"Talk"

Talk

Rating: NC-17?

Pairing: Nick/Brian/JC/Justin

Disclaimer: The young men who comprise the Backstreet Boys and *NSYNC are their own people. The author has not met anyone here described, nor does the author mean to suggest that these people act this way in real life. These writings are works of fiction. I make no money from this venture.

Pulling on a T-shirt, JC came into the kitchen. It was strangely empty, strangely quiet, with just Brian at the stove, none of Nick's conversation, none of Justin's laughter. "They're not up yet?"

"I don't hear anything," Brian said, flipping a pancake. "Either they're still asleep, or they managed to kill each other."

JC couldn't laugh at that, because Brian's tone was so defeated it edged on serious. He knew how hard the fighting and tension were on Brian. Nick and Brian had the most solid relationship, both as friends and lovers, that JC had ever seen. They'd been through one very rough patch before, and that was one of the reasons this four-person relationship had begun, so that Brian and Nick wouldn't have to lose each other. Now Nick was pushing Brian away, and JC knew that Brian was wondering whether any of this was worth it, if they wouldn't all be better off if they'd go back to Brian-and-Nick, JC-and-Justin, without any overlap.

That overlap was what made JC's life as full as it was. That overlap was one of the things that made him most excited to wake up in the morning. They wouldn't be able to go back to their original pairings, not anymore, not after having this experience. Staying together, all four of them, it was difficult, but it was more than worth it. As much as JC loved Justin, he didn't want to spend a week, a day, an hour without Brian's smile in his life, without Nick's touch.

"We'll talk about it today," he told Brian.

"Justin's right," Brian said. "Nick won't talk in front of him."

"He'll have to," JC said. He didn't like the tension in Brian's voice. "I'll finish this. You go wake them up."

Brian sighed, setting down the spatula, turning to JC. "Yesterday, Justin told me that he's going to miss me."

Ouch. JC should have realized Justin felt that their relationship was doomed. But the end wasn't inevitable. They still had every chance to fix things. "It's going to be okay." Brian gave JC everything he wanted; JC only wished that he could return the favor, and make everything right again, the way Brian wanted, the way Justin wanted, the way JC himself wanted. The way he knew Nick wanted, no matter what Nick said. "Go wake them up." He knew it wasn't fair, but he couldn't help adding, "Start with Nick."

Brian frowned at him.

He shouldn't have said anything.

"When Nick accused me of playing favorites yesterday..." Brian shook his head, frustrated. "My first instinct is to give Nick my time and attention. But my ties to Nick are so strong, I know that Justin feels left out. So I try to spend more time with Justin, and then Nick gets jealous. Even if I counted out every second of my day and split myself equally between them, one or both of them would still feel neglected. I shouldn't even have to do that, JC. I love them both, I want to spend time with both of them - - and if I could be with both of them at the same time, at least occasionally, it would be better for all of us. But Nick refuses to share, and Justin knows that, and god, JC,what am I supposed to do? Why isn't anyone this jealous over you?"

"I don't know," JC said. "Justin's secure with me. Nick knows how much I want him in my life."

"At what point, since I've met him, have I not been clear that I want Nick in my life?" Brian demanded.

JC didn't say anything. They all knew the answer to that question.

"Damn it," Brian said, turning away. "Damn it."

JC turned the stove off, since the pancake was burning.

"The rolls need five more minutes," Brian said, and walked away.

JC sighed, watching Brian go. If only he and Justin hadn't... If Brian hadn't... Things had gotten pretty bad there for a while, and they all could have destroyed everything, even their core friendships. But they'd taken a leap of faith, and they'd decided that if they all wanted to be with each other, then why not go for it?

The multiple answers to that question were becoming patently obvious.

Brian tapped at Nick's door. He heard a grunt from within, and opened the door, stepping into the room.

The thick curtains were pulled shut, but sunlight seeped into the room. Brian could see Nick and Justin, entwined under the covers, sharing a pillow.

He smiled, his heart lifting. They looked perfect together. He knew how much they loved each other, and it was obvious with simply a glance at their slumbering forms. Brian walked further into the room, coming around the bed to sit on the edge behind Nick, combing his fingers through Nick's hair. "Hey," he whispered. "Sleepy. Wake up."

Nick grunted, opening his eyes, turning his head to look up at Brian. "Hi," he said, relaxed, friendly. Then he frowned, and registered his surroundings. Brian watched it hit, watched him remember which room he was in, and why. Then Nick tensed, and distrust colored his gaze, and he turned away again. "What do you want?"

Brian slid down, spooning in behind Nick, wrapping an arm around Nick's waist, his chin on Nick's shoulder. "We're making breakfast. I think we burned a pancake, but everything else should be okay."

"Then go eat," Nick said. "You can take Timberlake with you."

"I'm glad neither of you had to sleep alone," Brian said.

"I didn't fuck him, if that's what you're worried about," Nick said.

"I wasn't worried," Brian said. "If you and Justin want to make love, that's up to the two of you."

Justin burrowed tighter into Nick.

Brian smiled, dropping a kiss by Nick's ear. "I missed you last night."

"I guess you fucked JC and got over it," Nick said.

"JC and I did make love," Brian said, "but I never get over anything about you." He tucked his face to the back of Nick's neck, closing his eyes. "I missed you while you were gone. I didn't think I'd have to miss you when you came back."

"You're the one who, what, fucking exiled me," Nick said.

Brian didn't know what to say that wouldn't start an argument. He kissed Nick's naked shoulder.

"What do you want?" Nick asked.

"I want you to come down for breakfast," Brian said. "I want you to forgive me. I want you to stop being jealous of Justin, because you have nothing to be jealous of. I want you to help me to make this work."

Nick must have done something, because Justin shifted suddenly. "Forgive you for what?" Nick asked, sounding irritated.

It hurt to have to say it, but he deserved the pain, for what he'd done to Nick. "For cheating on you."

"I told you I was over it," Nick said.

"Are you over it?" Brian asked.

"Yes, I'm fucking over it," Nick snapped. "Jesus, Brian, every fucking thing isn't about you."

Brian breathed slowly, watching his own fingers trail down Nick's naked back. "You know how much I love you."

"Yeah, I know," Nick said.

"I'm sorry everything's been rough. I don't know what to do. We have to talk, Nick, all four of us. I need your cooperation. You're the only one who understands what you're thinking."

"You used to understand what I was thinking," Nick said. "You used to know everything about me."

Brian swallowed the pain. "You used to talk to me."

Nick said nothing.

Brian kissed Nick's back, closing his eyes, then forced himself up. "We'll be downstairs," he said, and left.

Nnn. Nnn. Nnn! Irritated, Justin tightened his grip.

"What is it with you? Did your mom used to steal your toys from you or something?"

Bright. Justin let go just long enough to pull the covers over his head, burrowing in.

"I don't know about you, but I have to take a piss, and I'm hungry. If you'd skip the parasite thing and let me up, I could go eat."

Hungry? Yes. Hmm.

"We're supposed to have a big talk today."

Warm. Cosy. Too much noise. Still hungry. There was a hand rubbing his back in slow, absent-minded circles, just firm enough to make him so relaxed, he felt spineless.

"Maybe we could all rotate. We'll all split up into two pairs, and every month we could switch."

Justin was starting to feel smothered. Irritated, he pushed at the covers until his head was free. Bright! Groaning, Justin opened his eyes. He focused in on Nick's face.

"Hi," Nick said.

Justin frowned. "You woke me up."

"Brian was here," Nick said. "He wants us to come down to have breakfast."

Something was wrong. "You're being nice."

Nick shrugged, pulling out of Justin's embrace.

Justin sat up with him. "Thanks for letting me sleep here."

Nick kissed him, really deep and really fast. Then, "No problem," Nick said, and disappeared into the bathroom.

Justin licked his lips. Well. Good morning.

He'd spent the entire night in this house, and not gotten laid. That never happened.

In track pants and a tank top, Nick walked downstairs. Justin was right behind him, and at the bottom of the stairs, Justin grabbed his hand and pulled him back.

"What?" Nick asked.

Justin kissed him, a long, slow, clinging sort of kiss, one hand sliding into Nick's hair. When Justin finally let go, Nick glanced around, expecting to see Brian or JC nearby. No one else was there. If that hadn't been a show for them, "What was that for?"

"Nothing." Justin kissed him again and walked off.

Okay. Nick followed Justin to the kitchen. Brian and JC were sitting at the table; they stopped talking when Nick and Justin walked in.

"Good morning," Brian said, getting up.

"Morning," Justin said, pressing his cheek to Brian's, then kissing the air by JC's cheek.

Nick rolled his eyes and took a seat. Eggs, pancakes, bacon, cinnamon rolls, sausage, orange juice... "Feeling guilty about something?"

"What?" Justin asked, sitting across from him.

"Brian overloads on food when he's feeling guilty," Nick said. "The first time he fucked me, he set up a meal with every piece of food on the bus. The first time he got off with you, he took me out to dinner and ordered everything on the menu. That's how I knew something was wrong. That, plus the hickey I didn't give him."

"I gave you a hickey?" Justin asked Brian.

"Just a little one," Brian said. "Do you want syrup?" he asked Nick.

"Yeah," Nick said, putting two pancakes on his plate. "It wasn't little," he told Justin. "It was right on his - - what the fuck!" He jumped up, knocking his chair over, staring down at the syrup dripping down his shirt. He stared at Brian.

Brian smiled. "Sorry about that."

Nick couldn't fucking believe it. Brian had poured syrup on him. At least it wasn't in his fucking hair, but, hell, that was just fucking wrong. And for what? For bringing up shit? Everybody knew what had happened, that JC had wanted Brian so much he'd broken up with Justin, that Justin had gotten there first, that Nick had been royally fucking pissed, that Justin had started crawling all over Brian, Brian had started dating JC, JC had started stalking Nick, everything had gotten crazy... And now Brian was standing there, smiling, and Justin was laughing his head off, and Nick had syrup sticking his shirt to his chest.

Nick picked up the pitcher of orange juice and emptied it over Brian's head. Brian ducked away, laughing, sputtering, trying to escape. Nick pelted him with breakfast sausage. Brian ran around to the other side of the table, hiding behind Justin's chair, throwing slices of bacon. Nick retaliated with pancakes. Justin threw cinnamon rolls. Nick hid behind JC's chair.

Justin and Brian hesitated.

JC reached across the table, picked up the other pitcher of syrup, and passed it back to Nick.

Brian pointed at Justin. Justin pointed at Brian, backing up. "Get him, he started it," Justin said.

Nick stepped towards them.

"I'm your best friend," Brian protested.

Nick advanced on them.

"I slept with you last night," Justin said.

A few more steps.

"I made you breakfast," Brian said, retreating faster.

"I kissed you last," Justin said, backing up quickly.

"Really?" Brian asked Justin. "How was it?"

"Damn, it was good, he - - whoa!" Justin ducked and ran, taking a wide arc past Nick, going to JC for safety.

"Nick, you don't want to do this," Brian said, backing away, hands up in surrender.

Nick weighed the pitcher in his hands. Almost full. It was blueberry, too, so it was going to stain like hell. Too bad Brian wasn't wearing white.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done it, I'll clean everything up," Brian said. He was backing around the way Justin had run, following that path back towards JC.

"Don't come this way," Justin said.

"I know you're mad at me," Brian said. "Let's not resort to violence."

"Let's," Nick said, pacing him step for step.

Brian dove right and ducked behind JC's chair. JC, grinning, met Nick's eyes. "One?"

"What?" Justin asked.

"Two," Nick said, stepping forward.

"Whoa," Justin said, ducking behind JC with Brian.

"Three," JC said, and slid forward under the table in one sleek movement while Nick upended the pitcher right over Justin and Brian's heads. Brian shouted; Justin cursed, trying to cover his head with his hands. JC crawled out from the other side of the table, laughing, while Nick shook the pitcher to make sure that every dark blue drop was out.

Justin looked up; blueberry trickled down his face, into his eyes. "I hate you."

Nick had to laugh. JC was laughing harder. Justin was cursing again. Brian got up and decided that he really needed to hug Nick and JC, right away. Justin joined in. Shouting, threatening, Nick and JC tried to escape; Brian and Justin followed them, leaving blueberry spatters all over the living room. JC ran upstairs; Nick tried to barricade himself in the downstairs bathroom, but Brian cornered him by the sink, giving him a big, sticky hug.

Nick patted Brian's head. "You're disgusting."

"You're pretty disgusting, yourself," Brian said. "Shower?"

"I guess we can try to wash your hair," Nick said, doubtful.

"We might have to cut Justin's," Brian said.

Nick grinned. "Oops."

Brian started the water, and they began to undress.

Nick knew Brian. Nudity, a shower, this was going to lead to sex. Nick was still pissed at Brian for fucking grounding him like he was seven, for not understanding him, for a lot of shit. Besides, Brian had said no sex for a month, and if that was Brian's fucking rule, then Brian could fucking stick to it. "This is a bad idea," Nick said.

"What is?" Brian asked, peeling out of his shirt.

"The whole no-sex rule," Nick said. "Maybe I should shower with Justin, and you should shower with JC."

Brian hesitated with his hands on his waistband.

Good. Brian's feelings could just stay fucking hurt. Ten minutes of laughing playtime didn't make everything okay again. Nick would rather be with Justin at the moment anyway, although he didn't want to look too closely into that. "I'll be upstairs," Nick said, kissing his sticky fingers and touching Brian's forehead. "Thanks for breakfast. I'm still starving."

Justin was in his bathroom upstairs, dropping his clothes into the trash can, when Nick walked in, half-naked. "What do you want?" Justin asked warily, looking Nick over for weapons.

"I sent JC downstairs to Brian," Nick said. "I can't believe you got him that messy. What were you doing?"

"Molesting him," Justin said. "You look gross."

"You look like a huge Smurf," Nick said. "Want me to help wash your hair?"

That didn't sound bad. "Okay."

Justin had never showered with Nick before. It was great. It felt like Nick's hands never left his body, rubbing him all over with a warm, firm touch, slick with soap and water. Being in the shower with JC was all about being a prelude to sex, and being in the shower with Brian was all about being naughty with soap, but Nick was actually getting him clean. That might have had something to do with the sticky mess that had seeped through Justin's clothes, but it was nice, anyway. Nick washed his hair, which made him want to moan a little, and then he washed Nick's, and then Nick washed his again. Nick had done a thorough job; Justin felt squeaky clean and blueberry-free.

They got out of the shower and dried off, and Justin realized that Nick hadn't tried to grope him once. Not really. He'd gotten hard when Nick's soap-slick hand had rubbed over his dick, but even that hadn't gone anywhere.

He wondered why.

Nick's fingers ran through his wet curls.

Justin put a hand on Nick's chest, looking into Nick's eyes.

Nick's hand settled on Justin's waist. Justin leaned forward. Nick's lashes lowered.

Soft, warm contact. Justin licked out gently. Nick licked back. Justin felt good inside.

Nick pulled back a little.

Justin's eyes opened.

Nick's hand on his waist slid up his back; Nick turned away and walked out of the bathroom.

That was new as hell. Justin picked up the towel he'd dropped, wondering.

Brian was working on the main scene of damage, the kitchen, while JC cleaned up the splatters and drips in the living room.

Nick was right. He did deal with relationship guilt by overloading on food. He'd learned it from his first girlfriend, and cemented it with his second, and since it had worked out that way with the third, too, somehow he'd imagined that when the relationship was in serious trouble, it was time to eat an expensive meal in cold silence.

Nick only believed in cold silence when it was Nick's idea, used to punish someone trying to converse with him. The rest of the time, he liked to speak out, to use words to hurt. And they did hurt.

He had cheated on Nick with Justin. And almost with JC. The fact that they were all in a relationship now didn't excuse that. He'd never cheated on Nick before, and he shouldn't have done it then.

He and Nick had talked about it and talked about it, and he'd thought that Nick had forgiven him. Nick had said, repeatedly, things like I forgive you, that's in the past, things are different now, that doesn't matter anymore. I forgive you, I forgive you, I forgive you, Brian.

But, maybe that wasn't true. Maybe, no matter how good things got between the four of them, Nick couldn't forget how this had all started. With betrayal. Secrets. Jealousy. Broken hearts.

Brian didn't know what to do now. Apologize again? He didn't know how to atone. No matter how right it was to be with JC and Justin, it had been wrong to betray Nick's trust, to betray Nick's love.

Were Nick's problems with Justin about Justin? Were they about Brian? Maybe both?

Brian dumped a plateful of cold scrambled eggs into the trash.

If he could go back and start over, he'd do things differently. But he'd still want this outcome, the four of them together, this house full of sex and music and love.

JC sat on the couch with Brian, across from the other couch where Justin was tying a bandanna over his untamed curls.

Nick walked in, swiping the bandanna from Justin's head and sitting beside him. "So let's talk."

Justin grabbed his bandanna from Nick's hand.

Nick took it right back and held it just out of Justin's reach. Justin snatched at it; Nick grabbed him around the waist and licked his jaw and kissed him, leaning forward until Justin's shoulders were back against the armrest.

JC watched the way Nick possessed Justin's mouth, the way Justin kissed back with passionate urgency, the way Justin's thighs wrapped around Nick's hips, the way Justin's hands stroked the back of Nick's neck, slid down Nick's back, gripped the back of Nick's thighs.

He'd never seen them quite like this. Like they were...friends? Obviously very close friends, to be kissing like that, but friends nonetheless. He'd never seen them in a sexual situation that wasn't tinged with animosity.

He liked watching Nick with Justin. He liked watching Nick, period. His body still remembered last night, Nick's mouth on his skin, Nick's hands trailing heat over his flesh, Nick's eyes full of dangerous desire, Nick's voice-

Nick sat up suddenly, running a hand through his hair, sitting back away from Justin.

Justin blinked, coming back to himself. "Okay," he said, and sat up, shifting uncomfortably.

Nick's mouth was kissed red. JC wanted to taste it.

"So, we're here to talk?" Nick asked.

"I want to start," Justin said.

Nick slouched down a little, spreading his thighs. "Go ahead."

JC wondered what would have happened if Justin and Nick had kept going. If he'd been in Justin's place, he would never have let Nick pull away like that. He would've tugged Nick back down, kissing his mouth, winding fingers through his thick hair, pushing a knee up between his thighs. He would've arched his back, arched his neck, offering himself, and Nick would have-

"JC," Justin said.

JC dragged his gaze from Nick's mouth over to Justin.

"Thanks," Justin said. "I think a lot of what's wrong here is bad communication. We keep thinking we know what everyone else is thinking, and we act on that, but I don't think we really have a clue what the rest of us are thinking."

Maybe not.

Justin absently rubbed the spot Nick had licked. "The problems between me and Nick, the antagonism, that isn't really what it looks like. It's not abusive. Not by nature. When things are right, I like the way Nick treats me. I like having someone in my life who treats me like an equal, like just another guy. We all get something different from each other, and I need what Nick gives me." Justin sighed, scratching his curls. "But somewhere along the way, we got our wires crossed. It started to look like I... Things started to go too far, and things got a little violent. I have a really hard time saying no, and since no matter what happened I was still willing to get laid, it looked like I liked violence and I liked being degraded."

JC sat up a little straighter, playing close attention. He glanced at Nick; Nick was watching a vague point in the distance, giving no sign that he was listening to a word Justin said.

"Things went too far, and things got bad," Justin said. "That's as much my fault as it is Nick's. I never said no, and any time he started something, I went right along with it. Even if he starts the fight, I fight right back. He kept misinterpreting things, I kept misinterpreting things, and so did both of you. It's been confusing as hell for me, but I know it's been confusing the hell out of Nick, too. He slams me down and calls me a bitch, and I act like it's the hottest thing that's ever happened to me, but when he gives me what I beg for, suddenly he's in trouble for not treating me right. But it's not the being slammed down and getting called a bitch that turns me on, it's... I don't know. I get something from Nick that I don't get anywhere else in my life."

"What is it?" Brian asked, sitting forward.

Justin shook his head. "Nick doesn't pamper me. He doesn't have elevated special ideas about me or about himself. Neither of you are close to reality, especially sexually, but with Nick, it's like... We're just guys. Having sex, making love, getting off. When I'm with Nick, I don't have to be Justin Timberlake. I can just be me. He doesn't expect anything from me. I don't have to live up to anything."

JC frowned, concerned. What was Justin saying about him and Brian, then? Did they expect too much? He hadn't thought-

"No matter how hot things get with the two of you, you're always very careful with me," Justin said. "I like that, I love that, I'd never want that to change. But with Nick, there's an edge of roughness to it, because he isn't trying to protect me. I like that, too. Sometimes I need it, I just never knew that before."

"The roughness just went too far?" Brian asked.

"Yeah," Justin said. "It got misinterpreted, I think by all of us. It looked like I was getting off on the violence. I wasn't. I was getting off on Nick, and the violence and anger was something I had to take if I wanted to be with him."

Nick's face tightened, eyes flickering, but he kept his gaze fixed elsewhere.

"Everything is my fault as much as it's Nick's fault," Justin said. "No one has to leave the house, that's stupid, because I know we all want to be here, and we can make this work if we'd try a little harder. This punishment is stupid, too, but I actually kind of like it. I got Nick all to myself last night." Justin grinned. "I wouldn't mind a month of that."

Justin was serious with that last sentence, and it made JC smile.

"Nick," Brian said.

Nick deliberately turned his head, glancing at Brian, bringing his heel to rest on the edge of the sofa cushion, one knee up. "Yeah?"

JC licked his lips, tongue lingering, gaze on Nick's mouth, savoring. He wanted to undress Nick, so slowly it ached, and then have Nick kneel in front of him, naked. Nick would suck his dick for him, as slowly as he wanted it, and he'd be so hard his entire body hurt, and then...

Nick was grinning at him. JC wondered how long he'd been staring at Nick's mouth. He wondered how long the room had been quiet. He wondered how long Justin and Brian had been staring at him like that. "Sorry?"

Brian smiled at him, like Brian understood. Of course Brian did understand. He and Brian had shared several long, involved conversations on how Nick's ass looked in leather versus in denim versus in boxer-briefs versus naked.

Justin looked like he might want to laugh. JC glanced at Nick again; Nick smirked at him, and that just made JC's blood hot, so he decided to keep his eyes on Brian.

"A lot of the anger and tension in the house have been about competition with Justin," Brian said to Nick. "It's not professional at all, is it?"

"You want the truth?" Nick asked.

"Yes," Brian said.

"I don't give a fuck about his career," Nick said.

"Thanks," Justin said. "Very supportive."

Nick rolled his eyes. "You know what I mean. Everything's going great, hooray, good for you. You're taking over the world, one magazine cover at a time, and I wish I were taking over the world, but if I were going to do it, I wouldn't do it the way you're doing it, so I'm not jealous."

"That was almost coherent," Justin said.

Nick made a rude gesture.

"Then it's personal," Brian said.

"Look at him," Nick said. "He's perfect. It pisses me off."

"Brian and JC are perfect, too," Justin said. "You don't hit them."

"You're the one I'm in competition with," Nick said.

"For what?" Justin asked. "If it's personal, not professional, then you're only in competition for JC and Brian. This isn't really about JC, not really, not the way it's about Brian. But if it's about Brian, then why aren't you competing with JC for Brian's attention, too?"

"JC was interested in Brian, JC was coming after Brian, but you're the one Brian jumped into bed with first," Nick said. "You're the one he cheated on me for."

"That doesn't mean he wants me more than he wants you," Justin said.

"The hell it doesn't," Nick said. "If he'd cheated on me to be with JC, that I could understand, but you?"

"I'm hot as hell," Justin said.

"Yeah, Brian thinks so, too."

"This isn't about me at all," Justin said.

"This is all about you!" Nick shot back.

"This is about Brian!" Justin said.

Nick glared at Justin.

"You're still pissed at him for cheating on you?" Justin asked. "Hell, JC broke up with me to get to Brian, and I'm over it."

"You got over it by jumping on Brian's dick," Nick said.

"I wanted to see what JC was so damned worked up about," Justin said. He grinned. "I found out, too."

Brian got up, stepping around the coffee table. Justin got up and traded seats with him; Brian sat beside Nick, putting a hand on his thigh. "Nick, I'm sorry. You know how sorry I am. I don't know what to do now. I love you, I never should have hurt you. I was wrong. I knew it was wrong when I was doing it."

"Didn't slow you down, though," Nick said.

"Nick, JC was flirting with me, he wanted me, he broke up with Justin to free himself to be closer to me. Do you know what all of that was like for me? But I loved you, I'd made promises to you, I was committed to our relationship. I didn't touch him until after you'd dumped me, and you were so angry, and he was right there."

"Am I supposed to be impressed?" Nick asked.

"I'm just telling you that yes, it did slow me down. It slowed me down a lot. Being with you meant everything to me. It still does. That's why I always said no to JC, I told him he shouldn't have left Justin for me, I told him how committed I was to being with you. Do you know how hard it is to say no to JC?"

Nick flashed JC a quick grin. JC's libido twitched. "Then why'd you jump Justin?" Nick asked Brian.

"He reminded me of you," Brian said. "He reminded me a lot of you. And my ego liked the fact that suddenly I had not just JC but also Justin after me. And you were angry at me that I couldn't get rid of JC, and I was angry at you for not trusting me, and I was a weak, immoral person who thought with my dick. But mostly, he reminded me of you."

"You had me!" Nick said. "If you wanted to be reminded of me, all you had to do was come see me."

"You were out of town."

"I was coming back the next day!"

"I didn't think you'd ever find out," Brian said. "I'm sorry, Nick, I know that it was wrong, I never should have betrayed you."

"It doesn't matter," Nick said. "I'm over it."

"No, you're not," Brian said.

"I got it!" Justin said suddenly. "Fuck it, I got it. Damn, Nick, it would be easier if you'd just tell people what you're thinking, instead of putting us through all of this bullshit."

"What are you talking about?" Nick asked.

"We did this wrong," Justin said. "Think about it. You and me, you and me, you and you, you and you, you and you, we've all had time together, a relationship together. But Nick and I never got that, we never really did that, before we all moved in here. We were pushed into this thing before we got one-on-one time. So we never made that connection. And then he didn't think I wanted one. I didn't think he wanted one. So he saw me as the enemy."

JC was following this, and it made sense. Why hadn't he seen it before? Justin was right; Nick and Justin's bond had been assumed, not nurtured.

"Nick and Brian had a relationship from years and years back. Nick and JC built a relationship. Nick knew the two of you, he'd talked with you, he'd shared stuff with you, he knew how you felt about him and each other and me. He didn't know what I was thinking or what I wanted. Brian had already cheated on him with me. It probably looked to him like I thought he was expendable. It looked to me like he thought I was expendable. We even said it to each other, all of the time. This wasn't a four-way relationship, this was two three-way relationships put together. Nick and I never got a chance to really build anything before we were put in here together, and we were suspicious of each other."

"I never thought about it," Brian said. "You both said that this was what you wanted."

"But we did," Justin said. "I was in love with Nick, I wanted him, we were just starting to get to know each other, it seemed, well, it seemed perfect. But then we moved in here, and I think that being forced together before our relationship really cemented was a bad idea. We should have waited. We just didn't know that we needed to wait, and we were eager to launch into a bigger thing."

"Is that right?" Brian asked Nick.

"It is," Justin told Nick. "You know that's it. Everything else grew from there. That's why you're jealous, that's why you're suspicious of me, that's why you started to distrust Brian again. But as soon as we got a chance to ourselves, as soon as we were alone together, everything changed. You've been so different, just last night and today, and I didn't get it, it was so weird. You were more open, you were a hell of a lot nicer, I felt closer to you than I have in a long time. And it wasn't about sex at all, it was about-"

"Oh, god, shut up," Nick groaned, dropping his forehead to his knee.

"What?" Justin demanded. "You know it's true. When JC and Brian are involved, you hate me, because you think I'm going to take them away from you. But when they're out of the picture, and it's just you and me, it's like we're friends or something."

"Okay," Nick said. "So I hang out with you when Brian and JC cut me off. What does that mean?"

"You could have fucked me," Justin said. "In bed last night, in bed this morning, in the shower. You know you could have. But you didn't."

"I don't want you," Nick said. "Don't brag about it."

"Have you ever had sex with me that wasn't degrading?" Justin asked. "Besides on the kitchen counter?"

Nick shrugged uncomfortably. "The first few times."

"Before we moved in," Justin said.

"Yeah," Nick said. "At my place in New York. In your hotel room. In Chris's house."

"We liked each other then," Justin said. "I thought you were the hottest, sexiest person I'd ever met, and you were so much fun, and we had such a good time. I didn't have to ask what Brian and JC saw in you, I knew, and I wanted it for myself."

Brian ran his fingers through Nick's hair.

JC watched Nick carefully, wondering. It had seemed like Nick's problem was with Justin. Then it had seemed like Nick's problem was with Brian. Now they were back to Justin. Maybe it was both. Maybe it was everything. But maybe it was fixable.

"You know," Justin said. "Maybe we should keep things this way. The month of separation. It would give me and Nick some time to ourselves."

"That sounds terrible," Brian said, "but if it'll be good for the two of you, I'm willing to try." His fingers were still stroking through Nick's hair. "Nick?"

Nick gave Justin his sexiest "I'm so fucking irritated with you" look, then looked at Brian and sighed. "Fine."

Brian smiled. "Really?"

A smile twitched at Nick's lips, but he managed to squash it. "Yeah. I guess. If it'll cut the drama."

"You're the one causing the drama!" Justin said.

JC watched Nick grin at Justin. He wondered if it was true that Nick could undress Brian entirely with his teeth. He wondered when he'd finally get Nick to demonstrate on him.

matthew@matthewtime.com
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