"The Second Time"

The Second Time

Rating: NC-17

Pairings: JC/Justin, Drew/Nick/Brian, Nick/Jeff, Howie/Chris, AJ/Kevin, Lance/Joey

Disclaimer: The young men who comprise the Backstreet Boys, *NSYNC, and 98 Degrees are their own people. The author has not met anyone here described, nor does the author mean to suggest that these people act this way in real life. This writing is a work of fiction. I make no money from this venture.

I completely understand that, yes, on the "Slices" page, this story comes right after "Plan Fast." Ignore that. These two stories exist in entirely different worlds. They have nothing to do with each other. They're both possibilities set in the "Living" universe, but they're in no way related.

January 11^th, two days after AJ’s birthday

“Yeah, me, too,” Lance said. He hesitated.

Drew waited, his gaze automatically drifting over to where Nick was sitting on the sofa, making Brian laugh. His attention wandered away from Lance’s phone call and began to concentrate more closely on the way Nick’s hand lingered on Brian’s thigh.

“I just wondered what you were planning to do for Nick’s birthday,” Lance said. “It’s the same day as Joey’s, and if I throw a party for Joey and you throw a party for Nick, we’ll probably end up inviting some of the same people.”

Drew hadn’t thought of that. “Brian and I had a few ideas, but we haven’t decided on anything.” After what had happened two days ago, those ideas seemed terribly…tame.

“Justin’s birthday is three days after that, so I’m sure that JC’s going to do something big,” Lance said.

Drew hesitated. “He’s not going to try to out-do Kevin, is he?”

“Yes,” Lance said.

Damn. “Brian and I had better think of something good.”

“Good luck.”

Justin smiled, stretching and rolling over.

“What is it, baby?” JC asked, opening his eyes and yawning.

“I can’t get over AJ’s party. All of those rumors sounded crazy, but when we got there… I never would have expected that Kevin would throw a party like that.”

“He loves his baby,” JC said, stroking Justin’s chest. “He wanted to celebrate AJ’s birthday with as much excitement as he could.”

Shifting languidly under JC’s caress, Justin closed his eyes. “Mmm… The fireworks were pretty cool.” His breath caught softly as JC stroked his nipple.

Unable to resist the call of Justin’s easily aroused body, JC slid closer, gently kissing Justin’s other nipple, teasing it with his tongue. “You looked beautiful with the fireworks exploding above you. The flashes of color and light lit up your face.”

Justin laughed breathlessly, thighs spreading instinctively as JC licked and sucked over his collarbone. “It wasn’t about me, JC, it was about AJ.”

“What do you want for your birthday, baby?” JC asked, kissing his beautiful neck as Justin’s head tipped back for him. “What else can I give you?”

“What I’ll want,” Justin made an aching, needing noise, arching for JC, “then,” he moaned, undulating, as JC’s hands slid down his ribcage to his hips, lifting him against JC’s body, “is what I want,” he panted, moaning, as JC’s hot, taut body rocked against him, “now.” Restlessly, he turned his head to one side, then the other, as his legs rose, wrapping around JC’s waist. “Oh… Uh, JC…”

“Tell me, Justin,” JC whispered, kissing his ear, gently sucking on his earlobe. “Tell me what you want.”

“JC, JC,” Justin panted, arching and rocking, dropping his head back and moaning as the friction and rhythm of JC’s thrusts burned into him. “You, you, I want, oh, you…”

When Nick and Jeff came over, Drew decided to use them as a sounding board. He wanted to speak with them in private, somewhere that Nick was less likely to be, so he took them into the laundry room.

“Nice drawers,” Jeff said, lifting a-

“Shut up,” Drew snapped, snatching the underwear from Jeff’s hand and stuffing it back into the basket.

“Why are we in here?” Nick asked, leaning back on the washer.

“What’d you think of AJ’s birthday party?” Drew asked.

“Where can I begin?” Jeff asked, pulling himself up to sit on the dryer.

“I liked the strippers,” Nick said. “Hiring both men and women was a nice touch.”

“The food was terrific,” Jeff said. “The jungle cats were a little… Lions and tigers and panthers, oh my.”

“I didn’t expect them to come out of the cages,” Nick said.

“I think that big white tiger liked me,” Jeff told Nick.

“I think he wanted to go home with you,” Nick said.

“I don’t know why I didn’t expect to see big fountains like that on a boat,” Jeff said.

“The ship was great,” Nick said. “For a minute I wondered if the cats would get seasick.”

“I thought the fireworks might scare them,” Jeff said.

“The white doves were kind of romantic,” Nick said. “If you’re into romance.”

“The bands were terrific,” Jeff said. “Great music. I never would have thought of putting a different genre on each deck. It was really hard to leave each one, but then the next deck up would be even better.”

“I still can’t believe I lost so much money at the blackjack table,” Nick said.

“I told you not to play,” Jeff said. “You know that you always get pissed when you lose.”

“The comedy club was hilarious,” Nick said. “Why did they let Chris onstage?”

“He was funny,” Jeff said. “The ballet was kind of…hell, it was ballet, but those jugglers were great.”

“I didn’t think that I’d like the puppet show, but it was good,” Nick said.

“I liked the marionettes,” Jeff said. “And the tap dancers.”

“The magic show was great,” Nick said. “Anyone who can make Carter disappear gets my applause.”

“What were those people called, the ones dancing in mid-air on those big ribbons?”

“I’m doomed,” Drew said. “Nick’s birthday is in less than three weeks. How can I compete with what Kevin did for AJ?”

“Uh…” Jeff shrugged. “You could get elephants and live volcanoes.”

“You’re screwed,” Nick said.

“Doesn’t Brian have ideas?” Jeff asked.

“I didn’t get a chance to talk to him about it,” Drew said. “He has some things to take care of for Kevin while he and AJ are on vacation.”

“You could take Nick on a trip somewhere,” Nick suggested.

“Nick’s been traveling and living out of a suitcase since he was twelve,” Drew said. “He likes to stay at home when he can.”

“You could get him another boat,” Nick said.

“He already has the fastest one there is,” Drew said. “I checked.”

“What’s going on in here?” Nick asked, walking into the room and standing beside Drew. “It takes three of you to do laundry?”

“How’d you like AJ’s party?” Jeff asked.

“Damn,” Nick said, grinning. “AJ had the time of his life. The laser tag was awesome, I totally kicked Drew’s ass.”

“You didn’t kick my ass,” Drew said.

“Did you see Brian’s toast?” Nick asked. “He made Kevin cry.”

“What do you want for your birthday?” Jeff asked casually.

“Me?” Nick asked. He grinned, wrapping an arm around Drew’s shoulders and kissing Drew’s cheek. “What are you going to get me, angel, a whole bunch of panthers like Kevin got AJ?”

“You want exotic animals?” Nick asked.

“Not really,” Nick said. “A herd of zebras would be cool. They make that really weird noise.”

“Where am I supposed to get zebras?” Drew asked Jeff. Jeff shrugged, grinning.

“I don’t really want anything for my birthday,” Nick said. “I didn’t really think about it. I could use some new sunglasses. And it’d be great if Drew stopped harassing me about changing the roll of toilet paper. And I need somebody to give me the trick to getting through the third level of Inniana so Timberlake will stop gloating about how he’s the Playstation master.”

“That’s it?” Nick asked, surprised.

“That’s it,” Nick said.

January 16th

When Joey walked into Lance’s office, Lance smiled. “I thought you were going to lunch with Chris.”

“I’d rather take you to lunch,” Joey said. “Besides, Chris wanted to stay home and polish his new comedy routine.”

“His new comedy routine?” Lance asked, raising his eyebrows.

“He’s decided that since he was such a big hit at AJ’s party, he has a future in comedy.”

“Chris has a future in a lot of things,” Lance said, closing out a few of his computer programs, including a few web searches he’d begun in hopes of making plans for Joey’s birthday. “Where are we going for lunch?”

“Where do you want to go?” Joey asked. His voice sounded fine, but as Lance rose, Joey’s gaze went dark with lust. Joey had a tendency toward arousal whenever he was in Lance’s office, probably because the second time they’d ever had sex had been on Lance’s desk. The office-sex association had only been cemented in Joey’s head by the fact that they’d had sex there several times since. Stepping around to the front of his desk, Lance was aware of Joey’s gaze roaming his body, and as he leaned back casually against his desk, he pretended not to notice that Joey immediately stepped closer.

“We could go to Torio’s,” Lance suggested.

“I don’t want to go to Torio’s,” Joey said, nudging Lance’s thighs apart with one knee, ducking his head to kiss the side of Lance’s neck.

“You love Torio’s,” Lance said. Cupping Joey’s chin in one hand, he corrected Joey’s course, bringing Joey’s kiss to his mouth.

With a low moan, Joey slid his hands over Lance’s hips, back to Lance’s ass. “I love fucking you,” Joey murmured, starting to push him back.

Lance’s body responded quickly, instinctively, but his brain overruled. “Joey,” he said, resisting, pushing gently at Joey’s chest.

“Love fucking you,” Joey repeated, almost to himself, reclaiming Lance’s mouth, lifting Lance off of his feet to sit him on the desk.

“I appreciate it,” Lance said, with a low chuckle of enjoyment for Joey’s enthusiasm. “But maybe we should do this later.”

“Later?” Joey asked, kissing him seductively, attempting to ease him onto his back.

“Later,” Lance said kindly but firmly, twisting free and slipping out from between Joey and his desk, moving out of reach. “Let’s go to Canfield’s. You can drive.”

Sighing, adjusting himself, Joey turned. “Okay.”

During the drive to the restaurant, Joey was quiet. Lance wasn’t sure why. He was fairly certain that it didn’t relate to Lance’s polite refusal to screw, since Joey was used to being turned down once in a while - - if Lance gave in every time Joey wanted sex, they’d never get anything else done.

Still, Joey’s mood didn’t brighten, and by the time their food came, Lance was concerned. He wondered what was on Joey’s mind. Had something happened? He ran over Joey’s day in his head. Before coming to see him, Joey had visited Chris. Maybe-

“You’re dissecting me,” Joey said. “You have that look in your eyes, like I’m a problem you’re trying to solve.”

“Sorry,” Lance said.

“Don’t be,” Joey said, flashing him a flirtatious grin. “It’s sexy.”

While Joey gave him the infamous Fatone “I want to fuck you” smile, Lance smiled back. “How’s Chris?”

“We never should have let him hook up with Howie,” Joey said. “Howie thinks that Chris is the funniest guy on Earth, and that just encourages him.”

The problem wasn’t Chris. What were other options? “What else did you do today?”

“Not much.” A frown crossed Joey’s face as he set his fork down and sat back. “I didn’t do anything wrong but I want to apologize to you anyway.”

Lance took a sip of water to give himself time to let his brain race ahead over what Joey might be referring to. “Apologize for what?”

Glancing around, Joey seemed to be having second thoughts. “We can talk about it at home.”

“Joey, you brought it up. Let’s talk about it now.”

“It’s nothing,” Joey said. “I told you, I didn’t do anything wrong. It’s all in my head, I just want to straighten it out.”

“Then straighten it out,” Lance said. He didn’t like not knowing what Joey was talking about.

“Don’t go into a tailspin,” Joey said. “I told you-”

“You wouldn’t apologize to me if you hadn’t done something to apologize for.” Lance’s thoughts whirled in a dozen different directions as he imagined what Joey might have done. He trusted Joey, he knew that he could trust Joey, but if-

“I love you.”

Taken aback, Lance stared at Joey. “What?”

“I love you,” Joey said. “Back in your office, you said that I love Torio’s, and I said that I love fucking you.” Now it was Lance’s turn to glance around the restaurant, but Joey kept talking. “I love you. I don’t want there to be a question in your head about whether I love you or just fucking you, because I love you, and loving to fuck you is just part of that.”

“Joey, I know that you’re in love with me.” Lance was somewhat baffled. “You wanted to apologize to me for that?”

“You’re very…special to me,” Joey said, suddenly embarrassed, coloring slightly. “I want you to know how important you are. To me.”

This was suspicious behavior. Lance and Joey did say, sometimes, that they loved each other, but not during lunch for no particular reason. “What happened?”

“What happened to what?” Joey asked, like he didn’t know what Lance meant, although Lance was sure that he did.

“Why did you just tell me that you love me?” Lance asked.

“Because I love you,” Joey said.

Lance narrowed his eyes. “Joey.”

Joey sighed. “Kevin threw that huge party for AJ, and-”

Damn it, if this was about-

“This isn’t about AJ,” Joey said, correctly interpreting Lance’s expression. “I just… I know that you want someone to love you the way JC loves Justin, and now Kevin loves AJ that way, and I don’t want you to think that you don’t have that. You do have that.”

Lance wished that Joey didn’t have to pay for AJ’s mistakes. Or for Lance’s own mistakes. “I know how much you love me. You don’t have to hire an orchestra and release white doves to prove it. You’ve always loved me. I’ve always loved you.”

“It didn’t… Did it bother you?” Joey asked. “Seeing Kevin do all of that for AJ?”

“No,” Lance said. “It made me happy for AJ. He deserves it.” What Lance had built with Joey was so indispensable to his life, he no longer harbored bitter resentments about what might have been with AJ. He and AJ had both fucked up in various ways, but in the end, everything had turned out in everyone’s favor. And AJ’s love for Kevin was so strong and so tough and so grounding that Lance had to be happy for him.

“It was one hell of a party,” Joey admitted. “What was the name of that girl with the thong and the whipped cream?”

“Cindy,” Lance said. “I’ve never seen JC blush that red.” The moment seemed as good a time as any to ask, “What do you want for your birthday?”

“Damn, that’s coming up,” Joey said, remembering. “I don’t know… You and I could go somewhere. We could fly out to Vegas.”

“That’s it?” Lance asked. He wasn’t surprised, but, “You don’t want anything else?”

“Like a cruise ship with an entire deck full of live productions of Broadway musicals?” Joey asked.

Lance grinned. “They would have let you join in if you’d asked.”

“I never would have left the stage,” Joey said. “No, I don’t want anything like that.” He stretched his legs out under the table, smiling at Lance. “I just want you, me, and a good time.”

January 17th

“JC what?” Nick asked, sure that he’d heard that wrong.

“JC said that he needed a few hours to himself, to take care of something,” Justin said. “I have time to kill, so-”

“So you came here?” Nick asked. “I know you’re not here to see me.”

“No, I’m here to see Brian,” Justin said.

Nick studied Justin, trying to figure it out. “JC needed time to himself? By himself? Without you around?”

“I think he’s making plans for my birthday.”

“Oh! Oh, oh, okay,” Nick said, relieved. “I thought he’d lost his mind or something.”

“JC and I spend a lot of time apart,” Justin argued. “We make sure that we get some time apart every day. You know how many new hobbies he’s picked up lately. Oh, that reminds me, here,” he said, handing Nick a lump.

Nick stared at it, turning it over in his hands. “Timberlake, what the fuck is this?”

“It’s an ashtray,” Justin said, grinning. “From pottery class. We have way too many at home.”

“Damn.” Nick set it on the nearest table, keeping a wary eye on it. “Thanks.”

“You’re welcome.”

“I can’t believe JC’s still taking that class. I know it’s part of your new ‘healthy lifestyle’ for you to do new things without each other, but no one thought you’d actually stick to it,” Nick said. “Usually, ‘time apart’ means ‘time JC’s not literally up your ass.’”

Justin smiled. “We made love before I came over here.”

Nick stepped back. “Did you take a shower after that?”

“He said that he wanted to be inspired to plan my birthday just the right way.”

“You’re such a freak,” Nick said. “You want to see Brian?”

“Yeah, I-”

“Brian!” Nick yelled.

“Stop yelling!” Drew shouted.

“Den,” Nick said, and started in that direction. “Justin’s here!” he called.

“Which one?” Brian called back.

“Timberlake,” Nick said, entering the den.

“Timberlake Chasez,” Justin corrected, following him into the room.

“Hey, Justin,” Brian said with a warm smile, climbing off of Drew’s lap to stand. “Kevin asked me to thank you and JC again for coming to AJ’s party.”

“We had a great time,” Justin said. “I didn’t know Kevin knew how to party like that.”

“I didn’t think anyone did party like that,” Drew said, as Nick sat beside him.

“JC made a beautiful toast,” Brian said. “Your relationship has inspired so many of us…”

“You and Nick and Drew have inspired us,” Justin said, while Nick made random gagging noises.

“What’s JC planning for your birthday?” Drew asked.

“That’s why he’s here,” Nick said.

“JC’s making plans right now, so he asked me to give him a few hours to himself,” Justin said.

“JC asked Justin to leave him alone,” Nick said. “Don’t step outside without a strategy to avoid the flying pigs.”

“You don’t know what his plans are?” Drew asked.

“That’s kind of weird,” Nick said. “I thought you always knew everything that JC did.”

“It wouldn’t be a surprise if I knew about it,” Justin said. “I don’t know what he’s doing, and if he wants to keep it from me now to make it better for me later, I respect his privacy.”

Nick grinned. “You’re dying to know.”

“I’m not used to not knowing,” Justin admitted. “But whatever he’s planning, I’ll be happy with it.” Nick rolled his eyes; Justin asked, “What about your birthday?”

“I don’t know,” Nick said. “I think Drew’s getting me sunglasses. As long as I get laid, I’ll be happy.”

“You always get laid,” Justin said. “You’re not going to get just sunglasses for your birthday, anyway.”

“I asked for a zebra, but I didn’t mean it,” Nick said.

“A zebra?” Brian asked.

“Do you want a cheetah, too?” Drew asked. “A rhinoceros?”

“What the hell would I do with a rhinoceros?” Nick asked.

“I like cheetahs,” Brian said. “And everyone can use a rhinoceros around the house from time to time.”

“Everyone?” Nick asked.

“Oh, hey,” Brian said to Justin, eyes lighting up. “I wanted to show you my new golf clubs.”

“You got them?” Justin asked, interested.

“Yeah, they’re in my office,” Brian said. “I can’t wait to try them out.”

“You haven’t used them yet?” Justin asked, following Brian from the room.

On the sofa, Nick watched Drew.

Drew ignored Nick and looked elsewhere in the room.

“You get weird every time we talk about AJ’s party,” Nick said.

“I’m not weird.”

“You get weird every time we talk about AJ’s party,” Nick said again. “I can’t figure out why, so you’re going to have to tell me.”

Drew sighed. “It’s stupid, and you’re going to tell me to get over it.”

“Okay, so get over it,” Nick said. “What is it?”

Drew shifted, turning his back to the armrest and bringing his legs up, facing Nick. “I’m too competitive to view AJ’s party as anything but a challenge, but Kevin raised the bar too high and I don’t know what to do.”

“Challenge?” Nick asked. “A challenge for - - oh, hell, you think you have to do something for my birthday that’s better than what Kevin did for AJ’s birthday?”

“I didn’t-”

“Drew, the only thing that Kevin didn’t give AJ for his birthday is a rollercoaster,” Nick said. “I don’t want a rollercoaster. You have to do better than Kevin for my birthday? And now you’re afraid that JC’s going to do something even better than that for Justin’s birthday? What happens next month when it’s time for Brian’s birthday?”

“I know it’s stupid,” Drew said. “It’s irrational.”

“I know you’re in love with me,” Nick said. “I know you care about me and you think about me. It’s not like I’m so insecure I need a big party to remind me that you care. If I got that insecure, a big party wouldn’t fix it, anyway. And I know everyone thinks I’m spoiled, but I’m not so damned about myself that I need a bigger and better party than AJ got to prove something.”

“You deserve more than sunglasses,” Drew said.

“Drew, every time I kiss you, I can feel your soul opening up to me. I already have a lot more than sunglasses.”

Smiling, blushing, embarrassed, and irritated, Drew looked away again, crossing his arms over his chest as if that could ever protect him from Nick.

“If you want to do something fun for my birthday, we can have a lot of fun,” Nick said. “We can go out clubbing.”

“You don’t let me go clubbing,” Drew reminded him.

“We can go to dinner.”

“Dinner?” Drew repeated skeptically.

“We can get tattoos.”

“You don’t need any more tattoos.”

Nick made a frustrated noise. “We can pour milkshakes over each other’s heads. What the hell, Drew, what do you want?”

“I want to know what you want!” Drew said. “I don’t know what to do! I should know you better than this, but I don’t know what you want!”

“You know what I want,” Nick said, refusing to get loud. “I want the same things I always want.”

Drew looked at him with sudden understanding.

“There you go.” Nick kissed him. “Good angel.”

“I was making this so much harder than it had to be,” Drew said, staring at him. “I feel so stupid.”

“It’s okay. You just put too much pressure on yourself.” Nick kissed Drew’s jaw, nuzzling behind Drew’s ear a little. “Kevin did one hell of a job, but that was all for AJ. I’m not AJ. You’re not Kevin.” He kissed Drew’s mouth again and sat back. “I wonder what JC’s doing for Justin.”

When Justin got home, JC wasn’t there. He called Chris, cleaned up the bedroom and bathroom from his earlier sexual adventures, and made dinner.

He was lying on the sofa watching a movie when JC came home. “Did you get everything done that you wanted to do?”

“Yes, I did. I went to see Lance and Joey, too. Joey can’t wait to get to Vegas for his birthday, and Lance said to stop giving them our amateur artwork or they’ll start auctioning it off.” JC climbed onto Justin, kissing his cheek. “I’m so happy to come home to you. I’m sorry I got back so late.”

“It’s okay. I already ate. Do you-”

“I’ll get some in a minute. It smells delicious.” JC kissed down to his neck, sucking gently, and whispered, “You smell delicious, Justin.”

“Mmm…” JC…

“Did you have a good day?” JC asked, sliding behind him, between him and the sofa back. “What’d you do?”

“I went to see Brian.” Justin melted back against JC, resting his head on the arm that JC slipped under it.

“How is he?” JC asked, right up close behind him, feeling so right. “I didn’t get a chance to talk to Nick today.”

“They’re fine,” Justin said. “Brian said that you made a beautiful toast. You did, JC, you said things that made my heart feel so…”

“What was it?” JC whispered, his arm wrapping around Justin’s chest. “What did I make you feel, Justin?”

Justin closed his eyes, trying to recall the twist of emotions. His heart, he’d felt it in his heart. He needed - - Justin pulled his shirt up, guiding JC’s hand-

JC’s hand slid right for his heart, stopping there, right over the beat of it.

There, right there, that was it. Justin breathed shallowly, recalling JC’s words. “I felt vulnerable,” he said. “And invincible. I felt like I could soar and float and fly, JC. I felt like I’m the most beautiful, special, vital person who’s ever lived. And I felt like I’m just a guy in love with somebody, just like everyone else who’s ever fallen in love.” His eyes opened; his voice softened. “I’m so lucky to have you, JC.”

JC’s hand stayed right there, covering his heart. “I love you, Justin.”

January 18th

Brian handed Drew a glass of orange juice. “You’re sure that you don’t want my help?”

“I just want you to have the twenty-eighth open,” Drew said.

“I already kept it open, but-”

“I’ll take care of everything else,” Drew said.

“There’s nothing I can do?” Brian asked.

“Just be here,” Drew said.

“Okay.” Brian was curious. “Let me know if I can help.”

January 23rd

Vegas. That was it? Just…Vegas?

Lance knew that Joey loved Las Vegas, but they could go there at any time. It didn’t seem special enough for Joey’s birthday.

They weren’t technically living together, but they had a full set of keys and complete access to each other’s houses. When he came home in the afternoon, he found Joey in his closet, packing his suitcase.

“Let me guess,” Lance said, leaning against the doorjamb. “You’re stealing my clothes.”

“I’m packing for you,” Joey said.

He seemed, specifically, to be packing everything Lance owned that Lance had used to wear during his previous phase of going out every night to pick up as many guys as possible. Everything that Joey had put in Lance’s suitcase so far was tight, suggestive, and designed to attract sexual attention. Interesting. “Thanks for the help, but we’re not leaving for three days.” Those pants? His ass didn’t even fit into those pants.

“I can’t wait to get there,” Joey said.

“Really?” He could see that for himself, but he wondered exactly what had Joey this enthusiastic. God, not that shirt, that shirt practically had “I’m gay and easy!” stitched right across it. Did Joey prefer him as a complete whore? He didn’t think so, but considering Joey’s track record…

“I love Vegas,” Joey said.

“I know,” Lance said, stepping further into the closet. “Why is that, exactly?” He wanted to see what he could learn from Joey’s answer.

“It’s fun,” Joey said. “There’s fun everywhere. It’s busy and noisy and bright and colorful. There are a million people everywhere you look, and they all showed up to have a good time. It’s flashy and showy and sexy, there’s sex everywhere. Everyone’s either there to entertain, or to be entertained. People come from all over the country, all over the world, to sin and celebrate. It’s like an island, all by itself, where you can do whatever you want and go home happy.”

Intrigued, Lance smiled as Joey dropped his “come fuck me” jeans into his suitcase. “You really can’t wait to get there.”

“I can’t wait to get there with you,” Joey said, pulling him closer.

Lance moved easily into Joey’s embrace, kissing Joey back with familiar desire. “Why?” he asked between kisses, his voice low and breathless as Joey pushed him back against shelving. “We’ve gone there together before.”

“Not like this,” Joey said, unbuttoning his shirt. “Not as more than friends.”

Lance kissed Joey, running his fingers over Joey’s cheek. “What’s it going to be like this time?” There was eagerness, anticipation in Joey; he’d been thinking about their trip, planning, fantasizing. To Joey, this was a lot more significant than one more trip to Vegas. Lance wanted to understand so that he could appreciate it, too, the way Joey did.

“I love doing things with you,” Joey said. “I love doing everything with you. I want to go from table to table and play every damned game in the casino with you. I want to go up to the room and fuck every time we win. I want to go to all of the shows with you and watch you laugh and watch you smile and watch you get hard. I want to party with you in the clubs and eat with you in the restaurants. I want to spend a whole day in our room ordering room service and making love to you in the hot tub. You’re not just my friend and you’re not just my boyfriend and you’re not someone I picked up in the casino for a good time. You’re Lance. I want to share my birthday with you in the most exciting place on Earth having fun. Because everything I do, is even better when I do it with you.”

Staring at Joey, Lance felt a sense of wonder and absolute comprehension. He’d understood every word out of Joey’s mouth, had felt every word out of Joey’s mouth, could have said every word out of Joey’s mouth. Joey had just said exactly what he would’ve said if he’d put one damned second of thought into their trip to Vegas instead of second-guessing the decision. Every single word that Joey had just spoken, had built a fantasy in Lance’s heart that he completely identified with.

“You haven’t seemed that excited about it,” Joey said. “If you-”

“No,” Lance said immediately, with conviction. “I can’t wait to go. I want to share Vegas with you, too.” He kissed Joey, loving Joey, loving that Joey wanted to spend time with him and share life with him even though he acted like an absolute ass sometimes. “Do you want to leave tonight?”

“I thought you had things to do,” Joey said.

“They can wait.” Lance’s heart was eager to get to Vegas. “They can wait,” he repeated, kissing Joey again, dragging Joey as close as he could. Something occurred to him and he paused, glancing behind Joey at his suitcase. “Why are you packing all of my ‘ass for sale’ clothes?”

“Because I didn’t get to fuck you when you dressed like this,” Joey said.

“I was in the most self-destructive phase of my life,” Lance said. “I wanted you and everyone else to be as miserable as I was. That’s not sexy, Joey, that’s sick.”

“You’re happier now,” Joey said, like he didn’t want to hear Lance say those things. “You’re not that person anymore. You’re not angry anymore.”

What did Joey want from him? Did Joey want him to be that person again, so that Joey could go back and rescue him? Did Joey unconsciously want to fuck that Lance as punishment for what he’d put Joey through?

“I’ve always loved you,” Joey said. “Every way you’ve ever been. Back when we first met, and after you grew up, and before AJ, and during AJ, and after AJ, and now. Whether you’re angry or sad or happy or anything, I’ve always loved you. I wasn’t always happy about the choices you made, and sometimes you made it hard to like you.”

“I treated you like shit,” Lance said.

“I’ve always loved you,” Joey repeated, firmly. He frowned like he had to find the right words, meditatively rubbing Lance’s ass. Joey’s hands tended to wander to Lance’s ass no matter where his mind was. “The person you were then, that’s the guy my body first responded to. He’s the one I wanted so much I couldn’t stop myself. Your ass in those jeans, that’s the ass I couldn’t look away from. Your body in those clothes was the body I got hard for. You’re not him anymore, and I don’t want you to be that hurt ever again, but…”

“You miss those clothes,” Lance guessed, amused.

“I used to undress you,” Joey said, his voice softer now. Inhaling slowly, he lowered his head until his temple touched Lance’s.

“I remember,” Lance said, gently stroking Joey’s beard. He couldn’t believe he’d done that to Joey.

“All day long you were someone else,” Joey said. “You were so hurt and so angry and so bitter, you hated all of us and when you let it show…”

Lance closed his eyes.

“We’d go out and you’d get so wasted. You’d drink anything and fuck anyone and you didn’t care what it did to you. We’d come back to the hotel and you’d be so exhausted. It wasn’t the alcohol or the sex, it was the hatred, it got to you, it wore you out. You’d crawl into bed and I’d…take your clothes off. Your boots first, and then…”

Joey sounded like he was confessing to some sin, to something dirty he’d done. Lance didn’t know how to explain how much he’d needed Joey’s attention and affection. Joey’s careful hands removing his clothes had been the loving touch that had held him together. Without that…

“You were so beautiful,” Joey whispered with emotion that made Lance’s heart ache for him. When Joey’s arms tightened around him, Lance tightened his embrace, too. “I loved you so much and I would have done anything to help you but I didn’t know what to do. And your…body… I wanted to touch you, Lance, I wanted to…have you.”

“You have me now,” Lance said, wanting to go back and do it right this time. “I’ll wear whatever you want me to wear, Joey. You can undress me again. And you can touch me however you want. I needed you then and I still need you now.”

“You were the sexiest thing I’d ever seen,” Joey said. His voice was stronger now; when his hands traveled downward again, Lance smiled. “I’ve never been so hot for someone I couldn’t have.” He lifted his head just enough to meet Lance’s eyes with a grin. “Probably because most of the time, I can have whoever I want.”

“You could have had me if you’d asked me for it,” Lance said, kissing him.

“Can I have you now?” Joey asked. When his hand slid down over the front of Lance’s jeans, cupping gently, squeezing, Lance moaned, dick stiffening at the attention. “Can I fuck you, Lance?” Joey whispered, kissing him teasingly, making him hard. “Tell me you want it.”

“I want it,” Lance panted, aching. He loved Joey, he needed Joey, oh, god, “I want it.”

January 28^th

The house was full of noise and people. Everywhere Nick turned, someone was smiling or talking or eating or dancing or laughing, always laughing. Brian and Drew were there, his amazing sexy angels he couldn’t stop loving, and they looked so happy. Nick and Jeff were there, as constant in his life as they were in Drew’s, now. Howie had come, the very first one to arrive, full of sweetness, and he’d brought Short ‘n’ Sour, who was trying out lame-ass jokes on everyone there. Kevin and AJ had come all the way from Greece, tanned and sexy and giving him hard, tight hugs. JC was there, very happy for no reason and laughing a lot; Justin was there, dodging Chris and asking AJ about Greece. Justin J. was there, because it wouldn’t have been a party without Justin J. And Aaron was there, a little more grown up and confident among all of them now, holding his own; Nick kept touching him to make sure he was real.

Music blared from three separate rooms, playing three songs at once. Two movies and a videogame flashed on different screens. Plates of food littered tables in various rooms. Someone had spilled a drink in the kitchen but no one would admit to doing it, and now everyone had sticky feet. Joey and Lance had called to say happy birthday from Vegas, and JC had asked them to come back in time for Justin’s birthday, and now everyone wanted to know what JC had planned, but only JC knew. And Nick, because JC told him everything.

Nick and Aaron made a private bet on which two people they’d discover in a major lip lock first. Nick had money on JC and Justin; Aaron went with Kevin and AJ. Then Brian found Chris and Howie making out, which ruined everything. Nick decided that Howie had probably just kissed Chris to make him shut up.

He couldn’t believe that Kevin and AJ had come back just for his birthday. They should have stayed on their vacation, and he told them so.

They told him that they wouldn’t have missed it for anything. They said that they were happy to be there. And the funny thing was, they looked like it, too.

It wasn’t an exciting party. It was just his closest friends and family, in his house, not doing anything fancy. But Nick felt so full of love inside that he felt like he was glowing outside. These were the people who’d meant most to him over the years, the people who’d stood by him, the people who’d helped him to become who he was today. These were the people he’d do anything for, the people he’d give anything to, the people he wanted to share life with forever.

It was the best birthday he’d ever had.

And they were all spending the night.

“You’re what?” he demanded, staring.

“We’re sleeping here,” Howie said. “Drew didn’t tell you that?”

“You should see your face,” Aaron said, laughing. “Drew asked all of us if we could sleep here overnight. We’re all having breakfast together in the morning. I think Kevin’s making it.”

“Kevin and AJ,” AJ corrected, winding an arm around Aaron’s neck.

“Are you - - Drew!” Nick shouted.

“Don’t yell!” Drew shouted back.

“Come here!” Nick shouted.

“If you want to talk to him, go over to where he is,” Kevin advised, passing by.

Nick grabbed the nearest person, JC’s husband. “Are you sleeping here tonight?”

“Yeah,” Justin said. “Can you put me near Nick and Jeff?”

“You - - why?” Nick asked.

“If they take anything off to get comfortable, I want to see what’s under there.”

“Pervert,” Nick said. Justin grinned and wandered off. “Drew!”

“Nick!” Drew was right behind him; Nick turned, startled. “What are you shouting about?” Drew asked, his voice impatient but his smile wide.

“Did you invite them to sleep over?” Nick asked.

“Yes.”

Nick looked around. “All of them?”

“We don’t have enough beds,” Drew said. “So I bought a lot of sleeping bags.”

“You’re putting these people in sleeping bags?” Nick asked. “You’re putting pampered little Justin Timberlake Chasez in a sleeping bag on my living room floor?”

“You’re going to be right there with him,” Drew said. “We all agreed that if not everyone gets a bed, no one does.”

“It’s my birthday,” Nick said.

“Happy birthday,” AJ said.

“This is the stupidest idea you’ve ever had,” Nick told Drew. “You’re putting,” he counted in his head, “thirteen millionaires in sleeping bags on a floor.”

“Would you rather send them home?” Drew asked.

Nick grinned. “No. I love it. I want them to stay all night. I want to wake up and still have them all here. I love your stupid idea and I love you and-” He kissed Drew, kissed Drew a lot, kissed Drew until everyone else lost interest and walked away.

When he raised his head, Drew’s eyes were glazed over and Brian was watching.

“My family’s spending the night,” Nick said.

“I heard,” Brian said, smiling. “It sounds like fun.” He slipped his hand into Nick’s back pocket, leaning in and whispering a kiss across Nick’s cheek. Nick loved him. “Can I put my sleeping bag next to yours?” Brian asked, all sweet and country, his eyes innocent and happy.

“Yes, you can,” Nick said, kissing Brian a little and nuzzling a little and smiling a lot.

“Oh.” Belatedly coming back to the present, Drew blinked, pulling away from him. “Were we arguing about something?”

“I was telling you that you’ve given me the best birthday present I’ve ever had,” Nick said.

“Thirteen millionaires in sleeping bags?” Drew asked.

“Family,” Nick said. “My family. All of my brothers and all of your brothers I got married into and my best friend in the world and even Justin and Chris. You gave me my family, Drew, and I haven’t really had a true family for a long time.” He was tearing up and he didn’t want to but then Drew was hugging him and Brian was hugging him and Brian was whispering poetry at him and that just made him cry more but in a good way.

His family.

And they’d all be there when he woke up in the morning. Some of them would be happy and well-groomed, and some of them would be sleepy and irritable, and he doubted that Chris’s jokes would be any funnier tomorrow. But Chris would still tell them, and Howie and JC would still laugh, and Kevin and AJ would make breakfast, and Justin would go into sex withdrawal since Nick was sure he couldn’t last that long without it, and the Degrees would promise to stay behind and clean up but really Jeff would let the rest of them do most of the work, and Aaron had already said that he’d stay for a whole extra day anyway, and Brian and Drew-

“Everyone’s spending all night,” Nick said suddenly. “All night, they’ll all be here in our house.”

“How was that not clear to you?” Drew asked.

Nick stared at Drew, betrayed. “It’s my birthday and I can’t have sex?!”

January 31^st

All day, Justin had felt it coming. He’d opened his eyes that morning with the knowledge that something was coming, something important. There was a certain electricity in the air, an anticipation.

JC had been making love to him all day. Every touch, every gesture, every look. Justin could feel it through his clothes, against his skin, right inside him. He could take that now, he was strong enough to absorb that and still function, still keep going. They’d grown, they’d changed, they’d learned how to love each other without hurting each other.

It was his birthday, but he wanted to give JC something, because any day that was about him was about JC, too. He asked JC if there was anything that he could do, anything that he could give, and JC told him what it was, and they went upstairs to bed and he made love to JC there, and it felt different, JC felt younger, newer, so open to him he could feel JC’s climax like it was his own.

Something was coming.

They spent all day alone, in the house, just the two of them. Then, that night, they went to dinner. JC had told him that they’d have dinner out, with their friends, and then they’d all come back to the house, and JC would give him his gift.

He didn’t know what the gift was. But there was something very private in JC’s eyes whenever the gift came up that made Justin’s skin prickle.

Plans for dinner had included only him and JC and Lance and Joey and Chris, at first. But JC had wanted to invite Nick to share the evening with them, and then it made sense to invite Howie, and then it made sense to invite Brian and Drew. At first JC had seemed concerned about having too many people there, but Justin had told him to go ahead and invite Kevin and AJ and Nick and Jeff and Justin Jeffre, too. They’d all been there for the ups and downs of the past few years; they’d all shared major roles in each other’s lives. It only made sense to have them all there. Unless JC wanted it to be private, exclusive to only a select few?

JC had looked at Justin with that intense, mysterious secret in his eyes, and said that he loved Justin and didn’t want to hide that from anyone. Electricity had crackled up Justin’s spine.

Something was coming.

Not tense but acutely aware, Justin dressed for dinner. He wanted to stop and make love, and when JC kissed his neck and told him how beautiful he was, he had to close his eyes against a sudden wave of dizziness.

Dinner didn’t take his mind off of JC and the sense of anticipation, but it was a lot of fun. Chris, tired of his jokes not being well-received, refused to say anything funny. Lance wouldn’t tell them anything about Vegas, but he wore a very smug smile and his old hooker clothes. Joey couldn’t take his eyes off of Lance, and all he’d say about Vegas was, “I won. A lot,” which seemed to mean more than it sounded like.

After dinner, they all went back to the house. JC went upstairs with Nick, and Justin’s scalp prickled. He found himself saying, “Something’s coming,” and Brian rubbed his hands and told him that it’d be okay.

All of a sudden he felt it, and everyone stopped talking. Brian released his hands with a smile and Joey turned him around and Nick came back into the room and JC was in the doorway.

JC had changed clothes.

Justin’s heart ran so fast he had to do his breathing exercises, the ones he’d learned to divert panic attacks so he could be healthy and love JC right and let JC love him right. But JC had changed clothes, and that outfit was all black, all black and very familiar and only JC could still fit into clothes from that long ago. Only JC would have kept that outfit. JC remembered, and Justin remembered.

Someone behind Justin whispered, “Oh my god.”

JC walked over to him, walked right over to him, and Justin really needed to sit down but he had to be strong for JC.

“I love you,” JC said, very very softly, just for him.

“I love you,” Justin whispered, and his voice shook a little.

“I love you,” JC said, louder now, for everybody to hear. Because JC loved him and didn’t want to hide that from anyone. “I’ve loved you for a long time, Justin, and I’ve loved you in a lot of ways. I’ve also made a lot of mistakes.”

No, they’d both-

“We’ve both made a lot of mistakes,” JC said. “We’ve both hurt each other, and sometimes that was on purpose, and sometimes that was the last thing that we wanted. But no matter what happened, no matter what we did to each other or how we made each other feel, we have always loved each other.”

“Always,” Justin said, immediately. Always, JC, always.

“I’m sorry, Justin, for anything I ever did that ever wasn’t good for you. I’ve learned so much about love, I’ve learned so much about myself, I’ve learned so much about you. You’re so much stronger and braver and beautiful than I ever realized, and I never should have doubted that about you.”

They’d both learned. Justin understood so much more now. He could love JC so much more now.

“We’ve been through a lot together,” JC said. “I wouldn’t trade what I’ve shared with you for anything, Justin. When we were good, we were the best there ever was. Even when we went in the wrong direction, we did it with a lot of flair and a lot of passion.”

Justin smiled, remembering. “We were always intense.”

“We were always in love,” JC said. “We’ve learned a new way to love each other, Justin, and I want to mark this moment in our relationship. I want to honor it the way it should be honored, with a new commitment.”

JC was right. JC was right and Justin’s skin tingled with electricity. It was coming, it was coming, and now he knew what it was, and his heart was racing. Racing forward to get closer to this new moment.

“The first time, you proposed to me,” JC said. “I wasn’t brave enough to do it myself.”

“I loved you,” Justin whispered. He’d loved JC. He’d needed JC. Their love for each other and the intensity burning between them had required them to unite in every way possible. Their marriage had been inevitable. It would have come sooner or later, but Justin hadn’t been willing to wait.

“I promise you,” JC said, “that I will do my best to be good to you. I will love you and take care of you and be with you forever. I will respect you and honor your independence and celebrate you for everything you are. You’ll never have to doubt my love or my intentions, my desire or my motives.”

“I know how much you love me,” Justin said. “I could never doubt you now, JC.”

Slowly, gracefully, gazing into his eyes, JC went down on one knee.

Justin felt JC’s gaze all the way down to his soul. JC’s name whispered and echoed all through his body.

“We’re already married, baby, and our marriage has been the most sacred thing in my life. Our marriage and our love for each other and our life together has meant more to me than anyone but you can understand. I don’t want to start a new marriage. I want to hold a wedding ceremony to pledge a new commitment to each other. A new covenant.”

“JC,” Justin whispered, needing to touch him, aching inside to be with him.

“But I want to say the words, baby.” JC’s hand reached up for him, and Justin reached right back, holding onto JC’s hand the way he’d spent so many years clinging to JC’s love. “Will you let me say the words?”

“Yes.” Justin used his other hand to wipe away his tears. “I’ve always wanted to hear them.”

Looking down into JC’s eyes, Justin saw that blue was the color of love. And then he heard the words. “Justin Randall Timberlake Chasez, will you marry me?”

A quick burn passed through his body as the moment hit, and then it was over and he was on his knees. “Yes,” he kissed JC, “yes, JC,” JC brushed away all of his tears, “yes,” they were going to get married again, they were going to make all of those promises again, everything was starting over and that was why JC had felt different and new and younger and open to him, they were both different and new and younger and open to each other, “JC, yes,” he couldn’t stop kissing JC and JC was telling him “I love you, Justin” and he knew that, he felt that.

He’d feel that forever.

matthew@matthewtime.com
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