WANNABES
"Wannabes" are scenes that originally were written for "Sucker" but were deleted or rewritten along the way, shown here in their original form.
Since
these scenes are not part of "Sucker" and were in fact deliberately removed from
"Sucker," please do not take any of the plot points or expressed opinions as
actual "Sucker" canon. Whatever the guys say or think here in these scenes
is irrelevant to the overall "Sucker" plot.
"Sucker" (copyright 2002-2006 by Matthew Haldeman-Time) is rated NC-17 for
graphic male-male sex. The young men who comprise the Backstreet Boys, *NSYNC,
and O-Town are their own people. The author has not met anyone here described,
nor does the author mean to suggest that these people act this way in real life.
This writing is a work of fiction. I make no money from this venture.
6.) Howie, JC, Nick, Joey ("Sucker" 65)
After the Boys/JC viewing party.
“That was a good meeting,” Howie said, following JC into the house.
“How do all of you do that?” JC asked, leading the way to the living room.
“What do you - - oh, I didn’t even… It’s exactly the way I wanted it to look,” Howie said, staring in pleased wonder at the flowers filling the room.
“They’re just gorgeous,” JC said.
“Not as gorgeous as you are,” Howie told him with a wink. “It smells great in here.”
“Not as great as you smell,” JC said, sitting beside him on the couch.
Howie laughed, and JC wanted him. It was familiar, sitting here like this with Howie. JC moved closer, and Howie submitted to his kisses, kissing back softly, stroking his face. This was what he’d needed all of these days that they’d been apart; this was the touch his body had demanded all during that damned videotape. Howie’s nearness, Howie’s heat, Howie’s-
“JC,” Howie whispered, and fire rushed JC’s blood. His name, yes, Howie’d been saying his name every two seconds to Erik, and it-
“JC,” Howie repeated with a soft laugh, gently pushing him back. “You know we can’t do this.”
“Just once,” JC said. “He’ll never know.”
“Do you think that I could have put on that show last night if I didn’t need you like this?” Howie asked, his touch skimming JC’s chin. “I need you, JC, and he can feel it. There’s an urgency, even a desperation to it, and he knows it. That’s why he’s working so hard to bring us back together, because he knows that we need to be together.” Howie’s gaze made JC feel desired. “It also makes him more likely to give in to us, sexually, because he knows how much we need it.”
“I hate this,” JC said. “I hate working together without being together. It’s so frustrating, not being with you, and it’s stupid, all of this back-and-forth, catching each other up, having to go over everything and explain it.”
“That’s exactly what I’ve been thinking,” Howie said, with a quick, excited shimmer in his eyes. “What would you say to the idea of us taping things for each other?”
“Taping…Erik?” JC asked.
“Our conversations with him, our moments with him, our…time with him,” Howie said. “It doesn’t have to be for meetings with the guys, it can be just for you and me. So we can see for ourselves how things are going. These progress reports just aren’t enough anymore, especially with how everything might be changing soon.”
“I wouldn’t even know how.” Tape everything? Even sex? It wasn’t like he was ashamed for Howie to see him with Erik, since Howie’d seen that a dozen times, but… Yes, he was ashamed. He didn’t want video out there of Erik fucking him! What if it were stolen? What if someone else saw it? Even if only Howie saw it, JC was still uncomfortable with the concept.
“The trick is putting the camera somewhere that it won’t be seen, that still gets a good shot,” Howie said. “And finding a way to turn it on without being noticed.”
“I don’t have the equipment for it.”
“I’m sure that you could buy some,” Howie said with a brief smile.
Okay, that had been a stupid excuse. Still, “I don’t know.”
“Are you worried about Erik
finding out?” Howie asked. Empathy entered his expression. “Or are you worried
about someone else seeing it?”
“How many private videos have been exposed to the world?” JC asked. “It’s not safe. It’s a terrible idea.”
“We’ll be careful. I’d never expose myself or you to that kind of public shame.”
JC still wasn’t comfortable. “I
just don’t know if I can do it.”
“Why don’t we try?” Howie asked. “Try it, once, maybe twice. If you still don’t like it, we’ll go right back to the way things have been. But I think that this could really help. Since we never see Erik at the same time, our communication is all we have to go on. This could make a huge difference.”
It could; Howie was right. “We can try it.”
“All right.” Howie kissed him. “I have to go. I can’t let Erik think I’m not eager to hear how things went.” Howie kissed him again. “I’ll see you soon.”
JC couldn’t hold back a moan as his body grew hot with desire. God, he needed it. “Howie…”
“I want you so much,” Howie whispered, kissing him more deeply, pressing him back into the cushions. “JC…”
“I need it,” JC panted, urging Howie closer, moaning. “God, Howie, please…”
“I can’t,” Howie said, kissing him but pulling back. “I can’t. I want to, but I can’t.”
Frustrated, denied, JC cursed as Howie got up. “I hate this!”
“This would be a lot easier on me if you weren’t the sexiest man I’ve ever laid eyes on,” Howie said.
With a surprised laugh, JC said, “You’re not making this any easier on me, either.”
“I think I’ll show myself to the door,” Howie said. “It wouldn’t be a good idea for you to get too close to me right now.”
“Call me,” JC said, needing so much more than that. Howie left. With a groan, JC tried to decide what the hell to do now. Get over it? Call up someone? He was too hot for toys to satisfy him.
[Somewhere in here, the doorbell should ring; JC gets up to answer it.]
He was proud of himself, for his behavior at the meeting. He hadn’t acted like a complete fool over Nick, for once. It had been difficult, to hold back, but he didn’t want to come across as openly, shamelessly desperate. Although that seemed to be what Nick was going for these days, if Ashley was anything to go by.
JC wanted Nick; under his superficial desire for sex was a constant, deep, throbbing of need for Nick. Seeing Nick at the meeting, being that close, watching Nick, hearing Nick’s voice again, it was only more fuel for the ever-burning fire.
Being near Howie and being near Nick and seeing that damned video and then being refused had his body in a state of need, and-
Nick gave him a coy half-smile. “Hey, baby. Can I come in?”
JC groaned, shuddering, surrendering, as Nick pressed deeper.
JC had been restless, on edge, easily fired up, all day. But not just today; he’d felt an unsatisfied itch for a while. He’d needed pleasure, he’d needed release. He’d tried to use Erik; he’d thought that he needed Howie.
Nick had just given him what he’d needed. Given him that, and more. No one could bring him through burning white-hot ecstasy and leave him floating in a pool of euphoric bliss like Nick. He hadn’t considered Nick as a true, serious solution, because he hadn’t thought that Nick was available to him anymore. But Nick had made love to him, had pushed him to his limits, had sated him in a way that only Nick could.
Lying on his side, gazing into Nick’s eyes, JC stroked Nick’s face. The gorgeous curves of Nick’s lips. The gorgeous arches of Nick’s eyebrows. Nick was so beautiful. The ache of missing him was so-
“Look at how beautiful you are,” Nick murmured, with a gentle caress to his cheek. Tender affection filled Nick’s expression. “I’ve missed you, JC. I’ve been thinking about you a lot lately.”
Speechless, JC stared. He hadn’t expected - - Nick had just - - beautiful, missed you, thinking about you - - JC parted his lips for Nick’s kiss, eyes closing as Nick’s tongue stroked into his mouth. The kiss brought a certain submission to JC’s body, an acquiescence, a thorough sense of giving itself over to Nick’s will. Whatever Nick wanted from JC, Nick got, and sex was only one of many ways that was true.
When Nick raised his head, leaving JC’s mouth, he stayed close, and JC rubbed subtly against him, legs twining with his, both a need to be near Nick and a silent repeat of a constant offer.
Nick’s fingers stroked JC’s neck. “Those flowers were from Howie?”
Flowers? Oh. “Yes. They’re the ones Erik brought over.”
Nick nodded. A tightness crept in around his mouth, the slightest of shadows in his eyes.
JC’s gut clenched. Oh, no.
“This necklace?” Nick asked, lifting the pendant on JC’s chest. “This is from Howie, too?”
“Yes,” JC said, willing this not to turn ugly, praying for the perfection of the moment to last just a few minutes longer. “Erik gave it to me. It’s just part of the game.”
“Just part of the game,” Nick repeated. “Then why are you wearing it now? Erik’s not here.”
“I just didn’t take it off,” JC said. “I didn’t even think about it, as soon as Erik left Howie came to take me to the meeting, and-”
“So take it off now,” Nick said.
“Okay, I-” Ow! JC winced at the unexpected scrape against his neck as Nick ripped the necklace off of him.
“Oops.” Nick held the chain in one hand. “It came off.”
“That’s okay,” JC said, stomach churning as he did his best to keep things cool.
“It broke,” Nick said. “You don’t mind? You seemed to like it a lot. You were showing it off in front of everybody. Kevin, AJ-”
“It was just an example of Howie’s gifts to me, to fool Erik,” JC said. “It’s just for the game. I just had it on because Erik put it on me.” He prayed that Nick would let him change the subject. “I almost couldn’t believe what I was seeing when I opened the door and you were there. I thought that I was seeing things.” He slowly, with loving strokes, caressed Nick’s back, Nick’s chest. “I love having you here in my house.”
“I had some free time,” Nick said, mollified, allowing JC to distract him. He curled his fingers in the long waves of JC’s hair. “I decided to drop by and see my baby.”
My baby. Nick felt possessive. “I’m glad,” JC said. “This is the best thing that’s happened to me since,” he smiled, “the last time I saw you.” He kissed Nick, and the slow passion burning in Nick’s kiss left him smoldering with need. “I love you,” he whispered, compelled to say it, knowing that he’d never forgive himself if he didn’t make that clear. “I love that you came.”
“I was trying to stay away from you,” Nick said, tugging gently on a lock of hair. “But if the other guys are fucking, why can’t we?”
JC had never thought that he’d be grateful to AJ for fucking Joey. “I’ve missed you. No one else gives me what you give me.”
Nick smiled, cupping his chin, stroking his jaw. “I don’t give it to anyone else like I give it to you. You’re the only one who takes it just right.”
Loving Nick, loving Nick’s smile, kissing him, JC confessed, “I wasn’t talking about just sex.”
Kissing him back, fingers buried in his hair, tongue licking across his lips, Nick murmured, “Neither was I.”
Nick smiled, easing out of JC’s limp, sated body. With a soft, pouting groan, JC rolled to one side. “Did you like that?” Nick asked, spooning up behind him.
“There are rockets,” JC paused to breathe, “going off,” he moaned, “in my body.”
Chuckling, Nick slid his hand over JC’s abs, rubbing up over JC’s chest. “I could fuck you all night.” While JC moaned, undulating against him, he brushed kisses over JC’s shoulder. “You’re beautiful, baby.” Nuzzling JC’s hair aside, he kissed JC’s neck. “There’s nobody else like you.”
“Nick,” JC said, his voice soft with desire, his hand covering Nick’s on his stomach.
“Mmm.” Nick kissed his neck a few more times. “I know you don’t want to hear this, but I have to go.”
“Right now?” JC sounded like he’d been slapped.
“Yeah.” Nick tucked JC’s hair behind one ear, then kissed that ear. “I’m sorry, baby.”
“That’s okay.” JC stroked Nick’s fingers. “It’s okay, I just - - I miss you. Everything’s been - - it hasn’t been hard, it’s been confusing, and I don’t know what to think about anything, anymore.” Rolling over, JC faced him, caressing his cheek, his neck. Kissing him. “I love you,” JC whispered.
“I’ll come back,” Nick promised, kissing him, caressing his back. “I can’t say when, but I’ll come back.”
“Come over whenever you want,” JC said.
“Mmm, you’re perfect,” Nick murmured, kissing his neck, licking slowly, hands traveling down to his ass. “God, JC, I could fuck you forever.” Groaning, Nick kissed down to JC’s chest, squeezing his ass. “Maybe just one more time…”
Alone, JC sank back down onto the bed.
His sheets smelled like Nick.
His body still felt it. The heat of Nick’s body. The smoothness of Nick’s skin, .the power of each thrust. Each knowing touch. The rhythm of sex. The scorching fire of Nick’s gaze. The fucking of Nick’s kiss. The hardness of Nick’s erection, filling him. Completing him.
Of course he’d confused love and sex. Nick was love. Nick was sex.
Nick’s tongue trailing down his chest. Those soft, sucking kisses, down over his stomach. Nick’s hands…
As he rolled over, JC felt something unfamiliar in the bed with him. Sitting up and reaching down, he pulled it from the bedclothes.
The pendant hung on the broken chain.
Howie’s necklace.
Howie acted jealous of Nick.
Nick acted jealous of Howie.
But this necklace wasn’t a real gift. It was a step in the game. Evidence, for Erik. It didn’t mean anything. The flowers were for the game, the necklace was for the game, even that letter had been a part of the game. Howie didn’t love him. Howie hadn’t decided to give him a necklace as a personal gift between the two of them; it was for the game.
If JC didn’t wear it, Erik might ask about it. Howie would definitely ask about it. What could he say, that he’d lost it? That he didn’t like it? That he’d gotten rid of it? That it had broken? He had to wear it.
Next time he saw Nick, he’d take it off first.
He’d been antsy and restless with need, before; now, he was so well-fucked, he could barely stand.
Only Nick.
Waiting for the jeweler to fix the clasp, JC paced the store. He still felt a little rubbery in the legs. No one dragged him through increasingly intense realms of ecstasy like Nick did.
Nick had acted jealous of Howie.
Was Nick actually jealous of Howie?
For that matter, was Howie actually jealous of Nick?
Did it matter if they actually were jealous? As long as they acted jealous, JC still had to deal with the issue, whether it were sincere or not.
Nick had nothing to be jealous of. Ever. No one would ever be true competition.
But JC had to work with Howie. And everything ran much more smoothly when they got along. Howie made living with the game easier. Made dealing with Erik easier. Made JC’s life in general easier.
Nick made it better. But not one hundred percent easier. Nick had a tendency, sometimes, to be…chaotic. Demanding. Jealous. Angry. His furies and his tantrums and his fits had driven JC to the brink of sanity before. JC couldn’t afford to go through that again. Especially not now, not mid-game.
He’d never say no to Nick. He’d welcome Nick whenever Nick chose to see him. He already wanted Nick back again. But he couldn’t embrace Nick to the exclusion of Howie. And he would never, never embrace Howie to the exclusion of Nick.
They’d have to co-exist.
He’d be as discreet as possible. He didn’t want to cause trouble in either direction. Working well with Howie and pacifying Nick were the keys to happiness.
“Where were you?” Joey asked when Nick got out of the shower.
“Where were you?” Nick asked, walking naked to the closet.
“At Justin’s house.” Scratches on Nick’s back. Especially across his ass. He’d been out fucking? “Who were you with?”
“You want me to tell you, you can tell me,” Nick said, stepping into sweatpants, pulling on a T-shirt. “You want to play coy, I can play, too.”
Fine. It wasn’t a secret. “I was fucking AJ.”
Nick ruffled his damp hair. “I was fucking JC.”
What? Joey stared at him. “What the hell were you doing with JC?”
“We have an open relationship,”
Nick said. “I can fuck anyone I want.”
What the hell kind of bizarro-world explanation was that? Their relationship wasn’t even real! “I-”
“How’d it go with Angel?”
Joey frowned, caught by surprise. “Good, it was good, I guilt tripped him about putting pressure on me.”
“Good,” Nick said, approving.
“Did you fuck him? You two weren’t at Justin’s this whole time, were you?”
“I was,” Joey said. Damn it, he hadn’t anticipated this. “AJ needed me to stay with Justin for a while, so I sent Ashley home.”
“I don’t think I get this,” Nick said. “Can you give me a timeline?”
“I went to the Townhouse, I
picked up Ashley, I gave him a guilt trip, we went to Justin’s house, AJ had to
leave, I sent Ashley home, I hung out with Justin, AJ came back, we fucked,
Brian took me to the Townhouse, I picked up my car and came here.”
“So instead of going to the Townhouse to fuck Angel, you fucked AJ. And then you didn’t have any juice left to fuck Angel, so you came home.”
“Yeah.” He wasn’t going to mention that he’d fucked AJ with Ashley in the house.
“Joey, why didn’t you just stay with Angel anyway? Talk to him, spend time with him, make up for dissing him last night? You’re supposed to play nice.”
“I don’t want him around if I’m not fucking him, and all he wants is my dick, anyway.”
“Are you stupid?” Nick asked. “He’s in love with you. He wants to be with you whether you’re up his ass at the minute or not. What about AJ, you’re in love with him, aren’t you? You only want to see him if you can get laid?”
“No,” Joey said.
“You’d like to spend time with AJ even if you’re not fucking. Angel wants to spend time with you outside of a bed, too. You dissed him last night and then you dissed him again today to make up for it?”
Damn it! “He got to see me, didn’t he?”
“Yeah, and when AJ gives you a ride to one of his friends’ houses and makes you drive yourself home again and then stops by to pick up his truck, I bet that makes you feel all warm and special inside,” Nick said. “Damn it, I thought you were getting better at this shit. I thought you’d learned something.”
“I’ve learned you’re a jackass,” Joey snapped. “And what were you doing with JC?”
“I was fucking him,” Nick said. “That’s usually what I do with JC. Now we have to decide what to do tomorrow to make it up to Angel.” Scowling, Nick sat on the bed. “Hell, I’m starving. Order us some food.”
“You order food,” Joey said. He was hungry, too; fucking AJ used up a lot of energy.
“You’re definitely going to have
to fuck him tomorrow. Probably here, not at the Townhouse. You can do it as
many times as you want, but make sure that at least once it’s slow so he can
pretend you’re making love. Give him a lot of compliments, kiss him a lot, make
him feel good about himself.”
“Is that what you do with JC?” Joey asked, resentful.
Nick laughed. “Yeah, it is.” He smiled. “But JC deserves it.”