This Is It

This Is It (a.k.a. "H.M.S. Jeff-style"), a "Slice of Life" set during "Boy Lead the Way to Ecstasy"

Rating: NC-17 for graphic male-male sex

Pairing: Nick Lachey/Jeff Timmons

Disclaimer: The young men who comprise 98 Degrees are their own people. The author has not met anyone here described, nor does the author mean to suggest that these people act this way in real life. This writing is a work of fiction. I make no money from this venture.

Dedication: Ewan McGregor, Savage Garden slashers, Kyla.

Wherein there is Hot. Monkey. Sex.

Notice: Back during "Boy Lead the Way to Ecstasy," I was too busy seducing Drew to worry about Nick and Jeff. What happened during those eight hours of hot monkey sex and grand confessions of passionate love? What went on while Nick and Jeff were being all that they could be? We're fairly well-acquainted with the sex lives of the Timmons-Lacheys. But what was it like that very first time...

Chased Amy

First, there was a reverberating, fast-paced yet slow-moving shudder. Confusion, excitement. A thrill, of fear and comprehension. Then came the realization that he'd never been more turned on, never, in his entire life.

Maybe that was because he'd never before been kissed by Nick Lachey.

Nick's kiss consumed his mouth, possessed him, made his blood pound and his balls tighten and his - - oh, god, he was the one making that eager sound. He tried to stop, but then Nick grunted and pulled him closer, and he was in danger of falling off of the sofa and onto - - well, onto Nick, which didn't sound like a bad idea.

He was in danger of falling. Danger. Fall.

No. He wouldn't fall. Not on Nick, not for Nick, he wouldn't. He'd end this kiss and-

Nick climbed onto the sofa, onto him. Large Nick Lachey was on top of him and doing disturbingly erotic things to his mouth and massaging the back of his right thigh. His pants were way too tight and his mouth had surrendered and his hands were, in utter defiance of his wishes, learning the muscles in Nick's back. He couldn't breathe and he didn't care. He could breathe Nick.

Nick stopped kissing him only to inhale and dive in for more. Nick seemed to like kissing. That was only reasonable, since that mouth was built expressly for the purpose. For kissing, licking, sucking, teasing, manipulating, nipping, making love. Nick's mouth was making love to his. He was on the receiving end of one well-developed sex kiss. And Nick had one well-developed sex mouth.

The concept of sex was moving beyond their mouths. Nick's right hand was pushing up his shirt, trying to get to his skin. He wasn't used to being groped by masculine hands, strong hands, hands that god, Nick, he couldn't, he couldn't do this.

Nick stopped kissing him long enough to get half-undressed, dropping shoes, tossing socks, shedding shirt. Then Nick, half-naked, jeans-only Nick was kissing his mouth once more, like there was no staying away from it.

Nick was bigger than he was. Taller, heavier. Jeff wasn't used to that, either. The weight of Nick. The press of Nick's cock against his leg. He clutched the back of the sofa to keep himself from reaching down there. He wouldn't touch. Not there, not anywhere. He'd keep his hands to himself, find a way to end this kiss, and-

Nick ended the kiss.

And started to undress him.

Fast.

There was an art to undressing another person. It could be turned from awkward to seductive if done just right. Nick bypassed the issue and went for rough efficiency. He jerked off Jeff's shoes without bothering to untie them, skinned off Jeff's socks, and reached for the shirt. He pushed it up, pulled it up, and then yanked it off. Jeff cooperated to avoid losing an ear.

Nick went straight for his chest, kissing his skin, rubbing greedy hands over his body. His pants were too tight, so tight it was painful, and Nick was sucking at his right nipple, and he gasped at the tug of pleasure. He had to do something, had to stop this, but Nick was kissing his nipple and stroking the small of his back, and no, he couldn't, he couldn't do this, he had to say no.

Nick stopped sucking his skin long enough to strip. Nick was naked, fully naked. Fully erect. He'd never seen Nick hard before now. The proud, jutting cock, swollen and ripe for his hand. No, he wouldn't touch, he had to stop this, he had to say no.

He would say no, but Nick was trying to open his jeans. He shoved away Nick's hands, but Nick reached in again. He was too hard, too tight, too much, and finally he gave in and helped Nick to unzipper over his erection, and then, then, the relief, being out of those confines and into the open... He groaned, and Nick dropped his clothes to the floor, and then Nick's hand wrapped around his cock.

He almost came from the shock of it. The shock of how good it felt. The shock of Nick touching him. Nick was touching him there, not just touching him but holding him, jacking him, Nick was jacking his cock. He tried to keep his cool but there was no possible way to manage that, no way not to groan and rock and want to come in Nick's hand.

Nick had a good hand, a man's hand, a hand that knew how to touch a man, a hand that was in no way too dainty for this job. The pressure in Jeff's groin was incredible. He had to come now. He was panting and sweating and trying to keep himself from fucking into Nick's grip. He couldn't, he couldn't, he had to end this, he had to put a stop to it, he had to-

Nick was leaning down with parted lips.

He grabbed Nick's chin and pushed Nick away from there.

Nick made a defiant sound and leaned in again.

He pushed Nick away again.

Nick made an irritated, displeased sound and tried again.

He smacked Nick's face. Not hard, not to pain, but to make his point.

They made eye contact for the first time since the first kiss. Nick looked hurt and surprised. Then Nick kissed him, a warm kiss, and stopped jacking his cock. And cupped his balls instead. His breath suffered, shuddered, and Nick massaged his balls, pushing a hard, naked cock against his hip.

Nick's cock. He wanted, oh, god, he wanted to touch it, he wanted to feel it in his hand, he wanted to curl his fingers around that living thing and make it his own.

Nick was sucking his nipple again, fondling his balls, and he could feel it all through him, aching and wanting, in each nerve, along his spine. He was panting and the back of his brain hurt and his fingers left the sofa and found one of Nick's nipples.

Nick moaned and moved down his chest, kissing over his abdomen.

Nick was broad and hard, muscle-bound satin-silk, warm flesh delicious to touch. He started with his fingertips, just touching, tracing lines, but it wasn't enough; he had to let his whole hand experience Nick, all of his fingers, his whole palm, running over Nick's body and vibrating with pleasure. Nick was beautiful to see. Beautiful to touch.

Sucking his pelvic bone.

He kneed Nick in the stomach and pushed Nick's face from his groin, feeling an unexpected rush of anger. Instead of leaving the room or leaving the sofa or saying something or even stopping for breath, Nick was on top of him, full-body, kissing his neck, holding his hips, and thrusting against him. Shocked by the unexpected move, by the power of Nick's thrust, by the searing pleasure of having Nick's body pressed full-length to his, by the way his own thighs spread to welcome Nick's hips, he gasped, and groaned, and ached, and arched, and thrust up against Nick.

Their cocks met, oversensitive throbbing heat finding its kind, and Nick's hands tightened in response. Nick rocked against him, and he rocked against Nick, and they were fucking against each other, sliding in each other's pre-cum. Nick reached in between their straining bodies and grasped his cock, jacking him, pulling and squeezing and making him moan. His balls hurt, his balls hurt, he wanted to come, he wanted to come, he wanted Nick.

Nick made a choked noise, and froze, and stared.

He began to breathe again, feeling his heart pounding, watching the world return to its usual color.

Nick's mouth was open. In amazement. In hunger.

He reached down and ran his fingers up Nick's cock.

A surprised gasp, a quick shiver, and he was the privileged witness to Nick's orgasm. He saw Nick sweating, shuddering, groaning, arching. Closed eyes, open mouth, flexing muscles, spurting semen.

Sweating, panting silence.

They looked at each other.

"Jeff." Nick was kissing him again.

God damn it.

He pushed Nick away, ending the kiss, getting out from under Nick and going to the bathroom. He cleaned himself up roughly. Why did he always have to come like the freaking Great Flood? Other guys didn't come like that. Nick - - he threw the washcloth into the sink, banishing all thoughts of Nick, Nick in ecstasy, beautiful masculine body given over to erotic pleasure, thick white streams of - - he paced the bedroom.

What was he supposed to do now? What was he, he'd, Nick. Nick had, they, and...

"Jeff." Low, emotional. A broad chest against his back, Nick's groin at his ass, a hand beneath his chin to tip back his head, caress his throat, slide down his chest. "Jeff, I..."

He closed his eyes. He knew what was coming. How long had he known? How long had he been waiting? He pulled away from Nick and sat on the bed.

"Jeff." Without warning, he was on his back under 180 pounds of enthusiastic Nick. A hand in his hair, a tongue in his mouth, a hand beneath him on his ass. "Jeff," and Nick was looking into his eyes and kissing him everywhere and stroking him everywhere and talking in a voice thick, rich with emotion. Between the mouth and the caresses and the words and the very fact that he was naked in bed with Nick, naked, changing everything, Jeff wasn't sure where to start addressing God first.

"Jeff, Jeff, I love you, I love you, I love you, I've been in love with you, and I want you, you don't know how I've wanted you, loved you, wanted to make love to you, every day, every night, all night, you're a beautiful person, a beautiful man, you don't know how much I love you, how much you deserve to be loved. I do love you, you're everything to me, you're my best friend and my brother and more and I want you to be even more than that because you are more, you mean more to me than anything. Jeff, I love you. I've been in love with you for months and it hurts me every day that I can't be with you, that I can't touch you, I want to touch you, touch you like this, I want to touch you like this, touch you, touch your body. Jeff, I, I want to make love with you. I want to be with you in ways I've never been with anyone. You make me want, you make me want... I want you, I want to be with you. Be here, with you, naked, against your body, your body, I look at you and you're beautiful and strong and sexy and magnificent, you're magnificent, I love you, I want you, it's not just the way you look. It's everything, the way you are, who you are, I love you, Jeff, I love you. I thought that I was in love before, I thought that I knew what love would be, but this is it, Jeff, this is it, I love you. It's not what I expected, it's nothing like I've ever known, it's new and it's changing, Jeff, it's growing. It grows inside me every day, every second, my love for you is growing within me right now. Can you feel it?" Nick asked, pulling Jeff's hand to his chest.

"Yes," Jeff said, because it was true. He kept looking into Nick's eyes.

"I love you," Nick said. "I want to be with you forever, to stay with you forever. Live together and work together and love together, make love together, be together always, forever. I want to be with you, stay with you, because you're my world, Jeff, you're my life, you're my everything. I have friends and family and work and a life, but you, you mean so much more than any of that, than all of that. You're the one, I think about you all of the time, I think about how you are, what you are to me. How much I want you. I want you, Jeff, I want to make love with you. I want to feel your body against me. I want to, I want to watch you come again, I want to see that one more time, I want to see everything again but just that moment, that one moment, watching that, seeing you... It was profound, Jeff, you're profound, and beautiful, and I love you, but your body, Jeff, it's incredible, magnificent, powerful. I want to learn it, the way every inch of you feels, what you like, what turns you on. I want to turn you on, I want to know that, do that."

Nick's touch was outlining his tattoos.

"What it feels like to me, for me, inside, it feels like the strongest love on earth. It feels like the first real love. No one else has ever loved this way. No one else has ever loved this much. I can tell you, I can tell you now and never doubt it, that no one will ever love you more than I do. No one will ever love you as much as I do. No one can try. I love you too much for that. My love for you runs so deep and so strong that there is no end. I feel that love every second of every day. I see you onstage, Jeff, and there are a thousand screaming fans there just for you, but they will never understand the force of my love."

There was a moment of silence. Nick's hand skimmed his bicep.

"I've been watching you," Nick said, voice soft, eyes on his chest. "I've been watching you. Everything you do. Onstage, offstage. I watch you sleep. I watch you eat. I watch you work out. I watch you..."

"What?" he prompted softly.

Nick's eyes almost met his. "I watch you change clothes."

That was no shock. They changed in front of each other all of the time. But the way Nick said it, the shame, the guilt, but most of all the desire...

"You look good naked. You have...a nice body." Nick's eyes closed for a moment. "Jeff. You have the most beautiful body I've ever seen. It's amazing. You've developed your pecs, and you, and, oh my god, Jeff, you have the sweetest hot round rear I've ever...and your tattoos, they, and, Jeff...Jeff..."

His heart hurt. He knew where this was going.

"Your cock, Jeff."

Bingo.

"It's incredible."

That was one word for it.

"Please."

Nick had said please.

"Please, Jeff."

Twice.

"I want it. I've been wanting it. In my hand. In my mouth."

In Nick's mouth.

"In my..."

Nick couldn't say it.

"Let me...taste it..." Nick's breath shivered. "I want..." Nick's hand slid down his thigh. "I've never done this before, Jeff, but let me try. Let me..." Nick was trying to find a semi-polite phrase for it. "Let me suck you."

"You don't have to."

Blue eyes. Desire, longing. "I want to."

"Nick-"

"Jeff. Please. Let me." Humor hit Nick's eyes. "Look at me. This ridiculous mouth might come in handy."

He wanted to smile. "Nick-"

"We were meant to be together. It's proof." Nick kissed him, soft. Softer. "I'll try to make it good."

That really hadn't been his main concern.

With good reason, as it turned out.

Nick began with disturbingly feline tendencies: nuzzling his balls, licking high inside his thighs, making a low purring sound and lapping at his pubic hair. Resting on one elbow, he looked down and saw wet lips, dark lashes, a wide, pink tongue. Nick. Nick was licking his balls. Nick. This aching, erotic pleasure, this sex act, was from Nick. Nick was the one sucking his skin and making his muscles tighten and sending heat through his blood.

Nick's finger was rubbing his perineum. His muscles contracted and his heart fluttered and his stomach knotted.

Then Nick's hand cupped his balls and lifted them to Nick's mouth, and full lips parted, and he closed his eyes. And then he moaned. That felt incredible, yes, Nick was mouthing his balls and sucking his balls and making him hurt with wanting to come. Bending his knees, he pushed his ass into the mattress and tilted his hips and hooked one knee over Nick's shoulder, getting Nick in closer, locking their bodies into position.

He closed his eyes, relaxing into the bed, coaxing every bit of feeling from that exquisite pulling sensation. His balls, his spine, his fingers, his brain. He couldn't wait to get his cock in that sex mouth. He'd known that mouth was good for something. He'd fantasized about what Nick might put between those pretty lips. He'd wanted to drag his cockhead over that pouty lower lip, leave a streak of pre-come...oh, god, yes...

His balls were released from the cavern of Nick's mouth. "Jeff" was whispered against his flesh, and then Nick's hand wrapped around the base of his cock.

He practiced breathing evenly.

He hadn't gotten a blowjob in far too long. He loved having his cock sucked. Or, he would, if he could ever find someone who'd do it right. Nobody did it right. He didn't blame anyone for having trouble giving him the perfect sucking, because the equipment wasn't standard. But just once, he wanted to get his cockhead in somebody's mouth and enjoy it without guilt or fear or any other pressure. Just a little kissy-kissy on his cock, a lick there, a suck here. He didn't ask for it; he only accepted when offered. However, the only ones who offered to suck him were people who thought well of their own sexual techniques and weren't bright enough to realize their own limitations. After a while, he'd given up, and by now, he hadn't had his cock sucked in a long time. Too long.

He wanted to feel Nick's tongue on his dick.

He wanted to feel...oh, god, Nick...hot, wet...a little lick here, a rougher lapping there, warm little kisses... The quiet murmur of his name; the heated, close grip of Nick's hand; a loving series of licks just beneath the head, right...there...yes...

"Jeff."

"Nick."

"I love you."

"Oh...god..."

"I love you."

"Yes. Yes...oh, yes...Nick..." He winced, turning his cheek against the cool pillow, gasping for air, curling his fingers into the bedsheets. Nick's lips closed over the head of his cock. He was in Nick's mouth. In Nick's mouth. Against Nick's tongue. In welcoming, glorious wet heat. He wanted to bury his whole cock in there, all the way in, thrust into Nick's mouth and - - no, no, he couldn't, he wouldn't. And this, just this, this was more than enough, more than good enough, more than he'd, oh, Nick... Yes, god, yes, please... "You feel so good."

He was in deeper. Nick had taken more. Nick's tongue slid up his shaft, inviting more of him into that perfect place, into that sex mouth. Hearing his own rich groan, he tried to hold himself still, tried to control himself and let Nick decide. He wouldn't ask. He wouldn't try. He'd take anything Nick could give him.

Please, just a little more, just, oh, yes, yes, that, just like that, just...like...that, yes, oh, god, yes. There was, he, Nick, god, it had to, Nick was, he'd never, god, never had it like this. And Nick was making the most erotic, hungry noises. Nick liked this. Nick wanted to do this. Nick was enjoying this.

He had to come now. Now, while it was still good. Now, while Nick still liked it. Now, before Nick got sick of it and learned to resent his cock, hate this act.

He had never gotten it like this. Nick had natural talent. With practice, with experience, Nick would be every man's wet dream come true. Nick already was his wet dream. And he had dreamt of this, fantasized what that mouth could do. But he hadn't known, he hadn't, oh, yes, please, just like that, just like that, a little more - - oh, yes...

He had to come, had to come now. Had to end it. He closed his eyes and closed his brain and focused on Nick's mouth. Lips. Tongue. Suction. Wet. Hot. Incredible. Lick. Suck. Come.

He remembered, at the last second, and kicked Nick out of the way. Then his mind disconnected and his body heaved and colors exploded.

Best orgasm of his life. Best blowjob of his life. Best sex partner of his life.

It made a difference that Nick was a man. A big difference. A difference in every possible way. But there was one factor that superseded all others: Nick was Nick. And no other man, no matter how hot or experienced, could have made him come like that.

Nick was licking his semen off of his chest. Sucking it off of his nipple. Lapping, slurping. He'd come all over himself, shooting jism like Mt. Vesuvius, and now Nick was eating it off of him. Nick didn't seem offended or even disturbed at having been knocked aside like that.

He hadn't wanted to come in Nick's mouth and choke the best sex partner of his life. He didn't know if it was possible to overdose on semen, but he didn't want to drown Nick, nonetheless.

And now, Nick was cleaning up his mess. Squeezing his pec and kissing his mouth. Storm and plunder. Oh, Nick... Nick was hard. He ran his hand down Nick's body, reaching for it. Taking it in his fist, hard and hot and alive, while Nick groaned into his mouth. He pulled Nick closer.

"I want it. I've been wanting it. In my hand. In my mouth."

He was in touch with that emotion.

He pushed and rolled. He was in bed, naked, on top of Nick. Nick who was kissing him fast and wet. Nick who was hard.

He left Nick's mouth, hearing Nick gasp for air, and ducked down to taste Nick's neck. Beneath him, Nick shivered. In his hand again, Nick's cock twitched.

There was no set limit on how sexual someone could be. Good thing, too, because Nick would have been hauled in for breaking all of the laws. First of all, this body was way too...what was the word...perfect. Masculine. Muscular. Not just bulky but ripped, defined. Tattooed just enough to be a work of art. But Nick's body also was sexually ripe, ready for the act. Ready to take or be taken. Proud, full cock. Tight, round balls. Strong, hard thighs. And he couldn't see it right now, but Nick had one sexy round ass. He knew. He'd looked. He'd seen it. Naked.

Then, there was that mouth. Sex mouth. Lush and curved as a woman, but there was nothing feminine about it. And those dimples got him, every time.

Then, there was the attitude. The aura. Everything about Nick said that Nick was sexual, good at sex, interested in sex, built for it, wired for it. And here, in bed, given the opportunity, Nick was gorgeous and alive and intent on pleasure, giving it, receiving it, creating it. Nick had been created for sexual pleasure, and created it as a result.

Was creating it with him.

Here, now.

Nick's hips angled, rocked against him, urging that hard cock into his hand. Kissing down the inner curve of Nick's pecs, he ran his thumb over the head of Nick's cock.

"I want to get off against you," Nick said.

"You can," he promised, and ran his tongue over a nipple. Nick was panting, and when he licked up again, he tasted sweat. He was used to jacking himself, and touching Nick was different. He tried to adjust his grip, not knowing just how Nick liked it.

"Jeff."

He wanted to look at what he was doing, so he could get it right, but that would mean leaving this position, and he liked where he was, with Nick's neck at his mouth. He kissed down again, but got sidetracked by a nipple and then followed a path up to Nick's arm. He was licking into Nick's armpit when Nick came in his hand, groaning and arching. Lifting his head just in time, he got to watch the final spurts hit Nick's chest.

He remembered to let go.

They rolled over again. Apparently Nick liked being on top.

Nick's heavy body, hosting a fine tremble, spread over him. Daring to touch, he found Nick's skin silky and warm. Breath, hot and humid, passed his neck, and he felt his hair stand on end at the intimacy.

"I love you," Nick said against his shoulder. Nick's head turned, temple on his chest. He ran a hand over Nick's back. Muscle, satin. "There's so much I've wanted to tell you. So much I've wanted to share. I want to tell you how much I love you, what you mean to me. I want to tell you..."

"Sshhh." He let his fingers brush the short hairs above Nick's nape.

"I don't want to fall asleep. I might wake up and you'll be gone, or this is a dream. I know you don't love me, and I know - - but don't let me wake up without you. I do it every day and it's the worst feeling in the world. If-"

"You can rest. You can close your eyes and I'll still be here. You're so heavy I can't get up anyway." He closed his own eyes, because this was hard, it was so hard... "Sleep for a while."

Silence. Breathing. Waiting. False calm. Nick fell asleep. He waited. Nick was deep asleep. With great care, with great caution, he eased out from under Nick and left the bed.

After a quick detour to clean himself, he tugged on his discarded clothes. Barefoot, shirt in hand, he scooped up his room key. And left.

In the hallway, he leaned back against the door and closed his eyes. Heart pounding, he breathed deeply and hated himself.

Nick.

Love.

He was too old and too macho to cry.

He'd just turned away from Nick's love. Walked away from Nick. All of that love, all of that, just for him, and he'd walked away from it. From Nick.

It wasn't right. It wasn't for him. It couldn't work. It was better this way. One night, a few orgasms, that was it. Nick would get over it.

It would be too hard, any other way.

They couldn't come out. They couldn't be together and hide; the fear of discovery would damage their relationship. It would be easier not to be together at all.

Nick would get over it.

And he, he could live with the memory of what might have been. Live with the memory of Nick's love.

Nick's love. Nick was in love with him. Nick wanted to make love with him.

He couldn't walk away from this door. His feet wouldn't carry him away from Nick.

He was too old and too macho to cry.

Nick.

His friend, his partner, his equal. Friendly and nice and naively arrogant and a real idiot sometimes, like all guys. He'd known, when he'd heard that voice. He'd known, when he'd seen that smile.

It had never been the way it was with Justin or with Drew. He loved Justin and he loved Drew, but...

Nick.

Breathing carefully, he blinked back tears. He was not going to stand here and cry over his loss. He hadn't lost anything. Except Nick.

Nick.

Not a big loss. He'd be fine without Nick.

Oh, god.

He didn't need Nick, he didn't need Nick, he didn't need Nick. He didn't have Nick and, look at that, he was still breathing, his heart was beating, he hadn't lost any motor skills. He'd be fine. He was fine. No problem. Now he only had to walk away from the door, go down the hallway, hang out somewhere for a while, and resume life.

Life without Nick.

He'd never had Nick in the first place, so living without Nick should be no big deal. Except for this lapse of time when they'd been naked and... Naked and...

Nick looked good naked.

Nick felt good naked. He'd touched Nick. He'd - - no. Nick had kissed him. He hadn't kissed Nick. Every kiss had been initiated and owned by Nick. He'd never once closed that distance himself. He hadn't kissed Nick. And if he walked away right now, he would never have a chance to kiss Nick.

Never.

Never kiss Nick.

Not simply not be allowed to, or never let himself, or never - - but, given the chance, to walk away from that opportunity. What was he, stupid? No, not stupid. He understood a lot about this situation. He hadn't foreseen this exact scenario, but he'd known what it meant when that closeness between himself and Nick was warm with new smiles. When Nick started to watch him. And that one night when they'd been performing "I Do" and Nick's heart had been in that song, Nick's heart had been in those eyes...

Nick sang for him. He knew Nick sang for him.

Sometimes, he sang for Nick.

He was not going to cry.

Breathe. In, out. In, out. In. No crying.

He should be happy. He'd just gotten a blowjob. That automatically made it a good day.

Good day. Smile. Smile.

Okay. Now he'd go call Justin, maybe. Or see who was hanging out downstairs. Or - - why was he trying to open the door? He shouldn't open the door. He was supposed to be making his getaway. God damn it, Jeffrey Brandon Timmons, you close this door or-

Nick was awake.

Awake and sitting up in bed. Wearing jeans. Watching TV. Not looking at him.

Maybe he'd imagined everything. It had all been a dream. Except that he could smell their sex.

He stepped inside and closed the door. Dropped his shirt and shoes and key. Walked halfway to the bed. "What's on?"

The remote hit the table, skidded across, and fell off the other side onto the floor.

Nick was upset.

Fair enough.

He sat on the bed.

Nick shifted away from him.

He moved closer. Sat right beside Nick, against the headboard. Not touching. Almost.

"It's a good thing I'm in love with you."

"It is," he agreed.

"I know you don't love me and I know that it's just sex, but the one thing I said was please don't leave. And you left. If you're trying to tell me something, I get it. You don't have to come back and spell it out to my face."

"I'm not here to spell anything."

"Good. You can't make me stop loving you. I'll leave you alone if that's what you want, but I'm going to be in love with you."

"Okay."

"Okay?"

"Okay."

Jeff managed to keep himself from repeating "Okay." Now what? "You're in love with me."

"Yes."

"And you want me."

"Yes. If you're going to be a jerk about it-"

"I'm not being a jerk! I'm figuring it out."

"You must be slow. I think I explained it all already."

"I was too busy getting horny to listen."

"Oh. That's okay. I wasn't really listening, either."

"Thanks. For...for..." He could not thank Nick for blowing him. There was no way.

"It's okay," Nick said. Their eyes almost met. "Can I..."

God, did they have to go there? "What?"

"Do you have an excess of testosterone?"

"I have an excess of something."

"I'm serious."

"I don't know."

"Didn't your doctor ever-"

"Nick."

"Sorry."

"Sorry. I'm... I don't like to talk about it."

"Is it okay if I like to think about it?"

He wanted to smile. "Yeah, that's okay."

"Can I...look at it?"

Hello. "What, now?"

"Yeah." Nick was nervous, but smiling.

"I..."

Nick licked his lips. Not on purpose. Out of habit. But, damn, that made Jeff's decision.

He opened his jeans, pushed them down over his hips, gave up and got totally naked. He bent his knees a little and spread his thighs a little and pretended to watch TV. Kind of pathetic, since Nick had turned it off.

"Jeff."

"What?"

"How do you touch it?"

"With my hand."

"Is it the same way I do mine?"

"How do you do yours?" It was meant to sound flippant, but deep down he really wanted to know, and too late he realized that he'd given himself away.

"I'll show you if you show me."

What was he supposed to say to that? "Okay."

Nick got naked, and they slid down, rolling to face each other, easing closer. "You first," Nick said.

He took Nick's hand and fitted it around his cock. Closing his eyes, he adjusted the grip. There. And then like this, pressure here, tugging here, friction right there. Oh, yeah. That was it, that was the way, that was right, ooohhh...mmm... He opened his eyes. Nick was staring down at their hands. "Like that."

Hunger lit Nick's eyes.

He shook Nick's hand free. "Your turn."

"You didn't come yet."

"You want to be here all day?"

Nick smiled. "Yes."

He was tempted to roll his eyes. "Show me how you do it."

"Here." His hand was placed against Nick's cock. "I think you like it harder than I do. Don't hurt me."

"Sorry."

"Slower, oh, god, Jeff. Right, please, oh, Jeff."

"You like this?"

"I've been, oh god, dreaming of you touching me for, oh Jeff, a long, oh, time." Nick gasped.

"How long?"

"Months. I-"

He let go. "Months." Nick had said that it been months, before, too. "Nick, you and Jessica just broke up weeks ago. And you've wanted me for months."

"Yes. That's part of, that's why... I knew it wasn't right." Nick was cradling his hard-on in one hand.

"You were in a long-term, committed relationship. And now here you are with me."

"Jeff-"

"You're supposed to be in love with her."

"I thought that I was."

"What is it? She doesn't put out and you figured my big dick and I would?"

"Jeff-"

"Fuck you."

"Don't you ever say that to me! And don't you ever dismiss my love like that. You don't have to love me back but don't you dare treat my love like a sexual whim. I love you and I know you don't love me but-"

"Nick-"

"If I only wanted an easy lay I wouldn't be here, jeopardizing our friendship and our career all for you. Especially since you keep being a jerk about it."

"I'm a jerk?"

"You keep getting up and leaving. I had to go through hell to suck your dick."

"Go through hell?"

"You have no idea how much I've been wanting to do that. Every second I couldn't was torture."

"You like doing that?"

"I've only ever done it to you. I like doing that to you."

If Nick kept looking at him like that, he was going to come. "You like sucking my cock."

"Yes. Can I do it again?"

"I thought."

"What?"

"I thought you might want to do something else."

"What?"

He made himself hold still, made himself look Nick in the eyes, made himself say it as calmly as he could. "I have lube. Do we need condoms?"

He could see Nick's brain stall.

"You can make love to me if you want to."

Nick made a slow "Hhhh" sound.

"I don't have condoms. And you have no sex life. Do we need them? For safety or the grossness factor? Are you capable of speech?"

Nick tried to shake his head.

"Don't hurt yourself."

Nick hit him.

"Don't hurt me, either!" He hit Nick back. "Want to screw me?"

"Let me make love to you. Please, Jeff. Let me make-"

"We're past that stage. I'll find the lube. Wait." He paused. Considered. Angled his head. Leaned in, closed his eyes, and kissed Nick.

matthew@matthewtime.com
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