Alla
Copyright October 27, 2000 by Matthew Haldeman-Time
Rating: PG-13 for themes of male-male relationships
Pairing: Brian Littrell/Nick Carter, since they're the only ones here at the moment
Disclaimer: The young men who comprise the Backstreet Boys are their own people. The author has not met anyone here described, nor does the author mean to suggest that these people act this way in real life. This writing is a work of fiction. I make no money from this venture.
Dedication: This slashfic is for Ewan McGregor. Also for the ever-supportive, ever-encouraging Becky, Bonnie, Desiree, Melissa, and Stephanie. Since there are five of you, I'd give you each a Backstreet Boy, but they're not mine. And if they were, I wouldn't share.
Wherein Brian has deep personal relationships with a pillow, Nick's shirt, and his toothbrush.
Notice: This slashfic is the seventh in a series.
"Can I have my room back?" Brian asked, disliking the silence, uncomfortable under Nick's gaze.
"I thought you were spending quality time with AJ."
"If you want this room I can take yours."
"It's your room."
"I didn't mean to wake you."
"I wasn't asleep yet. I had to go to the other room to get my stuff."
"You look tired."
"You look awful."
"I feel awful."
"Come in and sit down. What's wrong?"
Brian walked into the room, dropped his belongings, and dropped himself onto the bed. He rolled over and pushed his face into the pillow. Soft pillow. At least his pillow still loved him. No, AJ loved him, AJ just thought that their love was meaningless. Meaningless. No meaning in their love. Empty love.
He felt the mattress dip, and Nick's warmth was nearby. "You want to talk about it or sleep?"
"I didn't brush my teeth."
"One night won't kill you."
"I didn't take off my shoes."
Nick sighed. "I'll do it. Go to sleep."
Empty love. Meaningless. Pointless? Pointless, empty love. Nick was taking off his shoes, and he heard them thump onto the floor as his feet were released. Then Nick tugged off his socks. He wriggled his toes and Nick was lying beside him again. Empty, empty love. Meaningless. Without meaning. Lacking in meaning. His love was empty, his heart was empty, his arms were empty, his bed was empty.
Well, no, not empty. Nick was in his bed.
Wait, this was Nick's bed. So Nick wasn't in his bed, he was in Nick's bed. Except that he'd given the bed to Nick, so it really was his. Was he in Nick's bed or was Nick in his? Maybe it was just their bed, their bed together that they were in together.
"You're not sleeping."
"AJ kicked me out of his room."
"Why?"
"You aren't surprised."
"Are you?" Nick asked.
"Yes!" He pushed himself up on his elbows, then dropped to his side, looking at Nick, who was propped on one elbow looking down at him. "We're in love. We're supposed to be together. But it doesn't matter."
"Why?"
"He thinks that he's second best. He's not! I love him."
"Second to what?"
"I don't know. He didn't make any sense." He twisted his fingers in the front of Nick's T-shirt, scowling at his hand. "We're supposed to be together."
"You and AJ?"
"Yes!"
"Why?"
"We're in love."
"That's not the...the...sole determining factor."
He looked at Nick with suspicion. "You thought of that all by yourself?"
Nick glared at him briefly.
"It's my sole determining factor. I love AJ and he loves me so we should be together."
"What if you fall in love with somebody else?"
"I won't."
"Never? Because if he's really dumped you, and you're planning to spend the next seventy years only in love with him, you're in trouble."
"I'll talk to him tomorrow. I'll make him see."
"I don't know. Some people are too stupid to see what's right in front of them."
"Are you talking about me?"
"How'd you guess?"
"The fact that you poked me in the stomach with every word kind of clued me in."
"Well, being subtle doesn't work with you. Smacking you over the head doesn't seem to work, either."
"What am I not seeing that's right in front of me?"
Nick's fingers pried his from the front of Nick's T-shirt. Nick held onto his hand and gently pulled him closer. "Brian?"
"What?"
"You're an idiot but I love you anyway."
"Thanks."
"While you're on the rebound, can I seduce you?"
"No."
"Then go to sleep."
"I didn't brush my teeth."
Nick sighed and pushed him away, releasing his hand. "Go brush your teeth." He climbed over Nick and off of the bed. A few minutes later, with clean teeth, stripped down to T-shirt and boxers like Nick, he climbed over Nick again and settled down under the covers. He hadn't shared a room with Nick in years, and it had been a longer time since they'd shared a bed. He was used to sleeping with AJ, all wrapped up and twined together. Nick took up a lot more room than he remembered. "When did you get so big?"
"You got a problem with it?" Nick asked, settling on his stomach, eyes closed.
"You weren't this big when we met," he accused, muttering.
"I wasn't this hairy or this well-hung, either. Get used to it. Go to sleep."
"I can't get comfortable."
"Stop moving."
"You take up too much room."
"You're squirming."
"I don't squirm."
"You're the one who's used to sharing a bed."
"I know, but..."
"What?" One blue eye opened.
"That's different."
"Yeah. We're not naked or sticky."
"You're not hairy."
"What?"
"You're not. And you're not..."
The second eye opened. "I dare you to finish that sentence."
"Aren't you sleeping?"
"I was trying, but you'd rather talk. So talk. What were you saying?"
"I can't sleep."
"After that."
"You're not that hairy. And you're not that hung, either."
"Want me to prove it?"
"Prove what?"
"Either get comfortable and go to sleep and let me sleep, or I'm getting naked."
"Roll over."
"Why?"
"I'm getting comfortable."
"And I'm not allowed to watch?"
"Go." Brian pushed at Nick's shoulder. Nick sighed and rolled, his back to Brian. Brian settled in behind him, leaving space between their bodies but wrapping his arm around Nick's torso. He felt better with something to hold. Not as empty. "Night."
"Night," Nick said, and yawned,
and fell asleep.