aradia
Copyright May 17-23, 2001 by Matthew Haldeman-Time
Rating: PG
Pairing: none
Disclaimer: The young men who comprise *NSYNC are their own people. The author has not met anyone here described, nor does the author mean to suggest that these people act this way in real life. This writing is a work of fiction. I make no money from this venture.
Dedication: This slashfic is for Ewan McGregor and the Savage Garden slashwriters.
Wherein Chris looks good on paper, Lance sounds like money, and Justin needs an instruction sheet.
Notice: Before "Living," my masterpiece was a story I intended to title "A Rose by Any Other Name." I really need to stop quoting Shakespeare.
Joey and Justin looked at each other, then back at Chris.
"Justin Timberlake. A good name. Natural, but unique enough that it's sexy. A little outdoorsy, a little sexy."
Justin didn't know whether to laugh or blush.
"Lance Bass. James Lance Bass. Solid. Straightforward. Classic. Not boring, don't get me wrong. There's some class in there. Almost sounds like money."
Joey decided not to roll his eyes.
"Joey Fatone." Chris frowned. "I'm sorry, man."
"It's all right," Joey said.
"What about you?" Justin asked Chris. Fair was fair.
"Chris Kirkpatrick," Chris said. "Christopher Kirkpatrick." He overenunciated the hard "k" sounds. "It works. It's stable. Sounds good to the ear. Looks good on paper. What do you know? My name's easier on the eyes than I am."
"And JC's name is better to listen to than his singing," Justin said.
"I'm going to smack you both," Joey said.
"It's okay to diss your name, but we can't talk about me and JC?" Chris asked.
"It's a family name, and I'm proud to have it, but on its own, it kind of sucks," Joey said. "And there's nothing wrong with the way you look or the way JC sings. So don't give me lip."
"No, you're right," Justin said. "Sexy names, sexy voices, sexy looks. Just, JC's got a little more," he said to Chris. "Sorry about that."
"No," Chris said. "JC works it without even trying. Hold up - - you just said that my name and voice and I are sexy?"
"Yeah," Justin said. He seemed surprised by Chris's surprise, and looked to Joey for back-up.
"Yeah," Joey agreed. When Chris looked skeptical, he added, "You don't have an overwhelmingly sexual aura. It's subtle. Mature."
"Now you're calling me mature," Chris said. "Joey, stop now before you go too deep."
"I cannot talk to you," Joey said.
"No one can," Justin said. "But I like to listen to him anyway."
"Listening is good," Joey agreed. "Chris usually has something good to say. Interesting. Funny. Intelligent, even."
"That's me," Chris agreed.
"I think you're my favorite member of *NSYNC," Justin said to Chris.
"Eh," Joey said. "I like Lance."
"Lance?" Chris asked.
"What's wrong with Lance?" Justin asked.
"Nothing's wrong with Lance. I love Lance," Chris said.
"Well, who would you pick instead?" Joey asked.
"JC," Chris said.
"Think about it for a second first," Justin muttered.
"JC?" Joey repeated. "Lance has more..."
"Intelligence," Justin said.
"Of a bass voice," Chris said.
"You stop picking on JC, and you, thanks for the obvious," Joey said. "I was going to say reserve."
"Reserves of fat?" Chris asked.
"Look who's talking," Joey said.
"Hey! Look at yourself!" Justin said.
"Don't diss me because you have JC issues," Joey said.
"Don't diss Chris because he has Lance issues!"
"I do not have Lance issues."
"I do not have JC issues!"
"I'm changing my stance," Chris announced. "I like Joey best."
"Joey?" Justin demanded. "Joey? What's wrong with me?"
"You have JC issues," Chris said.
"I do not have JC issues! I don't even know JC!"
"What?" Joey asked.
"He's repressing," Chris said, sounding rather impressed.
"I hate you guys," Justin muttered, slumping. "I like Lance best now, because he's not JC and he's not you."
"You can't have Lance, I took Lance," Joey said. "And you can't pick me anyway because Chris already did. That leaves Chris or JC."
"Maybe I'll like myself best," Justin said, challenging them.
"Nope," Chris said. "You're already taken. JC likes you best."
"You don't know that! He's not even here!"
"We know," Joey said. "We don't have to ask."
"Who's left? Chris and JC?" Justin asked. "That's it. *NSYNC sucks. I don't like anybody."
"Why don't you like me?" Chris asked. "I'm very likable."
"You like everybody else best but me. JC and Joey and I don't see what's so great about them. Just because they're older." Chris leaned over and, with his forefinger, wrote "JC ISSUES" across Justin's forehead. Justin smacked Chris's hand away and said, "I like Lance best and you can't stop me, you Joey-loving leprechaun."
"What's wrong with Joey?" Chris asked.
"I don't want to talk about it," Justin muttered.
"He has a stupid name," Chris said. "At least in comparison with JC Chasez."
"I hate you," Justin said. "You suck. I like Lance."
"I like Lance," Joey argued.
"I like Joey," Chris said. "He's good, he's real, he doesn't have JC issues. Or any issues."
"Why doesn't anybody like me best?" Justin asked.
"JC does," Joey said.
"I wonder who Lance likes," Chris said.
"JC," Justin said, and scowled.
"Yeah," Joey agreed pleasantly. "That's my guess."
"I like you," Chris said, "you like Lance, Lance likes JC, JC likes Justin, and Justin likes me."
"Works out pretty good," Joey said, approving.
"I don't like you best," Justin told Chris.
"You do so," Chris said.
"Everybody knows it," Joey said. "You always have."
"Just like Joey's had a thing for Lance since day one," Chris said.
"He was so cute and wholesome," Joey said. "Now he's all grown up."
"What about me?" Justin asked.
"You're JC's."
"I'm - - I'm not JC's," Justin said. "I don't belong to him."
"Duh," Chris said. "Here." He tugged at the collar of Justin's shirt and read the tag. "Property of JC Chasez. If found, please return to-"
Justin pushed away Chris. "I am not JC's."
"Yes, you are."
"So who belongs to me?" Justin asked, as disgruntled as ever.
"Lance," Joey said without hesitation.
"What?" Justin asked, shocked.
"We need to draw him a diagram," Chris said.
"Justin, where have you been?" Joey asked.
"I've been busy," Justin said. "What?"
"You like Chris, Chris likes me, I like Lance, Lance likes JC, JC likes you."
"Yeah," Justin admitted, reluctant, fidgety.
"JC owns you, you own Lance, Lance owns Chris, Chris owns me, and I own JC. Got it?"
"What do you mean, we all own each other?"
"Lance is my favorite member of *NSYNC. I love him. He's great. But Chris? He lookes at me and I'm all, 'Yes, master, anything to make you happy.'"
"That's why you have JC issues," Chris said. "You're his favorite member of *NSYNC and he owns you. So he only wants to be your friend, and you want to be his-"
Joey coughed.
"I wasn't going to say anything," Chris said to Joey.
"I don't want to be JC's anything," Justin said.
"Denial is a powerful thing," Chris said.
"So's my fist, so leave me alone," Justin said.
"Uh-oh, Justin's getting rowdy," Joey said.
"Hey, what's up?" Lance asked, walking in, taking a seat by Chris.
"We're telling Justin how much Joey likes you," Chris said.
"That's nice," Lance said. "Thanks, Joey."
"No problem," Joey said.
"But we're all best friends," Justin said, as though arguing a point. "We all love each other."
"Duh," Joey said. "Do you need an instruction sheet?"
"Don't be impatient," Chris said. "He's finally getting it."
"What did I miss?" Lance asked, cautious.
"Nothing," Justin said.
"Hey, Lance, who's your favorite member of *NSYNC?" Joey asked.
"I like the Backstreet Boys," Lance said.
"Can we fire him?" Chris asked.
"No," Joey said.
"Can we scalp him?"
"Sure," Joey said.
"I like Lance's hair," Justin said.
"Chris likes me best," Joey said.
"Why don't you have Chris issues?" Justin asked Joey.
"Chris issues?" Lance asked.
"According to you, you and Chris have the same dynamic I have with JC, so why don't you have issues?" Justin asked.
"Chris knows what's going on and he makes it easier for me. JC has no clue and he's driving you batty," Joey said.
"Bat-tay," Chris agreed.
"We're talking about this?" Lance asked.
Justin stared at Lance.
"Why not?" Joey asked, shrugging.
"You know?" Justin asked Lance.
"Yeah," Lance said. "I didn't know that we were allowed to talk about it."
"The three of us," Chris said to Justin, "we know all about it. You, you know but you're repressing because you don't want to deal with it. JC has no idea."
"Which is typical, for JC," Joey said.
"Why do we keep him around?" Justin asked.
"Because he's the best singer we have," Lance said.
"And the best onstage performer," Joey said.
"He doesn't look bad, either," Chris said.
Joey hit Chris. "Morning, JC."
"Hi, guys." JC sat
beside Justin. "What's up?"
He owned Lance. He owned Lance. What was that? Justin jerked his shoelaces tighter. He didn't own Lance. He tied the knot so fast he almost got rope burn. Shoelace burn. What, like he could just walk up and say, "Roll over, play dead," and Lance would do it? Lance wasn't like that. None of them was like that. Not Lance. Lance had a lot going on inside. Smart stuff and thinking stuff. Looking at the world and taking its measure.
"What's going on?" JC sat down, right on the floor, beside him and facing him. "You're wearing a thundercloud in your eyes."
Was that poetic or really, really dumb? JC was no lyricist. "Nothing."
JC patted his knee. JC's hand was on his thigh, sliding up towards... Friendly. Just JC being nice. Just one guy rubbing another guy's leg. Dogs in heat were more subtle. And more intelligent. Not that JC was stupid. Just...clueless. JC had no clue. No idea. Smart people could be dumb sometimes... "Come on. The bus is waiting."
"Yeah."
"Come on, Justin!" Joey grabbed him under the arms and hauled him to his feet. "Let's get moving. You too, skinny."
Lance helped up JC. "We're out of here. I don't know why it takes you this long to get ready," he said to Justin.
"Has to fix his hair," Joey said. "Put each little curl in place."
"Just because some of us like to look decent," Justin said.
"You fuss with that mop, and then you put a bandanna over it," JC said. "Why bother, if you're hiding it?"
"He likes to have someone running fingers through his hair," Joey said. "Even if it's only himself."
"Personal grooming as masturbation," Lance said.
JC's eyes got wide and he laughed. Justin decided to kill Joey, decided to find out which alien had replaced Lance, and headed for the bus.