Becky
Copyright November 3, 2000 by Matthew Haldeman-Time
Rating: R for male-male sexual situations
Pairing: Brian Littrell/AJ McLean, Brian Littrell/Nick Carter
Disclaimer: The young men who comprise the Backstreet Boys are their own people. The author has not met anyone here described, nor does the author mean to suggest that these people act this way in real life. This writing is a work of fiction. I make no money from this venture.
Dedication: This slashfic is for Ewan McGregor, the Savage Garden slashers, and everyone who's been supportive on Bonnie's BSB slash list.
Wherein Nick makes a move, Brian makes a move, and AJ makes a decision.
Notice: Tenth in a series.
AJ had kicked Brian out of AJ's hotel room. The message had been clear: Nick or AJ, Brian had to choose. And Brian chose AJ.
The question arose, why?
Because AJ had issued the ultimatum. AJ was the one saying "choose me or else." Nick had said nothing of the sort.
Nick knew that Brian knew that he wasn't going anywhere. He'd stand by Brian no matter what. So Brian chose AJ and still got to keep Nick. Brian wanted to have it both ways.
But Nick knew Brian best. And he knew what was best for Brian.
Nick wasn't an evil person. He'd already given AJ plenty of warning, but he decided to be decent and give AJ another heads-up before he gave Brian a best friend and lover all in one, the way it should be.
After the concert, while they were waiting for the crowds to die down so they could escape to their limos, Kevin was talking with Brian so Nick walked up to AJ.
"Hey," AJ said.
Ever so casually: "You have something of mine and I want it back."
AJ didn't miss a beat. "Back? You never had it in the first place."
"It's always been mine."
"I think it's been made pretty clear where it would rather be."
"It's mine. Time's up, AJ. Take your toys and go home."
"Who do you think you are? Brian makes his own decisions. He wants to be with me and I'm happy to have him. You're his friend, nothing else. Stop kidding yourself."
"You have no idea what he wants."
"What's going on?" Howie asked, looking from AJ to Nick and back pointedly.
"Nothing," AJ said, moving back a step. "Come on."
Time for Nick to go over-the-top. He was tired of waiting for Brian to get a clue, so he was going to force the issue, even if it meant acting like a jerk.
When they reached the hotel, Nick got in first and dropped his things off in his room. As soon as Brian went into the next room for the ritual mess-making, Nick slipped in after him and closed the door, locking it. Then he stepped into the bathroom doorway.
Brian jumped, startled. "Where'd you come from?"
"Your mother never gave you the sex talk?" Nick asked.
Brian smiled and pushed past him, moving into the main room. "Actually, no."
"No?" Nick repeated.
"Nope. Had to figure it out on my own. Good folks don't talk about that." He pulled down the bedspread. Nick, with the advantage of surprise, pushed and rolled Brian and climbed on top before Brian even realized what was happening.
Nick ended up kneeling astride Brian's thighs, hands pinning Brian's wrists to the mattress on either side of Brian's head. "I'll tell you about sex."
"Nick-"
"You're the expert here, though, aren't you? I'm just an innocent little virgin." He slowly rested himself on Brian's hips. "Twenty years old and I've never gotten any. Do you know what that's like?"
"Nick-"
"Do you have any idea of how horny I am? How badly I want you? I've never had sex, I don't know how it feels. But I can guess. I can hear you and AJ fucking each other every single night and I can imagine what you're doing."
"Nick-"
"Why won't you do to me what you do to him? Why won't you let me do to you what he does to you? I'd be good, Brian, I'd make you feel so fucking good." He was hard, excited from adrenaline and fear and having Brian under his body. As he rocked his hips slowly, riding Brian in a subtle rhythm, he could feel Brian's body beginning to respond beneath him.
"Nick, stop it," Brian said. "Stop it. Stop it!" Brian pushed at him and he dropped to one side, pulling Brian along until he was underneath Brian's body, Brian stretched over him. He arched up, rubbing his erection against Brian's through layers of clothing. "Stop it!" Brian shouted. "What's wrong with you?!"
"I want you, I know you want me, you can have me."
"Stop it! I'm with AJ, I'm not, I don't... Stop it!" Brian's hand came to his abdomen, pushing him against the mattress. "Nick, stop it. I'm with AJ."
"I know you want me. I know you're in love with me. Everything you feel for me, I feel, too. Everything you want, I want."
"I don't!"
"I want you," he said, his voice breathier than he'd intended, all of his attention focused on the warmth and pressure of Brian's hand against his stomach.
"Nick, AJ's waiting for me. We're going to talk about this later."
Just what he'd imagined, beautiful Brian on top of him holding him down, Brian's strength and heat, just what he'd wanted. "I'm waiting for you, too."
The following night, Nick once again waited and followed Brian into Brian's hotel room. Brian left the bathroom and saw him, sighed. "Nick. You know I'm in love with AJ. He and I are together. You and I are friends."
"Best friends."
"We're best friends," Brian agreed.
"Hug?" It was supposed to sound teasing, but it came out way too fake and forced. That was probably why Brian came over and hugged him. He held onto Brian's warm strong body and pressed his cheek to silky soft hair. God, this was all he wanted. "Love you."
"I love you, Nick. Just not like that."
"Why not?"
Brian pulled back enough to look up into his face but didn't let go of him. "You're my best friend."
Still embracing Brian, he leaned his back against the door. "Doesn't mean we can't be more."
"I have AJ."
"You love me."
Brian looked up at him with unreadable blue eyes, fingers reaching up to stroke his temple. "Nick..."
There was a knock at the door, at Nick's back. "Brian?" AJ.
"I'm coming," Brian said, raising his voice. He lowered his voice again and said to Nick, "You okay?"
"No." He threaded the fingers of his right hand through Brian's hair. "You need a haircut."
"I know."
"Why won't you have sex with me?"
"Nick-"
"I know you want me."
"I'm with AJ."
"Nick, knock it off," AJ's voice said.
"Please," Brian said.
"I know you want me," Nick repeated.
"Give it up," AJ said.
"AJ, leave him alone," Brian said. "Nick, let it go, okay?"
"I won't let you go," Nick said.
"You have to." Brian leaned up to kiss his temple and pulled free, finished disrupting the room, gathered luggage, and gently guided Nick out of the way, leaving with AJ.
Over the next two days, AJ treated Nick like untrustworthy dirt, and Brian treated Nick like a kicked puppy. Poor kicked puppies deserved tender physical affection. Nick knew that he could crawl into Brian's lap if he wanted and Brian would let him. It was tempting, but he refrained.
Poor, poor Nick, the victim of unrequited love. All he had to do was sigh quietly and look vaguely wounded and Brian would come running, trying to make him feel better.
AJ hated him, but that was to be expected.
On the second night, Brian stopped by Nick's hotel room. Nick couldn't believe how easily Brian was walking into his plans. Not that he really had some nefarious scheme. He just wanted Brian, and he'd do whatever he had to do to get Brian.
"You okay?" Brian asked.
"Sure," he said, walking over to stand in front of Brian.
"Okay," Brian said in a voice tinged with doubt and hesitation, looking up at him. "Good night."
"Good night." He lowered his head fast and pressed his lips against Brian's. A second later he was trying not to fall on his ass after Brian shoved him away hard and fast. He stared at Brian, who stared back at him. In the ensuing silence, he moved forward slowly. Their lips met for a second time, and he just had time to register the feel of it before Brian pushed him away again. Just as quickly a fist closed around his collar and yanked him in, and his brain screamed and his body shuddered and his cock swelled and Brian Thomas Littrell's tongue was in his mouth, licking past his teeth. Brian sucked on his tongue and he put his hand on Brian's back and while Brian's right hand was still on his shirt holding him close the left hand was burrowing under his shirt and heading right for, god, that felt so fucking good, Brian's fingers on his skin...
"What are you doing?!"
Oh shit. Nick reached toward the dresser for support, trying to catch his breath, watching Brian whirl around to stare at AJ. AJ looked ready to kick his ass, and maybe Brian's too. Definitely Brian's too.
"I'm sorry," Brian said, breathy and quiet and shocked.
"What the fuck are you doing?" AJ asked, very hard, very controlled.
"I don't know," Brian said, sounding desperately confused.
"You want to be with him?" AJ asked.
"No, I love you, I..."
"I told you to get lost before. You came back, I thought things had changed, I thought you'd changed. Nothing's changed, you're still pulling the same old shit. Damn it, Brian, I know you love me, but that doesn't make everything better. You're in love with him just be with him! I love you, you love me, but it hurts like hell and I'm not doing it anymore. It's over."
"I-"
"It's over," AJ said, coming closer. "Whether you and Nick get together or not, I can't be with you anymore." His fingers stroked up the back of Brian's neck. "I love you. We're still friends and brothers and Backstreet Boys." One soft kiss. "We'll always have Paris."
Apparently it was a private joke. "And London, Milan, Vienna-"
AJ kissed him once more. "You don't need my permission, Brian. You can do what you want. But if you want to be with Nick, don't hold back for me."
"AJ, I'm sor-"
"It's okay. You've always shown me respect. I know that whatever's going on started tonight, changed tonight, because up until now I've known that whatever you felt for Nick you weren't acting on it. But now you're acting on it, and that's my cue to go."
"I love you."
"You love him more."
"You don't know that."
"Everybody knows it. You know it. You know it or you wouldn't have kissed him. You're too good of a person to start cheating on me, Brian. You never would have even thought about kissing him for real if you weren't feeling something deeper than you feel for me."
"If I'm such a good person why do I feel so bad?"
"It's called guilt.
You'll get over it." Two slow kisses and AJ left the room.