Destiny Part Two

Destiny, a story in 13 parts, sixth in the "Living" series

Rating: NC-17 for graphic male-male sex

Disclaimer: The young men who comprise 98 Degrees, the Backstreet Boys, and *NSYNC are their own people. The author has not met anyone here described, nor does the author mean to suggest that these people act this way in real life. This writing is a work of fiction. I make no money from this venture.

Dedication: This slashfic is for Ewan McGregor, the Savage Garden slashers, and anyone who's actually following this series.

Notice: "Living" series: "I Need You Tonight," "Boy Lead the Way to Ecstasy," "Not Easy," "No One," and "Rest in Peace."

Destiny is everything. -"Set Adrift on Memory Bliss"

"Destiny" Part Two: Things just ain't the same / But deep down inside / I know you still care /
So tell me what to do / To get things back / The way they used to be. -"Darlin'"

"We should talk."

"Uh-oh. 'Drew, we need to talk,'" Nick intoned.

"I'm serious."

"You're breaking up with us. You're moving out. You've found someone prettier. If you're leaving us for a girl-"

"Would you like to leave this conversation?"

"I thought that we needed to talk."

"Maybe the grown-up adult people should talk, and the blond child should go and play with his toys."

"But Drew is my toy. Then you'd be alone here talking to yourself. What are we talking about, anyway?"

"This place. What to do with it. Somebody has to empty the dishwasher, somebody has to do the laundry, vacuum, scrub toilets, I don't know, all of that stuff. And then there's, I don't know, yardwork, fixing stuff."

"So somebody has to be the girl and clean the house, and somebody has to be the guy and mow the lawn and clean the gutter things, and Drew just needs to lay in bed all day naked."

"That's not really an equal division of labor."

"I could lay in bed all day naked instead, if you want, and Drew could mow the lawn."

"Is this what you call helping?"

"Yeah."

Brian kissed him. "Try a little harder."

"Why don't we make lists or something? Like one week it's somebody's turn to vacuum, and we take turns emptying the dishwasher, or something?"

"Good."

"And can't we hire somebody to do some of that stuff? Not the housecleaning, because I don't want somebody running around in our stuff. But somebody could mow the lawn for us. We're big important people. Or, I'm big and you two are important."

"You'd better be talking about height."

"Let's make fun lists of chores, and then have sex instead of doing them."

"Okay, but just for the first month."

"If we'd stay in bed naked all day, we wouldn't have to do laundry."

"We might need to wash the sheets."

"We'll just buy new ones. It wouldn't be a problem if you didn't make me come so often."

"Half of those orgasms are Drew's fault."

"So he can help you pay for the new sheets."

"That sounds fair."

Nick slid his hand between Drew's thighs. "What do you think?"

"I made a list. It's on the, oh, the side of the fridge." He winced at the pleasure and friction.

"I forgot," Brian said, "he's the mature one."

"Oh, look how hard he's getting," Nick said. "Maybe we should put him back to bed."

"You have a one-track mind."

"Maybe we should get him naked."

"One tiny track."

"Maybe we won't invite you."

"It's my bed."

"Not if you're not invited. There are three of us, and if we vote two against one, you lose."

"Drew wouldn't vote against me."

"He's going to vote with whoever's got a hand in his crotch, and that's me."

"No fair influencing him like that."

"Think I could get him to come in his pants?"

"If you do, you're doing the laundry."

"Shit. Never mind."

"If you're going to get him off, do it naked in bed. Drew deserves to have it done right."

"You're such a romantic." Nick, kneading Drew's hardness with one hand, reached over and kissed Brian. "Take me to bed."

"We're all living together so we can be together, not so we can get off every ten minutes."

"But it's a nice side benefit." Another kiss. Another. "Mmm. Upstairs. Hey. You called my track tiny. That's not nice." Nick stopped touching Drew, who reached down and tried to adjust the bulge for comfort.

"Sorry." Kiss.

"It's a big, wide, very deep track."

"I'm sure it is."

"Come upstairs and let me show you."

"What about him?"

"He can come, too," Nick said, and led the way.

"Come on," Brian said, pulling Drew up by the hand. "The blond child has requested your presence."

"I'm not a child, you know. I'm twenty-two," Nick said from the staircase.

"Congratulations. You're still younger than we are."

"At least I'm not short."

"Okay. You go upstairs and practice being tall. Drew and I will stay down here and make love."

"Hey! No. No sex without me."

"Is that in the house rules? No sex without Nick? I don't remember that one."

"We don't have house rules. If we did, that would be number one. Give me my boyfriend."

"He's my boyfriend." Brian squeaked, and then all other noises were stifled.

"Hey! You stop that! Brian's having a fight with me, you can't start kissing him like that! Bad Drew!" Nick ran back down the stairs. "Bad...oh...nice." He watched. "Okay, you two can have sex together without me whenever you want, as long as I get to watch. Oh. Wow. Good Drew."

Lance stopped by the front door, looking back to the room. "I'm sorry."

AJ flipped him off over one shoulder.

"I love you."

AJ stopped suddenly, turned. "You love me? You love me? You don't get to love me!"

"AJ-"

"I don't care if you're sorry, I don't care if you still want me, I don't care what you're feeling or what you want! You threw away everything we had together!"

"I'm sorry."

"Stop saying that! It doesn't mean anything to me. It used to be that everything you said meant something to me, everything you did, everything you thought. But now I don't care anymore. Leave me alone."

"You called me."

"That was a mistake."

"You asked me to come here. You wanted me."

"I don't want you anymore."

"Give me another chance. Please."

"Why? So you can betray me again? Cheat on me again? Make me an international laughingstock again?!"

"I won't."

"Do you know what that was like?! I was all over the news, all over the tabloids, everyone talking about it, everyone wanting to interview me. They showed that damned clip from the PET-MA's over and over and over again! I've never been so mortified in my life! And you did that to me, you! You couldn't just hurt me in private, you couldn't just betray me on your own, no, you had to make sure that everybody knew about it, humiliate me right in public so the whole fucking world knew about it! You fucked with my rep! No one's going to take me seriously now."

"AJ-"

"And what happened to him? Where is he now? Did he dump you, or was he a lousy lay, or-"

"I did not have sex with him."

"Oh, I believe that. I know all about you. You start off all wholesome and virginal, 'Don't touch me there,' 'I can't believe you think I'd actually sully myself like that,' but give you enough time and you jump into bed like that." AJ snapped his fingers. "Remember? I asked for a blowjob and you were out of there so fast, but then I came back for more and you were all over me."

"It wasn't like that and you know it."

"You're a whore and now everybody knows it. And I'm your bitch and everybody knows it. Not anymore. I'm staying the fuck away from you."

"AJ. Please."

"Why'd you do it? Why?"

"I don't know."

"I was in love with you. I talked to you that day. Remember?" Lance nodded miserably. "I called you up, you said that you were going out, I told you to have a nice time." Lance closed his eyes. "I said, 'I love you.' We didn't always say that, just sometimes, whenever we were really feeling it. Remember? But I'd been missing you, really deep-down missing you, really feeling it, and I said, 'I love you.' And you said, remember what you said?"

"I love you, too, AJ."

"'I love you, too, AJ,'" AJ repeated. "Bastard." He stroked Lance's cheek. "I hung up the phone, I thought about you, I jerked off, I went to bed and dreamt about you. And then I woke up. And there you were, all over the TV, all over the tabloids, everyone talking about it, everybody gossiping. Lance Bass and Michel Danceny. And poor AJ McLean, looking like a first-class idiot, his boyfriend off in France dating Europe's favorite male supermodel. There were a lot of great jokes about us. I'm sure you heard some of them." A tear slid down Lance's cheek. "All of those terrific headlines. You know my favorite? 'About That James Connection...' So simple, so meaningful, it really hit me. I thought we'd connected, I thought we had something, and motherfucker was I wrong! Cry, damn it! You go ahead and cry! You betrayed me and cheated on me and fucked around on me right in public, out in the open for everyone to see, and surprise, everyone saw! You thought I wouldn't find out about it? You didn't care if I knew?"

"I'm sorry," Lance said.

"Well. That's okay, then. Lance is sorry. I guess I'll just get over it."

"I'm sorry. Please. Give me another chance. Let me try."

"Let you try to what?"

"I love you. Please."

"Get the fuck out of my home."

Lance closed his eyes again. "No."

"No?"

"No. I won't go. I'm not leaving."

"You want me to call the cops?"

"You won't do that."

"Humiliate you like you humiliated me? Get your name all over the papers? What's wrong, you don't want Jay Leno making jokes about you on 'The Tonight Show?' You don't want your face on the-"

"I'm staying. I won't go."

"Get out!"

"Please. Take me back."

"No!"

"Do you want me to beg?"

"I don't want you to-"

Lance dropped to his knees. "Please. I love you. I'll do anything."

"Get up!"

"Please. I love you. I'll do anything."

"Shut up!"

"Please. I love you. I'll do anything."

AJ dropped to his knees, too, grabbing Lance's shoulders. "Shut up!"

"Please. I love you. I'll do anything."

"Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!" AJ's litany mixed with Lance's, the two of them becoming increasingly desperate, angry, scared. Finally AJ was in Lance's arms, clutching Lance's biceps, chin on Lance's shoulder, whispering, "Shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up," and Lance was holding AJ too tightly, choking over his own chant. AJ sagged in Lance's embrace. "I'm sorry," AJ whispered. "Please. I love you. I'll do anything." Lance became very quiet, very still, just holding onto AJ, praying that those weren't tears he felt wetting his shirt.

Justin stayed up late. JC went to bed. He pretended to be interested in PlayStation, but really he was watching JC go from the bathroom to the bedroom. The light turned off; the bedsprings squeaked once. JC was in bed. JC was in bed without him.

He hoped that JC would fall asleep. Finally, at three, Justin turned off the TV and brushed his teeth. He walked to the bedroom and started to undress in the darkness. He was used to sleeping naked with JC, but tonight he kept on his T-shirt and boxers, hating himself, scared. He stepped closer to the bed and stopped.

Not asleep. The breathing pattern was all wrong. JC was awake.

Shit.

Justin felt a new spike of fear.

He swallowed. "You can't sleep?"

"No."

"Was I keeping you awake? The noise or the lights or-"

"No."

Justin sat on the bed, slid beneath the covers, and laid down on his side, facing JC, plenty of room between them. In a bizarre physical phenomenon, his skin was crawling with fear but his cock was swollen and hard. He hoped that JC wouldn't notice either one. "Good night."

"Good night," JC said softly.

Justin closed his eyes. So this was what it was like to feel your heart breaking.

"Are you asleep?"

"Yes."

"Is Drew asleep?"

"Yes."

"I can't sleep."

"I'm sorry to hear that."

"I don't know if I'm happy or scared or excited or nervous."

"Maybe all of the above."

"Yeah. Maybe."

Drew rolled over and snuggled up to spoon behind Nick, face in Nick's shoulder, warm and solid and sleepy. Brian smiled and pet Drew's shoulder. "About what?"

"This. This house thing. I mean, we all know that you and I are going to be together forever. That's a given. And I'm never ever ever ever letting Drew go. That's a given. We did the name thing, that was a big step, we got the living wills, that was a big step, we're all sorted out on paper. But this is like a house, this whole big building, it's so real."

"Tangible proof."

"And we have to figure out who waters the plants when, and we have to figure out who needs to buy milk and who left his towels on the floor and stuff, toothpaste caps and hair in the sink and I don't know, all of that stuff that married people deal with. Little things. Day-to-day ordinary things. It makes it so real."

Drew's arm tightened around Nick's waist, pulling Nick back closer to his body, forehead to Nick's nape. Brian stroked Nick's hair and said, "That makes you happy and scared?"

"Yeah."

"I understand."

Nick yawned. "Where does he get this body heat?"

"He's just a hot guy."

"Oh, that was hilarious."

"Thanks."

"Brian?"

"What."

"I love you."

"I love you," Brian said.

"Would it be weird if I thanked you?"

"Thanked me for what?"

"Everything."

"No, that's not weird. You're welcome." Brian kissed him. "Thank you."

"You're welcome, too."

"Now go to sleep. We're keeping up Drew."

Nick pulled Brian closer in his arms. "He needs his rest so he'll have energy for tomorrow."

"What are we doing tomorrow?"

"The same thing we do every day, Pinky."

Brian snickered. "And what's that, Brain?"

"Have lots of long dirty sex."

"Sounds like a plan."

"Whoa."

"What?"

"Somebody's groping me."

"It's not me."

"If it's not me-"

"You're sure it's not you?"

"It's not me. And it's not you."

"How many people are in this bed?"

"Three."

"Not you. Not me. That leaves..."

"Drew? Drew, are you being naughty again?"

"He's asleep."

"He's groping me in his sleep?"

"I guess so."

"He's very good at it."

"At what, sleep-groping?"

"Oh yeah," Nick said, hips rising to Drew's touch.

"We are not having sex at four a.m."

"Drew and I are."

"Drew's asleep."

"Drew's sleep-groping hand and I are," Nick corrected. "Damn, god, Brian, that feels so good."

"Not a big surprise."

"You're getting hard too. I can feel it."

"That shouldn't be a surprise, either."

"Drew groping me turns you on?"

"Just a little."

"Just a little," Nick echoed. "That doesn't feel little."

"God, Nick, not now."

"Not now? When should I jack you, later? We're naked in bed, seems like a pretty good time to me."

"You'll wake up Drew."

"That's just too bad."

"Be considerate."

"You're right. If I wake him, he might stop groping me. Hey, Brian, where's the lube?"

"Why? What are you doing?"

"Finger me."

"Why?"

"Drew's hard. I want him in me."

"No. You can't."

"I can so."

"Nick-"

"Give me the lube and I'll do it myself."

"I'll do it, okay? Just...leave Drew out of it."

"Literally."

"You're so - - oh, that's nice. Do that again."

"It shouldn't take much. I mean, you did just fuck me. God, never mind, that feels good, take as long as you want."

"You always forget how much you like this."

"Keep reminding me."

"I love the way you move."

"Like a slut?"

"Like you're sexy and aroused and being given serious pleasure."

"Like a slut."

"In a good way."

"That's right, I'm one of those wholesome sluts."

Brian kissed him. "Stop talking. You'll wake up Drew. Oh. God."

"Like that?"

"You're right. Drew's a very talented sleep-groper." Brian moaned softly, moving into Drew's hand. His own hand, slick with lube, reached back a little farther and closed over Drew's cock. "You want this in you?"

"Oh, yeah. Yes, now," Nick said, moving back against it. Brian, fingers shaking due to Drew's touch, opened Nick, and Nick's hips pushed back and down, and then it was in, and Nick gave a loud groan and seated himself slowly, all the way down onto Drew's cock.

Drew moaned slightly behind Nick's shoulder, hand speeding up on Brian's erection. Brian's fingers toyed with Nick's cock while Nick rocked back onto Drew. Drew was holding still for the most part, leaving Nick to do most of the work. Nick was gazing into Brian's eyes, letting sweat trickle from his temples, pumping his hips, rocking up and down on Drew's cock, Drew's arm around his waist, Brian's hand on his dick.

Drew came. Nick shuddered. Brian reached in and tugged Drew's dick free, lifted Nick's thigh over his hip, and thrust in, taking Nick again. Nick groaned at the unexpected invasion. Brian tilted Nick's hips for a better angle and surged deeper, panting, feeling Nick's ass tighten up around him. Nick was moving, trying to get closer, trying to come.

Brian had never taken Nick so soon after Drew had, never done a one-two punch. It was amazing, to feel Nick this welcoming and responsive. Nick was already used, was wet with Drew's semen, and Brian found it to be an incredible, unexpected turn-on. Drew's fingers were overlapping his in trying to jerk Nick off, their hands combating for a rhythm. In a moment, they found themselves stroking each other's fingers, Nick's cock simply a background for their own erotic play.

"Oh my god," Nick moaned. "You can't, you can't."

"Who can't what?" Brian asked.

"Brian, he's hard again," Nick said, and came hard over their hands.

Brian kept going, thrusting into Nick, holding back his orgasm, wanting to keep this feeling forever. Nick was panting and sweating and still spitting after-bursts of cum. Finally, finally, Brian couldn't resist the lure; he came, submitting to passion, letting the pleasure override him. He took a moment to catch his breath, then eased himself from Nick's body.

Nick gasped, gave an incredibly sexy full-body undulation, and moaned slowly just as Brian heard Drew's aching groan.

No.

Yes.

Nick's head fell back, body moving, face contorted in a perfect blend of intense pleasure and torture. Behind him, Drew was moving against him, fucking into him steadily. Drew made appreciative erotic noises as Nick moaned incoherently.

Forget a one-two punch. This was a gang-bang. These last two times they hadn't even asked for permission; they'd just moved in and taken Nick. Three times in quick succession, following a lovemaking session where Brian had taken him already. Nick's abused body wouldn't take kindly to this treatment.

Nick's moans were gaining coherence now. "Don't stop, don't stop, don't stop, don't stop..." Drew grunted and thrust harder. Nick started to clutch at Brian's shoulder. "Oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god" and Nick was gasping for breath, fingers tightening spasmodically on Brian's hip. He arched, struggling for air, spreading his thighs and jacking his hips back against Drew. His eyes rolled back in his head and he shouted and then his cock spat and he collapsed, drained, and Drew made a sweet purring sound and came.

Brian held Nick's exhausted body. Nick moaned as Drew's cock left him. He started to cry, silently, slow tears sliding down his cheeks. "Oh god. Do it again."

"Nick?" Brian asked.

"Oh god, Brian, do it again."

"Go to sleep."

"It felt so good, you have no idea, you don't know, it was so intense, it just-"

"Sshhh," Brian said, stroking Nick's hair. "Go to sleep."

"I want more. Give me more."

Brian cradled Nick's head to his shoulder. "Just rest. Sshhh."

"More," Nick mumbled, fingers curling in Brian's pubic hair, eyes closing. He slept.

Drew leaned over Nick's shoulder. "Brian?" he whispered. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry."

"No, it's okay," Brian said. "It's okay."

Gotta question for ya / Better answer now. -"Everybody (Backstreet's Back)"

Chris laced his fingers through Howie's, following Howie through the press of people. They got a few puzzled glances and a few looks of startled recognition. Some people called after them by name, but they weren't there to be recognized; they were there to have a good time. Four of the club-goers were their incognito bodyguards.

Howie led him straight to the dance floor, pulling him close, fingers tucked through his belt loops. "Want to dance?"

"With you?"

"Yeah, with me."

"Okay."

When the song ended and Chris was sweating, "Everybody (Backstreet's Back)" started. "Oh my god," Howie said. "You're kidding me."

"Do we have to dance to this?"

"You'd better," came a voice behind Chris.

"What're you doing here?" Howie asked.

"You invited us," AJ said. "Oh my god, we're back again."

"That's not funny," Howie said.

"I think it is," Chris said. "Am I original?"

"Am I the only one?" Howie asked.

"Am I sexual?" AJ asked.

"Can I answer?" Lance asked.

"You can dance," AJ said. "Come on."

Chris danced with Howie for the rest of the song. When the song started up again, AJ said, "Now we're doing it right," and grabbed Howie. AJ and Howie leading, Lance and Chris on the outside, the four of them did the official moves for the song. The floor cleared around them as everyone watched. AJ and Howie, obviously, did it better than Lance and Chris, but Chris thought that he kept up pretty well.

When the song ended, Howie said to Lance, "Do that flip thing."

"You want to?" Lance asked Chris.

"As long as I don't fall on my butt in front of all of these people," Chris said. He didn't, fortunately, and Howie seemed to like it. Then they got the hell off of the dance floor and tried to have a regular evening like normal people, except for signing autographs for just about everyone in the club.

Someone had alerted the press, or at least the local TV crew, which was lurking outside when they left. A reporter accosted them as soon as they came to the exit. "Howie! Chris! Are you an item? Will you be-"

Howie squeezed Chris's hand; Chris squeezed back and said, "No comment."

"AJ! Have you forgiven Lance for his affair with Michel Danceny?"

AJ, one arm around Lance's waist, lowered his sunglasses and frowned. "Who?"

There's so many ways to love / So just open your heart / And I'll find the way. -"Darlin'"

"He what? You're kidding! That's perfect! I take back every bad thing I ever said about him. That's class, baby," Justin said, laughing. "That's perfect!"

"It's all over the TV now," Lance said. "Only ABC stations have the real thing, but everybody's talking about it, the press, the newsmagazines, everybody."

"You gotta love it," Justin said. "So besides that, how was your first real date with Mr. McLean?"

"Good," Lance said. "Great. He's so sexy. How can he be that sexy?"

"Some of us have it," Justin said with false modesty. "You two are, you know, fixed now?"

"Yeah. We're okay. When AJ holds a grudge, he holds a grudge, but when he forgives, he forgives."

"Lucky you."

"What about you?"

"What about me?"

"How've you been?"

"Great. Not real busy or anything, just hanging out, relaxing. I'm heading over to the LiLaC house to play basketball later. Want to come?"

"Sure. I can't play basketball, but that doesn't matter."

"Great."

"Is JC coming?"

"No."

"Why not?"

Justin shrugged.

"What's going on with you guys?"

"Nothing."

"Are you even talking to each other?"

"Nothing to say."

"When's the last time you made love?"

Justin shrugged again.

"Talk to him."

"About what?"

"Anything."

"Why?"

"He's your husband! Justin, what happened?"

Justin shrugged.

"You cannot cook."

"Never said I could."

"Good, because you would have been lying."

"I think you made your point."

"You can't cook, that was my point."

"But that's okay."

"Why?"

"Because I do other things really well."

"Like what?"

"Not dance," Drew murmured into his glass of water.

"Thanks," Jeff said, casting Drew a glance. "Like sing."

"Oh, sing," Nick said. "Yeah, that'll get you far around here. Which of us can't sing?"

Drew raised his hand.

"I overemote," Nick Carter offered helpfully.

"No one's talking to you," Nick said. "You can't cook or dance, but you can sing. Anything else?"

"I can benchpress-"

"Nobody needs to hear all about you and your fabulous body," Nick said.

"I wouldn't mind hearing," Nick Carter said.

"What else can you do 'really well?'" Nick asked Jeff.

"I can make you come."

Nick Carter snorted.

"You have something to share?" Nick asked Nick.

"Look, if we're talking about doing things really well, I bet I could make you-"

"Do we need to have another discussion about thinking before we speak?" Brian asked Nick.

"I am sick of this," Nick said to Nick. "You act like you've invented sex. You act like you're oh so informed about it and oh so good at it and oh so cool because you're walking outside the traditional boundaries. I don't see why you think you're so much better than the rest of us."

"I never said that," Nick said. "I never said that."

"Then can we cut the attitude?"

"I don't have an attitude," Nick said. "But yeah, I've done things you wouldn't do, so maybe that gives me an edge."

"Like what? What are these things?"

"Getting fucked four times in one night."

"Getting fucked by Jeff," Nick shot back.

"Threesome."

"Sucked off my little brother in front of my husband and his lovers."

"Bondage."

"Fisting."

"Shit," Nick said, staring. "Shit."

Jeff crossed his arms on the table and rested his forehead on them.

"You win," Nick said. "You...you?"

"Can we say too much information?" Brian asked.

"Could you not...use me like that?" Drew asked his brother. "I know it's just us, and I know you didn't mean anything-"

"Sorry," Nick said, and kissed Drew's forehead. "I'm sorry. I won't."

"Real fisting?" Nick asked. "Like..."

"The whole hand," Nick said.

"The whole hand? The whole way?"

"Right up to the wrist."

"The whole way," Nick said, awed. "Were you the...you...?"

"Jeff's fist," Nick said. "In me."

"And you tell people about this?" Drew asked.

"No. And if you tell Mom I'll kill you."

"Yeah, that's a conversation I'd love to have," Drew said.

Nick Carter tugged at Jeff's hand, turning it over, spreading the fingers. "My fingers are longer, but your hand's pretty wide," Nick said. "Damn. Hey, can we try that?" he asked Brian and Drew.

"No," was the unanimous reply.

"Come on, just once. It'll be fun."

Jeff pulled his hand back again, tucking it under his elbow.

"You had that inside of you?" Nick asked Nick. "Is this a one-time thing or a more than one time thing?"

"More than once," Nick said.

"And it feels good?"

"It's intense."

"I wonder who I know with the biggest hands," Nick said.

"Kevin," Brian guessed. "Why don't you go ask him if he'll do that for you?"

"I bet Chris has the smallest hands," Nick said. "I wonder if he and Howie-"

"No! Do not give me that mental picture," Brian said. "Nick, that's disgusting."

"I don't know," Nick said to Nick. "You get Jeff's cock in your ass, fisting can't be," he smiled, "that much of a stretch."

"You're hilarious," Nick said.

"I thought he'd say 'far behind,'" Drew said. His brother smacked his shoulder. "It doesn't hurt? How can that not hurt?"

"You take your time," Nick said.

"Can we change the subject?" Jeff asked, face still in his arms.

"No way," Nick said. "You fisted Nick? I can't believe this. Whose idea was it?"

"You really have no concept of personal boundaries, do you?" Nick asked.

"You brought it up," Nick reminded him. "Whose idea was it?"

"Mine."

"How'd you decide you wanted him to do that to you?"

"I wanted to do it to him," Nick corrected.

"And you just...right. This is Jeff. Never mind."

"Right. I wanted to fist him, next thing I know, I'm lying there and he's... I don't know how he does that."

"It's his confidence," Nick said. "He has this...aura...of confidence. He knows who he is and what he wants. You, you're just arrogant, it doesn't get the same effect."

"I am not arrogant." Four people coughed. "What about you?" Nick asked Nick.

"Me? I'm just young and oversexed. Immature. Spoiled. But it's their fault."

"It's not our fault you're - - okay, it's our fault you're oversexed," Brian admitted. "I'll admit some of the responsibility."

"Fisting," Nick murmured. "Fisting. A whole fist. The whole thing, the whole way. We're trying that tonight."

"It sounds painful and sort of gross," Drew said.

"We can try, can't we?" Nick asked. "If you don't want to do it, Brian can, and you can just watch the first time."

"I...I don't think I can," Drew said.

"Why not?" Nick asked.

"I couldn't hurt you. I couldn't do that to you."

"It doesn't have to hurt," his brother said.

"You're worried?" Nick asked. "Sweet Drew. Nick says it doesn't hurt, and he should know."

"I don't think I could do it, either," Brian said. "It sounds sort of extreme."

"Come on," Nick said. "It'll be good. Nick and Jeff like it, they do it all of the time."

"Not all of the time," Nick said.

"More than once," Nick said.

"More than once," Nick agreed.

"See?" Nick asked. "Nick and Jeff do it. Why can't we?"

"I'm sorry," Drew said.

"I can't," Brian said.

"What if we rent an instructional video or something?" Nick asked. "Just so you can see what it's like before you try it."

"Instructional video?" Drew repeated.

"We are not renting gay porn," Brian said.

"Did I say porn?" Nick asked. "There must be a how-to book or something."

"You really want to do this?" Drew asked.

"Yes. God, that sounds so good. I at least want to try it, just to see what it's like. I might not even like it, I don't know. I just want to try it, feel it for myself. But if you don't want to try it, if it makes you nervous or grosses you out, then we won't."

"I just don't want to go into it blindly," Drew said.

"We could tape Nick and Jeff doing it," Nick said. "That could be our instructional video."

"We are not making gay porn," Brian said. "Especially not with them."

"Especially not with - - what's that supposed to mean?" Nick Timmons-Lachey asked. "Was that insulting?"

"I don't think so," Drew said.

"It is sort of extreme," Nick said. "Maybe that's why I want to do it. It would be so intense, like Nick said. Maybe Jeff could do it to me and you could watch."

"Jeff is not doing that to you," Nick said.

"We're both named Nick. He'll never notice the difference."

"He'll notice when it's suddenly a whole lot easier to get his hand in there."

"You're the one getting fisted and getting fucked by Jeff on a regular basis."

"Stop it," Drew said. "Both of you."

"Apologize," Brian said to Nick.

"Sorry," Nick said.

"I still want an instructional video," Nick said. "We can't rent gay porn?"

"Yeah, I'd love for someone to see us and call the tabloids about that," Brian said.

Nick sighed. "You're sure we can't borrow Jeff?" he asked Nick. "Just for an hour? Or he could do it to you and Drew could watch, or something."

"I'm sure Drew really wants to watch Jeff do that to me," Nick said.

"I'd like to watch," Nick said. "Let me watch."

"Nick," Brian said.

"We could," Jeff said, raising his head finally.

"Excuse me?" Brian asked.

"We could," Jeff said. "So you can see how it's done. Nick wants to do it, and one of you is going to have to do it to him. We can show you how, and then it won't seem so scary anymore."

"I never said I was scared," Drew said.

"Oh, no, of course not," Jeff said.

"You are not doing that to me just so they can watch," Nick said.

"Consider it a public service," Jeff said.

"A public service?" Nick repeated.

"A favor for a friend."

"Nick and I are not friends. Brian and Drew don't want to watch it anyway."

"You'd really do that?" Brian asked.

"Sure," Jeff said. "I'd do anything for Drew and, by extension, you."

"Hey! What about me?" Nick asked.

Jeff smiled.

"You're on the list of people named Nick who Jeff leads around by the balls," Nick told Nick. "Jeff, you really want to do this?"

"Only if you're comfortable with it."

"Comfortable with getting a fist shoved up my butt in front of these guys? Oh, yeah, I'm real comfortable with that idea."

"I want Drew and Brian to fist me," Nick said. "And they won't even try because they think it's scary and sick and painful. If you guys can convince them that it's okay, either by telling them or showing them or whatever..."

"Don't suppose you'd let me fist you," Jeff told Drew.

"No," Nick, Brian, and Nick said.

"Why doesn't Nick get to fist you?" Nick asked Jeff. Drew's ears were red, and he licked one. They just turned redder.

"After this, I will," Nick said. "If he's doing it to me in front of a crowd, I'm definitely doing it to him."

"Fisting as spectator sport," Drew said. "Great. Can we change the subject now?"

"No," Nick said. "When are you guys doing this?"

"We're here now," Jeff said. "We can do it in the guest room."

"Now?" Nick asked. "You're doing this to me now?"

"Now's good," Nick said. "Do it now."

"Now?" Brian asked.

"Do it now or they'll turn chicken and back out," Nick told Jeff. "Everybody upstairs. You need lube?"

"Do we need lube for fisting?" Nick asked in a tone of disbelief.

"No, duh, I'm not that stupid," Nick said. "I just...maybe you carry a ton of it on you, I don't know. In case you get the urge to run around having sex in somebody's house for a fifth time. Wait, you are. Never mind. I'll go get the lube. You all go to the guest room."

"We, no, we can't," Drew said.

"Come on," Jeff said, rising, taking Drew by the hand. "You don't have to do anything. Just watch."

"I'm telling Mom," Drew said. "I'm telling Justin."

Jeff pulled Drew from the room. "Just pretend you're reading a large, illustrated how-to book. The Joy of Gay Sex, chapter 22, 'The Joy of Fisting.'"

"Then can we read chapter 69?" Nick Carter asked.

"You don't do that?" Jeff asked.

"We don't do that," Nick said.

"Drew doesn't do it, either," Nick Carter said.

"You don't do that?" Drew asked his brother and Jeff.

"You don't do that?" Jeff asked Drew in return.

"We're doing it tonight," Nick Carter said. "I'm making a list. Fisting, sixty-nining, what else? We already had Drew tied up once, we could do that again. What about water sports?"

"Golden showers?" Jeff asked.

"I thought they were called urination rituals," Nick Timmons-Lachey said.

"You are not peeing on me," Drew said. "I don't care what you call it."

"Or on me," Brian said.

"You're supposed to pee on me," Nick said. "Pay attention."

"I'm not peeing on you," Drew said. They were up in the guest room now, and Jeff stopped pulling him. With Jeff dragging Drew away, of course Nick and Brian had followed. Now Nick Carter dashed off to get the lubricant with a quick warning that no one could start anything without him. He came back seconds later and tossed the tube to Jeff.

"Thanks," Jeff said, dropping the tube on the nightstand. Nick Carter started to pull down the bedclothes. Jeff smiled at his hurry and turned to Nick. "You ready?"

"You are not telling Mom or Justin," Nick told Drew.

"Never," Drew agreed.

"Don't worry about it," Jeff told Drew in a moment of solemnity, fingers brushing Drew's neck briefly. "I won't hurt him."

"I know you won't," Drew said. "I just...I can't imagine it."

"We'll show you what it's like," Jeff said. "You won't have to worry anymore." His voice slowed near the end of his sentence as his blue-eyed gaze dropped to Drew's mouth. Drew was tilting slightly, leaning in closer.

"Hey, hey, none of that," Nick said, gripping Drew's elbow, gently drawing Drew away from Jeff. Drew blinked and blushed; Jeff blinked and grinned.

"Sorry," Jeff said, sounding entirely unrepentant. "Forgot myself."

"That's your Lachey," Nick said, pointing to Nick. "This is mine," he clarified, slipping his arm around Drew's waist.

"He's mine," Brian argued.

"He's mine, but I can lend him to you every third Thursday."

"He's not yours," Brian said. "He doesn't have 'Nick's Property' stamped on his forehead."

"That's because it's tattooed on his ass," Nick said.

"You wish."

"Take a look."

"I've looked."

Nick grinned. "Brian Carter Littrell Lachey, are you scoping out Drew's ass? I'm shocked!"

Drew sighed patiently.

"It is kind of cute," Brian admitted.

"Kind of cute? Kind of cute? Brian, I've got a damn fine ass, and everybody in this room has a better ass than me. Kind of cute?"

"Are they like this all of the time?" Nick asked his brother.

"It goes on for days," Drew said. "I think it's foreplay."

"You think mine's better than yours?" Brian asked.

"Hell yes," Nick said. "You got some ghetto booty going on there."

"Ghetto booty?" Brian repeated. "What does that mean?"

"I think it's racist," Jeff said. "But I'm not sure."

"Is it?" Nick asked. "Never mind, then."

"What does it mean?" Brian asked.

"Don't make me explain it," Nick said. "That ruins it."

"Somebody tell me. Nick, come on. Somebody. Drew?" He hit upon the weak link. "Drew?" Drew whispered something in Brian's ear. "I do not!" Brian exclaimed. "I do not have - - Nickolas Gene Carter Littrell Lachey, I do not have ghetto booty!" Nick, Jeff, and Nick all looked elsewhere. "I don't! If anybody does, it's you! And we're not here to talk about my butt, we're here for Nick's."

"That's right," Nick said. "You get naked."

"Jeff has to get naked too," Nick said.

"We've all seen it," Nick said.

"I'm not going to be the only naked person in the room," Nick said.

"We could all get naked," Nick said.

"We could not," Brian said.

"No thank you," Drew said.

"We've all seen you naked," Nick Carter said to Drew. "We've all had sex with you."

"Okay," Drew said, "thank you for bringing that up."

"I think it's one of the most awesome things in the world that we've all licked your cock," Nick said. "We're like our own private club. A very exclusive club that won't admit any more members," he added. "You can just tell that to those girls who keep eyeballing you."

"Girls do not - - they do, but everybody knows I'm gay," Drew said.

"And no guys better be coming near you, either."

"Nobody's coming near me," Drew said. "Everybody knows I'm taken. Twice."

"Good. Now, you, get naked and let's watch sex."

"Can we make him leave?" Nick asked Jeff.

"You can leave and he can fist me," Nick suggested.

"No," Nick, Brian, and Drew said firmly. Jeff grinned.

"Then hurry up and get naked," Nick said. "Jeff can get naked, too."

"Yeah, I thought you wouldn't mind that," Brian said.

"And you would?" Nick asked. "We all know Jeff's got a body like...like..."

"Like what?" Jeff asked.

"Like I'm not saying anything because your husband keeps glaring at me."

"Is this a love-hate relationship you two have?" Jeff asked Nick and Nick.

"It's more of a thing where he knows I want you and he hates me for it," Nick said. "Plus he's jealous because I'm fucking his brother."

"I am not jealous," Nick said. "And you're not anyway."

"Rub it in," Nick muttered. "Hey, two fingers count. And my tongue counts."

Drew sighed and rested his chin on Brian's shoulder. "And you let him out in public?"

"He doesn't talk like this to real people."

"Real people? What are we, fake people?" Nick asked.

"You're supposed to be naked people," Nick said. "Get naked. Or if you can't manage it, I can help. Hey, what kind of underwear are you wearing?"

"Black boxers," Jeff said.

"Drew said you made him get a red thong," Nick said.

"You what?" Nick asked his husband.

"Yeah," Jeff said.

"Where is it?" Nick asked.

"You're hiding it?" Jeff asked Drew.

"Yes," Drew said. "It looks ridiculous."

"I thought that it looked good," Jeff said.

"You saw it on him?" Nick asked.

"You saw it on him?!" Nick demanded.

"You saw it on him?" Brian asked.

"No!" Drew said. "Jeff!"

Jeff grinned and stepped out of his shoes. "It looked good on the mannequin."

"How well-hung was the mannequin?" Nick asked.

"What are my choices?" Jeff asked.

"Hung like normal people, or hung like Drew, or hung like you?"

"Like normal people."

"Shit. I gotta see this on you," Nick told Drew. "Go get it."

"I'm not wearing it. Not ever. Not in front of you, not in front of Brian, not in front of Jeff and Nick."

Jeff pulled off his socks, dropped them, and put a hand on his husband's shoulder, kissing Nick's mouth, eyes closing.

Nick stared. Brian stared. Drew stared. Nick and Brian had never seen Jeff and Nick kiss before now. Slow and deep, very intimate, erotic. It was wonderfully apparent that they were familiar with each other, comfortable with this kiss, and running on a connection deeper than the physical.

Jeff stepped back and pulled his shirt off over his head, tossing it aside, looking straight into Nick's eyes. This was a moment for Nick alone. The other three felt invisible yet intrusive. Jeff, Jeff's body, existed and were displayed only for Nick. Jeff stepped back again, toward the bed, and Nick took a few predatorial steps of his own. He reached for Jeff and they sank to the mattress as one, Nick astride Jeff, kissing Jeff's mouth once more.

Nick stared. Brian winced with vicarious pleasure. Drew stopped breathing.

Nick's hand found its place between Jeff's thighs, massaging through denim. The other Nick got harder; Brian's fingers curled in a response echoing Nick's movement; and Drew's eyes widened so that he wouldn't miss anything.

Jeff and Nick sat up together, Nick's hand still rubbing Jeff's groin, Jeff's arm around Nick's shoulders. With their free hands, distracted by their kiss, they did away with Nick's sneakers and socks. Then they pulled off Nick's shirt, and Jeff pushed Nick down, straddling him, mouth on his nipple. Nick groaned and breathed Jeff's name, and Jeff's hips pushed towards his hand.

Jeff opened Nick's jeans, sucking and nipping at his nipple, and took a moment to get Nick naked, dropping jeans and boxers to the floor, heading straight for the nipple again, then licking and sucking down, down, past abs, beneath navel, there, into the thick curls of pubic hair. Nick's body was adult and masculine, with clear muscle definition and a suckable cock.

Personally, Nick Carter thought that Drew had the best abs in the room, but now wasn't really the time to mention it.

In a move that made explicit that these guys were very familiar with each other and not afraid to use their strength, Nick flipped them over and pinned Jeff down, then slid down Jeff's body and yanked open Jeff's jeans. Jeff made the hottest gasping sound of relief, and then gasped again when Nick's mouth closed over the head of his cock. He made a protesting noise before moaning in pleasure. "No, off, too good," he said quickly, breathily, and Nick relented, sliding back up and kissing his mouth. Together they worked off his jeans and boxers, tossing the clothes out of their way, rolling over, then over again, vying for dominance.

A few words escaped, audible to the audience. "Nick," "Jeff." "Want," "Love." "Yes," "You." Nick groaned, heartfelt; Jeff moaned in a register lower than he usually hit. Nick's hands found something and stuck with it, like tracing the muscles in Jeff's back or jacking Jeff's cock; Jeff's hands were busier, quicker, designed to keep Nick's attention heightened.

"You ready?" Jeff whispered, kissing Nick, licking his jaw, nibbling at his earlobe.

Nick nodded. "Yeah."

Jeff looked into his eyes. "I love you."

Connection made. "I love you."

Jeff waited, keeping their gazes locked, feeling Nick breathing beneath his body. Then he looked away and reached for the lubricant. "You can come closer," he said without looking at his audience, sitting up, moving back a bit. "You're here to watch; you might as well get a good seat." He glanced at Nick; Nick nodded. Permission granted, Jeff turned and reached for Drew first. "Come here." Drew's hand slipped into his hesitantly; he pulled Drew closer, saying, "Sit here beside me." Drew sat tentatively on the mattress, somewhat beside and somewhat behind Jeff. Jeff motioned over Brian next, then Nick Carter, and they took up positions just behind him and Drew.

Jeff reached to Nick, who handed him a pillow. He wedged it beneath Nick's hips, then spread and raised Nick's knees. "Nice view."

"Thanks," Nick said. He shivered when Jeff stroked over his erection. "Nobody's here for that. Stay on task."

"If you say so." Jeff let go and turned his attention back to the matter at hand, so to speak. "Fisting 101. First, you make a mess." He poured lube onto his fingers, then more, and spread it with his other hand. "I'm going in all the way, so I have to get everything good and wet." He oiled his entire hand, up past the wrist. "Lube is your friend. Then, you just start. Pretend it's just like any other time. One finger, maybe you can start with two if your partner's - - listen to me sounding like the expert. You go in, you do the usual thing, except instead of stopping at two or three, you keep going. Don't rush it, and don't rush him. If it's slow, go slowly. Go slower."

"You start with two?" Nick Carter asked.

"Nick does if he's mad at me." Jeff pushed his index finger into Nick's body. "I probably don't need to tell you to hit the prostate a lot." Nick gasped. "You'll pardon my language, but Nick's a slut for his."

"Maybe that's genetic," Drew murmured. Nick laughed and Brian kissed Drew's cheek.

"Don't make me laugh when I'm doing this," Jeff said.

"Can Nick come just from being fucked?" Nick asked. "Even if you don't touch his cock?"

"Yes," Jeff said. "How did you..." He glanced at Drew.

"Yeah," Drew said. "Guess that's genetic, too."

Jeff's finger slipped out; two entered. "Here we go."

Nick's hips lifted. As Jeff's fingers thrust and twisted, Nick's cock began to leak pre-cum, wetting his stomach. Jeff ducked down and lapped it up, fingers pushing in deep. Nick gave a full-body shudder accompanied with a groan that made Drew's toes curl and cock throb.

Nick, Brian, and Drew watched with rapt attention, barely breathing, as Nick panted and Jeff's fingers moved, thrust, pushed into Nick's body. Three fingers now, the farthest the others ever had gone, more than Drew's body ever had accepted. Nick's hips lifted, thighs spreading. It was a gorgeous sight, Nick's body in the throes of pleasure, ecstasy running over and through each muscle.

"Are you ready for more?" Jeff asked.

Nick groaned, one hand reaching down towards Jeff. Jeff was up in an instant, responding, crawling up Nick's body to kiss Nick's mouth, licking Nick's lips, fingers still at work. "Yeah," Nick said, voice breathy yet rich, "yeah." Jeff gave him a final kiss and moved down again.

There was a moment longer when Jeff continued to stretch and push with three fingers. Then he pulled his fingers out most of the way, leaving in only the tips, and when he eased his fingers back in, there were four. Nick's hips rose to his touch, accepting, receptive. "Easy," Jeff murmured, entering Nick slowly. "How does that feel?"

Nick groaned slightly with a slow, deep grind of his hips.

"Is it good?" Jeff asked. "Do you like it?"

"Yeah, oh yeah...yes..." Nick's head tilted back, the clean line of his jaw exposed, tendons taut. "That's so good, Jeff."

Jeff carefully licked a path up Nick's hard cock. "What do you want, baby, tell me what you want," he murmured, voice seductive, fingers deep.

"Don't - - oh - - don't - -Jeff - - don't call me that," Nick said. "I'm going to come."

"Not yet. Wait for it," Jeff said. "I'll tell you when."

"Feels so good." Nick licked his lips. Brian almost came.

"Tell me what you want."

"Want to come."

"What else?"

"Want more."

"More what?"

Nick shuddered. "Want you in me."

"All of me?"

"Yeah."

"The whole way?"

"Yeah. Yeah. Give me everything." Nick's hips pumped once, twice. Nick Carter was having trouble keeping himself from reaching out to touch.

Jeff slowly rotated his hand, pulling it free almost entirely, then carefully, carefully, rotated it back again, not stopping, continuing on, Nick's muscles flexing like crazy, Nick's panting breaking off into gasping, until Jeff's hand was in, all four fingers plus thumb, swallowed deep into Nick's body. The others could see the muscles in Jeff's arm straining and shifting.

"Is this good?" Jeff asked.

Nick groaned, pelvis coming forward.

"Tell me what you want."

"I want to come." Nick swallowed, lashes fluttering. "Come now."

"Tell me what you're feeling."

"Love you."

Jeff's lashes lowered. His muscles flexed.

Nick came in long spurts, spine arching, fingers clenched in the bedclothes, moaning Jeff's name.

There was a silence. Jeff, with great care, took his time easing his hand from Nick's body. Nick's panting eased to regular respiration. Jeff wiped off sweat with his clean hand. Nick, eyes closed, said, "I told you not to call me 'baby.'"

"It's better than 'angel cake.'"

"You call me 'baby' one more time, and I'm not getting you off anymore."

"Are you threatening me?"

"Just telling it like it is, baby."

Jeff smacked Nick's thigh. "Stay put. I'll go get something to clean us up."

"You're not licking me clean?" Nick gasped, then moaned slightly, eyes opening, when Jeff began to lick his abdomen. "That feels good."

"It should."

"You didn't come yet."

"We're not here for that."

Nick's gaze found Drew, Brian, and Nick. "Right. Hi."

Drew smiled weakly.

Jeff distracted Nick by kissing him, tongue to tongue, one hand massaging the muscles in his thigh.

"God I want to get you off," Nick said into their kiss, one hand sliding down Jeff's back.

"Later."

"Now."

"They're watching."

"They can close their eyes."

"Nick-"

"Want you."

"You got me, baby."

"I got you, babe?"

Jeff chuckled. "That's right."

"You're Sonny."

"You're Cher?"

"I'd rather be Cher than Sonny."

"That says a lot about you."

"I'm beautiful and popular and married to a short guy."

"Lucky you."

"Lucky me," Nick agreed. "Let me suck you."

"Not in front of the children. Stop that."

"Stop what?"

"Moving like that."

"Why?"

"It's...it's...god..." Jeff tried to find his voice. "God, Nick."

"You can if you want."

"I can?"

Nick pulled one knee to his chest. "If you want."

"I want."

Nick's groan made Nick Carter's cock throb in sympathy. Jeff slid home in a long, smooth stroke, aiming straight for Nick's prostate, Jeff's moan echoing Nick's sounds of pleasure.

"You feel so good."

"So...good." Nick was moving under Jeff's thrusts.

"You're so open for me. Feels so good."

"So...so...Jeff...good..."

"Don't push it. Let it come."

"Love you." Nick gasped. "So good."

Jeff's hips picked up a new, quicker tempo, faster but no harder. Nick reached up and back for the railed headboard with one hand, his other hand opening and closing by his hip in the bedclothes. He made a fist with every thrust, fingers uncurling on the upbeat.

"How much more?" Jeff asked, breathless.

"Not much," Nick said. "I can't...not much...it's too..."

"Got it," Jeff said, and moved faster, faster, loosing a quick moan with a full-body shudder. "Oh god." Nick kissed him, and he tugged his dick free, and then he dropped to one side, resting on his elbow, catching his breath.

Brian, unable to remove his gaze from the pair, blindly swatted Nick's thigh. Nick took the hint and slipped from the bed, going quickly to the bathroom, returning with a warm damp cloth, which was handed over in respectful, almost awed silence.

"Thanks," Jeff said, sitting up a little. "You awake?" he asked Nick.

"Yeah," Nick said, letting Jeff start to wipe him clean, eyes closed. "Jeff?"

"Mmm."

"Are they still here?"

"Yes."

"Get my pants."

"You're still hard."

"I don't care."

"You don't?"

Blue eyes opened; Nick sat up on the bed. "We are not doing that again."

"You don't want to come again?"

"Later."

Jeff kissed him until he moaned. "Later?"

"Later," Nick said. "Where are my clothes?"

"I can't believe you're putting off an orgasm."

"I do not need to have any more sex in front of these people."

"They don't mind." Jeff kissed Nick again. "Okay. Hold on. I'll find our clothes." Nick Carter handed over boxers and jeans. "Thanks," Jeff said, sorting out his and Nick's. Once he was half-dressed, he said to Drew, "You okay?"

"It doesn't hurt?" Drew asked.

"No," Nick said. "It's...it's intense, it's very...but I'm not in pain. I'm not into pain."

"If it hurt, we wouldn't do it," Jeff said.

"It's a trust thing," Nick Carter guessed. "Like you have to trust Jeff not to hurt you, and you have to trust Nick to tell you if he doesn't like it."

"Right," Nick said.

"Why are you grinning like a smug fool?" Drew asked Jeff.

"I just realized I'm the only guy in the room without a hard-on," Jeff said.

You're the one for me / You're my ecstasy / You're the one I need. -"Get Down"

Justin let himself into the apartment. The only light was in the front room. Was JC out or asleep? He locked the door and quietly slipped back to the bedroom. JC was in bed in the darkness, but awake. Justin quickly went to the kitchen. He was tired, but not tired enough to go to bed if JC were still awake. He could wait until JC fell asleep.

He found an apple and a half-container of roast pork fried rice. Eating JC's leftovers was too intimate, so he put back the rice and made himself a sandwich instead. Then he checked his e-mail and turned on the TV. He turned off the sound and slid from the sofa to sit on the floor, flipping channels with the remote control. As he shifted positions, he felt something poke his back.

It was the corner of JC's lyric book. JC had three of them. The most important one, the one where JC's soul went, was kept under the sofa cushions. The storing place wasn't for secrecy, because JC trusted Justin, but just so JC would always know where it was and could get to it easily.

It was understood that Justin was allowed to look in the book, was allowed to read JC's words. Justin had never taken advantage of that practice. He'd looked through the other two, sometimes because JC wanted his opinion, sometimes because he was curious. But this one was too private, too important.

He tugged it free and put it in his lap. So. There it was. He opened it and flipped through to the back. JC dated the tops of pages; everything was dated from before their fight, except for the last entry, which was dated from that day. He read.