"Where You Belong"

Where You Belong, eighth in the "Living" series

Rating: NC-17 for graphic male-male sex

Pairings: Thus far we've had JC/Justin, Nick/Drew/Brian, Nick/Jeff, Nick/Drew/Brian/Nick/Jeff, AJ/Lance, AJ/Howie, AJ/Kevin, Chris/Howie, and partridge/pear tree.

Disclaimer: The young men who comprise the Backstreet Boys, *NSYNC, and 98 Degrees are their own people. The author has not met anyone here described, nor does the author mean to suggest that these people act this way in real life. This writing is a work of fiction. I make no money from this venture.

Dedication: This slashfic is for Ewan McGregor and the Savage Garden slashwriters.

Wherein Drew won't go behind Brian's back, AJ can screw anybody he wants, and could JC be mellowing?

Notice: First, read "I Need You Tonight," "Boy Lead the Way to Ecstasy," "Not Easy," "No One," "Rest in Peace," "Destiny," and "Together." I know it sounds like a lot, but it'll only take you an hour or two.

“Hi, this is Joey.”

“Suck my big fat dick, you homophobic bastard prick.”

Joey stared at his phone. Asshole! What the hell was Howie telling people? He did not need abusive Backstreet Boys calling him up to tell him off. Where did they get off being self-righteous?

“What’s going on?” Chris asked.

“Nothing.” Joey put his phone back in his pocket and fed Lance another forkful of lemon chicken. “You guys don’t think I’m homophobic.”

“Evidence against it: your four very close best friends are gay with shamelessly active sex lives. Evidence for it: that whole ‘sex is okay as long as you’re neither on your knees nor on your back’ drama. Evidence against it: you do realize that you’re feeding a man.”

“He’s tired,” Joey said, giving Lance more rice this time.

“You’re such a couple,” Chris said. “Do you think no one’s noticed that you sleep together every night?”

“Not every night,” Joey said.

“That’s the weakest protest I think I’ve ever heard,” Chris said. “And Lance has nothing to say, which leads me to believe yeah, you’re a couple.”

“Joey’s doing me,” Lance said. His eyes were half-closed, and as a result his heavy-lidded smile was almost sultry. “He’s good, too.”

“I’m good,” Joey told Chris. Lance squeezed his knee under the table, then rubbed his thigh. He fed Lance some more lemon chicken, and as he pulled the fork away, Lance licked the tines.

“Sexy,” Chris said.

“We’re not sleeping together for sex,” Joey said. “We just pass out in each other’s rooms a lot.”

“Right,” Chris said. “Straight men sleep with gay guys they’ve tongue-kissed all of the time, and it doesn’t mean anything.”

“He’s not gay, he’s bi,” Joey said.

“Now there was a convincing argument,” Chris said.

“I wish you were doing me,” Lance said to Joey. “I wish somebody were doing me.”

“You’re a bit of a bottom boy, aren’t you?” Chris asked.

Lance flipped him off in a lazy move.

“You’re fun when you’re about to pass out from exhaustion,” Chris said.

“Thanks.” Lance’s eyes closed.

“You sound desperate for sex. I’m not getting laid anymore. JC hasn’t touched Justin. Joey, you’re the only one of us with a sex life,” Chris said.

“Just proves that being straight’s good for you,” Joey said.

“When this tour’s over, and I’m back with Howie, and you’re still trying to pick up girls in clubs like you’ve been doing since you discovered you had a dick, we’ll see who’s happier,” Chris said.

“Me,” Joey said. “Where is everybody?”

“Justin and Brian are out shopping or something,” Chris said. “JC should be here.” He got up to check.

They’d asked for a private room so no one would bother Lance. Joey ate and watched him sleep. “You’re a bottom boy?”

“What do you think?” Lance asked.

Joey thought about it, about why Lance might be and why Lance might not be. Then he wished he hadn’t thought about that. Then he thought about anything but that.

“I found JC,” Chris said, running in and taking a quick seat. “Everybody hide.”

“Why?” Joey asked.

“Did you spit on Justin or something? He’s really pissed at you.”

“I didn’t do anything,” Joey said.

JC stormed in. For someone who was that skinny and that, well, could Joey say effeminate without sounding like a homophobic bastard prick? He knew it wasn’t exactly on-target, but it was as close as his vocabulary could get to whatever it was about JC that wasn’t exactly butch masculinity. For someone that skinny and that effeminate, JC was awesome when he was forceful. He didn’t bother to sit down, just slammed his hands on the table and leaned across it towards Joey. “Who the hell do you think you are?”

“Joey,” was all he could come up with. He backed up his chair a little, so JC wasn’t so scary right in his face. “What’s-”

“Who are you to tell anyone what to do? You don’t have anyone and I hate it for you, but that doesn’t give you any fucking right to ruin other people’s relationships!”

Oh, shit. JC knew, and JC was fucking pissed. Damn it, why did JC have this weird protective investment in Chris and Howie’s relationship? And why did they have to do this in front of Chris? “Can we-”

“You had no right, Joey. No fucking right.”

JC didn’t swear much anymore, not nearly like he’d used to. Only when he got really mad. Apparently he was really mad right now. At Joey. In front of Chris.

“Why’d you do it?” JC asked.

“I didn’t mean it!” Joey said. “I didn’t mean it, all right?! I said it to see what he would do. He made that decision on his own! That was his decision! He’s an adult, he never has to listen to shit I say!”

“What are we talking about?” Chris asked.

JC looked at Joey, challenging him to be a man and step up to it.

Joey swallowed and looked at Chris. “I asked Howie to leave the tour, and he did.”

Chris just looked back at him for a minute, kind of stuck.

“I didn’t mean it,” Joey said. “I wanted to see what he’d do.”

“Now you know,” Chris said. “And here’s what I’m going to do.” He punched Joey right in the gut, then got up and walked out.

JC stalked out behind him.

Joey spent a minute doubled over, coughing.

Lance rubbed his back. “You’re getting good at getting yourself into trouble.”

“I’m never going to speak to or about Howie again,” Joey said. “To or about any Backstreet Boy. Ever. They’re trouble.”

“They are trouble,” Lance agreed.

Joey looked at him. That tone of voice hadn’t been quite right.

“Sorry,” Lance said. “I actually fell asleep for a minute there, and I was having a very good dream about AJ.”

“Any dream about AJ should be classified as a nightmare,” Joey said.

“Not that one.” Lance stretched a little. “It’s your fault Howie left?”

“It’s not my fault,” Joey said. “He asked me if I wanted him to leave the tour. I didn’t know why he was asking, because whatever I said wouldn’t make a difference. So I said yes, I wanted him to leave. I wanted to see what he’d do.”

“It was a test.”

“Kind of.”

“He left,” Lance pointed out.

“That was his fault! That was his decision. He’s a grown man, he’s old, he can do whatever he wants. Since when do I get to tell a Backstreet Boy what to do? He decided on his own to leave the tour. And now everyone’s mad at me! It was his decision!”

“You’re saying you’re being unjustly persecuted?”

“Yes.”

“Chris will forgive you. Give him twenty-four hours. JC will get over it as soon as Justin lets him get laid.”

“Brian’s mad at me, too.”

“Poor Joey.”

“You’re not mad, are you?”

“I’m glad to see Howie go. He was an in-my-face reminder of too many things.”

“Yeah. You want to go back to the hotel and crash?”

“Hell, yes. Let’s go.”

Brian stroked Justin’s curls.

“Someday I’m going to get to a point where I go too far and he leaves me,” Justin said. “Someday he’s going to decide that it’s not worth all the shit I give him. He almost did, once. He left me, he moved out. And I couldn’t live without him. I literally couldn’t be without him. But he could live without me.”

“JC is capable of existing without you,” Brian said. “It could never be called living. He’s only really living when he’s with you.”

“Brian.” Justin looked at Brian. “What if I go too far and he leaves me?”

“You have to stop hurting him,” Brian said. His eyes were gentle as he stroked the hair at the back of Justin’s head. “And stop hurting yourself.”

“With every breath he takes, JC’s purpose is to give me what I need. And I just told him he’s never even known what I need.”

“Why did you say that?”

“Because I’m crazy.”

“You’re not crazy.”

“I was trying to push at him as hard as I could so he’d give me what I want. He wasn’t giving me what I wanted.”

“He always gives you whatever it is you want, and this one time he was holding back? So you got mad at him?”

“Yeah. I’m a spoiled brat.”

“You are a little spoiled,” Brian admitted with nothing but kindness in his voice. “Do you give JC what he wants and what he needs?”

“All JC wants is... I don’t know, to love me? To show me he loves me? To screw me whenever he wants however he wants? To jerk me around like an animal on a leash?”

“JC wants to give you whatever it is you need. JC wants to be whatever you want him to be. If he’s denying you something, he must have a good reason, because he never wants to deny you anything.”

“Maybe he doesn’t have a good reason. Maybe he’s a selfish - - I’m not asking for anything he can’t give me,” Justin said, curling his hands into fists. “He’s keeping it from me on purpose!”

“Ssshhh,” Brian said, rubbing his back. “Calm down for me.”

Justin deflated. “God, do you hear me? I’m flipping out.” He rubbed his eyes. “I’m really starting to scare myself, and that is not a good feeling.”

“Why would he withhold anything from you for selfish reasons?”

“Because JC wants me to be all about him. He wants me to eat, sleep, and breathe him, as literally as possible. What I’m asking for...it changes that a little, and he doesn’t like it.”

“Have you ever made JC jealous?”

“Not that I know of. He’s really possessive, and the thought of anyone else ever touching me sends him into fits, but if I went ahead and did someone else, he wouldn’t stop me. But he’s never had to worry about that, because I don’t look at other people.”

“Talk to him. Don’t accuse. Ask.”

“I can’t talk to JC. He never fights fair. He uses things.”

“I’m sure he doesn’t think of it that way.”

“He’s psychotic. I don’t know. Maybe this isn’t worth it. Maybe we hurt each other too much. Maybe I should just back up and give him to Lance. Lance wouldn’t do this to him.”

“Lance can’t do this to him. Lance is his best friend, but Lance can never be his whole world.”

“Do you know what a huge responsibility it is to be someone’s whole fucking world?”

Brian rubbed his back. “Yes.”

Damn. True. Justin sighed.

“Don’t see it as a burden. View it as a blessing. JC loves you, he truly and wholly loves you. Do you love him?”

“Yes.”

“You don’t have to tear each other apart. You can build each other up.”

“That’s easy for you to say.”

“I can say it because I live it. You can live it, too. You and JC were doing well, Justin. You were happy, really happy again.”

“I know. I know, I know, I know.” Justin relaxed into Brian’s warm embrace. “Sometimes I think I love JC too much.”

Brian’s touch caressed the back of his neck. Brian’s voice was Southern comfort. “There’s no such thing as too much love.”

Lance was deep into sleep. He’d gotten as far as taking off his shoes and undoing his fly before he’d passed out. Joey picked up the comforter from the foot of the bed, intending to cover Lance with it. Poor guy. Maybe Joey shouldn’t have hooked Lance up with two guys last night, on top of the guy and the girl the night before that.

He was only trying to help.

Joey paused. He’d gotten into the habit of undressing Lance and getting him actually in the bed instead of just on top of it. Why was he half-assing it now?

He knew why. Because of what Chris had been saying. Because of what Chris had been suggesting.

It was stupid. That was just stupid. That was just Chris running off at the mouth, like usual. Since when did he pay attention to any of Chris’s theories on anything?

He didn’t want Lance.

He just...didn’t.

Lance was his best friend. That was stupid.

Lance was his best friend. Lance had been hurt. Joey was a nurturer, and he loved Lance, so he was doing whatever he could to comfort Lance. When Lance had been with AJ, there had been some distance between them - - nothing really intentional, just a slight growing apart. Now AJ was gone, and Lance was back, and frankly, Joey liked it that way. He knew it couldn’t stay that way. Lance would find someone else, and that person would come first. Joey was okay with that. He just wanted to enjoy this time as much as he could.

Joey tugged Lance’s jeans off, then worked the covers out from under him and tucked him in.

“Joey,” Lance muttered, rolling over.

“What?” Joey asked.

Lance was asleep again.

Joey left, closing the door softly.

“Hello. You’ve reached the home of Brian, Nick, and Drew. We’re out touring the world right now, and can’t come to the phone. If your information is time-sensitive, you may not want to leave a message.”

Brian forced the pain out of his voice. “I miss you, sweetheart.” He hung up and closed his eyes and the pain crept back in. “I miss you so much...”

Justin didn’t know where JC was, so he sat in their room and bit his fingernails off. When JC finally walked in, he bolted off of the couch. “JC.”

“Justin.” JC took off his shoes and dropped his shirt on the bed, heading for the bathroom.

“Are you...what are you doing?”

“I’m going out with Chris.”

“Can I come?”

“No.” JC closed the bathroom door.

Justin sat on the floor at the foot of the bed, holding JC’s shirt. He listened to the shower. The water stopped.

When JC came out, he had a towel around his hips. Justin could see the line of his pubic hair, and the crease where his pelvis started. Justin watched him, but didn’t try to interrupt. JC got dressed, went back to the bathroom to fix his hair, was all ready to go.

Justin felt miserable and lost inside, but it wasn’t like he didn’t deserve it.

JC walked over toward the bed, then stopped in front of him and knelt. Justin figured maybe he wanted his shirt back, but no. JC grabbed Justin’s thighs and pulled, dragging him suddenly farther from the foot of the bed. JC jerked Justin’s jeans open and leaned in for his hard dick.

Justin gasped, shocked. JC sucked him fast and dirty, swallowed him hard, and left him panting and devastated there on the floor.

Sometimes Justin just did not understand JC.

Sometimes he was afraid he did.

Nick was hiding in a back room so no one would try to interview him. Drew was back there with him, waiting to be called out to work.

“If I weren’t a Backstreet Boy, I could mill around the green room like anybody else and no one would care,” Nick said.

“They’d probably mistake you for the boy who restocks the coffee stirrers,” Drew said.

“How much does a job like that pay?” Nick asked.

“Pretty well. They’re unionized now.”

“Right.”

Drew smiled.

Nick snickered.

“You are a Backstreet Boy, so you have to bear the consequences.”

“Some of those consequences aren’t bad,” Nick said.

“I’m sure they’re not.”

“Did you know that some people want me just because I’m a Backstreet Boy, and not for my personality?”

“Are you surprised? Why are you looking at me like that?”

“Drew, how much of you wants me for my Backstreet side?”

“I’ve confessed to wanting you for your backside, but...your Backstreet side?”

“Be honest,” Nick said, leaning in, so close it was too private. Drew tried to retreat, but he kept coming. “You’re alone with me behind a locked door. Me. Nick Carter. The young, blond, spoiled, oversexualized Backstreet Boy. The one who’s up there onstage putting too much into his performance but you don’t care because his hot round ass is shaking in those leather pants. The one who’s too fucking young for this, and too fucking good at this, and so freaking vulnerable at the same time he’s so freaking arrogant, it makes you feel so many different things in the end the only thing you know for sure is if you could have his ass, you’d take it. That’s me, Drew. You can walk onstage and you can have your picture taken and you can wear leather pants and a girl might scream for you, but you’ll never do it like I do it, because I’m Nick Carter of the Backstreet Boys.”

It was over. Drew stared at him, panting. “How do you do that?”

Nick smirked. “I’m a Backstreet Boy.”

“God.” Drew shook himself. “Don’t do that!”

“It worked, didn’t it?”

“Too well.”

“How long has this been going on?”

“How long has what been going on?”

“How long have you had a kink for my Backstreet side?”

“I don’t.”

“You have a hard-on right now.”

“That doesn’t mean anything.”

“Drew.”

“I don’t. How mature would that be, to get wet for Backstreet Boy Nick Carter?”

“We just proved you do get wet for Backstreet Boy Nick Carter. Since when do you say ‘get wet?’”

“I know you as a person. I love you as a person. I want you for who you are offstage.”

“You also want me for who I am onstage. Why are you-”

“Because it’s immature and it’s embarrassing and it’s not what you want from me.”

Nick absorbed that. “Okay. None of that’s true.”

“You don’t want me to be one of those girls who screams and jumps up and down clapping her hands when she sees you on TV, hitting puberty at a concert when you thrust onstage. You’ve learned not to take those girls seriously. How often are they the ones anyone ends up in a serious long-term relationship with?”

“You think I won’t take you seriously?”

“Why would you? I’m not talking about enjoying watching you perform the way you enjoy watching me perform. I’m not talking about sharing excitement as a fellow musician. I’m talking about somewhere inside me is a teenaged boy who creams his shorts when Nick Carter of the Backstreet Boys looks his way.”

“Damn, Drew. Tell me these things! Wait. How did this happen? I know you’re a mature adult, and you are in 98 Degrees, so how did you get a Backstreet kink?”

“It’s not a Backstreet kink. I have no interest in Kevin. I don’t even think about Brian the way I think about you.”

“It’s just me?”

“It’s just you.”

“Why me?”

“I think it’s because you grew up as a Backstreet Boy. That experience shaped you more than anything else has. It’s a big part of who you’ve become as a person.”

“Is this why you let me jump you that fast?”

“Possibly.”

“Damn. This is so fucking sexy, Drew. I never really gave it much thought. I tease you about Backstreet Boys versus 98 Degrees, but really, to me, being a Backstreet Boy is being a Backstreet Boy. It’s just me and my brothers, me and the fellas, hanging out and doing our thing and working hard. I know people see more than that, but to me, that’s all it is. And I thought since you had your own group, and we’re equals as far as that goes, that’s how you saw it, too. But you have wet dreams for the Street, don’t you?”

“I do not.”

“Let me try again. You have wet dreams about Nick Carter from the Backstreet Boys.”

“Once or twice.”

“You can’t be ashamed, Drew. You’ve never had a, what, a secret desire that I didn’t go for. If you want the young blond oversexualized Backstreet Boy in your bed, I can give you that.”

“How would that be any different from having you in my bed?”

Nick smirked.

Drew got harder.

“I promise you, Drew, once you’ve had him in your bed, you really will cream your shorts every time I look your way. No, I take that back.” Nick leaned in a fraction closer, lowering his voice. “You’ll cream your shorts every time you look my way.”

Drew believed him.

Justin went to bed early. Naked in the dark, he waited for JC to come back.

JC was unpredictable at the worst moments, but he had to come back. He had to.

Justin couldn’t sleep. He didn’t want to masturbate. He didn’t want to do anything. So he stayed there, waiting.

He didn’t think about anything much. There was nothing on his mind but JC, and his longing for JC’s return. JC had this way of shutting down Justin’s brain until nothing but JC existed.

When he heard the card key in the lock, Justin barely reacted. He just looked towards the door. JC was back.

The door opened and closed. JC made a sound of exhaustion. Justin listened to him moving around in the dark. He peed. He undressed. He sat on the side of the bed where Justin wasn’t, and groaned. Then he got into bed without touching Justin.

Justin touched JC’s arm with tentative fingers. JC didn’t smell like smoke or alcohol or anything but JC. “Where did you go?”

“Chris and I drove around, talking, making calls. A lot of personal stuff, and a lot of business. There comes a time for it, baby, and this is the time for it.”

Baby. That was a good sign. Justin’s stomach stopped twisting as tight. “Business?”

JC rolled towards him. “Let me get you off, baby.”

“JC-”

“Open your legs for me, baby.”

“JC-”

“Don’t say no, baby, I can’t take it tonight. I want to touch you and get you off until your body gives up and the fight’s gone and you’re mine again.”

That wasn’t right, that wasn’t-

“Hate me tomorrow, baby. Just let me tonight. Just my fingers, my mouth, I promise you, baby, I swear. Just let me touch you, let me put my mouth on you tonight. You can hurt me tomorrow as much as you want, you can kill me again, but not tonight, baby, please. I’m begging you.”

Justin let his tears fall.

“I won’t even kiss your mouth, baby, you don’t have to let me, I’m not asking for that from you. Just let me get you off as many times as it takes until you’ll let me hold you when you sleep.”

JC...

“Please, baby, please. I won’t turn on the light, I’ll do it in the dark. You can close your eyes when you suffer my touch. But please. Baby, please.”

Justin couldn’t take this. It was so wrong...

“I’m sorry, baby. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I was wrong, please forgive me. I won’t ask again, I won’t bother you again.” JC started to back up out of the bed.

“No! Do it. Do it.” Justin put his hand over his mouth and closed his eyes. God. He dropped his hand, opening his eyes again, as JC returned to his side.

“Thank you, baby,” JC whispered, and slid closer, running hands over his body in the dark, spreading his legs. His cock was wet with pre-cum already, and JC sucked him until he came too soon. Justin listened to the soft whisper of JC’s words, a constant stream of love, as JC used spit and cum to push two fingers inside his body.

JC stimulated and stimulated and stimulated his body until he couldn’t take anymore. Then JC gently, tenderly licked him, in the obvious places first and then anywhere, everywhere, and Justin was crying again, and JC slid back to the other side of the bed and left him alone, whispering, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, baby, I’m sorry.”

Joey and Lance went out again. Lance didn’t want any of the people Joey suggested, and the girl who was trying to get in Joey’s pants was a bitch with foul breath, and it was way past their bedtime, so Joey and Lance decided to call it a night. They went back to the hotel and found Lance’s room. Lance was leaning so heavily on Joey, when Joey let him fall onto the bed, he passed out.

Lance always passed out first. That wasn’t fair. Joey swatted at him, but he didn’t move. Joey sighed, martyred himself, and tugged off Lance’s boots. He skinned off Lance’s pants, then wrestled Lance out of his shirt. What next? Socks, gone. T-shirt, gone. Drawers. No, he should leave those on. Sheets. He dragged Lance up the bed.

Lance rolled over onto his stomach, legs splayed, and started snoring.

Was this the position Lance was in when guys screwed him? From this angle, Lance had a nice ass. That was with underwear on, though.

Joey hesitated.

Lance would kill him.

Maybe if he just...

Lance would kill him.

Joey bit his lower lip, waiting for Lance to kill him, then reached over and lifted the edge of Lance’s waistband. Gingerly, he tried to pull Lance’s drawers down. Damn, they were trapped in the front because Lance was laying on them. Maybe-

Lance rolled over, onto his back, and vaguely kicked his foot in Joey’s direction before going back to sleep.

“Sorry. Never mind.” Joey covered him up and left.

Drew ached in unexpected places. He felt light-headed and somewhat dazed. He thought maybe he’d been drugged. He might’ve blown their morning interview. He knew he hadn’t answered any questions; he hadn’t heard a word. His body felt all used up, like he wouldn’t be able to lift so much as a pencil for the next few days. There was no way he’d get be able to get a hard-on.

Everything was kind of hazy, like he was seeing the world through a thin sheet of wax paper. Like time was passing more slowly for him than for everyone else. Like he was half-numb.

He wanted to stop everything and sit down so he could relocate his center of gravity.

Maybe in a few more hours, he’d remember that he was supposed to pay attention when someone called his name.

It was Drew, right?

Maybe if he ate something, he’d feel better. But he didn’t want to eat. That wasn’t what his mouth was for.

Nick walked in.

“Oh.”

That might have been too loud. He hadn’t meant to. Nick looked over at him and smiled.

“Oh...” Oh, god, it was just like Nick had promised him. He really was going to come in his pants.

Nick came over and touched his arm. “Are you okay? You look kind of...weird.”

He was... Drew couldn’t remember. Anything.

“Are you sick? Do you need to - - oh, oh damn. You don’t need to sit down, you need to come. Drew, you’re the craziest person I know. Come on.” Nick took his hand and headed down the hallway. He followed. Nick’s fingers were laced between his fingers, and their palms were rubbing together. He tried to keep his eyes open. Nick pulled him into a room, letting go of his hand.

His hand felt so empty...

Nick’s hand was on his hip. He gasped and Nick kissed him.

“Where is everybody?” Chris asked.

Joey yawned. “We have three members of *NSYNC and one Backstreet Boy. We’re only missing two people.”

“They’re probably in their room,” Lance said.

“Rock, paper, scissors?” Chris asked. He put his hand behind his back; Lance and Joey followed suit. “One, two, three, shoot! Damn!” Lance and Joey’s fists bumped his fingers. “I always lose.”

“You always pick scissors,” Lance said.

“So?” Chris started down the hallway. “Someday I’ll change it up and take you all by surprise.”

“You always say that,” Lance said.

Chris knocked on JC and Justin’s door. He listened. He knocked again. “Hello? JC? Justin? Joshua Scott? Justin Randall? Anyone?” He went back to the guys. “Nobody’s home.”

“Try again,” Lance said, and handed him a key.

“That is nothing I want to walk in on!” Chris said. “I’d go blind!”

“If they were having sex, you’d hear it,” Lance said. “Just go in and tell them to get out here so we can go.”

“They’re not still in there. JC’s never late unless he’s having sex, and he’s not having sex, which means he won’t be late.”

“Which means he’s here, except he’s not here, so go get him,” Lance said, and pushed.

Chris went, grumbling. He knocked again, then opened the door and poked his head in. “Room service?” There was no answer. He dared to look.

They were still in bed. They were forehead-to-forehead, breathing each other’s air, with their arms wrapped around each other and probably their legs, too. Knowing them, they were ass-naked, so Chris was glad the covers were pulled up over them.

“Uh, guys? Diva One and Diva Two? It’s time to go. Slacking off and spending the day in bed must sound great, but we have work to do.”

“Are they coming?” Lance asked, coming up behind him. “Damn it, Justin.”

“What about JC?” Chris asked, to be fair.

“JC would never pull this shit without Justin.”

“And Justin pulls this shit all of the time on his own?” Chris asked.

“Are they breathing?” Joey asked.

“Yeah,” Chris said. Then he got worried. “I hope so. Guys?” He walked closer. “Hello? JC? Justin?” He reached out to touch Justin’s shoulder.

JC snarled and rolled over, on top of Justin, protecting him. He buried his face in Justin’s neck, burrowing in tighter against Justin’s body. Justin made a broken hurt sound and closed his eyes.

“Uh... Anybody got a straitjacket?” Chris asked.

He could spell his name backwards and forwards. He remembered his times tables. He tried state capitals.

“Drew?”

Drew opened his eyes cautiously.

Nick wiped his mouth with the back of his hand.

Drew moaned and closed his eyes again. Too much, too soon.

“I’m sorry, Drew, I didn’t know. I mean, you weren’t exactly yourself when I left this morning, but I thought once you got up and started your day and everything you’d feel better. I didn’t mean to leave you like this all day. Are you better now?”

He tried opening his eyes again. He looked up at the ceiling instead of at Nick this time, which helped a lot.

“I think you’re sexually deranged.”

That wasn’t funny.

“I’m serious. Normal people have great sex and move on. You got lost so far in the zone you couldn’t get back out of it. That wasn’t even the normal zone. That was something new.”

Oh, yeah. That had been something new, all right. Drew felt his chest to make sure his heart was still beating. That was skin. His shirt was open. His...whoa. Drew snatched his hand back. His pants were open.

“You are okay, aren’t you?”

Drew licked his lips and tried his voice. “Why am I half-undressed?”

“I jacked you off real quick. It was a mercy handjob, because you were in serious need of it. Then I gave you two blowjobs.”

“Two?”

“Two. After the second one, you seemed more in touch with reality. You say my name differently.”

“When?”

“When you’re with me and when you’re with Nick Carter of the Backstreet Boys, you say my name differently. I didn’t think you could, because it’s one syllable and it’s hard to make it expressive. But last night and just now, you said it like...I don’t know. It was different.”

Drew forced his body to stand. Nick got up, probably to make sure he didn’t fall. He fixed his clothes. If he stood in front of Nick without looking up, he was looking at Nick’s chest. That was a safe place to level his gaze. “Should I thank you or apologize?”

“Apologize for what? You feel better?”

“I feel...steadier.”

“Where were you? In your head?”

“Nowhere, really. I was just in there. I think I was waiting for you to come back.”

“You were just going to hang out inside your head, away from reality, indefinitely?”

“I wasn’t doing it on purpose. I didn’t even know I was doing it. I just was.”

Nick touched his side.

Oh. Drew felt his lashes flutter, felt his eyes close. He was melting. He didn’t want to stop it.

“You’re still kind of high.”

Mm-hmm.

“What would you do if I kissed you?”

Oh...

“Drew, if you get hard again, I am not getting you off.”

Oh...

Nick kissed him.

Drew moaned, opening his mouth to let Nick have whatever Nick wanted. He braced his hands on Nick’s shoulders and lifted himself, climbing Nick’s body, wrapping his arms and legs around Nick. Nick grunted into his mouth and held him up, putting his back against the door for support. “Fuck me,” Drew whispered, licking inside Nick’s mouth.

“God, Drew, you’re going to kill me,” Nick said.

Drew grazed Nick’s lower lip with his teeth, willing Nick to fuck him.

“Come on, Drew, don’t ask me that. It’s up to me to make sure you respect yourself in the morning.”

“Fuck me,” Drew said, twining himself around Nick as best he could, sucking on Nick’s tongue.

Nick groaned. “Drew, please...”

Drew’s mouth made love to Nick’s ear. “Fuck my ass, Nick, fuck it.”

“Oh my god, you’re evil,” Nick said. “Look, we don’t even have...oh...time...oh my god... Drew... We don’t... I promise I’ll fuck you later, I’ll fuck you all you want once we’re in a hotel bed and you’re sane again. But not right now, Drew, not here. Oh my god... Oh... Ah... Oh, ah, ah, not there, not there, Drew, no. No! Bad Drew! We have about ten minutes before you have to be on live television. If I give you a blowjob, will you behave yourself?”

Blowjob. Nick’s mouth. Oh. Drew shuddered. “Nick.”

“Good. God. Come on, sit.” Nick carried him a foot and dropped him on a chair. “After this, you’re going to do your job like the professional that you are, and all of these out-of-control hormones are going to calm down, right?”

Nick wasn’t touching him. Drew wanted Nick to touch him again.

Nick unbuttoned Drew’s jeans.

Drew gasped, digging his fingers into the arms of the chair.

“Try to be quiet. Who knows what kind of attention you’ve attracted already today. Your brother’s going to kick me off the tour for this. God, Drew, look at you.”

Nick’s mouth was wet, and the suction was gentle, and Drew couldn’t look away.

“Go tell Brian to buy us more time,” Lance said to Joey. Joey went to do that. Chris and Lance looked at JC and Justin. “What happened?”

“I think they’re sharing skin again,” Chris said.

“Something scared them?”

“They scared each other?” Chris guessed.

Joey was back, closing the door. “Get them up.”

“Hey, if you want to reach in there and lose a finger, be my guest,” Chris said.

“It’s three of us against two of them,” Joey said.

“Yeah, that would be pretty even if we had elephant tranquilizer guns,” Chris said.

“You’re not helping,” Lance said.

“Fine. I’ll help.” Chris dared to get close again. “JC? This is sanity calling. We have work to do. Two magazines this morning, a concert tonight, Brian says AJ’s calling this afternoon, lots of stuff to take care of. Work. *NSYNC. All of that stuff you’ve worked your ass off for for years now?”

“Is he listening?” Joey asked.

“Did you hear something?” Lance asked.

“Justin moaned, I think,” Chris said. “Hey, Justin. Justin? Hello?”

“Grab JC,” Lance said to Joey. “Pull him off. Chris, hold Justin down if he tries to fight.”

“Oh, sure, I’ll do that,” Chris said. “No problem. I’ll try not to lose any major organs in the process.”

“It won’t be that bad,” Lance said.

“Liar,” Chris muttered. “You ready?” he asked Joey.

“Yeah,” Joey said, getting into position. “One. Two.”

Silence.

“Say ‘three,’” Chris said.

“Wait,” Lance said.

“Thank god,” Joey said, dropping back.

“What?” Chris asked.

Lance hesitated. “Does it look to you like...”

“Like what?” Chris asked.

“Are they naked?”

“We’ve seen them naked before,” Chris said.

“But are they... Look at the position they’re in.”

Chris looked. “What?”

“Raise the sheet.”

Chris raised the sheet. “What?”

Joey turned his back.

“Oh my god.” Chris dropped the sheet. “Oh, hell, I am not here for this.”

“Now what?” Lance asked.

“I am so mad at you for noticing that,” Chris said. “I’d like to go blind now, please. I officially request blindness.”

Justin made a little aching sound.

“Shut up,” Lance said to Justin. “Joey, you can turn around.”

“They’re having sex!” Joey said.

“I don’t think they’re actually having sex,” Chris said.

“J... J... JC’s dick is up Justin’s ass and they’re not having sex?!” Joey demanded.

“I say we pull them apart anyway. Throw cold water on them to shock them. Lock JC in the bathroom until they come to their senses,” Chris said.

“Good,” Lance said. “Joey, grab JC.”

“Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck,” Joey said, and grabbed JC, sheet and all, dragging him off of Justin.

Justin screamed as though he were being torn apart, convulsing, eyes opening wide, reaching for JC. Chris tried to hold him down without being maimed in the process.

JC screamed Justin’s name, fighting Joey to get back to his beloved. Joey lifted him off the bed completely, carrying him backwards towards the bathroom.

Justin tried to climb over Chris to get to JC. Chris yelled to Lance for help.

Lance reached over Chris’s shoulder and smacked Justin across the face. “Shut up! Sit down!”

Justin kicked Lance in the groin and hurled himself off of the bed. Chris tried to grab him. Joey got in the bathroom and kicked the door shut, throwing his back against it, trying to keep even half of a hold on JC.

Justin escaped Chris and hurled himself at the bathroom door. Chris and Lance caught him and dragged him back to the bed, holding him down.

“Justin!” JC screamed.

Lance grabbed Justin under the chin, forcing his jaw shut, pushing his head back into the mattress. “Shut the fuck up. I have lost all fucking patience with you, Justin. Every day you bitch and you bitch and you create this fucking soap opera and JC loves you too much and JC doesn’t love you enough and every last word is bullshit! Bullshit! You have the perfect life. Don’t you ever fucking dare to bitch that JC loves you too much. If you ever come close to suggesting that he doesn’t love you enough or treat you well enough or do enough for you, you deserve to lose him. You have the perfect life - - and don’t complain about all of the hard work you have to do and how you have to get up early and work three hundred sixty-five days a year and all of that shit, because we all do it, too. You have the perfect life with the perfect husband, fuck you, Justin, he’s your husband. Grow the fuck up.”

Justin stopped fighting.

Chris relaxed his hold on Justin.

Lance let go of him.

Tears ran from Justin’s eyes.

“Grow the fuck up,” Lance muttered, and left the room, slamming the door.

Joey opened the bathroom door. “Help!”

“What?!” Chris ran over there, not even sure what to be afraid of now.

JC was on the floor, half-curled on one side. “I think I broke him,” Joey said. “He was freaking out, and I didn’t know how to stop him, so I said something, and he just dropped.”

“What’d you say?” Chris asked.

“I told him Justin’s gone.”

“Oh, great.”

“Yeah.”

“He’s quiet, at least.”

“Yeah.”

“Lance is gone.”

“I heard. How’s Justin?”

“Crying.”

“Now what?”

“Help me get Justin in here. We can put him in a bath and try to get him back.”

“With JC in here?”

“We might as well.”

“Okay. Start the water. I’ll get Justin.”

Nick was lucky that he loved giving head, because he was doing it a lot today. He licked his lips and waited for Drew to stop twitching. “Better?”

Drew sighed.

“Good. No more sex for you. I’m not even going to touch you. You can zip your own fly. Drew. Are you listening?”

“Hmm.”

“Right. You have to be on TV now, so maybe you should get up.”

“What?” Drew’s eyes opened.

“There you are! Drew! God, you’re back. Okay. Hi.” This was Drew for real, for sure, this time.

Drew looked slightly wary but mostly trusting. “Hi.”

“How do you feel?”

“Confused.”

“Good. Zip up and go.”

“What’s-”

“TV. Interview. Thirty seconds from now.”

“Oh, shit.”

“Don’t swear.”

“Sorry.” Drew stood, redressing himself. “What’s-”

“Go, hurry. Stop by hair and make-up on the way.”

“Right. Sorry. Bye.” Drew was out the door.

Nick dropped into Drew’s vacated chair. Damn. Drew was an adventure. Nick ran his hands through his hair. Boy, was he in trouble now. That was the last time he picked up any ideas from talking to JC.

Chris turned off the water as Joey carried in Justin.

“I can walk,” Justin was saying.

“In you go,” Joey said, lowering him into the water.

Justin saw JC. “What’s wrong? JC.”

JC’s eyes opened.

“JC,” Justin said again.

JC sat up, alert, ready to fight or run.

“JC,” Justin said again, becoming irritated. “What is wrong with you? We’re late. Get dressed.”

JC stared at him.

Justin was soaping and rinsing. “We’re late,” he repeated. “Get in here and splash around real quick so we can go.”

JC made a clicking sound.

“JC! Late. Are you listening?” Justin flicked water at him. “Come on!”

Joey nudged JC with his shoe.

JC got up and climbed into the tub with Justin, right on him, kissing his shoulder.

“Wash my hair while you’re here,” Justin said.

JC reached for the shampoo.

“Okay, we’re going to go,” Chris said. “Stay sane.” He walked Joey out into the hallway.

“What the hell?” Joey asked.

“You got me,” Chris said.

“Where’s Lance?”

“I don’t know. I don’t know if Lance is my hero, or if I’m mad at him.”

“Justin’s my hero, for sucking it up that quick,” Joey said.

“Impressive,” Chris agreed. “I’ll go placate everybody, soothe nerves, see what we can reschedule. You find Lance. Ready? Break!”

Joey went to find Lance.

Nick and Jeff watched Drew smile at the girl who showed him to his seat. “He looks better,” Jeff said.

“If I didn’t know better I’d say he was on drugs all morning,” Nick said.

“You want to ask him what happened?”

“You ask him. I’ll ask Nick.”

“You ask Drew. I’ll ask Nick,” Jeff said.

“I’ll ask Nick,” Nick said.

“Why do you get Nick?”

“It’s a Nick thing.”

“You’re a Lachey first,” Jeff said. “You get Drew.”

“Arm-wrestle you for it.”

“Winner gets Nick.”

Joey found Lance in Chris’s room. “What are you doing here?”

“I didn’t think anyone would look for me here.”

Joey sat beside him on the bed. “They’re getting ready to go.”

“I don’t want to do this anymore.”

“Which part?”

“The part where Justin’s a drama queen and JC buys it every time.”

“You’re saying JC’s not a drama queen?” Joey asked

“I’m sick of it. I’m so sick of it. It makes me sick. They keep going through it, and they drag us along with them.”

“They don’t do this for fun,” Joey said.

“Maybe they do. Justin enjoys having all of JC’s attention. He likes for JC to prove, over and over and over again, how much JC loves him. That’s all this ever is. It’s Justin creating an intense psychodrama to make JC prove how much he loves him. It’s a test. Every time JC passes, Justin raises the stakes and puts him through it again. And JC does it.”

“Is that really how you see it?”

“Sometimes. Sometimes I see it as Justin being too young and too scared to be the object of all of JC’s love. He doesn’t understand it, and sometimes he thinks it can’t be real. He doesn’t always know what to do with that kind of love, and sometimes it probably seems easier to push it away.”

“Yeah.”

“He doesn’t know how lucky he is.”

“You can’t say he doesn’t love JC.”

“Does he love JC enough?” Lance asked.

“Yeah.”

“Maybe.”

After the interview, shaking hands and leaving the set, Jeff put his hand on Drew’s back. “Are you okay?”

“I’m sorry I blew it earlier. I don’t know what was wrong with me. My head was... I was not there for you guys, and I’m sorry.”

“You seem better.”

“Yeah. I’m really sorry. I’m good now.”

“Can I ask what happened?”

“This is so unprofessional...”

“As long as it’s not drugs, and I know it’s not, I’m okay.”

Drew glanced around, lowering his voice. He met Jeff’s eyes. “You’re familiar with the zone?”

Jeff’s eyebrows went up two millimeters. “Yes.”

“I was in the eighteen-hour zone. The extended remix. That’s the best explanation I have.”

“You were in the zone?” Jeff asked.

“I think so.”

“Halfway through the day.”

“Yes.”

“Because of something that happened this morning?”

“Last night.”

“Last night?”

“Last night.”

“What did Nick do to you?”

Drew blushed. “He... He showed me what it’s like to be in a true Backstreet Boy’s bed.”

Jeff grinned.

“What?”

“You’re one, too.”

“One what?”

“A secret groupie.”

“I’m not a... Who else is?”

Jeff smiled.

Drew laughed. “You’re not. You can’t be!”

Nick came up, sliding his arm around Jeff’s waist. “We have an agenda for the day, ladies. Let’s go.” He went to where Justin was waiting.

Jeff turned to Drew and whispered, “Oh my god, Nick Lachey touched me! Scream!”

Drew laughed. “You can’t be his groupie. This is your group. You’re the same age. You have the exact same status he does.”

“Do you see me standing in front looking like that, moving like that, sounding like that? I am that man’s back-up singer and happy to be there. But don’t tell him or I will have to kill you.”

“Understood.”

It was hard to get dressed when JC kept kissing him, but Justin kept working on it. Then he was dressed and JC was naked, so he had to dress JC, who kept trying to undress him. The more he talked, though, the more JC shaped up, and eventually they were halfway back on track.

Before they left the room, he kissed JC for real. “I love you, baby.”

JC touched his hair. “I love you, baby.”

“Us. For real. Our love, our connection. We’re strong, JC. We’re strong and we’re going to stay solid. This is us.”

JC took a deep breath.

“Tell me you can do it, JC. I have to know you can commit to it.”

“I’m committed to it, Justin. I’m right beside you.”

Justin kissed him. “Timberlake.”

JC kissed him. “Chasez.”

Justin opened the door.

“So are you ready to go, or should we bundle up in case another Ice Age comes through before you two are finished primping?” Chris asked.

Since Nick was giving Drew sanity space, and he was afraid to face the in-laws after having trashed Drew’s composure like that, he hung out with Justin most of the day. On their last stop before the hotel, though, Nick cornered him.

“I didn’t mean to do it,” Nick said. “I didn’t know he was going to be like that. It’s my fault, but I plead innocence anyway. Don’t kick me out. I won’t do it again.”

“Relax,” Nick said. “What happened?”

“I sent him so far into the zone he got stuck there. If the regular zone is at level ten, I had him on thirty-seven. He was trapped deep in there. I didn’t know, I thought he’d come out of it, but he didn’t. It was hard work getting him out of that sucker, too. I don’t even think he’s cured. If I touch him again he’ll probably go right back in, which is why I’m over here and he’s over there.”

“The zone?”

“You know, that happy place you Lachey boys like to visit when you’re being sexed up?”

“You had Drew in the zone all day?!”

“Lower your voice. It was an accident. You’re lucky I came back and figured it out, too, or he’d still be there.”

“Not still.”

“Were you paying any attention? He was gone. Justin J. said he fucked up that interview.”

“We covered for him.”

“Good brother.”

“Thanks. What did you do to him?”

“Lots of good stuff.” Nick grinned. “How many juicy details do you want?”

“None. Whatever you did to him, don’t do it again. At least not on tour. At least not without fixing him afterwards.”

“Okay. Can I do it to you?”

“No.”

“Can I do it to Jeff?”

“No.”

“I’d like to put you so deep in the zone you can’t say no.”

“This is the point in our conversation where you stop talking and I walk away.”

“Okay.”

“Okay?”

Nick nodded.

“You’re actually going to let it go?”

“Yeah. You don’t want me to go there, so I won’t go there. I’m practicing.”

Nick smiled, brushing his knuckles against Nick’s chin. “I’m going to miss the guy I used to know. But I’m really proud of the man you’re becoming.”

“Sappy. You’re sappy.”

“Just don’t change too much.”

“Don’t worry. I’ll still drive you nuts.”

Nick smiled. “Good.”

JC and Justin held hands all day, privately and in public. They shared whispers and jokes and tender smiles. They kissed each other frequently but gently, slowly.

Justin was easily bruised. He always had at least one love bite. It had even become a game for Chris, Lance, and Joey to guess where the next one would appear. Now, he had bruises on his jaw, from Lance’s grip. No one said anything, and it was easily covered with make-up, but they’d all seen it.

Even on his most sane, centered days, JC didn’t let anyone touch Justin. It was only a matter of time before JC’s wrath fell on Lance.

Drew went into his room and busied himself by rummaging around in his suitcase, changing clothes, brushing his teeth. Justin dropped in and they talked for a minute. Justin left, and Drew turned on the TV.

When Nick came in, there was only one lamp on, casting golden light on the bed. Drew was asleep, in danger of slipping off of the foot of the bed. Nick turned off the TV, tugged the remote from Drew’s hand, and rubbed Drew’s side. “Hey, Drew angel, put yourself to bed.”

Drew’s eyes opened. He breathed. “Nick.”

Nick’s cock stiffened. “Hi, Drew.” He slid his hand down over Drew’s hip and between Drew’s thighs. Drew was hard. Drew was rubbing into his touch. Drew was moaning. “How did I permanently zone you? What the hell did I do to you, Drew? What kind of...trigger... Me. I’m the trigger. This is going to happen every time I’m near you. Is this going to happen every time I’m near you? Did I hypnotize you?”

Drew rocked against his hand, panting his name.

“I’m guessing you want me to fuck you.”

“Yes,” Drew said, “yes.”

“You know, I was a good boy today. I behaved the hell out of myself. But you know what, Drew? I’m a Backstreet Boy. I can only be so good for so long. I was good enough. Now I want to be bad. I’m going to be bad. Do you want me to be bad, Drew?”

“Ah, ah, uh, uh...” Drew tensed and came inside his underwear.

Nick rubbed the wet spot.

Drew twisted, too sensitive to enjoy that but wanting it nonetheless.

“Do you know how the song goes, Drew?” Nick pulled down Drew’s underwear and Drew panted Nick’s name. “Do you want it to be good?” Drew groaned when Nick started to strip. “I’ll be your bad boy.”

“House of Insanity, admitting boy band members on a first-come, first-served basis.”

“Hello, Chris.”

“Hello, Howie, my love.”

“I got your message. Are you all right?”

“I’m fine. Things are getting to be a bit too much around here, though. I’m actually glad the tour’s almost over. I almost wish - - don’t repeat this, because it’s horrible blasphemy - - I almost wish I hadn’t signed on for the Sentimental Fools, because I could use a break from JC and Justin. I hinted as much to Joey, and he said that it’s JC’s project, not Justin’s. Then we laughed, because we know better.”

“Are they...”

“They cracked up again. They’re loony. We’re not *NSYNC, we’re *NStraitjackets.”

Howie laughed. “What can I do?”

“Come back.”

“What else?”

“Talk to me about what you’re doing so I can forget about this for a while.”

Howie talked to him about Orlando, and about planning to spend the weekend in Cancun with Kevin, and about regular ordinary things. Then Howie talked about missing him. Then Howie talked about sex. Then Chris jacked off as quietly as he could so Howie wouldn’t know, but Howie knew anyway, and then things got hotter; and then Howie brought up love, and the next few minutes were among the most precious of Chris’s life.

Nick licked Drew’s stubble. “Wake up, Drew. It’s another busy morning.”

Drew’s eyes opened.

Nick waited.

Drew purred at him and rolled closer, right up against his dick.

Nick was in trouble. Flattering happy very hot trouble, but trouble.

Joey was taking them all to a new club. He’d said the theme was “fuckable wannabe Goth.” Justin could do that. Black clothes, black bandanna because he wasn’t dyeing his hair. He tried to put on make-up to make his face paler, but he ended up looking patchy and powdery.

“Here.” JC came into the bathroom and rescued him. Justin stood still and let JC put foundation and powder on his face. He was used to people putting make-up on him, since it seemed like he went through this five times a day. But it was different with JC, like everything else was. It felt nicer. It felt like JC was taking care of him. JC always took care of him.

Justin opened his eyes. He put his hands on JC’s waist, because he could. “Are we going to talk about it?”

“What do you want to say?” JC asked, picking up an eyeliner pencil.

Justin looked up. He hated people sticking things in his eyes, but it was JC, so he wasn’t worried. “I want to apologize. I want to try to explain. I want to know what’s been going on in your head.”

“You don’t have to apologize,” JC said. “It’s my fault. I-”

“JC, how is it possibly your fault?” Justin asked.

“I was about to explain that.”

“It’s not your fault. It’s my fault. You can’t take on everything.”

“I led you on. I gave you something when I knew I shouldn’t, and then I blamed you when you wanted more of it.”

“I shouldn’t have asked you in the first place. I knew you were uncomfortable with it, but I wouldn’t let it go.”

“You should be able to ask me for anything, baby.” JC stepped back, frustrated. “I should give you anything you want.”

“No, JC, no. That’s not fair. That’s not even reasonable. You can tell me no. You can say no to me. You have that right.”

“You should have everything you ever want,” JC said, cupping the side of his face, wanting to give him the world.

“JC. Baby.” Justin kissed him. “Tell me why you didn’t like it.”

“It’s in me. It’s part of me, it’s who I might be if I weren’t with you. But I don’t want to be that way with you, I don’t want to treat you like that. I don’t want that part of me to be on the surface. I want it buried, because it doesn’t belong here anymore. I’m with you, and I’m a different person because of it.”

“But I want it because it’s you. It’s a real side of you that I never get to experience, and I want to know all of you.”

“I don’t want you to look at me and see someone who would use you. I want you to look at me and know how much I love you.”

“I do.” Soft kisses brushed JC’s lips. “JC, I’m with you. I want to be here with you. Your love is like nothing else. When I say things in anger, when I get mad at you, I’m mad at myself. Tell me to shut up. Tell me to get a grip. Tell me off! Tell me to fuck myself! I deserve it. I can take it, too.”

JC wrapped his arms around Justin. “I can’t talk to you like that, baby.”

“Do you remember when we were in the studio, and I was being a first-class asshole, and you told me off?”

“You weren’t being-”

“Do you remember?”

“Yes.”

“You told me you were sick of me. You told me you deserved better. You were right. You should tell me that more often, JC. Obviously I need to be reminded of it.”

“You don’t-”

“Can you honestly tell me that you deserve all of the shit I put you through? Do you really believe that all of the shit I say to you, all of the times I push you away, every time I tell you you’re not giving me what I want and deserve - - do you believe you deserve that?”

“No.”

“So when I pull that shit, tell me to grow up. Tell me off. Give me a good verbal smack upside the head.”

JC smiled. “You know I love you, baby. What you say to me hurts me, but it’s never made me think any less of you. It only makes me want to be more for you and do more for you.”

“There’s nothing more you can do for me. You can’t give me anything else. I have it all already. I just need to appreciate that, and stop taking you for granted.”

“Baby.” JC kissed the corner of his mouth. “You don’t have to change for me.”

“I do,” Justin said. “I have to change. I have to treat you better. I want us to be happy together.”

“I’m always happy with you.”

“It’s my job to make you even happier. I love you, JC. You do so much for me that I never ever thank you for.”

“You don’t have to-”

“Would you stop contradicting everything? You know I treat you like shit. Let me apologize.”

“Justin.”

“I’m sorry, JC. I’m sorry for dragging you through increasingly dramatic levels of hell. I know all you’ve ever wanted is to be able to love me, and I keep denying you that. I do love you, and I’m going to start showing you that. I love you. I love the way you look at me, like I’m a glowing-white angel. I love the way you want my body so much you can’t stop touching me. I love the way you talk to me, sometimes like we’re best friends and partners, sometimes like we’re co-workers, sometimes like I’m your angel and your baby and all you want is to make me feel good about myself. I love the things you do for me, and the way you look out for me, and the way you won’t let anything happen to me. I love the way you say my name when I’m inside you. I love the way you’re holding me right now, and the way we’re so good together nothing’s ever awkward anymore.”

“Oh, Justin.” JC kissed him. Justin leaned back against the sink again, closing his eyes.

“Make love to me right here,” Justin whispered, pulling up JC’s shirt in the back.

“Oh, baby, I’m going to,” JC promised, opening Justin’s pants.

Drew was in the bunk.

Nick was hiding far away from Drew.

Justin pulled a magazine out of a manila envelope and opened it to a certain page. Then he handed it in to Drew, waking him before moving on.

There was a shocked gasp.

Nick got up and moved closer to Drew’s bunk.

“Oh...ooohhh...”

Nick crouched down and listened.

The quick slide of a zipper, a soft sound of pleasure. Muted skin on skin. Quick, still-shocked, pleased little “oh” sounds. Drew was masturbating! He hadn’t lost any time getting started, either. What in hell had Justin given him?

Nick closed his eyes and let the sound of Drew’s erotic pleasure swell his cock. He could see it, Drew’s hand working over Drew’s dick, fisting and pulling. The tension in Drew’s body. His mouth watered for Drew’s pre-cum. It was all Nick could do not to climb in there and take what he wanted.

What the hell was Drew looking at? Pictures of him? Porn?

“Oh, oh, uh, uh, uh...”

Nick braced himself for it, curling his fists as tight as he could so he wouldn’t grab his dick or his Drew.

Drew came. It sounded like porn. Quiet porn, but porn.

Nick tried not to jump Drew. He wanted to fuck Drew while Drew was still coming down from orgasm. It always felt good, because Drew was relaxed and susceptible to anything Nick wanted, but sensitive and easily turned on. Drew was a horny slut sometimes, in a wholesome way.

“Oh, oh...”

What? What was he doing in there?

No one was looking.

Nick tugged aside a little corner of the curtain and peeked.

Holy shit! Drew had his pants around his ankles, knees up, and was pushing his finger into a very X-rated place.

Nick ducked down again.

Holy. Shit.

Drew had had the sexiest, dreamiest expression on his face, too, like he was having a very hot fantasy. He’d had his shirt off, and there were streaks and splashes of cum up his chest. He’d been looking at the magazine, or at least he’d almost been, but his eyes had been half-unfocused.

Judging from the page Nick had seen turned back, it was one of those J-14 Tiger Beat magazines. Nick knew those didn’t have porn in them, so Drew was looking at...what? Pictures of him? He was Drew’s one and only deep-zone trigger right now. But why would Justin encourage that?

And hadn’t Drew kept saying he didn’t jack off to teen girl magazine pictures? Liar.

“Oh, god, yes, please...”

Drew’s voice sounded so fucking sexy when he got deeper and soft like that. Damn it! Nick was missing good zoned Drew. Really zoned, because since when did Drew talk to people who weren’t there? This must be one hell of a masturbation fantasy.

“Oh...oh...”

If Drew didn’t stop it, Nick was going to have to jack off, too, or else come in his pants. And that would suck, because he’d been very good at not having orgasms on Drew’s bus.

Well, if he was going to end that policy, he might as well do it right.

He was going to fuck Drew.

Unless Drew stopped right now.

Drew showed no signs of stopping.

No, he wasn’t supposed to fuck Drew. He was trying to keep himself from pushing Drew farther into this semi-permanent zone.

Damn it.

But Drew sounded so sexy and obviously wanted it pretty damned badly.

And Nick’s dick was starting to hurt. Shouldn’t have worn jeans.

He could go in there and fuck Drew. Drew wouldn’t mind. He could be quiet. He could be quick. He could-

“Oh!”

Wow.

Silence.

Okay, that last “oh” had been less quiet than the rest, but at least they could all be happy for Drew that he was having such good orgasms. Nick listened to Drew pant. Didn’t jack off to girl teen magazine pictures, Nick’s ass. Didn’t finger-fuck himself over them, either, right?

Damn, Nick wished Brian were here to appreciate this with him.

Nick counted in his head, giving Drew time. He stood and waited for his dick to calm down. Drew stopped panting. Nick’s dick still wanted some.

There was a quiet, embarrassed, “Oh, shit,” from Drew’s bunk.

“Stop swearing,” Nick said automatically. Angels shouldn’t swear. Never mind that Drew was a grown man and Brian knew how to curse like a sailor. They weren’t supposed to. Especially not Drew. It would ruin 98 Degrees’ reputation.

“Nick?” Definitely embarrassed.

“Yep.”

“How long have you been standing there?”

“A couple minutes before ‘oh oh oh’ and definitely before the ‘uh uh uh.’”

Drew’s hand reached out into the aisle. “Give me your shirt.”

“The one I’m wearing?”

“Yes.”

Nick stripped and handed it to Drew. Good thing he was wearing two T-shirts today. He kind of thought that first one had been Kevin’s, anyway. Drew handed it back to him. It was... Hey. Nick licked his finger. “My T-shirt is not a cum rag, Drew.”

“Then don’t eavesdrop next time.”

“I’m coming in.” He pushed aside the curtain and climbed in on top of Drew. Drew’s pants were on again, but Drew’s shirt wasn’t. Nick kissed his pecs and licked at his nipples.

“Stop, stop,” Drew said, running fingers through Nick’s hair.

Nick closed his eyes and sucked on Drew’s collarbone. He liked feeling Drew’s fingers against his scalp. It was intimate. “Can I fuck you?”

“Not now,” Drew said, making no attempt to stop him from kissing tattoos.

Nick moved to Drew’s arm, pressing his mouth to the bulge of muscle, licking at black ink. “When can I fuck you?”

“Later,” Drew promised. His eyes were closed, and his fingers were tightening spasmodically on Nick’s shoulder. Yeah, he wanted some.

But it wasn’t urgent. It wasn’t all-consuming. Nick thought about that while he laced his fingers with Drew’s, putting Drew’s hand over Drew’s head, and licked into Drew’s armpit. Drew had more underarm hair than Brian did. Darker, too. Manlier. Drew was masculine. Butch. Sexy. “Why aren’t you in the zone?”

“What?” Drew asked, grinding up against Nick’s dick, licking his lips.

Whoa, hold on, that urgency thing was back in spades, at least where Nick was concerned. He put his hand on Drew’s stomach to hold Drew down, trying to give his dick a chance to reconsider spurting cum in his pants. Now his hand was right on Drew’s naked abdomen, and he could feel the ripple of muscle when Drew flexed. Damn. Nick just wanted to-

Drew opened his eyes, relaxing a little. “Sorry. I got...carried away. Did you want something?”

“Besides you?”

Drew smiled, taking his hands off of Nick. “Besides me.”

“Why aren’t you in the zone? Lately every time you look at me you’re right there in it, and for sure every time I touch you you’re a Nick-obsessed nymphomaniac. What happened?”

“I don’t know.”

Drew was being honest, and Nick could respect that. “What did Justin give you?”

“Nothing.”

Now Drew was downright lying, and not very well. “It was a magazine,” Nick said.

“Was it?” Drew looked innocent, all wide-eyed and wondering.

“With pictures.”

“It was?”

“What were they pictures of, Drew? Me? Brian? AJ? JC? Jeff?”

“I don’t know.”

“Where’s the magazine, Drew?”

“What magazine?”

Nick felt over Drew’s body, squeezing and pinching, the front side first, then Drew’s back and ass. Nothing. He looked around, calculating.

“Nick, there’s no magazine.”

“Then I imagined Justin handing you a magazine and you jacking off over it?”

“Yes, you imagined that,” Drew said.

“I’m going to find the magazine, Drew.”

“Wouldn’t you rather have sex with me?”

“No, we can do that later.”

“I’ll give you a blowjob.”

“No bargaining. No big promises. I want the magazine.”

“I’ll wear a thong.”

“Been there, done that.”

“I’ll let you tie me up.”

“Maybe later.” Hey. Nick thought he knew where the magazine was. Right-

“I’ll wear the hat.”

Nick froze. His mind spun. His balls grew hot. He found his voice. “You’ll what?”

“I’ll wear the hat,” Drew promised.

“The hat?” Nick repeated. The hat.

“The hat,” Drew said. “I’ll wear it backwards over my right ear and you can do anything you want to me.”

Nick put his hand on Drew’s naked ribcage. “Anything?”

“Anything.”

He could feel the rise and fall as Drew breathed. He wanted the hat. He wanted Drew in the hat. He wanted to fuck Drew in the hat. Drew naked wearing only the hat. Drew young and innocent and his, all his, warm and fuckable, shy and teachable.

Drew pouted at him.

Oh, it was all over. Nick shoved his hand under the pillow behind Drew’s head and yanked a magazine out, one of those Teen Beat-type magazines. Drew grabbed at it but he held Drew off and looked.

Brian.

It was a page of pictures of Brian. About five pictures from their tour. Brian onstage. Singing.

Brian onstage? That’s what had Drew in heat? That’s what sent Drew’s hormones into a free-for-all? It was just Brian. Brian performed onstage all of the time. That’s what they did.

That’s what Backstreet Boys did.

Drew didn’t have a Street crush on Brian. He’d said so.

Nick narrowed his eyes and gave Drew a stern look. “Explain yourself.”

“I unzoned myself,” Drew said, like that was what Nick had been asking.

“Yes. How?”

“By zoning on something besides you.”

“Which was?”

“Brian.”

Time for the stern Kevin voice. “Andrew.”

Drew confessed. “Brian Littrell of the Backstreet Boys.”

Nick fell out of the bunk, got up, and ran around the bus in a celebration of life.

matthew@matthewtime.com
"Where You Belong" Part Fourteen
"Where You Belong"
"Living"
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