Together Part Five

Together, seventh in "Living"

Rating: NC-17 for graphic male-male sex

Disclaimer: The young men who comprise the Backstreet Boys, *NSYNC, and 98 Degrees are their own people. The author has not met anyone here described, nor does the author mean to suggest that these people act this way in real life. This writing is a work of fiction. I make no money from this venture.

Dedication: This slashfic is for Ewan McGregor and the Savage Garden slashers. Five of the sex scenes are for Diamond, who asked for them.

Notice: There are six stories that come before this one. Read those first. I'll wait. There are a few two-second shots in here that were inspired by and/or taken from "Living" discussions I've had with Diamond. I want to thank her for being an enthusiastic sounding board and eager test audience.

Warning: "Together" includes depictions of, discussion of, and references to, consensual incest.

Together we have seen -"The Answer to Our Life"

"Together" Part Five:
Caught in the middle and I'm tired of / Your games... -"Not for Me"

Even a lover makes a mistake sometimes -"It's True"

98 Degrees reached Kendig first, since they were already in Europe. The bus pulled in to find a massive, frenzied crowd.

Staring over the screaming thousands, Nick slowly took Jeff's hand.

"It's okay," Drew said, mostly to himself.

Justin swallowed.

"Let's go," Jeff said.

"Right," Justin said. "Me first."

"No!" Nick said quickly, startling them. "I'll go first."

"Let's be smart about this," Jeff said.

"Right," Drew said. "They're not going to start shooting the second we step off of the bus. No one has to play sacrificial lamb."

Justin quirked a smile. "I figured they were here to see you guys, so I'd get off first and build the anticipation."

Jeff laughed. "You're the only single, straight man we have. You've never been more popular."

"Which is just proof that all of the good men really are gay or married," Justin said. There was a pause while the others tried not to smirk. "Thank you for your quick disagreement. All right, let's go. Our public awaits."

Justin stepped off of the bus first with a smile and a wave. Nick followed, then Jeff, then Drew. "Stop screaming, it's just us," Justin said as he unloaded his suitcase from beneath the bus.

"I'm all for free speech and everything," Jeff said, "but calling me names won't make me stop loving Nick."

"So shut up," Nick muttered.

"Shall we go?" Drew asked.

"Holy shit! Go! Go!"

They ran, dodging hands, trying not to lose their luggage, careful not to trip. They made it into the hotel, security trying to regain control over the crowd.

"That was close," Jeff said, panting.

"Too close," Nick said. "You guys okay?"

"Yeah," Drew said, heart racing.

"Yeah," Justin said. "Let's go find our rooms."

"Okay," Kevin said. "There was a little trouble with crowd control. The guys are safe, nothing to worry about. But we're going to have to rush the hotel."

"What happened?" Brian asked.

"They stepped off of the bus and the crowd broke past security."

"They were mobbed?" Howie asked.

"They're fine," Kevin said. "We knew there'd be public response. We can handle it. We've seen crowds before."

"Have we ever," AJ said.

"Every year we all get more fans, and the fans we have get more devoted," Brian said. "I love them. But do they have to come out in full force when I just want a week with Drew?"

"It's our fault," AJ said. "We put all fourteen of us together in one place, you know they're coming out to see us. We've never been better, the Kitchen Sink Boys are almost as popular as we are, and 98 Degrees has never been hotter. Which, I don't know, is either because they're getting better, they're with Jive, or Drew's doing the two of you."

"That could have something to do with it," Kevin said.

"Oh," Howie said, rising and staring out through the window. "Tell me that's not for us."

"Oh, shit," AJ said. "This can't be good."

"We'll never make it off of the bus," Brian said.

"They did search the crowd for weapons, right?" Howie asked. "Right?"

"They did," Kevin said quickly.

"Those little girls, searched for weapons," Brian said. "It's not right."

"Have we ever had this many male fans?" Kevin asked.

"They're gay," AJ said. "They think Nick's hot."

Four pairs of eyes turned to Nick. He was slouched in his seat, looking out of the window, one arm propped on the armrest, his other hand resting on his thigh, near his groin. His simultaneously inviting and unavailable body language, combined with his dark, sullen expression, made Nick a perfect example of male sexuality.

It wasn't the first moment that a Backstreet Boy other than Brian wanted Nick.

"They could be here for me," Howie said.

"I bet they're just here to try to reform Kevin," Brian said.

The bus carefully started into the parking lot.

"Stay back, stay back, stay back," Kevin said.

"It figures the *NSYNC lovers have the gaudiest posters," AJ muttered. "Hey! That girl's in love with me! So's that one! And that one - - whoa, my mother never let me use language like that."

"They do know Nick's gay, don't they?" Howie asked.

"They're in denial," Brian said.

"Because yeah, we can turn on to girls, but asking him to marry them, it ain't going to happen," AJ said.

"If anyone's marrying Nick, it's going to be me," Brian said.

"You're already married," Kevin said.

"I could make it work," Brian said.

"Brian the bigamist," AJ said. "What is with these protestors?"

"They're close-minded homophobes who are going to hell," Kevin said.

"Good," Howie said. "We agree."

"Family values my ass," AJ said. "If you value your family so much-"

"Whoa! Did you see that?" Howie asked.

"What?" Brian asked.

"That girl! That girl in the red shirt just flashed us!"

"Where?" Kevin and AJ asked eagerly. Brian rolled his eyes.

"That girl! Right there! The red shirt, behind the yellow sign. She has brown hair."

"I don't see her," Kevin said.

"She flashed us?" AJ asked. "How'd it look?"

"She's right there! Beside the big guy with the blue hat. I don't know, AJ, it was fast."

"Like you've never seen a naked woman before," Brian said.

The bus pulled up close to the hotel. "All right," Kevin said. "We're going to have to go fast. They'll bring everything in to us. Hustle."

"Nick," Brian said. "Come on."

Nick jerked away from Brian's outstretched hand and walked past him without eye contact.

Drew raced down the stairs and hurled himself over the bannister. They were here, here, they were here, right here, in this building, seconds away, right here, right now, right this very minute. He burst through the door and paused.

Okay. Calm. Calm. Smooth. Suave.

He grinned like a fool and hurried down the hallway towards the lobby.

He saw it immediately. Overlooking the other Backstreet Boys and the hangers-on, Drew's eyes went straight to Brian. And the woman with Brian. She was stunning. And she was talking to Brian, standing close, touching Brian's arm.

Drew started right over, saying, "Brian!"

Brian looked up and light hit his eyes. "Drew! Drew, oh my god, Drew," and Drew was squeezed in a strong embrace. "I missed you, I love you, Drew," and Brian was kissing his cheek and kissing his mouth and looking at him with beautiful, shining blue eyes.

He'd missed this, the way Brian's lips curved into that generous smile, the way Brian's eyes sparkled, the way Brian's happiness always evoked happiness in him. "You look good," he said softly.

"I missed you so much," Brian said, and gave him another hug and kissed his cheek. "Nick went upstairs. Let's go track him down."

"How is he?" Drew asked, lifting one of Brian's suitcases.

"He's acting like a fourteen-year-old in a sulking fit," Brian said. "He won't talk to me." They stepped onto the elevator. "Is everybody on three?"

"Yeah. Which room is he in?"

"318. So am I. If he locks me out, can I stay with you?"

"You have to ask?" Drew asked. "I don't care which room we're in, I'm sleeping with you tonight. And with Nick."

"I've been rooming with Kevin these past few days."

"You never said anything."

"I didn't want you to worry."

"We have to communicate. You always say that." They moved down the hallway. "I'm in 346. We can put your stuff in there and go visit Nick."

"I don't know what's wrong with him. I'm hoping you can figure it out."

"I'll talk with him," Drew said, unlocking his door. "Welcome to my room."

Brian set down his luggage and turned to Drew.

Drew's back hit the wall, his mouth opening, his fingers in Brian's hair and pulling up Brian's shirt. It had been too long, far too long, he'd needed this, he'd ached for this, he'd dreamt of it every night. Brian's kiss, Brian's embrace, this love, this passion. How had he ever been without this?

Brian gasped for breath and said, "I'm sorry, we need to slow down-"

"No," Drew said, pulling Brian back to his mouth. He'd been waiting for too long to take it slowly now. Brian's strong body was pressed against him, Brian's cock growing hard against his hip. He licked the roof of Brian's mouth, running his hand up Brian's back beneath Brian's shirt. Skin, Brian's skin, he hadn't touched Brian since forever...

"I want to," kiss, "make love to you," kiss, longer kiss.

"Yes," Drew said, not hesitating. He wanted that, too. He wanted Brian to make love to him. He'd remembered, dreamt, fantasized every day. He wanted to be at the center of all of Brian's love and attention, all of that poetry and devotion. He wanted Brian to say sweet things and touch his body and take him places he'd never been.

"Drew...we can't...Nick..."

Nick. Drew ached for Nick. Ached for Nick's pain, ached for his own yearning. "I miss him so much," he said, touching Brian's hair.

"Let's go see him," Brian said, and kissed Drew gently. "He's missed you badly. We both have."

It wasn't worse for Nick, but it was different, and they understood that. Drew kissed Brian and stroked Brian's back and went with him to see Nick.

Drew knocked. "Nick? It's Drew." He waited. "Nick." Nick wouldn't ignore him. Not now, not during this chance to be together, not after all of this time. "Nick!"

"I can get a key," Brian suggested.

"No," Drew said. "If he doesn't want to see me...that's his right." His fingers lingered against the wood. "Nick, if you're in there, I want you to know that I miss you very much and I love you very much and I've been counting on seeing you. I want to see you. Just for a moment. Please."

The door opened. Nick kept his distance. "What."

Drew's eyes registered beauty and sex appeal and a closed-off pose and a mouth at half-pout, but all his mind focused on was the deadness in Nick's gaze. "Nick," and he moved in, reached, took Nick's face in his hands. "What's wrong?"

Nick pulled away from him. "Nothing."

"You look awful."

"You ask a thousand screaming girls outside, they'll tell you I look pretty damned good."

"They aren't seeing what I'm seeing right now. Thank you for opening the door. May we come in?"

"No."

"This is Brian's room, too."

"Brian can stay wherever he wants. Not in my bed."

"Your bed is his bed."

Nick started to close the door.

"Nick, wait." Drew held open the door. "Don't make me go. I've missed you. I want to spend time with you."

Nick closed the door.

Drew thought. Turning to Brian, he said, "Here's the key to my room. Please go there and stay. Stay there. I'll be back as soon as I can."

"What are you doing?"

"I need to take care of something."

"Hurry." Brian kissed him. Kissed him. Kissed him and left. Came right back and kissed him soundly and darted off again.

Drew waited a moment, thinking, then knocked on Nick's door. "Nick, it's Drew. I want to talk to you about something alone. In private. Please let me in." No response. "Nick, it's about her. I want you to tell me what's been going on. Why is she-"

The door opened.

"Please let me in."

"What do you want?"

"I saw her downstairs."

Something flashed in Nick's eyes. "He shouldn't make you see that."

"Nick, he's not... Let me in, please."

Nick turned and walked farther into the room, giving Drew the opportunity to enter and close the door. "He shouldn't let you see that. You shouldn't have to see them together."

"They're not together."

"They are. They will be."

"Why?"

"He wants her. She wants him. She's so..."

"What?" Drew asked, walking closer.

"She's everything I'm not."

"Brian loves everything that you are," Drew said. "Nick, what does she have that you don't?"

"Brian."

"You'll always have him. What else?"

"She's beautiful and she's smart and she's older and she's a woman."

"Oh, hold on." Frustrated by Nick's distance, wanting to be close, Drew dragged over the desk chair and stood on it. There. Wow, he was taller than Nick now. He rested one hand on Nick's shoulder, gently touching Nick's hair with his other hand. "Nick, listen to me. You are beautiful and talented and intelligent. You're only younger than Brian by five years. The older we get, the less those years mean. You're young and beautiful, remember? Brian loves you very much. You know that. That won't change. And he isn't going to start loving anyone else. He has us. He'll never need anyone else."

"You saw them."

"Yes. I saw them standing together and talking."

"Were they touching?"

"She was touching his arm. I walked over, and he forgot all about her. It was like she'd never been there at all."

"You're Drew and he missed you. If you were around all of the time, it'd be different."

"Nick, why does she threaten you? Is it because she's a woman?"

"He likes girls. I think he likes girls better than guys. I'm not a girl. I can't satisfy whatever girly urges he has. And if he's with one of them, it'll be easier and safer and I know he knows that."

Drew quickly stifled a smile at the thought of Brian having "girly urges." "He chose to be with us," Drew said. "He chose to stay with us."

"For how long?"

"Oh, Nick." Drew stroked Nick's cheek. "Forever." He couldn't help it. It was bad timing, but it had been too long. He kissed Nick. Soft lips and wet heat and, oh, tongue, Nick's tongue, wet and broad and tasting him, making love to him. Nick's arms came around him, strong and familiar, and Nick's chest was against his, and this kiss would last forever, they'd never need to breathe, he'd stay here and drown.

Nick pulled, and Drew's knees lifted instinctively to grip Nick's hips, and Nick carried Drew away from the chair, across the floor, to the bed.

The bed was soft and welcoming. Drew sank down into it, pulling Nick closer, trying to capture that dizzying tongue. He felt Nick's hands pushing up his shirt, stroking his torso. Nick's hands on his skin, Nick's touch on his body, just what he'd longed for all of this time. The first touch he'd known. Nick's touch had brought him alive, awakened him to a whole new existence. These hands, these beautiful, long-fingered hands...

Hands that were opening his jeans.

Oh, yes, oh, god. Drew gasped, hips jacking up towards Nick's hands. Nick tugged his jeans and boxers down over his hips, freeing his hardening erection. A warm hand closed around it, making Drew moan. "Nick..."

"Me or him?" Nick asked.

What? Who? "You," Drew said, "oh, Nick..." Oh! "No, Nick, Brian, we can't...we...we can't...do this...oh...without Brian." So good, it felt so good, Nick knew just how to touch him, always had known, right from the start. But, oh, oh, yes, no, they couldn't do this without Brian, it wasn't...oh... "Please...Nick..."

"What do you want, Drew? Tell me what you want. Tell me what I can do to you. Tell me what you've been hurting for."

"Please...oh...Nick..."

"Tell me. Tell me what you've been wanting. Tell me what I can do to you. Tell me what you've been waiting for all of this time."

"Your...oh...your mouth...I want...please, Nick."

"You have to say it. Say it and I'll do it. I always give you what you want."

"Suck me and...make love to me...please."

Something flashed in Nick's eyes. Something shocked and bright. "Say that again."

"Nick..."

"Say that again, Drew."

"Nick, please, suck me, please, make love to me, please, Nick." He tugged Nick's shirt, bringing Nick closer, finding a slow kiss. "Oh, Nick, no, we need...Brian...we have to...I...please..."

"No," Nick said. "No, you're mine."

"Please, Nick, please. We can't do this without him." Nick's hand on his cock was still stroking, still bringing him closer, higher, and it was Nick, Nick's hand, Nick's longed-for touch. He'd remembered this, even tried to duplicate it himself, the familiar grip, the teasing fingers, the skillful surety.

"You want me to suck you, Drew?"

"Yes." He gasped and tried to keep his eyes open, tried to focus on Nick.

"You want my mouth on your cock?"

"Yes." Oh, yes, please. His hips bucked.

"You want my mouth."

"Yes." That mouth, that...oh...Nick... That first shocking time, he'd never known anything like it, had never imagined that it could be like that. Now he knew exactly how it could be, and it only made him want it more. He wanted to get his cock in there, to feel that around him, to...

Oh...oh, god, Nick. Drew's eyes closed, his body rising, his thighs spreading. This perfect haven, this perfect heaven...

...heaven...

...Brian. "No, Nick, no, we can't." Oh, it was too good, it felt too good, the heat, the suction, it was amazing, it was perfect, he'd never...oh...never... "Nick, we...Brian...I..."

It stopped.

"Where is he?"

Oh, oh, oh... Drew tried to remember his brain. "He's in my room, he..."

"Which room?"

Number, there had been a number. "346."

Nick reached for the phone on the table. Drew tried to breathe regularly, tried to send calming thoughts to his angry cock. He was tempted to slide his hand between his thighs, but that might not be good manners.

Nick handed him the phone.

"Hello?"

"Bri-ooohhh!" Drew's whole body arched. Oh, dear sweet... He realized that he'd just made this very painful, aching sound.

"Drew? Drew-"

He wanted to say something, wanted to tell Brian to get over here. The only coherent word his mouth would shape was "Nick." He also seemed to be making a lot of not very coherent sounds. There was a wicked hand and a tongue so wicked it had to be forked, and then incredible suction that left him with no brain whatsoever.

Drew collapsed, panting.

Nick gently hung up the phone.

Drew closed his eyes. "You used me."

Nick didn't say anything.

"You used me. I asked you to..."

Nick didn't say anything.

"I have been dreaming of this for a long time." He opened his eyes, sitting up, and Nick looked at him with flat eyes. "It was supposed to be special, it was supposed to... You used me. You used this. To hurt Brian. I've never hurt Brian in my life."

"Does this mean I can't fuck you?"

"You know what this means?" Drew asked. "It means I am not going to waste this vacation fighting with you. This is our time, one short little week for the three of us to be together. I am not going to sit around and sulk while you're acting like a first-class jerk. Don't you ever use me again. Ever. Especially not to hurt someone we both love."

A fist pounded on the door. "Nick!"

"Let him in."

"Drew!"

"Let him in," Drew repeated.

"Aren't you going to get dressed?" Nick asked, smirking, glancing at Drew's pushed-up shirt and the pants around his knees.

"No." Drew pulled his shirt over his head and tossed his sneakers to the floor. "Let him in."

"Nick!" Brian called. "Open this door."

"Let him in," Drew said, dropping his jeans and boxers on the floor.

"You used to be a lot more modest."

"You used to treat me better."

Pain flashed in Nick's eyes. He left the bed and pulled open the door.

Brian pushed past Nick and headed straight for the bed. "What did he do to you?"

"We have one week," Drew said. "One week for the three of us to figure out what we're doing here. And no one gets any more sex until we do."

"He already had you," Brian said.

"Wouldn't Drew let you fuck him?" Nick asked Brian. "He was begging me for it."

"Are you even more ripped than you were last time I saw you?" Brian asked Drew.

"We're not here to stare at me, we're here to talk," Drew said, pulling up the covers. "Would you two sit down?"

Brian sat on the edge of the bed. Nick crossed his arms over his chest.

"There's something I've wanted to talk with you about," Drew said. "I made love with my brother. You remember, I made that embarrassing phone call."

"Not embarrassing," Brian said. "You were upset."

"I said something to him. I said that he was wearing Jeff's ring on his finger, but my blood was in his veins." Drew looked at his knees. "I don't know why I said it. It's true. But it implies that the bond I have with him is deeper, more significant, than his bond with Jeff. If you extend it, it means that my connection with my brother is more important than my connection with you."

"Than your connection with Brian," Nick said. "And fuck your connection with me."

"My connection with Brian has everything to do with my connection to you," Drew said.

"That's his ring on your finger."

"It's your ring," Drew said. "Don't mess with me right now, I'm trying to tell you something." He twisted his rings. "I thought about it, afterward."

"After you screwed with him."

"After I made love with him," Drew said. "I thought about what I'd said. It's true but it's wrong. These rings are a symbol of a greater love. The shared blood between myself and Nick is only a symbol of our greater connection, and these rings are only a symbol. I can't compare the symbols; I can only compare what they stand for. I love Nick. I love him so much that I've...I've made love with my brother. I love him so much that I've done that. I don't regret it. I'd do it again. But I won't do it again. I will not. It hurts you. I won't do anything that causes you pain."

"You shouldn't have to choose," Brian said.

"It was an easy choice," Drew said.

"The choice is easy, but living with it can't be," Brian said. "What are you going to do, cut yourself off from Nick? And from Jeff?"

"I'll limit my love."

"You can't."

"I have to. I've made my decision, and they understand."

"You were just starting to be close to them."

"I've always been close to them."

"He means you were just starting to fuck them," Nick said.

"I know what he meant," Drew said. "And he knows what I mean."

"Am I supposed to be grateful and bow down and kiss your feet now that you've stopped committing incest and adultery?" Nick asked.

"No," Drew said.

"You could stop acting like a jackass," Brian said.

"Don't," Drew said. "Nick, what else is bothering you?"

"Nothing's bothering me."

"You've been pissed at me," Brian said. "Why? What did I do?"

"Nothing."

"You hit me."

"I didn't mean to."

"You hit me and I want to know why."

"Brian deserves an explanation," Drew said.

"You think you deserve one, too," Nick snapped.

"Yes," Drew said.

"I hit him so he'd leave me the fuck alone."

"Why?" Brian asked.

"I know you're going to leave me anyway. I might as well get to decide when."

"What?" Brian asked. "Leave you?" There was silence. "Nick...why?" He rose from the bed, taking a step closer to Nick.

Nick backed away quickly. "Just get away from me. Go. Go!"

"Nick, I-"

Nick ran from the room. The door slammed shut.

Brian sat again, slowly, and turned dazed eyes to Drew. "Leave him?"

Jeff wanted ice. From the glint in his eyes, he wanted to do something perverted with it. Nick, who was still wearing pants, at least, went to get Jeff ice. He trudged down the hallway, trying to remember where the machine was.

And then Nick Carter ran smack into him.

Nick rubbed the back of his head from where he'd knocked into the wall, and caught Nick's arm with his other hand, ice bucket on the floor. "Wait, where are you..."

Nick tried to jerk free of his grasp.

"Wait!" Nick tightened his grip and pulled Nick closer. "What's wrong?"

Suddenly it hit Nick that he was standing very close to Nick, and there was body heat, and blue eyes, and they hadn't seen each other in a very long time.

Nick breathed.

Silence.

"I hate you."

"I'm sorry."

"You fucked Drew."

"I'm sorry." Not for being with Drew, but for hurting Nick. He'd never meant to hurt Nick.

"What was it like?"

"What?"

"To be with him."

"Nick..."

"Was he good?"

"I..."

"Were you good?"

Oh...

"You know what I just did?"

He could smell it.

"Do you want to know what I just did?"

On Nick's breath.

"I had him in my mouth. He was hot and he was hard and he was begging me. Begging for it. Saying my name. It could have been your name. Maybe it was. Maybe he wants you. Maybe he wants us both."

Oh...

"Both of us. Together. At once. I'll be Nick, and you'll be Nick."

Oh...oh, no...

"Did you make Drew beg? Did you get him hard? Was he hot for you? Did he like it?"

Yes, oh, yes...

"Were you hard? Does he make you hard? Does Drew..."

Oh, god, yes..

"...make you..."

Yes, yes.

"...sweat?"

Yes, yes, yes.

"Are you hard right now?"

Yes.

"Are you hard, Nick? Are you hard inside your pants right now?"

Yes.

"Are you hard for Drew?"

Always.

"Are you hard for me?"

God, yes.

Nick bent his head and put his mouth to Nick's collarbone. He sucked there, and Nick's mind spun, trying to get traction and form a sensible thought. Something more sensible than, "I want that suction on my dick." Then Nick licked, tongue broad and wet and hot and slow, slow, up Nick's neck, up to Nick's jaw. Along Nick's jaw to Nick's ear.

No, no, they couldn't do this. This was...

Nick sucked his earlobe.

This was wrong...

Nick's hand closed on the bulge between Nick's thighs.

So wrong... Nick's head fell back against the wall, and his hips pumped once, quickly, into Nick's hand. "We can't."

"I know," Nick whispered, squeezing gently.

"Drew..."

"I know."

"Jeff..."

"I know."

"Brian..."

"I know."

Nick looked helplessly into Nick's eyes. "We can't do this."

"I know," Nick said, and made him come.

The screams were deafening. Justin raced inside the hotel, covered by bodyguards. "Wow! Who are all of those people?"

"It's Joey's fan club," Lance said.

"Aw, wasn't that sweet of them to come out and visit you on your week off," Justin said to Joey. "JC, I'm fine, stop hovering."

"All right, I'm going to go find AJ," Lance said. "I will see all of you in a week."

Gentle fingers on the back of Chris's neck. He closed his eyes.

"Hello, Chris."

He turned, opening his eyes, and swallowed. He saw Howie and felt the entire world grow brighter. "Hi," he managed to say.

Howie handed him, of course, a perfect, long-stemmed, red rose. "Come with me."

"Where are we going?"

Howie smiled. "You'll see."

"You know I'm a grown man. You don't need to give me flowers."

"I wanted to."

"Oh." Okay. Howie always had this whole romantic thing happening. It made Chris feel special. Suddenly part of him was willing to forgive Howie anything and everything. Howie would explain, and he'd understand, and they'd stroll happily into the sunset. Or into bed. Bed would be good. Sex. Sex was good.

Sex where Howie nuzzled that sweet spot behind his ear.

Chris didn't know where AJ's sweet spots were. Justin had told him some of JC's.

JC hated him.

Howie had cheated on him.

Lance was being betrayed.

And Howie was kissing him, and it made him want to believe that everything would be all right.

Nick let himself into his room and threw the ice bucket against the wall. Hard.

"What?" Jeff asked, startled. "Whoa. No. Tell me. No." Jeff climbed out of bed. "Don't even, I can't, you just sit down." He was dragging on his clothes again. "I will deal with you later."

"Jeff-"

"Was it Nick?"

"Jeff-"

"Was it?"

"I'm sorry-"

"Sit! We will talk about this later."

"I didn't-"

The door closed.

Kevin kissed the top of Nick's head. "It'll be okay."

Nick washed up a bit and changed clothes. Then he went to find Nick. Or Jeff. Or Drew and Brian. Or someone who could explain to him what was going on.

Nick was jealous, so Drew couldn't be with him anymore. Okay.

Nick was flipping out over Kelly, so he was acting like a jerk. Okay.

That didn't really explain why Nick had just given him a hand job in the hallway.

Jeff had made out with Brian once. But it hadn't gotten as explicit as this. That was, no doubt, why Jeff was upset. A moratorium had been called on inter-league play, and Nick had just broken the rules.

Nick had, too. He hadn't tried to stop it. He had no excuse. He was ashamed and guilty and pissed. He was a shitty husband and a shitty brother and a shitty brother-in-law.

He'd always detested people who cheated. It was easy to say no. It was simple to refuse. He couldn't respect someone who gave up on a commitment for the sake of sex.

It wasn't just sex. He loved Nick.

No, that had felt pretty much like sex. Sex and heat and lust. That hadn't been about love. That had been throwing everything away because he liked the sound of Nick's voice and he liked the way Nick's hand worked the throbbing between his thighs.

He did love Nick, though. He really did. He wasn't sure why. But he loved Nick. And he wanted to help.

He just didn't know how.

There were no signs that someone else had been here.

No love bites. No scratches from someone else's fingernails. And Howie's ass was as tight as ever when it closed around Chris's cock.

Howie's hair was longer again. He'd reinstated the full goatee. He came hard, like he'd been celibate all of this time.

Maybe...maybe Chris had misunderstood. Had gotten scared and jumped to conclusions. Howie wouldn't cheat on him.

That sweet "I love you" sounded as sincere and rich as ever.

Maybe everything really was okay.

Lance knocked on AJ's room door. There were prickles of nerves in his stomach. He'd been building up to this moment all year. This moment couldn't possibly be as good as he'd been expecting.

AJ opened the door.

It wasn't as good. It was better. Happiness flooded Lance like a miniature orgasm.

AJ looked great, fit and rested and warm. He pulled Lance inside and closed the door, gave Lance a bold kiss. "Come on, grab a seat. I gotta tell you something before we get sweaty."

"What's wrong?" Lance asked.

"God, your voice." AJ tugged Lance closer for another kiss. "Okay, sit."

Lance sat. "Something happened? Are you okay?"

AJ sat beside Lance on the foot of the bed, elbows on his knees, rubbing his palms together. "I've been, no. No, I haven't been unfaithful."

"You haven't," Lance said, and darkness descended.

"I haven't been unfaithful," AJ said. "You know what we are."

Lance didn't want to hear this. He wanted AJ to stop talking.

"I've been having sex with Howie."

Sex with Howie. AJ had been having sex with Howie. Well. Wasn't that nice. Lance swallowed. "Excuse me."

"La-"

He moved towards the door blindly. The next thing he knew, he was walking down the hallway. He didn't know where he was going. It didn't really matter, anyway.

"Lance." AJ took his arm.

"How is having sex with someone else not being unfaithful to me?" Lance demanded, shoving AJ from himself. "No! No, I don't care, I don't want to hear it. Leave me alone."

"Come-"

"No! How could you - - does Chris know? Chris... What were you thinking? How is that not cheating on me? If you were faithful to me, you'd keep yourself for me."

"When you-"

"Oh, that's right. I cheated on you, so now it's payback. You cheat on me. Well guess what, AJ, I never had sex with Michel."

"This is different."

"Why? Because he's your friend?"

"Yes. He's Howie. That goes a lot deeper than friendship. It's-"

"Right. It's a Backstreet thing. That's great, that's really great. Why don't I just go climb into bed with JC? Oh, don't like that, do you? It's okay when you do it, but I can't? You can go and screw all of your friends, but I'm supposed to be too straight for that? No. You cheated on me. You have nothing to say to me. I'm going to see if I can find Chris."

"You can't."

"Why not? Howie hasn't told him yet? Howie isn't going to tell him?"

"Can you calm down?"

"Calm down? I think I'm staying pretty damned calm right now. I can't believe you did this. You act all high-class, but you're cheap, AJ. You're cheap and you're sleazy and I should have seen it long ago."

"Don't-"

"Get away from me. I want nothing to do with you."

"Don't you walk away from me!"

Lance gave AJ a look of disgust and left him.

Chris tangled his fingers in Howie's hair. "Missed you."

Howie let Chris tug him closer. "How've you been?"

Howie's lashes looked so long and thick... Chris dragged his mind back to their conversation. "I made a mistake and it messed with my head."

"What happened?"

Chris kissed Howie. Soft, full lips. "Nothing."

"Now you're lying," Howie accused, teasing.

"How do you get your eyes to twinkle like that?"

Howie smiled. "It's a secret."

Chris decided that he was very happy right now.

"You won't tell me what's been going on?"

"It's not important anymore." Okay, yeah, it was, but he'd deal with it later. Later. Not now. Right now he wanted to lie back and appreciate this moment.

"You've perfected the art of the post-orgasmic glow," Howie said. "Listen, I wanted to do something. This seems like the best time. I wanted to make it special for you, dinner and music and candles, but like I say, right now, here with you, it's perfect."

"Perfect," Chris agreed. "Wait. What?"

"Close your eyes."

"What are you doing?"

"Close your eyes."

"Only if you promise not to do anything gross."

"I promise." Howie kissed him and he closed his eyes, letting go of Howie. He was alone in the bed for a moment, and then Howie was back, warm and naked against him. "Open your eyes."

He opened his eyes. "What now?"

Howie clicked open the box.

No.

"Christopher Alan Kirkpatrick..."

No.

"...will you marry me?"

"No."

"Chris-"

"No. No." Chris almost fell in his haste to leave the bed, tangled in the sheets. "No, no," and he grabbed his clothes.

"Chris!" Howie was reaching for him.

Chris stumbled into the hallway, pulling on his clothes haphazardly, dropping one sneaker like Cinderella rushing from the ball.

Drew had redressed, and the two of them were trying to decide whether to go and look for Nick or wait, when someone came knocking. Brian opened the door. "Jeff."

"Hi." Jeff stared. "You look good."

"Thanks. Are you okay?"

"Where's Nick?"

"Our Nick? Don't know," Brian said. "He ran out of here."

"Tell me if you - - what are you doing here?" Jeff asked, turning to his left. "I told you to stay."

"I'm not your pet," Nick said. "Brian. Where's Nick? You look good."

"Thanks," Brian said. "I don't know - - did something happen? Why are you both looking for him?"

"He gave Nick a happy," Jeff said.

"He what?" Brian asked.

"He what?" Drew demanded.

"Just a little one," Nick said.

"What does he think he's," and Brian was down the hallway.

"Stay here," Drew said, and went after Brian.

"Tell me what to do," Jeff muttered, and followed.

If everyone else was going, Nick was, too.

Justin leaned in slowly. "Let me kiss you," he said softly, lashes lowering.

JC closed his eyes and accepted Justin's kiss.

Brian knocked. "Kevin? Kev, it's Brian. Let me in for a second."

"Why are we here?" Nick asked.

"I don't know," Jeff said.

Kevin opened the door. "Can I help you?"

"Excuse me," Brian said.

Kevin pushed Brian back again with a gentle but firm hand on his chest. "Can I help you?"

"I need to get in there."

"It's my room."

"I left something in there."

"It's my room."

"I'm looking for my contact lens."

"You don't wear contacts."

"We're taking a census and we need to see how many people are in here."

"Brian, I'm not letting you in."

"Look menacing," Brian told Nick and Jeff. "Kevin, let me in."

"Why?" Kevin asked, crossing his arms over his chest.

Jeff and Nick and Drew crossed their arms over their chests.

"Because I need to talk to Nick."

"Nick's not here."

"Don't lie to me."

"He doesn't want to see you."

"Did he say that?"

"Words to that effect."

"What'd he call me?"

"Nothing I'd repeat in mixed company."

"What'd he call me?"

"I called you a two-faced, three-timing, motherfucking son of a-"

"We don't need to hear it all over again," Kevin said as Nick appeared over his right shoulder.

"You're calling me names and you're getting it on with Nick?" Brian asked.

"Whoa," Kevin said.

"Everyone else is cheating, why can't I?" Nick asked.

"Can we talk about this somewhere else?" Brian asked.

"You came over here, let's talk," Nick said.

"Excuse me," Kevin said. "I hear sanity calling." He slipped down the hallway.

The five of them moved into the room and closed the door. "No one is cheating," Brian said. "We've all agreed how things stand. When Drew and Nick were coming together, there were some boundaries lifted. Now they've agreed to separate, and those boundaries are back in place. That means hands off Nick and Jeff."

"What about you?" Nick asked.

"What about me?" Brian asked.

"He doesn't know?" Nick asked. Jeff smacked him in the chest.

"Know what?" Brian asked. "What?"

"Even they know," Nick said. "See? Everybody knows. Go ahead and admit it."

"Everybody knows what?" Brian asked.

"Brian," Drew said, "who's that woman you were talking to in the lobby?"

"When?" Brian asked.

"When I came in."

"When...oh," Brian said. "Kelly Don...o...van," he said, slowing, realizing. "Oh. Kelly. That was years ago."

"That's all you have to say?" Nick asked. "You little shit! That's all you have to say to me? You-"

"What?" Brian asked. "I haven't been with her in years! What are you talking about?"

"She touches you," Drew said.

"She's that kind of person," Brian said. "We used to sleep together."

"Brian," Drew said. "That's not helping."

"What are you..." Brian looked around the room. "You think I'm having an affair with her?"

"No," Drew said.

"Yes," Nick hissed. "Yes."

"I don't believe this. I can't believe this. You think I'm having an affair? I'm married to Drew! I, Nick, I'd never cheat on you. You know I love you."

"That never stopped you before."

"What are you talking about?"

"Forget it," Nick said. "Forget it. Fuck you."

Brian's eyes widened in shock. "What did you say to me?"

Nick leaned in and said, looking right into his eyes, slowly, darkly, "Fuck...you."

Brian grabbed the front of Nick's shirt. "Nick Carter, take that back right now."

"No."

"I am not having an affair. I haven't kissed anyone outside of this room in years. I haven't made love with anyone but you and Drew for years. I don't want anyone else. I haven't cheated on you and I won't. Kelly is my friend. I know you don't like her, but I thought that you understood. I thought that you knew me."

"Understood what?" Nick asked.

"That I'm loyal to you, that I love you, that she's good at her job, that we're not going to fire her for personal reasons. You don't like her, and I understand that."

"Don't like her," Nick repeated. "I don't like her. I have nightmares about her. I hate her. Until Drew got, they got...I never hated anyone more. You left me for her, you were with her, I had to watch you with her, you were...you..."

"I never loved her."

"You loved me and you left me anyway. What is that? You can be in love with someone and walk away?"

"No. I can't."

"You did. You did it once and you'll do it again and I'm not sticking around waiting for it. Go. Go be with her."

"I'm with you."

"Not anymore."

When Nick turned and stormed out of the room, Jeff made a move to catch him, but Brian put a hand on Jeff's arm. They watched Nick leave.

Brian turned to Drew. "You knew he thought..."

"Yes."

"You should have told me!"

"I promised him that I wouldn't."

"You know I wasn't. I wouldn't."

"I know."

"I can't believe he thinks I'm capable of that."

"He's scared." Drew stroked Brian's jaw. "What are we going to do?"

Brian rested his forehead against Drew's. "I'll talk to him when he's calmed down. He's still running on that rush of fear and anger. He'll calm down." His fingers ran down Drew's temples.

"I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"I don't know. I just feel awful right now. I think I'm going to throw up."

"Me, too." Brian sighed. "If we don't get this sorted out today, I want you to spend tonight with him."

"Brian-"

"He needs you."

"We all need to be together."

"He doesn't trust me."

"He doesn't believe in himself."

"He doesn't trust me," Brian repeated softly.

Justin's lips parted for JC's tongue. He tilted for a better angle, hand tightening on JC's hip. When JC moaned softly, Justin's fingers dug into JC's shoulder.

Chris had to be somewhere in the building. He couldn't have gone far, not with those crowds outside waiting. Howie walked down the hallway.

Turned the corner.

Ran into Lance.

"Where's Chris?"

"I'm looking for him," Howie said. Alarm bells. Lance knew. Lance was displeased.

Lance let him walk on unharmed.

This time.

Nick sat on the bed and ran his hands over his hair.

"Tell me what happened," Jeff said, standing over him.

Nick looked up and tried to look innocent. He sighed and leaned forward, hands on Jeff's hips, face against Jeff's stomach. He sighed again, then inhaled Jeff's fabric softener. "I don't know."

Jeff pet his hair, his shoulders. "Spill."

"I was going to get ice and he came running and we ran into each other and he looked upset, really upset, you know, his face gets this, and his eyes."

"I know. Go on."

"I asked him what was wrong, and he said that he hated me for being with Drew, and I apologized, and he started, he started...talking."

"Talking? Oh. Right."

"Yeah."

"Then what?"

"He was talking. And he started groping me. And I said that we shouldn't, we couldn't - - oh, I forgot, he licked me."

"Licked you?"

"Licked my, up my neck, my chin, my..."

"You liked it."

"Yeah."

"So you said that you shouldn't be getting it on in the hallway, but he kept going, and you didn't try to stop him."

"And then I came. And he left."

"Nick?"

"What."

"You're a brainless idiot and I'm revoking your privileges."

"What?" Nick raised his head.

Jeff removed Nick's hands from his hips. "You don't get any sex until you prove yourself worthy. I'm not giving myself to someone who will take it from anyone with a tongue in a hallway."

"Jeff-"

"You messed up, Lachey."

"Timmons-Lachey."

"That's right. Timmons-Lachey. Think about what that means." Jeff left.

Justin's bandanna hit the floor.

AJ felt like storming around, but storming around alone in his hotel room had no effect, so he stormed down the hallway and into the lounge.

Kevin was, well, lounging. Reading the newspaper. Green eyes looked up with mild interest. "How's your romantic liaison going?"

"Go ahead, act smug," AJ said. "Everyone clap for the 'I told you so' parade."

"Trouble in paradise?"

"I don't need your sarcastic questions. Do you know what he said to me? That Bass bastard?"

"Call him that to his face. See where it gets you."

"Try saying it to my face."

AJ turned. "What do you want?"

"I couldn't help overhearing you talking about Lance," Joey said. "I couldn't help disliking your tone."

"I can't help disliking your face," AJ said. "So get it out of mine."

"You're not getting into this here," Kevin said.

"No, I want to know what Lance said to him," Joey said.

"That's none of your business," AJ said.

"Lance is my business."

"Lance is my business," AJ said. "Lance is mine. And I don't need you telling me how to talk about him."

"He isn't yours."

"He is."

"You don't deserve him."

"I don't?"

"He's too good for you. He always has been."

Kevin dragged AJ off of Joey. "Get out of here! Go! What is wrong with him - - would you hold still?! Sit down! Let me look at your eye."

"I'm fine," AJ said. "Let me go kill him."

"Sit!" Kevin shoved AJ onto the sofa. "What happened? You told Lance about Howie?"

"He called me sleazy."

"Is that one of the Seven Dwarfs?"

"You've never been funny."

"I know. It's a sad life. Your eye'll be okay."

"Kev?"

"Yeah."

"I fucked up."

"I know."

"Why didn't you stop us?"

"I wanted to."

"I love him, you know."

"I know."

"He's my beautiful porn baby."

Kevin smiled. "Have you told him that?"

"He doesn't want to hear from me right now."

"You can understand that."

"When he cheated, I forgave him."

"You're counting on him remembering that and doing the same?"

"That sounds like I did this for payback. I didn't. It wasn't about revenge."

"Have you forgiven him? Forgiven and forgotten?"

"I think so."

"He didn't sleep with that guy, did he?"

"No."

"You knew this would hurt him."

"I'm stupid."

"Yes."

"I'm not cheap and sleazy."

"No, you're not."

"You never told me how badly I was fucking up."

"I thought you knew."

"If I knew, I wouldn't have done it."

"You really are stupid."

"Thanks, Kevin. Now I feel ever so much better." AJ flashed his fakest wide smile.

They'd moved their kiss from the middle of the floor to the sofa. Justin settled on his back, wrapping his arms around JC's shoulders. "Justin." He sighed, finding another angle. "Justin." JC's tongue should be outlawed. There was no way this talent was natural. JC must be from another planet. Or else- "Justin" -JC had gotten a Master's degree in kissing to go with that doctorate in sex. "Justin."

"Are you saying my name for fun or are we going somewhere with this?"

"I think I was trying to get your attention to say something, but now I just like the way it sounds," JC said. "Justin. Justin. Justin. Jus-"

"Stop it! What?"

"Justin."

"What?"

"I don't remember anymore." JC kissed him.

"JC. JC, I think..." Oh, sweet kiss. "I..." Oh, oh, tongue, tongue, and Justin's toes curled. "I think I love you."

Brian wandered the fifth floor and found Nick in the lounge. He gestured to Drew and entered.

Nick didn't so much as blink when Brian sat beside him on the sofa. "Hi." Nothing. "I didn't know. Now I know, and I'll change things. I won't spend time with her if it hurts you. I should have known. I wasn't thinking. She's a part of my past, Nick, I don't think about her that way anymore. If you'd said something - - you have to tell me these things. Tell me what hurts you and I won't do it anymore."

"It hurts me when you leave."

"I know. I won't do it again. It was once, and it was the worst mistake I've ever made. I'm sorry."

"I don't believe you."

"Why?" Brian asked.

"What's keeping you here? What's making you stay with me?"

"You are."

"Why?"

"I love you."

"Why?"

"I don't know." Brian wanted to touch Nick, but resisted. "Maybe it's the way you look. Maybe it's the way you look at me. Maybe it's the way you talk. Or the way you move. The way you love. You love hard, Nick, all of the time. That's brave. Not many people have the strength to love like you."

"I would never leave someone."

"I know."

"I don't know how to keep people from leaving me."

Drew came in and knelt before Nick. "Come with me."

"Where?" Nick asked, wary, tired.

"Let me take you to bed and hold you."

"You don't hate me for using you and for being with Nick?"

"I'm going to forgive you."

"Why?"

"I can't have anything but compassion for someone this miserable. Here. Come with me." Drew took Nick's hands and rose, pulling. Nick stood with reluctance and went with Drew. Brian followed.

Drew went to his room and locked the door, drawing Nick towards the bed. "Here, get undressed," he said, tugging up Nick's shirt.

Nick pulled off his shirt and scratched his shoulder self-consciously.

"Oh," Drew said. His fingers drifted over Nick's chest. "You've been working out." He caressed Nick's arm. "I bet Brian misses the way you used to look." Brian smiled. "Oh, Nick, you look good," Drew murmured. "Let me see the rest."

Nick toed out of his sneakers and pulled off his socks, then dropped his jeans. He held still while Drew's hand stroked up his thigh.

"I've missed your body," Drew said. "I'd better stop thinking about that or I'll start groping you. Come on, get in bed, let me hold you. I've missed being close to you."

Nick sat on the bed, then stretched out on his back, looking up at the ceiling.

Drew stripped to his boxers, then climbed in with Nick. "Come here," he said, and pulled Nick closer. He rested on one side, sliding his leg over Nick's, cradling Nick's head to his chest. "Let me be close to you. I've missed you." Drew closed his eyes. "I don't know why you think we could ever leave you."

Nick listened to Drew breathe.

"Brian, come here," Drew said. A moment later Brian was there, sliding in behind him, solid and familiar against his back. Brian's arm came over his side, Brian's hand resting on Nick's shoulder. Drew pressed a kiss to Nick's hair and rested in silence.

Knock at the door. "Guys, I'm sorry, it's important."

Justin groaned. "Go away, Lance."

"Hold on," JC said, and got off of Justin, off of the sofa. He adjusted himself quickly and went to the door. "Hey. You need something?"

"Have you heard from Chris?"

"No. He went off with Howie."

"If you see him, let me know."

"What's going on? Something happened?"

"Don't worry about it."

"Okay." JC closed the door.

"What's wrong?" Justin asked, sitting up on the sofa now.

"Nothing."

"Something happened to Chris?"

"Lance is looking for him."

"Maybe we should-"

"Justin, we're in a hotel. How far can he have gone? He can't exactly walk out of here unnoticed."

"If-"

"Justin. Don't worry about it."

"I don't want him to-"

"Justin. Don't worry about it."

"I know you're mad at him, but he's our friend."

"He doesn't deserve you for a friend."

"That's harsh, JC."

"After what he did to you, he's lucky I'm only being harsh."

"You're the one who screwed me up in the first place."

"We're not going to fight about this."

"Good. We're not fighting. We're kissing. Come here and kiss me."

JC sat beside him, smiling. "Where should I kiss you?"

"Guess."

JC kissed Justin's cute nose, his right eyebrow, his left ear. His palm, the inside of his elbow, his neck. "Where should I kiss you?"

"Anywhere you want."

"Let's see...what looks like a good spot?"

Justin leaned back, resting his shoulders against the armrest, one foot on the floor, thighs spread. "See anything you like?"

JC's eyes ran over Justin, from curls to chest to crotch to knees. "I don't know."

Justin's hand rested over his groin.

"Justin." JC hesitated. "Baby." He licked his lips. "Will you let me get you off tonight?"

Justin frowned. "You're supposed to make love to me."

"Justin-"

"Remember? Back in the saddle? Tonight's the night."

"Not tonight."

"That vibrator's looking better and better," Justin said. "You want to get me off?"

"Yes."

"Once?"

"As many times as it takes."

Justin's cock jumped under his hand. "Oh. Okay. You can get me off."

AJ rested on his stomach, chin on crossed arms. He'd trashed the best relationship he'd ever had. Now he had to fix it.

Cheap and sleazy. That burned. He wasn't cheap or sleazy. He had class, damn it. His own kind of class, but he definitely had class. He had attitude.

And damn it, his new tattoo was going to look pretty damned silly if he didn't have Lance anymore.

Howie had seen it and gone into hysterics. That wasn't the desired response. AJ was sure that Lance would have a better reaction.

But he couldn't show it to Lance if Lance wasn't speaking to him.

His jaw hurt. Joey had come in on him at the wrong moment back there. He hadn't been in his best mood. Picking a fight with one of Lance's friends, yeah, AJ had been up for that.

Of course Kevin wouldn't let him get into it.

He wondered if he could have taken Joey. It was debatable. He probably could have.

Maybe he would tomorrow.

He wouldn't be spending the day in bed with Lance, so he might as well have something on his calendar.

"Nick," Drew said softly. "My arm's asleep."

Nick sat up and Drew slid over, settling on his back. "Here," Drew said, guiding him down again. Nick closed his eyes, head on Drew's chest, arm slung over Drew's waist, one thigh between Drew's.

Brian hugged the other pillow and watched them. When Nick fell asleep, Brian touched his face gently.

Nick brushed his teeth and perched on the sink. He scowled and swallowed toothpaste. Jeff was mad. Jeff had a right to be mad. How long would Jeff be mad?

Jeff wouldn't keep him in the doghouse for too long.

He walked out of the bathroom and headed for the bed.

Jeff, sitting propped up against the pillows, pointed across the suite. "Sofa."

"J-"

"You're sleeping on the sofa."

"No way."

"Way," Jeff disagreed firmly. There was a don't-fuck-with-me look in his eyes.

"Can I-"

"No."

"Can-"

"No."

"Can-"

"Don't even think about it."

Nick clenched his jaw and went to the sofa. Jeff was not getting away with this. He was not going to sleep on the sofa all week.

No blanket, no pillow, no kiss.

This was not good.

He hoped the other Nick was getting punished, too.

JC had put him in bed and started undressing him. He was down to his jeans and sleeveless T-shirt, and JC showed no signs of taking those off any time soon. JC seemed a lot more interested in kissing his neck.

"Do you remember the first time we kissed?" JC asked.

"Yeah." The studio.

"Do you remember the first thing I did?"

"Slipped me tongue."

JC chuckled against his skin. "After that."

"Gave me a blow job."

"You want me to do that now?"

"Yeah."

"You like it when I do that?"

"Yeah." Did he ever.

"Put up your arms."

Justin put his arms over his head, assuming that JC was about to get around to taking off his T-shirt. JC had other things to do first. Like nuzzle his armpit and kiss him there and suck on his hairs. Okay, that was just sick. "You're perverted."

"You do it to me," JC said, and pulled up his shirt.

Yeah, well...that was different. Justin lifted his shoulders and let JC pull his shirt off over his head. Jeans next? Yes? Soon?

JC started to kiss Justin's bruising. It was a patchy rainbow now, and Justin was used to the dull ache. JC was tender and slow, stroking his skin with gentle fingers.

Justin took a deep breath. "JC, I need to ask you something."

"Not now, baby."

"I need to know."

"Not now."

"What would you do if I died?"

JC inhaled against Justin's skin and exhaled slowly. He kept his head bowed, closing his eyes.

"Tell me."

"You know I would kill myself."

"No! No, JC, you can't do that."

"You know I can't live without you."

"No, JC, no. That's not..." He thought fast. "That's no way to honor me. That's no way to mourn me."

"I'll die without you," JC said softly.

"No. You won't. JC, look at me. Come up here and look at me."

JC crawled up Justin and sat at his side, touching his face. "I can't live without you."

"You can."

"It's okay, baby. I know you don't want to talk about this."

Justin knew what JC meant. He was having trouble with this conversation because they were talking about JC's death. That topic was a sensitive one, and he struggled to keep himself together. He couldn't lose it now; this was too important. "I hate this. If I survive you, I'll end up in a nuthouse, and if you survive me, you'll just... I don't have a choice, JC. But you do."

"No, baby. If you go, I'll follow. Whether I commit suicide or not. I can't live without you."

"Literally."

"I don't know which way is worse."

"I can't bear to think of you grieving for me like that. It tears me up inside."

Justin sighed. "Let's take a five-minute break before we get back to sex."

"All right." JC touched his face and let him get under control.

"I think I used to be sane."

"You were once. I was, too."

"I find that hard to believe."

"It's true. Don't you remember?"

"Vaguely. You know what I remember?"

"What?"

"A time when I never licked blood."

JC laughed. "See what you were missing?"

"Yeah, great stuff." Justin let his mind drift. "What were you going to do to me?"

"When?"

"Just now. Getting me off."

"Whatever it took."

"However many times it takes."

"That's right."

"You know it's been a while. It could take a lot."

"That's okay."

"Yeah, I didn't think you'd mind."

matthew@matthewtime.com
"Together" Part Six
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