Together Part Ten

Together, seventh in "Living"

Rating: NC-17 for graphic male-male sex

Disclaimer: The young men who comprise the Backstreet Boys, *NSYNC, and 98 Degrees are their own people. The author has not met anyone here described, nor does the author mean to suggest that these people act this way in real life. This writing is a work of fiction. I make no money from this venture.

Dedication: This slashfic is for Ewan McGregor and the Savage Garden slashers.

Notice: There are six stories that come before this one. Read those first. I'll wait.

Warning: "Together" includes depictions of, discussion of, and references to, consensual incest.

Together we have seen -"The Answer to Our Life"

"Together" Part Ten:
And I'm sorry for the things I did / For your teardrops over words I said -"It's True"

Justin Timberlake Chasez knocked on Justin Jeffre's suite door.

Justin opened the door. "Hi, guys."

"Hi," Justin said with a smile. "Can Chris come out and play?"

"No! Go away!" Chris's voice said.

Justin moved past Justin and into the room, where he found Chris folded up on the armchair. He pulled Chris's hair and kissed Chris's cheek and said, "Come on, let's go to my room."

"I like it here. Justin's pretty cool."

"I'm pretty cool, too."

"Must be a guy named Justin thing."

"You need a shave, man."

"You need a haircut, man."

"Yeah, well, you have small feet."

"You know what they say about guys with small feet."

"They're pretty sexy."

"That's right."

Justin grinned.

"JC told you I'm here?"

"Yeah. Can't trust him. Blabs all of your secrets."

"Did he tell you about the transvestite thing?"

"Ages ago."

"Damn."

"I know."

"I'd better get out of here. Don't want to be cramping Justin's style," Chris said, getting to his feet. "Thanks for letting me crash," he told Justin, shaking Justin's hand.

"Any time," Justin Jeffre said. "Take care of yourself."

"How's Lance?" Chris asked the other Justin.

"Mad," Justin said. "Lance is strong."

"I'm strong," Chris said.

"I know," Justin said. "You're one strong little Christopher." They entered the hallway and Justin closed the door. With JC was standing to one side, Justin hugged Chris. "Love you, man."

Chris sniffed and squeezed Justin and let go. "Going to my room. Gotta shave or something. See you guys later."

"You okay?" Justin asked, concerned.

"I'm..." Chris froze.

Justin turned and looked. No. No way. Not now. Give him a break.

"Chris," Howie said softly.

JC pulled Justin back protectively. Justin wriggled away to get closer to Chris.

"No," Chris said. "Don't say my name, don't talk to me, don't look at me. I hate you. I loathe you, I despise you, I detest you, you make my skin crawl. You make me sick. You're an egomaniac, you're self-absorbed, you don't care about anyone but yourself. You, that's all that matters, you and your precious ego. You're cheating on me and then you propose to me? What were you thinking? Were you thinking? Do you have a brain?"

"Chris," Justin murmured, reaching. Chris smacked away his hand and JC tensed, eyes widening with shock at the affront.

"You're disgusting," Chris said. "You're a loathsome, vile creature. I hate you and I never want to see you again. I want nothing to do with you, nothing, ever. Don't come near me again."

"Chris," Howie said.

"Shut up!" Chris shouted. "You know what? You can't suck cock for shit and your...hair...sucks!"

"You feel better?" Howie asked.

"No," Chris said. "I want you to die."

"Do you really?" Howie asked.

"Yes."

"I love you, Chris."

"No, you don't. How can you? You don't act like it! Cheating on me, how is that a demonstration of your love?"

"That wasn't about us."

"I'm going to hit him," Chris said to himself. "I'm going to hit him and rip out every strand of that ridiculous hair. I'm going to blacken those pretty dark eyes."

"You think my eyes are pretty?" Howie asked.

"No. They're the color of shit. God, do you have any idea, your arrogance, your blindness, you're incredible! You cheated on me, you cheated on me, and Lance, Lance, he had no idea, and for what? For what?!"

"Chris," Justin said, "let's go." He squeezed Chris's arm reassuringly and led him down the hallway, away from Howie. JC followed.

Joey had retrieved Chris's belongings from Howie's room and put them in his own. Now they got Chris's things and went to Chris's room, picking up Lance along the way. The five members of *NSYNC settled around Chris's room, Justin and Lance sitting with him on the bed, JC leaning in the corner of the room, Joey pacing slowly.

They were quiet, waiting for Chris.

Lance scratched Chris's back and broke the silence. "You look awful."

"Yeah." Chris was looking at the bedspread, but seeing something else. "His hair."

"You were going to rip it out," Justin said. "Every strand."

"It looks so good. There's this shimmer in it, this red tone. What did he do?"

"He and AJ dyed their hair," Lance said.

"I want to touch it," Chris said. "I want to bury my face in it. It's so soft and it smells so good. I want to-"

"What are you saying?" Joey asked.

"He said he loves me," Chris said.

"He's a bastard," Joey said.

"He cheated on you," Lance said.

"He didn't even say he's sorry," Justin said.

"He said my name."

"Oh my god," Joey said, and paced in another direction.

"Chris, Howie cheated on you. He was with AJ. He didn't tell you. Has he even apologized for it?" Lance asked.

"No, I know," Chris said, and rubbed his eyes. "Guys, you don't know. He's so..."

"Evil," Joey suggested.

"Judge him by his actions," Lance advised. "What has he done?"

"We made love and he asked me to marry him," Chris said.

"He cheated on you and hasn't acted apologetic once," Lance said.

"He gave me a flower."

"What are you, twelve?" Joey demanded.

"What have you been doing during this time away from him?" Justin asked.

"Driving Justin crazy," Chris said.

"You can't yell at Howie for two minutes and have everything be okay," Justin said. "You haven't solved anything."

"What's to solve?" Joey asked. "Howie's perfect and Chris is going back to him to get his heart broken again. This, this, is what you get for dating Backstreet Boys."

"Yeah, you two should've picked each other," Justin advised Chris and Lance.

"We'd make a good couple," Chris said.

Lance ran his hand over Chris's hair. "You'll be okay."

"I need sleep. And food."

"And a shower," Justin said.

"Thanks," Chris said.

"You stay here and sleep," Justin said. "You want company?"

"Was that an offer I can't refuse?" Chris asked.

"You wish," Justin said.

"No, you go," Chris said. "You all go, have a nice time. I'll stay here and recuperate."

"See you later," Justin said, and squeezed him. Lance and Joey gave Chris hugs and filed for the door with Justin, who was followed by JC, who closed the door.

Chris dropped to his back and rolled to one side.

That soft red shimmer.

"I love you, Chris."

That son-of-a-bitch.

Brian's fingers ran through Nick's hair. "You look good."

Brian had very pretty eyes.

He straightened Nick's shirt. "This works. You look great."

Pretty pretty Brian.

"You be nice to him," Brian said. "He really likes you. A lot. Give him a chance."

He bet Brian was a good kisser.

"Drew's very nice and very cute. You'll have a great time."

Brian was nice. Brian was cute.

"I think I'm almost jealous," Brian teased.

"Of whom?" Nick asked, and leaned close, almost kissing. Close. He could feel Brian exhale, that soft puff of warm air against his lips.

"Nick," Brian said softly, and Brian inhaled, and Brian's eyes closed.

He couldn't. He was a virgin. But Brian. Brian. "Frick."

"Frack," Brian breathed.

Nick licked his lips. So close. Right here. Everything he'd always wanted. Brian. Perfect, beautiful Brian.

Knock on the door.

Blue eyes opened; he stepped away but Brian took his hand. "Nick," Brian said, and looked right at him. "Nick, I love you."

His heart tore.

Brian held on, held on, let go.

Let go.

He turned. Opened the door.

Drew's lips shaped the word, "Wow."

Drew. Drew. His Drew. Not his Drew anymore. Used to be his Drew. Now Brian's. But he was Brian's. Wasn't he? "Hi."

"Hi," Drew said. "Are you, uh, hi." His fingers were pulling at the seam running up the outside of his jeans. Like he was nervous and fidgety and needed to do something with his hands. Nick used to do that, used to play with a pen to keep from grabbing Brian. Maybe Drew wanted to be touching Nick? "Do you want to go to lunch?"

"Yes," Brian said. "He's all ready. You go, have a nice time." One gentle push between Nick's shoulder blades. "Bye bye, boys." Brian closed the door.

Hey, that was his room. Shove him out of his own room. Mean Brian.

Oh, Drew. Drew was all short and cute. Nice. And Nick was going to be alone with him. Maybe. "Where are we going?"

"Upstairs," Drew said, and led the way.

Nick followed him up the stairs, keeping an eye on his butt. They went to the fifth floor lounge. Oh. Look. A picnic. A blanket, probably from Drew's bed, spread on the floor. Plates of food, sandwiches and hors d'oeuvre things, probably from the dining room or room service or something. And a page ripped from a magazine and taped to the wall.

"It's from a car ad," Drew said. "I wanted a scenic view." He was blushing. He was embarrassed and feeling stupid.

"I'm a virgin," Nick reminded himself, saying it out loud to reinforce it.

Drew smiled. "I'm not."

Nick felt a sudden flash of heat and awareness. "You're not?"

"I used to be."

"Now you're a sexual predator."

"Now I'm sexually aware."

Sexually aware. Aware of sex. Nick was aware of Drew's sex. That happy fat penis inside Drew's pants. It liked him. Nick sat quickly, on the edge of the blanket. "Food." Food would distract him from sex thoughts.

Except that Drew ate with his mouth, as most people did, and Drew had a very pretty mouth.

So Nick didn't look at Drew. He stopped looking at Drew and looked at his food instead.

Drew started talking. Asking questions. In a minute, they were holding a conversation. A real conversation. Nick forgot to stop looking, started talking and looking and acting like it was any regular meal with any regular Drew. Good food and his fun Drew and he was having a good time.

He forgot that Drew sucked. He forgot that he was a virgin. He forgot that he hated Drew. In fact, he liked Drew. A whole lot. Because Drew was cute and very nice and fun and sexy and not sucky in the least.

And then he was licking mustard from his finger and Drew's eyes went hot and he remembered, like a punch in the gut.

"You want me," he said.

"Yes," Drew said softly, breathily, almost eagerly.

"Stop it!"

Drew looked shocked and hurt and totally disoriented.

"I'm not here for sex! I'm not going to let you screw me just because you give me lunch! You didn't even pay for this!"

"Nick-"

"Don't touch me!" He moved away quickly, getting to his feet, putting space between himself and Drew. The little bastard.

"Nick, no. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I won't touch you." Drew stood slowly, hands up to show no ill intentions.

"I hate you."

"I'm sorry. It's, I won't. Yes, I want you. But I wasn't, I'm not here for sex. I'm here because I've spent a lot of time missing you, I've been missing you for a long time, and I want to spend time with you. This was my chance to spend time with you. I only wanted to be with you, to talk to you. I miss talking to you."

"You only talk to me for phone sex."

"Nick, that's not true."

"It is true."

"It's not, I never... I like to talk to you, you're good to talk to, you listen and you understand me. I love to listen to you, the way you talk, no one else says things like you do. I know you're hurt and I wish you would talk to me."

"You like to talk to me," he repeated suspiciously.

"Yes."

"About what?"

"Anything."

"Sex."

"Yes, sex, but other things, too. Anything. Everything we've been talking about, everything we've ever talked about. Do you remember the first time we made love? The first time we were in bed together."

"Not anal sex making love. Just blowjobs and stuff."

"Yes."

"Yeah."

"We were there together in bed, and we'd just done all of these new, incredible things that were changing my whole life, and there we were, and you were so good to me, Nick, you treated me so well. I was there and you were sort of holding me, and you were solid and warm and comfortable, and I thought, this is good, this is where I want to be forever, if only I can capture this moment and keep it with me forever. And you know what we were talking about?"

"Stained glass windows."

"Stained glass windows," Drew repeated. "We weren't talking about sex, Nick. We weren't talking about anything of grave importance. We were together, enjoying each other's company, sharing our thoughts on whatever we wanted. And that was special, that's important, that's what we need to do. To share things. It doesn't matter what. As long as you're talking, Nick, I want to be there to listen."

"Did I treat you well?"

"Yes. You were great to me. You gave me everything, you didn't push, you respected me."

"Do you respect me?"

"Yes. I have great respect for you, Nick."

"Why?"

"Why." Drew actually hesitated, and Nick saw him trying to find words. "Some of it's what Brian said the other day. You love hard, all of the time. That's very brave. And you take chances, you risk your heart. That's very brave. You're strong, Nick, and you have faith, and you're fully yourself, all of the time. You don't hide and lie. You're you, and I respect that, and I love that about you."

"Love." Nick took a step backward. "You said love."

"Yes." Drew was coming closer, slowly, giving him time to escape. He held still and tried not to run. Drew was coming closer, more and more.

"Not now."

Drew stopped.

"Not now."

Drew paused, nodded. "All right. Can we sit down again?"

"To talk."

"Yes."

"I..." Nick sat. Drew sat in front of him. Nick looked at Drew, the inspiring body hidden under informal clothes, Drew's casually confident posture.

Drew knew who he was. Drew was comfortable with who he was. Nick envied that.

"You were going to say something?" Drew prompted him.

He swallowed and confessed, daring to meet Drew's eyes. "I like talking with you."

"I know you're a virgin," Drew said, "and I respect your boundaries. May I hold your hand?" There was no trace of irony in his tone, only honesty and candidness and a sliver of hope.

Nick thought about it. He ran his hand through his hair. "I guess."

Drew reached over and took his hand, his left in Drew's right. And while they sat there talking, they held hands.

"You have very nice hands," Drew said, after a while. "I really like them."

Nick knew that Drew really did. Weird. Drew had a thing for his hands. Of all the body parts...

"They're beautiful," Drew said, and took Nick's hand in both of his, now, running a thumb over Nick's knuckles.

Nick remembered Drew sucking on his knuckles.

"You have such long fingers," and there was a catch in Drew's voice. Oh god. Drew was getting turned on. Right here in front of him. Thinking about his hands. Touching him.

Drew needed to get laid a lot more often. The poor man had a hair trigger.

Nick desperately bit back the instinctive question that rose to his lips: Where do you want my long fingers to touch you, Drew? He couldn't ask. No asking. Oh god. He knew where Drew wanted those fingers. Inside that sweet, tight little hole. He'd been the first to touch Drew there, the first ever. Drew loved it, wanted to be touched there, got off on it, his fingers, his touch. He knew how to touch Drew. He knew how to make Drew hard and begging for more.

He looked at Drew, and Drew looked at him, and his joints ached with wanting, and his heart ached with longing and pain, and his eyes ached with unshed tears.

"Nick, please," Drew said, and his voice was soft, and Nick heard, felt, his desperation. "Nick, please, I love you, I need you, it's been so long... I'm sorry, I promised myself I wouldn't, but I miss you so much..."

Oh, god. Oh, god, please, no. Drew wanted him, wanted him badly and lots and so so so much, he could feel it, he could see it, Drew's desire for him. This beautiful, sexual creature had, had unfulfilled erotic yearnings. Had shameful, lusting feelings. For him. Drew wanted him. Drew really needed to get laid. Nick knew exactly how to take care of that need. He was the expert on Drew's needs.

"You can say no," Drew whispered.

There was undisguised desire in Drew's eyes. And Drew was leaning closer. And Drew was lifting his hand to that pretty, wide mouth. And, oh, Nick's stomach flipped. It had been so...fucking...long. Hazel eyes closed and Drew was sucking on his knuckles, and Drew's mouth was hot and wet and hungry for him.

Oh, to kiss that mouth.

To get his cock in there. His cock in Drew's mouth. Drew would suck it for him. All he had to do was ask.

"No."

Drew held Nick's hand to his cheek, eyes closed, lips wet, lashes dark.

Nick clenched his jaw to keep from begging for more. No. He couldn't ask. He was a virgin. Drew sucked. He had to remember. He kept forgetting.

Drew slowly released Nick's hand, let him draw it away again. Drew's eyes opened. "I'm sorry."

"You wanted to be my friend."

"I do."

"Friends don't do that."

"I'm sorry. You're right." Drew swallowed. "Stay. There's food left, and we have a lot to catch up on, we've been apart for so long-"

"What was it like fucking your brother?"

Shock flared.

"Was he good?"

As he hugged one knee to his chest, Drew curled his fingers into a fist. "Don't ask me that."

"He wasn't good?"

"I won't fight with you."

"You gave it up pretty easy, didn't you?"

"Nick, don't."

"How long have you been lusting after him? Five years? Ten?"

"I won't let you do this to us."

"You'll screw around with anyone who asks! And there is no us. There's you and there's me and there's nothing between us, nothing, it's shit!"

"Tell me there's nothing between us! I know there is, you can't deny it."

"Name one thing!"

"Brian."

So close, so pretty, that familiar nickname, that sweet moment, Brian's breath passing over his lips, his heart tightening with anticipation and regret and a thousand emotions. And then, and then, Brian's love, those words, nothing held back, Brian's love there for him to see, a gift. Nick closed his eyes and counted to ten and opened them again. Drew was still there. "You married him."

"Yes," Drew said, calmer now.

"Do you love him?"

"Yes."

"Do you kiss him?"

"Yes."

"Do you have sex with him?"

"Not for a while now."

"Why not?"

Drew twisted his wedding band, his engagement ring, and looked at Nick with a slow sadness in his eyes. He was remembering something. "Something very special brought us together," Drew said. "It's almost, it's not quite gone, but it's... We didn't take care of it the way we should have, and it's been damaged. Brian and I still love each other, but we're not complete without that special thing that joined us in the first place. And we're waiting until we're whole again."

"Damaged."

"Hurt."

"Brian said that you want to be nice to me."

"He's right."

"Why?" Nick asked suspiciously, trying to judge for himself.

"Why do I want to be nice to you? It makes me feel good. I want to treat you well and make you happy and keep you safe."

"Like a pet."

"No. You're not a pet. You're my first love, and you're Brian's Nick, and he's letting me share this time with you. You're a human being with ideas and opinions and feelings and thoughts. You're an original thinker with very unique ways of expressing yourself."

"What do you mean?"

"You say what's on your mind. You cut to the chase. You say what's there, without skirting around it. It's reassuring and it's charming and it's a lot of fun. Sometimes it's shocking and sometimes it's unnerving. And sometimes it's hilarious." Drew tilted his head to one side, thinking. "You also express yourself through affection. You're a physical, affectionate person. You touch and you kiss and you show your love through sex."

Physical, affectionate person. He was a slut. Drew thought that he was a slut. Show love through sex. He was a slut, and Drew knew it. Drew knew. He couldn't hide behind virginity. Drew saw right through him to what he really was. A slut. Drew saw it, and so did everybody else. They all knew. He was a slut. He couldn't pretend not to be, he couldn't disguise it, even if he stopped screwing around they'd all see it inside him. He was a slut. Always had been. Always would be.

"Nick, what's wrong?"

"Tell me the truth."

"I will."

"Promise you won't lie."

"I promise I'll tell you the truth."

"No matter what."

"Drew."

"What? Nick, tell me."

"Drew." He reached over and squeezed Drew's hand. He didn't let go. He wanted to hold Drew's hand and he'd be damned if he was going to stop. "Drew."

"What?"

"Tell me. What you think of me."

"What I think of you?" Drew asked. "Nick, I think you're beautiful. Generous. Loving, sexual, talented. I think the world of you. I think you're very special. There's something about you, something unique and almost innocent. Direct."

"You said sexual."

"Yes. You're a very sexual person."

"Drew."

"What?" Drew was patient and concerned and eager to help.

"Tell me."

"What?"

"You promised to tell the truth. The whole truth. Nothing but the truth."

"So help me God."

"Do you think I'm a slut?"

"No." Drew's mouth got tight and his eyes got hard and shiny. "You're not a slut, Nick. You're sexual, you're a young man with a healthy libido, you express yourself through physical affection. You use sex sometimes, to distract yourself or other people from sensitive issues. When we get too close to something you're not ready for us to touch, you bring up sex to lead us off the path. It's a defense mechanism. You're not a slut. If anyone even hints that you are, send him to me, and I'll take care of it. And if you feel like you are, let me tell you right now, are you listening? Nick, look at me and pay attention. You are not a slut. You're beautiful and I love you."

"Why?"

"Why do you...you said...you said that you love me and I want to know why."

"I love you because of who you are, and what you mean to me."

"I seduced you and gave you sex."

"You did a lot more than that."

"I don't love you. You suck."

Drew frowned. "You don't have to be rude."

"I don't like you at all. You're short."

"You don't like me because I'm short?"

Nick was standing. "And you have a big ugly nose. And your eyes are a stupid color. And your mouth looks funny. And your jaw has this weird square thing at the corners. And 98 Degrees sucks. And I don't like you. And you're frigid."

"I am not frigid! 98 Degrees does not suck, don't even start that."

"You're frigid. You have a chastity belt. Your thighs are glued shut. You might as well be castrated for all the use you get out of it."

"I have sex!"

"When? When's the last time you let someone get a hand in there?"

"When... That's none of your business."

"And you're a self-righteous jerk!"

"I am not! Stop - - what's wrong with you?"

"I hate you."

"I love you. Come here." Drew squeezed him, strong arms holding him, his short muscular Drew right up against him, chest to chest. Drew looked up at him. "Tell me you love me."

"No. You suck."

Drew's cheek rested against his chest. "I miss you."

"You smell different."

"It's some French thing I bought."

"Stop it."

"Sorry."

"I liked the way you used to smell."

"Okay."

"Have you been kissing Brian?"

"Some."

"Is he still good?"

"Yes."

"Do you get hard?"

"Kissing Brian? Yes."

"Does he get hard?"

"Yes."

"Can you feel it?"

"I touched it."

"You did?"

"Through his pants."

"Did it feel good? He was hard?"

"Oh, Nick..."

"What?"

"He was hard, and..." Drew swallowed, turning his face to Nick's chest. "He moaned. It sent shivers... He sounded... And he moved, he, closer to my hand..."

"He wanted you."

"I wanted him," Drew whispered.

"You like to touch him."

"Yes."

"He wants you to touch him. He likes it."

"Yes."

"Drew."

"Nick," Drew whispered, and his hand ran slowly over Nick's back.

"Truth."

"Nothing but."

"Do you love me?"

"Yes."

"Forever?"

"Yes."

"Do you...you love me."

"Yes."

"A lot?" he asked, and there was a tremble of hope in his voice that he just couldn't suppress.

"Nick," and Drew looked up at him, so close, his serious pretty Drew. "Nick, do you know how much I love Brian?"

"I think so."

Drew took his hand, and put it to Drew's chest, over Drew's heart. He could feel the steady rhythm. He was touching Drew. Drew had a heartbeat. "Look at me." He was. "I love Brian. I am so deeply enraptured by that man that it's practically ridiculous. I still can't believe I'm actually married to him. He's my husband. I'm his husband. It still takes my breath away. He takes my breath away. He's romantic and he's silly and he's...there's a deep streak of something strong and spiritual, and there's a deep streak of something silly and funny and happy, and there's something so pure about him, you can hear it in his voice..."

"Drew."

"What?" He looked slightly startled to be reminded that he was supposed to be having a conversation.

"You're as crazy about him as I am."

Drew smiled up at Nick. "How can I not be?"

"You love Brian."

"Yes."

"A whole big whopping lot."

"Yes. Nick, do you know how much I love Brian?"

"I think so."

"I love you just as much." Drew was looking at him all solemn and true. "I love you, Nick, very much. You're my first love and my true love and the one who changed my life, opened me up to myself." Drew's knuckles grazed his chin for a brief second. "You know all of those things Brian says about you? Those sappy romantic things about how beautiful you are?"

"Yeah."

"He means everything. All of that. And it's all true. He knows, Nick, he knows you, he sees all of that. Everything he says is true. And I believe all of it. Every word."

Oh.

"And you are a very sexual person, Nick. It's healthy. It's, oh, it does things to me. It's part of how you express yourself. Don't try to deny it, don't try to stifle it. It's part of what makes you who you are. It's a very positive thing. And it's not your defining characteristic. There's a lot more to you."

"You said...you said I'm not."

"Not a slut."

"Right."

"You're not."

"Jeff said so, too."

"Jeff's never wrong," Drew said with a smile.

"Do you think..." Nick let himself rest a hand on Drew's hip. "Do you think...what would Brian...does he..."

"Nick, would Saint Brian be with a slut?"

"But..."

"No buts. None. He loves you, you're his, you've been his since you met. And disregarding Nick and Jeff for a minute, for years, years, a long time, you've been with Brian and with me, and that's it. You're monogamous. Or a bigamist, but... And yes, you like to have sex with us, but who wouldn't? There's nothing bad or unhealthy or negative about wanting Brian. I lust after the man, myself. I don't know how he does it."

"He's not a saint. He's a dirty old man."

"Does that make him a slut?"

"Brian? No," Nick said, surprised at the idea. "Brian's all...wholesome."

"Nick, you just called him a dirty old man, and now he's wholesome."

"But he's only a dirty old man with us. That's different."

"Like you."

"What? Oh. Yeah. No."

"Yes."

"Oh. No. I don't... But... Yeah."

"You're not a slut, Nick."

"Okay."

"Say it for me."

Nick swallowed.

Drew waited patiently.

"Now?"

"Now."

"I'm not in the mood."

"Please."

There was no denying Drew with direct eyes and that gentle firm voice. Damn him. "I am not a slut."

"Thank you."

"You suck."

"I do not."

"Drew, I don't... I don't... Brian's perfect and, you know, he's Brian, and you're, you're old and sexy now, and you're smart and special and everybody wants you and you have this thing, this hey I'm just Drew thing, and it's so fucking enticing, you do that enticing thing, it drives me nuts, I want you and I love you and I can't even help myself, I fell in love with you after being with Brian, of all people, so you know you must be doing something right, and I don't... Brian's perfect and you're Drew and I don't... What am I doing here? Why are you with me and why am I even near you?"

"Because we love you."

"But you don't need me, you have each other. And even if you do need a third person, you could go seduce Jeff or somebody, and even you don't have a chance at those Timberlake Chasezes but it sure would be fun to try."

"Nick, we love you. There are three of us. Together. A complete circle."

"That's a triangle."

"But it's not. You know that. We're one seamless unit. A circle, infinite and complete. Or a sphere, rounded and whole and three-dimensional. We have individual relationships, you and Brian, you and me, Brian and myself. And there are two-on-one relationships, the two of you and me, the two of us and Brian, Brian and myself and you. And then there's the one relationship, the three of us together, and we're strong and we're layered and we're whole, one complete unit, the three of us together. Nick, that wouldn't work if there were a weak link. The three of us have to be individually strong, and we all have to be equal contributors to the relationship. You're just as important as Brian is to this relationship, just as important as I am. You bring something no one else can, and we wouldn't be here without you. We need you, just as you are. Just you. That's what matters here."

"Me."

"Yes. You."

"Accept no substitutions."

"That's right."

"Okay."

"Okay?"

"Yeah."

"I love you."

"Yeah."

"Do you believe me?"

He looked. He thought about it. He tried to feel for it. "Yeah."

"Do you understand why?"

"You love me because you do."

Drew smiled a little.

"Brian's my best friend."

"I know."

"You're my Drew."

"Your Drew."

"My Drew. I get to pet you if I want."

"Yes."

"I'm not going to."

Drew groaned and pushed his face into Nick's chest, gripping Nick's shirt with both hands. "What do I have to do to get some?"

Nick laughed. "You've come a long way."

"It's your fault."

"I should be proud."

"Yes, you should." Drew sighed and rested against him comfortably. "You should pet me. I'm your Drew. I'm very pettable."

"So's your brother."

"Yeah. What? Hey! Don't pet him!" Drew exclaimed, looking up at Nick.

"You do."

"I do not!"

"Was he good?"

"Nick-"

"Was he? Was it hot?"

"Nick, do you...do you want to talk about this?"

"Yes. I missed the whole thing. You have to tell me."

Drew looked up at him.

"I mean it," Nick said, and touched Drew's hair just a little.

"Can we sit?"

"Me on the floor and you in my lap."

"Couch."

"Okay." Nick led Drew to the couch and settled himself, then pulled Drew into his lap. Drew skritched around for a minute, which was very nice for Nick, and then they were comfortable and Drew was cosy and Nick was dying to pet. But not now. "Tell me."

"What do you want to know?" Drew's head was on Nick's shoulder, and he was looking down, so that he could avoid eye contact. That was okay.

"Everything. Tell me everything. Was he hot?"

Drew swallowed. "Very."

"Was he good?"

"Very."

"You kissed him."

"Yes."

"His mouth."

"Yes."

"Other places."

"Yes."

"Naked."

"Yes."

"Tell me tell me I bet it was so good and so fucking hot."

"It was."

"And you hadn't been getting good regular sex - - Brian and I let you get laid five times a day, and then you were on tour and there was nothing and I bet you needed it."

"Yes."

"Horny little Drew."

"Very."

Nick laughed. "Were you hard?"

"Yes."

"Did he touch you?"

"Yes."

"Did he touch you where you were hard?"

"Yes."

"Tell me."

"He touched me. He put his hand on my, I was, Nick, he made me so hard I was... And it felt good, he, he looked at me, he looked at me and he was touching me and he said my name. And his voice. It made my spine hurt. There was, he...he was naked and he was beautiful, Nick, he was gorgeous, you should have seen it."

Nick believed it. Nick Lachey - - Timmons-Lachey - - naked? Wow.

"I...I knelt."

Oh shit. Nick paid extra careful attention.

"He got harder in my mouth."

Oh god.

"And then he knelt down and he kissed me and, and we were kissing and, and it was so good, Nick, I was kissing him and it was... And... And I touched him, his body, I never get to touch him, I never get to feel it for myself, but I got to, I got to...to touch him..."

Fuck. Drew had it bad.

"And he was touching me. His hands. He touched me. It felt so good, he was touching me, like he was learning me, and he wanted me, he wanted to touch me, and I wanted to be touched. By him."

Nick waited.

"His mouth."

The good stuff.

Drew sighed sweetly.

Good memories, Drew?

"Oh, Nick, I think I'm in love with my brother."

"I think so, too."

"That's not good."

"Feels pretty good."

"No, it feels like hell."

"But he has dimples."

Drew laughed.

"You have dimples. I like dimples. They're sexy."

"Maybe that's why he wants me."

"Probably."

"I like the way he kisses."

"I want to kiss him," Nick grumbled.

"You'd like it. He's good. You did kiss him once."

"That wasn't the real thing."

"Yeah. He kisses, oh, he's good, he's so sexy, Nick."

"You were there kneeling and kissing and then what?"

"And touching."

"Right."

"He stood up and I got up with him, and we went to the bed, and then we, it was like learning. We touched all over and I kissed him in, in other places, on his chest and, and other places, and-"

"What are these mysterious other places?"

"Everywhere."

"Everywhere?"

"No! Not, not there, no, I didn't..."

"No rimming."

"No."

"But everywhere else."

"Yes."

"Was it good?"

"Yes."

"And he was doing all this to you?"

"Yes."

"Bet you were hard."

"Yes."

"Bet he sucked it for you."

Drew clutched at Nick's shirt. "Yes."

"How many times did you come, Drew?"

"Twice."

"Did you do him?"

"Yes," Drew confessed quickly and softly.

"Was it good?"

"Yes."

"Did he like it?"

"Oh, he was, he looked, and he..." Drew shivered.

"You're horny."

"Nick, I... I want him, I want him, we were together and we were, it was... If it was just sex I could handle it, I could ignore it, it wouldn't matter. But it's not just sex, it's Nick, it's so much more, it's this, there's, it's this deep thing and it lives between us and I can feel it, we have history and blood and he's part of me."

"Drew."

"Oh, Nick, it hurts."

He squeezed Drew. "You need to be with him. You need to be able to have that."

Drew was quiet.

"Drew. You need him."

Silence. Finally, "Yes."

"And I tried to take it away from you."

"Yes."

"I won't anymore. If you want to kiss him, kiss him. If you want to strengthen that connection, strengthen it. As long as Jeff says it's okay. And Brian."

"Do you say it's okay?"

"Yes."

"I don't want to hurt you."

"No, you're not. It's a different thing. A different Nick. A different reason. We have a sphere."

"Yes, we do."

"A sphere is a ball. Hey, Drew, we have balls."

"Yes, and they're very nice."

"I have to tell you something."

"What?"

He leaned down and tilted Drew's face and whispered in Drew's ear, soft and close, "I love you."

He heard Drew's breath catch, felt Drew's hand in his hair. "Nick." And then they were kissing and Drew's mouth was everything he'd remembered and more, and his Drew was in his arms and kissing him, and they were in love, and Nick felt good, felt good and happy, for the first time in what felt like a very long time.

"I can't believe he said that." Joey's face was dark. "He has no right to say that."

"Who?"

The three of them turned to see AJ in the lounge doorway. "Nobody," Justin said. "Get out."

"Howie," Lance said, looking right at AJ. "He told Chris he's in love with him. He doesn't have the right."

"Howie has the right to tell his love to anyone he wants," AJ said, his voice sharp as he walked into the room.

"He doesn't have the right to love Chris at all," Lance said.

"He has the right to love," AJ said. "If you love, you love, and there's no stopping it."

"Love dies."

"Love dies? You can't kill love. You can kill the lover, but not the love."

"That's for real love, AJ. Real true love."

"Love is love."

"There's no one love. Love changes with the lovers. Some people are meant to be together and their love will never die. Take us, here. I loved you, now I don't, and you're standing here right in front of me. Justin, he'll keep on loving strong and hard even after JC's dead."

Justin twitched.

"No," Joey said, too late.

Even as Lance was realizing his mistake, Justin was on him, making an animal sound and tearing at his face. Lance tried to protect himself, calling Justin's name, attempting to restrain Justin's hands. He didn't want to hurt Justin, but he wasn't going to let Justin claw out his eyes, either.

Joey grabbed Justin, trying to control him, for one thing not wanting anyone to come past and see Justin gone berserk. Justin drove an elbow back hard into Joey's gut, then resumed attacking Lance. Joey, regaining his breath and determined not to let the wild child do any more harm, managed to get his arms around Justin, pinning Justin's arms to Justin's sides, lifting Justin from the ground.

Justin kicked Lance hard, screaming bloody murder, enraged.

AJ smacked Justin across the face.

Justin screamed and tried to launch himself at AJ.

"What the fuck?!" Kevin looked like he'd definitely walked into the wrong room.

"Get JC!" Joey shouted. "Go!" Kevin ran. "Justin, Justin! Justin, would you calm the holy - - stop it! Ouch! It's a good thing I like you!"

Justin was growling and thrashing, trying to break loose and attack those who'd dared to destroy his world. Lance wanted to help but was the target of Justin's rage. AJ didn't know what was going on, but didn't let anybody go after Lance like that.

JC ran into the room and shoved AJ aside. Justin, wide-eyed, breathless, went still on the instant. JC took Justin into his arms, took him from Joey, and held him close. "It's okay, baby, I'm here, I'm right here, I'm here, I'm always here, I won't leave you. Sshhh, Justin, Justin, I'm here for you."

Justin was shuddering, clutching at JC, tears running down his cheeks as he tried to press himself into JC's body. JC's embrace was warm and strong, his comfort and his home. JC's voice was soft and soothing and firm, full of love and forever. He found a word. "JC."

"That's right, Justin, that's it, I'm here. You know I'm always here for you. Don't be scared without me, baby, you know I'm right here."

"JC, JC, JC."

"Sshhh, baby. It's okay."

"What is wrong with him?" AJ demanded.

JC ignored AJ, stroking Justin's curls, stroking Justin's back, holding Justin close in his embrace, murmuring reassurances. "Are you okay, baby?"

"JC," Justin whispered.

JC managed to get Justin to let go a little so he could look into Justin's face. He expected the lost blue eyes and the tear tracks. He did not expect anything else. He went still. "Justin?"

"JC." Justin's voice was soft and scratchy.

"Justin, who hurt you, baby? Who hurt you?" JC's touch was tender on Justin's cheek. "Baby, did somebody hit you?"

Justin looked confused.

"Joey," JC said, and his voice was cold while his touch on Justin was gentle, "who hit Justin?"

"He went crazy on Lance," AJ said. "He needs a straitjacket."

"Come on, baby," JC said. "Let's put you to bed."

"Yeah, give him a good hard one, that'll help," AJ said.

"JC, I'm sorry," Lance said. "I'm sorry, Justin, I didn't, I wasn't thinking."

"Come on, Justin." JC held Justin close and guided him from the lounge.

In their room, Justin dropped bonelessly to the bed and murmured JC's name. JC took off Justin's shoes, opened his jeans, and settled in beside him. JC held Justin close, petted him, licked up his tears, and gentled him to sleep.

AJ had hit Justin. Damaged this beautiful angel. Dared to raise a hand against a miracle. Justin had been hurt enough already; JC would not allow any more harm to come to him.

On his back on the couch, Nick ran a thumb over Drew's lower lip. He'd kissed Drew. "I'm sorry."

"For what?" Drew asked. Nick loved how Drew was all comfortable stretched on top of him. His shy little Drew took things in stride now. Sexy.

"Everything. What I said. What I did."

"You were upset."

"I used you. Sex. And I said things."

"Nick, you were upset."

"I hit Brian." Nick closed his eyes. "Drew, I hit Brian."

"Don't do that again."

"I won't."

"You know that's wrong."

"I know."

"You were upset, and you wanted us to leave you alone. But we can't leave you alone, we're annoying little pests."

"I noticed."

"Nick, we love you. You know that. You have to know that, we're obvious about it."

He opened his eyes again. "I'm sorry."

"Your apology is accepted. You are forgiven."

"Drew...what about Brian?"

"He's pretty cute."

"I was mean to him."

"You'd better apologize."

"I can't."

"You have to."

"You do it."

"Come with me."

"Okay."

"Not now."

"Now."

"Five more minutes?"

"Let's go now. I want to see Brian. I like to see Brian. He's cute."

"You're my favorite Drew."

"You're my favorite Nick."

"Really?"

"Yes."

"Even more than the other one?"

"He's a Neanderthal. You're Brian's pretty young Nick with the long, slender neck and the fuck-me look in his eyes."

"What?"

"You heard me. Close your mouth."

"You said..."

"He said it."

"Who?"

"Brian."

"Said that?"

"He said you were very pretty."

"What else did he say?"

"Let's go ask him."

Justin frowned and opened his eyes. JC was right there, beside him, looking at him.

He closed his eyes again. "I lost it."

"No."

"No?" He opened his eyes. "I lost it, JC, I went postal on Lance. Like he doesn't have enough problems. And I, damn it, my voice."

"You were screaming."

"Joey, Joey was there, I think I hurt him. I must have, he probably pulled every muscle he has trying to keep me from committing murder. And AJ, he was there..."

"He hit you."

"He hit me?"

"He hit you."

"Oh. Wait, JC, no. JC, I went nuts, I was crazy, you can't blame him for - - he was probably trying to knock me back to my senses, or keep me off of Lance."

"He hit you."

"And I'm saying, I probably deserved it. You can't expect me to attack people and have nothing happen."

"You were afraid."

"I was insane. I am insane. You can't blame him. Don't. JC, do not go after him."

"Are you all right now? Do you feel better?"

"I think I'm crazy. It's scary, to lose control like that. I'm not myself. I get so scared, it's like this gaping giant blackness, this terrible pit, this dark place with no way out, there's no light, there's no escape, there's no JC."

"Sshhh, baby, I'm right here."

"JC, I need you," Justin said, clinging to JC's embrace.

"I'm here, Justin, I'm here."

"You can't leave me."

"I won't, baby. You know I'm always with you. You can feel me inside."

"I know. I know."

"Just think about that. You can feel me. Feel me inside you, always with you. You know I'm there for you."

"I know. JC."

"I love you, angel."

"JC."

JC held him close and breathed him in.

"JC, let me make love to you."

"Always, baby. You don't ever have to ask. You can take me, Justin, any time you want me."

"I want you now, JC."

JC rolled to his back, submissive for Justin. "Take me, baby, please. Own me, baby, make me yours."

Nick dragged Drew along by the hand. "Jeff!"

"Hey," Jeff said with an easy smile. "You're in a good mood."

"Look, Jeff, this is Drew."

"We've met."

"He's mine."

"Congratulations."

"I can pet him if I want."

"I'd take advantage of that if I were you."

"You can pet him, too. I'll let you."

"Nick," Drew said.

"Really?" Jeff asked with a smirk of interest.

"Yes," Nick decided. "You have Drew privileges."

"I take it things are better?" the other Nick asked.

"You do not have Drew privileges," Nick told Nick. "He's my Drew."

"He's my brother."

"My Drew. Jeff, where's Brian?"

"I don't know."

"We need him. You stop looking at my Drew."

"I wasn't!" Nick protested.

"He has Neanderthal eyeholes all over him now."

"I am not a Neanderthal!"

"Somebody has a sore spot," Nick observed.

"Stop calling me that or I'm going to kick your butt."

"Stop looking at my Drew!"

"I'll look at whoever I want!"

"I'm going to have sex with Jeff and you can't stop me."

"You are not!"

"He wants me."

"He does not!"

"I bet you want me, too."

"I do not!"

"I'm a very sexual person."

"You're a..." Nick caught himself and fell silent.

Jeff and Drew waited tensely.

"I'm a what?" Nick asked, angry and scared.

Nick took a step closer. "You're a very sexual person," he said. "You know what else?"

"What?" Nick asked suspiciously, ready to fight.

Nick licked his lips. "I have a cocksucker's mouth." His lower lip was full and wet and inviting.

Nick went weak in the knees.

Drew was shocked.

Jeff was trying not to laugh.

Nick grabbed Nick's hand and started down the hallway.

"Where are you going?" Drew demanded, following them.

"We're having sex now," Nick said.

"Over my dead body," Jeff said. He caught up with them and pulled Nick to his side. "This is my Lachey. That's yours. You go find Brian."

"Can I have Nick privileges?" Nick Carter asked.

"Yes," Jeff said.

"Yes!" Nick shouted, triumphant.

"If," Jeff added. "If he gets Drew privileges."

Nick thought about it.

Nick pouted.

"Okay," Nick said. "Fair trade. Gotta go track down the pixie. I'll come back and pet your Nick later. Bye." He walked off again, towing Drew.

Justin moved against JC's naked body, treasuring the feel of skin against skin, JC under him, JC's arousal against his thigh. Capturing JC's mouth for a kiss, Justin reached down for the pouch of JC's balls. A low moan, a quick buck of trim hips, and JC surrendered.

JC's body was amazing to see, slim and muscular, strong and flexible. Justin always wanted to touch him. It was hard not to touch JC, especially knowing that JC probably wouldn't mind his touch, but Justin tried to abstain. If he touched JC every time the mood struck him, he'd never stop, and they'd probably end up living their lives naked in bed.

Which didn't sound too bad, really.

Justin thought that JC should write a sex manual. One Thousand One Ways to a Better Orgasm. Why My Lover Is the Happiest Person Alive. How I Invented Sex, by Joshua Scott Timberlake Chasez.

And to write the book, JC could practice all of the techniques on him. Not that JC needed practice. JC already seemed to have everything pretty well perfected. Still, it couldn't hurt.

"I love you," JC said against his mouth, and nipped at his lips. "I love you so much, Justin."

He kissed JC, massaging JC's balls with one hand.

"Make love to me, baby, please, I want you to make love to me."

Justin knew what he wanted first. Ending their kiss, he waited until JC looked at him. "Roll over, baby."

Understanding lit JC's eyes first, then desire. Beneath Justin, he rolled to his stomach, then raised himself to his hands and knees while Justin gave him room. Justin licked the concave arch of JC's spine, one hand reaching around to run down JC's chest. He rubbed the smooth planes of JC's torso, kissing down over the tight curve of JC's hip. Smooth skin. Flawless form. Power and grace.

With his right hand moving in to cup JC's balls, Justin leaned in, mouth opening, tongue ready. The soft skin of JC's tight, white ass was silk against his face. The dark pucker was greedy for his kiss. JC's soft moans echoed with Justin's name. Justin closed his eyes, lapping harder, and JC's hips moved slightly but undeniably against him, seeking more. Justin obliged, hands gently holding JC open, tongue quick and confident.

"Justin." JC pulled away, rolling onto his back, planting his feet and lifting his hips. "Justin," and he reached up, fingers closing on soft curls, guiding Justin forward. "Open for me, baby."

Justin shook free of JC's grip and ducked lower, sucking JC's balls into his mouth. JC tried to tug him up; he let his teeth graze sensitive skin and JC backed off, submitting to Justin's control.

Justin slid his hand down his own body, grasping his cock. Giving a few quick pulls, he licked up over JC's cock, letting JC gasp eagerly, then reached for the lubricant with his free hand.

"Baby, please." JC was panting a little, and his fingers were twitching with the need to touch Justin. He wanted a blowjob and he wanted to make love to Justin and Justin knew all of that but wasn't about to give in just yet.

With a delicate touch, careful to please his baby, Justin slid a finger into JC's body. Tight and hot and wanting more. JC gave a sensitive little shiver and breathed Justin's name. Justin stroked lean, muscular thighs and gave JC two fingers. JC was breathing faster and sweating. Justin licked up JC's sweat.

Sliding his fingers free again, Justin slicked up his own cock quickly and stroked JC's chest. "You ready?"

"Yes." JC's eyes were very blue and wide.

He wanted this, this would be so so so good, getting in JC, feeling JC around him, that tight grip of heat, JC's lean body opening for him and wrapping around him. JC let him in every time, accepted him, made him at home. He was at home in JC. JC was his home.

When he thrust in, he went too fast and JC arched hard, unprepared for the burst of friction and pleasure. Justin took advantage of that and pumped his hips hard and fast, overtaking JC, making the unexpected sweep of ecstasy carry JC along with it.

But even swept away by the force of their passion, JC was still here, right here, under him, around him. He was in JC and JC was here, fully here and alive. JC was alive and he was in JC's living body, he could feel JC, there was breath and sweat and a rapid heartbeat. This was JC and JC was real.

Justin thrust faster, JC's legs bent double and hooked over his shoulders, JC's body a living thing existing to be fucked by him. JC was here for him and with him. And he could hear, in every rapid pant from JC's lungs, the whisper of his name.

He strained towards pleasure, thrusting into that small living channel, watching JC stretch towards fulfillment. He could watch it, the tension edging JC's body, the invitation in parted lips. JC was ready to come now.

Justin came instead. He spurted deep inside JC, holding still, feeling that delirious pleasure explode through his body. There was a quiet moment of peace, when he heard his own ragged breathing and JC's helpless gasps. Then he popped his cock free, letting JC's legs relax.

"Justin." JC's voice was almost willing to beg.

Sweaty and exhausted, Justin lay down beside JC, who turned to him. He touched JC's face, marvelling in silence at the flushed cheeks, the trickle of sweat, the wet red mouth, the bright, dazed eyes.

"Justin." JC's breathing was shaky and rapid.

"JC, you're beautiful," Justin said softly, amazed. "You're so beautiful, and so alive."

"Justin." JC's hand ran with need over Justin's naked side.

"I just had sex with you and you let me and I came in you."

"I know, baby."

"I came inside you, JC, inside your body. There's something primal about that, something real. Deep. I think it's deep."

"So deep, baby."

"I'm not talking about that, JC, I'm talking about... Are you listening to me? You're not listening, you're humping my leg. Get off of me and listen."

"I'm sorry, baby."

"JC, I'm in love with you."

JC cupped Justin's face in one hand, staring at him, staring into his eyes. Justin held still and let JC look.

"I love you, JC."

Soundlessly, JC's mouth shaped Justin's name.

"I want to be with you for the rest of my life."

JC inhaled sharply.

"And even after...after..."

JC gripped his hand, and JC's eyes gave him courage.

"Even after I die, I want to be with you forever."

A strong embrace, a face in his neck, a hand in his hair, JC's cock hard against his hip.

"Josh, I love you."

"I love you, Justin, I love you. You're a miracle to me, every day. Your love, there's so much love in you, baby, and you give that to me, I love you every day with everything I have."

Justin held on tightly.

matthew@matthewtime.com
"Together" Part Eleven
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