Copyright November 12-18, 2000 by Matthew Haldeman-Time
Rating: R for male-male sex stuff
Pairings: Benton Fraser/Ray Kowalski, Jim Ellison/Blair Sandburg
Disclaimer: "due South" and "The Sentinel," with their related characters and themes, do not belong to me. I make no money from this venture.
Dedication: This slashfic is for Ewan McGregor and everyone who asked for a sequel to "HJO."
Wherein the reader will find a sequel, conversations, and Mozart.
Notice: The final lines of "HJO" about Turnbull were just me being weird.
I didn't mean it. Maybe I'll write that later, but not in this story.
Sorry. And you can thank me for cutting out the Jim/Ray sex scene.
"This way."
"The sounds are coming from-"
"No. This way."
"Ray, we don't have time to argue about it. Come on."
He grabbed Jim's elbow. "Not that way."
"Ray! I hear the-"
"Trust me on this."
"What I trust is what I'm hearing, and I hear the-"
"What you hear is me telling you to come on!" Ray yanked him around the side of the building. They'd been having this problem more and more lately. As Ray developed his sixth sense, he became more confident in using it. But Jim was grounded in the other five senses, which were concrete, and didn't always trust Ray's "hunches." Since Ray couldn't explain himself, or prove what he felt until after the fact, he and Jim were generating some conflict on the job.
Blair was working with him and Fraser. Fraser pretty much already knew what to do, how to encourage him and how to keep him grounded and how to get him to trust himself and how to keep him from pushing too hard. It was kind of cool to see Blair and Fraser being scholars and discussing Guide theory.
It was sort of scary, though, having this whole sixth sense thing. It wasn't just instinct and intuition, it was like having a superpower. It would have been kind of fun to learn how to fly instead, but at least he didn't have to wear tights.
He was supposed to meditate regularly. Someone had to be there with him, though, because when he did it on his own he didn't stop. He just got in the groove, or the zone, or whatever, and stayed there. He couldn't even meditate unsupervised? Weird. Very weird.
He was a freak. But at least he was in good company.
He had to figure out what was an actual psychic vibration and what was just him trying too hard. He was supposed to trust himself, let it come, that sort of thing. He couldn't force it. Fraser kept telling him to relax. Right. Tense situation, hostages and bullets and what the fuck were they supposed to do now and "Relax, Ray. Let it come." Let what come?! But it usually came, anyway, and even if it didn't, he was a well-trained, experienced detective.
He and Jim made a good team. They worked well together on general principle, and with Jim's senses and his extra sense, they were a nice match. Jim wasn't even pissed at him for having moved in on Blair, which was a lot more generous than he would've been if Jim would've started something with Fraser.
Yeah. Fraser.
Something going on there.
Jim and Blair were together. Was it wishful thinking that maybe the SenseGuy-Guide pairing was supposed to get sexual? Because maybe that meant that he and Fraser were supposed to...you know...yeah. Ray sure wouldn't mind that. He'd been wanting that for way too long now. Love at first sight? Maybe maybe not. Definitely love now. Serious, way down deep love, the real thing. But Fraser? Fraser was still holding back, still not crossing that line.
Ray kept hoping that his
extra little sense might tell him something about that situation.
Might jump up and yell, "Hey, Kowalski, go for it!" Might let him
know what was meant to be. But it was keeping silent on this score.
Oops, too late.
Blair intervened, ducking in between them at the risk of getting smacked. "Hey, hey, calm down, man," he said, one hand on Jim's chest, looking from one to the other. "Don't make me separate you. What went wrong?"
"If he'd listen to me-"
"How was I-"
"I told him-"
"And I told him-"
"Doesn't trust me-"
"He never-"
"I got shot!" Ray shouted.
"So did I!" Jim shouted right back.
Blue eyes to blue eyes, fists clenched. Everyone was staring. Someone laughed.
"What?" Blair asked.
"Ray, are you all right?" Fraser asked, daring to come closer.
"Had my vest on, I'm fine," Ray muttered, and he backed down an inch, and so did Jim.
"Ray-"
"It's just a bruise, Fraser."
"Jim?"
"Thanks, Fraser, I'm fine," Jim said.
"Are you sure?" Blair asked.
"Yeah."
"Now are you going to tell me why you both got shot?" Blair demanded. "Don't tell me you shot each other because that's not even funny. What happened out there?"
"I'd like to know that, too," Welsh said, joining them. "My office, let's go."
Glares, almost-grumbles,
and Ray and Jim went to Welsh's office, Fraser and Blair accompanying them.
It was the same story as usual: Ray trusted Ray's sense, Jim trusted Jim's
senses, everyone was convinced that he was right. Welsh yelled, Ray
and Jim were frustrated, and Fraser and Blair were wondering how to guide
their charges over this stumbling block.
Dief barked.
That was it, then. Fraser pulled out his key, said, "Excuse me, Ray," and unlocked the door.
Ray was standing in the middle of the room, rocking slightly for self-stimulation, "Elvira Madigan" pouring out around him. Fraser closed the door and went to turn off the CD. This song was the last on the CD; how long had Ray been like this?
"Ray." Ray's eyes were closed; the rocking continued without the music to support it. "Ray. Ray." He put his hand to Ray's shoulder. "Ray." He touched Ray's cheek.
Ray purred. Literally purred. Dief walked closer.
"Ray. Ray. Ray, the music's stopped. Come back now. Ray." He took Ray's face in two hands, staring, worried.
Ray made a noise that sounded like a very lazy pronunciation of "Fraser" and leaned closer. Fraser caught his shoulders to keep him from falling, and suddenly received an armful of Ray. Strong, slender Ray.
"Ray," he said, and his voice was too soft, too warm, so he tried again, "Ray," only it came out sounding suspiciously husky. He tried to keep Ray from rocking, and then he felt what he quite certainly suspected was Ray's arousal, and then Ray purred again. "Ray, please." Please what? Please...oh, please...not now...he couldn't...
"Fraser," Ray breathed, head tipping back, jaw and neck exposed.
Fraser went for the jugular.
Night. That explained the dark. Cosy in bed, that explained the warm. Naked he wasn't quite sure about just yet. He didn't remember it being nighttime or bedtime or naked time, but suddenly it was. And heavy, that would be because he was lying under Fraser. Fraser was on top of him. On top of him in bed asleep. That explained some of the warm, too.
He tried to remember. He did. He remembered...shit. Okay. Go back. He'd gotten out of bed, gone to work, came home, had pizza. Drugged pizza? What after pizza? Put that new CD on again, the Mozart one. Pretty good stuff, there. Hadn't expected to like it that much. And then...?
Then...?
Then he woke up naked in bed with Fraser.
Must have missed a step.
Drugged pizza? Fraser hadn't eaten any.
He wasn't going to figure this one out on his own. Better wake up Fraser, get some help here from his partner. "Fraser. Fraser. Fraser!" He pulled Fraser's hair. Nice hair. A little mussed, like someone'd been running fingers through it. One guess who that had been.
Fraser's head shot up, blue eyes wide, looking startled and scared. Fraser started to back up fast; Ray grabbed his arm.
"You aren't going anywhere. What happened?"
There was a moment of absolute panic in Fraser's eyes. Then, far too calm: "I'm sorry, Ray."
"You're dressed."
"Yes."
"I'm not."
"That is correct." Fraser had gone from white to bright red, and was carefully looking into his eyes, not down anywhere else.
"Tell me why."
Fraser's eyes closed. "I came to pay you a visit. When I arrived, I heard music but received no response from you. Concerned for your welfare, I unlocked the door and entered your apartment. You were in a...zone-out. I attempted to recall you to the present but was unsuccessful."
"Still not telling me why I'm naked in bed with you."
"We were very close physically. You were in a state of arousal. It...excited me. I took advantage of you. It was nothing short of rape and I-"
"What did you do?"
"Fellatio."
"Blow job."
"Yes."
"Didn't fuck me?"
"No!"
"Didn't get off?"
"No!"
"Why'd you do it?"
"You were so...so responsive, Ray, and beautiful. It felt like you wanted me. I only wanted to make you feel good."
"Okay. Get out."
Fraser left. Dief stayed.
Long pause. "Sort of."
"Anything serious?"
"Once."
"How'd he take it?"
"He told me that he would have preferred it if he'd been aware of what I was doing. No point in having fun with someone if he can't remember it."
"What about...how was he at the time?"
"Responsive as hell. It was so sexy. I can't even describe it. He wasn't putting up barriers, he wasn't thinking about it, he was just in the moment, completely there in the moment."
"You think that's rape?"
"He could have stopped me."
"He was zoned."
"He could have stopped me. Unwanted touching would have snapped him out of it."
"You're sure."
"I'm sure."
"So it's not rape."
"No. Unethical, yes. Wrong, yes. Rape, no. Ray?"
"Yeah."
"What did Fraser do?"
"I feel it."
"Feel what?"
"It. Whatever. Knowledge."
"You feel it."
"It sort of hums."
"Hums."
"Yeah, hums. You got a problem with that?"
"Oh, no. No problem."
"Good. It hums. I feel it. I know it. It's like this deep in your spine knowledge."
"Like what?"
"Like when I first met Blair. I knew that there was something about him. There was this weird sort of connection."
"That's why you went to bed with him."
"No, I went to bed with him because he's cute."
"Oh."
"I knew it wouldn't last."
"You did?"
"He was yours. I knew that right from the start, too. I saw him, and I knew, that has to be Blair. Because I saw him and I knew he was yours."
"That's the sort of thing the humming tells you?"
"Yeah. That's it."
Jim nodded decisively. "Okay."
Ray smiled. "Now you believe in it."
Jim smiled. "Yeah."
"You'll listen to me from now on when I tell you right instead of left?"
"Yeah."
"Good."
"Ray."
"Ben."
"Ray."
"Blair says it wasn't rape."
Silence.
"I say it wasn't rape."
Silence.
"Can we try it again? It might not be as good for you, but it'll be even better for me."
"Ray-"
"Please, Fraser. Ben. Please."
"I'm sorry, Ray."
"I know. If you wanted me, you should've just asked. We could've been doing this long ago."
"I know."
"Love you, Ben."
"I love you, Ray."