Copyright October 5, 2004 by Matthew Haldeman-Time

Rating: NC-17 for graphic male-male sex

Pairing: *NSYNC

Disclaimer: The young men who comprise *NSYNC are their own people.  The author has not met anyone here described, nor does the author mean to suggest that these people act this way in real life.  This writing is a work of fiction.  I make no money from this venture.

Here the road trip ends.  Thank you for taking the journey with us.

        “Hey, you coming?” Joey called.

        Chris walked back to the door, refusing to let himself look at the bed where he’d had JC.  Joey was there in the open doorway, waiting for him.  “You’re really going to do this?”

        “Do what?” Joey asked, as Chris joined him.

        “This!”  Chris gestured to the parking lot beyond, where Justin, JC, and Lance were grouped up beside the van.  “Get three cute little boyfriends, exchange love notes backstage, spend every Christmas together.”

        Joey frowned and smiled at the same time.  “Chris, we work all of the time.  When was the last Christmas we weren’t together?”

        Damn it, “You know what I mean.  Love notes and cooing and putting aside everybody else for them.”

        Joey grinned.  “When we have thirty seconds to change and you take the time to smack Justin on the ass before getting in place, that’s not exchanging love notes backstage?  Besides, I’ve always put aside everybody else for you guys.”

        “That’s not the same, damn it!  What’s happening now, what you’re trying to start, it’s completely absolutely fucking different.  Have you really thought about how much is going to change?” Chris demanded.  This was going to affect every aspect of their lives.  Except Chris wasn’t even sure he was going to be allowed to be a part of it.

        Joey shrugged slightly, his tone becoming serious.  “I’ve thought about watching JC and Lance be together and not being a part of that.  I’m not willing to let them have that without me anymore.  I’m not willing to do it without you and Justin, either.  So you’d better get on board.”

        It affected Chris, to know that Joey wanted him there.  But he wasn’t sure he was willing to take that step, and he wasn’t sure Lance would let him if he tried.  “And if I don’t?”

        “Come on!” Justin called across the parking lot.

        “Let’s go!” JC yelled.

        “Come on, let’s go, it’s your birthday, time to party…”  Justin started dancing, shaking his ass, and JC joined in before bursting into laughter.

        Chris looked at Joey.  Joey smiled and said, “I’d like to see you tell them no.”

        He wasn’t sure how much time had passed before conversation broke into his sleep.  He opened his eyes, and the van was dark; night had fallen.  Justin was up front with JC, snickering about something, and Lance lifted his head from Joey’s shoulder - - when had Joey gotten there?  He blinked, glancing out the window to see where-

        Wait, had that sign just said-

        Lance sat up straight.  “Where are we?”

        “Hey, you’re awake,” Joey said.

        “Morning, sunshine,” Justin said.

        “That sign just said-”

        “We took a detour,” Joey said.

        “Are we going east?” Lance demanded.  “We’re going east!”  He couldn’t believe this!  “What the-”

        “Sorry, Lance,” Justin said.  “You’ve been kidnapped.”

        “We decided that you and Chris are acting like-”

        “Immature idiots,” Justin said.

        “-stupid little fuckers,” Joey finished, “and we’re taking over.  Nobody goes anywhere until you two work this out, whatever the hell it is.”

        “We’re going to miss the-”

        “Yeah, we decided we don’t care,” Justin said.  “This is more important.”

        Lance couldn’t reason with them.  “This is insane.  We have somewhere to be, we’re already hours, probably days behind schedule, we-”

        “Don’t care,” Justin said.

        “More important,” Joey agreed.

        Damn it.  Lance turned, looking to the seat behind him.  Chris was curled up, fast asleep.  The position couldn’t have been comfortable, trying to get horizontal while staying buckled up and remaining on the seat, but Chris looked peaceful for once, and the black cast of his lashes in the random wash of headlights made Lance want to-

        Damn it.  This wasn’t the time.

        When was the time?  Was there ever going to be a time?

        Maybe.  Someday.  Maybe not, and that hurt, but that was reality.  Lance shook Chris’s shoulder.  “Wake up,” he said, as Chris’s eyes opened.  Chris looked confused, and irritated.

        “What?” Chris demanded, going from irritated to pissed off, pushing away Lance’s hand.

        “JC’s driving east, and they said they’re not taking us to L.A. unless we get along, so tell them we’re getting along.”

        “We always get along,” Chris snapped.  “We’re best friends.  What the hell, JC’s driving east?  What are you talking about?” he asked, sitting up, ruffling his hair with one hand.

        “We always get along,” Lance told JC.  “We’re best friends.  You heard it here first.  Can we turn around now?”

        “No,” JC said.

        “What the hell is going on?” Chris demanded.

        “Stop the van, JC,” Lance said.

        “I don’t think you’ve really bought into the spirit of what we’re trying to do here,” Justin said.

        “What,” Chris said.  “The hell.  Is going.  On?!”

        “Stop the damned van!” Lance shouted.

        JC pulled onto the shoulder and stopped the van, flipping on the interior lights and turning to face them.  “We’re not going anywhere near California until you two get over this.”

        “There’s nothing to get over,” Lance said.  He was furious with JC, and he knew that it showed through the tension in his voice.

        JC pushed it even farther.  “Is it really that hard to say that you love somebody?”

        That was fucking it.  Lance climbed past Joey and yanked open the door, jumping out of the van.  “Get out here,” he told JC.

        “Guys,” Joey said.

        “This isn’t-”

        “Now,” Lance ordered, cutting off Justin.

        “Fine,” JC said, and got out of the van.

        Justin and Joey had attempted a few conversations, but hadn’t gotten anywhere.

        Chris wondered what JC and Lance were talking about.  Their relationship, probably, since they were boyfriends.  How to stay close while still including Joey and Justin.  How to exclude him from the whole boyfriend thing while still keeping him in the group.  JC probably wanted to offer him pity sex, and Lance was probably telling JC not to bother.

        Lance was fun like that.

        Lance was fun.  That was the part that sucked.  Lance was interesting as hell, for someone who seemed boring at first glance.  Lance was like a geode or something.  He looked dull from the outside, but inside, there was a world of fascinating, unexpected surprises.  Not that Lance looked dull, physically.  Lance was hot as hell.  Kind of pretty, but sexy, too.  And Chris loved giving him head, because he had the best thighs Chris had ever had the pleasure to kneel between.  Muscular, but thick, like Joey’s, only not as hairy, and usually kind of tan.

        Lance had really good hands, too.  Lance’s grip wasn’t rough, but it was firm, self-assured, like Lance knew exactly what he was doing in bed with another man.  That was sexy as hell.

        Sucking Lance off in the hotel the other night, and the split-second kiss that had followed, had been the first time in a while that Chris had really done anything with Lance.  It had been, well, months, actually.  Chris hadn’t put a lot of deliberate thought into it, but that seemed like a long time, now.  A really long time.  He wondered if it had been intentional, on Lance’s part.

        Of course it had been.  Lance didn’t want him, and Lance didn’t want him to take JC, Justin, and Joey away.  The truth was, they didn’t get along.  They hadn’t for a while.  Lance didn’t like him, so he’d started disliking Lance right back.  He wasn’t going to run after Lance pleading with Lance to be his friend.  Lance didn’t have to like him.  He had other friends.

        Other friends like JC, who was Lance’s boyfriend, on loan to him only briefly with Lance’s permission.  Other friends like Justin, who let Lance fucking take his virginity.  Other friends like Joey, who didn’t want the others to have something without him.  Chris didn’t want them to have something without him, either, but what was he supposed to do about it?  Beg Lance to let him join the Secret Boyfriends Society?

        He was okay with Justin’s non-virgin status.  That wasn’t the issue.  But he’d been Justin’s first everything, pretty much.  Not on purpose, necessarily, but things had worked out that way.  It might have been nice to have been the first for that, too.

        Although he had been the first one to touch Justin there.  Come to think of it, Lance had been the one to invite him to join in, and to let him make that move first.  Justin had felt incredible, and had looked absolutely wracked with pleasure, and Lance…

        Lance had been watching him.  He remembered that.  He’d managed to tear his gaze away from Justin’s shuddering body for one second, and he’d looked at Lance, and Lance’s gaze already had been on him.  There had been this look in Lance’s eyes, sort of…  Sort of…

        Sort of…

        The van doors opened; Lance and JC got back in.  JC started up the van again, and Lance said, “We’re going to a hotel.”

        Chris was going to sleep in the van.

        Once the food was gone, and Justin got up to throw away their trash, Lance sat beside Chris on the bed.  “We got a second room.  I think we should go there and talk.”

        Ambush.  Chris didn’t like it.  “I don’t think we have a whole lot to say.”

        “I’d like,” Lance hesitated, then stopped.  “I’d like to talk to you.”

        “You can talk right here,” Chris said.  “I’m listening.  I’m listening right now, go ahead, say whatever you want.  Does your boyfriend want to join in?”

        Lance’s mouth tightened.  “That’s one of the things we need to talk about.”

        Oh, Chris was just sure it fucking was.  “Then talk to me.”

        “I want to do it alone,” Lance said.

        “I thought we all shared everything,” Chris said.  “Share conversations, share lovers, share sex, share boyfriends…”

        “You’re never going to be honest with me in front of anyone else, and neither am I,” Lance said.  “Maybe once we’re alone, we’ll get it out.”

        Chris couldn’t even take offense to that.  He didn’t even really have an argument against that.  It was pretty much true, damn it.  “Maybe I don’t want to get it out.”

        “Come over if you decide you want to,” Lance said, getting up.  “I’ll be on the other side of this wall.”  He took a few steps away; JC came up to kiss him, and rubbed his arm, and murmured something.  They kissed again, and Lance left.

        Bastard.  Chris looked away and found Joey watching him.  Justin watching him.  JC watching him.  They were all just standing around, looking at him, waiting for him to-

        “Fine, damn it, I’ll go.”  Anything to get them to stop looking disappointed in him.  “I’m going, and I’m sure I’ll have a great time.  Just…  Can I leave you alone with them?” he asked Joey.  He wasn’t sure how long this little talk would take, and anyone left alone with JC, Justin, and a bed…  The first time Chris had tried, he’d just about crippled himself.  He’d done it several times since then, and now he could tell when it was going to rain by the ache in his dick.

        Joey’s grin was highly anticipatory.  “We’ll be fine.”

        If he said so.  Chris headed for the door.

        “Chris.”  JC stopped him, and kissed him.  Even pissed off in general and mad at the four of them for setting up this situation, Chris still felt warm stirrings of desire from one kiss from JC.  “Thank you for last night.”

        Last night?  “No problem,” Chris said.  He’d fucked JC.  He was still the king of the world.

        “Hey,” Justin said, slipping in.  “It’s just Lance.  It’s not…  It’s just Lance.”

        “Okay, good information,” Chris said.

        “You know what I mean,” Justin said.  Yeah, he did, he just…  It being Lance was part of the problem.  Almost the entirety of the problem.  Justin kissed him, and he kissed back because, well, it was Justin, and Justin’s tongue was always very assertive but Justin’s lips were always so damned soft…

        Okay.  “See you guys later,” Chris said, and left.

        Lance scratched his head.

        Chris shifted again.

        Lance dropped his hand and sighed.  “Look, just talk to me.  What’s your problem?”

        “JC’s your boyfriend?!” Chris demanded.  It burst out so suddenly it surprised even him, but hey, at least now they were talking.  That was what Lance had wanted, right?  Lance wanted to talk; Chris would talk.  “How did you get that to happen?  When did that sound like the best idea in the world?”

        “I love JC,” Lance started.

        “Yeah, and he loves you, I know,” Chris snapped.  “He loves me, too, damn it, and chaining him to your side won’t keep that from being true!”

        “I’m not - - what the hell are you talking about?” Lance asked, looking surprised.

        “This isn’t a popularity contest,” Chris said.  “Or maybe it is.  Maybe the guy with the biggest number of boyfriends wins.  Congratulations, Lance.  The score is at zero to three, and you’re winning.”

        “I’m not trying to win!” Lance said.  “I’m not trying to take anyone away from you!  I’m just trying to-”  He closed his mouth, his eyes bright and shocked and angry and scared.

        “Just trying to what?” Chris demanded.  “Just trying to steal JC all for yourself?  Just trying to seduce Justin and Joey into your little club?”

        “Just trying to hold onto something,” Lance said, too fast, like if he didn’t rush with it it wouldn’t come out at all.  “I’m not playing a game, and I’m not winning.  You’re waging a war, and I’m just trying to stay alive.”

        Chris just stared.  Lance’s voice sounded desperate suddenly, angry and sad.  “I’m…  War?  I’m not waging anything,” he said, surprised at the accusation.  “Where are you getting all of this?  At the crazy store?  Was there a sale on paranoia?”

        Lance laughed like he didn’t want to but couldn’t help it.  “This group is yours, Chris.  It’s always been yours.”

        “I thought it was ours,” Chris said.  “If it belongs to anybody, it belongs to Justin.”

        “Justin loves you,” Lance said.  “He idolizes you.  He’s always looked to you and JC for where to go, how to act, what to do.”

        “And JC’s hooked up with you, so what does that say?” Chris asked.

        “I love JC, and being with him has brought me more true happiness than almost anything in my life,” Lance said.  “Being with him was also the most strategic move I could have made.  It gave me a tie, a real tie, to this thing.  Without that, where do you think I’d be right now?”

        “Probably in the same place, confusing the hell out of me,” Chris said.  “Just a guess.”

        “Everyone loves JC,” Lance said.  “Everyone loves Justin, everyone loves Joey, everyone loves you.  Everyone wants JC, everyone wants Justin, everyone wants Joey, everyone wants you.  You’ve been trying to keep it casual, but this isn’t casual.  This is real, this is love, there’s nothing casual about any of this.  Being with JC has been incredible, but I knew it wasn’t going to last.  I knew that sooner or later, the rest of you would want to be with him the way I’m with him.  Right now, I’m just working my ass off to keep myself part of that.”

        “What else would you be?” Chris asked.  “Not part of that?  That’s the craziest, stupidest thing I’ve ever heard.  Congratulations, Lance Bass.  You get the lifetime achievement award for stupidity.”

        Lance wasn’t laughing.  “Everyone loves JC.  Everyone wants to be with JC.  There’s something about him that no one else has.  There’s something about Justin, too.  There’s something about Joey, and there’s something about you.”

        “There’s nothing about me,” Chris said.

        “There are a million things about you!” Lance said.

        Chris would have loved to hear that list, but his attention was distracted.  There was this look building up behind Lance’s eyes, a look that was sort of…  Sort of…

        Sort of…

        Oh, Jesus.

        Oh, fuck.

        Oh, that changed everything.  Chris’s heart beat faster, and he reached out, curling his fingers in Lance’s shirt, making a fist against the warmth of Lance’s stomach.  “Do you want me?” he asked.

        The look was disguised by irritation, but it was there, it was still there, and it had flared in that moment when Lance had recognized his touch.  “What are you-”

        “Do you want me?” Chris repeated.  He pulled, bringing Lance closer, staring hard into Lance’s eyes.  Scared, and green, and sort of intense, and sort of wanting, and sort of lusting, and sort of absolutely fucking one hundred percent in love with him.  “You wanted to talk to me, so talk to me.  Do you want me?  Are you in love with me?  Do you want this to happen as much as I need it to?”  Because he did, he needed it to, he’d been wanting it and needing it and becoming a bitter, desperate man without it.

        Lance was pretty as hell and hot as fuck and absolutely gorgeous inside; and for Chris, feeling like he was locked in battle with someone he loved, over three people who never should have been put in the middle in the first place, had been hell.  He shouldn’t be fighting with Lance over JC, Justin, and Joey.  He should be having down and dirty sex with Lance, and maybe letting them watch.  He should be enjoying Lance and talking to Lance and making Lance laugh and kissing Lance and oh, except Lance was kissing him.

        Chris kissed back, a long, tangled kiss that only began to express how badly he wanted this.  “You’re the second stupidest person in the world,” he said, catching his breath, wanting to strip Lance naked and start feasting.  “I’m the first stupidest.  I love you, no games, no war, I just love you, and I’ve hated both of us for every second of this stupid fucked-up mess.  I want you, they want you, everybody’s in love with you.  It’s a five-person thing.  It’s not a four-person thing or an everybody-except-Lance thing, I swear, I promise, I-”  He cut himself off, kissing Lance hard and rushed, pushing Lance back onto the bed.

        Once they were horizontal, things moved fast.  Clothes were gone and lube was out and Lance was tight around Chris’s fingers, Lance’s voice rich and wanting on, “Yes, yes, yes, Chris, now, please, now…”  Chris couldn’t keep himself away from all of that luscious skin, and when his dick sank deep inside Lance’s body he wrapped his hands around Lance’s naked hips and just fucking moaned.

        God, there was nothing like this in the world.

        Chris thrust into Lance to the rhythm of Lance’s steady, low groans.  He’d wanted Lance to want him and he’d wanted Lance to like him and he’d wanted Lance to love him and all of the time, Lance had been wanting and liking and loving and needing, needing this, needing him the way he needed Lance.  And now he had what he needed, he had Lance, he had this deep, passionate love that joined all five of them together and would never, ever leave anyone behind.

        When Chris came, he slid down Lance’s body and swallowed Lance’s hard, leaking dick, sucking it and wanting it and rubbing his hands greedily all over Lance’s perfect, masculine thighs.

        “Yeah, I guess you should.”  Chris shifted even closer, sharing his pillow.  “Go ahead.”

        Lance smiled.  “I love you.”

        Chris grinned.  “I knew that.”

        “Yeah, I guess you did.”  Lance stroked Chris’s temple.  “We should tell the guys we kissed and made up.”

        “They probably heard us through the wall,” Chris said.  “You’re not quiet.”

        Lance coughed.  “I’m not quiet?  What was all of that noise you were making?”

        “I was fucking you!” Chris said.  “What, I’m supposed to be silent when my dick’s in heaven?”

        Lance laughed, but he knew he was blushing.  “Do you want to go back over there?”

        “Mmm, not for a while,” Chris said.  “I don’t really want to move.”

        Lance didn’t, either.  He was very comfortable right where he was, feeling closer to Chris than he had in too long.  “You know Joey’s over there all by himself with JC and Justin.”

        Chris grinned.  “He won’t be able to walk tomorrow.”

        Just then, there was a thump from the next room, followed by a low, wild groan that sounded distinctly like Joey.  Lance chuckled, drawing Chris closer, kissing him slowly.  “They’ll be busy for a while.”

        “Yeah,” Chris said, stroking his thigh, kissing him again, again, again.  “We should get busy, too.”

        JC was asleep, blissfully unaware of Joey’s plans for him.

        Chris was with Lance in the back, figuring out that if he licked Lance’s right nipple at the same time he rubbed his finger against Lance’s prostate, Lance would make a wonderful, deep moaning sound that was somewhere between “Chris” and “fuck me, god, fuck me.”

        They were an entire week late, and frankly, Chris didn’t give a damn.  It looked like Lance didn’t, either.