Copyright April 2, 2002-June 30, 2003 by Matthew Haldeman-Time

Rating: NC-17 for graphic male-male sex

Pairings: Thus far we've had JC/Justin, Nick/Drew/Brian, Nick/Jeff, Nick/Drew/Brian/Nick/Jeff, AJ/Lance, AJ/Howie, AJ/Kevin, Chris/Howie, and partridge/pear tree.

Disclaimer: The young men who comprise the Backstreet Boys, *NSYNC, and 98 Degrees are their own people. The author has not met anyone here described, nor does the author mean to suggest that these people act this way in real life. This writing is a work of fiction. I make no money from this venture.

Dedication: This slashfic is for Ewan McGregor and the Savage Garden slashwriters.

Wherein Drew won't go behind Brian's back, AJ can screw anybody he wants, and could JC be mellowing?

Notice: First, read "I Need You Tonight," "Boy Lead the Way to Ecstasy," "Not Easy," "No One," "Rest in Peace," "Destiny," and "Together." I know it sounds like a lot, but it'll only take you an hour or two.

        Brian was about to collapse in the support of Drew’s arms.  “Nick, no, I can’t take it.”  He felt weak.  Not drained, not used, just overwhelmed.  Too much.  No more.

        “You used to have more stamina than this,” Nick said.

        “Brian’s had a big day,” Drew said, tongue still investigating the line of Brian’s jaw.

        “All he has to do is lay still while I fuck him,” Nick said.

        “Why don’t you help me dry him off?” Drew suggested.

        “He’s falling asleep,” Nick said.

        “Brian,” Drew said.  “Brian.”

        “Hmm,” Brian said.  He wanted to lay his head on Drew’s shoulder and take a nap.  Just for a few minutes.

        “Pathetic,” Nick said.  “You’re getting old.”

        “He hasn’t had sex recently,” Drew said.

        “Plus you drowned him,” Nick said.

        “I didn’t mean to,” Drew said.  “Can you pick him up?”

        “He’s skinnier than he was last time I saw him.”

        “He missed you.”

        “He wasn’t starving himself because he missed me, that’s just stupid.”  Nick lifted Brian from the tub.  “I know you’re still awake.  Let’s see if you can stand.”  Drew got out of the tub, and they set Brian down between them.  They towelled him dry, Drew working on his body and making Nick focus on his hair, to keep Nick from groping.  Brian started to lean into Nick, weaving on his feet, so they put him to bed.  He curled up on his side, immediately asleep.

        Nick put his arm around Drew’s waist and watched Brian.  “How cute.”

        Drew put his arm around Nick’s waist in return.  “I’d do him.”

        Nick laughed.

        “I can’t believe he’s here,” Drew said.

        “I can’t believe he’s here,” Nick said.

        “I can’t believe it more than you can’t believe it.”

        “I can’t believe it ten times more than you can’t believe it.”

        “I can’t believe it to infinity.”

        “I can’t believe it to infinity plus one.”

        “I can’t believe it to infinity plus two.”

        “There is no infinity plus two,” Nick said.

        “There’s no infinity plus one, either,” Drew said.

        “Is he really here?  I keep thinking this is a dream.”

        “It felt real,” Drew said.

        “God, he fucked me so damned fucking well,” Nick said.  “And you, you did a great job.”

        “Thank you.”

        “It felt so good to have him in me again.”

        They watched Brian in silence.

        “You want to be behind him or in front?” Nick asked.

        “Behind.”

        “Pervert.  I get to be behind him.”

        “Why you?”

        “I’m bigger.  I do the spoon thing better.”

        Drew shook his head.  “Fine.  I’ll be in front.”

        “No way!  Then you’re the one he cuddles up to.  I’ll be in front.”

        “You can’t be both!”

        “You know I’m all about the cuddle, but I want to rub my dick against his ass.”

        “How about this.  We’ll start out one way, then we’ll roll him over and do it the other way.”

        “Drew’s a genius.”

        “Thanks.”

        They turned off the lights and got into bed, Drew sliding in behind Brian.  Nick kissed Brian’s lips, then Drew leaned over and did the same.  “Good night, Brian,” Nick whispered.  Brian was asleep, and he looked like an angel, draped in the white sheet, at peace, with moonlight stealing into the room just to grace one perfect cheekbone.  He probably had angel wings tucked back behind him.

        Drew kissed Brian’s cheek, then reached over Brian to touch Nick’s face.  “He’ll be here in the morning.”

        “I can’t believe he’s here,” Nick said, his throat closing over a flood of emotion.

        “I know,” Drew said.  “I promise, he’ll be here in the morning.”

        A new realization hit Nick.  “Oh, god, Drew.  We can’t both leave you.  That’s too much.”

        “It’s all right,” Drew said.

        “He can stay.  He can stay here with you.”

        “It’s all right,” Drew repeated.  “I’ll be fine.”

        “I hate this,” Nick said.  “It hurts too much.”

        Drew took Nick’s hand and put it on Brian’s hip, under the sheet where Brian was naked and impossibly real.  “Don’t think about that.  Think about this.  He’s here.  He came to us.  Right now, he’s here, and we’re all together, the three of us.  Right now, tonight, things are the way they should be.”

        Leaning across Brian, Nick met Drew in a kiss.  “I love you.”

        “I love you,” Drew said.

        Nick settled down in front of Brian, snuggling up close, pulling Brian to himself.  “I love you, too, you know,” he told Brian.  “I always have.”

        Brian pushed further into Nick’s embrace.

        “Oh, he missed me,” Nick said, pleased.  “Poor angel, I missed you, too.  And you had to sleep all alone.  Not anymore.  Not tonight.”

        Drew kissed the still-damp hair curling at Brian’s nape.  “I love you,” he whispered.

        “I didn’t know he was coming.”  Nick put his hand on Jeff’s hip.

        “They didn’t, either.  If they’d known, they would’ve acted like it.  Are you sure it was him?”

        “I only caught a quick glimpse, but I’m sure.”

        Jeff didn’t say anything.

        “Are you…”

        “Yes.  I’m scared.  Yes.  I’m afraid.”  Jeff kept his gaze lowered.

        “He won’t do anything.  I won’t let him do anything to you.  What’s he really going to try?  He’d be stupid to try to fight you physically.  He can’t alienate me from you.  If Drew were going to disown us, he would have already, but things are getting better.  All Brian can do is take Nick away from us, but you’ve seen Nick lately.  He’s stronger.  He can handle his own life.  He might not follow Brian’s every move.”

        “It’s Brian,” Jeff said, sounding tired suddenly.  “Nick’s stronger, more independent, but no matter what, in the end, Brian’s still Brian.  No one has ever denied Brian anything, because no one can.”

        “He doesn’t have superpowers.”

        “No.  It’s as simple as it can be.  He’s always right.”

        “He’s not right,” Nick said, hearing sudden force in his tone.  “He’s not right this time.  Brian makes mistakes, too, and he’s making a big one if he thinks it’s a good idea to keep you away from Nick.  You’re good for Nick, we’ve all seen it.”

        Jeff didn’t say anything.

        “You’re good for Nick,” Nick repeated.  His voice softened; his hand on Jeff’s hip squeezed gently.  “You’re good for me.”

        Jeff almost smiled.

        “I love you,” Nick said.  “I know you better than anyone else does, because you’ve shown me strengths and weaknesses other people haven’t seen.  I’ve seen you with Nick and I know you’re good for him.  I’ve seen you with Drew and I know you love him.  Brian’s wrong if he thinks he needs to keep them from you to protect them.  That’s bullshit, and you know it.  You have to know it.  You’re smarter than I am, and it’s obvious to me, so you must have figured it out.”

        “I’m not smarter than you are,” Jeff said.  “Just more clear-headed about most things.”

        “Clear-headed about this?”

        Jeff sighed and met Nick’s eyes.  “Not really.”

        “Well, I am.  And I say Brian’s wrong.  But he’ll figure it out.  And if he doesn’t, we’ll have to show him.”

        “Did I mention how supportive you’ve been?” Jeff asked, one hand sliding up Nick’s bicep.

        “Not today,” Nick said.

        “You’ve been very supportive,” Jeff said, and kissed him.  “Thank you.”

        “You know, anything for a friend,” Nick said, and kissed Jeff back.  “You’re welcome.”

        Then, suddenly, it was all gone, and he was alone.  He turned, on the verge of fear, looking for the guys and seeing no one.

        Then JC.  JC was there, and the world narrowed to them, just them, him and JC.  JC lowered him to the stage and made love to him, there in the heat of the spotlight.

        In bed, asleep in JC’s arms, Justin shuddered as his body climaxed, and he came on JC’s skin.

        Kevin slid away, getting up from the bed.  He pulled on a robe and left the bedroom, walking through the rest of the house.

        Molly was smart, and grounded, and professional.  She was everything he’d always said he wanted, everything his brain told him he needed.  They liked all of the same music, had grown up with all of the same TV shows, and had all of the same values.  He knew she’d keep him sane, and sanity was what he needed most.

        The sex was good.  She had a great body, and she didn’t mind giving head.

        It felt natural, to hold a woman in his arms as he fell asleep.  Her softness, her curves, her very femininity.  He’d only ever slept with one man in his arms, and that man had been all planes and angles, hard muscle, harder bone, sharp corners.

        Why, then, did he feel restless when he held her?  Why did discomfort begin to prickle in his knees, to twitch in his fingers, building, mounting, until his skin was crawling and he knew if he didn’t get out of bed, away from her, he’d kick her onto the floor to be rid of her?

        She was a lovely person, she was smart and sane with a beautiful laugh.  But there in bed with her, he’d discovered that she was too soft, too curvaceous, too feminine.  Her wealth of hair made his stomach knot.  Her light floral scent, earlier that night enticing, became overwhelming, filling his nose, thick in his throat.

        It happened every night.  No matter how good their time together was, no matter how much he enjoyed her company, no matter that he knew she was right for him, no matter how good the sex was, when the room was still and she was asleep, Kevin’s body rebelled.

        She was right for him.  He knew it.  But deep inside, he wanted what was wrong for him.  He wanted the fighter, the rebel, the predator.  He wanted pride, arrogance, and dark sexuality.  He wanted a skinny body, a hard body, sleek with muscle.  He wanted challenge and confrontation.

        Kevin stepped outside, into the open air.

        AJ was foul-mouthed, overinked, skinny, balding, and troubled.  Easy to love and impossible to hold.  Kevin saw depth, passion, and generosity in AJ, but he also saw a lack of foundation, a lack of roots, a dangerous instability.  AJ needed love, needed a source of permanent support, needed to find and accept a home.

        AJ hadn’t found what he needed in fame, fortune, drugs, alcohol, or women, so he’d tried men.  That plan didn’t seem to be working better than any of the previous ones, because the problem was within AJ himself.  He couldn’t fill the emptiness inside, couldn’t correct the instability, with fan mail or Jack Daniels or cum.

        Kevin believed that while AJ worked on that, he could benefit from support and anchor.  Even a temporary home, if it were a true one, would do AJ good.

        He’d thought that he could offer his love, and that AJ might accept it, and that AJ might heal in his care.  AJ had refused his help.

        He’d thought that he could give AJ up, let AJ go, without a fight, without regret.  He’d fooled himself into believing his own lies.  But lies they had been.

        He’d thought that he could move on.  He’d given it his best shot.

        And then Lance had hit Brian.

        Lance was disturbed, vengeful, and bitter.  Brian wasn’t perfect, but he hadn’t deserved that hateful, bitter attack.  Lance was out of control.  AJ himself tended towards out-of-control behavior; there was no way that it would be good for AJ to go back to Lance if Lance was acting like that.  Kevin had heard from Howie and Brian about Lance’s drinking, partying, whoring new lifestyle, and now drugs?  Who knew what would happen if Lance pulled AJ into his destruction?

        Kevin was not going to let AJ go back to Lance.  Lance had blown it.  Both AJ and Lance had done their part to sabotage that relationship.  Whatever Lance had been for AJ in the past, he was in no shape to offer it now.

        Lance wasn’t good enough for AJ.

        No one was good enough for AJ.  No one understood AJ as well as Kevin did.  No one loved AJ as much as Kevin did.  No one could appreciate AJ the way Kevin did.  The confidence in his voice.  The startling beauty of his eyelashes.  The curve of his pec.  His passion.  His arrogance.  His talent.  His confident grace.  His taste for luxury.  The care he took with his appearance.  The perfect cut of his mouth.  AJ wasn’t classically beautiful, but he was so striking, Kevin found it hard to classify him as anything other than beautiful.

        Well, sexy was a pretty good descriptor, too.

        AJ and Nick were only two years apart, but from the beginning, that gap had seemed much wider.  AJ always had been confident, self-aware, sure of himself.  When he was on the stage, he owned the stage.  Always had.  Always would.  Looking at him, one was certain that he knew exactly what he wanted, and exactly how to get it.

        In some ways, he did.

        The problem was, the things AJ knew he wanted, and knew how to get, he made sure he never got, or couldn’t keep.  Self-sabotage had become his closest friend.

        He’d become much healthier.  More positive.

        And then he’d destroyed his relationship with Lance.

        Cheated.  Betrayed.  Pushed and pulled.  Denied and demanded.  Cemented the doom of that relationship by sleeping with Kevin.

        Why?  Why?  Why?  Sometimes, Kevin thought he knew.  Sometimes, he didn’t.  He’d never know until he asked AJ directly.

        He knew that AJ had been in love with Lance.  Lance had been gifted with some portion of AJ’s heart.  Had AJ shoved Lance away because things had gotten too good?

        Lance had had AJ once.  Fine.  Kevin could respect that.  But he would not let Lance have AJ back.  He would not.

        Kevin realized that it was nothing but arrogance bordering on egomania to say that only he could love AJ this much, that only he could understand AJ this well, etc. and so forth.  Yet he believed it.  It wasn’t possible, couldn’t be possible, that anyone else on earth could love AJ this deeply, heart and soul, with every fiber of his being.  He lived for AJ.

        Why should Lance get AJ?  Why should anyone else?  No one would ever love AJ enough.  No one would ever understand AJ well enough to give him what he needed.  No one would ever knew how to feed AJ’s passions without fueling his destructive behaviors.  No one would ever be able to walk that thin sharp line between anchoring and restraining, between guiding and controlling, without being bitten.

        No one but Kevin.

        Not that Kevin was afraid of being bitten.

        He was looking forward to it.

        Nick’s arm was around his waist, tucked between him and Drew.  Brian’s free hand found Nick’s hand, and felt over the ring on Nick’s third finger.  The wedding ring.  Drew’s wedding ring.  Drew’s wedding ring on Nick’s hand.  The rightness of it…  So right, so right, that Brian wished he’d done it first, wanted to offer Nick his own ring, was glad and grateful that Drew had the insight and generosity to have done such a thing.  Brian could only imagine how the discussion had gone, how Drew had gotten Nick to accept the ring.

        He’d seen it immediately, but that hadn’t been the time to address it.

        He’d bring it up in the morning.

        JC kissed Justin’s shoulder.  Justin should masturbate if they weren’t going to make love.  Justin’s body was too primed for sex to be sexually neglected.  Some hormonal satisfaction would be good for him.

        Then again, that might not be necessary.  Maybe they’d make love today.  Maybe they’d make love tonight, when they got home.  JC kissed Justin’s chest.

        “Hello?”

        “Oh, sorry, wrong number.”  Chris hung up and tried again.

        “Hello?”

        Same voice.  Chris frowned.  He must have the wrong number.  “I’m sorry, could you please tell me what I’m dialing?”

        She told him the number.

        That was right.  Suspicion crept into Chris’s brain.  He had the right number.  Which meant that some woman was answering Kevin’s phone way too early in the morning not to have spent the night.  “Is Kevin there?”

        “Just a second.”

        Chris waited, thinking.  Kevin had a girlfriend, or at least a sleepover pal.  That was news to Chris.  It almost suggested that Kevin was moving on from AJ.  If Kevin was moving on, then he didn’t expect to get AJ back.  Well, hell, that was good news.

        “Hello?”

        “It’s Chris.  How is everything?  Is it taken care of?  Have you checked it out?  Did you-“

        “Everything’s fine,” Kevin said.

        “Can you look at it again?  Are you sure it’s okay?  What if-“

        “Chris, everything is fine,” Kevin said, patiently and slowly.  “I know you’re nervous, but calm down.”

        He couldn’t calm down. It was too important, too big, and largely in Kevin’s hands.  Kevin didn’t exactly have a lot invested in Chris’s happiness.  Howie’s happiness, yes; but what if Kevin thought that Howie would be better off without Chris, and was sabotaging - - “Are you sure you took care of everything?”

        “I took care of everything,” Kevin said.  “I’ve been in contact with Lisa and Greg.  We worked out all of the details.  Everything’s set.”

        “Are you sure he’ll like it?”

        “Yes.  I made sure.  He loves it.”

        “Okay.”  Chris tucked his foot up under him so he’d stop jiggling his knee up and down.  “What if-“

        “Everything is fine.  Howie’s going to love it.  If his affections could be bought, he’d be yours for life.  Since he’s in love with you, he’s going to be ridiculous about you from now on.”

        “Okay.”  Howie.  Ridiculous.  About him.  “So, um, thanks.”

        “You’re welcome,” Kevin said.

        Chris hung up.  If this worked, then it would mean that Kevin had done him a huge favor.  It would mean that Kevin had gone out of his way to help Chris.  That might mean that Kevin wasn’t as evil as they were trying to believe.

        Kevin hadn’t always been evil.  He’d just turned into a bastard overnight, moving in on Lance’s guy while Lance’s lips were still wet from AJ’s last kiss.  Apparently it was perfectly acceptable for the Boys to screw each other whenever they felt like it, and the world at large should understand that it didn’t mean anything.  Except rumor had it that it had meant something, that time, to Kevin.

        So maybe Kevin wasn’t an immoral asshole.  Maybe he’d just been in love with AJ, and had tried to get some while he could, out of cheap desperation.

        Although Kevin didn’t seem like the cheap, desperate kind.

        Whatever had gone down between Kevin and AJ was between Kevin and AJ.  And Lance.  Lance hated Kevin, so Chris did, too, out of loyalty, because Kevin and AJ had shown Lance no respect whatsoever, which was completely shitty, considering how much love AJ and Lance had shared.

        Then again, Kevin had just acted very generously towards Chris, without much reason to do so.

        Chris still thought that AJ was an immoral, remorseless skank, but he’d reserve judgment on Kevin until further evidence revealed itself.

        “Good morning,” JC murmured, stroking his ass with one hand.

        “Good morning,” Justin echoed softly, relaxing into JC’s love.

        “Justin,” JC whispered.

        “JC,” Justin said, wanting to moan, not sure why.

        “Oh, baby,” JC whispered, licking his collarbone.  JC tilted Justin’s head back, licking at his voicebox, massaging his nape.  “Justin…”

        “Oh, JC,” Justin said, moaning this time, feeling a definite ache in his dick.  “Kiss me, baby, kiss me.”

        Then JC’s mouth was on his, and JC’s tongue was sleek and wet, and JC’s hips were rubbing politely but insistently against his, and when orgasm came it rolled through him so slowly, so sweetly, that it wasn’t even like sex anymore, it was just another explosion of their love.

        Drew counted to ten in his head, slowly, then felt up the thigh under his hand.  He slid his hand up thigh to ass, where he squeezed gently.  Not Nick.  The person in his arms was not Nick.  Maybe it hadn’t all been a dream.  Maybe it really had happened.

        No, it had been too good, too special, to be real.  It couldn’t have…  Couldn’t…

        An arm around his shoulders, a leg over his hips, a hard erection prodding his stomach, a light “Mmm” that sounded so much like Brian that Drew’s eyes opened.

        It was Brian.

        Brian.

        His Brian.

        Drew stomped down a sudden, forceful wave of possessive feelings, and kissed Brian’s silky hair.  This was Brian, smiling friendly Brian, silly playful Brian, Nick’s best friend, an angel, a pixie.  He couldn’t want to

        take

        possess

        own

        such a light-hearted, warm-hearted creature, such a Christian, civilized person.  Brian wasn’t

        his

        his

        his

        because Brian wasn’t a piece of property, something to be

        taken

        possessed

        owned

        like a dog or a chair, Brian was a human being.  What was he going to do, get a license, like Brian was a dog or a gun or something he owned?  Take Brian out for walks on a leash?

        leash handcuffs bondage

        tie him cuff him keep him

        Drew squeezed his eyes shut, trying to block out unwanted thoughts, unwanted images.  But they weren’t unwanted, they were wanted, they were what he wanted, to own Brian, to claim Brian, so that Brian, so that everyone, would know whose Brian was, who Brian belonged to.  He wanted to leave his mark on Brian, his scent, his-

        What did he think he was going to do, brand his own husband?

        His husband, his Brian, his, his, his.

        Something poked Drew in the forehead.  He opened his eyes.  Nick, looking at him with amusement over Brian’s head.  “What are you thinking about?” Nick whispered.  “You’re making the weirdest faces.”

        “Nothing,” Drew said.

        “You squeeze him any tighter you’ll break something,” Nick said.

        Drew loosened his hold on Brian, but his arms refused to let go entirely.

        “Want to wake him up and screw him?” Nick asked.  A lecherous grin stole over his face.  “Or would you rather just screw him while he’s asleep?”

        “We can’t do that,” Drew said.  “Let him sleep.”

        “Let’s gang up on him,” Nick said.  “Me first, you second, me third, you fourth.”

        Drew’s cock twitched.  “We can’t.”

        Nick slid down a little, kissing Brian’s shoulder.  “How hard are you this morning?” he whispered, and licked the back of Brian’s neck.  His hand slid onto Brian’s chest, gently pinching a nipple before slipping down farther.  Drew put a hand on Brian’s hip, guiding Brian back just an inch or two towards Nick, so he could see better.

        As badly as Drew wanted to claim Brian for his own, he would give anything to Nick.  He wanted to give everything to Nick.  If Nick wanted to stroke Brian’s flesh, then Drew would release Brian to Nick’s caressing hands.

        Drew watched Nick’s right hand slide down to Brian’s groin.

        Brian arched, leaning his head back over Nick’s shoulder, moaning softly, eyes still closed, pushing into Nick’s hand.  Nick kissed the top of his shoulder, kissed his neck, jacked his cock with slow, tight strokes.  Brian’s leg wrapped around Drew’s waist as his hands rose, arms over his head, hands closing in Nick’s hair.  “Take me,” he whispered, “I want him to take me…”

        “How hard do you want it from him?” Nick asked, kissing exposed skin on Brian’s neck.

        “As hard as he wants it,” Brian said, panting, chest heaving, nipples pink.

        “Anything Drew wants, you want,” Nick said, his hand moving faster now over Brian’s full erection.

        “Anything,” Brian repeated, and came, arching even further, moaning.

        Drew was sucking on Nick’s thumb, and Nick was making horny noises in Brian’s ear, and Drew was watching Nick’s other hand caress Brian’s body, and Brian wanted to get off again, preferably in Nick’s ass, or with Drew’s cock up his ass, or maybe even both.  He wanted Drew to take him, to kiss him and stroke him up and hold him down, to make love to him and claim his body and claim his heart and-

        “You’re so fucking hot,” Nick said in his ear, hand streaking heat across his abdomen.  “You went too long without it, didn’t you?  Now you can’t get enough of it.”

        Brian watched Drew’s tongue lick slow and wet over Nick’s palm.  He watched Drew’s lips close over Nick’s forefinger, sucking it in, and felt Nick rock against him in response.  Drew’s mouth, Drew’s eyelashes, those eyes, those dimples, those cheekbones…  Brian had missed Drew, all of Drew, had wanted, had longed for, everything.  He put his hands out, rubbing the hard muscle in Drew’s arms, pulling himself in, licking at a nipple, hearing Drew gasp, feeling over Drew’s ribcage.

        Brian loved Drew’s compact body, its thick hard muscle, its tight definition.  He slid one hand back to Drew’s tight ass and licked over the ridges of Drew’s abs, rolling Drew over, climbing on top.  He’d gone too long without Drew and too long without Nick and too long without sex, and he was going to get some of each while he could.

        Brian slid down and licked between Drew’s thighs, the coarse curls of pubic hair, the salt of sweat.  He breathed in sweat and musk and Drew, hearing Drew’s soft aroused panting.  Drew’s cock was fully erect, and when Brian licked over the head, he licked up precum.  Drew’s panting turned to moaning, an aroused and appreciative sound, and Brian licked over Drew’s cock, relearning the dimensions of it, the taste of it, the hardness and heat.

        Brian knew Nick, knew Drew, knew Nick had been doing this for Drew, knew Drew had been getting off in Nick’s mouth all of this time.  Now it was his turn, his turn to drink Drew’s cum, his turn to groan at the heat of Nick’s mouth.  Drew’s cock was thick between his lips and long down his throat, a big cock, and the memory of it thrusting into him, filling him, made him overeager and he sucked too hard, making Drew’s hips jerk up, making Drew’s pleasure spasm.  Suddenly Brian was swallowing down an overflow of semen, wanting to moan from rich enjoyment of it, hands fisting in the bedclothes.  He nursed Drew’s dick for as long as he could, sucking out the last drops, until Drew was moaning and fidgeting, overstimulated.

        Brian let Drew’s cock slip from his mouth, crawling forward to suck on Drew’s skin, sucking over the red rose, licking across the tattooed honeysuckle, sucking the red rosebud.  He rubbed his fingers over Drew’s pelvic bone, over Drew’s nipples.  Brian’s hands ran over Drew’s body, exploring, not to arouse but to remember.  Brian loved the feel of Drew’s body, its masculinity, its responsiveness.  Drew’s body was different from Nick’s, a brand new world, and Brian had lain awake at night yearning to feel the warm, hard resiliency of pure muscle against his hand.

        Drew’s hands were on him, restless, wanting.  Drew was moving beneath him, rocking, needing.  Brian held still, watching, wondering, as Drew arched and panted.  He knew what Drew wanted, but this open display was new to him.  He’d seen Drew’s body beg for a blowjob before, but he’d never seen Drew’s body beg to be fucked.

        “Touch him,” Nick said.

        Drew’s knees were raised, his thighs spread.  Brian, curious, rubbed his fingers over the puckered hole.

        Drew moaned, raising his hips, pressing into Brian’s touch.

        Brian’s finger flirted with the opening.

        Drew groaned, reaching for Brian’s wrist, urging Brian’s hand.

        Brian pulled free and stared at Nick.

        Nick grinned.  “Don’t you love him?”

        “Can I…watch you?” Brian asked.

        “Later.  I’m going to stick it in him right before we go.  If you leave him alone for a minute he’ll calm down.  Or you can do him if you want to.”

        Brian shook his head.  He and Drew were changing their relationship, and if he took the dominant position sexually, it would disrupt the balance they’d set.  He could wait.

        Nick’s arrogant smirk was delicious.  “Or you can do me.”

        Brian didn’t need to hear that offer twice.  By the next second he was in Nick’s arms, slipping his tongue into Nick’s mouth, feeling the slide of Nick’s flesh beneath his hands.  Their legs tangled and their hands clutched and groped as their mouths mated.  They rolled in one direction so far they almost fell off of the bed, then rolled in the other direction so far they squashed Drew, who laughed and tickled Brian.

        “Hey, get out,” Nick said.  “Brian’s about to screw me.”

        Drew traced a line down Brian’s chest.  “That sounds like fun.”

        “It is fun,” Nick said.  “Which part?”

        “Screwing you,” Drew said.

        “I’m not your piece of ass,” Nick said.

        Brian smiled, reaching up to run his fingers through Nick’s hair.  “I think Drew wants to play with us.”

        “I think Drew wants to screw me,” Nick said.  “He has this thing about wanting to play Brian.  He wants to fuck me while I’m under your influence.”

        Brian ran one hand up and down Nick’s arm.  “That’s up to you.”

        “Drew, you’re a pervert, and Brian said no,” Nick said.

        Drew laughed.  “I knew once you had the real thing back I’d lose my chance.”

        “That’s right.  Ain’t nothing like the real thing, baby,” Nick said, and kissed Brian’s cheek.

        “How sweet,” Brian said.

        “Can I get laid now?” Nick asked.  “I woke up hard and I haven’t gotten any all morning.”

        “Poor baby,” Brian said.

        “Here, you’re already on the bottom, just roll over for me,” Nick said.

        “I have a better idea,” Brian said.  Drew’s fingers were drawing random patterns over his chest; he tried not to move into Drew’s touch.  “Nick, sweetheart?”

        “Now what?” Nick asked, immediately suspicious.

        “I’ve been very lonely without you, and the nights were so long, and I kept thinking about you.  Remembering.  Fantasizing.  All I could think of was the heat of your body, making love to you, making love with you.  And your mouth…  Your lips, your tongue, the way you-”

        “Before you work yourself up too far,” Nick said, “go ahead and let me know how me giving you a blowjob is going to fix my problem of not getting off all morning.”

        “Now I want one,” Drew said.

        “We’re not talking to you,” Nick said.  “You got yours five minutes ago.”

        “But I know what Brian’s talking about,” Drew said.  “Believe me, I’ve spent those long cold lonely nights fantasizing about your mouth.”

        “Why am I the one - - let’s all screw Nick, let’s all get head from Nick, let’s all lust after Nick - - why does everybody want me all of the time?” Nick demanded.  “Fine, I’ll suck your dick, but only because I’ve missed giving you head as much as you’ve missed getting it.”

        “Have you?” Brian asked, stroking his shoulders.

        “Hell, yes,” Nick said.  “No offense to Drew, he knows I love sucking on his big fat dick, but god, Brian, nothing says ‘honey I’m home’ like your dick in my mouth.  I missed licking your dick like I missed hearing your voice.  Sucking down your jism is as good as getting off.  And you know I love your dick.  You know I have to make sure it’s always happy.  Let me go say hi.”  Nick slid down Brian’s body.

        Brian wrapped his arm around Drew’s shoulders, pulling Drew closer, giving Drew a kiss.  Drew settled in against him, watching.

        “Mmm, good morning to you,” Nick murmured.  “I missed you.”  He licked around the base of Brian’s erection, and Brian let out a slow, deep breath, eyes closing.  “Tommy missed you,” Nick said.  Another lick, longer.  “Tommy missed you like a motherfucker.”  A slow lick up to the head, then back down.  “You must have been very lonely and very sad.”  Nick wrapped his hand around the base and gently pumped the shaft; Brian moaned, drawing his knees up.  “I’m going to treat you so well, you’ll forget you were ever gone.”  Nick took Brian’s cock into his mouth.

        “Oh, Nick, yes,” Brian groaned.

        Drew watched in utter fascination and rapidly heightening arousal.  Nick’s head was bent, letting Drew mostly see blond hair raising and lowering over slow flashes of Brian’s erection.  Drew slid down the bed, wanting to see more, wanting to be closer.  He watched Nick’s lips slide up and down Brian’s cock, down the shaft to the base, up to release the head then down again, slick with Nick’s spit and Brian’s precum.  Nick always had been dangerously inviting to touch, and Drew touched him now, the side of his face, his neck.  From the hollowing of Nick’s cheeks, he was sucking hard, probably harder than he usually sucked Drew, and Drew’s cock ached for it.

        Nick shifted slightly, raising himself up for a more aggressive position.  Drew noticed that Brian’s heels were digging into the mattress, and looked up Brian’s body.

        Brian was breathing through his mouth, moaning Nick’s name.  His hand reached down for Nick’s head, burying his fingers in Nick’s hair, pushing and pulling.  Nick went faster, and Brian started rocking, hips thrusting slightly, trying to fuck Nick’s mouth.  Nick welcomed Brian’s aggression, holding still and letting Brian take over.  Drew’s hand closed over his own erection, jacking it automatically, as he watched Brian’s hard cock rock forward between Nick’s lips.  Finally Brian fucked up and stopped, right there in mid-air, back arched, hands fisted, head back, eyes closed, Nick humming around his dick and swallowing, swallowing, swallowing.

        Drew came.

        Brian’s hips dropped.  He was panting.

        Nick licked his lips.  “Damn, you taste good.  God, Brian, you make me so fucking hard every damned time.”

        Brian moaned vaguely.

        “I’m so glad I get to have both of you, because I could never choose between your dick and Drew’s…dick…  What?” Nick asked.

        Drew licked his lips.

        “Oh, shit,” Nick said.

        One rough shove and Nick went from face-down to face-up.  One hasty slither and Drew was between Nick’s thighs.  He wrapped one arm around Nick’s waist, bringing Nick closer, and held Nick’s erection in his other hand, guiding it to his mouth.  Nick wanted to come and Drew wanted Nick to come; Nick wanted an orgasm and Drew was going to provide him with one.  He was mildly aware of Nick cursing breathily overhead, but that didn’t concern him.  He sucked on the head while he fisted the shaft, and when Nick started to come he backed off, milking with his hand, letting the long strands of cum arc into the air before falling on his tongue.

        “Holy…” Nick began.

        “Shit,” Brian finished for him, sounding awed.

        “Drewporn,” Nick breathed.

        “Did that feel as good as it looked?” Brian asked.

        “Better,” Nick said.  “I feel like I’m still coming.”

        Drew licked up errant drops from his lips, then crawled over Nick to Brian, where he settled in cozily.

        “Did you teach him that?” Brian asked.

        “Hell, I need him to teach me that,” Nick said.  “Every time I try it I get cum in my eye.”  He lay on Brian’s other side, nuzzling Brian’s neck.  “Five-minute nap?”

        “Five minutes,” Brian said.  “I don’t want to waste any time.”

        Drew yawned.

        “I want to watch Drew screw you in the bathtub again,” Nick said.  “That was fucking hot.”

        “There’s one thing I want to talk about, before we go,” Brian said, sifting Nick’s hair through his fingers.

        “What’s that?” Nick asked.  He felt across Brian for Drew’s hand; he curled his fingers with Drew’s.

        “I’d like to hear about the wedding ring you’re wearing.”

        “Yes?” JC asked, tilting his head to one side and licking muscle.

        “I want to ask you something I don’t want to ask you.”

        “You can ask me anything, baby, anything.  You know that.  My life is open to you.”

        “I know you’ll be honest with me.”

        “I’d be insulted if you had to ask me to be honest with you,” JC said softly, slowly, and gently kissed Justin’s shoulder.

        “I know.”  Justin unsnapped a leather band from JC’s wrist and closed it around his own.  “I don’t want to ask you this.”

        JC turned Justin’s face to his and looked into Justin’s eyes, searching for the question there.  “You can say anything to me.”

        “I’m…  You’re either going to get offended and upset, or you’re going to tell me something I don’t want to hear.”

        “What’s this about, Justin?  Tell me what’s bothering you.”

        “JC.”  Justin didn’t look away.  “You know what’s bothering me.”

        JC’s eyes flickered.  “Lance.”

        “Why do you let him?” Justin asked, pulling back, sitting up.  “Why do you let him look at you like that?  Why do you let him touch you?”

        “Justin,” JC said.  “Baby-”

        “Tell me, JC.  Tell me.  I’m not jealous, but I’m hurt.  I’m mad at him, but I’m hurt by you.  What does one and only mean to you?  What does everything you’ve promised me mean to you if you’re willing to-”

        “Justin, no.  I’m not giving Lance my body.  I’m not giving Lance the things I promised I’d save for you.  I’m giving Lance my friendship.”

        “You’re oblivious, JC, not stupid.  I know you know he’s not leering at your ass because he wants to be friends.”

        “Lance needs us.  He needs Joey’s love.  He needs to use me as an outlet, a target, for his…desires.”

        “You’re a safe place while he moves on from AJ.”

        “Yes,” JC said.

        “That was how it started, JC, but that’s not how it is anymore.  It’s changed, and I know you know it.  He’s not using you as a convenient crush.  He wants you.  He wants to take you from me.  He hates me!  Haven’t you seen the way he looks at us, at you, at me, like - - Lance wants to have sex with you, JC.  He wants to have sex with you.”

        “It’s gone too far,” JC said.  “I know.  I didn’t see until it was too late.”

        “He hates me,” Justin said.  “He looks at me like I’m the bitch who stole his man.”

        “I thought if I let him think about me for a little while, it would help him to move past AJ.  He was betrayed, and he needed a safe place to rest.  I thought that I could be that for him.  I didn’t know that things would…turn.”

        “It’s been hard, JC, it’s been so hard.  I wanted to be a good friend, I wanted to trust him, I wanted to trust you, but it’s been so hard.  Sometimes I think you get off on it, that you like it.  It’s flattering, isn’t it, JC?  It’s a turn-on, having someone want you, having someone come on to you like that.  He’s gay, he’s hot, AJ probably taught him well.”

        JC’s eyes flashed.  “Don’t accuse me of entertaining Lance.  Don’t accuse me of encouraging him.  I have never been unfaithful to you.”

        “How far has it gone, JC?  How far has he tried to get?  When your back is turned, he moves on me, and he hates me, so I know he’s all over you!”

        “I don’t want to hurt you.  I don’t want you to lose trust in him.  He’s your best friend-”

        “Don’t protect me!  Tell me the truth!  How far has it gone?!”

        JC’s eyes closed.

        Justin pulled back in shock.  Far. It must have gone far.  “How far?” he asked, and his voice was soft with danger.

        “He can’t have me, Justin,” JC said, eyes opening again.  “He can’t have me, and he knows that.”

        “He doesn’t know that!  He-”

        “He knows that,” JC said firmly.  “He’s pushing us as hard as he can.  He’s testing us to our limits.  He has two reasons, two very important reasons, and that’s why we’re not letting him get to us.  We’re not giving in.”

        “What reasons?” Justin demanded.  “What’s his big important reason that I’m supposed to respect, his reason for trying to steal my husband?!”

        “He’s testing us as his friends, to see how far he can push us, to see what he can get away with.  He’s testing the limits of our friendship.  He needs to know that we really are his friends, that we really will be here no matter what.”

        “If he puts his hands on you one more time-”

        “Baby, let me finish.”

        “I want to get into it with him, I want to tear into him.  He-”

        “Justin.”

        “He can’t have you!” Justin shouted.  “Nobody’s ever taking you away from me!”

        “Baby.  He won’t get me.  Listen to me.  That’s the other thing he’s testing.  He’s testing us, our relationship, our strength as a couple.  He was in love, and AJ betrayed that love.  Now Lance doesn’t know if any love is ever real.  He’s testing our limits, our loyalty.  He wants to see if we can be torn apart, he wants to see if I’ll betray you, he wants to see if you trust me, he wants to test and test and test us.  But we’re safe, baby, and you know it.  He knows it.  Our love has no limits.  I will never give anyone what I’ve promised to keep for you.”

        “What the fuck is he trying to prove?!” Justin demanded.  “If you screw him like Howie screwed AJ, then what AJ did is normal and inevitable, and it’s all okay?  Or if you screw him then love isn’t real and relationships are fake and there’s nothing worth believing in?”

        “I don’t know, baby.  He’s not going to prove anything.  We’re going to prove that love is real, that trust is real, that our love and our marriage and everything between us, is so real and so solid that nothing, no one, can tear us apart.”

        “That’s why you let him touch you,” Justin said.  “Because it doesn’t matter.  Because he’ll never get anywhere.”

        “Yes,” JC said.

        “Every time he looks at you, you’re thinking about how connected we are and how strong our love is.”

        “Yes.”

        “That’s why he doesn’t bother you.  Because you know we’ll win in the end, and you’re proud of our love, for being that strong, so strong you know the outcome of this battle already.”

        JC smiled.  “Yes.”

        “Why didn’t you just tell me?” Justin asked.

        “I know you’ve been wanting it to go away, and I know you’ve been hoping he’ll stop.  You don’t want to know the truth of your best friend hitting on me.  I didn’t want to bring that to you.”

        “This makes it so much easier, JC.  Looking at it the way you’ve been looking at it.  It’s almost fun.  Proving how strong our love is.  Being put to the test and knowing we’ll make it.”

        JC ran his fingers through Justin’s hair.  “What’s wrong, baby?”

        “I haven’t been jealous, JC, because I know how you feel about me, and I know that I come first.  But there’s never been anyone coming second, and it was starting to feel like maybe Lance was.”

        “No, Justin.  No.  Never, baby.  There’s never a second place, there’s no room for second place in my heart.”

        “It isn’t about love, JC, it’s about sex.  Lance wants you for sex.”

        “Justin.  Why would I ever go anywhere else when I have you?  The smallest touch between us means more than any sex with anyone else could ever mean.  No one else has anything to offer me.  You know how seriously I take making love to you.  The idea of sex without love, sex without you, getting off for the sake of getting off with another person…  I know that in theory what Lance is offering me would feel good to my body, but you feel good to my soul.  I won’t touch him.”

        “God, JC.”  Justin kissed him, lips on lips.  “I trust you.”

        “You don’t trust him,” JC said, completing his thought for him.

        Justin shook his head, sitting back.  “No, I don’t.  I don’t trust him.  And I’m mad at him, I’m so angry.  It’s not even all about us.  What he did to Brian, going after him like that, what I know he said - - I would never dare to bring it up even in anger, my god, that’s nothing he has any right to touch!  Whatever Drew’s going through with that is incredibly private.  I don’t know how the hell Lance knows anything, because I’m Nick’s friend and I barely know anything about it.  What’s happening with them is taboo, and I understand that, and Lance can personally pass as much judgment as he wants, but that doesn’t give him the right to throw anything he doesn’t know the first thing about in Brian’s face.”

        “I don’t know how he knows whatever he thinks he knows,” JC said.  “When it gets back to Nick that Lance has any kind of information on it, I’m going to look like the leak, and I don’t want to lose Nick’s trust.”

        “Damn it,” Justin said.  “You’re right.”

        “I keep waiting for that call.  I don’t know what I’m going to say to him.”

        “You two have been friends for years now,” Justin said.  “You can tell each other anything.  He knows he can trust you.”

        “How else can I explain how Lance got information?” JC asked.

        “How does he know whatever he thinks he knows?” Justin asked.  “Does AJ know?”

        “I don’t know.  Maybe Lance overheard something, oversaw something…  I’m going to talk to Brian.”  He touched Justin’s knee.  “Tell me why else you’re mad at Lance.”

        “He’s not being fair to Chris.  He’s treating Chris like shit.  Why should Chris give up the one thing on this planet that truly makes him feel special?  Howie loves Chris, I really believe that.  Howie wants to be good for Chris, and he’s really working on it.  And Chris, Howie is Chris’s world.  You know how Chris feels about himself sometimes.  When he’s with Howie, that changes.  I love seeing him happy, and I love seeing him feel special, because he is special.  It’s…  When you’re in love with someone who’s beautiful and powerful, and that person pays attention to you and treats you well and looks at you like you’re someone, you really feel like you are someone.”

        JC slid closer and pressed a kiss to the corner of Justin’s mouth.  “Thank you, Justin.”

        “Like I was talking about you,” Justin said, embarrassed.  “Don’t distract me.”

        JC smiled.  “Sorry, baby.”

        “Howie was the other man, and Lance has a right to hate him.  But when it comes down to it, Howie didn’t break up AJ and Lance.  Howie didn’t destroy their relationship.  AJ and Lance did that themselves.  Lance doesn’t want to blame himself, and he doesn’t want to blame AJ, he wants to blame Howie, and that’s the coward’s way out.  Howie was wrong, and if it were just about Lance, I’d be right there hating and spitting and snatching him bald.  But it’s not just about Lance, it’s also about Chris.”

        “It’s complicated,” JC agreed.

        “If Chris and Howie hadn’t been together, if Lance and AJ had been together, and AJ had cheated with Howie, and Lance and AJ had broken up, and then Chris had started dating Howie, that would have been wrong.”

        “Yes,” JC agreed.

        “If Chris and Howie hadn’t been together, but Lance and AJ had, and AJ had cheated, and they’d broken up, and Chris had started dating AJ, that would have been wrong.  That would have been a complete betrayal of Lance.”

        “Chris would never do that.”

        “I think Lance thinks of what happened as Chris picking Howie over him.  I don’t think Lance had to make it an either-or situation.  Lance is the one being a bad friend by putting it there.  Yes, Howie was wrong, AJ was wrong, the whole situation was betrayal after betrayal in every direction.  I’m not excusing what they did.  Lance has every right to be furious.  But he can’t call himself Chris’s best friend, and still demand that Chris leave Howie for him.”

        “He’s jealous,” JC said.  “He’s bitter.  Chris and Howie made it work, and he and AJ didn’t.  He can’t stand the fact that they have something he doesn’t.  He failed where they succeeded.”

        “If Chris and Howie had been a casual fling, if they weren’t serious, if - - but Lance knows how Chris feels about Howie, he has to see it.  And I’m sure he doesn’t think Howie’s working on their relationship, but I do.  I don’t think that any true friend would ask Chris to leave Howie.  Lance is hurt, and he has every right to be, but he can’t take it out on Chris.  Chris was hurt just as much as he was.”

        “Maybe you should tell Lance all of this,” JC said.

        “I feel sorry for him,” Justin said.  “He’s really been hurt, harder than he was ever hurt before, and he doesn’t know how to deal with that.”

        “Be strong with me,” JC said.  “Let’s show him that it doesn’t always end up in heartbreak.  Let’s prove to Lance that love is real, and it is lasting.”

        “I’m going to love you forever,” Justin said.  “The real test is going to be if I’ll still love Lance by the end of this.”

        Drew squeezed Nick’s hand for reassurance.

        Nick squeezed back, grateful for Drew’s support.

        Drew let go, sitting up, as Nick sat up on Brian’s other side.  Brian, too, sat up, propping himself against the pillows.  He reached for Nick’s hand; Nick’s mouth opened to try to explain, but Brian merely kissed Nick’s knuckles, kissed the ring, and held on, waiting.

        “Drew said it would be okay,” Nick said.  “Okay with you.  If it’s not-“

        “It is,” Brian said.  “It’s more than okay with me, it’s something I should have done, myself, before now.  Thank you,” he said, and kissed Drew’s cheek.  Kissed Drew’s mouth.  Kissed Drew’s other cheek.  “Thank you,” he said again, and touched Drew’s face with his free hand.

        “I gave Nick my engagement ring,” Drew said.  “I wanted him to wear it so he’d have our love and our support with him no matter what.”

        “I wore it,” Nick said, “and it felt good, but it wasn’t really mine.  Drew said I could keep it, he wanted me to have it, but I gave it back.”

        “I told Nick that if he gave me the engagement ring back, he had to let me promise to give him something else in return.”

        “Drew’s sneaky and manipulative,” Nick said.  “He knew I had no idea what he meant.  I was thinking sex or maybe something romantic.  So I said, yeah, sure, I promise.”

        “Nick gave me the engagement ring, and in return, I gave him the wedding ring.”

        “Sneaky bastard.”

        “I wanted him to have it,” Drew said.  “Giving it to him felt…”

        “Right,” Brian said softly.

        “Yes,” Drew said, and his eyes were soft.  “It felt right.”

        “I tried not to take it,” Nick said.  “I told him I didn’t want it.  He was going on and on about how he loved me and he loved you and how we’re all connected.  Something about how when he married you, he didn’t marry only you, and you didn’t marry only him.”

        “We married you in each other,” Brian said, his gaze tender, his touch even more so as he drew Nick closer.

        “Yeah.  That stuff.  I didn’t want the ring, because it wasn’t mine, but I can’t say no to Drew.  And I had to agree with some of what he was saying.  So he put it on me, and we had our own private little unofficial wedding ceremony right there.  And then we had an unofficial honeymoon with some officially great sex.”

        “Nick.”  Brian kissed him.  “I love you.”

        “Does this mean you’re not mad about the ring?”

        “He’s not mad about the ring,” Drew said.

        “I can give it back, if you want.”

        “He doesn’t want you to give it back.”

        “I-”

        Drew touched Nick’s lips to silence him.  “He wants you to have the ring.”

        “Oh.”  Nick glanced at Brian.  “Really?”

        “Really,” Drew said.

        “Oh.”  Nick thought about that.  He looked at his left hand, which was in Brian’s left hand.  The ring on his finger matched the ring on Brian’s finger.  It almost looked like they were the married ones.

        “Nick,” Brian said.

        “I don’t have to keep it forever,” Nick said.  “I can give it back if-”

        “Nick, let him talk,” Drew said.

        “I don’t want to-”

        Brian kissed him.  It was slow and deep, and when Brian let go, Nick sat back and blinked a little, catching his breath.

        He shut up.

        “Nick,” Brian said.  He took Nick’s hand in both of his hands, now, and kissed it.  He was looking into Nick’s eyes like he was talking right to Nick’s soul.  His voice was serious.  “Will you marry me?”

        Wham!  Nick was shocked shitless.  He’d slammed straight into a brick wall.

        “Oh, Brian.”  Drew crowded closer.

        Nick knew his mouth was hanging open, but he didn’t remember how to close it.

        “Say yes!” Drew said.

        “Yes?” Nick asked.

        “That counts,” Drew said.

        “I want to have a real ceremony,” Brian said.  “For all three of us.  I want it to be as official as it can be.  I want to stand in a church with both of you, and enter into a holy union all three of us together.”

        “Yes,” Drew said, slipping his hand in with theirs.

        “We’re going to do it right this time,” Brian said.  “The way we should have done it.  We’ll find someone to perform the ceremony.  Nick, where are you going?”

        Nick froze, backed halfway off the bed, caught trying to free his hand.  “Nowhere?” he guessed.

        “Would you like to have a commitment ceremony?” Drew asked.  “With both of us?”

        “Um, sure,” Nick said, wishing they’d release his hand.

        “You don’t seem very enthusiastic,” Drew said.

        “I’m going to order some room service.  You want anything?” Nick asked.

        “Nick,” Brian said.

        “Maybe some pancakes?” Nick suggested.

        “Nick,” Brian said again.

        “I don’t know what time we have to go, but - - hey, what about some waffles?  I’m hungry for waffles.  Would you like some-”

        “Nick!”

        Nick jerked free and slid off of the bed, quickly straightening and turning to-

        Oof!

        Nick hit the ground hard.  He landed face-down, snorting carpet.

        “Nick, I think we need to talk,” Brian said in his ear.

        “Is now a good time for you?” Drew asked from the bed, sounding highly amused.

        “Each day through my window I watch her as she passes by.”

        Chris came around the corner.  “Got your own kind of style that sets you apart.  Baby that’s why you capture my heart.”

        Justin closed the door to his room.  “I say to myself you're such a lucky guy.”

        Chris wandered down the hallway.  “I know sometimes you feel like you don’t fit in, and this world doesn’t know what you have within.”

        Justin headed for the elevators.   “To have a girl like her is truly a dream come true.”

        Chris saw Justin and frowned.  “When I look at you I see something rare, a rose that can grow anywhere.  And there’s no one I know that can compare.”

        Justin glared and sang louder.  “Out of all the fellows in the world, she belongs to you.”

        Chris sang even louder.  “What makes you different makes you beautiful.  What’s there inside you shines through to me.  In your eyes I see all the love I’ll ever need-”

        Justin tackled Chris, one hand over his mouth.  “But it was just my imagination running away with me.”  He stomped on Chris’s foot and shoved Chris into the wall to shut him up.  “It was just my imagination running away with me.”

        “What makes you different makes you beautiful to me, punk!” Chris shouted, breaking free.

        Justin burst into laughter.

        “Backstreet forever, sucker!”

        “God, you’re hopeless and disgusting,” Justin said, leaning against the wall for support as he laughed.  “Chris, why are you wandering around in public singing…that?”

        “It’s Howie’s song,” Chris said.  “What makes me different makes me beautiful.”

        “Wow,” Justin said.  “You’re so far gone you’ve passed Pluto by.”

        “Want some juicy gossip?”

        “Sure,” Justin said.

        “There’s some smooth-voiced young woman answering Kevin’s phone during early morning hours.  I think he got himself a girlfriend.”

        “Damn,” Justin said.  “That’s good, though, right?”

        “For our team, yes.”

        “I hope AJ hurries up and comes crawling back to Lance.  I don’t know how much more of this I can take.”

        “It’s been sucking pretty hard,” Chris agreed.  “You and JC are good, right?”

        “We’re great,” Justin said.

        “Good.  That’s good,” Chris said.  “Okay, I have to go.”

        “Chris-”

        “See you later.”  Chris scurried for his room.

        Friendly pixie smile.  “Hello.”

        “Did you just…”

        Patient pixie smile.

        “…propose to me?”

        Happy, beaming pixie.  “Yes.”

        Damn.

        “Do you want me to do it again?”

        “Uh, no, that’s okay.  So listen-”

        “Nick, will you marry me?”

        “-I was thinking about taking a shower-”

        “Nick Carter, will you marry me?”

        “-and putting some clothes on, maybe-”

        Brian leaned closer, planting kisses on his shoulders, up his neck.  “Nickolas Gene Carter, will you marry me?”

        “-maybe going out, walking around, maybe-”

        Kisses on his chin, up his cheeks, dotting his forehead.  “Nickolas Gene Carter Littrell Lachey-”

        “Or we could split up, I could head to the airport awhile-”

        “-will you marry me?”

        “-and you could stay here with Drew, and I could call you-”

        “Nick, my best friend, my other half, the Frack to my Frick, the source of light to my world-”

        Brian was kissing him between words, making it hard for him to talk, but he persevered.  “-call you when the plane gets in and-”

        “-will you marry me?”

        “-and you could stay here with Drew until then and I could, could…could…”  Nick gave in to Brian’s kiss, opened his mouth for it, let Brian in.  Brian’s kiss was slow and insistent, pulling on him, plucking at him, and he moved when Brian moved, rolling them over, on top now, holding Brian close and holding Brian down.  He broke the kiss, sharing Brian’s breath, looking into blue eyes.  “What did you say?”

        “Will you marry me?” Brian asked.

        Nick wanted to say yes.  He wanted to say yes.  Fear had lodged the word in his throat, and he couldn’t make it come out, couldn’t bring it to his mouth.  Marriage to Brian would be the ultimate.  It would be the biggest.  The most important.  It also would be the worst thing to have taken away from him.  If he said yes, and they got married, and Brian was his husband, and something happened to take that away from him…

        A pillow smacked Nick in the back of the head.

        “Yes!” Nick said.

        Brian kissed him, fingers twining in his hair, tongue making love to his mouth.

        Drew, standing over them, naked, pillow in hand, smiled.

        “What song?” JC asked.

        “If I talk about it, it’ll only get worse.  He’s acting weird.”

        “Chris?”  JC turned in Justin’s arms.

        “Yeah.  Did you notice that people are acting kind of…extra concerned about how we’re doing?”

        “Hmm…  Not really.”

        Justin ran his fingers along the collar of JC’s shirt.  “Baby.”

        “Hmm?” JC asked, rubbing his thumb over Justin’s cheekbone.

        Justin smiled.  “Let’s go home.”

        Howie exhaled gently, slowly stroking his growing arousal.

        Chris.  Chris was coming home.  Chris was - - oh - - coming - - mmm - - home…  Oh…  Ah…  Howie wanted to taste Chris’s kiss, to feel Chris’s fingers tangle in his hair, to feel Chris’s thick shaft open and stretch him, to hear Chris’s choked, helpless sounds of desire, of pleasure, as he, oh, ooohhh, as he…he…

        Oh…

        He wanted to give Chris a blowjob first, to take off the edge.  There would be an edge.  Then again, he wanted Chris in him as soon as possible, to feel their bodies join, to be that close again.

        Masturbation wasn’t what it used to be.  It still felt good, of course.  But it didn’t give him the same high, nor did the high it did give him last as long.  Now that Howie knew real pleasure, true ecstasy, the unique and transcendent sensation of looking into rich dark eyes and feeling love pass between himself and his beloved, between the one who loved him and himself, to feel a deeper and higher pleasure at the same time that physical, sexual pleasure climaxed between them…  When Howie and Chris were joined, their bodies together, moving and rocking towards mutual pleasure, tension mounting, ecstasy building, and he looked into Chris’s eyes and saw overwhelming love, overwhelmed desire, and he knew that he alone was responsible for Chris’s pleasure, and he could feel his own erotic pleasure spiking and cresting…

        There was nothing like it.

        When everything was calm and they were in bed and the room was dark, and Chris whispered his name, Howie heard love in Chris’s voice.

        When they were sitting together, talking, and Chris tucked Howie’s hair behind his ear, Howie felt love in Chris’s touch.

        When Chris picked up the phone and Howie said hello and Chris realized who was calling, Howie heard love in Chris’s voice.

        Every time their eyes met, every time their gazes crossed, Howie saw love in Chris’s eyes.

        Chris was in love with him.  Howie knew that.  Chris desired him.  Howie knew that.

        Chris also had him on a pedestal.  There was awe in Chris’s eyes, along with the love and desire.  Howie didn’t like that.  It had been flattering, at first, of course, but it didn’t feel right.  He didn’t deserve it, and they both knew it, but it persisted.

        Howie looked at the tap in concentration.  He didn’t know what to do about the awe in Chris’s eyes.  After he’d been with AJ, it had disappeared for a while, but it had returned.  If Chris could put him back on a pedestal after that, would anything ever knock him down?

        He wasn’t perfect.  He wasn’t close to perfect.  He was short, he was hairy, his voice developed a nasal twang whenever he got nervous, he was ridiculously romantic, and he’d cheated on his lover with his best friend, also devastating his lover’s best friend in the process.

        Not perfect.

        When fans got that awed look in their eyes…  Well, they were fans.  He understood.  But Chris lived with him.  He wasn’t sure which of his habits were annoying, but some of them had to be, and since Chris had lived with him, they’d probably driven Chris nuts.  Yet…pedestal.

        Howie sighed.  It was nice to be adored.  Flattering.  To a point.  But he didn’t deserve that kind of worship from Chris, because he and Chris were equals.  His problem was, he didn’t know how to get Chris to see that.

        “We’re engaged,” Brian said.

        “You’re going to marry me, too, right?” Drew asked Nick.

        “Sure,” Nick said.  “I can marry you, too.”

        “Good.  Am I going to get to call you Mrs. Littrell?” Drew asked.

        “I’d just call you Mrs. Littrell right back,” Nick said.

        “Good point.”

        “Do you want to talk about it?” Brian asked, running a finger over his closest eyebrow.

        “Talk about what?”  Nick asked.  “No.  Drew, come here.”

        “I am here,” Drew said.

        “You know what I mean.”

        “Okay.”  Drew lay down with him, and when he rolled onto his back, he pulled Drew onto his chest.

        “Better,” Nick said.

        “Glad to be of help,” Drew said.  He shivered.

        “What?”

        “Brian’s petting me.”

        “I would keep petting Nick, but you’re in my way,” Brian said.  “Nick-“

        “Drew, tell Brian I don’t want to talk about it.  I told him myself, but he’s not listening.  Stop shivering!”

        “He’s tickling the back of my neck,” Drew said.

        “I have two fiances,” Nick said.  “Weird.  Hey, am I going to have one marriage or two marriages?”

        “One,” Brian said.

        “If you say so,” Nick said.

        “Nick-“

        “Drew, would you tell him I don’t want to talk about it?” Nick demanded.

        “I think he wants to talk about it,” Drew said to Nick.

        Nick ran his hand up into Drew’s hair and found Brian’s fingers already there.  He stroked Brian’s fingers.  “I don’t want to talk about it.”

        “I think we need to,” Brian said.

        “I think you should be screwing Drew while there’s still time, and we can talk about it later.”

        “I’m not letting you put this off,” Brian said.  “It’s important.”

        “We have to talk about a lot of things,” Nick said.  “Me things, Drew things, me and you things, you and Drew things.”

        “We’re about to be separated, all three of us,” Brian said.  “I don’t want us to be away from each other with anything between us.”

        “But there’s too much to talk about right now,” Nick said.  “This isn’t the time to start having big talks and tearing everything apart to look at what’s really there.  We’re wasting the time we have together.”

        “Time spent together is never wasted,” Brian said.

        “Let’s ask for Drew’s vote,” Nick said, and poked Drew.

        “I think you’re both right,” Drew said.  “But I think Nick’s more right.  We have a lot to talk about, and we don’t have the time to get into all of it right now.  I think that when we’re home, when we’re back together, we have to get into it then.  I promise to address my concerns if Nick promises to address his.”

        “Shit.  Fine.  Whatever.  I promise.”

        “Thank you.  And I’d like to hear the official story of what happened before, of why you broke up.”  Drew turned around, on his back on Nick’s chest now, looking up at Brian.  Nick tugged at Drew’s hair.  “I’ve tried to respect your pain on the subject, and I’ve tried to respect your privacy, because I wasn’t here then, and it’s your history, not mine.  But it’s the moment that most defines your relationship today, and I need to understand it.  I don’t understand it.”

        “I know you don’t,” Brian said.

        “Hell, I don’t,” Nick said.  “I mean, I do, you know I do, but…”

        “We’ll talk about it,” Brian said softly, slowly running his fingers across Nick’s forehead.

        “Drew, time for you to screw Brian again,” Nick said.

        “Just me?” Drew asked.  “You don’t want to help?”

        “Damn, I’d love to help.  But this is going to be one of those you claiming Brian things, and I’d be in the way.  Here, sit here for a minute,” and he guided Drew off of him onto the floor.  Nick rolled over, onto his stomach, and turned Brian’s knee, getting a better angle as he leaned in and slowly, deliberately, licked Brian’s dick.

        “Oh, Nick,” Brian breathed, aching in new places.

        Nick licked Brian into full erection, sucking gently, leaving wet kisses over the head.  Watching, seeing Nick’s head in Brian’s lap, Nick’s tongue on Brian’s cock, Nick tending to Brian’s desires, left Drew painfully hard.  He wanted to touch himself, remembering the times that Nick’s mouth had been on him, remembering the times that his mouth had been on Brian.

        Nick slid back, sitting up, leaving Brian’s cock swollen and erect.  “Go ahead and get on the bed.  Find the lube if you can.  I’ll send Drew over in a minute.”

        Brian put his hand on the back of Nick’s neck and pulled Nick in, kissing him, tongue slicking into his mouth, taking him easily.  When he pulled back Nick stopped him, putting a hand on Brian’s wrist to keep Brian in place, eyes still closed, lips parted.

        Brian waited.

        Nick inhaled, opening his eyes, releasing Brian’s wrist.  Brian slid his hand from Nick’s neck and rose, going to the bed.

        Nick saw Drew and grinned, crawling to him, kissing his cheek.  “It’s time to fuck Brian.”

        Drew couldn’t fuck Brian, Brian owned Nick, Brian had just, Brian-

        “Brian,” Nick whispered, very close to him now, voice soft, lowered lashes not hiding the sex in blue eyes.  “Remember Brian?  The one on TV?  The one in the magazines?  The one who wanders around like he’s unclaimed?  He’s not unclaimed.  He’s yours.  Your Brian.  You own him.  What do you have to do to make him realize that?  Chain him up?  Tie him down?  He’s yours, Drew, he’s all yours.  You’d better go claim him.  You’d better go make him feel it.”

        Drew was having serious urges to growl.

        “He’s about to leave again, about to go off into the world alone again.  You’d better make sure he knows he’s yours before he even thinks about leaving this room.  You do what you have to do, Drew.  He’s yours and he’d better know it and they’d all better recognize.”

        His.  Brian was his.  Brian was his.  He stood, barely noticing Nick tugging the sheet from his body, walking to the bed.  Brian.  Brian was his.

        Nick grinned.  Brian was so fucking in for it.