Loving Blind

Loving Blind

Rating: NC-17 for graphic male-male sex

Pairing: Backstreet Boys

Disclaimer: The young men who comprise the Backstreet Boys are their own people. The author has not met anyone here described, nor does the author mean to suggest that these people act this way in real life. This writing is a work of fiction. I make no money from this venture.

Dedication: This slashfic is for Ewan McGregor and the Savage Garden slashwriters.

Wherein Howie's a girl, AJ can't play Scrabble, and Kevin stars in "NYPD Blue."

Notice: Kyla was generous enough to invite me to see the Backstreet Boys with her. I spent my Friday evening in the backseat of Kyla's car laughing while Kyla drove over chalk outlines of dead bodies and Lois played the theme song to "Gilligan's Island." (Lost? We weren't lost. The venue, on the other hand...) Kyla and Lois speculated on AJ's reaction to driving around in the middle of nowhere en route to the venue. I decree that from now on, no one may talk about anything within my earshot, because everything becomes story fodder in one way or another.

Erica

AJ made the mistake of looking out of the bus window. He looked harder. "Where are we? Kevin. Kev. Kevin!"

"What?!" Kevin demanded from his bunk.

"Where are we?"

"Portugal. Go to sleep."

Funny, Kevin. AJ glared through the window. They were in Outer Buttfuck, that was where they were.

Maybe he would go to sleep. When he wakened, they might be back in civilization.

Howie pulled away, preferring sleep, but the hand on his shoulder persisted. "Howie. Howie, get up," Kevin whispered.

He rolled over, propping himself on an elbow, running his other hand back through his hair so that he could see. "What?" Where were they? What time was it?

Kevin put his finger to his lips and stared as hard as he could. Howie kept quiet. "Stay down," Kevin mouthed.

Howie wondered when Kevin had become...he wasn't awake enough to think of anyone. Some superhero action fighter cop guy. Right now all Howie could think of was Detective Sipowicz, and Kevin might not find that comparison flattering. Playing along, figuring this might be part of his dream anyway, Howie slid from his bunk and followed Kevin down the aisle in an awkward crouch.

The bus had stopped. Hunh.

"Listen," Kevin mouthed, and pointed to the windows. Then Kevin crawled past him, going back to the bunks.

Ouch - - what - - oof! Nick was dragged out of his bunk and into the aisle, falling along the way. He was held by strong arms, one hand clamped over his mouth.

"Nick! Nick! Shut up and hold still."

Why was Kevin grabbing him and whispering at him? Psycho. Nick struggled to free himself. Then he found himself whirled and pushed and on his back, Kevin pinning him down and still covering his mouth.

He held still and glared. Then he looked at Kevin's face and got scared. Kevin had gone psycho. This couldn't be good. Why couldn't Kevin have flipped out on AJ or somebody? Why was he the lucky one? Unless Kevin had already killed everyone else, saving him for last. Oh, damn. He knew he shouldn't have given Kevin so much shit over the years.

Howie crawled on his hands and knees to Brian's bunk and crawled right in. "Brian. Brian," he whispered. "Sshh, sssshhhh." Brian looked confused. It was about to get worse. Howie tried to remember how this sort of thing worked in movies. "Listen to me," he whispered. "Ssshhh. The bus stopped. I don't know where we are, I don't know if we're supposed to be here or if we were thrown off-course." Thrown off-course? It was a tour bus. He needed to pull himself together. "We're the only ones left on the bus. They think we're sleeping. They're going to - - listen to me. They're going to drive the bus over a cliff. If we wake up first, they're going to kill us and then drive us over a cliff. Brian, ssshhh, I'm serious. Brian, if they know we're awake they're coming in here to kill us."

That shut Brian up.

"I mean it."

Now Brian looked scared.

AJ had finally gotten to sleep, and now-

He was close to the guys, but not this close. "Kevin-"

Whoa. Definitely not this close. Damn it, Kevin was heavy. And he couldn't breathe with Kevin's hand over his nose like that. He was giving this one second to make sense, and then he was kicking ass.

Kevin's hand shifted a little, still covering his mouth but leaving him breathing room. Kevin was still doing the full-body blanket, though, and AJ wasn't having that. If Kevin's hair started getting in his eyes-

Kevin began to whisper in his ear.

How could they ever survive a crash?

Even if they did survive, their assassins would check to make sure they'd died, and then they'd be killed, anyway.

They had to survive the crash and escape their killers.

Maybe they could escape right now.

Forget Andy Sipowicz; Howie wanted X-Men.

Kevin tried to think.

Emergency escape hatches. The roof.

No. If they climbed out through the roof and dropped over the side of the bus, someone outside was bound to notice.

If the bus crashed, the people outside might take time to get to the crash site. That would give them precious minutes to escape.

Assuming that they lived through the crash.

If they did live, they'd be so badly injured that-

Think, think, think.

Their belongings were gone. They had nothing. No phones. No way to get help.

Unless God got back to Brian really fast.

AJ was not going to die with these people.

He was not going to watch these people die.

He was not going to let these people die.

A bad dream. It was a bad dream. A really bad dream. He'd wake up and be fine. He was having a nightmare, but he'd wake up and they'd be at the venue and-

"Get back, get back, somebody's coming," Howie whispered, and Nick scrambled into his bunk, heart pounding.

AJ listened. People walking through the bus.

"This one's pretty. Think we can keep him?"

"Shut up, you'll wake 'em up."

People dumping shit. But what? What were they bringing onto the bus?

He heard a familiar creaking sound. The handle of Howie's bag. Their gear. Bringing their shit back onto the bus, so it would be there in the crash. Why'd they take it off in the first place?

Maybe it was loaded with explosives. So the crash would kill them for sure.

He needed to stop thinking.

And start thinking.

People leaving the bus.

The bus starting up. Familiar sounds. AJ swallowed.

Time to do something.

He had no idea what the fuck to do.

Brian thought that he could hear someone following them. Cars. Following the bus. Probably to trail them to the crash site.

The driver! What would the driver do? Stop and get out, then push the bus? Jump out while the bus was in motion? Go over with them?

AJ got up and walked to the bathroom.

Kevin was going to kill that boy.

AJ peed and went back, scratching his stomach, yawning a little. He got into Howie's bunk. Howie stared at him, scared and furious. "Hi, Howie," he mouthed.

Howie grabbed his hand, either for support or to break his bones.

"This is gonna make one hell of an interview. We might even get into Reader's Digest with this one. You remember that 'Drama in Real Life' section? We are in, Howie."

Howie hugged him. Hard.

"I need you to do something for me," AJ whispered. He forced himself to let go and look at Howie's face. "I'll do it myself if you want me to, but I'm asking you because you're the littlest guy we have."

Howie nodded.

"Don't be scared."

"I'm not four," Howie whispered, wiping at his eyes. "What do you want?"

They didn't know if they were twenty minutes or half a mile from death, so they had to hurry. Howie slithered down the aisle commando-style, pretending that this wasn't life, this wasn't real, this was a movie, a disaster flick, something he'd scoff at on TV. A movie of the week with Robert Urich, maybe, or what's-her-face, that girl from "Baywatch." He was going to save the day and get the girl. Howie Dorough, hero.

They needed to clean this bus more often.

AJ should be doing this.

Or Brian.

Oh, but he was small and agile and whatever else qualified him for this job.

Howie wouldn't mind being Nick right now.

Nick got out of his bunk and stretched. "Man, I gotta pee. Where are we?"

Kevin was going to commit homicide.

Howie scrambled for a hiding place.

"Go back to sleep," AJ said.

"Why's our shit scattered all over the place?" Nick asked, looking around the bus. "I need food."

"You need a lobotomy!" Kevin said.

Brian laughed. Actually laughed.

"Oh my god," AJ said. "This is how it goes?"

Nick walked around, picking through their gear. "Anybody seen my, you know, whatchamacallit-"

"It's in your shorts," Kevin said.

"Hard to miss, isn't it?" AJ asked.

"I've always hated you guys," Nick said.

"Nick, what are you doing?" Brian asked, getting out of his bunk.

"Looking for my Gameboy, food, anything," Nick said, and mouthed, "Phone! Phone!"

Brian came up beside him, opening Kevin's bag, and whispered, "We could be there any second, there's nobody out here-"

"We gotta do something."

"Look for a place. A secure place. For the landing."

Nick nodded.

"I love you," Brian whispered.

Nick squeezed Brian's hand.

Tense seconds passed. Howie had wriggled into a tight corner. Either he'd be fully safe upon impact, or crushed like an ant under a vicious child's sneaker. Then again, they might blow up. Did things blow up in real life as often as they did on TV? He sure hoped not. Or maybe he hoped so. That could be a quick and easy death, considering.

Nick hid in the bathroom.

AJ wrapped himself in blankets, pulled pillows over his head, and prayed.

Brian was walking down the aisle when the driver dove out of the bus.

Now! Now they could run for it!

They had no chance. The bus gave a sickening lurch. Brian controlled his fall. How soon until the final impact? Windows shattered. Metal screeched. The bus spun and rolled.

Kevin covered Brian's back, taking care to shield Brian's head. "Stay down!"

God, Kevin.

Nick screamed.

"Nick!" Brian yelled.

"I'm okay! I'm okay!" Nick yelled, sounding like he was lying through his ass. As long as he was still talking, though, he was still alive.

Were they slowing? They'd been tilting to the right for a while now.

"Are you okay?" Kevin asked.

"Yeah, yeah," Brian said.

"Nick? Howie? AJ? Talk to me!" Kevin shouted. He was starting to crawl off of Brian, so Brian sat up and looked at him to make sure he was all in one piece. Kevin looked like hell, but relatively healthy. "Is Howie at the front? You go that way," Kevin instructed, and started to make his way towards the front of the bus.

"AJ?" Brian asked. "AJ!"

"What's happening?" Nick asked.

"Nick, are you okay? Can you get out?"

"Out to where you are or out of the bus?"

"Stay where you are! I'll be there!" Brian shouted. "AJ?!"

A cough. An arm appeared from Brian's left. AJ kicked a suitcase off of himself. "You rang?"

"AJ." Brian helped to unearth him. "Are you okay?"

"You didn't tell me we were going for a carnival ride," AJ said. "How are you doing?"

"Come on." Brian grabbed AJ and hurried through the rubble to the bathroom. The door was hanging open. Nick was holding onto the sink for dear life, as though they were about to spin off into space. Beside him, in the wall, there was a gash big enough to crawl through to the outside. "Nick, are you okay? Let go. Look at me."

"I'm okay," Nick said.

Brian tried to wipe up Nick's tear tracks. "Kevin's getting Howie."

"I'm getting a phone, and we are getting the hellafuck outta here," AJ said, and disappeared.

"It's good to see you," Nick said to Brian with a weak smile.

"You, too," Brian said. He held Nick's hand and peeked out through their new doorway. "I don't see anybody. I don't hear anybody."

"They're probably on their way," Nick said.

"Then we're on our way, too. AJ?" Brian asked as loudly as he dared, not wanting to be heard beyond the bus.

AJ was in his face. "Grab everything you can. Everything. I gotta help Kevin."

"What's-"

"Howie," AJ said, and ran back through what remained of their bus.

That couldn't be good. "Nick, help me get our stuff. Food, phones, clothes, anything."

Nick nodded.

"Let go," Brian said gently, pulling at Nick's left hand.

Nick's right hand relaxed its death-grip on the sink. "Okay."

Kevin lifted Howie to his chest. "Let's go," he said. AJ started ahead of him, moving quickly yet trying to clear a bit of a path. AJ led the way to the bathroom, where Nick and Brian were gathering luggage.

AJ was the first one out, squeezing through the tear in the side of the bus, careful not to cut himself. Brian and Nick handed out bags. Kevin came out next, and everyone eased Howie outside together. Kevin pulled on a backpack, then lifted Howie again. Brian and Nick came out, loaded themselves up like pack mules, and stopped.

Now what?

"We can't run into them," Kevin said.

"What do we do, walk away from the road and into Upper Ass-Nowhere?" AJ asked.

"Yes," Kevin said.

"All righty then," AJ said. "Me first. I'm Nature Boy. Shake your feet as fast as you can."

"I can walk," Howie said.

"No, you can't," Kevin said.

"I can carry him," Nick said.

Kevin nodded. "We can take turns if we need to."

If they needed to.

If they were out there long enough to need to.

If they didn't find help.

"We can't stop to look for a pay phone, because the black hats are on their way," AJ said. "But cell phones, we can walk and talk all at the same time. Which of these bags has one?"

"Let's get farther away first," Kevin said. "Then we can look."

"You okay?" Brian asked Howie.

"Yeah," Howie said. "A little banged up."

"He'll be okay," Kevin said.

"Okay, it's asscrack dark out here," AJ said. "My eyes were adjusting, but it's hard to adjust to blackness. I'm going to walk right into a tree."

"It would help if we weren't in a fucking forest," Nick said. "Whose idea was it to walk into the forest?"

"Kevin's," AJ said.

"It's not a forest," Kevin said.

"What would you call it?" AJ asked.

"A large wooded area. Oh! Damn it, AJ!"

"I told you I wasn't walking anymore! Watch where you're going!"

"It's too dark to see where I'm going!"

"That's my fucking point!"

"Can you two not yell right in my face?" Howie asked.

"Sorry, Howie," AJ said.

"Are you okay?" Kevin asked.

"You can put me down if we're not going anywhere," Howie said.

"Shit," Brian said.

"What?" Kevin asked.

"The bus. Emergency kit. Radio, flashlight-"

"Shit!"

"We can't go back now."

"We can go back tomorrow."

"No, we can't."

"Why not? They're not sticking around."

"No, they're coming to find us. We can't stop here, and we cannot backtrack."

"We are stopping here. We keep walking right now, we'll only get in more trouble. Can't see where we're going, we'll either fall and trip and I am not fucking carrying any one of you, or else we'll start going in circles, if we haven't already."

"I can just see AJ carrying Nick through the forest," Brian said.

"It's not a forest, Brian. It's a large wooded area," AJ said.

"Shut up," Kevin said. "Someone put something down so I can put down Howie."

"Just drop me on the ground," Howie said.

"I'm going to piss. You find phones. And jackets. Damn."

"Don't get lost. Be careful," Brian said.

"Yes, Mom."

"AJ, if you wipe your ass with poison ivy-"

"Shut up, Kevin."

They pulled on sweatshirts, sat on jackets, and rummaged through their bags. Nick was being quiet. Howie shifted closer to him.

"Oh, hell. What the..."

"What is that smell?"

"Brut. All over my stuff."

"Great. Anything important in there?"

"To me, yes. Relatively, right now, probably not."

"You wear Brut? You don't wear Brut."

"What's-her-face gave it to me."

"She thinks you smell bad?"

"Food!"

"Give me that!"

"How do we split a bag of corn chips among five of us?"

"Give it to Nick."

"Why does Nick get it?"

"Give it to Howie."

"Give it to Kevin. He's been carrying me and that bag all day."

"Oh, damn, these smell good."

"We have to have other food around here somewhere. Keep looking."

"Oh! Drinks!"

"What is it?"

"Um...water. That's good."

"We should use that."

"No shit."

"I meant to clean up. Wash our cuts."

"Shit."

"Better save it until morning when we can see better."

"Okay, anybody got soda? We can drink that, I guess, as long as the Boy Scouts don't think we need to boil it to sterilize something."

"Can you boil soda?"

"You can boil anything."

"Why would you want to?"

"Everybody shut up and find a phone."

"Yes, Kevin."

Brian made sure that his knee was touching AJ's thigh at all times. He needed the physical reassurance that AJ was right beside him. He couldn't see anything in this darkness. Every few minutes, he put out his right hand and patted Nick's arm. Nick was right there. Not going anywhere. Still okay. They were all still okay. They would be okay.

"Half of our shit is trashed," AJ said. "There's no point in carrying all of this with us tomorrow. Let's separate out the good stuff."

"And leave the rest? If they find it, they'll know we've been here, where we're going, our direction-"

"Shit. Can we dump it? Hide it?"

"Where?"

"We'll find a place. In the morning."

"We're getting up early and getting out of here."

"Should we take turns? Staying up?"

"Yeah. That's good."

"I'll go first," AJ said. "Start sleeping now."

"Wake me," Kevin said.

"No, wake me," Howie said. "I haven't been doing anything all day."

"I can't wake up anybody if you're all up arguing about it," AJ said.

"And we need to be quiet," Brian said.

"Shouldn't we be noisy to keep away the animals?" Nick asked.

"You know, I like you better when you're scared speechless," AJ said. "Animals. That's it, not only do we have psychotic murderers coming after us, now we're being eaten by bears! Go the fuck to sleep!"

"Sorry," Nick said. No one could see him clearly, but they knew that he was near tears.

Brian hugged Nick in the darkness. "You know we always ignore AJ. Mind if I curl up here? You make a better pillow than this rock."

"Sure," Nick said, and coughed.

"Are you warm enough?" Kevin asked, touching Howie's back.

"Spoon him," AJ said. "Body heat. Plus it's easier for me to keep track of you all if you're in one lump."

"Don't get too familiar," Howie said as Kevin settled behind him.

"Nobody snore," Brian said.

"Who, us?" Nick asked.

"Good night, guys," Howie said.

"Good night."

"Hey, John Boy," AJ said.

"What?" everyone asked.

"Go the fuck to sleep."

"Good night, AJ," they chorused. Snickers. Silence. Breathing.

AJ scratched his shin and tried to see the moon through the canopy of leaves.

Brian opened his eyes.

So much for the "it's only a nightmare" theory. He sat up stiffly. Ouch.

"Morning," AJ said. "Breakfast is two TastyKakes and a swig of Mountain Dew. Piss at that tree, shit at that one. I'm getting everybody else up in five minutes, so you get first dibs on whether you want chocolate or chocolate with peanut butter."

"AJ," Brian said.

"That's the theory."

"I love you." He kissed AJ's cheek.

"Morning breath," AJ said. "That's nice, Brian. Shave first next time."

AJ had been taking inventory. He'd separated out the useful clothes, food, and other items from what was broken or ruined. His watch still worked. Of the two phones that seemed to be functional, neither one got a signal at the moment.

With washcloths and bottled water, they cleaned as best they could. Since they had no mirrors, they washed each other's faces. They changed into clean clothes slightly more suitable for a day trekking through a large wooded area.

"My turn to carry Howie," Nick said, pulling on a backpack.

"Handle with care," AJ said.

"I can walk," Howie said.

"No, you can't," Kevin said. "Nick, be careful."

"God, I'm not going to throw him in a tree," Nick said.

"Good," Howie said.

"Here." Kevin scooped up Howie. "Hold out your arms like this. Ready?"

"Ready," Nick said, and Kevin handed over Howie. "Good thing you're skinny."

"Thanks," Howie said.

Nick adjusted Howie's weight. "Ready to go?"

"I'll take him if you get tired," Kevin said.

"Stop worrying!" Nick said.

"You know he's going to turn around and trip now," AJ said.

"Shut up," Nick said to AJ.

"I'll carry the broken phones and Brut," Brian said. "Let me know if you see a good place to drop it. I don't want to litter, but if we can get rid of this, I can help carry other stuff."

"That's the sunrise, that's the east," Kevin said.

"He's good," AJ said. "If that's east, where's west, Kevin?"

"Keep walking this way," Kevin said. "If we go in a straight line..."

"We'll be lost in a straight line, instead of lost on a diagonal," AJ said. "Good thinking."

They walked.

They sweated.

They were quiet, because when they spoke, they argued and sniped and picked at each other.

They walked.

"Somebody say something," Nick said. "Even yell at me to shut up, say something."

Howie wiped sweat off of Nick's neck, since Nick didn't have a hand free to do so himself.

"Thanks."

"You're welcome," Howie said.

"Was that enough, or do you need more conversation?" Brian asked Nick.

"Wanna play Twenty Questions?" Nick asked.

"My question is, where the fuck are we?" AJ asked.

"We're supposed to be in Pennsylvania," Kevin said. "We're either still in Pennsylvania, or close to it."

"Well, we ain't in Philly," AJ said.

"What's in Pennsylvania?" Nick asked.

"Trees, from the look of it," Brian said.

"Philly. Harrisburg. Pittsburgh," AJ said.

"Erie," Kevin said. "And before your stupidity kicks in, I meant the town, the lake, not - - never mind."

"Before our stupidity kicks in?" AJ asked. "Yeah, it's us I'm worried about right now."

"Shut up," Kevin said.

"Before I do, one more question," AJ said. He stopped and turned, facing them. "Who the fuck is trying to kill us?!"

No one said anything.

"We're a fucking boy band!"

"I hate that term," Kevin said.

"Who the fuck would - - Lou? *NSYNC?!"

"Maybe we have overdue library books," Brian suggested.

"You are a laugh riot," AJ said.

"I don't know, AJ," Kevin said. "It's money, it's publicity, it's not personal. Nobody wants to kill us. They want to kill Backstreet Boys."

"Oh," Nick said.

"That's one shitty distinction to make," AJ said.

"It makes sense," Howie said. "It's not us, personally. Us, people."

"We, the people," Nick murmured.

"Nick's gone off the deep end," AJ warned.

"We're not Backstreet Boys," Brian said. "We're five fellas out for a stroll. Nature lovers. Out for a bit of fresh air. Lovely weather we're having."

"Brian's gone off the deep end," AJ said.

"Maybe it is Lou," Howie said.

"I think it's *NSYNC," Brian said.

"Maybe it's Aaron," Nick said.

"Whoever it is probably went to the bus, probably saw that we're not there, and probably is looking for us," Kevin said.

"So we should probably get our asses in gear," AJ said.

"Probably," Howie agreed.

"And the koala bear says, 'I'm a koala bear. Do you know what that means?' She looks at him and says, 'No.' He says, 'One who eats bushes and leaves.'"

"One who eats," Brian repeated, and burst into laughter.

"AJ," Kevin said.

"I don't get it," Nick said.

"That's bad," Brian said.

"I wish I had a rubber band," Kevin said.

"I have some," AJ said. "What's wrong?"

Kevin pulled back his hair with one hand. "I need to get this off my neck."

"For that, you need scissors," Brian said.

"When we stop, I'll get you something," AJ said. "Howie's gotta have something, too."

"Yeah," Howie said. "Nice time to decide to put in extensions again, so I can get my hair full of leaves."

"It looks good," Nick said. "I'm pretending that I'm carrying a damsel in distress."

"Thanks," Howie said, deciding to be amused.

"Bushes and leaves," Nick said. "I still don't get it."

"You're too young," Kevin said.

"Too young for what?"

"To understand."

"To understand what?!"

"I rest my case."

"Kevin, don't make him mad," Howie said. "Or else let him put me down first."

Nick shifted Howie's weight and sulked.

"Wait, stop, stop," AJ said.

"What?" Brian asked.

"Everybody shut up and hold still," AJ said, holding up his hands.

Nick held still and waited.

"I hear something," Kevin said.

"Something," Brian agreed.

"Which direction?" AJ asked, closing his eyes.

Nick sniffed Howie's hair. Smelled like shampoo even now.

"In front of us, somewhere," Kevin said.

"Should we go towards it?" Brian asked.

"Might as well," Kevin said.

"Onward!" AJ said, and started off again.

"Water," Kevin said.

"Water," AJ said.

"Big water," Brian said.

"I'm writing all of our songs from now on," Howie said.

"River," Nick said. "It's a river."

"A complete sentence," Howie said. "You're improving."

"Great. Nick's the smart one," AJ said. "Fuck me."

"Not now," Kevin said.

AJ made a face.

"We can't cross this," Brian said.

"Anybody got a boat?" Nick asked.

"Okay, water," AJ said. "Stuff happens along water. People fish. They build houses so they can look at the pretty river. There's gotta be something. A bridge so people can cross."

"So we walk along until we find something," Brian said.

"Which way?" Howie asked.

"I know! Let's split up!" Nick said.

"Can we push Nick in the river?" Kevin asked.

"Nah," AJ said. "He knows how to swim. He might survive. This way, if he stays with us, we know he'll die."

"I'm pushing AJ in the river," Brian said. "Do not say stuff like that!"

"God," Nick said. "You suck, AJ."

"I'm going left," AJ said. "Everybody follow me."

"We all love to do what AJ does," Howie said. "He's such a trendsetter."

"Can we drink this water?"

"If we find a still spot, we can swim or wash or something."

"If we get desperate, we can play Boy Scout and go fishing."

"With what?"

"That's where the Boy Scouts come in. Rig us up something with a tree branch and Howie's extensions."

"Top this."

"Go."

"I'm sweating."

"I'm tired."

"My feet hurt."

"My arms hurt."

"I have a headache.

"My whole body hurts."

"I'm hungry."

"I'm thirsty."

"I'm lost."

"Someone's coming after me."

"Someone's trying to kill me."

"Someone's trying to kill my four brothers."

"You win."

"I need a cigarette," AJ said.

"That's the last thing you need right now," Kevin said.

"You quit," Brian said.

"I'm under stress! I need a cigarette!" AJ said.

"We don't have any," Howie said. "You might as well ask for a castle in Spain."

"I want one of those," Nick said.

Brian laughed.

"I want a drink," AJ said. "And I don't mean water."

"I want a steak," Kevin said.

"I want a bed," Nick said.

"I want to get down and walk," Howie said. "No offense."

"You know we're missing the concert," Brian said.

"Shit," Kevin said.

"Shit," AJ agreed.

"Whoever's trying to kill us had better have a good reason," Nick said. "I can't believe we're missing it."

"We could give a concert out here," Brian suggested.

"To the trees?" Kevin asked.

"Why not?" Howie asked.

"We can't sing," Kevin said. "They'll hear us."

"We're talking," AJ pointed out.

"We shouldn't be doing that, either."

"Kevin, you're an ass," AJ said.

"AJ, I want you to stay alive."

"You're still an ass."

"I love you, man," Howie said.

"If I keep walking, I'm going to fall in the river," AJ said.

"It is kind of dark," Brian admitted.

"Whoa," Nick said. "You okay?"

"Fine," Howie said.

"We're stopping here before Nick dumps Howie in the river," Kevin said.

"That's a good idea," Brian said.

"Let's back away from the bank," AJ said. "You fall asleep, you get up to piss, you come back and splash right in."

"That would suck," Nick said.

"Everybody by this tree," Kevin said.

"Oh! Sorry."

"Hi, Brian," AJ said.

"Sorry."

"Dark, isn't it?"

Brian started laughing.

"What's to eat?" Nick asked.

"I shall distribute the food," AJ said.

"Thanks for the grand announcement," Kevin said. "What are we eating?"

"Pass around the soda, whatever it may be. It's dark, so make it a blind taste test. Howie, where's your hand? There you go. And we have... Eureka! Pop-Tarts! One pack apiece?"

"What flavor?" Nick asked.

"Does it matter?" AJ asked.

"I want to know before I bite into it."

"It's the only food you're getting. Eat it. I don't care if it's shit-flavored," Kevin said.

"I didn't say-"

"Guys," Howie said. "I think they're blueberry. But some have frosting and some don't."

"Give Howie and Nick the frosted ones," Brian said.

"Here, these feel frosted," AJ said.

"Why?" Nick asked.

"More calories," Brian said.

"I'm fine," Howie said.

"Do we want Nick on a sugar high?" Kevin asked.

"I do," Brian said, and rubbed Nick's leg. "Eat up."

"You're worried about me?" Nick asked.

"Brian, don't make him cry," AJ said.

"Shut up," Nick said.

"AJ, you're sleeping," Kevin said. "I'll stay up."

"Wake me for the second shift," Howie said. "I mean it."

"Don't wake me," AJ said. "Brian, give me a pillow."

"Give you what for a pillow?" Brian asked.

"Anything."

"Nick, you're warm. You be my pillow," Brian said. "Go ahead and sleep on me, AJ."

"If people had any idea how often I sleep with Brian Littrell, they'd be so jealous."

Brian laughed. "You wish, AJ."

The sun was high and bright. The river sparkled as it rushed alongside them. Birds sang. Squirrels scampered.

"I'm on a fucking nature walk," AJ said.

"People don't swear on nature walks," Brian said.

"Why the hell not?!"

"They're nature lovers. They're happy to enjoy God's creation."

"I'd be happy to enjoy God's assfucking motherfucking creation, too, if I weren't - - I hate this and I hate you and I hate God and I hate these trees and if I see one more bug, it's shit." AJ stopped short.

Nick walked into AJ.

AJ, to Nick's amazement, didn't care. Instead, he grabbed Nick's arm. "Oasis. Mirage. What the fuck. Do you see something?"

"Where?"

AJ gave a disgusted sigh and reached for Brian. "Look. There."

Brian squinted. "That's something."

"Let's go," AJ said. "Whatever it is, we're going there."

"What is it?" Howie asked.

"Hell if I know," AJ said. "That's where we're going."

"To Hell?" Nick asked.

"Surprise, surprise," Kevin muttered.

"Best scenario?"

"It's a 7-11."

"It's my house."

"It's the venue."

"It's a police station."

"It's a hotel."

"It's where Glinda the Good Witch lives."

"Worst?"

"It's where the flying monkeys live."

"It's the gingerbread house where Hansel and Gretel went."

"It's a haunted house."

"It's where the people who are after us hang out."

"It's Lou's house."

"It's Justin Timberlake's house."

"What if it's the house from 'Everybody?'"

"What?"

"Oh my god, Nick."

Howie felt his canines.

"Don't go there."

"That's spooky."

"That's fucked-up."

"You're making me nervous."

"You weren't already nervous? What does it take?!" AJ demanded of Brian. "We're lost, no one knows what's happened to us, people are trying to kill us, we're going to run out of food and-"

"We're doing good so far," Brian said.

"Either God really is on your side, or you're psychotic," AJ said.

Howie looked at Brian. "A little of both."

"This is close enough," Kevin said. "You stay here. I'll go up-"

"What?" Nick asked.

"We can't all go," Kevin said. "We don't know what this place is."

"Why are you going?" Nick asked.

"He's old and big," Brian said. "I'll go with you."

"I'm going with him," AJ said. "You stay here."

"Nick, take Howie," Kevin said.

"You can put me down," Howie said.

"We might have to leave fast," Kevin said.

"You suck," AJ said. "Right. You stay here," he told Brian. "Protect our woman and child. Kevin and I will-"

"Maybe Brian should go," Nick said.

"Why?" Kevin asked.

"'Cause we're kind of in the middle of nowhere. Weird people live in the middle of nowhere. They see some tattooed bald Latino guy and long-haired Kevin-"

"He has a point," Brian said.

"Did I ask for your opinion?" AJ asked.

"AJ," Nick began.

AJ started off.

Kevin handed over Howie and followed AJ.

"Do you mind holding a long-haired Latino guy?" Howie asked.

"Howie-"

"I know. It's okay."

Brian peered around the trees. "It looks like a log cabin kind of place. Maybe only one story."

"I hope weird survivalist people don't live here," Nick said.

"I hope weird people don't live here, period," Howie said. "Let them be nice. Generous. Sane."

"Maybe it's a vacation house for Playboy bunnies," Nick said.

"I like the way you think," Howie said.

"I hope they're Backstreet Boys fans," Brian said.

"It might be better if they don't know who we are," Howie said.

"Yeah."

"Are they taking too long?" Nick asked.

"No," Brian said. "It's only been about a minute. And if there are people there, Kevin and AJ might wait to decide whether to come for us."

"You mean if they're lunatics?"

"Right."

"Great."

"You can put me down," Howie said.

"No, we might have to run away from the lunatics," Nick said. "I hope you all know how much this sucks."

"I think we know," Howie said.

"It occurred to me at least once," Brian teased.

"Why are you both in such a good mood all of the time? You're not even this nice normally," Nick said.

"It's better than going stark raving mad," Brian said.

"We don't need any more short tempers," Howie said.

"Would you feel any better if we were upset?" Brian asked.

"No," Nick admitted. "At least this way, I can say, well, Brian and Howie aren't upset, so it can't be that bad."

"Exactly," Brian said.

"Is that what being mature is like?"

"How would we know?"

"I think they got lost," Nick decided, poking at the tree with a twig.

On the ground, Howie looked up at the sun. "AJ has the watch. How long do you think it's been?"

"I bet they were kidnapped," Nick said.

"What are the odds that whoever's after us is in there?" Brian asked.

"Maybe it's new bad people," Nick said. "Maybe there's some conspiracy to get us. Maybe Lou's paying everyone in Pennsylvania a million dollars for each dead Backstreet Boy."

"That's not funny," Brian said.

"Lou is not after us," Howie said. "We make him money."

"He thinks he's the fifth Backstreet Boy," Nick said.

"The sixth Backstreet Boy," Brian said.

"What did I say?"

"Fifth," Howie said.

"Oh. I guess I wasn't counting Kevin."

"It's not like we need him or anything," Brian said. "Is this one of those times when ten minutes feels like half an hour, or have they been gone a long time?"

"We could go look for them," Nick said.

"We should stay here," Howie said.

"They're coming," Brian said. "Walking, not running. I think they look happy."

"Happy? They look happy? This I have to see," Nick said, dropping his twig.

"You're supposed to be holding him," Kevin said to Nick.

"What's going on?" Howie asked.

"It's empty. Nobody's there. We can get inside. Real working toilets," AJ said. "It's like heaven."

"Any Playboy bunnies?" Nick asked.

"No, but we can check the closets," AJ said. "Let's go. No phone, no television. Some dust. But, a bed. A real bed. With pillows."

"Wow," Brian said.

"Let me at it," Nick said. "Come on, Howie, I'll carry you over the threshold."

"I'll carry him," Kevin said.

"I'll carry him," AJ said.

"No, let me," Brian said.

"Toilets," Howie said. "Does that mean a shower?"

"Yes," AJ said. "I'm first."

"That might be a good idea," Kevin said, looking AJ over.

"Go to hell," AJ said.

"Let's go," Kevin said, picking up Howie. Howie glared at him. "We get cleaned up and changed, we rest, we eat, then we're deciding what to do next."

"What to do next?" Nick asked.

"What are our choices, Kevin?" AJ demanded. "Stay here and die, or start walking and die."

"AJ, shut up," Kevin said.

Entering the cabin, they found a large open room consisting of a living room and a kitchen. Back farther were a bedroom to the left and a bathroom to the right. Four of them dropped their gear and collapsed on the sofa while AJ took the first shower.

"My arm's falling asleep," Brian said.

"Move it," Kevin said.

"I can't."

"Why not?"

"Somebody's on it."

"Who?" Howie asked.

"I don't know."

"Which arm is it?" Howie asked.

"I don't know."

"How long has he been in there?" Nick asked.

"Three hours?" Howie guessed.

"It's AJ," Kevin said.

"What if he uses up all of the hot water?" Nick asked.

"What if he uses up all of the water?" Brian asked.

"AJ!" Kevin shouted.

"Don't bellow in my ear," Howie said.

"Sorry," Kevin said. "Nick, go check on him."

"Can't."

"Why not?"

"Can't get up."

"Why not?"

"Gravity."

"It is strong in here," Brian admitted. "I don't think I can get up, either."

"I'll go," Howie said.

"You're staying here," Kevin said. He cupped his hands over Howie's ears. "AJ!"

AJ emerged in shiny black pants, a white sleeveless shirt, and an open black long-sleeved button-down shirt. He'd shaved not only his face but also his head, ridding himself of excess stubble. He rummaged through bags until he found, "Come to papa."

"AJ," Howie said.

AJ slid on his sunglasses. "Aaahhh." He shivered. "Bathroom's free."

"Is there a tub or just a shower?" Howie asked.

"Tub, too," AJ said. "Anybody bring bubble bath?"

"I'll go last," Howie said.

"You sure?" Kevin asked.

"Yeah."

"Okay. Nick?"

"Nnn."

"Nick, wake up. Go take a shower," Brian said.

"Okay." He sat up and rubbed his eyes. "AJ! You're back!"

AJ flashed a grin.

"Did you bring a hat?"

"You have to ask?" Kevin asked.

"If he puts on a hat, we can't pet his head," Brian said.

"You're not petting anything," AJ said. "I'm hitting the bed, unless anyone has a better idea. Didn't think so. Good night, ladies."

"Good night, AJ," they said.

Kevin went after Nick, then Brian. When Brian came out from the bathroom, loving the feel of being clean, Howie was alone on the couch.

"Your turn."

"Thanks."

"Do you want help?" Brian asked. He still didn't know what had happened to Howie.

"I'll be okay."

Brian sat beside Howie on the sofa. "Okay."

They watched the blank wall.

"I'm going to bed," Brian said.

"Okay."

"You need a ride somewhere? I can drop you off on the way."

"I'm okay."

"I make a good taxi service."

"Do you."

"Howie, I've given Nick piggyback rides. I can help you get down the hallway. I know you're okay. I know you're fine. I know you can do it yourself. Humor me."

"Okay."

"Lift with your legs, not with your back," Brian told himself.

"Maybe I'll walk," Howie said.

"I've got it. You really need a shower."

"So do you."

"I just had one."

"You look better than any of us."

"I know. I'm going to hit Kevin as soon as we get home." He hefted Howie's weight. "Should have given you the Pop-Tarts without frosting. You okay?"

"Yeah."

Brian made his way down the hallway. Don't drop Howie, don't drop Howie, don't drop Howie. They made it to the bathroom. "Now what?"

"Put me down somewhere. I'll take it from here."

"You want me to do something?"

"Put me down."

"I'm not putting you down until you tell me how I can help."

"Brian, you're going to drop me."

"Talk fast."

"Put me the hell down, Brian."

"No. Come on. Tell me how I can help."

"You can help by getting out of here!"

"Nowhere to go."

"Then go to hell."

"You want a bath instead of a shower? I'll start the water. How hot do you want it?" He set Howie on the floor and sat on the edge of the tub.

"Hot sounds good," Howie said.

"Let's play a game."

"Let's kill Brian."

"Someone's already playing that game. Let's play a different game. We'll pretend that I'm a Playboy bunny who lives here. I'm playing hostess. I'm going to give my sexy houseguest a bath."

"Brian-"

"Keep your voice down or you'll wake up my other guests. I didn't bathe any of them. Who wants to? But you, you get my personal attention."

"Brian-"

"You fight me on this and I will pull out every hair on your head," Brian said.

Howie glared. "I'm a grown man."

"Don't tell Nick. He'll be jealous." Brian started to untie Howie's shoes. Howie pretended he wasn't about to start crying tears of anger and fear and frustration. Brian got up and closed the door, then locked it.

Brian helped Howie out of his clothes with care. He pretended not to flinch at the sight of the extensive bruising on Howie's torso and thighs. Wincing, Brian helped Howie into the tub.

Once Howie was settled in the warm water, Brian had to ask. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah," Howie said.

Brian didn't believe him.

"Are you leaving now?"

"You're not clean."

"Brian-"

"Can I wash your hair?"

"Brian-"

Brian gave Howie his hopeful look.

"Brian-"

Brian gave Howie his Nick being hopeful look.

"I hate you."

"You're going to hate me more in a minute. I'm using my shampoo."

Brian kept his touch gentle as he massaged Howie's scalp. He didn't know if and where there were bruises here. They turned Howie around, and he tipped Howie's head under the faucet, streaming water through dark hair. He ran his fingers through Howie's hair some more, under the guise of rinsing out the shampoo.

"Can you go now?" Howie asked.

"Kevin's conditioner," Brian said.

Howie groaned.

Howie rested in the tub.

Brian sat on the floor, leaning over the edge of the tub, playing with the soap, splashing in the water with one hand.

"It's not Lou."

"It's probably not *NSYNC, either."

Howie gazed at the tap.

"Could be Aaron," Brian suggested.

"Nick thought so."

Brian ran the soap across Howie's knee. "It has to be what Kevin said. I think it was Kevin. They don't want us, they want Backstreet Boys."

"We are Backstreet Boys."

"No, I-"

"Brian."

Brian raised his eyes to Howie's face.

"We are Backstreet Boys."

Brian looked at him.

"Help me out before I turn into a prune."

"We're not."

"Brian-"

"We're not."

"Look at us. We're five guys with no personality, no feeling, no style besides what we've been given."

"If we were a blank boy band, we wouldn't have made it this far. I'm not talking about our careers, I'm talking about getting from that bus to this...house. We stayed together, we took care of each other-"

"We ate Pop-Tarts!"

"We carried you! AJ's been complaining, Kevin's been bitching, Nick's been scared, you've been keeping us together. Not because that's the role Lou handed us, because that's who we are. That's how we are. Can you believe AJ leading us through that large wooded area? AJ?! He did it. We all did it."

"We're shallow."

"No. We're not. I know you, Howie, we've been together for eight years. You're not shallow. And no, I'm not helping you out of that tub. You need a bath. With soap. And I'm giving it to you."

"Brian-"

"Sit back, Howie, or I'll stick the soap in your mouth. You ever had your mouth washed out with soap? That's the foulest taste. You don't want that."

"You actually had your mouth washed out with soap? Literally?"

"Sure."

"What'd you say?"

"Which time?" Brian grinned and got lather on the washcloth. "Come on, let me pamper you, you spoiled boy band member."

"You are not-"

"I am."

"Everywhere?"

"Let's save the exciting places for last."

"Yeah, let's."

Brian splashed soap from Howie's thighs. "Don't worry about it. We haven't been near civilization in days. I'm sure the rest of us all took our time in the shower, if you know what I mean."

"Brian, don't talk about it."

He smiled. "Does that make it worse?"

"What makes it worse is - - get away from there!"

Brian offered his most innocent smile. "I think you're clean. Oh, your clothes. Let me go grab your stuff so you don't have to put these nasty clothes back on." He left, closing the door.

Brian sorted through the bags, trying to decide what Howie should wear. Maybe he could borrow some of AJ's clothes. No, they were trying to stay alive. This would look good.

He sat on the sofa and twiddled his thumbs.

Howie scooped water over his chest, wiping himself clean again.

That had been the fastest, guiltiest, hottest jack-off ever.

He hadn't gotten into it in days, and then here, now, Brian could come back any second, Brian could walk in on him, but Brian was staying away, Brian knew he was doing it, what if Brian knew, what if Brian didn't know, he was in the middle of nowhere with people coming after him and here he was teasing his cock, what did that say about him?

He touched his nipple.

The door opened.

He wasn't sweating; that was water from his bath.

Brian dropped clothes on the back of the toilet. "Come on out of there, you big old prune. The water must be freezing."

That was it. The cold water had killed his erection. He hadn't been jerking off at all.

Brian helped him up and out. He stood, holding onto the wall, the sink, or anything else available, as Brian dried him. Brian was being careful, of his bruising and his ego. "Into your clothes. Can't let everybody see this cute little body. I got a button-down shirt so you can slide into it without pulling it over your head. Does that help or am I a dork?"

"That's an either-or question?"

"Somebody's feeling better," Brian teased, and tickled Howie's neck. He helped Howie get dressed, then said, "Want to go back to the sofa? The guys are all over the bed, so there's no room, and you need to sit somewhere so I can play with your hair."

"What are you doing to my hair?"

"I have to comb it out, Howie. Then you can catch forty winks or so."

They eased their way back to the sofa. Brian sat to Howie's left, then to Howie's right, making him tangle-free.

"I could have done this whole thing, the bath, the clothes, everything, myself," Howie said.

"This is much more fun," Brian said, climbing over the back of the sofa and standing behind Howie. "Now do you want a French braid or a French twist or-"

"Brian, you don't know how to do a French braid."

"I don't even know what a French twist is."

"Just put it in a ponytail and let me go to sleep."

Brian sniffed. "Men. They're all the same." He gathered Howie's hair in his hands. "Your hair's all soft and slippery and clean. I like it."

"You need a girlfriend."

"Yes," Brian said, leaning forward, resting his forehead on Howie's shoulder. "Yes. Yes. Yes," he groaned.

Howie patted the back of Brian's head.

Brian moaned again, standing straight. "How many times does this rubber band thing go around it?"

"Three's good. I don't want you to pull out all of my hair."

"AJ's very attractive."

"Then we'll let him work the look," Howie said.

"All right, now that I've done all of that, I feel like something should come next. You can't just go to sleep. Maybe there's a prom around here you can go to, now that you're clean and dressed. I even did your hair, Howie."

"Want to paint my nails? No, Brian, Brian, I was kidding."

"AJ has nail polish."

"Let me sleep first. You can do it tomorrow."

"Do you promise?"

"No."

Brian made a face at him.

Howie made a face back.

"Go to sleep. Poor little Howard needs his rest."

"Where are you sleeping?"

"I'm kicking Kevin out of bed. Good night, Howie." Brian pulled his hair, brushed a kiss by his temple, and left.

Part Two

MatthewHaldemanTime.com