Rip

Rip, sixth in the "Complete" series

Rating: PG-13

Pairing: Brian Littrell/AJ McLean

Disclaimer: The young men who comprise the Backstreet Boys are their own people. The author has not met anyone here described, nor does the author mean to suggest that these people act this way in real life. This writing is a work of fiction. I make no money from this venture.

Dedication: This slashfic is for Ewan McGregor. Also for Stephanie, Melissa, Desiree, and Becky, for telling me that they liked "Interlude."

Wherein AJ thinks, and watches, and makes a decision.

Notice: This slashfic is the sixth in a series. Also, NO PEEKING, but notice that it isn't clear who says the last line.

Alla

Nick had tipped his hand. But he wasn't worried about it. A strange calm had settled over Nick's life. He had a feeling that everything would turn out the way it should in the end. A sense of inevitability hung about each encounter. So what if Brian went to AJ's bed tonight? Brian would be in his bed soon enough, for good.

As he'd told AJ, Brian was his. And Brian knew it. All Nick had to do was wait.

He didn't doubt that AJ would fight him on it. AJ McLean didn't roll over for anybody. But he wouldn't let that keep him from Brian. Nothing would keep him from Brian.

Or Brian from him.

Despite knowing that Brian would be with him someday, Nick kept wanting to hurry the process along a bit. He was tired of waiting. Sometimes he did a little prodding to nudge Brian in the right direction. It wasn't hard, since they'd always been close and they'd always been open and they'd always been physically affectionate. He just dropped a few comments about sexual frustration, leaned against Brian, and toyed with Brian's hair a few times. Soon enough Brian was smiling at him with that completely unreserved "Nick you're the most beautiful person in the world" expression that Brian had used to wear all of the time.

All of the time before AJ.

Nick was jealous. Of course he was jealous; the love of his life was fucking one of his closest friends! But he reminded himself that AJ's supremacy was temporary. Brian would come to him soon, for good. Brian would be his. Brian was his.

Brian was not a possession. Brian was a human being. But AJ kept wanting to hold on to Brian and scream, "Mine!" Wrap Brian in his arms and hide under the bedclothes and keep Brian there with him. Swoop down on Nick like the wrath of God and teach that boy a lesson.

If Brian had anybody's name on his ass, it was going to be AJ's, and that's all there was to it.

And Brian, Brian was clueless. AJ saw it on Brian's face, in Brian's eyes. Brian was having a wonderful time on tour, hanging out with his best friends, performing every night, getting to have his very best friend Nick and his very best boyfriend AJ all at once! Wasn't it *great*?

Hell no.

AJ couldn't believe how absolutely blind Brian was. Couldn't he see what Nick was doing? Every time Brian and Nick were having a conversation, on the bus or off of it, even in wardrobe at a photo shoot while Brian was half-naked, even in AJ's hotel room - - what the fuck was Nick doing flirting with Brian in AJ's room?! - - every time Brian and Nick were having a conversation, wherever that happened to be, Nick's fingers did the walking. AJ would turn around and there Nick would be, touching Brian. Touching Brian. And Brian would just be talking, and smiling up at Nick like everything was good and right in the world, all friendly. Brian was so...friendly.

And AJ would remind himself that all was good and right in the world for Brian. And part of that world was being AJ's boyfriend. Brian was happy being Nick's friend and being AJ's boyfriend. And that blonde overgrown tenor could just take that and shove it.

He kept having to remind himself that he actually liked Nick very much. He and Nick were friends.

Brian wasn't his. He couldn't own an entire human being. But Brian was his boyfriend, his lover, his significant other. Brian had chosen to be with him. Brian was in love with him.

And he kept hearing Nick's voice in his head. "You think he's not in love with me?"

Brian went to his hotel room first, to mess things up a little so that it would look as though someone had stayed there. He went into the bathroom and pulled some toilet paper off of the roll, splashed water in the sink and shower, dampened and disturbed the towels, drank from the cup. Then he moved into the main room, tossed some tissues in the trashcan, opened the closet door, and started to pull down the bedspread.

"Hey."

He tossed Nick a smile and pushed the spread down to the floor. "Hey." He tugged the pillows out of place and pulled down the sheets. Nick sprawled over the bed. "Hey, get up."

"Comfy." Nick grinned up at him.

"You have your own bed."

"I like yours."

"You can stay here, then." Half sincerity, half sarcasm.

"Stay with me."

"No thanks."

"Got somewhere better to be?"

He smiled. "Yes."

Nick made a disgusted noise and rolled over, then back again.

"What was that for?"

"What?"

He duplicated the noise. Nick just laughed. "Come on, get up, I have to go."

"Stay here."

"Nick, AJ's waiting for me."

"We never hang out anymore."

"I'm with you all day."

"It's never just us."

"There's no time for just us."

"You have time for AJ."

"Yeah, and you're using it up right now." Nick rolled away from him, and a little barb of guilt stung Brian. "Nick, I know we haven't been together like we used to be. But you know how busy we are. And the two seconds of free time we get, I'm with AJ."

"You like him better."

"He's my lover. Nick, you're acting like a two-year-old."

Nick rolled onto his back again, leaning up on his elbows, looking at Brian with narrowing eyes. "I'm twenty, Brian. Twenty. I'm only two years younger than AJ."

"And what a difference in maturity that two years makes." AJ was in the doorway, leaning against the doorjamb casually. "You coming?"

"Yeah," Brian said, shouldering his bag, reaching for his suitcase.

"Gimme your key," Nick said, holding out one hand.

"Why?"

"You said I could stay here."

"You don't have your own room?" AJ asked.

"I like Brian's bed."

Brian looked at Nick. Beautiful, talented, spoiled Nick. He dropped his room key into Nick's palm and picked up his suitcase. "See you in the morning."

When he reached the doorway, AJ kissed him, said, "Good night, Nicky," and closed the door.

"He hates being called that," Brian said.

"I know." AJ let them into AJ's room, closing and locking the door. He set down his suitcase and carry-on, rubbing at his shoulder absently, thinking about the look of betrayal in Nick's eyes.

The look of betrayal in Nick's eyes? Why would Nick feel betrayed?

"You okay?" AJ asked, massaging his shoulder for him, looking patiently concerned.

"Yeah." He kissed AJ a little. That felt good.

"Let's play a game," AJ suggested.

"A game?"

"It'll be lots of fun. I'll ask a question, and you'll be honest. First question. You okay?"

He smiled and kissed AJ again. "I don't know."

"You don't know if you're okay. That means you're not okay."

"Why am I not okay?"

"I'm guessing it has to do with Nick."

"Maybe."

"Come on." AJ steered him toward the bed and pushed him to sit at the foot. Then AJ sat down behind him and started a real massage on his shoulders. "We'll start over. You okay?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"Nick's upset."

"You're upset because Nick's upset."

"Yeah. He's unhappy. I think he feels...neglected."

"Why?"

He rolled his head to one side, then dropped his chin. How long had he been this tense? He hadn't realized. "Why?" he repeated. Right, they were talking about Nick.

"Woah."

"What?"

"Did I not just loosen these muscles? Stop tensing up."

"I'm not."

"You are. Stop it."

He leaned back against AJ, into AJ, head resting on AJ's shoulder. AJ's arms came around his shoulders loosely, hands resting on his chest. "You're kind of skinny."

"You're kind of changing the subject."

"I thought we were guys."

"We are."

"Then why are we talking instead of having sex?"

"Because I'm sick of the elephant in the room."

"There's an elephant in the room?" he asked in a tone of surprised confusion.

"It's an expression," AJ said too patiently.

"I know. What elephant?"

"The six-two blonde elephant."

"Nick?" he asked, frowning.

"That's the one. Did you feel that?"

"Feel what?"

"You tensed up all over. You're going to give yourself an ulcer."

"About Nick?"

"Brian." AJ's cheek rested against his temple. "You can't possibly be this stupid."

"That was kind of flattering. And kind of insulting."

"I love you."

He twisted a little so he that could look at AJ. "I love you."

"I want to keep you."

"Go ahead. I'm all yours."

AJ made a noise that was almost a laugh, except it sounded painful. "You're not mine, Brian. You're on loan and you don't even know it."

"On loan? From whom?"

"Nick."

"Nick?" AJ let go of him; he sat up again and turned, facing AJ. "What?"

"Nick's trying to claim what's his. And what's the point of denying it? All we're doing is dragging this out. It might be another few days, it could be months or even years. But we all know how it's going to end. It's like taking off a Band-Aid; you either peel it off as slowly as possible, or you yank hard and rip it right off. We're been sitting here picking at it bit by bit and it's killing all of us. Just do it. Just...just go."

"Go where?"

"To Nick!"

"Why?" he asked, desperate, lost.

"Because you're in love with him!"

"I'm in love with you!"

"I know! God damn it! I know you love me, I love you, but I'm sick of coming in second best. I hate it, and I hate Nick, and I'm starting to hate you, too, and I hate myself, and if we're going to be friends, if we're going to keep the Backstreet Boys, we can't keep doing this."

"You're not second best."

"Stop lying! Stop lying to me, and to yourself, and to Nick. We all know, Brian, we all know you love him more than you love me, and you always will. If you want him, go be with him. He sure as hell wants you. And I know I deserve someone who loves me first. I am nobody's second choice."

"AJ-"

"Get out."

"Now?"

"Now."

"Can't-"

"Now."

"I love you."

"I love you," AJ said. "Funny how meaningless that is right now."

It wasn't funny at all.

It wasn't meaningless, either.

But Brian found himself standing in the dimly lit hallway with his suitcase nonetheless, with AJ's door locked in his face.

He'd fix it tomorrow. In the morning. First thing. He go to AJ, and they'd talk, and it would be okay. He couldn't lose AJ like this. He loved AJ.

He turned to his room and, reaching for his pocket, realized that he didn't have his key. He'd given it to Nick. He sighed, debated just sleeping where he was in the hallway, and knocked lightly. Waited. Knocked again.

Turn of the deadbolt. The door opened.

"What took you so long?"

matthew@matthewtime.com
Next in the series: "Running on Empty"
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