Copyright April 2, 2002-October 13, 2003 by Matthew Haldeman-Time

Rating: NC-17 for graphic male-male sex

Pairings: Thus far we've had JC/Justin, Nick/Drew/Brian, Nick/Jeff, Nick/Drew/Brian/Nick/Jeff, AJ/Lance, AJ/Howie, AJ/Kevin, Chris/Howie, and partridge/pear tree.

Disclaimer: The young men who comprise the Backstreet Boys, *NSYNC, and 98 Degrees are their own people. The author has not met anyone here described, nor does the author mean to suggest that these people act this way in real life. This writing is a work of fiction. I make no money from this venture.

Dedication: This slashfic is for Ewan McGregor and the Savage Garden slashwriters.

Wherein Drew won't go behind Brian's back, AJ can screw anybody he wants, and could JC be mellowing?

Notice: First, read "I Need You Tonight," "Boy Lead the Way to Ecstasy," "Not Easy," "No One," "Rest in Peace," "Destiny," and "Together." I know it sounds like a lot, but it'll only take you an hour or two.

        “Hello, Joey,” came a low, smooth voice.  “I’m sorry; did I wake you up?”

        Joey’s heart lurched in his chest.  “Hi, Lance.”

        “How’s Justin?”

        “Justin’s great,” Joey said.

        “And Brian?”

        “Brian’s really great.  He really wants to help Justin.”

        “How are you?” Lance asked.

        Damn, that voice.  It was like having his dick summoned down Lance’s dark, silky throat.  “Great,” he said.  “How about you?”

        “I’m fine,” Lance said.  “How is Justin doing, really?  Do you need any help?  I can shuffle things around here, drive up for a few days.”

        “No, we’re okay here,” Joey said.  He was reluctant to tell Lance that they were going home, even though that was ridiculous.  For one thing, they’d be there tomorrow, which didn’t give Lance much time to do any real damage, so why not tell him?  But if Lance didn’t know, their showing up would be a surprise, and it might be nice to throw Lance for a loop, for once.

        “All right.”

        Joey adjusted himself in his pants.

        “Were you sleeping?”

        “What?”

        “When I called.  Were you sleeping?”

        “Yeah.  It’s okay.  What are you doing up?”

        “I’ve been thinking about…things,” Lance said.

        “What things?” Joey asked.  These days, he never knew.

        “Things like AJ.  JC.  You.”

        “Yeah?” Joey asked, for lack of intelligent response.

        “Yes,” Lance said.  “Joey, I think you’ve been lying to me.”

        “I don’t lie,” Joey said.

        “Maybe you’ve been lying to yourself,” Lance said.

        “About what?” Joey asked, not liking this accusation.

        “About how you feel about me,” Lance said, making it light, conversational.

        “I know how I feel about you,” Joey said.

        “And how do you feel about me?” Lance asked.

        “You’re my friend,” Joey said.  “I love you, Lance, you know that.”

        “Well, that’s…good to know,” Lance said, sounding like he knew Joey was holding back, and was amused enough to humor him, for now.

        “You don’t think so?” Joey asked.

        “I don’t think what?” Lance asked, his voice low, calm, and curious.

        “You thought I was lying to myself about…our friendship,” Joey said.

        “You say you’re not, and that’s good enough for me,” Lance said.  “I should go.  I’ll let you get some sleep.  Good night, Joey.”

         “Wait.”  Wait what?  He didn’t know what he wanted to say.  “Lance…”

        “Joey?”  Lance sounded so much like the old Lance, like his best friend, brisk and businesslike but warm and supportive all at once, that Joey wanted to grab him for a bear hug.

        “It’s going to be great to see you again.”

        “Yeah,” Lance said.  His voice softened.  “You, too.  Good night, Joey.”

        “Good night.”  Joey hung up and closed his eyes, slouching down again.  “Maybe you’ve been lying to yourself.”  Maybe, probably, definitely.  But about what?

        The kicker was, he knew how he felt about Lance.  Or, he thought he did.  No, he did, he knew exactly how he felt about Lance.  What to do about it, that was the real problem.

        “That’s great,” Nick slurred, rolling onto his other side, away from JC.

        “Nick, is Justin really coming home tomorrow?”

        “Yes,” Nick said.

        JC tucked his fingers in the back of Nick’s shirt collar.  “Tomorrow?”

        “Yes,” Nick said.

        JC tugged at the fabric.  “I’m not going to be able to sleep.”

        “I see that,” Nick said.  “Be a good boy and go play in traffic while Nicky takes a nap.”

        JC laughed.  “I could write another letter.  Do you think he read the first one?  There’s still so much to say, I don’t know if I’ll ever express it all.”

        “JC, you’ve barely been sleeping.  I don’t think you’ve really slept since you’ve gotten here.  Try it now.”

        “Justin’s coming home!  I have things to do.  I have to move everything into the new house.  I have to find a new personality.  I have to get him a welcome home present.”

        “Skip the present,” Nick said.  “Damn, I should get Drew something.  Okay, if you were going to get Justin a welcome home present, what would it be?”  He rolled onto his back; JC untucked his fingers.

        “I can’t get Justin a present?” JC asked.

        “You’re rewinding back to friends, just friends.  Do you get Chris something every time you see him?”

        “But Justin’s been gone.”

        “He hasn’t spent ten weeks lost in the Antarctic,” Nick said.  “Skip the present.”

        “He’ll expect one.”

        “He can learn a new set of expectations,” Nick said.  “That’s the point.  And what did you say about a new personality?  Your personality’s great.  You’re the perfect combination of sweet shy quiet guy, controlling arrogant pop star, freaky sex god, and eccentric genius.  That’s why we all love you.  No one’s trying to change your basic personality.  You just need to learn a new way to interact with Justin.  Behavior stuff, not personality stuff.”

        JC buried his face in his pillow.  “All I know are extremes.  Either I worship him, or he worships me.  I don’t know any middle ground.”

        Nick patted JC’s back.  “It’s okay.  We’ll all help you and make sure nothing gets too out of hand.”

        “I’ll have to hold back.”

        “Everybody holds back something, sometimes,” Nick said.  “Look, I don’t run around behind Brian on my hands and knees, licking his ankles.  We all hold back a little in our relationships, to give each other space.  And to keep some of our own dignity.  Drew’s very big on keeping his dignity and not chasing after me with his tongue glued to my balls.  You have to give Justin room to be Justin, and you have to keep some room for yourself to be JC.  You’re more than half of a whole.  You’re also an entire person.  You can’t neglect that.  And you have to, I don’t know, honor that in Justin.”

        “Justin has a right to be Justin,” JC said, turning onto his back.

        “Justin has a right to be Justin,” Nick agreed.

        JC reached for Nick’s hand.

        Nick let him have it.

        “I can do this,” JC told the ceiling.

        “Love him,” Nick said.  “Find new ways to love him that let him be himself.”

        “Respect his right to independence,” JC said.

        “Yes.”

        JC exhaled slowly.  “I love him.”

        Nick squeezed his hand.  “Keep loving him.  Find new, healthy ways to show your love.  You know that what you have now isn’t best for either of you.”

        “Whatever keeps him happy,” JC said.

        “He’s not happy,” Nick said.  “You know he’s not.  Happy people don’t act like that.”

        JC thought about that.

        “Besides, Justin will be happy or not happy, that’s up to him.  He decides that.  You can’t make him be happy.  Work on things you can control.”

        Nothing like reaching a new personal low.

        AJ decided not to view his evening as a failure alone, but as a wake-up call of sorts.  He’d fucked up.  He felt like shit.  His future was looking pretty damned bleak, what with the frightening and very real possibility that he’d end up without Kevin.

        He was going to have to do something.

        Something like get Kevin back.

        The question remained: how?

        He could take Nick’s advice.  Nick wasn’t exactly a guru, but he did have two very good, very hot men.  Nobody would get to keep either Brian or Drew, much less both of them, without knowing a thing or two.

        He didn’t have any other plans or ideas.  Not that he needed a plan; he could tackle anything blind.  He could throw himself into Project Get Kevin without any strategy at all.

        The problem with having no plan was not knowing how to start.  What was his first step?

        He didn’t need steps.  He didn’t need a map for his future.  He could wing it.  He’d see Kevin when he saw Kevin.  He say to Kevin whatever he decided to say in the moment.

        Taking Nick’s advice was really a natural thing.  Like Nick had said, “It’s not all about sex.  It’s about attitude and presence and making him want you.  Who knows more about that shit than you?”

        Who, indeed.

        It was hard to picture colors more vivid, or more artfully arranged.  No sunset could have been more beautiful.

        Yet, somehow, Kevin couldn’t help but feel that it would have been even more beautiful if AJ had been by his side.

        Jeff made a tired noise and crawled back up to him, sharing his pillow.

        Nick kissed him.

        “It’s a weird feeling,” Jeff said.  “I can’t wait to get home, I’m dying to be at home again, but I’m already missing the tour and thinking ahead to our next one.”

        “I know,” Nick said, his thumb stroking over the stubble on Jeff’s chin.  “I’m thinking the same things.”

        Jeff smiled.  “I’ll bet Justin’s thinking he’ll be glad to get away from us.”

        “I can’t blame him,” Nick said.

        “I know Drew’s not thinking of anything but getting home.  There’s nothing else on his mind.”

        “I wish this weren’t so hard on him,” Nick said.

        “I know.”  Jeff kissed him.  “The good news is, in another day, we’ll all be home. Justin will have a much-deserved reprieve, Drew will be saturated with Brian and Nick, and you and I…”  He grinned.

        “You and I what?” Nick asked, grinning back, already drawing him closer.

        Slow, teasing kiss.  “Can fuck wherever we want, whenever we want.”  Another kiss, another, less tease, more delivery.

        Nick found himself rolling right, on top of Jeff, his hands tensing on Jeff’s body when Jeff’s kiss turned dirty.  “Home, sweet home,” he said.

        So warm and loving it might as well have been “I love you,” Drew’s voice said, “Good morning, Brian.”

        Brian smiled.  “Good morning, Drew.”

        “How’s my timing?”

        “Great.  Talk to me.”

        “I’m coming home tomorrow.”

        “It is going to be great to see you.  I can’t wait to have you home again.”

        “Are you going to be able to get a break from Justin and come home?”

        Brian realized that no one had remembered to tell Drew about the change in plans.  He smiled to himself.  “I’ll make sure to work out something.  If worst comes to worst, you can come out here, can’t you?”

        “Definitely,” Drew said.  “I’d really like all three of us to able to spend some time together, but you’ll be home soon.  And until then, I’ll do a lot of driving back and forth.”

        Brian lightly plucked at the front of his T-shirt.  “What are you doing today?”

        “Radio interview, phone interview, photo shoot, concert.”

        “Busy day.”

        “The busier we are, the less time I have to feel sorry for myself.”

        “Drew, I’ve never seen you feel sorry for yourself.”

        “I try to be inconspicuous.  It’s all right for me to feel sorry for myself; I don’t want anyone else feeling sorry for me.”

        “Is it all right if we miss you and think that this situation sucks?”

        “Sure,” Drew said.  “It sucks extremely hard.”

        “Does Nick suck harder than I do?”

        Drew laughed.  “And the conversation took a dramatic turn.”

        “Does he?” Brian asked.

        “I’ve never thought about it,” Drew said.  “Nick sucks harder than I do, doesn’t he?”

        “Yeah,” Brian said.

        “I don’t think you or Nick do it any harder,” Drew said.  “Just differently.”

        “Nick has this way of making his tongue so soft, and his mouth so soft…”

        “Oh, yeah,” Drew said.

        Brian sighed at the memory.

        “Next time I go on tour, I’m bringing the two of you with me,” Drew said.

        “Okay,” Brian said.  “I’d love to go with you.”

        “Having Nick with me, it was great, it made me see touring in a whole new way, but without you there, it still wasn’t right,” Drew said.

        “You’re going to have to return the favor and come on tour with us,” Brian said.

        “I don’t know about that,” Drew said.

        “Why not?” Brian asked.

        There was a slight chuckle from Drew’s end.  “Ask Nick.  He’s been dying to explain it to you.”

        “Explain what?” Brian asked.

        “Ask Nick,” Drew said.

        “I think I will,” Brian said.  “Are you being mysterious?  The Drew I know and love is not mysterious.”

        “Not mysterious,” Drew said.  “Call it embarrassed.  Damn it, I only have a few minutes left, and I wanted to call Nick, too.”

        “Go ahead,” Brian said.  “I’ve had a good Drew fix for the morning.”

        “All right.  I’ll talk to you later.”

        “Absolutely.  I love you, Drew.”

        “I love you, Brian.”

        Nick pushed at the person in bed with him.  “Get it.”  Something felt wrong.  Nick opened his eyes, startled himself, and quickly recovered.  Right.  JC.  Okay.

        “I think it’s coming from over there,” JC said, gesturing.

        Nick rolled over and groped on the floor.  He’d been keeping his cell phone in his pants, to keep it handy but also to keep it away from JC.  There it was.  Hanging over the side of the bed, Nick said, “Hold on.”  He rolled over and sat up, giving JC a one-armed squeeze.  “You slept!  For hours!”

        “I did,” JC noticed, sitting up with him.  “Justin’s coming home, and I slept.”  He frowned.

        “That’s good,” Nick said.  “That’s normal.  I’m proud of you, JC.”

        JC blushed.  “Thanks.”

        Nick turned his attention back to his phone.  “Hello, this is Nick.”

        “Good morning, Nick.”

        “Drew!”  Nick pushed at JC’s shoulder.  “Get out, close the door behind you.  Drew!”  Nick draped himself over the bed, his head hanging back over the edge.  “Good morning, Drew.”

        JC crept out of the room, closing the door.

        “Who are you kicking out?” Drew asked.

        “JC.  We slept together, but don’t worry, neither one of us enjoyed it.”

        “Who wouldn’t enjoy sleeping with you?” Drew asked.

        “Maybe it’s my fault for not enjoying sleeping with him,” Nick said.  “He’s so bony, Drew.  He has muscle, but it’s not the same.  And he’s tall.  It was weird.”

        “Poor Nick, forced to spend a night in bed with JC.  The horror,” Drew said.

        “I was thinking of you the whole time,” Nick promised.  “And Brian.  And AJ.  And Justin.  And Jell-O.”

        “Jell-O?” Drew repeated.

        “I got hungry,” Nick said.  “How was your night?”

        “Jell-O free,” Drew said.  “I talked to Brian.  I masturbated.  Pretty big night.”

        “There was dick action and I wasn’t there,” Nick lamented.  “You’re still coming home tomorrow, aren’t you?”

        “Yes,” Drew said firmly.

        “Good.”

        “Do you have the information?” Drew asked.  “Which flight, which time, where you can get me?”

        “Brian put it somewhere,” Nick said.

        “It’s probably tacked to the board beside his desk,” Drew said.  “You can ask him.  I wish he were going to be home, too.  I asked him about it, and he said he’ll try to work out something, but that would all depend on how Justin’s feeling, and we can’t rely on that.”

        Nick frowned, then frowned harder, then realized how cool it would be to be able to surprise Drew.  Brian was going to be home, not just tomorrow but every day.  Either Brian was hoping to surprise Drew, or someone was very confused, but Nick went with it.  “Don’t worry about it.  I can give you a good welcome all by myself.  And then I can ship you off to see Brian, and you can get welcomed all over again.”

        “I can’t wait to see you,” Drew said.  “You, and Brian, and the two of you together.”

        “Enjoy the tour while you can,” Nick said.  “You’re going to miss it when it’s over.”

        “It’s hard to keep my focus,” Drew said.  “The closer we get to coming home, the more that’s all I can think about.  Now that it’s just a matter of twenty-four hours, I don’t know how I’m going to make it.”

        “Fly in, I’ll pick you up at the airport, come home, fuck me, and sleep for the next eighteen hours.  Then I’ll send you to see Brian.”

        “How about if we spend those eighteen hours making love?” Drew said.

        “Works for me,” Nick said.

        “It’ll be weird,” Drew said.  “Seeing Brian without you.  That never happens.”

        “It’ll be good for you,” Nick said, halfway wishing it were going to happen, for that reason.  “Guess who’s in town.”

        “Cary Grant,” Drew said.

        “AJ.  He came over last night.  I’ve never seen him worse than this.  It’s like he has nothing to hold onto anymore.  Everybody has this inner core of strength, and you build the rest of you from that.  It’s like will and determination and conviction.  Some people, like Jeff, his is rock-solid, it’s really in there, you can see it in his eyes sometimes.  Or Kevin, Kevin’s isn’t just his core, it’s everything, from his skeleton out.  AJ’s is coming apart.  It’s like he’s unravelling.”

        “What happened?” Drew asked.

        “Kevin.  It’s all a bunch of bullshit.  I know they’re going to be together.”

        “Why?” Drew asked.

        “Because they love each other.”

        “That doesn’t mean anything.”

        “The hell it doesn’t.”

        “Love doesn’t solve everything,” Drew said.  “There are other circumstances.  We don’t all end up with our soulmate in the end, like life is a fairy tale.  Some people end up with the wrong person, or with nobody at all.”

        “Bullshit,” Nick said.

        “It happens every day, Nick.”

        “What about us?” Nick asked.

        “We’re one example.”

        “Yeah, but that’s a lot of odd circumstances coming together.  You don’t think things happened, for better or for worse, to put us together?”

        “Like what?” Drew asked.

        “I wouldn’t have found you if Brian hadn’t dumped me.  Maybe that’s why he did it, so I could find you.  Otherwise, Brian and I would have stayed together, and even if I’d noticed you, I couldn’t have done anything about it.”

        “You think Brian dumped you so you and I would hook up?”

        “There doesn’t seem to be any other good reason he did it,” Nick said.

        “We’re going to talk about that,” Drew said.  “He’s going to explain everything.”

        “He’d better,” Nick muttered.  “Plus, once you and I were together, who says Brian would have come back to us?  How often does it happen that guys want back whoever they broke up with, plus the new boyfriend?”

        “You and Brian were meant to be together.  He’d want you back no matter who you were with.  And Brian and I…  I don’t know.”

        “You and Brian were meant to be together, too, just like you and I were.  But wait.  You said that Brian and I are meant to be together.  That’s fate and destiny and true love.  If Brian and I are meant to be together, why isn’t everybody?”

        “You and Brian are different.”

        “I don’t think we are,” Nick said.  “I think maybe we’re just more aware that we’re destined to be together.  Nick and Jeff are meant to be together.  But they don’t talk about it.  Brian talks about it.  It’s like JC and Justin.  They feel everything, they’ll say what they’re going through, they experience and express all of it.  They’re not the only ones who’ve ever felt like that, but they’re the only ones who let themselves feel it all the way down, and let it out.”

        “It can be hard to let out strong feelings like those,” Drew said.

        “Which is why some people end up so repressed.”

        “I am not repressed,” Drew said.  “But you’re right.  Feelings that strong can be hard to face, and sometimes it’s easier to pretend you don’t feel at all, than be strong enough to regulate it and express it.”

        “You are strong enough to face all of your feelings,” Nick said.

        “So are you,” Drew said.  “I have to get going.  I’ll see you tomorrow.”

        “Tomorrow,” Nick said.  “I miss you, Drew.  I love you.”

        “I love you, Nick,” Drew said.  “Good-bye.”

        “Bye.”  Nick hung up and rolled over, slipping, letting the top of his head rest on the floor.  Tomorrow.  Drew.  It felt like it had been ages.  It was going to be so good to have Drew back again…

        The door opened, then closed.  Howie, dressed and polished, sat on the side of the bed.  “Good morning.”

        “Good morning,” Chris said, and closed his eyes as Howie kissed him.  Howie tipped him backward, and he fell into the soft mattress, against the pillows, pulling Howie over him, between his legs.  Howie tasted like toothpaste, and he was wearing a black tank top under his button-down, which was two layers too many between Chris’s hands and Howie’s flesh.

        “Chris,” Howie said.

        “Hmm,” Chris said, getting rid of the button-down.  Oh, that ponytail had to go.  He tossed the elastic band, pulling Howie’s hair forward.

        “Why…hell…dressed,” Howie said, losing the rest of the words in their kiss.  Chris didn’t know why Howie had gotten dressed, either, but he had to be smearing pre-cum all over Howie’s pants, so he tried to push Howie back a little.

        Howie had a different solution.  He sat up, stripped, and dropped back into Chris’s arms, kissing deep in Chris’s mouth, rocking his hips against Chris’s in a slow, physical grind.

        Most people Chris had dated, including Howie, before, tended to say, “Not now, dear,” if he tried to get too much action while there was a chance they might get wrinkled or mussed.  These days, however, Howie seemed to have adopted Chris’s philosophy: good sex was not worth missing out on.  Clothes could be put back on; hair could be restyled; a good orgasm was forever.

        When he hit the top of the stairs, he hesitated.  He drifted right, down the hallway, and stopped outside of the guest room.

        “Ah…ah…ah…ah…”

        Nick put his hand over his mouth to keep from laughing.  He listened a little more.  It sounded like Howie was giving it to Chris, and Chris was about to - - oops, yeah, there that went.  Wow, he’d never heard anybody make that sound before.  Howie got a little louder, and Nick wondered how long it would be before, oh, hmm, never mind.

        He grinned.  Good for them.  No wonder Chris was starry-eyed, if he got some of that every morning.  Nick hoped he still got laid every morning when he was, how old was Chris now, forty-five?

        Nick went back towards his room.  He wondered what it would be like to have a relationship without sex.  Like when they were ninety and couldn’t get it up every day.  It would probably be pretty much like it was.  They’d still love each other, and tease each other, and push at each other, and say dirty things.  He and Brian were best friends no matter what, with or without sex.  And Drew was his Drew forever, and he was sure he’d be able to tease Drew or pick a fight with Drew just as well as in the future as he could now.

        They’d pick at each other, he and Drew, and the picking would escalate to fighting, and he’d say something and shuffle off down the rest home hallway, and Drew would try to chase him down in a walker, intent on continuing the argument, and then Brian would wheel up, a sudden roadblock to slow him down so Drew could catch up.

        Brian always took Drew’s side.

        Nick started the shower, stepping in.  So AJ was back.  Kevin had dissed AJ.  Lance was around.  He was keeping Lance in mind, because he didn’t think Lance was finished yet.  Then again, did Lance even have a real goal?  A true purpose?  Or was Lance just striking at random, without a specific strategy?

        They might have some leverage, if they could use Joey against Lance.

        Nick frowned.  Stupid.  He’d overlooked something important.  Idiot.  He had to talk to JC.

        Justin was curled up on the floor, in the corner, face hidden, shaking.

        “Justin?”  Brian hurried over to him, kneeling at his side.  When he put his hand to Justin’s side, he could feel the curve of each rib against his palm.  “Justin, it’s Brian.  What happened?  What’s wrong?”

        Justin’s breathing began to shake.

        “Justin?  Justin, it’s Brian.  Talk to me.  What’s wrong?”

        “What’s going on?” Joey asked, coming into the room.

        “Justin, I’m here to help you.  That’s why I came here.  Tell me what  I can do to help you.  Tell me what’s wrong.”

        “Is he hyperventilating?” Joey asked.

        “You’re going home today,” Brian said.  “You’re going home.  You wanted to go home.  Aren’t you happy about that?”

        “Put your head between your knees,” Joey said.

        “Or do you want to pass out?” Brian asked.

        “Nobody wants to pass out,” Joey said.

        “I don’t know,” Brian said.  “Justin likes to cause scenes.  Don’t you?” he asked Justin.  “JC’s the diva, but you’re the one throwing the diva fits.”

        Joey looked at Brian closely.  “What’s this?”

        “What?” Brian asked.

        “Are you…losing patience?”

        “When Nick’s upset, he’s genuinely upset.  When he acted out, it wasn’t for attention, it was what he was feeling.  Justin doesn’t know what he wants, he doesn’t know what to do, but we’re getting a series of dramatic acts, one after the other.  I’d have more genuine sympathy for him if he’d put some honest effort into deciding what he wants.”

        Joey squeezed Justin’s shoulder.  “He wants JC back.”

        “He won’t say that,” Brian said.  “Justin needs to admit what he’s feeling.”

        “Does he know what he’s feeling anymore?” Joey asked.

        “What is it?” JC asked.  “Is it from Justin?”

        “It was,” Chris said, and held out his hand, displaying a pearl bracelet.

        JC snatched it up, pressing it to his lips.  He dropped back into a chair, closing his eyes.  “Oh, baby.”

        “You’re welcome,” Chris said, and went to work on the “N” JC had abandoned.

        JC sucked a pearl into his mouth.

        “You guys ready to get moving?” Nick asked, walking into the room.  “Actual, literal moving from one home to another.  JC, what are you chewing on?”

        “It’s a bracelet,” Chris said.  “It’s a present from Justin.”

        “Hey!  Get that nasty thing out of your mouth,” Nick snapped, taking it from JC.

        “Hey!” JC said, reaching for it, snatching it back.

        “I know where this has been,” Nick said.  “Don’t put it in your mouth.”

        “Where has it been?” Chris asked.  “Do I need to wash my hands?”

        “Yes,” Nick said.

        Chris turned to the sink.

        “Ready to move?” Nick asked.

        “Let me start making calls,” JC said.  He kissed the bracelet, then fastened it around his wrist.

        “We can do that in the den,” Nick said, following JC to the doorway.  “You three’ll be all right in here?”

         “We’re fine,” Howie assured him with a smile.  Nick and JC left the kitchen.

        Chris dried his hands and leaned back against the tall cabinets beside the refrigerator.

        Howie started to peel oranges.

        AJ wrecked the “NSYNC” and started on “BSB.”

        “Where could it have been?” Chris asked.  “Unless JC accidentally dropped it into a full dumpster…  Or a dog slobbered on it…”

        AJ searched for more blue M&M’s.

        “He hits back, doesn’t he?” Chris asked Howie.

        Howie glanced at AJ.  “You, yes.”

        “Not everybody?” Chris asked, surprised.

        “Men, including you, he’d hit back.  With women, or Brian, or Nick, if they strike him once, he’s usually willing to let it pass.”

        “What about you?” Chris asked.

        “I’ve never hit AJ,” Howie said.

        “I could take it,” Chris said, calculating.

        “I’d prefer it if you didn’t,” Howie said.

        “You don’t want him to hit me?”

        “No.  I also don’t want you to hit him.  I told you that.”

        “It would make me feel better.”

        “It’s a stupid thing to do.”

        “It would make me feel better,” Chris repeated.

        “It’s up to you,” Howie said.

        “You won’t break up with me over it?”

        “No.”

        “You won’t be mad at me?”

        “I’ll understand.”

        “But you don’t want me to.”

        “No,” Howie said calmly, “I don’t want you to.”

        Chris eyed AJ.

        AJ, having completed a dark brown B and a blue S, checked the number of dark brown M&M’s he had left for the second B.

        “You’d hit me back, wouldn’t you?” Chris asked AJ.

        “Yes,” AJ said, eyes still on his masterpiece.  “Nobody lays hands on me.”  Then he looked up, his dark gaze pinning Chris.  “But you aren’t going to do it.”

        “Why not?” Chris asked.  He didn’t appreciate AJ telling him what he was and wasn’t going to do.

        “Howie’s asked you not to, and you love him so much you’ll respect his wishes.”

        Chris could have hit him right there, right then.  AJ didn’t know anything about Chris’s love for Howie, Chris’s respect for Howie, or how their relationship worked.

        AJ went back to his artwork.

        Chris pushed away from the cabinets and left the room.

        “I’m buying a house,” Justin said.

        “You can stay with one of us until your house is ready.”

        “I’m living with my mother.”

        “You need to stay in town and live your regular life, to show us that you’re over JC and you can move on,” Brian said.

        “I don’t have to prove myself to you,” Justin said.

        “You should stay in town for a few days anyway,” Brian said.  “You have a lot of stuff to take care of.  You have to change your name.  You have to separate all of your accounts.  Everything is in both of your names, but once you’re divorced, you won’t want to keep sharing accounts.”

        “You’re right,” Justin said.  “I want to take care of all of that now, to get it out of the way.  I want to be free.”

        “That’s right,” Brian said.  “I wonder how JC’s going to do with his new freedom.  The way I heard it, he was saving himself for you for a while before you actually got together.  He hasn’t even thought about someone besides you in years.”

        Justin raised his chin, but said nothing.

        Joey smiled.

        “Hit Nick,” JC said, making a note on a sheet of paper.

        “Why me?” Nick asked.

        “I don’t want him to hit me,” JC said.

        “Okay.”  Nick stood, making a come-on motion at Chris.  “Hit me.”

        “I don’t want to hit you,” Chris said.

        “Sure you do,” Nick said.  “You can’t stand the sight of me.”

        “I wouldn’t,” JC warned Chris.  “Brian and Drew won’t like it.”

        “I can take Brian,” Chris said.

        “Punch me in the stomach,” Nick said.  “They’ll never know.”

        “Are you going to hit me back?” Chris asked.

        “Not hard,” Nick said.

        “I don’t want to hit you,” Chris said, dropping to a chair.  “I want to hit AJ.”

        “Chicken,” Nick said, sitting beside JC again.  “Listen, I want to talk to you.”

        “Do I have to leave?” Chris asked.  “I just got here.”

        “Stay,” Nick said with a dismissive wave.  “Princess, you have to deal with Lance.  I know you have some weird little theory about how you can just live your happy life and not confront him, and he’ll be astonished by the force of your love for Justin, and repent and be merry.  Screw it.  Think of the damage this shit is doing to Lance, and to everybody else.  It’s doing damage to Justin, and your marriage, too.  Justin can say he understands, and he can say he trusts you, but the truth is, Lance is threatening your marriage, and you’re not dealing with it, and Justin can see that.  That’s not fair to Justin.”

        “Lance knows nothing will ever happen,” JC said.  “He’s playing around like he wants me, so he won’t have to face the truth.”

        “Then it won’t hurt his feelings when you tell him to get lost,” Nick said.  “You have to do it, JC.  For him and for Justin.  If you can’t tell Lance to respect your marriage, why should we believe you respect it?”

        “I love Justin!”

         “No shit,” Nick said.  “Tell Lance that.”

        “I agree,” Chris said.  “The way things are, we’re all starting to think you’re leading Lance on.”

        “You know how much I love Justin,” JC said, shocked.  “I would never-”

         “Tell Lance that,” Nick said again.

        “Can I talk to JC alone?” Chris asked.

        “I guess,” Nick said.  “I’m going to go get breakfast.”  He left the room.

        “What is it?” JC asked.

        “I want to kill AJ,” Chris said.  “Should I do it myself, or hire out?”

        “Why are you killing AJ?” JC asked.

        “Why do you think?” Chris asked.  “Because he wears ugly socks.”

        JC waited for a real answer.

        Chris made a disgusted noise and shifted in his chair.  “I’m used to being around you and Justin, of all people.  God, I wake up beside beautiful-perfect Howie every day.  But something about AJ, he walks into a room and suddenly I’m acutely aware of…  All he has to do is stand there and I feel out of shape.  Older, pastier.  I’m more aware of what my hair’s doing, what I’m wearing, everything.  He brings out every insecurity I’ve ever had.”

        “Because Howie slept with him?”

        “Yeah.”

        JC traced one of the numbers he’d written.  “I don’t know what to say.  AJ is…an amazing creature, and very close to Howie.  But I’ve told you, and I’m sure Howie’s told you, how amazing you are, too.”

        Chris jiggled his knee.  “Howie has to say it.”

        “No, he doesn’t.  He doesn’t have to say it, and he doesn’t have to be with you.  But those are the choices he’s made.”

        “You have to say it.”

        “No, I don’t,” JC said.  “I have plenty of friends I haven’t told how sexy they are.  The problem isn’t who says it.  The problem is that you won’t believe it.”

        “You know who I did believe?” Chris asked.  “Nick.  He’ll bullshit and bullshit, but he understands the importance of truth.  The power of the truth.  When he said it, I knew he meant it.  It was terribly frightening.”

        “Nick told you he thinks you’re sexy?” JC asked.

        “That’s none of your business,” Chris said.

        “But you trust Nick.”

        “Trust is such a tricky word,” Chris said, shifting nervously.

        “Have you talked about AJ with Howie?”

        “Several times.  We make progress, but not enough.  I have too many questions and roadblocks.  He can’t get through to me, and it frustrates him.”

        “Maybe you should talk to Nick,” JC said.  “He knows Howie, and he knows AJ.  He’ll tell you the truth.  Nick doesn’t have an agenda.  He doesn’t like you, so he won’t be nice to spare your feelings.”

        “Does he know anything?” Chris asked.

        “It’s worth a shot,” JC said.

        “Howie might not like me talking to Nick about personal things.”

        “If it clears out some of your questions and roadblocks, it should be worth it,” JC said.  “Or you could try talking to Brian.”

        “Brian?”

        “Your problem is with Howie and AJ.  No one knows them better than Nick, Brian, and Kevin.  When whatever happened between Howie and AJ happened, Nick, Brian, and Kevin were there for it.  You want the truth.  You want help.  You want to know whom to trust and what to think.  Nick’s going to deliver the truth, whether it’s pretty or not.  Brian can help you find the right path and guide you to where you need to be.  It depends on what you’re looking for.”

        “Which one of them is more likely to tell me that Howie and I are going to be together in loving bliss forever?”

        JC smiled.  “Brian.”

        “I don’t think my real problem is AJ,” Chris said.  “I think my real problem is me.  AJ’s just an easy target.  A visible, tangible enemy.”

        “Putting all of the blame and focus on him will only keep you from addressing the real problem,” JC said.

        “I know,” Chris said.  “I’ve been working on that.”  He jiggled his foot.  “You’re going to talk to Lance?”

        “I may have to,” JC said.  “I don’t want to.”

        “He’ll understand,” Chris said.  “He knows it all already.”

        “I don’t know,” JC said.  He scratched his forehead, frowning.  “If it weren’t for Justin…”

        “That’s like saying, if it weren’t for the fact that we breathe oxygen, things might be different.  Okay, maybe, if it weren’t for Justin, you might be with Lance.  Or anyone else.  But Justin’s here, he’s a fact, he’s the center of your reality.  Hell, if it weren’t for Howie, I’d probably still be wandering around from woman to woman, wondering why I couldn’t make my relationships work.  You can’t play if.  There is no if.  Justin is your husband.  Show him some respect by making Lance respect your decisions.”

        “I just don’t want to hurt him,” JC said.

        “He’s hurt all of the rest of us,” Chris said.

        Brian was singing while he made pancakes for himself and Joey.

        Joey took the potential weapons from their hiding places and distributed them around the house where they belonged.  While he was in the back of the house, his phone rang.  “Hello?”

        “Joey,” Lance said.

        “Hey,” Joey said.  He couldn’t remember when Lance’s voice had started doing things to him.  He couldn’t remember ever wanting it to stop.  It was part of Lance, that voice, and he liked it.  Maybe a little too much, considering the effect it had on him, but he was Lance’s best friend.  He was allowed to like Lance too much.

        “I wish you were here,” Lance said.  “I went out last night, by myself.  It’s more fun to go with you.”

        “How was it?” Joey asked.

        “It went all right,” Lance said.  “The guy I picked up had a great ass.  Small dick, but I wasn’t there for his dick.  Usually the guys you got for me had better dicks.  How’d you do that?”

        “Simple,” Joey said.  “I asked them if they were Italian.”

        Lance laughed.

        Joey loved him.

        “When you get home, you’ll have to come out with me,” Lance said.

        “Absolutely,” Joey agreed.

        “And you’re going to dance with me,” Lance said.  “You never dance with me anymore.”

        “We could dance,” Joey said.  “I thought I might be cramping your style.”

        “You’d have to work a lot harder than that to cramp my style,” Lance said.  “I have to go.  I’ll talk to you later?”

        “Later,” Joey said.  “Bye.”

        “Bye.”  Lance hung up.

        Joey missed him.

        “Shit!” Chris said.

        “What?” Howie asked.

        “Lance,” Chris said.  “We didn’t tell Lance.”

        “Tell Lance what?” Nick asked.

        AJ snorted.

        “Oh,” Nick said.  “So call him.”

        “You do it,” Chris said to JC.

        “We shouldn’t have to,” JC said, and looked pointedly at AJ.

        AJ shrugged.  “I’ll see him when I see him.  If you want to give him a heads-up, that’s your call.”

        “It’s simple human decency,” Chris said.

        “He’s my ex,” AJ said.  “If I stopped to call every one of my exes when I came back in town, I’d never get off the phone.”

        “You’re his friends,” Nick said.  “You’re the ones who are worried about Lance’s feelings.  You call him.”

        “I was going to ask him to come over this morning before we go take care of the house,” JC said.  “I’ll tell him when I call him, so he won’t show up and be taken by surprise.”

        “I’m glad I’m not the only one in the room who cares about Lance,” Chris said.

        “Are you trying to make us feel guilty?” Nick asked.  “We don’t like Lance.  Am I crazy, or wasn’t he the reason Howie ran out of here?”

        “Lance dropped some information, and he was the catalyst, yes, but…”  Chris struggled.

        “But what?” Nick asked, raising an eyebrow.

        “He’s my friend, damn it!  He’s Lance.  I don’t want to see him hurt any more than he already has been.  I want to be there for him when I can.”

        Howie leaned over and kissed Chris’s temple.  “Good for you.  You’re a good friend.”

        Chris gloated at Nick.

        Nick rolled his eyes.

        “Don’t forget your letter,” Joey said, and handed it to Justin.

        “Do you have your hair?” Brian asked.

        Justin, staring at what he held in his hands, backed up.

        “I have it,” Joey said.  “I didn’t want him to do anything crazy to it before we can get it to JC.  Where are you going?” he asked Justin.

        Justin kept backing up.

        “If you want to read it now, we can wait,” Brian said.

        “Maybe you should read it before you go home,” Joey said.  “JC wrote it for you while you were here.”

        Justin’s hands shook; he dropped the letter and turned to the wall, trembling.

        “Justin?” Brian asked, approaching with caution.

        “I think he’s on overload,” Joey said.  “Too much JC deprivation.  He’s no good to himself or anybody anymore.”

        Justin pressed himself forward into the wall, shaking.

        “Justin, do you want to go home?” Brian asked.  “Come on.  Let’s get you home.  Come on.”  He picked up the letter and tucked it into Justin’s bag.  “Come on.  Let’s go home.”  He put his arms around Justin, guiding him towards the front door.

        “God, it’s going to be good to get out of this place,” Joey said, following them.  “I can’t wait to go home.”

        “What have you missed most?” Brian asked.  “Real food that you can cut with a knife?  Women?  Your own bed?”

        “Lance,” Joey said.

        “What about you, Justin?” Brian asked, opening the front door.  “What are you looking forward to going home to?”

        Justin, on the threshold, stared out over the green lawn into the open world.

        “Stay cool,” Joey said.

        Justin didn’t move.

        “Do you want me to come with you?” Brian asked Joey.  “I can come back for my car later.”

        “No, take your car,” Joey said.  “Just follow us very closely.”

        “Justin,” Justin whispered to himself.

        “It’s all right,” Brian said.  “We’re going home.  You’ve been wanting to go home since you got here.  Now it’s time.”

        “What’s he worried about?” Joey asked.

        “I don’t know,” Brian said.  “Justin?  What’s wrong?  You don’t want to go home?  Are you worried about starting your new life?”

        “Where is he?” Justin asked, looking out into the world.

        “JC is at my house,” Brian said.  “With Nick and Chris.”

        Justin took a step forward.

        “Let’s go home,” Brian said.

        Justin stepped onto the front porch.

        “I’m strapping him into the back with duct tape,” Joey decided.

        “Lance, it’s JC.  There’s a lot going on today, and I was hoping you could come over for a few minutes.”

        “Right now?”

        “Right now’s good for me,” JC said.  “We’re starting to move into the new house today, and I have a lot of things to take care of.”
 
        “Sure,” Lance said smoothly.  “I’ll come over now.”

        “Before you do…  You should know…  AJ came back to town last night.  He came here, to Nick’s.  He’s still here now.”

        “AJ,” Lance said.

        “I wanted you to know, so when you see him, it won’t be as big of a surprise.”

        “Thank you,” Lance said.  “Is there anything else I should know before I come over?”

        “No, that’s about it.  Except Justin’s coming home today.”

        Silence.  Slow, ironic, “Really.”

        “Yeah.”

        “And when did you decide this?”

        “Yesterday.  Nick, Chris, Joey, and Brian had a conference call, and decided it would be best.  I don’t even know what to think.”

        “I’ll come right over,” Lance said.  “Bye.”

        “Bye.”

        “God, look at him.  I feel like shit bringing him back to JC looking like this,” Joey said.

        Brian gazed into Justin’s eyes.  “JC.”

        “Nothing,” Joey said.  “Not a flicker.”

        Brian put his hand on Justin’s chest.  “JC.”  He smiled.  “Justin, your heart’s racing.”

        “The heart does not lie,” Joey said.  “Let’s get Mr. Timberlake Chasez back to his husband.”  He and Brian stepped down, closing the door on Justin.  “Thank you,” Joey said to Brian.

        “I only hope I helped,” Brian said.  “You’re a true friend, Joey.”

        “Aw, shucks,” Joey said with a grin.

        Brian hugged him.  “Stop at the first McDonald’s you see.”

        Joey laughed.  “That was my plan.”

        They got into their cars and backed out of the drive, starting down the road for home.

        “All right,” Howie said, standing with him.  “It’s good to have you home.”

        “It’s good to see you,” AJ said, embracing him.  “Always a sight for sore eyes.”

        “And you’re always a sight,” Howie said.

        AJ laughed, releasing him.  “Nick, thanks for letting me crash.”

        “No problem,” Nick said, giving him a hug.  “Any time.”  Nick kissed his cheek and let him go.

        “I will see you all later.”  AJ strolled off towards the front door.

        “Gosh, does he have to go so soon?” Chris asked.

        AJ opened the front door and - - Lance.

        Lance looked up; their eyes met.

        AJ’s eyes widened.

        “It’s been a long time,” Lance said.

        “What are you on?” AJ asked.  “What are you taking?”

        “Nothing much,” Lance said.  “Is that any way to greet an ex, AJ?”

        AJ pulled him into the foyer, closing the door.  “What are you on?”

        “Nothing,” Lance said.  “Push me around like that some more.  I like it.”

        “What the fuck happened to you?” AJ asked.  “This isn’t you, none of this is you.”

        “You!  You happened to me!” Lance shouted.  “You happened to me, and this is what’s left!”

        “You cannot destroy my beautiful porn baby,” AJ said.  “He was too smart for this, he was too determined for this.  It wasn’t always easy but he gave and he loved and he trusted.”

        “I haven’t destroyed anything,” Lance said.  “You destroyed it all.  I’m just playing with the remains.”

        “Lance?”  JC and Chris jogged into the foyer.  Howie and Nick followed more slowly, cautiously.  “I thought I heard your voice,” JC said.  “AJ was just leaving.”

        “What has he been taking?” AJ demanded.  “What is he on?  Why the hell haven’t you done anything!”

        “What?” JC asked.

        “Lance doesn’t do drugs,” Chris said.

        AJ grabbed Chris and shoved him towards Lance so hard Lance backed into the door.  “He is high right now so don’t tell me he isn’t using.  Look at him!  He’s on something right now.  How long has he looked like this?  How long?!”

        “Lance?” JC asked.

        “Joey knows,” Lance said.  “Joey lets me.”

        “Fuck Joey!” AJ said.  “Joey would let you rob banks if you told him you wanted to.  He’d even fucking help you if you asked him.  How long have you been doing this shit?”

        “The tour,” Chris said, and jerked himself free of AJ’s hold.  “He looked like this towards the end of the tour.”

        “And you ignored it?” AJ asked.

        “We’ve all done it,” Chris said.  “It was never a problem before.”

        “You’re stopping this bullshit right now,” AJ said to Lance.  “God damn it, James, you were the one with the backbone.  Joey would just enable you, Justin can’t be any good right now, that leaves JC and Mr. ‘It Was Never a Problem Before.’”

        “For what?” JC asked.

        “To keep him off this stuff,” AJ said.

        “I’m going to be staying with Joey,” JC said.  “He and I can try to help.”

        “I can’t believe this,” AJ said to Lance.  “You’re better than this.  You’re smarter than this.  You know I don’t like the way you drink, but I never thought you’d be this fucking stupid.”

        “You didn’t know?” Nick asked Chris.

        “When we were on tour, I knew, but I thought he’d stop once we got home,” Chris said.

        “It’s in his eyes,” AJ said.  “It’s all over his face.”

        “He’s been acting weird, but he’s been acting weird anyway,” Chris said.

        “I will do whatever I want to my own body,” Lance said.  “You,” he said to AJ, “have no say in what happens to me anymore.”

        “Okay,” AJ said.  “Give me some.”

        “What?” Howie asked.

        “Hell, no,” Nick said.

        “Sure,” AJ said.  “JC wants some, too.  You have enough to share, right?”

        “You want some,” Lance said flatly, not believing.

        “Yes,” AJ said.  “Whatever you do, JC and I do.”

        “All right.  I just picked up some this morning.”  Lance pulled a small, clear bag from his pocket.

        “That’s enough,” Howie said.  “AJ-”

        “Back off,” AJ said.  “Come on into the kitchen,” he said to Lance.  “JC?”  JC followed them.

        “Hell, no,” Nick said again.

        “Isn’t AJ,” Chris started.

        “Yes,” Nick snapped.

        “I don’t think JC’s done anything stronger than marijuana in his life,” Chris said.

        “We have to do something,” Nick said.

        “I think AJ’s trying to prove a point,” Howie said.  “He won’t go through with it.”

        “He’d better not,” Nick said.  “Kevin and Brian would kick my ass from here to 2050 if they thought I let this happen in front of me in my own house.”

        Chris wasn’t going to let JC do this.  He went to the kitchen, followed by Howie and Nick.

        AJ was setting up lines on the clean tabletop with a remarkably professional hand.  That done, he took a crisp fifty from his wallet and rolled it tight.  Then he offered it to JC.

        “I don’t want to do this,” JC said honestly, looking from AJ to Lance.

        “Lance wants you to,” AJ said.

        “Don’t do the whole line,” Lance said.  “I do just enough to make things interesting, not enough to get trashed.”

        “Lance is your best friend, isn’t he?” AJ asked.

        “Yes,” JC said.

        “You love him.”

        “I’ve always loved Lance,” JC said.

        “You’d do anything for him.”

        “Yes,” JC said.

        “Then go ahead,” AJ said.

        JC leaned closer over the table.  He put the edge of the rolled bill to the end of the trail.  His hand was shaking.

        “You’ve never done this before, have you?” AJ asked.

        “No,” JC said.

        “Tip one, don’t die,” AJ said.  “You want me to do it first, to show you how?”

        “No,” JC said.  “I want to get it over with.”  He closed his eyes, breathing carefully, then opened them again and lowered himself closer to the tabletop, aligning-

        Lance shoved JC, hard.  JC fell into AJ, who caught him and glared at Lance.  “What?!” AJ demanded.

        “He was going to do it!  You motherfucker!”  He reached past JC to shove AJ back into the refrigerator.  “He was going to do it!”

        Chris pulled JC out of the way, then smacked at his chest and shoulders.  “You idiot!  Don’t ever do that again!  It would kill Justin to know you even tried something like that!”

        “I knew Lance wouldn’t let me,” JC said.

        Lance froze.  “What?”

        “I knew you wouldn’t let me,” JC said.  “I trusted you.”

        “Give me a freaking heart attack!” Chris said, smacking JC again.

        “What?” Lance asked JC.

        JC crossed over a few steps and embraced him.  “I trusted you.”

        “God, JC.”  Lance sounded like he wanted to laugh.  “You know you can’t trust me.”

        “I do trust you,” JC said.  “I love you, man.”

        “I never wanted to hurt you,” Lance said.

        “I know you didn’t,” JC said.

        “Don’t anyone hug me, or anything,” AJ said.

        Howie smacked him in the back of the head.  “Asshole!”

        “Hey!”  AJ smacked Howie back.  “What?!”

        “Don’t you ever!” Howie said.

        “I wasn’t going to do it,” AJ said.

        “You shouldn’t be that close, and you know it!  I don’t know what being that close to it does to your head, but seeing you like that does things to my head.”

        “It’s fine,” AJ said.  “I’m fine.  I knew I wouldn’t take it in, so I could block out the whole idea.”

        “You didn’t know,” Howie said.

        “Lance loved me once,” AJ said.  “Even out of respect for what we once had, even though we don’t have it anymore, he wouldn’t do that to me.  He wouldn’t sit back and watch me do that to myself.  He knows what I’ve been through, how things were, I told him all of it.  He loved me once.  I trusted him.”

        “Now what?” Chris asked Lance.

        “If someone can come with me to my house, I can get rid of what I have,” Lance said.  “And my office.”

        “I’ll come,” JC said.

        “You have house stuff,” Chris said.  “And Justin coming.  I’ll go.”

        “I’ll go,” AJ said.

        “I’ll go,” Chris said.

        Lance hugged JC again, then kissed Chris on each cheek.  “AJ,” he said, and headed out the door.

        “I’ll be fine,” AJ said to Howie, and followed Lance.

        “I’m not feeling good about this,” Howie said.

        “I’m feeling rather unsettled, myself,” Chris admitted.

        Justin chewed, swallowed, and smiled, reaching for his burger.

        “Drew, Nick, and I have food traditions,” Brian said.  “When we get Chinese food, Nick gives Drew his vegetables, and Drew gives Nick his rice.  Drew gets the soy sauce, Nick gets the duck sauce, I get the mustard.  Nick always finds something lewd to do with the egg rolls.  He’s very creative.  We break apart the fortune cookies and share the pieces with each other, because we’re connected and we share each other’s fortune.”

        “That’s romantic,” Joey said.  “The fortune cookies, not the egg rolls.”

        “You know how some people add ‘in bed’ to the end of their fortunes, so instead of ‘You will discover great wealth and riches’ they read, ‘You will discover great wealth and riches in bed?’  Nick always makes it…”  Brian looked around, like he wasn’t sure he wanted to say it in public.

         “What?” Joey asked, curious.

         Brian’s cheeks turned the lightest shade of pink.  “While sucking Drew.  ‘You will discover great wealth and riches while sucking Drew.’  ‘Your luck will change while sucking Drew.’  ‘Great love will come to you while sucking Drew.’”

        Joey laughed.

        “I shouldn’t have told you that,” Brian said.  “Drew would kill me.”

        “It’s great,” Joey said.  “I wish my girlfriends thought my dick worked miracles like that.”

        Brian smiled.  “I’m sure they do.”

        Joey turned red.

        “They’re delivering the new furniture I ordered.  They’re taking everything out of storage.  We found a company who will pack up the apartment and move it over.”

        “Which is where we’re going,” Nick said.

        “Yeah,” JC said.  “I want to be there for that.”

        “Are you sure you trust Chris to tell the delivery guys where to put everything?” Nick asked.

        “I told him I left the instructions at the bottom of the stairs,” JC said.  “Besides, Howie’s there.”

        “We should go through the apartment and get the stuff you guys are going to need,” Nick said.  “Before they start packing it all.”

        “Justin shouldn’t have to live out of a suitcase again,” JC said.  “He should be at home.”

        Ignoring that, Nick asked, “Are you ready to see him?  Do you know what you’re going to say?”

        “I’m going to say…”  JC hesitated.  “I don’t know.  I loved him, I missed him, and I want to be treated with respect?”

        “Tell him that your relationship isn’t healthy for either one of you, the way things are, so you want to build it from the ground up, starting out as friends, dating, taking it from there.”

        “Right,” JC said.  “I can say that.”

        “Tell him you love him and you missed him, that’s fine.  But no gushing.  You know how you are.”

        “No gushing,” JC repeated.

        “It’s sickening,” Nick said.

        “Justin likes it.”

        “Justin’s sickening.”

        “House envy,” Chris said to himself.

        “It’s enormous!  And it has everything.  Would JC mind if I went upstairs?”

        “House envy,” Chris said again, leading the way.

        “Stop that.”

        Chris yelped, rubbing the pinched spot on his ass.

        “I’m not having house envy,” Howie said.  They got to the top of the stairs and he stopped to marvel.  “It’s incredible.  I’d love to stay here on vacation, a few days, a visit.  But I couldn’t live here.  I need something homier.  This is…it’s too much, it’s like a show place.  Can you imagine the two of us here?  We’d get lost from one room to the next.  We’d be interrupted by tour groups coming through to admire America’s answer to Buckingham Palace.  Our house says ‘success.’  All of this says…”

        “‘I carry my wallet with a forklift.’”

        Howie laughed.  “That’s what it says.”

        “You wouldn’t like to live here in Trump’s dream house?” Chris asked.

        Howie kissed him.  “I want to live in our house, with you.  Our new house could really feel like a home.  This…  This isn’t our style.”

        “We bling,” Chris argued.

        “Chris, my Chris,” Howie said, putting an arm around him, “we bling on the pop star end of the scale.  This is bling on the ‘I rule the universe’ end of the scale.  We’re not ready to rule the universe.”

        “If you’re happy and satisfied, then I’m happy and satisfied,” Chris said.  “Any time you want more, you let me know.”

        “I am happy,” brief kiss to Chris’s cheek, “and satisfied,” sweet kiss to Chris’s neck.  “Thank you.”

        When he fit the key to the lock, and opened the door, he took a moment, looking in without moving, breathing the air.  Then, as if compelled, he stepped into the apartment.  “Justin,” he said, as if he could feel Justin’s presence there with him.

        “Let’s start packing,” Nick said, gently encouraging him towards the bedroom.  “The pros are about to show up.”

        “What should I get?” JC asked.  “Shoes, he’ll need his shoes.  All of his clothes.  His CD’s.  His games.  His-”

        “Start with a suitcase,” Nick said.  “And remember to get your stuff, too.”

        Stepping into the bedroom, JC sank to his knees before the foot of the bed.  “Oh, baby,” he whispered.  “It was our last night together, our last morning, and I didn’t make love to you.”

        “You’ll get another chance,” Nick said.

        “I never gave you enough of my time,” JC said.  “I was always busy with Lance or the Fools or the tour.  I didn’t pay you enough attention.”

        “That’s a load of crap,” Nick said.

        “I was doing what you wanted,” JC said.  “You told me to get a hobby.  And it feels good, baby, it feels so good to be doing something, working on a project.  I’ve had so much fun, it’s been good for me.  You understand that, don’t you, Justin?

        “He’ll understand,” Nick said.  “Justin likes to see you enjoy yourself.  You should have your own interests, and he can have his own interests.  It’ll give you more to be proud of each other for.  It’ll give you more to talk about.  And it’ll give you new ways to share with each other.  And while we’re here, can you get a new shirt?  You’ve been wearing the same one every day.”

        “It’s Justin’s,” JC said.

        “No more wearing Justin’s clothes,” Nick said.  “Not until you’ve had sex with him again.  Come on.”  Nick nudged JC with his foot.  “Let’s pack.”

        JC got to his feet, drifting to the closet, where he buried his face in Justin-scented clothes.  “I love you, baby.  I miss you.”

        “He’s coming home today, right now,” Nick said.  “There’s nothing to miss.”

        JC kissed Justin’s favorite sweatshirt.

        Nick sighed.  “Hopeless.”

        Lance sat on the bathroom floor.  “That’s it.”

        “Are you sure?” AJ asked.

        “Yes.”

        “Everything?” AJ asked.

        “Yes.  That’s the last.”

        AJ sat beside him.  “What’s been going on?”

        “It’s harder to take things out on some people than it is on others.  Some people take it better than others.  Some people I mind hurting more than others.”

        “Why hurt anyone at all?” AJ asked.

        “I’ve been hurt.  I’m spreading the joy.”

        “If I hadn’t gone to Kevin, you and I would’ve gotten back together.”

        Lance nodded.

        “I couldn’t let that happen.  I couldn’t do that.  If you and I had stayed together any longer, we would’ve started thinking in terms of forever.  We might’ve started down that road of getting engaged and buying a house and thinking this was it.”

        “When did you know?” Lance asked.  “That it wasn’t forever?”

        “When you and I were together, when I was near you, everything was clear.  But when I was away from you, when we were touring, it would start to get foggy again.  I’d get confused.  You were the same way.”

        Lance nodded.

        “I don’t know when I knew for sure.  Consciously.  I think it was only after I’d already gone to Kevin.  I only knew in hindsight what I was really doing, and why.”  AJ folded his hands.  “When did you know?”

        Lance laughed.  “Today.  This morning, when JC called me and asked me to stop by and see him.”

        “Is there someone?” AJ asked.

        Lance nodded.

        “James Lance, there’s someone out there you love more than you love me?” AJ asked, putting an arm around him.

        Lance settled into AJ’s casual embrace.  “Oh, yes.”  He closed his eyes, tipping his head back over AJ’s shoulder.

        “I’ll tell you mine if you tell me yours.”

        Lance opened his eyes.  “I know yours.”

        “I know yours,” AJ said.

        Lance shook his head.  “No, you don’t.”

        “Baby, it’s me.  I know you.”

        “Not anymore.”

        “You and I will always know each other.  You can’t get that deep inside someone and then leave without leaving a little piece of yourself behind.”

        “All right.  Who is it?” Lance challenged.

        AJ licked his lips and whispered, “Joey.”

        Lance gave him a surprised look.  “How did you know that?  No one knows that!”

        “Have you done anything about it?” AJ asked.

        Lance shrugged.  “I let him fuck me.”

        AJ laughed.  “Lance, you’ve always had balls.  How was it?”

        “Good,” Lance said.  “Very good.  I was impressed.  All of those years with woman really paid off.”

        “How are things now?”

        “I’ve been jerking him around until he doesn’t know which end is up.”

        “You’re going to have to stop that.”

        “I’ll stop using.  I didn’t say I’d stop fucking people over.”

        “This anger isn’t you.  I know you.  You want someone to love you.  You’re chasing after JC because you want that kind of deep committed love.  Joey can do that.”

        “Joey’s straight.”

        “That doesn’t have to matter.  Love is love.”

        “He’s straight.  He’s sexually attracted to women, not men, and I’m not looking for a platonic relationship.”

        “He’s already had sex with you.”

        “Once.  It was a fluke.  I pressured him into it.  He didn’t even want me to touch him.”

        “Love is love,” AJ said.  “Take what you can get.  He may not love you with his dick, but his heart is all yours.  That’s what you want.  That’s what matters.”

        “What about you?” Lance asked.  “Where do things stand?”

        “Kevin fucked me and walked out on me.  I’m not sure what to do next, since no one’s ever done that to me before.”

        “He needs severe psychological help,” Lance said.  “I would never have walked out on you.”

        “Thank you.”

        Lance kissed him.

        AJ sucked on Lance’s tongue, hooking his leg over Lance’s hip, letting his fingers crawl back over Lance’s shoulder.

        “Let’s,” Lance said, kissing him deeper.

        “We can’t,” AJ said, making no move to leave.

        “I want to,” Lance said, feeling AJ’s arousal thickening fast against his thigh.

        “Hell, yes,” AJ said, tilting his head for a better angle.

        “Mmm…”

        “Can’t,” AJ said, feeling that familiar heat in his blood as Lance cupped him through his jeans.