Copyright August 17-29, 2000  by Matthew Haldeman-Time

Rating: NC-17 for graphic male-male sex

Disclaimer: The young men who comprise 98 Degrees, the Backstreet Boys, and *NSYNC are their own people. The author has not met anyone here described, nor does the author mean to suggest that these people act this way in real life.  This writing is a work of fiction.  I make no money from this venture.

Dedication: This slashfic is for Ewan McGregor and the Savage Garden slashers.

Notice: This slashfic follows "I Need You Tonight" and "Boy Lead the Way to Ecstasy"; this one will make more sense if you've begun with those stories.

        "Woah!"

        Ow.  That had been right in his ear.

        "Sorry."  A humble apology from behind him.  Nick.  So Drew was the snuggly one  in front of him who'd shouted.

        "I thought you were asleep," Drew's voice accused.

        "I was," Nick said, "until somebody starting wiggling his ass in my crotch."

        Oops.

        "It wasn't me," Drew said.

         "I wanted to spread the fun," Nick said.  "I thought you were asleep, too."

        "I was, but someone else woke me up.  I'm still not used to...being poked like that."

        "Being pok - - oh."  From behind Brian, Nick's fingers slid over Brian's hip and down to stroke Brian's morning erection.  "Get used to it.  We all do it."

        "Is he pretending to be asleep?"

        "Yeah.  Let him pretend."  Nick's fingers teased Brian's cock.  He felt Drew's fingers rubbing over his nipples.  Then Nick's hips started to grind against his ass while Drew started to kiss him.  Oh, that was unfair.

        "Awake yet?" Drew asked quietly, amused, against his mouth before ducking down to lick his nipples.

        "Let's not," JC said.  "We can stay here and have sex and sleep."

        "Sounds good."

        "Our whole life in this bed."

        "It would fulfill my life policy."

        "You have a life policy?" JC asked.

        "A philosophy thing."

        "What is it?"

        "The more naked JC is, the better life gets."

        "You know, my philosophy's kind of like that, too."

        "Really?"

        "Really."

        "How's yours go?"

        "The more naked Justin is, the better life gets."

        "Wow.  That's great."

        "So we should just hang out here.  Naked."

        "It doesn't get any better than that."

        "Although you know what might make it a little better."

        "What's that?" Justin asked.

        "If Chris would stop knocking on the door."

        "Yeah.  That would make it better."

        "Hold on.  I'll go get rid of him and come back here."  JC rolled out of the bed and pulled on jeans, buttoning them closed and opening the door.  "Hi."

        "Hi.  Are you guys coming down to breakfast?"

        "Are we coming down to breakfast?" JC asked Justin over his shoulder, keeping the door between Chris and any view of the bed.

        "Sure," Justin said.

        "No," JC told Chris.

        "I'm confused," Chris said.  "He's coming and you're not?"

        "Neither of us is coming down to breakfast," JC corrected.  "Enjoy your morning."

        "But Justin said-" Chris began.

        "Justin was wrong."

        "I'm never wrong," Justin disagreed.

        "Get back in bed," JC said over his shoulder.

        "You let him out of bed?" Chris asked JC.

        "No," JC said.  "Justin Randall Timberlake almost-Chasez, I want you back in that bed and naked by the time I close this door."

        "Nope."  Justin appeared at JC's side in jeans and a T-shirt.  "Hi, Chris.  I'll be downstairs in half an hour."

        "You won't be seeing him until eleven," JC said.

        "Half an hour!" Justin said.

        "Eleven," JC said, and closed the door in Chris's face.  Chris shrugged and went to the elevator.

        "Are they coming?" Joey asked.

        "We won't see them until eleven," Chris said.  "Let's go."

        He knew that Nick loved him.  It wasn't a question of whether they loved each other enough; Nick loved him more than enough, if such a thing were possible.  It was just that he needed to be able to love Nick freely and openly, without closets or lies.  He wanted to be able to walk down a street with Nick and not be afraid that someone would see them.  He didn't want to have cover stories and secrets and fear.

        Yes, they'd have fear.  And it would be hard to walk down a street with Nick.  Being gay meant a hard life.  But it would be a life of his choosing, a life where he said, "Here I am, and here is the man I love," not a life where he had to hide and live in fear and shame.  He wasn't ashamed, and he wouldn't pretend to be.

        Nick loved him.  He'd never had a greater gift, not even his music.  It wasn't a question of love.  It was a question of person, and some people simply could not come out publicly.  Especially since they were leading more high-profile lives than most.

        So maybe Nick would say that they could come out someday.  And maybe Nick would say that they couldn't ever.  So maybe they'd continue as they were, and maybe he'd have to say good-bye today.

        Six months.  It felt, suddenly, like six minutes.  He hadn't gotten to do, say, feel, share everything he'd wanted.  They were supposed to have been together for a long time to come.  They were supposed-

        He closed his eyes.

        But Nick was scared now.  They'd been concerned but confident.  And then there were men outside with assault rifles, and suddenly confidence seemed a lot like foolhardy arrogance, and they seemed like blind fools for imagining that they could live in the face of anything like that hatred.

        He was scared, too.  But he knew that he could do it.  He just needed a commitment from Nick.

        And last night had felt like good-bye.

        They'd all, one-on-one and in small groups, discussed this press conference.  They'd all decided what they were and were not going to say, and they were keeping it relatively private for the moment.  Personal decisions had been made, and there had been some soul-searching.  For the first time they were going to go on public record with their own stances on this sensitive issue, and they wanted to be true to themselves while supporting each other and respecting their public.

        After the night they'd all gone through, the pages handed in to Kevin the previous evening were worthless; substantial changes had been made to their original statements.  They weren't about to call up the presidents of Jive and Universal and clear what they had to say.  They were working for and with their record labels, yes, and whatever they did reflected on those labels.  Still, on the record or not, this was personal.  They were going to speak as themselves for themselves.

        Their managers and handlers hovered around, and they were dusted with bits of make-up, and the attention wound their nerves.  Finally noon came and they were surrounded by police and security men.  They stepped out into the glare of the parking lot as flashbulbs popped and reporters shouted.

        A podium had been dragged out from the hotel's conference room.  Chris stepped up to it.  "Hello.  My name is Chris Kirkpatrick.  Yesterday, four men with assault rifles came to this very parking lot with the intent to shoot and kill.  There were policemen, security guards, protestors, media, fans, hotel staff, and our staff as well as the fourteen of us on the premises.  The majority of those people were in this parking lot at the time.  Those four men had come intending to shoot and kill Justin Timberlake and JC Chasez.  Who knows how many innocent people, people just out for fun or doing their jobs, would have been shot as a result, wounded or dead."

        "My name is Kevin Richardson.  The four men who were here to kill came from a deep-seated hatred.  This hatred went beyond picketing and protesting.  It went beyond threatening letters or shouts.  With deliberate intent, four grown men joined together, secured assault rifles, loaded those rifles, and came here from their homes in Massachusetts.  They came here to murder Justin Timberlake and JC Chasez and, we can only assume, to kill anyone who got in their way."

        "My name is Justin Jeffre.  We would like to ask you to join us in acting against deadly hatred.  We respect the rights of others to believe what they will and to think of us as they will.  We know that we cannot make everyone join in our beliefs.  That does not mean that we must accept this poisonous, violent hatred.  Believing that certain attitudes are not a part of your belief system is your right.  No one has the right to act out violently against other people, especially with the potential to harm other innocent people in the process.  Thank you."

        Chris, Kevin, Justin, Lance, Joey, AJ, and Howie stepped aside together.

        "My name is Justin Timberlake.  I'm twenty years old.  Yesterday, four men came here to kill me.  They were here to kill my husband, JC Chasez.  I'm not here to talk about gun control.  I'm not here to tell you to buy our next album.  I'm not here to tell you that just because I'm famous I deserve some special treatment.  Ever since I asked JC to marry me, I've had people screaming that they hate me, holding up signs telling me that I'm going to hell, sending me mail threatening my life.  I knew that it would happen, and I thought that I was strong enough to handle it.  I didn't expect it to be easy.  But I never expected..."  He closed his eyes and breathed.  JC stepped to his side.  "I'm okay," he told JC softly, and opened his eyes.  "I never expected anyone to come to finish me off himself.  I never expected that four men would consider it their right or their duty to exterminate me or JC.  I never expected that anyone would risk the lives of bystanders.  I'm sorry," he said, and wiped at his eyes.

        "You want me to finish?" JC asked.

        Justin nodded and turned away from the podium.  Lance handed him a tissue.

        JC picked up Justin's notes.  "'I never expected that anyone would risk the lives of bystanders.  I know that people hate me and JC because they hate gays, bisexuals, lesbians, and transgendered people.  I know that they hate us especially because we're in the public eye.  I can't make anyone stop hating us.  I can't make everyone in the world understand what JC and I mean to each other.  When protestors picket our concerts or rally outside our hotels, we give them room because they have the right.  It hurts so badly that they don't even realize it, but we let them speak.  When they send us threats and send hate mail to our parents, we get scared just like anyone else would.  We worry about our families, our friends, and our fans.  We worry about the people who've supported us, about Chris and Lance and Joey, and about the other people who see what we're going through and are afraid to come out themselves because of it.  We live in fear.  No one should feel what we feel, fear what we fear.  I won't speak to those who want us dead, because they will not listen to a word that I say.  But I ask the rest of you to think about what you say and think about how you act.  If you can't get upset over my death or JC's, think about the policemen, the security guards, the orderly protestors, the media, the hotel workers, and the fans, many of them beautiful young women who came here with love and enthusiasm."  JC wiped at his eyes, tried to continue, faltered, and stepped to the side as Jeff took his place.

        "Justin said that he was going to make it through this like a professional, and JC said that Justin would start crying and not get to finish.  It looks like JC was right, but I think he's finished for the day, too, so I'll speak for the rest of us.  We want to thank everyone who's been supportive.  Our friends, our families, our fans, and everyone in the industry and the media who's been there for *NSYNC since Justin and JC came out six months ago.  We want to assure you that the four men who came here were caught and arrested before anyone was hurt.  No shots were fired, no one was wounded.  We'd like to thank everyone who was out here yesterday, the fans and media and other protestors for being brave and calm, and especially the police and security for saving us all from what could have been not only devastating but deadly.  I've gotten to know Justin and JC fairly well, especially these last few days.  They're a lot of fun, they're great people, and they deserve only the best.  My name is Jeff Timmons and I am gay."

        "My name is Drew Lachey and I'm gay."

        "My name is Brian Littrell and I'm bisexual."

        "My name is Nick Carter and I'm gay."

        Slowly, Nick Lachey approached the podium.  Flashbulbs were popping; reporters were shouting; the security force with policemen was keeping a close watch on every movement.  "Hello.  My name is Nick Lachey.  Justin and JC are two of the bravest people I've ever met.  It takes a lot to stand up in front of the entire world and say that you love someone.  It's even harder when you live in the public eye and everyone's making bets on how long it'll be before you break up.  It's worst of all when you know that the majority of the people who hear about you begin to hate you.  Six months ago, Justin Timberlake stood before an international crowd and asked JC Chasez to marry him.  Six months ago, in the hotel right behind me, I proclaimed my love for someone for the very first time, someone I'd been in love with since long before that.  Today, right now, I would like to ask," he reached out with one hand and pulled Jeff to his side, turning, looking into  Jeff's eyes, "Jeffrey Brandon Timmons, will you marry me?"

        "You're asking me to marry you," Jeff said.

        "Yes."  There was a long pause.  The crowd of reporters was loud and bright but it was a dull roar in Nick's ears as he waited for Jeff's reply.

        "I'll marry you," Jeff said.

        "Yes!" Drew shouted.

        "Love triumphs over fear and persecution once again," Chris said.  "Thank you for coming."  The fourteen of them escaped back into the hotel.

        Jeff turned in the lobby and smacked Nick Lachey's bicep.  "I have spent all of this time, all since last night, thinking that you were going to dump me, and now you want to marry me?"

        "Dump you?" Nick asked.

        "Boy did you call that one wrong," Justin Jeffre said.

        "I can't believe you just did that."  Jeff hugged Nick.  "I love you."

        "I love you," Nick said, holding on, unable to bear the thought of letting go, feeling Jeff a warm strong weight in his embrace, achingly familiar but thrillingly exciting.  "You thought I'd leave you?"

        "I know you love me," Jeff said, fingers sliding along Nick's jaw.  "I just didn't know if you could put us in the line of fire."

        "I don't want people to hate us.  I couldn't stand it if someone threatened you.  I know that's what'll happen.  But I want us to stand together, face it together.  This is right for us.  I'm not asking you to marry me because I'm afraid or because it's good publicity.  I'm asking you because it's right for us, for me."  Jeff kissed him.  Justin Jeffre and Drew whistled and clapped.  "Can we have sex now?" Nick asked Jeff desperately.

        Jeff laughed.  "No.  Wait for the honeymoon."

        "You're not having sex?" Chris asked.  "Oh, that's so totally none of my business, ignore me."

        "They were having sex," Drew explained, "before, but they decided that it's better to wait until a commitment ceremony.  So they've been odd and desperate but mature about it."

        "Is 'odd and desperate' your way of saying 'really horny?'" AJ asked.  Drew nodded, and his brother smacked his arm with one hand while Nick's free arm kept Jeff close.

        "You're getting married," Justin Jeffre said.  "Congratulations, congratulations," and he hugged them both.

        "Oh good, now I get a brother-in-law," Drew said.

        "Are you changing your names, too?" Nick Carter asked.

        "Jeff and Nick Timmons Lachey," Nick said.

        "You get to be last?" Jeff asked.

        "Timmons Lachey sounds better," Nick argued.

        "It does," Justin Jeffre agreed.

        "Your vote doesn't count," Jeff said.

        "He's an impartial observer," Nick said, "so we should let him-"

        "I always knew he liked you better," Jeff said.

        "Of course he likes me better," Nick said.

        Jeff just laughed, and Nick kissed him, and Justin Jeffre said, "Get a room."

        "I wish," Nick said.

        "Where's my ring?" Jeff asked.

        "You proposed without a ring?" Joey asked.

        "Talk about low-class," AJ said.

        "No class," Howie said.

        "Hey," Nick said, "it's not like I was going to run out and get him an engagement ring last night."  He held out a small black velvet box.  "Especially since I already had one."

        "Watch it, Jeff's going to faint," Brian said.

        "Swoon," Lance corrected.

        Nick knelt.  "Not in front of the children!" AJ exclaimed.  Nick glared at AJ and took Jeff's hand.  He slid the ring onto Jeff's finger, a gold band twined with a small strand of diamonds.  He brushed his lips over Jeff's knuckles and stood.  Jeff kissed Nick deeply, and as Jeff's hand slid back through Nick's hair everyone clustered behind Nick to look at the ring.

        Justin Timberlake turned to JC.  "We're trendsetters."

        "Looks like it."

        "Sorry for falling apart and crying like a little girl out there."

        "You were right to cry.  I didn't do too well myself."

        "It'll be okay now."

        JC smiled.  "It will."

        "It will," Justin repeated firmly but with a note of cheer.  "I've decided.  We're going to be happy and we're going to be safe, and our friends and fans and families and the guys will be safe, and we'll just wander off into the sunset together."

        "I thought that we were spending our lives naked in bed."

        "That sounds better than the sunset.  Change of plans.  We'll spend our lives naked in bed together."

        "Just as soon as we make a few legal changes."

        Justin's hands settled on JC's hips.  "JC Chasez is a good name.  But it sounds so much better if you stick a 'Timberlake' in the middle of it."

        "It does," JC agreed.  "And Justin Timberlake is a good name, but it sounds better if you stick a 'Chasez' at the end of it."

        "Sure does."  Justin kissed him.

        "Now they're all smooching," Chris said.

        "Should we leave?" Howie asked.

        "Should we take pictures?" Brian asked.

        "Where's your videocamera?" AJ asked Joey.

        They decided not to tape the two couples kissing, and the couples stopped a moment later anyway.  The group members drifted about, leaving the lobby for their rooms.  They had only a brief time left, and their happy security had been shattered.  Soon enough, they'd be back out in the real world, working.  They had wanted to hide, in a sense, this week; to ignore the pressures and lies, to take a week to relax and be together, to be normal people for once, to be themselves.  But the pressure had returned, and with it fear and hatred and violence, and they realized that they couldn't escape, not ever.

        Drew had come out publicly today.  He knew that it was asking for trouble, but he felt that it was only right.  He was no different from Justin or JC, and if they weren't hiding, why should he?  They were brave enough to be honest about who they were, so he should do only the same.  He wasn't ashamed to be gay.  He wasn't ashamed to be in love.

        But Justin and JC, and Nick and Jeff, had something that he didn't.  They were in neat little couples, and they were married or about to be married.  He, well, he had two Backstreet Boys in his bed.  Which, he was sure, made him the envy of millions, but it wasn't something that was presented easily to the world.  In fact, it might make people think even less of gay men, if they looked less like a wholesome loving couple and more like a perverted threesome.

        Nick and Jeff could argue over Lachey Timmons or Timmons Lachey.  What was Drew supposed to do in that situation?  He couldn't get married to two people.  He couldn't pick a last name as they were.  But it wasn't as though Jeff loved Nick more than he loved his Nick.  He just loved Brian, too.

        "What's wrong?"  Brian sat beside him at the dining room table.  He hadn't bothered to get food; he was just sitting there thinking.

        "You'd like to get married."

        "Yes."  Brian's fingertip drifted down Drew's nose.  "You would, too."

        "So would Nick."

        "Yeah."

        "If I ever got married," Drew said, and he twined his fingers through Brian's on the tablecloth to keep Brian's hand still, "I'd want to marry you.  And Nick.  It's too soon now, but I know that's what I want."

        "Me too."

        Drew looked at him in surprise.

        "If you haven't caught on yet, I'm in love with you," Brian said.  "And Nick.  I was raised to think that when you find someone you want to be with the rest of your life, you get married.  Of course, I was raised to think that I'd fall in love with a girl and marry a girl, but it still works."

        "But we can't."

        "Three people can't have a commitment ceremony together."

        "You and Nick could."

        "No.  No, not without you, that's not fair."

        "Where is Nick?"

        "Drew-"

        "We don't have to talk about it now."

        "I want to be with Nick.  I also want to be with you.  I can't choose to be with just one of you.  And if I married Nick, we'd all be miserable.  You'd be left out.  Even if we all stayed together, even if we all were together, we'd know that Nick and I were married and you weren't."

        "Let's go find Nick."

        "Sure you want to be doing that?"

        They looked up at Nick's voice.  "Hi," Brian said.

        "Do what?" Drew asked.

        "Hold hands in public," Nick said.

        "Sit," Brian said, pushing out a chair with his foot.

        "It's one thing to tell reporters that you're bi," Nick said, and sat in a different chair, "but being seen with a guy is different."

        "What's wrong with you?" Brian asked.

        "You'll never change," Nick said.  "You're pulling the same shit now you did back then, only now you're pretending-"

        "I'm not - - what are you talking about?" Brian asked.

        "I'm talking about get your hands off of my boyfriend and leave us the fuck alone," Nick said.

        Drew's hand tightened on Brian's.  "Nick.  What did Brian do?"

        "You know what bi means, don't you?" Nick asked.  "It means that he's trendy and open-minded and he can still play it straight.  It means that he can fuck us on the side.  Like he fucked me, and told me he loved me, and made me think I was the most special person in the world, and then said, 'Oops, sorry, my mistake,' and dropped me like-"

        "It wasn't like that," Brian said.  "It's not like that now."

        "When I fall in love, I'm in love all of the time," Nick said.  "Brian loves at his convenience.  Which means that when we're alone with a bed, I'm the love of his life, but when there's someone else in the room I'm just his friend."

        "I was wrong," Brian said.  "I was afraid of the stuff that's happening to Justin and JC now.  They're afraid all of the time, they have people coming after them-"

        "They don't have as many fans anymore," Nick added tightly.

        "That matters and don't make me sound like an arrogant jerk for admitting it," Brian said.

        "I am so fucking sick and tired of being your slut on the side.  Either you go out and admit that something's going on here-"

        "Tell them what, that I'm in love with two men?  What's that going to help?"

        "How can you live with the lies?!"

        "I can't!" Brian shouted, standing, ripping his hand from Drew's.  "I hate it and I hate myself for doing it!  What do you want, you want me to call the tabloids and tell them that I'm in love with you and Drew?  That the three of us are having an affair?  I'd love to!  I'm not afraid of how I feel and I'm not ashamed of myself."

        "Then what's your problem?" Nick demanded, standing as well.

        "You think it's hard for Justin and JC?  It'll be worse for us, because there are three of us, and no one can accept that.  It's bad for them, it'll be worse for us.  And you and I can face it together, but Drew can't be with us all of the time.  He'll be alone for it."

        Drew stood.  "Do I get to say something or would you like to keep screaming at each other?"

        "Go ahead, he's your bastard boyfriend, too," Nick said.  Brian smiled.  Nick looked away angrily.

        "We don't have to hide," Drew said.  "We don't have to issue a press release, either.  Can't we just be together and let people think what they want?  We don't need to explain and justify to everyone we meet.  Let's just be together, long-distance or not."

        "Like normal people?" Brian asked.

        "Maybe you could apologize to Nick one more time," Drew said.

        "I'm sorry," Brian said to Nick.  "I was wrong to think that I could be without you.  I was wrong to treat you the way I did.  I don't want you to think that I was ashamed of you.  I love you and I'm proud of myself for getting to be with you.  I was wrong and stupid and mean-"

        "You were just scared," Nick said, facing him again finally.  "I was, too."

        "Thank you for giving me another chance."

        "You've learned your lesson."

        "I have."  Brian kissed him gently.  "Can we take Drew to bed now?"

        "I don't think he'd mind," Nick said.

        "Maybe we could get him to make love to you."

        "Maybe you should do it first.  Warm me up."

        "I could do that," Brian said.

        "They only love me for my body," Drew said, and sat.

        "Then why do you love me?" Nick asked.

        "Because you're a drama queen," Brian said.  "You keep things interesting.  No, Nick, come on, you're beautiful."

        "I am not a drama queen," Nick said.

        "Then what was that?!" Brian asked.  "You storm in here all dramatic and cryptic-"

        "Hey!" Nick protested.

        "Drew never does stuff like that," Brian said.

        "Drew's just mean," Nick said.

        "Mean?  When?" Brian asked.

        "He said that I overemote."

        "You do," Brian said.

        "Great!  Anything else you'd like to insult while you're at it?" Nick demanded, offended.

        "Well," Drew said, and stood, ruffling Nick's blonde hair.  "Sometimes you look like you cut your hair with a weed-whacker."

        "It's his new look," Brian said.  "We try to keep him from doing it offstage."

        "Hey," Nick said, "the fans love it."

        "The fans love you," Brian said.

        "Because they've never seen me with glasses and acne and-"

        "I like your glasses," Drew said.

        "Me too," Brian said.  "I tell him that but he never listens."

        "I'm going upstairs now," Nick said.

        "He's going to his room to pout," Brian said.

        "No, I'm going to Drew's room to get naked."  Nick left.

        Brian kissed Drew and ran after Nick.

        Drew smiled and followed.

        "No."

        "You think someday we'll stop having sex five times a day?"

        "Only five?" JC asked, disappointed.  Justin laughed.

        "Stop it," Jeff said.

        "Don't mind them, they're just jealous," Lance said.

        "I could do better," Chris said.

        "Than Nick Lachey?" Howie said.  "I doubt it."

        Jeff smiled.  "Yeah, Chris, all the good guys are taken.  You might have to settle for a Backstreet Boy."

        "There's always - - what am I saying?!" Chris demanded.

        "You know what they say, spend too much time with gays and you'll start to become one," Jeff said.

        "It's contagious," Lance told Chris.

        "Okay.  Wanna have sex?" Chris asked Lance.

        "Sure," Lance said.  "I have time to kill."

        "Now I'm feeling left out," Howie said.  "I'm going to go find AJ."

        Nick and Jeff were outside, smiling and signing autographs.  Between the screaming girls, the media, the protestors, the groups' security, and the police, it was a fairly loud and choatic crowd.  Nick and Jeff were ignoring the media and definitely ignoring the protestors, trying to stay positive and focused on the fans.  A few of the fans, worried, asked Nick and Jeff why the protestors were being hateful and whether Justin and JC were okay.  Nick and Jeff reassured them that Justin and JC were fine and happy and might come out to see them later.

        They couldn't really reassure the fans about the protestors.  Waving signs and yelling, chanting hateful slogans, the protestors were frightening and very hateful.  Nick saw in a very real way what would happen to him if he came out publicly, if he publicized his romance.  If he and Jeff exposed themselves as a couple, they'd face this hatred and anger at every concert, at every appearance.  Fan mail would turn to hate mail; proposals would turn to threats.

        How did Justin and JC do it?

        A girl clutched Nick's arm.  "Is that your brother?"  Her breathy eager tone of voice made it less of a question that it might have been.

        "Yeah," Nick said, watching Drew emerge from the hotel.

        "Is he coming over here?"

        "Yeah."  He smiled.  Her clutch was becoming more desperate.  That was painful but pretty cool; he hated it when people only cared about him and ignored the three other people in the group.

        She screamed in his ear.

        "You want to meet him?" Nick asked.  She stared at him without blinking.  He smiled at her, carefully removed his arm from her grip, and turned to gesture to Drew, who came over to them.  "What's your name?" Nick asked the girl as Drew neared.

        "Amanda," she said.

        "Amanda, this is Drew," Nick introduced.  "Drew, this is Amanda."

        "Nice to meet you, Amanda," Drew said, and shook her hand.  She screamed.  The girls around her screamed.  "Can I do something for you?"

        "Marry me," she said.

        "I don't think that I can," Drew said.  "Anything else?"

        "You're Drew Lachey," she said, and fainted.  Drew caught her and looked panicked.  Security guards came over and took her aside to revive her.

        "I'm not Michael Jackson," Drew said, "I'm just me, why are they flipping out?"

        "It's okay," Nick said, giving his shoulder a reassuring squeeze.  "Girls like cute famous guys."

        "She just fell over."

        "I think she likes you.  Are you okay?"

        "I screwed up," Drew said.  "I mean I really screwed up."

        "What's wrong?  What happened?"

        Drew adjusted his cap.  Nick hadn't seen that cap for some time now.  "I just want to go home."

        "Hey," Nick said, "talk to me, what's going on?"

        "If you're my brother, you have to love me no matter what, right?"

        "Always, man, always."

        "I'm falling in love with Brian."

        "Brian.  What about Nick?"

        "I love Nick."

        "You can't be in love with both of them."

        "Well, I am."

        "You told them?"

        "We had sex together."

        "You and Brian?"

        "Me and Brian and Nick."

        "All three of you?  Drew, what the..."

        Jeff joined them.  "Guys, what's going on?"

        "You talk to him."  Nick walked away from his brother.

        Justin Timberlake and Brian were coming out of the hotel, Justin tossing Brian a basketball.  Lance and Chris followed.  "Lance is really bad at basketball," Justin warned Brian.

        "Really bad," Lance agreed.

        "But he's nice about it and he keeps trying, so we encourage him," Justin said.

        "Even though he's really bad," Chris said.

        "We love him anyway," Justin said.

        "We don't have a net," Lance said.  "Why are we outside when the net's inside?"

        "See how bad he is?" Chris asked.  "He thinks we need a net to play."

        "Annette.  She was a Mousketeer," Justin said.

        "Those Disney people," Brian said.  "Hard to respect someone who works for a mouse."

        "Hey!" Justin said.

        "Kevin worked for Disney," Lance reminded Brian.

        Kevin, AJ, and Howie were coming outside.  "What's up with this?" Justin asked.  "Everybody's out here."

        "We're only missing three people," Chris said.

        "Hey, Kevin!" Justin shouted.

        "What?" Kevin shouted.

        "Brian's totally dissing you!" Justin shouted.

        "And yet, oddly enough, it's not Kevin who's coming over here like a raging bull," Chris said.  "Guys?"

        "Who pissed him off?" Justin asked.

        "Oh no," Brian said.

        Lance stepped in just as Nick Lachey was within a foot of Brian.  "Fans, reporters, cameras, fans," Lance said.  "You're not doing it here, not in front of them."

        "What's going on?" Justin asked.

        "Nick, cool it," Chris said.

        "What'd you do?" Justin asked Brian.

        "Take it inside," Lance ordered.

        Kevin was with them now.  "What are you doing?"

        "They're not doing anything," Lance said pointedly.

        That was when it happened.

        The screaming fans and the screaming protestors began to scream as one - - in fear, horror, and pain.  Their screams couldn't overshadow the loud explosion from the guns as bullets chipped brick, shattered glass, tore through clothing, and ripped into flesh.

        And then there was blood.

        The sounds of the explosions stopped, but the screaming continued.  And, under the screaming, the sobbing.  The fear, horror, and pain were only beginning.

        Nick Lachey looked up and saw them - - Brian, Justin, Lance, Chris, and Kevin, everyone he'd just been talking to, lying on the asphalt.  Chris sat up and looked about in horror.  "Lance?  Justin?  Lance?"

        "I'm okay," Justin said.

        "You're bleeding," Nick said.  "Don't move.  Brian?  Kevin?  Lance?  Justin, don't get up, just lie still.  Chris, check Lance.  Brian?  Kevin?"

        "Nick."

        Nick was at Brian's side in an instant.  Oh that didn't look good.  Oh god.  "Brian?  Don't move."

        "I'm sorry," Brian said, not sounding like Brian.

        "Just lie still, we'll take care of you," Nick said, forcing down complete panic.

        "About Drew," Brian continued with effort.

        "We'll have help here in a second.  Justin, how are you doing?"

        "JC," Justin said.

        Oh, that wouldn't be good.  "Just stay calm, hold on.  Kevin.  Kevin.  Kevin!"

        "Kevin?" Brian asked.

        "Brian, don't move.  Kevin!  Ke - - Brian!  Don't move!" he shouted.  Shit.  Okay.  What was that stupid drill.  Annie, Annie, are you okay?  Well, obviously Kevin wasn't okay.  What was next?  Victim unresponsive.  Check, um, breathing first?  No breathing.  Shit.  ABC, um, shit, airway, breathing, what was C?  Fuck it.  Compressions!  No, that wasn't right...damn it...Drew knew this stuff, where the fuck was Drew-

        Where the fuck was Drew?!

        No, no, he couldn't leave Kevin here, that would be so fucking wrong, he couldn't just walk away from-

        Drew, god, where was Drew.

        And Jeff.

        Nick wiped at his face, trying to get his vision clear, and checked Kevin's airway.  Okay, tilt the head back, pinch the nose shut, here we go.  Breathe.

        Drew was probably fine.  Probably perfectly fine.  Probably helping.  Probably fine and helping and taking care of other people.

        Breathe.  "Justin, you still with us?"

        "JC," Justin said.

        Breathe.  "Brian?" Nick checked.

        "What's wrong with Kevin?" Brian asked.

        Breathe.  "Chris?"  He looked over and found Chris breathing for Lance.  Okay.  That was bad.  This was so bad.  They were all going to die.  Breathe.  Drew.  Breathe.  Jeff.  Breathe.

        The ambulances came, screaming.  Nick was hustled out of the way.  Kevin, Lance, Justin, and Brian were tended to first.  Chris's wound wasn't as life-threatening, and the paramedics were too taxed to tend to him while busy with people they didn't want DOA, but he went with them in the ambulances.

        Nick, unscathed physically, forced himself to look at the rest of the parking lot.

        Ambulances, police cars, flashing lights everywhere.  Paramedics and policemen everywhere.  Those who weren't wounded - - fans, reporters, and protestors alike - - were being held in a screaming mass off to one side.  The lot was littered with the bodies of the fallen, EMTs huddling around them.

        One of the security men, one of *NSYNC's people, came over to him.  "Mr. Lachey, come with me, please."

        No, no, he didn't want to go, he had to find Drew, had to find Jeff, had to find-

        "Mr. Lachey."

        Where were they, where were they, they couldn't be couldn't be couldn't be couldn't-

        "Mr. Lachey."

        He broke free and ran, skidded across the lot, panicked, looking, searching, where, where, somewhere, so many bodies, so much blood, the noise, the people, where, where, where-

        He was grabbed from behind, caught, lifted, dragged, in a parody of the security teams carrying out hysterical fans through the crowd.

        The news that night showed that image.  They also showed fans being put into ambulances, paramedics working on security guards, the bodies of innocent teenaged girls being covered.  And the notable victims being carried off: Chris, stepping into the ambulance, the others, mostly unconscious, being lifted on stretchers: Brian, Justin, Lance, Kevin, AJ, Jeff, and Drew.

        The most famous shot of them all, the one that was played so often that it became ingrained in the subconscious, was that of JC just inside the hotel doors, trying to claw his way through the security guards holding him in as he howled in pain and fury, trying to get to Justin, his fallen beloved.  His slender young body twisted and stretched as he tried to reach Justin, his face exposing his fear and rage in every line, his screams of Justin's name shattering every heart.

        Nick's eyes snapped open wide in the darkness.

        "Nick!"  Jeff was looking down into his face.  "Nick, what's wrong?"

        He held onto Jeff, pressed his face to Jeff's chest, tried to breathe.  "Just a nightmare."  He felt Jeff's arms wrap around him, secure, reassuring.  "Just a nightmare."

        Nick Carter squeezed Drew.  "Miss you."

        "I'll miss you," Drew replied.  "Call me and write to me and e-mail me."

        "Between the two of us, we'll be thinking about you every minute," Brian promised, hugging him.

        "You'd better," Drew said.  "Maybe I won't go."

        "Stay with us," Nick said.  "We need you more than they do."

        "We treat you better than they do," Brian said.

        "Take care of each other," Drew said.

        "Are we allowed to kiss in public?" Nick asked.

        "Yes," Drew said.

        "Yes," Brian said.

        "Hell," and Nick kissed Drew.  Kept kissing.  Kept kissing right past the whimpering stage.

        "You can kiss him, not mate with him," Brian said.  Nick let go and Drew barely had time to gasp in air before Brian took his mouth.

        "Those photographers had better give me copies of these pictures," Nick said, watching.  "Wow."  Drew backed Brian against the bus and tilted his head for a deeper angle.  Nick's cock hardened in sympathy.

        "We're leaving!" Kevin shouted from the bus door.

        "Now!" Jeff shouted from the other bus.

        "Go Brian!" Chris shouted from the third bus.

        "Bye," Drew gasped, letting go abruptly; he pulled Nick in for a fast tongue kiss and jumped onto his bus.  The doors closed and Nick watched the 98 Degrees and *NSYNC buses go.

        "I miss him," Brian said.

        "Me too," Nick said.  "We'll see him again in Toronto.  And in the meantime...I'll keep you warm on the long lonely nights."

        Baker, Gary, and Wayne Perry.  "Anywhere for You."  Zomba Enterprises Inc. (ASCAP).  Backstreet Boys.  Zomba Recording Corporation.  New York, 1995-97.
        Full Force.  "I Just Wanna Be with You."  The 6 of Us Music, U.S. (SESAC).  *NSYNC.  RCA Records, a unit of BMG Entertainment.  New York, 1998.
        Gates, D.  "Everything I Own."  Screen Gems-Columbia Music, Inc.  *NSYNC.  RCA Records, a unit of BMG Entertainment.  New York, 1998.
        Hamm/Bertoni.  "Crazy for You."  Quabeck/Heinrichs MV/Hamm Bertoni MV (GEMA).  *NSYNC.  RCA Records, a unit of BMG Entertainment.  New York, 1998.
        Lundin, Kristian; Jake; and Andreas Carlsson.  "Bye Bye Bye."  Zomba Enterprises Inc. (ASCAP).  No Strings Attached.  Zomba Recording Corporation.  New York, 2000.
        Martin, Max, and Herbert Crichlow.  "Quit Playing Games (With My Heart)."  Zomba Recording Enterprises Inc./Grantsville Publishing Ltd./Megasong Publishing APS (both adm. by Zomba Enterprises Inc.) (ASCAP).  Backstreet Boys.  Zomba Recording Corporation.  New York, 1995-97.  (Now I need to go get information on the video.  Sigh.)
        Martin/Lundin.  "Tearin' up My Heart."  Cheiron Songs/BMG Music Publishing.  *NSYNC.  RCA Records, a unit of BMG Entertainment.  New York, 1998.
        Martin, Max; Rami; and Andreas Carlsson.  "It's Gonna Be Me."  Zomba Enterprises Inc. (ASCAP).  No Strings Attached.  Zomba Recording Corporation.  New York, 2000.
        PoP, Denniz, and Max Martin.  "Everybody (Backstreet's Back)."  Zomba Enterprises Inc./Grantsville Publishing Ltd. (adm. by Zomba Enterprises Inc.) (ASCAP).  Backstreet Boys.  Zomba Recording Corporation.  New York, 1995-97.
        PoP/Martin.  "I Want You Back."  Cheiron Songs/BMG Publishing.  *NSYNC.  RCA Records, a unit of BMG Entertainment.  New York, 1998.
        Renn, Veit.  "You Got It."  Zomba Publishing.  *NSYNC.  RCA Records, a unit of BMG Entertainment.  New York, 1998.
        Renn/Skinner.  "For the Girl Who Has Everything."  Zomba Enterprises (BMI).  *NSYNC.  RCA Records, a unit of BMG Entertainment.  New York, 1998.
        Sturken/Rogers.  "God Must Have Spent a Little More Time on You."  Bayjun Beat/MCA Music (BMI). *NSYNC.  RCA Records, a unit of BMG Entertainment.  New York, 1998.
        Warren, Diane.  "Are You Gonna Be There."  Realsongs (ASCAP).  Your #1 Requests...and More!  Zomba Recording Corporation.  New York, 2000.
        (Brian's theme song: "I Drive Myself Crazy.")

         I figured out that Brian and Jeff were not the best dancers in their groups before I saw Backstreet Boys: All Access Video and 98 Degrees: Heat It Up: The Video, which made it obvious.  I love Brian and Jeff and Chris, and I only mean to say that Justin Timberlake seems to have a natural talent that exceeds everyone else's.  All of these guys are beautiful and special and wonderful and talented.