Copyright April 2, 2002-February 17, 2003 by Matthew Haldeman-Time

Rating: NC-17 for graphic male-male sex

Pairings: Thus far we've had JC/Justin, Nick/Drew/Brian, Nick/Jeff, Nick/Drew/Brian/Nick/Jeff, AJ/Lance, AJ/Howie, AJ/Kevin, Chris/Howie, and partridge/pear tree.

Disclaimer: The young men who comprise the Backstreet Boys, *NSYNC, and 98 Degrees are their own people. The author has not met anyone here described, nor does the author mean to suggest that these people act this way in real life. This writing is a work of fiction. I make no money from this venture.

Dedication: This slashfic is for Ewan McGregor and the Savage Garden slashwriters.

Wherein Drew won't go behind Brian's back, AJ can screw anybody he wants, and could JC be mellowing?

Notice: First, read "I Need You Tonight," "Boy Lead the Way to Ecstasy," "Not Easy," "No One," "Rest in Peace," "Destiny," and "Together." I know it sounds like a lot, but it'll only take you an hour or two.

        “Thanks,” JC said, and went to pose.

        “Joey, my friend, what were you talking about?”

        “Sex,” Joey said.

        “And?”

        “Brian.  Nick.  JC.”

        “Howie.”

        “Sex and Howie is your business, not mine.”

        “Walk with me.”

        Joey walked with him.

        “You think Howie’s a bottom?”

        “Yes.”

        “Why?”

        “Isn’t he?”

        “No.”

        “I know you do him all of the time.”

        “Yes.  But he also does me.”

        “How often?”

        “Joey, have you met Howie?  He has the Latin lover act down pat.  Since when does the Latin lover roll over and offer his ass?  He’s the top.”

        “I still don’t buy it.  I don’t see you as a bottom.”

        “Why not?”

        “Howie’s ass is cuter than yours is, for one.”

        “Granted.  But trust me.  Just trust me.  Howie’s not a bottom.  He’s a natural top who lets me screw him because he loves me and it feels good.’

        “What are you?”

        “Probably both.  I’m not picky.”

        “What’s Lance?”

        “Lance thinks he’s a top but really he’s a bottom.”

        “Really?”

        “Really he’s both, pretty equally, but I think he’s more of a bottom than he thinks he is.”

        “Can I ask you something you don’t want to answer?”

        “Yeah.”

        “What’s AJ?”

        “I can answer that for you, because I have done a lot of thinking about the evil bastard who ruined my life.  Everything depends on AJ’s mood.  He’s whatever he wants to be depending on how he feels, who he’s with, and what color the carpet is.  With Lance, they were partners, so he was both.  With Kevin, he was fucked up in the head, so he got fucked in the ass.  With Howie, I have no idea what they did and I don’t want to know.”

        “You don’t know what they did?”

        “No.”

        “Don’t you want to know?”

        “No, because none of the answers would make me feel better.  If Howie was the bottom, then he was giving himself to AJ in a way he’s only ever given himself to me, and that’d kill me.  If he was the top, then he was taking a very active, aggressive role in cheating on me and breaking my heart.  If he was both, then it’s worse than ever, because he and AJ would have shared everything.”

        “Maybe they stuck to handjobs,” Joey suggested, trying to help in any feeble way.

        “The first weekend I ever hit on Howie, the first day I ever kissed him, he let me fuck him that night.  I don’t think that he’d be shy with AJ.”

        “Why?” Joey asked.

        “Why what?”

        “Why did he let you screw him that fast?  The first night?  Is he that eager with everybody, or were you irresistibly sexy?”

        “I don’t know.  I just figured God was doing me a huge, big fat favor.”

        “After years of living the life, he’s probably used to one-night stands.  Maybe that was it.”

        “Maybe.”

        “You could ask him.”

        “I don’t like to ask Howie things.”

        “Why not?”

        “I’m afraid that if I ask him why he’s with me, he’ll realize he shouldn’t be with me.”

        “Chris, that’s stupid.”

        “Fine, mock me.  My insecurities and I are very happy together.”

        “Wouldn’t you rather you and Howie be very happy together?”

        “No, this is more likely.”

        “Fuck likely.”

        “Oddly enough, that’s fairly good advice.”

        “Thanks.  As long as you’re asking Howie, I can ask you: why’d you jump into bed with him that fast?”

        “He’s fascinating.  And he’s nothing like me.  He’s different from me in every way.  He’s so different, I was interested.  I wanted to learn him.  What makes him like that?  How can he be that way?  How does he pull it off?  He looks good, he smells good, he’s smooth, he’s cool, he’s suave, he has a pretty smile and pretty eyes and great hair.  He has a corny sense of humor but it works for him.  He has complete inner confidence and complete outer beauty.”

        “So you jumped him.”

        “You could say that.  I wanted him, I was so drawn to him, I felt like I had to be with him.  I’d never been with a guy before, but when I talked him into letting me kiss him, and we made out until my balls turned blue, I didn’t care if I was gay; I’d be a flag-bearer in a gay pride parade if it meant I could be near Howie again.  And then at the awards show he said hi to me, and that was all the encouragement I needed.  I went to his room, and he let me in, and it was over from there.”

        “I remember you freaking out after that.”

        “Yeah, there was some confusion and a little bit of fear.  I’ll admit it.  But Howie was cool.  He knew I wasn’t in my right mind, or he knew that I’ve never been in my right mind, and he let me take my time.  And once I was ready to admit what was really going on, that I’m not straight and I do want him and I do love him, he asked me for a commitment.  And I was Howie D.’s boyfriend.  Little old me.”

        “If he asked you for a commitment, either he’s kind of sinister and likes to play with people’s emotions, or he really did like you a lot from way back then.”

        “My charming wit swept him off his feet.”

        “I’m sure that was it.”

        “I fell for Howie very hard and very fast.  I was head over heels in love with him at three hundred eighty-third sight.  I don’t know why it struck me then and not before or after.”

        “What was going on then?”

        “98 Degrees got shot.”

        “You think that was a wake-up call?  A reminder to get on with your life and live it to the fullest, because that could have been us?”

        “It probably should have been us.”

        “I’ve thought the same thing.”

        “If it had been us, I don’t know if we’d have gone back onstage like they did.  I don’t know if we’d ever have gone back on tour.”

        “We would have,” Joey said.

        “It’s not fair to you,” Chris said.  “You haven’t done anything.  Neither have we, but people are after us for a reason.  You’re completely innocent.”

        “I’m not more innocent than any one of you,” Joey said.  “That’s bullshit.”

        “Joey’s the best friend in the whole world,” Chris said, and took a moment to mock-sniffle on Joey’s arm.  “I really don’t know if we’d have come back from it, though.  JC might have left *NSYNC to keep Justin safe.”

        “It’s kind of weird,” Joey said.  “We all used to put *NSYNC first, all five of us.  Now I’m the only one left who still feels that way.”

        Chris was quiet.  When he looked up again, he looked like he’d been hurt.  “Joey, that’s the suckiest, most painful thing you’ve ever said.  Because it’s true.”

        “Sorry.”

        “What about Lance?” Chris asked.

        “He would have put AJ first.  Now he’d probably put *NSYNC first again, but it’s not the same.”

        “I’d like to say I’d still put *NSYNC first before everything, but I’d be lying,” Chris said.  “I hate you for making me admit it.”

        “Howie comes first for you,” Joey said.  “You really love him.”

        “I’m not saying I would ever ditch you guys for him.  I’m not saying I would ever leave *NSYNC for him.”

        “He comes first in your heart,” Joey said.  “That’s okay, Chris.  It’s a good thing.”

        “I think with JC and Justin putting each other first, it was different.  They’re us, they’re in *NSYNC.  But AJ and Howie are outsiders, and it’s almost wrong to think of anyone else coming before us.”

        “But you love him.”

        “But I love him,” Chris admitted.  “I love him, he’s the Justin to my JC, the Romeo to my Juliet, the Elmer to my Fudd.  He’s beautiful-perfect and he’s my fantasy come true.  I want to be with him for the rest of my life.”

        “I thought he was the JC to your Justin.”

        “Emotionally, he’s the Justin to my JC, because I’m obsessed and he’s the object of my obsessions.  In bed, he’s the JC to my Justin because he made me break furniture.”

        “Okay.”

        “Someday you’re going to find someone to love, and you’ll love her so much she’ll start to mean more to you than we do.”

        “It’s hard to imagine,” Joey said.  “Really hard to imagine.”

        “Hey, D.”

        “AJ.  Are you still in Montreal?”

        “Yes, and there is this store two blocks down that sells the-”

        “How much did you spend, AJ?”

        “I don’t know, I’ve been there three different times.  I got this new hat, you have to see it, and these pants that - - oh, and I got some shades for you, Howie, you’re going to love them, and the smoothest coat for Kevin, and this shirt for Nick with these-”

        “I’m glad you’re having a good time, AJ.  Now tell me what’s really going on.”

        “How’s short and sweet?”

        “He’s fine.”

        “Rumor has it you made him break furniture.”

        “AJ, how do you know about that?”

        “Nick told me.”

        “How does Nick know?”

        “Brian couldn’t have told him, so my guess is either JC or Justin.”

        “Justin,” Howie said.  “Have you ever broken furniture during sex?”

        “I ripped the sheets once.  They literally ripped right in my hands.  It’s really hard to tear sturdy fabic.”

        “Chris pulled a light fixture out of the wall.  It was over the headboard, and he was holding onto it.”

        “What were you doing to him?”

        “Making love to him.”

        “More specifically?”

        “That’s none of your business.”

        “Okay.”

        “How long are you staying in Montreal?”

        “I don’t know.  It doesn’t matter.  Regret eats me from the inside out no matter where I am.  I’m thinking of going to see Nick again.”

        “You should.”

        “Or duh, stupid, I’ll come see you.  You’re home, I won’t be interrupting your time with Chris.  Invite me over, Howie.”

        “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

        “Why not?  I’m rejuvenating and gathering strength, strategizing on how to get what I want.  What better place to do it than with you, my best friend of, what, eighty years now?”

        “You know I love you, AJ.”

        “I know this.”

        “You can’t come here right now.”

        “Why not?”

        “How many reasons do you want?”

        “I have all day.”

        “You’re on shaky emotional ground.  The last time you felt like this, you jumped Kevin.”

        “I did not jump Kevin.  I invited him to jump me.  And that is not remotely the same.”

        “The two of us alone, unsupervised, with no one knowing you’re in town, and Chris miles away.  You’d try to get in my bed, AJ.”

        “You can say no.”

        “I’m saying no now.  AJ, even if we didn’t do a thing, even if I never touched you, I still can’t do that to Chris.  And I’m not going to work around that by inviting you here and then not telling him about it.”

        “Doesn’t he trust you?”

        “I’ve never given him good reason to trust me.  I’m going to start now.”

        “This still leaves me out in the cold, but good for you, Howie.”

        “You should go visit Nick.”

        “Maybe I’ll visit Brian.”

        “Stop starting trouble, AJ.”

        “What trouble?  Trouble?  Me?”

        “No, AJ, of course not.  What was I thinking?”

        “When Chris is back in town, then can I come see you?” AJ asked.

        “Yes.”

        “I promise I won’t try to get in your bed.”

        “Thank you.”

        “You could try to get in mine.”

        “Don’t flatter yourself, AJ.”

        “All right.  You have fun sitting around waiting for your boyfriend to come home.  I’ll be here, getting my shit together, preparing for my grand entrance.”

        “Have fun with that.”

        “Last time you checked, he’s still in love with me, right?”

        “Yes.”

        “Good.”  AJ’s voice strengthened.  “That’s the way it should be.”

        “Hey.”

        Nick watched people walking around.  “I feel like calling Brian.”

        “Yeah.”

        “Oh, I forgot.”  Nick twisted the ring off of his finger.  “This belongs to you.”  He handed Drew the engagement ring.

        Drew looked at it, then back at Nick.  “No, you should keep it.”

        “No, it’s okay.  It’s yours.  You should wear it.”

        “I don’t want it back.”

        “Yes, you do.”

        “Yes, I do, but I like seeing it on you.  It looks good on you.”  Drew tried to hand it back to him.

        Nick wouldn’t take it.  “It’s yours.”

        “It’s ours.”

        “It’s your engagement ring from your engagement to Brian.”

        “Take it.”

        “No.”

        “Take it,” Drew insisted.

        “No.”

        “Take it!”

        “No!”

        “Do I need to separate you two?” Jeff asked.

        “Drew’s being stubborn,” Nick said.

        “Nick won’t accept what belongs to him,” Drew said.

        “It doesn’t belong to me!” Nick said.

        Drew looked at him.

        Nick wondered if maybe he’d sounded a little too upset.

        Jeff had the grace to slip away again.

        “It’s ours,” Drew said.

        “You and Brian got married, you and Brian got engaged, you and Brian have the marriage and the rings.  I can’t wear your ring and pretend it’s mine.  All it does is remind me of what I don’t have, of what I’m pretending to share.”

        “Nick-”

        “It’s a great ring, Drew, and I would love to keep it.  Wearing it makes me feel good and warm inside. But it’s fake warmth.  It’s false good.  That is not my ring.”

        “It is your ring,” Drew said.

        “How?” Nick demanded.

        “It just is!  I can’t explain it.  It belongs to all three of us.  The three of us are one unit, connected, complete, like a circle.  Brian and I can’t do this without you.  You are our love.  You’re the reason we got married.  You’re the reason we’re together at all.  This ring has Brian’s name inside, and if there is anyone with Brian’s name etched on every inner surface, it’s you.  Brian’s name is written all over you inside.”

        Okay, that was probably true.

        “Let’s make a deal,” Drew said.  Nick looked at the shifting flecks of green in his eyes.  “I’ll take the ring back if I get to give you something else.”

        Nick thought about it.  “Give me what?”

        “Something.”

        He thought some more.  It couldn’t be bad.  It would probably be romantic.  It might even be sex.  He trusted Drew.  “Okay.”

        “You have to agree to accept it and not try to get rid of it.”

        Did he trust Drew that much?  The little green flecks were very pretty.  “Okay.”

        Drew slid his ring back on.  There was a line on his finger where the ring belonged, resting above the wedding band.  Brian’s ring finger had the same faint grooves.

        “What are you giving me?” Nick asked.

        Drew’s eyes did a quick sweep of the room.  “Not here.  After sound check, in the venue.”

        “Okay.”  He could wait.

        Drew kissed him and went to work.

        Nick missed the ring already.  It had felt good, and it had meant things.  Good, strong, secure things, and happy sparkling scary-bright things.  But it didn’t belong to him, and it never really would.

        He still wanted to be engaged to Drew and Brian, though.  He might not take their rings; he might buy new ones.  But then if they wore his engagement ring, they’d have three rings on one finger, and that wouldn’t work.  Maybe he could be on the right hand.

        That might work.

        He wanted to get engaged to them individually, but he wanted to wait until they were all home.  He didn’t want to be engaged to Drew on the road without Brian.

        He wasn’t sure which one of them to ask first.  Brian before Drew?  Drew before Brian?  Chronological order?  Alphabetical order?

        He’d have to put something on the inside of these rings, too, but what?

        And what was Drew going to give him in the venue?

        Joey was the only witness when it happened.

        Lance was on the phone, fighting over the scheduled studio dates for the Sentimental Fools.  Joey was always impressed when Lance turned business like that.  When the call ended, Lance looked frustrated, and Joey was about to say something, when JC strode in, all long strides and regal attitude.  He walked right up on Lance, planting his right hand against the wall, left hand taking Lance’s jaw and forcing Lance’s head back, just the way Lance had grabbed Justin.

        JC leaned in nice and close, half-whispering, half-snarling in Lance’s ear.  “Don’t you ever touch him again.”  Lance tried to answer, and JC only tightened his grip, tilting Lance’s head back farther.  Joey watched Lance’s voicebox move as Lance swallowed.  “You do not touch him.  You do not lay a finger on him.  You do not yell at him.”  Again, Lance tried to answer, and JC forced his jaw up higher.  Joey could see the strain in Lance’s neck.  “Do not touch him ever again.  No one touches Justin.  I don’t allow it.”

        Lance’s eyes had closed, and his hands were clenching and unclenching at his sides.  He didn’t protest.

        “I love Justin,” JC said.  “When I know that he’s been hurt, I’m hurt.  When I see a bruise on him, I feel bruised.  When I know that my best friend has damaged the beauty of what’s most precious to me above all else, I have a problem.  But I know that it won’t happen again.”  JC let go.  “As soon as you apologize to him, I’ll consider the whole thing forgotten.”  JC left.

        Lance lowered his head, rubbing his chin.

        Joey got up and went over to Lance, gently massaging his jaw.  “Sorry about that.”

        “Yeah,” Lance said.

        “Are you going to apologize to Justin?”

        “Yeah.  I’m not really sorry, and I know Justin doesn’t expect an apology, but if it’ll make things easier with JC, I’ll do it.  And I am sorry, because I could have handled it better, but I was so damned frustrated with them.”

        “I know.”  Joey felt bad for Lance, because he understood why Lance had yelled at Justin.  He also knew Lance shouldn’t have done it.  He rubbed the side of Lance’s neck.

        “I’m okay, Joey,” Lance said.

        Joey dropped his hand.  “You think he left bruises on you to match the ones you put on Justin?”

        Lance touched his jaw where JC’s fingers had been grinding his flesh down to the bone.  “Probably.”

        “He still...this doesn’t mean anything,” Joey said, wanting Lance to understand.

        “I know,” Lance said.  “I’m okay, Joey.  This wasn’t about me and JC as friends.  This was about a threat to his beloved baby.”  Lance’s voice twisted over the last words.

        “Anything happening to Justin makes JC freak out.  He still...he still loves you.”

        “Yeah.”  Lance looked away.

        Joey wanted to make it okay, but didn’t know how.  He reached out-

        -and Lance turned aside.  “I’d better go apologize to JC’s baby.”  He left.

        Joey hurt and he didn’t know why.

        One of those two needed an off button.

        Chris got up.  He’d long ago become accustomed to removing himself from the scene when JC and Justin got started.  And, hey, no one was around, no one needed him to sign anything or sing anything.  That meant that it was time to call Howie.

        It was possible that he was calling Howie too often.

        No, it wasn’t.

        “Hello?”

        “Why, hello, young man.  How are you this fine day?”

        “Chris.”  Howie’s voice was warm.  Chris wrapped himself in it and got cosy.  “How are you?”

        “We always talk about how I am.  How are you?” Chris asked.

        “We always talk about how I am,” Howie contradicted.  “Let’s talk about you.”

        “Let’s pick a new topic.”

        “What would you like?”

        “How’s AJ?”  Chris didn’t know why he did these things to himself.  Maybe he enjoyed self-inflicted pain.

        “AJ’s fine,” Howie said.  “He’s trying to stay confident.”

        “So you’ve seen him.”  Pain, pain, pain.

        “I talked to him on the phone,” Howie said.  “He’s out of the country.”

        “Are you going to see him?”

        “No.  I’m not going to see him at all until he comes back after you’ve come home.”

        “He’s not coming to see you?”

        “He wanted to, and I’d really like to see him, but I asked him not to come, and he agreed.”

        “You asked AJ not to visit you?”

        “Yes.”

        “Isn’t he your best friend?”

        “Yes.”

        “Your best friend, your former lover, off in hiding for a journey of self-discovery, he wants to see you and you told him not to come.”

        “I knew it would make you uncomfortable if he were here.  You don’t know if you can trust me, and Lance has been telling you I’m cheating.  I don’t want you to doubt me, so I’m going to do my best to make sure you don’t have reason to.”

        “AJ wants to visit you, and you told him not to, because you know I’d be jealous and panicked.”

        “Yes.”

        “You said no.  To AJ.  For me.”

        “Yes.”

        “Not only are you being faithful to me, you’re making sure there won’t be any doubts or jealousy or misunderstandings.”

        “Yes.”

        “So if you think about it, if you look at it in a certain light, you chose me over AJ.”

        “Yes.”

        “Please hold.”  Chris lowered the phone, took a deep breath, and jumped up and down in a circle, screaming.

        “What is wrong with him?” Justin asked.

        Chris stopped to catch his breath.  “Howie?”

        “Yes?”

        “Thank you.”

        “It’s a start,” Howie said.

        “God, I’m so freaking in love with you,” Chris said.  “Damn you for getting better and better.”

        “I love you, too, Chris.”

        “AJ McLean can suck my hairy balls!  Howie likes me best!”

        “Chris.”

        “Yeah?”

        “Can I suck your hairy balls, too?”

        “Whoa.  I was not ready for that.  Hold on.  Feeling faint now, with the blood rushing out of my head and down to other places.  Howie, I love you so much, I would cut them off and mail them to you if you wanted them.”

        “Keep them where they are.  I like them there.”

        “Thanks.  Grew them myself.”

        “Excellent work.”

        Chris raised his voice to make an annoucement.  “Attention, everyone.  Howie Dorough wants my body.  My official status as the Luckest Man Alive is in full effect.  I repeat: Howie Dorough wants my body.”

        “I can’t wait to see you,” Howie said.

        “Ditto.  And for the record, I want your body, too.”

        “Chris, that secret’s been out.”

        “Dang!  Who told?”

        Drew closed the door and sat on the sofa.

        Nick sat beside him, wondering what Drew might want to give him if not sex.  Drew wasn’t holding anything.

        Drew turned sideways on the sofa, one foot tucked up, facing Nick.  Nick turned to face Drew, too.  Drew put one hand on Nick’s knee and looked into his eyes.  “You know that I love you.”

        “Yes,” Nick said, because he believed it.  It had become one of the truths he’d learned to carry with him always, that he could trust in no matter what, like the sky was blue, gravity worked, JC loved Justin, the sun rose in the east, and Brian was beautiful.

        “I love you very much,” Drew said.

        “Thank you,” Nick said.  “I love you, too.”

        “My love for you and your love for me, our relationship, everything that you mean to me, is more than I can explain.  I’ve tried, a few times, to tell you how important, how special, how vital you are to my life.”

        “Vital,” Nick repeated.  Strong word.

        “I want to give you something.  It is the most precious, most meaningful, most powerful tangible thing I have ever had.  I want to give it to you.”

        “Are you sure about this?” Nick asked.

        “Yes,” Drew said.  “I want you to keep it for me.  Some part of me will feel better knowing that it’s always with you.”

        “If you’re sure,” Nick said.  “What is it?”

        “Close your eyes.”

        He trusted Drew.  Nick closed his eyes.  He listened, but he didn’t hear anything.  He tried to guess what the most important tangible thing Drew had was.  He’d already taken Drew’s body.  Maybe it was...  No, Nick had no idea.

        “Open your eyes,” Drew said.

        Nick opened his eyes, and saw Drew.  He looked down, and something spasmed inside.  “No.”

        “I want you to have this,” Drew said.  “I want you to keep it for me.”

        “No,” Nick said.  It was sacred.  He couldn’t.  He’d never even tried it on.

        “Please,” Drew said, and pressed it into his hand.

        Nick didn’t even want to hold it or look at it now.  He tried to give it back to Drew, but Drew’s hands held his hand closed in a fist.  “No,” Nick said, wanting to push Drew away, or pull away himself.

        “Listen to me,” Drew said.  Drew’s left hand stayed with his hand; Drew’s right hand came to the side of his face and guided him back so he’d look at Drew.  “Listen,” Drew repeated, and he raised his eyes to Drew’s face.  “I don’t know what this ring means to you.  All I know is what it means to me.  I’ve never given you anything out of pity, only out of love.  I’m not doing this to make up for something, or as a gesture.”

        Nick tried to listen, but he couldn’t hear right when he was holding Drew’s wedding ring.  Brian and Drew’s love was burning inside his clenched fist, louder than the sound of Drew’s voice.

        “I love Brian,” Drew said.  “I...love...Brian.  I’m still learning him, because it’s impossible to uncover all of his layers and corners at once.  He is one of the most beautiful creatures, one of the most special people, blessed and silly and talented and simple and complex, that I will ever have the privilege to meet.  I don’t want to say that he’s perfect because he isn’t, but that’s what makes him human.  His humility, his humanity, only draw me closer.”

        If he opened his hand, would the ring be glowing?

        “Brian and I share a special bond.  We...  He’s...  We understand each other.  I know that I can count on him to keep a level head and make the right decision and use his common sense when we’re either too scared or too horny.  He’s there for me when I need him, in the middle of anything.  We came to each other as equals.  He was your history, your heart, your first love, and I was the one you’d come to, the one you’d chosen.  We should have been enemies, but we never were.  I should have hated him for having hurt you, but I saw how much you still loved him, and I saw in his eyes that he loved you, that he longed for you.  I couldn’t hate him because I understood that.  I’ve always understood that.”

        But this was Drew’s ring, their ring.

        “We understood each other, and we trusted each other.  I would have given him back to you, and he would have left you with me.  But that wouldn’t have been enough.  It wouldn’t have been everything you deserved.  Nick, we only wanted you to be happy.  We loved you.  We loved you, and you loved us, and we loved each other but our love wouldn’t have been complete without you.  We took those final steps because of you, because through you we found our own love for each other.”

        Their love.

        “When Brian touches me, I fall in love with him.  When Brian touches me, I let him be my guide.  When Brian touches me, I feel his love for me in his touch, but I also feel his love for you.  I feel it.  I don’t know how, but his love for you is so ingrained in him that his hand on my flesh echoes with the memory and desire of his hand on your flesh.  I wouldn’t want it any other way.  When I kiss Brian, I kiss the man who holds your heart, and I like that.  His connection to you is so strong you’re a part of him.  He’s a part of you.  When I married Brian, I didn’t marry only Brian.  I also married his love for you.  He did the same.”

        Their marriage.  Their connection.

        “Brian told me once that sometimes he looks at me and sees me as my own person.  Sometimes he looks at me and sees me as your property.  He likes both sides of me.  You didn’t have to share me with him, but you did.  You didn’t have to encourage him to go to me, but you did.  And Brian and I, our relationship...  I love him for who he is, but some of what he is, half of who he is, is about you.  His love for you, his connection to you, what you mean to him, what he means to you.  He loves me who for I am, and half of who I am is regular old Drew Lachey, and half of who I am is Nick’s Drew.  Your Drew.  In love with you and loved by you.”

        Their love.

        “This ring is the most important object, the most meaningful tangible item, that has been in my life.  It symbolizes my relationship with Brian, our love, our marriage, our commitment to each other.  Something inside of me would feel very, very good, secure and happy somehow, to be able to look across a room and see it safe on your finger.  Our love is you.  Our commitment to each other is a commitment to you.”

        Their commitment.

        “I love Brian more deeply and more strongly than any song lyrics will ever explain.  The only one who can understand that is you.  You know why my heartbeat stutters when I hear his voice.  You know why I can feel almost a physical presence of my soul when he kisses my lips and whispers his love.  You know why making love to Brian and entering his body makes me feel closer to God than I’ve ever been.”

        Nick nodded.  Yes.  He knew.

        “My relationship with Brian is a partnership of equals.  It’s spiritual and it’s sexual and it’s romantic and it’s human and it’s grounded in you.  I love Brian on his own, as a person, complete and individual; and he loves me just the same.  But our united love, our shared love, is in you.  Comes from you.  And as much as this ring means to me - - and it means everything to me - - every time I see it on my own finger, I think that it should be on yours.”  Drew’s thumb rubbed over Nick’s knuckles.  “I want you to keep it for me, and wear it for me.”

        Nick kissed Drew, making love deep within Drew’s mouth, putting his hand on Drew’s back for support as he leaned forward for a better angle.  After a heartbeat of surprise Drew responded with an open kiss, holding onto Nick’s shoulders, giving a slow moan as Nick lowered him to his back.  Nick clutched the ring in one hand, feeling Drew’s fingers work through his hair, sharing Drew’s passion.  He wanted to make love to Drew, he wanted to enter and join.  Nick tugged at Drew’s pants.

        “No,” Drew gasped, tilting his head back to break their kiss.  “Nick, wait.”

        Nick kissed Drew’s exposed neck, kissed under Drew’s chin, and started to pull Drew’s pants down.

        “No, wait,” Drew said, pushing Nick’s hands away, trying to sit up.

        Nick backed up, giving Drew room, running his free hand through his hair to put it back in order.

        “That was not the reaction I expected to get,” Drew said.  “It felt good.  Does this mean you’re accepting the ring?”

        “I don’t want to,” Nick said.  “I’d rather you keep it.  But everything you just said, I can’t deny any of it.  I can’t refuse you anything.  You love Brian, and you love me, and you see the layers and the twisting of it, of how the three of us have relationships inside relationships.  This ring belongs to you.  It’s your ring for your marriage.  But if you want me to have it...”

        “You’ll take it?” Drew asked.

        “Drew, it’s...  It’s sacred.  You know what it means to you, but you don’t understand what it means to me.  This ring is sacred.  Your union with Brian is sacred.  This is...  He’s so careful with it, he...  I know I won’t lose it or...  But are you sure you can trust me with it?  Me?  Brian holds all my important stuff for me so I won’t lose it.  This whole last tour they only let me carry cash after I walked out of the store and left my credit card behind for the second time.  I break my glasses three times a year.”

        “I trust you,” Drew said.  “It isn’t even the ring that matters so much as what it means to us.  And everything it means to us has its place with you.”

        “You sound like Brian.”

        Drew kissed him, soft and intimate, and he pressed Drew down into the cushions again.  This time he had Drew’s shirt pushed up and his hand between Drew’s thighs through Drew’s pants, Drew’s hand on his ass, before Drew told him to stop.

        Nick sat up again.

        Drew sat up, too, looking considerably more flushed this time, pulling his shirt back into place.  “Put it on,” Drew said.

        “What’s Brian going to say?” Nick asked.  “He probably wants you to keep it yourself, so when he sees this he’ll be upset about it, but he wouldn’t have the heart to tell me to give it back.”

        “I think that he’ll be touched,” Drew said.  “He’ll probably say something romantic and kiss your hand.”

        “You think so?”

        “Yes,” Drew said.  “I wouldn’t do this if I didn’t think he’d agree to it.”

        “Okay.”  Nick uncurled his fingers and looked at the gold band in his palm.  He looked at Drew again.  “You’re sure about this?”

        “Yes,” Drew said.

        “I’ll give it back any time you ask for it.”

        “Thank you, but I won’t ask for it.”

        Nick looked at it again.  “It’s glowing.”

        “It’s not glowing.”

        “It is.”

        “It’s not.”  Drew touched Nick’s hand.  “May I put it on you?”

        Nick looked at Drew.

        Drew waited.

        “Okay,” Nick said.  He was even more nervous, now.  This was a little too much.  Drew took the ring from him and turned his hand.  He held still.  He held his breath.  Drew took his hand and slid the ring onto the third finger of his left hand.  The official finger.  It fit.

        Drew squeezed his hand.

        Nick started to breathe again.

        “Nickolas Gene Carter,” Drew said, “I love you.”

        Nick’s heart pounded.  “Andrew John Lachey, I love you.”

        Drew kissed him.  A wedding kiss.  Nick felt it.  It hurt all the way inside, as deep as Drew loved him.

        Lance came in and sat beside Justin on the sofa.  Chris was still on the move, not lingering close to Justin for any length of time, out of respect for Justin’s lust vibe.  Apparently Lance wasn’t aware of the vibe.  Or else Lance didn’t care.  Or else Lance was still bold enough to be stupid.  If Lance wanted to be sucked into Justin’s web of desire, that was up to Lance.  If JC saw and got jealous, it was Lance’s dick under the knife, not Chris’s.

        “Hey,” Justin said, giving Lance a smile full of teeth.

        “Hey,” Lance said, giving Justin the smile he gave the guys Joey brought back to the hotel for him.

        This was new.  Chris watched more closely.  He knew that, as Lance’s best friend, he should make more of an effort to save Lance’s ass.  But Lance knew what he was getting into, and didn’t seem inclined to stop.  As long as JC and Justin weren’t telling Lance to screw himself, Chris wanted to see how far Lance might get.  He didn’t believe for a minute that this situation would do lasting damage to anyone’s friendship.

        JC and Justin loved Lance too much to let that happen.

        Chris was sure of it.

        And Lance was too smart.

        Chris was sure of it.

        Very, very sure of it.

        Or so he thought.

        At any rate, Justin was saying hi, and Lance was saying hi, and Justin was asking what was going on, and Lance was apologizing.

        “...no right to speak to you like that,” Lance said.  “I’m sorry, Justin.  It wasn’t my place, and it’s none of my business.”

        “You were right,” Justin said.  “I needed to hear it.  It’s true, and no one’s had the balls to tell me.  Thank you for slapping me around.  It’s saved me from doing a lot more damage to my relationship with JC.”

        “That’s good,” Lance said.  “You two belong together.  I hate to see you fight like that.”  His hand was on Justin’s forearm.

        “I haven’t always treated JC very well,” Justin said.  “I demand too much from him and take too much for granted.  I know what he’s given me.  I know what he’s done for me.  There are no limits.  I need to let him know how much I appreciate that.”

        Lance’s hand had done a slow, warm slide up to Justin’s elbow.  “I know you will.  He does it all because he loves you.”

        “I love him,” Justin said.  “I have to start acting like it every day.  I can’t take JC for granted.  He does too much for me.”

        “Not more than you deserve,” Lance said with a smile.

        Justin smiled back.  “I’m not that hot.”

        Lance’s smile grew less open but somehow more intimate.  More suggestive of something heated and erotic.  “Yes, you are.”

        Justin laughed.

        Chris pinched his own arm.  No, this was reality.  Lance was coming on to Justin, and Justin either didn’t realize it or didn’t mind it.  Lance was coming on to Justin?  What?  Why?  Was this part of some nefarious plot, or was Lance plain old out of his flipping mind?

        Lance was leaning in close, talking softly, offering casual smiles now and then like he wasn’t using his best bedroom voice on purpose.  Justin was engaged, listening and responding, giving Lance his full attention.  Instead of Justin’s elbow, now Lance had a hand on Justin’s knee.  Chris was surprised Lance didn’t go for it and try to grab Justin’s dick.  This act wasn’t much more subtle.

        Shit, JC!  Chris had to get Lance out or JC would witness this, the shit would hit the fan, and they’d end up holding auditions for a new bass.  Chris coughed and asked, “Lance, did Marie ever find you?”

        “What?” Lance asked.

        “Marie was looking for you.  Something about some forms you had to sign...”  Chris made forceful shooing motions at Lance behind Justin’s head.

        “What?” Lance asked, having heard him correctly but not understanding the non-verbal communication.

        “Marie, forms, signature, I don’t know,” Chris said.  He mouthed, “JC is coming.”

        “Oh,” Lance said.  “Right.  I’d better track her down.”  He got up from where he’d been sitting as close to Justin as JC usually did.  He left seconds before JC walked in.

        “Hey, baby,” JC said, and leaned down, kissing Justin.

        “Lance apologized,” Justin said.  “Now you can stop ignoring him and treating him like dirt.”

        “He apologized?” JC asked.

        “Yes,” Justin said.  “Give him a break.”

        “If he told you he’s sorry, I have no problem with him,” JC said.  “I didn’t like the way he talked to you, baby, and I won’t have anyone bruising you.”

        “Well, I don’t like the way he...  I don’t like everything he does, but he’s our best friend,” Justin said.  “We take shit, we dish it out, and we’re still always there for each other.”

        “We are,” JC agreed, and kissed Justin again.  Justin pulled him down to where Lance had been, and soon they were into a full-fledged make-out session, Justin’s hand on JC’s ass, JC’s hand under Justin’s shirt, Justin starting to moan.

        Chris wondered if he were going to have to talk to Lance.  It didn’t look like anyone else wanted to, but someone should.  Maybe Joey would, if Chris begged.  Or bribed.  Or paid.

        He was wearing Drew’s wedding ring.  Drew wanted him to keep it.

        Drew’s wedding band.  Drew’s marriage to Brian.

        Drew was wrong.  It did glow.

        They’d had a lot of serious kissing and started some dirty groping, but he hadn’t gotten off, and his body was still attuned to Drew’s.  Nick understood and shared Drew’s passion for Brian, and he felt Drew’s passion for him, and all of that love and desire and blood-red white-hot need was building inside Nick as it was building inside Drew.  Nick’s emotional chaos - - loving hoping wishing having not having hurting rejoicing envying fearing denying - - was confusing Nick’s sexual wanting, and in the end all he was sure of was that he wanted to make love to Drew.

        When they made it to the hotel, everybody got off the elevator on the second floor, but Drew pulled Nick back.

        Nick looked around.  “We’re sleeping here tonight?  Won’t the other guests mind?”

        “We’re on the third floor,” Drew said, pushing the button to close the elevator doors.

        “Just us?” Nick asked.

        Drew squeezed his hand.  “Just us.”  They arrived at the third floor, and Drew took him down the hall to a room off in a corner.  Drew unlocked the door and led him inside.

        Had he been paying attention, Nick would have noticed the soft lighting.  Had he been given a chance, he would have seen the covered dishes, the champagne on ice, the vases of burgundy roses and red rosebuds.  But he didn’t catch any of that, because as soon as the door shut, Drew dropped his hand and reached up, pulling him closer, kissing him.

        There was an urgency to Drew’s kiss, an urgency in the way Drew said his name during quick breaks for air.  There was restless greed in the way Drew’s fingers twisted in Nick’s hair and pulled at Nick’s shirt.  There was nothing subtle in the way Drew’s hands rubbed over Nick’s thighs, Nick’s ass.

        Nick felt it, too.  He wanted to make love to Drew now, wanted to be inside Drew now.  He might have taken Drew on the floor, but he remembered that they were in a hotel, in a room with a bed.

        Nick gripped the backs of Drew’s thighs and lifted.  Drew wrapped around him, knees rising to Nick’s hips, and Nick carried Drew the few short feet to the bed.  He dropped Drew, taking the moment of separation to yank at Drew’s clothes.  He had Drew naked and under his body, clinging to him and moving against him, eager to be fucked and eager for his kiss.  “Where’s the lube?”

        Drew made an irritated, dismissive sound, mouth mating with Nick’s tongue.  He couldn’t be bothered with trifles now.  Hot, bold hands found Nick’s fly.

        Nick put his hand on Drew’s chest to hold Drew at bay.  He could feel the furious beat of Drew’s heart.  “Where’s the lube?”

        “We don’t-”

        “If you don’t give it to me, I won’t fuck you,” Nick said.

        No more words were needed.  Drew twisted free from under him and got up to open suitcases.

        Nick stood and stripped.  He watched Drew come back, all naked muscular perfection, cock thick and hard.  Drew handed him the lube and kissed him, right back into it, mixing his name with greedy, passionate sounds.

        Nick pushed Drew onto his back.  When Nick rubbed his wet finger against Drew, Drew didn’t wait to be teased; Drew pushed against him greedily, taking him in, muscles closing around his finger.

        Nick did it fast, opening Drew up for his dick, bumping Drew’s prostate carelessly, only wanting to get his dick in that tight heat.  He pulled his finger free, grabbing a pillow and shoving it under Drew’s hips, lifting Drew’s leg over his shoulder.

        Drew offered himself without reservation, moaning with the anticipation of it, starting to writhe in unfulfilled need when the head of Nick’s dick nudged up against him.

        Nick thrust in.  He didn’t stop to cherish the tight slide, didn’t pause to enjoy the exquisite heat, didn’t pause for Drew’s reaction.  He thrust in, pulled out, and thrust in again.

        Drew’s hand clutched at Nick’s back, Nick’s ass.  He gasped at random in between hard panting, rocking against the force of Nick’s thrusts.

        Nick tugged at Drew’s elbows, pulling them down.  He mated their hands, pinning them over Drew’s head.  Drew’s eyes closed as Drew’s torso twisted, fingers tensing against Nick’s.  A bead of sweat dropped from Nick’s jaw to Drew’s, and when Drew’s eyes opened, Nick thrust harder, once, twice, three times.

        Hot spurts of white cum were splashed up Drew’s chest, and Drew was still making shivering moaning sounds, but Nick didn’t slow down.  He’d wanted to fuck Drew, and now he was fucking Drew, and he wasn’t going to stop until he had to.  He was so invested in the deep thrusts of his cock in Drew’s ass that his own mounting ecstasy was secondary.  Beneath him, Drew was a willing victim, breathing unevenly and holding Nick’s hands, consenting to be fucked forever.

        Nick fucked faster and watched Drew’s eyes shift colors.  He wanted to fuck Drew always.  He wanted to stay here and never stop.  He wanted to flip Drew over and fuck Drew from behind.  He wanted to-

        Pleasure slammed Nick’s spine, unleashing a wild cry from his throat, loosing streams of cum.  He hadn’t been ready, hadn’t even wanted it, but he had no way to prevent it from taking over.  Spent, wasted, Nick dropped onto Drew.

        They shifted their fingers to improve circulation, but they didn’t let go of each other’s hands.

        A few minutes passed.

        Nick decided to stop squashing and suffocating Drew, so he rolled to his side, taking Drew with him.  Drew pulled their clasped hands between their bodies, and kissed the ring Nick wore before kissing Nick himself.

        Nick let go of Drew’s hands to wrap his arms around Drew, to keep Drew close.

        Drew stroked Nick’s arms, his shoulders, his face.  Loving touch caressed Nick’s cheeks.  “I love you,” Drew said.  “Nick.”  Another kiss.  Drew was petting him, his hair, his back; smoothing his eyebrows, tracing the curves of his lips.  “I love you.  You are beautiful.  You are special.”

        Nick kissed Drew with soft love.

        “Let me get you a bath,” Drew said.  “I asked for a special private room so we could be romantic together, and we bypassed it all to screw like animals.”

        “I wanted to fuck you,” Nick said.  “I had to fuck you, and I could feel you wanting it, I could feel you wanting me to take you.”

        “I wanted it,” Drew agreed, and he shivered slightly at the memory.  “I brought you here so I could love you and make you feel special.”

        Nick kissed him.  “We can try again.”

        Slow, loving kisses.  “Stay here,” Drew said, and slipped out of the bed.

        Nick rolled over, stretching.  He heard water start in the tub.  He was wearing Drew’s wedding ring.  He looked at it, there on his finger.  He wondered what Brian would say.

        He wanted to fuck Drew again.  His cock loved Drew’s ass.  Loved it.  Sexy, tight, with that slight flutter and-

        Drew kissed his shoulder blade.  “Come on.”

        The tub was huge, with hot water and a lot of bubbles.  Nick sat down, and Drew got in with him, curling up on him. They stroked each other gently, just to be touching, and talked about nothing in between long, peaceful silences.  They kissed each other without intent, tongues touching innocently.  Nick was in love.

        Drew rubbed his palm up and down Nick’s forearm.  “How do you do that thing with the lube?”

        “What thing?”  He wrapped both arms around Drew’s waist.

        Drew’s head rested on Nick’s shoulder.  “When you do everything with one hand.”

        “Brian showed me.  It’s hard, because I can’t concentrate on doing it when the rest of me is trying to fuck you.  But he can do it like a pro.  Twist off the cap, position his hand just right, get the lube on one finger - - he can even get the cap back on.”

        “You’re kidding.”

        “I’m just a novice.  He is the master.”

        “Brian keeps surprising me.”

        “Yeah.”  Nick raised one hand and played with the bubbles.  “You’re a lot like him.”

        “I am?”

        “Yeah.  You’re even shorter, and more disciplined, but you’re both adult and romantic.  Neither one of you lets me get away with anything.”

        “We let you get away with a lot,” Drew said.

        Nick scooped up bubbles and dropped them on top of Drew’s head.

        Drew calmly returned the favor.

        There were a few rowdy minutes of fighting and splashing, where Drew got water all over the floor when Nick tried to drown him.  Then they were laughing, and then they were kissing, and then they whispered in each other’s ears about love, and Brian, and forever.

        Without words, Nick lifted Drew to straddle him, chest-to-chest.  He pushed his thumb inside Drew, watching Drew’s eyes darken, and guided Drew to the head of his erection.  The head went in, and Drew’s mouth opened, and Drew sat, slowly easing Nick deep within.

        They sat that way for a moment, breathing carefully, gazing into each other’s eyes, holding this piece of always.  Then Drew began to move.

        Sweat beaded on their skin amid drops of bathwater.  Nick didn’t move, but his heartbeat was wild.  Drew was slow and easy on his dick, hips rolling in a languid, steady rhythm.  Nick’s hands finally moved underwater to hold Drew’s hips, to support Drew’s spine.  Drew’s breath came in a slow, deep rise and fall to match his ride.  The water lapped gently at Drew’s sides.

        Drew leaned in, one hand on the back of the tub, and kissed Nick’s mouth, giving Nick his tongue.  “I love you,” he whispered against Nick’s lips.  “You can have me whenever you want me.”

        Nick’s breath caught.

        Drew kissed him again.  The speed of Drew’s ride increased, and Drew’s kiss deepened.  Drew’s hands were on Nick’s ribcage, giving him something to hold onto while he fucked himself gently on Nick’s hard cock.  He began to gasp and sigh, as though receiving pleasant reminders of ecstasy from the steady rub of Nick’s dick against his prostate.  He shifted positions, changing the angle slightly, and whispered, “Does that feel good?”

        “Yes,” Nick whispered, wanting to come, wondering whether he were allowed.  The constant friction on his cock as Drew rocked, the tight squeeze as Drew’s muscles contracted, the mere fact of Drew taking over, had his cock throbbing and his balls heavy.  This slow, intimate sex was more than he could stand.

        “Whenever you’re ready,” Drew whispered, answering the question he hadn’t asked.  The private love in Drew’s voice stroked places Nick hadn’t known he had, soft and soothing on tender places inside.  Drew tightened down on him, closing in on his dick, and he came, making a quiet noise of gratitude.  There were a few unbearable moments of prolonged pleasure as Drew rocked on him with excruciating slowness, but then there was new tension in Drew’s body, and Drew’s chin tipped up, and Drew’s eyes closed, and Nick felt him come.

        Drew gave him one last kiss, easing off of his dick, curling up in his lap again.  Drew cuddled in, eyes closing, and gave a soft little Drewnoise of contentment.

        Nick held Drew, thanking God for his treasure, until the water was cold.  Then they got up, and dried each other off, and got into bed with the food and champagne, feeding each other, toasting their love.  Nick gathered up the burgundy roses and plucked off the petals, covering Drew in them, insisting that it was romantic so Drew should hold still and be quiet.  Then Drew made love to him, and Drew promised to be his forever, and they fell asleep in a warm embrace, protected by their love, each of them clutching a rose petal in one hand.

        Nick glowered.

        Jeff set his jaw.

        Nick crossed his arms over his chest.

        Jeff crossed his arms over his chest.

        “Damn it!” Nick said, furiously uncrossing his arms.  “You always have to do that!  Make me do it first so you can do it second and show me up!  I hate that!”

        “It’s not my fault I’m more of a man than you are!”

        “You are not more of a man!” Nick shouted.

        Jeff raised his eyebrows.

        “Shut up!” Nick shouted.

        “I didn’t say anything.”

        “I know what you’re thinking.”

        “I was thinking about how much I love you.”

        Nick was taken aback by that statement.

        “And what a jerk you can be,” Jeff added.

        “I am not a jerk.  You’re a jerk!”

        “You’re trying not to laugh.”

        “I am not!  God!”  Nick picked up a pillow from the bed and threw it at the wall.

        Jeff picked up a pillow and threw it at Nick.

        Nick threw it back, harder.

        Jeff snatched the pillow up before it hit him.  “Would you just get in bed?!”

        “No!  I did not marry you to be at your sexual beck and call!  If you want to get off, masturbate!”  Nick hurled a pillow at Jeff’s head.

        Jeff threw one back at Nick.  “You’re sleeping on the couch tonight.”

        “No, I’m not!”  Nick threw the pillow at Jeff.

        “Yes, you are!”  Jeff threw it a little harder this time.

        “No, I’m not!”  Nick threw two in quick succession.  Then he realized that he had none left.  He glared at Jeff.  “I hate you.”

        “I asked you for sex.  You said no.  I asked you again.  You said no.  I tried, you pushed me away.  I won’t ask again.  If you ever want me, ever again, you’re going to have to ask me for it.  Beg me for it,” Jeff said.

        “In your dreams,” Nick said.

        “Sofa!” Jeff ordered.

        “No!  You sleep there,” Nick said.

        “No,” Jeff said.  “You’re going to, tonight and every night for the rest of this tour.”

        “I’d be happy to,” Nick said.  “I’d be happy to sleep anywhere as long as it’s not with you!”

        “Fine!”

        “Fine!”

        They glared at each other.

        “Oversexed lech,” Nick muttered.

        “Prima donna,” Jeff snapped.

        Shocked anger flared at the affront.

        Jeff’s clutch tightened on a pillow.

        Nick glared.

        Jeff glared.

        Nick turned his back and walked over to the sofa.  He lay down on his back, arms crossed, clenching his jaw.

        “It’s funny you didn’t marry me to be at, what did you call it, my sexual beck and call,” Jeff said.  “I only married you for sex in the first place.”  He threw a pillow at Nick.  “Sleep tight.”  He turned off the light and got in bed, ignoring Nick’s muttered curses.

        “Get out,” Joey said.  “I’m not playing JC and Justin with you.”

        “Be quiet,” Chris scolded, elbowing him in an effort to have enough room.

        “What do you want?” Joey asked.

        “You have to talk to Lance.”

        “I talk to Lance all of the time.”

        “You have to talk to him about what he’s doing.”

        “What’s he doing?”

        “Acting like an asshole and putting himself in mortal danger.”

        “Oh, that,” Joey said.

        “Yeah, that.”

        “You talk to him,” Joey said.

        “You do it.”

        “Why can’t you?”

        “He’s your best friend.”

        “He’s your best friend, too,” Joey said.

        “If I talk to him, he’ll get pissed off, he’ll bring up Howie and AJ and a bunch of shit, and we’ll end up fighting.  It won’t work.”

        “And if I talk to him, he’ll say, oh, wow, gosh, gee, Joey, I never thought of that, you’re right, I’ll never check out JC’s ass again,” Joey said.

        “Yep,” Chris said.  “Please, Joey?”

        “It’s not up to us.  JC or Justin should do it.”

        “Justin’s not doing it because he’s still trying to convince himself that Lance isn’t a threat.”

        “What about JC?”

        “I don’t know why he’s sitting on his ass,” Chris said.  “But he is, so we’re going to take care of it.”

        “I’m doing my part,” Joey said.  “I’m getting Lance out there, I’m showing him a good time, I’m giving him guys to screw around with.”

        “Yesterday after the interview when Justin was staying behind to talk some more, Lance followed JC to the bathroom.”

        “He had to piss.”

        “When I walked in, they were standing by the sinks, and Lance was playing with JC’s bracelets, stroking his wrist.  They were standing practically on each other.”

        “What?”

        “We have to do something.  We have to talk to him.  We tried to stay out of it, we tried to let him get over it, we tried the it’s-none-of-our-business approach.  When either JC or Justin gets fed up with it and starts breaking bones, it’ll end up being our business.  He’s our best friend.  They’re our best friends.  We have to talk to him.”

        “I have to talk to him,” Joey said.

        “Yes.”

        “Now?”

        “Before the tour’s over.”

        “Before the tour’s over,” Joey repeated.

        “You’ll do it?”

        Joey sighed.  “I hate this.  I don’t want to talk to him.  I don’t want to embarrass him.”

        “You also don’t want to see *NSYNC break up,” Chris said.

        “What about JC?” Joey asked.

        “What about him?”

        “He’s not trying to stop Lance.  It almost seems like...like he’s encouraging him.”

        “I don’t know,” Chris said.  “Maybe he thinks that if it’ll help Lance get over AJ, a little passive flirting won’t hurt.”

        “If Justin finds out-”

        “There’s nothing to find out.  JC loves Justin so much that Lance doesn’t even matter, not in that way.”

        “I’ll talk to Lance,” Joey said.  “I will.”

        “Good.”

        “Get out.”

        “Thank you, Joey.”  Chris gave Joey a big hug and fell out of the bunk.

        Joey rolled over, frowning.  He didn’t want to talk to Lance about Lance’s interest in JC.  It would be awkward and embarrassing.  On the other hand, watching Lance fuck up this hard without any sign of stopping was, well, it was kind of painful.  And it was making Joey worry.

        So, he’d talk to Lance.

        The last day.  The last night.  Right as the tour ended.  That’s when he’d do it.  Then JC and Justin would remember it as a strange tour phenomenon, and Lance could go home and duck out and recover on his own for a day or two, and it would all be over.

        Drew made a wanting sound and burrowed closer, pushing his dick into Nick’s stomach.

        Nick cuddled his Drew and went back to sleep.

        “Your bracelet,” Justin said.

        JC smiled.  “The one you gave me, baby.”

        Justin touched it, running his fingers over the pearls.  “You wore it the day before yesterday.”

        “Yes, I did.”

        “Did anyone say anything?”

        “About the bracelet?  Brian liked it.  Lance liked it.”

        “Lance?” Justin repeated.

        “He said he liked it and, baby, all I could think of was you, your generosity, the way you gave it to me.  Oh, Justin, all I could do was remember you, the way you moved, what you did for me...”

        “You were thinking about me?” Justin asked.

        JC kissed him, backing him against the wall, opening Justin’s pants.

        Nick scattered rose petals down onto Drew’s hair, watching them fall all over Drew.

        Drew patiently gathered them up.  “I’m not trying to give the housekeepers more to do.  They’re already going to be mad at us for the puddles in the bathroom.”

        “What do rose petals feel like on your dick?” Nick asked.  “They’re so smooth, I bet they’d feel good.  Why are you turning red like that?”

        “Sometimes they remind me of the head of Brian’s dick, only he’s silkier,” Drew said.  He went back to tying his shoes.

        “You already tied that one,” Nick said.

        Drew untied it, then tied it again.

        “You want to put your mouth on his dick?” Nick asked.

        “Yes,” Drew said, tugging at the laces.

        Nick put his fingers under Drew’s chin and lifted, getting Drew to look up at him.  “He wants to put his mouth on yours, too.”

        Drew’s cheeks burned.

        He’d only wanted to ask...  It had been a simple question...  He was moaning JC’s name, and JC sucked harder, liking the sound of it, rewarding him for it.  Justin tried to hold himself up, could feel his knees giving out.  He’d only wanted to ask JC about the other day because last night he’d heard Chris and Joey and he hadn’t liked what he’d heard so he’d decided to ask JC about it but now, now...

        JC’s hands cupped Justin’s naked ass as he sucked down Justin’s cum.

        “Thanks.”  Nick sipped, then grimaced.  “What is this?”

        “Tastes like dog feces.  That’s why I’m not drinking it.”

        “Here.  Go offer some to Jeff.”

        “He’s the one who suggested I give it to you.  He said you had a rough night.”

        “If I did, it’s his fault.”

        “No doubt.”

        “He made me sleep on the couch.  The couch!  I am not a prima donna.”

        “What’s going on?” Nick asked, joining them.  “Don’t drink that, it tastes like shit.  Jeff said you were upset and I should come and soothe your ego.”

        “I am not a prima donna!” Nick snapped.  “My ego is fine!  What he wants is someone to soothe his-”  He cut himself off and glowered into the coffee cup.

        “I’ll take this one,” Nick said to Justin.

        “Thanks,” Justin said, and departed.

        “Prima donna,” Nick said.  “Kevin’s called me and AJ that.  But Howie said it’s the term for those female opera stars back in the day.  I wouldn’t say you’re a prima donna.”

        “Thank you,” Nick muttered.

        “You’re an arrogant egotistical pop star who thinks he should get his way because he’s the star of the show,” Nick said.

        “What?  I am not!”

        “But Jeff likes that about you.  He loves you for it.  So don’t worry about it.  What’s really going on?”

        “Nothing,” Nick said.

        “Sounds like sex to me,” Nick said.  “You’re fighting over it?  You’re not giving him any?  Is this about hearing each other through the walls?”

        “It is rude to make your sex life public,” Nick said.  “It’s disrespectful.  And it robs you of the intimacy and privacy that makes making love the special - - don’t look at me like that.”

        “You were about to get poetic.  I wanted to hear more.”

        “I was not getting poetic.”

        “You were.  But think about it.  Your sex life with Jeff is naturally physical and athletic.  If you’re not rolling off the bed and kicking the headboard, how much fun will it be?  If you’re not moaning and groaning and calling out his name - - when I’m with Drew, I get off on how much he’s enjoying it.  If I can’t hear him enjoying himself, it’s not as good for me.  I know you and Jeff are the same way.”

        “We can enjoy ourselves quietly,” Nick said.

        “You’re not having polite clean sex,” Nick said.  “You’re having real, raw, athletic sex with lust and passion.  You’re having aggressive, masculine, testosterone-pumped sex.”

        “Right now, I’m not having any sex,” Nick said.

        “That won't last.  If you’re mad at Jeff, what are you doing this afternoon?  You chose a lousy time to pick a fight.  You have a whole day off and you can’t spend it gazing into his eyes.”

        “We were going to play football, and they were getting us VIP passes to a gym, and after that, we’re all splitting up to do whatever.”

        “Football?  Can I play?”

        “Sure, of course,” Nick said.  “Whose team do you want to be on?”

        “Not Drew’s.  I want to play opposite him so I can tackle him a lot.”

        “You can be on Drew’s team,” Nick said.

        “Damn it.”

        “I think I’ll put Jeff on your team, too, so you can’t tackle him.”

        “Damn it!  I was only going to cop a feel a few times.  So I can tackle you?”

        “No.  You play opposite Justin.  I think we’ll have to make it touch football.  And the touching is only allowed in certain areas.”

        “You suck.  This is how you spend your days off?  Playing football and hitting the gym?”

        “Usually we go shopping or we go out to eat or something,” Nick said.  “Why, what do you guys do?”

        “Nothing,” Nick said.  “Go shopping, play basketball, try to arrange a visit with family or something.”

        “Are you going to come to the gym with us, too?”

        “Yeah.  I guess I can stop hiding from Drew.  Justin’ll be there, too, so I won’t look too bad.”

        “You’ll look fine,” Nick said.  “You’ll look great.  Drew will love it.”

        Lance was standing there, on the phone.  He gave them a brief smile and turned his back.

        Justin didn’t know if he was angry or ashamed.  Probably some of both.  But he didn’t want to feel that way.  He didn’t want to have that response.  He was never ashamed to make love with JC.  Embarrassed by his own response, yes, but not ashamed of having been with JC, of having shown JC love, of having shared anything sexual and profound with his husband, his partner for life.

        Lance had been there for calling privacy, not to listen to them, not to eavesdrop.  Lance had just shown up, not stood there the whole time with an ear pressed to the door.

        At least, that’s what Justin tried to tell himself.

        He wanted to set Lance straight.  He wanted to say, “Lance, JC will never love you.  You will never be with him.  You don’t have a chance.  Give up!”  He wanted to say, “Maybe you thought that the two of you were sharing a moment in that bathroom, but he was thinking about me, just me, only me, and not you, so whatever you saw in his eyes, whatever look was on his face, was about him loving me and him wanting me.  It had nothing to do with you.”  He wanted to say, “Step back off my man, you sick wannabe motherfucker!  He’s mine and he’s staying with me and he doesn’t want you, so get your own man and your own life and stop hanging on mine!”  The name JC whispered at night was Justin, not Lance, and Lance needed to realize it.

        But Lance was his best friend.

        And Lance was JC’s best friend.

        Justin didn’t want to step in on JC and Lance’s friendship.

        Brian had shown a hell of a lot more subtlety and grace when Nick had hooked up with Drew, and Brian had had a hell of a lot fewer reasons to do so.

        Justin wondered how Brian had done it.  If he and JC split up, and he saw JC with someone else, he’d lose it.  Absolutely lose it.  Scream, cry, trash rooms, take a bat to the guy’s car, take a bat to the guy’s legs, take a bat to the guy’s face...

        He wondered what JC would do if JC saw him with another guy.  Either retreat into nothingness and become a pod person and let him do whatever he wanted because only his happiness mattered and what JC wanted was, therefore, meaningless; or JC would drag him back, sex him up, and make him promise undying devotion.

        He wanted JC to be confident enough and arrogant enough to fight for him.

        Of course, seeing him with someone else might drive JC insane, literally insane, and there was no telling what would happen then.

        JC touched his arm.  “What are you thinking about?”

        They’d talked about it before, but JC’s answers changed depending on what information JC thought that Justin should have.  “What would you do if you saw me with someone else?” Justin asked.

        “I’d kill him.  Or her,” JC said.

        The disturbing thing was, JC was smiling, but he was dead serious.

        Drew tilted his chin up, shifted his weight to his other foot, and smiled.  The smiles looked more natural if he really were happy, so usually he tried to think of something good.  Today, he was thinking about the way Nick laughed.  And snickered.  And giggled.  Nick really giggled, like a little boy, and Drew loved that about him.  Brian loved it, too.  Drew couldn’t guess which things produced which type of laughter in Nick; but Brian knew, and Brian would make Nick giggle, or snicker, specifically, on purpose.

        Brian and Nick were the perfect couple.  They loved each other and looked out for each other and meant so much to each other that Drew couldn’t imagine them not being together.  He couldn’t imagine one of them without the other.

        Drew got to do his single shots first.  He felt Nick’s eyes on him the whole time.  It wasn’t distracting, but he was aware of it, aware of Nick’s gaze, and that made him more aware of what he was doing, how he held his body.

        Drew wanted to see Nick and Brian in a photo shoot.  Brian, because he wanted to be there to help someone finally be able to catch on film all of the inner traits that the simple man on the outside only began to reveal: spirituality, desire, pride, passion.  And he wanted to watch Nick, because Nick had been bred for the camera.  Nick posed without realizing it, in everyday life; and then in front of the cameras, he was silly.  Bizarre.

        When Drew was finished, he washed the make-up off and changed back into his street clothes.  He took a second to talk to Nick, watched Jeff, and went to see Nick.

        As Drew approached, he saw that something was...not quite right.  Nick was still in the back corner, trying his best not to steal anyone else’s spotlight.  But his face was flushed, his shoulders were tense, and-

        -and he had a hard-on.  Not a full erection, but a slow tenting.

        Drew walked closer and nudged Nick’s foot with his.

        Nick looked up at him, startled, and then blushed even redder.  He slid over on the bench to make room, shifting his legs.

        “What were you thinking about?”

        “Nothing,” Nick said.  “You looked good up there.”

        Drew looked at him.

        “I wasn’t thinking about anything,” Nick said.  “Or anyone.  And if I was, it’s none of your business.”

        “I’m curious,” Drew said.  “I’m not going to get mad.”

        “Yes, you will.”

        “No, I won’t.”

        “It’s not my fault,” Nick said.  “Nick started it.  He and I were talking about sex, and making noise, and...  And I was having a great time sitting here watching you, but then my mind started wandering, and I started thinking about the way you let me fuck you last night.”

        “Let’s change the subject.”

        “You asked.”

        “I’ve learned my lesson.”

        “Hey, you should be grateful I was sitting here fantasizing about you.”

        “Who else would you be fantasizing about?”

        “Jeff is standing right over there, posing for the camera, wearing a shirt that shows off every muscle, giving the camera that ‘I know you want me’ look.”

        “Oh.”

        “You’re lucky I remembered you exist.”

        “Ha, ha.”

        “Jeff and Nick are fighting,” Nick said.

        “I noticed.”

        “It won’t last.”

        “Twenty-four hours,” Drew said.

        “Not that long.”

        “Why not?”

        “They’re fighting about sex.  All they have to do is have sex, and they’ll get over it.”

        “It’s not that simple.”

        “I know Jeff.”

        “I know Jeff!”

        “I know Nick.”

        “I know Nick!  What are you talking about?”

        “Oh, just because you’ve known him longer-”

        “He’s my brother!”

        “Oh, that’s right, whip out the old blood relation connection.  Forget it.  You’ll never know him like I do.”

        “Why not?”

        “It’s a Nick thing.  You wouldn’t understand.”

        “You’re impossible.”

        “And proud of it.  How soon can we get out of here?  I want to play touch football.”

        “No groping.”

        Nick snorted.  “Yeah, right.”