Loving Blind

Loving Blind

Rating: NC-17 for graphic male-male sex

Pairing: Backstreet Boys

Disclaimer: The young men who comprise the Backstreet Boys are their own people. The author has not met anyone here described, nor does the author mean to suggest that these people act this way in real life. This writing is a work of fiction. I make no money from this venture.

Dedication: This slashfic is for Ewan McGregor and the Savage Garden slashwriters.

Wherein Howie's a girl, AJ can't play Scrabble, and Kevin stars in "NYPD Blue."

Vanessa

When Nick wakened, he was alone in the bed with Brian. He frowned and went to the bathroom. Then he went to see what was going on.

Howie was curled up, semi-asleep, at one end of the sofa. Kevin was sitting at the other end, AJ standing behind him, fixing his hair.

Kevin with cornrows. One of the freakiest things Nick had ever seen.

"Chips and soda," Kevin said, gesturing to the kitchen table. "Eat up."

"You awake?" Nick asked, nudging Howie's knee with one foot.

"He's sleeping," AJ said. "Ignore him."

"What's wrong?" Nick asked.

"Go eat," Kevin said.

"What's wrong?" Nick insisted.

"Spending too much time alone with us made him crazy," AJ said. "I knew it would happen someday. Go eat, Nick. Your gnawing hunger is disturbing my aura."

"What?"

"Eat."

"Okay." Nick went to sit on the table, pulling open a bag of chips. "What are we doing?"

"Playing hairdresser," AJ said.

"Taking a break," Kevin said.

"We're trying to decide if we should rest and hide, or keep running for it," AJ said.

"We could split up," Nick said. "One of you and me could go walking up the river, and one of you stay here with Howie and Brian."

"We can't split up," AJ said.

"It might be a good idea," Kevin said. "I'd go. Leaving you guys in a secure cabin by a river, it's relatively safe and I could find it again. That's different from walking on and leaving you behind in the forest."

"It's not a forest, Kevin, it's a large wooded area," AJ said. "And you're not walking off and leaving anybody behind. You're the oldest, smartest, sanest asshole we have."

"Let's take today to rest," Kevin said. "Tomorrow morning, we'll decide."

"Good," AJ said.

"And stop pulling my hair."

"Don't piss me off, then."

"Is Howie okay?" Nick asked.

"He'll be fine," Kevin said.

"What's wrong with him?"

"He got banged up," AJ said. "Bruised. He just needs rest."

"Don't worry about it," Kevin said. "We're going to have to go through what we have. Sort out the food so we know exactly what we have, set aside how much we think we can spare each day."

"How long are we going to be out here?" Nick asked.

"I don't know, Nick," Kevin said. "If you ask one more question, it won't be very long."

"Sorry. Brian wasn't there when I fell asleep, was he?"

AJ hit Kevin with the comb. "Don't start screaming, you'll wake Howie."

"Nick! Why does it matter?" Kevin demanded.

"I was just asking," Nick said. He took his chips and went back to the bedroom. Sprawling across the bed, he rested his head on Brian's side and ate.

"You're crunching," Brian said.

"You're asleep."

"You crunch in my sleep."

"Chips. Want some?"

"Is that our five-star dinner?"

"Dr Pepper, too."

"We're really going all out."

"Getting all fancied up, too. Kevin's getting cornrows."

"Really."

"Yeah. Someone should tell him he's too white for cornrows."

"Kevin's too white for white bread."

Nick almost choked, laughing. "So are you."

"At least I admit it. Are you spewing crumbs all over yourself?"

"You made me laugh."

"Won't happen again."

"Better not."

Brian smoothed Nick's hair away from his face. "You okay?"

"Yeah."

Brian ran his thumb over Nick's forehead.

"Is Howie okay?"

"I think so. He has a lot of bruising. It goes from his shoulders to his knees, but most of it's around his thighs and his hips and his ribs. I think his ribs hurt. They might be bruised."

"What happened to him?"

"I don't know. Maybe something fell on him."

"You saw it?"

"The bruises? Yes. Be careful where you tickle him. But I don't think anything's broken, Nick."

"His ribs could be broken. And if your ribs are broken, they can puncture stuff. Organs. Lungs."

"It's not that bad. He would know, and he would tell us. He's going to be okay, Nick."

"How bad does it look?"

"It looks ugly. But it's only a lot of bruising, Nick."

"No blood or bones coming out?"

"None of that."

"That scrape on AJ's face won't leave a scar, will it?"

"I hope not. AJ can't afford to be any more funny-looking than he already is."

"You're so mean!"

"I'm making you laugh, aren't I?"

"I'm going to tell AJ you think he's funny-looking."

"AJ knows he's funny-looking. That's why he's giving Kevin cornrows, so someone will look worse than he does."

AJ liked Kevin's hair. Black and thick and yeah...nice. If Kevin were a girl, he'd start nuzzling all in it.

"AJ?"

"What?" he asked. Did he have the patience to deal with Nick right now? No.

Nick must have figured that out, because he didn't say anything else. Instead, he followed Brian to the kitchen table.

"You're sitting on the table?" Brian asked. "Nick! Where are your manners?" He sat beside Nick with a smile. "Ah, a banquet fit for a king."

"Here, King, here," Nick said, and whistled.

"That's my line!" Brian protested.

"You gonna eat all that?" Nick asked.

"No. Want some?"

"I was kidding! Brian-"

"One for me, one for you. Open up."

"No."

"But it's yummy. Come on. Here comes the train, open up for the choo-choo. It's yummy. Mmm, mmm, good."

Nick opened his mouth and Brian popped in a chip.

"Good boy. One for me, one for you."

"Brian-"

"What are you trying to do, bite me? Open up like a good boy. Here comes the airplane," and Brian tried to make airplane noises.

"Here comes the buxom bootyfull blonde trying to give you tongue," AJ said.

Nick opened his mouth.

Brian grinned and fed him another potato chip. "That's what it takes?"

"Yep." Nick grinned. "What's AJ's aura?"

"What?" Brian asked, taking his turn at eating.

"AJ said something about his aura. What's AJ's aura?"

Brian thought about it, feeding Nick again.

"I think it's, 'Don't fuck with me,'" Nick said.

"I think it's 'Fuck you,'" Kevin said from the sofa.

"No, I know! 'Don't fuck with me, 'cause I might let you get some,'" Nick said.

Howie laughed.

"That has to be it," Brian said.

"Fuck you," AJ said. "It's not all attitude and sex. I have flavor-"

"AJ's my favorite flavor," Brian said, and licked his lips. Nick laughed. "What flavor are you, Nick?"

"Cherry," AJ said.

"I think Kevin's French vanilla," Brian said. "Vanilla's-"

"Standard old boring," Nick said.

"A classic," AJ said with a snort.

"The base for a lot of other flavors. Traditional. Everybody's favorite. And Kevin's French vanilla because he has something special," Brian said.

"Stop it, you're going to make me cry," Kevin said.

AJ was on his back on the floor, being bored. Brian was watching AJ being bored. Nick was sitting between Howie and Kevin on the sofa, pulling on the tails of Kevin's cornrows.

"No TV," AJ said. "No fucking television. No radio. No computer. No phone."

"We don't even have a deck of cards," Brian said.

"AJ McLean spent his last days lamenting that he couldn't play 'Scrabble,'" AJ said.

"We could go to the river," Nick said.

"And do what?" Kevin asked.

"Something."

"If one of you were a woman, we'd be having sex right now," AJ said.

"No, thanks," Nick said.

"Emergency situations, disaster flicks, every time. In case of emergency, open fly. Something goes wrong, people have to spend time together, they fuck like rabbits," AJ said.

"I'm not having sex with you, AJ," Kevin said.

"I didn't mean you in particular," AJ said. "Howie, maybe."

"What?" Howie asked.

"You're a girl."

"I am not!"

"Sorry, Howie. A woman," AJ corrected himself.

Kevin bit back his smile.

"You have a pretty body, long hair, a high voice," AJ said. "Face it, Howie, you're a girl."

"Howie's a girl," Nick said. "I didn't know that."

"You should have noticed," Kevin said. "You've seen him naked."

"Ooo," Nick said.

Howie pushed himself to sit upright. "If I were a woman, I wouldn't have sex with any of you."

"Aw, why not, Howie?" AJ asked.

"Maybe Brian."

Brian coughed. "Me?"

"Sure."

"Why him?" Nick demanded. "What's wrong with me?"

"Sorry. Trade secret. Girls only," Howie said.

Brian smiled. "Howie likes me best."

"Everybody likes you best," AJ said. "Kevin's in charge, I steal the spotlight, Howie's the woman, Nick's the child, you're Brian and everybody loves you."

"That's not true," Brian said.

"I'm not the child," Nick said.

"We're not... We're not Backstreet Boys," Brian said. "There's more to us than that."

"It's part of who we are," Howie said.

"We're bigger than that," Brian said.

"The Backstreet Boys are bigger than we are," Kevin said.

"We're Backstreet Boys," AJ said. "We're also other things. You can't separate us from who we are-"

"What?" Nick asked.

"We're Backstreet Boys. Backstreet Boys are us. Are we. You can't separate that. But we're also other things, other people, other lives. AJ McLean of the Backstreet Boys is only one of my identities."

"You're also Clark Kent," Brian said.

"But we never noticed before, because he was always wearing sunglasses," Kevin said. "Disguised his secret identity really well. Nick, what are you doing?"

"Something's weird," Nick said, turning from Kevin to Howie.

"Stop sniffing me," Howie said, pushing at Nick's chin.

"You smell like Kevin," Nick said. "You don't smell right."

"He used Kevin's conditioner," Brian said. "And my shampoo."

Nick tucked his face into Howie's neck, inhaling along Howie's hairline towards the nape.

"Anybody want to trade places?" Kevin asked.

"Let's do something," Nick said, getting up and walking around the room.

"Let's watch Nick pace," Brian suggested.

"Let's sing," Nick said.

"Don't know how," AJ said.

"Who you are, where you're from, what you did," Brian sang to himself.

"As long as you love me," everyone joined him. It was almost impossible not to. "Who you are, where you're from, don't care what you did, as long as you love me."

Howie and Kevin on the sofa, Nick on the floor with Brian and AJ, voices fitting seamlessly.

"...make you cry, I'd rather die than live without you. I'll give you all of me honey that's no lie..."

"Sing 'Set Adrift on Memory Bliss,'" Nick said.

"Sing 'Anywhere for You,'" AJ said.

Brian looked from his left, where Nick was, to his right, where AJ was. "Any other requests? You want to sing it, you start, we're there."

"We never sing 'Set Adrift,'" Nick said. "Never. I love it."

"You love it since when?" Kevin asked.

"I like it when Brian and AJ sing together," Nick said.

"Yeah, because that never happens," AJ said.

"Why do you want 'Anywhere for You?'" Howie asked AJ.

"I like it when Brian and Nick sing together," AJ said.

"What?" Nick asked.

"Yeah, because that never happens," Brian teased AJ.

"Shut up and sing," AJ said.

"What does Kevin want to sing?" Brian asked.

"'How Did I Fall in Love with You,'" Kevin said. "I like it when Brian and Howie sing together."

Brian moaned and dropped to his back. "The itsy-bitsy spider..."

"I'm not getting laid tonight, you know my hair's a fright, I can't get these words right, please help me someone..."

"Let's call for pizza," Nick suggested.

"Let's rent a movie," Brian agreed.

"Let's go clubbing," AJ said. The three of them were sprawled over the floor, AJ periodically kicking Kevin's legs since Kevin had begun to slump and stretch from the sofa.

"Let's have a party. With girls," Nick said.

"Naked women," AJ said.

"And lots of food," Nick said.

"Strip poker," AJ said.

"Strip limbo," Kevin said.

"That's good," AJ said.

"I'm so horny," Nick moaned.

Brian and Howie laughed. Kevin sighed.

"I'm hungry and I'm horny," Nick said.

"Sorry, no more food until tomorrow," Brian said.

"No naked women," AJ said. "Go jack off if it's that bad."

"Here?"

"In the bathroom," AJ said.

"You didn't?" Brian asked.

"What?" Nick asked.

Brian sat up. "When you showered yesterday."

Nick sat up. "Was I supposed to?"

"No, you weren't supposed to, but..." Brian looked around the room. Kevin raised his eyebrows. AJ grinned. "We all did."

"Oh," Nick said. "Oh, damn. Can I go now?"

"Don't be too loud," AJ said. "Don't want to scare the wildlife."

Nick got up and left.

Kevin sighed.

"I can't believe he didn't," Brian said.

"Of all people," AJ said.

"He's been upset," Howie said.

"I'm upset, and I jacked off twice in there," AJ said.

"AJ," Kevin said.

"I was hoping it would make me feel better," AJ said.

"Did it?" Howie asked.

"Hell yes."

They listened to Nick's rapid breathing.

Kevin sighed.

AJ looked at his toes.

Nick hit the "huh huh huh huh" stage.

Brian scratched his ear.

Howie looked at the wall.

High-pitched and breathy.

Kevin rolled his eyes.

AJ smirked.

Low moans.

"Was it good for you?" Brian asked. Everyone burst into laughter. Brian tried to make them be quiet, which made them laugh harder, and by the time Nick rejoined them, they were on the verge of hysteria.

"What?" Nick asked.

"Ow, don't make me laugh," Howie protested.

"I need a post-sex smoke," AJ said.

"Anyone want to cuddle?" Brian asked.

"I'm worn out and ready to sleep," Kevin said.

"Men," Brian muttered.

"What?" Nick asked.

"I knew you were a cuddler," AJ told Brian.

Howie was asleep on the sofa.

AJ, Nick, Brian, and Kevin were asleep on the bed.

AJ found the front door in the darkness. He slid his hand to the latch.

"Going somewhere?"

AJ screamed.

Nick screamed from the bedroom.

"What? What?" Howie asked, startled from sleep.

"Kevin, you motherfucking son-of-a-"

Kevin turned on the lights. "Yes?"

"It's okay, everybody, it's just Kevin being an asshole," AJ said.

"What's going on?" Brian asked, coming to the bedroom doorway with Nick.

"You scared the crap out of me!" Nick accused.

"I'm awake now," Howie said.

"AJ was leaving," Kevin said.

"They can see that, Kevin," AJ said. "No, I was sleepwalking and I packed up this gear-"

"Where are you going?" Howie asked.

"You're all here, with shelter and a secure place," AJ said. "I get to play whattheshit and go run for help."

"Alone?" Brian asked.

"You were sleeping," AJ said.

"Go to hell," Nick said, and went back into the bedroom.

"Nick," AJ said.

"You don't go anywhere without telling us," Kevin said. "You don't go anywhere alone. You don't walk out of here, out there-"

"We can't stay here forever!" AJ said.

"We're not going to. We were going to discuss this tomorrow morning."

"And you were going to volunteer to do this," AJ said. "I'm a step ahead of you."

"We can't split up," Brian said.

"At least it should be two of us," Howie said. "You can't go by yourself."

"Kevin has to stay here," AJ said. "He's the only adult we have. Howie's hurt, he can't go running around play park ranger. Nick's Nick, I'm not having him walking around out there with people after us."

"What about me?" Brian said. "You and I can go."

"You're not going," Kevin said.

"Excuse me?" Brian said. "AJ and I can go."

"No," AJ said.

"Why not? Kevin wants to go, you want to go, what's wrong with me going?"

"You're staying here where it's safe," Kevin said.

"How is it safe here? If we found this place, they can, too," Brian said.

"You're staying," AJ said.

"We'll talk in the morning," Kevin said. "Go back to bed. All of you."

"Fuck you," AJ said, dropping his bag and storming to the bedroom.

Brian followed, curling up behind Nick. "Hi," he whispered.

"Hi," Nick said.

Brian slid his hand over Nick's side and rubbed Nick's chest. "Get some sleep. AJ, take off your shoes before you get in here."

Kevin turned off the lights in the front room and came back to the bedroom. "AJ, go to bed."

"Kevin, go to hell," AJ said.

Brian scratched Nick's chest through Nick's T-shirt. "Kevin, set a good example and go to sleep."

Kevin dropped onto the bed. "AJ, don't even get up to go to the bathroom."

"I don't want him to pee on me," Nick said.

"I'll aim for Kevin," AJ said.

"Okay," Nick said.

"Hey," Nick said.

"What?" Kevin asked, sitting on the sofa, glaring at the wall.

"AJ didn't pack his food."

"What?" Brian asked, sitting on the kitchen table.

"When you packed your stuff to go, you didn't take all of your food," Nick said to AJ.

Howie winced as AJ pulled his cornrows too tight.

Nick sat beside Brian. "Is it time for the big talk about what to do next?"

"I think so," Brian said. "Is everyone here? Good. Kevin, you call the meeting to order. I'll take the minutes."

"No one takes off," Kevin said. "You step outside of this building, you tell us first."

"And the only one who can go by himself is Kevin, because he's God," AJ said.

"I'm not God," Kevin said. "I have common sense, AJ, which is a lot more than I can say for you. You walk out of here in the middle of the night, in the middle of nowhere not knowing where you're going not able to see anything, you're totally unprepared, you didn't even pack enough food-"

"Go to hell!" AJ shouted. "Mother of fuck, Kevin-"

"What are our choices?" Brian asked. "We can't all stay here."

"We can't split up," Nick said.

"We have to," Kevin said.

"No, we don't," Nick said.

"It's the only thing that makes sense, Nick," Kevin said. "AJ and I can go. We'll follow the river. The three of you can stay here."

"No," Nick said.

"Nick-"

"No," Nick said.

"Why not?!" AJ demanded.

"We can't split up."

"We should go today," Kevin said. "It's still early, we could get pretty far."

"No!" Nick shouted, jumping down from the table. "If you're going, we're all going."

"Nick-"

"He's right," Brian said. "I know it makes sense your way, I know it's the smart thing to do, but I can't sit here with the two of you out there, not knowing where you are or what you're doing or what's happening. It's better if we stay together."

"What about Howie?" AJ asked.

"I'm fine," Howie said.

"You'll slow us down," AJ said.

"Go to hell," Nick said to AJ.

"AJ's right," Kevin said.

"You go to hell," Nick said to Kevin. "What the fuck is this, you think we're too stupid and slow to make it? Howie's hurt, so just leave him behind? I'm such an idiot I'd walk two feet from here and impale myself on a tree branch? And why the fuck are you leaving Brian out of it?!"

Kevin stood. "AJ and I are going today. We'll come back-" His head snapped back with the force of Nick's blow.

Howie stared.

"Shit," AJ breathed.

Nick sucked in his breath. "Go to hell, Kevin. You're not going anywhere without us."

Kevin grabbed Nick and yanked him closer. "Listen to me, you brainless stubborn blind son-of-a-bitch! We don't know where we are, people are trying to kill us, we have to find help or we're going to die out here and I will not let that happen! Howie's hurt, his ribs could be broken, he's in too much pain to be carried any farther and he sure as hell can't walk with us! I want to keep you here and keep you safe. You're going to stay here if I have to chain you to that table!"

"Get off of me!" Nick said, shoving Kevin. He brushed away falling tears. "Go to hell, Kevin. We're coming with you."

"Let's get packed," Brian said. "AJ gets food, Kevin and I get clothes, Nick gets miscellaneous and Howie. Go to the bathroom now while we have toilet paper."

Nick was sweating. Howie was heavy in his arms, something in the pack was poking his spine, the sun was too bright, he hated Kevin, he hated AJ, and he was starving. Kevin and AJ were walking extra fast. Bastards.

"What a lovely day," Brian said.

"It is," Howie agreed.

"The sky's so blue up there."

"The water looks great," Howie said. "We should go swimming later."

"I wonder what kind of bird that is," Brian said.

"Is that squirrel following us?" Howie asked.

"His name is Harvey," Brian said.

"Oh, you've met?" Howie asked.

"Less chatter," Kevin said.

"Fuck you," Nick said.

"Kevin's right," Howie said. "I forget to speedwalk when I'm talking. I'd better be quiet."

"My puny legs are so short I can't keep up anyway," Brian said. "Don't worry about it."

"Oh, Harvey's gone," Howie said.

"I wonder if squirrels have territory."

"Brian, I have no idea."

"You're the educated Backstreet Boy."

"We didn't cover the behavior of squirrels."

"What is this country's educational-"

"Would you two shut up?!" AJ shouted.

"-system coming to?" Brian asked. "What did you learn?"

"Shelley Hayes puts out."

"Howie!"

"That was a great educational experience."

"You're awful."

"She wasn't."

Brian laughed. "Howard."

"Brian."

"Fuck!" AJ shouted.

"Can you walk without the babble?" Kevin demanded.

"Sure," Brian said.

Howie rested his head on Nick's shoulder.

"Anyone see the game last night?" Nick asked.

"Oh, yeah," Howie said.

"That was great," Brian said. "Could you believe that third period?"

"I almost thought they'd have to go into overtime," Nick said.

"Do you want me to throw myself into this river?!" AJ demanded, stopping short and turning to face them.

"Put the food down first, AJ," Howie said.

"Someone is trying to kill us," Kevin said. "We don't want them to find us. We have to be as quiet as we can, and move as fast as we can. Okay?"

"Okay," Nick said.

"Okay," Brian said.

"Okay," Howie said.

"Why are we standing here?" Nick asked. "Let's walk."

AJ walked a few steps of everyone else. He was sweating under his slouched burgundy hat, but he didn't want to get sunburn on his scalp, so he lived with it. Everyone was quiet now, relatively. Brian and Howie were humming some shit. Should've left the baby and baby-sitters back there. He and Kevin could be taking this without them.

Nick had hit Kevin. AJ wasn't sure how he felt about that. There had been shoving, in the past, among the five of them in general. But hitting? No one would hit Nick, period. Or Brian, ever. Or Howie. Him, maybe. Kevin was the most likely candidate to be hit, but he should be hitting Kevin, not Nick.

He was pretty sure that Nick had been crying an hour or so ago, during their riverside hike. He hadn't stopped, hadn't looked, hadn't said anything. But he'd heard Nick cry before, and he knew the sound.

Howie was hurt. Howie was hurt because Howie had been up in the front, and Howie had been up in the front because he'd told Howie to go up there. Howie had broken ribs and a bruised pelvis and God knew whatthefuck because he'd had an ass-brained idea and-

"Hey, AJ."

Damn, Brian had an accent and a half today. Kentucky freak. "What?"

"What time is it?"

"Time for you to shut up."

"Brian," Howie's voice said.

AJ felt Brian grab his arm; he stopped and looking into Brian's bright blue glare. "We're scared and we're pissed and we're hurt and we're hungry and we're hot and we're tired and I know you're having a bad day, AJ, we're all having a bad day. But some of us are trying to be civil in spite of that, so I would appreciate it if when I ask you a common question that you have the decency not to act like an asshole."

Kevin kept walking, right past them, along the river.

"Does it matter what time it is?" AJ asked. "We're not stopping at Burger King on the way, we're not stopping to watch TV, we're walking until it gets too dark to keep walking, and then we're going to sleep until it's light enough to walk again. Get the fuck off of me!" he added, shoving Brian and pulling his arm free.

"I was asking you what time it is," Brian said in a low voice, somewhere between a hiss and a snarl, "because whatever time it is, I was going to use that as an excuse to stop for a minute so Nick and Howie could rest. Howie's little but he isn't light, AJ, and no matter how careful Nick is, I know the jolting from walking hurts Howie."

"We can't stop," AJ said, hating Brian as an alternative to hating himself.

"AJ's world doesn't slow down for anybody," Brian said. "Sorry, AJ, I forgot." He strode on.

Nick followed with Howie.

AJ watched them go. "Fuck you! Fuck you!"

Kevin stormed back, grabbed his elbow, and marched him back to the group as though he were a recalcitrant four-year-old. He yanked free and cursed some more. He wanted to kick something. Hit somebody. Scream. Cry.

Sex. He needed to get laid. He was feeling frustrated and impotent. He needed sex.

Now he just needed to find something to screw besides a knothole in one of these trees.

He trudged behind the rest of them, hating the world in general and the four of them in particular.

About an hour later, Brian fell in beside him. "I'm sorry, AJ."

Good. He should be sorry.

Brian stopped walking and hugged him. Kissed his cheek. "Forgive me?"

He looked at Brian. Damn. "Maybe."

Brian smiled. "Okay."

He watched Brian walk back up beside Nick. Hmm...

No, no, no, no.

It wasn't that he'd never...it wasn't that the thought had never crossed his mind before. Once or twice. He tried not to think about screwing Kevin or Nick, but Howie or Brian? Hell yes. But now was not the time. Not now.

His dick liked the idea, though. And, given the choice of worrying about murderers popping out from behind the trees up ahead, or ruminating on sex, AJ's brain preferred sex. So AJ found himself spending the rest of that day's walk wanting to drag Brian or Howie off for a quick screw.

Just a quick one. Behind that bush over there.

Maybe Brian and Howie. At the same time.

Brian didn't want to be the first to say that they should stop. Kevin and AJ didn't want him along in the first place, and he didn't want to interfere with their macho fast-paced hiking goals. But he was going to walk into something and hurt himself in this darkness, and he knew that Nick was going to collapse any minute now. Howie should get some rest, too.

He debated over whether to approach Kevin or AJ. Kevin was still in a foul mood. AJ didn't look as volatile anymore.

He stepped back and walked beside AJ.

"What do you want?" AJ asked in a patient voice.

"Nothing." He smiled. AJ was in a good mood. AJ in a bad mood was sexy, but AJ in a good mood was one of Brian's favorite things. He kept walking. AJ's hand crept inside his elbow. AJ in a good mood tended to be a little strange, so Brian let it go. AJ's fingers crept some more. AJ was feeling up his muscle. "May I help you?"

AJ squeezed Brian's biceps and stopped walking. "I'm stopping for the night," he said, loud enough for the others to hear. "Let's find a tree."

Brian led the way. "This is good. Everybody here?"

"Here," AJ said.

"Here," Howie said.

"Here," Nick said.

"Here," Kevin said. Kevin was not in a good mood. Brian decided not to worry about it too much right now.

"Where's the ground?" Nick said.

"Right here," Howie said.

"You okay?"

"Thanks, Nick. Oh!"

"Oh, Howie, sorry," AJ said. "Where are you?"

"Everybody sit down," Brian said. "Then come closer over here. Then put your stuff in the middle."

"Yes, Kevin," AJ said, following orders. "Whoa. Who is that?"

"I think it's me," Nick said.

Damn. AJ wanted to be between Howie and Brian. "Where is everybody?"

"Brian's over here," Nick said. "I think."

"I'm right here," Brian said. "That's me. Is this Howie?"

"Hi, I'm Howie, nice to meet you."

Damn. AJ was between Nick and Kevin. Shit.

"Are we eating now or in the morning?" Nick asked.

"Now," Brian said. "What are we having?"

"Let me ask the chef," AJ said, trying to find the zipper on his bag. "Something in the TastyKake family. And whatever's in this bottle. Pass it along. Hope that's caffeinated, because I'm staying up tonight."

"I'm staying up tonight," Howie said.

"I already called it," AJ said.

"Forget it, Howie," Nick said. "Kevin's in charge, AJ is his second, and we're just the peasants."

"Someone's bitter," AJ noted. "I'm not Kevin's second. I'm nobody's second."

"That's right, Kevin's God," Nick said. "AJ's Satan. We're rodents."

"Feeling sorry for yourself today?" Kevin asked.

"Let go of me," Nick snapped.

"I'm not letting go," Brian said. "I don't want you to get up and walk off."

"Let him go," Kevin said. "If he wants to cause a big drama-"

"We're in a big drama, Kevin," Brian said. "Nick-"

"Don't tell me he's crying again," Kevin said.

"Kevin, shut up," Brian said, and he meant it. AJ was impressed. He always forgot about Brian's don't-fuck-with-me side. "Nick - - no, let me be nice to you. Let me be nice to you." AJ heard crying from Nick and soothing from Brian. "It's okay. I love you." AJ wondered where Brian had just kissed Nick. "Kevin loves you, too, he's just a big jerk sometimes. He only wants us to be safe. Let me be nice to you." Another kissing sound. Damn, AJ wanted some of that. "Sit here with me and eat. Hold on. Here. Blow."

Nick blew his nose. "What was that?"

"My shirt."

"Gross! Brian."

"This tree doesn't have a tissue dispenser. Here, eat before the raccoons come for it." Another kiss. Damn, damn, damn, AJ wanted to switch places. "Sit and eat with me. Look at the stars. Listen to the river. It's beautiful, Nick, it's God's beautiful creation. You're God's beautiful creation, too." Now AJ wanted to vomit. And trade places with Nick, fast.

Brian was the only man AJ knew who kissed other men. And not anybody, only the four of them. It sure as hell wasn't a Southern Christian white boy thing, but it probably had something to do with how freaking nice Brian was. Brian never kissed them on the mouth, which AJ wouldn't mind right about now.

On the mouth.

Or down lower.

Oh...yeah...

"What was that?" Nick asked.

"AJ," Brian said. "AJ, what are you doing?"

"Thinking about sex," AJ said.

"Now?" Howie asked.

"Always," AJ said. He could work this. This was his chance. He had to think fast. Faster. "You ever think about sex, Howie?"

"Yes," Howie said. "Not right now."

"You're missing out," AJ said. "It's night. It's dark. There's a warm body right beside you. The stars. The river. Perfect time."

"To do what?" Nick asked.

"Who's beside you?" AJ asked.

"You."

"Not me," AJ said. He cleared his mind and pretended that he was talking to Brian and Howie alone. "You're out here by the river under the midnight sky on a warm summer night. You're tired, you're relaxing, and you're with a beautiful woman. You sit back, feeling the good ache in your muscles. You pull off your shirt, rest on your back, feel the breeze over your skin, the grass against your back. And then you feel it. She's licking your nipples. Sucking your skin."

"AJ," Kevin said.

"Keep going," Nick said.

"She wants you. You haven't gotten laid for a long time now. You feel it in your balls."

"AJ," Kevin said.

"Shit, keep going," Nick said.

"Nick, go to sleep," Kevin said.

"Now?" Nick asked.

Brian laughed. "Nick."

"AJ started it," Nick said.

"What's wrong?" Howie asked.

"He's turned on," Brian said. "Nick, go to sleep."

"I'm horny now," Nick said. "AJ, finish the story."

"You're too young," AJ said.

"For what?" Nick asked.

"You're not too young," Brian said. "This isn't the best time or place for porn, that's all."

"Then what is?" Nick asked. "This is the perfect time and place."

"We can play a game," AJ said.

"A game," Kevin repeated.

"We can be the naughty Boy Scouts playing pull-the-stick around the campfire," AJ said.

"AJ-"

"And Kevin can be our mean Scoutmaster. We can't let him catch us being naughty because he might take our pants down and paddle us with his bare hand."

"AJ!"

"Pull-the-stick?" Nick asked. "Are you talking about jerking off?"

"The art of subtlety is lost on you," Howie said.

"Ourselves or each other?" Nick asked.

Kevin made a noise AJ couldn't interpret.

No one said anything.

"What?" Nick asked. "I'm just asking."

"Everybody go to sleep," Kevin said. "Now."

"Don't spank us," Nick said. "We'll be good."

"Come on, go to sleep," Brian said.

"Now I'm horny," Nick muttered. "It's all AJ's fault. And I'm hungry."

"Here."

"What's this?"

"Dinner."

"I ate mine."

"Then why is that still here?"

"But-"

"Eat. The soda's around here somewhere. Here."

"Are-"

"Eat. Drink. Be merry."

"I'm hard."

"Thanks for sharing."

"Can I jack off?"

"Nick-"

"It's not like you can see."

"You'll scare the animals. Besides, we could be sitting in poison ivy, and you don't want to rub that there."

"Oh, man."

"Here, drink."

"Thanks."

"Who's staying up?" Brian asked.

"I am," Howie said.

"Are you sure?" AJ asked. He was trying not to think about the fact that he could reach over in the darkness and rub his hand in between Nick's thighs and feel-

"Yeah," Howie said.

"I'll cuddle up to the tree," Brian said. "Nick, come here. AJ, lean on Nick. Kevin, come on. You can hate us again in the morning."

AJ ran his hand up Nick's shin. "Where are you?"

"C'mere." Nick pulled him closer. "I'm comfortable. Nobody ask me to move until noon."

AJ settled in and, whoa. Damn. Shit. Nick was turned on. Right there. AJ closed his eyes and held still. He had to move away from it. He needed to move away from it. Nick was warm and comfortable, yes, but he could not be sitting here with Nick's hard-on. It was illegal and immoral and Kevin was oh damn, he had become Kevin's personal pillow. Just snuggle up there, Kev, no problem.

He rested his hand on Kevin's head. Ran his fingers down between Kevin's cornrows. Felt Nick breathe. He wanted to do something very X-rated right now. "I hate you guys."

"We love you, too, AJ," Brian murmured. "Good night."

Brian opened his eyes and tried to stretch his neck. He didn't know what time it was, but it was light. Time to get up and walk. Again. If this was God's way of telling him to appreciate the gifts he'd been given in his blessed life, it was working. He rubbed Nick's hair. "Wake up and let me pee."

Nick grunted and kept sleeping.

Brian was sitting propped against the tree. Nick was sleeping propped against Brian. AJ was sleeping propped against Nick. And Kevin was stretched out on his stomach, face in AJ's chest, arms around AJ's waist. It looked comfortable. A lot more comfortable than this tree.

Brian turned his head and looked for Howie, who was seated to his left. "Howie."

Howie's eyes slid right and looked at him.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah."

Brian was far from convinced. He pushed at Nick's shoulders, wriggling his way free. "What's wrong?"

"I'm okay."

"What-"

"Brian. I'm fine."

"Let me see. Howie, I mean it. Come on."

"No."

"Guys, wake up. Guys. AJ, you and Nick go down to the river and see if it's okay to splash around in. Maybe we can take a two-minute swim to get clean and cooled off before we hit the road. Come on, yes, you both have to go, safety in numbers. Don't go in if it's not safe." He squeezed AJ's arm and whispered, "Keep him down there." AJ glared at him, and he nodded; he'd explain later. Nick dragged AJ down to the river.

"All right, what now?" Kevin asked.

"Let me see," Brian told Howie. "We want to admire your body. I've seen it before, Howie."

"What's wrong?" Kevin asked, crawling over beside them.

"Howie's feeling worse."

"Worse?" Kevin asked.

"I had to go to the bathroom," Howie said. "I fell."

"Howie," Brian said. "Wake me up next time."

"I'm okay."

"Let me see for myself. Come on, you have a better body than I do, show it off for me."

Howie winced and began to unbutton his shirt. Brian peeled it back, exposing his chest. Kevin inhaled sharply. "Where does it hurt?" Brian asked.

"Everywhere," Howie said. "I mean it. Everything hurts from my shoulders to my knees. From the back and the front."

"Can I...?"

Howie unbuckled his belt. Brian helped to ease down his pants.

"I didn't know," Kevin said. "Howie-"

"You knew," Brian said. "Kevin, you knew how badly he was hurt, or you wouldn't have been taking care of him and worrying about him. You just didn't see it this closely. Do you..." Howie nodded, and Brian tugged down Howie's underwear a little, revealing his pelvic bone. Kevin blanched. "We have to keep carrying you," Brian said. "Is there any way to make it easier?"

"We could wrap you up," Kevin said. "For padding. I don't know anything else to do."

Brian ran his fingertips up Howie's chest, a featherlight human touch. "I'm sorry, Howie."

"I'm sorry," Howie said. Brian gave his shoulders a gentle hug and helped to pull his clothes together.

Kevin got down to business. "You get out the food and look for something to make Howie more comfortable. I'll go get the kids."

"I'm okay," Howie said. "Stupid, but okay."

"You're not stupid," Brian said. "But you will be okay." While Kevin left, he got out chips and soda. Nick and Howie could share one bag; he'd share the other with AJ and Kevin. He was hungry, and he knew that it was making him weaker, but he didn't need the food as much as everyone else did. Howie was hurt, Nick was Nick, Kevin was going to be carrying Howie all day, and it had to take a lot of energy to be AJ.

He went through the clothing bags. He didn't want to make Howie too hot, but these jackets might work. Nick and Kevin wouldn't mind sharing their wardrobes. What else...

AJ came tearing up to them and ducked behind the tree.

Nick raced towards them, laughing like a maniac. Kevin tackled Nick from behind, and they tumbled and rolled, Nick laughing, Kevin cursing. They were soaking wet. Brian watched them, deciding not to interfere as long as Nick was laughing.

Kevin got off of Nick and stormed over to them, glowering and dripping.

Nick stayed on the ground, convulsing with hysterics.

Kevin stripped out of his wet clothes and pulled on dry ones, pausing to wring out the tail ends of his cornrows. When he sat down, Brian handed him the chips and soda. "AJ," Kevin said, "if you act civilized for the next half hour, I won't kill you."

AJ came and sat beside Kevin, the picture of the country gentleman, if a bit overtattooed.

Brian went over and sat on Nick. "You're wet."

Nick laughed.

"Having a good morning?"

"You should have seen his face."

"His eyebrows alone could have killed you."

"Exactly!"

"Come on, silly. We're eating."

"What are we having?"

"Chips. Yours are barbecue flavored."

"Oh, I like those. I'm starving."

"You and Howie can share a whole big bag."

"Let me up! Let me up! Food!" Nick scrambled towards the tree.

Brian rested on his back and looked at the sky. Today would be a good day.

AJ finished off the soda. Brian arranged the jackets into a soft pile. "Your Highness." Kevin helped Howie to slide back onto them, then lifted. "Good?"

"Good," Howie said. "Thanks."

"What's going on?" Nick asked.

"We're making Howie comfortable," Brian said. "Cushion his ribs some. We like to keep our Howie happy." He tickled Howie's neck.

"All right, stop harassing my tenor," Kevin said. "Let's get a move on."

"Your tenor?" Nick asked.

"I'm holding him all day, he's mine," Kevin said.

"Then I want to carry the food all day," Nick said.

"You wish," AJ said, gathering his bags. "Is everybody ready?"

"Ready, sir," Brian said, and saluted.

"I'm sorry I called you Satan," Nick said to AJ.

"I'm sorry I gave you a hard-on," AJ said.

"Can we go?" Kevin asked.

"Did I give you a hard-on, too, Kevin?" AJ asked.

"No, AJ, the only thing you ever gave me was a hard time."

"I'll keep trying," AJ said, and sauntered off.

Kevin sighed and followed.

Brian took Nick's free hand in his and followed.

Howie was heavy in Kevin's arms. But after holding onto him all day, when they finally stopped at night, Kevin didn't want to let go. So Kevin continued to hold Howie, keeping him close as they rested and ate.

Howie slept in Kevin's lap, against his chest, in his arms.

As dawn broke, and the others continued to sleep, Kevin began to undo Howie's cornrows. He caressed the soft ripples, watching the rising sun pick up gold highlights. Howie moved in his arms, as comfortable in his embrace as a lover.

Nick crawled over to them and, without a word, began to take out Kevin's cornrows. Kevin smacked his hand, but he continued on undeterred. Kevin gave in and let him. It felt good, the careful unbraiding, the intimate touch. Nick's fingers against his scalp, combing through his hair. He didn't comment when Nick began to caress the back of his neck.

"If we're grooming each other, count me out," AJ said, breaking the silence.

Nick returned to Kevin's hair. The back of Kevin's neck tingled.

"Can I check you for ticks?" Brian asked AJ. "Whoa! Woo! AJ!"

Kevin looked right. "AJ, let go of him."

"Mmm," Howie murmured. Kevin ran a hand down his back, gentle, careful.

"AJ!" Brian escaped, laughing.

AJ rose into a half-crouch, eyeing his prey. Brian darted over to hide behind their tree. AJ cackled and crept in that direction.

Kevin ignored them, holding Howie, letting Nick free his hair.

"I'm sorry I hit you," Nick said.

"It's okay."

Brian shouted with laughter.

"All of the stuff that's been happening, everything, and that's still one of the worst things," Nick said.

"I know." Kevin reached back and scratched the back of Nick's head. "It's okay."

"I wish you were always this calm. You get tense and pissy so fast."

"I know."

"Kevin?"

He held his breath. No, Nick.

Nick hugged him from behind, chin on his shoulder. When he didn't protest the embrace, Nick said, "I love you, Kevin."

He rubbed Nick's arm. "I love you, too, Nick."

"All of the time."

"Even when you're pissed at me."

"Even then."

"I love you all of the time, too. Even when I piss you off."

"I know."

"Can I kiss you?"

"No."

"Brian kisses you."

"Nick, Brian kisses AJ."

Nick laughed. "I never said he had good taste."

Kevin turned his head and tipped Nick's chin, kissing Nick's cheek. "You need to shave."

"I like your hair like this. Long. I didn't think I would. I mean, you're Kevin. But when you act all confident and masculine, it's sexy."

"Did you just call me sexy?"

"Yeah, but don't tell anybody."

"Are you smelling me again?"

"Yeah."

Kevin sighed.

"Are we awake?" Howie asked.

"Awake, yes," Kevin said. "Sane, it's just you and me, kid."

Brian landed at their feet, breathless, and rolled to his stomach. "What did you guys do to AJ?"

"Why?" Howie asked.

"I think he's trying to-" Brian squeaked and ran to hide.

"Oh, Brian," AJ called, stalking him.

AJ turned on his cell phone. Nothing. Shit.

He was hungry and horny and hurting and hunted. Not in that order.

Life sucked.

Life was fucking him up the ass.

As soon as he got back to civilization - - and he was getting back to civilization, because he was not dying wherever the fuck they were now - - he was getting fed and getting laid. Not in that order.

He needed to shower and shave and change. Then he was going to take two women.

Three.

Four.

Mmm, yeah. Four. One right after the other. Or all four at once. Pile them on, he could take it.

If they didn't get to the real world soon, he was taking one of the guys right here in the grass.

Not Kevin or Nick. Howie was hurt. But Brian, Brian was asking for it. Damn, he'd been hard earlier, chasing Brian, grabbing Brian, feeling Brian under his body like that. Made his dick sit up and beg. Brian hadn't been hard, but AJ could fix that.

AJ was pretty sure he could teach Brian's body new things. There was no way on earth that good Christian boy had met that sweet hot button. Howie, there was a chance. Kevin, maybe. Nick, never. AJ wanted to slide up in there and make Brian appreciate life in a whole new way. AJ could introduce Brian to the glory of God's creation, all right.

AJ groaned and dropped into a crouch. "Kill me now."

"What? Why?" Nick asked.

"Keep walking, AJ," Kevin said.

"What's wrong?" Howie asked.

"My hormones have taken over my brain," AJ said. "This must be how Nick feels. You have no idea the fucking shit that's going through my head."

"Even Kevin's starting to look good, hunh?" Brian asked.

"Don't joke about that," AJ groaned.

"That is bad," Nick said.

"It's okay, AJ," Howie said. "We'll put you up in a nice hotel room and let you invite some friends over."

"Girls?"

"Women," Howie said.

Oh, that sounded good. "Lots of them?"

"As many as you can handle," Howie promised.

"Come on," Brian said, pulling AJ to his feet. "Your girlfriends are waiting for you."

"If I put the moves on you, kick me," AJ said.

"AJ, if you put the moves on me..." Brian thought about it. "Has anyone ever resisted that? I don't know if I could do it. I'd be putty in your hands, AJ." He smiled.

Oh, this was not good. AJ wanted to moan. And ask Brian to-

"Let me throw myself in the river!"

"Put down the food first," Kevin said, and started walking.

"Howie, are you awake?"

"Yes," Howie said.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah. I'm fine, Nick."

"Brian said you're bruised."

"Yeah. My ribs and my hips, mostly."

"But you'll be okay, right?"

"Right." He ran his fingers over Nick's collarbone. "Thank you for putting up with me."

"I just want you to be okay."

"Everybody's in a better mood today."

"Yeah. What's up with AJ?"

"He's horny."

"I'm horny, and I'm not that weird."

"AJ's always weird. The weirdness is different depending on his mood."

"That's true. Are you horny?"

"Am I horny?" Howie repeated.

"I am. AJ is. Are you?"

"Nick, there are questions you're not supposed to ask people. That's one of them."

"Why not?"

"Trust me."

"Okay. Kevin, are you horny?"

"Yes," Kevin called back. Brian laughed.

Kevin stopped walking.

Brian walked into him. Tried to keep walking. Stayed there, stepping up and down, making engine noises, walking into Kevin's back.

"AJ," Kevin said.

"Mother of Christ!" AJ shouted. "Lights! Lights means people, buildings, life!"

"There's no life out here," Howie said, looking at the trees, grass, squirrels...

"Lights?" Brian asked, peering around Kevin. "Lights! The light of Christ! Thanks be to God!"

Nick looked at Brian.

"Last one there's a rotten egg!" AJ shouted.

"How far away do you think it is?" Kevin asked Brian.

"Far," Brian said. "We'll make it today if we pick it up."

"I can take Howie later," Kevin said to Nick.

"I'm okay," Nick said. "Let's go."

"What's wrong?" Howie asked Nick.

"Nothing."

"What's wrong?" Brian asked Nick, following Kevin and AJ.

"We're okay out here. It sucks, but we're okay," Nick said. "We don't know who's out there waiting for us. If we show up, and they find us-"

"We'll be okay," Brian said. "We're taking care of ourselves. We're taking care of each other. We made it this far, we can keep going."

"I can't believe we made it this far," Howie said.

"We bickered and we ate Pop-Tarts and people are trying to kill us but we're more worried about our sex lives," Brian said. "But we've made it this far."

"In true Backstreet Boys style," Kevin agreed.

They kept a quick pace, always looking for the lights. They kept to the river, hoping that the town lay alongside it.

"What do we do when we get there?" Nick asked.

"Go to the police," Brian said.

"Right," Kevin said. "It looks like a small place, but they can take care of us."

"They are putting us up in a hotel and they are keeping security on us," AJ said.

"Who should we call?" Nick asked.

"Nobody," Kevin said.

"We've been missing for days. Our parents-"

"We don't know who's in this," Kevin said.

"We don't trust anybody," AJ said. "Except us."

"We can let your parents know you're okay," Brian said. "But we can't tell them where you are."

"We don't call anybody, we don't talk to anybody," AJ said. "We don't know who's involved."

"This sucks," Nick said.

"We have each other," Brian said.

"If someone offers one of you guys money to kill me, say no, okay?" Nick said.

"Okay," Howie said.

"I can handle management betraying me, I can handle security turning on us, it's okay, but one of you guys, I could not take it."

Kevin walked back and put an arm around his shoulders. "You know Brian loves you, you know Howie loves you, I'm pretty sure AJ loves you, that just leaves me."

"Yeah."

"I'll yell at you and get mad at you and want to throttle you, but I won't let anybody hurt you."

"The five of us, united against the world," AJ cheered.

"And we can sing, too," Howie said.

"Well, some of us can," Brian said.

"Some of us," Howie amended.

"I don't know about Kevin."

"He tries," Howie said.

"Gotta give him credit for trying," AJ agreed.

"Now, the three of them," Kevin told Nick, "I'd sell out in an instant."

They approached the town. The nearby houses looked nice enough, pleasant and middle-class.

"Let me guess," Nick said. "Kevin and AJ are going to go into town to find the police while the three of us stay here, hide, and wait."

"Very good," AJ said, approving. "He can be taught!"

"I'm sick of this," Brian said. "I understand you wanting Howie and Nick to stay here, but why are you keeping me out of it?"

"Howie's hurt, but what about me?" Nick asked.

"You're Nick," Kevin said.

"You're the youngest," AJ said. "You're very cute and not very bright. You're our baby boy."

"You suck," Nick said. "What about Brian? He's old."

"Yeah, I'm old," Brian agreed. "What about me?"

"You're Brian," Kevin said.

"That explains it," Brian said. "I'm Brian. You must be Howie. Nice to meet you."

"Nice to meet you," Howie agreed.

"I still think Brian should go," Nick said. "And I should go, but no one cares about that."

"Why Brian?" AJ asked.

"Brian's normal."

Kevin snorted.

"When he's not being weird and silly," Nick said. "He can be normal. He knows how to be normal. He looks normal. You two scare people."

"We scare you," Kevin corrected.

"I'm people," Nick said. "Shut up."

"We'll leave everything here with you," Kevin said. "We'll walk into town like anybody else, find the police station, and come back for you."

"It might take a while," AJ said. "Stay here."

"Stay here," Kevin repeated.

"Yes, sir," Brian said, and saluted. "No kiss good-bye?"

AJ hugged him. "May we go now?"

"One more." Brian hugged Kevin. "Keep AJ out of trouble."

"For that, I'll need duct tape, handcuffs, three Navy SEALs-"

AJ grabbed Kevin and dragged him off.

"-five Army tanks-"

"Kevin, be quiet."

Kevin was quiet.

"Where the fuck are we?" AJ asked.

"Pennsylvania license plates," Kevin said.

"Do you feel at home here? Is this your kind of place?"

"Yeah, kind of..."

"Then we must be in conservative Republican small-town tight-assed Pennsylvania," AJ said. "I was hoping for something more Philly-style. At least there they pretend to be human."

"It would help if you wouldn't talk like that when we get to the police station."

"Fuck the police."

"You did that on purpose."

"Surprised nobody's pulled out the tear gas yet."

"You're in a good mood."

"I'm faking it. Really what I'm doing is bracing myself for when our assassins come down the street for a drive-by."

"I wish I'd left you back there."

"You mean with Brian and our wife and child, or on the bus?"

"It's weird to love someone this much and always be on the verge of smacking him."

"Kind of like Nick."

"No, Nick I want to choke. You I want to smack."

"But you do love me."

"Not by choice."

"I hear that. Shit."

"Stay calm. It's just a car."

"There are other people in this world. For days it's been us. Now there are people. And cars. And anybody could be trying to kill us. This must be what it's like to live in a Dean Koontz novel."

"I think people get laid in his books."

"Really?"

"Yeah, at least half of the time."

"Damn. I don't even need the real thing, just somebody, please, grope me."

"I'll ask the police to strip-search you."

"At least pat me down. Something. Throw me a bone, here, people. Let me throw a bone."

"AJ."

"That was too easy to pass up."

"That was lame."

"I'm so horny. I have to get onstage and let it out, it's so bad, Kevin. I was about to jump your cousin."

"AJ."

"What?"

"Touch Brian and I'll hurt you."

"I knew you'd be that way about it."

"Then keep your hands to yourself."

"Whoa, people. Fuck."

"Pretend you're normal. Pretend you're invisible."

"Normal, he says to the - - have we met?! How many bald goateed skinny tattooed pierced Latin guys you think walk down this street?"

"You forgot loudmouthed. And short."

"I'm not short."

"You're short."

"I'm a normal sized person, Kevin. You're tall."

"I'm the same height as Nick."

"Nick's a freak of nature. Let me count the ways."

"How much farther can it be to town?"

"This is rural America, my boy Kev. Keep walking."

"It's dark. What if they close the police station?"

"Police stations don't close."

"They don't?"

"Kevin. You call 911. Do they say, 'Sorry, everyone went home for the day, please have your emergency during regular business hours.'"

Kevin rubbed his forehead. "Sorry."

"I know. It's tough being you. That's okay. I won't tell Nick you're not perfect after all."

Howie rested.

Nick picked through the grass.

Brian waited and prayed.

AJ lowered his sunglasses and smiled. "Hi."

Kevin pulled AJ's sunglasses off entirely.

AJ stepped on Kevin's foot. "Could you please direct us to the Chief of Police?"

"You're looking at him. What can I do for you?"

"Could we please see you in private?" Kevin asked.

"Something wrong?"

"I'm hungry, I'm hot, I'm tired, I'm sweaty, I have sunburn and poison ivy, I smell, I need a shave, and someone's trying to kill my friends," AJ said. "Yes, something's wrong. We're hoping that you can help before I go stark raving mad."

"Let's go back to my office."

Brian grabbed Howie's arm. "Somebody's coming."

"Cars," Nick said.

"They have headlights, they'll see us," Brian said.

"They're stopping," Howie said.

"Flashlights," Nick said. "They have flashlights."

"Guys? Brian!"

"Kevin!" Brian shouted. "He almost gave me a heart attack," he muttered.

"Get that out of my eyes," Nick said, shielding his face.

"Did you miss us?" AJ asked.

"Every second," Brian said. "What are we doing?"

"You must be Brian Littrell. I'm Ken Fossier with the Kendig Township Police. We're hoping that the three of you can come back with Kevin and AJ to explain to us what you've been doing running around our large wooded area out here. We're saving you some beds over at the White Swan. Under assumed names, of course. I believe you're Donald Duck. Don't laugh. You're his wife Daisy."

They gave individual statements, then filled in gaps as a group. No restaurants were open, but someone brought them sandwiches and drinks, which they ate too quickly. By the time they were driven to the hotel, they were falling asleep on each other.

Brian and AJ helped Howie hobble to his room. The five of them thanked Kendig Township's finest, shared hugs, and turned in for the night.

AJ had been a zombie minutes ago, but now he couldn't sleep. He showered, shaved, peed, brushed his teeth, watched TV, and painted his nails.

He slipped out of his room, nodded to the man on duty, and knocked on Brian's door.

Brian opened the door. "AJ," he whispered. "Come on in."

"You're awake?"

"I am. He's not."

AJ looked towards the bed. "What's Nick doing over here?"

"We've all been together so much he didn't feel right being alone all of a sudden. It was kind of weird. You all were right next door and I missed you."

"You're a disturbed man."

"I think Kevin's in Howie's room."

"Ooohhh."

Brian swatted AJ. "Not for that."

AJ climbed into Brian's bed. "Hope you didn't want extra elbow room."

"That's okay. It's awfully big. I think they gave me the - - what now?" Brian went to the door. "Guess who?"

"Madonna," AJ guessed.

"Close." Brian opened the door. "Long time no see. Come on in, guys. We're having a little reunion in here."

Nick rolled over. "What's going on?"

"Wake up, we have company," AJ said.

"What are you doing here?" Nick asked.

"Trying to put the moves on Brian. Too bad you beat me to it."

"I was not..." Nick made a disgusted face and went back to sleep.

Trouble was, AJ knew that disgusted face. That was Nick's "I'm pretending that you're an idiot so you won't realize how right you are" face. Aha. The plot thickened.

Kevin and Howie came into the room. "I think Officer Grey thinks we're a little strange," Kevin said.

"Officer Grey has no idea how right he is," AJ said. He lounged against Nick's back. "Too bad there isn't a bar in here. Or a fridge."

"Or a girl," Nick said.

"We can make do without one of those," AJ said. "Oh, Howie..."

"Leave me out of your weird world, AJ," Howie said, easing himself onto the bed.

"It's dark in here, but I do believe that we're all clean, washed, combed, shorn, and polished," AJ said. "It's about time."

"Band-Aids are my new best friend," Nick said.

"We really should have gone to the hospital," Kevin said.

"We can't risk it," AJ said. "The fewer people who know we're here, the better."

"You need stitches," Kevin said, and his touch grazed AJ's cheek. "And Howie needs..."

"A nap," Howie said. "Nick, move over."

"I want to sleep between Howie and Brian," AJ said.

"Keep me away from AJ," Brian said.

"There isn't enough room for all of us in here," Nick said. "Kevin, oh! Ah. Hi."

"Hi," Kevin said.

"You smell good."

"Thank you."

Brian climbed in behind Kevin. Nick was in the middle; AJ was on Howie's far side, across the bed from Brian. "Good night," Brian said.

"Good night."

"Hey, John Boy."

"What?"

"Go the fuck to sleep."

"Yes, AJ."

Nick slept long and hard, wrapped in Kevin's embrace with Howie nestled against his back. When he wakened, Brian's hands were creeping down from Kevin's shoulders. He tugged on Brian's fingers. Brian tugged at his fingers. He finger-walked across Kevin's chest, chased by Brian. Kevin smacked their hands and they snickered. Nick scratched Kevin's nose. Smoothed Kevin's eyebrows. He could tell that Brian was playing with Kevin's hair.

Howie made a warm sound behind him and snuggled closer.

Nick had to pee. He ran his forefinger over Kevin's cheekbone.

"Put it away, AJ." Howie sounded half-asleep and unimpressed.

Nick frowned. No way.

"AJ!" Howie said.

AJ stormed off to the bathroom.

But Nick had to pee.

Howie muttered something and went back to sleep.

Brian was giving Kevin bunny ears.

"I gotta pee."

"So go," Kevin muttered without opening his eyes.

"AJ's in there."

"Use your own bathroom."

Oh, right.

Brian climbed over Kevin, over Nick, and over Howie to AJ's vacated spot. "Howie," he whispered.

"Hi," Howie murmured.

Nick scootched around to his other side to watch.

"You okay?" Brian asked.

"Yeah," Howie said. Brown eyes opened. "Beds were a great invention."

"Imagine what they'd be like if we could sleep in them," Kevin said.

"Sorry, Kevin," Brian stage-whispered. "What's wrong with AJ?"

"He's AJ," Howie said.

Nick got up and crawled over Kevin, getting out of the bed. Kevin groaned and rolled over, pulling the blankets over his head. Nick walked around the foot of the bed to the other side of the room and knocked on the bathroom door.

"Fuck off."

"I gotta pee."

"Fuck off!"

Jerk. Nick wandered around the room. Looked around. Frowned. "Guys? Where's the room service menu?"

"There's no room service here," Brian said.

"Why not?"

Howie laughed. Kevin groaned. "We could ask them to order a pizza," Brian suggested. "Or five."

AJ slammed out of the bathroom and paced.

Nick went in to pee.

They split up to clean and change. The Chief of Police stopped by, talked to Kevin, and dropped off pizza and soda. He was Nick's new best friend.

They ate. Nick felt clingy. Howie and Brian lounged on the bed, watching TV and talking and singing. Nick went over and sang with them, sitting on Brian and tying knots in Howie's hair. Kevin gave in and sat with them, untying Howie's knots and singing along. Nick reached over to tie a knot in Kevin's hair, but Kevin gave him a look and he behaved himself.

"I think we're missing a voice," Brian said.

"AJ," Howie said.

"I'll be AJ," Nick said.

"Guess I'll sing Nick's parts," Brian said.

"You can't sing AJ's parts," Kevin told Nick.

"Why not?" Nick asked. "Try me."

"Okay," Kevin said.

"You're me?" Nick asked Brian. "Who's you?"

"I'll do it," AJ snapped. He was sitting on the floor in the far corner, tearing Howie's pizza crusts to shreds.

"Let's go," Kevin said. "'More Than That.'"

AJ shrugged. "I can see that you've been crying..."

"Since when does Brian have a post-sex voice with a smoker's cough?" Kevin asked.

AJ stopped and started over. Nick picked up AJ's solo. The five of them went through the whole song without missing a note. Nick knew AJ's part like he knew his own. He knew Brian's, too, and Howie's, and Kevin's. Not that he wanted to take on Howie's part in public, because his voice didn't go the places it used to, but he knew it in theory.

"Let's do it blind," Howie suggested.

"'More Than That?'" Kevin asked.

"Yeah."

Nick hesitated. They'd never done this one blind. "Quit Playing Games," yes, a dozen times.

"Come on, AJ," Kevin said. AJ grumbled and snarled but came over and sat on the bed with them. Then everyone turned his back to everyone else, facing the rest of the room, and closed his eyes.

Nick waited.

Brian started to sing.

Nick couldn't see anyone else. Wasn't touching anyone else. He had to rely on vocal cues, the sounds of breath, and memory. He had to trust. Whenever they sang blind, someone decided to go off into parts unknown, changing rhythms and running off into cadenzas. This time it was AJ, who felt contrary. Then Brian, with little to no warning, deposited them in the beginning of the song again. At the first opportunity, therefore, Nick dropped them in the middle of "Shape of My Heart." Everyone followed him right in, as though the incident were pre-arranged.

Whenever they performed, they had to stay in contact. They watched each other for cues. Usually Brian led, but they all had to respond to each other's breaths and movements. When they sang blind, there was nothing there, nothing but their voices.

Nick could close his eyes, clear his mind, and sing with them. Slide his voice right beside AJ's, wrap it around Howie's, soar above Kevin's and weave through Brian's. He didn't need to touch them or see them. He heard them. He felt them. He knew where they were going and what they were doing. If they stopped short or turned a sharp corner, he dropped right into place with them.

They'd been together for a long time. They'd been singing as a group for a long time. They spent way too much time together.

Kevin smacked his leg. "What was that?"

Nick grinned, scooting around to face them again. AJ sprawled in the center, managing to rest a limb on everyone. "I like that song," Nick said.

"Were you taking off in that descant?" Brian asked Howie. "That was new."

"I'm out of practice," Howie said.

Nick rubbed the fuzz on top of AJ's head. "Hey, AJ."

"Hey, Nick." AJ reached up and tugged on Nick's bangs. His head was in Nick's lap, feet on either side of Brian. He stretched.

Nick ran his fingers over AJ's forehead. "Do you guys think we'll be safe here?"

"As long as we don't stay too long," Kevin said. "Tomorrow night Ken's taking us to Harrisburg."

"State capital?" Nick asked. "Cool. Put us under armed guard, man. With room service."

"Give me a hot tub and naked women," AJ said.

"You could go take a bath with Howie," Nick suggested.

"Howie's not in the mood," AJ muttered.

"AJ," Kevin said.

"Shut up, Kevin," AJ said.

"AJ, tell me you didn't-"

"Shut up, Kevin!"

"He's hurt!"

"You told me not to touch Brian, I'm not going near Nick, I wouldn't touch you with a ten-foot pole or my ten-inch dick, that leaves Howie!"

"It's not ten inches," Nick said. "What?"

"Don't worry about it," Howie said. "AJ knows how to take no for an answer."

"Nobody ever tells me no," AJ snapped.

Nick stroked AJ's eyebrows. "Fellas?"

"AJ wants sex," Howie explained. "There are no women around, so he's going after us. After me and Brian."

"I didn't tell you not to touch Brian so you'd turn around and - - AJ! He's hurt!" Kevin repeated.

"You told him not to touch me?" Brian asked. "Kevin. That's none of your business."

AJ's jaw dropped.

Nick's brain was nothing but static.

Kevin was scary-looking.

"We're allowed to touch Brian?" Nick asked.

"No!" Kevin said.

"Nick," Brian said.

"Yes!" AJ said, shooting up and grabbing Brian.

"We can have sex with AJ?" Nick asked.

"No!" Kevin shouted.

AJ froze.

Howie looked like he had a headache.

AJ rose onto his knees and turned around, facing Nick. "You, no. Sex, no. Sex with you, no."

"But you and-"

"I'm a big boy. Howie let me grope him. Brian says it's his business who touches him, not Kevin's, so Kevin can back off. But-"

"You groped Howie? Where?!"

Howie groaned. "AJ. Why do you tell everybody everything?"

"He let me grope him but he didn't let me get any of my own action," AJ said. "Women. Kevin, fuck you, I'm allowed to mess with Brian if he lets me. Nick, get out."

"What?"

"AJ," Brian said.

"You're straight," Nick said.

"Who?" AJ asked.

"All of you!"

"Yeah," AJ said. "So?"

"Straight guys don't grope straight guys."

AJ shrugged. "We're Backstreet Boys."

"So?!"

"You want Brian, don't you?"

"Yeah."

"You're straight, he's straight."

"Yeah."

"But you want him."

"Yeah."

"And you want Howie."

"Yeah."

"And you want Kevin."

"Yeah."

"Nick, tell me you don't want me," AJ said.

"Nick, you're my little brother," Kevin said. "I don't engage in pedophilia or incest."

"Guess that means you're not taking Brian, either," AJ told Kevin. "No incest here. More for me."

"AJ, go to your room," Kevin said.

"I'm in my room." AJ lounged back on the bed, leaning against Brian, planting his naked feet on Kevin's chest.

"This is Brian's room."

"He wants me to stay."

"I didn't say that," Brian said.

"He wants to fuck with me."

"I didn't say that," Brian said.

"You're not invited."

"Can we all do it?" Nick asked.

"Nobody's having sex with you!" AJ said. "Get out!"

"AJ!" Howie said.

"I'm confused," Nick said. "Are you all doing each other or not?"

"We will be, as soon as Kevin leaves," AJ said.

"Just the three of you."

"That is correct."

"Why just you? What's wrong with me and Kevin?"

"Nick, you've been a sexualized child since we met. I've had a mental block on the idea of you and sex for a long time now, and I'd like to keep it that way," AJ said.

"What he said," Howie agreed.

"I'm not a child," Nick said. "I'm twenty-one. What's wrong with Kevin?"

"Kevin scares me," AJ said. "And he hates me. And he's an asshole. And I think he'd be a little too likely to play Stern Scoutmaster and Naughty Boy Scout. I'm willing to go in for kink, but let's not go there."

"You're going to make love without us?" Nick asked.

"Oh, god, Nick," AJ said. "It's just sex. Don't get dramatic. I want to screw. Brian's cute. I'll put him back where I found him."

Nick did something he'd learned, years ago, not to do: he grabbed AJ. "Don't you - - if you want a cheap screw, you go outside and get one, you wait and it'll come to you, you can even fuck me if you just want sex, but you do not have just sex just fucking one-night stands with Brian, or Howie, or Kevin. They're worth more than that and you know it. If they want cheap sex, they can go somewhere else for it, but between you, two of you in one bed, there's nothing cheap about it so let go of me!" He pushed Brian away, hard.

AJ shoved Nick. "Get off of me!"

Kevin pulled Nick from AJ to the foot of the bed. "Calm down. Everybody. No one is having sex. We're straight. We're brothers. That's it. AJ, keep your hands and all other body parts to yourself."

"Nick just said he wants us," AJ said. "What are you going to do about that, Kev?"

"Nick's upset," Kevin said.

Nick twisted away from Kevin and left the bed.

"Everybody shut up," Brian said. "Stay put, AJ." He climbed off of the bed and squeezed Nick's arm.

"I hate you."

"Why?" Brian asked, resting his head against Nick's shoulder.

"You're having sex with AJ and Howie and not me."

"I'm not having sex with anybody, Nick. Nobody wants me. AJ's horny."

"I want you." He didn't know what he was looking at.

"Everybody thinks you're too young. Everybody thinks you're off-limits."

"I know."

"Everybody except me." Brian stepped in front of him, looking up into his eyes. Touching his jaw. "I know better. We know better, don't we, Nick."

"Yes." His heart was racing. His knees were gone.

"We know what love is. We know what brotherhood is. We know who the Backstreet Boys are."

"Yes."

Brian leaned up, eyes closing, and kissed his mouth.

Nick let his lashes lower, parting his lips. Sweet, soft kiss. Brian's tongue licked wet and alive past his teeth, and he felt Brian's hand warm on the back of his neck. His lower lip was sucked into Brian's mouth while his fingers tightened on Brian's back.

He was a Backstreet Boy, and Brian was a Backstreet Boy. More than friends, as tight as brothers. No one else knew how beautiful it was and how hard it was and how much it meant. The five of them, they understood themselves and they understood each other as no one else could. They'd gone through it together. Some things they'd fought for and some they'd been given; some things they'd taken and some things they'd lost. They loved each other because they did, because they had to. They had to.

When Brian stopped kissing him, Nick opened his eyes. Brian smiled up at him, a small smile, with eyes full of happy secrets and enticing promises. He lowered his head and kissed Brian again. "Want to make love to me?" Brian whispered when he slid his fingers through silky curls.

"Can I?" he asked, wanting to, unsure.

"Yes," Brian said, kissing his mouth.

"No," Kevin said in a firm voice from the bed. "Brian, let go of him."

Nick flipped Kevin off without looking, still kissing Brian. His cock was hard and his balls were tight and he felt hot all over. And Brian's tongue was doing an arousing licking thing in his mouth. He wanted Brian to lick him like that everywhere.

"You play grab-and-grope with Nick and I get no play?" AJ demanded.

Nick felt Brian's hand between his legs. Rubbing over where he was hard. Brian was touching his dick. Brian had never touched him there before. He reached down and opened his jeans, and Brian's hand slipped inside, inside his underwear, naked on his cock, squeezing up the shaft. There was heat and pressure and excitement, this high and tight feeling swimming up his bloodstream. Brian's kiss was hungrier now, faster, deeper. Real.

Brian wanted to have sex with him.

He was going to have sex with Brian.

Right now.

"Fuck yes," he said, and lifted Brian, hands on Brian's hips. Brian's knees hugged his waist and he carried Brian the few feet to the bed.

Kevin got out of the way, and Nick put Brian on the mattress. AJ scrambled off of the bed and helped Howie off, too. While Brian nibbled on his lips, Nick undid Brian's fly. His hand sought heat, and Brian's pelvis rocked up towards his touch. There, oh, god, yes. Nick looked down and Brian moaned, eyes closing, hips lifting, cock thrusting into Nick's hand.

Brian wanted him.

Brian's eyes opened again, and Brian said his name.

Nick was hot and tingly all over, from the back of his knees to his palms. Behind his ears, even.

He licked behind Brian's ear. Brian moaned and pulled up his shirt, one hand running up his chest, fingers finding his right nipple. He listened to Brian's soft panting sounds, letting his eyes close so that he could concentrate on the sharp pleasure Brian's touch created.

"We should go," Howie said.

Brian tugged at Nick's jeans, and they slipped down, baring his ass. He sucked at the corner of Brian's jaw.

"Wait," AJ said.

"Kevin, come on," Howie said.

"Wait," AJ said. "Brian."

Brian made an unintelligible sound, pulling off Nick's shirt. Nick shook free of it and looked down into Brian's eyes, letting Brian's hands roam. He was loved here; he was wanted here.

"Kevin," Howie said.

Nick kicked out of his jeans and underwear, then finished undressing Brian. Spreading Brian's thighs, he reached in and cupped Brian's balls. Brian groaned, a soft tortured sound, pushing into Nick's hand. Brian wanted to be touched. Wanted Nick to touch.

"Let me," AJ said, kneeling beside Nick on the bed. "Nick, let me."

Nick looked right. There was need and desire and a plea in AJ's eyes. "What do you want?"

"I want to touch his ass," AJ said. No hiding, no shame. "I want to fuck him with my fingers."

Nick took a moment to process this information. Now that AJ mentioned it, that was what Nick wanted, too. Wanted to fuck Brian with his fingers. Wanted to watch AJ do it, too. To see AJ doing that to Brian. To - - "Don't you need stuff for that?"

"Spit works," AJ said.

Nick climbed over Brian again, kissing his mouth. Soft, slow kisses. Brian loved him. Brian wanted him. Brian's fingers were crawling through his hair. Then Brian flinched. He lightened the kiss, flirting with Brian's tongue, hoping this wasn't going to hurt. Brian gasped in air and bit Nick's lower lip. Ouch. Then Brian said, "Oh," in a low, surprised, pleased tone. "Oh, oh..." Brian groaned and sucked Nick's tongue.

Nick wanted to look, to watch, to see what AJ was doing and to watch Brian's reactions.&nbs