Copyright February 2-September 5, 2001 by Matthew Haldeman-Time

Rating: NC-17 for graphic male-male sex

Disclaimer: The young men who comprise the Backstreet Boys, *NSYNC, and 98 Degrees are their own people.  The author has not met anyone here described, nor does the author mean to suggest that these people act this way in real life.  This writing is a work of fiction.  I make no money from this venture.

Dedication: This slashfic is for Ewan McGregor and the Savage Garden slashers.

Notice: There are six stories that come before this one.  Read those first.  I'll wait.

Warning: "Together" includes depictions of, discussion of, and references to, consensual incest.

        "No, that's way over," Nick said.

        "AJ and Kevin," Drew said.  What in the world?

        "Right."

        "AJ and Kevin?  I thought that Kevin was straight."

        "Yeah, but he has a thing for AJ."

        "A thing," Drew repeated.  Of course.  That explained it.  How stupid of him, not to understand immediately.

        Nick nodded, stroking the smooth skin of Brian's stomach.  "He always has."

        "It's a known and accepted fact that Kevin wants to be with AJ?"  Drew must have missed the memo.  To be honest, he'd been a little wrapped up in his own ever-changing personal life.

        "Nobody talks about it," Nick said.  "But everybody knows it."

        "Everybody, meaning Backstreet Boys."

        Nick smiled.  "Who else is there?"

        Drew flicked Nick's arm.  "What about Lance?"

        "What about Lance?"

        "Last time I heard, AJ and Lance are supposed to be a couple."

        "Not according to Kevin."

        "It's not Kevin's decision.  It's about Lance and AJ.  Who cares what Kevin thinks?"

        "Pretend you're thirteen.  Or fifteen.  And there's this tall, strong, adult taking charge and taking care of you.  Looking after things.  His name's Big Daddy Kev, and we care what he thinks.  Especially AJ.  And AJ doesn't give a shit what anybody thinks.  I, I got Brian on my side, so if Kevin gives me shit, I'm okay.  AJ doesn't have that...thing.  What do you call that?"

        Drew tried to translate Nick's thought patterns.  A buffer?

        Someone knocked on the door.

        Drew looked up, frowning.  Sounded like Nick.  Nick, his brother.  Not the Nick who was in bed, talking with him and petting Brian.  Normally, either Drew or Nick was the one who slept, being adored and talked over; it was a switch to have Brian in that position, and it was giving Drew warm, fuzzy feelings.

        Another knock.  "Uh, Drew?"  Definitely Nick.  Nick in distress.

        Nick scrambled out of bed and pulled on his jeans.  "Nick!"  He opened the door.  "Hi."

        Drew loved Nick's enthusiasm.  Too bad his stupid brother got to benefit from it.

        "Hey," Nick said.  "Are you, uh...busy?"

        "We were, but now Brian's sleeping and Drew's learning how twisted AJ and Kevin's relationship is.  May I help you?"

        "Could you come with me for a minute?"

        "Me?" Nick asked.

        "Yeah.  You could get dressed first."

        "I'm dressed."

        Having pulled on something to cover his nudity, Drew appeared at Nick's side.  "What do you want?"

        "I need to borrow your boyfriend."

        "For what?"

        "To talk to Jeff."

        "Jeff!" Nick said.  "I'm on my way."

        Great.  "Clothes," Drew said.

        "I'm wearing clothes!"

        A pair of open jeans was not clothes.  Especially not when Drew's fingers itched to walk through the dark blond curls of Nick's pubic hair.  No way was Drew letting Nick pay a visit to Nick and Jeff looking like that.  Drew shoved a shirt at Nick, pushing him aside.  "What's wrong?"

        His brother shrugged.  "I want to talk to Nick."

        Nick zipped up his jeans and pulled on his shirt, then climbed onto the bed and nuzzled Brian.  "Bye bye.  I have to go play with Nick and Jeff.  I'll come back soon."

        Brian's eyes opened partway.  "Mmm.  Be good."

        Nick looked at sleepy, beautiful Brian.  A smile curved Brian's lips and crinkled the corners of his eyes.  Nick kissed his temple, lips brushing soft hair.  "Have happy dreams.  I'll leave Drew here to kiss you."

        Brian let Nick kiss him again.  "Bye."

        Nick went to the door.  "Drew, I've been called off on a secret mission.  While I'm gone, I may be asked to do things.  Immoral things.  Perverted things.  But I want you to know that-"

        "Can we go?" Nick asked.

        Nick bussed Drew.  "Go kiss Brian.  I'll come back and tell you what nasty sex things they want from me."

        He wasn't going to let Nick get away with putting that spin on it.  Drew pulled Nick down for another, longer kiss, letting his hands stroke up Nick's back under Nick's shirt.  "Go help Nick take care of Jeff.  They're trusting you to help them with whatever's wrong.  But come back fast.  We're waiting for you."

        "You're a very good little brother, to share your toys."  Another quick kiss, and Nick left with Nick.

        They started down the hallway.

        "What's wrong?"

        "Nothing."

        "You're still fighting with Jeff?"

        "No."

        "Did you kiss him?"

        "No."

        "Something's wrong."

        "Nothing's wrong."

        Silence.

        Nick sighed.  "Something's...  He's upset."

        "Jeff's upset?  What'd you do?"

        "I didn't do anything."  Nick unlocked the door.  "Come on."  He led the way to the bathroom.

        "So tight," Justin said, relishing the feel of JC's muscles clenching.  He rubbed the secret nub, wanting to explode pleasure through JC's body.  He couldn't wait to get in there, to fuck into JC's beautiful body, to bury his cock in JC's tight ass.

        JC's chest rose and fell as he tried to find breath.  "Baby, baby...Justin..."

        "What?" Justin asked, wishing that JC would relax a little.

        "I want you in me, baby, do you want to get in me?"

        Hell yes.  Justin tried not to come, hearing JC's voice thick with lust.

        "I want you in me, baby, I want you deep, I want you to make love to me.  I want to feel you inside me."  JC's eyes were all over Justin's naked body.  Justin could almost feel it, like a touch.  "Make love to me, Justin.  Let me be the one."

        "You are the one, JC," Justin said.  Oh, god, he was going to come.  His cock throbbed as he lined himself up with JC's hips.

        "Let me make you feel good, baby."  JC's hips lifted sharply at Justin's initial thrust.  "Let me make it good for you."  He rocked up, forcing Justin deeper.  "Get in me get in me come in me come in me," and he closed his eyes, tightening his muscles at will.

        Justin groaned, clawing for self-control.  His dick swelled and ached in the grip of JC's ass.  JC was hot and hungry; Justin's every last nerve ending twitched with ecstasy.

        "Ride me, baby, make me feel it like I know you can," JC invited, breathless, working on Justin's cock.  His eyes were intense with fire, greed, and power.

        He was screwing JC and JC was still in control; he was giving JC his cock and JC was still dictating his orgasm.  He was fucking JC and it was all for him, it was about his pleasure.  JC wanted him to want it, wanted him to come, wanted him to be satisfied.

        Panting, one hand gripping Justin's shoulder for leverage, JC fucked himself against Justin.  Justin couldn't look away from his gaze.  He contracted his muscles and slammed himself against Justin's pelvis.

        Justin came, shocked, feeling orgasm overtake him.

        JC shuddered.  "Oh, baby."

        Nick sat beside Jeff on the floor.  "Hi."

        Nick took Jeff's other side.

        "I was in the neighborhood, and I thought I'd drop by," Nick said.

        "You mean Nick ran and fetched you," Jeff said.  He sounded...dark.

        "Yeah.  I'm not wearing any underwear."

        "Why not?" Nick asked.

        "You got me out of bed.  I had sex with Drew and Brian.  They're still in bed.  I bet they're getting cosy."  Nick sighed, pleased at the thought.  "Brian's happy.  He sparkles and kisses a lot.  I think it's because he has Drew."

        "And because he has you," Nick offered.  They were friends now, so he could afford to be nice to Nick.

        "He always has me," Nick said.

        "You didn't let him for a while."

        Nick didn't want to talk about that.  "You always have Jeff.  Unless he won't let you have him.  Why wouldn't you let him?" Nick asked Jeff.

        "You're changing the subject," Jeff said.  It was a warning.

        "I want to know what's wrong.  You're still fighting."

        "We're not fighting," Jeff said.

        "He's trying to sit close to you and you keep moving away from him.  He wants to touch you and you won't let him.  You're making him tense and scared."

        "We are not fighting," Jeff repeated.

        "There are things that make me scared and make me angry.  You're a big, strong, tough guy, but I know that there are things that make you scared and angry, too.  I don't like to talk about mine, and you don't like to talk about yours.  You tried to make me talk about mine, and you wanted to help.  Can I talk about yours and try to help?"

        "No."

        Nick nodded.  "Okay."  He looked around the bathroom.  "It's nice in here.  I'm not wearing underwear.  It feels weird.  I'm afraid I'll sit wrong and sprain my dick."

        Jeff didn't say anything.

        "I guess you learn.  You get used to it, you practice, you learn how to sit and how to move."  Nick ran his fingers along the edge of the tub.  "I didn't get my pubic hair caught in my zipper."

        "That's good," Nick said, trying to help along the conversation.

        "You pulled me out of bed to sit in your bathroom?" Nick asked.  "Drew's probably kissing all over Brian's skin right now.  I could be watching.  Or helping.  You know, Drew sat in the bathroom once."  He gave Nick a pointed stare.

        "When?" Nick asked, prompted.

        "After the first time you fucked him, at home in our bed.  He was sort of scared.  Drew's a tough little guy, and he'd whack me one if he knew I told anybody he got scared.  But he was scared.  And he sat in the bathroom.  We went in and tried to help.  And I thought, I wonder if Nick's freaking out, too.  And I thought, if he is, Jeff will take care of him, and he'll be okay.  You have all of these big brother ideas, and you're afraid to touch Drew, but when Jeff says it's okay, you're okay.  You trust him."  Nick reached across Jeff and poked Nick.  "Say you trust Jeff."

        "I trust Jeff," Nick said.  "I do."

        "I do!" Nick said.  "I do.  I never got to say that.  I've never been married.  I keep asking Jeff, and he keeps saying that he likes being married to you."

        "I like being married to Jeff, too," Nick said.

        "Of course you do.  He makes a very good husband for you.  And you're a good husband for him, too.  You make him happy.  He's just a fuzzy little kitten for you, isn't he?"  Nick tickled Jeff under the chin; Jeff smacked his hand.  It kind of hurt.  "That's okay.  You can be pissy with me.  I'm not your Nick, I'm somebody else's Nick.  We're in-laws, we're supposed to fight."

        "We're not in-laws," Jeff said.

        "We are," Nick said.  "You married Nick, and Brian married Drew, and Nick and Drew are brothers.  That makes us brother-in-laws."

        "Brothers-in-law," Nick Timmons-Lachey corrected.

        "That's what I said."

        "I'm Drew's brother-in-law," Jeff said.  "Brian's.  Not yours."

        Nick Carter frowned.  "You're being an asshole."

        "He doesn't mean it," Nick told Nick.

        "Don't speak for me," Jeff snapped.  "I'm right here, I know what I said and I know what I mean."

        "Good, if you're so smart, you'll know what this means."  Nick Carter flipped Jeff off.

        "Nick," Nick said.

        Nick wasn't finished with Jeff.  "You're not a fuzzy kitten, you're a pissy old pussy.  Nick dragged me out of bed, away from Drew and Brian, to come here and sit on this stupid floor in this stupid bathroom with his stupid husband.  Now I'm going back to bed, back to Drew and Brian, and you can sit here until your ass rots."

        "Nick," Nick said.

        "What?"

        "Don't talk to him like that."

        "Why not?  You don't like it.  You don't like me yelling at Jeff.  What if I do it more?  What if I get really mean?  What if I hurt his feelings?  You'd get all mad and defensive, because you don't like anybody being rude to him.  Nobody gets away with hurting Jeff when you're around.  You know he doesn't need your protection.  You know he doesn't need saving.  He can take care of himself."

        "He shouldn't have to," Nick said.

        "Do you love him?"

        "What?  Of course I do."

        "He's upset."

        "Yeah, I noticed."

        "He's being mean to me."

        "He doesn't mean it."

        "He wants to pout, but he doesn't have the mouth for it.  Sulky kitty," Nick cooed.  "See, look at Nick, he has a good mouth for it.  I bet you like Nick's mouth.  Here, give me your hand - - give me your hand!  Stop fighting with me!  Give me your hand or I'll break it.  There.  Put your fingers in his mouth.  Go on.  He won't bite."

        "Nick," Nick said.

        "Open up," Nick insisted, guiding Jeff's hand to Nick's lips.  "One finger, just one.  Which one do you want?  Open!  Here, try a thumb.  Are your hands clean?"  Nick tugged at Nick's lower lip until his mouth opened, then fed Nick Jeff's thumb.  "There you go.  Mmm, I bet that feels good.  Drew likes fingers.  He gets really horny."

        Jeff tried to pull his hand free, but his husband wouldn't let go.

        "Did you ever watch Nick sing?" Nick asked.

        Jeff didn't bother to answer that question.

        "Did you see how wide his mouth opens?  You could put your whole fist in there.  I guess you'd rather put your fist somewhere else.  Brian fists me.  If I beg really, really hard.  I'm not allowed to talk about Drew's fisting incident.  He made me promise.  Fisting's sort of intense, or extreme, or something."  Nick ran his hand through his hair.  "You really have to trust the other person.  And if you're the one doing it, wow.  That's like...  I took Drew's virginity.  Popped that sucker right in him and made him - - never mind.  But it was a big thing.  I don't mean my - - that's a big thing, too, though - - well, not in comparison - - what was I saying?"

        "Nothing that made any sense," Nick said, switching from Jeff's thumb to suck on Jeff's index finger.

        "You trust each other.  Even in sex.  Especially in sex.  You fuck each other.  There's fisting.  You trust each other with your sexy horny selves, and with your extra-macho bodies.  Not just anybody could handle having super stud Nick Lachey for a sex partner.  Timmons-Lachey.  See?  Timmons-Lachey.  Do you pay attention to your own freaking name?  You're Jeff Timmons-Lachey.  You gave him your name, you took his name, you're freaking holy married.  Married.  You've had bad things and good things and weird things, you've shared things and fought over things and made it through things.  Personal things and professional things and your favorite brother-in-laws.  Brothers-in-law.  I don't know, I'm not married.  They say marriage is about compromise.  Or communication.  Maybe it's about trust.  Nick trusts you.  He's trusted you with some of the darkest, scariest, freakiest shit ever.  He's trusted you with stuff that would trash, kill, destroy any other marriage.  But he trusted you with it, and he was right to trust you with it, so now he knows that he can trust you with anything."

        Nick kissed Jeff's knuckles.

        "I need Brian.  Someone give me poetry," Nick said.

        "I love you," Nick said.

        Jeff's gaze flickered.

        "Nick's right, I do trust you.  I've trusted you with my love.  My love for you.  I've trusted you with my heart, my life, and my body.  I've trusted you with my love for Drew.  I'd trust you with anything, Jeff.  I'd give you anything.  I'd do anything for you."

        "Brian could do better, but it wasn't bad," Nick said.

        "If you aren't ready to fuck my mouth, you don't have to."

        "You said a bad word," Nick said.

        "I want you to fuck me.  I can take it."

        "Shit," Nick said.

        "Jeff-"

        Jeff wrenched his hand from his husband's grip.

        "Jeff-"

        "Holy shit, you want him to fuck you?"

        "Jeff-"

        "You're going to fuck Nick?  Can I watch?"

        "Jeff-"

        Jeff smacked Nick across the face.

        Kevin's hips rocked against his.

        AJ pulled his shirt off over his head, gyrating closer to Kevin's body.  He wanted to be right there, close to the warmth, the strength, the core and the beauty.

        Kevin's hands ran down AJ's naked back, down to AJ's ass, pulling AJ's hips flush to his.

        AJ offered his neck to Kevin's mouth.

        He traced the sharp lines of Brian's cheekbones.  Then his gaze caught on something, and he raised his hand, looking.

        His rings.  Engagement ring.  Wedding ring.  Engraved with the names of those he held closest.

        Drew smiled, admiring them.

        Brian made a sleepy sound and curled on his side, right up against Drew.  "Nick's not back?"

        "Not yet."  Drew kissed Brian.  "Is this what it's like?"

        "What?"

        "I'm here with you, and it's everything I want.  But it's not.  Nick's missing, and it's not right without him.  But it's perfect, being with you.  But my heart feels...lonely."

        Brian smiled.  A little sad, stroking Drew's back.  "That's what it's like.  For us.  All of the time.  We're together, and we're perfect together, and we're happy.  But you're not there, so we're empty inside.  It's like having everything you ever wanted, but still something's missing, something vital.  Every time we leave you, Nick spends the first whole month thinking he's forgetting something, he misplaced something."

        "Do you..."

        Brian smiled.  "I spend the first month with Nick.  Every second, every day.  Surrounding myself in him, living him and breathing him, is the only way I make it through without you."

        Nick's cheek, the side of his face, was turning an angry red.

        Nick felt light-headed and nauseous.

        Jeff was frozen.

        A damning drop of blood beaded on Nick's lip.

        Nick wanted to say something, to break the echoing silence.

        Jeff's breathing was the loudest sound in the room.

        Nick closed his mouth.

        Nick wanted to close his eyes.

        He loved Howie.

        Howie had cheated on him.

        He loved Howie.

        Howie had screwed around with AJ.

        He loved Howie.

        They were going back on the road.

        He loved Howie.

        They'd be separated.

        He loved Howie.

        Howie would be on tour, on the road, back in the same situation.

        He loved Howie.

        AJ wasn't even with Lance anymore.

        He loved Howie.

        There was nothing, not one thing, to keep it from happening again.

        Except: he loved Howie.

        "Nick," Nick said.

        As though triggered by the word, tears filled Nick's eyes.  He tried to blink them back, awkwardly getting to his feet.  The moment was broken, and he had to go.

        "Nick," Nick said again, scrambling to stand.

        "I loved you," Nick whispered without looking, and ran.

        Sex.

        Nothing as simple as sex.  It never was, with JC.

        JC had been in control.  Even when Justin was the one delivering the fuck, JC was in control.  JC always was, had to be, in control.

        Except for those two times.  Those two times when JC had made love to himself.

        Justin nibbled at the pad of his thumb, thinking.

        Was it about trust?  JC didn't trust Justin?  JC didn't trust JC?

        Justin wanted JC to give himself over to passion, to give himself over to Justin.  The way Justin gave himself to JC on a daily, nightly, regular basis.

        He wanted to give JC that experience, that abandon, that freedom.

        How?

        He couldn't get JC to do it consciously.  JC had too many barriers in the way.

        He'd have to get JC's body to do it, whether JC liked it or not.

        How, how, how?

        He didn't have a room key with him.  Maybe the lounge, no, anyone could show up there.

        "Go help Nick take care of Jeff.  They're trusting you to help them with whatever's wrong."

        He hadn't helped, he hadn't.  He'd made it worse, and Jeff was mad, and...

        It didn't hurt that much.  Jeff hadn't hit him that hard.

        He'd never seen Jeff look like that.  Furious.

        He'd never been afraid of Jeff before.

        Jeff had lashed out physically.

        Jeff had hurt someone they loved, someone who loved them, someone who trusted them.

        Jeff had abused his superior strength.

        "What the hell was that?!" Nick demanded.

        Jeff was still sitting there, on the bathroom floor.  He didn't look up.

        "You hit Nick!"  He had to say it, to voice it, or it would become too terrible for words.

        "You hit Brian."  Jeff's voice was distant.  Uncaring.

        What?  "That was years ago!  That was, Jeff, that was years ago, that was before...before...things were different then.  And it was stupid and I never should have done it.  What are you thinking?!  You're the one, you've been protecting him, and now you hit him?!"  He didn't even want to think of the damage they'd just done to Nick.  Drew, Drew would kill them.  And Brian!

        Jeff stood.  "You want me to use my big dick?  You want me to use my body?  I'll use it."

        Nick stared at him, horrified.  Jeff was twisting his motives, twisting his wishes.  Threatening him.

        Jeff's gaze was steady, his stance controlled.

        Nick had to go after Nick, had to make sure that Nick was all right, had to apologize.  But he couldn't leave Jeff.  He was afraid to walk away from this moment.

        He couldn't see anybody.  Not now.

        He tasted blood and tears.

        The word "rape" crossed Nick's mind for the very first time.

        Joey sighed.  Lance was having one shitty week.

        He wouldn't mind making AJ suffer.

        Maybe this was one of those things that were for the best.  Because it was getting Lance free from AJ.  Free from someone who didn't appreciate him, didn't love him, didn't put him first.  If AJ was screwing around with Howie and Kevin, obviously the guy didn't realize what Lance was worth.

        Lance was hurting.  Joey wanted to help.

        Joey caught him in a big bear hug, lifting him from the floor.

        He waited until Lance was laughing before he let go.

        "You know what I meant," Nick said.  "I did not mean it like that!  I never wanted you to - - I never thought you could do something like that!  I didn't think..."

        "Oh, I'm supposed to be the cuddly kitten, that's right," Jeff said, snapping his fingers.  "Damn, I forgot.  I'm supposed to be fuzzy and playful when you want me to be, and fuck like a wild stallion when you want me to.  Do everything selectively, when and how you want it.  What was I thinking, acting on my own?"

        "I'm bulked up and you don't see me hitting anybody.  You don't see Drew hitting anybody."

        "Oh, but I have this excess of testosterone.  I'm so aggressive, I can't help myself."

        "You hit Nick."  Nick couldn't get past that fact.  Jeff had hit Nick.

        "You want to strip down and beg me to fuck you with my big dick?  You want him to watch?  Should we invite Drew and Brian, too?  Maybe we could charge admission!"

        "You hit Nick!"

        "Would you rather I hit you?!"

        Nick froze.  That was what he was afraid of.  That Jeff had hit Nick as a last resort alternative to hitting him.  That the blow Nick had received had been meant for him.

        Jeff, looking calm, was anything but.

        "You wouldn't," Nick said.

        "You don't know anything."

        "I know you."  He knew Jeff.  He clung to that idea.  He knew Jeff.  This was Jeff.  Familiar territory.

        "You think you want a good hard ride on Jeff's big dick.  You like getting screwed, and if it's a little harder, a little more forceful, it'll only get better.  You're thinking with your balls, you whore.  You don't know shit about what I could do to you."

        Nothing familiar here at all.  Nick's voice was a notch softer than it had been.  "You're right.  I don't know what you could do to me.  I never thought you could do this to me."

        "Don't you dare start with the tears."

        "Start with the tears?  Start with the tears!  You'd think I cried every half hour to manipulate you!  Just shut up!  I am not crying!"

        "Where are you going?"

        "To bed."

        "The hell you are."

        "I'm going to sleep.  When I wake up in the morning, I want you to knock off this shit and talk to me."

        "You're not sleeping here."

        "It's my bed."

        Jeff grabbed Nick's arm, jerking him around.  "You're not sleeping here!"

        Nick pulled free with a quick twist.  "Right now, Jeff, I'm still on your side.  You grab me like that again, and I won't be."

        If Kevin made it good, he'd stay with Kevin.

        That wasn't immaturity or ego talking; that was desperation.

        Kevin was desperate to have him.  Finally going for it, finally stepping forward and grabbing for the chance.

        Kevin would do anything to keep him close.

        AJ decided, as he came in a rush of shocking pleasure into Kevin's hand, that men were fucking stupid.

        Wait.  What time was it?

        Drew made a confused noise, trying to hold him still.

        "Drew," Brian whispered.  "Drew, Nick isn't back yet.  How long has he been gone?"

        "Hnnmmhh?" Drew asked.  "Uh.  He's with Nick and Jeff."

        "I know, but..."  Well, true.  There was no telling what sorts of fun adventures Nick was trying to have over there.  Brian resettled himself in Drew's embrace.  Still.  It felt weird, not having Nick's warmth against his back, or not meeting Nick's hands over Drew's body.  Because life sucked in some major ways, Brian didn't always get to sleep with Drew.  But he always slept with Nick.

        He shouldn't go and interrupt.  He'd wait for Nick to come back.  Nick would have something good to tell them, would either bounce onto the bed or start kissing them awake, bright-eyed and-

        There was a knock at the door.

        Brian sat up.

        Drew was half asleep.  "Wt?"

        "It's Nick," Brian said.  "Our Nick."

        "Key," Drew said.

        Right.  He probably didn't have a key.  Brian would let him in.

        There was no explanation on earth for how tense Brian felt.  But something was wrong.  Something was wrong.  Something was wrong with Nick.

        Brian opened the door.

        Nick was quiet, not meeting Brian's eyes.

        Brian was shocked stupid.

        Drew had turned off the lights earlier.  Now, fast and sloppy, Brian flooded the room with brightness, determined to see without a doubt what he was already certain he'd seen.

        In bed, Drew made a noise of protest and rolled away from the light.

        Brian put a hand on Nick's arm, guiding him into the room, locking the door.  "Drew.  Drew."

        Drew rolled over, sitting up.  "What?"

        Nick tried to flinch away from Brian's touch.  "Hold still," Brian said, cupping his chin and turning his face.  "Nick.  Who did this to you?"

        "Nobody," Nick said.

        "Oh my god," Drew said, rising from the bed.  "What happened?  Are you okay?  Are you hurt anywhere else?  Let me see."

        "Somebody hit you," Brian said.  "Tell me who."

        "No," Drew said.  "Nick, tell me it wasn't Nick, please, he wouldn't do this, he couldn't."

        Nick swallowed.  "No.  It wasn't Nick."  Not Nick.  If it had been, he might have been able to understand.  What had happened, was inconceivable.

        Drew frowned, relieved yet lost.  "Was it Jeff?  Jeff hit you?"

        "No."  Not Jeff.  Not the Jeff he knew.  Loved.  Trusted.  Believed in.

        "Was somebody fighting in the hallway again?" Brian asked.

        "No."

        "Nick," Drew said, stroking his smooth, untouched cheek.  "Tell us what happened."  Drew was worried about him.  Drew had pretty eyes, all soft and upset like that.

        "You need ice," Brian said.  "Aspirin?"

        "I'm going to bed," Nick said weakly, too drained to protest but wanting to get away from them, their concern, their questions.

        "No, no," Drew said.  "Not until you tell us what happened.  Did you hit back?"

        "No.  I can't do that," Nick said.  He couldn't hit Jeff.  Oh, god.  Oh, god, he'd hit Brian.  Jeff hitting him was, oh, god, he'd hit Brian and that was a million, million times worse.  Oh, god...

        "Here, get in bed," Brian said.  He looked at Drew, who agreed to follow his lead.  "Can you take this off?"

        "You're naked," Nick said.  He wasn't sure what to do about that.  He was lost.  He wanted everything to stop and go away so he could hide.

        "Then you should be naked, too," Drew said, helping him out of his clothes.

        "Come on, lay down," Brian said.  "Hold Drew, it'll make you feel better."  He guided Nick to the bed.

        Drew curled up with Nick, head on his chest.  "I'm sorry, Nick.  I don't know how anyone could hit you."

        Brian returned from the bathroom with a cool washcloth.  He sat on the bed, wiping away Nick's tearstains.  "It must hurt.  Can I get you anything?  An icepack?"

        "I think it's, it might be too late," Nick said.

        "Too late for an icepack?" Brian asked.

        Drew tipped Nick's chin.  "How long ago did it happen?"

        "I don't know," Nick said.  He didn't know.  He didn't, he'd hit Brian.  He wanted to apologize, but he couldn't.  He didn't know what to say.

        "What have you been doing since then?"

        Nick pulled Drew to his chest again, wrapping his arms around Drew's back.  "Nothing."  He wanted Drew to love him.  Drew wouldn't love him if Drew knew he'd hit Brian.  No, Drew knew.  Drew knew he'd hit Brian.  Drew didn't know that Jeff had hit him.  He couldn't tell.  Drew wouldn't love him anymore.  He'd made Jeff mad.  Drew loved Jeff.

        "Be a good teddy bear," Brian told Drew.  "I'll be the doctor."

        "You make house calls?" Nick asked.

        "For my most special patient," Brian said.  He brushed back Nick's hair.  "How do you feel?"

        "I'm okay."  He was fine.  He wanted Brian to go away now.

        "Let me take a look."  Brian leaned in closer, peering.  "Your eyes are still blue.  One nose.  One mouth.  Two ears."  He kissed Nick's earlobe.  "Hold still for me.  Hug your teddy and close your eyes."

        Nick obeyed, holding his breath.

        Brian carefully hovered one hand over Nick's cheek.  He could almost...the palm there, one finger here...  He gave Nick's lips a soft kiss.  "Okay.  Are you hurt anywhere else?"

        Nick opened his eyes.  "I'm okay."

        Brian ran his hands over Nick's arms, legs.  "Nothing's broken?"

        "No, no.  I'm fine."

        "What's this?"

        "What?"

        "This hairy growth."

        "That's Drew.  He's my teddy."

        "You want it amputated?"

        "No, leave him there."

        "You sure about that?"

        "He's my Drew.  You leave him alone."

        "What does he do?"

        "What does he do?" Nick repeated.

        "What does he do?" Brian asked.

        "He's Drew.  He loves me."

        "He's kind of small.  Sure that's enough?  Maybe you should get two."

        "I have two."

        "You do?"

        "I have a Drew and a Brian."

        "What does Brian do?"

        "He loves me, too."

        "You get a lot of love."

        "I give them love back, too.  So we're equal."

        "Lot of muscle on this one."

        "Drew's like that."

        "I bet he gives you a lot of good, strong love."

        "Yes.  He's very sexy, too."

        "You're kind of cute."

        "Thank you."

        "Looks like you got in a fight."

        Nick cuddled Drew closer, looking away from Brian.

        "Hold him tight," Brian said, stroking Nick's forehead with gentle fingers.  "Drew won't let anyone hurt you.  He's tough, he fights, he'll protect you."

        "My Drew," Nick said.

        "Yours," Brian said.  "Nothing will take him away from you."

        Nick sniffled and held onto Drew.

        "Nick, did someone hit you?"

        "Maybe."

        "Was it one of us?  Someone from *NSYNC, 98 Degrees, the Backstreet Boys."

        "Maybe."  He rubbed his chin against Drew's hair.

        Drew pulled himself up farther on Nick's body, tucking his face in Nick's neck.  Nick squeezed him.

        "Did he hit anybody else?"

        Nick didn't say anything.

        "Were you the only one he hit?"

        "Maybe."  No, no, please, no.  He hadn't thought of that.  No, it wasn't possible.  He was the only one.  Jeff only hit him.  "I hope so.  Brian."

        "What's wrong?" Brian asked, leaning in, half-covering Drew.

        He looked into Brian's eyes.  "What if he hit somebody else?"

        "Why would he?"

        "He was mad.  I saw...fury...in his eyes."

        "Who else would he hit?  Was someone else there?"

        "Maybe."

        "Another one of us?"

        "Maybe."  Nick swallowed.  He was scared.  "Brian."

        "Ssshhh."  Brian held Nick, closing his eyes, trying to soothe Nick with his love.  "Nick, Nick.  Ssshhh."

        "I don't want to cry on my Drew."

        "Cry on me, I look good wet.  Ssshhh, sweetheart, it's okay.  We love you, we're right here.  Nick, you have to tell us.  Tell us what happened."

        "We can help," Drew promised.

        "What if he hit him, too, tell me he wouldn't, he wouldn't do that," Nick said.

        "He hit you," Brian said.

        "That's different."

        "Nick.  Nick, look at me.  You are not a slut.  You are not a punching bag.  You do not deserve to be hit.  I don't care if he was angry."

        Nick squeezed Drew harder.

        "Nick, listen to me."

        "No."  No listening.

        "I'm Brian.  You are my Nick.  Someone has hurt you, and I want to know who, I want to know why."

        "You can't pull rank," Nick said, hiding.  He wanted Brian to go away.

        "I am pulling rank," Brian said.  "You tell me who dared to hit you."

        "Drew," Nick whispered.

        "What?" Drew whispered back.

        "Brian's mad."

        "He's not mad at you.  He's...he's mad because...think of how you'd feel if somebody hit me."

        "I'd kill 'em."

        "Exactly."

        "It's my fault he hit me.  It's not my fault, but...  But I made him mad.  He was angry."

        "Why was he angry?" Drew asked.

        Nick couldn't cuddle any closer.  "He said something very, very mean to me."

        "What did he say?"

        "It hurt."

        "What did he say?"

        "He said that we weren't brother-in-laws.  Brothers-in-law."

        Drew went still.

        "Why did he say that?" Brian asked, treading lightly.  They'd narrowed the field to two candidates.

        "Because I'm not married.  He's Drew's brother-in-law and your brother-in-law but he's not mine."

         "Jeff," Brian said.

        "Something's wrong," Drew said.  "Jeff's the last person who'd hit Nick."

        "I want to go home," Nick said.

        "Stay here," Brian told Drew.  "Nick, no, it's all right.  Sweetheart..."  He smoothed Nick's hair and kissed Nick's tears.

        Brian was leaving the bed.  "Don't go," Nick said.  No, Brian couldn't go.

        "I want to talk to Jeff," Brian said.

        "Stay," Nick said.  "Drew, make Brian stay."

        "I'll come back," Brian said.

        "I should go," Drew said.  "Brian-"

        "No, no, I'm not letting go," Nick said, holding onto Drew.  "You're staying."

        "Oh, Nick," Drew said.  "I'll be right here, if that's where you want me.  Brian-"

        Half-dressed, Brian kissed Drew, then kissed Nick's cheek.  "Nick, look at me.  Nick."

        Nick looked at him with stubborn eyes.  He wanted Brian to stay with him.

        "I love you, Nick.  My Nick.  You've always been mine, and I don't take good care of you at all.  It's always too little, too late.  You're already hurt, and I can't do a thing about it.  But let me go, let me go do what I can.  I'll come right back."

        Oh, Brian...  "It's not too little," Nick whispered.  "It's not too late."

        "Don't make me cry, too," Drew said.  He sniffled against Nick's shoulder.  "You go kick Jeff's ass.  We'll stay here and blow our noses.  Brian-"  He caught at Brian's hand.  Brian looked at him.  "Make sure Nick's all right?"

        Brian kissed Drew.  "Nick knows how to take care of himself.  I'll be right back."

        Nick watched Brian go.  "I don't know how to take care of myself?"

        Drew nestled against him.  "Not always."

        "Oh."

        "That's why Brian hurts when you get hurt.  He feels like he's failed you."

        "It's not his job to take care of me."

        "He thinks that it is."

        "He's not my parents."

        "No, but he loves you.  You're his Nick.  He worries about you."

        "He shouldn't worry about me.  I'm fine."

        "You're not fine."

        "Drew?"

        "Hmm?"

        "How bad does it look?"  He didn't want to see.  He didn't want to know.  But it hurt, a little.

        "Bad."

        Uh-oh.  "Really bad?"

        "Really bad.  I'm sorry, Nick.  It must hurt."

        "I'm okay."

        "You can tell me the truth."

        "Can I cry?"

        "Yes.  Do you want tissues?"

        "No, just stay here."

        "Okay."  Drew stayed.  Nick cried.

        Jeff opened the door.

        Brian walked in, without so much as looking at Jeff.  He found Nick in bed, and sat on the edge of the mattress, rubbing Nick's arm.  "Nick."

        Nick tried to awaken, opening his eyes.  "Brian?"  He pushed through the haze, and remembered.  "Brian."  He sat up, worried.  "Brian, I'm sorry, is Nick all right?  Is he okay?"

        "Are you all right?" Brian asked.  He touched Nick's face.

        "No, I'm okay," Nick said.  "How's Nick?  Brian, I'm sorry."

        "Do you want to come to see him?"

        Nick hesitated.  He did want to see Nick, to make sure that Nick was all right, to apologize.  But Brian was giving him an out on purpose, and he knew that.  If he left now, he'd look like he was leaving Jeff, fleeing a dangerous situation.  He couldn't do that.  Jeff was not abusive.  He was scared for Jeff, not afraid of what Jeff might do to him.  "No.  Tell him I'm sorry."

        "What happened?"

        Brian deserved an answer.  "I said something stupid, and Jeff's upset.  I thought that Nick might be able to help.  He's so honest, whatever he said, Jeff couldn't think that he's hiding anything.  And I knew that Nick would be on my side.  But Jeff was still upset, and I said something else stupid, and Jeff...  He took it out on Nick."

        "Jeff hit Nick."

        "Yes."

        "Nick has trusted Jeff.  He's trusted Jeff when he hasn't trusted anyone else.  If he can't trust Jeff, he doesn't-"

        "No-"

        "Nick is an adult.  He can go where he wants and see whom he wants.  But I will not let him near either of you ever again.  The two of you do too much damage to him.  I can't let him be hurt anymore, not like this."

        "Brian-"

        Brian cupped the back of Nick's head, resting his forehead to Nick's, closing his eyes.  "I'm going to miss you so much," he whispered.

        "Brian," Nick said, at a loss.  Something hurt deep inside.

        "You're so beautiful, and strong, and generous.  Like my Nick, like Drew.  But so very much yourself, you," Brian's voice broke.  "I was so in love with you, I didn't...  Not the way I love my Nick, not the way I love Drew, a different love, just for you, for your strength and your courage and your loving heart.  You're a man placed in one impossible situation after another, and you work your way through it, and you bring us all through it with you.  If you only knew how strong you are.  If you only knew how beautiful you are."  Brian looked into Nick's eyes.  "If you only knew how much I love you."

        Brian was very pretty and very hurt.  His love was almost tangible.  In his eyes was good-bye.

        Nick kissed him.

        Brian opened his mouth, teeth catching Nick's lower lip.  When Nick's tongue licked into his mouth, he tilted his head for a better angle, left hand fingers curling against the bare skin of Nick's shoulder.

        Soft, intimate kiss.  The erotic slide of Brian's tongue swelled heat in Nick's balls.  Nick felt loved, desired, blessed.  He was special, powerful, and loved by Brian.  His heart pounded with the thrill of Brian's love.  A thrill of love for Brian.

        Brian eased away from Nick.  Their eyes met.

        No.  Brian.  Nick didn't want him to go.  He couldn't leave.  No, no-

        Brian slipped away from the bed.

        "Brian," Nick said.  "Brian."

        Brian left the room.

        No...

        Kevin shifted in sleep.

        It wasn't about Kevin's body.  It wasn't about sex.

        AJ could go anywhere.  AJ could have anybody.

        AJ could have somebody a lot less complicated than this mess.

        But he was here.  In Kevin's bed.

        He was staying.  Whether Kevin liked it or not.

        It wasn't because Kevin was a Backstreet Boy.  It wasn't because Kevin was great to look at.  It wasn't because Kevin knew how to work AJ's body.

        It was...

        It was because of something very precious, very sacred, that AJ had been taking for granted for far too long.

        Kevin loved him.

        AJ watched Kevin sleep.

        "Jeff wouldn't hit anybody," Drew said.  "Jeff would never hit you.  Nick, what happened?  I know that he did it, I believe every word, I just don't understand why."

        "He's an asshole.  I should've hit him back.  I could take him.  He's old and short."

        "You aren't telling me why."

        "It's personal."

        "I'm part of your personal life.  I'm part of his, too."

        "Not anymore.  I'm breaking up with him.  And you're my Drew, so you come with me in the break-up."

        "Of course I'm coming with you.  I'm not getting into bed with someone who's hitting my lover."

        "Nick hit Brian."

        "That was wrong, that was stupid, I yelled at him for it, I didn't forgive him for it, and that was before things changed."

        Drew hadn't forgiven Nick for it.  Drew hadn't forgiven him for it.  "That was before you kissed, even.  That's what made you kiss, when you made up."

        "That's right.  I remember."

        "That very first kiss.  So fucking good."

        "It was innocent."

        "But the way it looked.  He leaned down and brushed his lips, oh, it was the highlight of my life."

        "It was not."

        "Made me come in my pants."

        "It did not!"

        "You don't know, you weren't there."

        "I was there!  I'm the one he was kissing!"

        "Don't kiss him.  Kiss me."

        Drew kissed Nick.

        "You make everything better," Nick said softly, stroking Drew's back.

        "I want to make everything better," Drew said.  "Oh, Nick.  You should have warned me."

        "Warned you what?  When?  Look out, Drew!"

        Drew laughed.  "No, you should have warned me before, back when we first, when we...  I had no idea.  I never thought we'd...  I love you more than I thought I could love anyone.  That sounds stupid.  But I had my happy little life and my happy little music group, and then you showed up and you were...exciting and scary.  You were so interesting, Nick, I'd never known anyone who...who...anyone like you.  Anyone who made me feel like that."

        "Feel like what?"

        "Happy.  Alive."

        Oh.  Wow.  Drew's voice was full of meaning.  Like there was too much to express in mere words.

        "I love you, Nick.  I can't tell you, I can't show you, but I want you to know."

        "Drew."

        "What?"

        "I have to ask fast before Brian comes back."

        "Ask me."

        "You love me."

        "Yes, I love you."

        "A lot."

        "Yes, I love you a lot."

        "And if I did something bad, you could forgive me?"

        "Yes."

        "Really bad."

        "Yes."

        "I hit Brian."

        Drew's eyes went wide with sudden understanding.  "Oh, no, Nick.  That was...  Brian hurt you once, very badly.  You were afraid that he would do it again, you thought that he was doing it again, so you wanted to hurt him, too.  It was very wrong, but you know that.  You won't do it again.  I have forgiven you for it, Nick.  I can forgive you because you're hurt over it.  If you'd done it but didn't care about it, I couldn't forgive you.  But you do care."

        "I hit Brian."

        "I know.  Nick, I want to tell you something.  I've forgiven Brian, too.  I have to forgive him.  He hurt you, and he pays for it every day.  You're both still hurting from it, and I had to forgive him so I could try to help."

        Nick didn't want to have to start crying again.

        "I forgive you for hitting him.  I forgive him for leaving you.  But you have to forgive each other."

        What?  He was supposed to forgive Brian?  But, he had.  He...

        "It might hurt less, if you do."

        Lance was sitting at the table, working on his laptop.

        Right.  Like Joey was going to let him get away with that.

        "Get your butt back to sleep."

        Lance didn't even look up.  "In a minute."

        Joey counted in his head.  He gave Lance two minutes, because he was a nice guy.  Then he got out of bed and walked over to the table.  "Bedtime for Bass!"

        "Hey!  Joey, Joe!"

        Joey dragged Lance backwards, towards the bed, knocking over the chair.  "You've had a hard week, you need to rest.  We're hitting the road again, and I don't want you to start off all stressed out.  Go to sleep, young man."

        "Joey-"

        Joey lifted and dropped.  Lance bounced on the bed.  Joey pulled off his shoes.

        "Joey-"

        "AJ's a bastard.  I'll beat him up in the morning.  You are not working, or pining, or doing anything.  You're sleeping.  You're going to have happy dreams of, uh...  Some hot guy doing something sexy to you."

        "Don't hurt yourself, Joey."

        "What, I don't know what you dream about.  I know what JC dreams about, because he acts it out on Justin when he wakes up."

        Lance laughed.

        "Give me your pants."

        "What?"

        "I want you undressed and tucked in so you won't be as likely to get up."

        "I'm not taking off my clothes."

        "I've seen it before, Lance."

        "I'm not sleeping naked with you, Joey."

        "Leave on your boxers.  Move it, Bass, you're keeping me awake."

        "If I say no, you're going to be an idiot and try to rip my clothes off."

        "You must have known me longer than today."

        Lance muttered, stripping to his underwear.  He got into the bed, and Joey turned off the light by the table.

        In the darkness, Joey found the bed.  He tried not to knee Lance anywhere important.  "Good night, Lance."

        "Good night, Joey," Lance said in his best martyr's voice.

        "Go to sleep and stay there."

        "When we go back on tour, I'm leaving you here."

        "Okay.  Maybe then I'll get some sleep."

        Lance hit him and rolled over.

        Joey grinned and closed his eyes.

        Jeff had hit Nick.

        Brian had said good-bye.

        There was no telling what Drew would do now.

        He was in love with someone he didn't know.  Jeff was angry, defensive, sarcastic, and quick to attack.

        He'd pushed too far.  He'd pushed too hard.  He should have gone slower.  He should've...

        He wasn't blaming himself.  But he hadn't helped.  He should know how to treat Jeff.  Jeff always knew how to treat him.

        He didn't know what to say or what to do.  Even if he did know what to say or do, he wouldn't know how to say or do it.

        He didn't have that innate sense of people.

        He rolled to his back and looked at the ceiling.  Didn't seem like he'd be getting back to sleep any time soon.  He sighed, letting his thoughts swirl.

        Problem: Jeff was angry.  Because: Jeff was hurt.  Because: ...

        Because...?

        Jeff was hurting them because Jeff had hurt himself.

        It made sense somewhere in Nick's head.  Jeff didn't like Jeff very much, but Jeff was stuck with himself.  So, Jeff was hurting them.

        Instead of hitting Nick Timmons-Lachey, Jeff hit the other available target.

        Instead of attacking himself, Jeff attacked his husband.

        Nick needed to make Jeff feel better.

        Somehow.

        Jeff needed help.  He was Jeff's husband.  It was his job to help.  He wanted to help.  If he wasn't qualified, no one was.

        "This is the kind of thing I need a picture of," Chris said.  "Freeze-frame.  Perfect moment.  Something to package up and carry around with me."

        Just in case he needed it later.  To keep him warm and happy on the road.  To remind him of what he and Howie shared.

        Because...it was kind of hard to believe that he'd have this forever.

        "Yor bek," Drew said, and yawned.  "Oh!  Is Nick all right?"

        "He's fine," Brian said.

        "Did you talk to Jeff?"

        "No."

        "No?" Drew repeated.

        "I talked to Nick.  He's fine, he was sleeping when I went in.  I made sure that he was all right.  Then I told him that I love him, and I kissed him good-bye."

        Drew processed that information.  Since Nick was starting to pull him closer, he knew that something was wrong.  "Good-bye?"

        "Nick and I won't be seeing Nick and Jeff anymore," Brian said.

        Drew looked at Brian.  He wriggled closer to Nick, to keep from cracking a rib.  "What exactly do you mean?"

        "They've been our friends and our family.  But they've damaged Nick too badly, too many times.  I won't let it happen again."

        "I know that you're upset, but this isn't like Jeff.  You're overreacting."

        "You broke up with them for good," Nick said to Brian.

        "Yes," Brian said.

        Nick's arms tightened around Drew.

        "Where does that leave me?" Drew asked.

        "I'm not asking anything of you," Brian said.

        "You are whether you say it or not," Drew said.  "Brian, Nick's my brother.  I'm part of 98 Degrees.  If AJ hit me, you wouldn't walk away from the Backstreet Boys."

        "I understand that," Brian said.  "That's why I'm not-"

        "Jeff would not hit Nick.  Jeff does not hit people.  He would not hit someone he cares about.  You know he loves Nick.  Yes, you," he said to Nick, to clarify.  "Something's wrong.  We should be trying to help.  Then we can give Jeff hell."

        "I don't care what's wrong.  There's no excuse for hitting someone you love."

        "Nick hit you."

        Brian opened his mouth, then shut it, realizing that they might be talking about a different Nick than he'd assumed.

        "This Nick," Drew said.

        "He was scared," Brian said.

        "Maybe Jeff's scared."

        "You didn't see him-"

        "I know Nick," Drew said.  "I know how bad it has to be, for him to strike you."  He pried Nick's fingers loose so that he could move, finding room to breathe.

        "You're asking for mercy, for forgiveness," Brian said.  "I don't have them.  Jeff hit Nick, and I can't forgive that."

        "You forgive Nick for hitting you."

        "Yes," Brian said.

        "Why?"

        "I could forgive Nick anything," Brian said.

        "You don't love Jeff?"

        "Of course I love Jeff."

        "But you won't forgive him."

        "Not for hurting Nick.  It's not only the physical act.  Nick has gone to Jeff, trusted Jeff.  He's let Jeff in when he's pushed everyone else away.  Jeff has betrayed that trust."

        "You think that keeping Nick away from them will protect him."

        "Yes."

        "Cutting him off from that source of love?"

        "Source of pain."

        "Source of love," Drew argued.

        "Nick," Brian said.  "We're not fighting."

        Drew squeezed Nick's hand.  "Do you have anything to say?"

        Nick pressed his forehead to Drew's shoulder blade, keeping quiet.

        "We're not fighting," Brian said again.  "I'm being protective, and Drew's being mature.  I want to keep you safe at any cost.  Drew wants to encourage the bond we're building with those body-builders he hangs out with."

        "You kissed Nick?" Drew asked.

        "What?"

        "You said that you kissed him good-bye."

        "Oh," Brian said.  "Yes."

        "A real kiss?"

        Nick peeked at Brian from behind Drew's shoulder.

        "Yes," Brian said.

        "A French kiss?" Drew asked.

        "Yes."

        Nick's eyes widened.

        "We're over here having serious discussions, and you're making out with my brother," Drew said.  "I told you I should've gone instead of you."

        Brian smiled.  "He's a good kisser."

        "You told him that you love him?"

        "Yes."

        "What did you say?"

        "I'm not telling you that."

        "I'm your husband!  He's my brother."

        "It's personal.  Between us."

        "I can't believe my own husband is in love with - - you're supposed to be my Brian."

        "I am your Brian."  He touched Drew's cheek.  "I told him that I love him very much.  It was hard to say good-bye.  I didn't want to leave him."

        "You don't have to leave him," Drew said.  "We can figure this out."

        "You're a better man than I am."

        "Oh, Brian, I'm not," Drew said.  "He's your Nick and you'll do anything to keep him safe.  I can't walk away from Nick and Jeff, so I have to find a way to compromise."

        "I'm sorry," Nick said.

        "Don't be sorry," Drew said.  "You don't have anything to apologize for."  He twisted, turning to embrace Nick.

        "I'm sorry," Brian said, joining the hug.

        "Don't you start," Drew said.  "Nick, you cuddle me and let Brian tell you he loves you.  Then we'll go to sleep."

        "Okay," Nick said, squirming down.  "Small kisses."

        Drew kissed him.  "I love you."

        "More kisses," Nick said.

        Brian kissed him.  "I love you."

        "Frick."

        "Frack."

        "Sprout."

        Drew pinched Nick.

        Lance gave him a warning nudge.

        He threw off the covers.

        Still hot.

        He shed his shirt.  Dropped his jeans to the floor.

        That was better.  Joey got comfortable.  Flipped his pillow.  Elbowed Lance for good measure.

        Lance hit him.

        He hit Lance back.

        "Go to sleep," Lance ordered.

        He always thought that Lance's voice sounded even better when Lance was half-asleep.

        He knew how to exploit JC's body.  JC exploited his all of the time.  Some of those tricks were bound to work on JC.

        He wondered which moves to use.

        Even if it didn't work perfectly the first time, he could have fun trying.

        Jeff had hit him.  He should forgive Jeff.

        His face hurt like pounding hell.  He was scared.  Jeff was a bastard.

        Should've hit Jeff back.

        Motherfucker.

        Brian's finger traced Nick's frown lines.

        "I hate Jeff."

        "Me, too," Brian said.

        "Let's kick his ass."

        "Let's," Brian agreed.

        "Jeff's an asshole."

        "He is."

        "I hate him."

        "So do I."

        "98 Degrees sucks."

        "Yeah."

        "Let's kick their butts."

        "Okay."

        "Except not Justin Jeffre's, because he's kind of cool."

        "Okay."

        "And maybe not Drew's, because I like Drew."

        "Yeah."

        "And Nick, let's not kick his ass.  He has a nice ass."

        "He does."

        "So let's just kick Jeff's ass."

        "Okay."

        "Except Jeff is Nick's husband, and if we do that, Nick will get mad.  And Justin will get mad.  And Drew will get mad."

        "Drew doesn't get mad at us."

        "But if we kick Jeff's ass, Nick will get mad at us, and then it'll start this whole big thing."

        "Maybe."

        "We'll just yell at him."

        "Okay."

        "A lot."

        "Yeah."

        "And swear."

        "Good."

        "Because Jeff's a bastard."

        "He is."

        "He was really, really mad.  Really mad.  You know when people get that mad?  It's because they're scared.  I think he's afraid."

        "Why is he afraid?"

        "I can't say.  I think I know.  Maybe.  But I can't tell.  It's private, it's Jeff's business."

        "Okay."

        "Buff guys like Jeff shouldn't be afraid of anything."

        "It must be pretty scary."

        "Yeah.  I guess he thinks it is.  I got scared like that once."

        "Yes."

        "The only thing that scares me like that is thinking you're going away from me."

        "Is Jeff afraid that Nick will leave him?"

        "Nick won't leave Jeff."

        "Does Jeff know that?"

        "Everybody knows that."

        "Sometimes, if you're scared, you aren't sure anymore."

        Nick thought about that.

        AJ was in his bed.

        AJ.  Was in.  His bed.

        AJ had stayed.  AJ was asleep.

        He reached out, letting his fingers graze AJ's arm.  He whispered AJ's name.  He touched AJ's neck.

        "Kvn," AJ muttered, and draped an arm over Kevin's side.  He grunted, hitching himself closer.  Kevin rested a hand on the small of his back.

        "AJ."

        "Whaddya want?" AJ asked, trying to sleep.

        "I know that you love Lance."  Kevin couldn't ask.  He couldn't.  He couldn't take AJ's rejection, AJ's...mockery.  "AJ."  He couldn't ask.  He was about to make a fool of himself.  AJ loved Lance, and he had no business breathing that air.  He could borrow AJ's body.  He couldn't borrow AJ's love.

        "What?" AJ asked.

        He said it.  "I want...I want to pretend that it's for me."

        "What?"

        He was going to have to say it.  "The tattoo."  He braced himself.

        AJ didn't say anything.  Didn't say yes.  Didn't say no.

        Kevin waited.

        AJ went back to sleep.

        Kevin stayed awake in the darkness.

        The shower was running.

        It had been running for a while.

        Nick got up and went to the bathroom.  The door was locked.  "Jeff?  Jeff?"

        The shower continued.

        He couldn't see the bathroom light coming under the door.

        Jeff was showering at this time of night, in the dark?

        "Jeff?  Jeff!"  He knocked.  No answer but the rush of water.

        Nick couldn't believe he was about to do this.  "Nick, you're an ass," he muttered to himself, as he found his shoes in the dark.  There.  He put on his right sneaker and approached the bathroom door.  He backed up.  Ran.  Gave a strong, solid, straight kick.

        Did it again.

        Did it again, delivering all the force he could muster.

        The door gave.  He burst into the bathroom.