Alla
Copyright October 21, 2000 by Matthew Haldeman-Time
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: Brian Littrell/AJ McLean
Disclaimer: The young men who comprise the Backstreet Boys are their own people. The author has not met anyone here described, nor does the author mean to suggest that these people act this way in real life. This writing is a work of fiction. I make no money from this venture.
Dedication: This slashfic is for Ewan McGregor. Also for Bonnie, Becky, Melissa, and Stephanie.
Wherein the reader will hear from Kevin, Howie, and Nick, finally.
Notice: This slashfic is the fourth in a series.
He was the scariest thing in AJ McLean's life.
AJ, AJ was gorgeous and multi-talented and famous and wealthy and self-possessed and well-dressed and capable of doing anything, everything, with style and flair. He had fame, fortune, sex appeal, and kick-ass panache. And he had a boyfriend that thousands of people, people all around the world, would happily kill him to get.
Brian was his boyfriend. His lover. In his arms and his bed and his body. He was the one Brian made love with and whispered sweet nothings to each night. AJ'd never expected that guys would be into romantic tender moments, but Brian was that kind of person, and AJ wasn't going to complain about it. And Brian's romantic side was for him. Him. AJ McLean.
Not Nick Carter.
So there should be no problem. Brian was in love with him, and that was that.
But there was a threat to their relationship. A big, looming threat. A 6'2" blonde looming threat.
AJ couldn't ignore it anymore. It hadn't been a problem at first. He knew about Nick, and Brian knew about Nick, but AJ and Brian were together. Brian was with AJ, and that was just how things stood. AJ felt bad for Nick, he honestly and truly did, but he wasn't going to give up Brian over it.
And no one ever said anything about it. No one ever breathed a word of the truths they all felt. Anyone reading transcripts of their conversations, not seeing their actions, unable to look into their eyes, would believe that there were five friends, and two of them had become lovers, and that was it.
But they knew better.
When AJ and Brian had become lovers, AJ had felt bad for Nick. And he'd known that Brian felt guilty. But Nick didn't do anything, or say anything, and AJ had been confident that, in time, everything would be fine.
AJ had been wrong.
He'd believed that Nick's feelings were Nick's alone. He'd believed that as close as Brian and Nick were, Nick's feelings had developed into something that Brian couldn't share. He'd believed that he was the one, the only one, whom Brian wanted.
He'd been lying to himself.
He'd thought that they'd be all right. That he and Brian could be lovers, and that Nick would be okay with that situation. After all, Nick's infatuation was just a teenager's crush on an older, handsome, charming young man.
He'd underestimated Nick
Carter. And it was going to cost him.
"What are you thinking about?"
"Why?" he asked, closing his eyes, resting his head back against the sofa.
"Is that a banana in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?"
"I'm thinking about your tongue."
"Oh." Brian's warm breath was at his ear, then, and Brian's voice was soft, full of promise. "Where do you want it?"
He wanted to laugh, mostly out of sheer happiness. "Anywhere's good." Then Brian's tongue licked behind his earlobe, gently tracing up the shell of his ear. Meanwhile, Brian's fingers were skimming up the sensitive underside of his forearm, making him shiver when Brian's touch reached the inside of his elbow. "Good" had been a tremendous understatement. AJ was starting to zone happily on the gentle erotic stimulation when he heard laughter. Apparently the others were boarding the bus. If anyone came back here and interrupted them, he'd be very unhappy.
"I think we're missing the fun," Brian said, kissing his jaw.
"The fun's right here," he disagreed, tipping his head back further to give Brian better access. Brian chuckled a little, and it vibrated against his skin. He knew that they were skirting some boundaries. There was a limit to how far they'd go on the bus. It was sort of rude to make the bus their own traveling make-out central when there were three other people who needed to share the small space. It was just a courtesy issue, and so far they'd kept it pretty tame. But was it really his fault that he wanted to yank Brian into his lap and get that tongue in his mouth?
He grinned, opening his eyes, and while Brian was licking his voicebox he reached over for Brian's thigh. "C'mere."
"I'm right here," Brian said.
"C'mere," he insisted, and Brian smiled and swung one leg over, kneeling astride him on the sofa.
"Better?" Brian asked.
"Much," he said, one hand on the back of Brian's head sliding over silky soft hair, pulling Brian closer.
"Much," Brian agreed, and kissed him. Wet, hot, open-mouthed. When he got his other hand down over Brian's ass - - AJ personally considered those tight round curves to comprise the best ass in the Backstreet Boys - - Brian started to suck on his tongue. He moaned, and Brian's hand was on his back under his shirt, and that was when Kevin walked in on them.
"Hey," Kevin said, and sat down beside them, friendly and amused.
Brian broke away from the kiss, said Kevin's name, and turned bright red.
AJ remembered to get his hand off of Brian's ass, which prompted Brian to remember to let go of him, too. "You need something?" he asked. He'd known Kevin for years now, but he'd never sat beside Kevin with Brian in his lap and a major hard-on to boot. It really hadn't been on his list of things to do that day, either.
"I'm just trying to get away from Nick and Howie," Kevin said.
"What are they doing?" Brian asked, climbing off of AJ to sit on the floor.
"Nick's dressed like a male prostitute and Howie's laughing at him."
"Nick's dressed like a what?" Brian asked.
"This I have to see," AJ said.
"I don't know why we let him out in public," Howie said, coming back to join them. "He's an embarrassment to us all."
"I thought that was my job," AJ said.
"What's he wearing?" Brian asked.
"Remember when we went shopping in London?" Howie asked.
"Yeah," AJ said. "You and I were together, and Nick was with Brian and Kevin."
"You remember he took off by himself for half an hour?" Kevin asked Brian.
"Yeah," Brian said. "Why? What'd he buy?"
"Shouldn't have left him alone," Howie told Brian. "The boy can't be trusted to shop for himself."
"I give up," AJ said. "Nick, get in here!"
"He's not going to come," Kevin said.
"Why not?"
"Howie embarrassed him."
Brian rose from the floor, smacked Howie's shoulder, and reached out for AJ's hand. "Come on, let's go track down our friend the fashion model." AJ took his hand and was led to the front of the bus, where they found Nick sitting by a window, one booted foot up on the seat to his right.
One booted foot.
AJ wanted those boots.
Over the boots, a pair of black leather pants. Soft, supple leather.
AJ wanted those pants.
One foot on the floor, one up on the seat, Nick's legs were spread. The leather clung to Nick's calves, to Nick's thighs.
AJ wanted what was between those thighs.
He was so busy alternately feeling desire and wanting to smack himself silly for feeling that desire, that he almost forgot to raise his gaze above Nick's waist. When he did, he found a dark lilac gray silk shirt, open at the neck to reveal pale-pale white-pink skin. The shirt was just the perfect shade to turn Nick's blue eyes gray-green.
Nick ran his hand through his hair. "You came to laugh at me, too?"
"Don't pout," Brian admonished, and poked Nick in the forehead. AJ wouldn't have dared to touch him, for fear of not being able to stop.
"Howie's just jealous because he can never pull off the leather look," AJ said. Was he jealous of Nick for wearing those pants, or of those pants for - - he wasn't about to complete that thought.
"Am I pulling it off?" Nick asked.
"Stand up, do a spin," AJ said, moving back, tugging at Brian's hand. Nick looked nervous, but stood and came into the aisle, doing a slow turn. AJ swallowed. "It works."
"If our resident fashion expert says so, it must be true," Nick said. "Thanks. I have to go gloat over Howie." He moved past them toward the back of the bus. They watched him go. AJ still considered Brian's ass the best, but there was a close second.
"Is he wearing lip gloss?" AJ asked.
"What? No," Brian said. "His lips get red when he's nervous because he chews on them."
"That boy's got nothing to be nervous about."
Brian laughed. "Should I be jealous?"
AJ released Brian's hand only to cup Brian's ass, guiding Brian closer. "Never."
They were still kissing when
Howie came to drag AJ off to demand why he couldn't wear leather.
But in the dark of the night, lying in bed, AJ realized that Nick could be devastating if he tried. If Nick actually wanted to seduce someone, he could. On his own, just being himself, Nick had thousands of people after him; if he would make an effort to get someone, that person would be his.
What if Nick tried to seduce Brian? Up until now, Nick's interest had been tacit, understood. But that could change. Nick might decide to take the gloves off and, hell, put on the silk and leather.
AJ tried to forget that revelation. He tried to dismiss that fear and suspicion as unwarranted. Nick had made no indication of wanting to fight for Brian.
But why declare war outright
when you can take your opponent by surprise?
He started up again. A hand here, an arm there. Sitting too close, standing even closer.
Brian didn't seem to mind. AJ reminded himself that Brian and Nick had been very close friends, and that they'd always been like this, and that Brian probably had missed Nick lately. A lot of people spent too much time with a new boyfriend and sacrificed friends for it, and Brian was probably glad not to have to do that after all.
The five of them were together
all of the time anyway. Nick wasn't cutting into AJ and Brian's personal
time together. AJ had no reason to be jealous of Nick. Brian
was with him, and Nick was Brian's best friend, and that was it.
"I know you're not too old to remember having hormones," Howie told Kevin.
"But every day they get on the bus, and the rest of us are dead tired and just want to sleep, and the two of them are all over each other."
"We're not all over each other," Brian said, but he couldn't keep a straight face saying it.
"You've been having sex every night for, how long has it been?"
"Two months, seventeen days, and," Nick reached past Brian and checked AJ's watch, "twenty-three minutes."
"If you had someone you could have every night, wouldn't you?" Howie asked Kevin.
"How do you know it's every night?" AJ asked. It was, but how did they know? "Are you listening?" They weren't that loud.
"We can hear you," Howie said. He turned back to Kevin. "Would you or wouldn't you?"
"I would, but while we're on tour... Don't you ever just get tired? I'd be too exhausted to do it every night."
"But they're in love," Howie said with a smile.
"I think they're just horny," Kevin said with his own smile.
"All guys are like that," Howie said.
"I hear that," Nick said, and slid down a little in his sprawl. As a result, his thighs spread. Later, trapped in bitter suspicion, AJ couldn't help but wonder if that move had been intentional. After all, it could have been meant to serve as a reminder of exactly who the well-hung Backstreet Boy was. It could have been intentional. Inviting.
"Ah, the heartache of the twenty-year-old virgin," Howie said.
Brian patted Nick's thigh. "It's okay. You'll get to make love too someday."
Nick's gaze slid over to meet Brian's. "Promise?"
"Well, you have to find somebody first," Brian said.
Nick looked down at his hands. "Shouldn't be too hard." Then he heard what he'd said, and laughed.
"If that's your problem, you know they make pills for that now," Howie said.
"Believe me, it's not a problem," Nick said. "Not a problem. Sort of a problem the other way around."
"Thanks, Nick, we all needed to know that," Kevin said.
"Is that..."
"What?" Nick asked Howie.
"Nothing. Not my business. Quiet now," Howie said.
"What?" Nick asked.
"I saw you buy lubricant. I was...wondering...not my business."
"Oh," Nick said. He shrugged and tossed his hair. "Yeah, it works pretty well on keeping me from developing blisters from jerking off so much. Works pretty well for other stuff, too."
Silence.
The other four exchanged glances around Nick.
"If no one else is asking, I'll do it," Kevin said, finally. "What other stuff?"
Nick looked up again. "You all do know I'm gay, right?"
Silence.
"One, so it's official now? And two, so what?" Howie asked.
"Yeah, it's official, Nick's gay," Nick said. "It's great, I have thousands of screaming girl fans, and the one person I actually want couldn't care less."
"Still waiting for the other part," Howie said.
"I'm gay. You know why gay guys use lube. You do know what Brian's doing to AJ that makes him scream like that."
"This conversation is so much fun," Kevin said.
"It's killing me to ask, but I can't not ask. What are you...you..." Howie closed his mouth.
Nick sighed. "I have fingers, Howie."
"Just fingers?"
"You want it all over the news when a Backstreet Boy goes and buys himself sex toys? I'd rather stick with my fingers. Besides, if I can't get the real thing, I don't want anything else."
"You're a virgin and you still have a more interesting sex life than I do," Kevin said.
"You don't have to be gay to like that," Nick said. "I'm pretty sure it works for straight guys, too."
"Hey, could we all take a class field trip to the sex shop together?" Howie asked. "No reason the gay boys get to have all the fun. Sorry, gay and bisexual."
"Could we stop talking about Brian and me having sex and Nick masturbating?" AJ asked. Without waiting for a reply, he got up and moved to the front of the bus, away from them. He didn't need everyone listening to them making love, or speculating about it. And he didn't need a play-by-play of Nick's masturbation technique.
So Nick had found his prostate gland, so what?
Oh, yeah, and it "shouldn't be too hard" for Nick to find someone, and "the one person" he wanted "couldn't care less," and he wanted "the real thing" or nothing. Subtle, Nick. So fucking subtle.
AJ knew that he was completely overreacting. Nick had him completely rattled and Nick hadn't done anything. Nick actually had been very subtle, and anyone who didn't know Nick wouldn't even have guessed what Nick really was thinking about - - thinking but not saying, Nick hadn't said a word about Brian, so why was AJ flipping?
Hell, for all AJ knew, Nick was over Brian. It could all be in AJ's head.
If Nick had him this freaked out over nothing, what would happen if Nick really made a play for Brian?
"You okay?"
He turned, facing Nick who'd come up behind him in the aisle. "Yeah."
"Sorry. I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable. I figured it Kevin could be in that conversation, who couldn't?"
It could have ended there. It should have. AJ didn't know what made him open his mouth, didn't know where the words came from - - fear, probably. But he said, "So it shouldn't be too hard for you to find somebody?"
Nick shrugged ever so slightly. "No, it shouldn't."
And they looked at each other. AJ looked right into Nick's eyes. Such pretty blue eyes. Too bad he wanted to scoop them out with a spoon. "Could be harder than you think."
"Tell me something." Nick rested an elbow on the back of one of the bus seats to his right. He looked relaxed. AJ knew this would not be good. "When you're in bed with Brian, how attentive are you?"
AJ ground his teeth together to keep from saying something he'd regret. This was not the Nick that he knew, and he couldn't speak without thinking, not now.
"Because if you'd been looking, you would have noticed the words 'Nick's Property' stamped on his ass."
Fuck it. He would regret absolutely nothing that he said to this man. "You don't own him. You will never have him. And do you think that he wants to be yours? You think that he'd be flattered to hear you say that about him?"
"He knows it's as true as I do. You're the one without a clue here."
Grasp for the truth, AJ, go for the obvious. "If it's true then why is he with me? Why am I the one whose bed he crawls into every night?" He realized too late that he was asking a question without knowing the answer. That was a mistake.
"He doesn't think that he's allowed in mine. He thinks I'm too young, too pure for him. He knows you're good for it. So you'll get to have him until he wakes up and realizes that I'm all grown up and ready to play. Enjoy it while you can, AJ. Time's running out."
"Do you really think that I'm just his piece on the side while he waits for you? You really think that Brian's like that? He's in love with me." Good. That had sounded good, sounded real. It was true.
"You think he's not in love with me?"
"You're his friend, Nick. Nothing more. Get over it." AJ's confidence increased; scorn crept into his tone.
"Nothing more," Nick repeated. "You don't know him at all."
"I know him in ways you-" AJ cut himself off quickly. "We are not doing this."
"I'll do whatever I want."
"Back off. He doesn't need this from you." AJ shoved past Nick to return to Brian.
Nick didn't follow him. But as he walked down the bus aisle, AJ heard Nick's low chuckle, then, "Tick, tock, tick, tock..."
When he got to the back, he ignored Kevin and Howie and sat in Brian's lap, resting his head on Brian's shoulder.
"You okay?" Brian asked, since he obviously wasn't. Brian's arms came around him, strong and comforting.
"Nick's a bastard."
"What happened?" Brian asked, concerned.
"Nothing."
"Are you going to get over it or do we have to cancel the tour?" Howie asked.
He'd get over it. He'd get over it and they'd all be okay.
But Brian couldn't hold him forever.
And time was running out...