banner by Vanessa
Copyright June 13-16, 2004
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: Nick/Brian/JC/Justin
Disclaimer: The young men who comprise the Backstreet Boys and *NSYNC are their own people. The author has not met anyone here described, nor does the author mean to suggest that these people act this way in real life. These writings are works of fiction. I make no money from this venture.
A door slammed upstairs. JC winced. Brian came downstairs, looking tired. "I'm going to bed," he said, rubbing his hands over his hair. He leaned in, pressing his cheek to Justin's, and Justin lowered the phone, hugging him. "Good night," Brian said. He straightened and walked away, without his usual energy.
Justin said good-bye to Chris and set aside the phone. "I can't believe Nick's taking it out on Brian."
"I can," JC said. He sighed, dropping his head back against the sofa. His fingers lightly scratched Justin's scalp. "Are you going to be okay tonight?"
"Yeah," Justin said.
"You can sleep down here, if that'd be easier."
"I'll be okay."
"Okay." He held Justin close.
"You're so lucky," Justin said.
"Why?" He rested his hand on Justin's stomach. Justin's shirt was a barrier keeping skin from skin; that was probably for the best.
"You get to be alone with Brian. For a month. For a whole month, all of his attention will be on you. Can you imagine what that'd be like?"
"Maybe that explains Nick's stamina," JC said. Nick could handle anything. That only encouraged JC to push him harder.
"You should go," Justin said. "Brian looks like he could use you."
"So do you," JC said.
"Me?" Justin asked. "I'm fine. I have the remote control all to myself." Justin lifted off of him, sitting instead at his side. "Go ahead."
"If you sleep up there, leave your lamp on," JC said.
"JC," Justin said.
"Okay." He touched Justin's mouth; Justin kissed his fingers. "Good night."
"Good night," Justin said.
Brian's arm wrapped around his waist. "He won't let me touch him. He pulls away every time I reach out."
The physical connection between Nick and Brian was a strong one. Brian was very hands-on when it came to his lovers, and he could communicate just as much in a touch, or a look, as in a word. JC had seen them carry on entire conversations without speaking. If Nick was refusing to be touched, he was blocking off the majority of Brian's arsenal. "He's doing it because you matter too much to him. He always defends himself by going on the offensive."
"He'll listen to you," Brian said.
"If he won't listen to you, he won't listen to anyone," JC said.
"He'll listen to you," Brian repeated.
"I'll try now," JC said. He kissed Brian and rolled over, getting up and putting on his sweatpants. Justin wasn't in the living room. JC went upstairs and knocked on Nick's door.
Nick opened the door. He was scowling.
"Can I come in?" JC asked.
"It's your house." Nick turned away, dropping into a disgusted sprawl on the armchair in the corner.
JC entered, closing the door behind himself. "It's our house."
"No, it's your house," Nick said. "Your house and Brian's. You're in charge of it, you make rules."
"You can make rules, too," JC said. "I don't like this idea that Brian and I run everything and you and Justin aren't equal partners. All four of us are in this equally."
"That wasn't what it looked like when you and Brian marched in to declare my sentence," Nick said.
"I wanted an open dialogue," JC said. "We were about to start one. But you decided that you'd rather trash the kitchen."
"It needed to be redecorated," Nick said, his tone daring JC to push him further. His glare practically snarled. JC wanted him.
"What do you want?" JC asked. If he got even a partially honest answer, he could use it to start a conversation.
"I don't want anything," Nick said. He slouched down further, drawing more attention to the cant of his hips, the spread of his thighs. When Nick was sullen, he was gorgeous. When Nick was hostile, he was shattering. "Now that you're here, I'm fucking thrilled with my life."
JC sat on the side of the bed. "We want you here, Nick. We want you with us."
Nick leaned forward suddenly, narrowing his eyes. "Brian sent you up here."
"Why are you so mad at him?" JC asked.
"Who really wants me here?" Nick demanded. "Who really fucking wants me anymore? Justin doesn't. Brian, he's used to me, we've always been together, it's habit, but he doesn't need me anymore, not with both of you around."
"I want you here," JC said. "Justin does, Brian does, we all do. You know that."
"You want me here?" Nick asked, slouching back again.
"Yes, I want you here," JC said.
"For what?" Nick asked, unmoved. "What do I have that they can't give you?"
"Yourself," JC said. "No one else is like you, Nick."
"Yeah," Nick muttered, looking away. "I wonder where I've heard that before, and where the fuck it got me."
JC frowned. "What?"
"Do you know how things used to be between me and Brian?" Nick demanded. "I used to be so fucking special. Brian told me he loved me, he told me no one else was like me, he told me he'd never been this close to anyone. We used to talk, we'd sit around for hours just being together, he talked to me about everything. Now he talks to you about everything, you're his equal, he doesn't talk to me about anything anymore. He used to sit with me, he'd sit all over me, petting me, touching me, kissing on me. Now he can't keep his hands off of Timberlake, he's all over him. The only way I can ever get his attention is when I'm upset about something and he wants to make me feel better. Except then I'm so negative, I'm so depressing, I always have such an attitude - - but if I don't act like that, he's so busy, and he's always talking to you or fucking Timberlake, what else am I supposed to do?"
"You haven't told Brian anything about this," JC said. That was what everything was about? Brian? It wasn't even about Justin, not to the extent they'd all assumed. Now JC had to rethink everything.
"I shouldn't have to beg my own boyfriend to talk to me," Nick said.
"He doesn't want to neglect you, Nick. This is complicated. We're all spreading our time and attention in three directions instead of just one. It would be easier if we could do more things together. We used to, and you know why we stopped."
"I barely touched him," Nick snapped.
"Brian has two more lovers now," JC said. "But so do you. He has to spend his time with more people, but you have more people wanting to spend time with you. And if you and Justin would try to get along, we could do more things all together."
"You're not going to let me anywhere near Justin," Nick said. "Neither's Brian. You all have to protect your little boy."
"Justin can defend himself," JC said. "He shouldn't have to. Not in his own home, from his lover."
"I'm not Justin's lover," Nick said.
"That's exactly what you are," JC said. "We all walked into this relationship with the understanding that we were all in it together. You're my lover and Brian's and Justin's, equally. Justin is as much your boyfriend as he is mine or Brian's. You can't deny that. You can't decide to be in this one day and not the next."
"Then I guess I'd better find somewhere else to live," Nick said.
"No," JC said, refusing to entertain the idea, denying it outright. "You're not quitting on us. I had to work damned hard to get you in my life, I lost a lot, I risked everything. You can pretend you hate Justin, you can take things out on Brian, but you can't deny how much I love you. Brian loves you, he loves to spend time with you, I've seen him relax into you so completely it's like you're consuming him. Brian would be happy to spend every second of every day with you, and only you. Nick, you can't compare and measure and calculate. If we're going to do this, we're going to have to let go of our egos and stop comparing. We have to accept that we're all in love, we all want to be with each other, and we're all equally important to each other. We can find balance here by assuming that it's there, not by calculating it out."
Nick looked at him impassively, but JC could see the tiny flickers around Nick's eyes and mouth that meant that he was responding internally to what JC said.
"We could talk more, and do more things together, if there weren't all of this tension," JC said. "A lot of the times Brian and I are talking, we're talking about you and Justin, and what's happening, and what we can do about it. Brian's tried talking to you about it, but he hasn't gotten anywhere."
JC crouched in front of Nick's chair. "Nick. You're mad at Justin, you're mad at Brian. Talk to me. I just want to make this work. What the four of us have together is so incredible sometimes, I think we create real magic. But it wasn't easy getting here, and it's still stressful sometimes. Any two-person relationship is hard. Living with someone is hard. This is even more complicated than that. But it's worth it."
"I don't know," Nick said, leaning forward, his forearms on his knees. "Brian has shiny new toys. Timberlake..."
"We can work that out," JC said. "We can work all of it out." He slid his hands across the back of Nick's neck, bringing Nick closer, forehead to forehead. "You're staying."
"I don't know," Nick whispered.
JC closed his eyes, threading his fingers through Nick's hair, soaking Nick in. "I used to want to be Brian. I saw you with him, and I saw how close you were. He was so familiar with you, you were so comfortable with him. I wanted to connect with you like that. I wanted it so badly."
Nick cupped JC's jaw in both hands, breathing JC in. "Tell me you still want that," he whispered.
"I do," JC said, gripping Nick's hair more tightly, the emotion in his voice intensifying. "I want that connection. I have that connection, and I'm keeping it." He opened his eyes, staring into Nick's. "You're staying. I'm not going to let you go. Neither is Brian, neither is Justin. If you walked out of here, we'd track you down, we'd drag you back. Justin is my best friend, he's been my boyfriend for years, I love him, he loves me, there's no part of myself I wouldn't share with him. Brian is my partner, he's my lover, he's warm and he's fun and he gives me everything I want. You..." JC drew his fingertips down Nick's cheeks, gazing into Nick's eyes as though he saw the world there. "You're my passion."
Nick tipped JC's chin up, thumb grazing his lower lip. "I used to be."
"You are," JC insisted. "No matter how much I love Justin, no matter how much of myself I give to Brian, if I lose you, I will never be the same, and my life will lose that energy, that spark, that wild streak. I need you, Nick. You've brought out something in me that I can't do without. And I can't do without you."
"We can leave them," Nick said. "We can go."
"You'll never walk away from Brian," JC said.
Nick closed his eyes.
JC threaded his fingers through Nick's hair. "We're going to talk tomorrow, all four of us. Please, give it a chance. We can fix this. We can't lose you."
Nick dropped his head to JC's naked shoulder.
"Nick," JC whispered, aching with desire. He brought his arms around Nick's shoulders, inhaling against the smooth skin of Nick's neck.
"Okay," Nick said. "I'll give it a chance."
JC let his lips brush Nick's neck.
"Tell Brian I'm sorry."
"Come downstairs," JC said. His fingers were drawing slow designs down Nick's back. "Tell him yourself."
"I know you want to fuck me," Nick whispered, lifting his head, lips catching JC's earlobe.
Heat rose between them. "You always knew," JC said, shuddering as Nick's tongue found that sensitive spot on his neck.
"You always wanted me," Nick said, fingers running across JC's bare chest.
Desire gripped JC, hot and fierce. He had to have Nick. He had to have Nick right then, that moment, that second, Nick's mouth on his, Nick's body under his hands, Nick's-
They couldn't. No sex, no making out, no kissing, none of it. Not with Brian downstairs, Justin down the hall, thirty days of punishment.
Nick licked his voicebox.
JC shivered, dick hardening, blood heating. "Nick..."
"Go to Brian," Nick murmured, sucking lightly under his jaw. "He's all alone down there with nobody to grope."
JC tore himself away, standing quickly and backing up even faster. He wanted Nick. He was used to controlling himself, and then letting himself go at the right moment and taking whatever he wanted. Because he controlled himself, his unleashed moments were more intense. Now he wanted Nick, and couldn't have Nick. JC wasn't used to that, and his hormones were urging him on, telling him to splay Nick across that bed and get what he wanted.
Nick looked at him, eyes hot with lust.
When JC was ready, his partners were always available and willing. His body didn't understand this delay, especially because Nick was giving off all of the right signals. JC's blood pumped faster, his hands itching for Nick's flesh, his dick hard in his pants.
Nick leaned back in his chair again, popping open the first button on his jeans.
JC left quickly, closing the door firmly between himself and temptation, running down the stairs. Reaching the bedroom, he climbed right on top of Brian, kissing Brian's mouth, grinding his hips down against Brian's.
"How's Nick?" Brian asked, panting beneath him, pushing down his sweatpants.
"I'll tell you later," JC said, reaching for the lube.
"Do you want to fuck me?" Brian asked, eyes bright and curious.
"Yes," JC said, kissing him, kissing him deeper, kissing him harder. "Yes, yes."
"Okay," Brian said, raising
his knees. JC moaned, rich desire coursing through him, still drugged
on Nick and lust.
He remembered all of those times he'd snuck into JC's bunk, or into JC's hotel room. JC had started to expect him, and it had become routine, accepted, until one day when he hadn't even tried to go to his bed first, had gone straight to JC's,and JC hadn't even been surprised, not by how early he was or how hard he was. Maybe everything had changed that night. Or maybe everything had changed long before that, and he'd just been slow to catch up.
He couldn't sleep.
Justin got up, slipping into his underwear, and walked down the hall to Nick's room. He knocked. Nothing. He knocked again.
"What is it?"
Nick was in bed. "It's Justin. Can I come in?"
"No."
Justin turned the knob, entering the room. It was dark; he found the bed, climbing in beside Nick.
"What are you doing?" Nick demanded, sitting up.
"Sleeping with you." Justin burrowed into Nick's warm spot, borrowing Nick's pillow. "I can't sleep by myself."
"Are you two?" Nick demanded. "Get a teddy bear!"
"You're better."
"You're not supposed to be in here," Nick said.
"We can't sleep downstairs with JC and Brian," Justin said. "No one ever said we can't sleep with each other."
"I'm saying we can't sleep with each other. I don't want you in here," Nick said.
"I like it here." Justin put his head in Nick's lap, his arms around Nick's waist. He closed his eyes, relaxing. "I love it here."
A tentative hand stroked down between Justin's shoulder blades.
Justin felt himself drifting towards sleep.
"I can't actually sleep sitting up," Nick said.
Reluctantly, Justin let go,
shifting to the pillows. When Nick lay down, pulling up the covers,
Justin wrapped around him, sighing with contentment. Nick sighed
a less content but resigned sigh, patting his hip. "Night," Justin
murmured, and fell asleep, warm and secure.