"Sucker"

Sucker

Rating: NC-17 for graphic male-male sex

Pairings: Backstreet Boys/*NSYNC/O-Town

Disclaimer: The young men who comprise the Backstreet Boys, *NSYNC, and O-Town are their own people. The author has not met anyone here described, nor does the author mean to suggest that these people act this way in real life. This writing is a work of fiction. I make no money from this venture.

Continued from part eighty-three

They were definitely back together. They’d started out sitting side-by-side on the sofa, and now they were trying to share the same three inches of cushion, pressed right up thigh to thigh, touching each other’s shoulder, arm, back, knee, hair. They looked at each other a lot, and they smiled when they did it. They were even laughing a lot, like they were just happy in general.

He was happy for them. He was thrilled to see them reunited. They belonged together, they really did. He could’ve watched them all night.

Howie went to the kitchen to get drinks, and JC took the opportunity to thank him again for his help. Howie thanked him while JC was in the bathroom. Both of them touched him a few times, patting his shoulder or squeezing his hand. But it wasn’t the same.

He wondered if he’d ever be more than a friend again. He wished that he’d known that the last few times might be the last times ever. He would’ve made it last longer, would’ve lingered over his favorite spots and activities.

As long as he was still a part of their lives, he was fine. He wasn’t interested exclusively in sex; they fascinated him enough without it. Still, the sex was a really, really big part of his interactions with them, and he wasn’t sure that he’d ever be as happy without it.

Maybe they’d let him back in their bed. Probably they would. Maybe. They just needed some time together. He’d get to go down on Howie and fuck JC and get head and kiss the back of JC’s neck again. Maybe. He hoped.

Erik crossed his fingers.

As Nick finished up his explanation, the phone rang. Pushing Nick away to shush him, Joey said, “You got Joey.”

“Joey.” Ashley sounded relieved and exhausted. “I have to talk to you. There’s so much going on, I’m really freaked out right now.”

“Pretty, what happened?” Joey asked. “Do you want me to come over?” Nick smacked at him, frowning; he smacked back.

“No, no, I have to get out of this house,” Ashley said.

“I’m at home with Nick, we just got back,” Joey said. “Come over here.”

“Oh, god,” Ashley said. “Joey, I can’t deal with that right now, I-”

“Don’t worry about him,” Joey said. “Just come to see me. I’ll take care of it, pretty, it’ll be okay.”

“Okay,” Ashley said. “Okay. Thank you, Joey.”

“Bye, pretty.” Joey hung up.

“What the fuck?” Nick asked. “What if he’d let you go over there?”

“Then you would’ve come with me,” Joey said.

Nick studied him closely, eyes narrowed with suspicion. “And you think that would’ve worked?”

“It wouldn’t have changed anything,” Joey said. “You’re my boyfriend, aren’t you? Trust me once in a while. I didn’t take whatever seduction and destruction class the rest of you took, but I know Ashley. We could’ve run the same game at his house that we were going to run here.”

With a nondescript grunt, Nick relaxed. “Maybe.”

“Thanks for believing in me,” Joey said, walking past him.

“Where are you going?” Nick asked.

“To take a shower before he gets here. Whatever happens, we’ll end up fucking, and I want to be considerate for once.”

“You think Ashley cares if you have sweat on your balls?” Nick asked. “The way he buries his face in your crotch, I think he prefers it that way.”

“It’s getting late,” Howie said, checking his watch.

“It’s not that late,” JC argued.

“JC,” Howie said, running his fingers through JC’s hair. “Do you know how long it’s been since we made love?”

Laughing, JC said, “Maybe it is getting kind of late.”

“That’s my cue to go,” Erik said, rising. “You guys enjoy the rest of your evening.”

“We will,” Howie assured him with a wink.

“Thank you so much, Erik-Michael,” JC said, standing and embracing him warmly. “We owe you so much.”

“You don’t owe me anything,” he said.

“Come over tomorrow,” Howie said, giving him a tight hug. “We’ll have breakfast.”

“Okay.” Apparently, he wasn’t even going to get a kiss good-bye. “It’s great to see you guys together.”

“Thank you, honey,” JC said, rubbing his arm and kissing his cheek.

A weak consolation prize, but he’d take it. “Good night,” he said, opening the door.

“Good night,” Howie said.

“Good night,” JC said.

Erik stepped outside.

The door closed behind him.

He was alone again.

Hell, what had he expected? That they’d hook back up and still want him? They had each other. They didn’t need him. He wasn’t hot enough, mature enough, sophisticated enough, experienced enough - - he wasn’t good enough. Things had been great, fantastic, for a while, but it hadn’t been meant to last. He should be grateful for the chance, and suck it up and move on.

Taking a deep breath, he went to his car.

Maybe at breakfast, he’d see if they knew any women they could introduce him to. The kinds of women they knew had to be way sexier than any he could find on his own.

He wondered if telling women that he was bi would turn them on. He wondered if it was even true at this point.

Jacob didn’t believe him. Erik didn’t believe him. Trevor didn’t believe him.

Joey had to believe him. Joey would believe him. He’d explain what had happened, and Joey would understand.

He couldn’t worry about Nick. He couldn’t worry about Nick’s hold over Joey. It would work out, it would, he’d talk to Joey and Joey would understand.

Nervously, Ashley rang the doorbell.

Joey opened the door. “Pretty,” he said, as Ashley stepped inside. “You look like hell. What’s going on?”

“Can we talk in private?”

“We’re fine, Nick’s taking a shower,” Joey said. “Sit down, tell me what happened. Let me get you something to drink.”

Ashley sat where Joey guided him on the sofa. “I don’t-”

“It’ll calm you down,” Joey said, leaving the room. He came back mere seconds later, sitting down reassuringly close, handing Ashley a glass of cool, red liquid. “He mixed it while I was in the shower.”

Skeptical, Ashley took a test sip. It was sweet.

“Pretty,” Joey said, taking his other hand. “Tell me what happened so I can take care of it and get that fear out of your eyes.”

Ashley had talked about it and thought about it and argued about it for so many hours in a row, he broke into his explanation without any real preface. “Brian groped me, he grabbed my dick and acted like a complete sexual predator, and no one believes that it happened. Dan believes me, Dan’s been so supportive, but no one else believes me, Brian says I’m making it up and everyone thinks I’m lying, Erik laughed at me, at this point the thing that freaks me out the most is everyone’s reaction. I could get over what happened, but they all think I’m lying and they’re supposed to be my best friends, they’ve been my best friends for years, we’re supposed to be brothers and they believe Brian over me? Just because he’s nice to them? He’s not nice, he’s freaking evil, you should’ve seen his face, if they’d seen that they wouldn’t-”

“Ashley, Ashley,” Joey said, sounding overwhelmed. “Pretty, back up and slow down. Did you say that Brian groped you? Start over, tell me what happened.”

After taking a long swallow of the drink, Ashley breathed, trying to be coherent. “Erik and Jacob and Brian were in the kitchen, making breakfast. I walked in, and Brian said that he wanted to talk to me alone. He asked if we could use Jacob’s bedroom. He apologized to me yesterday, so I thought that we were cool. Dan and Trevor were in the pool, we walked right past them, and when we got to Jacob’s room, Brian closed the door.”

“Okay,” Joey said, following along.

Ashley took another drink, wanting to relax. “He said that he wanted to talk about you and me and Nick, so he could understand. I didn’t want to offend him, but I didn’t want to get into it again, so I told him that our friendship is between me and you. He said that it’s between me, you, and Nick, and then he asked if I’ve ever been in a three-way.”

“What?” Joey asked.

“He said, ‘Have you ever had sex with two people at the same time?’ I didn’t know why he was asking, but I said yes.” To avoid Joey’s gaze, not wanting to see suspicion form in Joey’s eyes, needing to be believed, Ashley had another sip. “He said something about how my sweet innocence must be an act, and then he asked if I’ve been in bed with two men, or two women, or one of each. He was coming closer and I was like, what the fuck, but I wanted to kind of humor him until I could get to the door, so I said that I’m gay. He-”

“Get to the door?” Joey repeated. “Was he keeping you in the room?”

“I was over towards the window, across the room from the door,” Ashley said. “Kind of in the corner. He was between me and the door, and - - it’s not like he was blocking the door and wouldn’t let me out, but he was between me and the door, and he was making me really uncomfortable. I just wanted to kind of move along the edge of the room until I could get out.”

“You felt trapped?” Joey asked.

“I felt uncomfortable,” Ashley said. “There was something weird about the way he was talking to me and looking at me. His smile was weird and he was asking me about my sex life and then he was leering at me like I was dirty. And he started getting closer and closer.”

“You were trying to humor him?” Joey asked. “If you were that uncomfortable, and he was getting weirder, why didn’t you tell him to take a hike?”

“Joey, you know that I hate confrontations,” Ashley said. “He was really weird but he wasn’t cursing me out, and I didn’t want to overreact. I just thought that I could wait it out and then get away.”

“Okay,” Joey said, frowning. “This still doesn’t make any sense to me. What happened next?”

Ashley took a drink. “I don’t know how to describe it. It’s like he turned on me. He got this look on his face, like I was shit someone had dumped in front of him, and he started saying stuff to me.”

“Stuff like what?” Joey asked.

“Crazy sex stuff about how I’d give it up for any dick, I wouldn’t say no to sex if I already had twenty guys waiting for it, I’d mumble yes around the dick in my mouth-”

“He said that to you?” Joey asked, shocked. “Brian? To your face?”

“He was looking right at me,” Ashley said. “Like I was the most disgusting thing he’d ever seen in his life. His voice sounded so cold and so dark, like he wasn’t even Brian at all. No one’s ever talked to me like that before. I was so shocked, I didn’t know what to do, I was just standing there staring at him.” He finished the drink, letting the sweetness slide through him, letting the alcohol warm him. “I didn’t even recognize him anymore.”

“I can’t believe that he’d talk to you like that. To your face? Out of nowhere?” Joey asked. “Did he say anything else?”

“He said, ‘I bet you’d love to be on your knees for it right now.’ And then he grabbed me.”

“Grabbed you where?” Joey asked, frowning, going from shocked to angry.

“Grabbed me,” Ashley said. “My package, right between my legs. Not like a little touch, I mean he groped me, he cupped it and he squeezed it.”

“What did you do?” Joey asked. “Tell me that you punched him in the mouth.”

“I jerked away from him,” Ashley said. “I said something like, ‘what the fuck.’ I didn’t know what the hell was going on.”

“Did he touch you again?” Joey asked, mad now - - mad at Brian, not at Ashley, which gave Ashley hope. “Anywhere else?”

“No.” He’d drunk too much, too fast; leaning back, he let the sofa support him. “He said things, he said so many things. He said, ‘I know what you really are.’ I don’t even know what the hell that means. I don’t know what he was talking about. ‘I know what you really are.’ But he was looking at me like, he wasn’t looking at me, he was looking into me, inside of me.”

“I know what you really are?” Joey asked.

“I felt so fucking exposed, I felt like I was naked, I felt like I was dirty. And then he blinked, I saw him blink, and he looked at me like he hated me, pure hatred, hatred and nothing else, hatred like I’ve never seen in my life. He said, ‘Get a clue, bitch.’ He just turned around and started walking away like he was going to leave. He said, ‘The only thing worse than a whore is a stupid whore.’ And he was out the door.”

“He called you a stupid whore, and then he just left?” Joey asked. “Brian?”

“He left,” Ashley repeated. “He walked out. He walked right past Dan and Trevor and went to the kitchen like nothing had even happened.”

“What’d you do?” Joey asked.

“I just stood there,” Ashley said. “Like an idiot. I just stood there. I was so freaking shocked, I didn’t know what to do. He’d just made me feel like shit, he’d made me feel…” His breath caught, and he rubbed his eyes. “Oh, god.” He was about to cry all over Joey like a weak victim.

“Pretty.” Joey’s arm came around his shoulders, Joey’s warmth close at his side.

Sucking in air, Ashley pushed himself to keep talking. “Dan and Trevor came into the room, and… Everything after that is just a blur, it was all so fucked up, I went to the kitchen and I told Brian to get out of the house, but he acted like I was making it all up. He was sitting there with my friends in my kitchen acting so fucking innocent when he’d just groped me in Jacob’s bedroom!”

Joey rubbed his shoulder.

“They wouldn’t believe me and Brian was acting so damned offended and he threatened me, he said that if I didn’t shut up and keep it to myself then he’d tell you and Nick all about how crazy I am.”

“He said that?”

“He said it in front of everybody,” Ashley said. “I’m not crazy,” he insisted, opening his eyes and sitting up straight. The room tilted for a minute but he gripped Joey’s arm, needing to be heard. “I’m not lying, I’m not making this up. Brian groped me, he scared me, he made me feel like shit. I’m not crazy, I’m not desperate for attention, and it terrifies me that no one but Dan believes me. What if he’d done something else? What if he’d done something worse? What if something really, really happens to me and no one believes me?”

“It’s okay,” Joey said, pulling him into a big hug. “It’s okay, pretty. There has to be some explanation, some reason he lost his mind like that. You don’t have any idea why Brian would’ve done it? Was he high?”

High? “I don’t know.” The idea of Brian being high had never occurred to him, but maybe it should have. When would he stop being naïve?

“I don’t want to believe you,” Joey said. “I almost don’t. Brian’s not the kind of guy who’d do anything like that.” Joey’s arms tightened around him. “But I know my pretty, and I’ve never seen you this upset, not even after what AJ did. Something happened to you today.”

“Brian happened,” Ashley insisted, pulling away to meet Joey’s eyes. Joey had to believe him. “He groped me, he-”

“Okay, okay,” Joey said, guiding him back into an embrace. “I believe you, pretty. I believe you. I just don’t know what to do. If it had been some jackass in bar, I’d just beat the shit out of him for you. But I’ve known Brian for years, and this doesn’t make any sense.”

“I’m scared,” Ashley said, curling his fingers in Joey’s shirt, soaking up Joey’s warmth and strength and scent while he could. “I’m scared and I’m so freaking angry. They’re my best friends and they don’t give a shit about me. I don’t have anybody anymore, I don’t have anybody except Dan.”

“You have me,” Joey said, rubbing his back. “You know you have me, pretty.”

Did he? God, he needed to, he really needed to. Scared, relieved, hoping, Ashley buried his face against Joey’s neck as a few, hot tears fell.

“Pretty,” Joey murmured, massaging circles up and down his back. Ashley tried to cry quietly. “If everyone else believes Brian, did Dan say why he believes you?”

“Not really.” Dan believed him because he was telling the truth, because Dan trusted him, because Dan was his friend and didn’t put some rich celebrity first. “He said that the other guys don’t believe me because it’s easier for them not to. It’s easier to pretend that nothing’s wrong than admit that there’s an actual problem they can’t fix. Jacob worships Brian, Trevor worships Backstreet, and Erik’s an asshole.”

“I believe you. It’s just that this makes things worse, and it was already pretty complicated to begin with.. I need to think about it before I do anything.”

Unsure, unsatisfied, Ashley closed his eyes, holding on. He didn’t like it, but he’d take what he could get.

That seemed to be how his relationship with Joey went, anyway.

A slow caress skimmed his thigh. “Lance.”

“Hmm?” He was tired, he was sated, he was on the verge of sleep, and now Brian wanted to talk?

“I wanted to tell you,” Brian said. “Before you hear it from someone else. Unless you already know?”

Sighing, Lance realized that Brian was determined to have a full conversation. “Know what?”

“JC and Howie got back together last night.”

It was, he realized slowly, like a hot knife in his gut. It really did hurt.

“Lance?” Brian moved, as if to roll over to face him; he pushed, to keep Brian there. He didn’t want anyone to see his face in that moment. “It’s okay,” Brian said. “They’re only partners in the game. Like you and me. You don’t feel anything for me, so JC probably doesn’t feel anything for Howie, either.”

Feeling an almost unholy bellow rising up within, Lance spoke hard and fast to ease the pressure. “JC doesn’t feel anything for Howie?” he repeated, rising up behind Brian. “JC doesn’t feel anything for Howie?! Howie doesn’t feel anything for JC! Howie doesn’t give one goddamned motherfucking rat’s ass about JC! JC means nothing to him!” God damn it, “I mean nothing to him! No one means anything, nothing means anything, he’s fucking incapable of human emotion!”

“Lance,” Brian said, completing the roll this time, sitting up to face him. “I know that-”

“They’re back together?” Lance asked. “I hope that JC does feel something for Howie, I hope that JC falls for him, falls right fucking in love with him. Then JC will really learn how much Howie cares. When he’s-” The sudden rush of memories was too strong. “When…” He couldn’t do it, he couldn’t bear it, all of those perfect, perfect moments together and then those hideous, awful realizations. Crippled, Lance shoved Brian, wanting to be alone, alone, the way Howie had left him, the way Howie had made him.

“Lance,” Brian said, reaching for him.

“Get away from me!” he shouted, pushing Brian back again, harder this time. “Get the fuck away! He didn’t love me, he never fucking loved me, and you don’t, either! I’m not falling for it again!”

Even in the darkness, he could see the pain crossing Brian’s face. “I know that you don’t-”

“How stupid do you think I am?” Lance demanded. “How stupid and dumb and gullible and idiotic would I have to be, to believe that you’re actually in love with me? In love? In fucking love?! After what Howie did to me? I know what you did to Chris, I’ve seen him!”

“I’m sorry!” Brian shouted. “I’m sorry about Howie! I’m sorry about Chris! Do you think that it doesn’t kill me to know what I’ve done? Do you really think that I don’t hate myself for hurting someone that way? I have to live with that, every day, and every day, I have to look at you and see the disgust and the accusations in your eyes.”

He couldn’t believe this. “Am I supposed to feel sorry for you?”

“You’re supposed to let me love you!” Brian sat back, briefly putting his hands on his head like he was trying to calm down. “I know why you don’t want to believe me, and I know that you might not ever believe me, but every time you throw your suspicion in my face, it slices right through me. I deserve that,” Brian said, “I deserve it for everything that I did to Chris. But it’s making this partnership so much harder than it has to be. We have to get through this, Lance, we have to work together. We work really well together, we’ve accomplished a lot. But there’s only going to be more and more, and we’re going to have to work harder and think faster, and once I’m Jacob’s…lover…” He grimaced, like the word was hard to say.

“You did it with Chris, you can do it with him,” Lance said coldly.

“Chris is a nice, fun guy,” Brian said. “I liked Chris, we had a lot of fun together. Jacob makes my skin crawl, he makes my head itch, it’s hard to be near him as a friend, and I’m going to have to be his lover. I’m going to need your help, Lance, I’m going to need your support.”

He could only imagine how horrible it would be to kiss and coo and make love with Jacob, and have Jacob attempt to return all of that affection. But he wasn’t going to give Brian his sympathy. Not tonight. “Get out of my bed.”

“You’re kicking me out of your bed?” Brian asked.

“Boy, you catch on fast.”

“Fine.” Rising, Brian gathered up his clothes. “I’ll be in the guest room, monitoring Jacob.”

“As long as you’re not in here with me, I don’t care where you are,” Lance said, laying back down, his back to Brian.

Brian left, closing the door behind him.

“What the hell is he doing here?!”

The sound of Nick’s anger cut through the thin veil of security that being in Joey’s arms had established. Cringing, Ashley sat back, preparing to defend himself. He hadn’t defended himself with Brian, and in many ways, Nick was an even more formidable opponent.

“Nick,” Joey said. “Don’t-”

“I turn my back for one fucking minute, and you have this lying bitch all over you! He’s a lying whoring cunt and I want him the fuck out! What the fuck are you doing, cuddling this-”

“I’m not lying!” Lurching to his feet, Ashley refused to back down. He’d been endlessly dismissed and accused and insulted by everyone for weeks now, and he wasn’t going to take it anymore! “Brian groped me!”

“Brian just called me,” Nick said. “He wanted to warn me that you’re a lying, manipulative, deceitful little bitch.” Nick gave him a disgusted look. “My words, not his.”

“He’s the one who’s lying!” Ashley protested. “You think that he’s going to admit that he did it?! Of course he’s defending himself!”

“You haven’t known me for that long, and when Backstreet started you were still wearing diapers, so let me explain a few things to you,” Nick said, stepping forward, his expression angry. “Brian is my best friend. We’ve loved each other like brothers since I was twelve. You don’t love your own mother like Brian and I love each other. I know him, I know everything about him, I know all about how he grew up and what he cares about and what he ate for dinner and when he’s going to cough. And now some stupid, desperate, lying cunt comes into my boyfriend’s house and starts spouting shit and lies about Brian?! You have about five seconds to get out before I have your blood all over my knuckles.”

“Nobody’s hitting anybody,” Joey said, standing between them. “Nick, back up,” he warned. Nick glared at Ashley, mouth tense, nostrils flared. “Back up!”

Glare intensifying, Nick moved back one step, upper lip curling with disgust. “I can’t believe that you’re really going to take his side on this. I can’t fucking believe that you’d defend him! To me! After everything that we’ve been through, everything that I’ve fucking put up with, you’d let him play you like this?! He’s trying to come between us and you’re helping him?!”

“I just want to figure out what’s going on,” Joey said. “Did anyone see what happened? Ashley? Did Trevor and Dan hear it?”

Unable to look away from Nick’s hatred, Ashley said, “No, no. It’s my word against his, and everyone’s on his side.” Just thinking about Jacob and Erik’s reactions made him hot with fury, prompting him to add, “Which is stupid, considering that we all know how violent, crude, and immoral the Backstreet Boys are.”

“Motherfuck-”

“Nick!” Joey shoved Nick back, hard, with both hands. “Back up!”

“Don’t act like it’s not true!” Ashley shouted at Nick over Joey’s shoulder. “Look at you! Look at AJ! You’re fucking criminals!”

“You motherfucking cunt!” Nick shouted, trying to get to him, barely restrained.

“Both of you shut up!” Joey yelled. “Ashley, sit the fuck down. Nick, over there. Over there!”

“Bitch!” Nick shouted, backing up. “Motherfucking - - and you!” he shouted at Joey. “Are you really fucking doing this to me?! Are you?! Are you letting this lying whore do this to us?!”

“I just want to know what the fuck really happened!” Joey shouted. “Now sit your ass down!”

Had Joey not been in the way, Ashley would’ve thrown his drink at Nick. Instead, he downed it, sitting heavily when Joey pushed him. Nick sat across the room, Joey between them on the coffee table. Leaning back, Ashley pressed his hands to his eyes, scared and angry and possibly, he realized, drunk.

He couldn’t lose Joey. He couldn’t.

“We all know that you’re lying,” Nick snapped. “You’ve never turned down a guy in your life. When has anyone ever put a hand on your dick and had you say no?”

“He didn’t want me,” Ashley said, lowering his hands. “He hated me. He made me feel like shit.”

“You should feel like shit,” Nick said. “You’re a lying cunt. You’re a-”

“Nick, Ashley wouldn’t lie about this,” Joey said. “Something must have happened.”

“Yeah, what happened is me,” Nick said. “He wants your attention, and he’s not getting it, and he’s throwing a fit. He’s spent too much time talking to Miller. According to Dan, Justin ran around bitching about how abused he was, and he got Dan suction-cupped to his ass, worried about him and protecting him and giving him pretty presents. Ashley wants the same treatment, so he made up some traumatic story to get your attention so you’d run to his rescue. And it’s fucking working! You’re buying his little story like it’s fucking on sale! You’re listening to him and petting him and letting him cry all over you! He’s lying, and you know it! It isn’t even fucking believable! It isn’t even a good lie! Brian?! This bitch is such a stupid, immature cunt that he can’t even lie right! Like having your package grabbed is so fucking terrible!”

“What’s terrible is not having anyone fucking believe me!” Ashley shouted. “I’m not doing this for attention, I’m doing it because Brian’s a fucked-up pervert like the rest of you!”

“Oh, that’s fucking it!” Nick shouted, on his feet. “Come-”

“Both of you, shut up!” Joey ordered, rising. “Damn it! Nick, go to my room!”

“What the-”

“Go!” Joey shouted.

“If you-”

“Either go to my room or get out of my house.”

“You’re kicking me out?!” Nick demanded. “He’s-”

“I’m not playing with you,” Joey warned.

“You’d better fucking watch it,” Nick told Ashley, pointing a finger in his direction. “Brian’s too nice to fuck you up for saying shit about him, but I’m not.” Nick turned to Joey, flushed, glaring. “Your whore is playing you. I thought that you were smart enough to see through his pathetic bullshit, but now you’re defending the little bitch? You’d better stop thinking with your dick and wake the fuck up, Fatone.” Nick stormed from the room. In the hallway, something crashed to the floor. The front door slammed.

“Shit.” Angry, frustrated, Joey kicked the couch, then dropped down to sit on the table again. “Shit, shit, shit!”

After a moment, when things were quiet, Ashley leaned forward, putting a hand on Joey’s knee. “I’m sorry,” he said, worried about Joey, worried about Nick’s hold over Joey, worried about being rejected and alone. “I didn’t want to put you in the middle, but I didn’t know where else to go.”

Taking a deep breath, Joey let it out slowly, visibly trying to calm himself. “It’s not your fault.” Sighing, Joey stroked his cheek. “I’m sorry about this, pretty. Are you okay?”

He might never be again, if he heard the wrong words. “Joey…” He swallowed, gazing into Joey’s eyes, scared, vulnerable like he’d never been before. “You do you believe me, don’t you?”

“Of course I believe you,” Joey said, sounding surprised by the question. “Pretty, you’d never make up something like this. It doesn’t make sense to me, and if you were anybody else I probably wouldn’t believe you, but I know you.” He stroked Ashley’s chin. “I know what a good person you are. I know how honest you are, how sincere you are. You wouldn’t lie to me.”

Oh, god. He had lied to Joey. He’d lied every time he’d crawled out of Nick’s bed and met Joey’s eyes and not said a word. “Joey…”

“It’s okay, pretty.” Joey leaned closer, kissing him. “Why don’t you stay here tonight? Stay with me.”

“What if Nick comes back?”

“He’ll get over it.” Joey’s gaze grew concerned. “Are you all right? Do you want to be alone?”

“No,” Ashley said. “No, I want to be with you.”

“We don’t have to make love,” Joey said. “If you don’t-”

“No, I want to,” Ashley said quickly. “He didn’t, it wasn’t so bad I can’t - - I want to be with you, Joey, I want to make love.” He wanted Joey’s touch to erase Brian’s, wanted Joey’s words to block out Brian’s. Brian had made him feel disgusting, worthless, unclean. He wanted to feel good again.

“I love you, pretty,” Joey promised, kissing him gently. “It’ll be okay.”

“I’m so glad that you’re here with me,” Howie said, gazing into JC’s eyes.

“I missed this,” JC admitted. Running his fingers through Howie’s hair, he asked, “What are we doing tomorrow?”

“After Erik leaves, we’re going over to AJ’s house, to check on Justin. Then you can call Dan and tell him that everything’s fine.”

“Great.” JC hadn’t seen Justin in, well, a few days, and he looked forward to spending some time with him. “Normally I’d need some time to plan for our trip, but since someone just gave me a lot of fantastic new clothes, I don’t even need to shop.”

“I can’t wait to see them on you,” Howie said as the phone rang. “Hold that thought.” Rolling away, he picked up the phone, then turned off the ringer. “I don’t think that we need any more interruptions to our time together,” he said, sliding smoothly back into JC’s arms.

“I don’t think so, either,” JC said, kissing his mouth.

Lance cursed, slamming down the phone.

Baby-sitting Justin wasn’t AJ’s favorite activity; to make it easier on himself, he took Justin to his house. Justin holed up in the guest room for most of the day, emerging to eat and to work out. AJ left him alone for the most part, but he knew that it wasn’t a good idea to let Justin become too solitary, so as night fell, he dragged Justin to the living room.

Justin’s initial resistance weakened almost immediately, and after a few slow dances, Justin was accommodating and comfortable in his arms. They relaxed on the sofa together. Justin murmured to himself about Kevin and Dan, petting under AJ’s clothes, while AJ watched TV and offered occasional replies.

When the doorbell rang, Justin’s head flew up, gaze swinging towards the front door.

“Relax,” AJ said, easing out from under him. “Stay put.”

Frowning, nervous, rubbing his wrist, Justin settled himself at one end of the couch, eyeing the doorway.

Hitching up his pants, AJ rubbed his hairline and walked to the door. Opening it, he said, “Hey,” in a welcoming tone.

Sucking in his lips, chewing on them, Justin rubbed his wrist. He hoped that it was someone outside the game, someone who shouldn’t see him in AJ’s house, someone AJ would send away.

“I’m just baby-sitting,” AJ said. “Come on in.”

Squeezing his eyes shut, Justin gripped his wrist tightly. The list of people AJ considered friends didn’t really overlap with Justin’s list. But maybe it was JC, the Boys liked JC. Or maybe it was Joey. Whispering to himself, he opened his eyes.

Nick Carter was standing right in the middle of the room, eyeing him skeptically.

Jacob had called Brian several times, without getting an answer. Undressing, he sat on his bed in his drawers, dialing one more time.

Nothing.

“Damn it.” Untying his bandanna, he shook out his dreads, dropping onto his back. “Shit.”

Brian, molesting Ashley, in his room? Not in a million years. Brian wasn’t a sick pervert. Only a psycho would try to take it from people. It hadn’t been a clumsy attempt at a sexual pass, either - - Brian wasn’t clumsy, and Brian wasn’t gay. And if Brian was going to hit on anyone, it wouldn’t be Ashley.

It would be Jacob.

Fuck Ashley’s lies, and fuck Lance’s ego. Brian was a good person, a moral person, a spiritual person. Brian was in love with him. And if Brian hadn’t been so tired yesterday, if Ashley hadn’t been such a needy lying son-of-a-bitch that morning, Jacob and Brian might already have expressed their love for each other in a more intimate way.

Closing his eyes, he pictured it, sliding his hand down over his flat, bare stomach. Brian. Brian’s tender smile and blue eyes. Brian’s strong jaw and silky, fine hair. Brian’s pure, naked, masculine body. He’d seen it, seen it in its entirety, that one night at the gym, there in the locker room. Beautiful in its simplicity. Healthy. He was comfortable in his own body, at home there, unselfconscious. The sight of his soft, naked dick, so casually displayed, still haunted Jacob’s dreams.

Pulling his swelling arousal from his underwear, Jacob bit back a groan, jacking his dick with a quick, pumping motion. “Oh,” he breathed, “oh, unh…” He wanted Brian, wanted to stroke those tight little nipples, wanted to kiss that smooth stomach, wanted to lick, “oh,” touch, “ah,” suck on that, “yes,” perfect, “oh yes,” tantalizing, “oh,” dick, “oh!” Grunting, panting, Jacob pushed through his orgasm, jacking himself dry. “Oh…” Closing his eyes as his breathing slowed, he licked his lips. Brian.

“My love,” Brian whispered, running his fingertips across the screen. “Jacob, my love.” His love needed him, desired him, practically cried out to him. He longed to respond to that call, longed to return his love’s passion. Putting off their union for one more night had been a necessary evil, but the beautiful display before him was only further proof of Jacob’s mounting desperation.

Brushing his lips over Jacob’s onscreen image, Brian whispered sweet consolation, his heart aching. And then Jacob got up from the bed, wiping himself clean and picking up the phone.

“Yes, my love, yes,” Brian coaxed, hopeful.

Brian’s phone rang.

Silencing the TV’s, Brian answered his phone. “Hello?”

“Are you okay?” Jacob asked.

“I’m fine,” he said, his tone forgiving. “How’s Ashley?”

“He left to see Joey. I hope that you told Joey and Nick exactly what’s going on.”

“I told Nick everything,” Brian said. “I didn’t get a chance to talk to Joey, but I know that Nick will do it for me. I’ve mostly been with Lance all day. He’s letting me spend the night in his guest room. I wanted to see you, but I wanted to give Ashley room.”

“Forget about Ashley,” Jacob said. “Why should you respect him when he’s lying about you?”

Jacob’s image was clear onscreen, shown from separate angles by two cameras. He was half-naked and vulnerable before Brian’s eyes, loyal and defiant in Brian’s ear. “I love you,” Brian whispered, overcome by it. “I love you so much, Jacob. Thank you for defending me. An accusation like that can do so much damage, and I can’t prove that I didn’t do it.”

“There’s no way for him to prove that you did, either,” Jacob said fiercely. “I love you and I will never let him hurt you. This should never have happened in the first place, and I’ll be damned if it gets any further.”

“I know that it’s not my fault, but it seems like all of a sudden I’ve come between you,” Brian said. “You’re taking my side against him, and I don’t know how to feel about that.”

“He’s the one who should feel bad, for doing this to you, for putting us in this position. He should feel like shit. I don’t know what he thinks gives him the right to do this, to anybody, especially to you.”

“He must be going through a lot right now,” Brian said. “I’m trying to give him the benefit of the doubt. I just don’t understand how he could take it so far.”

“Don’t make excuses for him,” Jacob said. “Dan’s doing enough of that.” Onscreen, Jacob pushed his fingers through his hair, sitting on the edge of the bed. “I don’t want to talk about this. Don’t spend the night at Lance’s house. Come here. Ashley’s not even home. Or I could meet you at your house. We were going to spend time together, and it keeps getting interrupted.”

“Would I sound crazy if I told you that I miss you?” Brian asked softly, gazing at him.

“I miss you, too,” Jacob said.

“Lance has been so supportive, I don’t want to walk out in the middle of the night,” Brian said. “I’ll see you tomorrow. We’ll be together then.”

“No matter what?” Jacob pressed.

“No matter what,” Brian promised. “I love you.”

“I love you, too,” Jacob said.

“Good-bye.”

A quiet sigh. “Bye.”

Hanging up, Brian put his hand to the screen. His eyes filling with emotion, his voice breaking, he whispered, “Oh, my love.”

“You look like shit.”

Justin was so scared, he wanted to run and hide behind AJ, but was afraid to move in case it drew more attention to himself. He wasn’t allowed to say no to Nick, he had to do whatever Nick wanted, and his powerlessness terrified him. What if Nick wanted another - - what if Nick wanted to fuck him?! He turned his gaze on AJ, silently begging.

“Relax,” AJ said told him. “You want something to eat?”

“Yeah, that’d be cool,” Nick said, sparing a glance for AJ before studying Justin again. He grinned. “Boo.”

“You and your big dick traumatized him,” AJ said, going to the kitchen. “Take it easy this time.”

“Hey, people love my big dick,” Nick said, lounging on the other sofa.

“It is a thing of beauty,” AJ called. “What are you doing here?”

“Joey’s mommying Ashley tonight, so I have some time to kill. That little bitch called us criminals.”

“Us?” AJ asked, coming back into the room. Setting a plate on the table, he handed Nick a glass.

“You and me,” Nick said. “Can you believe that? Criminals.”

“I did almost drown his best friend,” AJ said, sitting beside Justin, running a hand over Justin’s thigh.

“I drowned JC, and he got over it,” Nick said, biting a chip in half, licking his lips. “This is good, what kind are these?”

Justin stared at Nick.

“Donnell or O’Donnell or McDonnell or something,” AJ said. “When are you going to Vegas?”

Justin stared at AJ. “He drowned JC?”

Nick laughed. “You guys don’t tell each other anything.”

“JC’s fine,” AJ said. “He has great lung capacity, anyway.”

“He can hold his breath forever,” Nick agreed. “It took him a while to pass out. I was about to give up.”

“You drowned JC?!” Justin demanded, sitting forward. “You drowned - - what the hell is wrong with you?!”

“What’s wrong with me?” Nick repeated. “What’s wrong with me is that if I tell you to kiss my ass, you actually have to do it. Yeah, I drowned JC, but he’s over it.”

“He’s not really over it,” AJ said. “He hasn’t been in anything bigger than a hot tub since it happened.”

“Well, yeah,” Nick said. “But he’s still in love with me.”

“When?” Justin demanded. “Why?”

“I don’t know, after the fire but before we broke up for good,” Nick said. “We were out on the boat, and I dropped anchor, and we made love, and everything was pretty good. Then I mentioned some guy who’d been talking to him at the club we went to the night before, and he was trying not to react because he knew it wouldn’t be good, but I kept pushing, so he brought up the girl I’d fucked that same night, and I threw him overboard.”

“You threw him overboard?” Justin couldn’t believe it. “What, you just picked him up and threw him overboard in the middle of the conversation?”

“The drop wasn’t that far,” Nick said. “I rolled down the ladder and jumped in after him. I kept fighting, I wouldn’t let him get to the ladder, and he started getting scared, because I was totally out of control and there was nothing out there but him and me. When I finally let him get to the ladder, he was two rungs up when I grabbed him and forced him under.”

“You played life-or-death games in the middle of the ocean?” Justin demanded.

“I let him up a couple of times. Towards the end, I did it face-to-face, so he could watch me. He was weak enough by then that he didn’t put up much of a fight.” Nick ate a few chips. “I put him over my shoulder and carried him up onto the boat and gave him mouth-to-mouth. He coughed up water, I told him how much I loved him, and he clung to me like a motherfucker. He hasn’t really bitched too much about me fucking other people since then.”

“You could have killed him!” Justin shouted. “You almost killed JC!” Hearing the words aloud made him recoil in horror, and he had to say it again, to make Nick understand. “You almost killed JC!”

“I didn’t kill him,” Nick said. “I know CPR, I had the whole thing planned out. I knew I could carry him up the ladder, I tried it with AJ to make sure I could do it fast enough.”

“You knew that he was going to do this?!” Justin demanded, gripping AJ’s arm. “You helped him plan it?!”

“We had to make it safe so that JC would be okay,” AJ said. “We practiced it a few times. He threw me overboard a few times, he carried me up the ladder, the whole thing.”

“He bitched the whole time,” Nick said. “But I wanted to get it right.”

“What if something had gone wrong?” Justin demanded. “What if you hadn’t performed CPR in time? What if you lost your grip and he sank? What if you hit your head or the ladder broke or he hit his head or what the fuck, you can’t drown people! You could have killed him!”

“Or a shark could have attacked you,” AJ added.

“A shark, right,” Nick said. “JC’s fine. He’s alive, he’s breathing, he’s still in love with me.”

“You’re sick,” Justin said. “You’re so fucking sick.”

“And you’re not?” Nick asked.

“I’ve never tried to kill anyone!”

“Do you listen?” Nick asked. “I was trying not to drown him. I was trying to scare him, and it worked. You’re the one who strangled Jacob. It took you, what, four people to get you off of him? You were in a blind rage. I’d done fucking drills to make it safer.”

“He has a point,” AJ told Justin. “You have been homicidal.”

“Aren’t you in love with me?” Nick asked Justin. “Do you tell Kevin how fucking sick he is?”

“Yes,” Justin snapped. “I’m in love with you. Can I be excused?” he asked AJ.

“You can go to your room,” AJ told Justin.

“I want to call JC,” Justin said.

“He’s busy,” AJ said. “He and Howie got back together last night. Go to your room. And tell Nick that you love him again, before he goes to Kevin and you’re in more trouble.”

Getting up, Justin walked over to Nick. Putting his hands in his pockets and curling them into fists, he looked into Nick’s eyes and said, “I love you. I’m sorry that I was disrespectful. Thank you for talking to me.”

“And you think that I’m fucked up?” Nick asked.

“You can go,” AJ told Justin.

“Hey, don’t give JC any shit for this,” Nick warned. “He’s gone through hell for me, and he doesn’t need you harassing him about it.”

Now it was a direct order. “Yes, Nick,” Justin said, leaving the room. Going to the guest room, he closed the door, leaning back against it and sliding down until his ass hit the floor.

JC.

Curling in on himself, Justin crossed his arms over his head protectively, trying not to break.

Continue on to part eighty-five

matthew@matthewtime.com
“Sucker”
Boyslash
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