Copyright April 2, 2002-May 1, 2003 by Matthew Haldeman-Time

Rating: NC-17 for graphic male-male sex

Pairings: Thus far we've had JC/Justin, Nick/Drew/Brian, Nick/Jeff, Nick/Drew/Brian/Nick/Jeff, AJ/Lance, AJ/Howie, AJ/Kevin, Chris/Howie, and partridge/pear tree.

Disclaimer: The young men who comprise the Backstreet Boys, *NSYNC, and 98 Degrees are their own people. The author has not met anyone here described, nor does the author mean to suggest that these people act this way in real life. This writing is a work of fiction. I make no money from this venture.

Dedication: This slashfic is for Ewan McGregor and the Savage Garden slashwriters.

Wherein Drew won't go behind Brian's back, AJ can screw anybody he wants, and could JC be mellowing?

Notice: First, read "I Need You Tonight," "Boy Lead the Way to Ecstasy," "Not Easy," "No One," "Rest in Peace," "Destiny," and "Together." I know it sounds like a lot, but it'll only take you an hour or two.

        Did JC know what?  Justin couldn’t think of a single thing that he knew that JC didn’t know.  He wasn’t keeping anything from JC.  He never had.

        If Lance was playing mind games now, Justin wasn’t falling for it.  He wasn’t afraid.  There was nothing that Lance could hold over him.

        Lance was probably getting desperate now.  It was hard to mistake the fact that JC kept making love to Justin and smacking Lance around, which was a pretty good indication of which of them JC preferred.

        Justin didn’t want JC to hit Lance.  At all.  Ever.  Especially not over him.  Okay, so he didn’t mind that JC was starting to give unmistakable signals that Lance’s attitude was not amusing, but still.  It wasn’t cool to go around bruising their best friends.

        Although apparently, according to Joey, it was just fine to go around giving them love bites.

        What was that about, anyway?

        Justin remembered the last time he'd given JC a hickey.  It had been on the back of JC's neck, where neck blended into shoulder, the spot where he'd fastened his mouth when-

        JC came into the room and Justin flushed with heat.  JC's hickey had faded, but Justin still had one, right on his pelvic bone, where JC had-

        JC was behind him, looking over his shoulder, one hand resting unerringly on his hip, fingers grazing down directly over the spot on Justin's hip where JC's mark remained.  "What are you doing?"

        "Taking you to dinner," Justin said.  He had their suits out across the bed.  "I'm picking ties."  JC's hand slipped up under his shirt, warm against his flesh, and he shivered.

        "Justin."

        He tried to keep his eyes open, but his body was sinking back against JC, and his cock was stiffening.  JC's fingers found his right nipple.

        "Baby."

        Shouldn't have started touching, they shouldn't have started touching.  JC had only started touching him because JC had walked this close to him, and JC had only come this close because he'd been thinking about sex.  He'd been sending out sex vibes again.  Justin moaned when he felt JC's arousal against his ass.  He didn't know if JC was about to make love to him or get him off, and it really didn't matter, he only wanted JC's hands on him, that sensation, that pleasure...

        "Justin."

        God, yes, his name, JC's voice, that tone, loving him, worshipping him, wanting him.  Owning him with such gentleness...  Justin wanted to be kissed.

        JC's palm cupped Justin's chin and turned his face.  JC planted a gentle kiss on Justin's lips, stroking his abs.  "Baby."

        "JC," Justin said, twisting, turning against JC's body until they were in complete contact, taking JC's mouth for his own.  JC pushed him, and he sat on the bed, laying back, pulling JC's hips forward until JC came overtop of him.  JC's mouth was on his and their hips were grinding and Justin wanted JC to make love to him and oh, god, too soon, he was going to come if-

        "Hold on, Justin, hold on for me," JC said, leaving their kiss, unzipping Justin's fly.  JC ducked down, and Justin watched in surreal fascination as JC's mouth took in his erection.  JC started sucking and Justin's hips started rocking and it was too much, more than Justin could handle, seeing JC's lips wrapped around his dick like that.  The suction increased just enough to make the throbbing in Justin's dick that much more urgent, and he couldn't stop that needy rocking motion, and yes yes god god he was shooting his cum down JC's throat and JC was swallowing his cum and swallowing his dick and he wanted JC to take him in and swallow him whole.

        Oh.

        Justin opened his eyes.  JC was dressing him.  Pulling on pants.  He raised up on his elbows and looked.  Clean drawers and the pants to his suit.  JC had the pants halfway up his thighs when JC knelt down and started mouthing him through his underwear.  The overstimulation had his muscles tensing and his back arching as his brain shuddered.  JC's mouth worked him through the cotton until his dick was thickening and hardening and he was starting to ride a new wave of need.  JC backed off and began to pull the pants up, and just as Justin started to feel both relief and disappointment, JC urged him to raise his hips.  He did, and as his pelvis rose, JC's hand cupped his arousal, applying gentle pressure, rolling his balls, making him buck and moan.  It was all quick, too quick, and JC's hand was gone, and JC pulled the pants up over his ass and zipped him up and stepped back.

        Justin rolled over and thumped the mattress.  "I hate you."

        JC rubbed his ass.  "What time are the reservations?"
 
        Justin hitched his hips a little to give JC a better groping angle.  He glanced at the clock.  "Five minutes from now."

        "Justin," JC said, disappointed in him.

        "I didn't know we were going to be doing other time-consuming activities."

        "You're wrinkling my suit."

        "Sorry."  Justin rolled off of it and got up.  He was still half-hard, and JC was looking at it, which made him self-conscious.  "Get dressed or something."

        Oh, that had been a mistake.  Just standing right there in front of Justin, ever so casual, obeying instructions, JC pulled his shirt off over his head.  Justin was already half-sexed and wanting, and now all of JC's upper body was naked for him, all of that tight muscle, all of that naked skin.  Justin just wanted to-

        JC reached for his fly.

        Justin turned quickly, hoping to refocus his attention.  Oh, well, shit.  He was only half-dressed himself.

        They got dressed without any further screwing, although Justin kept wanting to grab JC's ass and/or drag JC to bed for some serious sex.  They went down to the hotel restaurant and got nooked into a booth in the dim, candle-lit back corner.

        Justin sat across from JC and relaxed.  He wanted to loosen his necktie.  He made JC order.  They talked about how the tour was going, and what they wanted to accomplish before the tour ended, and how they might do that.  They talked about the Fools, and Brian, and Chris, AJ, Nick, and Justin Jeffre.  JC was looking forward to working with new people, but there was no telling how things might go.

        Justin ate, and watched JC eat, and talked, and listened.  He and JC communicated inside each other's brains so well that actual conversation was almost redundant, but they really enjoyed talking together.  Justin liked the way JC listened to him, and the way JC respected his opinions, and the way JC wanted to hear his suggestions, and the way JC shared everything with him like he had the right to anything that passed through JC's brain.

        They were in the booth, but directly opposite each other.  The tucked curve of the booth was slightly darker, and looked private.  Justin wanted to slide in that direction, meet JC there, and make out.

        Their eyes met.

        JC excused himself.

        Justin licked his fork clean, switched it with JC's, and sucked on the tines of JC's fork.

        JC was returning.  Justin wondered where he'd gone.  The bathroom was the most logical theory, but it didn't feel right.

        JC's butt was barely seated before the waitress popped up to see if they wanted anything else.  Both she and JC looked at Justin a little too intently, making him feel like he'd forgotten something.  What was the big deal?  If he needed something in another five minutes, he could just call her over and ask her for it.  He said no, and she looked at JC, and JC nodded, and she left.

        Justin was missing something.

        They finished eating right after that, and JC slid right, and Justin slid left superfast, and they met in the darkened nook.  JC handed Justin his wine glass, and Justin returned the favor, and they drank from each other's glass.  Justin deliberately put his lips where JC's had been, and he knew that JC was doing the same.

        "Do you want me, Justin?" JC asked, hushed and private.

        "Yes," Justin said, and his dick twitched in agreement.

        JC's hand slid up the outside of his thigh.  "What do you want, baby?"

        "JC, we're..."  Justin was trying not to breathe hard.  "We're in public."

        "I paid them to leave us alone," JC said.  He leaned over and blew out the candles.

        In the sudden darkness, JC kissed him.  A real kiss, deep and demanding, JC's hands tugging his shirt out of his pants.  Justin pulled at JC's tie and pushed off JC's coat, wriggling closer on the seat.  In the false privacy of the deserted restaurant, alone in the dark because they wanted to be, JC and Justin made out, kissing, feeling each other up, hot and heavy.

        "I love you, JC," Justin said, panting, aroused.

        "I love you, Justin."

        Drew smiled at him.  “That’s nice.”  They’d been sitting beside each other on the low couch, but gradually they’d moved closer and closer, and now Drew was mere molecules short of being in Nick’s lap.

        “We have a whole half hour left before you have to get dressed.  Can’t I just go ahead and do it?”

        “Do what?” Drew asked.

        “Suck your dick.  You’ve had this sexy-ass half-hard all day, and-”

        Drew put his hand over Nick’s mouth.

        Jeff smiled and looked away.  Justin pretended that the carpet fascinated him.  Nick coughed.

        Nick pushed at Drew’s hand.  “I can make it quick.  It’s making me nuts.  You know I love dicks in general and I’m obsessed with yours specifically, and it’s been teasing me all day.”

        Drew kissed Nick’s cheek and whispered, “It’s not for you.  It’s for Brian.”

        “Well, damn, now I’m hard,” Nick said.  Drew had to laugh.  Jeff found the back of his hand captivating.  “Come on, let me.  I’m Brian’s bitch, it’s close enough.”

        “I don’t know,” Drew said.  He smiled.  Then, in a low whisper, he confessed, “Brian’s my favorite sub.  He treats my big, hard cock just right.  I don’t know if you and your pretty boy mouth could do it for me the way Brian can.”

        Nick turned his head and stared at Drew.  “You know I want you, and you’re gloating!”

        Jeff laughed, but quickly managed to stifle it.

        Nick’s eyes narrowed and he leaned over Drew.  His voice was at the perfect pitch to set up a humming vibration in Drew’s balls.  “I don’t have to tell you what my pretty boy mouth can do for you.  You already know.  You remember, don’t you, Drew, the way you twitch and gasp on every lick, the way you can’t handle the suction, the way your whole body gives itself over to my mouth.  You know there’s nobody who sucks you down quite like I do.  Your dick remembers every second it ever spent in my cocksucking mouth.  Your body remembers every time you came on my tongue.  Remember, Drew?  Every soft lick at the head.  Every hard deep suck that made your toes curl.  Every time you rubbed your dick across my lips and watched me lick up your pre-cum.”

        Drew’s hips rose and fell once in quick confusion.  He was breathing hard, clutching at Nick’s side with one hand, wide-eyed and rock-hard.  The other guys could only hear random snatches, but Nick’s conversation topic was clear enough.

        “But Brian is good, isn’t he?” Nick asked.  “He may be damn near straight, but he loves giving us head.  Don’t you love the way he licks over the veins like they’re his own personal map to ecstasy?  Don’t you love the way he laps up pre-cum like it’s the real thing?  Don’t you just fucking love the way he teases you and teases you until you think this happy little pixie is going to make you lose your freaking mind?  But sometimes, oh, Drew, sometimes he wants it so bad he swallows your dick and you’re there in his throat and he wants it more than you do, he makes you come because he wants it.”

        Drew was panting.

        “Oh, Drew, the way he looks up at you right before he takes your dick.  He’s down there looking so pretty, and you feel so fucking dirty giving it to him, of all people, and he looks up and he’s all pretty blue eyes and high cheekbones, and you know you shouldn’t be doing this, and then he closes his eyes and swallows your big fat dick and damn, he’s so fucking good at it, you never would have guessed that angels could be whores.”

        Drew gasped.

        “And then you feel it, that one finger, nudging you right there, that one place.  You know he’s not doing it, he can’t be doing that, but he is.  You have that sweet tongue and that soft sucking like heaven, and at the same time you’re fucked and penetrated, and you don’t know what to do, and all the way inside you’re twisting and vibrating, and you’re happy and dizzy and aching from it, and it’s too much but you have to have more, and then just like that what he’s doing to your dick gets hotter and nastier than that finger up your ass, and you’re getting loud and he’s getting dirty, and it feels so fucking good, and your dick is throbbing and begging and hurting and fucking, and there’s that rubbing on your prostate still driving you up the wall, and you aren’t even sure when you started coming.”

        Drew made a quiet, hurt noise.

        “Did you ever watch the way his cheeks go hollow when he’s sucking?”

        Drew sounded shocked.

        “I guess my pretty boy mouth can’t compete with that nasty dirty pure angel mouth,” Nick said.  “I guess having your pretty young blond lover licking your dick can’t compare with having your very own husband doing it.  I guess you’d rather have your eager sub suck your dick than have your bitch master on his knees for you like you’re the one in charge.”

        “Oh...”

        Nick leaned in tighter and whispered in Drew’s ear.

        Drew grew even more tense.  He gasped.  His hips began a subtle rocking, a subconscious fucking.

        Nick whispered in Drew’s other ear.

        Drew gasped again.  His head fell back, and Nick kissed his neck, covering his body.  “Ten minutes,” Nick said.  “Maybe more.”

        Justin stood and headed for the door.

        Nick’s hand disappeared down the front of Drew’s pants.  Drew’s spine arched, and he made a low sound of great pleasure.

        Jeff and Nick hurried after Justin.

        “Hard or soft, Drew?” Nick asked.  “You want it hard, don’t you?  You think you can take it.  You’re ready to play with the big boys now.”

        Drew moaned, pumping into Nick’s hand.

        The door closed.

        In the hallway, Nick didn’t even have to look at Jeff to know what Jeff wanted.  “No.  Don’t even think about it.”

        Jeff swallowed, gazing at Nick’s mouth.

        Nick turned and gave him a firm look.  “No.”

        Jeff wanted-

        “No!  I am not giving you a blowjob in some dirty closet backstage just because Carter got you turned on.”

        Justin made a “hmm” sound and walked away a foot or two.

        “It’s not that,” Jeff said.  He couldn’t take his eyes off Nick’s mouth.  “He started talking about oral sex and what it’s like, and all I could think of was you.”

        “What is wrong with you?” Nick asked.

        “I want...your mouth.”  Jeff knew he sounded desperate.  He hadn’t intended to become this aroused, but all of those images of hard dicks between wet lips, those memories of hot suction and wicked tongues, the vivid picture of his cum slick on Nick’s pouty, full, red lips...  No one give head like Nick, no one, and Jeff wanted to feel the proof of it satisfying his hard cock.

        “Nick was in there talking about - - Drew was so turned on he was - - and you were thinking about me?  You expect me to believe that?”

        Jeff tried to look away, but all he could think about was Nick’s strong tongue on his cock and the way Nick licked him.  Sometimes it was soft and wet, sometimes it was teasing and tempting, sometimes it was hard and rough.  Hard and rough, Nick knowing he could take it, Nick knowing he’d like it, Nick pushing him around and him pushing back.  Jeff realized that he was staring too hard at Nick’s mouth and breathing too loudly for someone standing still, but his very masculine husband sucked dick like a motherfucker, and god damn if he didn’t want to take advantage of that right this second.

        “What did he do to you?” Nick demanded.

        Jeff leaned his back against the wall and shook his head, trying to ignore flashing memories of Nick’s wet kiss at the head of his swollen erection.  “It’s what you’ve done to me, what you do to me.”

        “I have never seen you like this.”

        Jeff tried to regain his normally strong control over himself, but his brain kept coming up with memories of Nick’s X-rated mouth taming Cockzilla.

        “You could try the third door on the right down there,” Justin suggested.  “I think I’ll go for a nice, long walk.”  He left.

        Jeff managed to go past Nick’s mouth and meet Nick’s eyes.  “Come with me.”

        “Are you high on something?” Nick asked.

        “Come with me.”

        “You are not going to use my mouth for your pleasure because Nick got you excited.”

        Jeff tried to come up with coherent sentences.  It was possible that he could talk Nick into this, just this once.  “Other people are great in bed, other people are sexy, but there is no one like you.  You were built for sex.  You were made for it.  You were hand-crafted by God to soak up sex, to exude sex, to be sensual and erotic and hot.  Your body runs on erotic pleasure.  You intensify it.  That’s why we’re together.  We were made for each other.  My size, the force and power I can deliver, you crave that intensity.”

        The hallway was nearly deserted, and they knew better than to have this conversation at full volume.  Their security men were trained not to see and not to hear certain things.  But as two women walked by, Nick caught one dropping her gaze to Jeff’s crotch.  Damn it!  Nick took Jeff by the hand and marched him to the door Justin had suggested.  A small, deserted dressing room.  Nick locked the door and took a good look for himself.  Jeff’s cock wasn’t fully erect, but it was close enough.  It looked obscene, too thick and too long as it tented out the front of Jeff’s pants.

        Nick’s mouth watered for it.

        Jeff pushed his pants and underwear down, drawing out his arousal.  He stroked it roughly, pulling on it as it filled.  His eyes were closed, and his breath came fast.

        “What are you thinking about?” Nick asked.

        “You licking your lips,” Jeff said.  “The way your tongue...”

        Nick watched Jeff squeeze and tug.  It was so...thick and so...  Nick’s lips parted.  He wanted it.

        Jeff opened his eyes so he could stare at Nick’s mouth.

        Jeff’s cock was entirely erect now, swollen to its fullest size.  Nick wanted to lick a slow, wet path up from the base of it, along that fat vein, and when he got to the head, he wanted to leave long, loving kisses of invitation.  He wanted to leave a wet slide of his spit over Jeff’s cock, and he wanted Jeff’s cock to leave slick traces of pre-cum in his mouth.

        Nick licked his lips.

        Pre-cum poured from the head as Jeff smeared it down the shaft.

        Nick swallowed.

        Jeff could only envision Nick’s wide, curved lips wrapped around his cock.

        Nick wanted to replace Jeff’s hand with his own mouth, giving Jeff’s cock the home it deserved, letting Jeff find comfort and satisfaction down his throat.

        “Nick...”

        Nick was on the floor, crawling forward for Jeff’s erection, lips parted, before he knew it.  He knocked Jeff’s hand aside and started licking from the base up.  He mapped the familiar dimensions with his tongue, paying special attention to the flare of the head.  He kissed the head, wet loving kisses.  His tongue caught strands of pre-cum.

        Jeff couldn’t believe this was happening.  He’d wanted and wanted, and now it was here, and it was better, better...  He rubbed the head against Nick’s tongue, and Nick let him, eyes closed, lips wet, taking it.  Jeff pushed forward, letting his hips take over, deliberately sliding his cock further until Nick’s lips were against the very root of him and the head was down Nick’s throat.

        Nick swallowed.

        Jeff fucked.

        Nick hummed.

        Jeff fucked.

        Nick pulled back, pushed Jeff down on the sofa, and spread Jeff’s legs.  Enough of letting Jeff run the show.  Jeff knew how to fuck Nick’s mouth, yes, and Nick knew how to take it, but that was amateur night bullshit.  Nick was going to give Jeff even better reason to fantasize about what he could do.

        First, he was going to make Jeff come.

        Then, he was going to take Jeff from step one through arousal into full erection, through whimpering into screaming, until Jeff’s mind was as blown as Jeff’s dick.  It was just Nick’s little way of thanking Jeff for sitting through Nick Carter’s seduction of Drew and missing all of their heat in favor of fantasies of him.

        He’d had no idea he had Jeff so whipped.

        Down the hall, Drew was making desperate yet vague “no no” noises.  Nick ignored him, sucking delicately at the sweet fat head of Drew’s cock.  Mmm...  Drew hardened so quickly...

        “No, please, Nick...”

        Ah.  That one, he could respect.  Nick pushed with his tongue at the head of Drew’s cock until it popped from between his lips.  “What’s wrong, angel?”

        Drew shook his head.

        “Oh, poor Drew.”  Drew did look pretty used up, half-sitting, half-laying there against one arm of the couch, pants down around his ankles, shirt pushed up to his nipples, sweat beading on his upper lip in the perfect place for Nick to lick it off...  Mmm, salty.  Nick kissed Drew, and Drew whimpered at him, all needy-like.  Poor Drew.  Nick tidied his angel up again, getting him all tucked and zipped.  Drew started clinging, begging with his eyes.  “What do you want, Drew?” Nick asked gently, palming Drew’s ass.

        Drew untucked and unzipped himself, kissing Nick, offering his dick with hope in his eyes.

        “Hey, I just put that back.  I thought you said no,” Nick said.

        Drew kissed him again.

        “Okay, but this is the last time,” Nick said.

        Drew sank back with a quick smile.

        “Greedy little Drew,” Nick admonished, and slid down along the length of the couch, feet falling off over the edge, head in Drew’s lap.

        Justin knocked on Brian’s door.  Brian had spent the morning bright and happy, sort of sparkling around the edges, probably in anticipation of calling Nick and Drew.  Then he’d started getting quiet and intense.  Justin knew he wasn’t going to make the call until later, when the world was dark and silent and nothing would exist but Brian, and Nick, and Drew.  Justin wasn’t sure if Brian wanted to sit there alone in the room anticipating the call for hours on end, but he did know that if JC tried to get Brian to work, Brian’s mind would be miles away.  So he’d decided to invite Brian out for some distraction.

        When Brian opened the door, Justin could almost see the gathering sexual energy crackling around him.  There was darkness, too, darkness of longing, of loss, of need.  That quiet intensity had doubled, tripled.

        “Do you want to go out?” Justin asked.  “We can come back early.”

        Brian smiled, like he wasn’t acting out JC’s part in “JC, One Week after Justin’s out of Town.”  “I’m running out of clothes.”

        “Let me see,” Justin said.  Brian let him into the room.  Justin checked for permission; Brian nodded, and Justin started digging through Brian’s suitcase.

        “Hey.”  Joey was in the doorway.

        “Are you wearing mascara?” Brian asked.

        “Chris dressed me up,” Joey said.  “I wanted to see if you were going out tonight.”

        Justin smiled to himself.  It was cute to see Joey’s het-crush on Brian.

        “I will, if Justin finds me something to wear,” Brian said.

        Justin wasn’t worried about running across anything too personal.  He already knew that all of that stuff would be in Brian’s other bag, the one with scribbled lyrics, vials of glitter, letters from Drew, and a lock of Nick’s hair.  Brian actually had Nick’s hair.  Hey!  “What about these?” Justin asked.  “You never wear these.”

        Brian laughed.  “I don’t look as good in leather pants as the rest of you do.”

        “Bullshit,” Joey said.  “Try them on.  What else do you have in there?”

        “Is this silk?” Justin asked.

        “AJ got it for me for my birthday,” Brian said.  Justin handed it to Joey, who held it against Brian.  The blue was a shade just right to make Brian’s eyes richer.

        “Wear that,” Justin said.  “Let me find shoes.”

        Brian closed the door for privacy, then started to undress.  Justin didn’t know why he was surprised by that fact, but he was.  He shouldn’t have been.  They were all guys, and it wasn’t like Brian was going to strip down to nothing.  From being a privileged tour guest, Brian had seen them running around in their drawers.  And Brian changed clothes in front of other people, like the Boys, all of the time.

        Still.  Justin wasn’t sure where to look.  He couldn’t stare, but if he averted his gaze the whole time, it would look like he was trying not to stare, and that would make a big deal out of a non-issue.

        Justin glanced at Joey.  Joey was flat-out watching, like Brian was on TV or something.  Pervert.  Justin peeked at Brian just in time to see Brian coming out of his sweatpants.  It was a human thing, Justin couldn’t help it; he checked out Brian’s basket.

        Hmm.  Apparently Nick had been telling the truth.  Okay.  Justin ducked back into Brian’s suitcase.  He found a pair of shoes and a pair of boots, made sure he wasn’t blushing anymore since he shouldn’t have started blushing in the first place, and looked up again.

        Brian was pulling the pants up over his ass.  He adjusted the goods, zipped up, and looked at Joey.  “Now you see why I’m the Boy voted least likely to wear leather.”

        “Looks good to me,” Joey said, and handed him the shirt.

        “Who was voted most likely?” Justin asked, standing.

        “It’s a tie between Nick and AJ,” Brian said.  “AJ because he likes the look, Nick because it always fits just right.”  He started to button the shirt.  “Leather loves Nick.”  He dropped his hands.  “How weird do I look?”

        The pants were tight, clinging to his legs.  The shirt was loose, hanging from his shoulders, highlighting his eyes.  When he moved, the shirt’s hem lifted slightly, offering teasing glances of his leather-clad ass.

        Justin wanted to slip a hand between Brian’s legs to caress his inner thigh and see if Brian would squirm and love it the way Nick said he would.  But that would only lead to groping, and groping was for JC, so instead, he asked, “Which shoes?”

        While Joey made Brian try on both pairs of shoes, Justin decided that his strange near-attraction to Brian was not his fault.  Brian was sending out strong vibes, and a lot of those vibes were about missing Nick, wanting Nick, longing for Nick, needing Nick.  JC had trained Justin too well, and Justin was used to picking up JC’s every signal.  Now Brian was sending out JC-type signals, and something in Justin wanted to comfort Brian and be a temporary Nick substitute.  JC shouldn’t have trained him to roll over and play sub this instinctively.

        While Brian was in the bathroom combing his hair, Joey whispered to Justin, “He has cute little nipples.”

        “He has handcuffs in his suitcase,” Justin whispered back.

        “So do I,” Joey whispered.

        “His are padded and covered in golden leather soft as butter.”

        Brian came out of the bathroom and smiled.  “Let’s go.  Are we bringing JC?”

        “No, he said he’s staying here,” Justin said.  “He wants to write.”

        “We could invite Lance or Chris,” Brian suggested.

        Very classy, very subtle.  Brian knew it wasn’t necessarily a good idea to leave Lance and JC behind, but he didn’t want to say it outright.  Justin appreciated the sentiment, but after he’d fucked JC against the wall of Lance’s room and then brightened Lance’s morning by being fucked against the same wall, not to mention the fact that JC had slapped Lance pointedly if not roughly twice today, he figured Lance could take a hint.

        “Lance said he has stuff to do,” Joey said.

        They stepped into the hallway.  While Brian was locking the door, Joey mouthed at Justin, “Padded handcuffs?”

        Justin nodded.

        “Gold leather?”

        “Butter-soft.”

        Brian turned, and they smiled.

        Lance waited until fifteen minutes had passed after they’d gone down in the elevator.  Then he changed into casual clothes of soft cotton, grabbed a bottle from the mini-bar, and went to knock on JC’s door.

        Justin considered passing out on Brian’s shoulder.  He wanted to curl up on JC and be taken care of.  He was trying not to curl up on Brian, but it was almost tempting because he knew Brian took care of Nick, and it would be easy in some weird way for them to adopt those roles with each other.

        “Can I touch you?” Joey asked Brian.  Justin wanted to laugh.  Oh, yeah, Joey was drunk.  Justin blinked his vision clear and watched Joey’s knuckles gently skim Brian’s cheekbone.  Mmm.  Cheekbones.  JC had cheekbones, too.  Brian’s were so sharp...

        “Don’t cut yourself,” Justin warned, and laughed.  Brian laughed, too.  Joey slid his thumb along Brian’s jaw.  But that was as far as Joey went.  It wasn’t the married thing, because Justin knew Joey had screwed married women.  It wasn’t the gay thing, either, because Joey seemed pretty ready to make out with a guy, if the guy was Brian.  It was the completely, entirely unavailable thing.  Brian wasn’t forbidden fruit in some sexy way; Brian was off-limits in a very serious way.

        They made it to their hallway, and dropped Joey off in his room.  He said good night to Justin, mumbled something in Brian’s direction about “cuff me to your bed anytime,” and closed the door.

        “He’s drunk,” Justin said quickly.  “Are you going to call Nick and Drew?”

        “I’m going to have some coffee and clear my head first,” Brian said.

        “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

        “Good night,” Brian said, and smiled at Justin, and went into his room.

        Justin found his own door.  JC.  JC.  He wanted to be naked with JC.  He wanted to be curled up and tangled together with JC.  He opened the door and walked in and stopped.

        JC was on the sofa.  Wearing track pants and a tank top and sparkling glitter polish on his toenails.  With the TV on.  With an empty bottle of wine.  Sitting way, way, way too close to Lance.

        “Baby,” JC said, looking happy to see him.

        “You’re back,” Lance said with a smile.  His arm was around JC’s waist.  His foot was tucked between JC’s legs, toes trapped under JC’s thigh.

        JC reached one hand out towards Justin, wanting to pull him closer.  JC’s other hand had a wine glass in it.  “Did you have a good time?” JC asked.

        Justin put his hand in JC’s.  “Yes.  You look like you’re having fun.”  He loved JC, he loved JC, this hurt like hell but he loved JC and he did not, never, ever, want to hurt JC.  He was out of that phase.  That was behind him.  If he loved JC, and he did, then he would be calm, and mature, and talk to JC about this like an adult in private.

        JC squeezed Justin’s hand and tried to tug him close.  “Lance thinks I work too hard.”

        “You do work too hard,” Justin said, and came closer.  Normal, normal, normal.  Fine, fine, fine.  He tried to smile.  “What are you watching?”

        “Comedy Central,” Lance said.  “We’re going to launch Chris’s career as a stand-up comedian.  I’ll be his manager, and JC will design his wardrobe.”

        “Sounds like a good plan,” Justin said.  JC was gorgeous when he was drunk, cheeks flushed, eyes shining, relaxed and happy and sexy.  When JC was drunk on wine, Justin got drunk on JC.  “I’m going to take a shower before I go to bed,” he said.

        “Give me a kiss, baby,” JC said, pulling on his hand again.

        Justin leaned down and pressed a kiss to JC’s lips.  JC’s tongue darted out to taste him, flickering curious yet lazy against his mouth.  Justin started to retreat, but Lance said, “Come on, Justin, don’t make JC do it all.  You can give him some tongue, too.”

        Justin had a vivid image of breaking off the end of the wine bottle and threatening Lance with the jagged edge of glass.  But the bottle was too thick, and he wasn’t in a bad Western, and he didn’t want to hurt Lance, he just wanted Lance to leave them alone.  He kissed JC again, doing it the way he’d seen Joey kiss girls, letting anyone within fifteen feet see his tongue go into JC’s mouth.  He felt like he was on display, he felt like Lance was making a fool of him, and his stomach hurt from it.  When Justin kissed JC it was out of love, desire, passion, their connection, their union.  He’d never kissed JC and wished he hadn’t done it, until tonight.

        JC didn’t want to let him go, but Justin backed up, said something about a shower, and went to the bathroom, closing the door.

        He threw up in the toilet, and he cried in the shower, and JC was too busy cuddling up to Lance to come and check on him.

        “We don’t get earplugs?” Nick had asked.

        “Drew’s had to listen to you two screw on the bus for years now,” Nick said.  “It’s about time you had to hear him for once.”

        “For once?” Nick repeated.  “For once?  You-”

        “Besides, I figured you’d be making so much of your own noise, ours wouldn’t matter,” Nick said.

        “Good point,” Jeff said.

        “What?!” Nick demanded.  “That is not-”

        “Good night,” Nick said, and got into the bunk with Drew.

        They napped, and talked, and made out lazily without much intention of going anywhere with it.  Nick nibbled Drew’s ears, and Drew cupped him through his pants.  Drew got hard against him, and he whispered soft-core porn while they kissed.

        “I wish Brian were here,” Nick said, running the tip of his tongue over the curves of Drew’s upper lip.

        “Me, too,” Drew said, tongue-kissing him.

        “I’d screw him,” Nick said.

        “Me, too,” Drew said.

        “He makes me horny,” Nick said.

        “Me, too,” Drew said.

        “You’re my sub.  You’d let me fuck you while I’m thinking about him, right?”

        “Mm, yes,” Drew said, pushing his hard-on against Nick’s thigh.

        “You’d let me fuck you like I fuck him.”

        “Yes.”

        Nick cupped Drew’s ass in one hand and ground his hips against Drew’s, groaning into Drew’s kiss at the friction.  “You’re making me so fucking hard, Drew.  You’d let me use your body.”

        Drew gasped when Nick began to rock against him in a slow, fucking style.  “Nick.”  His mouth found Nick’s again, and he wove his fingers through Nick’s hair.

        “Let me use you, Drew.”

        “Yes...”

        Nick tugged at the fly to his jeans.

        Something flickered through Drew’s mind.  “Wait.”

        Nick paused with his zipper down.  “What?”

        “We’re not...”  Drew gathered his thoughts.  “We’re not supposed to be doing this.”

        “Drew, you were being fuckable.  Let me screw you real quick before he calls.”

        Drew took Nick’s chin in his hand.  “Brian is calling us.”

        Nick let that register all over again.

        Drew let go.

        Nick re-zipped and settled down with Drew, on their sides facing each other, his fingertips running up and down Drew’s back through Drew’s shirt.  “You were being fuckable.”

        “Sorry.”

        “Brian’s calling.”

        Drew closed his eyes.

        Nick touched Drew’s cheek.  “I love both of my angels.”

        Drew smiled.  “He’s a pixie.”

        “He’s a lonely pixie without us,” Nick said.  His voice was soft.  Drew’s eyes opened.  “He misses us.”

        “Oh, Nick.  I know he does.”  Drew smoothed Nick’s hair.

        “Lonely pixies aren’t happy pixies.”

        “Brian’s never going to be as happy without us as he is with us.  Without you around, he can’t be as happy as he is when you’re near him.  But I know he’s all right.  He’s okay.  He’s working, he’s playing, he’s making friends.”

        “I know.”

        Drew rubbed Nick’s back.  “He’s all right.  We’ll be home soon.”

        “We miss him but we have each other.  He misses us and he doesn’t have anybody.  Even Howie left.”

        “Brian is fine,” Drew said.  “I know he’s not the same without us.  But he’s fine.  He’s okay.  He’s still friendly and he’s still silly.  And maybe it’s not as bright, but he still shines when he smiles.”

        Nick smiled and rested his forehead against Drew’s.  “Soon we’ll get to see for ourselves.”

        Drew smoothed Nick’s hair some more.  “I can’t wait for him to see you.  He’s going to take so much time taking you in, drinking you up, looking at you, re-connecting with you.  And you’ve been so strong, you’ve grown, he’ll have to learn you all over again and he’ll love that.”

        “He’ll call me ‘sweetheart’ and pet my soul.”

        Drew closed his eyes and soaked up Brian’s love through Nick.  “He will.”

        “Did Lance go?” Justin asked.  It was weird, how he’d felt drunk and loose all night, but as soon as he’d walked in and seen JC with Lance, everything had become clear, almost too clear, sharp and painful around the edges.

        “Yes,” JC said.  He pulled his tank top up to scratch his stomach.  When he stopped scratching, he left his hand there.  Justin watched him rub his abs lazily.

        Justin wanted to make love with JC, to re-establish their bond, to feel that they were still one.

        JC reached out a hand to Justin.  “Come here, baby.”

        “Come to bed,” Justin said, taking JC’s hand and tugging gently.  “Let’s get some sleep.”

        JC let Justin pull him, getting to his feet.  He kept coming until he was right up on Justin, nose to nose, murmuring Justin’s name, running his hands up and down Justin’s sides.  He closed his eyes, leaning in until they were cheek to cheek, breathing Justin’s name over soft sighs of air, hands on Justin’s back.  “Do you think I work too hard?”

        “Yes,” Justin said.  He stepped out of JC’s embrace and pulled JC more towards the bed.  “You always do too much.  You take on too many projects, and you try to do every last aspect of them yourself.”  He pulled the tank top off over JC’s head.  JC didn’t seem to notice, or at least didn’t seem to mind, because they had a habit of removing each other’s clothes at will without consultation.

        “Am I too tense?”

        “Yes,” Justin said.  He knelt, pulling down JC’s pants and underwear, and helped JC to step out of them.  He pushed, and JC fell backwards onto the bed.  Justin stood and helped JC under the covers.

        “Come here, baby,” JC said, guiding him in, too.  Justin lost the towel and lay down with JC, and JC moved in, hands briefly adoring him.  “Let me make love to you, Justin.”

        “Not tonight, baby, not right now,” Justin said.

        “I want to make love to you,” JC said.

        “Tomorrow, baby.  I want to hold you.  Go to sleep.”

        JC closed his eyes.  “I can feel your heartbeat.”

        Justin wondered what JC and Lance had talked about all night.  JC working too hard, apparently.  Where had the conversation gone from there?  JC needing to relax?  Lance helping JC relax?

        JC wriggled closer.  “I missed you tonight, baby.  I missed you.”

        Justin kissed JC’s cheek and wished he trusted Lance.

        JC fell asleep.

        Justin didn’t.

        Drew was watching Nick breathe.

        The golden flecks were throwing Nick off.  Did gold count as brown or not?

        Nick’s nostrils flared once and Drew’s stomach flipped.

        “I’m going to talk to Brian,” Nick said.  “He’s calling and I’m going to talk to him.”

        Drew stayed relaxed.  “We agreed we weren’t talking.”

        “That’s stupid.”

        “It was your idea.”

        “I’m stupid.”

        “You’re not stupid.”

        “I’m a genius,” Nick said.

        “That’s better.”

        Nick rolled his eyes.

        Drew smiled patiently.

        “I know what we agreed on.  I’m independent, you can handle a tough situation, we can do stuff on our own and together without running to Brian.  And even if we didn’t run to him, he’d still be protective and running stuff if he had half the chance.  So we cut off communication so we could be the grown-ups and handle everything, no matter how bad it got, by ourselves.”

        “And we’re doing a great job.”

        “We’re kicking ass,” Nick agreed.

        “You know I see right through your act.”

        “We can talk about that later.”

        “We’re going to.  I’m waiting for the right moment.”

        “No rush.  Where were we?”

        “Doing a great job on our own.”

        “Right.  We did it.  We handled everything.  I handled Jeff, you handled me, everything’s cool.  We’re all best friends again.  We can talk to Brian again, because there’s nothing for him to fix.”

        “That’s not true.”

        “It’s true as far as he’s concerned,” Nick said.  “You said we’re talking about that later.”

        “He’s going to know you’re faking it.”

        “He won’t know.  I’m not faking it.”

        “You’re faking it.  I know because I’m here with you and I can see it.”

        “Brian isn’t here and he can’t see-”

        “He’ll hear it in your voice.  He’s Brian.  You’re Nick.  He’ll know.”

        “You suck.”

        “You can talk to him,” Drew said.  “I want to talk to him, too.  Don’t bring up Nick or Jeff and it should be okay.”

        “Like I want to waste time talking about your brother when I’m on the phone with Brian,” Nick said.  “All I want to know is how blue Brian’s eyes are today and how hard his dick is.”

        “Very blue, and very very hard,” Drew said, and kissed Nick.

        “I want to suck it,” Nick said, kissing Drew harder.  Drew’s arm came around his waist.  This extended, off-and-on make-out session, all of this sexual tension that they were only half acting on, was driving Nick nuts.  “I don’t want Brian to know.”

        “Know that you’re faking it?” Drew asked.

        “He’ll start to worry.”

        “He’s already worrying.  When he hears from you, when he hears your voice, he’ll worry less.”

        “Really?”

        “Yes.”

        “That’s good.”

        “Yes.”

        “I don’t want him to worry.”

        “He’s away from you.  Of course he’s worried.”

        “I can take care of myself.”

        “Yes, you can.”

        “And you’re here with me.”

        “I’m very happy about that.”

        “So am I.”  Nick kissed Drew some more.  “Why isn’t he calling?”

        “He’s waiting.”

        “For what?”

        “For the right time.”

        “He’s probably out clubbing.”

        “Why don’t we ever go out?” Drew asked.

        “I told you, you’re not allowed.”

        “I go out all of the time.”

        “You’re bad when we’re in public.  You’re sexy and flirty and bad.  I grounded you for life.”

        “Nick, I go to clubs all of the time,” Drew said again.  “With Justin and Nick and Jeff.”

        “I know you.  You’ll give everybody the ‘I’m just a regular guy smile’ and then you’ll do that hot-sexy dancing thing and you’ll end up flirting and seducing all night, and then I’ll be the one who has to drag you out with all of your new boyfriends chasing us.  No.”

        “That is not true.”

        “Drew, you do the innocent seductive thing all the time.  Like oh, you’re just a regular guy, an ordinary whoever, who just happens to be hot as hell.”

        “I am a regular guy,” Drew pointed out.

        Nick laughed.

        Drew sighed.

        “Why are you tense?” he asked, not bothering to open his eyes.

        “Brian.”

        “He’s a warm, friendly, spiritual person.”

        “He’s going to skin us alive.”

        “No, he isn’t.  He’s going to skin me alive.  You’ll be fine.”

        “Why aren’t you more worried?”

        “He’s calling to talk to Nick and Drew.  That isn’t about us.  He’s going to save his wrath for when he sees me again.  Tonight is about the three of them.”

        “Oh.  But won’t-”

        “Yes, he’ll want to know how it’s going.  He’ll want to interrogate everyone to find out what’s going on over here and how Nick’s being treated.  But he’s not going to want to waste this precious phone call talking about that.  And Nick’s going to sound as happy as possible, as upbeat as possible, to keep Brian from worrying or suspecting anything.”

        “How do you know all of that?”

        “I spent all day thinking about it.”

        “You did?”

        “Trust me, I’m as worried as you are.  Brian has me terrified.  Even if I do manage to fix things with Nick, and even if I do get to the point where he’s sincere in his affection and not forcing it or doing it for the wrong reasons, I’ll still have to deal with Brian.  Brian could take him away from me.  I could lose all three of them, for good.  And if I lose them, you’ll lose them.  And then not only are we going to hurt from that, it could change things between us.”

        “It wouldn’t change things between us.”

        “If I cost you Drew?  If I cost you Nick?  If I cost you Brian?”

        “It’s not...”

        “It is,” Jeff said.  “It is my fault.  We’re working on it, I’m working on it, but we’re not there yet.  And depending on what Brian decides, we may never be there.”

        “Why does he get to decide everyone’s fate?  He’s one person.  He wasn’t even in the situation.”

        “He’s Brian.  It’s Nick.  It was directly, directly after Nick felt so unloved, rejected, worthless, and useless that he left Brian and Drew with no plans to go back, ever.”

        “Why did he let Nick stay here?”

        “Nick is only here because of Brian’s love for Drew.  Brian loves Drew so much he is trusting Drew to take care of Nick, his Nick, for him, the way he would, in this horrible situation.  I’ll admit, I honestly believed that Brian would come and get Nick, or only let him stay for a week.  Brian really loves Drew, and really trusts him.”

        “A lot,” Nick said, sounding very impressed, even awed.

        “We’re safe, for now.  We can keep winging it and hoping for the best.  I won’t be in mortal danger until we’re back home and Brian has seen Nick for himself.”

        “You won’t be in mortal danger,” Nick said.

        “I don’t know.  When we were all leaving Kendig, and we were about to get on the bus, and I turned around and met Brian’s eyes, he was looking at me with such hatred in his eyes, it was like I could hear my coffin closing, the lid coming down.”

        “Jeff.”

        “He hated me.  People have hated me before, hated me so much they put me in the hospital.  But his hatred was so deep, and so personal...  He’d looked at me and judged me and found me so completely lacking, it was like my soul was black.”

        “Jeff.”

        “Every time I start to fool myself, every time I start to lie to myself that Nick’s okay and Nick’s all right and it’s all going to work out, I think of the way Brian looked at me.”

        “It was the heat of the moment.  It was too new right then.  Time has passed, Nick’s here-”

        “Brian used to look at me like we were equals.  When the five of us were together, he and I were the only ones with any sense.  We both had Nicks and Lacheys to look after.  He knew that when I teased Nick, I wasn’t trying to take Nick from him.  I knew that when you got loopy every time he smiled at you, it didn’t threaten anyone’s stability.”

        “I do not get loopy.”

        “You blush every time he gives you that look.”

        “What look?”

        Jeff raised his head and looked into Nick’s eyes.  He smiled, too warmly, and batted his lashes.

        “Brian does not look at me like that.”

        “He has you wrapped around his finger.  He has you wrapped up and tied with a bow, and he doesn’t even know it.”

        “He does not.”

        “It’s all right.  I’m not worried about it.”

        “Why not?”

        “No matter how cute he is, if I snap my fingers, you’ll heel.”

        “I am not whipped!”

        “You believe everything I tell you.  You do everything I say.  I have complete freedom to do whatever I want.”

        “That just means I trust you," Nick said.

        “I get sex whenever I want it.”

        “That is not true.”

        “You tattooed my name on your body, along with a small but elaborate configuration of flowers.  Flowers.”

        “They’re symbols.”

        “You’re whipped.”

        “I am not.”

        Jeff kissed him.

        “Brian’s going to forgive you.”

        “You,” Jeff said, “have been great through this whole thing.  It’s really shown how tight our partnership is.”

        “We’re in it together,” Nick said.  “No matter what happens.  And nothing else is going to happen.  Nick’s working on it, and so are you, and Brian will see that.  Brian’s going to want to help Nick’s progress, not snatch him away and protect him like a little kid.”

        “I hope you’re right.”

        “I’m always right,” Nick said, and grinned.

        Jeff kissed him.  “Good for you.  Now let me rest.  I want to sleep through Brian’s phone call so they can have privacy.”

        “Oh, good point.  I don’t think I want to be awake for that, either.  They’re probably going to start to...”

        “There is a good chance of it, yes.”

        “I have never met hornier people.”

        “At least not outside of this bunk.”

        “Very funny.”

        Jeff smiled.  “Thanks.”

        “I don’t know who Justin’s supplier is,” Drew said, “but we can pick up some in a store somewhere and see if Brian’s in them.”

        “I like this one.”

        “Because you’re in it?”

        “No, that’s why you like it.  I like it because he’s turned all to the side and you can see his ass.”

        “Funny how I never noticed that.”

        “Liar.  You check out Brian’s ass all the time.”

        “Hmm.”

        “Brian’s not calling.”

        “He’s waiting for the right time.”

        “That was your excuse three hours ago.”

        “Forty-five minutes ago.”

        “Whatever.  The right time is now.  I’m ready now.  He should call now.”

        Nick’s phone rang.

        Drew frowned.  It had to be coincidence.

        Nick pushed Drew away and rolled to his back, pulling Drew in again, flipping open his phone.  “Frick?”

        “Frack.”  Brian’s voice, as warm and as normal as if he were right there with them.

        Nick closed his eyes.

        Drew, spread over Nick, raised his head and watched Nick’s face.  Nick was, for once, utterly still.  Silent.  Too still to be listening to Brian talk, because Nick always reacted to Brian’s words.  That meant Brian was being silent, too.

        “Are you taking care of yourself?” Brian asked.

        Nick opened his eyes.  “Yeah.  It’s hard to get decent food with all the junk food Drew eats, but I took all of my vitamins today.  Since it’s not my tour, I get to sleep sometimes.”

        “Are you taking care of Drew?”

        “Yes.  He gets ‘I love yous’ and orgasms ten times a day.”

        “Good for you.  I talked to Howie.”

        “What’s up?”

        “He said you were sick, but it was quick and you’re better.”

        “It was quick.  It was over fast.  Twenty-four hours.  I didn’t even throw up a lot.  Drew took good good care of me.  He was all worried, it was cute.  You can’t be mad.”

        “I’m not mad,” Brian said.  “I just wish I’d been there, to help you, to make sure you were all right.”

        “Drew was here,” Nick said.  “Has Joey been hitting on you?”

        “Joey?  Of course not.  Why?”

        “When I was very briefly not feeling my best, Drew wanted to make me feel better, so he got this videotape of pixie footage that Joey taped.  Joey must have been making a movie about you, because you had a lot of screen time.”

        “Joey and I are friends.”

        “What about Justin?”

        “Justin and I are friends, too.”

        “He’s not hitting on you?”

        “Nick, that’s ridiculous.  Justin’s with JC.”

        “I thought Lance was with JC.”

        “If any of that is still happening when you get home, do not put yourself in the middle of it.  You’ll get yourself in trouble.”

        “Lance is the one getting himself in trouble.  Besides, JC’s my best friend.  I can tell Lance off for him if I want.”

        “I’m your best friend,” Brian reminded him.  “I’m asking you to behave yourself.  JC and Justin can take care of themselves.”

        “Yeah, yeah.  How are you doing?”

        “JC is great.  He’s amazing.  I’m having a good time.  Justin is perfect for JC.  Sometimes he reminds me of you.”

        “Wow, gee, gosh, Brian, thanks.”

        “He’s stronger than he knows, but his heart is so vulnerable, he’s easily hurt.  It makes me want to help him, since I’m too far away to help you right now.”

        “You’re never too far away to help me.  Every day, Drew tells me how much you love me, and that makes me stronger inside.”

        “Sweetheart...  I do love you.”

        “We’re not at that part of the conversation yet.  The mushy stuff comes later.  How’s the work stuff going?”

        “It’s going really well.  JC blows my mind.  When we get to the studio, if the guys sing it like I know they can, this album is going to be incredible.  There’s nothing else out there like it.”

        “Have you talked to AJ?”

        “Yes.  He said the strangest thing to me.”

        “He’s AJ.  You should expect that.”

        “He said that he can’t talk to Kevin, when he talks to Howie the only thing on Howie’s mind is Chris, it’s weird to talk to me because now that for once I’m not around you he feels like he’s only talking to a shadow of me, but whenever he talks to you, everything he needs to do is clear, right in front of him.”

        “I know what he wants to do, and I know what he needs to have to be fulfilled as a human being, and I know how he can get what he wants.”

        “I’m glad you’re helping him.  He needs our support.”

        “It’s not hard.  I know AJ.”

        “You’re great at watching people, observing their behavior, picking up on their cues.”

        “Yeah, when I feel like responding right.  I don’t know, I can’t read everybody’s soul at a glance like you can, so I have to pay attention to what they say and do.  The little stuff is always important.  It’s only when somebody really matters to me that I actually care enough to observe and respond, instead of just observing and not giving a shit.”

        “Have you talked to Kevin?”

        “Yeah.  You?”

        “Yeah.”

        “He doesn’t sound happy.”

        “No, he doesn’t.”

        “Can’t we give him a heads-up?”

        “That wouldn’t be fair.”

        “He’s been in love with AJ for years, Brian.  Years.  He treated AJ like he treated the rest of us - - no, he treated AJ like he treated me.  But that was just cover, for AJ’s sake.  He is in love with AJ, he’s been in love with AJ about as long as you’ve been in love with me, and that’s a hell of a long time.”

        “I know.”

        “He kept it down and he never showed it, and it was the shittiest thing on Earth but that’s how he wanted it, and he was strong enough to let AJ go.  We were all waiting for AJ to, hell, I don’t know, up and freaking marry Lance or something, when shit started hitting fans and AJ ran and all of a sudden, the one thing Kevin wanted most but could never have, he had.”

        “AJ never should have done that.”

        “I know.  He’s kind of fucked up sometimes.  But damn, Brian, Kevin got to fuck AJ.  It was bad timing, and it didn’t last, but Kevin got to fuck AJ.  Do you know what that meant to him?”

        “Yes,” Brian said.

        “What are you thinking about?”

        “I’m thinking that I understand Kevin.  When you were with Drew, and I knew you would never be mine again, and you offered me that one chance to have your body again, I was weak.  I was weak, Nick, I was so weak - - I did it, I knew it was wrong, I knew you weren’t mine, I knew I was only getting your body for that one time and you still belonged to Drew, but I couldn’t say no.”

        “That’s not the same.  Okay, it’s sort of the same, but you weren’t being weak, you were staking your claim again.”

        “It wasn’t my right.”

        “Brian, I’m yours.  I’m so totally yours Drew was the one telling me I was in love with you when I was still trying to deny it.  I’ve always belonged to you.  Besides, you’ve always had the right to use my body and take my body at any time for any reason.”

        “Nick...”

        “We’re talking about Kevin.  I want to warn him.  Can’t we warn him?  He sucked it up again, he’s letting go again, he’s giving AJ all the freedom AJ’s ever wanted, because that’s what Kevin does.  But he had AJ once, and he acts like nothing ever happened, but it’s killing him inside.”

        “Kevin has made his choices.  He chose not to burden AJ with his love.  He chose to give AJ sexual comfort in Kendig.  He chose to let AJ go again without a word.”

        “Kevin makes shitty choices.”

        “He did what he thought was best for AJ.”

        “How is Lance?”

        “Interesting.”

        “Give me fresh dirt.”

        “He’s not over AJ.”

        “Everybody knows that.  What else?  Is he still trying to get JC and Joey?”

        “Yes.”

        “He’s crazy.”

        “Do you have any love bites?”

        “One.  Drew’s embarrassed.  Why?”

        “You do?”

        “Yeah.  A little one, on my neck, sort of behind my left ear.”

        “I want to see it.”

        “Where did this conversation topic come from?”

        “Lance has a love bite, a bad one, inside his elbow.”

        “Where’d he get it?”

        “Joey.”

        “You’re shitting me.”

        “Drew gave you a love bite?”

        “You’re not getting over this, are you?”

        “I want to see it.”

        “You want to make it worse.”

        “Yes.”

        “Pervert.”

        “Ask him if he’ll kiss it for me.”

        “Hold on.”  Nick looked at Drew.  “Brian wants you to do something for him.”

        “What?” Drew asked.

        “Here.”  Nick turned his head to the side, exposing his neck.  “Kiss on that spot for a minute.”

        Drew was about to ask why, but his eyes were fascinated.  Nick’s neck.  It was long, and he knew the skin would be soft against his tongue, and there was a tendon, and there was that dark little spot that hinted at their most private moments together.  Drew leaned in and kissed it.

        “Mmm,” Nick said.

        “Nick?” Brian asked.

        Drew tucked his face into Nick’s neck and began to kiss and lick Nick’s skin.

        “Mmm,” Nick said again, closing his eyes.

        “Say my name,” Brian said.

        “Brian,” Nick murmured, knowing what Brian wanted, knowing what Drew wanted, letting it happen.

        “Say it again,” Brian said.

        “Mmm, oh, Brian,” Nick said, shifting his hips, moaning softly as Drew started to suck.

        “Do you know how much I want you?” Brian asked.

        “Yes,” Nick said.

        “I’ve been thinking about you all day,” Brian said.  “In my mind, I’ve been making love to you all day.”

        “Yes...”

        Brian’s voice was thick with need.  “I want to make love to you.”

        “Do it,” Nick urged.  “Do it, fuck me.”

        “Give yourself to me.”

        Nick surrendered.  Completely.  Drew felt it in Nick’s body, the sudden and total relaxation, the slow undulation, the drop to quiet, submissive panting.  Drew put his hand flat on Nick’s stomach under Nick’s shirt, and Nick rose under his touch, ever obedient.

        “I miss your body,” Brian said.  “I miss the sprawl of it, the heat of it, the sweet responsiveness of it.  I miss the love and I miss the sin.”

        Nick moaned as Drew’s hands ran up his ribcage.  His spine arched with the movement of Drew’s touch.  When Drew’s thumbs brushed deliberately over his nipples, Nick gasped.

        Drew got Nick out of his shirt.

        “I miss the sight of my cum on your skin.  The last drops of it are like pearls on your naked flesh.  My seed on your body.”

        Nick tensed as Drew licked at one tight nipple.  Drew’s hands were busy with unzipping Nick’s jeans.

        “Your body, your sexuality, you’re so ripe, so lush, you’re so young and potent that when I enter your body, I know you can accept whatever I give you.”

        Nick’s clothes were dropped out of the bunk.

        “No matter where we are, when my sex fills you, I know I’m home.”

        At the first brush of a lube-wet finger, Nick spread, legs opening, hips pushing towards the touch.  He was open for it, hungry for it, taking anything offered to him.  No demands, no expectations, only easy, grateful acceptance.

        Drew found Nick’s prostate and Nick groaned, raising his knees, offering his body in gratitude for that pleasure.

        “I want to make your body feel ecstasy no one else has ever known,” Brian whispered.

        Nick was too easily exploited.  Drew had to take him.  His body was waiting to be used, panting with passion, on the verge of being the vessel for Brian’s desires.  Nick was never so easily taken, never so exclusively fuckable, as when he was Brian’s.

        Drew rolled Nick’s hips up slightly and slid into position.  Nick reached out, eyes opening, and put his fingertip just behind the corner of Drew’s jaw.  Nick urged Drew closer, and Drew leaned in, eyes open, gazing into questing blue until lashes lowered and mouths met.  Nick’s kiss was receptive, encouraging, and Drew took over, luxuriating in Nick’s mouth, taking everything, possessing Nick in Brian’s stead.  Nick moaned with soft pleasure at the sweep of Drew’s tongue, and Drew’s hips hitched foward at the sound, which rubbed Drew’s slick cockhead against Nick’s ass.  It felt so good, Drew kept going, giving two quick thrusts into Nick’s body.  Nick groaned, arching, digging his fingers into Drew’s lower back.

        Drew sank deeper into that exquisite grip.  If he’d thought that Nick’s kiss was welcoming, he coudn’t even describe this sensation.  Nick pulled him in and trapped him there, until he was throbbing in too-tight liquid fire.

        “Feel my love,” Brian said.  “Feel my love open you and enter you.  Feel it penetrate all of you.  My love isn’t centered in one part of your body, it’s everywhere.”

        Nick groaned, and his hand wrapped around his erection.  Drew watched the pulling motion, watched the head of Nick’s cock disappear into Nick’s fist and emerge again, sticky-wet.  Mouth-watering hunger for Nick’s cock twisted in Drew’s gut, urging him to move, hips thrusting.

        “I want to make love to you,” Brian said.  “I want to bury my sex so deep you’ll always feel it there.  I want to climb inside your skin.  I want to live inside you, breathe inside you, spill my seed inside you.”

        “Yes, yes, yes...”  Nick pulled at his hair, rocking up for Drew’s every thrust.  Drew took over jacking his cock for him, feeling the heated throb of hard flesh.

        “Nick, I want to fuck you,” Brian breathed.

        “Oh, god, yes, yes,” Nick groaned, and Drew’s hips drove harder.

        “I have to fuck you, Nick.”

        “Yes, yes, god, please.”

        “I can’t live if I can’t fuck you.”

        “Yes, yes, yes!”

        “I can’t breathe if I can’t fuck you.”

        “Oh god, Brian, Brian!”  Nick’s body contracted under and around Drew, as his cock spurted semen over Drew’s hand and onto Nick’s chest.  The force of Nick’s orgasm tore at Drew, and Drew only managed a few more deep thrusts into Nick’s passion before he had to unleash his cum.

        Nick was sweating.  A fine tremble traced his form.

        Drew eased his spent dick free and tested his limbs.  He was all still there.

        “Nick,” Brian said in Nick’s ear.

        “Unh,” Nick said, and licked his lips.  “Unh?”

        “I came in my hand and you aren’t here to lick me clean.”

        Nick moaned weakly.  “Too much.”

        “Do you want me to tell you how much I love you, or do you want me to talk to Drew first?”

        “Drew first,” Nick said.  “Get back to me in a few minutes when I can feel my toes again.”  His eyes rolled in Drew’s direction.  “Phone’s for you.”

        Drew took the phone from Nick’s limp hand.  He cleared his throat.  “Hi.”

        “Hello.”

        “How are you?”

        “I’m fine, Drew.  How are you?”

        Drew swallowed.  “There’s cum in Nick’s hair.”

        “Yours or his?”

        “His.  He was...touching himself...and then he put his hand in his hair, and now there’s a thin streak right where his hand was.”

        “Say ‘cum’ again.”

        Drew licked his lips.  “Cum.”

        “Where’s yours?”

        “My...cum?”

        “Where is it?”

        “Inside Nick.”

        “Touch it.”

        “Now?”

        “Now.”

        Drew gently ran his fingers over the pucker.  Nick gasped.  Drew made a tentative probe, and Nick moaned, offering himself without hesitation.  Drew twisted his finger in, pulled out on Nick’s helpless groan, and pushed in two fingers, past the second knuckle, as deep as he could get.

        “How does he feel?” Brian asked.

        “Good,” Drew said, his throat closing over the word.

        “How many fingers are you using?”

        “Two.”

        “Give him more.”

        Drew slid his fingers out to the tips, then worked his way back in with three.  Nick groaned, hand rubbing restlessly over his thigh, feet shifting.

        “What do you want?” Brian asked.

        “To fuck him again,” Drew whispered.

        “Keep your hand where it is, and kiss him.  Give him your tongue.  Let him suck on it.”

        Nick’s lips were parted.  Drew caught Nick’s lower lip with his teeth and urged Nick’s mouth open farther.  Then he slid his tongue into Nick’s mouth.  Nick sucked on it, moaning, and Nick’s muscles tried to tighten around Drew’s fingers.

        “Does he like it?” Brian asked.

        Drew made an affirmative sound against Nick’s kiss.

        “Do you like it?” Brian asked.

        Drew grunted, wanting to be inside Nick again.

        Brian’s voice dropped.  “Are you aroused?”

        “Yes,” Drew said, fingers twisting and probing in that glorious grasp.

        “Is it hard?”

        “Yes,” Drew said, feeling that stiff ache.

        “Tell him to open up.”

        “How?” Drew asked, entranced by Nick’s wet sucking kiss.

        “Say, ‘Open up for me, Frack.’  Then take your fingers out and put yourself in.”

        “Open up for me, Frack,” Drew murmured, and pulled his fingers out.  It was an easy slide into Nick’s body, and once Drew was in, it felt so good, every slow second was perfect torture to his dick.  He fucked Nick slowly, rocking over inches at first, then making an excruciatingly long slide backwards followed by an even longer push forward.  He felt Nick clenching over every inch of his dick.

        “Let me hear you,” Brian said.

        Drew opened his throat and let out the sounds he’d been holding back.  He moaned on the slide back, he groaned at the thrust forward, and he cried out each time Nick moved.

        “How does he feel?” Brian asked.

        “Good,” Drew said.

        “Good?” Brian repeated.

        Drew ground his teeth for self-control.  “So fucking good.”

        “Turn him over.  Don’t pull out, just rotate him on your dick.  You’re long enough, it’ll work.”

        Drew finished his stroke in and pushed at Nick’s hip.

        “‘Roll over, sweetheart,’” Brian coached in Drew’s ear.

        “Roll over, sweetheart,” Drew said, trying to hold his hips steady.

        Nick pulled his knees in, slowly turning onto his side, then the whole way.  He pushed up somewhat, rising onto his hands and knees.

        Drew had never known that having his dick pulled off at the base would feel that good.  He pumped his hips a few times, and Nick relaxed, lowering his head, panting.  Drew picked up a new rhythm, fucking Nick at this new angle, taking on speed, pounding into Nick’s ass.

        “Put your hand on the back of his head, at the nape,” Brian said.  “Comb your fingers forward through his hair.”

        Nick’s hair was wet with sweat at the roots, and Nick made a new, rich, purring sound.

        “He has to come first,” Brian said.  “‘Touch yourself for me.’”

        “Touch yourself for me,” Drew repeated in Brian’s soft, lust-laden tone.

        “Oh...oh...”  Nick took himself in hand, abusing his dick.  He made steady, rough sounds of need on every fast thrust.

        “Faster,” Brian said.

        Drew went faster.

        Nick’s sounds became higher and more desperate.

        “That’s it,” Brian said.

        Drew couldn’t take it.  The luxurious hospitality of Nick’s body was overwhelming.  He wanted to get off and pass out on the slide of sweat on Nick’s back.

        “Drew.”

        Drew couldn’t last.

        “He has to come first.”

        Oh god.

        “Almost.”

        Oh god.

        Nick made a harsh, low sound of animal satisfaction, followed by high, soft moans and quick shudders.

        “Now,” Brian said.

        Drew drenched Nick with his cum.

        Nick mumbled something grateful.

        Drew was still shaking.

        “Kiss his left shoulder,” Brian said.

        Drew found his last reserves of strength and placed a loving kiss on Nick’s shoulder blade.

        “Mmm,” Nick said, and dropped onto his stomach, eyes closed.

        “Stay on top of him.  Kiss whatever skin’s closest to you, and pet him.”

        Drew didn’t know how Brian did this.  He wanted to pass out and let his body recover.  He found a comfortable position on Nick’s body, stroking Nick with his left hand, holding the phone in his right hand.  His eyes were closing, but he needed to stay awake.  He was supposed to talk to Brian.  Brian’s voice was in his ear, soft, giving.

        “Drew, I love you, sweetheart.”

        Wasn’t supposed to call him that.

        “I love you, Drew.  Go to sleep.”

        Supposed to stay awake.  Talk to Brian.

        “I miss you, Drew.  I miss you every day, and I love you every day.”

        Brian...

        “Go to sleep now, sweetheart.  I’ll call you again tomorrow.  Good night.”

        Good night...

        JC made a hurt noise at missing Justin, then made a surprised noise of physical pain.

        Justin made a detour to the mini-bar before coming back to sit on the edge of the bed.  He cupped JC’s shoulder and said, “Here, C, drink some water.”

        JC squinted up at him like it hurt.

        Oh, poor baby.  If JC didn’t want to be hung over in the morning, he shouldn’t spend all night getting drunk with Lance.  “How much did you drink last night?” Justin asked.  “Half the bottle?”

        “More,” JC said in a near-silent whisper.

        Justin sighed.  Lance knew better.  Jerk.

        JC winced and drank the water, then saw the glass of wine.  Justin offered it to him.  JC gave Justin a pleading look.  “Drink it,” Justin said.  JC’s eyes asked for sympathy.  Justin, melting inside but unimpressed outside, held the glass under JC’s nose.  JC looked ill.  “You wanted a whole bottle last night, you can drink some now,” Justin said.  JC took the glass, closed his eyes, held his breath, drank it down, and thrust the glass back into Justin's hand, turning his face to the pillow and moaning.

        “Good boy,” Justin said, and kissed JC’s cheek.  “You get to sleep in for five more minutes today.”  He started the shower, got JC more water, and searched through JC’s bag for some Tylenol.

        Lance was Justin’s best friend.  Yes, he was gay and very hot, but he was still Justin’s best friend.  He was a good person, and Justin had always trusted him.  He hadn’t actually done anything.  He hadn’t grabbed JC’s balls, he hadn’t kissed JC, he hadn’t shown up in JC’s bed naked with lube in one hand and a vibrator in the other.  Not to mention, Lance was JC’s best friend, and JC could hang out with Lance whenever JC wanted.

        After his shower JC, clean and wearing jeans, wrapped naked arms around Justin’s shoulders and kissed him.  “I’m sorry, Justin.”

        “For what?”

        “Whatever I did that put that worry in your eyes.  I don’t remember all of last night, and whatever I did, whatever I didn’t do, I’m sorry, baby.”

        “It’s okay, JC.  Nothing happened.  I came back from the clubs, you were drunk and looking hella sexy, I took a shower and put you to bed.”

        “J.”

        “C?” Justin asked, letting his lashes start to drop as JC slowly rubbed noses with him.

        “Baby.  We didn’t make love last night.”

        “I was tired.”

        “Let me make it up to you.”

        “JC, you don’t have to-”

        “I let you down, Justin.  I want to make it right.”

        “We don’t have time,” Justin said.

        “What do you want, baby?  What can I do for you?”

        “We don’t have to-”

        “Tell me.”

        “I can’t-”

        “Tell me, baby.”

        “Take me on the bed, on the sofa, on every wall of this room.  Take me, own me, claim me, possess me.”  Justin yanked JC’s hips tight up to his.  “I want you to take me.”

        “Baby.”

        Justin breathed in JC’s air.

        “There’s no time here,” JC said.  “On the bus, baby, I’ll take you as many times as you want.”

        The logical part of Justin’s brain tried to sound an alarm.  “We can’t, JC-”

        “How many times will it take to get you satisifed today?” JC asked.

        Justin’s body started to hum, but he fought it.  “JC-”

        “Justin, I could make love to you for hours.”  JC smiled.  “I think I will.”

        Oh, god.

        Someone pounded at the door.  “Bus time!”

        Oh, god...

        Jeff pushed his toes through the aisle litter.  Nick and Drew’s socks and shoes, that was okay.  Nick’s shirt and pants, interesting.  Jeff raised his eyebrows at Nick.

        Nick licked his lips.  “Maybe-”

        Jeff uncovered a pair of underwear.

        Nick took a step back.

        “He’s naked in there,” Jeff whispered.

        Nick tried to scowl at Jeff.

        “Want to see?” Jeff asked.

        Nick pushed Jeff’s shoulder.

        “We have to wake them up,” Jeff said.

        “So make noise,” Nick said.

        “We could wake them gently.  They obviously had a big night.”

        “I hate you.”

        “I’ll let you do it.”

        “Why do I have to do it?”

        “He’s your brother.”

        “So?  You’re the one who wants to wake them up.”

        “Do it.  Nicely.”  Jeff walked away, knowing Nick would do it in privacy.

        Nick hesitated.  He edged aside the curtain and peeked.  Nick was on his stomach, facing away; Drew was on Nick’s back, using Nick’s shoulder for a pillow, still in his tank top.  They were dead asleep.  Nick glanced around the bus, then jostled Drew’s shoulder.  “Hey.  Drew.  Drew.  Andrew.”  Drew didn’t move.  Nick regressed to childhood and poked Drew between the eyes.  “Drew.”

        Drew shook his head quickly, opening his eyes.  “What?”

        “We’re almost there.  You might want to get dressed.”

        “I’m...”  Drew looked down at himself, and his eyes widened.  He slid down out of sight briefly.  Nick took the opportunity to take a corner of a sheet and wipe Drew’s drool off Nick’s shoulder.  Drew pushed him away.  “Get out.”

        “Were you naked in there?”

        “I was wearing pants,” Drew said.  “Around my ankles.  Get out!”

        “Relax.”  Nick handed Drew Nick’s clothes.  “He might want these.”

        “Out.”

        “Good morning.”  Nick pinched Drew’s nose and left.

        Drew saw Nick’s phone.

        Brian.

        Drew closed his eyes.

        Brian.

        Drew pulled himself together.  He crawled on top of Nick and whispered Nick’s name.  He rubbed Nick’s hip and kissed Nick’s cheek.  “Wake up, beautiful.  You have to get dressed.  We have a lot to do.  Brian’s calling today.”

        “Mnmn.”  Nick’s eyes opened.  “What?”

        “Wake up.”

        “What did you say?”

        “You’re putting your clothes on, we have a busy day, and Brian’s going to call.”

        “Brian?”  Nick was much more awake now.

        “Yes.”  Drew moved back to let Nick roll over.  “I have to pee, so I’ll go and give you room to get dressed.”

        “Drew.”  Nick took Drew’s hand.  “Kiss me.”

        Drew kissed him, then pulled back a few inches and gazed into Nick’s eyes.  “Good morning.”

        “I just woke up naked.”

        “I noticed.”

        “In your bunk.”

        “Yes.”

        Nick smirked.

        Drew blushed.

        “No sex on the bus?” Nick asked.  “Not when you’re on tour with me.”