Copyright April 2, 2002-August 4, 2003 by Matthew Haldeman-Time

Rating: NC-17 for graphic male-male sex

Pairings: Thus far we've had JC/Justin, Nick/Drew/Brian, Nick/Jeff, Nick/Drew/Brian/Nick/Jeff, AJ/Lance, AJ/Howie, AJ/Kevin, Chris/Howie, and partridge/pear tree.

Disclaimer: The young men who comprise the Backstreet Boys, *NSYNC, and 98 Degrees are their own people. The author has not met anyone here described, nor does the author mean to suggest that these people act this way in real life. This writing is a work of fiction. I make no money from this venture.

Dedication: This slashfic is for Ewan McGregor and the Savage Garden slashwriters.

Wherein Drew won't go behind Brian's back, AJ can screw anybody he wants, and could JC be mellowing?

Notice: First, read "I Need You Tonight," "Boy Lead the Way to Ecstasy," "Not Easy," "No One," "Rest in Peace," "Destiny," and "Together." I know it sounds like a lot, but it'll only take you an hour or two.

From the update list: All week, Diamond has been fussing at me.

See, last week, I put up Part 31 of "Where You Belong." Due to some editing, I added and elongated scenes, which pushed what had been the last scene of 31 to being the first scene of 32.

Diamond says that leaving out that last scene changes the tone of the part, and I should have left it there. She wants everyone to know that originally, the first scene of this week's part was the last scene of last week's part, so you would have spent this past week with a different perspective.

        “I need Drew and a first aid kit,” Jeff said.

        Justin looked at Nick, who was sitting on the floor, head down.

        “I wouldn’t ask you, but I know Drew won’t come here if it’s just the two of us.  I don’t want to put you in the middle,” Jeff said.

        “No, it’s all right,” Justin said.  “Things are rough right now.  I’ll take one for the team.  I’ll be right back.”

        “Thanks,” Jeff said.

        Justin went to find a first aid kit.

        Jeff staightened up the room.

        Justin went to get Drew.

        Jeff straightened up some more.

        Justin, tired of Drew’s stubborn refusals, gripped Drew by the wrists and started to drag him out of the room.  Drew, seeing that Justin was serious, agreed to go with him.

        Jeff let them in.

        Drew stared.

        Justin handed Drew the first aid kit.

        “You want to start with me or him?” Jeff asked.

        “What happened?” Drew asked.

        “Nick decided that it would be a good idea to try to sabotage our relationship,” Jeff said.

        “Come, come into the bathroom,” Drew said.  “We need to clean…  You hit him?  He hit you?”

        “Quick, isn’t he?” Justin asked Jeff.

        “You’ve never…”  Drew didn’t know what to say.  “Was…”

        “No, it wasn’t because of you,” Jeff said.  “I don’t want you to take this on yourself.  You have enough to deal with.”

        While Drew cleaned up Jeff, Justin sat beside Nick.  “I’m going to assume that you hit first.”

        Nick muttered, “Yeah,” towards the floor.

        Justin smacked Nick in the back of the head, hard.  He shook his head and contemplated Nick’s extreme idiocy.

        Nick coughed.

        “I always wondered what would happen if the two of you really got into it.  I never thought it would happen, but I wondered.  It looks like you tore the place apart.”

        “What I tore apart was my marriage.”

        “You have fucked up.  Very badly.  Mammoth proportions.  But if you think that anything you do will ever break this marriage, then you don’t deserve to be in this marriage.  You can push Jeff to the limit, to the edge, but you’ll never go so far you can’t get it back.”

        “Justin, if I had a wife, and I’d attacked my wife like I just attacked Jeff, I’d be in jail.  I’d be in divorce court.  Anyone who beats his wife deserves no less.  Jeff isn’t a woman, he’s a man, but he’s still my husband, and it shouldn’t be any different.”

        “You’re right.  You struck your husband in anger, and that should be unforgivable.  That’s a one-strike offense, one and you’re out.  But it’s up to Jeff how he feels about it and how he wants to handle it.  It looks like he already took the first step.”

        “He didn’t want to hit me.  It was a while before he actually hit me back.  I wanted him to, so badly, in my head I was begging him, hit me, hit me, hit me.  When he finally did…”

        Justin wondered what that had been like.  Taking a punishing, physical blow from the person he’d pledged to honor and cherish, from the person who’d pledged to honor and cherish him.

        “Jeff hits hard,” Nick said.  “That’s a lot of power.”

        “I can imagine.”

        “I love the strength, the power of his body.  I never thought I’d force him to turn it against me.”

        Jeff came out of the bathroom, cleaned and patched.  “Your turn.”

        Nick got up slowly, looking like it hurt.  He walked into the bathroom stiffly.

        “Take a seat,” Drew said, gesturing to the closed toilet.

        Nick sat, avoiding Drew’s eyes.

        Drew crouched before him, examining his face first.  “You look like you’ve been in a train wreck.  This is worse than that damned video.”

        Nick almost laughed.

        Drew fixed Nick up, murmuring to himself, deciding Nick wouldn’t need stitches for the cut over his eye.  Nick, hearing that, was glad he hadn’t looked in the mirror.  Once that last cut was bandaged, Drew said, “Anything else hurt?”

        “No.”

        “Sit up straight for me.”  Drew reached under Nick’s shirt, gently tracing the lines of his ribs.

        Nick felt very vulnerable.

        “I think you’re okay,” Drew said, dropping his hand.  “I’m no doctor, but you’ll live.”

        Nick still couldn’t meet Drew’s eyes.  “Thanks.”  He wanted Drew to get up and go, or give him room to get up and go, but Drew wasn’t moving.  He swallowed and waited, wishing Drew would just leave.

        “Your marriage is one of the most important things in my life,” Drew said.  “I know how important Jeff is to you, and everything he’s done for you. Don’t let anything ruin that.”

        Nick’s jaw ached.  He felt sorry for any punching bag Jeff had ever worked.  “Are you…and Brian…”

        “We’re all right,” Drew said.  “I need to talk to Nick, I said things to him…  It’s getting rocky, but we’ll be all right.”

        Nick nodded.  That was good.  If he’d cost Drew any of Brian or Nick’s love, he’d never forgive himself.

        “Destroying the only things we have left…  That’s not the way to deal with this,” Drew said.  “I’ve been struggling with that myself.  The five of us, each other, our support systems, that’s all we have left.  Pushing each other away, driving each other away…  We need each other right now.  More than ever.”

        That was true, but it was almost tempting, almost easy, to throw everything away.  Impossible as it seemed, there had been something pure between him and Drew, and now that it had been horribly tarnished, that stain was spreading over everything Nick touched, over everyone Nick loved.  Nick felt that he, himself, was the stain, and that everyone would be better off without him.

        But Jeff had fought him, fist and fury if not tooth and nail, to keep him from running.  And now it sounded like Drew wanted him to stay, too.

        “You’ve been my brother for my entire life,” Drew said.  Their eyes met.  “I haven’t spent a day on this planet without you in my life.  No matter what other roles we’ve had, personally and professionally, we’ve always been brothers first.”

        Nick nodded.

        “As your brother, I want to tell you, don’t screw up now.  This is a test.  We’ve been tested before, and we’ve always come through it.  But we’ve never come through it alone.  If we come out of this onto the other side, and we’re intact, then that means we all make it.  You, me, Jeff, Justin, Brian, Nick, all of us.  You’re not going to make it by yourself, and we’re not going to make it without you.  Sacrificing yourself for the cause only dooms us.”

        “I don’t want you to have to go through this,” Nick said.  “It will be easier if I’m not here.”

        “It will be easier if I can face it with you, than if I have to face it alone.  Nick, you may have your moments, but you’ve always been there for me when I’ve really needed you.  I really need you now.  I don’t know how I’m going to get through this.  Brian and Nick can’t be with me in person.  I need you.  Don’t leave me.”

        Nick couldn’t take it.  In that moment, against Drew’s pain, Nick was cut to the bone.  He would have moved heaven and earth if Drew had only asked.  He’d just been informed quite thoroughly, if painfully, that he couldn’t leave Jeff, and now he knew as an absolute truth that he could not leave Drew, either.

        Drew stood.  “You and Jeff probably have things to talk about.  There’s Tylenol, I gave it to Jeff, you might want to take some.  I’ll see you in the morning.”

        Nick stood, supporting himself on the sink.  “Thanks for…”

        “You’re welcome.  Just don’t do it again.”  Drew left.

        Nick looked at himself in the mirror, then wished he hadn’t.  He stepped out of the bathroom.

        Jeff crossed his arms over his chest.

        Nick’s heart sank.

        “Yeah?”

        “I can’t sleep.”

        “Oh, come on, this is that romantic dramatic soul-connected stuff.  You eat this shit up.  You’re separated from JC, but you go to sleep, and he goes to sleep, and you’re together in your dreams.”

        “I know, but…  I’m worried that it won’t work.  What if I can’t find him?”

        “Oh, god, Timberlake, only you.  Look, don’t worry about finding him.  He’ll find you.”

        “Hmm.”

        “Liked that, didn’t you?”

        “It works for me,” Justin said.

        “Thought so.  Now go to sleep.”

        “Remember to call JC.”

        “I will.”

        Justin became more relaxed than he had been, pliant in Nick’s arms, and murmured something that sounded like “love you, baby.”  Soon, he was asleep.

        Nick lifted his hand from Justin’s thigh and snuck his phone from his pocket.  He called home.

        “Hello?”

        “This is Agent 69, reporting that the fox is in the nest.  Repeat, the fox is in the nest,” Nick whispered.

        Brian laughed.  “Justin’s asleep?”

        “Roger that.”

        “Okay.  I’ll tell JC.  How are things going?”

        “Good.”

        “Good.  Play nicely with the other boys.”

        Nick would have snorted, but he didn’t want to wake Justin.

        “Good night, Nick.  I love you.”

        “I love you, too.”  Nick hung up.

        Justin slept.

        Nick wasn’t used to sleeping with someone who fit him from head to toe, inch for inch.  It was creepy.  It was like cuddling up with Kevin.  Which he’d done, but not in the gay way.  This whole thing was just weird.

        JC straightened, pulling away from Chris, and walked out of the kitchen.

        Chris couldn’t believe this guy.

        “One of us has to sleep with him,” Brian said to Chris as they followed JC upstairs.

        “I’ll do it,” Chris said.

        “Can you be aware of what he’s doing, and wake up if he gets up?”

        “I could sleep against the door.  Unless he tries the windows.”

        JC was in the guest room, half-undressed, getting into the bed.  He curled up on his side, almost in the fetal position, with his eyes closed.  He cast his mind out into the darkness, seeking Justin.  If he could find Justin, if he could latch onto a hint of Justin…

        Chris watched him.

        “Let me know if you need anything,” Brian said softly.

        Chris nodded.

        Brian left, closing the door.

        Chris sat down against the door, watching JC.

        It was easier, tonight.  Nick had been with him, in this room, in this bed, earlier that day.

        Drew spent most of his nights sleeping alone.

        Drew wished for the comfort of Brian’s voice, Nick’s arms, but he was used to doing without them.  His emotions were so jumbled, it was a relief to turn off his brain and drop into sleep.

        Nick hadn’t slept alone in years.  He wasn’t alone, but he was very aware that the man in his arms was neither Brian nor Drew.

        He hadn’t given much thought to this aspect of the adventure.  Baby-sitting Timberlake, being away from Brian and Drew, not getting laid, all of that had crossed his mind.  But sleeping on his own?  In a Brian-free, Drew-free bed?

        Maybe if he called them.  Talked to them.  No, he couldn’t call Drew, Drew was…  But he could call Brian.  Except he couldn’t, because he might wake up the baby.  Damn.

        There was a soft knock at the door.  Lance came in with quiet steps.  “You got him to go to sleep?”

        “Yeah.”

        “Did you call Brian?”

        “Yeah.  Do you want to take over here?”

        “Uh...”  Lance shrugged.  “Okay.”

        Nick slowly, slowly eased his arm out from under Justin.  The second he removed himself from physical contact, Justin made an unhappy noise and rolled over, searching for him.

        Lance knelt on the bed, putting his hand on Justin’s chest.  “Easy, Justin.  Easy, baby.”

        Justin frowned, but quieted.

        Nick slipped from the room.  The door closed.

        Lance smiled.

        In the hallway, Nick realized he’d just left Justin alone with Lance, of all people.  But Justin should be safe.  Lance wouldn’t do anything to Justin when he or Joey could walk in at any moment.  Besides, Lance wanted to ride JC’s dick, not Justin’s.

        He got out his phone again and called Brian.

        “Mmm.  Hello?”

        “Did I wake you up?”

        “Nick?  Hi.”

        “Tell me a bedtime story.”

        “Hmm.  Once upon a time there was a beautiful princess locked in a high tower.  She had been cursed to sleep for eternity.  One day, a handsome young prince arrived.  He was charmed by her quiet beauty, and pledged to lift the curse.  With one kiss, she awakened, and fell in love.  They have lived happily ever after.”

        “Where do you come in?”

        “Well, there was this horny prince the next kingdom over…”

        Nick laughed.  “How’s JC?”

        “Asleep, I hope.  Chris is with him.  What about you?”

        “I’m good.”

        “Sweetheart.”

        “Oh, god, don’t,” Nick said quickly, cursing his own transparency.

        “Nick, sweetheart.”

        “I’m fine,” Nick insisted.  “I’m fine, I’m okay, don’t get mushy on me.  I’m just not sure I’m going to be all that good at sleeping by myself.”

        “Do you want to come home?”

        “You know I can’t.  Sure, that would set a great example for JC and Justin.”

        “What can I do?”

        “Jack off and let me listen.”

        “Nick, how will sex help?”

        “I want to listen to you pant all sexy in my ear.”

        “That won’t solve the problem.”

        Nick dropped onto the sofa in the front room, stretching out.  “I miss you.”

        “I miss you, too.”

        “What are you wearing?”

        “A pink tutu and a catcher’s mitt.”

        “Sexy.”

        “All the rage.”

        “I’ll bet.”  Nick listened to Brian breathe.

        Brian listened to Nick breathe.

        Nick yawned.

        Brian smiled.

        “I love you,” Nick said.

        “I love you, Nick.”

        Nick closed his eyes.

        Brian waited.

        Nick wished he could give Brian a good night kiss.

        Brian pictured Nick’s closed eyes, dark blond lashes, face at peace.

        Nick’s breathing evened, deepened.

        “Good night, sweetheart,” Brian whispered, and hung up.

        Lance had always wondered if Justin fucked as well as AJ did.  If Justin’s body could work it as well as AJ’s, in bed.  Justin could dance, but could he screw?

        He’d never wondered about JC, because there was something in JC’s smile that answered that question.

        Lance lay down, welcoming Justin into his embrace.  When he pressed his hard-on to Justin’s thigh, Justin inhaled suddenly, but did not waken.

        Good boy.

        With his arms around Justin, Lance raised one hand and tugged the curls at Justin’s nape.  Justin’s head went back.  JC had trained his bitch well.  Lance let his gaze travel Justin’s neck.  He could almost picture where JC would start kissing.  Where JC might nibble.  “You’re a pretty boy, aren’t you?” Lance murmured.  “JC’s pretty baby.”

        Lance had been called pretty, once.  Beautiful, even.  No one called him beautiful anymore.

        He’d even been someone’s baby, once.  He was no one’s baby now.

        They’d roll across the bed, kissing like mad, and he’d wonder how he could want one person this much every single day, and AJ would call him James, and they’d make love with a passion he’d never known.

        Justin shifted, rubbing against his hard-on, frowning, pulling at the fabric of Lance’s T-shirt.  He rocked deliberately against Lance’s dick, then rolled over and backed into Lance.

        Lance inhaled the scent of Justin’s shampoo and ground his dick against Justin’s ass.

        Justin moaned softly in sleep, confused and aching.

        Lance closed his eyes.  He’d wanted to fuck JC’s baby before, but never this badly.  He ground his teeth and balled his hands into fists, resisting the urge to reach for Justin’s dick.  He could do it, he could slid his hand over Justin’s hip and into Justin’s groin, he could rub between Justin’s thighs, he could slip his hand inside Justin’s underwear and-

        There was a hand on his leg.  Reaching back, patting up his naked thigh, skimming along the hem of his underwear.  Lance opened his eyes.

        “Lance?” Justin asked.

        Lance cleared his throat.

        “Lance, help me, I can’t find him,” Justin said, rolling over, wrapping himself around Lance like Lance was JC, bringing his hips right up against Lance’s hips like Lance’s wasn’t so rock-hard he almost came from the contact.  “Is he in Brian’s house?”

        “He should be,” Lance said, putting his hand on Justin’s back, feeling his balls tighten as Justin’s breath passed his neck.

        “Guest room, upstairs,” Justin whispered to himself.  “I almost thought I had him, but it felt wrong, so I woke up, and it was you.”

        Wrong, yes, it felt so fucking wrong it felt so fucking good…  Lance soaked up the feel of Justin’s muscular chest pressed to his.

        In another minute, Justin was asleep again.

        Lance put his hand on Justin’s ass and tried to hold his hips still, resisting the urge to rock his hard-on against Justin to climax.

        Nick didn’t know what to say.

        “Come here,” Jeff said, unfolding his arms.

        Nick stepped forward.

        Jeff beckoned.

        Nick came closer.

        “Funny thing happened one afternoon,” Jeff said.  “I got married.”

        Nick licked his lips.

        “To you, of all people.  Imagine that.  I don’t know, it’s strange, but I like to think that I take my commitments seriously.  And that one, well, I consider it the most serious commitment I ever made.”

        So did Nick, but he didn’t have the courage to speak.

        “Do you understand that if you want to go on without me, you’re going to have to kill me?”

        Nick nodded.

        “Good.”  Jeff stepped back.  “Now go to bed.  You look like shit.”

        His face hurt, his ribs ached, but nothing was as bad as the fear that Jeff would leave him in that bed alone.  Nick took off his sneakers, socks, and jeans, then eased off his shirt and lay down.

        He closed his eyes and tried not to think.

        A few minutes passed.

        The mattress dipped.

        Nick’s heart leapt.

        Jeff dropped a soft kiss on Nick’s temple.

        Nick shivered with relief.

        Jeff’s weight lifted from the mattress.

        Nick tensed.

        The door opened and closed.

        Nick opened his eyes.

        Jeff was gone.

        It was for him.

        It was all for him.  AJ’s tattoo.  AJ’s body.  AJ’s love.  AJ’s attitude.  It was all for Kevin.

        His pride.  His sexuality.  His independence.  All Kevin’s.

        Kevin complemented it beautifully.  Complemented him beautifully.

        Then again, as far as compatibility went, they were completely alike and completely dissimilar in all of the wrong ways.  They were awful for each other.  Kevin made him itch for freedom, and he drove Kevin absolutely nuts.

        Kevin knew him too well, and he couldn’t stand that.  Kevin was also too controlling and too anal-retentive.  Not that Kevin didn’t know how to have fun, because he did; he could loosen up quite nicely when he chose; but all of that proper religious country breeding had done its job.

        AJ drummed his fingers against his thigh.  The thing was, he really did miss Kevin.  Any day he didn’t make green eyes sparkle with humor or flash with heat or hell, even darken with disapproval was, frankly, a day wasted.  And now that he’d enjoyed the sexual experience of a lifetime, he wanted it again.

        He’d known Kevin would be good, but that had been…  God, it had been Kevin.  Enough said.

        Damn.

        AJ dialed Kevin’s number.

        Ring.  Ring.  Ring.

        A woman cleared her throat.  “Hello?”

        AJ hung up.

        So.  The infamous Molly.  AJ pictured her as strikingly beautiful, classy, sophisticated, everything Kevin deserved.  Hell, everything Kevin was.

        He knew that he should leave them alone, let them be happy together, wish Kevin well, and get the hell out of the picture.

        He hoped she was a great lay.

        He remembered the first time he’d kissed Kevin.

        He remembered that first time, and being so fucking hard, and wanting it so fucking badly, and the look in Kevin’s eyes.  Every time his body had begged for more, Kevin had looked so, so, so fucking greedy…

        AJ dialed again.

        “Hello?”

        Damn it.  Her again.  He hung up.

        Then something clicked in AJ’s brain.  Kevin wasn’t going to let her answer forever.  Especially if he kept hanging up.  Kevin was too controlling and too chivalrous to allow that to happen.  Grinning, smug, AJ dialed again.

        “Hello?”

        AJ’s gut dropped.

        “Who is this?” Kevin demanded.

        It occurred to AJ to say, “The love of your life,” but he didn’t.

        “If this is who I think it is, you can stop your damned phone calls and keep your fucking flowers,” Kevin said harshly.  “I’m not interested.”  He hung up.

        AJ literally dropped his phone, and had to hunt for it under the bed.  It wasn’t possible that Kevin had known it was him, wasn’t possible, wasn’t possible.  Kevin had just connected two elements of obsession, flower-sending and phone harassment, into one.  Natural detective work.

        Kevin didn’t know that he was the one on the phone, didn’t know that he was the one sending flowers, wouldn’t have said “not interested” to him.

        “If this is who I think it is…”

        No, Kevin hadn’t meant him.  Kevin had meant, “if this is the obsessive freak stalking me.”  Which, yes, that was he, but Kevin didn’t know that.

        Kevin couldn’t know.

        He’d been away too long.  He was getting paranoid.

        Kevin hadn’t meant those words for his ears.

        He made love to Molly, to immerse himself in another’s body.

        He told himself he couldn’t possibly have recognized someone’s breathing patterns over the phone.

        “Nick, this is Jeff.  I’m sorry, I know I’m waking you.”

        “It’s okay.  What’s going on?  Is Drew okay?”

        “Drew’s fine.  He’s better, I think.”

        Nick frowned.  Jeff sounded…odd.  Tired, but more than that.  “Are you okay?”

        “I hit Nick.”

        Shock sucker-punched him.  “What?”

        “I told him what’s happening with Lance.  He decided that he’s evil and needs to remove himself from his life for our sakes.  The problem was, to get out, he had to get past me.”

        “Oh, no,” Nick said, not wanting this to be true.

        “He started…  He hit me.  I didn’t want to hit him, but that’s no excuse, because the fact is, in the end, I did.  I hit him.”

        “How bad?”

        “Bad.”

        “Titans,” Nick said.  “How could he do this to you?  How could he make you do this to him?”

        “I’ll never forgive myself.”

        “I’ll never forgive him,” Nick said.

        “At first I tried to hit him in places the fans won’t see, but he wasn’t holding back, and in the end, neither could I.  His face…”

        “He wasn’t that attractive to begin with.  Don’t worry about it.  How’s your face?”

        “It could have been worse.”

        “Does Drew know?”

        “Yes.  So does Justin.  I can’t stand for Brian to know, but-”

        “Hell, forget Brian.”

        “Nick, I’ve been treading thin ice with him since I hit you.  Now this?”

        “This is Nick’s fault, and Brian will know that.”

        “I didn’t have to hit him back.”

        “You were supposed to stand there and take it?  Stand there and let him run?  If he was serious about running, serious enough to hit you, then he would have run.  You know that.  He would be long gone by now.”

        “I know, but there must have been something else I could have done.  I didn’t have to hit him.”

        “I’m not the smart one, but I know you’re talking to me, specifically, for a reason.  If this is about me and you, it doesn’t have to be.”

        “I don’t think I’m a violent person.  I never saw myself that way.  But this is twice now that I’ve seen violence as the solution.”

        “When you hit me, you were scared.  You were backed into a corner.”

        “If I was thinking enough to hit you instead of Nick, then I had enough sense not to hit anybody.”

        “There’s testosterone, there’s adrenaline, there’s tension, there’s anger, it’s all building - - you let it out.  It’s, what, aggression.  And Nick, he’s a big guy, I’ve seen him lift a small house, I’ll bet he wasn’t pulling his punches.  He’s the one who sent Brian over a table.  You had a right to defend yourself.”

        “Against my husband?”

        “Against anyone who raises his hand to you.”

        “It’s not that simple.”

        “This isn’t a simple situation.”  Nick tried to think.  “Drew and Justin know, and they haven’t come after you, have they?”

        “No.”  Jeff sighed.  “Justin took it in stride, like he always does.  I think Drew and Nick had a talk in the bathroom.”

        “Did you enjoy it?  Hitting him?”

        “No!  It was horrifying.  I wanted to throw up.  I hated every second of it.”

        “I’m not saying that what you did was the right thing.  I have no idea what the right thing would have been, so I think you did what you had to do, and that’s between you and you.  I know Nick fucked up beyond belief, and I’m kicking his ass when I see him again, but that’s not unusual, for Nick.”

        “You’ve never judged me,” Jeff said.

        “I never will,” Nick said.  “I think you should talk to Brian.  About this.  About everything.  The two of you are too hard-core not to be working together.  Now that you’ve crashed off your pedestal, and he’s falling off of his, I think things might work out.”

        “He’s falling?” Jeff asked, honestly surprised.

        “Yeah.  Against his will.  It’s like he’s crumbling or something under all of the pressure.  Something about seeing me again after being away, and something about Drew taking charge, and a bunch of stuff.  He wanted so badly to be perfect for me, and he was.  He always will be, just not that way.”

        “You love him so much.”

        “I do.”

        “I’m going to go and let you get some sleep,” Jeff said.

        “Okay.  Jeff.  Listen to me.  You’re not a violent person.  You’re just a person.  We all fuck up in our own ways at our own times.  You and Nick are going to make it.”

        “Thank you, Nick.”

        “Take care of yourself.  Take care of Nick, too, he needs it.  Good night.”

        “Good night.”

        Nick hung up and got more comfortable.  Jeff coming to him for help.  What a crazy world.

        “What?” Chris asked, telling himself that JC couldn’t possibly be possessed.  Not literally.

        “Where’s Justin?” JC asked, one hand gripping Chris’s shoulder, fingers digging in hard enough to cause pain.

        “I can’t tell you that,” Chris said.  “I can’t tell you that, JC.”

        JC physically dragged Chris away from the door and stood, pulling the door open and stepping into the hallway.

        “Where are you going?” Chris asked, scrambling to his feet.

        “To make Brian tell me,” JC said.

        That didn’t sound good.  “JC, JC, he’s not going to tell you.  What’s wrong?  Why do you need to know?”

        When JC turned, he grabbed Chris’s wrist with bruising roughness, but what caught Chris’s attention was the agonized despair in his eyes.  JC was in hopeless pain.  “I can’t find him,” JC said.  “I can’t find him, I need to know where he is, I can’t find him!”

        “JC,” Chris said, “you can’t literally find him in your dreams.  You can’t sit on that bed and be with him again.  He’s miles away.  You can’t telepathically communicate across miles.  You can’t do astral projection, either.  All you can do is close your eyes and love him and hope that he feels it.”

        “I can,” JC said.  “I can!  I just can’t find him!  If I could find him, we could be together again!”

        “JC, no,” Chris said.  “I’m sorry.  You can’t.”

        “I can,” JC said, desperate, crushing Chris’s wrist in his grip, raising Chris’s wrist and yanking Chris to him.  “Tell me!”

        “JC, I don’t even know where he is.”  He knew in general, but not the specific address, but if half a lie got JC to stop breaking his bones, he’d go for it.

        JC dismissed him and stalked down the hallway.

        Oh, shit.  “JC!  JC, get back here.  Get back here!” Chris shouted.  Trying to put authority in his voice, if not bass, suddenly he was channelling his mother: “Joshua Scott, you get your ass back here now!”

        JC paused.

        “Now!” Chris shouted.  “It is late, I am tired, I’ve been sleeping sitting up on Brian Littrell’s floor instead of in a nice warm bed with my gorgeous lover, so I am not in the mood for your star-crossed bullshit!  Get back here!”

        JC walked back to where he stood in the guest room doorway.

        “Get in this room,” Chris ordered, manhandling JC and closing the door.  “Get back on that bed.  All Justin ever asked you to do was to love him.  Not break the laws of physics, not break the laws of sanity, just love him.  You get in that bed and you go to sleep!  Think about how much you love him, have happy little I-love-Justin dreams, and leave the rest of us in peace!”

        JC sat on the bed.

        Chris sat on the floor, guarding the door.  “Don’t get up until I tell you to.  I’m not spending all night chasing after you.  Justin’s fine.  Justin’s asleep.  Like you should be.”

        “Do you want to sleep on the bed?” JC asked, apparently trying to be nice to the psycho.

        “No, because obviously somebody needs to keep you from running out the door at all hours of the night.”

        “I’m not going to leave the house.”

        “You’re not going to leave the room,” Chris corrected him, standing.

        “Not until morning,” JC said.

        “Are you sure?”

        “Yeah.”

        “You swear on Justin you won’t leave the room until the sun’s up and Brian comes to check on you?”

        “I swear,” JC said.

        “Okay.”  Chris undressed halfway and got into the bed.  It was a lot more comfortable than the door.

        JC lay down beside him.

        Chris scooted around, getting comfortable.

        “Chris?”

        “What?”

        “I can’t find him.”

        “Yes, you can,” Chris said.

        “He’s so far away.”

        “I thought you two had that ‘I’m always with you’ thing,” Chris said.  “You’re always with Justin, right?  Doesn’t that mean he’s always with you?”

        “I can’t feel him.”

        “As long as there is love in the universe, the two of you will be loving each other.  You love him right?  This minute, you’re in love with him?”

        “Yes, of course, I-”

        “Right, great.  If you’re in love with him, and he’s loving you back, that creates a sort of a circle, doesn’t it?  A connected system of love.  Tap into that.  Start loving him, feel that, and go from there.”

        “I’ve tried, I’ve been trying all night, and I can’t-”

        “You’re trying too hard.  You’re thinking too much.  Loving Justin is like breathing for you.  Relax.  Close your eyes.  Breathe in.  Justin, Justin, Justin.  Breathe out.  Justin, Justin, Justin.  Breathe in.  Justin, Justin, Justin.  Breathe out.”  He waited, watching.

        JC breathed slowly.

        “Justin, Justin, Justin,” Chris whispered for him.

        JC relaxed.

        “Justin, Justin, Justin.”

        JC slept.

        Crazy people sure were interesting.

        Brian dreamt of Nick’s smiles and Nick’s laughter and Nick’s kisses.

        For the sake of experimentation, Chris chanted “Howie, Howie, Howie” in his mind until he fell asleep, just to see if it made him dream of Howie.  It didn’t; he dreamt of running through a maze, trying to find JC and Justin so he could unite them.  The only person he could find was AJ.

        Drew’s dreams ran with blood.  His hands were covered in it.

        Howie fell asleep after masturbating to a shuddering climax, Chris’s name on his lips.

        JC tore the dreamscape apart, screaming Justin’s name, unable to find his meaning of life.

        Jeff quietly returned to his room and sat on the foot of the bed, looking at Nick.

        Joey took a cold shower.  Starting tomorrow, he was going to get a grip on his life.  He was going to help Justin.  He was going to stop Lance.  He was going to make sure Chris and JC and Justin and Lance were happy with their lives.  He was a good friend, damn it, and he was going to act like one.

        Justin got a good night’s sleep, knowing he was going to need it.

        Justin, lost and alone, called for JC past all hope.

        Lance fought the urge to take advantage of Justin’s vulnerability, not willing to act until he knew whether he wanted to touch Justin’s beauty or destroy it.

        Kevin sat outside, looking up at the stars, recalling the long sweep of AJ’s lashes, refusing to indulge himself by dwelling on less or more.

        Nick dreamed about being on 98’s bus with Drew.

        Nick gave up on feigning sleep and pushed himself up to sit against the headboard, spending hours sharing silence with Jeff.

        He checked on Justin.  He was surprised to see him draped over Lance, fingers curled in Lance’s shirt, cheek pressed to cheek.  Justin had made it through the night, though, so Joey decided not to worry about Lance being left alone with him.

        Nick was asleep in the living room, about to fall off the sofa.

        Joey made coffee and started searching for something to make for breakfast.  As he was opening a carton of eggs, Nick ambled in, sleep-rumpled, and sat at the table.

        “You might want to try a bed next time,” Joey said.

        “I’ll look into it,” Nick said, and yawned.

        Joey cast another glance in Nick’s direction.  He still wasn’t sure what it was about Nick that drew people.  Not just people; Brian.  What did Brian see in Nick, to make Brian love that deeply?

        Nick stood, stretching, and began to open cupboards.

        Okay, so he was double-jointed.  That still didn’t explain it.  Was it the sex?  Brian had hormones like any other guy, and if Nick was as easy as rumor had it, maybe that was it.  But how good could Nick be, really?

        Bowl of cereal in hand, Nick sat down again.

        If Brian were cheating, Nick would know.  If Brian were a manipulative fake, Nick would know.  If all of those pretty words were lies, Nick would know.

        “Fire,” Nick said.

        “What?” Joey asked, coming out of his haze.  “Oh!  Fuck!”  Joey dropped the pan into the sink, turning on the faucet.  “Damn it.”

        “Famous Italian chefs,” Nick said to himself, and scooped up more cereal.

        “Can you cook?” Joey asked, needing to start the conversation somewhere.

        “That’s what take-out’s for,” Nick said.  “Either stop staring at me or tell me what’s going on.”

        The truth couldn’t hurt.  “I’m wondering why Brian’s in love with you.  As much as he is,” Joey amended quickly, hearing how rude that had sounded.  It was still rude, but he didn’t know how else to phrase it.

        Nick pursed his lips, surveying Joey across the kitchen.  “You like him, don’t you?”

        “Brian?  He’s a great guy,” Joey said.

        “Kind of cute, too,” Nick said.

        “I guess,” Joey said, like it was vaguely occurring to him for the first time.

        Nick grinned, obviously not fooled, and ate another spoonful.  “So, what, you’re wondering what he sees in me?”

        “Kind of,” Joey said.

        “If you ask him, he’ll probably tell you.”

        “You don’t know?”

        “Brian loves me on a lot of levels.  The best friend level, the sex level, the soulmate level, a bunch of others.  And for each of those levels, he has a bunch of reasons.”

        Joey decided to venture farther.  “It must be hard.  Maintaining your relationship with Brian and Drew.”

        “I don’t know.  We’ve had our ups and downs, but JC and Justin have a two-person relationship, and look at them.”

        “Brian really missed you, when he was on the tour.”

        “Do you want something?” Nick asked.  “We don’t get along, we never talk to each other, all of a sudden you’re all in my business.”

        “I’m trying to make conversation,” Joey said.  “We’re stuck here together; I’m trying to be nice.”

        “Fine.  Yes, Brian missed me.  Drew and I missed him.”

        Joey went for it.  “You’re exclusive, aren’t you?”

        “What the hell kind of question is that?” Nick asked, frowning at him.  “Maybe you think things about me, whatever, fuck you, but don’t start that shit with Drew and Brian.  If you’ve ever talked to Brian about me or Drew, you’d know better.  Drew, I’m his fucking world, he loves me, and he’s married to Brian, you think they take that lightly?  Brian’s committed to us, we always come first, he doesn’t look at other guys.  Brian and Drew don’t know that other guys exist.  And me, I have them at home, I’m not fucking that up.”

        That sure answered his question.  “That came out wrong,” Joey said.

        “Yeah, it sure did,” Nick said.  “Good thing you asked me, too.  You question Brian’s commitment to me and Drew, he’ll rip you a new one.”

        Jeff was still sitting on the foot of the bed.

        Nick was still sitting against the headboard.

        They couldn’t stop looking at each other, but they also couldn’t make eye contact.

        Nick was going to let Jeff have the first words.

        When Jeff broke the long silence, his question was unexpected.  “What are you thinking about?”

        Nick respected Jeff enough to be honest.  “Seeing you in the hospital.  Almost losing you then.”  Since Jeff’s head was lowered, he risked a glance up from Jeff’s feet, taking in what he could before dropping his gaze again.  “What were you thinking about?”

        “The feel of my fist hitting your flesh was sickening.  The sound of it was sickening.  The sight of it was sickening.  I could taste my own blood but I thought it was yours.”

        Nick sat forward.  “Jeff.”

        “You’re good,” Jeff said.  “You’re really good.  You knew exactly the worst thing you could do to me, and you did it.”

        Guilt lanced him.  “I thought-”

        “I almost let you get away with it, I almost - - it was like, I can’t do this, this is the worst thing possible, nothing could be worse than this, I can’t.  And then I realized, no, there would be something worse.  If he left me, if he were gone, that would be worse.  I can take anything, but I can’t take that.”

        Nick’s chest was tight.  “What can I do?”

        “I thought I was safe with you.  You know my insecurities, you know my fears, better than anyone.  You know that the one thing I never want to do is come at anyone I love in aggression or violence.  You forced me into living out my fear.”

        “What can I do?” Nick asked, his stomach in agonized knots as he wondered if Jeff would ever meet his eyes again.

        “I’m not going to forgive myself,” Jeff said.  “I can’t.  That’s not possible.”  He closed his eyes.

        Damn it, Nick didn’t know what to do, he didn’t know what to do.  “I don’t know what I’ve done.  I don’t know what this is.  I don’t know where we are now.  If you think you’ve crossed some line and changed things forever, you haven’t.  I have, but you haven’t.  I’m not afraid of you.  If we get into a fight I won’t be afraid of you hitting me again.  If you shove me against a wall to grope me it’s going to feel as good as it always does.  You haven’t damaged what we have.  I have.”

        “I beat you up,” Jeff said, raising his head, eyes blazing.

        Eye contact.  “I gave as good as I got,” Nick said.  His tone was calm, but his heart wasn’t.  This was it, that surge, that connection, the one that made them wrestle across beds and kick headboards, the one that made them fuck each other on the weight room floor.  Nick was attracted to Jeff’s power, and Jeff was attracted to his in return.  There was something about the flex of Jeff’s muscle, and the iron will behind it, that pushed buttons Nick hadn’t known he had, before Jeff.

        “There is no excuse for what I did,” Jeff said.

        “I’m not asking for excuses.”

        “Don’t you ever leave me!” Jeff shouted.  It was abrupt, yes, but it came out like he’d been holding it back.  “Don’t you ever fucking leave me!”

        “I won’t,” Nick said, capturing Jeff’s hand, trying to tug Jeff closer.  “Come here.  I won’t leave you.”  He pulled more insistently, his other hand coming forward to cup Jeff’s elbow, reeling Jeff in bit by bit.  “I’m an asshole, I was reacting to a bad situation, I deserved to get smacked around a little.  Come here.”

        “I don’t think you’ve ever understood how much I love you,” Jeff said.

        “I do,” Nick said.  “You show me.”  He pulled Jeff into his embrace, and there.  Having Jeff in his arms again completed his world.  Everything was fucked up, everything, he still might lose it all, but now, now, he had Jeff.

        “I love your body,” Jeff said, temple on his shoulder, one hand carefully placed on his chest.  “I love your face.  I love your skin.”

        “It’s okay,” Nick said.  “You did what you had to do.”

        “I can’t believe you’d try to leave me.  You should be able to trust me.  You should know that we can get through this.  After everything we’ve been through, having you run from me, no trust, no faith, like I have nothing to offer in your time of need-”

        “It wasn’t like that,” Nick said, cut deep.  “I wasn’t thinking that.”

        “You were talking about leaving me and I was like no, that’s never going to happen, I won’t even address it, that’s so fucking ridiculous I’m not going to humor him by arguing about it.  Leave me?  We’ve put years of effort into this marriage.  What the hell do you think I got out of that hospital bed for?  Damn you.”  Jeff closed his eyes.  “Damn you, Nick.”

        Nick held onto him.

        “How could you repay my love with this?” Jeff whispered.

        Nick didn’t know what to say.

        Minutes passed.

        Nick wondered what they were going to do now.

        Jeff looked like he was about to fall asleep.

        Nick’s ribs didn’t appreciate the weight, but Nick’s heart did.

        “God, you hit hard,” Jeff muttered.

        It wasn’t funny, but Nick found himself smiling anyway.

        “If I did what I had to do, then maybe you did, too,” Jeff said.  His eyes were open again.  “You were trying to leave me, and you know there was only one way to do it.  I was trying to keep you, and I knew there was only one way to do it.”

        “Yeah.”

        “I need a shower,” Jeff said, moving back, sitting up.  “You coming with me?”

        “Brian, this is freaking nuts,” Nick whispered.  “Fatone just freaking interrogated me on our relationship.  Lance must have told him something.  He’s worried about something or, I don’t know, Lance had to have said something, there’s no other reason he’d be asking me questions like that.”

        “Nick, slow down,” Brian said, closing his bedroom door.  “What did he say?”

        “At first it was weird, because when does he ever sit down and talk to me?  He asked me if it’s hard, having a three-person relationship, and I was like, okay, weird, whatever, why the hell would he care?  And then, get this, he fucking asked me if we’re exclusive.  Duh, jackass, so I told him yes, because we are.  I mean, you know what I mean.”

        “He asked you if we’re exclusive?”

        “Not a normal question, right?”

        “No, it’s not,” Brian said.

        “Lance must have been shitting inside his brain or something.  My only question is, is Lance talking to anybody else?”

        “What would he tell them?  We don’t know what he knows, or what he thinks he knows.  If Joey was asking you about it, then Joey didn’t completely believe Lance.”

        “And I think if anybody’s going to believe Lance, it’ll be Joey.  So if Joey doesn’t believe him, no one else will.”

        “It’s not a very believable story,” Brian pointed out.

        “But Joey has a hard-on for you, so he wouldn’t want to think you’d do that, anyway.”

        “He does not,” Brian said.  “How’s Justin?”

        “Still asleep.  How’s JC?”

        “I’m about to go check on him.”

        “They made it through the night,” Nick said.  “Maybe this will be easier than we thought.”

        “I miss you.”

        “Are you still having a mental breakdown?”

        “A slow melt-down, yes,” Brian said.

        “You want me to come home?”

        “Yes, but don’t.”

        “Okay.  Love you.”

        “Love you.”

        Nick gave Brian a mental kiss and hung up.

        Their lovemaking was always physical; today it was even more so, more than rough around the edges, as they pushed and pulled at each other, taking what they wanted.  Nick left new bruises on Jeff, bruises of passion, some from his hands, some from his mouth, some from when they hit the floor.  When they were claiming the bed again, and Jeff flipped him onto his back, Jeff’s rough-quick fingers stealing inside him penetrated so deep, so fast, he kicked out and slammed his foot against the headboard so hard it hurt, but he didn’t care.

        Jeff was kissing him as hard as he was kissing back, and Jeff’s fingers were pushing deep inside, fucking, taking.  He rose up and rolled them over, grinding his hips down against Jeff’s hand, leaving a bruising kiss on Jeff’s throat.  His mind was running with take me do it take me just fucking take me but all he could get out was, “Take.”  Jeff’s fingers twisted, setting off cruel, hot sparks deep in his body, and but that wasn’t enough, he wanted more, that wasn’t it, that wasn’t right, he wanted more, “More.”

        His hands clutched at the muscles in Jeff’s back, fingers seeking purchase over sweat-slick skin.  Jeff rose over him, kissing his face, sucking at his mouth, teeth scraping his chin, fingers leaving him empty.  “Over.”

        Nick turned, knees apart, hips up, offering his ass without shame.  Jeff palmed his balls, guiding him back.  The hardening of Nick’s dick was nothing compared to the clenching of his heart.  They’d forfeit their right to this, but nothing would keep them apart, nothing.  The need to join with Jeff right there, right then, burned through Nick’s blood, and he made angry, desperate fists in the bedclothes, barely holding back a growl.  He wanted Jeff now, now, now, now, now.

        Jeff pushed his thighs even further apart, and the rough touch brought a desperate, choked groan to Nick’s throat.  He lowered his head, panting, burning, almost deaf to his own harsh, heaving breaths.  He couldn’t take this, he couldn’t wait any longer, it had to be now, it had to be now or he’d explode, had to be now or he’d-

        Thick and blunt, Jeff’s cockhead was there, right there, against him where he wanted it most.  In sheer desperation, in hunger close to fury, Nick jacked his hips back, forcing himself onto Jeff with a fierce grunt.  Jeff responded with a hard slam into him, so hard Nick slid forward on the bed, and in an agonizing burst of ecstasy, Jeff was in.

        Nick’s body was on fire, the fire of pain, the fire of need.  Muscles taut, he rocked back every time Jeff rocked forward, meeting in a jarring flare of heat.  Passion seared his flesh as Jeff’s hands rode up his torso and down again, first over his back, ass to shoulders, then his sides, then his chest.  The careless pinch to his right nipple sent a quick shock to his groin.

        When Jeff’s hand roughly grasped his erection, Nick groaned in helpless relief and desperate need.  Jeff jacked him so harshly, so crudely, that he knew this was how Jeff jerked off, knew this was what Jeff would do to himself, and with that, he came, jetting thick strands over Jeff’s hand and onto the bed.

        The second he was milked dry, Jeff’s hand left him and Jeff pulled out, pushing him over.  He realized that that had been only the beginning, practically foreplay.  That had been for him.  This was going to be for Jeff.

        Jeff’s thumb thrust into him, Jeff’s fingers curving down over his ass and lifting him from the bed.  Nick jammed a pillow under his hips, and Jeff dropped him, planting a hand on either side of his shoulders, leaning in.  Nick shuddered with anticipation, trying to hold still, as Jeff pressed against him, full body, sweat-slick temple to sweat-slick temple.

        Nick hugged Jeff’s hips with his thighs, groaning at the feel of Jeff’s erection against him.

        “Stay,” Jeff whispered.

        “Yes,” Nick whispered back, closing his eyes, straining to move against Jeff’s cock.

        Jeff’s weight held him down.  “Stay,” Jeff repeated, making sure he heard.

        “Yes,” Nick said, and ground his hips up against Jeff’s hard erection, groaning.  The muscles in his ass clenched tight, wanting it.

        Jeff gripped Nick’s hips and held them steady where he wanted them.

        Nick felt the head of Jeff’s dick nudge past his balls, and hissed, arching.

        Jeff took Nick’s body by storm.  Fucking, claiming, rutting, burning, aching, groaning, growling, pushing, pulling.  He fucked Nick all over the bed, pulling out to flip Nick over and go in again, his hands everywhere, his lust everywhere, his breath harsh panting stuttering over brief snatches of words: “Nick…  Want…  Nick…  Stay…  Love…”  He kissed Nick roughly, holding Nick’s jaw in one hand, taking what he wanted.

        He fucked Nick hard, as hard as Nick’s body could take it, harder than Nick’s body could take it, slamming his huge dick deep inside like a force of nature.  Nick was no longer in control of his own body, no longer in control of his own reactions, groaning on every thrust, sweating, clutching, calling out Jeff’s name, deaf to every sound but Jeff’s voice, blind to every sight but the passion in Jeff’s eyes, coming at his body’s discretion.

        Nick was slick and sticky with sweat and cum.  His body ached.  Jeff was heavy on top of him, weighing him down, face against his shoulder.

        Nick had no energy to speak and no desire to move.  Ever.

        “I think we’ve abused our bodies enough ways now,” Jeff said.

        Talking was an effort, but for Jeff, he’d try.  “We could jump out of an airplane.”

        “Never in my life,” Jeff said, his voice exhausted bit distinct against Nick’s shoulder.

        Nick tried to breathe deeply, but gave up under Jeff’s bulk.  “I think we’re slightly nuts.”

        Jeff sounded amused.  “I think we’re slightly passionate about each other.”

        “I can’t believe we just…”

        “Just what?  Just beat each other up, or just made love after beating each other up?”

        “I can’t believe you didn’t just let me go,” Nick said.

        “How could I?  How could I do that?  Let you go?”

        “But it cost you so much.”

        “You knew what you were asking me to do.  I knew what you were asking me to do.”

        “You’d rather resort to any measure, any, than raise your hand to me.”

        “I’d rather resort to any measure, any, than watch you leave me.”

        “I wanted you to prove you loved me enough to go that far.  If you loved me that much, you’d stand by me through whatever comes next.”

        “I’ve never let you down.”

        “No.  You haven’t.”  Nick closed his eyes.  “Thank you.”

        JC’s hand lashed out and grabbed Chris’s forearm; blue eyes opened, glittering with intense ferocity.  “Where is he?”

        Oh, hell, not this again.  “I don’t know,” Chris said.

        JC snarled at him, fingers digging into Chris’s flesh.  “Take me to him, bring him to me, tell me where he is.”

        “I, that would be Chris Kirkpatrick, don’t, that would be do not, know, that would be have that information.  I don’t know.  I didn’t know last night, and the information was not miraculously relayed to me through my dreams, so I still don’t know.”

        JC sat up, pulling Chris closer, staring into Chris’s eyes.  “I want him here.”

        “And I want to be waking up beside a hot Latin love god, but you don’t see that happening,” Chris said.

        Knock, knock.

        JC shoved Chris away and stood with masculine elegance, striding to the door and yanking it open.  “Where is he?!”

        “How did you sleep?” Brian asked.

        “Tell me where he is!” JC shouted, gripping the doorjamb.  JC was lean, yes, but also muscular, and pretty damned menacing at the moment.  No one did intensity like JC.

        “I know that you want to see him,” Brian said.

        “Who wants breakfast?” Chris asked.  “I could use some breakfast.”

        “I was nice,” JC said.  “I was cooperative.  I played your fucking games.  Now let me see him or I will hunt him down and you,” his eyes flashed fire, “will play my fucking games.”

        “JC,” Brian said.  “I can’t tell you where he is right now.”

        Chris knew JC could take Brian.  He was going to have to step in and make it two against one.  That would even the odds some.  He hoped.  He’d rather have Joey there than Brian, but hey, he’d work with what he had.

        “You know,” JC said to Brian.  “You know where he is.”  He was displaying intimidating body language, using his height advantage, curling his hands into fists.

        “I can’t tell you right now,” Brian said again.  “Come and have breakfast.”

        “You know and you’re keeping him from me.  You’ve taken him from me and you’re keeping me away from him.”

        “Just for another day or two,” Brian said.  “He’ll come home soon.”

        Either Brian was oblivious to the danger he was in, or he was playing it cool really well.  Chris hoped the latter, and edged closer, wanting to be available to help when JC struck.

        “He’ll come home now,” JC said.  “You call and tell them to bring him home.  You call them and tell them to bring him home!”

        Brian caught JC’s wrist.  “Don’t you hit me.  Don’t you touch me!  You are not the only one in pain; you are not the only one going through something.  Nick and I should be with Drew right now, but we’re here with you and Justin instead, because we care and we want to help.  If you want to hit someone, you find yourself another punching bag.  No, we’re not playing your games, we’re still playing mine, and we’re playing them my way.”

        JC wrenched his arm free.  “This is bullshit!  We never asked for your help.”

        “I don’t give a fuck what you want or what you’ve asked for,” Brian said.  “If I did, I would’ve consulted you first.”

        Brian was cracking up right in front of Chris’s eyes.  He’d never heard Brian speak to anyone like this.  It must have been the threat of violence; apparently, after having Lance go after him, Brian wasn’t about to let anyone else do the same.  Brian was cool and all, but only a fool would try to establish dominance over JC at this moment.

        The doorbell rang.

        No one seemed to care.  Chris didn’t want to go answer it, because he didn’t dare leave the two of them alone.  JC would rip Brian apart.

        “You’ve fucked Nick over so hard so many times, every time he’s around you he reverts back to being a teenager because that was the only time in his life he truly had your love, and you’re going to help me with my marriage?” JC demanded.

        Oh, god, if JC took it there, this was about to get really personal and extremely ugly.  The doorbell was ringing again, and Chris said, “Someone’s at the door,” hoping to distract them, but they didn’t acknowledge him.

        “You’ve twisted a smart, independent, mature young man into someone who has panic attacks if you’re out of the room for too long!” Brian shouted.

        “All I have ever done is love him!” JC shouted.

        “All I want to do is help him!”

        “You just want to add him to your fucking fan club!  I won’t let you!  You can’t have him!  Justin’s mine!” JC shouted, and struck out at Brian.

        Brian jerked back just in time, barely out of range.  “I told you not to touch me!  I’ve never hit you, and I-”

        One strong hand halted JC’s arm in mid-air.  “He told you not to touch him,” said a slow, very firm voice.

        Chris had never once in his life been grateful to see Kevin Richardson, but today, he was.  For the first time, he realized how tall, how broad, and how ripped Kevin was.  And there was something - - maybe the jaw, maybe the eyebrows, maybe the steel in the spine - - formidable about Kevin, suddenly.

        JC may not have tried to hit Chris, and may have let Brian evade his fists, but he had no such respect for Kevin.  In one quick move, he twisted himself free; his knuckles connected with Kevin’s jaw.

        Before Chris could blink, JC was back against Kevin’s chest, Kevin’s hands holding JC’s arms crossed over his stomach.  “No one’s impressed,” Kevin said.  “Calm down.”

        “Justin needs me!” JC shouted.  “He needs me!  He’s counting on me, he’s waiting for me, I have to get to him!”

        “He’ll be fine,” Brian said.  “You can’t help him like this.  You’re no good to him like this.”

        “Let me go!” JC shouted.  “Let me fucking go!”  He stamped down hard on Kevin’s foot, but since Kevin was unimpressed and JC was barefoot, it had little impact.  “Let me go!”

        Chris had no idea how Kevin was managing to control JC, but it seemed to be working; JC was struggling like crazy but getting nowhere.

        “You’re going to need some of your things, and so will Justin,” Brian said.  “Is there anything in particular you’d like?”

        “I want to see Justin!”

        “Chris, would you mind?” Brian asked.

        Chris looked from Brian, to JC and Kevin.  “Uh…  Do you have this under control?”  He didn’t want to leave JC like this.

        “Let’s have breakfast first,” Brian suggested, either reading his mind or reading his face.  “You come down when you’re ready.”  Brian went downstairs.

        Chris wished Kevin would let JC go, but logically, they were all much safer this way.  “How did you get in?”

        “I have a key.”

        Of course he did.  Chris didn’t have a key to any house that didn’t belong to him, Howie, or him and Howie.  He frowned.  Did Kevin have a key to Howie’s house, too?  In effect, that meant that Kevin had a key to his home.  That meant that AJ probably had a key to his home.  “Do you always just walk right in?”

        “No, but I didn’t know if JC had killed you all in your sleep.  Calm the hell down, JC.  If you calm down, I’ll let go.  If you don’t, I have time, I can do this all day.”

        JC screamed with frustration and threw his weight, trying to pull Kevin off-balance.  Kevin planted his feet, bent his knees, and refused to move.

        “I wonder what’s for breakfast,” Chris said, trying to ignore how difficult this situation was.

        “I wouldn’t count on anything too exotic,” Kevin said.  “What are you in the mood for, JC?  Peanut butter Cap’n Crunch?”

        “Cheerios,” Chris answered for him, surprising himself by knowing the answer.  “You want some Cheerios, JC?”

        “Justin,” JC said, and stopped fighting, going lax in Kevin’s arms.

        Kevin straightened, supporting JC’s weight.

        “Justin’s been eating Cheerios lately,” Chris explained.  “Hasn’t he, JC?”

        “He bought two boxes,” JC said.  “As soon as we got home.  He wanted to buy three, but I told him they’d start to go stale, and he said, no, they won’t, because he’d eat them, and I said…”  JC closed his eyes.

        “It’s okay,” Kevin said, holding JC more loosely, more gently.

        “Do they have Cheerios?” JC asked.  “Where he is?  He’ll want Cheerios.”

        “Everybody has Cheerios,” Chris said.  “What’s an American home without them?”

        “He’ll be okay,” Kevin said.  “They can even go out and buy him some.  They’ll take care of him.  Not quite as well as you would, but no one could manage that.”

        “Who’s going to kiss him good morning?” JC whispered.

        “Joey will,” Chris said.  “No tongue, though, not with morning breath.  Did you know Howie doesn’t have morning breath?  Damnedest thing.”

        “Justin always tastes good,” JC whispered, more faintly now.

        “To each his own,” Chris said.  “Let’s go have breakfast.”

        “Justin, baby, what is it?” Lance asked, rubbing his hands up Justin’s back, coaxing Justin right up against his chest, right up against his dick.  Mmm, yes.

        Justin’s shoulders shook; his face was in Lance’s neck, his curls against Lance’s cheek.

        “Ssshhh, baby, talk to me,” Lance said, pulling up Justin’s T-shirt in the back, rubbing circles over Justin’s skin.  “Tell me what’s hurting you.”  He had JC’s Justin-talk down pat, and he knew it.  He’d certainly been subjected to enough of it over the years.

        “He won’t come to me, he didn’t come to me, JC always comes to me.  Nothing could keep him from me, nothing ever has, something’s wrong, he’s gone, he’s gone, he’s gone…”  Justin was crying harder over getting the words out, soaking the neckline of Lance’s T-shirt.

        “JC’s fine, he’s fine,” Lance said.  “If anything were wrong, we’d know it, they’d tell us.  JC’s fine.”

        “JC always comes to me,” Justin repeated.  “Nothing could keep him from me.”

        “What did you want from him?” Lance asked.  “What were you waiting for?”

        “He’d come to me, he always comes to me, I knew he’d come to me and touch me and hold me and love me.  He’d whisper to me and make love to me and we’d be together again.”

        “Whisper what?” Lance asked, sliding his hand under Justin’s shirt, stroking up between Justin’s shoulder blades.  Muscle here; bone there; smooth, smooth skin.

        “You’re so pretty, baby, you’re so beautiful, Justin.”

        “So pretty, baby,” Lance murmured, drawing his fingertips down Justin’s back.

        “I love you so much, baby, I’ve always loved you, I want you so badly, Justin.”

        “So badly,” Lance echoed, skimming his fingers along the waistband of Justin’s underwear.

        “I love you, Justin, I missed you so much, you were so strong for me, I’m so proud of you, baby.”

        “Justin, baby.”  Justin was vulnerable and confused.  JC was miles away.  All Lance had to do was-

        Joey knocked on the door.  “Guys?  Justin?  Lance?  You awake?”

        He hadn’t locked the door.  Fuck!  “Give us a minute,” Lance said.

        “You okay?” Joey asked.

        Lance gave up.  “Come in,” he said, rubbing Justin’s back some more.  “Poor baby,” he whispered, and brushed his lips over Justin’s jaw, then Justin’s soft mouth.  “It’s okay.”

        “Hey,” Joey said with warm concern, opening the door and entering the room.  “Justin, you doing okay?”

        “Just missing JC,” Lance said, running his fingers through Justin’s hair.

        “He didn’t come for me,” Justin said, turning his face to Lance’s neck again.  “He didn’t come to get me.”

        “He doesn’t know where you are,” Joey said.  “He can’t come to you.”

        “He could if he tried, if he wanted to,” Justin said.  “I thought, I thought…”  A new sob wracked his body.  “I thought he loved me.”

        “He does,” Joey said quickly, urgently.  “JC does love you.  He loves you as much as he ever has.  He just can’t be with you today.”

        Lance was so fucking hard his balls were aching.  If Joey would just fucking leave, he could stick it to JC’s bitch.  He stroked the back of Justin’s neck.  “Baby, if you thought he didn’t love you, you’d be a lot more upset than this.  You know he loves you.  You’re just hurt.”  Why the hell Justin didn’t give a flying fuck that Lance was molesting him, Lance didn’t know.  He didn’t think Justin had noticed that he was, to put it politely, taking liberties with their intimacy.  He wondered if he could go so far as to rub his dick against Justin, rock his hips against Justin, maybe get off against Justin.  Justin wouldn’t mind.  JC didn’t have to know.

        “I can always feel his love, JC makes me feel his love, I can’t feel it anymore.  I can’t feel his love.  If I can’t feel it…”  Justin broke into fresh pain.

        Lance kissed Justin’s shoulder, his fingers drifting along the waistline of Justin’s underwear again.  “JC always makes you feel it, doesn’t he?”

        Joey’s voice was…different, when he said, “Lance.  Do you want breakfast?”

        Over Justin’s shoulder, Lance raised his eyes to Joey’s face.

        “Get.  Off.  Him,” Joey whispered, looking like he was about to snatch Lance off Justin himself.  “Now,” Joey added, when Lance didn’t move.

        Without answering Joey’s question, Lance asked, “What about you, baby, are you hungry?  Do you want to eat?”  He met Joey’s eyes again and slowly, deliberately, licked the air right beside Justin’s earlobe.

        “I need to talk to you,” Joey said. “Right now.”  Oh, he was mad, Lance knew it, but he didn’t want to upset Justin, and that was to Lance’s advantage.

        Justin was sobbing like he was coming apart, weak and pliant in Lance’s arms.  Lance stroked Justin’s spine, gave one minute thrust against Justin’s hip that Joey couldn’t prove but Justin had to have felt, and brushed a feather-light kiss to Justin’s cheek, the soft contact of lips to skin.  “I have to go now, baby,” he said softly.

        As soon as the words were out, Lance felt Justin’s hands clawing at his back, felt Justin’s fingers tighten in the fabric of his T-shirt.  Justin brought one leg over his thigh, trapping him, bringing his hard-on right up against the soft flesh of Justin’s goods through their underwear.  “JC,” Justin whispered, God knew why, “JC.”

        “JC is in Brian’s house,” Joey said.  “I need to talk to Lance.”

        Hell, if Justin wanted to confuse him with JC, Lance was the last one to complain.  He brought his hand under Justin’s T-shirt again, running his palm up Justin’s side.  “You miss him, don’t you, baby?”  God, he was leaking right through his boxer-briefs.

        “I didn’t try hard enough, I didn’t love him enough, they took him away from me, he left me, I didn’t love him enough, I didn’t love him enough,” Justin sobbed.

        “Oh, baby, no,” Lance said, and held Justin more tightly.  “No, baby, you give so much love, so much love, baby.”

        “Lance, now,” Joey said.

        Justin wept and clung.

        Lance licked Justin’s ear.

        Joey stepped forward, reaching out, and grabbed Lance’s upper arm, yanking hard.  “Get the fuck off him!  He doesn’t know what you’re doing!  He’s scared and he’s-”

        “JC!” Justin screamed, and attached himself to Lance, dragging Lance back down to the bed.

        “Do you want Nick to come in here?” Joey demanded of Lance, hauling him up.  “I’m about to yell for him myself, so if you don’t want him to see this-”

        “Fuck off!” Lance shouted.  “Justin, baby, it’s okay.”  Justin had him around the waist, keeping him on the bed, but Joey was about to break his fucking arm.

        “It’s not okay!  He doesn’t know what the hell you’re doing!  He’d never let you touch him and you know it!”

        Joey had hold of one arm, but the other was free, and Lance’s fist caught Joey in the shoulder, hard.  Joey fell back a step or two, releasing Lance’s arm.  Lance immediately reached for Justin, who started to move into his arms like a fucking lover.

        Joey grabbed Lance around the chest, trying to drag him up and away.  “Nick!  Nick, get in here!”

        Nick was in the doorway in an instant.  “Holy fuck, what are you guys doing?” Nick asked.

        “Get Justin, hold him back, get him quiet,” Joey said, trying to haul Lance out of Justin’s grip.

        Nick ran around the bed, taking hold of Justin from behind, prying Justin’s hands from Lance’s body.  “Let go, let go, damn it, come on, Timberlake.”

        Justin let loose a horrible scream and dug his nails into Lance’s skin, trying to maintain his grasp.

        Lance kicked Nick in the chest with his bare heel.

        “Fucker,” Nick snapped, and wrenched Justin backwards.  As Lance and Justin separated with force, Nick and Justin landed back on the mattress, and Joey threw Lance against the door.  Joey shoved Lance out into the hallway, slamming the door shut behind them.  “What the hell do you think you’re doing?!”

        “Fucking JC’s bitch, if you hadn’t interrupted,” Lance said.

        “Justin would never touch you and you know it,” Joey said.

        Lance wanted to punch Joey in the face for fucking saying that to him.  Those words, that fact, didn’t hurt any less the second time around.  “Why not?  You did.”

        “I’m not in love,” Joey snapped.

        Lance knew what he meant by that, knew it was supposed to mean that Justin was in love with someone else, Justin was in love with JC, so Justin wouldn’t touch him, but Joey wasn’t in love with anyone else, so Joey had been free to fuck him.  But it sounded like Joey wasn’t in love with him, and that was true, Joey wasn’t in love with him, and Joey shouldn’t be in love with him, he didn’t want Joey to be in love with him, but the words still felt like a slap in the face.

        He shoved Joey as hard as he could, so hard Joey almost fell, and went down the hallway, slamming a door shut between them.