Howie, his back to Howie’s chest. Howie draped the blanket over them, and he held very still when he felt Howie’s hand on his hip, fingers tucked under the waistband of his underwear. It was odd, when his hand patted back, to feel the soft cotton of Howie’s sweatpants, and not the firm muscle of Howie’s thigh.

“Thank you,” Howie said.

“For what?” Chris asked.

“This house. Being here with me.”

“You’re welcome,” Chris said. “No problem.”

Howie’s voice was calm in the quiet. “Chris.”

“Yeah?”

“Being with you, anywhere, means more to me, and makes me happier, than any house I could ever buy.”

Chris heard the honesty in Howie’s voice, and it warmed him to the core. He struggled to roll over without falling, finally working himself around to face Howie. Once there, he didn’t know what to say. “Me, too.”

“Sometimes,” Howie said.

He’d missed something. “Sometimes what?”

Howie’s hand was on the small of his back, urging him closer. He tucked his thigh between Howie’s, getting as close as he could until his knee hit the back of the sofa. “Sometimes I think you’re the most funny, amazing, fun, terrific, beautiful person I’ll ever know.”

Chris loved this new house, because it had given him that moment, those words. His fingers found the end of Howie’s ponytail. “And the rest of the time?”

“The rest of the time, I’m absolutely sure of it.”

Chris kissed Howie, because that seemed like the most appropriate response. He could still hear those words in Howie’s voice, echoing in his head. He was sure that, somehow, they’d always be in the background of his thoughts. Those words. Howie’s voice. Howie believing something like that about him.

And Lance wondered why he was in love with Howie. How could be not be in love?

Really, he’d always loved Howie. Since before their first kiss, even. He just hadn’t understood what was happening to him, at the time. But yes, oh, yes, he was deeply, immensely in love with Howie. The real shock of it all was that Howie loved him back. Really, truly loved him back. And Howie did.

Howie really did.

They made love again, there in the darkness of their first night in their new home.

Chris was determined, more than ever, to keep that sofa for the rest of his life.

“There was one thing I was in complete denial about. I didn’t want to think about it, ever.”

“What?” JC asked.

“Sex. Joey brought it up, said it out loud. If I left you, I would never have sex like that again. Making love with you, kissing you, touching you, it was behind me. Forever. I would never again feel what you made me feel. It’s like, if your lover is a brilliant chef, you can still find a great restaurant, or learn to cook like he did. But you, no one had a chance in hell of doing anything like what you did to me.”

“You could have sex with anyone you wanted,” JC said.

“That’s not the point,” Justin said. “JC, you do things to my body, you make me feel… No one can come close to that. I’d had my last. I couldn’t even think about that. It seemed impossible to me. JC, the best sex of my life was behind me! I’d made love with you for the last time, and I hadn’t even known to appreciate it. I’d never know your touch again.”

“But the quality of sex wouldn’t go down,” JC said. “You’re still you.”

“I’m me,” Justin agreed. “But the important thing is, no one else is you.”

“Here, switch with me,” Nick said.

“No,” Brian said.

“Yes,” Nick insisted, frowning.

“No,” Brian said calmly, continuing to hold Drew close.

“Don’t make me pull rank,” Nick said.

“Pull rank?” Brian asked, raising his eyebrows.

“He’s my Drew,” Nick said. “I found him first. I say jump, and he asks, how high?”

“If you said jump, Drew would keep his feet on the ground and ask you why,” Brian said.

“You’re irritating me,” Nick said. “Give me my Drew.”

“No.”

Drew muttered something, throwing his leg over Brian’s.

“He wants to stay with me,” Brian said.

“He’s my Drew! He goes where I take him and stays where I put him,” Nick said.

“He’s a human being, not a toy,” Brian said.

“He’s my toy, and he’s my favorite toy,” Nick said.

“Lower your voice. Drew needs his sleep.”

“I’m pulling rank, and it’s not working,” Nick said. “Something’s wrong here.”

“Sweetheart, think about who you’re talking to,” Brian said.

Nick scowled. “Damn.”

“Sorry,” Brian said.

“Damn it, that’s not fair. He’s my Drew. I should get to have him if I want him.”

“You’re not dealing with him. You’re dealing with me.”

“Damn it.”

“Jump,” Brian said.

Nick sighed. “How high?”

Brian smiled. “Here, go ahead and take him.”

“No, you want him.”

“I have to pee. Just don’t wake him up.”

“I won’t.” Nick took Drew from Brian’s arms, fitting Drew’s sleeping body to himself. “Hi, Drew angel,” he murmured.

Brian kissed Drew’s cheek, then Nick’s, and went to visit the bathroom.

“Not your toy,” Drew mumbled from sleep.

Nick smiled. “My favorite toy. Everyone should have one. Just drive down to Drews ‘R’ Us and pick one up. They’d have to limit one per household, or everybody’d start buying five at a time.” He cuddled Drew closer, thinking about that.

Brian climbed into bed behind Nick. “Hi,” he said, propping his chin on Nick’s shoulder, watching Drew sleep.

“Hi,” Nick said.

“How long do you think he’ll be asleep?” Brian asked.

“Lots of time,” Nick said, “if we leave him alone. Why?”

“Lyrics,” Brian said.

“Oh, go ahead,” Nick said. “Write away. We’ll be fine.”

“Okay.” Brian kissed him and got up to search for hotel stationery.

Nick kissed Drew’s mouth. Drew hummed and tucked his face against Nick’s chest.

Trust. Kevin didn’t trust him.

Kevin thought he was weak.

AJ sank down in the tub until he went under, submerged in the hot water.

Weak. Kevin thought that he was weak. That he’d go for an easy out at the first bad moment. That he’d fall into sex. That he couldn’t resist temptation.

AJ was many things. He had weaknesses. Everyone did. Even Kevin. But he wasn’t weak.

Kevin thought that he was weak.

Kevin didn’t trust him.

Weak. Untrustworthy.

This, from someone who loved him? What did people who didn’t like him think of him?

AJ thought of the people he’d wronged. Lance. He was different now, and Lance was different now, and they were on new paths in their lives. They’d reconciled their old grievances.

Howie. Had he wronged Howie? If he had, then Howie had wronged him right back. No, he and Howie had understood each other from the start. They’d never stopped being best friends.

Chris.

AJ sat up into the cool air.

Chris.

He’d barely talked to Chris. He’d barely apologized. Had he ever apologized? He couldn’t remember directly addressing Chris. He’d pretty much left that up to Howie. He’d had other problems to deal with, like Lance and Kevin.

He’d had sex with the guy’s lover and cheated on the guy’s best friend, and not said so much as, “Hey, sorry about that?”

Damn.

AJ had always thought of himself as basically a good person. Apparently he was also a blind, self-centered, arrogant person.

Maybe he wasn’t a good person at all.

But Kevin thought that he was.

Kevin also thought that he was weak and untrustworthy.

Weak.

AJ chafed under that label. He didn’t like it. He wouldn’t accept it.

“If I divorced you, you’d be single again. Back out there on the market. Other men would get to have you. They’d touch you. That thought made me crazy. It still does,” Justin admitted. “And you don’t realize how many men want you. Once you got that figured out, you’d be going through guys like toilet paper. Fuck and go, fuck and go.”

“You were jealous,” JC said.

“Yes,” Justin said. “I had to talk to you, to tell you about that. You’d promised to love me and no one else, to touch me and no one else, and I was going to hold you to your promise.”

“Divorce me, and then make me stay faithful.”

“JC, I would kill anyone who touched you. You were mine. The world could rot in hell as long as you were still devoted to me. And if you touched another man, or another man touched you, there would be blood.”

Drew was sleeping.

Nick was hovering on the edge of sleep, aware of Drew in his arms and Brian at his back.

The room was dark, except for a pool of light on Brian. Brian sat close behind Nick, paper propped on a phone book on his knees. Occasionally he’d rest his hand on Nick’s naked side, or press his lips to the smooth skin of Nick’s back. Once he curled up behind Nick, leaning forward to gaze at Nick’s face, his fingers brushing Nick’s cheek, and stayed there for a good twenty minutes before turning away to write.

“You should write about Drew,” Nick said out of a long silence, fingers stroking back Drew’s hair.

“I have. I do.”

“I mean really write about him. Not surface stuff. Iceberg stuff.”

“I’m not ready,” Brian said. “It would have to come from a very new place, and I’m not ready to share that yet. Not with anyone but the two of you.”

“Next album?” Nick asked.

“Maybe,” Brian said.

“Hmm,” Drew said.

“Ssshhh,” Nick said, kissing Drew’s forehead. Drew subsided.

“You’re right,” Brian said. His eyes were on Drew. “I should.”

“I’m here,” Nick said. “For help, back-up, whatever.”

“I know.” Brian kissed his shoulder. “Thank you.”

Nick watched Drew sleep.

Kevin closed his eyes and was back at dinner, mesmerized by AJ’s eyes, taking AJ’s hand in his, listening to AJ talk in that sexy, low voice with that slight rough edge. He’d silently admire AJ’s painted nails, examine AJ’s rings, run his fingers over AJ’s bracelets.

“Don’t tell me that while I’m going through everything in my head, trying to figure out who I really am and what kind of person I see when I look at myself in the mirror and who you think I am and what I think of all of that, you’re taking a nap.”

Kevin opened his eyes. “AJ.”

“Come to bed,” AJ said. “I hope you’re in the mood, because I need you to fuck me right now. When you fuck me, you take me places, and I want to be somewhere other than in my head with all of this shit.”

Kevin followed him to the bedroom. Naked, AJ dropped to the bed and groaned, the heels of his hands pressing to his eyes. “I hate you.”

“You hate me?” Kevin asked, sitting beside him, stroking his abs, watching his face.

“Tell me, say it to my face,” AJ said, his voice challenging and his eyes dangerous as his hands fell to the side. “Tell me that I’m weak and untrustworthy.”

“Weak and - - AJ, you’re not,” Kevin said. “That wasn’t what I meant.”

“It’s what you said.” AJ was ready to attack. To fight.

“Would I accept a partner who’s weak?” Kevin asked. “The women I’ve dated, I don’t find weakness charming or cute. I’ve never admired weak women, and you think I’d tolerate it in you? We’ve had the Backstreet Boys for how long now, been best friends, I have to rely on you every single day to do your part and hold up your end. If you were weak, I’d have called you on it a long time ago, AJ.”

“You think I’d give in to temptation, you think I’d sabotage our entire relationship after one fight-”

“You’re impulsive, and you’re passionate. That doesn’t mean you’re weak. And you’re not untrustworthy. I’ve told you that I do trust you-”

“Not out of your sight.”

“Not as my lover, no.”

“Do you want to sleep here tonight?” AJ asked.

“Yes,” Kevin said.

“You can stay here in my bed, but don’t touch me.”

Kevin lifted his hand from AJ’s chest.

AJ rolled over, his back to the other half of the bed.

“What do you think this proves?” Kevin asked.

“That I really do love you, because otherwise, I’d have kicked you out of the house by now,” AJ said. “I want this to work, Kevin. How is it going to work if you don’t trust me?”

Kevin lay down behind him. “I’ll learn to trust you.”

“I’m not proving myself! I don’t have to prove myself to anyone.”

“Your actions should speak for themelves,” Kevin said. “Just be yourself.”

“I have to talk to Chris,” AJ said.

“Why?”

“Because I have things to say to him,” AJ said. “I’m not looking forward to it, but I have to do it.”

“AJ.”

“What?”

“I’m sorry.”

AJ closed his eyes. “Yeah.”

“I don’t know a lot of things anymore,” Justin said. “I was arrogant. I thought I had everything figured out. I was Justin, and you were JC, and that was all that mattered. But then we were separated, and if I’m not being half of Mr. and Mr. Timberlake Chasez, I don’t know who I am. I don’t know what my purpose is. I lost who I was before, and I don’t know who I am now.”

“Who do you want to be?” JC asked. “In the future?”

Justin shook his head. “I don’t know that, either. A good friend, for once, someone who really pays attention to what my friends are going through. And a good husband to you, if I don’t do anything else with my life, I have to find a way to do that. And my career, our career, that’s not even halfway to where I know it can be.”

“We thought we knew everything,” JC said. “But we didn’t. The world doesn’t revolve around us. We’re only superheroes in our own eyes. We have to strip back to the fundamentals. Start with the basics. Work our way up from there. What we have right now is, we’re married, and we’re in love, and we have very forgiving, very generous friends.”

“They betrayed us,” Justin said.

“They did our best to save us when we were too far gone to save ourselves,” JC said. “If they hadn’t stepped in to stop us, we’d have been in for one hell of a crash landing.”

“You’re probably right,” Justin said. “We wouldn’t have been able to save ourselves.”

“We wouldn’t have been willing to save ourselves,” JC said. “We preferred being blind to the truth.”

“Love, marriage, friends,” Justin said. “Now what?”

“Now we put our new house together. We work on the Fools and our next album. And we do a lot of talking about what we need from each other and for ourselves.”

Justin closed his eyes, feeling JC in his arms. “After everything we’ve been through,” he said, “nothing gives me more hope and more peace than just being here with you, talking to you, sharing again. I’ve always looked up to you, JC, and I’ve always believed in you. I feel like we might be able to pull this off. Tell me you think we can do this right for once.”

JC put his hand on the back of Justin’s neck, feeling not an abundance of curls but a thin layer of peach fuzz. “We can change,” he promised. “It can be change for the better. We don’t want to hurt each other anymore.”

Drew opened his eyes. Pale pink skin. Tongue-tempting little nipple. Nick’s chest. He raised his head, squinting in the light coming from behind Nick’s head.

“Hey, sleepy.” Nick’s thumb passed over his lower lip. Nick had been touching him just like that since before they’d first kissed. It still tied him in knots inside to have Nick’s attention on him, those blue eyes looking right at him, Nick touching his mouth.

“You’re awake,” Brian’s voice said, and then Brian was leaning over Nick’s shoulder. The light and shadow play on Brian’s face was doing wonderfully complementary things to Brian’s bone structure. “Good. Kiss me.”

“What?” Maybe he was still asleep, and he’d heard wrong.

“Brian’s writing,” Nick explained. “A minute ago he licked my tongue. He figures he can ask for any weird kinky thing and say it’s for a song, and we’ll automatically do it.”

“He licked your tongue, and I missed it?” Drew asked.

“We can do it again,” Brian said.

“What else did I miss?” Drew asked.

“Well, there was the thing with the trapeze, and there was that whipped cream and honey thing,” Nick said. “Were you awake for the icicles?”

“Kiss me,” Brian said.

“Excuse me, Drew’s resting,” Nick said. “Come back later.”

“Then you kiss me,” Brian said. “Like you’re Drew, and you’re melting, and you’re about to start making that breathy sort of clicking sound.”

“I click?” Drew asked.

“I know what he means,” Nick said. “It’s not really a click, but there’s no good way to describe it.”

“I don’t think I want to click,” Drew said.

“It’s sexy,” Nick said. “Don’t worry about it.”

“Maybe I should talk more during sex.”

“What?” Nick asked.

“You two talk during sex. I don’t talk, but apparently I make a lot of funny noises. Maybe I should talk instead.”

“If you’re not a talker, you’re not a talker,” Nick said. “We love your noises. They make us hot.”

“It’s embarrassing,” Drew said.

“Look, is it more embarrassing to go ‘unh, unh, unh’ or to spend an entire twenty minutes rambling on about what your tongue wants to do with Brian’s dick? If anyone overheard you, or taped you and played it for your mother to hear, it would sound like good sex. If anyone overheard me, or taped me and played it for my mother, I’d be slightly more embarrassed.”

“You don’t get embarrassed about sex,” Drew said.

“Okay, bad example, but Brian should be embarrassed at some of what comes out of his mouth.”

“Brian says very nice things during sex,” Drew said.

“‘Sometimes when you touch me, I feel like I’m going to break, and all of my love will spill out onto the ground, and you’ll see that that’s all I had inside me to keep me going, nothing but love, for you.’ Who says stuff like that? That doesn’t even mean anything.”

“I know exactly what he means,” Drew said. “I’ve felt like that before.”

Nick turned more onto his back, bringing Drew half on him, half against his side. “‘When you look at me in just the right way, I begin to splinter into millions of tiny pieces, shattered by everything that you are. But then you touch me, and your touch heals my every wound, because you are the balm for my every hurt.’ What the hell?”

“So you say these things during sex?” Drew asked Brian.

Nick snickered.

“That sounds like something I’d say before or after sex, not exactly during the act,” Brian said.

“Brian’s blushing, Brian’s blushing,” Nick sang.

“Why don’t you ever talk during sex with me?” Drew asked Brian.

“I can’t get him to shut up,” Nick said. “It’s all ‘love’ thrust ‘angels’ thrust ‘heaven’ thrust ‘love’ thrust.”

Drew saw the quickest flicker of pain cross Brian’s face. But Brian sucked it up and said, casually, “If you don’t want me to do that, I don’t have to. It-”

“Hey, wait, back up,” Nick said. “Excuse me,” he said to Drew, and pulled his arm out from under Drew, rolling onto his side to face Brian, who was sitting up in the pool of light. “No, I didn’t mean that,” Nick said. “Shit, I hurt your feelings. I’m sorry.”

Drew wondered how Nick could tell he’d hurt Brian’s feelings, since Brian was deliberately trying not to let Nick know that. Then again, Brian probably never wanted Nick to know he’d hurt Brian’s feelings, so at some point Nick must have learned to read the signals Brian wasn’t consciously sending.

“If you don’t want me to talk during sex, I don’t have to,” Brian said.

“No, I want you to,” Nick said. “I like it. I like hearing the way I make you feel, and I like hearing what a sacred experience making love to me is for you. I’m sorry I was teasing you.”

Brian kissed him. “It’s all right. Do you want me to tell Drew about what your filthy mouth decided to say while I was giving you a blowjob in-”

“Oh, no, don’t even try it,” Nick said. “Drew still respects us.”

“I think you should tell me,” Drew said.

“Nope,” Nick said, and lay on his back again, his arm around Drew. “See, for talkers, getting a blowjob is the best, because you’re not really doing anything except feeling it, so your mouth just opens and stuff comes pouring out while you sit back and let your dick get sucked. I can promise you I talk major shit when Brian’s sucking my dick. And when I’m sucking his, he goes off into starlight and sunrises and the music of the universe.”

“Why doesn’t anyone ever do this with me?” Drew asked.

“We don’t want to scandalize you,” Nick said.

“I think we’re past that stage in our relationship,” Drew said.

“Maybe,” Nick said. “We’ll think about it.”

Brian tucked himself in against Nick’s side, mirroring Drew. Their hands met on Nick’s chest.

Nick kissed Brian’s forehead. “Here’s what sucks.”

“What?” Brian asked.

“Now Drew’s all awake, and I’m ready to sleep.”

“Me, too,” Brian said.

“If you have sex with me, I’ll let you go to sleep,” Drew said.

“What is this, bribery?” Nick asked.

“It works for me,” Brian said.

Nick squeezed Drew’s ass. “What do you want to do?”

“Stay right there,” Drew said, sitting up.

“Uh-oh,” Nick said.

Drew found the lube, setting it within reach, and took Brian’s hips in his hands, setting Brian on top of Nick.

Instinct kicked in. For Brian, being on top of Nick was the most natural thing in the world, and his first reaction was to kiss Nick, so he did.

Nick kissed back, his hands on Brian’s back, shifting Brian on him more comfortably.

Brian made an aggressive sound, kissing Nick more deeply, one hand in Nick’s hair.

Drew put lube on his fingers.

Nick’s hands slid down to Brian’s ass, then lower, and spread Brian’s thighs for Drew.

Drew touched the little puckered hole, and felt Brian’s body try to tighten up to deny him entrance. He pushed his finger in past the clenching ring of muscle, tenderly stroking.

Brian moaned into Nick’s kiss.

Nick’s hand ran up Brian’s inner thigh. Nick pushed his long middle finger in alongside Drew’s finger. Brian’s muscles contracted. Drew closed his eyes as Nick stroked his finger, then Brian.

“Ooohhh… Nnhh… Ah, ah…”

“Sshh, be still,” Nick said softly, sliding his finger in and out, in and out.

Drew watched his own finger rub in and out of Brian. First he went in as Nick went out, so that there was quick, constant fucking. Then he picked up Nick’s pattern, coming out with Nick, going back in with Nick. On that one, Brian got louder, bending one knee under himself, and Nick had to kiss him to keep him quiet.

Drew used his other hand to rub lube over his erection. It pulsed heavily in his hand, and he pulled his finger out of Brian. Nick’s hand retreated up Brian’s back. Drew raised Brian’s hips, and Brian went up on both knees now.

Carefully, slowly, Drew pushed his thick erection inside Brian’s hot, tight ass. Brian swallowed him up in increments, contracting around him, and he pushed forward until he was in all of the way, his balls hitting Brian’s ass.

Brian groaned. He raised himself up on one elbow, lowering his head, easing his body back against Drew. Drew closed his eyes, gathering himself together, reminding his dick that he wanted this to last. Then he put one hand on Brian’s back, rocked his hips backwards, and plunged forward.

Every time Drew thrust in, Brian made a tiny explosive sound, mostly breath and a little “uh!” Drew was breathing hard and very rhythmically, matching each thrust. Brian’s forehead was on Nick’s chest, and Nick was petting his hair, murmuring senseless things consisting mostly of Brian’s name. Brian’s left arm was braced on the mattress for balance, and Brian’s right hand was… Nick frowned, wondering where-

Nick gasped, his mouth opening, a rich, shocked moan coming out. Suddenly, he knew exactly where Brian’s right hand was, because Brian had two fingers up his ass.

At the first sound of Nick in pleasure, Drew’s hips shot forward twice as hard as he’d meant them to. His eyes darted up to Nick’s face; Nick’s head was back, eyes squeezed shut, lips parted. Arousal flushed Nick’s face and chest as Nick gave voice to a wild groan, right hand coming up to pull at his own hair.

Brian’s hips belonged to Drew, so Brian wasn’t fucking Nick. That meant that Brian was probably jacking Nick’s dick, but Drew knew Brian’s desires better than that. Brian was finger-fucking Nick.

Drew slammed into Brian faster until Brian’s vocalizations were louder and more desperate. He didn’t know whether he was punishing Brian or rewarding him, and he didn’t care. He just knew that as long as Nick kept sounding like that, nothing was too hard or too fast. Brian’s body rocked forward with each jolting thrust, but the faster and harder Drew’s hips drove, the louder Nick got, and those things became connected in Drew’s head, until he was grabbing Brian’s hips and fucking Brian so forcefully that Brian’s impassioned cries became louder than Nick’s, and Drew clicked back into reality. At that instant, he came, groaning out Brian’s name with what air remained in his lungs.

Brian tried to bring himself back down to earth, panting harshly, focusing his eyes on Nick’s face. He felt Drew leave his body, and cold air hit his back. Immediately, he yanked his fingers out of Nick and reached for the lube.

Drew put the lube in Brian’s hand and came around to kneel behind Nick’s head, reaching for Nick’s knees, bringing them to Nick’s chest and holding them there.

Nick moaned, closing his eyes. His cock was leaking precum onto his stomach, and Drew’s mouth watered for it.

Brian lined himself up and thrust into Nick in one long, tight slide. He leaned forward, eyes on Drew’s face. Drew leaned forward, too, and Brian kissed him, a long, clinging kiss, sucking on his tongue, rocking forward slightly into Nick.

Drew felt Nick’s thigh muscles straining under his hands, heard Nick begging from somewhere far away. But Brian was kissing him, kissing him slowly and so very deeply he could feel his soul opening to let Brian in. Brian tasted pure and warm and sweet, and Brian was doing things to his tongue that he’d been too naïve to realize that Brian could do, and he could feel, vibrating up through Nick’s legs into his hands, that Brian was slowly fucking Nick in short, rocking strokes.

Drew had been told that in kissing, like in blowjobs, the point was to keep the teeth out of the way. But Nick always licked Brian’s teeth, and Drew did, too. Especially the canines. Brian seemed to like it, and was making little appreciative noises now. Dimly, Drew was aware that Nick had stopped begging and was now making oddly muffled moaning noises.

As Brian tilted to one side, Drew tilted to the other, and made love to Brian’s tongue. He wanted to feel it licking into his body. Maybe Brian would do it if he asked.

“I love the way you kiss,” Brian said, coming back for more.

Drew’s right hand was massaging circles into the crook of Nick’s knee. He wondered how long he’d been doing that. He wanted to tell Brian that he loved the way Brian kissed, too, but he was too busy living it out to talk about it.

Then, Brian stopped kissing him, pulling back slightly.

Drew watched.

Brian raised his chin, tilting back. He thrust a few times, and a look of pure ecstasy broke across his face. He sucked in air, shuddering, and said, “Oh, Nick.” He became still, panting slightly.

Drew was in awe of Brian.

Brian shook himself, coming back to reality. He climbed off of Nick, lifting his hand from where it had been covering Nick’s mouth.

Nick groaned, reaching his hands back to Drew’s waist. “Oh, god, Drew, suck me, I’m so fucking close, I’m so motherfucking hard…”

Drew released Nick’s legs, shifting to kneel, lowering Nick’s legs as he leaned forward, down Nick’s body. He planted one hand on the mattress for support, gripping Nick’s throbbing erection in his other hand, taking it into his mouth. He licked over the head with his tongue, gathering up precum, then swallowed Nick down his throat.

Nick’s hands were on Drew’s thighs, Nick’s voice breathy and desperate. “Yes, yes, Drew, suck me, suck me...”

Drew sucked up to the head, then slid back down, swallowing spit and precum. He sucked a little harder than usual, testing, and Nick moaned, so on the next slide up he sucked a little harder than that, and Nick cursed, so Drew closed his eyes and upped the suction one more notch, and Nick exploded in his mouth, shooting cum over his tongue. Drew couldn’t swallow fast enough, and Nick was cursing, and then it was over. Drew let Nick’s cock slide out from between his lips, and relaxed, resting his cheek on Nick’s thigh. Hmm. He was kind of hard again. He squeezed his dick a little, testing.

“Nick’s asleep,” Brian whispered, and licked cum off his chin for him.

Well. That temporarily solved Drew’s problem of having his ass in Nick’s face.

“Come on,” Brian said, and helped him up, guiding him up to lay beside Nick.

Drew rolled onto his side, facing Brian. He found Brian’s hand under the covers and put it on his dick.

Brian squeezed it gently at the base, then cupped the head. “Do you want me to-”

“I just want to put it against you,” Drew said.

“Okay.” Brian let go of it, then scooted closer until it nudged up against Brian’s hip.

Mmm… That felt good.

“You look wasted,” Brian said softly. “Why don’t you go to sleep?”

“Are we allowed to smack Nick’s ass?” Drew asked. He didn’t know why he was asking Brian for permission, and not Nick, but it seemed like the right thing to do.

“Sure,” Brian said.

“I don’t mean in passing, I mean during sex,” Drew said, wanting to explain.

Brian nodded, petting his arm. “You can. He’ll like it.”

Drew flexed.

Brian smiled and squeezed his biceps.

They’d been talking. “I mean…”

“You want to spank him, but not exactly.”

“Yes,” Drew said, embarrassed, relieved.

“You can,” Brian said. “He likes it when you try new things.”

“I don’t want to hurt him,” Drew said.

“You won’t. Do it hard enough to make it sting, not hard enough to bruise.”

“I just… I want to try it,” Drew said.

“It’s okay,” Brian said, smiling at him. “Don’t worry about it. You’ve looked at Nick’s ass. It’s made for things like that.”

In sleep, Nick rolled over and spooned up behind him, heavy and warm, breathing against the back of his neck, right hand slipping in to cup his balls.

Warm all over, especially inside, Drew shifted slightly, guiding Brian into a more intimate embrace.

Nick’s fingers shifted, curling gently around his balls.

Drew cupped Brian’s ass in one hand, kissing Brian tenderly. “I can’t believe I’m home,” he confessed softly. “I’m so glad I’m here.”

“You make me so happy,” Brian whispered, drawing a finger along his jaw. “I love you so much, Drew.”

Drew kissed him again. “I can’t imagine feeling anything like this with anyone else.”

“I can’t imagine loving anyone the way I love you,” Brian said.

“I love you,” Drew said.

Brian kissed him.

Drew closed his eyes. He listened to Nick’s deep, even breathing. He carefully pried Nick’s hand from his balls to rest on his abs, instead, figuring that would be safer in case anything startled Nick awake suddenly. He ran his fingers up and down Brian’s spine.

“Do you think anyone else feels this happy and this complete?” he asked Brian.

“Yes,” Brian said. “That’s why we all keep living. To feel like this, and to give future generations the chance to feel it, too.”

Chris and Howie were tangled together on the couch, naked under the blanket, Howie’s sweatpants thrown over a nearby box. It wasn’t glamorous, but it was the two of them spending their first night in their new house, crowded and real and impossibly romantic, and that meant more to them than an expensive bed with silk sheets.

Nick made an irritated sound, rolling on top of Jeff, tucking his face in the crook of Jeff’s neck. “You didn’t turn off the lights.”

“No,” Jeff admitted, annoyed by the brightness but too tired and, now, too weighed down to do anything about it.

“Did you leave your towel on the floor?”

“Yes.”

Nick grumbled something, sounding irritated about it.

“What?” Jeff asked.

“I said, I love you,” Nick muttered.

Jeff smiled. “I love you, too, Nick,” he said, and went back to sleep.

Kevin put his hand behind his head, raising one knee, the covers dangerously low on his hips. He watched AJ in silence.

AJ was on his side, weight on his elbow, flipping channels on the TV, ignoring Kevin. The lowering of his eyebrows and the set of his mouth warned of his bad mood. He was so tense and prickly that the air around him crackled with “don’t touch.”

Kevin reached out and trailed his fingers down AJ’s arm. “What can I do?”

Ordinarily, and with anyone else, AJ would have bitten a few heads off just then. Instead, he cast Kevin a dark look and said, “Fuck you.”

Kevin didn’t let that hurt. “I’m sorry. I think you’re a very strong person, AJ. Stronger than you know you are. Sometimes stronger than you act. You are passionate and you are impulsive, and you’re right, those are things that I love about you.”

“Other people can think whatever they want about me. Fuck them. They don’t know me. But you, you more than anyone, I care what you think about me. You know that, Kevin. You know that I want you to believe in me. You know that a hundred assholes can say whatever they want, but one look from you tears me up inside. You’re important to me, and your opinion is important to me, more than anyone else’s. That was always true, and you’ve always known it. And now I’m your lover, you accepted me into your bed, you had me thinking I was on top of the world. And then you drop this bomb on me.”

“I won’t lie to you, AJ.”

AJ clicked off the TV, throwing the remote into the darkness, rolling to face Kevin. “You will trust me.”

“I’d love to,” Kevin said.

“You will. I will fucking make you if I have to, but you will trust me.”

“And until then?” Kevin asked.

AJ’s eyes glittered in the dark room. “Do you want to make love to me?”

“Yes,” Kevin said, gently slipping the sheet from AJ’s body.

Justin spooned up behind JC, his arms around JC, their four hands connected in front of them. “I love you,” he breathed against JC’s naked shoulder, closing his eyes.

“I love you,” JC whispered back.

matthew@matthewtime.com
"Where You Belong" Part 48
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