Together Part Sixteen

Together, seventh in "Living"

Rating: NC-17 for graphic male-male sex

Disclaimer: The young men who comprise the Backstreet Boys, *NSYNC, and 98 Degrees are their own people. The author has not met anyone here described, nor does the author mean to suggest that these people act this way in real life. This writing is a work of fiction. I make no money from this venture.

Dedication: This slashfic is for Ewan McGregor and the Savage Garden slashers.

Notice: There are six stories that come before this one. Read those first. I'll wait.

Warning: "Together" includes depictions of, discussion of, and references to, consensual incest.

Together we have seen -"The Answer to Our Life"

"Together" Part Sixteen:
Just need you to know / I don't wanna live this lie / I don't wanna say good-bye / With you I wanna spend the rest of my life -"How Did I Fall in Love with You"

Lance watched JC kiss Justin's neck. As physically attractive as JC and Justin were, their love made them even more beautiful. Their love for each other. Their love for what they shared. JC and Justin nurtured their bond in innumerable ways, every day.

Justin's lashes lifted in a slow sweep, and dark blue pinned Joey. "You can."

"No, he can't," JC whispered, mouth on Justin's neck, hand sliding up Justin's chest from Justin's abdomen.

Justin laughed. "Never mind, you can't."

"Then I might as well let JC have his fun," Joey said. "Come on, Lance." He climbed off of the bed. "Chris?"

"I want to talk to JC for a minute," Chris said. Joey patted his shoulder and left with Lance. Chris watched Justin's lips part.

"What do you want?" JC asked, raising his head, giving Chris a cold look. He didn't appreciate the intrusion.

"You want me to go?" Justin asked.

"No," JC said, tightening an arm around Justin's waist. "What do you want?"

"I know Howie's not perfect. I love him anyway. Even more. I'll do anything for him."

JC nodded, waiting for more.

"How can you live like this?" Chris asked. "With such a high opinion of someone else that you can sacrifice and shame yourself?"

"I love Justin," JC said. "I understand that there's nothing more important to me than he is. You have to make priorities. You need to decide what matters most, and what you're willing to put first, and what you're not willing to put second."

"*NSYNC has always been first for me. How can I put someone else before...before us?"

"It's hard," JC said. "Love isn't easy. Giving up a part of yourself, when that's what your love requires, is painful. But if that's what you need to do..."

"Howie won't ask you to choose," Justin said.

"Sometimes life does," JC said. "When the time comes, you'll know what to do."

"A lot of things matter," Justin said. "*NSYNC, music, love, family, friends, God, our careers... You come to a fork in the road and you have to dump one of those, or choose one of those, and it's hard. But you always know what to do." Justin took JC's hand, twining their fingers. "Unless you're JC. His road never forks."

JC smiled.

Kevin pulled up his pants.

AJ sat up in bed, watching. Dark. Tense. "It's your room. You're such a weak shit you're leaving instead of kicking me out? Are you running late on your morning after regrets or just getting a head start on tomorrow's?"

"I am not the weak one," Kevin said, tugging on his shirt.

"So strong you rolled right into bed the second I smiled."

"I am not the weak one," Kevin repeated.

"You're saying I am," AJ said. "You think I'm weak."

"You made yourself weak, you let him make you weak-"

"That's what this is about? Lance?"

Kevin was kneeling on the bed, reaching, grabbing AJ's right knee and yanking AJ's thighs apart, exposing green ink. "You're his bitch!"

"I know!"

"You're his bitch!"

"I know!"

"Bitch!"

"No!"

"Bitch!"

"No!"

"Bitch!"

"I'm nobody's bitch!"

"You're his and you're weak and you're-"

"I'm nobody's bitch!" AJ shouted. "Get the fuck off of me!"

"Why should I? You only spread them for James?"

AJ tried to force Kevin off of him, but Kevin held him down, on top of his naked body, pinning him. Growling, furious, AJ fought back.

"You submit to him but you won't submit to me?" Kevin challenged.

"I don't submit to anybody!" AJ tore free and escaped the bed. "Anybody!"

"Good," Kevin said, panting, rubbing his forearm and getting to his knees. "That's the AJ McLean I know and love."

"Motherfucking bastard," AJ spat.

Kevin's eyes gleamed with pride.

"Bastard," AJ repeated.

Jeff rubbed the side of Nick's neck.

Nick let his temple rest beside Jeff's. He closed his eyes.

"I love you."

Nick breathed.

"We should talk to Justin."

Jeff smelled good.

"Nick?"

"Okay."

"Mommy and Daddy are fighting," Nick said.

"Let me guess which one's which," Drew said.

"They're fine," Brian said.

"There was yelling," Nick said.

"Nick," Brian said. "No one's mad at you."

"I didn't say that." He let Brian hold his hand. "I was playing with Jeff. I'm not supposed to play with Jeff. Nick always gets mad."

"It's not about you," Brian said.

"I was bad and now they're fighting."

"It's not about you," Brian repeated. "They're scared. Jeff said something he shouldn't have."

"Maybe they'll have make-up sex."

"Maybe," Brian agreed, letting Nick change the subject.

"Maybe they'll let us watch."

Justin raised his eyebrows.

"They don't always let us watch," Nick said.

"I would hope not," Justin said.

"Just once."

"Nick," Drew said.

"Justin doesn't need to know," Brian said.

"Plus we got to see-"

Brian kissed Nick to make him stop talking. Nick was nervous, so distracting him until he could be soothed properly was the best Brian could do.

"Didn't mean to interrupt," Jeff's voice said.

Brian stepped back from Nick, turning as Jeff and Nick came into the hallway. Silence. Nervous glances. Apologetic glances. Brian held Nick's hand to keep him from fidgeting. "If you want to talk, we can-"

"No," Nick Timmons-Lachey said. "I mean, yeah. Take Drew with you."

"You don't want to-" Drew began.

"Go," Jeff said. "You need the quality family time. We'll entertain Justin some more without you."

"Okay," Drew said, hesitant. He hugged Justin, kissed Jeff's cheek, kissed Nick's mouth, and led Brian and Nick back into his room.

Justin looked at Nick and Jeff.

Nick and Jeff looked at Justin.

"You're a sick bastard," AJ said. "You're a manipulative son-of-a-bitch, Kevin, what the fuck are you doing fucking with my life?"

"Get mad," Kevin urged. "Strike back."

AJ stormed the bed and Kevin backed up, eager to witness this reaction. Standing on the bed, AJ flung his outrage at Kevin, who watched his violent gestures with pride. "If I want to be with Lance, that's my right, that's my love. He has my heart and he has my soul and-"

"Your soul, AJ, that belongs to you," Kevin said. "It's what makes you who you are. Don't let him make you who you are. You determine who you are. You live that out for yourself."

"I missed him and I came to you for comfort, you're supposed to be my friend."

"I'm more than a friend."

"A fuck-buddy!" AJ shouted. "For what? So I'd never have Lance again? That's how you help me? That's how you comfort me?"

"That was you, not me."

"You could've said fucking no, Kevin!"

"You could have said no."

"No! No! No!" AJ shouted, ending up on his knees on the bed, hands clenched into fists, muscles tight. "I don't want your friendship if this is what it gets me. If this is what you give to me."

"You're not used to having people give you anything. Lance takes and takes."

"I gave! To him!"

"No one who loves you should accept that much from you."

AJ's eyes flashed with fire. "Lance loves me."

"I love you! I love you! How do you know if he loves you if you haven't been you the whole time you've been with him?"

"I have been me! I am me! Who the fuck do you think I've been?!"

"Lance's bitch."

Fire flashed again, too fast.

"What?" Kevin asked. "What? Bitch. Bitch. Bitch. Bitch."

"Shut the fuck up!"

"Bitch. Bitch. Bitch."

AJ was on his feet, off of the bed, shoving Kevin backwards. "Shut up! Shut up, you motherfucking motherfucker! You want me to be your bitch?! Is that it?!"

Kevin caught AJ's wrist. "AJ McLean is nobody's bitch."

AJ stared up at him.

Kevin stared right back.

"JC." Justin shifted in JC's arms. "Chris is my best friend."

"I'm your best friend," JC said.

"Chris is my other best friend," Justin said, deciding to be patient. "I'm Chris's best friend."

"Right," Chris agreed, since Justin's toes prodded his leg.

"We can't keep having this thing between the two of you," Justin said. "It's not good for *NSYNC. There's this gap between S and C, and Y and N feel caught in the middle of it."

"Are you trying to do a metaphor?" Chris asked.

"I'm trying to make you two kiss and make up," Justin said.

"You can kiss him for me," Chris suggested. "I think he'd like that better."

"You can kiss me," Justin said.

Chris tried to process that information.

JC tried not to growl.

"No tongue," Justin said. "Save that for your Sno-Cone."

"He's not a Sno-Cone," Chris said.

"Me, I got myself a cheesecake emporium fudge shop thirty-one flavors chocolate factory open all night," Justin said. "Isn't that right, JC?"

"Then I can't kiss you," Chris said to Justin. "I'm a stale hot pretzel."

"It's not about technique, Chris, it's about love," Justin said. "You two are fighting. JC's being bitter, you're scared and sorry, whatever. Kiss and make up. But JC's not in the mood to kiss you, so you can kiss me instead."

"He'll never let me touch you," Chris said softly, seriously.

"He won't let himself stop us," Justin said. "Chris. We're friends. I'm not saying come make out with me. I'm not saying cheat on your boyfriend. I'm saying give me a kiss and get out of here so JC can fuck me."

Chris smiled. "When you put it that way, how can I resist?" He leaned in and pressed his lips to Justin's cheek, then to JC's cheek. "You two try to keep it down and don't break anything expensive." He kissed Justin's cheek again and left them alone.

"I hope Howie makes him happy," Justin said.

JC closed his eyes and let his mind whisper Justin's name in the silence.

Nick scratched the back of his neck and wondered how to explain his sex life to his best friend.

"How much do you already know?" Jeff asked.

"Not the details," Justin said. "It's my understanding that the two of you share one very strong partnership, and Drew has his relationship with Brian and Nick. But there's some fluidity between those relationships. I know that the five of you flirt, and I'm guessing that you've all had sex. And I'm fairly sure that you've both been... I know you're having sex with your brother. I know you're having sex with his brother. Having. Had. Now, in the past, often, once, I don't know details. But I know that something's going on between the five of you, and something's going on between you and Drew in particular, and I don't need details."

"You knew," Nick said.

"I suspected. I could figure it out. I know you. I know all three of you. Nick, subtlety is not your strong suit."

Nick sulked.

"I've known you for a long time," Justin said. "I know you and Drew. Seeing you kiss each other was a new experience..."

"Sorry about that," Jeff said on Nick's behalf, since Nick was still sulking. "It's one thing if you've suspected. Seeing it like that, right in front of you-"

"It's okay," Justin said. "Don't invite me to watch on a regular basis. But you don't have to hide from me."

"Thank you," Jeff said.

"Why are you okay with this?" Nick asked Justin.

"While you've been wrestling with personal issues, I've had a few of my own," Justin said. "I'm willing to die because I believe you have every right to love Jeff. I'm not walking away because you also love Drew."

Kevin released AJ's wrist and lowered his hand. His movements were slow, as was his speech, because he didn't want to alarm the dangerous predator before him. "On the surface, your relationship with Lance was under stress because you'd slept with Howie. You turned around and you came to me. Making the exact same mistake all over again."

For an angry naked man, AJ looked calm.

Kevin wasn't fooled. "You knew you were losing him, and you did the one thing you could to make sure of it. You sabotaged what was left of your relationship."

"Why would I do that? Why the fuck would I-"

"To save what was left of yourself."

"Where did you get - - you have some half-assed theory that-"

"I know you, AJ. We've been friends for a long time now. Since you've been with Lance, you have not been the AJ I know and love."

"Maybe I've been the AJ I want to be. The AJ I should be."

"You don't want to be like that, and you shouldn't be like that. You should be yourself."

"I am me! People change!"

"Why would you want to change? What's wrong with who you are?"

"That's not for Lance."

"If Lance loves you, he'll want you to be yourself. The real AJ. Seeing you lose that, AJ, I want to see you shed this skin and claim your life back for yourself. I don't know whether you changed for Lance or because you thought it's what Lance wanted, but either way, it's wrong. You're stifled and you're-"

"I am myself and if you don't like it you can get fucked!" AJ shouted. "You don't want me with Lance, that's your problem."

"You're not with Lance."

"I love him!"

"I love you. I love you, and I do not want to see you weak for him. You've lost your pride and your respect and your edge and everything that makes you who you are. You put on a show, AJ, but that's all it is. A show. I miss the substance. There was a lot of substance in you once. There was depth and it had attitude and it was real, and that's what makes you AJ McLean."

"I am AJ McLean."

"Prove it."

"Prove it?" AJ repeated. "Prove it? Prove what? I'm not proving myself to you. I don't have to prove myself to you. I'll be fucked if I'm proving myself to one more person! I'll be who I want to be and I'll love who I want to love and if you don't see it, you don't deserve it. Fuck you and fuck Lance and fuck Howie and fuck being anybody's bitch. And don't bitch at me, you son-of-a-bitch. Get the fuck out of my room."

"It's my room."

"I'm in the room, it's mine. Get out."

"Where were we?" Nick asked.

"Sofa," Drew said.

"Why am I always on the bottom of the cosy pile?"

"Because, as you keep announcing, we're short little people and you're bigger than we are," Brian said.

"And you keep sitting down and putting us in your lap," Drew added.

"I get blamed for everything," Nick said.

"Here." Brian sat on the bed and tugged Drew down beside him. "Get comfortable," he invited Nick.

Nick sized up the situation. He should get in some good Drew petting while he could. He sat with his head on Drew's shoulder, stretching his legs past Brian, closing his eyes. Drew's arms closed around him, one hand stroking down from his shoulder.

"I love you," Brian said.

"I love you," Drew said.

Nick was going to stay here forever. He wasn't getting up. Ever.

"Nick, I want to ask you about something."

This didn't sound good. Nick refused to open his eyes.

"I know you love me. I'm not asking about that."

He loved Drew. Anyone who hadn't caught on to that fact had a problem.

"You said that if you had me, you could get Brian back."

What?

"You weren't worth, worth his time, but when you got me, he was interested again."

"When did I say that?"

"You remember."

Shit.

"Nick, Brian didn't come back to you because of me. He came back to you because of you."

Brian was moving. Moving why? Getting up and leaving? Getting up and - - oh. Getting on top of him. Laying down on him, against him, a blanket of Brian, holding onto him. Warm and heavy and familiar. Comforting. Here and loving.

"Did you think that if you had me, he'd be jealous? I know you love me on your own, for myself, but were you thinking about him?"

"No, no. Yes. No, no. Drew, you were, you were you and you were so fucking cute and I did want to hurt him, I wanted him to see that he'd fucked up and I was moving on, but I wasn't using you like that. You were so nice and you were so good to me that, no, I'm not that much of an evil bastard to use someone good like that. I knew he wasn't coming back. I knew I'd never have him again."

"Oh, Nick..."

"When I saw what was starting, when I found out you were both leering at each other, that's when I saw my chance. To put you together."

"Nick." Drew's touch was gentle. "Did you think Brian was coming back for me, or for us, or for you?"

"You. Us. You."

"He was coming back for you, Nick. Brian didn't even know me."

"He liked you and he wanted you."

"He loved you."

"You think he showed up because of me? Drew, if Brian wanted me, he could have said something any time he wanted. He was there because you were there, and you were new and fun and cute and sexy. He liked you. He fell for you. Just like I did."

"Nick-"

"I'm not talking about this anymore."

"I love you, Nick."

Nick held onto Drew.

"Brian wouldn't love me like this if you were and I weren't in love," Drew said. "The two of you share a bond, you know that. And you and I, we have a bond of our own. Brian and I...our love is in you. And we love each other very much."

Brian and Drew. Sitting in a tree. K-I-S-S-I-N-G. First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes, comes, what? Him? No, because he'd been there before that. He'd started this whole thing. Seducing Drew. Coaxing Brian and Drew to go for it. Boy, they'd gone for it. Damn.

"Why are you smiling?" Drew asked.

"I'm thinking of how easy you two are. You'll get it on with anybody. Ow! Drew, Brian pinched me." Nick opened his eyes and reached back, smacking Brian's thigh where it hung down over his.

"Nick, stop hitting Brian."

"You're supposed to yell at him for pinching me."

"I don't yell at Brian."

"You should."

Drew stroked Nick's hair.

Nick let himself be soothed. His mind wandered. Glitter last night. Damn.

Time passed.

"Sex."

"What?" Drew asked.

"You know what sex is."

"I know what sex is," Drew said.

"That's what I said."

Drew pulled Nick's hair.

"Sex. We do what I want in bed, because you're both easy and kinky anyway. And we're working on Drew's glitter fantasies. But what about Brian?"

Nick didn't have to look up to know that Drew was trying to remember acting out Brian's fantasies, and starting to feel guilty.

"Brian, it's your turn," Nick said. "You have to tell us what you want. Besides Drew's brother. That doesn't count. I tell you my dirty secrets all of the time. You have to tell us your nasty dreams. We all know you're a big old pervert anyway." Brian was sitting up, getting off of him. Nick twisted, turned to look up at Brian. "You have to tell us if you-"

Nick stopped talking when he saw Brian's lips part, saw Brian lean down to him again. He waited, a little excited, a little worried.

"Nick," Brian breathed, and touched his face, the backs of Brian's fingers grazing his jaw. "Nick. Wake Drew for me."

Drew stopped breathing.

Wake Drew? Wake Drew. What? Brian - - oh. Oh. Oh, oh, oh, god. That kind of waking Drew. Nick's mouth was dry. "Now?" Stupid question. Yes, now. Brian was getting that look. That hungry look. Brian was a predator. They were prey. Brian wanted sex. Oh, god.

Okay, okay. Think. He'd seduced Drew before, he could do it again. A little time travel would do the trick. "Do you want the hat?" Another stupid question. Of course Brian wanted the hat.

The trouble would be putting Drew back to sleep first. Drew was old now, sexy and very much awake. Wide awake. Alert and ready to play. Drew was out seducing his brother in his spare time.

"This is a spectator sport?" he asked, to make sure. Brian backed away, leaving the bed, moving across the room. Okay. Brian was a voyeur. Pervert. Nick turned to Drew.

Drew was wide-eyed and breathing funny. Not scared. Scared, yes. Also fairly horny. Damn. Drew was too awake for this sort of thing. Drew's mouth did an uncertain smile-frown combination. "Nick."

"Is this okay with you?" Nick asked. Clearly not. "We're just playing. We don't have to. I know Brian has a lot more demented fantasies to choose from." He wasn't sure why this idea was freaking Drew out, but he hated seeing Drew scared, and he wasn't going to push it.

"Playing," Drew repeated.

"For fun," Nick said. "Sex is fun. You like sex, Drew." He understood why Drew was turned on. That made sense. He didn't know why Drew was scared.

"It was...new," Drew said. "And..."

"When I seduced you," Nick said. "You liked it but you didn't understand it."

"Yes."

Okay. "You understand it now." But maybe that was part of the problem. This time, Drew knew what he was getting into. Sex. Nick. Brian. Making love to them. Being made love to. Losing his virginity. Chain-fucking Nick. Glitter. Spilling secrets with his seed. Letting them into his body. Into his soul. Learning what his body could do. Making love. And not only with them. With Jeff. With his brother.

If Nick had let Drew sleep, none of this would have happened. No incest. No shooting.

No love. No Carter Littrell Lacheys. No tattoos of honeysuckle.

Nick waited. It was up to Drew. If Drew said no, it would be easier. If Drew said yes, he'd have to do this all over again, lead Drew down that path knowing exactly what was in store for them.

He didn't want to do that. He didn't want to take Drew on this journey again. Drew was better off asleep. Better off innocent and unscarred.

Nick stood to give Drew room to leave the bed.

Drew stood. Scratched his stomach. Nick hated it when he did that.

Brian was waiting.

Nick waited.

Drew looked down at himself. "Let me change clothes and find my hat."

"You have one?" Nick asked.

"I packed one," Drew said. "I never wear it. I bring it along to remind me of where I used to be and how much I've gained, how much I've grown."

Not how much he'd lost.

"I love you," Nick said.

Drew smiled. "Thank you. I love you, too, Nick." Quick kiss. "Turn your back and close your eyes."

"Why?"

"So I can change."

"I can't watch?"

"Of course not."

Damn. Nick closed his eyes and turned his back. He opened his eyes. Looked for the mirror so he could watch Drew change.

"Don't make me blindfold you," Drew said.

"You're not in character," Nick accused.

AJ prowled the hallways.

He found Lance.

He had Lance back against the wall, hands in his hair, tongue giving way to his. It didn't last. Lance pushed him away, looked disgusted with both of them.

"Your first instinct says yes and grabs for it," AJ said.

"My conscience says no," Lance said. "My common sense says no. My brain says no. The only thing saying yes is my libido."

"And your heart."

"What's your heart saying?" Lance asked.

"Everyone has an idea of who I should be," AJ said. Lance looked surprised by the non sequitur. "You know what my heart says?" AJ asked. "Fuck you."

Lance was not pleased.

"James is your first name," AJ said. "You don't use it. It's right there, part of you, out in front, and you ignore it, because it doesn't suit what you want to be. James is my middle name. I take part of it and use what I want and discard what I don't want. That's the difference between us. You're all or nothing, making things fit your mold of how they should be. I take what I want and leave what I don't want and get the hell on with my life. My life. I love you. You love me. That's it. We will not be together forever. And I'm not standing here wasting time, spending time, until the end comes. Cut your losses and move on, James."

Silence.

"You know what, AJ?" Lance asked. "Fuck you."

AJ smiled.

Lance left.

"Love him," AJ said, watching Lance go. "God damn, I love him."

Chris ran into the room and slammed the door, throwing the lock and plastering his back against the door, staring wide-eyed at Howie.

Howie smiled.

"I'm heading for the border at sundown," Chris said. "You're coming with me."

"Where are we going?" Howie asked.

"Away from here. There's no sanity left. I'm getting out while I still can."

Howie let his shirt drop to the ground and settled back on the bed.

"Or I'll stay," Chris said. "I could stay here."

"What spooked you?" Howie asked.

Chris stepped closer to the bed. Stepping out of his sneakers, he crawled in beside Howie, propping himself on one elbow. "I'm used to having my tongue in my mouth. Or your tongue in my mouth. Nobody else's."

Howie's facial expression indicated that he was going to keep his sense of humor and see where the conversation went.

"I don't like kissing straight guys."

"Joey?"

"He needs help. He's already kissed Justin and Lance, so he said it's my turn."

"I try not to kiss straight men," Howie said. "Although I did kiss you."

"Once you kiss a man, he's not straight anymore."

"I think you were already bisexual."

"Bisexual. Homosexual. Howiesexual. I like the way you French kiss. It's very graceful."

Howie smiled. "Thank you."

"Maybe it's in the head tilt. Or the angle of entry. Or in the fact that you're really good at sex."

"Maybe," Howie agreed. "Maybe it's that I'm kissing you."

"Why do you like kissing me?"

Howie hooked a slender calf over Chris's legs, tossing his hair over one shoulder, giving Chris a delicate, wet kiss. "I'm Chrissexual."

"That works out pretty good. I'm Howiesexual. You're Chrissexual."

"We're made for each other," Howie said.

"Corresponding body parts and all."

"Was that sarcasm? Are you saying that there's something wrong with my body parts? You don't like my body parts?"

Chris choked. "Uh, no, no. I like your body parts. I'm familiar with all of them, pretty much, and they're, they're good, Howie. Very nice body parts."

Rolling to his back, opening his jeans, Howie said, while Chris watched his hand ease down his underwear, "Prove it."

Chris swallowed drool.

Drew's smile, while friendly, was shy. "Hi."

"Hi," Nick said. Must fuck. Must fuck. "The guys are busy enriching their sex lives. You mind if I crash here for a while?"

"Come in," Drew said.

Nick adopted his careless, teenaged sprawl on the sofa. He was all long limbs and lush, pale beauty. "What've you been doing?"

"Hanging out here." Drew sat on the sofa, leaving a distance between himself and Nick.

"Not much to do?"

"We're not supposed to leave the hotel, Nick and Jeff have things to take care of, Justin likes to pretend that he has a life, and you can only work out for so many hours a day."

"Wouldn't know it to look at you," Nick said, hot blue gaze skimming Drew's form.

Drew pushed up his shirtsleeve, tugged down the hem of his shirt, and avoided Nick's eyes.

"You should let me draw you sometime. Not that I can draw for shit, but it'd be good practice."

"That sounds like fun," Drew said.

Good-natured innocence was damned sexy on Drew. Little boy had no idea what he was getting into. "I'm so bad at anatomy."

"Anatomy," Drew repeated.

"Yeah," Nick said carelessly. "You'd probably be a great subject, you know, muscle definition, proportions." Proportions. Damn. Drew was hung out of proportion, but Nick wasn't supposed to know that. He could tell by that red flush that Drew had just thought of it. "Most people would be too shy to pose for me like that."

He could see "Like what?" in Drew's panicked eyes.

"I could usually talk Brian into it. But you're in the business, you know what it's like, a million people have probably seen you in your skivvies. This should be nothing." Nick ignored Drew's confusion and suspicious fear. "Let me give it a dry run now? We've got nothing better to do."

"Now?" Drew repeated.

"We're just sitting here talking. Let me find paper."

"Nick." As Nick made to rise from the sofa, Drew reached for his forearm. Drew didn't touch him, but left a hand there, hovering, almost making contact. "Did you...do you want to draw me..."

"Yeah."

"...naked?"

"Yeah," Nick said in the same careless tone. "What? You don't want to?" He grinned. "Scared?"

"No," Drew denied quickly.

"We're both guys. The door's locked. You can leave your underwear on if you want."

"I..."

"If you're uncomfortable, I'll do it, too."

Drew's eyes widened.

"It's just a body, Drew. You have one, I have one. Shoulders, legs, arms, cock. I'll show you mine first." Nick leaned closer, closer. Close. Blue eyes. Boysex voice. "I'll show you mine, Drew, if you'll show me yours."

Drew tried to breathe, gazing into Nick's eyes.

"These are my fingers." Nick held up one hand. "Let me see your fingers."

Drew tried to understand. Hesitated. Raised his hand slowly, halfway.

"You have nice hands, Drew." Nick flexed his fingers. Watched Drew stare. "What color are your eyes?"

"Hazel," Drew said absently, eyes tracing Nick's knuckles.

"Mine are blue."

Drew looked up, smiled. "I know."

"Trying to make it fair," Nick said. "My nose." He touched it. "Your nose." He touched it.

Drew rubbed his nose. "I'm still waiting to grow into it."

"Everybody has to have one flaw," Nick said. "Why are you blushing?"

"You..." Drew swallowed. Summoned his courage. "I like your nose."

"What?" This was new.

"I like your nose," Drew insisted bravely. "The shape. And..."

"And?"

Drew looked backed into a corner.

"And?" Nick persisted, curious, amused.

"Your nostrils. They flare. It's cute."

"What?"

"It's cute," Drew said. "It's...it's...I think it's sexy," he confessed.

"My nostrils flare?"

"Yes," Drew said firmly.

"I have a cute nose and sexy nostrils."

"Don't make fun of me."

"Drew. You're weird."

Drew turned red. "At least my nostrils don't flare."

"You think it's sexy. You should lick my nose sometime."

Drew looked startled.

"You wouldn't be the first."

Drew wanted to...

"Brian," Nick said, generously saving him from the embarrassment of asking. "Speaking of someone with funny-looking nostrils."

"Be nice," Drew said.

"Fingers. Eyes. Nose. Mouth," Nick said. "Tongue. I'll show you mine if you show me yours."

"You first," Drew said, pretending not to be nervous.

Nick stuck his tongue out at Drew.

Drew smiled, blushed, and stuck his tongue out at Nick.

"Think my tongue's cute, too? Want to lick it?"

"Maybe later," Drew said hastily.

Nick laughed. "Rain check. What's next? Neck." He tilted back his chin.

Drew tried not to touch.

"What?" Nick asked. "You're staring."

"You have...a long neck."

"Long neck, long arms, long legs, long - - you want to see that, too?"

"No, thank you. I'll take your word for it," Drew said.

"What's next? Nipples?"

"I don't have to see your-"

"Going too fast?" Nick asked.

Drew wanted to nod his agreement.

"We'll slow down. I like it slow. Sometimes. If I have to."

Drew smiled.

"Back to the beginning. Fingers." Nick tilted his head to one side. "May I?"

"Yeah."

Nick reached gently and took Drew's hand in his. "Keep breathing, Drew. A little slower." He ran a finger across the sensitive palm. Drew's fingers curled in response. He turned Drew's hand over, ran a thumb over Drew's knuckles. Guiding open Drew's hand again, he raised it to his face and exhaled, breath hot and damp, against Drew's palm. Drew trembled. Nick waited. His lips parted. Drew's lips parted. His tongue extended, met Drew's palm.

Drew shuddered.

Nick wouldn't let him pull away, and he gave in. Nick licked his palm, slow, wet, hot, sensitive. Drew turned his head to one side, closing his eyes, feeling nothing but the intimate, sexual caress. Nick licked between his fingers, kissed his palm, sucked his knuckles.

Drew gasped, pulling his knees to his chest.

"You can have that anywhere you want it, Drew," Nick promised, and nibbled at the pad of Drew's thumb. "You can have my mouth anywhere. On your skin. On your mouth. On your dick."

Drew shivered.

"Anywhere," Nick repeated. "Tell me where."

Drew shook his head, pulling his hand free.

Nick assessed the situation. He leaned closer and touched Drew's chin, guiding Drew's face toward his. "If you don't look at me, you'll miss the flaring nostril sex show."

Drew couldn't suppress a laugh.

"We spend all of this money on costumes and sexy videos when we just could have had a close-up of me breathing."

"You should have come to me for advice."

"I'm coming to you now. Is my nose cute?"

"Yes."

"Do you think I'm cute?"

"Yes," Drew said, breathy voice leaving no room for doubt.

"You're cute, too."

"Thanks."

"Drew."

Drew waited.

"You can touch me."

Drew didn't move.

"Any day now."

"I don't..." Drew licked his lips. "I don't know where. I don't know how."

Nick cupped his hand against Drew's jaw; Drew turned towards his touch, lashes lowering. "Touch me anywhere," Nick urged in a soft voice. "Touch me anywhere."

"Touch me," Drew repeated.

"Anywhere," Nick said.

"Everywhere," Drew said, and met Nick's eyes.

Oh, god. Drew.

Howie laughed.

Chris's finger pushed deeper.

Howie moaned, pleased, pleasured.

Chris planted a kiss on the soft cushion of Howie's full lower lip. Compared with Howie, Chris was in dire need of a tan, a home gym, and electrolysis. But if Howie wanted that, there was always AJ. AJ was the stand-in. Chris was the real thing. Chris was the one Howie wanted to marry. Chris was the one Howie was in bed with right now. He was the one making Howie's aura of perfection glow with desire.

Howie was more flexible than he was. While he'd been realizing that he couldn't be flipped across the stage anymore, Howie had been learning sexy new dance moves. The Backstreet Boys couldn't dance, but Howie was sexy sweet in new and subtle ways. Chris held his cock in one hand, aligning their bodies.

In, god, tight, in, god, in, deeper, more, hot, tight, sweet...

Dark eyes opened.

Howie was beautiful beneath him, the muscles in Howie's thighs tight, a bead of sweat sliding back from one temple and disappearing in the dark hair fanned on the pillow, panting breaths following the rise and fall of a naked, hairless, well-defined torso.

"Switch?" he asked.

Howie nodded wordlessly, then moaned at the pleasure created when Chris started moving. They rolled, until Chris was looking up at Howie, who settled atop him with possessive grace.

It was difficult to recall any of it, later; everything was a hot blur of fantasy and ecstasy. But Chris could remember the impression of Howie's heat on his body. He could remember trying to breathe, eyes trying to focus on Howie.

Dark hair fallen over his shoulders and damp with sweat, muscles flexing, soft pink lips parted, hands gripping the bedclothes under Chris's shoulders, Howie rode Chris's body, rode Chris's cock. Thick, dark lashes fluttered with the intensity of pleasure. Howie kept the perfect rhythm, moved with grace and confidence, and could tighten his internal muscles at his choosing. He was the one being penetrated, but he was the one who controlled the moment.

Clutch and roll.

Chris was on top, keeping the beat steady, watching Howie's mouth shape his name. He focused on Howie's pleasure, trying to ignore the orgasm trying to split through his body. Deeper, harder, getting a hand in there, watching Howie's desperate attempts to deny shuddering climax. Howie hated coming first, but Chris would be damned if he was letting Howie get away with it every time.

Howie came, moaning, slipping from civilized perfection to more primal satisfaction. His hips jacked up, driving Chris's cock deeper, and as Howie hit post-orgasm greed, Chris fell prey to the force of Howie's needs. Howie's hips rocked against Chris's, and Chris jetted hard inside him, taken off-guard.

Heavy breathing.

Satisfied sighs.

An aching moan.

"I'm quitting *NSYNC and leaving the tour so we can do this every day."

"Okay," Howie said. "I'd be happy to have you along."

"I want to be a Backstreet Boy. Trade me for Nick."

"We'll start our own group. Just the two of us."

"Chris and Howie."

"Howie and Chris."

"Kirkpatrick and Dorough."

"Dorough and Kirkpatrick."

"If you ever ask me that question you're not allowed to ask me, and if I ever say yes if you ever ask me that question you're not allowed to ask me, and if we ever-"

"Chris, I'm going to fall asleep before you're finished talking."

"I want to keep my maiden name."

A warm hand rubbed down between his shoulderblades. "That's okay. I do, too."

"No combining or hyphenating?"

"Chris Kirkpatrick is a good name," Howie said. "I don't want to mess with it. And I'm keeping Howie Dorough, too."

"I think I'm disappointed now. I wanted you to fight for your right to change your name to reflect our union. Or however that goes. I forget. Justin had some big speech about it, but he started laughing every time he got into it."

"Howie Kirkpatrick."

"Chris Dorough."

"You don't have to take my name as long as you wear my ring."

"That doesn't count as asking me."

"I'm not asking you," Howie agreed.

"You'd better not."

"I'm not asking you. I won't until you ask me to."

"I have to ask you?"

"You ask me to ask you."

"Okay. We're still living together, right?"

"Yes."

"Just because we're not entering some holy union doesn't mean we can't still live in sin."

Kevin stepped into the hallway and locked his door.

AJ sauntered up from behind him. "Looking for trouble?"

"Looking for food," Kevin said. "I'm heading down to the dining room."

One dark eyebrow rose above AJ's sunglasses.

"Would you like to eat with me, AJ?" Kevin asked.

"Sure," AJ said, resuming his casual air. The two of them walked down the hallway together, Kevin with vaguely aristocratic posture, AJ strolling with sleek pride.

Chris scrunched into a more comfortable position. Howie shifted against his back, sinking back into sleep.

"One finger," Nick said. "That's all you're getting."

Drew nodded, only half paying attention, eyes on Nick's forefinger.

"Okay," Nick said. "Open up."

Drew's mouth opened for Nick's finger, then closed around it. Nick licked his lips, letting his balls ache at the sight, at the sensation. Soft heat, wet heat. The flirtation of Drew's tongue. The nip of Drew's teeth. The pull of suction.

Drew tried to add Nick's middle finger. Nick forced himself to withdraw, tugging his hand free. "You weren't listening. One finger. That's all."

Drew's eyes pleaded for more.

"I told you the rules," Nick said. "Listen to me from now on."

Drew reached for Nick's hand. Nick hid it behind his back. Drew settled for touching Nick's thigh instead.

Drew froze. Blinked. Looked down. Saw his hand on Nick's thigh. Let his gaze slide up and in and, oh. Oh.

"What?" Nick asked, voice coaxing.

"You're," Drew said, and swallowed the rest of his words.

"You like that?" Nick asked.

Drew's breaths were shaky.

Nick sat back and spread his thighs.

Shakier.

Nick let his hand rest on his thigh, fingers perilously close to the bulge of his arousal.

Shakier and faster.

"What are you looking at, Drew?"

Drew tried to stop staring. It didn't work.

"Does that turn you on?"

Yes. Drew was a very, very bad person.

"I'm turned on."

He could see that.

"You made me hard, Drew."

He hadn't done that.

"You make me really hard, Drew."

He'd done that?

"Do I turn you on, too?"

Yes. A lot. Nick didn't even have to do anything. Although it helped when he did things. Helped? Made it worse, more accurately.

Nick put his naked foot in Drew's lap.

Drew's hand slid up Nick's calf. Nick's jeans were in the way. He didn't want rough denim between his touch and Nick's skin. He didn't want anything to come between his touch and Nick's skin.

Well, except Brian.

Oops. Out of character.

"You're breathing all sexy," Nick said. "I love it when you do that. It means you're having wicked, kinky Drew thoughts."

He was not.

"I want to have sex with you."

Oh.

"Naked, sweaty sex. With you. Right now."

Oh.

"I can't."

No, he could. Drew wouldn't mind.

"What can I do? What will you let me do, Drew?"

Anything Nick wanted.

"Eskimo kisses?" Nick sat up, leaning forward, and rubbed his nose against Drew's.

He couldn't help it. He started laughing.

Nick kissed his cheeks and squeezed him and made him laugh more, and before he knew it he was on his back on the sofa, Nick on top of him with a dirty leer. That had been sneaky. He should have remembered to watch out for the happy, laughing, silly people. He should have learned that lesson with Brian years ago. But he always let his guard down when Nick and Brian acted like that. It was impossible to do otherwise.

"This shirt's too big for you," Nick said. "You could fit two of you in there. You could fit me in there. Learn to wear clothes your own size, Drew. You'd better take it off."

Off?

"Come on," Nick said, tugging up the hem. "If you can't dress yourself properly, you don't get to wear clothes."

He slapped away Nick's hands. "Leave my clothes alone."

"You're out of character again."

"Sorry." He closed his eyes to reconnect with his younger self.

"Sleepy Drew," Nick murmured. "Sleeping Drew. Sleeping Beauty."

Sleeping Beauty and his two princes.

"Pretty smile," Nick said. "What makes pretty Drew's pretty smile?"

"Sleeping Beauty. Prince Charming and Prince Brian."

"What?"

He opened his eyes. "You're Prince Charming."

"Since when?"

"Since I'm Sleeping Beauty."

"I'm Prince Charming."

"Yes."

"You can't have Prince Charming and Prince Brian."

"I can, so."

"Don't give me the stubborn face. What about Prince Nick and Prince Brian? You have to make it equal. I'm not charming, anyway. Brian's more charming than I am. And it's more like you're Little Red Riding Hood and I'm the big bad wolf and Brian's the hunter or whatever that guy is."

"What?"

"You're the little innocent good person, and I'm the evil symbol of male predatory sexuality or whatever you call it, and Brian saves you."

"Saves me from you? I don't need saving from you."

"So the big bad wolf invites the hunter in for a threesome with Red."

"Right."

"That's not how the story goes."

"Maybe we're the three bears. Or the three little pigs."

"Drew, you make no sense."

"I make perfect sense."

"You need psychiatric help. Here, lay on the sofa."

"I am laying on the sofa."

"Now tell me. How's your home life?"

"I had sex with my brother yesterday."

"How was it?"

"Pretty good."

"I bet I'm better."

"I bet you are."

"You have to say that."

"It's true anyway."

Nick kissed him.

"Am I awake?"

"I think so."

"We get to make love now?"

"Horny little-"

"You call me names I won't give you good sex."

"You always give me good sex."

"I think we ruined Brian's fantasy."

"We can try another one."

"I don't know any more."

"Brian's perverted. What would perverted people fantasize about?"

"I wouldn't know."

"Don't look at me," Nick protested.

"What does Brian like?"

"I don't know."

"Besides getting blowjobs."

"Besides your brother. Hey, who taught you to say blowjobs?"

"I hang out with a bad crowd."

"I'll say."

"Brian likes sex with you."

"Brian's a voyeur."

"You picked up on that, too? We should fuck and make him watch."

"Or make love and let him watch."

"He likes romantic sappy love talk. We could do that."

"He also likes to talk..."

"Nasty old pervert talk. He almost never does it. Ever. God, the first time it happened I creamed my shorts."

"I almost did, too."

"He has a vicious dominant streak. I think he wants to pull out the whips and chains."

"He has tied us up."

"No, Jeff tied you up."

"I think Jeff enjoyed that too much."

"I wonder why."

Drew blushed.

"Can we tie Brian up?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"It's bad manners."

"That's one lame-ass excuse, Drew."

"You can't just go around tying people up."

"You can if they're Brian."

"No, you can't."

"Brian's a dom. We should let him see the other side."

"He is not a dom."

"He has dom tendencies."

Drew couldn't argue with that.

"We're tying him up."

"Nick, no. He won't like it."

"Come on. My suitcase is around here somewhere."

"Nick-"

Nick climbed off of Drew on the sofa and went to find his suitcase. "I wonder if I'd be a good dom."

"Yes," Drew said.

Nick looked at Drew over his shoulder. "Thought about this, have you?"

Drew refused to turn red. "A little."

"You'd be a kick-ass dom, Drew. And you'd be the sexiest, hottest, cutest little sub."

"Why is that flattering?" Drew asked, disturbed.

"Because you're kinky. Face it." Nick stood in triumph, holding padded leather handcuffs. "Found them."

"You travel with those? You go on tour with-"

"Never know when you'll need them."

"Nick. Have you used those on tour?"

"Once."

Brian coughed.

"Twice," Nick amended. "Oh come on, the first time doesn't even count."

"You can tell me later," Drew said. "Or never."

"Never might be best," Nick said. "Okay. Let's arrest Brian for indecent exposure."

"He's fully dressed."

"Bare feet."

"That doesn't count."

"We'll get him naked and then arrest him."

"I don't think you'd make a very good policeman."

"I don't think you make a very good kinky sex partner."

"We can't handcuff Brian."

"Can we handcuff you?"

"No!"

"Why not?"

"No."

"Please? Please, Drew? I'll be good. I won't even invite Jeff. Just you and me and Brian."

"That's scary enough, thank you."

"You did it before."

"One time. That was plenty."

"Are you scared?"

"No. I just have better ways to spend my time."

"Better ways than playing sex games with us?"

Drew had no comeback for that one.

"So. Kevin." AJ licked ketchup from his thumb. "Aside from the change in your sexual behavior, and the assassins outside, how's your week been?"

"Not as boring as I'd hoped."

"We do put on quite a show," AJ agreed. He twirled his knife. "Why do I get the feeling that there's more to this than a one-night stand?"

"We're best friends."

"Brothers."

"Backstreet Boys."

"Granted. Is that all?"

"No," Kevin said. "Not from my side."

AJ dropped his sunglasses on the table. "I broke up with Lance today."

Kevin registered that information.

"Now that I've had you and Howie, should I move on to Brian or Nick?"

"Brian," Kevin said. "Or you could stay with me."

"I could," AJ admitted slowly. He waited. Kevin ate. "Fuck you."

"Grow up," Kevin said flatly, neither offended nor amused.

AJ laughed.

Drew dropped his hat. "If this ends in a call to the police, we're breaking up."

"Okay," Nick said. "Can I still live with you and love you and call you and have sex with your husband?"

"Yes."

"Okay."

Drew removed his shirts. Naked to the waist, he eyed the handcuffs Nick held. "I do not feel good about this."

"Do you trust me?" Nick asked with a bright smile.

"Yes," Drew said. "I don't know why."

"You are in trouble," Nick said. "Come on, get on the bed and let me tie you up."

"What if we just pretend you're handcuffing me?"

"No, we have to do it right."

"Let's do it wrong."

"Then I'll have to drop out of Boy Band Doms International in shame."

"What?"

"Jeff was going to make me treasurer, too."

"Jeff?"

"He's the president."

"Of course he is."

"JC's vice president, but everybody knows that's just because Justin's a bitch sub."

"Be nice," Drew said, since he didn't know what else to say.

"On your back. Good boy. Don't be nervous."

"I'm not nervous," Drew lied.

"You shouldn't be. The good whip is out at the dry cleaners."

"What?"

"God, Drew. Calm down."

"I'm calm."

"Brian, come over here and take care of this for me."

"No, no, I don't want-"

"Drew, you know he'll have you melted and zoned in ten seconds or less, and then you'll feel much better about this whole thing. Let him do it."

That was true.

A hand on the small of his back. A delicate kiss. Chris opened his eyes. "Hi. Did I miss anything?"

"No," Howie said. "Would you prefer sex or food?"

"Sex in food," Chris said. "Naked Jell-O wrestling."

"I'd win," Howie said.

"You think so?" Chris asked. "I'm the champion of naked Jell-O wrestling."

"Are you?" Howie asked. "Prove it."

"All right," Chris said. "I'm calling room service and ordering us some Jell-O. Then we can see who's the champion."

"I kept getting the vibe, he wants me, he wants me," AJ said.

"You were right," Kevin said, unlocking his door, letting AJ enter.

"But no, I knew I was reading it wrong. You're straight and you disapprove of everything I do. So how did this happen?"

"How did what happen? How did I fall in love with you? How did I start wanting you in my bed?"

"You're in love with me. You. Are in love. With me," AJ said, pointing to himself. "No, no, wait, wait, wait. You're Kevin. I'm AJ. I annoy you. You like women. I am not a woman. Tell me you noticed I'm not a woman, Kevin."

"It's not about that," Kevin said. "It's about-"

"Love that transcends gender and the person on the inside mattering more than the outside and blah, blah, blah," AJ said. "This ends in two months or less, when you figure out that you want women and I'm still the same bastard you've been putting up with for all of these years."

"I'm not asking you to love me."

"Good, because I love Lance, and look where that got me. Of course I love you, Kevin, it's not about love. I mean, I love you, I'm not in love with you. I am in love with you, but it's not... Fuck it. Fuck it, fuck it, fuck it. We're in love with each other, god knows why, and we want to do each other, and I'm single, and you're single, and if people are out there trying to kill us we might as well take the horn by the balls while we can." AJ clapped his hands. "Come on, let's go, everybody in bed. You won't be needing those clothes, either."

Kevin kissed him.

AJ jumped onto the bed, spreading his arms. "And God spoke, and He said, 'Let there be Backstreet Boys,' and there were, and they were good. And God said, 'Let them share love freely among themselves,' and they did, and it was good. And God said, 'Let AJ be the sexiest kick-ass motherfucker on the planet,' and he was, and it was good. And God said, 'Give him a mate who is strong enough, smart enough, and martyred enough for the job,' and Kevin stepped forward and said, 'Yes, Lord, I will sacrifice myself.' And God said, 'Okay, Kev, but we'll have to make you drop-dead gorgeous first so AJ gives you the time of day.' And Kevin said, all right, and God said, let's do it. And here we are."

"All right," Kevin said, shedding his shirt. "Let's do it."

"Mmm." Chris licked his lips.

Howie licked Chris's lips, too.

"I should have known they wouldn't have Jell-O."

"European cultural elite," Howie said.

"But," Chris said, "this is even better."

"Delicious."

"Too bad we can't wrestle in it."

"That would ruin the flavor."

"I think a little Howie sweat and semen can make anything taste better."

"Not chocolate mousse," Howie said.

"It tastes good so far."

"I'm not sweating."

Chris sucked chocolate mousse from Howie's naked chest, licking one nipple clean. "I still say it wouldn't taste half this good straight from the bowl."

"Maybe not," Howie agreed.

"It wouldn't be as sweet. What are you doing?"

Since it was clear that Howie was kissing Chris's naked shoulder, he didn't feel the need to explain himself.

"There's no mousse on me. I'm eating mousse off of you. You're not eating off of me because there's a limit to how messy I want this to get."

"You're tasting me," Howie said.

"You're returning the favor?"

"If you get to taste me, I get to taste you." Howie nuzzled into Chris's neck.

"Oh," Chris said, and let his eyes close with the pleasure. He opened his eyes again and said, "Uh, Howie. This is my dessert time, not yours. Howie. Howie. H...oh...oh...wow..."

Kevin had never known what to say after sex.

"I love Lance," AJ said.

"I know." Kevin hated it but couldn't do anything about it.

"I promised myself I'd be with him forever. I swore to myself, he was a good thing, I had a good thing, I wouldn't lose it."

"I know."

"I should have fought harder. I gave the fuck up. I gave him up. My beautiful porn baby's gone."

Kevin was careful to embrace AJ slowly, without offending him.

AJ resisted.

Kevin loosened his hold just a bit.

AJ allowed Kevin's embrace.

Kevin closed his eyes.

"Lance."

Kevin held AJ through the pain.

matthew@matthewtime.com
"Together" Part Seventeen
"Together" page
"Living" page
RPS page
Home