Copyright February 2-5, 2001 by Matthew Haldeman-Time

Rating: NC-17 for graphic male-male sex

Disclaimer: The young men who comprise the Backstreet Boys, *NSYNC, and 98 Degrees are their own people.  The author has not met anyone here described, nor does the author mean to suggest that these people act this way in real life.  This writing is a work of fiction.  I make no money from this venture.

Dedication: This slashfic is for Ewan McGregor and the Savage Garden slashers.  Five of the sex scenes are for Diamond, who asked for them.

Notice: There are six stories that come before this one.  Read those first.  I'll wait.

Warning: "Together" includes depictions of, discussion of, and references to, consensual incest.

        "Is your foot okay?" Jeff asked, locking the door.

        "I don't care," Nick said, closing his eyes.

        Jeff knelt by the bed and eased off Nick's shoes.  "How bad is it?"  He saw for himself.  "Oh.  Nick."

        "I've had worse."

        "Your entire foot is purple."

        "It's not that bad."

        "How do you walk?"

        "Ask me how I dance."

        Jeff snorted.  "I've seen how you dance."

        "Hey!  Look who's talking."

        Jeff crawled up onto the bed, over him, and kissed him.  "Your foot's okay?"

        "Yeah."

        "How's your knee?"

        "Okay."

        "Okay."  Jeff accepted Nick's version of the truth.  He nuzzled Nick's neck and kissed his way back Nick's jaw.  Nick made a pleased sound and smiled.  Jeff licked his dimples.  "Look at you."

        "Mmm."

        "So gorgeous it's insane," Jeff said.  Nick's ears started to turn pink.  He liked that he could still make Nick blush.  "Nick."  He kissed Nick's earlobe and repeated, softly, "Nick."

        "Mmm."

        "I'm going to suck your cock."

        Nick's lashes fluttered slightly.

        "And then I'm going to fist you."

        Nick's breathing quickened.

        "And then I'm going to make love to you."

        Nick moaned softly.

        "Is that going to feel good?" Jeff asked, resting his hand on Nick's chest, waiting.  He got what he wanted when Nick made a throaty, pleased sound of anticipation and arched just slightly.

        Jeff had been talking with Nick Carter when he'd heard of Drew in the zone.  He'd recognized some of the symptoms.  His own Nick had two zones.  There was the investigative sex kitten zone, which was a whole lot of fun for Jeff, who was usually the one being investigated.  And there was the passive, blissful zone.  It was tricky to get Nick into that one, but Jeff kept practicing.

        When Nick was like this, Jeff could do anything to him.  Within reason.  Jeff didn't take advantage of him, of course.  No.  That would be wrong.

        It worked best when Nick was tired.  Then Jeff had to be less sexual and more cuddly-sweet, and hold that pose for a minute.  Then Nick would, with any luck, slip into the zone, and Jeff had a great evening ahead.

        He took this zone as a sign of trust.  Nick could relax and let him take charge.  Nick trusted him to make it good, to keep it safe, and not to do anything to make it necessary for Nick to stay on guard.  Trust.  In their relationship, and in Jeff's sexual knowledge.

        If there was one thing Jeff knew, it was how to have sex with Nick.

        And look at him.  Spread out just waiting for love.  Still dressed, but Jeff could rhapsodize for hours on that body.  And oh, that face.

        A strong, masculine jaw, squared at the foundation but carefully modulated along a gentle slope to a very kissable chin.  Very kissable.  Jeff should know.  Lickable and suckable and nibble-able, too.  Mmm.

        "Mmm," Nick agreed abstractly.

        Good cheekbones, high and strong and, like every other thing about Nick, masculine.  Not scary like JC's or Brian's; just right, lovely enough to be distracting but subtle enough not to be detracting.

        Those were kissable, too.

        Which Nick seemed to appreciate.

        He had a nice, even forehead.  It was the perfect target for a quickly planted kiss or a gentle smack with the heel of Jeff's hand.  There were two straight creases in it when he made a face, and the faint beginnings of a third.

        His ears stuck out, yes, but they tasted good, and Jeff liked them.  They were good ears.  Sexy ears, if such a thing were possible.  They only looked stupid on that one video, but everyone looked pretty stupid in that video, so it was okay.

        Deep-set eyes, sometimes the clearest shade of crystal blue, sometimes darker and more mysterious, sometimes lit with happiness.  When Nick smiled it hit his eyes.  Jeff loved that.

        Whenever Jeff smoothed his thumb over Nick's eyebrows, Nick squirmed and said that he was acting like Nick's mother or something.  Jeff liked to do it anyway.

        He couldn't admire Nick's eyelashes without remembering one night when they'd been eating dinner.  Just sitting together eating dinner, and he'd caught Nick staring.  He'd stopped talking - - he couldn't remember what he'd been talking about, now - - and said, "What?"  Nick had turned red and said, "I was just looking at your eyelashes."  It had embarrassed the hell out of Nick.  Jeff thought it was great.

        Justin's nose was too small; Drew's nose was, well, better not go there; Jeff personally thought that his whole face was too pointy.  But Nick's nose was extremely kissable.  Lickable.  Just like that.

        "Mmm," Nick murmured, shifting restlessly under Jeff.

        Those dimples.  They were incredibly distracting.  Jeff couldn't look at Nick without looking for them.  Talk about sexy.  Also quite lickable, if he could get Nick to make them.

        Finally...the mouth.  Jeff got hard just thinking about it.  Nick's mouth.  Those lips.  That...tongue...

        Nick moaned and parted his lips for Jeff's kiss.

        Nick's mouth.

        Warm lips.  Soft, full, wide.  Generous.  Giving.  Inside, hot and wet and welcoming, pleasing.  Nick's tongue had multiple personalities.  One moment it was wide and warm and gentle; the next, assertive and possessive and aggressive; the next, teasing and flirting and sexy.

        Nick's mouth...did things to Jeff.  Did things for him.  Just looking at it made him hard, just knowing what it could do.  There wasn't a patch of skin on Jeff that Nick's mouth didn't know, that didn't know Nick's mouth.  Nick's tongue knew to seek out the sensitive spots on Jeff's body.  Nick's mouth knew just how to make Jeff's cock feel right at home.

        And oh, Nick's kiss...  Jeff moaned and shifted closer, trying to kiss Nick even deeper, trying to get more of that mobile mouth.  As he moved, his erection dragged over Nick's, and Nick breathed into his mouth with deep pleasure.

        He had to get Nick out of these clothes.  Himself, too.

        There was a risk here.  To get undressed, he had to break form for a minute.  Sometimes Nick slipped out of the zone.  There had to be some trick to keep Nick sexy and blissed-out.  Maybe if Jeff distracted Nick just briefly enough for him to get naked, got Nick's attention on something inside the zone...

        Oh, no.  He couldn't.

        Or could he?

        Jeff gave a mental wicked smile and kept kissing Nick, one hand stroking up Nick's side through cotton.  He got up on his knees a bit, keeping as much contact as he could but getting space between their hips.  He unbuttoned his jeans one-handed, giving a quick sigh of relief as he gave his cock some breathing room, and gave himself a nice grope.  Come on, come on, oh, yeah, yeah, here it came.  He got his fingers wet with pre-come and carefully eased away from Nick's kiss.

        Nick breathed quickly.

        Jeff passed his fingers briefly by Nick's nose.  Nick's nostrils flared with interest.

        A few wet, loving caresses and Nick's lower lip was slick.

        Jeff backed up and hopped off of the bed, stripping quickly.

        Nick licked his lips and tasted Jeff.  He moaned, pelvis tilting, hand creeping in towards his crotch.  He licked his lips again, again, until Jeff climbed back on top of him and kissed him and captured his tongue.

        Nick's hand rose to Jeff's muscular back and found it naked.  A broad, warm palm ran over Jeff's skin, fascinated with its planes and textures.

        "Let's get you out of those clothes," Jeff murmured.  "You can feel my skin against your skin," he promised softly, taking Nick's hand and pressing it to his chest.  Nick's hand slid down, down, up, down again, entranced with the feel.  The feel of what, Jeff didn't know.  Maybe the hardness of his muscle, maybe the flex and movement of his body, maybe the sensation of naked skin on skin.

        Jeff liked Nick's skin very much.  Satin and silk.  It was fine and smooth, hard and resilient, soft and petal-sweet, all at once.  He wanted to feel it under his fingers, against himself.  To that end, he took inventory.  Bare feet; good.  Jeans, boxers.  Short-sleeved button-down open over a T-shirt.

        The T-shirt was the problem.  There was no way to get Nick out of it without ruining the mood.  Damn it.  He couldn't leave Nick in it, either.  Jeff nibbled Nick's lower lip while he thought.  He rubbed his fingers up over the cloth.  It was an old T-shirt, and fairly thin.

        Hmm.

        It might shock Nick out of the zone.  But it was worth a try.

        First things first.  Jeff reached between Nick's thighs, feeling heat behind the denim.  He cupped the hard bulge of Nick's cock, massaged it, made Nick move and moan.  He loved turning Nick on, loved getting that response.  He also loved Nick's cock.

        Now he was getting distracted.  Back to the plan.  He left Nick's cock, knowing it would get plenty of attention later, and ran his hands up Nick's chest.  Nick made a warm sound, body seeking his touch.

        He had fleeting, hot thoughts of getting Nick in the zone, getting Drew in the zone, and setting them on each other.

        Jeff steered his brain back towards the present situation.  Considering the current state of Nick and Drew's relationship, that wouldn't be happening for a long time.  He took a bit of Nick's shirt in each hand, wondering if Nick would forgive him for this later.

        Nick's hand found his cock.

        Jeff ripped open Nick's shirt.  Shit!  He hadn't meant to do that just yet.  Stupid Nick had to grab him like that...oh, yeah, like that, just, just like that...oh...oohhh...  Jeff's hips moved of their own accord, finding a rhythm against the erotic touch of Nick's hand.

        Nick moaned and let go.  Stupid Nick.  It gave Jeff's mind a chance to clear, though.

        Nick moaned and ran his hand up over his naked chest.

        Jeff's mind fogged right back up again.  Oh, whoa.  He had not expected that.  Nick's hand had left a wet path of Jeff's pre-come right up solid musculature.  From navel to nipple.  Look at that.

        Pervert.

        Nick made a sweet humming sound and grabbed Jeff and rolled them over, kissing Jeff's mouth, rocking his hips against Jeff's.  Subtle.

        Jeff managed to get Nick out of those shirts, one intact, the other not quite.  And, okay, he did not need Nick's jeans chafing either of them like that, thanks.  He tried to get Nick's fly open, but Nick was a whole lot more interested in rubbing into his hands like a slut.

        Yeah, Nick was a slut.  For Jeff.  That was okay.  Jeff didn't mind one bit.

        Jeff wished he could zone like that.  Go to that happy place.  He didn't know how.  It must be nice there, all pleasure and ecstasy and erotic stimulation.  Everything seemed three times sexier in the zone.

        He got Nick's jeans open and started to make some headway in the getting Nick naked department.  Nick was trying to screw him, which didn't help, so he rolled them over and wrestled Nick out of jeans and boxers.

        Nick stretched and sighed and reached for Jeff again.

        Happy to oblige, Jeff invested himself in another kiss and let Nick's hands grope him wherever they wanted.

        Nick's body was...there had to be a word for it...incredible.  Incredible.  As in, not to be believed.

        Purely masculine.  Ripped beyond hell.  Strong and broad and hard and tight and impressive, fucking impressive.

        And all spread out for Jeff to enjoy.

        Hot damn.

        Start with the neck.  Good place to start.  Jeff would be happy there for a long time.  Long neck.  Filled out, not a little skinny neck, no no.  A real neck, just asking to be nuzzled, kissed, tasted.  Nibbled.

        Nick hummed a little and moaned a little and flexed a little, enjoying the attention, hand warming Jeff's bicep.

        Nick's collarbone was edible.  Jeff used to stare at it all of the time.  Maybe that was an odd place for a fixation.  Jeff blamed it on Nick's shoulders.  Broad shoulders, strong shoulders.  Powerful shoulders, gorgeous neck, developed chest, they all came together right there, all drew Jeff's attention to that collarbone, made him want to caress it with his fingers, kiss it, maybe suck on it a little.

        Nick's musculature was beautifully developed, lovingly detailed.  The man's workouts didn't miss a spot.

        Jeff loved to watch Nick pump iron.  Watch Nick's muscles bulge.  Watch the ripple and flex.  Working out together was a challenge.  They always got distracted watching each other and ended up taking each other right then and there, sweating and riding the endorphin rush, fast and hard on the bench, on the floor, up against the wall.

        Those shoulders.  Broad and strong, like Nick could take anything.  Those arms.  Nick could challenge Jeff when he needed it, and hold him safe and secure when he needed that, too.

        Nick had good hands.  They were strong enough to hold Jeff down or pick him up, bold enough to smack his chest or grab his cock, erotic enough to caress his chest or slip into his body, gentle enough to stroke his prostate or touch his heart.

        Nick was powerful enough to make Jeff come.

        And to make Jeff stay.

        Jeff's mouth found a nipple.  Nick groaned and spread his thighs, inviting, offering.

        Those thighs.  If Jeff had a smaller cock, he would be afraid to get between Nick's thighs.  As it was, they made Jeff's cock swell, made Jeff's mouth water.  They rippled with an intimidating amount of muscle.  He loved to touch them, feel the power for himself, the hard muscle, the taut smooth skin, the small dark hairs.  People knew about Nick's upper body, had seen that gloriously masculine chest, those arms.  They didn't realize the wealth of drool-worthy, cum-worthy beauty that Nick's body offered.  Like these thighs.  These ripped, hard, strong thighs.

        And what lay between them.

        The hard shaft of Nick's cock strained upwards, reaching for stimulation.  The swollen head had turned dark with need.  Jeff's index finger traced the vein, stroking, making Nick groan and offer himself wordlessly.

        Jeff remembered his promise. "I'm going to suck your cock.  And then I'm going to fist you.  And then I'm going to make love to you."

        He had a lot to do.  He'd better get started.

        JC stretched a little, rolled his shoulders.

        "JC?"

        JC sat on the sofa and pulled his foot up onto the cushion with him, started to unlace his shoe.

        "JC, hello, person in the room..." will you jerk off for me  "...with..."  sure  "...you.  Oh."  Justin grinned.  Oh oh oh.  Good stuff coming.  Yeah.  Let's go.  Any second now.  The very idea of JC touching himself made Justin's cock twitch.  This was going to be great.

        JC was massaging his naked feet.

        Justin liked JC's feet.  Long toes, lovely arches, all very nice.  But could they get the show on the road, please?  Pedicure later, masturbation now.

        The massage had turned into stroking.  Okay.  JC was getting it on with his feet.  "JC, you're so weird."  JC ignored him.  Typical.  Justin sighed and watched.  He had to admit, it was a nice sight...

        JC slowed down, then stopped.  There was a pause.  JC's hand rose to his neck.

        More massage.  Okay.  Work out the kinks.

        Like anything could work the kinks out of JC.  JC was kinky.  Anyone who put champagne up Justin's ass was kinky.  Anyone who got off on a foot massage was just plain weird.

        Never mind that Justin was getting off on watching.  It wasn't his fault that JC oozed sex.

        JC rolled his shoulders again, rolled his neck.  Gorgeous neck.  Justin, stop salivating.  You can lick his voicebox later.

        Justin shook himself and kept watching.

        JC rubbed the back of one thigh, gazing off into space.  His hips moved subtly, just once.  He had Justin's attention.

        JC slowly licked his lips.

        Again.

        Again, even more slowly, a tongue Justin knew very well leaving a wet shine over soft pink lips.

        JC sighed.

        Justin was tense with anticipation.  He sent telepathic messages to JC: Open your jeans!  Open your jeans!  Open your jeans!

        JC stood slowly, easing himself up from the sofa, all languid grace.

        He wasn't even hard.

        He wasn't hard.

        The bastard.

        He rubbed his hand over his chest lazily, as though debating, and then pulled his shirt off over his head, all long muscles and tight torso.  Damn.  Look at that.

        "JC, you're so fucking beautiful there are no words."

        JC moved around the room a bit, just wandering.  Showing off his body to Justin at every angle, letting Justin admire each perspective.  Justin wanted to lick his shoulderblades.  Bastard.  Justin's cock drooled over the small of JC's back.

        Down, boy.

        JC crouched down and opened his bag.  What was he doing now?  Oh.  Lube.  Okay.  Made it easier to ride his own cowboy.  Time to go, now?  Whip it out and get it on?  Yes?

        JC straightened and flexed and let Justin admire him some more.  Damn it.  JC was so slender and tight that people, even Justin, forgot about those rock-hard muscles.  JC's biceps alone were Degree-worthy, damn it.

        JC dropped the lube on the sofa and rubbed a slow hand down over his crotch.

        Yes!  Yes!  Go for it!

        Now JC was starting to get hard.  Yeah, JC's hand was good for that.  Justin should know.

        He unbuttoned.

        Yes!

        JC's fingers dipped down in there, just a little, rubbed behind the partially opened fly.

        If JC was going to stop to enjoy every step of this process, he'd never come.

        JC unzipped.

        Yes!

        JC reached down in there, slid inside the open fly, palmed himself.  Oh, Justin envied that hand.  Envied that cock.  Justin knew the heat and silk of JC's cock.  Knew the crisp slide of pubic hair.  Knew the endlessly talented ways of JC's hand.  Knew the-

        Oh, moving on now?  But Justin had wanted to stay there.  That was a good place.

        Oh, yeah.  An even better place, now.  JC was getting naked.  Very extremely naked.  All totally naked.  Every last inch right out there for Justin's eyes.

        JC sank down onto the sofa, relaxed.  He started to touch himself.

        Not his cock.  Just himself.  Everywhere.  His hands caressed his body, learned it, flirted with it.  Slow and erotic.  Justin knew JC's skin had to be burning under each touch.  JC was lighting his own fire.

        JC's half-hard swelled and rose.

        Down taut abs.  Over pelvis.  Down thigh, up thigh, inside thigh, there.  Yes, there, right there.

        JC's hand found his balls.  JC moaned softly through parted lips.  Justin stared eagerly, trying to see, wishing for a better angle.

        Justin knew that hand on his own balls.  It would fondle and cup and massage until his entire body ached.  JC was gentle but devastatingly thorough.

        JC's breathing was rapid, his color high, his thighs open in self-invitation.

        Justin wanted to get in there with his own cock.  He knew that beautiful place behind JC's balls, that sweet tight hole that opened just for him.  Would JC do that now?  Would JC's fingers make themselves at home in there?

        JC's hand rose to his cock.  While his right hand was slow and curious there, making him pant and gasp, his left hand was still becoming familiar with the rest of his body, distracting him yet enhancing the pleasure from his cock.

        JC's cock was hard and ready, stretched and filled to its full length.  Justin recognized that state.  It was ready for his mouth now.  And his mouth was ready for it.  He was ready to call an end to this scene and get JC in his bed.

        JC stopped.

        Justin stared, disbelieving.

        There was a long pause.  JC was breathing more and more evenly, which totally sucked.  That was it?  No orgasm?  What kind of jerk-off session was this?

        JC stood, letting Justin admire his body some more, and touched himself a bit, let his hands run over his torso and limbs.  His body welcomed each touch, and he moved smoothly, lovingly.

        Justin ached to share, to join.  To feel the planes of JC's form under his own hands.  To touch that beauty for himself.

        JC picked up the tube of lubricant and carried it towards the bed.

        Bed!  JC was coming in his direction.  But not to him.  JC wasn't even looking at him.  Okay.  JC needed to use the bed, but not to use Justin.  There was room.

        Justin kept his hands to himself.

        JC stretched out on the bed.  He was upside-down, with his head at the foot of the bed and his feet at the head.  He bent his knees some, planting his feet, spreading his thighs.  He was open and displayed for Justin beautifully.  Justin's gaze traced the swollen lines of his cock.

        Justin wanted JC.  The only thing that kept him from taking what he wanted was that he also wanted to see JC jerk off.  As soon as that was over, he was getting his dick down in there.

        JC stroked his body some more, his torso, his nipples.  He started to get into it again, breaths coming faster, lips parted, body undulating.  It was time, it was time, it was time.

        JC was doing to JC what Justin wanted to do to JC.  Touch everywhere, learn everything, experience that beauty hands-on.

        JC slowed down a little again.  He stroked his neck, his jaw, his cheekbones, with long fingers.  He read the beauty of his face with his hands, using touch as a mirror.  He sucked on his own finger and moaned, hips rising from the bed.

        Justin realized that JC was gone.  The calculated display for Justin's sake had, no doubt despite JC's intentions, become a tribute to self-love.  JC was stimulating himself now, lost in the pleasure of his own body.

        One hand found JC's cock again.  JC's mouth made love to JC's finger, sucking and licking, while JC's other hand made love to JC's cock.  There was nothing rushed here, nothing greedy.  Everything was slow and erotic, JC drawing out his own pleasure, using himself and enjoying himself.

        JC's hand slipped from his cock, wet with pre-come.

        JC's other hand drifted from his mouth down his body.

        Down.

        Between strong thighs, behind tight balls, down...there...

        And inside.

        JC moaned, a soft sound, and pushed his finger in farther, deeper.

        JC was making love to himself.  In every way possible.

        Justin had touched JC like that.  He'd been screwing JC for three years now.  But what happened next, he'd never expected.

        JC was moaning softly, rubbing in and out of that tight hole.  His other hand was still, a single finger providing the lone stimulation.  His cock was thick and ready, waiting for a touch.  His body moved, becoming restless, eager for more, but he didn't give in to it.

        Tension built.  It built in Justin.  It built in JC, in each line of his body.  The pleasure, the anticipation.

        "Oh..."

        That small sound from JC echoed in Justin's body.

        "JC..."

        Justin hadn't said that.

        JC had said that.

        "JC..."  JC's voice ached with love and desire.

        His body was arching and his muscles were flexing and his hips were rising, rocking steadily, pushing against his hand.

        It lasted forever.  Justin was so hard his joints hurt.  JC's cock was angry and throbbing, in need of attention.  JC's free hand kept twitching, fingers closing as though wanting to wrap around that hard cock.

        And then it happened.

        "Oh, oh, JC," and JC's hips bucked hard, once, twice, three times, and JC came.

        JC came.

        JC had never, never, never come like that.  He couldn't.  Justin could, yeah, but JC always had to have his cock touched first.  Triggering his prostate got him right up to the point, but never pushed him over the edge.  Until now.

        JC was shuddering and gasping and wet with come, his hand dropping to his side.

        Justin touched JC's foot.

        Startled, JC jumped and stared.

        "JC?"

        "Justin," JC said, and sat up, looking like he'd just come from a nightmare.  "Oh."

        "You okay?"

        "Yeah.  I..."  He looked down at himself.  "Let me go clean up."  He slipped from the bed and grabbed his suitcase and closed himself in the bathroom.

        Justin's hand burrowed between his thighs.

        When JC came out from the bathroom, he looked calm and relaxed.  Justin's boxers were wet and sticky.  The two of them talked as though nothing had happened.  Justin pretended not to notice the tremble in JC's hand.

        "What?" Lance asked.

        "Where's Chris?"

        Lance glanced at Joey.  Joey glanced at Lance.

        "Where's Chris?" Justin repeated, glaring at them.

        "Why?" Joey asked.

        "Why?  Because he's my best friend and I haven't seen him in days.  What's wrong?  Where is he?  What happened?"

        "Nothing," Lance said.  "He's fine.  He just hasn't been around much."

        "What's he doing?" Justin asked.

        "Not answering his phone," Joey said.

        "What?"

        "Howie keeps calling and he won't answer.  Howie called me to make sure everything's okay.  What am I supposed to say?  I don't know why Chris won't talk to him."

        "Howie's getting upset about it," Lance said.  "Chris has been...not himself lately."

        "It's kind of my fault," Justin said.

        "No, it's not," Lance said.

        "Don't even start," Joey told Justin.

        "I want to talk to him, but I can't go anywhere," Justin said.  "Be my foot soldiers.  Fetch Chris and bring him to me."

        "Aye, aye, cap'n," Joey said, and saluted.

        "Will we get paid for this?" Lance asked.

        "It's not a dangerous mission or anything," Justin said.

        "Yeah, but something could be really wrong," Lance said.

        "He could be having an affair," Joey said.  "Or on drugs.  Or he got somebody pregnant.  Or he's pregnant.  Or he has some terrible disease.  Or-"

        "Who are we talking about?" JC asked, coming into the room.

        "Chris," Justin said.

        JC's face darkened.

        "You're not still mad at him, are you?" Justin asked.

        "Don't expect me to forgive him," JC said.

        "He was upset."

        "He was stupid," Joey said.  "Okay.  Leaving.  Good-bye, Justin.  Good-bye, JC.  Come, Lance."

        "That's AJ's line," Justin said.

        "You know, it's going to be me, Kevin, and Justin Jeffre sitting around being bored while the rest of you go off and frolic in the mist," Joey said.

        "You could always talk them into a gay threesome," Justin suggested.

        "I'd pick Justin over Kevin," Lance said.

        "I'd pick Kevin," JC said.

        "Or you can hang with me and JC," Justin invited.  "We can show you how it's really done."

        "No thank you," Joey said.  "I know plenty about your sex life without joining in on it."

        "Your loss," JC said.

        "Is it ever," Justin said.

        God damn it.  He'd better be sleeping or taking care of Justin and not off with some French whore again.  AJ dropped the phone and cursed under his breath.

        "What's wrong?"

        He turned in the darkness.  A guilty flush swept him.  "I thought you were asleep."

        "You calling Lance?"

        "Yeah.  He's not answering."

        "Come back to bed."

        "Are you-"

        "AJ, come back to bed."

        He crawled into the bed, welcoming the warm, comforting body he found there.

        "What?"

        He patted his pockets.  "My phone, I left it - - AJ's supposed to call."

        "Go back and get it," Joey said.  "I'll meet you at Chris's room."

        "Chris isn't in his room."

        "Yeah, but we can stand in the hallway and knock and call his name and look like idiots while we try to figure out where to start the search."

        Lance laughed and jogged back to his room.  Joey continued on to Chris's room.  "Hey, Chris," he called, banging his fist on the door.  "Little CK, open up!"

        The door opened.

        "Whoa.  You're here.  What are you doing here?"

        "What do you want?" Chris asked, irritated.

        "Come on."

        "No, thanks."

        "It'll take two minutes."

        "I'm-"

        "Christopher, come with me."  Joey took Chris's hands and pulled.

        Lance returned.  "You found him!"

        "He was in his room.  And you didn't want to look there," Joey admonished.

        "You okay?" Lance asked Chris.

        Chris pulled himself away from Joey but consented to follow them down the hallway in silence.  That was, until they stopped and knocked at a door.  "Wait.  You - - I don't-"

        JC opened the door.  Blue eyes fell on Chris and lit with fury.

        "Justin, we brought Chris," Lance said.

        "Hey!  Come on in," Justin called cheerfully.

        JC's face darkened.

        Joey carefully, carefully eased JC to one side and Lance guided in Chris.

        "Where have you been?" Justin demanded.  "Here I am bored out of my mind lying here like an idiot and you don't even bring me flowers.  I can't rehearse, I can't get up and do anything, we're cancelling everything, I can't have sex - - I can't even have sex.  I had no idea how sucky that is.  Come and entertain me.  Joey was keeping me company, but he ran out of material and started telling the same jokes over again.  Uh, guys?  Guys?  Do something.  Chris's eyes are going to start leaking.  Chris?"

        Joey rubbed Chris's back.

        "I'm sorry, Justin, I'm so sorry.  I don't know what to say, I can't do anything, I'm so sorry."

        "What?  For what?  What?" Justin asked.

        "When I said, I said that-" Chris caught himself in time.  "When I said what I said.  To upset you."

        Justin turned bright red.  "Oh.  That.  Right."

        "Why'd you do it?" Joey asked quietly.

        "I was mad and I wanted to make a point and I wasn't thinking," Chris said.

        "Obviously," Lance said.

        "He feels bad enough already," Justin told Lance.  "Chris, it's...  Yeah, it was sort of mean, but...  It's my fault, it's my problem."

        "It's not your fault," JC said to Justin sharply.

        "Yeah, it's your fault," Justin told JC.  "So don't be pissed at Chris for a situation you created."

        "I know it's my fault," JC said clearly, his voice dark.  "I know that I've done this to you.  You don't have to remind me.  I live with it every day."

        "Oh god," Justin said.  "I wasn't trying to start this.  Chris, stop being guilty.  JC, stop being a martyr.  You can't hug me because you'll probably break something, and you can't hug each other because JC's not in the mood.  So hug Joey and Lance or something.  Now.  Do my bidding.  I'm an invalid and you have to do what I say because you feel sorry for me.  Hug."

        Joey hugged Chris.  Lance hugged JC.  Chris felt more guilty than ever, and JC was looking murderous.

        Justin made Joey and Lance take JC out for a walk.  Then he made Chris sit on the bed and talk with him.  By the time Joey and Lance let JC go back, Justin was giving out rich peals of happy laughter and Chris was cosy on the bed with him like nothing had ever changed.

        Brian couldn't talk.

        AJ was braiding Howie's hair.

        Brian slept leaning against Nick, who held him close with one hand and drew with the other.

        Howie kissed AJ.

        Kevin feigned sleep.

        A phone rang.

        It was Lance.

        He walked back to JC and Justin's room.  JC was in one corner, ignoring everyone, being ignored.  Justin was on the bed, Joey and Chris lounging there, too.  Lance crawled over Joey and curled up by Justin's feet.

        They were going to be back on the road soon.  They'd spend all day tomorrow travelling, then travel and rest the next day and start back with a big concert in the night.

        Justin was in a great mood.  He couldn't wait to get back out there.  Never mind that he was bruised and aching from head to toe, literally.  He hated cancelling shows.  He hated inactivity.  They were on tour, and he wanted to be touring.

        JC was in an awful mood.

        They knew why, of course.  Nobody talked about it, but they all felt it.  Justin could have died.  There was no question about it.  One degree of difference, and right now Justin would be dead.

        The weird thing was that instead of smothering Justin, instead of hovering and cuddling and whispering sweet nothings, JC was keeping his distance.

        Lance didn't understand it.  Neither did Joey and Chris.

        Justin did.  He understood.  He could wait.

        "Nick, it's Drew."

        "I'm sorry, Drew's not here right now.  If you leave your name and number, I'll lose them."

        "If you give the phone to Brian, I'll let you have phone sex with me later."

        "Later when?"

        "Later.  Not right now, okay?"

        "Okay.  You know he can't talk."

        "I know."

        "Okay.  Hold on.  Brian, Drew wants to talk at you."

        Brian frowned and accepted the phone.

        "Brian, it's Drew.  I know you can't talk to me, but I need to talk to you anyway.  I know I can talk to Nick about this, but I'm not...I'm not ready yet.  I'm only talking to you because you can't talk back to me.  I...I love you, Brian, I love you and I miss you.  I miss you all of the time.  I miss Nick, too.  I don't even know how else to say it.  It goes a lot deeper than just 'I miss you.'  You know that.  I know you know that, I know you know how I feel."

        Brian listened.

        "Justin bought me these cheap girly teen magazines just so I could look at pictures of you.  I look at them all of the time.  Some of them have old pictures and you look so young and I think, wow, that's Brian before I ever kissed him, that's Nick before he loved me.  And some of them have new pictures, recent pictures, and it hurts me that I have to look in a magazine to see what you look like now."

        Brian listened.

        "Jeff made love to me.  I know you know that, but...but I have to say it, I have to be honest about it, I need to talk to somebody.  Brian, Jeff made love to me.  It went so deep.  No, no, I don't mean it that way, I mean him, us, what I felt when I was with him.  He loves me and I love him and I could feel that.  I needed to feel that.  I needed to feel it with someone.  I wish that I were stronger, I wish that I hadn't done that, I wish that I could be strong and wait for you.  I don't know why I can't.  He made love to me and I needed that.  It wasn't just sex.  It wasn't pity sex.  Jeff knew that I needed to be loved.  And he loved me.  He still loves me, I love him.  But it wasn't you.  It wasn't you and it should have been you and I don't know if I'm mad at you, or mad at myself, or mad at both of us.  Why can't you be here with me, and why can't I wait to be with you?"

        Brian listened.

        "Jeff made love to me and it was between us, about us, just the two of us, him and me.  It wasn't about you.  It wasn't about...about...about my brother, either.  It was about me and Jeff, the desire we feel for each other.  But he's married and I'm married and we shouldn't have done it.  It was wrong.  I can't do that again.  I know that the three of you had an arrangement.  You all think it's okay if we all partner-swap like a bad soap opera.  I'm not okay with that, I can't do that, I'm not like that.  I need to be with you and Nick, and that's all.  I can't be with Jeff when it's convenient, when I'm horny and he's available.  He's not available, and neither am I."

        Brian listened.

        "I can't do what you want me to do.  I know what you want me to do.  You want me to be with him.  Brian, I can't.  It hurts me too much.  It's not right.  I can't be with him.  It's wrong and I won't do it."

        Brian grabbed Nick's sketchpad and pencil.  Nick stared at him, startled.

        "I'm not explaining any of this right," Drew said.  "I don't even know half of what I'm saying.  I'm sorry if I sound confused."

        Nick took the phone.  "Drew, do something for me."

        "Nick?"

        "Do something for me.  Give Jeff the phone."

        "He's sleeping."

        "I don't care, give him the phone.  Oh, hold on.  Brian says he loves you.  He loves you and he wants you to be happy and Brian, I already said that you love him like three times.  Fine.  Brian loves you.  Got that?"

        "I love him, too."

        "Drew loves you.  Drew, give Jeff the phone.  Wake him up first."

        "Nick-"

        "Do what I say."

        "I don't trust you."

        "Too bad."

        Drew went to get Jeff.  He found Jeff sleeping on the sofa, on top of Nick.  He nudged Jeff's shoulder and said, "Phone for you."

        Jeff made a confused, tired sound and pushed himself up, saying, "Yeah?  What?"

        "Jeff, it's Nick Carter.  Nick Carter Littrell Lachey."

        "Hi."

        "Brian can't talk but he's writing down things and he wants me to tell you - - what?  I'm not saying that.  You say it.  Damn.  Jeff, Brian wants you to sic Nick on Drew."

        "What?"

        "Sic Nick on Drew. That's what it says.  Sic Nick on Drew.  I guess he means sex.  Yes, he means sex.  Brian wants you to make Nick screw Drew?  Brian, you know they're not going to."

        "When am I supposed to do this?"

        "Jeff wants to know when.  Brian says as soon as possible.  Hey, if you do it now, stay on the line and let me listen.  Ouch!  Don't hit me!  You're sick, you can't go around hitting people."

        "Am I allowed to explain to them first, or do you just want me to do it?"

        "Should he explain first - - no, I'm getting a violent no on that one.  Just do it?  Yes.  Just do it, Nike man."

        "You're sure that this is a good idea?"

        "Are you sure that this is a good idea?  Brian says yes.  I say probably not."

        "Okay.  Is that it?"

        "Is that it?  Yes, that's it.  Let me talk to Drew."

        Jeff handed over the phone and went back to sleep.

        "Nick?"

        "Drew, can I have sex with you?"

        "Yes."

        "Now?"

        "When I see you in Kendig."

        "Okay.  That's good."

        JC dried him silently, taking care not to cause more pain.

        "JC, I'm worried about Chris."

        JC didn't say anything.

        "He won't talk to Howie.  He won't tell me why.  I want you to talk to him."

        "No."

        "He won't tell anyone what's going on.  He'll tell you.  Please, JC.  You know how he feels about Howie.  Something's going on and Howie's going nuts and we can't help him if we don't understand."

        "It's not my job to help Chris."

        Justin gripped JC's forearm.  "Chris is our friend.  He's always there for us.  We're here for him.  He drove home how fucked-up I am and made you feel guilty, that's your problem."

        JC looked at Justin.  His eyes travelled down the damage.  "Is this my punishment?"

        "What?"

        JC left the bathroom.

        "What?" Justin asked again, bewildered.

        "I can't tell Chris anything if he won't answer the phone," Howie said.

        "I'll tell him when I see him," AJ said.

        "You will?" Nick asked.

        Brian glared at Nick.

        "What, it's not like I'm all for cheating, don't look at me like that," Nick said.  "You know I'd tell you if I cheated on you.  No!  No, I mean...you know what I mean, don't give me the evil face."

        "I can't believe you're not going to tell them," Kevin said.

        "What did I just say?" AJ demanded.  "I'm going to tell him, in person, in Kendig.  You don't say it over the phone.  'Hi, Lance, I'm doing Howie, see you in a week.'"

        "Can we just ask why you're doing Howie?" Nick asked.

        "I don't even want to know," Kevin said.

        "It's none of your business," AJ said.

        "Everything we do is each other's business," Nick said.

        "I'm not talking about my personal sex life with you," AJ said.

        "We know all about yours, but we don't need to share mine," Howie added.

        "You don't know all about my sex life," Nick said.

        "Nick, we know all about it," AJ said.  "You're the official Backstreet Boyslut.  You - oof!"

        Brian breathed hard.

        "You were saying?" Nick asked.

        "Don't you ever do that again," AJ warned Brian.

        "Don't talk about me like that and he won't have to," Nick said.  "I'm a slut?  I'm not the one who's cheating on my boyfriend."

        "I'm going to explain it to him," AJ said.  "But I don't need to explain myself to you."

        "You might want to practice," Kevin said.  "I don't know how you're going to make it sound as acceptable to Lance as you seem to find it yourself."

        "I know."

        "I would have given anything to see him.  You were talking about cutting our vacation short and I couldn't believe it.  That you would have the nerve to suggest that to us.  I understand why you said it, and for professional reasons it made perfect sense, but we need a week, and I had to see Howie, and Lance misses AJ."

        "I know."

        "Then we started missing each other's calls, and I hadn't talked to him in a few days, and I was tense anyway, and I said what I said to Justin.  I wasn't thinking.  I never want to hurt Justin or you like that.  That was the most awful thing I've ever done in my entire life.  The worst.  I'm sorry."

        "And?"

        "It scared me.  To see that.  He needs you so badly.  He used to be the most normal, regular person I knew, and ever since he got with you he's been spiralling out of control.  Out of his mind.  You do things to him, and he does things to you...  It's terrifying.  To see that happen."

        "You think it could happen to you."

        "I don't think that Howie's going to turn me into a raving lunatic.  But that need and dependence.  That clawing hunger for each other.  How can you get to be like that about someone?  I don't want to feel like that."

        "You don't need Howie?"

        "I do.  That's what scares me.  I'm starting to slip into that mindset.  I won't ever get to the place where you and Justin are, but...I don't want to start down that road.  That cycle of need.  I don't want that."

        "You're a coward."  JC stood.  "And Justin has never been a regular person."  He left.

        Brian rolled his eyes.

        "What's this thing with Drew?  You want Nick to screw him?  Why?  You know they won't.  They don't do that anymore.  They're all freaked out now.  I guess it was a one night stand.  I swear, you let a guy do you and you never hear from him again.  Good thing I never let Nick have his wicked way with me.  Although it could've been nice.  I bet he gives great blow jobs.  He must get a lot of practice."

        Brian considered that.

        "But they won't do each other.  Drew's all repressed and suppressed and denying and whatever.  And you know as long as Drew's hiding from it, Nick won't do anything.  He always makes Drew make the first move.  He's too scared to be a man and do it himself.  And Drew's avoiding the whole thing.  Avoiding Nick.  How can you tour with someone if you never speak to him?"

        Brian didn't know.

        "Jeff said one time their eyes met and the whole bus got hot.  Can you imagine?  But Drew pretends that Nick doesn't exist, or that he doesn't exist, and Nick takes his cue from Drew.  I bet Nick's living in this tortured, guilty place.  And Drew's living a life of serious, serious denial.  I know that it's not really normal to screw your brother, but can't they accept it?  It's been a year.  It happened.  Get on with your life."

        Brian agreed.

        "You really think they'll do it?"

        Brian nodded.

        "Why?"

        "Why?" Nick asked, taken aback.

        "How horny are you?"

        "Why, you have something in mind?"

        "If you do something for me, you can do me."

        "What?"

        "Will you do it?"

        "I need to know what it is first."

        "No, you don't."

        "Yes, I do."

        "If you do it, you can do me."

        "When?"

        "Tonight."

        "And if I don't?"

        "You can't."

        "Are you serious?"

        "Yes."

        "Okay.  What is it?"

        "Go talk to Drew."

        "What?"

        "Talk to Drew."

        "About what?"

        "Anything."

        "Why?"

        "I asked you to."

        "Now?"

        "Yes."

        "No."

        "Yes."

        "No."

        "Why not?"

        "You know why not."

        "What, you're afraid of him?"

        "No.  He's just...he might..."

        "You're afraid of him."

        "I am not."

        "Big, strapping Nick afraid of his little brother."

        "I'm not!"

        "You can't even talk to him."

        "I can.  I just don't want to."

        "Too bad."

        "Why?"

        "Now you can't do me."

        "You sure about that?"

        "Yes."

        Damn.

        "Christopher, this is your mother.  Answer your phone."

        "Chris, it's Howie.  Did you hear about that article in People and Nick's big fat mouth?  There was this group of girls up front tonight with signs with pictures of us, calling us short and sweet.  It was great.  Miss you.  Call me."

        "Chris, man, pick up the phone, dude.  I've been like calling for days here.  You dead or something?"

        "Chris, it's H - - ouch!  AJ, man, watch the hair.  Sorry.  I hope Justin's okay.  I'm sure JC's taking good care of him.  I hope you're taking care of yourself.  Miss you.  Call me."

        "Chris, it's Howie again.  I miss you.  Call me.  Any time.  I know you're busy, and I know our schedules make it rough.  But like I say, I miss you.  Love you."

        "I'm just calling to make sure your service works.  Howie called me and wanted to know if you're okay.  Again.  Call him, Chris.  Call him.  Call him.  Oh, this is Lance.  I hope you knew that.  Joey, stop laughing at me, you idiot."

        "Chris, this is Joey.  Lance called me an idiot."

        "Yo, dude, like, what's the deal here?  I gotta call your work number to get in touch?  Plus, your mom is like totally pissed.  She's gonna disinherit you or something.  I know you've got big bucks now, but still, that's totally harsh.  Oh, god, like, it was nuts.  Howie Dorough called me.  Can you believe it?  I'm totally jealous that you get to do him."

        "Chris, it's Howie.  They said you're back onstage tomorrow night.  Stay safe."

        "Hi."

        Drew stepped back uncertainly.  "You...want to come in?"

        "Yeah."  Nick entered and turned to Drew, one naked foot rubbing the top of the other, thumbs hooked in the back pockets of his jeans.  "If you were going to sleep or something-"

        "No, I was just...no."  Their gazes skittered close but didn't make contact.  Drew decided to watch the floor off to one side.  "Are you...  You wanted something?"

        "Yeah.  No.  I...just..."

        Silence.

        Silence.

        "I'm sorry I had sex with Jeff."

        "I can't believe you don't remember."

        Drew turned away, ashamed.

        "I remember everything," Nick said, his voice tense with anger and pain.

        "I didn't mean to," Drew said.

        "You didn't mean to what?" Nick asked.  "You didn't mean to forget?  You didn't mean to have sex with me in the first place?  You didn't mean to be so beautiful and sexy that I wanted you?  You didn't mean to what?"  He grabbed Drew's elbow and hauled Drew closer.  "You didn't mean to what?"

        "I didn't mean to fall in love with you!" Drew shouted.

        "I didn't either!"

        "Then don't!  Just don't.  Don't."

        "Don't love you?"

        "Why did you...how could you...you let Jeff make love to me."

        "Yes."

        "Why?"

        "You wouldn't let me do it.  It was the only way."

        "The only..."

        "The only way for me to be close to you.  The only way for me to give you what you needed.  You wouldn't accept it from me, but I thought that you might accept it from him.  And it was something he wanted to do, for me and for you and for himself."

        "I don't...it's...there are parts.  I remember...parts."

        Nick's gaze sought his.

        Drew kept his eyes lowered.  "I remember parts," he repeated softly.  "Pieces.  Of that night."

        "When you let me."

        "Yes."

        "What do you remember?"

        Drew shook his head.

        "What do you remember?"

        Drew raised his eyes to Nick's chin.  His fingers came up to touch Nick's mouth, passing over a soft lower lip.  His other hand came to Nick's shoulder and he raised himself and their lips met, their mouths met, sweet curves molding to each other.

        Nick wrapped his arms around Drew, pulling Drew's body close to his own.  Drew was smaller than Jeff.  He remembered this, remembered Drew in his embrace.  Remembered this kiss.

        "No, I can't," Drew said.

        Nick let go immediately.  Drew backed up and turned away, walked away, paced for a moment.  Nick waited, wiping his hand over his mouth, hand on his hip.  He waited for Drew to say something, to tell him to leave, to try to explain.

        A hand on the small of his back.  A hand slid over his shoulderblade, up to his neck, down over his bicep through his shirt.

        "Nick," Drew said softly.

        Nick turned.

        Drew looked at Nick.  "That's his ring on your finger."  He pulled his shirt over his head, dropped it, baring himself to the waist.  "That's my blood in your veins."

        He was bored, bored, bored, bored, bored.

        And JC wouldn't even screw him to give him something to do.

        He really wasn't used to this whole lack of sex thing.  Normally he got some every day.  Every night.  Every five minutes.  Now, he hadn't gotten laid since before he'd fallen.  Yeah, he'd come in his pants that one time, but other than that, it had been a dry spell.  Justin never had dry spells.  He was with JC.

        Chris was all mopey again, and wouldn't talk to Lance, for whatever reason.  Joey was trying to keep everyone happy, but that wasn't working too well.  JC was being quiet and bitchy.  Justin hated it when JC got bitchy.

        Plus, he was one giant bruise, and it hurt.  Everything ached.  All over.  A lot.

        One little blow job.  Was that too much to ask?

        From JC, of all people?

        Fine time for JC to withdraw, right when Justin needed some.

        Needed him.

        Maybe Justin could pick up a vibrator or something...

        Nick went straight to the shower.

        Jeff sat up and waited.

        Nick came out and dressed and hugged himself and paced.

        Jeff waited.

        "I hate myself."

        "Why?"

        "Why?  Why?  Because I just had sex with my little brother, that's why.  What, isn't that a good enough reason?  It's great for you, you get to screw both of us, you get to fulfill your sick fantasies of us getting it on.  Do you have any morals at all?  This is my life!  This is my family, this is my brother, this is real.  Maybe you don't see anything wrong with me and Drew screwing as long as we're both gay and well-hung, and god knows Nick Carter doesn't see a thing wrong with it, but I still have a soul, and as long as I do, I will have a big problem with fucking my brother!"

        "What happened?"

        "The little shit came on to me.  All of this time, all year, a whole year, he's been avoiding me, pretending he doesn't remember.  Oh, he remembers.  He remembers all right.  He knew exactly what he was doing.  He's a slut.  And I fell for it, I fell hard, I gave him everything he wanted."

        "Come here."

        "Why?  So you can smell his sex on me?  Oh believe me, he was rubbing against me like a cat in heat.  I could shower forever and still have him on me."

        "Nick.  Come here."

        "I'm not coming near you.  You want some, you can take Drew.  He'd love it."

        "Who are you mad at the most?"

        "You for playing God.  Drew for jerking me around.  Myself for falling for it, for going through with it, for letting the two of you do this to me."

        "You think he's playing games?"

        "I think he's a slut.  I think he plays innocent to manipulate people.  I think he has us all on a string."

        "You think he was lying?  About not remembering?"

        "Yes."

        "Why?"

        "So he'd be innocent and I'd feel guilty.  He's jerking us around.  We went too far, and instead of facing it he retreated and left it all up to me.  Poor little Drew's traumatized - - screw that!  He remembers."

        "You're angry and you're scared and you don't believe a word you're saying.  Come here."

        Nick sat.

        Jeff's arms and legs wrapped around him, held him closer.  "It's okay."

        "I had sex with Drew."

        "You made love with him."

        "He was beautiful."

        "He always is.  I'm sure you were, too."

        "I don't know what to do."

        "Right now, just sleep."

        "This is Brian's phone.  Brian's a mime.  My name is Nick and I'll be your answering service today.  Press one if you want to talk to a caterpillar.  Press two if you want to suck my dick.  Press hey!  Ouch!  Oh, damn.  I hope this is Drew.  If this is Brian's mom or somebody, pretend I didn't say that.  Oh, come on, she hates me anyway.  Ouch!"

        "Nick, let me talk to Brian.  Please."

        "It's Drew and he sounds like he's going to start crying.  Do something," Nick said urgently, worried.

        "Brian?  Brian, it's Drew.  I...I made love with Nick.  My brother.  Brian..."

        Brian's heart ached.

        "Brian, I'm so scared."  Drew hated the shaking, choked sound of his voice.  He pressed on, forcing himself to confess.  "I made love with him, I cheated on you, I cheated on Nick, I betrayed Jeff.  He's my brother and I, I, Brian, what am I going to do?  Please, help me, I'm so scared, I love him, I want him so badly.  It was so good, it felt, it felt...it's been so long..."

        Nick handed Brian paper and a pen.  Brian scribbled quickly.  Nick leaned in and tilted the receiver to his mouth and said, "Drew, Brian says that he loves you, he's always loved you, he always will."

        "Brian, I love you," Drew said.  "Please, you have to understand that.  I love you and Nick so much, more than anything.  That always comes first.  My feelings for my brother, they're different, they're not like that, it's not the same.  You'll always come first, you and Nick.  You have to believe me."

        "Brian says he wants you to calm down a little.  He understands.  He knows there's no threat.  Hey, as long as he's saying he loves you, can I say I love you?  I love you, Drew."

        "I love you," Drew whispered.  Brian wrote it for Nick.  "I'm sorry.  I'm sorry I've done this.  I'm sorry."

        "What does that say?" Nick asked.  "Oh.  Okay.  Drew, stop apologizing.  Wait.  You're upset and you're apologizing.  Did you screw Nick?  Did you?  Was it good?  Are you okay?  Would you stop hitting me!  I want to know if they made hot sweet romantic love tonight like they should've done ages ago.  Woah!  Drew, help, Brian's kissing me.  What did I do?  I did something right.  What did I say?"

        "Tell Nick I love him more every day," Drew said.

        "Drew...loves...you...more...every...day.  Oh.  Me?  That's cool.  Thanks, Drew.  What?  Oh, Drew, Brian says to stop crying.  You're crying?  Why are you crying?  Brian, why is he crying?  Make him stop crying.  No Drew tears.  What's wrong?  Did Nick break his heart?  Stupid Neanderthal.  Brian, fix my Drew."

        Scared, relieved, loved, broken-hearted, and miserable, Drew wept.  He sobbed.  All of the emotions of the year spilled out of him.  The hope, the fear, the loneliness.

        "Brian says he loves you and he wants to hold you and help you and make it all right.  I do, too.  Stop crying, it hurts.  This sucks.  This sucks and we can't help you and that sucks even more.  If we were there we could, you know, dry your sad Drew tears and give you a nice cuddle and make it all better.  Brian would say something sweet and profound, and I'd make a dirty joke, and we could get cosy and you'd let me pet you.  I like to pet you.  You're nice to pet.  Not that I don't respect you as a human being and everything.  But you're nice to touch.  I miss touching you.  I like to touch Brian, too.  If you touch him right he moans all pretty.  He won't let me screw him while he's sick.  It totally sucks.  I've been hard for days now.  It's been ages since I was fucked right.  I miss the way Brian fucks me.  He's so good.  Now I don't have you and I don't have him.  Drew?  What's it like touching Nick?"

        Drew said something softly.

        "If...you...feel...like...sin...against...my...fingers...then...Brian...feels...like...heaven."

        Drew said something even more softly.

        "Jeff...feels...like...a...foreign...power...and...and...and...and?  And...Nick...feels...like...home.  What the fuck does that mean?  Jeff feels like a foreign power.  Great, it's like screwing Saddam Hussein.  Way to go, Drew.  What do you mean he's laughing at me?  It's better than crying.  Is he finished crying?  Good.  Drew, are you okay?  Yes?  Good.  I love you, Drew.  I can't wait to see you.  Heaven and I miss you."

        "I've been resting all day.  I can't sleep."

        "Hold still and relax."

        "I'm horny."

        "Calm down."

        "Easy for you to say.  You have the weirdest libido ever.  Some of us have normal, healthy libidos.  I want sex."

        "Justin, go to sleep."

        "I want sex."

        "You're not getting any here."

        "Since when?"

        "Since I'm sleeping."

        "I'll jerk off."

        "Just sleep, okay?"

        "You know what I need?"

        "I can think of a few things."

        "A vibrator."

        "A what?"

        "A vibrator."

        "I can't wait to hear this."

        "I'm going to buy one tomorrow."

        "That'll make great press."

        "I'm going to use it, too."

        "Hope you like it."

        "I will."

        "Guess you won't need me anymore."

        "Guess not."

        "Shoving some plastic crap up your ass is going to be so much better than my clumsy efforts at lovemaking."

        "You know it.  Wait.  Plastic?"

        "You don't need my tongue licking down there anymore.  You'll just smear on some lube."

        Justin made a small sound of confused protest.

        "And I'm sure that the even vibration will satisfy you.  You can jam that thing up your ass as far as you want.  You don't need me thrusting into you to get you off."

        "I bet there's like soft plastic.  Or leather.  Do they come in leather?"

        "And if you want foreplay, you won't need my fingers or my kisses or me undressing you.  You can just kiss your nice new vibrator."

        "Kiss it?"

        "That should satisfy your taste for cock."

        "JC, what are you saying?"

        "I'm saying that if you start using a vibrator, you're not getting any from me."

        "Jealous?"

        "The only things that ever go up your ass, I put there."

        "Excuse me, it's my butt, I can do with it what I want."

        "Excuse me, it's mine."

        "It's mine!  And I can shove plastic crap up there if I want."

        "What experience do you think a vibrator will give you that I can't?"

        "It might get me off.  You don't do that anymore."

        "I will, Justin, I will.  I promise.  Just not right now, okay?"

        "Okay.  I know. But soon.  Please.  God, JC, I want you."

        "I know."

        "You do want me, don't you?"

        "Always, baby."

        "You could at least kiss me or something."

        "Not...not right now."

        "Okay.  That's okay.  I can wait."

        "No vibrator?"

        "Nothing but the real thing.  You think once I've had you, anything else would ever satisfy me?"

        "No."

        Justin laughed.  "Good night, JC."

        "Good night, baby."

        "I know."

        "When you were with him..."

        "Yes.  We made love."

        "It's not like it is with you."

        "I know."

        "Why aren't you jealous?"

        "I know you love him.  But your feelings for him aren't about your feelings for me.  I'm the one you chose.  I'm the one you married.  I'm the one you're with right now."

        "I'll always come back to you."

        "You'll never leave me."

        "Never."  Nick pushed himself even closer.  "I don't deserve you."

        "I know.  I'm too good for you."

        "Why do you keep me around?"

        "You're really good in bed."

        "Thanks."

        "What's wrong?"

        "I...  It's something Drew said."

        "What?"

        "I know I love you.  And I know he loves Nick and Brian.  But he said...he implied that the bond that he and I share is deeper and more meaningful than...than the one that you and I share."

        "You came from the same place.  You share a unique experience.  You share blood."

        "What goes deeper than that?" Nick asked.

        "That depends," Jeff said.  "What do we share?"

        "Our lives."

        "Our selves.  Heart, body, and soul."

        "We share a soul?"

        "Yes."

        "Oh."

        "That's deeper than blood."

        "I'll say."

        "Not to discount your connection to Drew.  I'd never do that.  But what you and I share...  I think the problem is that you're trying to compare these two relationships.  You can't.  They're completely different.  They come from two very different places, two very different parts of you."

        "I love you."

        "Good."

        "I love Drew."

        "So do I."

        "I'm going to sleep and rest my brain."

        "Good night."