"Perfection"

Perfection

Rating: PG

Pairing: Kevin Richardson/Joey Fatone

Disclaimer: The young men who comprise the Backstreet Boys and *NSYNC are their own people. The author has not met anyone here described, nor does the author mean to suggest that these people act this way in real life. This writing is a work of fiction. I make no money from this venture.

Dedication: This slashfic is for Bella, who knows why.

Wherein our stars are Kevin Richardson, Joey Fatone, and a weekly ritual.

Alla

It was late, and dark. It had been raining, and now moonlight gleamed on the wet world.

As Kevin took his first steps, he saw something in the driveway. An SUV. And, standing by the SUV, taking a few brave steps away from it and towards him, was Joey.

"What do you want?" Kevin asked, rephrasing the question for the intelligence-impaired.

Joey came closer, moving towards Kevin and the light spilling from the garage. "Are you seeing anyone?"

"That's all you have?" Kevin asked. "You claim that you drove all this way to see me, which I know you didn't, and all you, the great Joey Fatone, can think to say is, 'Are you seeing anyone?'"

"I was hoping that the drive would give me time to think of what to say to you."

"Obviously, it hasn't." Kevin started down the drive. Joey reached past Kevin and put his hand on the can's lid, halting Kevin's progress, leaving them eye-to-eye, almost chest-to-chest in a near embrace. Kevin looked into Joey's eyes and reined in his temper. "When you left here, two months ago, I told you never to come back. When I said never, I meant never. Why are you here?"

Joey put his free hand on Kevin's thigh. It was an unmistakable answer. He could feel strong muscle through Kevin's jeans.

Joey was New York City; Kevin was Kentucky. Joey was fast; Kevin was slow. Joey's family ran strip clubs; Kevin's family ran churches. Joey had been intrigued, and Kevin had been easy-going, and things had progressed from there. Kevin let Joey be serious, and Joey let Kevin relax, and together they'd managed, perfected, a unique balance of two lifestyles.

Then, after fourteen months of Joey taking Kevin to clubs for Saturday night partying, and Kevin taking Joey to church for Sunday morning repentance, they'd come to a confrontation. Kevin said no more girls, no more pick-ups; if Joey wanted to be with him then Joey had to be with him alone. Joey didn't understand what was wrong with a little backroom pussy. Besides, Kevin should know how Joey felt about him, so what difference did it make if Joey had a few girls here and there?

They'd been on day six of that fight when drugs came up. Joey wasn't stupid. He'd found out early on that Kevin didn't do drugs, and he hadn't done them either...at least not right in front of Kevin. But then Kevin found some of his leftover stash, and the backs of Joey's thighs had cat scratches from last night's girl, and it was all over from there.

Kevin started in on respect, maturity, safety, responsibility. Joey said that he was an adult and did not need lectures from Kevin. The lectures stopped and the ultimatums began. Joey started to throw things. Kevin said that they needed to break up, because he'd been in this to find love, not to enable self-destructive, irresponsible behavior. Joey broke a window.

Joey's hand made a slow, seductive slide across Kevin's abs to Kevin's hip, where it began a gentle rubbing. "We were lovers for a long time."

Kevin put his hand over Joey's hand on his hip, gripping it, stilling the motion. "When you left here, I never wanted to see you again. Never. You waste my time. You waste my emotion. I was in love with you, and for what?!"

"I knew you weren't willing to give up a thing for me! I knew you weren't willing to change one damned thing for me!"

Joey yanked his hand away. "I wasn't willing to become a Bible-thumping preacher staying home every night to play Bible verse Pictionary!"

"I never asked you to stay home every night! All I asked was that when you came home, there were only two of us in the bed! And you couldn't manage that!"

"Then go and get some, Joey! Enjoy your women and your parties and your drugs! I'm not stopping you! I like women, too. But I like you more. I was willing to give things up to be with you, because that's what I wanted. You wanted the freedom to live whatever lifestyle you wanted and, congratulations, you have it."

"I'm not sex-addicted. I like sex. It's a natural and healthy thing to enjoy sex."

"I drove all the way here just to see you, and you're not going to give me one fucking inch, are you?"

"No, I'm not. I've already given you miles. I gave you more second chances than I can remember. And somehow, in your head, it's still all my fault. I didn't want to change who you were, Joey. All I wanted was more respect from you as my partner. You kept saying I knew how you felt about me, I should know how you felt about me - - the way you treated me said a whole hell of a lot about that. It said I was the doormat you pretended to care about on the side, as a hobby. You were bored with me. You were tired of me. We both knew it."

"Bored?" Joey repeated. "Tired? That's what you think? That I was tired of you?"

"I'm too calm, strait-laced, and anal-retentive for you. I understand that. When it comes down to it, we aren't compatible. When you strip away the rest of it, all we had left was sex, and even that couldn't have been good enough, when you were out every night getting laid with other people."

Joey gave their surroundings a wild, bewildered look. "I was out every night getting laid because I was afraid! I was running scared! We were living together and it had been over a year, and you said that you were in love with me, and right from the start everything had been too good. I don't settle down, I'm not the committed type, I flirt, I'm a flirt, that's who I am. I gave you a car for your birthday and you bought me a whole new wardrobe for mine, we visited each other's families for Christmas and it was all too fucking real. We went to Rome for Valentine's Day, and we had sex on the beach in Barbados, and when the guys bought us dogs for our anniversary we fucking named them after each other! Everything was perfect!"

"You scare me! You fucking terrify me! You didn't give me shit about being a slob, you didn't give me shit when I scratched pretty much every last one of your hundred-dollar pans, you didn't give me shit when I spilled bleach on your suit the night before the Grammys. You let me spread my shit all over your house, you made me breakfast, the day my dad got sick you had plane tickets ready and my suitcase packed before I hit the door... When we kiss it's different from kissing anyone I've ever kissed, and when we have sex, it's... You do things, your body... You're the best I've ever had, and you know I've had a lot."

"I'm listening," Kevin said. "Things between us were too good, a lot better than you'd bargained for, so you sabotaged our relationship and ran."

"There were so many mornings I was hung over, and you were so quiet all morning, letting me rest, and then when it was late enough you'd come back and wake me up, and you'd have coffee and water, and you'd run the bath for me..."

"Remember all the nights I came home alone?" Joey asked. "I'd come home, and I'd find you-"

"-and I'd want you," Joey said. "And we'd have sex for hours. I'd come home just for you, so I could be with you. I only picked up those women, the ones I did in the back rooms, the ones I brought home, I only picked them up because I couldn't stand it. I couldn't spend one more night going home with you or to you. I couldn't take one more night of perfection."

"I was in love with you," Joey said. "I spent all of that time, over a year, completely in love with you. You were like magic. Pushy, old school, anal-retentive magic. When you laughed, it made me feel good to hear your happiness. Your eyes, your touch - - I was in love with you. I love partying, I have a great time at the clubs, but there were nights when all I wanted was to be at home with you. We should have done other things, not clubs but dinners, movies, other things, the two of us. If I'd been honest I could have told you that given the choice between you and those women I'd have chosen you, of course I would have picked you, but in my head I couldn't be with just you. I couldn't face the reality that I would be honestly truly happy spending month after month committed and faithful to you."

"You must be much happier now," Kevin said. "You don't have to worry about that anymore. You're free to enjoy your life as you want it."

"I'm miserable!" Joey shouted. "I hate my life! I hate myself! I miss the way you talk too slow and the way you pick up after me and the way you make all of the clothes face the same direction in the closet and the way you curse like a sailor during sex. You're picky and you're sarcastic and you make me iron everything and I hate the way you fold socks and you fry chicken so well I'm putting it on your tombstone. I hate my life."

"I want to come back. It's only been two months, you have to still love me. It'll be different. I'll change for you. I've changed for me, so I can be with you."

"You're a child," Kevin said. "You're immature, you have no sense of responsibility outside of work, and you don't know how to be in an adult relationship. Life is not one big party. In your eyes, every woman you see is a target to be flirted with, screwed, and smiled at as you move on to the next. You think that because I'm a man, I'll think it's all right if you satisfy your urges on women? You think I won't be threatened by that?"

"You're a flirt. You'll always be a flirt. That's fine. I like that about you. I like watching women respond to you. But you don't know when to stop. I will never trust that the second I turn my back you won't be going for the gold."

"No. No. You had your chance. You had several chances. It's over. Go home. There's no place for you here. I don't want you here."

Joey wasn't above playing dirty. "If you loved me like you said you did, like you acted like you did, you'd still love me now."

"I do still love you. I'm still in love with you. But I don't like you, and I don't respect you, and I don't want you in my life."

Joey's hand slid away from the trash can lid and dropped. He took another step back.

"Joey." Kevin's face was human, not granite. "You hurt me too badly. Things went too far. I have to protect myself."

Joey tried to nod. "I know." He didn't want to leave, but... He turned away. He stopped at the passenger side door, and turned. He had to say it. He wanted Kevin to know it. It had to be out there. "I was in love with you. I didn't act like it, I expected you to know how I felt when I couldn't even handle it myself, but... I was in love with you. I'm still in love with you. Whenever I think about the future, I know that I hope I always will be in love with you, through whatever comes. And I'm sorry. I fucked up. I don't know why you didn't get rid of me sooner, but thank you for putting up with my shit for as long as you did. It gave me more time with you, and more memories to take with me." There were tears in his eyes. He made a slow walk to the driver's side door.

Joey hesitated. He couldn't see Kevin's face clearly from this distance in the tricky light, and he wasn't sure about the tension in Kevin's voice. He walked towards Kevin again.

Joey tried to remember his lines. What had he practiced during the ride down here? He remembered being struck by memories. "It's trash night. Wednesday."

"You came all this way to touch me?" Kevin asked, and there was a dangerous thread of sex in his voice that Joey remembered, that Joey's body responded to.

"What else did you come here for?" Kevin asked, and now his hand was on Joey's thigh, rubbing up the back of it.

Kevin's voice was soft and low with traces of that faint accent. "Anything else?"