Knowing

Knowing

Rating: Rish?

Pairings: JC Chasez/Justin Timberlake, Lance Bass/Chris Kirkpatrick

Disclaimer: The young men who comprise *NSYNC are their own people. The author has not met anyone here described, nor does the author mean to suggest that these people act this way in real life. This writing is a work of fiction. I make no money from this venture.

Dedication: This slashfic is for Ewan McGregor, the Savage Garden slashers, and anyone reading this story who's never been to an *NSYNC concert.

Wherein there's jealousy, resentment, and knowledge.

Chased Amy

Chris shredded the slips of paper and tossed them in the hotel room trash can. Lance's attention wasn't caught as much by that behavior as by the accompanying vulgarities. "What's wrong?" he asked, lounging on one side on the bed.

"They want me to move closer to JC during the harmony on 'I Want You Back,'" Chris said. "Closer. I can't get closer. I have to stay away from him or Miss Timbalake goes postal on my ass."

"He'll get over it," Lance said. "It looks better if you're moving together."

"When's the last time Justin put the professional over the personal?" Chris asked. "He doesn't like me jiving too close to his man. What'd yours say?"

"The usual," Lance said. "I'm too casual. I need energy. Lots of energy. Like JC."

Chris snorted and draped himself across the bed, gazing at the ceiling. "When are they going to realize that JC has more onstage energy than a thousand burning suns? We're mere mortals. Some of us are old mere mortals."

"I don't know how he does it."

"Did you see him smack Joey's ass?"

"When?"

"God, when was that? 'Space Cowboy,' I think."

"Justin's going to have a field day. I hope he didn't see it."

"Poor Joey. I hope not. But the real question of the day..."

Lance smiled. "Yes?"

"Is the same question we ask at the end of every day."

"All together now," Lance invited. Together they chorused, "When will Joshua get a clue?" Lance dropped to his back, resting his head on Chris's thighs. "I want to grab him by the back of the neck and scream at him sometimes. Justin's making our lives miserable, and JC's just out there. Oblivious."

"Justin's going to drive me to drink," Chris said. He drew himself up to rest on one elbow, right hand reaching down to stroke the blond spikes of Lance's hair.

"If Justin would just tell him. Then JC can deal with it and maybe Justin will leave the rest of us alone."

There was a loud crash, like something large shattering. A door slammed.

"Shit," Lance said, sitting up, staring at the door. He turned his head and met Chris's eyes.

"Guess Justin saw JC smack Joey's ass," Chris said. "Come on."

Lance slowly pushed open Joey's door. "Joey?"

"What the fuck is wrong with that kid?" Joey demanded, seeing them. They slipped into the room and closed the door, eyeing the damage. "Did I ask JC to touch me? Did I say, 'JC, please grope me and ignore Justin?' And what the fuck does it matter if he does touch me? He's JC! We're friends!"

"You know Justin's possessive," Lance said.

"Of what?!" Joey demanded. "JC isn't his boyfriend or his lover or his anything! They're not dating! JC's Justin's friend - - he's my friend, too! God damn it, I am not paying for this."

"He'll pay for it," Chris said. "He did last time."

"I don't think I want them to get together," Joey said. "Not if Justin acts like this. If he's crazy jealous like this now, what would he be like if he actually had JC?"

"Justin's not abusive," Lance said.

"He's just nuts because he can't have JC," Chris said.

"Couldn't he find someone else to fall for?" Joey asked. "Somebody who's not..."

"Gorgeous and talented and sexy as sin?" Lance asked.

"Somebody who's not married to his work," Joey said.

Knock at the door. "Joey?"

"Shit," Chris whispered. The three of them looked at each other, feeling trapped and oddly guilty.

"Joey?"

Lance pushed Joey, who hurried over and opened the door. "Hey."

"You okay?" JC asked, concerned. "I heard this crashing sound."

"No, I'm okay," Joey said.

"We were just messing around and knocked it over," Chris said.

"Knocked what over?" JC asked, coming into the room.

"The, uh," Lance said.

"Lamp," Joey said.

"Trying to get us a reputation for trashing our rooms?" JC asked.

"Spice up our rep some, sure," Joey said.

"How'd you get it the whole way over here?" JC asked. "The lamp in my room's over there."

"We didn't wake you, did we?" Lance asked.

"Hope we didn't disturb everybody," Chris added.

"No, I was awake, and the only other person close enough to hear's Justin," JC said. "You know he'll sleep through anything."

"We should all get to bed," Lance said. "Come on, go tuck yourself in. You know you need your beauty sleep."

"Speak for yourself," JC said. "You need help cleaning that up?"

"No," Joey said. "Get some rest."

"Okay. Night, guys."

They watched JC leave. "Great teamwork," Chris said.

"Yeah. We all lied and diverted and saved Justin's ass," Joey said.

"I feel like I just aided and abetted a criminal," Chris said. "If we hate this situation so much, why are we covering for Justin?"

"We love him and we don't want to betray him," Joey said.

"So we're lying to JC," Lance said. "How is that better?"

"You guys go to bed," Joey finally said, after a silence. "I'll call housekeeping."

"You okay?" Chris asked.

"Yeah." Joey hesitated. "Justin's sort of scary when he's mad."

"It's scary because he never gets like that, ever, the rest of the time," Lance said. "It's only over JC."

Green eyes glanced up when the door opened. "Hey." Lance did a double-take. "You okay?"

"Ran into Justin in the hallway," Chris said, setting down his suitcase and locking the door.

"What's wrong?"

"He disapproves of my proximity to JC during the harmony for 'I Want You Back.'"

Lance rose from the bed. "What did he say?"

"Nothing I'd ever repeat in polite company. Or in front of you."

Lance smoothed Chris's hair. "Don't let it get to you."

"Sure. Ignore it when the most hateful, vicious words ever come straight from my best friend's mouth."

"It's not about you."

"I know. You know what?"

"What?"

"I almost hit him."

"Chris."

"I did. I almost hit him. I could've broken his cute nose."

"You can't hit him."

"I won't."

"Good."

"I won't. I couldn't do that. But I could feel that impulse. He's so...unreasonable. Unjustified. He's going psycho over - - it's a stupid two-second dance move, we've been doing it for years. Years. And JC even thinks I'm hanging back too far, he thinks that it should be tight and synchronized. Am I supposed to explain to him that-"

"You need to relax."

"You're the one who's tense. You've been stressed for days."

"Of course I'm stressed. Justin's hyperjealous and taking out his own stupid anxieties on us. I'm trying to keep him calm and keep the three of us out of his line of fire without anybody else noticing that something's going on. The last thing we need is anyone realizing that we're not running at our best."

"How can we be doing our best when I can't even do my job without the prima donna throwing a hissy fit? You know I won't hit him, but one of these days he's going to start hitting us."

"It won't come to that."

"How are you going to stop it? It's not getting any better."

"We've always balanced the personal and the professional. We can keep doing that."

"He's put the personal first, and-"

"Can we not fight about this?"

"I'm not fighting."

Lance cracked a smile. "Good."

"We need to have sex."

"We need to?"

"We need to."

"Okay." Lance massaged the back of Chris's neck, eliciting a groan as he hit a tight spot. "Sex it is."

Chris ran into the room growling and cursing. He attacked the bed with his fists, pounding the mattress. He hurled pillows across the room and threw the quilt to the floor.

Lance locked the door and waited.

Chris grabbed the pillows and threw them again. "I'm going to kick his ass!" was the first coherent sentence. "I'm going to rip out every little blond curl one by one by one, and then I'm going to tell him that his petty stupid unrequited love can just take a flying leap because my career and my life are not taking a backseat to his tiny, inflated - - who does he think he is? So you want somebody you can't have! Get over it! That's been done so often it doesn't even rate an NBC movie of the week! What gives him the right to trash me and talk to me like that? What are you smiling about?!"

"Justin's tiny, inflated what?"

Chris had to laugh.

"You're right," Lance said. "He has no right to act like that, or to say any of what he said. We're going to have to do something."

"Kill him?"

"That's plan C," Lance said. "Plan A is to talk to him."

"What's plan B?"

"Talking to JC."

"Plan C still sounds best."

"We'll start with A."

"Lance, there's no point. He won't listen to us. I don't even think he's ever said that he wants JC."

"That's where we'll start."

"What?"

Lance knocked softly on Justin's hotel room door.

The door opened. "Hey," Justin said, half apologetic, half wary.

"Can we talk to you for a second?" Chris asked.

"Yeah, sure," Justin said, moving into the room. They entered and closed the door. "Sorry about before."

"Yeah," Chris said.

"Where did that come from?" Lance asked.

"What?" Justin asked.

"You've been angry a lot lately. We're worried. Are you okay?"

"I'm cool," Justin said.

"You sure?"

"Yeah."

"It's just...you go off about JC a lot. Is everything okay between you two?"

"What do you mean?"

"You keep telling us to stay away from JC. Are you mad at him?"

"I'm not mad at JC," Justin said quickly, upset at the idea. "JC's..." He swallowed words. "JC's great."

"As long as everything's okay between you," Lance said. "It's important that we're all friends. You know that's what we're all about. Friends first." He glanced at Chris and smiled. "Or more than friends."

"What's that like?" Justin asked.

"What?" Chris asked.

"You two. Balancing the whole thing."

"It's like it always was, only more," Chris said.

"Balancing our own lives with what's going on here," Lance said. "Friends and family, our interests and our work, *NSYNC and each other."

"It's great, having someone who knows exactly what's going on, exactly what you're going through," Chris said.

"Someone who understands," Justin said.

"Exactly," Lance agreed. "No one else can understand where we're coming from the way we can, just because we're here. The five of us. You know that connection."

"Yeah, I feel it," Justin said. "I don't think anyone can get me like you guys can. And no one else sees JC."

"How do you see JC?" Chris asked.

Justin smiled. A true, deep-in-the-soul smile. "JC has everything."

"What does that mean?" Joey asked.

"It means Justin has it bad," Lance said.

"What does JC have?" Chris asked. "Blue eyes and terrifying cheekbones."

"He has Justin," Lance said. "And he doesn't even know it."

"JC has everything," Joey mused. "Beauty, talent, fame, fortune. That's everything."

"If you're superficial," Chris said.

"Justin's not superficial," Lance said. "Not more than most people, anyway."

"Did you guys get anywhere?" Joey asked. "Or is Justin going to turn psycho if I talk to JC?"

"You can talk to JC," Lance said.

"Just don't stand too close," Chris added.

"This is not good," Lance said.

"I'd say it's bad," Chris said.

"We have to get him out of here."

"I can't believe they served him. They know he's not legal."

"How much has he had?"

"Too much. Look at him. Oh my god."

"Oh my god." Lance ran.

Chris wished that Justin had stayed a skinny kid. These extra pounds of muscle made Justin's dead weight heavy. He adjusted his grip and hauled Justin a few more steps.

"Almost there," Lance promised from Justin's other side.

"Home?" Justin asked.

"Philadelphia," Lance corrected.

"JC?"

"He's sleeping."

"JC?"

"He's-"

"JC?"

"Justin-"

"JC?"

JC's room door opened. "What's going on?"

"JC," Justin said, and pulled himself away from Chris's side, reaching for JC. He collapsed on the floor, one hand flailing up blindly in JC's direction. "JC."

"You're drunk," JC said. He looked at Chris and Lance. "He's drunk."

"I'm sorry," Lance said. "We didn't-"

"JC," Justin insisted.

"What?" JC asked, crouching down on the floor, taking Justin's hand in his to hold it still.

Justin, eyes focusing on JC's face, said something that Chris later interpreted to be "beautiful" and kissed JC. Or, tried to kiss JC. He ended up kissing the side of JC's mouth for brief seconds before JC pulled back, startled. "Jace," Justin said.

JC rubbed at the kissed spot.

"Jace, why don't you love me?" Justin slurred.

"I love you, Justin. You're my best friend."

"No no no no no no no no," Justin said, apparently stuck on that word. Then he remembered what he was protesting. "No no no, why don't you love me love me be in love with me? I'm in love with you, JC, I love you more than, more than, more than anything in the whole world. And I want you, want to have sex with you. Naked. Naked naked sex. Why don't you want me, JC?"

"You're drunk," JC said, looking scared.

"Love you so much," Justin said, leaning into him.

JC's arm came around Justin, holding him close. "I love you, Justin."

"I threw up in the taxi," Justin muttered, and fell asleep.

Chris kissed Lance's shoulderblade in the darkness.

"You think he'll be okay?"

"Justin?" Chris asked.

"Justin. JC, too."

"It's out there now. JC knows."

"Does that make it harder on him or easier?" Lance asked, rolling over, fingers finding Chris's hip.

"Both."

"I wanted JC to know. But now I wish he didn't."

"I bet he wishes he didn't."

"Yeah."

"At least it'll be easier on us now."

"No, it won't."

Chris closed his eyes and rested against Lance. "I know."

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