Experience
Copyright November 21-22, 2004 by Matthew Haldeman-Time
Rating: NC-17
Pairings: Lance Bass/Joel Madden, Chris Kirkpatrick/Benji Madden
Disclaimer: The young men who comprise *NSYNC and Good Charlotte are their own people. The author has not met anyone here described, nor does the author mean to suggest that these people act this way in real life. This writing is a work of fiction. I make no money from this venture.
Dedication: This slashfic is for GC, especially Joel. And for Diamond, who knows why.
If you don't know one member of Good Charlotte from another, here's what they look like.
banner by Vanessa
Joey shook his head. “Chris and Benji make a really unattractive couple.”
Lance looked to the other end of the room, where Chris and Benji were standing. Chris’s back was to the bar, and Benji was right in front of him with one hand behind him on the bar, so close there was maybe a millimeter between their bodies. Chris was talking, and Benji was smiling broadly like whatever Chris was saying was highly entertaining, and as Lance watched Benji shifted closer while Chris tilted his head just so. Their position was highly intimate, shutting out everyone else in the room.
“You think so?” JC asked. “I think they’re kind of cute.”
Benji said something, and Chris laughed, his head tilting back. Benji’s gaze flashed appreciatively down the length of Chris’s neck. Whatever Chris said next included gestures, and instead of stepping back to accommodate the movement, Benji simply came closer to Chris’s side. Almost instinctively, Chris turned until they were face-to-face again.
“Are they screwing?” Joey asked.
“I don’t know,” JC said.
Even if they weren’t having sex, they were very physical. Lance had seen them making out once, in a dark, sheltered corner at Justin’s last party. Benji had been half-sitting, half-reclining in the circular booth, Chris gradually moving on top of him and pushing him back, Benji’s tattooed arms around Chris’s body, Chris’s hips grinding down slowly and steadily. Lance had backed away; when he’d seen them later, Chris had been wearing Benji’s hat and Benji had been wearing a satisfied smile.
Lance didn’t know when they’d become more than friends. They’d been hanging out together for a while, when one day he’d realized that Chris was bringing Benji around as a date, not in lieu of a date. He hadn’t expected them to become a couple, but in a way, it made sense. They were a good fit.
Joey was used to his friends dating beautiful people. Justin and JC had a strict screening process for their partners, and Lance admitted that he was the same way. Chris and Benji weren’t as glamorous as Justin and Britney, but they were oddly intriguing. They seemed well-suited to each other.
“I hope it lasts,” JC said.
Benji shifted closer to Chris.
“Chris hasn’t stayed with anyone for longer than a month in…years,” Joey said.
Chris shifted closer to Benji.
“They’re good together,” JC said. “Chris hasn’t been this close to anyone in a long time.”
Chris had stopped letting people in a long time ago. Lance had been surprised to see how open he was with Benji, how well Benji knew him.
“They look good together,” JC said. “They’re a good match.”
“Now that you have Chris married off, what about our birthday boy?” Joey asked.
JC laughed. “Lance can take care of his own love life.”
Lance took a drink. “Thanks.”
Chris looked at the world outside Benji, scanning the room. When he saw them, he said something, and he and Benji turned and began to walk in their direction.
“Hey, Lance.” Justin came up, pretty little thing in tow. “We’re about to go. You good?”
“Yeah,” Lance said. “Thanks for coming.”
“Happy birthday, man.” Justin hugged him, whispering “love you” under the noise of the club. “See you later,” Justin said, pulling back.
“See you,” Lance said, giving him a smile.
As Justin left, Chris reached them. “You’re not busy here, are you?”
“Not particularly,” Lance said. “Just enjoying my birthday party.”
“Great,” Chris said. “Come with us.”
“It’s Chris’s birthday today,” Benji said. “We’re going out to his party.”
Chris? Lance didn’t - - oh. Chris Wilson, Good Charlotte’s drummer.
“Come on, have a good time with us,” Chris said. “See how the real folks do it.”
“See how the real folks do what?” Joey asked.
“It,” Chris said.
“You want me to leave my own party?” Lance asked.
“Yeah,” Chris said.
Lance looked around the room. The main event was over, and now things were looking like the same old party from any other night. He’d never been to a GC party, but he supposed he could see what it was like.
“We’ll cover for you here,” Joey said.
“Yeah, go ahead,” JC said. “Tell Chris we said happy birthday,” he told Benji.
“Happy birthday,” Joey said, giving Lance a hug, smacking a wet kiss on his cheek.
“Happy birthday, honey,” JC said, with a quick embrace.
“Thanks,” Lance said. “Don’t steal the gifts,” he added.
“We’ll make sure they get back to your house,” JC said.
“Have a good time,” Joey said.
“Let’s go,” Chris said. “We’re going to miss the sky-diving contest.”
Chris Wilson’s party was literally underground, in a dark, crowded club with low ceilings and a confusingly serpentine layout. Strobe lights cut through the rooms at random, and Lance heard at least two different songs playing at once.
Chris and Benji led him to a back room that was even darker than the previous rooms, but cooler and less crowded. Paul and Joel were sitting at a table with a few cute, punk girls. “Hey,” Benji said.
“Hey,” Joel said, and he and Benji briefly gripped each other’s
hands. “Hey, Chris. Lance.”
“Lance’s birthday was yesterday, so we’re giving him a thrill,” Chris said.
“Happy birthday,” Paul said.
“Yeah, happy birthday,” Joel said.
“Where’s Chris?” Benji asked.
“In the dungeon,” Joel said.
“Have a seat,” Chris said to Lance, pulling out a chair for him. “We’ll be right back.” He left with Benji.
For lack of anything better to do, Lance sat. The girl to his left went back to twining streamers around Joel’s fingers; the girl to his right started flirting with him.
Chris didn’t come back, so when the girl asked him to dance, he went.
He stayed on the dance floor for a while. The music was a little more guitar-heavy than in the clubs he usually went to, and the themes were a little darker, and the moves weren’t as good, but he had fun. Dancing was dancing.
After a while, he returned to the back room. He wasn’t sure how long he’d been gone, but everything looked pretty much the same. Joel and Paul were still there, with different girls. He took a seat, and this time the girl to his left started flirting while the girl to his right did everything but undress to get Joel to want her.
A waitress came around. Lance and two of the girls ordered drinks; Joel ordered fries. When the drinks arrived, Lance gave his to the girl he was talking to, hoping that it would make her more interesting.
It didn’t work, so while she told him about the last club she’d been to, he let his attention wander.
The girl talking to Paul had a lot of black hair, a lot of cleavage, and a throaty voice that was probably supposed to be sexy but came off as fairly irritating. She kept stroking Paul’s arm, and he looked like he liked it. She started making references to going back to her place, and it seemed to Lance like Paul might be willing to go.
Lance had been thinking about taking someone home, himself - - a little birthday present - - and he’d gotten laid at his own party, but it didn’t look like there were a lot of possibilities at this party. He’d tried to make eye contact with a few guys on the dance floor, but the only one who’d responded had been towed away by a girlfriend.
He let his gaze drift over to Joel. Now there was someone he wouldn’t mind taking home. There was something about Joel - - maybe the contrasting heat and vulnerability in his dark eyes, maybe the unexpected sensuousness of his mouth, maybe Lance’s own long-denied penchant for bad boys - - that touched Lance right where he needed it most.
Lance had stopped providing sexual favors for straight boys a while ago, for his own mental health, but he wasn’t above speculating on how good it could get with Joel, if things were different.
Joel was eating his fries slowly, one at a time, dipping each one in a puddle of ketchup first. He wasn’t wearing any rings, and Lance watched the bend and curl of his fingers, the rhythm of his jaw as he chewed. Lance realized that he had to be drunk to be paying this much attention to someone else eating.
He wondered why Joel was eating that slowly, that deliberately. Lance had seen people eat snails with less attention.
Then he raised his gaze from Joel’s mouth to Joel’s eyes, and saw that Joel was bored out of his fucking mind.
Surprised, but empathizing, Lance couldn’t help but smile. He wasn’t able to hide his amused grin before Joel caught him watching and briefly smiled back, almost in understanding.
The girl talking to Joel, apparently not willing to let anything distract his attention from her, lifted one of his fries with delicate fingers, swirled it through the pool of ketchup, and sucked it into her mouth, easing it back out slowly, lewdly drawing it back in between well-glossed lips.
Lance had seen better - - JC’s last boyfriend had done amazing things with a cherry - - but it wasn’t a bad display, for a spur-of-the-moment ploy.
Joel said something Lance didn’t quite catch, that got the girl talking again. While he listened, he picked up a fry, ran it through the ketchup, and then slowly, with sensuous flickers of his tongue, licked the ketchup off again.
Lance wondered whether Joel were flirting, or simply amusing himself by messing with the girl’s head. Either way, he wouldn’t have minded seeing that again.
Joel obliged him by doing it again. The way his tongue twisted over the end of the fry was equal parts talented and obscene, and when he licked his soft, pink lips, something knotted inside Lance. Joel’s intended audience, the girl, leaned forward, closer, entranced. Lance knew exactly how she felt.
That meant that it was definitely time for Lance to turn his attention elsewhere. Watching guys was always a fun activity, but whenever he started to get drawn in too far by straight guys, he knew he’d better back up before he embarrassed himself. He dragged his gaze away from Joel and back to Paul, checking on the black-haired girl’s progress. She was stroking his shoulder now, beginning to caress his neck, and even though the room was dark, it looked like Paul was starting to blush at her attention. Oh, yeah, they were going home together.
All of a sudden, while Lance watched, Paul’s attention was snagged by something behind Lance’s shoulder; he smiled broadly, his eyes widening happily. “Hey.”
Lance knew, without turning around, that the throaty-voiced chick was toast. He wondered who was getting this response from Paul, and looked over his shoulder.
Billy stepped up to the table. “You have a minute?” he asked Paul.
“Yeah, sure,” Paul said. “Excuse me,” he said to the girl at his side. “Did I get your number?”
“Here,” she said, handing him a napkin and kissing his cheek. “It was great talking to you.”
“You, too,” he said, and smiled at her, and left with Billy.
Lance tried not to smile. The group bond was universal. Lance liked seeing that the relationship he and the rest of *NSYNC had was echoed in other bands, regardless of style or genre.
His phone rang, and he excused himself, stepping across the room.
It was the guy he’d met last Saturday, wishing him a late happy birthday. Lance engaged in casual flirtation, watching a new set of girls walk in and take over the table. Joel had one foot on the chair at his side, which seemed to thwart them, but one of them compensated for that by sitting in his lap.
Chris was God-knew-where with Benji, there was no one to hook up with in the entire club, and the most interesting part of the night so far was now surrounded by beautiful young women. When the guy on the phone offered Lance a blatant invitation to sex, he knew the only thing to do was say yes.
Joel had one arm around the girl on his lap. With his other hand, he crooked his fingers, inviting Lance to come back to the table.
Lance hesitated. The guy from last Saturday had been pretty hot. It would be insane to turn down a sure thing in favor of spending the next hour watching girls swarm all over Joel, who was someone he knew better than to let himself be attracted to.
He got off of the phone and approached the table.
Joel lowered his foot from the chair at his side, giving Lance a conspiratorial smile. “Have a seat.”
An hour later, Lance was having a great time. He couldn’t stop smiling and he couldn’t stop laughing and he knew that he was enjoying himself too much, and he wasn’t sure that he could blame it entirely on alcohol. Nothing he’d been drinking affected him nearly as much as Joel’s smile.
Chris Wilson had come through, and he’d taken some of the girls away with him. The three who remained were more classy and more subtle than the ones before, and the five of them engaged in actual conversation together. Most of Lance’s attention was taken up by Joel, and he spoke mostly to get Joel to look at him. The dark brown of Joel’s eyes was magnetic; the soft pink of Joel’s lips was distractingly sensual. Being directly beside Joel was dangerous; Lance’s gaze kept dropping to roam Joel’s body, and his hands kept straying forward as though to touch.
The interesting thing was that as their conversation turned from one subject to another, Lance found out that he and Joel had a lot in common, more than he would’ve guessed. Even when they wound their way through tricky, sensitive subjects like religion and politics, he was surprised by how often Joel said something that could have come from his own mouth. He wondered how he could have this much in common with someone this different from himself.
Chris and Benji came back, finally. A bodyguard was right behind them, and asked the girls to clear out for a moment. Lance wasn’t sure why they had to leave, but Joel didn’t seem surprised by it. Once the four of them were alone, Benji asked, “How’s it going?”
“Good,” Lance said, since Benji seemed to be addressing him.
“Can you stand to hang out for a little bit longer?” Chris asked.
“Sure,” Lance said, even though he was pretty sure it was somewhere close to sunrise.
“You need anything, we’ll be right over there,” Benji said, gesturing to the other corner of the room.
“Don’t need anything,” Chris said, and walked away with Benji.
Now relatively alone with Joel, Lance wondered what was wrong with him. He could’ve been getting laid, but he’d turned down that chance to, what, hang out here?
Joel took off his hat, rubbing his hand over his mohawk.
Lance tensed against the sudden twitch of his dick. Damn, that shouldn’t have been as sexy as it was. He wondered whether he could get away with touching Joel’s hair. Some guys honestly didn’t mind being touched by gay men, but they were definitely in the minority. Since Joel’s own twin was gay, he was probably more comfortable with the idea than most people, but that still didn’t guarantee that he was open to higher-level flirting.
Lance wondered what Chris and Benji were doing on the other side of the room. It was so dark, he couldn’t really see them, but he heard the soft murmur of their voices.
Joel scrubbed his hand over his hair again. “You want to move over there?” he asked, gesturing to the booth to their right, tucked into the corner. “This chair’s killing my ass.”
Lance couldn’t help but laugh. “Yeah, okay,” he said, and they made the move. He sat down first, letting Joel determine how close they were; Joel sat friends-close, more than polite-distance-close, and then rubbed his hand over his hair again, as though he knew Lance was turned on by the simple gesture and was trying to torment him.
“Are you okay with this?” Joel asked.
“With what?” Lance asked. Even this brief distance from where they’d just been, they were farther from the door, and it was noticeably darker. Lance didn’t like that; he wanted to be able to see Joel better, to catch every flicker of Joel’s eyes, every expression crossing Joel’s face.
“Being in the room while they’re doing this,” Joel said.
Lance translated that, but it was still vague. What exactly were Chris and Benji doing over there? He listened, and heard soft, aggressive, warm sounds. It sounded mostly like they were just making out. He was fine with that. “I’ve been around for worse,” he said. Living and working in close proximity to Chris, Joey, JC, and Justin, he’d become more familiar with their sex lives than he ever would have imagined. Then he wondered, “Are you okay with this?”
He thought that Joel shrugged; it was almost too dark to be sure. “I stopped being bothered by anything Benji does a long time ago.”
Lance smiled.
Joel shifted, bringing one foot up, stretching his arms out along the back of the booth.
If Lance leaned back, he’d be leaning into Joel’s arm. But he knew that Joel didn’t mean anything by it; it was a casual move, made by someone used to working around other people being in his personal space.
There was a muted moan from the other side of the room, followed by an indistinct thud and another, louder moan.
“How old are you now?” Joel asked.
“Twenty-five,” Lance said. It was hard to believe.
“Oh, that sucks,” Joel said. “Twenty-five’s a shitty year.”
“Thanks for the warning,” Lance said. “How old are you?”
Joel laughed. “Twenty-five.”
“Really?” He’d kept wondering how close in age Benji and Chris were.
“Yeah,” Joel said. “Two months ago. It’s weird, when I was younger, twenty-five was a milestone, a big landmark year. Now, it’s like, I’m this old already? I had a lot of goals, a lot of dreams about where I’d be when I hit the big two-five.”
“How’s that going?” Lance asked.
“We’ve done a hell of a lot more than anybody ever thought we would,” Joel said. “We got farther in a lot of ways than even we thought we would.” Lance noticed that he’d slipped into the third person, and wondered if that was a hazard of being a twin. “But there are some things we were really counting on getting done, that we just haven’t managed to do.”
“Like what?” Lance asked. Fifteen years ago, ten years ago, even five years ago, he wouldn’t have predicted anything like this for himself. Even for people who were confident of their future success, the reality had to be shocking.
“Stupid, little shit,” Joel said. “Personal shit, unrealistic shit.” The arm behind Lance moved; fingers stroked lightly, idly through Lance’s hair. Startled, Lance held still while hot, nervous prickles raced down his spine. “What about you, are you where you thought you’d be?”
A muffled groan from Benji, a soft “Jesus” from Chris.
“Not exactly,” Lance said, overly aware of the fingers rubbing down the back of his head towards his nape.
“Is this okay?” Joel asked.
“Is it okay with you?” Lance asked, because he was having trouble figuring out what was going on. As excited as his body was about Joel touching him, he wasn’t going to reciprocate until he knew he wouldn’t get in trouble for it. He’d misread straight guys’ signals before. Then again, they’d never been stroking his hair before.
“I’m the one who started it,” Joel reminded him, gently guiding him closer.
Hell, if Joel wanted him closer, he’d get closer. Lance leaned in, deliberately placing one hand right on Joel’s thigh, a test.
The hand cupping his nape guided him in even more.
Lance’s dick hardened rapidly, and he licked his lips, letting his gaze drop to Joel’s mouth. God, was this happening? Could this be real? Damn, if he’d known that this was possible, he would’ve made his move hours ago. He’d been trying to resist his attraction, to deny it, because he’d gotten tired of torturing himself by wanting what he couldn’t have, long ago. But if he was allowed to have this, then, god, it was exactly what he wanted.
Lance’s gaze flickered up to Joel’s eyes. Joel was looking at his mouth; Lance could just make out the cast of his lashes in the dark. Lance licked his lips, testing, and he was only halfway through when Joel was kissing him, sucking on his tongue, making him moan, arm wrapping tightly around his shoulders.
Lance groaned, stunned, floored, sure that this wasn’t happening but committed to getting the most out of it while it lasted. He took a thorough tour of Joel’s mouth, the hand on Joel’s thigh rubbing, testing, his other hand sliding up into Joel’s hair, fingers twisting in the longer strands of Joel’s mohawk. Joel’s tongue slid against his aggressively, and when he fought for dominance of the kiss Joel made a dark, aroused noise that had his dick throbbing.
There was a hunger to Joel that Lance hadn’t counted on, and it turned the heat up faster than Lance had expected. He didn’t know whether he started pulling or Joel started pushing, but he found himself going down on his back, Joel coming overtop of him, pursuing his mouth, hands seeking flesh under his shirt.
God, this wasn’t happening, this was too crazy, too good. Lance moaned when Joel’s hips ground down against his own, his dick throbbing with sudden desperation. His hands tightened on Joel’s back, in Joel’s hair, his toes curling and his kiss increasing in speed, depth, and passion. He wanted this, he wanted Joel, he, yes, he - - Joel was rocking against him steadily, grunting softly into his mouth and stroking his skin with hot, needy caresses. If he were willing to end their kiss and separate, even temporarily, Lance would have stripped out of his shirt. But he wasn’t willing to do that; he was committed to staying connected to Joel’s mouth, committed to the assertive fuck of Joel’s tongue against his own, committed to breathing Joel’s air.
Joel had one hand curving around his ribcage, holding on while Joel rocked against him; Joel’s other hand was sliding up to, yes, oh, tease his nipple, Joel’s tongue teasing his mouth, Joel’s soft, grunting, panting breaths teasing Lance’s brain, the rock and ride of Joel’s erection teasing Lance’s dick. Lance slid one hand down to Joel’s ass, holding on, squeezing in rhythm and encouraging the motion of Joel’s hips, so close to getting off on it that he had to curl his toes.
Lance usually had more stamina than this, but Lance usually didn’t have Joel fucking against him like they had a deadline to meet. If the rhythm of Joel’s hips got any more intense, Lance was going to cross the finish line far ahead of schedule. But slowing things down was impossible; he couldn’t bring himself to waste any time thinking about asking Joel to stop.
Joel stopped.
Lance opened his eyes, licking his lips, swallowing. He couldn’t make himself remove his hand from Joel’s hair, but he did slide the hand on Joel’s ass up to the small of Joel’s back.
“We could do this here, or we could go back to my place,” Joel said.
Lance would admit that he was panting, but not loudly enough to drown out those words. The fingers in Joel’s hair tightened, bringing Joel back down; Lance kissed him slowly, deeply, licking back for his tonsils. Joel responded to that by grinding against him until he got dizzy from it, until he was sucking feverishly on Joel’s tongue and moaning like he didn’t care who heard, until he was curling his toes and pressing up and ready to let go and fuck the consequences.
Joel was fucking against him harder now, faster, purposefully, and Lance was groaning, overtaken, helpless against it. Heat was rising, intensity was building, desperation was setting in. He was too hard, too close; the steady rocking pressure over his dick was unbearable. Moaning, overwhelmed, crying out his pleasure in choked syllables, Lance came, finding intense sexual release, setting the explosion free. He was afraid that he’d bitten Joel’s lip during his moment of ecstasy, but Joel was rocking against him with sudden force, muttering his name against his mouth between hungry kisses. As one hand slid behind the back of Lance’s nape, Joel suddenly found a new angle, fucking against his hip in just the right way that had Joel moaning and shuddering and kissing him so hard he saw colors behind his eyelids.
Joel’s kiss gentled slowly; his grip relaxed.
Lance slipped his hand just beneath Joel’s shirt, caressing the silky skin at the small of Joel’s back. Joel licked his mouth softly; he licked back.
When Joel raised his head and their mouths disconnected, Lance felt a pang of regret. “Come home with me,” Joel whispered.
Lance rubbed Joel’s mohawk.
Joel pushed into his touch, kissing his cheek, sucking softly against his neck. Lance closed his eyes again, unable to hold back a low moan of pleasure, tilting his head back. Joel licked back behind his ear and whispered, “Lance.”
The guys Lance picked up in clubs, and fucked on the premises, he didn’t take seriously. Taking guys home with him was unusual.
This was casual sex, he knew that, but god, it felt real, it felt like the start of something. It had gone too far too fast, without warning. It was crazy; he was on his back in a booth in the back of an underground club, with other people in the room, with god-knew-who right through the doorway. He was supposed to be a little more suave than this by now.
But he hadn’t been able to slow down, and he hadn’t wanted to resist, not for a second.
If he could have this, then he was going to take it. And if he didn’t get to keep it, at least he’d have the experience, the memory.
“Joel,” he whispered.
Joel kissed him.
There was a quick, loud cough from the other end of the room.
Joel kept kissing him. Lance was getting lost again, drawn back into the heat of it, kissing Joel back and forgetting-
Cough, cough.
Joel broke their kiss and whispered, “Come home with me.”
Lance stroked Joel’s back and found Joel’s eyes in the darkness. “Come home with me.”
“Okay,” Joel whispered, and kissed his cheek, then sat up, backing up, getting off of him.
Lance sat up, wincing. He hadn’t come in his pants in a long, long time. Thank god the club was dark; no one would be able to see the flush in his cheeks or the stars in his eyes or anything else.
He followed Joel out of the booth and towards the doorway, where Chris and Benji were waiting. Benji smirked, Joel said “Fuck off” and rubbed his hand over his mohawk, replacing his hat.
“We’re going back to my place,” Chris said. “You ready to go?”
“Yeah,” Joel said. “We’re going back to Lance’s place.”
“Really,” Benji said, still smirking.
“Shut up,” Joel said, and stepped into the doorway, signaling to security.
“Lance,” Chris said.
“Yeah,” Lance said, waiting for a smart comment.
Chris grinned at him. “Happy birthday.”
Lance returned Chris’s smile, glancing at Joel’s back. “Thanks.”
matthew@matthewtime.com
Sequel: "Somebody"