I've had people say, "If you had a mailing address, I'd send you stuff."

And I've said, "No way!"

And they've said, "Yes way!"

And I was like, "Dude."

And they were like, "Dude."

And I was like, "I want Keanu Reeves."

If you'd like to send me Keanu, or something else, you may.

Please do not send hate mail, death threats, or pubic hair.

This address is a post office box for a reason.  I will pay strangers to pick up my mail at rare hours.  Don't come knocking, yo.  'Cause, dude, I love you all, but some of you guys are a bit scary, you know what I'm sayin'?

If you do send me something, please drop me a line (matthew@matthewtime.com) so I know to go and pick it up.  Because I can't imagine what you want to send, and I won't be checking the box daily or anything.

Matthew Haldeman-Time
P.O. Box 166718
Little Rock, AR  72206

Um...the pubic hair could be okay, if you're sure it's Jeff's.

-Matthew