Vanessa
Copyright February 3, 2002 by Matthew Haldeman-Time
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: Backstreet Boys
Disclaimer: The young men who comprise the Backstreet Boys are their own people. The author has not met anyone here described, nor does the author mean to suggest that these people act this way in real life. This writing is a work of fiction. I make no money from this venture.
Wherein Howie plays host, AJ chooses the movie, and Nick ends up being the evening's entertainment.
Kevin was sitting on the bed, back against the headboard, legs out and ankles crossed. AJ was standing by the TV with Howie, debating where to start.
Nick kind of thought that he might be bisexual, or something. He wanted to test that theory. Howie had gay porn. Nick wanted to watch Howie's porn to see if he responded to it. But he didn't want to watch it by himself. Howie owned the tapes, AJ shrugged and said okay, Nick begged and coaxed Brian, Kevin seemed to be willing to humor them...so they ended up congregating in Howie's room to watch gay porn.
AJ was checking out the video boxes. "Not Mr. Ugly," he said, discarding one. "What's this?" He began to smirk. "Howie... Howie..."
"AJ," Howie said, meaning shut up, AJ.
AJ waved the box. "A little bondage, Howie? A little leather fetish? A little group S&M?"
"AJ, put down the-"
"Hey, that's cool. Whatever works for you. When do we get to meet your leather daddy?"
"That's it, AJ." Howie grabbed for the tape.
"I don't think Nick's ready for group S&M, but maybe later you can-"
"AJ!" Kevin, this time.
AJ picked up another tape. "Old and ugly." He tried another. "Not bad."
Howie looked at it. "No, not that one."
AJ took his word on it. "This one? Hey, Nick. Is this guy cute enough?"
Nick blushed a little. "Yeah. Whatever."
AJ nodded his approval. "We have a winner." He sat beside Brian while Howie started the VCR. The tape began, and Howie sat on the edge of the bed.
AJ relaxed, resting his shoulder against Brian's.
Nick had seen straight porn, so he wasn't surprised by the low-budget look to the opening credits. He wasn't surprised by the bad acting, either.
The sex started.
Howie, who'd seen it all before, could have been watching a Lysol commercial for all the interest he displayed. Kevin frowned a little, disbelieving. AJ made small noises, a little snort of laughter, a quick sound of approval. Brian looked at the VCR and recited the alphabet backward in his head. Brian didn't want to watch, but he did want to show Nick some support, so he stayed.
Nick was very interested in the movie. He'd never actually seen any of that before. It was all very graphic and explicit. It was new and forbidden, and his cock was stiff and hot in his jeans.
AJ said, "Ouch," sounding pained.
Nick remembered with a start where he was, and with whom. He tried to arrange his legs to disguise his erection, and casually increased the distance between himself and Brian, who was closest to him.
He remembered, too, that Howie had seen this video. Did it make Howie hard, too? Did Howie jerk off to it? Heat flooded Nick's face.
The men onscreen spurted cum on each other.
"Was it good for you?" Kevin asked, his tone sardonic.
"Is that as hard as he's going to shoot?" AJ asked.
Nick had kind of wondered that, too.
"With that little dick and those baby balls, what do you expect?" Kevin asked.
"Those are his balls? I thought they hadn't dropped yet," Howie said. Kevin and AJ laughed, surprised.
"Rok. You having a good time?" AJ asked. There were different men onscreen now, about to get down to business.
"I have a better time watching you perform onstage," Brian said.
Everybody laughed. "He has a point," Kevin said.
Howie started to hum.
"Only AJ would freak the stage," Kevin said.
"Only AJ would do it that well," Howie said.
"Maye we could put you in these movies, AJ," Kevin said.
"It would be an improvement," Brian said.
"Definitely," Howie agreed.
Watching the men onscreen, Nick had a sudden vision of AJ kissing like that, of AJ touching like that. Of touching AJ like that. Of AJ's slender, flexible body, with its predatory lines and defined musculature, half-naked under his hands as he knelt before AJ and-
"If you want it to be good, get yourself a bad boy," AJ said.
"Does that mean Brian sucks?" Howie asked.
"Yeah," AJ said.
Laughing, Brian smacked AJ. "It does not!"
"How's Nick supposed to get off on this when he's hung better than all these guys?" Kevin asked.
"It isn't all about the size," Howie said.
"You'd better hope not," Brian said. Howie hit him.
"Nick's cuter than all of them," Kevin continued.
"Sexier, too," Brian said.
"Now you're sharing too much," AJ said.
"He is," Brian said. "It's simple fact."
"Yeah," Howie said. "Maybe he should try to use the concept, the idea, and forget the guys."
"Do they pick ugly bad actors off the street, or is there a training center somewhere?" Kevin asked.
"A special school," AJ said.
"Oh, don't smack him in the nose with it," Brian said. AJ laughed. "That's supposed to be sexy?"
"I like how it keeps popping out of whatever orifice they're using," Kevin said.
"Flops right out," AJ agreed.
"None of this looks like fun," Brian said.
"You're straight. It isn't for you," Kevin said.
"I still say AJ onstage beats this, hands down," Brian said. "Aren't they finished yet?"
"You and Kevin must be hell to please in bed," Howie said.
"Only if you're not up to the challenge," AJ said.
"AJ, you're not," Kevin said. Brian laughed.
"AJ's up to any challenge," Howie said.
"I leave every lover so satisfied she doesn't remember her name," AJ said.
"You leave every lover so disgusted she can't forget your name," Kevin said.
"Bullshit. Howie. Howie, you'd do me, wouldn't you?"
"AJ-"
"Seriously. You'd do me."
"Uh...yes," Howie said, agreeing just for the sake of agreeing, to get AJ off his back.
"I'd be good."
"Definitely. Very good."
"Would you do me?" AJ asked Kevin.
"No," Kevin said.
"Why not? Howie says I'm good."
"AJ, I would not have sex with you under any circumstances."
"Because you're afraid."
"Of you?"
"Of your sexuality."
"AJ, you're full of it."
"You're afraid."
"Anyone who shakes his ass onstage like Kevin does is not afraid of his sexuality," Brian said.
"What about you?" AJ asked. "Would you do me?"
"No, AJ, I wouldn't," Brian said.
"Why not?"
"I'm straight. Heterosexual. I like women."
"You don't want men?"
"I don't want men."
"How do you know?"
"AJ-"
"Kiss me."
"No!" Brian moved away from AJ, closer to Nick.
"Maybe it's me," AJ said. "Kiss Nick."
"No!"
"What are you trying to prove?" Kevin asked.
"Sexuality is fluid, changeable," AJ said. "It isn't set in stone. Your primary attraction is to women, but that doesn't mean you can't find satisfaction somewhere else."
"If this conversation turns toward bestiality, I'm throwing you out of my room," Howie said.
"Which man have you been closest to?" AJ asked.
"You," Brian said. "The four of you."
"Emotionally."
"Right. I know you, and you know me. We've shared so much there's no contest."
"We're good-looking, right?"
"Yes." Brian smiled. "You're all very good-looking."
"What about...sexy?"
"Yes, you're sexy. But AJ, that doesn't mean anything."
"Why doesn't it mean anything?"
"I'm straight."
"You're attracted to us."
"I am?"
"That's news to me," Kevin said.
AJ ignored Kevin. "You are," he told Brian. "You're attracted emotionally. You're attracted physically. Look at how close you're sitting to Nick."
"Physically is not sexually," Brian said.
Oral sex onscreen.
AJ leaned closer to Brian with a suggestive leer.
"Physically is not sexually," Brian said again, leaning away from AJ and into Nick. AJ was getting closer. "AJ." Brian was laughing; AJ was ready to pounce; Brian scrambled over Nick, and AJ gave chase, and Brian tried to change direction and climb over Nick to reach the bed, and there was anal sex onscreen.
AJ was waiting for Brian to pick a course of action.
Brian was trying to decide how to escape. In the meantime, he was on top of Nick, half-kneeling, half-sitting, and he put one hand on Nick's shoulder. AJ reached over, and Brian smacked AJ's hand away, flesh on flesh, Brian too close. AJ reached again, and Brian grabbed Nick for protection, and Nick wanted to escape Brian, and Brian wanted to escape AJ.
Nick tipped, Brian fell with him, and Nick came, there beneath Brian on the floor. He gasped, and there was nothing he could do to stop it, the sudden flood, the explosion. He tried to be quiet, only gasped again, but he knew that Brian knew.
Brian didn't move.
Nick tried to breathe normally.
"Nick." Brian looked over at the TV with a quick glance, then back down at Nick. "Nick."
Nick shivered.
Someone turned off the TV. Nick didn't see who it was; he was looking at Brian.
"Are you okay?" Brian asked, his voice soft, intimate.
Was he okay. That mess between their bodies was semen, not blood. Yeah, he was okay. Nick nodded. "Yeah."
"Should we leave you two alone?" Kevin asked.
"It's my room," Howie said.
Brian and Nick shifted to get up. Froze. Looked at each other. Brian was hard. His arousal had brushed Nick's thigh. Brian was hard, and Nick knew it, and why, why, the reason Brian was turned on mattered so much right then, because if...if...
Brian sat up, off of Nick. Nick sat up, wet and sticky in his clothes.
"I hope that this educational video has helped you all," AJ said. "Have we all learned a little something about our sexuality?"
Kevin slid down and sat at the foot of the bed. He touched Nick's hair. "Are you gay?"
"No," Nick said, looking at the carpeting.
"No?" Kevin repeated, surprised.
"Not," Nick's gaze flickered over the other Backstreet Boys, "not exactly."
"Not exactly." Kevin sat back, as though pondering. "What is not exactly gay?"
"Are you bi?" Howie asked.
"Not exactly," Nick said.
"Start from the beginning," AJ said. "You had reason to believe that you had interest in men."
"Yeah."
"You still have reason to believe?"
"Yeah."
"Is there evidence?"
"Yeah."
"Do you want women, too?"
"Yeah."
"And you're not bi because..."
"When you're bi, you..." Nick stopped himself.
"What?" Howie asked.
"I don't exactly like guys," Nick said.
"Okay," AJ said, ready to be supportive.
"I mean, I do, I really like guys, but only some guys."
"Which ones?" Kevin asked.
"Just some specific ones. I like girls, I like all of them. But only certain guys."
"Which guys?" Howie asked.
"Oh, shit," AJ said.
"AJ," Brian said, breaking his silence.
"This is not my fault. I was trying to make a point with you," AJ said to Brian. "I didn't mean him, too! I thought he was gay!"
"He's not gay, he's straight," Brian said.
"Then why does he like men?" Kevin asked.
"He doesn't like men, he likes boys. Backstreet Boys. Us," Brian said. "He's not gay, he's not even bisexual. He's straight, and he grew up too close to us."
"Shit," AJ said.
"Nick," Kevin said.
"Fuck us," AJ said. "I thought he was gay!"
"So did I," Howie said.
"I thought that Brian was the Boysexual one. Kevin. Not Nick. Shit." AJ sat on the bed.
Nick moved. "Where are you going?" Brian asked him, quiet, like they were alone.
"To change my pants."
Brian's hand closed around Nick's wrist to keep him from leaving. "Do you want help?"
Nick stopped moving. AJ swore under his breath. Kevin put a hand on AJ's arm to keep him quiet.
Brian reached over. His fingers found Nick's fly.
AJ swore again. Howie tried to say something.
Brian slid closer on the carpet and opened Nick's pants.
AJ leaned forward to watch. He might as well get a good view.
"This is my room," Howie said.
Brian raised his hand, offering it to Howie. His fingertips were wet. He was giving Howie the first taste.
Howie opened his mouth, letting his eyes drift shut, blocking out all other stimuli. Brian's touch brought Nick's essence to his tongue.
Watching, AJ licked his lips. Kevin swallowed.
Brian lowered his hand. There was work to be done. He began by undressing Nick. Sneakers, socks. Shirt. Pants, underwear.
Nick was shy, but he let Brian help him out of his clothes. He sat back against the foot of the bed, not sure where to go. As it turned out, he didn't need to go anywhere. Because they were coming to him.
Kevin climbed over him, down from the foot of the bed, and knelt at his side. Nick was really naked, but he'd been naked in front of Kevin before, so it was no big deal, right? But, um, the other times he'd been naked, Kevin hadn't stared into his eyes like this. Like they were suspended in time. Like Kevin was looking at something inside him.
And then Kevin was touching him. Kevin's fingers ran down his chest, down over his abdomen, and down over his penis. Kevin was touching his cock. His naked cock. In front of everybody. Kevin was looking down at it, too. Nick sucked in his stomach a little and wished there weren't dried cum down there.
Somebody touched his face, and he turned, grateful for the distraction from Kevin. And then AJ kissed him. Right then, right there. AJ's mouth was hot, and AJ's tongue parted his lips, and AJ's hand was on the back of his head. AJ tilted him to the side, then started to tilt him back, except there wasn't really anywhere to go, and then Nick was on his back on the floor and AJ was on top of him, kissing him, really kissing him deep. AJ's tongue knew all sorts of things Nick had never tried, and AJ was staking claim, setting up shop, in for the long haul.
Nick didn't know what was happening. He wasn't sure what the fellas were doing. But he'd had Brian's attention, he'd had Kevin's hand on him. He'd had green eyes gazing like, god, the way he'd wanted for so long... And now he had AJ's kiss, AJ on him, AJ wanting him and taking him.
It was happening. It was happening and it was real, whatever it was. Whatever it was, it was going to be what Nick wanted it to be. He was going to make it be what he'd always wanted to have. If this was his one chance, if this was his one opportunity to be with AJ, to be with any of them, then he was going to make it what he'd always wanted it to be.
Nick undid AJ's pants and reached inside. He found AJ's cock, felt it big and hard, took it in his hand. He stroked the shaft, and when his thumb ran over the head AJ flinched into his kiss. He rubbed AJ's cock, wanted AJ to like it, wanted to make AJ feel good. It had to be good for AJ. He'd make it good.
He rolled over, taking AJ with him, until he was on top. Then he slid down AJ's body to AJ's open fly.
The weirdest thing. The weirdest. When Nick had AJ in his mouth, someone touched his cheeks. When he took AJ down his throat, someone touched his neck, felt him take in AJ, felt him swallow. And it was Brian, he knew it was Brian, Brian was trying to share the experience, trying to learn what it was like, wanting to know, wanting to feel.
God, Brian.
AJ came hard, and Nick almost coughed it all up, and AJ was twitching and swearing under his breath.
Nick felt kind of dizzy, kind of shaky, and he rolled onto his back, blinking at the ceiling. His jaw sort of ached.
Something came between him and the ceiling, in his line of sight. Green eyes. Kevin. Kevin was leaning down, and Kevin said something, and then Kevin kissed him. Right on the mouth. It wasn't a rough kiss, wasn't a hard kiss, but it was a strong kiss. He was Kevin's now. Kevin said it again, the same thing from a second ago.
"I want to make you feel...I want to show you..."
Make him feel what? Show him what?
And then Kevin made love to him. And he knew.
It began with possession. Kevin was a man, Kevin knew how to be a lover, Kevin knew how to be seductive, how to make him feel good and sexual and desirable and important. Kevin was in charge, and Kevin seemed to know everything that needed to be known. Nick could relax because he was in good hands. He was safe.
He was in love with Kevin.
Always had been.
Kevin possessed him, seduced him, owned him. It was slow, it was erotic, it was how Nick had known it could be, with Kevin. There was no rush, no hurry. No uncertainty, no fumbling. It was slow, it was methodical, and it had Nick off the floor, on the bed, on his hands and knees, spread and open and entered, before he realized what was happening.
The transition was too quick. One moment, Kevin was making love to him. The next, Kevin was fucking him. Hard. Against his back, thrusting into him, hard cock driving deeper and deeper, faster and faster. It sparked and it burned and he tried to hold onto something, anything, but the sheets were too thin in his grasp.
He'd always wanted Kevin to want him. And he'd known that with Kevin, it would be real. Not a joke, not a game. Kevin didn't play. Not like that. This wasn't fooling around, this wasn't sexual experimentation. Kevin was making love to him, fucking him, as though he were Kevin's lover. Kevin was treating him as an equal. Maybe for the first time.
He'd known that Kevin would be good. Kevin was too adult, too confident, to be uncomfortable in bed. And he should have guessed that Kevin would be this thorough. Nick wasn't sure how he'd survive Kevin's passion. New sensations, entirely new. Being entered, being fucked, Kevin, the power in another man's body, the power of another man's desire. It wasn't rough, but it was intense; it wasn't painful, but it was overwhelming. If he'd thought about it at all, he'd thought that sex in this position would be impersonal. It was anything but. It was very personal, Kevin close at his back, nothing to look at but his sweat dripping onto the bedsheets, nothing to feel but a thousand sensations of Kevin, nothing to hear but Kevin's panting grunts and flesh meeting flesh. Skin against skin.
Kevin's forehead was against his back. He could feel Kevin's breath.
Kevin said his name.
Ecstasy flared along his spine, ripped through his body, and he was coming, and he was coming and Kevin was fucking him and he was coming and it was good and it was too good and Kevin's mouth was on his shoulder, and Kevin bit him and it felt good, and he wanted to feel this high forever. He was high from sex, high from love, high from the possibilities of tonight.
He may have passed out. At any rate, the next thing he was aware of was nurturing. Someone was taking care of him. Soft, warm washcloth, wet between his legs, cleaning up his jism, mopping away his sweat. He was on his back, and then his caretaker started to pull up the covers. He reached, and he found the nurturer's hand, and it was Howie. He took Howie's hand, and he tugged. Howie got in the bed with him, and finished tucking him in.
Howie was curled up with him, like a friend, like a lover. Comforting. Relaxing. Nick felt drowsy. Maybe he'd take a little nap.
He wondered what would happen when he woke up again. Maybe he could kiss AJ again. Maybe Kevin would make love to him again. Maybe Howie would still be in bed with him. Maybe Brian would touch him.
Or maybe not.
What if he went to sleep and he woke up and it was gone? All of it? What if this was his one and only chance, the one and only night, and he'd never have it again? AJ's heat, Kevin's gaze, Howie's love, Brian...
He couldn't fall asleep. He had to stay awake. He couldn't let this moment leave him.
"What's wrong?" Howie was sort of tucked in Nick's shoulder, and he was still dressed but his legs were in between Nick's.
Nick didn't know what to say.
"Is he asleep?" AJ's voice asked somewhere behind Nick.
"No," Howie said. He sounded...normal. Like they were, you know, hanging out relaxing together. Resting before getting to work.
The bed was moving. Nick opened his eyes in time to see AJ crawling over him. AJ was close, too close, almost close enough to kiss if-
Close enough to kiss. Kissing Nick. Kissing Howie. Nick watched, stared, fascinated. AJ was kissing Howie. Right in front of him. And damn, Howie was kissing AJ right back. Damn. It almost looked like a struggle for dominance.
Kevin was sitting on the foot of the bed.
Naked.
Nick pretended that nothing was out of the ordinary there. He even managed to smile back when Kevin smiled at him.
AJ and Howie were starting to take up more room. And starting to undress each other. Nick scooted over some. Should he leave the bed? But he was naked. At least where he was, he was under the covers. If he left the bed to give them privacy or something, he'd be walking around naked. And he wasn't ready to stride around naked and vulnerable like that. Not after what had happened. Not without knowing what would come tomorrow.
Brian crawled in beside him. Reached over him and whapped AJ. "Get a room."
AJ flipped Brian off without looking.
Brian kissed the back of AJ's hand.
AJ returned his full attention to Howie.
Nick looked at Brian. He tried to ignore the sounds coming from the other side of the bed.
Brian was right up against Nick, since the bed wasn't so big it could accomodate an entire vocal group. He looked comfortable enough.
"Did you want something?" Nick asked.
Brian kissed him.
Nick looked at Brian, licking his lips, wondering.
Brian kissed him again.
Nick wasn't gay. He
wasn't bisexual. He was straight. And he had a very strong
emotional, physical and sexual attraction to the other Backstreet Boys.
And he had evidence, he had reason to believe, that they felt that same
attraction to him, and to each other.