"Less"

Less, the fifteenth story in "Attainable"

Rating: NC-17 for graphic male-male sex

Pairing: Nick/Brian/JC/Justin

Disclaimer: The young men who comprise the Backstreet Boys and *NSYNC are their own people. The author has not met anyone here described, nor does the author mean to suggest that these people act this way in real life. These writings are works of fiction. I make no money from this venture.

Wherein Nick is gone, Justin gets laid, and Brian stirs spaghetti.

Notice: No fair jumping into the series here. Go back and start at the beginning.

Every time Nick was absent, Justin felt like he was living it up. Life without Nick was pretty damned good.

Usually, though, Nick was only gone for a few hours.

This time, Nick had been away all week. It was a pretty long week, too. At first, Justin had basked in the glow of Nick's absence. The house was Nick-free. Justin didn't have to share JC and Brian with anyone. He could listen to whatever music he wanted all day long, without any glares, comments, or broken CD's. He could walk across the living room without having to bear the unwanted advances of a bitter, surly, sexy-as-all-fuck jerk.

No Nick. No Carter. No sullen attitude. No fights. No inventive insults. No looks of hatred. No hot stares.

Nobody hit him. Nobody pushed him. Nobody accused him of anything. Nobody cursed him out. Nobody told him to leave the house. Nobody told him to leave JC and Brian. Nobody confused him beyond reason by shouting and shoving one second, then stroking him up the next. Nobody fucked him like he was born to be used. Nobody gave in to his pleas just to get him to shut up. Nobody hated kissing him but still managed to kiss him so well...

It wasn't that Nick didn't respect him. It was just that...Nick hated him.

He understood why. He hated it, but he understood it.

Brian sat beside him on the couch. "You miss Nick, don't you?"

He could tell Brian. "Yeah."

Brian gave a smile, a small sigh. "Me, too." He leaned over, his head on Justin's chest. "Comfort me."

Justin laughed and ran his fingers through Brian's hair. "Poor Brian. Don't worry. He'll be back."

"I know." Brian scooted down, bringing his feet up onto the couch, resting his head in Justin's lap now.

"I've made a resolution to get along with him."

Brian reached up and stroked Justin's chin. "I know you try."

"Am I not trying hard enough?"

"You slip up sometimes, but everyone does. Nick antagonizes you on purpose."

"I'm not a threat to anything that he has."

"He thinks that you are. In his personal world and his public one. It's so hard for him to be near you."

"I'm not trying to take anything away from him."

"Nick doesn't like to share."

"Yeah, I got that." Justin gave in to an impulse and gently ran his fingers over Brian's cheekbone. He'd used to do that to JC all of the time. "Maybe it would be easier for him to stomach me professionally if you and I weren't having sex."

Brian frowned a little.

Justin withdrew his hand. What had he said?

Brian sat up. He was looking right into Justin's eyes. Justin tried not to blink. "I think that you meant to say that it might be easier for Nick if I weren't in love with you."

Yeah. He'd meant to say that.

"It might be easier for Nick if I didn't spend half of my day wanting to come home to make love to you."

Right. He'd meant to say that, too.

"It's about this," Brian said, and reached between Justin's legs. Oh, god, Justin hated getting hard when he was wearing jeans. God, oh, did Brian have to know just how to touch him? Justin tried to sit still, but it was impossible. He was squirming, twisting, moving his hips to find even a little bit of relief from Brian's attention. And then Brian let go. "But it's about other things, too. It's about more. It's about love, and friendship, and how much JC loves you, and how much you love Nick, and the way you smile, and the way you make me smile."

Justin wasn't sure how far Brian was trying to take this. Was this what he'd been waiting for? Was this what he'd been longing for? He touched Brian's cheek. "I like to make you smile."

Brian leaned in even closer. This close, Justin felt like they were the only two people who mattered. "I know that you're in love with me," Brian said.

Justin's breathing stopped short. He was, and he knew that Brian knew that he was, and, but... To hear Brian say it, like that, right then...

"I thought that you knew that I'm in love with you," Brian said.

Brian was still looking right at him. Not moving. Blue eyes, handsome beauty, goodness, perfection. Justin couldn't think of a thing to say, not even something stupid.

Brian kissed him.

When JC came home, Justin was still somewhat dazed. He was lying in bed, being a hedonist, naked and half-draped with the bedclothes, letting his mind drift. There was the idea that Brian loved him, the theory, the possibility. Like a hypothesis. But what if it could be reality-based? What if it might be true? What if it weren't a byproduct of loving JC, or desire-based affection? What if it were real? What if Brian were in love with him? Him, personally, for specific him-based reasons?

Brian had stayed in bed with him for a while. Talking. Touching. But someone had to make the place look respectable, so Brian got up. Justin made a half-hearted attempt to get up, too, but Brian told him to stay put.

Brian wanted him to stay there because Brian planned to come back to him later.

So Justin stayed in bed, thinking, listening to the vacuum cleaner. He was alone in the big bed, but at any minute Brian could come back, or JC could come home, and later Nick would be home. He was alone, but he wouldn't be for long. Wouldn't be forever.

That was Justin's favorite thing about being alone: knowing that soon he wouldn't be. Soon, he'd be with someone he loved, sharing the moment.

He heard JC come home; Brian turned off the vacuum cleaner to say hello to JC. Justin touched himself, knowing that JC would come into the bedroom, hoping that JC would stay, even if only for a minute. JC and Brian were still talking. Justin tried to find a sexy position from which to welcome JC. He pushed the bedclothes down, because his erection was making a stupid-looking tent; he wanted to be sexy, not comical. But he didn't want to be completely bared to JC, because that was too obvious. So he pulled the sheet up over himself and turned onto his side, propping himself up on an elbow, slowly stroking his erection with his other hand under the sheet.

JC was coming through the doorway. Justin tried for a seductive smile. "Hi," JC said.

"Hi." Justin tried ESP.

JC's gaze went straight to the sheet. Right where Justin's hand was on his dick. Did JC have X-ray vision? Justin held still, trying to look casual. He couldn't resist a thorough look at JC, and as he catalogued his favorite spots, his cock throbbed against his palm. He let go, slowly, and sat up.

Shit! Now JC was looking at the tent he'd tried to avoid earlier. Justin pulled his knees up, but it was too late. JC knew how hard he was. Knew he'd been in here alone, touching himself. Maybe JC would think that it was sexy, not pathetic.

JC reached over and tugged at the sheet.

Justin let it slip down over him until he was exposed. JC was looking at him. Looking over his body, considering it. Justin slowly let his legs relax, letting his feet slide down the mattress. JC kept looking. Justin spread his thighs.

"Lie down," JC said.

Justin obeyed, his arms at his sides. Flat on his back, JC was out of range, and he couldn't see. But he could hear. The quiet sounds let him know. JC was stripping.

JC knelt on the bed, swinging one leg over, astride Justin. He was naked, and Justin wanted to look, to feel. But it wasn't time for that, not now. Right now, JC was in charge. JC would let him know what to do.

Brian had told him that Justin was in bed. He'd taken that to mean that Justin was asleep. He hadn't been prepared to see Justin aroused and waiting. The delicious surprise of it had arrested JC on the threshold.

Justin had been in there alone, stroking himself. JC had used to like to watch Justin masturbate. Sharing Justin with Brian and Nick had meant sharing with them the reasons that he loved Justin. Part of JC's crash course on Justin had included explaining to Brian that he liked to watch Justin arouse himself.

Brian had teased Justin into showing him what JC had meant. Brian could make them do anything. Nick was the only one who really knew how to disobey Brian. JC couldn't roll over if Brian wanted him to stay as he was.

He wondered if that made Justin look at him any differently. He'd been the dominant partner in their relationship, especially sexually. He hadn't even expected anything to change in that respect when they'd joined with Nick and Brian. But Brian could make him jump through hoops.

He might have jumped through hoops for Justin if he'd ever had to, but he hadn't. Justin was right there for the taking. To be taken. By Brian, by Nick, and always by him. His lover. His best friend. His companion. He wanted to spend a lifetime with Justin.

Justin moaned. "Oh, uh, uh, oh," and Justin was coming, hands on JC's shoulders pulling him closer. JC gave in, putting his cheek against Justin's, bearing his weight on his elbows and thrusting harder, seeking that final crest.

Justin was petting the back of JC's neck, giving off minute moans of hurt pleasure on each thrust. JC took it as long as he could; then he shook Justin off, rising up and driving his cock home, picking up the tempo, each thrust breaking at the structure of Justin's hips and backing up to try again. This was no longer a quest for orgasm; JC was focused on the fast burn streaking through his body, the rise and fall of near-ecstasy.

Normally Justin would be coming again right about now, but Justin wasn't as quick as usual right now, after just having been with Brian. That realization hit JC just right, flaring in his brain and sparking all down through his body to the ends of his fingers, to the head of his dick. He was making love to Justin after Brian. It was like sharing Justin with Brian and, somehow, like sharing Brian with Justin. He could imagine them here together, just like this, Brian making love to Justin in this same way. Justin coming for Brian, too. Brian coming in Justin, too.

JC's body moved with quick instinct, making its final thrusts into Justin, and he felt Justin's hands tighten on his arms to support him as he came.

Brian was stirring the spaghetti, singing to himself, when JC came out of the bathroom, clean from a shower, wearing Justin's sweatpants. They stood there, watching the noodles.

"I forgot to pick up milk," JC said, abruptly remembering.

"I'll get some later," Brian said.

JC started to set the table.

Brian started to hum.

JC hummed with him.

Justin plopped down beside Brian on the sofa and put his feet on the coffee table. "My life sucks and nobody's fair to me." He put his hand back and scratched his ass. "No one knows what it's like to be underappreciated like me." He tossed his hair and slumped down against Brian. "Love me or else."

"That was an awful Nick impression," Brian said.

"Oh, I forgot. *NSYNC sucks! Was that better?"

"How would you like it if I made fun of your best friend?" Brian asked.

"I'd join in. I love to make fun of JC. Did you see what he was wearing today? Blind people could see those pants."

Brian kissed Justin.

Justin grinned. "If I insult his shirt, do I get tongue?"

Brian kissed Justin.

"And his shoes, they were so ugly." Justin made a startled noise as Brian pushed him down against the armrest. "His socks, I hate his socks. Oh, god. His...Brian...his bracelets...oh..."

Brian pushed up Justin's shirt and sucked at his treasure trail.

Justin wrapped himself tighter around Brian. He'd slept with JC so often for so long that it was one of the most stablizing, comforting things he could do. Sleeping with Brian was a heady reminder that he and Brian shared a bed, shared a home, were sharing a life. He could sleep cuddled up with Brian and it would be an accepted, normal thing. And Brian was good to sleep with, anyway. Brian's sleep exuded peace, and any time Brian half woke up to roll over or fix the pillow or something, Justin got a little kiss.

Justin loved to sleep with Nick. It was almost his favorite. One of his three favorites, anyway. Nick was bigger than JC and Brian, more solid. Bigger than Justin, even. And Nick was a great source of body heat. Not too hot, just right. Warm enough to make him burrow in further for more. Whenever he slept beside Nick, he always turned towards Nick. And he never wanted to let go.

Maybe that was why Nick usually put JC or Brian in between them before they fell asleep.

Justin was awake, but he was pretending to be asleep. If he acted awake, Brian might stop.

Brian was playing with his hair and singing to him very softly and saying "I love you" without hesitation.

JC made a grumpy noise and rolled over behind Justin, going back to sleep.

Justin slid his hands down Brian's back, and Brian kissed him.

Brian was kissing him. "I thought that you knew that I'm in love with you." Brian was kissing him. When he was himself - - especially when he was himself, goofy and idiotic, Brian wanted him. Brian didn't treat him the way that Brian treated Nick, with that perfect blend of love, understanding, caretaking, and unending lust. Brian didn't treat him the way that Brian treated JC, with support, interest, equality, and desire. Brian treated him with friendship, curiosity, humor, and sexual pursuit. But Brian didn't have to look out for him, as with Nick. Brian didn't have to be an adult with him, as with JC. Brian could play with him, and Brian loved to play. He and Brian were each other's balance in this relationship. JC was too grand and too artistic; Nick was too Nick; Brian and Justin were real people, down-to-earth. Being in love with JC and Nick, without having each other, would have driven them mad. That kind of relationship couldn't survive. Brian and Justin needed each other.

"I love you."

"Oh, god, I love you," and he rolled them over, feeling his heart expand and fill.

Brian loved him. There was so much love in Brian, so much love for JC and Nick, that there had to be some for Justin, too. They both loved JC. They both loved Nick. JC loved both of them.

Brian had loved him all along. But with all four of them in the house, there were too many distractions, too many interruptions; it was too easy for them to lose direction.

If Brian had gone, and Justin and JC and Nick had been there together for a week, they would have rediscovered each other, too.

Justin had been so very much in love with Brian, in the beginning, that he'd almost lost JC. He hadn't forgotten that love. He'd just lost track of it, misread it. Misunderstood Brian's responses to it.

Justin wasn't any less Brian's lover than JC was. He was just a different person than JC was.

Brian hadn't even known that he'd felt like...less. But now that Brian knew, and now that he knew that it wasn't true, they'd both change their dynamic. Because he wasn't less. He was Justin, and Brian loved him.

matthew@matthewtime.com
Next: "Empty"
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