Copyright November 28-December 1, 2000 by Matthew Haldeman-Time
Rating: PG-13, perhaps, for male-male stuff
Pairing: Benton Fraser/Raymond Kowalski
Disclaimer: "due South," with its related characters and themes, belongs to Paul Haggis, Alliance, and others, not to me. I make no money from this venture.
Dedication: This slashfic is for Ewan McGregor.
Wherein Ray talks, Fraser talks, Ray talks...
Notice: This story follows "Happy Place" and "Vent and Vein."
Oh, oh, I made a series!
Fraser frowned. "By what, Ray?"
"No, we're not talking about propositions, prepositions, Fraser. Do you think I'm bi-sec-shu-all. We're talking about sex here, Fraser, keep up."
"Talking about bisexuality does not necessitate talking about sex, Ray. One's sexuality is not determined by physical behaviors alone, but rather-"
"That's kind of my problem. Fraser?"
"Yes, Ray?"
"You think I'm bi?"
Fraser frowned. "Well, yes, Ray. I was under that impression."
"Why?"
"Well, Ray, we have kissed."
"Yeah, but that's just you. Does that mean I'm bi? Because of you? Because I don't want Huey or Dewey or Welsh."
"Ray, you cannot base your sexuality on whether you're sexually attracted to Tom Dewey."
Ray laughed.
"You're not attracted to men, Ray?"
"I like women. They do things for me men just don't do. But then there's you."
"Ah."
"Ah what? Ah what, Fraser?"
"To be honest, I'm not quite sure, Ray. I merely said it to buy myself some time."
"Time for what?"
"Time to process what you've just said."
"So process."
"You... Do I do things for you?"
"Are you fishing for compliments?"
Fraser licked his lower lip. "I'm only trying to understand you, Ray. You have reason to believe that you may be bisexual."
"But I don't want guys. I want you. And you're a guy. But I don't want any other guys. I thought I was straight. And then I thought I was bi. But it could just be that I'm straight with you on the side."
"I see."
"At least you know you're bi. I'm just confused."
"There's merit in confusion, Ray."
"What does that mean?"
"I don't know, Ray."
"Really?"
"I suppose that it's possible for you to have a strong sexual orientation towards women and still have an attraction to a man."
"So I'm straight, and you're the exception to the rule."
"Perhaps. You aren't inclined to any other men?"
"They're...they don't do anything for me. They're just guys."
"Are you certain that you aren't denying your attractions out of an aversion to identifying yourself as bisexual?"
"You think I'm...what's that word?"
"Homophobic."
"Yeah. You think I'm homophobic? I don't think so. That's not cool, Fraser. I mean, yeah, I thought I was straight all of my life, and then I wanted to get in your pants, so that sort of scared me, but mostly 'cause I thought I knew myself pretty well, thought I had myself all mapped out there, and all of a sudden I was checking out this buff Mountie guy."
"You weren't concerned so much with the possibility of being bisexual as with a sudden change in your psyche."
"Right. I got no problem with wanting you. And if I were bi, that might work out better, 'cause I got no luck with women. Course, then you get that whole homophobia being hated being beaten losing your job thing. I don't want that."
"It is...fear-inducing."
"Fear-inducing. You mean you're walking around terrified that somebody's going to out you and get your ass killed."
"Yes, Ray."
Ray scratched the back of his head. "Fraser?"
"Yes, Ray?"
"You do things for me. You know that."
"I had hoped so."
"Yeah, well... It's just you, you know? I don't know if it's the voice or the boots or the licking thing or what."
"Maybe it's none of those things, Ray."
"Yeah. Could be that other thing."
"That other thing?"
"You know. The thing where we're in love with each other."
"Ah. That thing."
"Yeah."
"I hadn't realized that you were cognizant of-"
"English, Fraser."
"I didn't know that you knew."
"Knew what?"
"That in our case, friendship and partnership and love and sexual desire have deepened into something more."
"That we don't just love each other, we're in love?"
"Yes."
"Yeah. Kind of an eighth grade distinction, but it's pretty important anyway."
"Yes."
"You're in love with me?"
"Yes, Ray."
"Say it."
"Say it?"
"Say it."
Fraser licked his lower lip. "Ray." He looked into Ray's eyes. "Ray, I am in love with you."
"How'd that feel?"
Fraser considered. "Oddly exhilirating."
Ray's kiss was startling, quick and deep. "I'm going home."
"All right."
"Want to come with me?"
Fraser frowned. "To what end, Ray?"
"Never mind." Ray kissed him again. "See you tomorrow."
"Ray?" he asked, when Ray was at the door.
"What, Fraser?" Ray asked, one hand on the doorknob.
"I think that I'd like to go home with you."
"Would you?" Ray asked, grinning.
"To what end, Fraser?"