Copyright November 27, 2001-May 28, 2004 by Matthew Haldeman-Time
Rating: NC-17 for graphic male-male sex
Pairings: Jacob Underwood/Ashley Angel, Dan Miller/Trevor Penick
Disclaimer: The young men who comprise O-Town are their own people. The author has not met anyone here described, nor does the author mean to suggest that these people act this way in real life. This writing is a work of fiction. I make no money from this venture.
Dedication: This slashfic is for all of O-Town's fans. And for Diamond, who brought the guys to my attention.
Wherein Jacob cleans, Ashley cooks, and Erik had the keys last.
Jacob was on the floor, cleaning the toilet. "Where's Ashley?"
"In his room."
"Tell him to get in here."
"Now?"
"Now," Jacob said.
"He's masturbating. Can I ask him later?"
Jacob dropped the brush and looked at Erik. "He's...what?"
Erik made the motion.
Jacob turned his head to the side.
Erik waited.
"Maybe it's me. I'm not in the mood for that right now, since I'm cleaning up piss stains because my roommates have bad aim. But why...why is he doing that?"
"I don't know. When I came home he was already fluffed. I thought maybe you guys were into something on the side."
Jacob shook his head. "That has to be one of the more interesting ways to get out of washing windows."
"You want me to get him when he's finished?"
Jacob thought about it.
"Yes."
Right then, they were at Eminem two, Ludacris one. They'd eaten frozen yogurt, they'd walked around Best Buy, and now they were at a roller rink.
"It's closed," Dan said.
"It might not be. You know the rules. We have to at least try whatever it is."
"If we stop at a barber shop, I'm having you shaved bald."
Trevor opened his car door.
Dan put a hand on his arm to stop him. "And I don't mean your head."
Dan was out of the car and at the door to the rink before Trevor could close his mouth.
As it turned out, the rink was open. Deserted, but open. There was one person to pay, one person to give them skates, and one person slowly skating around the edge, wobbling a bit.
"Let's liven this party up," Dan said, and pulled Trevor out with him.
They skated, they tried to do tricks and fell on their butts, they raced, and they talked. Dan told Trevor about having his eighth birthday party at the local skating rink. It had been extremely cool at the time. When a slow song came on, Trevor had to keep himself from offering to hold hands in the dim light like the serious couples of Dan's childhood.
Trevor wanted to kiss Dan. There, in the rink. Slowly. Being on roller skates, somewhat unstable, with his feet raised from the ground, would have been more than appropriate for his first kiss with Dan. He knew that Dan would kiss him slowly, deeply, Dan's arms around his waist, Dan's head tilted to one side, Dan's tongue in his mouth...
It was only when Dan tugged at his elbow that Trevor realized he'd drifted to a stop. He blinked and started skating again. "What was that?" Dan asked.
"Do you think anyone here recognizes us?" Trevor asked.
"Yeah, the girl who gave us the skates," Dan said.
Damn. Damn, damn, damn. If it hadn't been for that girl, Trevor would have kissed Dan. Right then, right there. But, damn.
He'd do it later. Maybe
later that day, maybe at home, maybe tomorrow. But he'd do it.
"Was it good for you?"
Ashley jerked around. Erik. Thank god. He wasn't ready to see Jacob. He wasn't even ready to say Jacob's name. Especially not after moaning it like that. The way it had sounded, the way it had felt, rising up in his throat, coming out of his mouth.
"Jacob wants to see you. He's in the kitchen."
The kitchen, already? How long had Ashley been...
"You look a little... Are you sure you don't need to do it again? One more for the road?" Erik asked.
The worst thing was, Erik was right. Jacob wasn't nearly out of Ashley's system. The need was greater now than it had been before he'd jerked off. He'd created a whole new itch for himself, and it was aching and begging to be scratched.
"Erik!"
Ashley's whole body twitched at the unexpected sound of Jacob's voice. Jacob's voice. Jacob.
"What?" Erik shouted back.
"Is Ashley still in his room?"
"No, he's right here!"
What? No! Ashley stared at Erik. What was wrong with him? Ashley couldn't see Jacob now!
Jacob appeared beside Erik in the doorway. "Did you have a good time?"
Ashley froze. Jacob knew.
Erik looked up and off to one side, tapping his fingers against the door.
Ashley was going to kill Erik. But first, he was going to crawl into the medicine cabinet and close the door on himself. Jacob knew. Jacob knew! Jacob knew what he'd been doing! He'd been in his room, in his bed, doing that and thinking that and Jacob had known!
"I'm going to start the windows. You coming?" Jacob asked.
"One second," Ashley said, and pulled Erik into the bathroom with him, closing the door. "You told him!"
"He doesn't know why you were hot and bothered," Erik said.
"I only did it in the first place because-"
"Because you needed to."
"Because you told me to!'
"Because you needed to," Erik repeated.
"And now - - what does he think? That the smell of Lysol turns me on?"
"That you're a guy with hormones who hit a hot spot."
"Why did you tell him?"
"I wanted to see what he'd say."
Oh. Um, "What did he say?"
"He said he wanted to see you when you were finished."
God, if only Jacob had meant that he wanted to see post-orgasm Ashley. But, no, of course that wasn't what he'd meant. "Because he wanted to make me clean."
"Why does he want you to clean?" Erik asked.
"I don't know."
"Because I know that he can, if he'd learn how," Jacob said from the other side of the door. "Now can you get out here?"
Ashley's eyes widened.
Erik smiled.
Ashley was going to kick Erik's butt.
Jacob opened the bathroom door. "What's the delay? You need a cold shower first? I know how arousing Windex can be."
"It's an aphrodisiac in some cultures," Erik said.
"Which cultures?" Jacob asked.
"Canada," Erik said.
"I heard about that," Jacob said, remembering.
"Shut up," Ashley said.
"Would you like some time alone with the squirt bottle?" Erik asked. Jacob held up the Windex, offering it to him.
Ashley took it and squirted the front of Erik's shirt once, neatly.
"I'll always wear that scent from now on," Erik said. "It will make me think of you, and what we once had."
"It'll be an improvement over that crap you wear now," Jacob said.
"I smell good," Erik said.
"Ashley smells good," Jacob said. "You smell like a pimp."
"Ashley smells good?" Erik said.
"I've been with you guys long enough to know what you smell like," Jacob said.
"Yeah, but why Ashley?" Erik said. He sniffed Ashley's shoulder. "I'm not impressed."
"You smell like a pimp. Trevor smells like an expensive, high-class pimp. Dan smells like soap, if he smells like anything. Ashley smells good."
"Thanks," Ashley said.
Erik squirted Jacob with the Windex.
Jacob grabbed the bottle from him. "Come on."
"Am I invited?" Erik asked.
"No," Jacob said. Ashley
followed him from the bathroom, sharing a deep grin with Erik.
"Let's get Erik to pierce something," Dan said.
"Erik?" Trevor asked. "His ears."
"Cop-out," Dan said. "Take a walk on the wild side. What about his lower lip?"
"Not his navel. Not his... Not his tongue."
"Forget it. Let's tattoo Ashley."
"No angel wings," Trevor said.
"Agreed." They looked over the tattoo images on the walls. "We could all get an O-Town tattoo."
"What about 'Trevor Penick Is Sexy Freaky Hot?'" Trevor suggested.
"'O-Town Rules.'"
"'Ashley 'n' Jacob 4ever.'"
"I don't know how Jacob would feel about that."
"Let's pierce Jacob's navel."
"I know how Ashley would feel about that."
Trevor laughed.
"Are you sure you don't want to get a tattoo today?" Dan asked.
"What would I get? A nice one, right on my arm: 'Young and Hung.'"
"Hey, don't steal mine," Dan said.
"Okay." Trevor searched the wall for ideas. "Papa Smurf. On my ass."
"Get that one," Dan agreed. "Definitely. Get two. One for each cheek."
"You're sick."
"You mean you weren't serious?"
"About a Smurf tattooed on my butt?"
"Oh. Never mind, then. Hey, would you mind if I got that, then?"
Trevor looked at Dan.
Dan smiled at him, waiting for an answer.
"No, go ahead," Trevor said.
"Great."
"I love having a clean house that I didn't have to clean," Trevor said, reaching past Erik for the soda.
"Jacob did it?" Dan asked.
"Jacob did it," Erik agreed. "Ashley helped him with the windows."
"The windows look great," Dan said. "They're the first thing I noticed. I walked in here, and I thought to myself, now those are clean windows."
Ashley laughed. "Thanks. What'd you guys do today?"
"A little bit of everything," Dan said.
"Dan got Papa Smurf tattooed on his ass," Trevor said.
"How's it look?" Erik asked.
"You got what?" Ashley asked.
"It was a joke," Dan said. "I didn't."
"Oh," Erik said. "So, if you're not going to, can I?"
Trevor stared.
Dan laughed.
"No, really. Can I?"
Erik asked.
"Good morning," Dan said cheerfully. "Did I ever tell you how much I like your hair?"
"You like my hair?" Trevor said.
"I'm actually quite fond of it, yes," Dan said, reaching for the toothpaste.
"Why?"
"I like the way it looks, and I keep wanting to touch it."
"Touch it?" Trevor repeated, surprised.
"Yep." Dan started to brush his teeth.
Trevor kept wanting to touch Dan, too, but not quite in that way. More in the way of getting Dan against his body and running his hand up Dan's naked back while they were making out. More in the way of making Dan hard and then rocking his hips against Dan's to their mutual pleasure.
Dan spat out the toothpaste and rinsed his mouth. "Can I touch it?"
Hell, yes. Oh. The hair. "Yeah, I guess."
Dan reached around to the back of Trevor's neck, then ran his fingers up to the base of Trevor's skull. He started to rub his fingertips right there.
Suppressing a shiver, Trevor had to close his eyes. He was having the strangest urges.
"I've never done this, but I knew it would feel good," Dan said.
Trevor knew just what he meant.
"It's so soft, and furry, and fuzzy."
"It's so nappy," Trevor corrected him, eyes still closed, tilting back his head into Dan's touch.
"I love the way it feels," Dan said. "I need to start dating black girls."
"Good luck finding one you can do this to."
Dan's hand slipped away.
Trevor opened his eyes. Now what?
"Promise me you'll keep it that way."
"At least for a while."
Dan left the bathroom.
Trevor did a quick bump and
grind against the sink. Yes!
"Can I help you?" Jacob asked.
"No, thanks," Ashley said, and continued to watch.
A few minutes later: "Do you need something?" Jacob asked.
"No, I'm good."
A few minutes later: "Can I get something for you?"
"No, thanks."
"Then can you stop it?"
"Stop what?"
"You're standing there posed against the counter like it's centerfold time."
What? What? "I'm what?"
"You do it all of the time, and that's fine, but right now, it's too early in the morning for it."
"I... All of the time?"
"Yes. All of the time. And it's fine. Just don't do it at me."
"Sorry." Ashley was surprised, a little puzzled, and inordinately pleased. He'd have to think about this.
Jacob got up and put his plate and fork in the dishwasher. He gave Ashley the rest of his milk. And then he was standing there, casual but close. "You're not with Trevor."
"No."
"It's not Erik."
"No."
"Dan?"
Ashley swallowed. "No." Jacob was looking into his eyes. He couldn't breathe. And then Jacob was gone.
The anticipation.
The dread.
He'd been interested in guys. He'd checked guys out.
But he'd never, until now, had this kind of in-depth interest in a guy.
It was new and strange. Before, his bisexuality had been more abstract. Now it was real and live. He was interested in a guy. He wanted a man. A real man. With male body parts.
Jacob had a dick, and Ashley wanted it.
That was just so strange.
Strange, but true. He wanted Jacob, and he wanted all of Jacob. Even Jacob's dick. Especially Jacob's dick.
He'd never felt this sexual intensity before. He'd never been this preoccupied with sex, or this hungry for it. Or this open-minded about it. Adventurous. Daring. He wanted Jacob, and he didn't care how or where.
He had fantasies about taking Jacob, and about Jacob taking him. He didn't know which way was better. He'd heard that guys were inclined more towards one or the other, but he didn't have a preference. Maybe once he did it, he'd know.
Jacob was straight, so of course Jacob would never let him do that. But Jacob might do him. When pigs flew. Or, he might get to give Jacob a blowjob. If Jacob got really desperate and really lonely. When pigs flew.
Just one pity fuck. Please?
But Jacob wasn't turned on by pathetic people. He'd only get anywhere if Jacob respected him.
And when pigs flew.
He was glad that they weren't on tour. By the time they were back on the road, and he saw Jacob naked again, maybe he'd be more under control.
Yeah, right.
Trevor swatted at his hand. "What?"
"I don't know. It didn't turn me on. Am I doing it wrong?'
"What?" Ashley asked.
"Nothing," Dan said. "Erik doesn't appreciate Trevor like I do."
"Hey, I love Trevor. He's my homeboy," Erik said.
Ashley watched Dan touch the back of Trevor's neck, up in Trevor's hair. After a minute, Trevor's eyes closed. Trevor's head fell back. Trevor's hips came forward. Trevor's thighs spread. Trevor made a soft, appreciative sound.
Jacob left the room.
Erik left the room.
Erik came back and dragged Ashley away.
"Maybe I've been lying to myself," Dan said. "I never thought twice about being completely straight. But if I know that I want this..."
Trevor should have been listening, but Dan rubbing him there felt too good...
Dan kept his hand at Trevor's
nape and slipped off of the couch to kneel between Trevor's feet.
Between Trevor's spread thighs.
Ashley was in his room with the door open.
Erik kept sneaking down the hallway from Ashley's room to check. He never looked, but he listened. At first, there had been talking. Then silence. And now, holy holy holy, it was happening. It was on. He ran back to Ashley's room, but he didn't know what to say.
"What?" Ashley asked. "What?"
Erik stuck his tongue in his cheek.
"What?!" Ashley was on his feet.
Erik nodded vigorously.
"Trevor?"
"Dan," Erik said. "Dan, Dan!"
Ashley sat back on his bed
and stared.
Trevor hadn't known that his nape was an erogenous zone.
He also hadn't known that Dan wanted to give him an orgasm on the living room sofa.
His dick was still out of his pants, and Dan had a hand on it, holding it for him. Dan's other hand was on the back of his neck, keeping him steady while Dan kissed the breath out of him. Slow, and so deep. He was sort of across the sofa, his head at one end, his feet at the other, with Dan on top of him. Dan's hard-on was thick in Dan's jeans, against Trevor's thigh. It would be rude not to touch it.
Or was that against the rules?
Trevor spoke the first words in a while. "What do you want?"
"You," Dan said, and went back in for another kiss.
Thank. You. God. Trevor reached down for Dan's hard-on-
-and Dan stopped kissing him. "Not here. Your room?"
"Now you want privacy?"
"I couldn't wait," Dan said.
Wow.
"Come on," Dan said. He visibly stopped himself. "If you want to."
"If I want to?" Trevor asked. If he wanted to?!
"I don't want this to be all me and momentum. It has to be because you want it."
"I want a lot more than you think," Trevor said. "I keep finding new things to want."
"I know what you mean," Dan said.
Trevor tucked his dick back inside his pants.
"My room's cleaner, but yours is closer," Dan said.
Erik ran into Trevor's room, grabbed everything that was on the bed, and dropped it in a heap in one corner. He pushed the pillows into place, ran to Ashley's room, and waited.
Trevor kissed Dan, running his hand down Dan's side and rubbing over Dan's hip, Dan's ass. He almost wanted to stay right where they were. But a bed would be more comfortable. Whose bedroom? Proximity beat out tidiness. "My room."
"I'll be a good guest," Dan said.
"I'm a very lenient host," Trevor said, moving beneath him, pressing his thigh up against Dan's erection. "You can have anything you want."
Dan closed his eyes tight and bit his lower lip.
"What?" Trevor asked, worried.
"You almost made me come in my pants," Dan whispered. "Hold on."
Trevor reached in between Dan's thighs and squeezed.
Dan gasped, turning red, grabbing Trevor's arm, moaning in soft, shocked tones.
"Is that better?" Trevor asked.
"I knew you'd be good at this," Dan said, opening his eyes.
"We're only getting started," Trevor said, and kissed him. He opened his hand to let go, assuming that Dan would be oversensitive after orgasm, but Dan grabbed his wrist and kept his hand in place. Okay. He didn't mind having his hand there. He started to massage, just a little, and Dan moaned. He did it a little harder and Dan moaned louder, still holding onto his wrist, pushing, encouraging. He had to get them to his room. He let go, shaking off Dan's hand, and stood, pulling Dan up with him.
The progress to Trevor's room was halting at best. Trevor refused to stop kissing Dan, and Dan didn't seem inclined to stop stroking Trevor's mouth with his tongue. They paused against the wall in the hallway for a while, but finally they made it into Trevor's room. Dan closed Trevor's door and backed him up against it to make out with him there for a while. Then they found the bed, which was a lot more clutter-free than Trevor remembered.
As soon as they were on the bed, Trevor rolled Dan underneath him and put his hand back between Dan's thighs, right on Dan's erection. He had a whole new suspicion. He groped and massaged harder, harder, and the harder he did it, the more Dan responded.
Trevor ground the heel of his hand into Dan's groin.
Dan arched up against Trevor, groaning loud pleasure, breaking their kiss to bite his lip and hold back orgasm.
Damn. Damn! First of all, Dan was still wearing jeans, so that had to be a problem in and of itself. Second of all, that had to hurt like hell. Either Dan wasn't very sensitive, or else...
Dan liked pain.
Trevor had been running his hands over Dan's torso, and Dan's shirt was pushed up. He touched Dan's nipple, and then scratched beneath it with his fingernail, kind of hard.
Dan panted eagerly, moving his hips.
Trevor's dick got harder.
Dan's eyes opened. "Don't tell."
Trevor scraped his fingernail beneath Dan's other nipple, closer this time.
"Trevor, please." Dan was breathing hard. He wanted Trevor's promise to keep his secret. He wanted more.
Trevor kissed him. This time, Trevor bit Dan's lower lip, just a little, just to create a sting. Dan gasped. "I won't tell," Trevor said. "I won't tell. Can I do it?"
"Do what?" Dan asked.
"I want to try it. I want to...I want to hurt you."
Dan moaned as though aching with pleasure just to hear the words, eyes closing, lips parting.
Trevor bit Dan's lower lip again. "I want to exploit the pain. I want to make you beg me for it. I want to make you come from it."
"It's not, it's not..."
"I know." It wasn't unhealthy. It wasn't extreme. But it was a need, a desire, and Trevor already knew Dan hadn't been able to get it from anyone else. "Do you want me to use my teeth?"
Dan whispered it, but the greed in his voice made the whisper as good as a shout. "Yes."
Trevor raised the stakes. "On your dick?" That shit hurt. The very idea of it...
Dan twisted under Trevor. "Yes."
"Now?"
"Yes," Dan said. He wasn't begging. Not yet.
Trevor opened Dan's pants. He would have been gentle, but he didn't need to be. Dan didn't want him to be. Oh, it was gorgeous. Trevor paused for a good look at Dan's body. Long, long limbs. Pale, pale skin. Dark, dark hair. Big eyes, big smile, big hands, big dick. Long shaft, dark ripe head. Trevor had known that it would look that good this hard.
He scraped his nails up the inside of Dan's naked thigh and watched Dan's erection twitch. He cupped Dan's balls in his palm and then reached right behind them, a bare millimeter back there, and pinched, hard and fast, with his fingernails.
Dan's head turned to one side. He wanted to deny that something that painful felt that good, but he couldn't.
Trevor leaned over Dan's naked body. "I want to learn how to hurt you right."
Dan shivered, panting.
Trevor ducked his head and grazed Dan's tight little nipple with his teeth. Dan jerked, bucking up towards him, and Dan's hand came to the back of his head.
Trevor already knew that Dan might like pain but didn't want S&M and didn't want dom/sub. Trevor already expected that Dan would be the way he was in bed the way he was in the band: half equal-opportunity, half the dominant leader. And that was what Trevor wanted from him.
Dan smelled like soap. And heat. And, down where Trevor was licking now, musk.
That blowjob on the sofa had been very good and very satisfying, but Trevor's body was ready for more. His balls were ready for another orgasm. The desire was a growing urge. But he couldn't, not yet. After Dan came in his mouth.
Oh, yes. Dan was going to come in his mouth. Trevor was sure about that.
In the future, Trevor would
have time for a good, long blowjob. He wanted Dan's dick to know
every last flick of his tongue. But right now, they were both overexcited
about their first time together. And, no doubt Dan was more than
excited about this new feeding of his need for pain. Trevor's lips
closed around the head of Dan's erection. He slid down on it, getting
more in his mouth, and then let Dan feel his teeth. Dan came on the
spot, bucking up into his mouth, clawing at the bedsheets.
Dan kissed him.
"How did you...develop the..."
"Why do I like pain?" Dan asked, coming to his rescue. "I don't know. I just...like it. At about the same time I discovered sex, I found out that I liked pain, too. It's not serious pain. It's sharp, quick pain. Nothing that scars or draws blood."
"No, no," Trevor said. He couldn't have done that to Dan.
"No one else has ever known. It's not the sort of thing you tell your friends. And girls, I never knew how to tell them. It's a personal thing, and sometimes I got close to telling them, but I never did." He hesitated. "I didn't know how to tell you. It was easier to try to show you and hope that you picked up on it. I just didn't know I'd show you that soon."
"I'm glad I know." Trevor grinned. "The more I know what you like, the better things get."
"It gets better?" Dan asked.
Trevor smiled. "Much better."
"I don't know if I can take that."
Trevor drew a line down Dan's chest.
"What?" Dan asked, a gentle hand on his shoulder.
"We're in bed together," Trevor said. "We're talking about sex. It doesn't feel real."
"You know I love you."
"Yeah, but I'm in love with you." He met Dan's eyes, but only briefly.
Dan rubbed his shoulder. "Give me one day. For one day, let me be your boyfriend. By the end of the day, I'll be hopelessly in love with you. You have my word."
Trevor met Dan's eyes for real this time.
Dan kissed him and touched his cheek.
"What if I fall even more in love with you but you don't fall in love with me?"
"I will be in love with you," Dan said. "But, if I'm not, we'll deal with it. I'm your friend no matter what. I love you, no matter what. You can't lose me for good."
"I can lose you as my lover."
"Go ahead and try," Dan said.
He heard whispers and hisses and bickering outside his door.
Erik and Ashley.
His hair was trashed, his mouth didn't taste too good, and his cock was hard.
He ran his fingers down into Dan's pubic hair. Dan was hard, too, and instinctively moved into Trevor's warm hand. So trusting. Trevor scraped his short thumbnail at the base of Dan's cock.
Dan moaned, cock hardening in Trevor's hand, rolling on top of him. Dan wakened, eyes opening, as Trevor fisted his cock. Trevor looked up into big blue eyes, feeling Dan's hard cock, listening to Dan breathe.
Erik and Ashley were still fussing in the hallway.
When Dan was on the verge of coming, he put his hand down, covering Trevor's, stilling it.
Trevor waited.
Dan kissed Trevor's cheek, his ear. "Good morning." Then he let go, and Trevor's hand worked him over until he came.
"They need privacy," Ashley was saying.
"They've had plenty of time."
"They're still asleep."
"We can wake them up," Erik said.
"Let them sleep."
"I want to know what happened!"
"What do you think happened?"
"I don't mean that!"
Dan laughed into Trevor's shoulder. "We should get up."
"I don't want to get up," Trevor said.
"I know, but-"
"I want to have sex with you again."
Dan looked at him, completely turned around by that statement.
"And again, and again."
Dan wavered.
Trevor waited, using the liquid eyes and the sexy pout.
Dan weakened.
Dan never wavered, never weakened. Trevor's ego was loving this, but he tried not to show it. "I barely got to give you a blowjob last night. I wanted to try again."
"Again?" Dan asked.
Trevor tried not to smirk at his triumph.
Erik knocked at the door.
"What are you doing?!" Ashley demanded of Erik.
Damn! Trevor was going to hurt them.
"Damn," Dan said. "Rain check?"
No! No, no, no! "Okay."
"As soon as I brush my teeth, I'll kiss you," Dan said.
Trevor kissed Dan's neck. Oh, now that had to be a great place to use his teeth. He was going to have to try that. Soon. Often.
They got out of bed and dressed. Dan put on some of Trevor's clothes, since he'd come in his own. Then they opened the door to Tweedledum and Tweedledee. "What?" Trevor asked.
"Nothing," Ashley said.
"Are you two a couple now?" Erik asked.
"Almost," Trevor said. "Sort of."
"Yes," Dan said.
"Um, yes," Trevor said. He turned to Dan. "We are?"
"Yes," Dan said. "We are."
"How?" Erik asked. "Why? When?"
"You see, Erik, there comes a time in every young man's life when he finds himself checking out his best friend's package," Dan said.
"There does?" Erik asked.
"Yes," Ashley and Trevor said.
"I'm going to take a shower," Dan said to Trevor. "You stay here and entertain the children." He rubbed Trevor's side and went to the bathroom to shower.
Trevor wanted to go back to his bed and remember. Dream. Jack off.
"Was it good?" Erik asked.
"You can't ask him that," Ashley said. He looked at Trevor. "Was it? What?! I'm allowed to ask. I'm bi. I'm going to have sex with a guy someday. I need to know if it's good."
"Is sex good? Of course sex is good," Erik said. "Is sex with a guy good? Okay, I can't help you with that one, but it must be, because - - okay, that's gross, can we stop talking about this?"
"Sex with a guy is not gross," Ashley said.
"You wouldn't know. Trevor, is sex with a guy gross?"
"Anything but," Trevor said.
"I don't know," Erik said. "You kind of smell. Is Dan gay?"
"He's probably bi," Ashley said.
"Are you gay?" Erik asked Trevor.
"Probably," Trevor said.
"One gay, two bi. That leaves me and Jacob. Is it this house? Something in the furniture polish fumes?"
Trevor ignored that. "Are you both okay with this? If it becomes a long-term thing?"
"You and Dan?" Ashley asked. "Yes. Of course."
"I'm cool," Erik said. "It's cool. But could the semi-public sex thing not be a frequent occurrence? I'm planning on being happy for you, and if you want to sit around holding hands and kissing, that's okay, but the other stuff is more fun behind closed doors, really."
"Sorry about that," Trevor said. "I didn't know it was going to happen."
"It took us all by surprise," Erik agreed. "I thought you'd jump Dan, not the other way around."
"I was going to," Trevor said. "He beat me to it."
"How did we get so interested in you wanting him that we totally missed him wanting you?" Ashley asked.
"I'm disappointed in us," Erik said. "We have to do better. Do you think we've missed Jacob's secret lust, too?"
"No," Ashley said. "We haven't."
"Well, if you can't have Jacob, there's always Erik," Trevor said.
"Yeah, there's always Dan,"
Erik agreed. Trevor hit him.
That was what Ashley wanted
to do with him.
"With Trevor," Dan said.
"I need him. Is it important?"
"They're talking," Dan said.
Jacob looked up. Ashley and Trevor were talking? One of their personal, soul-searching talks where Ashley figured things out? That wasn't good. That couldn't be good. Not now.
Trevor had Dan. Dan, the strong one, the doer, the motivator. Dan was a rock. A nice, friendly rock, but a rock. The mighty one had fallen.
Jacob was a little worried.
"Ashley," Erik said. "Can you-"
"In a minute," Ashley said, coming into the kitchen.
Jacob looked up again. That had sounded-
"Can I talk to you?" Ashley asked Jacob.
"Yeah," Jacob said. As he got up and followed Ashley, he tried to convince himself that he hadn't jumped up too eagerly.
They ended up in Jacob's room, which was good. Jacob's turf. But the door was closed, and that was not quite as good. Jacob didn't want there to be any words - - any actions - - that needed to be private.
"I want you," Ashley said. "I want you sexually, I want to have sex with you. And I'm in love with you."
He was Jacob. The one who rebelled against being labeled the rebel. The independent cynic. The tough one.
The one who had to fight, sometimes on an hourly basis, against the urge to protect innocent, gullible, naive, blond Ashley Angel.
He only had that urge because he loved Ashley.
He also had other urges, but he suppressed those, too.
"Tell me what you're thinking," Ashley said.
"I'm thinking about how naive you are," Jacob said.
Ashley swallowed against that hurt. "I know you aren't in love with me. I didn't expect you to be. But if you wanted anyone as badly as I want you, you'd do something about it."
Deny it. Hide it. Repress it. Everything he'd been doing about his desire, his lust, for Ashley.
"I don't even know what I thought would happen. I'd tell you, and we'd end up in bed together? At least you aren't laughing at me."
He was willing to hurt Ashley, but not that badly.
"I know I'm not you. I'm nothing like you."
That wasn't true.
"But I'm trying to be like you right now. Otherwise, I wouldn't have been able to say any of this. Being me, all I've been able to do is sit around thinking about you. Now, I'm doing something about it. I'm doing the only thing I can do. I'm telling you, and letting you decide how to take it from here."
"Meaning what?"
"You can hate me, you can avoid me, you can accept it and still be my friend, you can worry that I'm going to hit on you."
He had to deny everything. He had to push Ashley away, far enough away to avoid this danger. "You aren't going to hit on me."
"I-"
"You don't have the balls."
Startlement. The flash of pain that came from being hurt by someone he trusted. "What?"
"Dan does. Dan knew what he wanted, and he took it. He got what he wanted. But you, it's like you said - - you sit around and think. You think and you worry and you dream, but you don't have what it takes to get things done. Not on your own. And in case you think otherwise, let me tell you right now that over half, over three-fourths, of the things that you think you've done, you haven't done. You're where you are because of the way you look, and that's it."
"That isn't true," Ashley said. "That's bullshit."
"Is it?"
"It is," Ashley said. "You know it is. If you thought that, you wouldn't be my friend. You wouldn't respect me."
Inside, Jacob was proud of Ashley just then. Ashley was smart, and strong. That was why Jacob pushed him. That was why Jacob kept expecting more, demanding more; because he knew that it was inside Ashley, that Ashley was ready for it.
"I don't think about the way I look nearly as much as everyone else does," Ashley said. "You know I don't. I barely care, except when I want to look nice for something. And even then, it's the way anyone else does. Making sure my hair's combed and my fly's zipped."
It was the same way wealthy people didn't give a second thought to money. Ashley was so beautiful, so pretty, so perfect, that he didn't give it a second thought. He should have been vain, he should have been self-centered, but then he wouldn't have been Ashley.
"It does come in handy, if I want to get a date," Ashley said. "But it's not going to do a thing to get me closer to you."
Jacob loved Ashley's beauty. He took great pride in it. He loved Ashley for looking that good and never doing it on purpose. Ashley was perfect. Jacob loved him for it and wanted him for it. The beauty, the naivete, the generosity.
"I know that you like to be friends first," Ashley said. "I thought that maybe, since we're friends, we might get to be more. But I know that can't happen."
He didn't want to control Ashley. He just wanted...he wanted to own Ashley. He wasn't proud of himself for it, but it was true. He didn't want to be beautiful or perfect or naive or generous or easily hurt, beautifully hurt, the way Ashley was. He wanted Ashley to be those things, and he wanted to own Ashley. He wanted Ashley to be his. All his. Only his. He wanted Ashley to be devoted to him. Voluntarily, wholly, completely devoted to him.
"I'm not going to go until you tell me what you're going to do," Ashley said. "I don't want it to come as a surprise the next time we meet. I want to know now."
Ashley was standing his ground, and Jacob was proud of him for it. But Jacob couldn't let that pride show, couldn't give an inch. "I'm going to pretend that this never happened."
"I can't go back to hiding it," Ashley said. "It's too much."
"You're going to have to," Jacob said.
"We're friends," Ashley said. "You love me as your friend. I'm closer to you than anyone is."
"That means that I owe you something?"
"That means that you won't hurt me on purpose. You won't hurt me knowingly."
"I won't?" Jacob asked.
"You won't hurt me," Ashley said. "I'm in love with you. Give me something. As my friend, to ease my pain, give me something."
Jacob almost scoffed. "Like what? A blowjob?"
"Words, a hug, comfort."
"I am not in love with you. I never will be. I don't want you. I'm not attracted to you. I never will be."
"Don't do this."
Jacob knew Ashley's buttons well enough to push a little too hard. "If you were a real man you could take it."
"Why are you trying to hurt me? What are you afraid of? I know you're straight. I know you don't want me. I don't want anything from you. All I've ever wanted is your friendship. I'm not asking for more."
"And the whole 'I love you I want you-'"
"That's what I feel and what I want, but I'm not asking for you to fulfill that for me. I don't expect that from you."
"If we weren't in this band, we'd never be friends."
"That's one of the reasons I'm so grateful to have O-Town."
It was impossible to pick a fight with Ashley. If only Ashley weren't this confident in their friendship. Jacob left the room. And, before Ashley could catch up with him, he left the house.
He glanced in his rearview
mirror to see Ashley standing in the driveway, watching him go.
Erik said that Jacob's overreaction was very suspicious.
Trevor said that obviously something else was going on that they didn't know about.
Ashley knew that Jacob tended to see things very clearly, and form definite opinions. But Jacob wasn't mean. Not deliberately, not when it came to sensitive subjects. Jacob wasn't homophobic, either. If a best friend were in love with him, he might gently discourage, or politely refuse to encourage, but he wouldn't be a jerk about it, because while Jacob didn't always tiptoe around people's feelings, he wouldn't outright try to hurt a close friend's feelings, either. Jacob's attitude during their conversation had almost felt designed to keep Ashley at a distance. Jacob was a frank, direct person, and Ashley loved his candor, but that had been callous.
And at the end, Jacob had run away. Run away from him, run away from their conversation. Jacob never ran away, and Jacob didn't respect anyone who did, either. Ashley had never seen Jacob flee from any situation. That was one of the reasons he admired Jacob. Loved Jacob. If he'd made Jacob run, he could only assume that he'd struck an unexpected nerve, and he was going to stick around to be there when Jacob came back.
Ashley waited up for Jacob. He waited in his room, in the kitchen, in the living room, and finally in Jacob's room. He was sitting on Jacob's bed, waiting, for a while. He decided to lie down for half a second, just to rest his eyes...
Jacob was shaking his shoulder. "Ash."
Ashley opened his eyes, sitting up. Jacob. "What time is it?"
"After four."
So late... Ashley crawled up the bed to a more comfortable position.
"That's my bed," Jacob said.
Mmm... That must have
explained why the pillows smelled like Jacob. Ashley hugged one,
closing his eyes.
"You feel so good," Dan said.
So good... Trevor sucked at Dan's lower lip.
"Hold still," Dan said. Trevor watched the contractions of Dan's eyebrows, feeling Dan's finger probing gently inside of him. Dan was trying to hit the right spot. Trevor could hold still and wait for that.
The shock of exploding pleasure. Trevor cursed, holding onto Dan's shoulder. He was barely through with the first one before Dan did it again. "Stop it, stop it."
Dan popped his finger free. "We have to get lube."
"Have to," Trevor agreed, panting.
"Tomorrow." Dan kissed Trevor's chest. "I can't wait."
"It's going to blow your mind," Trevor told him.
Dan smiled. "You're so confident about your sexuality."
"I'm the Trevor Penick love machine, baby. Climb aboard and enjoy the ride." He pouted and puckered, giving Dan the sexy, beckoning eyes.
"Oh, yeah," Dan said, kissing him. "You got me. I'm never leaving this bed."
Trevor laughed. He'd
won. Dan was his.
Jacob. Asleep.
Ashley leaned over him and blew out the candle. Then he sat back and looked at Jacob. Jacob was lying on his stomach, one hand under the pillow, facing Ashley. His lips looked soft. They were parted just a little, just enough for Ashley to notice.
Jacob should have been snoring. He should have been drooling. He wasn't. He was asleep and he was wonderful and Ashley's heart hurt.
Ashley should have gone. Left the bed, left the room, left Jacob alone. But he wasn't disturbing anything. He only wanted to look.
Okay, he wanted a lot of things. But he was only going to look.
Jacob needed to shave.
Ashley wanted to kiss him.
"They're still in there," Erik said in the hallway.
Ashley frowned.
"They've been in there all night?" Trevor asked.
"Ever since Jacob came home," Erik said.
Ashley looked over his shoulder at the door.
"They're probably just sleeping," Trevor said.
"I don't know," Erik said.
Ashley decided to ignore them. He had better things to do, like admire Jacob.
"Don't knock," Trevor whispered. "We might be interrupting something."
"You said they're just sleeping."
"Yeah, but we don't know for sure."
Erik was being Erik, and Trevor was getting Ashley back for doing the same thing to him. Fine. Ashley got the point. Now could they go away? He touched the soft cotton of Jacob's T-shirt.
Jacob frowned, turning his face into the pillow, and groaned.
Ashley drew his hand back. He was scared. He was fascinated.
Jacob opened his eyes and saw Ashley. He pushed himself up and flopped onto his back. "Hi."
"Hi," Ashley said, trying not to sound too...warm. He forced himself not to inch closer. He'd give Jacob space.
"You didn't murder me in my sleep. That was decent of you."
"Murder you in your sleep?"
"For what I said yesterday. For walking out on you."
"Running out on me."
Jacob rolled onto his side, head on the pillow. "I'm sorry. It was a lousy, shitty to do. It was wrong, it was insulting, and it was designed to hurt you. I'm always going to wish that I'd been better for you."
Ashley loved the way Jacob apologized. "Just tell me why you did it."
"I couldn't risk encouraging you. So I decided that rejecting you would be the way to go."
"I know you aren't going to encourage me. I don't-"
"What do you see when you look at me?"
"Jacob."
"What does that mean to you? Who is Jacob?"
Ashley wanted to reach over and touch him. He was so close. "I don't know."
"You know," Jacob said. "Tell me."
Ashley never could say no to Jacob. It wasn't the way adorable puppy dogs were irresistible when they begged for scraps; it was the way Jacob looked at him, Jacob's eyes, Jacob's command like a force of nature, a hand on his back guiding him. "You're more than my friend. I admire you, I'm always trying to impress you and make you proud of me. I want you to respect me and admire me, too. I know I'm too naive and I know I don't have enough soul and I know I don't have enough rock and I know I'm too cute. I can't help those things. I can't change the way you think about me. But I want to. I want to be someone you think well of. And whenever I look at you or think of you I just want to touch you, I want to touch you... And I'm so afraid you'd turn away from me, maybe not even intentionally, maybe because you didn't even know I was reaching out for you."
"I know you're reaching out," Jacob said.
"I love you," Ashley said. "I'm in love with you. It came so naturally that I didn't even realize it until Trevor told me. I didn't know. I was so far in love with you it was just another part of my life, like breathing. The way I thought of you didn't seem strange to me. It was just the way things were."
Jacob got up, pulling on worn jeans that slid down his ass. He scratched his head.
Ashley sat up, waiting.
"You know how I am about my friends," Jacob said. "I'm picky about who gets my time and my attention. You're my friend, Ashley. You're one of my best friends. You know you're closer to me than anyone is. You think I'd put you in that position if I didn't think you deserved it? I respect you. I admire you. Maybe there isn't a lot of soul in you, but there are a lot of other things that are more important. You're still naive and God, Ashley, I pray you'll always be as cute as you are right now." He cupped Ashley's chin in his hand, tilting Ashley's face to look up at him. He was looking at Ashley's face, not into Ashley's eyes, studying Ashley's features. "You're beautiful. People talk about being beautiful inside and out, but you... You're as beautiful inside as you are outside. And you're so beautiful."
Ashley reached up and closed his hand over Jacob's arm. "Jacob."
"I want to guide you and show you," Jacob said. "If I do it from a distance, I can help you. If you get too close-"
"Jacob-"
Jacob pulled away, breaking free. "If you get too close, I'll hurt you. I'll corrupt you. I'll change you."
"How?" Ashley stood.
"I'm too cynical, I'm too suspicious. I wanted to teach you to be stronger. I don't want you to end up like me."
Jacob was afraid of hurting him. Jacob was afraid of changing him. Jacob was afraid of damaging him.
Jacob wanted him to stay as he was. Jacob liked him the way he was. Jacob admired him, respected him, cherished his qualities.
Ashley stayed put so as not to spook Jacob. "You won't hurt me. You never have."
"That's why I'm keeping my distance."
"We live together, work together, tour together. You can't keep your distance from me."
"I have this long."
"I won't let you." He hadn't realized that Jacob would ever let him get closer. But now he saw that he could be much closer to Jacob, that he could know Jacob in ways that no one else did. There were too many parts of Jacob that were closed off, hidden from view. Jacob would let him in there. Jacob wanted to let him in there. "I need you. I need your friendship. I need your help. I'm asking you to let me in, inside where no one else can go." Ashley put out his hand. "I'm reaching out to you."
Jacob backed up. "No. No, Ashley, no way."
"I love you."
"Your taste sucks."
"It used to. I didn't know that I deserved any better. I value myself more now. Tell me that you value me."
"You're worth your weight in gold."
That had been reflexive sarcasm on Jacob's part. "Don't be scared."
"What do you want?!" Jacob demanded.
"Be my friend."
"Isn't that what we've been doing?"
"We don't have to be anything more," Ashley said, rising from the bed. "Not until you say so, if you ever do."
"That's a relief."
"You're sarcastic when you're scared."
"I'm always sarcastic."
Ashley took a step closer to Jacob.
Jacob backed up.
Ashley stepped closer.
Jacob backed up.
Ashley stepped closer.
Jacob inched around the dresser, trying to create distance.
"Nobody's leaving this room until you take my hand."
"And then we walk into the future together?"
"And then I go to the bathroom."
"Take your hand."
"Take my hand."
"And be your friend."
"That's right."
"We already are friends!" Jacob put the bed between them.
"Then this should be simple."
Jacob looked like he was measuring the distance across the bed.
Ashley tensed.
Jacob darted.
Ashley leapt over the bed and grabbed Jacob. His momentum reversed and he hit the bed with a bounce. As Jacob tried to surge back up again, Ashley kept a firm hold. He held on tightly to Jacob, not giving Jacob a chance to fight free, rolling them over.
Jacob, on his back, looked up at Ashley, defiant.
Ashley's gaze drifted from Jacob's eyes down to Jacob's mouth.
"Don't kiss me," Jacob said, his voice warning.
Ashley stopped himself in time.
"Let me up."
Ashley didn't move.
"I'll be your friend if you let me up."
Beaming, happy, Ashley stood and helped up Jacob.
Jacob shook Ashley's hand.
"You are not more recognizable than I am," Erik said. "You're just so afraid of getting caught with this stuff that you're going to sacrifice me for the cause. I'm not doing it."
"One tiny tube," Dan said.
"If it were toothpaste, sure," Erik said. "A little Ben-Gay, I'll help out a friend. But lubricant? For sex? For gay male-on-male sex? For those body parts? No, no. Not me."
Trevor went down on his knees, clasping his hands. "Please?"
Dan clasped his hands, too. "Please?"
"Please?" Trevor begged.
"Okay," Erik said. "But you're paying me back for it."
"Absolutely," Dan said, helping Trevor up.
Erik made mental note of the way Dan's touch lingered on Trevor. Had that been happening before they'd hooked up, and he just hadn't noticed? Or was it a sign of their new closeness? He was trying to scope out Jacob's reaction to Ashley, and he wanted to know what to look for. But if Jacob and Ashley ever hooked up, they were buying their own sex supplies. "What about condoms?"
"Condoms," Dan said, snapping his fingers. "We need those."
"I have some," Trevor said.
"We need more," Dan said.
Typical confident Dan, making big plans and following through. "What kind?" Erik asked.
"Condoms," Dan said. "Trojan?"
"Ribbed, lubed, flavored, colored?" Erik asked.
"Uh...plain?" Dan asked.
"What size?" Erik asked, just to mess with them. "You want the Magnum or the-"
Dan wasn't falling for that. "Just buy the condoms."
"What's up?" Ashley asked, coming into the living room.
"I'm going out to buy lube and condoms," Erik announced. "You need any?"
"No, thanks," Ashley said, doing that puzzled-interested thing. "I'm okay on that front."
"Ashley has no sex life," Trevor said.
"I don't know," Erik said. "I haven't seen that bottle of Windex lately."
"Shut up," Ashley said.
Dan's arm was around Trevor's back, his hand on Trevor's hip. It didn't look like the way a guy's arm would be around a girl. It looked half casual, half proprietary. Trevor was letting it happen but not leaning back into it for support or protection. It was sort of like Dan was staking claim just for the sake of it. Like Trevor was Dan's to rest a hand on whenever, but not in a demeaning way.
Guy-guy stuff was too political. Erik was sticking to girls. He could treat a girl like a girl and have it be okay. With guys, he'd have to worry about respecting the other guy's masculinity.
Erik would have to watch Dan and Trevor to see if their relationship changed after they started having sex.
Before that happened, he was going to have to go sex-supply shopping.
They'd better appreciate
it.
Trevor, sitting on Ashley's bed, watched as Ashley turned to face him. "It's good."
"Jacob wouldn't like it."
"Why not?"
"He never dresses like this."
"What Jacob wears, and what he expects you to wear, are different," Trevor said. "If he does want you, it won't be because you're his clone. It'll be because you're you."
Ashley gauged his reflection. "The shirt's too tight."
"If you're going clubbing, it's good. But are you doing anything but sitting around the house today?"
"Not...no."
"Change shirts. Calm down. I'm going to go see if Erik's back." Trevor got up and left.
Ashley pulled off his shirt and rummaged around to find another one. Not that one. Too old, too common, too stupid...
"What?" Jacob asked.
Where'd he come from?! "What?" Ashley asked.
"Trevor said you wanted something."
"No," Ashley said. He could feel himself blushing.
"Okay," Jacob said, and turned to go.
"Wait. Which shirt?" Ashley held up two choices.
"Why?" Jacob asked.
Ashley smiled. He loved Jacob. "Which one do you like better?"
"On you?"
"On me."
Jacob shrugged. "The black one."
"If I bought clothes for you, would you wear them?"
"If I liked them."
That would be a rush. "Can I take you shopping?'
"No."
"Could we go shopping together?"
"No."
Ashley went straight for the point. "So at what point would you go out to buy clothes with me?"
"If we stopped by the drugstore to pick up socks."
"Is Tuesday good for you?"
Jacob laughed.
"Erik isn't here yet," Dan said.
Trevor pushed Dan onto the bed. "He'll be here soon." Kissing brought out the natural redness in Dan's lips. Trevor liked it.
"We can wait," Dan said.
"We're not going to do anything," Trevor said, and got Dan out of his shirt. "We're just warming up."
"We don't have to-"
"Just for a minute," Trevor said, and unbuttoned Dan's jeans.
"We don't have any-"
"I won't put it in," Trevor said with his hand down the front of Dan's pants. "I'll just hold it for a minute."
"Oh, oh... Okay," Dan said, and closed his eyes.
Trevor pushed Dan's jeans down, getting Dan naked in the open air. "Do you want me to rub it harder? Like this?" He increased the pressure of his hand on Dan's cock slightly, creating more friction of skin against skin. He was still trying to get used to touching Dan like this. He'd never had another guy in his hand, and he couldn't believe how good it felt. Dan's long cock was growing and hardening at his touch, swelling stiff against his palm. He stroked his fingers up the shaft and tried to guess how soon Erik would come home. Did he have time for a quick blowjob? Hell, he'd make time.
Trevor pushed Dan's thigh
aside and leaned in.