"Where You Belong"

Where You Belong, eighth in the "Living" series

Rating: NC-17 for graphic male-male sex

Pairings: Thus far we've had JC/Justin, Nick/Drew/Brian, Nick/Jeff, Nick/Drew/Brian/Nick/Jeff, AJ/Lance, AJ/Howie, AJ/Kevin, Chris/Howie, and partridge/pear tree.

Disclaimer: The young men who comprise the Backstreet Boys, *NSYNC, and 98 Degrees are their own people. The author has not met anyone here described, nor does the author mean to suggest that these people act this way in real life. This writing is a work of fiction. I make no money from this venture.

Dedication: This slashfic is for Ewan McGregor and the Savage Garden slashwriters.

Wherein Drew won't go behind Brian's back, AJ can screw anybody he wants, and could JC be mellowing?

Notice: First, read "I Need You Tonight," "Boy Lead the Way to Ecstasy," "Not Easy," "No One," "Rest in Peace," "Destiny," and "Together." I know it sounds like a lot, but it'll only take you an hour or two.

Everything was quiet and still.

Chris dialed Howie's number.

"Hello?"

"Howard, my love."

"Christopher, my love."

"Tell me a story. Tell me the one about how AJ wanted to come visit you and you told him no because you chose me over him."

"It was a case of his happiness or your happiness. Any time it's in my power to make you more happy, I want to do what I can to see that everything works out in your best interests. I want to make you as happy as I can."

"Tell me why."

He could hear Howie's smile. "Because I love you."

Ooohhh, warm shivers. "Now tell me you're naked."

"I am naked."

"In bed?"

"Yes."

"On your stomach?"

"I am now."

"With the sheets off?"

"Sheets off."

Chris ground his teeth to keep from moaning out loud as he jacked his cock.

"Chris," Howie said softly.

Oh, god.

"Chris, I miss your body. I want you."

Howie wanted him. Chris moved his hand a little bit faster.

"Are you hard?" Howie asked. His voice had that breathy quality it got when holy sweet mother of Howie was touching himself.

"Yes," Chris said. He pictured Howie's hand slowly pumping Howie's dick. Graceful, seductive stroking and pulling, not the dirty jacking Chris was doing.

"Chris..."

A red flush across Howie's features, soft lips parted, long black lashes covering the liquid sex in Howie's eyes.

"Chris..."

Thighs apart, muscles tense, balls drawing up tight.

"Every night I dream that we're making love, and every morning I wake up and roll over alone. Come home, Chris, come home and make my dreams come true."

Oh, oh, god... Oh... Chris groaned, spurting cum.

"I wish I were there," Howie said.

Chris cleared his throat. He kept his eyes shut so he wouldn't have to see that he was alone. "Trust me, so do I."

"Did it feel good?" Howie asked. His voice was still doing that breathy thing.

"Yeah," Chris said. He didn't know what else to say. "What...what are you doing?"

"I'm touching myself where I wish you were touching me."

Chris coughed. "Where is that?"

Howie moaned.

"Oh, there," Chris said. Just when he'd thought Howie couldn't get any sexier...

A soft, seductive groan.

Chris's spine was prickly. "Uh, so, Howie. If fingers were lumps of sugar, and I poured you some tea, one lump or two?"

"Two," Howie said.

Chris rolled over and bit the pillow.

"I want you," Howie said, and he said it right in the middle of a quiet, deeply aroused moan that made Chris's toes curl.

"You have no earthly concept of how badly I want to be fucking you right now," Chris said.

"When you come home..."

"As soon as I come home. Meet me in the airport and we'll do it right there at the baggage claim. On the runway." Howie was getting closer and closer to orgasm, right in his ear, sexual excitement mounting. Chris desperately wanted to be there with Howie, to see, to touch. "Howie?"

Passionate groan. "Chris..."

"Do I really turn you on this much?"

There was a period of indistinguishable noise, followed by a choking sound. Finally there were coherent words. "Chris! Oh, Chris. Don't do that to me, please."

"Are you laughing?"

"Yes, I'm laughing! Chris, you have horrible timing. I've never had a laughing fit at the exact moment of orgasm. The things you do to me..."

"So that would be a yes, or a no?"

"To your question? Chris. My love. Yes. Come home and I'll prove it to you."

"Prove. It. To me. Hmm. That, that sounds good."

"It's going to feel very, very good."

"Oh god. Are all people this insanely sexy, or just you?"

"Mmm. Just me."

"God, I knew it. Stupid, stupid question. Do I really get to have sex with you when I get home?"

"As many times as you want."

"This is too much for me. I'm going to pass out. I can't take it. It's too good."

"I love you."

"I'm hyperventilating."

Howie laughed.

"Howie Dorough, I am your number one fan."

"What a coincidence," Howie said. "I'm yours."

Joey pulled up his sweatpants and knocked on Lance's door. There was no answer. He knocked again. There was no answer. He had the key, so he used it.

Some of the people had gone. Joey toed an empty bottle out of his way. There was a girl huddled up in the corner, asleep. Lance was awake and getting head from the remaining guy. He looked at Joey like he didn't give a fuck.

Joey wakened the girl, helped her up, and showed her out.

Lance came.

Joey started to straighten up the room.

Lance burrowed under the covers and went to sleep.

Joey kicked the guy out and went back to cleaning.

When Nick wakened, he kept his eyes closed. He nuzzled Drew's hair, cuddled Drew closer, and thought about how fucking good it felt to wake up with Drew. Then he started thinking about sex. Then he started thinking about how he wanted to show Brian how easy Drew was now. Brian was going to love it.

Drew made a vague noise. He wrapped his arms tighter around Nick and butted his head up under Nick's chin. Not quite awake. Nick rubbed his back. Drew made a fussy noise and pushed his hard-on against Nick's thigh. Nick smiled and began to make plans for future orgasms. Drew made his grumpy, I don't care what you want, I'm going back to sleep noise, and let go of Nick with one hand to pull the covers over his head. Then he tucked his hand under Nick's thigh.

One second passed.

Drew's hand slid slowly, squeezing, testing, up Nick's thigh to Nick's ass.

Drew squeezed Nick's ass.

"Mm."

Nick tried not to laugh.

Drew rubbed his other hand down over Nick's ass. "Mmm."

Yep. Awake.

Slow, gentle, obsessive stroking.

"Drew."

Startled, guilt-stricken, Drew pulled his hands back and looked up at Nick.

Nick smirked.

Relieved, Drew pinched him. "I thought you were asleep."

"Here, roll over."

"Why?"

"So I can give you a blowjob."

Drew grinned and rolled onto his back.

"Or would you rather grab my ass some more?" Nick offered.

"No, this is okay," Drew said. "Let's do this first."

Nick laughed. He couldn't wait to show Brian!

Drew smiled and put his hands back on Nick's body. "How much time do we have?"

"Enough time to do whatever you want. What do you want?"

Drew's hand slid over Nick's ass again.

"Pervert."

"Please?" Drew asked.

Nick kissed him. "Okay. Where do you want me?"

Justin was listening to JC's heartbeat.

JC's fingertips were rubbing over Justin's vertebrae.

Justin raised his head.

JC kissed him.

Justin liked the way having JC's tongue in his mouth made him feel.

JC said his name.

Justin put his head back on JC's chest.

JC's fingertips were rubbing over Justin's vertebrae.

Justin was listening to JC's heartbeat.

Howie knotted the tie to his robe and opened his front door. "Mi casa es tu casa."

Kevin handed him a laundry basket. "Thanks."

They went to the laundry room. Howie helped Kevin sort.

"How's Chris?" Kevin asked.

"He's fine," Howie said. "His friends are all lunatics and he wants to come home."

"Been there," Kevin said, and smiled.

"I miss him," Howie said, "but he's almost home."

"Have you heard of this hare-brained scheme they're concocting?"

"The one where they kidnap Justin and try to talk some sense into JC?" Howie asked. "Chris doesn't want to do it."

"Finally, someone with some sense."

"It was Lance's idea."

"Lance's idea to separate JC and Justin?" Kevin asked. "Oh, that's brilliant."

"Suspicious, to say the least." Howie lifted a black lace-edged bra from Kevin's laundry. "Yours?"

Kevin snatched it from him. "It belongs to a friend."

"A close friend?" Howie guessed.

"I don't want to hear whatever it is you have to say."

"It's none of my business," Howie said.

"Tell him," Kevin said. His voice was too sharp to be calm, but his movements as he dropped clothes into the washer were almost natural. "Tell him. I want him to know. I'm done. He's free. I'm moving on. It's the least I can do for him."

"The least you can do for him?" Howie asked, curious, not judging.

"He gave me his body out of pity and convenience. He let me take what I wanted. I'm grateful for having had the chance. But it's over and I've let go. I don't want him to worry about it."

"I'll tell him," Howie said.

"I'm sorry," Kevin said, "and I'm grateful, and it's over."

"Do you think you'll ever be with another man?" Howie asked.

"No," Kevin said. "I know I won't."

"Why? If it's in your nature-"

"AJ is in my nature," Kevin said. "AJ is in my bloodstream. No other man will ever have that effect on me. Women are so different I can be with them and not compare."

"After all of this time, after these years of never saying a word, never looking too long, never making the slightest gesture, why did you give in?"

"I was weak," Kevin said, and dropped the clothes from his hands, giving up any pretense. "He was in my lap, in my arms, asking me for things he'd never asked me for before. He was acknowledging what I'd locked away. There was need in him, and he was asking me to satisfy it. And he'd been hurt. I can't see him hurt."

That was it. Those last two sentences. Howie could tell, from the thickness in Kevin's voice. That was the real, true reason. "And now you've locked it away again."

"I haven't just locked it, I've closed it up in a vault behind bars. I won't let it interfere again. I won't do that to him. AJ doesn't want my love, he wants my friendship."

"AJ loves you, as a friend and as a brother. If he knew how you felt, he'd feel compelled to try to be with you, out of debt to your friendship. So you've chosen to hide how you feel, so he won't be burdened by the knowledge that he's hurting his closest friend by not returning your love."

"Yes."

"It's very noble of you."

"My pain is my own," Kevin said. "It's not his to bear. And after today, I won't speak of it again."

"Then I have one question, while I still can."

"What is it?"

Howie grinned. "How was the sex?"

Kevin glared at him. "Listen, Nick-"

"All right, all right," Howie said with a quick laugh. "No, I do have a real question. You just said that you're sorry. Are you?"

Kevin thought about it, dropping a shirt into the washer. "I'm not sorry that I was there for him. I'm not sorry that I let him take from me. I am sorry that I let it change our dynamic. That's what I'm putting a stop to. I won't let my private feelings damage a friendship that's so important to him. I have regrets, but am I sorry that I took the opportunity presented to me? No. I can't be sorry for that. It was my one chance, for one second, to taste everything I'd ever wanted."

"I see JC in you," Howie said.

"What?" Kevin asked, surprised.

"JC, if he'd never connected with Justin. I think this is what he'd be like, or maybe what he was like."

"Do I look stark raving mad to you?" Kevin asked.

"No, but you're suffering untold agony, sacrificing yourself so you won't disrupt the life of the one you love. You're content to sit back and watch him live out his life, and you're truly happy for him in everything he does, but you're inwardly...dying from it."

"I am not killing myself over AJ, literally or figuratively," Kevin said. "It's not that dramatic. I love someone. That's my business. That's the end of it." He gave Howie a look. "Suffering untold agony?"

Howie smiled. "It's the romantic in me."

Justin.

JC.

Timberlake.

Chasez.

He ran his finger in distracted patterns over his pelvic bone. He kissed his shoulder. He whispered his name. He licked at the scratches on his body. He knew exactly what love was.

Jeff checked his bag.

Nick tied his shoes. Interview, radio, soundcheck. His ankle felt better. They had to... "What?" He rubbed his cheek. Why was Jeff looking at him like that?

"Nothing," Jeff said, smiling, turning away.

"What?" Nick asked again. Had he done something stupid? Was there toothpaste on his face? He checked his fly.

"I always figured that once you fell in love with somebody, that was it. There you were. But we've been together for years, and I fall in love with you every day."

Nick licked his lips. "What?"

Jeff passed by, kissing him on the way.

"Oh." Nick watched Jeff finish getting dressed.

"Stop staring."

Nick looked away.

Jeff walked past him again, this time squeezing his arm.

"I don't know," Nick said. "I don't think I ever stopped falling. It's been a continual, slow-motion drop this whole time. A little farther every day."

Jeff smirked. "I know. I can tell. That dopey look you give me gets a little dopier every day."

"I, hey-"

"Just kidding." Jeff kissed him again, a real kiss this time, lingering. Their eyes met. "I love you, too."

"What dopey look?" Nick asked.

Jeff chuckled and kissed him again. "Come on, time to go."

"What dopey look? Hey. Jeff?"

The phone rang.

JC took the phone off the hook.

Justin meditatively traced the lines of JC's palm with one finger.

Brian stepped into the hallway.

"Hey," Chris said.

"Hey," Brian said. "What's going on?"

"We're about to draw straws," Joey said.

"Somebody has to try to get in there to check on JC and Justin, but we don't have any real volunteers," Chris explained. "Unless you..."

"No," Brian said. "But I can help you out." He handed over the card key. "Justin gave it to me." He hesitated. "Where's Lance?"

"Sleeping it off," Joey said.

"Sleeping what off?" Chris asked.

"Several things, I hope," Joey said. "Rock, paper, scissors?"

"No way," Chris said. "I keep losing. What about the bet?"

"What bet?" Joey asked.

Chris turned to Brian.

"Not that one!" Joey said, alarmed.

"No, not that one," Chris said. "Calm down. The other one."

"Oh," Joey said. "Okay."

"Yes?" Brian asked, amused.

"If we paid you ten bucks, would you tell us how long Drew's dick is?"

Brian smiled. "No."

"Damn it," Chris said.

"I told you," Joey said.

"It's not a big deal," Chris said. "It's just a number. I'll tell you how long mine is."

"He's seen yours," Joey said.

"Not in all of its glory," Chris said. "It's like six times bigger when it's hard."

"So, what, three inches?" Joey asked.

Chris hit him.

"Quit stalling," Joey said.

Chris faced the door.

They waited.

Abruptly, Chris turned to Brian. "We're just asking-"

Joey smacked him in the back of the head.

"Ouch!" Chris said, offended. He rubbed the injured spot. "Bastard."

"Knock," Joey said.

Chris knocked. There was no answer. He knocked again. "Hey, uh, guys?"

"What?" JC asked.

"Can I come in?"

"Okay," Justin said.

Chris waited.

No one opened the door.

Joey nudged Chris.

Chris used the key, opening the door, peering inside. Joey and Brian stayed out of sight.

JC rolled over, onto his stomach. Justin slid smoothly onto JC's back, covering him like a second skin. JC looked at Chris, vaguely interested. Justin's head was down, face tucked in JC's neck.

"Hi," Chris said.

"Hi," JC said, languid, putting one hand up to rub Justin's hair.

"Yeah. So. How are you doing?" Chris asked.

"Could you get my stuff out of Brian's room?" JC asked.

"Sure," Chris said. "Let me just go and do that. I'll, yeah, do that and come back. You just wait right here." He pulled the door shut.

"So?" Joey whispered.

"How are they?" Brian asked.

"They're doing it again," Chris said. "They're so beautiful it hurts and so in love it hurts and they're creeping me out."

"Okay, what?" Joey asked.

"I'm supposed to be getting JC's stuff," Chris told Brian.

"Sure," Brian said, leading the way.

"What's going on?" Joey asked, following.

"That thing, that thing where they're draped all over each other and talking for each other and mind-melding," Chris said. "What the hell did we call it?"

"Sharing skin," Joey said.

"That's it," Chris said. "Creepy."

"Sharing skin?" Brian asked.

"You have to see it," Joey said.

"Oh, and they're naked," Chris said.

"So pull a blanket over them or something," Joey said, lifting a suitcase.

They walked back to Justin and JC's room. Chris knocked. "JC, I got your stuff."

"Come in," JC said.

Chris opened the door and entered. Joey came in with him. "How are you guys doing?" Joey asked.

"Good," JC said. "How's Lance?"

Justin made a soft sound against JC's shoulder without raising his head.

"It's okay, baby," JC said.

"He's...sleeping," Joey said. "Big day off. What are you guys doing?"

"I don't know," JC said.

Silence.

Justin rubbed his forehead between JC's shoulder blades.

"Hold on, baby, just a minute," JC said. "Joey, can you get that little nail polish kit out of my bag?"

"Yeah," Joey said, and found it. He brought it over to the bed. While he was over there, he pulled the sheet up, covering Justin's naked ass.

Justin slid left, dropping down to JC's side. JC leaned right. Justin moved into JC's spot. JC slid onto Justin's back. It was a very neat way of moving into each other's place without physically separating.

Justin was leaning up on his elbows, which meant he was physically supporting both his weight and JC's. JC was light, but Chris still wouldn't have done it for any extended length of time. JC hooked his chin over Justin's shoulder and immediately became completely absorbed in what Justin was doing, to the point of ignoring everything and everyone else. Justin opened the nail kit, pulling out what he wanted, getting to work.

"Hi," Joey said pointedly into the hallway.

"Oh, hi," Brian said, picking up his cue, coming to the doorway. "Morning."

"Mmm," Justin said, carefully removing any last traces of polish. "Hi." He didn't so much as look up.

JC closed his eyes and curled his fingers around Justin's, stilling all motion.

"Ssshhh, baby," Justin murmured. He raised the back of JC's hand to his lips, kissed the pulse, kissed the wrist bone.

JC opened his eyes, uncurling his fingers.

Justin resumed JC's manicure.

"I was going to go find a basketball court," Brian said. "Anyone want to play?"

Joey elbowed Chris.

"Oh, yeah," Chris said. Joey stared at him hard. "Justin?"

"Hmm," Justin said. His eyes flickered towards them. "No, thanks."

"Maybe later," Brian said with natural, casual cheer. "I'll go see if I can track down a hoop or two." He backed out of the room.

Chris followed him. "You don't look creeped out."

"I'm not," Brian said. "As long as it's a temporary stage where they reconnect and ground themselves in their love, they should be fine. If it lasts too long, of course that's a problem."

"They won't even look at us. They won't hold a normal conversation."

"Look at you for what? They've seen you before. They're...immersed in each other. In themselves. They can talk to you later," Brian said, smiling.

"Why are you not disturbed?" Chris asked.

"It's a healing step," Brian said. "It doesn't seem normal to you, and that's why you're worried, and I understand that. The silence, the self-absorption, the lack of interaction with anyone else, it's strange. But JC and Justin aren't normal. We don't necessarily want them to be normal. We want them to find what is, for them, a healthy balance."

"Healthy. Not necessarily normal, but healthy."

"Yes," Brian agreed.

Chris made faces. "Okay. I see what you're saying. Healing step. Grounding themselves."

"They were separated. Their response to that is to unite."

"They want to be one person."

"Exactly."

"And that's not creepy?"

"We may want to discuss it with them. When was the other time they acted like this?"

"After JC...tried to leave."

"The gun."

"Yeah." That wasn't something Chris wanted to talk about. It wasn't anything anyone ever talked about.

"That was an extreme. Their response was extreme. But trying to blend into one is comforting for them. They find it soothing. Let them rest. You're all taking the day off from work; let them take the day off from their battle."

"So wise, and so young," Chris mused.

Brian smiled. "I understand love."

"Have you and Nick ever tried to become one?"

"Nick and I are one," Brian said.

Chris made himself blink.

As Drew was walking down the bus aisle, Nick reached out from his bunk and grabbed his hand. "Get in here, cutie-pie. It's talking time."

"Talking about what?" Drew asked, his fingers finding Nick's ring.

"Your secret motive behind what you said yesterday."

"Oh, that." Drew tried to pull his hand free.

"Hey, I have a question," Justin said. "What are numbers four through twelve?"

Drew looked at Justin with confusion. "What?"

Nick burst into laughter.

"What?" Drew repeated.

"Number four was something about the eyes?" Justin asked. "I got the touching, the fussing, and the-"

"You jerk!" Drew pushed Justin. "Get out."

"I was just wondering," Justin said, backing up. "It's the most interesting top ten list I've heard in a while."

"Go," Drew said.

"All right, I can see that we'll be getting no privacy around here," Nick said, climbing out of the bunk to stand with Drew.

"Since when has that stopped you?" Nick's voice asked from another bunk.

"Since ha, eat me," Nick said. "Come on, Drew." He walked Drew to the lounge in the back, closing the door, then sat.

Drew remained standing. He looked uncomfortable.

Nick tugged on Drew's hand. "Time to talk to Nicky."

"I don't want to talk. Let's have sex."

"Drew. First of all, that's my style. Second of all, did you learn nothing from me? You can't just say it like that. You have to try to distract me and seduce me."

"All right." Drew started to pull up his shirt with his free hand.

"No, bad Drew!" Nick said. "I'm the master of the sex distraction techniques to get out of talking. I'm not letting you get away with it."

"I don't want to talk."

"I see that. Look, I'll give you a blowjob first, okay, but then we're talking."

"That's not what I want," Drew said.

"You don't like blowjobs?" Nick asked.

"Of course I like... That's not what I meant. I meant, I'm not... Do you keep getting the feeling I'm using you for sex?"

"No."

"I do."

"You shouldn't."

"Nick, every time I get horny, I jump you."

"Every time you get horny? Every time you start checking out some crew guy's basket and get turned on? Or every time you start gazing at my ass?"

"You know I don't look at other people," Drew said.

"That's my point," Nick said. "You're not getting hot over other guys and screwing me because I'm within distance of your dick. You want me, and I'm encouraging you to act on that, and we're together around the clock, and Brian's not here to inhibit you. So I'm turning you on all day, and you're acting on it."

"You really do trust me," Drew said.

"I kind of have to," Nick said. "I mean, I do, I really do, but even if I didn't, I'd still have to, because you're away from us a lot, with...other people."

"I know that what I did was wrong, and-"

"Wait, what are we talking about?"

Drew swallowed. "When I cheated on you."

"When was this?" Nick asked. "You cheated on us?"

"With... You... Before. With Jeff. And..."

"Oh. Drew, that's not cheating. We set that up for you, first off, which automatically means it's not cheating. We wanted you to."

"I... I was with other people. Other people who weren't you or Brian."

"Drew, what is wrong? Why are we going over this again? What's inside your head?" Nick scrutinized him. "This is guilt stuff, old guilt. Don't start dredging up old guilt to go along with the new guilt. The new shit is bad enough without you packing old stuff onto it. You're feeling bad about what you said, and it's making you think you're not good to me, or some shit like that, and you're pulling up all these reasons to cor, cor, shit."

"Corroborate."

"Corroborate," Nick said. "I knew that. Where were we? Shape up. Dump the old guilt. We've gone over it. I can't have you feeling like this. I have to keep you warm and happy. So let me fix you."

"It's not that easy," Drew said.

"Yes, it is," Nick said. "Would you come here? You know I like to touch when I talk about important stuff."

"You're holding my hand."

"That doesn't count. Come here or I'm getting up."

Drew stood his ground.

Nick stood to be closer to Drew. "Tell me why you yelled at me like that."

"So you'd go."

"It's not for JC. I can tell. You want to help him and Justin, but that's not what's going on. There's something else."

Tension. Withdrawal. "There's nothing else. I blew it out of proportion."

"You want me gone. You want me off this tour? I don't get it. I know you like having me here. I know you want me to stay. You want me to stay, that's why you fought me that hard, because you're fighting yourself. You want me here. You're going to hurt when I go."

"I'm going to miss you," Drew said, but he didn't sound like he meant it.

"Don't start this again," Nick said. "Don't start this pulling back shit. If you'd try talking to me for real, we wouldn't be going through this in the first place. I guess you think that pulling away is going to protect you, but that's shit. You can't protect yourself from me. I know you. I own you. I see right through everything you say and do. Do you think that for one second I can protect myself from Brian? One look from him and I'm wide open. You and I aren't there yet, we haven't made it, but we're on our way. You can't hide from me."

Drew crossed his arms over his chest. "I don't want to talk about it. You should respect that. I've apologized. I'm sorry. Why can't that be the end of it?"

"I know you're sorry. That shit-ass tone doesn't sound like it, but I saw you suffering yesterday, and that said enough. You didn't want to hurt me. You were trying to protect yourself. I need to know why. Why does it mean so much to you that I go? And why are you so fucking stubborn?! Talk to me!"

Someone coughed on the other side of the door. Jeff.

"Back off," Drew said. He was pretending like he was bitching at Jeff, but really he was talking to Nick, and Nick knew it, and that was shitty.

"Don't be an ass," Nick said to Drew.

"Don't talk to me like that," Drew snapped.

"Don't treat me like this!" Nick shouted, and let go of Drew's hand. "Stay here. Move and I'll hurt you." He opened the door.

Jeff stepped back and gestured Nick closer.

Nick leaned in.

Jeff whispered, "It's not about you leaving here, it's about you going there."

"Going where?" Nick whispered. "Orlando? Home?"

"Home," Jeff repeated for him.

"Brian," Nick said. He felt his eyes widening. "He wants me to go back to - - you want me to go back to Brian," he said, turning to Drew, surprised. "Oh my, hell, Drew, it's not about you versus Brian, it's not about me leaving one of you to go to the other. I left Brian to come to see you, and Brian understands that. He can't be with you because he took on the project, but I can, and he's happy about that. He wants us to be here together."

"Go back to him," Drew said. Jeff closed the door and left them alone again.

"I'm not going back to him! I'm not going back to see him at all! I'm going to help JC and Justin. I might see Brian in passing, and if I do it's going to be so good it'll shatter me, but that's not why I'm going."

"You miss him," Drew said. "You've tried to keep it from me but I know."

"I haven't tried to keep anything from you," Nick said.

"You miss him and it's eating you up inside. You don't know how to be without him anymore. I've seen you cry. I've watched you grieve."

"Okay, maybe I was trying to keep a few things from you," Nick said. "Drew, you miss him, too. What's the difference? You have to miss him more than I do, because I was just on tour with him."

"I've been borrowing you," Drew said. "You've been on loan to me. He's called you home."

"What the hell kind of shit is that?" Nick asked. "Did you not understand the whole point of the three of us being together? We're all together. We're all in love. I told you that Brian loves you as much as he loves me. It's different but it's not less. And you know I love you, you know how much I love you, I can't be any clearer about that unless I rip my heart out of my chest and hand it to you a dripping bloody mess. Sometimes I feel like I have."

"You need to be with him," Drew said. "You need to go back to him. I'll be all right. You won't be, not if you stay here."

"Fine, I miss Brian. I miss Brian, I miss Brian, I miss Brian. It's hard to be without him. But I can do it. And I'm here with you, and I've told you how important this is to me. Being here with you. Exploring you. Exploring us. It's like our personal little honeymoon, just the two of us. And that's sad and it hurts, because Brian's not sharing it with us like he should be, but it's still good, because it's us, and we're always good together."

"He needs you," Drew said. "He wants you back. He's asking for you. I can't keep you here."

"I was having equality issues, and I think I'm doing a damned good job of getting over them, so now it's your turn?" Nick asked.

"It's not about equality," Drew said. "It's about..."

"It's about equality," Nick said.

"Yes," Drew said. "It's about equality. The two of you have always had the strongest connection. You've always shared the deepest bond. Brian glances at the way your toes are tapping and he knows exactly what you're thinking, word for word. I look at you and I think, is he hungry? Bored? I have no idea. I don't know you like he does. And Brian, sometimes I think I don't know Brian at all."

"You know me," Nick said. "You're full of shit. You know me. You know Brian. I think you missed the part where his heart and soul are panting after you, desperate for a connection, but that's because neither one of you ever talks to each other. You do know me, Drew. I know that because I know you. Look, Brian and I have known each other for fifty years. We've been screwing and doing all of that lovesick gazing shit for so long, of course we're close. We're close as all fuck. But that doesn't exclude you. That just means that in time, we're all going to be that way. But we don't get a lot of time. This whole career shit is fucking up everything. What are we going to do, quit? Hell, no. We just have to make better use of the time we do have. That means not avoiding or hiding or this stupid shit that keeps you and Brian from opening up to each other."

Drew inhaled.

"Brian and I, yes, we have a bond. You and I bonded back in the day, and every day since then until today, you've been great about opening up to me, so we're tight. You and Brian, the actual married people, are very polite strangers. You love each other, and you act like a great little couple, but you keep putting everything off on me. You put the focus on me, you talk about me - - I know you guys have done a lot of talking about me. When do you talk about each other, to each other?"

"You're a fascinating subject."

"I guess so."

Drew sat where he'd stood. "I hate myself sometimes."

"That sucks," Nick said. "Knock it off."

"You hate yourself sometimes, too."

"Yeah, but it's not good for me, and it's not good for you, either." He nudged Drew's foot with his own. "Why are you hating yourself today?"

"For not treating you well. For making you worry."

"Drew, you're a very special person who's driving me very crazy." Nick crouched down in front of him and kissed the top of his head. "Give me a hug."

Drew curled forward, leaning into Nick, wrapping his arms around Nick's waist.

"Oh, poor Drew," Nick said. "Listen. I love you, always and no matter what. You love me, always and no matter what. Right?"

"Right."

"You love Brian."

"Yes."

"A lot."

"Yes."

"You should tell him that. Show him that. I can help you."

"I'm...scared."

"I know. But it's Brian. We made him blue. He cried at your wedding. You trust me, don't you?"

"Yes."

"And you know that I believe in Brian. I've given him everything I ever had, including you. You can trust Brian. You can trust me to keep you safe during this whole thing. It's scary now, and it might get scarier, but I'll keep you safe."

"I want you to stay with me, here, forever."

"I know. But he misses us. He wants us to come home. And we want to go home."

"I know."

"You love him."

"I love him."

"You miss him."

"I miss him."

"I'm going to go help JC and Justin. I might see your husband while I'm on my way. And then you'll come home. We can all be together again. I know that's what you want."

"I miss him."

"Oh, Drew."

"I miss him."

"Angel, don't. It's okay. I miss him, too. It hurts, I know it hurts. You've been hurting a long time. We're almost home. We're almost there. Just a little while longer."

"I miss him."

Nick held his broken-hearted angel.

Chris and Joey were sitting on the floor in the hallway, leaning against opposite walls. "What do you think of true love?" Chris asked.

"As a concept?" Joey asked. "It's idealistic."

"JC and Justin seem to have it."

"That and a few other things. Yeah, they do. There's no question."

"Is true love only for a select few, the JCs and Justins, the Brians, or is it for everybody?"

"I don't know," Joey said. "Maybe it's intended for everybody, but the majority of the people fuck it up before it can get to them."

"Do you think you have a true love?"

"Maybe. If I do, she's a D cup. Blond. Green eyes. Sexy voice."

"Do you think Howie's my one true love?"

"Are you kidding me?" Joey asked. "Is this some sort of trick question, hidden camera show? Chris, I've trashed Howie off and on, seriously and just out of habit, since you started seeing him. But I've watched you. He's the love of your life. He's it for you. He's your JC and your Justin and your...everything."

"True love has to be requited. It means he's the love of my life, and I'm the love of his."

"I think you are," Joey said. "I wouldn't have said so before, and I'm not just saying it to be nice. When he was here, the way he treated you, the way he consistently put you first, yeah. I think you might be the love of Howie's life."

"True love," Chris said.

"It's a doozy," Joey agreed.

Justin finished putting on the final coat.

JC was licking the back of Justin's neck.

"What's her name?" Howie asked Kevin.

"Molly," Kevin said. "She's thirty years old and she's in accounting."

"Is it serious?"

"Semi."

Howie nodded.

"When is he coming home?" Kevin asked.

"I don't know," Howie said. He wished that he did, because he knew how much it had taken for Kevin to ask. "Soon."

Nick and Drew had pulled themselves together, wiped their tears on Nick's shirt, and now were simply sitting on the floor, being together.

Someone knocked on the door.

"Come in," Drew said, sounding mostly normal.

It was Justin. "This is either great timing or horrible timing. I'll let you decide." He opened a manila envelope and pulled out a magazine.

"Do you subscribe to these things?" Nick asked.

Justin turned to a certain page and handed it over, then left them alone.

Nick and Drew huddled up to look.

Joey, Justin, and Brian. Outside of a club, it looked like. Brian. Recent Brian. A quick, friendly smile. Facial hair.

Nick and Drew huddled closer to the picture. Facial hair. Light brown fur along the line of his jaw. Sideburns coming down. Fuzz around the mouth.

Nick gathered Drew into his lap so they could hold the picture closer to both of them at the same time.

Drew traced Brian's sideburns with one finger.

Seeing Brian again, seeing the way Brian was now, seeing that Brian was looking different and doing things that he knew nothing about, was strange for Nick. It felt wrong. But that sense of strangeness was overpowered by love and by desire. Brian looked good, damned good, and Nick wanted some.

Drew was breathing funny. Deep and shallow in odd patterns.

Nick was fascinated by Brian's smile, the curve of Brian's lips, the curls at Brian's temple.

Drew's hand, which had been resting on Nick's thigh, started to tense. Grip.

Nick knew that shirt, had made Brian wear it when AJ had given it to him. It did things to Brian's eyes. It made Brian look so good, Nick had made him leave it on that night when they'd made love. Nick's hands, under the shirt, searching, learning Brian's body through touch. The silk against his skin.

Drew made a quick noise, half-groan, half-grunt, all lust.

Brian had had facial hair before, off and on. Mostly while on the road. Now that Nick thought about it, he couldn't remember Brian being anything but clean-shaven around Drew. Nick would have remembered it, too, because it was always a point of interest to him. It was scratchy, sure, but he always had to kiss it, and nuzzle it, and lick it. Lick it. Lick along Brian's jaw, repetitive, obsessive. Lick up Brian's sideburns until Brian kissed him to make him stop. He'd always had a thing for Brian's jaw, anyway, but when there was that light brown fur lining the edge of it, damn, damn, damn.

Drew was panting. Actually, literally, panting.

Nick ran his hand up the inside of Drew's thigh and felt. Rock-hard.

Drew moaned. Instead of doing his submissive, so-turned-on, melting-all-over-Nick thing, he started rocking his hips. Fucking.

Aggression.

Drew was responding to Brian, not to Nick.

Nick grinned wickedly. Drew wanted Brian. Drew was about to use him for sex.

They were on the bus, which limited the things they could do. Drew couldn't fuck him, for one thing, which was going to cause some trouble, since clearly that was the main goal in Drew's mind. Nick removed his hand from Drew's groin.

Drew twisted in Nick's lap, kissing him, claiming him, taking his mouth by storm. That was a whole lot of Drewtongue. Nick was literally losing his balance from it, and had to put his hand down to avoid tipping over. Drew started making aggressive sounds of want, throaty urgent sounds. Dominant sounds.

Nick had no idea if the fact that he wasn't actually Brian, but he was a safe target for Drew to act out Brian fantasies on, was making this easier. It probably was. It was making it exciting for Nick, personally, because Drew had never kissed him quite like this.

Drew's hand fisted in the front of Nick's shirt. "Come," Drew ordered, mid-kiss, and pulled, rising, taking Nick with him.

Whoa. Butch. Hot. Nick's dick liked this.

Drew shoved Nick onto the sofa and climbed on right after him, pushing him onto his back. Drew grabbed his shirt again, this time in two hands, and ripped it open.

Holy shit!

Drew didn't even pause, just moved in and kissed him hard, tongue-fucking his mouth, making those sounds of sexual aggression again. Drew jacked his pants open, jerking them down. "Mine," Drew said, and growled at him before kissing him again.

Forceful. Animalistic. Nick was very turned on. He didn't know if he was happier for Drew or for Brian, but right then, he was happiest for himself. He wasn't sure how he was going to get out of this, but he'd worry about that in a second. He ran his hands down Drew's back, found the hem of Drew's shirt, and began to pull it up.

Drew leaned back, away from Nick's mouth, and snatched off his shirt, tossing it. His eyes were dark, brown and green, and primitive. He was out of his pants in half a second flat, his cock fully erect, and grabbed Nick's hips. He jerked Nick closer, moving in again, growling into Nick's face. "Mine." Greed and possession flared in his eyes before he took Nick's mouth for his own.

Nick was in trouble. Drew wanted him. Drew was about to take him. His rule about no sex on 98's bus had been broken already, so maybe just this once, it would be okay? He couldn't exactly back out now, since Drew had moved pretty fast and they were almost there already. And with this macho caveman routine, Drew wasn't about to settle for a blowjob.

Besides, Nick was really looking forward to finding out how this new Drewdom fucked.

His rule about not having orgasms on 98's bus, he could stick to. It wasn't like he had to come, right? He could hold it.

Drew's hands were all over him, pushing and pulling, groping. Not rough, not hurting, just forceful and demanding. Nick was going to lay where Drew wanted him to lay, and Nick's hips were going to be where Drew wanted them to be, and when Nick started to move, he felt Drew's teeth on his lower lip, so he shifted back to where Drew put him.

Drew had found the lube in Nick's pocket. His slick finger was opening, entering. He stopped kissing.

Nick opened his eyes. Drew was right there, hovering over him, breathing against his mouth. Staring down at him. Lubing him up like a pro, like Brian, getting him stretched and prepped quick and thorough, making sure it got him turned on enough to want the real thing, but not turned on enough to forget his place.

Drew got pushy, sometimes, and greedy, sometimes, but never like this. Nickhad never seen Drew this dominant. He'd never felt Drew grope him like he was an object Drew had the right to touch at any time, in any way. The idea of Drew treating Brian, Brian, like this, had Nick's cock throbbing. Brian wouldn't know what to do, besides submit, and that idea made Nick's balls draw up all tight and ready.

Drew's finger popped out, and Drew balanced Nick's leg over his shoulder, rolling Nick's hips, his cock rubbing against Nick's ass as he got into position. Nick was surprised Drew wasn't flipping him over to take him from behind, but Drew kept looking at him, staring all greedy and possessive into his face, into his eyes, so Drew must want to keep staring at him during the actual fucking, too. The way Drew was staring, though, he wasn't sure what Drew was looking at, or for. What was Drew seeing, or trying to see?

One swift thrust and Drew was in, and Nick groaned, raising his other knee, flattening his hand against the mattress. Drew wasn't any bigger or harder than usual, but it felt different, it felt, it felt, it felt like Drew was fucking more than just his ass, it felt like Drew was fucking all of him, all up along his spine and through his shoulders and to the tips of his fingers. Hard, Drew was fucking him so hard, pounding into him, rocking his body, every thrust jack-hammering pleasure through his nerves.

Drew was trying to get closer, leaning in, folding him up, until Drew was right over him again, and his "ah ah ah" was blending with Drew's "uh uh uh" in the breath between their lips. Drew's hands were on his hips, holding him steady, firm and strong but not bruising. He wanted to move, to rock against Drew, but he was staying where Drew had put him.

Drew being demanding and taking, Drew growling like that, the urgency, the possessiveness, the aggression, Drew's hard kisses, Drew's harder fucking, this constant slam of Drew's dick right against his prostate, had Nick more than ready to come. He wanted to come and his dick was starting to ache and his balls felt too heavy and Drew wasn't touching him and he didn't dare touch himself with the way Drew was acting, and he couldn't come just from being fucked but he really wished that he could, because that would come in handy just about now. Each thrust felt like it might end his torture, but only contributed to it, taking him that much closer to orgasm but not giving him release.

Nick's vision was beginning to blur, and Drew's breath was a constant hard "uh uh uh" fucking against his lips, and he just wanted to come. He lifted one hand from where it had been gripping the cushions.

Drew reared back, pulling out, leaving Nick empty and shocked, then flipped Nick over like Nick was small and weightless. In the tick of a second, he had Nick in position and was thrusting back in, yanking Nick's hips backwards onto his erection.

Nick groaned, digging his fingers into the pillow, unable to take it. The angle was perfect, the depth was just right, and Drew was using just enough force to make it too hard, which had Nick moaning in hot need. Drew was inches behind him, grunting, holding his hips, balls smacking his ass. It was new grunting, not overwhelmed grunting, not I can't believe it feels this good I can't take it grunting, not Nick your ass is so hot I have to fuck it grunting. It was more like you're mine and nobody else's and I'm marking my territory, grunting. Drew was claiming his property.

Selfish little fucker.

Nick was so proud, if he hadn't needed to come so badly, he might have thought of a way to make Drew's ride even better. But he was too consumed by his own needs to worry about Drew's. Drew seemed to have that covered, anyway.

Then Drew's hand slid in from Nick's hip and claimed Nick's erection. He adjusted his fist a millimeter too tight and pumped Nick's dick a little too fast. As soon as Nick's nerve endings registered the feel of it, that quick hard chafing, he was coming, unloading his balls on the sofa cushions, coming hard and groaning harder. That felt so fucking good, it was such a fucking relief, he had to send out a quick thank-you to God and Drew.

While Nick was still coming down, he felt Drew pull out again, an abrupt withdrawal. Before he could look over his shoulder, he felt hot wet spurting across his back.

Drew was coming on him.

Talk about marking his territory. Damn. Nick was flushed with arousal all over again.

Drew's hands on his hips turned him and rolled him onto his back. Nick took a minute to mentally ick over having to lay on his cum and Drew's, then got over it and looked up at Drew.

Drew kissed him. An owner's kiss. Slower than before, but just as proprietary. Nick felt himself responding to it, obedient and hungry for Drew's tongue. Nick had been Brian's property for years, and he was familiar with this role.

Drew turned from Nick's mouth, and Nick felt sharp teeth graze his earlobe. Then Drew made a territorial yet satisfied sound, and subsided, his head on Nick's shoulder.

Drew fell asleep, on top of Nick holding Nick down, his hands on Nick's hips keeping Nick in place.

Nick tried to absorb what had just happened. Obviously, Drew had some serious mental blocks to overcome, because if this was how he wanted to be with Brian, it was a hell of a far cry from the way he was with Brian for real. This might be an extreme version, since Drew had been holding back a lot for who knew how long, but still. Damn.

Nick actually felt slightly sore, which said a lot, because Nick didn't get sore that often, not anymore. Good for Drew.

If Drew got that, that, that primal and possessive over a picture, how did Drew feel about Brian?

Drew had layers. Sexual layers. Nick was unpeeling him day by day. Nick was really getting down to the good stuff, too. Damned good stuff, brand-new, a ton of it. Once the brother stuff was out of the way and Brian was out of town, and Drew felt safe in trusted hands, damn, he shed layers like he was coming into heat from the cold. Hat, gloves, coat, scarf, long gone. Jeans, shirts, shoes, socks, off. Nick was getting him down to his underwear, now, it felt like.

So close. So fucking goddamned close. And Nick had to leave.

JC sat up, and Justin moved into his lap, chest against his, legs around him. JC's thumb pressed lightly against Justin's lower lip, testing its softness. Justin's stroked JC's temple with a gentle touch. JC's finger traced a line down Justin's nose. Justin gazed with wonder into JC's eyes. JC's lips parted with fascination as his forefinger grazed Justin's earlobe.

Joey knocked, received no answer, and let himself into Lance's room.

The shower was running. Joey looked around to make sure everything was okay. Cleaning earlier, he'd found enough condoms to know Lance had
been smart enough to practice safe stupidity. Was there such a thing as safe self-destructive behavior?

Joey ran through the list. Extra drugs, confiscated and flushed, check. Condoms used, check. As long as Lance's little friends hadn't stolen anything important, all Joey had to worry about was Lance being hung over.

The shower stopped.

Joey wondered how Lance was feeling, emotionally. Ashamed? Still angry? Would Lance want to apologize, or not want to talk about it?

"What are you doing here?" Irritated. Lance was standing in the bathroom, a towel in his hands, looking almost accusatory.

"Checking in," Joey said, walking over and picking up another towel. He rubbed down Lance's hair. "You slept through half of our day off." He lowered the towel and smiled at Lance's damp spikes.

"Stop taking care of me," Lance snapped. "You're like my mother."

"Your mother goes out and finds guys for you to screw?" Joey asked.

Lance made a face of slightly horrified disgust. "Do you know the kinds of guys she'd set me up with, if she did approve? Young geeky virgin business majors. Baptist preachers' sons whose idea of gay sex is holding hands."

Joey laughed. "You feeling better?"

"I had a bad day," Lance said, and started to dry himself off. "I had a bad night."

That was one way of looking at it. "You want to go out and do something?"

"What's JC doing?"

Joey slowly swallowed.

Lance passed Joey to get some clothes.

"He's spending the day in bed with Justin, so far," Joey said. "They're bonding."

Lance half-nodded, half-shrugged. "Can you get my boots? One's under the table, and the other one's...somewhere."

Joey retrieved them.

"Thanks." Dressed, Lance went to fix his hair.

"We could go out to dinner," Joey suggested.

"Why aren't you spending the night with Brian?" Lance asked. "Seems like the perfect time, a day off and Justin occupied."

Joey frowned. "What does that mean?"

Lance snorted. "Sorry. I didn't mean to suggest anything improper regarding the saint." He washed the gel off of his hands. "Let's go. I want to stop and see JC on the way out."

Maybe that was a good idea. Lance would see that JC and Justin were blending into one consciousness again, and if that didn't get a message across to Lance, nothing would. They left Lance's room and went across the hall. The door was partially open; they knocked on the frame and entered.

JC and Justin were curled together, sitting up, Justin in JC's lap and wound around JC's torso. Justin looked like he was asleep, but he probably wasn't.

"Hey," Lance said.

"Hi," JC said, and drew a sheet up and around them, covering Justin.

"We're going out," Lance said. "You want us to bring you anything to eat?"

"Brian just went to get us something," JC said.

"All right."

"Ssshhh, baby, it's okay," JC said, rubbing Justin's back. Joey hadn't noticed Justin so much as twitch since they'd walked in, but JC seemed concerned.

"We'll see you later," Lance said.

"Thanks," JC said. "Later. Justin, baby, it's all right," he said as they walked out the door.

"Probably can't last longer than five minutes without JC's dick up his ass," Lance muttered once they were out of earshot, pushing the button for the elevator. "Probably breaks out in hives if JC doesn't call him 'baby' every thirty seconds."

"Don't talk about them like that," Joey said. "You know-"

"Fine," Lance said. "I won't." The elevator doors opened to reveal Brian with a take-out bag.

"Hi," Brian said with a friendly smile.

"Hi," Lance said. "Better hurry with that. Your bitch is hungry."

"Lance!" Joey said. "Knock it off!"

"Oh, sorry," Lance said. "I didn't mean to leave you out. I should have said, his other bitch."

"What is that supposed to mean?" Brian asked.

"You know what it means," Lance said. "How long before JC figures it out, too?"

"I do not have a bitch," Brian said. "I resent every implication you're making."

"I resent you and your precious transparent reputation," Lance said.

"Justin is my friend," Brian said. "Joey is my friend. JC is my friend."

"Like your brother-in-law is your friend?" Lance asked. "Like Jeff is your friend?"

"I do not want to hear one more word," Brian said, and his voice was dangerous, too careful, deadly.

"How much would it take to make me your friend, too?" Lance asked, standing closer, running his hand up Brian's thigh.

"Take. Your hand. Off of me," Brian said.

"Lance," Joey said.

"You act so fucking pure and self-righteous I don't know why you don't have 'Second Coming' written on your forehead, when we all know you're a whore and a liar who only went back to Nick to keep him from being happy without you. We all know you're fucking your own damned brother-in-law. Where the hell do you get off telling other people how to act, being the little saint among us, when you're a rutting depraved whore fucking the biggest whore of all, that blond slut you only keep around for sex?!"

Brian backed up, creating distance. "I won't hurt you, out of loyalty to AJ, but if you speculate once more on-"

Lance went after Brian. His first punch landed solidly on Brian's cheekbone. "Don't say his name!" His second punch connected with Brian's left eye.

Security grabbed Lance. Joey took Brian's shoulders, trying not to step on the bag Brian had dropped. "Are you okay? I'm sorry-"

"Self-righteous motherfucker!" Lance shouted. "Next time you're giving a speech on love, make it a speech on dick, since that's your real area of expertise!"

"I'm sorry, don't listen to him, he's deranged," Joey said. "Are you okay?"

"You're just his bitch!" Lance shouted to Joey before he was locked in his room.

Brian raised his lashes, uncovering the hatred in his eyes. He raised hands between their bodies, clenched tight into fists. "I want. To hurt him."

"He didn't mean any of that, he's, it's bullshit, he knows it's bullshit, he's just in a lot of pain right now and he's taking it out on himself and now he's taking it out on you and-"

"Keep him. Away from me."

"I will," Joey said. "I'll talk to him, I'll smack him around if I have to."

"If I see him. Again. I will. Hurt him. If he says. One more thing. To me. I will. Kill him."

"He won't say anything, I'll talk to him, it won't happen again," Joey said. He was trying not to fear for Lance's life. Brian seemed capable of murder. The look in Brian's eyes alone was terrifying, but the too-controlled, too-cold rage in Brian's voice was even worse.

Brian took one slow breath in, followed by one slow breath out. "I'm leaving. I'll get a plane and go home. Your tour's almost over, you'll be right behind me."

"You don't have to go," Joey said. "Lance didn't mean it, I'll talk to him. What about JC?"

"JC and Justin will be fine," Brian said. "You'll be right behind me. I have to go. I need Kevin and Howie to talk me down. If I stay, it won't be good for any of us."

Joey believed him.

"I'll arrange it tonight, and say good-bye in the morning. Will you take that to JC and Justin for me?"

"Yeah," Joey said, picking up the bag of food. "Where are you going?"

"To get this looked at," Brian said, and pushed the button for the elevator.

"Brian, I'm sorry," Joey said. "I don't know what's wrong with him, but he was way out of line, and-"

"I know." Brian got on the elevator. Joey watched him until the doors closed.

True love. Chris wrote it down. True love. Two words. Two syllables. Eight letters. One noun, one adjective. A term. True love.

He tried to make some anagrams, but all he got was "eel rot," and that still left "uv." Vu? View? View eel rot? Tour eel V? Tree ovul. Nonsense. Gibberish.

True love was nonsense. True love was gibberish.

Sure, he sang songs about love, and he believed in love, and he was in love, but true love? True love had a ring of destiny to it, fate, cosmic forces, and what was that all about? Cosmic forces weren't bringing Chris anything except a tendency to pudge as he aged.

It wasn't written in the stars that Chris Kirkpatrick and Howie Dorough were meant to fall in love and be together forever.

It might have been written in the stars that Chris would love Howie forever, but he simply couldn't believe that fate would give him to Howie. After all, it was Howie. Howie. Sweet, seductive Howie. Chris didn't want to go into racial stereotyping, but all of that stuff about the seduction and passion of a Latin lover was proving pretty true in Howe's case.

Howie was meant for bigger things, grander loves, than Chris. Maybe Howie hadn't realized that yet, but Chris was sure that the stars and fates had.

Joey walked into JC and Justin's room, trying to smile. "Brought you some food."

"What was all of that noise in the hallway?" JC asked. "I thought I heard Lance yelling."

"That was just Lance going off the deep end," Joey said. "Don't worry about it."

"Where's Brian?" JC asked, sounding suspicious. Justin brought his arm down from around JC's neck to around JC's waist, apparently so he could stroke JC's back better.

"He had to go," Joey said. "He asked me to bring this in for you."

"What's going on?" JC asked, and his tone made it clear that he wasn't going to let Joey evade and bullshit this time.

"Lance went nuts, went off on Brian for no reason whatsoever, and started hitting," Joey said. "He's in his room, and Brian went to seek medical help. Lance is a complete asshole, and Brian's going home early."

"Lance hit him?" JC demanded, curling around Justin protectively.

"Hard punches, right in the face," Joey said. "He was spouting complete bullshit, like he'd been listening to all of the haters."

"Brian's going home?" JC asked. "We're about to go, can't he stay?"

"No," Joey said. "If he stays, it's too likely we'll find Lance with an ice pick in his chest. Brian didn't hit back, I don't know why, I sure as hell would have, but he's... I don't know, he's not mad, he's not pissed, he's furious. Furious." He was setting the take-out beside JC and Justin on the bed, finding forks in the bag, getting everything ready. "Lance is out of control. The way he's been acting, he's worse every day, last night was one scene after another, today he went postal without provocation."

"What do you want to do?" JC asked, caressing Justin's right bicep.

"I'm going to talk to him. It's been a long time coming."

JC nodded. He pulled Joey in and kissed his cheek. "You're a good friend, Joe."

"Aw, shucks," Joey said, pretending he wasn't blushing. "Enjoy your dinner."

"Thank you," JC said, and meant it.

Someone was coughing.

Nick opened his eyes.

Cough, cough. Right outside the door. Nick turned his head aside and looked.

98 Nick, red to the tips of his ears, opened the door without looking. "One hour."

"Thanks." The door closed. Drew's tight grip on his hips had relaxed, so Nick slid out from under Drew and got dressed. He found the porn mag and tucked it into his bag, then went to the bathroom, got a drink, fixed his hair, ate, and pissed away half an hour. Then he went back and rolled Drew over, climbing on top, kissing his angel awake.

Drew's eyes opened. "Hmm." Soft, lazy tongue. "Mmm."

"Drew."

"Hmm?" Drew's left hand fingers curled in his hair.

"Do you want me to call Brian and ask him not to shave until after you get home?"

"What?" Drew asked, puzzled. Then it hit. Drew's entire body tensed, and Drew's eyes were wide with shock. One, two, three. Drew tried to push and scramble.

Nick held him down. "Hold still, hold still. Calm down, Drew. Calm down. I'll make it easy for you. Yes or no answers. You remember what happened."

"Yes."

"You remember going possessive dom on me."

Drew closed his eyes. "Yes."

"You can stay tensed up, it's okay. I already know the answer to the next question, and I understand, you know I always understand, just be honest. You weren't thinking about me."

Soft, hating it, "No."

"You were thinking about Brian."

"Yes."

"You wanted to be doing that to Brian. Honest, Drew, just be honest with me, I already know, I just want to hear you admit it."

"Yes."

"You want to claim Brian."

"Yes."

"He's yours. He should be yours. He's supposed to be yours."

Suffering, "Yes."

"Say it for me. Tell me. Say, 'He's mine.' Just once, let me hear it."

"He's mine," Drew said, and breath shuddered into him.

"Okay, now relax, let it go, keep your eyes shut, calm down. Okay. Just breathe. That's good."

Drew's muscles untensed by increments.

"What happened was good. I had a blast. It was new and it was different. You've never fucked me like that before. But it was great. I came like a motherfucker. Brian, Brian's going to love it. He won't even know what to do. See, Brian, he doesn't pull rank on me that often, he lets me pretend we're equals. And me, I suck as a dom, I let you run all over me just because you're cute. But you, with all of that inside of you, that is just what Brian wants. It takes so much to try to rule Brian, you'd have to grab him and slam him down and claim him, just like you did. You have to prove it to him, make him feel it, and damn, Drew, you fucked me so hard I know he felt it. I know you scared the shit out of yourself, and you're afraid of ever going near Brian acting anything like that, but we'll work on it."

Drew's eyes opened.

"I'm glad you trust me, Drew. That was good. You know I can accept you any way you are."

"Make love to me," Drew said, wrapping his arms around Nick's neck.

Ah, the clingy phase. One of Nick's favorites, and to be expected. Nick kissed him. "It has to be fast, but I'll make it soft and deep for you," Nick promised. Foreplay was kissing and preparation was quick; Drew just wanted him in. Nick raised Drew's leg and pushed in, Drew tightening and relaxing, Drew's groan one of heartfelt gratitude and pleasure. Nick moved slowly; he knew that Drew wasn't looking for a huge climax, just the natural pleasure of their bodies joining.

Drew's breathing was slow, his moans soft, one hand on the back of Nick's thigh, the other in Nick's hair. He was focused on living out his desire and arousal, intent on experiencing what Nick was doing to his body. Everything was centered in the meeting of their hips, the way he accommodated the size of Nick's phallus, the stretching and friction of the back-and-forth movement, the pop of pleasure punctuating each stroke in.

Sweat popped out on Drew's brow. Tension gathered in his face. His moans were a little louder now, a little longer. His breaths were broken and shaky.

Nick kept moving, watching, letting Drew go through it.

No teasing, no kissing, no stimulation. Drew wasn't going to take himself in hand, or let Nick jack him off. This was about the simple penetration and thrusting of Nick's cock giving Drew so much pleasure his body couldn't hold it in and had to find release through orgasm.

Drew was groaning, making a rhythmic "uh" sound, his hand on the back of Nick's thigh trying to pull Nick closer.

Nick's gaze travelled down Drew's perfect, masculine body to Drew's cock. It was thick with blood, the head wet with pre-cum, stretching up tall to spit slick on Drew's abs. Nick would have given anything to suck it for him, but it wasn't the time. Later.

Drew's moaning took on a begging, pleading tone. Close. Nick went the slightest bit faster. Drew's fingers dug into Nick's ass. Closer. Nick thrust a hint harder. Drew shook his head. Closer. Just a touch faster. Drew tensed, closing up over Nick's cock. Too close. Drew moaned, jacking his hips up, coming in quick wet spurts.

Nick waited until Drew was finished, then came inside him, letting his cum flow. God, that felt good. He closed his eyes, finding a resting place on top of Drew.

"Nick."

"Yeah."

"I love you."

"I love you, too, Drew." He decided he'd kiss Drew in another minute, once he felt like moving from this perfect relaxed spot.

The bus stopped.

Nick opened his eyes.

"Did the bus just stop?" Drew asked.

"Are you guys ready?" Jeff asked.

"Shit," Nick whispered to himself. He grabbed the closest thing he could find, which happened to be his underwear, and wiped cum off Drew's chest, dick, and ass. There was a quick scrambling while the two of them got Drew dressed, hoping Drew didn't reek of sex, hoping there would be a minute to comb Drew's hair. Drew fell off of the sofa, snatched up a quick kiss, and ran.

Nick collapsed with a sigh. God. He had so much to tell Brian, he'd better start making lists, or he'd forget half of it.

Of course, any list he made, he'd lose, and he could just imagine what would happen if Drew found out that there was a piece of paper floating around the tour that said "Drew's pervy fantasies of being creamed on" and "dom animal growling makes my balls vibrate."

Brian looked so good, if Drew hadn't fucked Nick over it, Nick would've had to fuck Drew. It wasn't just the shirt or the jaw fuzz, either. Brian looked happy. He must be having a good time. Nick was happy for him. If any anti-Street shit had started, and they're given Brian a rough time, Nick would've had to regulate, and so would Drew.

Nick grinned. The way Drew had just gone primal-possessive over Brian, he could just imagine Drew taking out Joey for saying shit about Brian. But how likely would that have been, anyway? Sure, Lance and Joey and Chris swapped shit about AJ and Kevin and Howie and him, but Brian? Who would ever say anything about Brian?

When pigs flew.

matthew@matthewtime.com
"Where You Belong" Part 23
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