Quiz, a “Slice of Life” set post-“Living”
Copyright December 23-26, 2004 by Matthew Haldeman-Time
Rating: R
Pairings: JC/Justin, Drew/Nick/Brian, Nick/Jeff, Howie/Chris, AJ/Kevin, Lance/Joey
Disclaimer: The young men who comprise the Backstreet Boys, *NSYNC, and 98 Degrees are their own people. The author has not met anyone here described, nor does the author mean to suggest that these people act this way in real life. This writing is a work of fiction. I make no money from this venture.
Notice: I get e-mail quizzes all of the time. They’re an odd sort of chain letter. Fill in your replies, then send it to the person who sent it to you and ten other people. My brain decided to make one up and ask the guys of “Living” to fill it out. Here are their replies. (They seem to be on the road.)
Andrew John Carter Littrell Lachey
The strangest thing you ever found in your bed was: a half-eaten peanut butter and jelly sandwich (it wasn’t mine)
The best day of your life was: the day I got married. The second time.
Your last orgasm was: not too bad
One thing you can’t do without is: oxygen
You always travel with: my cell phone
You’re looking forward to: seeing Nick and Brian again
You’d like to be remembered for: being sane and patient despite the behavior of everyone else in my life
You wish your nickname were: something that didn’t have to do with being short
You like to have sex: with other people; the alternative gets old
You hate to wear: sleeves
Your best friend is: probably someone named Nick
You hate yourself when: I let guilt take over
You love yourself when: Technically, in the physical sense, whenever Nick and Brian are on the phone and I’m alone in the room and the conversation gets a little…heated.
You will never again: get married. Twice was enough.
Someday you will: prove to my brother that I’m better than he is at everything in every way, but I won’t hold it over his head…for too long
All you want out of life is: good things
You never have enough: time with Nick and Brian
You look: it depends on who you ask, or where you’re looking
Your ideal lover: There are two of them, which has its pros and cons. Mostly pros.
You spend most of your money: I don’t
One thing you really miss is: Nick and Brian
What drives you craziest is: my brother
You spend most of your time: working, waiting, performing, giving interviews, riding on a bus, missing Nick and Brian, and getting out of the way so Nick and Jeff can have sex. I'm pretty busy.
Above all else, you love: Nick and Brian
Any last words?: Taking risks can be hard. Not taking them is worse.
Jeffrey Brandon Timmons-Lachey
The strangest thing you ever found in your bed was: a wrench
The best day of your life was: the day Nick finally kissed me
Your last orgasm was: this morning
One thing you can’t do without is: Nick
You always travel with: Nick and his entourage
You’re looking forward to: going home
You’d like to be remembered for: being part of a great group
You wish your nickname were: sir. I wouldn’t mind being called “sir” by some of the people in my life. It might do them some good.
You like to have sex: usually on a bed, but I’m not picky
You hate to wear: underwear
Your best friend is: Nick
You hate yourself when: I do something that hurts someone else
You love yourself when: I get Nick to admit that I was right
You will never again: hit anyone
Someday you will: understand why someone would want to kill me
All you want out of life is: a good beer in front of a good game on a good sofa with Nick
You never have enough: solos
You look: very, very attractive
Your ideal lover: is (without going into a lot of detail) Nick
You spend most of your money: on things I don’t need
One thing you really miss is: definitely not celibacy
What drives you craziest is: designated hitters
You spend most of your time: being in love
Above all else, you love: Nick, with all of my heart
Any last words?: Everyone is more complex than you think.
Justin Paul Jeffre
The strangest thing you ever found in your bed was: a rubber chicken
The best day of your life was: probably the day I met Nick
Your last orgasm was: not recent enough
One thing you can’t do without is: a sense of humor
You always travel with: a circus, it seems like
You’re looking forward to: tonight’s show
You’d like to be remembered for: being a member of 98 Degrees
You wish your nickname were: I’m getting fond of Justin J.
You like to have sex: whenever possible
You hate to wear: most of the outfits my job demands I put on
Your best friend is: Nick
You hate yourself when: I don’t, usually
You love yourself when: I’m pretty fond of myself, most days
You will never again: question anyone’s right to love
Someday you will: learn how to forgive the hatred. I haven’t, yet.
All you want out of life is: a little calm between the storms, and I usually get it
You never have enough: time to myself, but that’s all right, because that means more time with these guys, and they’re never dull
You look: I haven’t started wearing a bag over my head, yet, so I must be doing all right
Your ideal lover: would be someone who can appreciate life and my own lifestyle
You spend most of your money: I don’t, but maybe I should
One thing you really miss is: being able to spend holidays with family, but these guys are family, too
What drives you craziest is: not much drives me crazy anymore. If I were easily driven insane, I’d be locked up somewhere by now.
You spend most of your time: meditating on the meaning of life, easing Drew’s homesickness, and helping Jeff alternately polish and chip away at Nick’s ego
Above all else, you love: Nick, Jeff, and Drew
Any last words?: Don’t judge what you don’t understand. Don’t hate what you don’t understand. Don’t assume that you understand.
Nicholas Scott Timmons-Lachey
The strangest thing you ever found in your bed was: pizza
The best day of your life was: the day I met Jeff, and a whole new life started
Your last orgasm was: this morning
One thing you can’t do without is: football
You always travel with: Jeff, Drew, and Justin
You’re looking forward to: the pre-season finally starting
You’d like to be remembered for: being able to sing
You wish your nickname were: something flattering, for once
You like to have sex: a lot
You hate to wear: make-up
Your best friend is: Justin
You hate yourself when: I take things out on other people who usually don’t really deserve it
You love yourself when: I’m alone with Jeff
You will never again: I’ve learned not to rule anything out, so I can’t say I’ll never do anything
Someday you will: make Drew and Jeff bow down to me as their superior
All you want out of life is: seats on the fifty-yard line. And fame.
You never have enough: patience
You look: hot as hell
Your ideal lover: is definitely Jeff
You spend most of your money: on things I need
One thing you really miss is: life before expansion teams
What drives you craziest is: 1. Jeff 2. Nick Carter 3. Drew. Thank god for Justin and Brian, or I’d be insane.
You spend most of your time: with people who drive me nuts, also known as people I love
Above all else, you love: Jeff
Any last words?: Size matters.
Christopher Howard Kirkpatrick
The strangest thing you ever found in your bed was: a Backstreet Boy
The best day of your life was: the day I discovered my dick
Your last orgasm was: self-induced
One thing you can’t do without is: a large vat of Jell-O by the bed, just in case
You always travel with: a lint brush
You’re looking forward to: the return of the mullet
You’d like to be remembered for: bringing back the mullet
You wish your nickname were: Mr. President
You like to have sex: with the person I’m married to, which probably makes life easier
You hate to wear: make-up (get away from me with that stuff!)
Your best friend
is: my right hand Justin Joey JC Lance
What’s with the impossible questions?!
You hate yourself when: I never hate myself. Hate myself for what? I haven’t killed anyone lately, so I see no reason to hate myself. Don’t be stupid.
You love yourself when: I don’t love myself. I love my life. My life ROCKS. Have you seen what I do for a living? Have you glanced at my bank account? Have you met the person I get to have sex with? ROCKS.
You will never again: let anyone else dictate my hairstyle. Next question, please.
Someday you will: take over the world
All you want out of life is: to have fun while I’m here, and maybe even spread the fun to other people
You never have
enough: onion dip of a good thing
You look: human, at least, so that’s saying something
Your ideal lover: my answer used to be: a breathing female. Now that I’ve known perfection, I can say that my ideal lover is someone who’s about two years younger, male, half-Puerto Rican, and very, very, very, VERY sexy.
You spend most of your money: on music
One thing you really miss is: the good old days. Whenever they were.
What drives you craziest is: really dumb quizzes just like this one
You spend most of your time: as a secret double agent. Now that you know, you must die. Whoops!
Above all else,
you love: how gay JC is really corny old sitcoms Howie
Any last words?: I like the Sprite in you.
Joshua Scott Timberlake Chasez
The strangest thing you ever found in your bed was: a woman
The best day of your life was: the day Justin told me that he loved me
Your last orgasm was: very recent
One thing you can’t do without is: Justin
You always travel with: music
You’re looking forward to: going home, going to bed, and going to sleep
You’d like to be remembered for: contributing something to the music world
You wish your nickname were: made up by anyone but Joey, or Chris, or Justin
You like to have sex: yes
You hate to wear: dresses, but sometimes you have to, for the job
Your best friend is: Justin
You hate yourself when: I get angry and jealous, because that’s really unattractive, and that’s no way to keep somebody special in your life
You love yourself when: I make my friends happy
You will never again: keep my head in my ass and doubt something that I know is true
Someday you will: prove to Justin that I can choose my own clothes
All you want out of life is: to experience everything I can, and accomplish everything I can, before my time is up
You never have enough: time
You look: not that bad, some days
Your ideal lover: is sitting right beside me
You spend most of your money: on food, clothing, and shelter
One thing you really miss is: that perfect first kiss
What drives you craziest is: imperfection
You spend most of your time: working
Above all else, you love: Justin, forever
Any last words?: Without you in my life, baby, I just wouldn’t be living at all.
Joseph Anthony Fatone, Jr.
The strangest thing you ever found in your bed was: three cucumbers and one unsatisfied woman
The best day of your life was: today
Your last orgasm was: about two hours ago
One thing you can’t do without is: sex
You always travel with: lube
You’re looking forward to: going on tonight, and then going out tonight
You’d like to be remembered for: inducing multiple orgasms
You wish your nickname were: The Man with the Big Stick
You like to have sex: wherever I can, as often as I can, especially with Lance
You hate to wear: pants. They interfere with sex.
Your best friend is: Lance
You hate yourself when: I let down someone I care about
You love yourself when: I make people smile. I like the people I’m around to have a good time.
You will never again: Turn down sex with Lance
Someday you will: Find a way to induce orgasms at will. I’m damned close right now.
All you want out of life is: a party
You never have enough: fun
You look: not as good as JC does, but he spends too much time on his hair
Your ideal lover: is Lance
You spend most of your money: on my own entertainment and other people’s happiness
One thing you really miss is: when the five of us were just the five of us, just friends. But this way has some nice perks.
What drives you craziest is: AJ
You spend most of your time: looking for a place to get laid
Above all else, you love: sex
Any last words?: The party starts here.
Justin Randall Timberlake Chasez
The strangest thing you ever found in your bed was: a naked fan
The best day of your life was: the day I married JC
Your last orgasm was: amazing
One thing you can’t do without is: JC
You always travel with: PS2, X-Box
You’re looking forward to: going shopping
You’d like to be remembered for: being a famous singer who didn’t suck
You wish your nickname were: anything that’s not Curly
You like to have sex: with JC
You hate to wear: clothes
Your best friend is: JC
You hate yourself when: I forget who my friends are
You love yourself when: I make JC smile
You will never again: hit JC
Someday you will: stop thinking it’s funny when Joey kisses Lance
All you want out of life is: fame
You never have enough: shoes
You look: really hot, for a complete dork
Your ideal lover: is JC
You spend most of your money: however the hell I want
One thing you really miss is: Chris told me to write in “the slide rule.” What’s a slide rule?
What drives you craziest is: JC when he won’t let me come. Too much information?
You spend most of your time: with JC, one way or another
Above all else, you love: JC. Duh.
Any last words?: Live a lot. Love a lot. Laugh a lot.
James Lance Bass
The strangest thing you ever found in your bed was: a rubber chicken
The best day of your life was: May 19th, 2003, the day I learned the choreography before Justin did
Your last orgasm was: about two hours ago
One thing you can’t do without is: my cell phone
You always travel with: my laptop
You’re looking forward to: becoming a billionaire
You’d like to be remembered for: being something besides JC and Justin’s back-up singer
You wish your nickname were: I like James
You like to have sex: with men, mostly, especially Joey
You hate to wear: drag
Your best friend is: Joey
You hate yourself when: I turn my own pain on other people
You love yourself when: I do something that I can be proud of
You will never again: abuse friendship
Someday you will: pull off a miracle and convince Joey not to be threatened by AJ
All you want out of life is: fame and fortune
You never have enough: time
You look: pretty good
Your ideal lover: is a man who can give me what I want
You spend most of your money: making more money
One thing you really miss is: being able to walk down a street without security, fans, paparazzi, and homophobes
What drives you craziest is: Chris
You spend most of your time: working
Above all else, you love: Joey
Any last words?: You may know what you want, but you might not know what you need.
Alexander James McLean
The strangest thing you ever found in your bed was: a live snake
The best day of your life was: yesterday, today, and tomorrow
Your last orgasm was: intense
One thing you can’t do without is: performing
You always travel with: a suitcase
You’re looking forward to: our next show
You’d like to be remembered for: performing well and looking good doing it
You wish your nickname were: The Biggest Celebrity of All Time. But Alex works.
You like to have sex: hell, yes
You hate to wear: women’s lingerie (don’t ask)
Your best friend is: Howie
You hate yourself when: I fuck up and people get hurt
You love yourself when: I’m onstage
You will never again: drag myself down, or take anyone else down with me
Someday you will: get over the fact that I deliberately went out and bought a farm in the middle of nowhere
All you want out of life is: everything
You never have enough: tattoos
You look: damned good, all day, all night
Your ideal lover: Kevin, no question, no explanation
You spend most of your money: on whatever I want
One thing you really miss is: performing by myself (but I love the guys)
What drives you craziest is: when anything gets between me and my audience
You spend most of your time: wanting to be onstage
Above all else, you love: Kevin. Never doubt it.
Any last words?: No regrets.
Brian Thomas Carter Littrell Lachey
The strangest thing you ever found in your bed was: two men, every morning
The best day of your life was: today
Your last orgasm was: very, very good
One thing you can’t do without is: my faith
You always travel with: lubricant
You’re looking forward to: being with Drew again
You’d like to be remembered for: being a good person
You wish your nickname were: not Saint Brian
You like to have sex: with someone I love
You hate to wear: make-up
Your best friend is: Nick
You hate yourself when: I give in to the worst in myself
You love yourself when: I find the best of myself
You will never again: lie to someone I love
Someday you will: understand why girls scream whenever they see me
All you want out of life is: to be who I’m meant to be
You never have enough: time with the people I love, ever. I could have an eternity and it wouldn’t be enough.
You look: kind of funny. You can see right up my nose.
Your ideal lover: is Nick and Drew
You spend most of your money: on necessities
One thing you really miss is: quiet time, but I find it where I can
What drives you craziest is: my own need to run other people’s lives for them
You spend most of your time: with Nick
Above all else, you love: My Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. And the two greatest blessings in my life, Nick and Drew.
Any last words?: I can do all things in him who strengthens me.
Howard Christopher Dorough
The strangest thing you ever found in your bed was: a rubber chicken
The best day of your life was: the day I fell in love
Your last orgasm was: private
One thing you can’t do without is: a little romance
You always travel with: friends
You’re looking forward to: seeing Chris again
You’d like to be remembered for: being in the Backstreet Boys
You wish your nickname were: I like the one I have
You like to have sex: in a variety of positions
You hate to wear: too many layers
Your best friend is: AJ
You hate yourself when: I hurt someone I love, especially Chris
You love yourself when: I do something well, whatever it is
You will never again: betray Chris
Someday you will: get Chris and Nick to admit that they like each other
All you want out of life is: a little sex, a little romance, a little fame, a little fortune
You never have enough: laughter in life
You look: male, thirty-ish, and Latin
Your ideal lover: is someone who can make me come and make me laugh (occasionally, both at the same time)
You spend most of your money: well
One thing you really miss is: chivalry
What drives you craziest is: drivers who leave their turn signals on
You spend most of your time: either working, or spending time with family and friends
Above all else, you love: my love, my Chris
Any last words?: Putting someone else first can be the most rewarding part of your life.
Kevin Scott Richardson
The strangest thing you ever found in your bed was: Cheerios, everywhere
The best day of your life was: the day the five of us came together
Your last orgasm was: no one else’s business
One thing you can’t do without is: AJ
You always travel with: clean underwear
You’re looking forward to: going home again
You’d like to be remembered for: contributing something positive to the world
You wish your nickname were: they’ve come up with some interesting suggestions over the years, but I’ll stick with Kevin
You like to have sex: yes, I do, very much
You hate to wear: I’ve worn a lot of things in my lifetime, and there’s not much I wouldn’t be willing to wear again
Your best friend is: there are four of them, and they all give me something different
You hate yourself when: I get so uptight even I can’t stand myself
You love yourself when: I surprise AJ. It’s not easy to do.
You will never again: let someone else have something I want
Someday you will: be too old for this crazy lifestyle, but not yet
All you want out of life is: a little more understanding, for everyone
You never have enough: time in each day, but that’s what makes you get up the next morning
You look: not bad
Your ideal lover: in a word: AJ
You spend most of your money: wisely, I hope
One thing you really miss is: the days when I was too young to understand that you can never go home again
What drives you craziest is: Nick, but that’s why I love him
You spend most of your time: being grateful for whatever Force has kept the five of us together
Above all else, you love: Above all else, the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. On this Earth, my family and friends. Most of all, AJ.
Any last words?: Don’t settle for less.
Nickolas Gene Carter Littrell Lachey
The strangest thing you ever found in your bed was: a virgin
The best day of your life was: every day
Your last orgasm was: I’m having one right now, and it feels great
One thing you can’t do without is: the people in my life
You always travel with: either Brian or Drew
You’re looking forward to: fucking seeing
Drew again
You’d like to be remembered for: something good
You wish your nickname were: The Guy with the Big Ol’ Honkin’ Dick
You like to have sex: as often as possible
You hate to wear: *NSYNC shirts (I lost a bet) (Timberlake sucks)
Your best friend is: Brian
You hate yourself when: I get scared and stupid
You love yourself when: I’m balls-deep in Drew and he’s coming
You will never again: let someone else be in charge of what happens to my life
Someday you will: get to spend more time with Drew
All you want out of life is: to love how I want to love and live how I want to live
You never have enough: sex, or Drew, or free time, or free time to have sex with Drew
You look: fucking hot
Your ideal lover: Brian Drew
Brian Drew Brian both of them, damn it, what the hell, if I
could make that choice I wouldn’t be a bigamist
You spend most of your money: on idiot people like Brian and Drew who don’t spend any on themselves
One thing you really miss is: Aaron
What drives you craziest is: stupid people who don’t listen to me
You spend most of your time: with Brian
Above all else, you love: Drew and Brian
Any last words?: Fuck “should.”