banner by Vanessa
Copyright June 13, 2004
Rating: R
Pairing: Nick/Brian/JC/Justin
Disclaimer: The young men who comprise the Backstreet Boys and *NSYNC are their own people. The author has not met anyone here described, nor does the author mean to suggest that these people act this way in real life. These writings are works of fiction. I make no money from this venture.
JC and Brian were both going to be home all day. They spent the morning making love to him, sharing him. Once Justin gathered together the scattered pieces of his brain and fumbled his way back to reality, it occurred to him that if he'd wanted to alienate Nick further, he'd just done it.
But they couldn't all be celibate just because Nick wasn't sharing their bed. Brian, keep his hands to himself for an entire month? And who could sleep beside JC every night and stay chaste?
Justin was on the phone when Brian came into the living room and sat beside him, twisting around to lay back, his head in Justin's lap. Justin hung up and stroked Brian's cheekbones. Brian sighed, eyes closing. "Nick locked the door. He won't let me in."
"He has to come out to eat," Justin said.
"We should have done everything differently."
"Not everything." He couldn't stop stroking Brian's face. Justin knew that Brian had no idea how good-looking he was. How he could have missed it, Justin had no idea, since it was impossible to look at Brian and not notice his incredible bone structure. It would be like looking at Nick and not thinking about sex.
"I've loved Nick for a long time," Brian said.
"Has he always been this dramatic?" Justin asked.
"No," Brian said, with a fond smile. "Not always."
Nick was going to leave. If Nick left, Brian would go. Justin's fingers trembled as he caressed Brian's beautiful face. When would Brian leave? That night? The next day? The day after that? When would he get his last kiss from Brian's mouth? "Everyone thinks we're crazy for trying to make this work."
"That's okay," Brian said. "They don't understand."
"They're right," Justin said. "It's not working."
Brian sat up, facing him. "It still might."
Justin kissed Brian. It hurt. "I'm going to miss you," he whispered, gazing into Brian's eyes. The back of his mind started taking count. How many more kisses would he get before Brian left?
"No," Brian said, and closed his eyes, his forehead against Justin's, his hand on the back of Justin's neck. "Don't say that. Don't give up. This could be so good for us. We can't let it fall apart like this."
"It's not falling apart," Justin said. "Nick's tearing it apart. He doesn't want to be here. He doesn't want you to be here, either. He doesn't want to share you with me, he doesn't want to share JC with me, he doesn't want me around."
"He does," Brian insisted.
Justin pulled back. "I can go," he said, trying to sound firm. "I can leave. That would be easier. You can have Nick and keep JC. I know-"
"You're not going anywhere," Brian said vehemently. "You're staying with us. I'm not losing you, I won't lose any of you."
"We can't keep doing this!" Justin protested. "He's hitting me!"
"I don't know what to do!" Brian said. "He won't stop! I know you can't stay here, I know we can't keep going like this, but there has to be something we can do. There has to be something. I can't lose you, Justin," he said, cupping Justin's elbows, guiding him closer. "I just found you," he said softly, his voice losing its desperate edge. "I can't let you go." Brian's kiss was tender, his fingers sliding under Justin's shirt and trailing heat across his skin. Justin felt his body begin to respond, growing warmer, relaxing into Brian's embrace.
"Fuck."
Justin's head jerked up. Nick was walking away from them, towards the kitchen. His mind clicked into gear. Nick had horrible timing, but this was the perfect opportunity. "What was that?" he asked.
"Justin," Brian said softly, surprised by his tone.
Justin pulled away from him and stood. "If you have something to say, Carter, why don't you say it?" Beside him, Brian stood, intending to intervene.
Nick turned, radiating hostility. "I did say it," he snapped. "I said fuck. Fuck. Fuck you, fuck your mother, fuck your hair, fuck your dick, fuck your whoring ass, fuck your whiny little can't-reach-the-high-notes voice, fuck your-"
"Fuck you!" Justin shot back, advancing on Nick. "Fuck you for being petty and spoiled and overdramatic! I'm tired of you being in my face all of the time! I'm tired of you whining about how nobody loves you when JC and Brian are so in love with you it makes me sick!"
"Then get the fuck out!" Nick shouted. "Nobody wants you here! Go crying to your mama! If you end up missing dick, you can fucking suck hers!"
Justin punched Nick in the stomach.
Nick didn't jerk back, didn't double over, didn't put a hand to his gut. He just grabbed the front of Justin's shirt in both hands and shoved him, hard, at Brian. "What do you think of your precious lover now?" Nick demanded. "I guess I'm still the big bad monster and he's still your innocent baby!"
Justin hadn't even been holding back that time. Damn it, maybe he did hit like a girl.
Feet racing down the stairs. "What's going on?" JC demanded.
"He's a fucking asshole!" Justin shouted.
"Nick, go upstairs," Brian said.
"He hit me!" Nick yelled. "I hit him, I go upstairs. He hits me, I go upstairs. But you're not playing favorites, right?! You love us both the same, right?! You fucking hypocrite! I can't even come downstairs in my own house to get food without him starting something, and it's all my fault, I guess, for leaving my fucking room!"
"I'll bring you something to eat," Brian said. "Please, go upstairs."
"What about him?" Nick demanded.
"Justin hit Nick," Brian said told JC.
"Justin?" JC asked, sounding shocked, looking disappointed.
"I punched him in the stomach," Justin said. "At least he can still go out in public. Or maybe I should've hit him in the face. It would've been an improvement."
"You-"
"Nick," Brian said, pushing him back. "Please, go upstairs. Just for a minute. You're aggravating each other. Justin, go to the bedroom."
Justin glared at Nick and stormed off, slamming the bedroom door shut for effect. As soon as he was alone, he grinned. So far, so good. Maybe he'd pushed it too far, but he could talk his way back in if he had to. He went to the closet and started to get some clothes together.
A few minutes later, Brian and JC walked in. "What are you doing?" JC asked.
"Getting ready," Justin said. "I'm not spending a month upstairs without anything to wear."
"You think a month upstairs is an appropriate punishment?" Brian asked.
"It's what Nick got," Justin said. He went to the bathroom, shoving a few things in a bag. When he stepped back into the bedroom, Brian asked, "Justin? Why did you hit Nick?"
"You heard what he said about my mother," Justin said.
"Justin." JC turned him around, face to face. "Why did you hit Nick?"
"He deserved it," Justin said. He hadn't counted on JC and Brian figuring him out, but he didn't think they were going to try to stop him.
"A month is a long time," JC said.
Oh. Oh. He hadn't thought about that. He was a complete idiot. "No sex at all?"
"None," JC said, hands on Justin's hips.
"Nothing? Kissing?" Justin asked.
"Nothing," JC said, gaze dropping to Justin's mouth.
"For a month?" Justin asked. "How many days are in this month?"
"Thirty-one," JC said, his palms rubbing up Justin's sides.
"Are you sure it's not February?" Justin asked, wrapping his arms around JC. He was never going to survive thirty-one days. A month without JC? "Can I watch you two?"
JC chuckled, giving him a warm squeeze and reluctantly releasing him. "I can't stop you from spying."
"You had me worried," Brian said. "For a minute, I thought I was going to lose you, too."
"Sorry about that," Justin said.
"Do you know what you're doing?" Brian asked.
"Mostly," Justin said.
"We should talk," JC said. "We keep talking two of us at a time. We have to get all four of us in a room together. We're all in this relationship."
"Nick won't talk with me in the same room," Justin said. "He gets defensive, he clams up, he lashes out - - it never works."
"He used to talk to me," Brian said. "As of last night, I'm the enemy."
"He has to talk to all of us," JC said. "We agreed that we all wanted this. We agreed to work on it together. If we can't even talk together, if the only thing we all do together is have sex, that's not a relationship. I want a relationship."
"I do, too," Brian said.
"Nick doesn't," Justin said.
"Of course he does," Brian said.
"Not with me," Justin said.
"Why do you think he's here?" JC asked.
"So he won't lose the two of you," Justin said.
"That's crazy," Brian said. "We really do need to talk."
"Tomorrow," Justin said. "Give me tonight."
"Okay," JC said. "Tonight."
This was where he'd be sleeping for a month. Alone.
Sleeping with Brian was a luxury; sleeping with Nick was a thrill. Sleeping with JC was a necessity.
Justin sucked at sleeping by himself. He couldn't sleep unless he got off first, for one thing. Masturbation worked, but an entire month of it? And even then, he'd be alone in the bed. He hated sleeping alone. He needed someone to curl up with, someone to, well, latch onto. Leech onto. Empty beds, alone in the dark...
"You okay in here?" JC asked from the doorway.
"Yeah, fine," Justin said, standing.
"Brian made lunch." JC set the tray on the bureau. "I'd like it if you came and apologized to Nick."
"Okay," Justin said.
JC smiled at him.
"What?" Justin asked.
"You really should just tell him how much you love him."
"Who says I love him?" Justin asked.
JC laughed.
"I've tried to tell him," Justin said. "He doesn't react well." He walked into the hallway, JC behind him, in time to see Nick standing at the opposite end, arms crossed, belligerent expression right on cue. Justin sighed and walked over. Brian, behind Nick, gave him an encouraging smile. "I'm sorry I hit you," Justin said. He put his hands in his back pockets. "I shouldn't have done it."
Nick's gaze went past Justin, to JC. Justin wondered what JC was doing back there. "Yeah," Nick finally said, glancing at Justin, making brief eye contact. "I'm sorry, too."
Heart-warming. Justin shifted his weight, wondering if they were done.
"All right," Brian said. Nick stepped back, away from Justin; Brian stepped forward, running his fingers through Nick's hair. Apparently even though kissing was out, gratituitous touching was okay. "Enjoy your lunch," Brian said to both of them, his hand sliding down Nick's arm. He squeezed Nick's hand and went downstairs.
"Lunch upstairs is just for today," JC said. "Until things have cooled down."
Justin nodded. JC left.
Nick glowered, then went back into his room, slamming the door. Justin
rolled his eyes and went to eat.
While he ate, Justin thought about Nick. His problem was that Nick hated him. He had to get Nick not to hate him. He wasn't sure how to do that. Usually, people hated him because of what they thought he was like, without knowing him; once they got to know him, they were all about him. But Nick knew him better than anyone, and still hated him.
Maybe Nick didn't know him after all. Maybe Nick didn't understand him.
So, he'd explain himself.
Assuming Nick would listen, or believe him.
Justin tapped his fork against his teeth.
What to do...what to do...
Nick yanked the door open. He eyed Justin with suspicion, but said nothing.
"Can I come in?"
"No." Nick started to close the door.
"Wait." Justin blocked the door, risking life and limb by placing himself between the door and the doorjamb. Nick relented, releasing the knob and stepping back. "Thanks," Justin said, stepping into the room.
"What do you want?" Nick asked, sitting on the foot of the bed.
"Just to visit," Justin said, wandering around the room. "Why are you being nice?"
"This is nice?"
"Compared to the rest of today, yeah."
"I was thinking," Nick said.
Justin glanced at him. "Did it hurt?"
Nick threw a pillow at him.
Justin caught the pillow, dropping it on the bed, sitting casually behind Nick. He walked his fingers up Nick's back for an excuse to touch. "Thinking about what?"
Nick twisted, turning to face him. Justin dropped his hand. "Why'd you hit me?"
Justin frowned. "I know you have a dysfunctional family, Carter, but you should know that saying that about somebody's mother is offensive."
"Why'd you hit me?" Nick asked again.
"It's not new," Justin said. "I've hit you before."
"Not like that," Nick said. "You don't hit first, you hit back."
"You've been sitting here analyzing our fights? You must be bored. Maybe we can get a TV in here."
"You're up to something."
"And you're going to figure it out and expose my horrible plot?" Justin guessed.
"Probably not," Nick said.
Justin laughed.
Nick touched Justin's bruised cheek with surprising tenderness. Justin felt himself begin to puddle. "Sorry," Nick said, meeting his eyes.
Nick's intimate, direct gaze was like a tractor beam pulling Justin home to the mothership. He wasn't resisting, and he didn't want to; he just wanted to be sucked into those blue eyes and live there forever. "It's okay," he heard himself say like a complete idiot. "Sorry I hit you."
Nick shrugged, lowering his hand. "It didn't hurt."
Justin struggled back to his brain. "Nick, I... We have to talk about what you said."
Wariness seeped back into Nick's eyes; his tone was guarded. "What I said about what?"
Justin had to tread very carefully. "You were talking about how I like being hit, I like getting pushed around."
Bam! and Nick's defenses were back up. "And then Brian came in the room to see you huddled on the floor like a beating victim."
"I didn't know Brian was coming home," Justin said. "I was trying to-"
"Did you ever think about taking some of the blame for this?" Nick asked. "Did you ever tell Brian or JC how hard your dick gets when I shove you around?"
"It's not-"
"Get out," Nick said.
"Can I just-"
"I don't know what you want," Nick said. "I don't know what you're trying to prove. But don't try to play your little games with me. Now get the fuck out of my room. I share a room with you because Brian and JC want you there. I finally have some fucking privacy, and I want you out!"
Brian appeared in the doorway, behind Nick's back. There was no way he hadn't heard Nick yelling. "Justin, can you give us a minute alone?"
Nick's glare burned through Justin.
This was not going well.